Risky Drinking (2016) Movie Script
1
I try and be good,
but at a certain point, maybe
after four or five drinks,
then all of a sudden
you're like screw it
and you just don't care.
There's been a lot
of close calls for all of us,
but we haven't gotten
raped or murdered yet.
Alcohol slows down
my thoughts,
helps me catch my breath.
I don't know
what the limit is.
I reach a point
where I don't remember.
My drinking, it's a tornado.
It's doing damage
to everything around it.
You don't even know
what happened!
My wife, my kids.
It'd be nice if he could
drink a little bit less.
These are
all people I fucking love.
I don't want to lose 'em.
When I slip, I can't
really remember
what went through my mind.
All of a sudden I'm drinking.
Shit.
I'm gonna die.
Halloween is like
biggest drinking night,
at least in Denver.
So this weekend we are
doing two different costumes,
and tonight I'm going
to be Tinderella.
Tinder, it's a dating app,
and so a lot of cheesy
pickup lines on there are,
"You could be my Tinderella?"
So I'm going to be
everybody's Tinderella.
So we are going
to head over to Amanda's,
who's one of my best
friends since college,
we had a couple
classes together.
We're gonna head over
to her house and pre-party.
After we go to Amanda's,
we're going to go to The Gin Mill,
which is all you can drink,
unlimited booze,
which is always dangerous,
so we'll have to figure out
how to pace ourselves
on all you can drink,
which is going to be
the challenge of the night.
So last year, I got out of
a really serious relationship.
Drinking definitely
eases the dating world.
I've been on very few first
dates where you don't drink,
because it takes
the edge off.
The whole point in drinking is
to turn off your brain for once,
when you're using it
all day, every day,
so it's nice
to just turn it off,
not think about anything...
and just let go.
Basically I didn't
drink all week
knowing I was going
to drink a ton this weekend.
So I figure,
it all balances out in life.
Instead of having
a glass of wine a night,
I won't have any and then
I'll have like, five tonight.
Let's be honest, probably
like ten. But it's Okay.
Hey!
How are you?
Kenzie, Kenzie!
What?
Have a gummy worm.
Oh, God.
They're not that strong.
They're not that bad.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Happy Halloween!
I gave her a worm covered
in vodka, soaked in vodka.
And she loved it.
No.
For the third time.
For the third time
Didn't love it.
Let... Let's do...
Do you guys
want to do a shot?
All right, I'll do one.
I'll do one.
All right, cheers!
All right.
What do you want?
Vodka, soda, lime.
I'm such a basic bitch.
So basic.
What are these?
Jell-O shots.
All right.
We're gonna cheers.
Cheers, kids.
All right.
Have a good night, okay?
I'm not ready.
Oh, it's like the worst
pill you've ever taken.
I can't get it out.
That's what he said.
We had a shot there.
Wait, there's an ice luge?
Wait, I need to go
to the ice luge.
It's over there.
One, two, three!
I don't like tequila.
All right, fine.
Yeah.
Come on!
Oh, okay.
Cheers!
You look good.
You look pretty.
Yeah?
What?
Hi, I'm Abby.
Hi, Abby. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
You don't even know!
No, you don't!
What, Maggie?
What would Maggie have done?
No, fuck Maggie! I will fucking
punch her the face!
I hate Maggie!
Yeah.
I know, I know.
I'll take you home.
Okay? I'll take you home.
All right, here.
Go this way. Go this way.
- We're done.
- Doors just shut down.
Oh, like all night?
You can't get in.
I got you. It's okay.
Why did she remind me?
Why did she make
me feel so bad?
No, no. Kenzie, look at me.
Kenzie, it's okay.
I hate this. I hate this.
It just hurts.
And then I go home alone.
Always.
Becky, I'm sorry.
No.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not going to.
Nope. You're not laying down
on the wet side of the bed.
You're coming over here.
I'm just gonna...
I don't care.
I just gotta go to bed.
I have to take myself to bed.
Kenzie, you know
I'm on a diet. Dude...
I don't know why you
didn't hide these cookies.
Seriously.
'Cause I'm on a diet and I need
other people to eat them?
So, how was last night?
Um, it was really fun
until it got weird.
I just lost it.
Waterworks, ugly crying.
It's okay. I did that
two weeks ago.
It happens.
You know, you've seen that song
and dance a couple times.
I'm so ready
to have a good year,
the last two have been shit.
This year is partying
after the breakup.
Next year is me
getting my shit together.
You're growing up.
Oh...
I don't want to.
But I want to stay a kid.
Why can't I be Peter Pan?
I met Kenzie six years ago.
We tend to drink a lot
on our nights off.
And just sleep wherever
we end up really.
It's kind of bad.
But... we're alive.
We haven't gotten raped
or murdered yet.
Yeah, I'm so
hungover right now.
That's why
I drank this morning,
and then I woke up from
my nap hungover as all hell.
So, hair of the dog again.
Round two. And it's Saturday.
I usually feel pretty
confident about my judgment,
but after I got
so surprised last year...
I literally came home
from a work trip on a Thursday
and he was done,
you know, my ex.
I want to make a giant meme
with my ex's picture on it
that says, you know, "Giving bitches
trust issues since 2002" or whatever,
because that's how I feel.
The sad thing is
last year I was like,
"All right it's over.
I need to get back out there."
And, you know, sure enough,
I get hammered and I'm like,
all right, rip off the Band-Aid.
Just hook up with somebody.
Get it over with.
And I ended up
bawling mid... hook up.
It's stupid.
I have successfully had sex now
without crying though.
That's exciting. Cheers.
You know,
it's play hard, work hard,
and you go out
and that's totally the norm.
Happy Halloween!
Here's some anti-freeze.
You're learning shots,
you're taking shots,
you're encouraging each other,
and it becomes kind of the way
you interact with people.
Cheers! Love you guys.
Making a fool of yourself
is a downside,
but you get used to that,
that's what you do.
It's just normal.
Please, sir,
can I have some more?
Hey!
Hey!
How are you guys doing?
I feel so naked though.
Like, who has my everything?
Hi. May I have this?
Yes, ma'am.
You can have some.
Some of it?
No, no, in the cup.
All of it?
Actually, the bar is
shut down already.
Did you say thank you?
Everybody's leaving. Oh,
wait, where is everybody?
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, Kenzie!
You guys are amazing!
I love you so much.
Fucking hilarious.
I didn't sleep
at all today.
Pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew...
I got laid twice.
Pew pew pew...
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew...
It was okay.
Pew pew pew!
Go Kenzie!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew...
Or my experiences
or anything...
Hey.
Hey guys!
Kenzie?
Sure.
I don't know if I'm happy.
I can't trust anybody.
It's fucked up.
It's so fucked up.
It's so fucked up.
But I would rather
like, go find Pat right now
so I can stop doing this.
Otherwise I'm gonna go home
and I'm gonna cry... all night.
The biggest cohort
of binge drinkers
are between ages
18 and 34.
I think a lot of people worry,
is this young adult going to turn
into somebody with a chronic problem.
The consequences
literally go up like this
depending on
the amount you're drinking
and the frequency
that you're drinking.
Binge drinking for women
is having four or more drinks
in a single drinking episode,
and for men it's five or more.
And when you consume
alcohol at that rate,
your blood alcohol level gets
up to be around .08 or beyond,
which is the legal
limit for driving.
You're getting more impulsive.
You have a hard time
making good decisions.
So this is a huge set up
for accidents to happen
and they can be
serious and life-altering.
You've got increased
risk of physical violence,
sexual assaults,
unwanted pregnancies.
These are all things
that really
can change the course of
your life in a single night.
Young binge drinkers
really underestimate
how much it affects
their overall quality of life.
You know, they're fighting
with their friends,
there's lots of drama
in their lives.
They're breaking up
with their boyfriend
when they're intoxicated
and regretting it the next day.
So there's lots
of suffering, I think,
that goes on that is
kind of whitewashed away
because people think,
"Oh it's just fun.
We're just
having a good time."
Things have changed in terms of how
we think about alcohol use disorders.
It used to be black and white:
You either have the problem
or you don't have the problem.
The way we view drinking now
is really on
a spectrum of risk.
And binge drinking
automatically
places you in
the mild to moderate range.
If you drink more
than you intend,
have withdrawal symptoms,
and find yourself
craving alcohol.
The reality is people have
varying degrees of the problem
and they often cycle in and out.
But there is a very small bunch
that is way more at risk.
People who are in heavy
drinking crowds, so they've got
lots of friends who are
drinking in the same way.
People who have
a high tolerance for alcohol,
and then people
who drink in response
to negative emotional states,
so they drink
because they're feeling down
or they're anxious
or they can't sleep.
When you get a little wobbly,
when you start to get a little sleepy,
that's your natural
braking system of your body
saying, "Hey I've had enough
alcohol, stop drinking."
And when people
override that system
and they keep drinking,
those brakes,
they're getting worn out,
so that you lose
the ability to stop
because you're just
not in control anymore.
So when you're trying
to reduce your drinking,
you've got to really find
the point
at which you lose control,
and for most people that's
no more than three for women
and no more
than four for men.
Can I do another dark and coke?
Yup.
So what's the agenda
for the rest of the day, boss?
Get some rum cocktails, get
through the day? I'm doing it.
Gotta work out better for me
than the SoCo day did.
Yeah, double SoCos
after a night in the hospital,
I don't know if
that was the best idea,
especially while
you were bleeding.
That's right, I was bleeding
when I came in.
Yeah, yeah,
you were bleeding.
Cheers, man.
It was a fresh wound.
Wait. So every one
poured a different color?
That's cool.
There you go.
All in one pour.
All right, which one has the
alcohol in it? That's the one I'd like.
I'll take one with you.
Cheers, buddy. Cheers, man.
Can you make it
with real rum?
Instead of... the flavored
rum has no alcohol in it.
I can do that. Where
the real rum has alcohol.
Pick your poison, bro.
I'm gonna go
with the red.
You're going red this time?
I'm going green.
Cheers.
Oh, I gotta do double.
Patriotic.
You ready for another one?
Cheers, man.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, buddy.
I'll probably end up
talking to her about that.
I've heard this speech
seven times.
Go ahead.
Don't forget your card, bro.
It'd be nice if he
could drink a little bit less.
He definitely drinks
more down here.
Rum's cheaper.
We usually go in town
every day, into Red Hook
and get a fifth of rum.
He usually goes through
about that every day.
It's interesting, having
to walk in here every day,
walk back to the house.
He'll sit there and get drunk.
What the fuck,
you got golf on dude?
Put the music back on, man.
We'll go to the beach
for a while, come back,
he'll pass out for a while.
Wake up at like 10:00.
That's usually like
the every day schedule here.
My son is kind of turned
into a caretaker for me.
If I'm passed out on my bed,
you know I could wake up...
My son, will have gotten up,
he'll go into town or something,
and get the rum,
the Coke and the cigarettes,
and he takes care of me.
I'm the adult.
I'm supposed to be the one
down here providing for him.
But it hasn't
worked out that way.
He's ended up
being my caretaker
and that's not right.
My son who's been down here for a
couple weeks with me, he's taking off.
You know, it sucks.
I want him down here
'cause that's what's
helping me get through things.
I'm not here just by myself,
but, you know...
I can't be selfish and ruin
his snowboarding trip.
Prior to him coming down
when I was here,
I didn't leave my porch.
I'd sit there,
chain smoke, and party.
When he's been here,
it changed things.
I got out and did things
and we met people
and, you know, it made it fun.
Gabe!
What?
Come on dude, get up.
