Road to Rio (1947) Movie Script

Where are we heading for?
Wide open spaces
where men are men.
And the women?
No women!
That's how we got into this thing.
Head south, boy!
It's going to be a cold winter.
What do you say we book
our act around here?
Good idea. No girls anywhere
as pretty as the girls in Oklahoma.
Pa! Pa!
But he sung so pretty.
I'll get him if it's
the last thing I do.
What did he tell you
his name was?
Frank Sinatra.
Hey, Scat? How about playing
some dates in Texas?
Now you're talking. No girls anywhere
as pretty as the girls in Texas.
I reckon
we lost them, Buck.
Yeah, but they're going to be
mighty easy to track down.
One of them told my little
sister his name was Gene Autry.
No girls anywhere
pretty as the girls...
No, you don't! We're going to stay
right here and get ourselves a job.
I know: " Don't phone us,
we'll phone you."
Don't race your motor, I booked a date
for us. We're going to be eating again.
Good news for the mice. No we
can quit stealing their cheese.
I'm so hungry,
my pucker won't puck.
My waistline was practically
back to normal.
Which one?
Where we playing?
Johnson's Mammoth Carnival.
Oh, the seals couldn't make it, huh?
What a setup! We sing, we dance, we
recite, and then you do your specialty.
Oh, I'll blow them
out of the joint.
Well, this is a little different.
This is a novelty act.
What kind of novelty?
All you have to do
is ride a bicycle.
What kind of bicycle?
Oh, a regulation bicycle.
Standard equipment. Oxyacetylene
lamp, a new departure coaster breaker.
Do I ride it fast?
The slower the better.
No hands, huh?
That's entirely up to you.
Well, pack up your bugle.
Let's fly from this fleabag.
Lucky our laundry came back.
This time I'll take the money so some
gal won't tear it out of you with tears.
No more. Heart of stone,
that's me! Come along!
What is this?
Don't want to wake up the
desk clerk. Come along.
"We're full of glee My buddy and
me We're happy all day through"
"You'll always see us Laughing ha!
like little boys We're so full of joys"
"But that's why we say to you"
"We're on our way"
"To Apalachicola Bay"
Tell me, where's Apalachicola?
Clever town, down south.
Down south? What are we
wearing this long underwear for?
Because we're quite a target.
"Magnolia trees and possum
And a pretty southern gal"
"It's better than the orange groves
In Cucamonga, Cal"
"We're going to stay
Along the Apalachicola Bay"
"We may stop in Old Cliff Corner
For some ham and grits"
"Or pass through Tallahassee
If the weather permits"
"We're on our way"
"To Apalachicola, F-L-A"
"Way down upon the Swanee"
"The Swanee River"
Oh, that old Swanee!
I can't wait to get down there.
See my little old mammy with that
load of cotton coming up the road.
And there's my sweet old pappy.
He's always got a load.
Oh, and that Confederate moonlight
shines down and makes
those stills look so swanky.
And that Thanksgiving dinner, humph.
When they barbecue a Yankee.
"Carry me back"
"To old Virginny"
Virginny. Ow!
The path to the schoolhouse
down which I would wind
with my little bitty old ball weevil
trudging behind.
Come along, Ball. Come on.
My pa bet on horses
that always ran fourth,
so Ma rented cabins
to the folks from up north.
Apalachicola, I hear you calling!
"I'm on my way"
"Well, let's go!"
"We're on our way to..."
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
More? We're killing them.
Shall I tap them with an encore?
No. It's time now for the
topper, your novelty act.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, you fools!
Hmm, thank you, you doll.
Don't leave the grounds.
Here, here. Get dressed!
Warm them up.
Oh, Mr. Johnson!
Our contractual
obligation, hmm?
I hope your partner does
better than the Great Sandar.
He'll be in the hospital
for at least six months.
Yes, well, don't you worry
about Barton the Magnificent.
He'll give you a good show
if it kills him.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
You made a good deal,
Mr. Johnson.
Does Notre Dame
know about this boy?
A little insurance. He'll see that
your partner doesn't get cold feet.
Too late!
Shall we, then?
What a build.
You think Superman will sue?
Just as I thought, falsies.
Falsies? You kidding?
That's real flab.
What's this for?
I'm going to play a fast chorus of
"Dinah" while I'm riding the bike...
Oh, no.
Just whistle it, kid.
My bread!
itll be all right, don't worry.
Come along. Here we go! Hup!
Up here?
Yes, sir! Hey!
Hey, wait a minute! Where am
I going? Why am I climbing?
Your bicycle's up there.
You want me
to ride that thing?
Up there in the stratosphere?
Who do you think I am? Mr. Jordan?
Up that ladder!