We gotta go into town,
we gotta print
your boarding pass.
It's too early.
Well, Sam's
gonna be here early
'cause you gotta go through
customs, so we need to go.
I bet the island bug got you.
You're gonna be gone two
weeks, you'll wanna be back.
Yeah.
This place always
calls you back.
Nah, you'll want to come back.
At least I hope you do.
Two Camel light.
Two Camel light.
Yeah.
Rum, all the people
like, dark, light,
everything is rum.
You know what I mean?
It's the same.
It's Island.
Take your card,
thank you very much.
Thank you.
You got your phone?
Yeah.
Is it charged?
Yeah.
Have a safe trip, man.
See you.
You'll be back
in two weeks?
Yup.
Have fun.
See you.
I want you back.
Get him there safe,
Sam, he's on Spirit.
Okay.
See you.
If you have any problem
making your flight in,
you call me, all right?
Yeah.
All right, man.
I don't do good alone.
It's nice to have
your kids around.
And...
over the past few weeks,
I got to connect with him...
more than I really have
over 15 years.
All right, Love Shack,
that's right, it's
nine o'clock on Wednesday night,
you know what that means.
It's time for our
world-famous ladies night.
Let's make some poor decisions
tonight, what do you say?
Here's to wives!
Yeah!
Ex-wives.
She was here for... I don't
know, three, four weeks?
One day we were
at Sapphire Bar & Grill.
We're down there drinking,
she went out by the pool,
I went in to pay the tab,
I come out and she's gone.
So I walk up
the hill to my condo,
and she's like passed out
in front of the door.
So I get up there, you know,
kick her a little bit,
you know, "Get up!"
You know, open the door.
Fuck, next thing I know,
she got a knife in her hand
coming at me
with a fucking knife.
What?
No way!
Yeah, I mean...
Look at this shit.
No shit?
A stabbing here.
That's what it looked like
when it happened.
Oh my... Is that
in the doctor's office?
No, that was
when I was at home.
I kept putting
Band-Aids on it,
thinking, "Oh, I can... ".
"I can stop this myself,
you know,
no need for a doctor."
And everybody's like,
"She stabbed you!"
It's like, it was a drinking
incident, who cares?
It was
a misunderstanding, you know?
When she stabbed me,
grabbed her arm,
trying to get the knife out of
her arm, snapped her wrist.
You know what
scares me shitless?
That we're gonna
drink like that,
we're gonna be back together,
one of us is gonna up that.
My life, I mean, it's
a house of cards falling.
I need to fix
this fucking problem.
I mean, I got
my kids depending on me.
I got my ex-wife, my wife,
all kind of people
depending on me.
I wanna fix it.
You know, usually by the time
somebody wants to get help,
they're, you know, no job,
living in a trailer.
I wasn't that way.
I showed up at work every day.
You know,
worked for a big company,
and, you know,
had a prestigious job.
And, you know, was the on-air,
you know, co-host.
I was fill-in when
somebody was on vacation.
I would never
have a drink during the day.
But then I started getting pulled
into sales meetings and happy hours,
and it escalated.
But then as things
didn't go well at home,
it escalated more.
And, you know,
it was an easy escape.
And I guess what's
really hard is, you know,
I finally had another
relationship that I really wanted.
And through drinking
and other things,
I fucked it up.
I mean, I had it,
and, you know,
I don't want to see things
go out of my life
because I fucked it up.
She told me she won't talk
to me tonight if I'm hammered.
And, you know...
So if I have something
that's important to me,
I'm gonna make it happen
and that's, you know, why
I haven't drank anything today.
I mean, a cold beer would
fucking taste great right now.
It's hot, but I'm still being...
Trying to be good.
Hey, you.
Hey, I don't see you yet.
I'm on a slow Wi-Fi,
so it should be coming up.
Imagine that.
So, are you sure you want me to
come back and stay with you in Denver?
I got a lot of work ahead of
me to try to get all this shit fixed.
Well, there's a lot to fix,
but, you know...
I'm confident this program
is gonna work for me,
and I do wanna make changes.
And it's kind of cool
when I don't drink
and, you know, actually sit
around and think about stuff.
It makes more sense.
Why now? Why is it
gonna work now?
What's different now?
Because I'm tired of
throwing my life away.
You know, I wanna be the guy
that shit goes right for,
not getting it
this far from right
and then something
fucks up, you know.
Not chasing away
the people I love.
Yeah, you know how I define
the six... nine months with you?
There was so much chaos.
There was no peace.
There was no thought other than
the 9-1-1 crisis at hand.
How about we work hard
and get us both fixed?
They don't have
rehab for idiots.
They have a rehab
for alcoholics, drug addicts...
pill poppers,
people with eating disorders,
but they don't have rehab
for stupid motherfuckers
who put up with your shit.
I love you, we'll get
through this. I want to.
But how do we make it
non-self-destructive?
Wear helmets?
That is not good.
We're gonna have fucking
plastic utensils in the house,
no knives.
There's your side of the story,
there's my side of the story,
and then
in between is the truth.
And I know I escalated things
and you escalated things,
and then it just
got to a point
that I had hoped
you were so drunk...
that you'd just kill me.
I don't remember
any good times.
I'm struggling.
I'm really struggling.
You took every part
of my life hostage.
And yet, I'm still here
talking to you,
and I'm still here
wanting to help you,
and I'm still here...
wanting to make sure
that you're okay.
And I'm not okay.
Well, I'm gonna be
back there to see you
and make sure you're okay.
Look, believe in me
that I'm trying on this
'cause I am.
I do wanna get better.
I don't like
the way things are.
You've never been a partner.
You've just been another child.
I'm trying to...
It'd be nice to see
someone that's a partner.
Well, hopefully
I can learn that.
Do you love me?
- I don't know.
- I'm kind of excited.
Schoolgirl nerves.
I just wanna give him a hug.
And then I wanna
kick him in the balls.
So, how's that?
Our relationship
is bat-shit crazy.
It never calms down.
It's just always
putting the fire out.
It's self-destructive
for me to support him,
but now that
he wants to get help,
and he... is willing
to make the change,
not based on anyone else's
decision but his...
is why I'm here.
It's his decision.
What?
Wow.
No.
You're fat.
You're fatter than shit.
I'm not that fat.
You are so fat.
Missed you.
You're not gonna
remember where you parked.
You never...
Stop it.
You never know
where the car is.
We're gonna walk
the fuck around in circles
looking for the car.
Or do you know... Why you
gotta call me out on my stuff?
I'm happy to be home.
But this isn't your home.
You haven't deserved it yet.
Kick your shoes off.
Cheers.
Yeah.
Okay, so we met.
Things were great.
When the kids were here
all summer, you were amazing.
We did everything together.
I know. It was great
when your kids were here.
Right. But then when
the little ones went back east,
twisted Mike came out.
It's like whoosh.
Because you never
hit me before that.
You never grabbed me.
You never put me in a corner.
I've never had my nose
broken my whole life.
Or your jaw.
You've broken it
three times and my jaw.
Maybe you shouldn't
back me in a corner.
You gotta understand
what you're going to do
and what you need to do
is not just affecting you,
it's affecting many lives.
I know.
I miss all the fun we had.
Well, we had fun until you
became an insecure fucking asshole.
You're a fucking asshole.
What did I do?
Sit and talk to me. I'm an
adult. The whole fucking thing is...
Yeah, 'cause now that you've walked
fucking two miles, you're fucking sober.
I don't know how far it was, it
was over an hour. You know what?
Maybe you should see
how you treat people
when you're fucking drunk,
and the only thing
you care about
is going to buy
your goddamn cigarettes,
and your eyes
are all crazy,
and they're
fucking glassed over,
and realize how
you fucking treat people.
'Cause this is the part that I
want nothing to fucking do with you.
Shit, you snap out
over fucking nothing.
Oh, really?
Yeah, really.
You can't remember
fucking your drunken highs.
You don't know the difference
between a drunken haze and reality.
From this point on, I'm done.
Go through your fucking rehab.
Because every fucking word that
comes out of your goddamn mouth
is a goddamn drunken lie.
So enjoy my place,
I'm out, fuck you.
Hey, don't forget your pie.
Get the fuck...
You don't want your pie?
Get the fuck...
Stop. You're not...
You're not being fair tonight.
Get the fuck away from me.
Stay away from me.
I don't want you to leave.
Well, you know what? I don't want
to be around someone that doesn't...
I do.
Get your hands...
Don't leave.
Get your hands off of me.
Then sit and talk.
Don't leave.
Get your hands off me.
I don't want you to leave.
Well, it doesn't matter.
That's not your option.
Go fuck yourself.
We've been talking today and
trying to work shit out. Really?
So don't leave. There's
no working shit out with you.
Get the fuck
away from me.
Get the fuck out of my life.
I wish you were dead.
Going through this,
my kids, my wife...
If I was them,
I wouldn't believe in me.
I'd... I'd wait to see
the outcome.
You know, I can...
If I'm backed into corner,
you know...
I talk a pretty good fucking
game to get out of it
and usually people fall for it.
I find a way
to sabotage myself.
Just hoping...
you know, I didn't do enough...
I didn't do too much damage
that I can't undo it.
You know, when I wrapped up
counseling out in California,
with my wife, I mean,
we had some of the...
best couple days we've
ever had in our life together.
And it was hard,
is that once I got back here
and she went back to Colorado
it's like that
distance increased
and, you know, things changed.
You know, we got into a fight
and she told me,
"Well you're too needy.
"I can't talk with you,"
this and that.
And I said shit
that the sober me
would have never,
you know, never said or texted.
I'm actually surprised
the fucking drunk me
could spell
and do all that shit,
but it's, you know,
not stuff I'm proud of.
I made a bunch of
new friends and doctors
and everything through
this that, you know,
if I was having a problem
I could have called.
I didn't choose to reach out
to any of them.
You know,
somebody sitting there
on the other end
of the phone saying,
"Well, you know you're doing
a good job, don't drink,"
and this and that.
That doesn't fucking count
for it or take away the feeling,
and anyone who's ever
drank to cover something up
fucking knows that.
It doesn't
cover up that feeling.
Drinking numbs it out,
and I didn't have
to worry about it.
They have fucked me up
because they made me
measure everything
and, you know,
now that's in my head.
The other night was hard.
I, you know,
went out and bought
two liters of rum.
And, you know,
had the intent of
if I drink both of them,
I don't have
to wake up in the morning.
And, you know...
woke up and had one
hell of a fucking hangover,
but, you know,
luckily nothing
another bottle wouldn't fix.
I would love to learn
to moderate my drinking
and hopefully through that
minimize a lot
of the problems in my life.
But I don't know
if I'll ever be moderate.
I like getting fucked up.
So I guess that's...
gonna be the hard
part with it, you know?
But I think if I don't
get the drinking under control,
I'm gonna lose
my wife and kids.
If I haven't already.
A lot of people don't sign up
for abstinence
and don't want abstinence,
and that's okay.
You don't say, "Well
I won't treat you."
There's a very big
spectrum of drinking,
and what you want to do
is prevent people
who are somewhere
in the beginning
parts or the middle
from progressing to the end.
If you don't think someone
can moderate their use,
you shouldn't say to them, "I can
teach you how to moderate your use."
You'd say, "The safest best
prescription is abstinence,
"but if you want to do
moderation management,
"it doesn't just mean
you try to moderate,
"there's a whole technique.
You monitor your drinking
and you report back."
The key is to get people
the right medication,
the right psychotherapy,
to individualize it,
and put all of the treatment
elements together.
There's three FDA-approved
pharmacotherapies for alcoholism:
Antabuse,
Acamprosate and Naltrexone.
Antabuse, if you drink
makes you sick,
and so it pairs drinking
with this aversive experience.
It helps people stay sober.
Acamprosate diminishes craving and
insomnia associated with alcoholism,
and it helps people
who are newly sober
from being detoxified
stay sober.
Naltrexone can help people go
from heavy,
problematic drinking
to more moderate,
contained drinking.
But they're only prescribed less
than half a percentage of the time
for the people that
have alcoholism in America.
You know, recovery
isn't someone
gets sober and stays
sober forever.
That's pretty rare.
The majority of people
will have relapses and slips,
and rather than see that
as a failure,
it's usually the path
towards recovery...
That slips and relapses can
be learning opportunities.
The other mistake
made in treatment
is when the treatment is given,
it's given
in short-term bursts...
You know, a week of detox,
a one-month rehab.
You'd never treat
diabetes like that.
You'd never take a diabetic
and give them three days
or a month of treatment
and assume that they're okay.
This is like any other
chronic medical illness.
It requires
a long-term solution.
The main problems
for both men and women
develop in the 30s and 40s.
And that group of individuals,
it's key to do
something earlier on
and to use all the tools
that can help
shift someone to using less
or towards abstinence.
I'm Rhonda.
Cheers.
I write a blog called
"Mom who drinks and cusses"
because, well, that's
who I am, at least partly.
The Mom who Drinks
and Cusses blog,
I think it was my lifeline
to the outside world.
I would talk in my blog about
how this is like One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest up in here.
I got food flying
around my head,
and screaming, and I haven't
showered at five o'clock.
And finally when
the husband comes home,
you get take a shower,
and maybe you can get to sit on
your bed and drink a glass of wine.
I've definitely used it
as a coping mechanism.
I know millions
of women do it.
Only a small percentage
of us admit it.
We all want to have
control of ourselves.
And I know my girlfriends,
after they have too much,
the next day they are like, "Okay
I'm not drinking for a whole week."
You know.
I think it probably took me
a couple decades
to figure out
my personal limit.
I do not want
to become an alcoholic,
so I will do whatever
I have to do to not get there.
Through the blog, I found other
moms who like to drink too,
and I was glad to know that I
wasn't the only one out there.
So we just started doing
a happy hour every Thursday.
It's like a therapy session.
That is really good.
It is good.
Thanks, Jessie.
Cheers.
I don't know what I would do
without my girlfriends now.
We need each other.
We get together
and we drink wine,
and I can't see it
being any other way,
I mean, I can't see us getting
together and playing bingo.
My girlfriends and I
have a good time.
But what do you do
when one of your friends
seems like
they're losing control?
And how do you know when
things have gone too far?
There it is.
I'm eating my salad
like it's spaghetti.
Oh, is there more wine in
that bottle? This is so good.
Yes. I am so in for that.
It's gonna be so good.
But it's a different wine.
Than the one
I have in my glass?
I think so, yeah.
What does it mean?
I'm being honest...
There.
Hold on...
I typically don't eat because
it messes up my buzz.
See, that's... yeah.
That's why my friends are always
going "Noel, you need to eat."
"Noel, you need to eat."
Right.
Noel is a sweet,
good-hearted person.
I don't think she is drinking
too much when she is drinking.
It kind of just
all of a sudden happens.
I drink because I enjoy cooking
and drinking wine while I cook.
To have a glass of wine
while you're cooking, to me...
Oh, my God.
...it's just relaxing.
I think you guys just
came up with this idea
that you guys, "Oh, I'm gonna
pretend that I like food",
"because that
is a great excuse."
Like, I'm like, "Fuck that,
I'm a single mom."
I am a ravioli
in a can, in a bowl,
and I just drink.
Because I don't have anybody
I have to impress.
I think it's enjoying life... I
do have kids I have to feed.
...versus making it
through life.
And we enjoy...
We enjoy life.
She makes it through life.
No, I'm kidding.
You are right.
Okay, so...
yesterday I knew
that Olivia was graduating
from fifth grade
and there was gonna be a thing.
And then my ex
is sending me text messages
about if our daughter
doesn't wear a dress,
she's gonna lose 25 percent
points off of her grade
or whatever. And he
was like, Oh, my God.
"You know what?" He goes,
"I think my girlfriend...
"I think my 25-year-old girlfriend
has a dress she can wear."
And that's where it all
fucking goes downhill,
because it's kind of like
I have the one glass,
and I know this
isn't gonna be great,
and then I think,
"Oh well, I'll just have... ".
And then I had a third glass,
and then I had another glass,
and then I had
a bottle or whatever.
But you were
apprehensive about it,
you were nervous
and insecure about it,
and this was an excuse.
Yeah, and that's what happens.
And I said,
"You know what?"
I said, "I'm not gonna
make Olivia's graduation",
"Could you cover for me?"
I texted him.
I was like, "I can't
see you there with her",
"and know that
I'm going to this school
"where I have no friends."
I had nobody to go with.
I'll just get
shitfaced or something.
Subconsciously.
Kind of.
I suck.
Who misses their fucking
daughter's graduation?
An asshole.
It's fifth grade. I mean,
who graduates from fifth grade?
Yeah, they have a graduation
for every year now.
Who graduates
from fifth grade?
They graduate from preschool,
they graduate from kindergarten,
they grad... I mean...
It's ridiculous.
I just hate it.
I'm just not gonna tell
a grown woman what to do,
so whatever her decisions are,
I respect her autonomy.
Sometimes she tries to keep
her drinking in check,
and sometimes she is
just like, "You know what?
No holds barred."
No, I think what I got tired of
as far as parenting
is like kind of having
that question like,
"Did I feed you
dinner last night?"
And not really know it.
Or like getting tired
of my kids saying,
"Mom, we've told you that,"
and like, just hating...
That's why I'm not
saying it's a problem,
but I definitely feel like
there's times when
you need to check yourself,
and that is
one of them for me.
Remember at the beginning of
the year, I went 10 whole days.
I went four months.
Do you feel like since you...
since you did that and then
you've gone back to it
that you have that,
been better check?
I feel like
I failed at that.
I failed.
And so now,
I just give myself permission.
I'm like what the hell,
might as well drink at 11:00.
Parenting is tough.
I just feel for you.
Like, you need support groups
for that, you know?
We're the support group.
Exactly.
That's right.
Cheers to everything...
Cheers to everything.
Shut up!
Wine to me means escape.
I know without alcohol
who I want to be.
I want to be Oprah.
I want to be Maya Angelou.
I want to be...
I want to be amazing.
I want to be a rock star.
And when I drink,
I'm not that awesome.
And I don't remember.
I can't keep track
of the girls' schedules
and I can't keep...
And I just...
And I'm stuck.
But, I mean, honestly,
I don't care what Ron...
Whatever Ron is doing.
Noel is stuck.
And she has, um...
She's afraid of everything.
I've asked my dad,
like, um...
my adoptive father, like...
like, "Don't you want me
to have my own gun?
'Cause I live alone
and I have two girls,"
and he was like...
And my dad... and my
adoptive father, he's like,
"I'd be afraid you'd
use it on yourself."
And it's the smartest thing
he's ever done.
Noel, where's this going?
I missed my daughter's
graduation last night.
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't miss it. I mean...
I don't know.
I don't know.
- When I woke up this morning,
- I was hungover.
Like I took 800 milligrams
of ibuprofen.
A couple of times.
What do I do
the next day?
Damage control.
I go back and apologize,
and I'll delete texts.
I'll just delete it.
That didn't happen.
I just feel full of shame
or... or embarrassment.
I reach a point
where I don't remember.
I want to say I blackout.
I don't like that word.
You would think
I would stop.
Olivia, do you know of anything
we need from the grocery store?
Other than everything.
What about,
um, snacks, school snacks?
Do you think we need more...
Or, not more, but like,
something else?
Probably.
Um, we need
another dinner idea.
How about soup?
How about kale and...
Beans.
White bean soup.
Okay.
Okay.
Sounds healthy.
All right.
I can always go back
to the store.
But yeah.
Okay.
You go to your dad's
tomorrow anyway, so.
Drinking impacts
my relationship with my kids.
Okay...
One, two, three!
I went higher.
Awesome.
I want to be able to moderate.
I want to be able to function.
I don't feel like I'm doing
a very, um, good job
at functioning right now.
I don't think I want
to be completely sober.
Like, I just... I don't...
And it's frustrating.
Because I fall back.
I'll see you in a
little bit. Bye, guys.
I'm noticing now that
I just start drinking earlier.
It's a chart...
That our house is...
an example of my mind.
Like, it...
Like, okay.
Okay. Eyeliner.
Over the last three months,
I feel like I've lost the drive
to want to quit drinking.
Like the motivation to quit.
I know that there are
tool things out there.
I don't do any of it.
I stay in this negative...
I... And I just...
I'm here because
of Olivia and Eva.
But when I look
to the future,
there's nothing.
I wanted to be
a role model for my girls
instead of them
parenting me.
Sometimes that's
what it feels like.
The message to my girls
is that I'm not a drunk
and that I do have
good qualities.
I just want them
to see me go to work.
I... don't want them
to see me lay in bed.
I do think over the summer.
Noel's drinking
maybe progressed.
I think maybe
she's kind of just...
you know, putt no limits
on herself and...
hasn't tried to moderate.
Like if you...
I don't know.
Last year,
it was kind of like,
"I'm gonna have two glasses
of pinot grigio
and that's what
I'm gonna do."
And then sometimes
she would succeed.
But now she doesn't
really try to do that.
We know that she's depressed
the next day or whatever it is
and we just kind of... we maybe
sit on her porch and talk to her.
But you know what?
It doesn't really
make anything happen.
I mean, you can only do
that for so long.
So, I think we've all
been just sitting around
hoping it would go away.
And I feel like that
was kind of negligent.
When are we going
to Napa Valley, peeps?
Let's just do this.
This is awesome.
My husband told me
I'm not... can't go anywhere.
Because of the layoff we're not
allowed to go anywhere.
Is that what that little hole
is for in the bottom of the...
That was sexy.
Okay, so Noel
and I talked today.
Um, she's decided
to so somethin'
really kind of exciting,
I think.
What?
What are you gonna do?
Have a sex change.
Shut up. You would
look gorgeous, darling.
And you guys
will still accept me.
Okay, anyway,
okay, no, not really.
I beat myself up
about drinking.
I like, I... I like
my, um, alcohol.
As do we.
Rhonda has found somebody
to help me with moderation.
I want to be able to drink.
I want to be able to go
Okay. Oh!
And have a couple of... Okay,
so it's not an all or nothing thing.
No, not at all. That's why it's
called moderation management.
It's not an all or none.
It's... it's a...
different theory. Okay.
Was that what you would call
it? We're not letting you talk, like...
I didn't know it existed
until I kind of came across it.
I didn't know it existed
and I'm like...
that's what I...
if and when I got
to that point,
that's what I would want.
I mean, because.
Okay. As we all know, I
don't want to stop drinking.
And if there...
I mean, maybe it'll work.
- But it's worth a shot.
- I have... I...
My attitude is that
it absolutely will work.
- Like, I just, I want it to.
- Yay! That's awesome.
I really do.
I'm happy for you.
Well, and I think
the biggest thing is that
you're excited about it.
Yeah!
- I have always loved.
- Noel no matter what.
I'm always concerned
about driving cars.
Um, I'm concerned
about her laying in bed
and being depressed all day.
Alcohol does not help that.
So, maybe if she gets
this in check,
that other stuff
can be worked out.