How did Mount Baldy
get into this?
Up that ladder!
Get yourself an eagle,
brother! Wait a minute!
What is this? What kind
of...? Wait a minute, please!
I can't stand altitude.
I get dizzy spells.
Wait a minute! Not too
high, my nose will bleed!
Wait! I may hatch this, you know!
Take it easy. We're getting
200 bucks for this. See?
Well, let me hold it. If anything
goes wrong, at least I won't die poor!
You can trust me, boy.
I'll take care of your dough.
You'll take care of it, all right,
until some dame comes along.
All they have to do is
tell you the sad story of
their life and you want to
give it a happy ending!
Steady now,
I'm getting ice on my ears!
Don't push, we're here.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I have to go down,
I forgot my rosin.
Your attention, please!
Barton the Magnificent will
now perform a sensational...
- an aerial feat:
The Ride Through Space!
What's your problem, honey?
I'm in trouble.
Big trouble.
Oh, there, there.
Well, just tell old Scat all about it.
Please! I'd like to talk it over a second.
Just one second! Please!
nerves of steel!
Introducing Barton the Magnificent,
substituting for Sandar,
who, unfortunately broke his leg
this afternoon.
Just a sec! I'm not getting enough money!
Whoa! Whoa!
Please! Please!
Wait! Wait a minute! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
I did it! I did it!
Oh, no, you don't!
Just one show!
Oh, no!
Please, it's windy out there!
Please! Don't!
Where'd you go?
Aaargh! Oh, please!
Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help!
You know, this picture
could end right here.
Scat! Do something, you burglar!
Lay your coat down! Help!
Hang on, pal.
Old Scat will take care of you.
Hey! Don't let that wagon
get away from you, now! Giddap!
Atta boy!
See you at the Derby.
You'll be glue if you talk to him.
"Queen of Brazil."
No girls anywhere as pretty
as the girls in Brazil.
Don't beat their heads in
till I get my money back.
You can break his legs, but don't
tear the tights, they belong to me.
Come on, let's find him.
Watch your step, folks.
Step carefully, please.
Watch your step!
Snap it up!
This is a Texas steer.
He's still kicking a little.
Hey, where are you going?
Put it on the block!
That's it, matey. Close her up!
Don't go away.
I'll be right back.
Hot Lips?
Hot Lips?
Let me hear from you!
Hot Lips? Psst!
Well, I'm getting warm.
That's ham.
Hot Lips!
Huh? Huh?
Quiet, quiet. You sound like a typewriter.
How do you feel?
Like a popsicle.
Where are we?
I'll get you a spot of tea.
Come on.
What I need is a blowtorch.
You look like an ad for
Kool Cigarettes. Come on.
So long, fellas.
Where are we? What happened? Who was it?
Hurry. This is bad
for my throat.
Oh, oh.
Come on, I'm getting cold.
What happens now?
Everything's all fixed, penguin.
Wait till you see the cosy little hideaway
I found for us. A lifeboat built for two.
All I want to do is curl up
in a nice warm stove.
Hey, in here!
Come in!
Your suits, gentlemen.
But just a minute.
Where are
the other two?
Why, I really don't know,
sir. I had them when I left.
Would you please try
to find those suits?
We'll be terribly
inconvenienced without them.
You wouldn't want us
to be inconvenienced.
Those suits
were tailor-made.
We're very fond
of them.
We'd better
get them back...
That'll be all, thank you.
I'll tell you when
to get tough with people.
You're working for me, Harry,
and I've too much at stake to have
it spoiled by your hoodlum tactics.
Is that clear?
Right, Mrs. Vail.
Come with me.
I can't find Lucia.
Right, now we can see.
Yeah, I've seen enough of you.
Here, give me that.
Burn that man's suit.
I'd like to defrost my goose
pimples, if you don't mind.
Isn't this great? We got the housing
shortage beat. We got our own lifeboat.
If the boat sinks,
we're sitting pretty.
We got the jump on
the women and children.
You couldn't get me a trap like
this nearer the boiler room?
I don't want you down there.
I like heat!
I'd like to hear
from my blood again.
I want you up on deck where it's healthy,
where you can breathe that good, deep salt air
You're salty enough for me,
getting me in these nooks.
Because you give my money to those dames!
May I give you one small piece
of chitchat for your files?
If the most beautiful
woman in the world walked
by, know what I'd do?
Give her the full fuller.
I'd give her the brush.
Do you hear that?
What's that?
Come on.
Who's there?
It's just a dame.
She's crying. Maybe I can help her.
Don't bother. She's old
enough to blow her own nose.
Wait a minute.
You gave me your word of honor, your
scout's oath and you crossed your heart.
That's a tough
parlay to buck.