And of course, I'd love to
be able to go sit on her porch
and still have
a glass of wine.
Go to a restaurant
and not worry
how is she gonna get home,
you know, is anything
bad gonna happen?
We may or may not
stay really close friends.
I don't know, but, um...
As long as she's okay,
that's fine.
This was a good night.
- Mature or not.
- Get your glass up.
Put your glass up.
Noel and I don't want
to stop drinking.
We just want
to keep eating dessert.
Sometimes, people do ask me
when a woman should start
to become concerned
about her drinking.
I like to say that it's when
alcohol becomes her friend,
the thing that she turns to
to relieve her stress,
to numb her pain.
Because when alcohol
becomes a friend,
it's firmly on the path
to becoming a partner,
and as a partner,
it's poisonous.
In the evolution
of problem drinking,
there's a progression
from liking alcohol
to wanting it, craving it,
to needing it.
When you start to use it
to cope with stress
and to feel better
about your problems,
it may develop into a habit.
Then we're on
that slippery slope
where we could
go on to develop
an alcohol
use disorder.
You find yourself in
this sort of vicious loop
where depression and anxiety
are making the drinking worse,
the drinking is increasing
the depression and anxiety.
In a blackout,
alcohol disrupts
normal neurotransmission
so that we lose awareness
of what's going on in
our physical environment
and don't remember
what happened to us
during that particular time.
And of course that places us
at very high risk
for so many
unwanted consequences.
It's very difficult
to know exactly
how much you're drinking
when you're out in public.
A single serving of alcohol
is 12 ounces of beer,
or five ounces of wine
or one and a half
ounces of liquor.
But a server may
bring you a drink
that actually contains
the alcohol equivalent
of two or three drinks.
So you think that
you've had one drink
when in fact
you've consumed three,
and over an evening of drinking
that can really add up.
The timing of
intervention does matter.
If we wait until later
in the course of the disease,
it's harder to stop drinking.
The longer you're drinking,
the greater the likelihood
that you're going to experience
withdrawal symptoms
and that those withdrawal
symptoms are going to be severe.
It's all about a drink.
Brother...
it's...
it's all about one drink.
It's a horrible addiction.
And...
it doesn't go away.
Ah, shit.
I'm going to die.
I grew up in a nice,
upper-middle class family.
My mother didn't have to work.
My dad made,
uh, good money.
He worked for the government.
Had a good retirement.
I was a Boy Scout,
Cub Scout
uh, safety patrol.
You know, all the regular
things. Went to college.
I was 35 when my son was born,
39 when my daughter was born.
I have a good relationship
with my wife.
I want people to think
I'm a nice person
and, you know,
I just have this problem
and I'm not afraid
to admit it.
I started drinking
probably when I was 14.
I've gone through treatment,
I've gone to meetings.
It is so hard to beat.
I'm working a part-time job
at a grocery store.
That's all
I've been able to get.
I... I just have to...
I have to drink.
And so, I come out
to the car and drink.
See the shaking?
The drinking pretty much
has to do now with DTEs.
And now if I don't drink...
I'll start shaking.
For a long time, I thought
it was some kind of palsy.
But no, it's from drinking.
And I can't, see,
I can't keep it still
unless I drink.
It's not just shaking.
It's sweating,
and, uh, cramps,
hurtin'.
It's a nightmare.
And I... I call it
Groundhog Day
because it's the same
thing every day.
It's awful.
I had my own business.
I was making about
$130,000 a year.
And then the down-turn,
people left.
Um, I mean customers left.
Then I went off the deep end.
I just started
drinking really hard.
And... and I was
playing in a band
for nine years.
I'm actually a great
guitar player
and they kicked me out
for drinking.
It's the worst of the worst.
Know it's... it's very painful
to everybody,
my family.
My wife, my kids.
I'm going to the hospital
to detox
so I can get through
this nightmare.
I just can't live
like this anymore.
My wife Kathy's stuck by me
through all of it.
'Cause that's the caliber
of woman she is.
Come on. We don't want to...
Don't want to lose your job.
Uh, I might have
to fall out of the car.
Put some toothpaste
in your mouth and let's go.
You still got some
toothpaste in your pocket?
Think so.
Let's go in
and finish this gig up,
and then we'll go home and
get ready to go to the hospital.
Let's just close it up
and then we go.
I'm dying.
I feel like absolute shit.
Hopefully, this is my last one.
I met him at church
and we started
seeing each other
and I mean, we just clicked
just right away.
We just...
I mean, like that night.
Just, you know, boom.
He's just funny.
He has a deadpan face,
but, you know,
but he's pretty funny.
Um, we've been married
not quite five years.
You know, knew each other
a few years before that.
We got married at the church
and Neal's two children
were in the wedding.
He was a great father.
He used to take a blow dryer
and blow dry
the kids' sheets
so they would be warm
when they got in the bed.
He told me that all
he ever wanted to do
was to be married...
...was to be married
and have children.
And that's all
he's ever wanted to do.
That's why it's so difficult
to go through this.
It makes you wonder,
you know, why is he drinking
and why is he doing this
when he has had
a great life
and he can continue
to have a great life?
'Cause he has people
that love him and need him
and need him
to be sober.
I think back, you know, to the
person that I fell in love with,
and...
...I want
that man back so badly,
so badly.
That's it.
Last hoorah.
- You ready?
- Let's go.
We'll get you
taken care of, okay?
I'll just work through it
and it'll slowly go away.
Once the shaking
and all that goes away,
that... that's when
they'll call it detoxed.
Did they tell you what your
blood alcohol level was? No.
0.32.
You were here
back in 2013
and then again in 2012.
Do you remember
any of those admissions?
The fact that you have
withdrawal symptoms,
where you're still
with alcohol in your system,
it's only gonna get worse.
As the alcohol starts
leaving your system. Right.
And it starts off
with shakes.
Your blood pressure goes up,
your heart rate goes up.
Can start seeing things,
having hallucinations,
and then it can progress
where you have
respiratory collapse
and you can die. I've
had a patient die from it.
From DTs.
Oh, we can ease you
through this right now.
If I have any other questions,
I'll come back.
I know where to find you.
All right, dear.
All right. Thanks a lot.
See you later.
My concern
with this patient is...
we can get him through
this dangerous time
with the alcohol withdrawal.
But he's got
a larger problem at hand,
that detox is not curing
his alcoholism.
He's in a great deal
of denial
about how bad
his problem is
and how much control
over his life
the beer and the booze
have taken.
I've seen patients
who have had alcoholic
and alcohol-induced dementia
who have completely
cooked their livers
and their nervous system
where they can't walk anymore
or they need transplantation
but their alcoholism
prevents it.
He's at a point where he needs
to make a decision,
or it's going to be made
for him.
If he doesn't get help,
he'll die.
Joshua?
Are you getting ready
to go to the zoo?
What?
You getting ready
to go to the zoo?
All right, let's go.
I feel good.
Um, I mean, I'm just glad
that I'm pretty much
100% all the time.
Doing all right?
Can you see the giraffe
and the monkey?
See?
I feel like I could handle the
things I thought I could handle
back in my 20s and 30s.
Managing people
and being able
to focus on work
and finish problems
and everything.
Not just get 'em
out of the way
so I can go have a drink.
Here. Now go
throw 'em in, buddy.
Good one.
I mean, the downtime is bad,
but I can always go
get Joshua.
We'll go to the park,
we'll go do something.
Joshua, there's seals over here.
You wanna see?
I feel like I'm getting
a second chance,
uh, especially with Joshua.
There it is!
There he is.
There he is.
That's a big one.
It's just like reliving the best
parts of my life with my son.
See how small
it looks coming up?
Oh. You fell in the water.
And one thing I did learn
from some
of the different things
that I went to, you know,
sessions and things like that
is when you want to drink,
visualizing what you're missing.
Like take my daughter
to see something,
you know, that she'd
like to go see
and not go in there
and just wanting to see
how many beers
I can sneak off and buy.
If I feel really great
and jacked up,
that's when I feel
like having a drink.
When I slip,
I can't really remember
exactly what went
through my mind.
All of a sudden,
I'm drinking, you know?
It's just like a, you know,
a magnet pulls you there.
Gonna swallow it.
What happened is,
I could not stop drinking.
It's a chronic disease...
and...
I don't know
how to beat it.
I'm going
to a treatment center.
Maybe this'll be
my last sip.
I'm gonna go back again and...
And try to live
a regular life.
I can tell he's really...
he's really upset this time
'cause he's afraid
he's not gonna have, uh...
me to come back to.
'Cause he knows I've been
through the mill with him and...
he's gonna have
to concentrate on himself.
He's gonna have to...
do what it takes
to stay sober.
I just can't keep doing this.
Can't.
Hey.
Say, what did Joshua say?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think he said...
We've got to get out of here.
Come on, get up.
Of anything I say...
my four-year-old son is saying.
What are...
Grandson.
My grandson.
It's gonna be a rough ride
to the airport.
Seriously.
Don't fall down.
Sit, sit, sit.
With him drinking vodka
day in and day out,
it makes his muscles weak
where he cannot lift
himself up off the ground.
I mean, he falls...
He's fallen down
so many times.
I mean, just from this weekend,
he's fell down three times
and his son had to pick him up
off the floor.
I have to clean up after him
like a baby. He's so drunk.
I feed him 'cause I know
he needs to eat.
He'll even through up
right after he eats.
I mean, it's just awful.
Hang on, we got...
You're gonna hold me, right?
Okay.
All right.
I'll have to grab something.
Just stand in front of me.
You know how
you have to hold me
up slowly.
You're too tall.
This is the next thing.
He's gonna go back
to 35-day rehab
and he's gonna go
to a halfway house
and if this doesn't do the
trick for him, nothing will.
And I... this is my last
hope right here
and I will have to give up.
A person who's reached the
stage of physical dependence
has overwhelmed their
brain's emotional systems.
So the reason they can't stop
is because they can't stop.
It's the only relief they get
from the terrors that are
unleashed by not drinking.
So one of the most important
things about excessive drinking
is that it changes your brain,
and that's the basis for
all the other problems.
The first change is
that you lose reward function
in your brain,
so your reward transmitters
are just not working right.
And as you keep drinking,
you gain activity in your
brain's stress systems.
But an even more insidious
part of this picture,
is that you lose the ability
of your frontal cortex
to work properly.
Now your frontal cortex is
the part of your brain
that makes you who you are,
it's the part of our brain
that we use to make decisions,
choices, delay reinforcement.
If you're losing that
part of your brain,
then you have no brake
on impulsive behavior
and stress-like responding.
And that promotes
this vicious cycle
where you end up drinking
to fix the problem
that the drinking caused.
These are changes that are
very, very difficult to reverse.
The brain does not
grow back new neurons,
but there is a way that
the brain can
strengthen other pathways
that are already there.
But it takes a long time,
takes a major effort,
and it takes
complete abstinence.
So what exactly does
recovery look like
in a person with a severe
alcohol use disorder?
Well, for the most part,
it looks like a major effort
to restructure your life
without alcohol.
How to do that?
Well, there are multiple ways
and many people use
all of the multiple ways.
You can join
Alcoholics Anonymous,
you can join a support group
that doesn't involve
Alcoholics Anonymous.
You can go to a counselor
and receive cognitive
behavioral therapy,
which helps you
deal with stressors
and builds resilience
for situations
that are going
to tempt you to drink.
There are some medications
that'll help you along the way.
The real issue is that
your whole life has to change.
So, an individual
like this will probably
have to be supervised
for a long time to come
by some family member,
or loved one, or some group
because alcohol
is killing them.