But those are real tears.
This dame's different.
Here, now, here!
No, let me go!
Here! Here, now!
You don't want to do that. That
water's pretty cold out there.
Hey, let's get back. You
want to get caught? Come on!
I said, let me go!
Let her go. Maybe she
wants to rinse a few things.
You're loaded, you've got
everything to live for.
Yeah, she's loaded, but remember
Oklahoma, Texas, New Orleans?
I'll help you jump.
Now come here!
Get back in the nook,
schnook. Go on! Hey, whoa!
Wait a minute, I just thought of something.
If you jump, you'll get us into trouble.
We got all
we can handle now.
I'm sorry.
I'll go back to my cabin.
Go back to your cabin and shoot
yourself. That way, nobody will get hurt.
Make it very quiet. A little
killing... Take it easy.
Who are those men
with Lucia?
I don't know. But there's
something familiar about them.
There should be.
They're wearing our suits.
You'll thank me later
for interfering.
I can thank you now, Mr...?
Sweeney. Scat Sweeney.
My name is
Lucia Maria de Andrade.
And I'm Hot Lips Barton. Okay,
introduction's over. Let's spread out.
Wait a minute.
Wait, don't push me, pappy.
This kid's in a lot of trouble.
We got to take things easy.
Will you give her the brush?
Scout's honor.
Okay. So long, kid.
And don't tell him any sad
stories, because we're cleaned out.
Haven't got to eat.
Stowaways, third class.
Why do you want to take that long, wet
leap? A gorgeous gal like yourself?
I don't know.
I'm worried and confused.
I just don't know.
Couldn't a man, could it?
Yes, I suppose so.
Oh, I get it.
All men are rats...
No, it isn't that at all.
I love Sherman.
He's going to meet me in Rio.
We'll be married. We'll be
happy, we'll be very happy.
Wait, wait.
Who's Sherman?
He's my Aunt Catherine's brother.
Your uncle?
He... You see, she's not really
my aunt. She's my guardian.
Well, does she know about...?
Oh, no!
If she ever found out what I tried
to do tonight, she'd be heartbroken.
She's a wonderful woman.
Well, now we're both confused.
You're not in love with this fella.
You couldn't be.
Girls don't go around cutting
themselves in with the porpoises
when they're going to marry the fella they
love. That doesn't make any sense at all.
No. Nothing
makes sense lately.
Every time I make up my mind
to do something, I change it,
just as though I had
no will of my own.
There are hours, days even, when I
just don't remember what's happened.
I know what you're thinking, Mr.
Sweeney, and maybe you're right.
Wait a minute. Don't you
tell me what I'm thinking.
You're just as normal as I am,
if that's any consolation to you.
But you got to pull
yourself together, honey.
Free movies!
Isn't this pleasant?
Outdoors and everything.
Do you mind sitting
here on the balcony?
I wonder what
we're running tonight.
Say, look, honey.
Hey, psst!
You're going through a tough time
and you're letting it get you.
That's no way
to handle trouble.
Look at Max and Gertrude
up there on the screen.
Her lease is up, he's got a big
hangover and her feet are killing her,
but there they are up there,
floating through the air
as if they didn't have
a care in the world.
How do you know all this?
Watch the next shot.
Why, Mr. Sweeney,
that's you and your friend.
That's right.
We stopped off in Hollywood
for a few days,
and stole a couple of dollars
doing extra work.
Old Hot Lips, he's really
hamming it up, isn't he?
But getting back
to Max and Gertrude,
you'd think he was madly
in love with her, wouldn't you?
Now, I'll tell you something, the
boy has a redhead in Jersey City.
Mad about her.
You'd think she was in
love with him. She's not.
Watch this.
He thinks she's in love
with him. Watch this here.
Loves to show his teeth. You can't blame
him, though. They cost him a pretty penny.
You see?
No use worrying.
"Love is funny"
"Or it's sad"
"Or it's quiet"
"Or it's mad"
"It's a good thing"
"Or it's bad"
"But beautiful"
To take a chance"
"And if you fall
You fall"
"And I'm thinking
I wouldn't mind at all"
"Love is tearful
Or it's gay"
"It's a problem
Or it's play"
"It's a heartache
Either way"
"But beautiful"
"And I'm thinking"
"If you were mine
I'd never let you go"
"And that would be"
"But beautiful I know"
Ah, you happy little Grable bait.
Come on in. What happened?
Did you brush her off?
Or do I have to learn how to
say "not guilty" in Portuguese?
This girl's in trouble, boy.
Big trouble, big! She's in a worse
jam than that girl in Bridgeport.
Bridgeport? You mean the
wife of that sword-swallower?
Chased us six blocks,
burping daggers all the way?
Don't go again,
please, please.
Are you asleep?
Listen closely, child.
You love Sherman.
I love Sherman.
Those two men you met tonight,
they're stowaways.
They're stowaways.
They should be reported.
They should be reported.
You hate them.
You loathe them.
You despise them.
I hate them.
I loathe them.
I despise them.
Sleep, child.
Yes! How do you...?
You like sugar on your ketchup?
Nice grab, a bottle of blood.
No toothpicks, even.
I'm going to eat a shoe.
Hey, don't snap your cap. Come
on, we'll get something solid.
Wait. I can't go out there in
this costume, they'll pick me up.
Which is a switch.
That's right.
Let us be inventive, egghead.
We take your leotard...
Steady now.
Open your coat.
Will it fit this high?
You'll be a smash on the deck.
You'll look like Lord Puffing well
out for his bracer in the morning.
That's jolly, isn't it?
There you are.
Oh, that's grand.
Put a bottle of tiger sweat in my
hand and I'm a man of distinction.
Will you join me in a bloater?
Lead, old boy. Thank you.
There you are, Mr. Stanton.
Anything else, sir?
That's all.
How do you do?
How are you?
Starting to kick up a bit.
Keep a stiff upper. It always gets
choppy through the Gulf Stream.
I clearly remember
the last trip.
I understand at that time the
ship did a complete somersault.
Oh, yes.
Lost my wife, you know?
Oh, lucky fellow! Lucky fellow!
Will you join me in a spot
of breakfast, maybe a waffle?
Shall we, then? That
titillates my gastric juices.
My stomach is drooling
too, you know.
Maple syrup, honey?
Nice thick maple syrup.
Yes, and maybe a piece of ham.
Nice thick greasy ham.
With a little bit of fatback.
And some banana cream pie.
Absolutely wizard!
That sounds like a breakfast
fit for a fat old king.
Waffles, maple syrup
and ham!
Maybe some onion soup.
And whipped cream.
Excuse me!
Tilt, old boy.
Dig in, pal.
Come on, come on.
What's the matter?
You shouldn't have
mentioned that onion soup.
You weak-stomached people!
I come from a long
line of seafaring...
Okay, boys.
Let's find them.
Seems to have calmed
down a bit, huh?
Not for me, it hasn't.
There's Lucia.
Hello, honey.
I see she brought a friend for you.
How are you
feeling today?
I hate you.
I loathe you.
I despise you.
You made a lot
of progress last night.
This is your old buddy Scat. Don't
you remember at the rail and the song?
Officer, I want to report
these men. They're stowaways.
You should've
played a record.
Oh, so you're the two guys. Come with me!
Wait a minute! The lapels!
Drop the material here.
Fly, fly, fly!
What happened?
Nothing important, child.
Let's have breakfast.
Shh! He's asleep.
Sit down, gentlemen.
You're next.
Thank you.
See anything of them?
No, sir.
Check the linen lockers?
Yes, sir. No luck.
I'll find those patty-cakers
if it's the last thing I do.
Steady, Ingrid.
Ha-ha! So sorry.
Just a small gash.
Shh! Shh!
Thank you.
What's that noise?
My moustache!
It's shorter now.
Why, you...!
You look better.
I'll do the cutting now!
Steady! Think it over!
I had a shave this morning!
Okay, wise guys!
Where have you been?
Well, how do you do?
Somebody need a shave?
We got to take care of the crew.
It baffles me. What kind of
a piece of business is this?
I save her life,
then she turns us in!
Can you figure out
why she hates me?
Why she hates you? No, that's
hard to figure why she hates you!
The governor
get our note?
Come on, the captain
wants to see you.
If it isn't Captain Bligh.
Coming, Mr. Christian.
Do you think he'll go for it?
I'll tell him we're both nuts.
He'll only believe you.
The captain will do the talking!
Say, captain, our presence...
We demand better treatment...
Oh! Stay away from us,
will you, sister?
Please, I want to help you.
Oh, she wants to help us!
You mad because
we're still breathing?
I think these belong to you.
Come to Daddy!
My old heater!
My little brass gold mine!
Now I can smoke up
and learn the truth.
Did they hurt you?
Say, "Ah."
Gentlemen, how would you like
to work your passage to Rio
as members of
the ship's orchestra?
Do you mean it?
Both of us?
Yes, both of you. Just report to the
leader. I've already spoken to him.
Thanks a lot!
Don't thank me. I leave you in
the custody of your benefactress.
Can't we be friends?
I'm really very grateful.
Grateful? What's the idea of turning us in?
I don't know
what came over me.
I found myself saying things and I
didn't know why I was saying them.
Why don't you just run for
Congress and let us alone, huh?