I try and be good,
but at a certain point, maybe
after four or five drinks,
then all of a sudden
you're like screw it
and you just don't care.
There's been a lot
of close calls for all of us,
but we haven't gotten
raped or murdered yet.
Alcohol slows down
my thoughts,
helps me catch my breath.
I don't know
what the limit is.
I reach a point
where I don't remember.
My drinking, it's a tornado.
It's doing damage
to everything around it.
You don't even know
what happened!
My wife, my kids.
It'd be nice if he could
drink a little bit less.
These are
all people I fucking love.
I don't want to lose 'em.
When I slip, I can't
really remember
what went through my mind.
All of a sudden I'm drinking.
Shit.
I'm gonna die.
Halloween is like
biggest drinking night,
at least in Denver.
So this weekend we are
doing two different costumes,
and tonight I'm going
to be Tinderella.
Tinder, it's a dating app,
and so a lot of cheesy
pickup lines on there are,
"You could be my Tinderella?"
So I'm going to be
everybody's Tinderella.
So we are going
to head over to Amanda's,
who's one of my best
friends since college,
we had a couple
classes together.
We're gonna head over
to her house and pre-party.
After we go to Amanda's,
we're going to go to The Gin Mill,
which is all you can drink,
unlimited booze,
which is always dangerous,
so we'll have to figure out
how to pace ourselves
on all you can drink,
which is going to be
the challenge of the night.
So last year, I got out of
a really serious relationship.
Drinking definitely
eases the dating world.
I've been on very few first
dates where you don't drink,
because it takes
the edge off.
The whole point in drinking is
to turn off your brain for once,
when you're using it
all day, every day,
so it's nice
to just turn it off,
not think about anything...
and just let go.
Basically I didn't
drink all week
knowing I was going
to drink a ton this weekend.
So I figure,
it all balances out in life.
Instead of having
a glass of wine a night,
I won't have any and then
I'll have like, five tonight.
Let's be honest, probably
like ten. But it's Okay.
Hey!
How are you?
Kenzie, Kenzie!
What?
Have a gummy worm.
Oh, God.
They're not that strong.
They're not that bad.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Happy Halloween!
I gave her a worm covered
in vodka, soaked in vodka.
And she loved it.
No.
For the third time.
For the third time
Didn't love it.
Let... Let's do...
Do you guys
want to do a shot?
All right, I'll do one.
I'll do one.
All right, cheers!
All right.
What do you want?
Vodka, soda, lime.
I'm such a basic bitch.
So basic.
What are these?
Jell-O shots.
All right.
We're gonna cheers.
Cheers, kids.
All right.
Have a good night, okay?
I'm not ready.
Oh, it's like the worst
pill you've ever taken.
I can't get it out.
That's what he said.
We had a shot there.
Wait, there's an ice luge?
Wait, I need to go
to the ice luge.
It's over there.
One, two, three!
I don't like tequila.
All right, fine.
Yeah.
Come on!
Oh, okay.
Cheers!
You look good.
You look pretty.
Yeah?
What?
Hi, I'm Abby.
Hi, Abby. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
You don't even know!
No, you don't!
What, Maggie?
What would Maggie have done?
No, fuck Maggie! I will fucking
punch her the face!
I hate Maggie!
Yeah.
I know, I know.
I'll take you home.
Okay? I'll take you home.
All right, here.
Go this way. Go this way.
- We're done.
- Doors just shut down.
Oh, like all night?
You can't get in.
I got you. It's okay.
Why did she remind me?
Why did she make
me feel so bad?
No, no. Kenzie, look at me.
Kenzie, it's okay.
I hate this. I hate this.
It just hurts.
And then I go home alone.
Always.
Becky, I'm sorry.
No.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not going to.
Nope. You're not laying down
on the wet side of the bed.
You're coming over here.
I'm just gonna...
I don't care.
I just gotta go to bed.
I have to take myself to bed.
Kenzie, you know
I'm on a diet. Dude...
I don't know why you
didn't hide these cookies.
Seriously.
'Cause I'm on a diet and I need
other people to eat them?
So, how was last night?
Um, it was really fun
until it got weird.
I just lost it.
Waterworks, ugly crying.
It's okay. I did that
two weeks ago.
It happens.
You know, you've seen that song
and dance a couple times.
I'm so ready
to have a good year,
the last two have been shit.
This year is partying
after the breakup.
Next year is me
getting my shit together.
You're growing up.
Oh...
I don't want to.
But I want to stay a kid.
Why can't I be Peter Pan?
I met Kenzie six years ago.
We tend to drink a lot
on our nights off.
And just sleep wherever
we end up really.
It's kind of bad.
But... we're alive.
We haven't gotten raped
or murdered yet.
Yeah, I'm so
hungover right now.
That's why
I drank this morning,
and then I woke up from
my nap hungover as all hell.
So, hair of the dog again.
Round two. And it's Saturday.
I usually feel pretty
confident about my judgment,
but after I got
so surprised last year...
I literally came home
from a work trip on a Thursday
and he was done,
you know, my ex.
I want to make a giant meme
with my ex's picture on it
that says, you know, "Giving bitches
trust issues since 2002" or whatever,
because that's how I feel.
The sad thing is
last year I was like,
"All right it's over.
I need to get back out there."
And, you know, sure enough,
I get hammered and I'm like,
all right, rip off the Band-Aid.
Just hook up with somebody.
Get it over with.
And I ended up
bawling mid... hook up.
It's stupid.
I have successfully had sex now
without crying though.
That's exciting. Cheers.
You know,
it's play hard, work hard,
and you go out
and that's totally the norm.
Happy Halloween!
Here's some anti-freeze.
You're learning shots,
you're taking shots,
you're encouraging each other,
and it becomes kind of the way
you interact with people.
Cheers! Love you guys.
Making a fool of yourself
is a downside,
but you get used to that,
that's what you do.
It's just normal.
Please, sir,
can I have some more?
Hey!
Hey!
How are you guys doing?
I feel so naked though.
Like, who has my everything?
Hi. May I have this?
Yes, ma'am.
You can have some.
Some of it?
No, no, in the cup.
All of it?
Actually, the bar is
shut down already.
Did you say thank you?
Everybody's leaving. Oh,
wait, where is everybody?
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, Kenzie!
You guys are amazing!
I love you so much.
Fucking hilarious.
I didn't sleep
at all today.
Pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew...
I got laid twice.
Pew pew pew...
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew...
It was okay.
Pew pew pew!
Go Kenzie!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew...
Or my experiences
or anything...
Hey.
Hey guys!
Kenzie?
Sure.
I don't know if I'm happy.
I can't trust anybody.
It's fucked up.
It's so fucked up.
It's so fucked up.
But I would rather
like, go find Pat right now
so I can stop doing this.
Otherwise I'm gonna go home
and I'm gonna cry... all night.
The biggest cohort
of binge drinkers
are between ages
18 and 34.
I think a lot of people worry,
is this young adult going to turn
into somebody with a chronic problem.
The consequences
literally go up like this
depending on
the amount you're drinking
and the frequency
that you're drinking.
Binge drinking for women
is having four or more drinks
in a single drinking episode,
and for men it's five or more.
And when you consume
alcohol at that rate,
your blood alcohol level gets
up to be around .08 or beyond,
which is the legal
limit for driving.
You're getting more impulsive.
You have a hard time
making good decisions.
So this is a huge set up
for accidents to happen
and they can be
serious and life-altering.
You've got increased
risk of physical violence,
sexual assaults,
unwanted pregnancies.
These are all things
that really
can change the course of
your life in a single night.
Young binge drinkers
really underestimate
how much it affects
their overall quality of life.
You know, they're fighting
with their friends,
there's lots of drama
in their lives.
They're breaking up
with their boyfriend
when they're intoxicated
and regretting it the next day.
So there's lots
of suffering, I think,
that goes on that is
kind of whitewashed away
because people think,
"Oh it's just fun.
We're just
having a good time."
Things have changed in terms of how
we think about alcohol use disorders.
It used to be black and white:
You either have the problem
or you don't have the problem.
The way we view drinking now
is really on
a spectrum of risk.
And binge drinking
automatically
places you in
the mild to moderate range.
If you drink more
than you intend,
have withdrawal symptoms,
and find yourself
craving alcohol.
The reality is people have
varying degrees of the problem
and they often cycle in and out.
But there is a very small bunch
that is way more at risk.
People who are in heavy
drinking crowds, so they've got
lots of friends who are
drinking in the same way.
People who have
a high tolerance for alcohol,
and then people
who drink in response
to negative emotional states,
so they drink
because they're feeling down
or they're anxious
or they can't sleep.
When you get a little wobbly,
when you start to get a little sleepy,
that's your natural
braking system of your body
saying, "Hey I've had enough
alcohol, stop drinking."
And when people
override that system
and they keep drinking,
those brakes,
they're getting worn out,
so that you lose
the ability to stop
because you're just
not in control anymore.
So when you're trying
to reduce your drinking,
you've got to really find
the point
at which you lose control,
and for most people that's
no more than three for women
and no more
than four for men.
Can I do another dark and coke?
Yup.
So what's the agenda
for the rest of the day, boss?
Get some rum cocktails, get
through the day? I'm doing it.
Gotta work out better for me
than the SoCo day did.
Yeah, double SoCos
after a night in the hospital,
I don't know if
that was the best idea,
especially while
you were bleeding.
That's right, I was bleeding
when I came in.
Yeah, yeah,
you were bleeding.
Cheers, man.
It was a fresh wound.
Wait. So every one
poured a different color?
That's cool.
There you go.
All in one pour.
All right, which one has the
alcohol in it? That's the one I'd like.
I'll take one with you.
Cheers, buddy. Cheers, man.
Can you make it
with real rum?
Instead of... the flavored
rum has no alcohol in it.
I can do that. Where
the real rum has alcohol.
Pick your poison, bro.
I'm gonna go
with the red.
You're going red this time?
I'm going green.
Cheers.
Oh, I gotta do double.
Patriotic.
You ready for another one?
Cheers, man.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, buddy.
I'll probably end up
talking to her about that.
I've heard this speech
seven times.
Go ahead.
Don't forget your card, bro.
It'd be nice if he
could drink a little bit less.
He definitely drinks
more down here.
Rum's cheaper.
We usually go in town
every day, into Red Hook
and get a fifth of rum.
He usually goes through
about that every day.
It's interesting, having
to walk in here every day,
walk back to the house.
He'll sit there and get drunk.
What the fuck,
you got golf on dude?
Put the music back on, man.
We'll go to the beach
for a while, come back,
he'll pass out for a while.
Wake up at like 10:00.
That's usually like
the every day schedule here.
My son is kind of turned
into a caretaker for me.
If I'm passed out on my bed,
you know I could wake up...
My son, will have gotten up,
he'll go into town or something,
and get the rum,
the Coke and the cigarettes,
and he takes care of me.
I'm the adult.
I'm supposed to be the one
down here providing for him.
But it hasn't
worked out that way.
He's ended up
being my caretaker
and that's not right.
My son who's been down here for a
couple weeks with me, he's taking off.
You know, it sucks.
I want him down here
'cause that's what's
helping me get through things.
I'm not here just by myself,
but, you know...
I can't be selfish and ruin
his snowboarding trip.
Prior to him coming down
when I was here,
I didn't leave my porch.
I'd sit there,
chain smoke, and party.
When he's been here,
it changed things.
I got out and did things
and we met people
and, you know, it made it fun.
Gabe!
What?
Come on dude, get up.
We gotta go into town,
we gotta print
your boarding pass.