Now look! Lay off those
kisses. You know he's weak.
I just wanted
to show my gratitude.
Show me.
I can take it.
All right. This is for both of you.
I'll get him in
the next round... Oh!
You should've been
with me in that refrigerator.
Look, sister, you might as well face
it. My buddy's turned over a new leaf.
Tell her.
In a lifetime of
tears and laughter,
it's been my discovery that friendship
between two men is more important
than friendship between
a man and a woman.
Duller but more important.
Tell her you're
through with women.
And as far as you and I are concerned,
we don't even know each other.
Ladies and gentlemen,
as you know, we arrive in Rio shortly,
and the purser's asked me to announce if
you have any questions about disembarkation
he'd be glad to answer them for you if you
come to his office in the morning. Thank you.
"Hey, Mr. Sweeney?"
"We've a problem That is apt to spoil
the trip Because when we get off the ship"
"We know we'll never Understand
the language We won't be hip"
"Oh, now, Miss Andrews"
"After due deliberation Of your
problem All you do is move and wobble"
"Which in any language
Always means a miss"
"A kiss"
"And this?"
La Pontinia!
Hey, amigo? Now we know.
"Now they know"
"Yes, we know"
"Now they know"
"Yes, we know"
"Now they know"
"Supposing you need a vacation"
"Brazil is the place you should be"
"So you can't understand
What they're saying"
"Or you can't read
A sign that you see"
"But you don't have
To know the language"
"With the moon in the sky And a girl
in your arms And a look in her eye"
"You stop at the Copacabana"
"With Sugar Loaf Mountain in view"
"Though the words
On the menu mean nothing"
"You can't ask a soul
What to do"
"But you don't have
To know the language"
"With the moon in the sky And a girl
in your arms And a look in her eye"
That the good one?
No, this one.
"When she smiles your way"
"What more would you want
Anyone to say?"
"So you sigh, just sigh"
"You don't have to mention
That Yankee phrase, aye, aye"
"Perhaps when you end
Your vacation"
"You'll bring back a bit of Brazil"
"So you can't understand
What she's saying"
"You need an interpreter still"
"But you don't have
To know the language"
"With the moon in the sky And a girl
in your arms And a look in her eye"
"I know you don't have
To know the language"
"If you don't want to say goodbye"
"With the moon in the sky"
"And a girl in your arms"
"It's the look in her eye"
"You don't have to know
You don't have to know"
"The language isn't necessary
'Cause the meaning doesn't vary"
"If you've got the charm and taste
The language isn't necessary"
"When she smiles your way"
"What more would you want
Anyone to say?"
"So you sigh, just sigh"
"You don't have to mention
That Yankee phrase, aye, aye"
"Perhaps when you end
Your vacation"
"You'll bring back a bit of Brazil"
"So you can't understand
What she's saying"
"You need an interpreter still"
"But you don't even have
To know the language"
"With the moon in the sky And the girl
in your arms And a look in her eye"
"Aye, aye, aye, aye!"
"So you don't have
To know the language"
"If you don't want to say goodbye"
Some orchestra!
I still got three bars to go.
That's two under par for you.
Everybody's finished.
Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Going out for a little smoke.
Oh, no. You've been
telling me that every night
for the past week. This
time I'm going with you.
Make sure it's only
the pipe that smokes!
Just a minute, clumsy.
Pick up that stuff.
You heard what the man said.
Stoop if you can.
Come on.
What stuff?
This stuff.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
She'll be meeting him
in the same place.
See what they're up to.
Strange business. I don't get it.
Where's that radiogram you mentioned?
I've hidden it over here.
Let me see it.
It arrive today for Mrs. Vail.
I opened it.
"Rodrigues knows about the papers.
Immediate marriage necessary."
Signed "Sherman."
What papers?
I can't imagine.
Who's this Rodrigues?
He's the attorney
for my aunt's estate.
Looks to me like Sherman's
after your money.
Oh, no.
It couldn't be that.
My aunt Catherine has
supported me all of my life.
I still don't like her.
She gives me a creepy feeling.
You know, lately I seem
to get the same feeling.
Sometimes when she talks to
me, I get chills up my spine.
Honey, next time you get chilly,
I'm your man.
Lucia, mind if I come in?
How do you like that dish-faced
Don Juan? He's checking up on me.
Lucia? This is Hot Lips.
String him along a little bit.
We might need him, huh?
No, this is
the first place he looks.
Well, here I am.
Start bubbling.
Are you alone?
I certainly am alone.
Why do you ask?
I thought you might have
a date with bean belly.
Oh, no.
What makes you think that?
He's always looking
for a place to keep warm.
You don't think I could
get serious about him,
with a great big handsome hunk
of man like you around, do you?