It's too early.
Well, Sam's
gonna be here early
'cause you gotta go through
customs, so we need to go.
I bet the island bug got you.
You're gonna be gone two
weeks, you'll wanna be back.
Yeah.
This place always
calls you back.
Nah, you'll want to come back.
At least I hope you do.
Two Camel light.
Two Camel light.
Yeah.
Rum, all the people
like, dark, light,
everything is rum.
You know what I mean?
It's the same.
It's Island.
Take your card,
thank you very much.
Thank you.
You got your phone?
Yeah.
Is it charged?
Yeah.
Have a safe trip, man.
See you.
You'll be back
in two weeks?
Yup.
Have fun.
See you.
I want you back.
Get him there safe,
Sam, he's on Spirit.
Okay.
See you.
If you have any problem
making your flight in,
you call me, all right?
Yeah.
All right, man.
I don't do good alone.
It's nice to have
your kids around.
And...
over the past few weeks,
I got to connect with him...
more than I really have
over 15 years.
All right, Love Shack,
that's right, it's
nine o'clock on Wednesday night,
you know what that means.
It's time for our
world-famous ladies night.
Let's make some poor decisions
tonight, what do you say?
Here's to wives!
Yeah!
Ex-wives.
She was here for... I don't
know, three, four weeks?
One day we were
at Sapphire Bar & Grill.
We're down there drinking,
she went out by the pool,
I went in to pay the tab,
I come out and she's gone.
So I walk up
the hill to my condo,
and she's like passed out
in front of the door.
So I get up there, you know,
kick her a little bit,
you know, "Get up!"
You know, open the door.
Fuck, next thing I know,
she got a knife in her hand
coming at me
with a fucking knife.
What?
No way!
Yeah, I mean...
Look at this shit.
No shit?
A stabbing here.
That's what it looked like
when it happened.
Oh my... Is that
in the doctor's office?
No, that was
when I was at home.
I kept putting
Band-Aids on it,
thinking, "Oh, I can... ".
"I can stop this myself,
you know,
no need for a doctor."
And everybody's like,
"She stabbed you!"
It's like, it was a drinking
incident, who cares?
It was
a misunderstanding, you know?
When she stabbed me,
grabbed her arm,
trying to get the knife out of
her arm, snapped her wrist.
You know what
scares me shitless?
That we're gonna
drink like that,
we're gonna be back together,
one of us is gonna up that.
My life, I mean, it's
a house of cards falling.
I need to fix
this fucking problem.
I mean, I got
my kids depending on me.
I got my ex-wife, my wife,
all kind of people
depending on me.
I wanna fix it.
You know, usually by the time
somebody wants to get help,
they're, you know, no job,
living in a trailer.
I wasn't that way.
I showed up at work every day.
You know,
worked for a big company,
and, you know,
had a prestigious job.
And, you know, was the on-air,
you know, co-host.
I was fill-in when
somebody was on vacation.
I would never
have a drink during the day.
But then I started getting pulled
into sales meetings and happy hours,
and it escalated.
But then as things
didn't go well at home,
it escalated more.
And, you know,
it was an easy escape.
And I guess what's
really hard is, you know,
I finally had another
relationship that I really wanted.
And through drinking
and other things,
I fucked it up.
I mean, I had it,
and, you know,
I don't want to see things
go out of my life
because I fucked it up.
She told me she won't talk
to me tonight if I'm hammered.
And, you know...
So if I have something
that's important to me,
I'm gonna make it happen
and that's, you know, why
I haven't drank anything today.
I mean, a cold beer would
fucking taste great right now.
It's hot, but I'm still being...
Trying to be good.
Hey, you.
Hey, I don't see you yet.
I'm on a slow Wi-Fi,
so it should be coming up.
Imagine that.
So, are you sure you want me to
come back and stay with you in Denver?
I got a lot of work ahead of
me to try to get all this shit fixed.
Well, there's a lot to fix,
but, you know...
I'm confident this program
is gonna work for me,
and I do wanna make changes.
And it's kind of cool
when I don't drink
and, you know, actually sit
around and think about stuff.
It makes more sense.
Why now? Why is it
gonna work now?
What's different now?
Because I'm tired of
throwing my life away.
You know, I wanna be the guy
that shit goes right for,
not getting it
this far from right
and then something
fucks up, you know.
Not chasing away
the people I love.
Yeah, you know how I define
the six... nine months with you?
There was so much chaos.
There was no peace.
There was no thought other than
the 9-1-1 crisis at hand.
How about we work hard
and get us both fixed?
They don't have
rehab for idiots.
They have a rehab
for alcoholics, drug addicts...
pill poppers,
people with eating disorders,
but they don't have rehab
for stupid motherfuckers
who put up with your shit.
I love you, we'll get
through this. I want to.
But how do we make it
non-self-destructive?
Wear helmets?
That is not good.
We're gonna have fucking
plastic utensils in the house,
no knives.
There's your side of the story,
there's my side of the story,
and then
in between is the truth.
And I know I escalated things
and you escalated things,
and then it just
got to a point
that I had hoped
you were so drunk...
that you'd just kill me.
I don't remember
any good times.
I'm struggling.
I'm really struggling.
You took every part
of my life hostage.
And yet, I'm still here
talking to you,
and I'm still here
wanting to help you,
and I'm still here...
wanting to make sure
that you're okay.
And I'm not okay.
Well, I'm gonna be
back there to see you
and make sure you're okay.
Look, believe in me
that I'm trying on this
'cause I am.
I do wanna get better.
I don't like
the way things are.
You've never been a partner.
You've just been another child.
I'm trying to...
It'd be nice to see
someone that's a partner.
Well, hopefully
I can learn that.
Do you love me?
- I don't know.
- I'm kind of excited.
Schoolgirl nerves.
I just wanna give him a hug.
And then I wanna
kick him in the balls.
So, how's that?
Our relationship
is bat-shit crazy.
It never calms down.
It's just always
putting the fire out.
It's self-destructive
for me to support him,
but now that
he wants to get help,
and he... is willing
to make the change,
not based on anyone else's
decision but his...
is why I'm here.
It's his decision.
What?
Wow.
No.
You're fat.
You're fatter than shit.
I'm not that fat.
You are so fat.
Missed you.
You're not gonna
remember where you parked.
You never...
Stop it.
You never know
where the car is.
We're gonna walk
the fuck around in circles
looking for the car.
Or do you know... Why you
gotta call me out on my stuff?
I'm happy to be home.
But this isn't your home.
You haven't deserved it yet.
Kick your shoes off.
Cheers.
Yeah.
Okay, so we met.
Things were great.
When the kids were here
all summer, you were amazing.
We did everything together.
I know. It was great
when your kids were here.
Right. But then when
the little ones went back east,
twisted Mike came out.
It's like whoosh.
Because you never
hit me before that.
You never grabbed me.
You never put me in a corner.
I've never had my nose
broken my whole life.
Or your jaw.
You've broken it
three times and my jaw.
Maybe you shouldn't
back me in a corner.
You gotta understand
what you're going to do
and what you need to do
is not just affecting you,
it's affecting many lives.
I know.
I miss all the fun we had.
Well, we had fun until you
became an insecure fucking asshole.
You're a fucking asshole.
What did I do?
Sit and talk to me. I'm an
adult. The whole fucking thing is...
Yeah, 'cause now that you've walked
fucking two miles, you're fucking sober.
I don't know how far it was, it
was over an hour. You know what?
Maybe you should see
how you treat people
when you're fucking drunk,
and the only thing
you care about
is going to buy
your goddamn cigarettes,
and your eyes
are all crazy,
and they're
fucking glassed over,
and realize how
you fucking treat people.
'Cause this is the part that I
want nothing to fucking do with you.
Shit, you snap out
over fucking nothing.
Oh, really?
Yeah, really.
You can't remember
fucking your drunken highs.
You don't know the difference
between a drunken haze and reality.
From this point on, I'm done.
Go through your fucking rehab.
Because every fucking word that
comes out of your goddamn mouth
is a goddamn drunken lie.
So enjoy my place,
I'm out, fuck you.
Hey, don't forget your pie.
Get the fuck...
You don't want your pie?
Get the fuck...
Stop. You're not...
You're not being fair tonight.
Get the fuck away from me.
Stay away from me.
I don't want you to leave.
Well, you know what? I don't want
to be around someone that doesn't...
I do.
Get your hands...
Don't leave.
Get your hands off of me.
Then sit and talk.
Don't leave.
Get your hands off me.
I don't want you to leave.
Well, it doesn't matter.
That's not your option.
Go fuck yourself.
We've been talking today and
trying to work shit out. Really?
So don't leave. There's
no working shit out with you.
Get the fuck
away from me.
Get the fuck out of my life.
I wish you were dead.
Going through this,
my kids, my wife...
If I was them,
I wouldn't believe in me.
I'd... I'd wait to see
the outcome.
You know, I can...
If I'm backed into corner,
you know...
I talk a pretty good fucking
game to get out of it
and usually people fall for it.
I find a way
to sabotage myself.
Just hoping...
you know, I didn't do enough...
I didn't do too much damage
that I can't undo it.
You know, when I wrapped up
counseling out in California,
with my wife, I mean,
we had some of the...
best couple days we've
ever had in our life together.
And it was hard,
is that once I got back here
and she went back to Colorado
it's like that
distance increased
and, you know, things changed.
You know, we got into a fight
and she told me,
"Well you're too needy.
"I can't talk with you,"
this and that.
And I said shit
that the sober me
would have never,
you know, never said or texted.
I'm actually surprised
the fucking drunk me
could spell
and do all that shit,
but it's, you know,
not stuff I'm proud of.
I made a bunch of
new friends and doctors
and everything through
this that, you know,
if I was having a problem
I could have called.
I didn't choose to reach out
to any of them.
You know,
somebody sitting there
on the other end
of the phone saying,
"Well, you know you're doing
a good job, don't drink,"
and this and that.
That doesn't fucking count
for it or take away the feeling,
and anyone who's ever
drank to cover something up
fucking knows that.
It doesn't
cover up that feeling.
Drinking numbs it out,
and I didn't have
to worry about it.
They have fucked me up
because they made me
measure everything
and, you know,
now that's in my head.
The other night was hard.
I, you know,
went out and bought
two liters of rum.
And, you know,
had the intent of
if I drink both of them,
I don't have
to wake up in the morning.
And, you know...
woke up and had one
hell of a fucking hangover,
but, you know,
luckily nothing
another bottle wouldn't fix.
I would love to learn
to moderate my drinking
and hopefully through that
minimize a lot
of the problems in my life.
But I don't know
if I'll ever be moderate.
I like getting fucked up.
So I guess that's...
gonna be the hard
part with it, you know?
But I think if I don't
get the drinking under control,
I'm gonna lose
my wife and kids.
If I haven't already.
A lot of people don't sign up
for abstinence
and don't want abstinence,
and that's okay.
You don't say, "Well
I won't treat you."
There's a very big
spectrum of drinking,
and what you want to do
is prevent people
who are somewhere
in the beginning
parts or the middle
from progressing to the end.
If you don't think someone
can moderate their use,
you shouldn't say to them, "I can
teach you how to moderate your use."
You'd say, "The safest best
prescription is abstinence,
"but if you want to do
moderation management,
"it doesn't just mean
you try to moderate,
"there's a whole technique.
You monitor your drinking
and you report back."
The key is to get people
the right medication,
the right psychotherapy,
to individualize it,
and put all of the treatment
elements together.
There's three FDA-approved
pharmacotherapies for alcoholism:
Antabuse,
Acamprosate and Naltrexone.
Antabuse, if you drink
makes you sick,
and so it pairs drinking
with this aversive experience.
It helps people stay sober.
Acamprosate diminishes craving and
insomnia associated with alcoholism,
and it helps people
who are newly sober
from being detoxified
stay sober.
Naltrexone can help people go
from heavy,
problematic drinking
to more moderate,
contained drinking.
But they're only prescribed less
than half a percentage of the time
for the people that
have alcoholism in America.
You know, recovery
isn't someone
gets sober and stays
sober forever.
That's pretty rare.
The majority of people
will have relapses and slips,
and rather than see that
as a failure,
it's usually the path
towards recovery...
That slips and relapses can
be learning opportunities.
The other mistake
made in treatment
is when the treatment is given,
it's given
in short-term bursts...
You know, a week of detox,
a one-month rehab.
You'd never treat
diabetes like that.
You'd never take a diabetic
and give them three days
or a month of treatment
and assume that they're okay.
This is like any other
chronic medical illness.
It requires
a long-term solution.
The main problems
for both men and women
develop in the 30s and 40s.
And that group of individuals,
it's key to do
something earlier on
and to use all the tools
that can help
shift someone to using less
or towards abstinence.
I'm Rhonda.
Cheers.
I write a blog called
"Mom who drinks and cusses"
because, well, that's
who I am, at least partly.
The Mom who Drinks
and Cusses blog,
I think it was my lifeline
to the outside world.
I would talk in my blog about
how this is like One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest up in here.
I got food flying
around my head,
and screaming, and I haven't
showered at five o'clock.
And finally when
the husband comes home,
you get take a shower,
and maybe you can get to sit on
your bed and drink a glass of wine.
I've definitely used it
as a coping mechanism.
I know millions
of women do it.
Only a small percentage
of us admit it.
We all want to have
control of ourselves.
And I know my girlfriends,
after they have too much,
the next day they are like, "Okay
I'm not drinking for a whole week."
You know.
I think it probably took me
a couple decades
to figure out
my personal limit.
I do not want
to become an alcoholic,
so I will do whatever
I have to do to not get there.
Through the blog, I found other
moms who like to drink too,
and I was glad to know that I
wasn't the only one out there.
So we just started doing
a happy hour every Thursday.
It's like a therapy session.
That is really good.
It is good.
Thanks, Jessie.
Cheers.
I don't know what I would do
without my girlfriends now.
We need each other.
We get together
and we drink wine,
and I can't see it
being any other way,
I mean, I can't see us getting
together and playing bingo.
My girlfriends and I
have a good time.
But what do you do
when one of your friends
seems like
they're losing control?
And how do you know when
things have gone too far?
There it is.
I'm eating my salad
like it's spaghetti.
Oh, is there more wine in
that bottle? This is so good.
Yes. I am so in for that.
It's gonna be so good.
But it's a different wine.
Than the one
I have in my glass?
I think so, yeah.
What does it mean?
I'm being honest...
There.
Hold on...
I typically don't eat because
it messes up my buzz.
See, that's... yeah.
That's why my friends are always
going "Noel, you need to eat."
"Noel, you need to eat."
Right.
Noel is a sweet,
good-hearted person.
I don't think she is drinking
too much when she is drinking.
It kind of just
all of a sudden happens.
I drink because I enjoy cooking
and drinking wine while I cook.
To have a glass of wine
while you're cooking, to me...
Oh, my God.
...it's just relaxing.
I think you guys just
came up with this idea
that you guys, "Oh, I'm gonna
pretend that I like food",
"because that
is a great excuse."
Like, I'm like, "Fuck that,
I'm a single mom."
I am a ravioli
in a can, in a bowl,
and I just drink.
Because I don't have anybody
I have to impress.
I think it's enjoying life... I
do have kids I have to feed.
...versus making it
through life.
And we enjoy...
We enjoy life.
She makes it through life.
No, I'm kidding.
You are right.
Okay, so...
yesterday I knew
that Olivia was graduating
from fifth grade
and there was gonna be a thing.
And then my ex
is sending me text messages
about if our daughter
doesn't wear a dress,
she's gonna lose 25 percent
points off of her grade
or whatever. And he
was like, Oh, my God.
"You know what?" He goes,
"I think my girlfriend...
"I think my 25-year-old girlfriend
has a dress she can wear."
And that's where it all
fucking goes downhill,
because it's kind of like
I have the one glass,
and I know this
isn't gonna be great,
and then I think,
"Oh well, I'll just have... ".
And then I had a third glass,
and then I had another glass,
and then I had
a bottle or whatever.
But you were
apprehensive about it,
you were nervous
and insecure about it,
and this was an excuse.
Yeah, and that's what happens.
And I said,
"You know what?"
I said, "I'm not gonna
make Olivia's graduation",
"Could you cover for me?"
I texted him.
I was like, "I can't
see you there with her",
"and know that
I'm going to this school
"where I have no friends."
I had nobody to go with.
I'll just get
shitfaced or something.
Subconsciously.
Kind of.
I suck.
Who misses their fucking
daughter's graduation?
An asshole.
It's fifth grade. I mean,
who graduates from fifth grade?
Yeah, they have a graduation
for every year now.
Who graduates
from fifth grade?
They graduate from preschool,
they graduate from kindergarten,
they grad... I mean...
It's ridiculous.
I just hate it.
I'm just not gonna tell
a grown woman what to do,
so whatever her decisions are,
I respect her autonomy.
Sometimes she tries to keep
her drinking in check,
and sometimes she is
just like, "You know what?
No holds barred."
No, I think what I got tired of
as far as parenting
is like kind of having
that question like,
"Did I feed you
dinner last night?"
And not really know it.
Or like getting tired
of my kids saying,
"Mom, we've told you that,"
and like, just hating...
That's why I'm not
saying it's a problem,
but I definitely feel like
there's times when
you need to check yourself,
and that is
one of them for me.
Remember at the beginning of
the year, I went 10 whole days.
I went four months.
Do you feel like since you...
since you did that and then
you've gone back to it
that you have that,
been better check?
I feel like
I failed at that.
I failed.
And so now,
I just give myself permission.
I'm like what the hell,
might as well drink at 11:00.
Parenting is tough.
I just feel for you.
Like, you need support groups
for that, you know?
We're the support group.
Exactly.
That's right.
Cheers to everything...
Cheers to everything.
Shut up!
Wine to me means escape.
I know without alcohol
who I want to be.
I want to be Oprah.
I want to be Maya Angelou.
I want to be...
I want to be amazing.
I want to be a rock star.
And when I drink,
I'm not that awesome.
And I don't remember.
I can't keep track
of the girls' schedules
and I can't keep...
And I just...
And I'm stuck.
But, I mean, honestly,
I don't care what Ron...
Whatever Ron is doing.
Noel is stuck.
And she has, um...
She's afraid of everything.
I've asked my dad,
like, um...
my adoptive father, like...
like, "Don't you want me
to have my own gun?
'Cause I live alone
and I have two girls,"
and he was like...
And my dad... and my
adoptive father, he's like,
"I'd be afraid you'd
use it on yourself."
And it's the smartest thing
he's ever done.
Noel, where's this going?
I missed my daughter's
graduation last night.
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't miss it. I mean...
I don't know.
I don't know.
- When I woke up this morning,
- I was hungover.
Like I took 800 milligrams
of ibuprofen.
A couple of times.
What do I do
the next day?
Damage control.
I go back and apologize,
and I'll delete texts.
I'll just delete it.
That didn't happen.
I just feel full of shame
or... or embarrassment.
I reach a point
where I don't remember.
I want to say I blackout.
I don't like that word.
You would think
I would stop.
Olivia, do you know of anything
we need from the grocery store?
Other than everything.
What about,
um, snacks, school snacks?
Do you think we need more...
Or, not more, but like,
something else?
Probably.
Um, we need
another dinner idea.
How about soup?
How about kale and...
Beans.
White bean soup.
Okay.
Okay.
Sounds healthy.
All right.
I can always go back
to the store.
But yeah.
Okay.
You go to your dad's
tomorrow anyway, so.
Drinking impacts
my relationship with my kids.
Okay...
One, two, three!
I went higher.
Awesome.
I want to be able to moderate.
I want to be able to function.
I don't feel like I'm doing
a very, um, good job
at functioning right now.
I don't think I want
to be completely sober.
Like, I just... I don't...
And it's frustrating.
Because I fall back.
I'll see you in a
little bit. Bye, guys.
I'm noticing now that
I just start drinking earlier.
It's a chart...
That our house is...
an example of my mind.
Like, it...
Like, okay.
Okay. Eyeliner.
Over the last three months,
I feel like I've lost the drive
to want to quit drinking.
Like the motivation to quit.
I know that there are
tool things out there.
I don't do any of it.
I stay in this negative...
I... And I just...
I'm here because
of Olivia and Eva.
But when I look
to the future,
there's nothing.
I wanted to be
a role model for my girls
instead of them
parenting me.
Sometimes that's
what it feels like.
The message to my girls
is that I'm not a drunk
and that I do have
good qualities.
I just want them
to see me go to work.
I... don't want them
to see me lay in bed.
I do think over the summer.
Noel's drinking
maybe progressed.
I think maybe
she's kind of just...
you know, putt no limits
on herself and...
hasn't tried to moderate.
Like if you...
I don't know.
Last year,
it was kind of like,
"I'm gonna have two glasses
of pinot grigio
and that's what
I'm gonna do."
And then sometimes
she would succeed.
But now she doesn't
really try to do that.
We know that she's depressed
the next day or whatever it is
and we just kind of... we maybe
sit on her porch and talk to her.
But you know what?
It doesn't really
make anything happen.
I mean, you can only do
that for so long.
So, I think we've all
been just sitting around
hoping it would go away.
And I feel like that
was kind of negligent.
When are we going
to Napa Valley, peeps?
Let's just do this.
This is awesome.
My husband told me
I'm not... can't go anywhere.
Because of the layoff we're not
allowed to go anywhere.
Is that what that little hole
is for in the bottom of the...
That was sexy.
Okay, so Noel
and I talked today.
Um, she's decided
to so somethin'
really kind of exciting,
I think.
What?
What are you gonna do?
Have a sex change.
Shut up. You would
look gorgeous, darling.
And you guys
will still accept me.
Okay, anyway,
okay, no, not really.
I beat myself up
about drinking.
I like, I... I like
my, um, alcohol.
As do we.
Rhonda has found somebody
to help me with moderation.
I want to be able to drink.
I want to be able to go
Okay. Oh!
And have a couple of... Okay,
so it's not an all or nothing thing.
No, not at all. That's why it's
called moderation management.
It's not an all or none.
It's... it's a...
different theory. Okay.
Was that what you would call
it? We're not letting you talk, like...
I didn't know it existed
until I kind of came across it.
I didn't know it existed
and I'm like...
that's what I...
if and when I got
to that point,
that's what I would want.
I mean, because.
Okay. As we all know, I
don't want to stop drinking.
And if there...
I mean, maybe it'll work.
- But it's worth a shot.
- I have... I...
My attitude is that
it absolutely will work.
- Like, I just, I want it to.
- Yay! That's awesome.
I really do.
I'm happy for you.
Well, and I think
the biggest thing is that
you're excited about it.
Yeah!
- I have always loved.
- Noel no matter what.
I'm always concerned
about driving cars.
Um, I'm concerned
about her laying in bed
and being depressed all day.
Alcohol does not help that.
So, maybe if she gets
this in check,
that other stuff
can be worked out.