Just call me Hunk.
All right, Hunk.
I must remember
what kind of soap I use.
Here, drop anchor and we'll
talk it over. Did I say "talk"?
Yes, we do have a lot...
I know there's not much time
for talking. I know how you feel.
Shall I kiss you now or do you
want me to tease you for a while?
Oh, but, Hot Lips...
I'm all lips.
Please, I...
I know how you feel.
You're warm and grateful,
What's the matter,
you crazy or something?
Please, I...
Who came in?
I'm sorry, I lost my head.
Yeah, that makes two of us.
I'm sorry. Please sit down.
You sold me, baby.
Come on, dear.
That's better.
Let's live a little.
Oh, naturally.
Oh, you have such
a nice smooth hand.
This one's even softer.
And this one's softer, too!
You have three
of the nicest...
Three hands? Three...? And
this one's got hair on it!
Aha! And it's got an ape
on the end of it!
Alone, huh?
Who's this, your father?
You were never better. Great try.
Goodbye, sister! And don't write!
Take it easy. Let me tell you...
That's all right. I'm not blaming you.
You couldn't help yourself. You're
just a weak spineless jellyfish.
You're so sweet.
I know what's cooking here.
This doll's making a play
for you so she can get to me!
But, Hot Lips...
It's not going to work.
You double-crossed your last
sucker. Let's blow this nest.
Uh-oh! Mrs. Vail.
The Black Widow.
The closet, come on!
Oh, there you are. The captain's
been asking for you, child.
I was just coming up.
Don't kick them.
They've had enough.
Thank you.
There's my brother.
Hello, darling!
I'll meet you at the gangplank!
Where's Lucia?
Find Lucia.
Yes, ma'am.
Scat, you do believe that I didn't know
those men were in the closet?
I believe you, but that
Hot Lips still thinks
he was framed. Let him
think that way, huh?
What are we doing? I thought
you were getting me off the boat.
Stand by. Genius.
Thinking all the time.
There you are, all to
yourself. Very intimate.
Scat, you're a genius.
Well, I admit it.
Get in there.
Take off that skimmer.
Can you handle it?
Oh, I think so.
In case you want to get a little
air, you can bore yourself an opening.
No dancing, please.
Sorry, honey.
Hey, what do you say...?
Oh, there you are!
Why did you want
to meet down here?
Big news. We signed a bull fiddle
player. We're going to meet him at the hotel.
That's... What do we want
with a bull fiddle player?
My mind is working all the
time, wheels are turning.
Tell me more, Orson.
When we get off the boat, we'll get a
band for you, like you always wanted.
Isn't that wonderful?
Are you happy?
Let me see how you look when
you're happy. Not that happy!
I talk the language, I'll make
the contacts. We can't miss.
You're getting on the ball! For a minute,
I thought you were down here with Lucia.
No! That doll is
cooked for me, boy.
Feels like the bull
is already in here.
Hey! Why do we have
to carry this thing?
It's a union rule down here. The bull fiddle
player never carries his own instrument.
They got their own union?
Yes. Take some.
Here we go.
Push a little. This is no ricksha!
Left rudder!
I can't understand you leaving
Lucia without even saying goodbye.
I'm through with that chick. I told
you downstairs, don't you believe me?
Can you breathe all right?
Sure I can breathe.
It won't be long.
Easy there, butterfingers, easy!
You waiting
for your broom?
I'll listen for you
on "Inner Sanctum."
What about Rodrigues?
Nothing yet.
As long as he doesn't get to Lucia
before the wedding, we're safe.
The papers.
Put them away.
Where's the girl?
She's not on the boat.
What do you mean?
She's not on the boat.
She must've gotten off
with those two musicians.
What two musicians?
Two men she met on the boat.
What about
the wedding?
There'll be a wedding.
They just left the pier.
Follow them
and you'll find Lucia.
And then take care
of those two.
I hope you had a pleasant
trip, Captain Harmon.
Ah, Mr. Rodrigues.
Tell me, captain, have you
seen Senhorita Lucia de Andrade?
Lucia? Didn't she get off with her aunt?
No, I didn't see her.
Then she must've left with
those two American musicians.
Two American musicians?
I wonder how
I can find them.
That shouldn't be very
difficult. One of them has...
Thank you very much,
captain. Thank you!
What is this, another lobby?
Don't be silly. This is our suite.
Our suite?
Who pays?
Drop it, yes.
Hey, hey! Who's getting
married? This is two men!
Compliment of the hotel, senhor.
Oh, on the cuff!
Keep it coming!
Tip the boys, huh?
We're down to our last buck.
How do you say "give me
some change" in Portuguese?