And of course, I'd love to
be able to go sit on her porch
and still have
a glass of wine.
Go to a restaurant
and not worry
how is she gonna get home,
you know, is anything
bad gonna happen?
We may or may not
stay really close friends.
I don't know, but, um...
As long as she's okay,
that's fine.
This was a good night.
- Mature or not.
- Get your glass up.
Put your glass up.
Noel and I don't want
to stop drinking.
We just want
to keep eating dessert.
Sometimes, people do ask me
when a woman should start
to become concerned
about her drinking.
I like to say that it's when
alcohol becomes her friend,
the thing that she turns to
to relieve her stress,
to numb her pain.
Because when alcohol
becomes a friend,
it's firmly on the path
to becoming a partner,
and as a partner,
it's poisonous.
In the evolution
of problem drinking,
there's a progression
from liking alcohol
to wanting it, craving it,
to needing it.
When you start to use it
to cope with stress
and to feel better
about your problems,
it may develop into a habit.
Then we're on
that slippery slope
where we could
go on to develop
an alcohol
use disorder.
You find yourself in
this sort of vicious loop
where depression and anxiety
are making the drinking worse,
the drinking is increasing
the depression and anxiety.
In a blackout,
alcohol disrupts
normal neurotransmission
so that we lose awareness
of what's going on in
our physical environment
and don't remember
what happened to us
during that particular time.
And of course that places us
at very high risk
for so many
unwanted consequences.
It's very difficult
to know exactly
how much you're drinking
when you're out in public.
A single serving of alcohol
is 12 ounces of beer,
or five ounces of wine
or one and a half
ounces of liquor.
But a server may
bring you a drink
that actually contains
the alcohol equivalent
of two or three drinks.
So you think that
you've had one drink
when in fact
you've consumed three,
and over an evening of drinking
that can really add up.
The timing of
intervention does matter.
If we wait until later
in the course of the disease,
it's harder to stop drinking.
The longer you're drinking,
the greater the likelihood
that you're going to experience
withdrawal symptoms
and that those withdrawal
symptoms are going to be severe.
It's all about a drink.
Brother...
it's...
it's all about one drink.
It's a horrible addiction.
And...
it doesn't go away.
Ah, shit.
I'm going to die.
I grew up in a nice,
upper-middle class family.
My mother didn't have to work.
My dad made,
uh, good money.
He worked for the government.
Had a good retirement.
I was a Boy Scout,
Cub Scout
uh, safety patrol.
You know, all the regular
things. Went to college.
I was 35 when my son was born,
39 when my daughter was born.
I have a good relationship
with my wife.
I want people to think
I'm a nice person
and, you know,
I just have this problem
and I'm not afraid
to admit it.
I started drinking
probably when I was 14.
I've gone through treatment,
I've gone to meetings.
It is so hard to beat.
I'm working a part-time job
at a grocery store.
That's all
I've been able to get.
I... I just have to...
I have to drink.
And so, I come out
to the car and drink.
See the shaking?
The drinking pretty much
has to do now with DTEs.
And now if I don't drink...
I'll start shaking.
For a long time, I thought
it was some kind of palsy.
But no, it's from drinking.
And I can't, see,
I can't keep it still
unless I drink.
It's not just shaking.
It's sweating,
and, uh, cramps,
hurtin'.
It's a nightmare.
And I... I call it
Groundhog Day
because it's the same
thing every day.
It's awful.
I had my own business.
I was making about
$130,000 a year.
And then the down-turn,
people left.
Um, I mean customers left.
Then I went off the deep end.
I just started
drinking really hard.
And... and I was
playing in a band
for nine years.
I'm actually a great
guitar player
and they kicked me out
for drinking.
It's the worst of the worst.
Know it's... it's very painful
to everybody,
my family.
My wife, my kids.
I'm going to the hospital
to detox
so I can get through
this nightmare.
I just can't live
like this anymore.
My wife Kathy's stuck by me
through all of it.
'Cause that's the caliber
of woman she is.
Come on. We don't want to...
Don't want to lose your job.
Uh, I might have
to fall out of the car.
Put some toothpaste
in your mouth and let's go.
You still got some
toothpaste in your pocket?
Think so.
Let's go in
and finish this gig up,
and then we'll go home and
get ready to go to the hospital.
Let's just close it up
and then we go.
I'm dying.
I feel like absolute shit.
Hopefully, this is my last one.
I met him at church
and we started
seeing each other
and I mean, we just clicked
just right away.
We just...
I mean, like that night.
Just, you know, boom.
He's just funny.
He has a deadpan face,
but, you know,
but he's pretty funny.
Um, we've been married
not quite five years.
You know, knew each other
a few years before that.
We got married at the church
and Neal's two children
were in the wedding.
He was a great father.
He used to take a blow dryer
and blow dry
the kids' sheets
so they would be warm
when they got in the bed.
He told me that all
he ever wanted to do
was to be married...
...was to be married
and have children.
And that's all
he's ever wanted to do.
That's why it's so difficult
to go through this.
It makes you wonder,
you know, why is he drinking
and why is he doing this
when he has had
a great life
and he can continue
to have a great life?
'Cause he has people
that love him and need him
and need him
to be sober.
I think back, you know, to the
person that I fell in love with,
and...
...I want
that man back so badly,
so badly.
That's it.
Last hoorah.
- You ready?
- Let's go.
We'll get you
taken care of, okay?
I'll just work through it
and it'll slowly go away.
Once the shaking
and all that goes away,
that... that's when
they'll call it detoxed.
Did they tell you what your
blood alcohol level was? No.
0.32.
You were here
back in 2013
and then again in 2012.
Do you remember
any of those admissions?
The fact that you have
withdrawal symptoms,
where you're still
with alcohol in your system,
it's only gonna get worse.
As the alcohol starts
leaving your system. Right.
And it starts off
with shakes.
Your blood pressure goes up,
your heart rate goes up.
Can start seeing things,
having hallucinations,
and then it can progress
where you have
respiratory collapse
and you can die. I've
had a patient die from it.
From DTs.
Oh, we can ease you
through this right now.
If I have any other questions,
I'll come back.
I know where to find you.
All right, dear.
All right. Thanks a lot.
See you later.
My concern
with this patient is...
we can get him through
this dangerous time
with the alcohol withdrawal.
But he's got
a larger problem at hand,
that detox is not curing
his alcoholism.
He's in a great deal
of denial
about how bad
his problem is
and how much control
over his life
the beer and the booze
have taken.
I've seen patients
who have had alcoholic
and alcohol-induced dementia
who have completely
cooked their livers
and their nervous system
where they can't walk anymore
or they need transplantation
but their alcoholism
prevents it.
He's at a point where he needs
to make a decision,
or it's going to be made
for him.
If he doesn't get help,
he'll die.
Joshua?
Are you getting ready
to go to the zoo?
What?
You getting ready
to go to the zoo?
All right, let's go.
I feel good.
Um, I mean, I'm just glad
that I'm pretty much
100% all the time.
Doing all right?
Can you see the giraffe
and the monkey?
See?
I feel like I could handle the
things I thought I could handle
back in my 20s and 30s.
Managing people
and being able
to focus on work
and finish problems
and everything.
Not just get 'em
out of the way
so I can go have a drink.
Here. Now go
throw 'em in, buddy.
Good one.
I mean, the downtime is bad,
but I can always go
get Joshua.
We'll go to the park,
we'll go do something.
Joshua, there's seals over here.
You wanna see?
I feel like I'm getting
a second chance,
uh, especially with Joshua.
There it is!
There he is.
There he is.
That's a big one.
It's just like reliving the best
parts of my life with my son.
See how small
it looks coming up?
Oh. You fell in the water.
And one thing I did learn
from some
of the different things
that I went to, you know,
sessions and things like that
is when you want to drink,
visualizing what you're missing.
Like take my daughter
to see something,
you know, that she'd
like to go see
and not go in there
and just wanting to see
how many beers
I can sneak off and buy.
If I feel really great
and jacked up,
that's when I feel
like having a drink.
When I slip,
I can't really remember
exactly what went
through my mind.
All of a sudden,
I'm drinking, you know?
It's just like a, you know,
a magnet pulls you there.
Gonna swallow it.
What happened is,
I could not stop drinking.
It's a chronic disease...
and...
I don't know
how to beat it.
I'm going
to a treatment center.
Maybe this'll be
my last sip.
I'm gonna go back again and...
And try to live
a regular life.
I can tell he's really...
he's really upset this time
'cause he's afraid
he's not gonna have, uh...
me to come back to.
'Cause he knows I've been
through the mill with him and...
he's gonna have
to concentrate on himself.
He's gonna have to...
do what it takes
to stay sober.
I just can't keep doing this.
Can't.
Hey.
Say, what did Joshua say?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think he said...
We've got to get out of here.
Come on, get up.
Of anything I say...
my four-year-old son is saying.
What are...
Grandson.
My grandson.
It's gonna be a rough ride
to the airport.
Seriously.
Don't fall down.
Sit, sit, sit.
With him drinking vodka
day in and day out,
it makes his muscles weak
where he cannot lift
himself up off the ground.
I mean, he falls...
He's fallen down
so many times.
I mean, just from this weekend,
he's fell down three times
and his son had to pick him up
off the floor.
I have to clean up after him
like a baby. He's so drunk.
I feed him 'cause I know
he needs to eat.
He'll even through up
right after he eats.
I mean, it's just awful.
Hang on, we got...
You're gonna hold me, right?
Okay.
All right.
I'll have to grab something.
Just stand in front of me.
You know how
you have to hold me
up slowly.
You're too tall.
This is the next thing.
He's gonna go back
to 35-day rehab
and he's gonna go
to a halfway house
and if this doesn't do the
trick for him, nothing will.
And I... this is my last
hope right here
and I will have to give up.
A person who's reached the
stage of physical dependence
has overwhelmed their
brain's emotional systems.
So the reason they can't stop
is because they can't stop.
It's the only relief they get
from the terrors that are
unleashed by not drinking.
So one of the most important
things about excessive drinking
is that it changes your brain,
and that's the basis for
all the other problems.
The first change is
that you lose reward function
in your brain,
so your reward transmitters
are just not working right.
And as you keep drinking,
you gain activity in your
brain's stress systems.
But an even more insidious
part of this picture,
is that you lose the ability
of your frontal cortex
to work properly.
Now your frontal cortex is
the part of your brain
that makes you who you are,
it's the part of our brain
that we use to make decisions,
choices, delay reinforcement.
If you're losing that
part of your brain,
then you have no brake
on impulsive behavior
and stress-like responding.
And that promotes
this vicious cycle
where you end up drinking
to fix the problem
that the drinking caused.
These are changes that are
very, very difficult to reverse.
The brain does not
grow back new neurons,
but there is a way that
the brain can
strengthen other pathways
that are already there.
But it takes a long time,
takes a major effort,
and it takes
complete abstinence.
So what exactly does
recovery look like
in a person with a severe
alcohol use disorder?
Well, for the most part,
it looks like a major effort
to restructure your life
without alcohol.
How to do that?
Well, there are multiple ways
and many people use
all of the multiple ways.
You can join
Alcoholics Anonymous,
you can join a support group
that doesn't involve
Alcoholics Anonymous.
You can go to a counselor
and receive cognitive
behavioral therapy,
which helps you
deal with stressors
and builds resilience
for situations
that are going
to tempt you to drink.
There are some medications
that'll help you along the way.
The real issue is that
your whole life has to change.
So, an individual
like this will probably
have to be supervised
for a long time to come
by some family member,
or loved one, or some group
because alcohol
is killing them.