It's too late. There they go. They're off.
Check back, men, huh?
Check back!
We're down to the burlap.
Give me a hand with this thing.
Hurry up. Just take it right there
by the end. That's a good man! Up!
Don't strain yourself there!
There's another handle, you know!
What are you,
the head of the union?
You're always beefing. You'd holler
if you were hung with a new rope.
Here we are, living in a wonderful
suite. The most expensive in the hotel.
And there'd better be
a fire escape.
You all right?
You keep asking me.
I'm all right!
Okay. Then put this
over in the corner, will you?
Why don't you get a whip?
You're not
a little stiff, are you?
Stiff? I haven't had a drink
since I left the boat.
Nice setup, a suite! What
do we need two bedrooms for?
You can't expect Lucia
to sleep on the sofa.
No, sir. If anybody sleeps
on the sofa, I'm... Huh?
Aha! Aha!
Hello, Hot Lips.
Oh, no, no! You're a mirage. It can't be.
It's just a figment
of my imagination.
A soft figment.
A bull fiddle, huh?
Wait a minute. The bull
fiddle, those two gorillas...
If they'd have known what was
going on, they'd have killed us.
What makes me think they
didn't know? Come on!
Take it easy!
Take it easy!
So long, sister. If we don't get
in touch, it's nothing personal.
It's just that we're
prejudiced against dying young.
He's right, Scat.
This is my problem.
Hold it, now, wait!
This gal's in a lot of trouble,
and you got to help her.
Like any guy would,
with red blood in his veins!
I got news for you,
I'm anemic.
She stays with us.
Nothing doing.
If you think I'll let a
beautiful doll like this
live in the same apartment
that I'm living in...
If you think...
If you...
Yes, Hot Lips.
I'll give you just 72 hours
to get out of here.
Grand! Now we're promoting. Come one, what
are we waiting for? Let's live a little!
I'd like to, if you'd only let me!
Open this up.
I'll have mine straight.
Happy grapes!
Are you ready to bubble?
The Guanabara Club, please. Yes...
I'd like to speak
to Senhor Cardoso.
Who's Cardoso?
One of the band gave me a lead on him.
He goes for jump music in a big way.
We're going to pick up a little
bread. Now we're moving.
Hello, Cardoso?
This is Scat Sweeney of Scat
Sweeney & His Dixie Hotshots.
Featuring Hot Lips Barton.
Featuring Hot Lips Barton, yeah.
Zoot Shapiro told me to look
you up when we landed down here.
He said you might have a spot
for our band in your club.
If you're any good,
I certainly could use you.
Mr. Cardoso!
Our group is gone! Really gone!
I've also got a great gal singer
with us, Ginger O'Roark.
Great singer?
Hell, if she looks like Lamour,
she can sing like Lamour, can't she?
Oh! Tell him she plays
bull fiddle from the inside.
Also plays the... No!
The rest of the band?
Well, there's, uh...
Well, there's me and Hot Lips Barton.
That's two.
Three, four, five pieces.
Five pieces
in the band, yes.
Shh! Yes, Mr. Cardoso?
That's a little soon, don't you
think? How about tomorrow night?
Fine, fine. You got
yourself a band, brother!
How's that for
operating, huh?
Don't put away your scalpel, doc.
Where are the other pieces? Let's...
You mean, you're
going to hire those guys?
Why not?
Let's talk to them.
I'll be back in a minute.
But they're on key.
Come on, break open
the happy brew.
Let's go.
Thank you.
To the Dixie Hotshots?
Yes, right!
Not so hard!
I must go on a diet.
That grape must be a little
grumpy. Shall we go again?
Put it right in there.
That's pretty
athletic stuff.
That might've happened
to my stomach.
Ready, boys?
I guess so. We're though here.
How about that?
Don't miss this time.
What are you looking for?
A light.
Well, you've got a light.
They don't call me
Hot Lips for nothing, you know.
Hey, let's get out of here.
This joint is haunted.
Just what we need, huh?
We'll never get away with it. We
want Dixie Hotshots not Hot Tamales.
It's simple. We'll get five
snappy, zooty uniforms.
Using what for money?
Hock something we don't need.
Like your head?
Wait a minute.
I think I can help. I know a
store where we can get credit.
Great. I'll clinch the deal. Hey, fellas!
Tell them.
What did you say?
They're joining up!
Wait, Shorts!
Let's not be that grateful.
That's our racket.
Lead us to the store.
Here we go, come along.
What's your problem?
Lobster Ear, don't you
want to think this over?
No, nothing to think over.
Come along, we're set.
You're happy, huh?
Gee, things grow fast
in this country!
Tropics, you know.
Come along.
Scat Sweeney was one
of those men on the boat.
And Ginger O'Roark is Lucia.
Good evening.
Mrs. Vail's reservation.
Yes. Right this way, please.
I don't like it. These stripes
look too good on us.
You would know.
I get a funny feeling about this
whole deal. It's too perfect.
Stop worrying. You want to get
wrinkles over you wrinkles?
They look more like Americans than we
do. They could be the Andrews Brothers.
Yeah, Patty, La Verne
and Pancho!
Wait. Hold everything.
What's your problem?
We're supposed to be Americans.
They don't understand English!
I got that licked! We
teach them a little help
talk, and Cardoso will
never know the difference.
Now, break it up
for us foreigners.
"You're telling me."
"You're telling me."
You telling me.
You're telling me.
"You're in the groove, Jackson."
You're in the groove, Jackson.
You're in the groove,
You're telling me.
You're in the groove,
You're telling me.
What do you think?
"What do you...?" What do
I think? This is murder!
This is murder.
This is murder.
You're in the groove...
You're telling me.
What do I think?
What do I...?
Time! Time! Drag!
You better rehearse.
When I hold up one finger...
You're telling me.
You're in the groove, Jackson.
This is murder.
Five more minutes, they'd
speak better English than you.
You're in the groove, Jackson.
This is murder.
They're off again!
Come on! Come on!
Yes, sir, yes, sir!
We're all ready.
Come on, honey,
We'll be on in a minute.
I'm not quite dressed.
Maybe I better help.
I'm a little young, huh?
Uh-oh! Trouble.
I wish you
the best of luck.
Come on, let's cut in, quick!
Hi, Mr. Cardoso.
I see you've met the boys.
Not really.
I was just...
This is Spike, Satch and Oscar.
Spike, Satch and Oscar.
I'm honored,
Okay, fellas,
on the stand.
You have a few
minutes, yet.
Let's shoot the grease, hey, boys?
They use most of it
in their hair.
They don't talk
very much, do they?
Well, actually, they talk a
blue streak when they get going.
Yeah. Say something
to Mr. Cardoso, fellas.
You're in the groove,
Isn't he sweet?
Plant me now and pick
me later, eh, big boy?
You're groovy!
Shall we, then? Come along.
Oh, just a minute.
I'm sorry. You'll have to put
out that cigarette. No smoking.
I said, no smoking.
You're telling me.
I'm telling him! He's
the one that's smoking.
This is murder.
I don't care if it is murder. You
cannot smoke. No smoking. No smoking.
You're in the groove, Jackson.
You don't have to get fresh,
I'm only telling him the rules!
You're telling me.
Oh, no.
I told you before,
I'm telling him!
For the third time,
no smoking!
This is murder.
You want to stunt your growth?
He's a tobacco fiend, but it
shan't happen again. Shall we, then?
"You're telling me"!
You're telling me!
Back off!
He likes to mimic people.
His mother was
frightened by a parrot.
Crazy Americans!
Teach them some more
and we'll get killed.
This is murder.
You're telling me.
What a gown.
How did you put that on?
With a spray gun?
You heard what the man said, no smoking.
Not one little puff?
Is everything
going all right?
Watch this.
You're telling me.
You're in the groove.
You're telling me.
This is murder.
Look out. We're on, come on!
Let's try and finish
together, huh?
"It's such a wonderful thing"
"One glance"
"And I was set for a fling"
"And he isn't flip and flighty
Like high school boys"
"He's a college man
With plenty of poise"
"He knows an awful lot"
"I guess you'd say
He's got experience"
"He takes me out to dine
And knows the proper wine"
"Because he's got experience"
"Riding in his car
We had a flat"
"It was dark as it could be"
"He got the tools
And fixed it just like that"
"Experience, you see"
"He takes me straight home
And he bows and shakes my hand"
"Experience comes through"
"So if you want someone
To plan with"
"I'll gladly give this man
With experience to you"
Break it up big now, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
We can always open
a laundry somewhere.
"Experience, you see"
"He plays the nicest notes
And this belongs in quotes"
"Experience comes through"
"So if you want someone
To plan with"
"I'll gladly give this man
With experience"
"To you"
Holy smoke! Did you hear
that applause? I think we're a hit.
Honey, you were
perfect, wonderful!
You think he'll hire us?
We're a cinch!
My aunt is out front
and wants me to join her.
No, not that woman again?
She's nothing but trouble.
Not anymore, Scat.
I'll see her.
Very good, boys! Very good!
Groovy, groovy!
Ah, my dear!
You were wonderful!
Congratulations, hepcats. From now
on, you are working for Cardoso.
Best move you ever made. Come on, fellas!
Get a dancer for the
bubbles. We'll be right back.
Lucia, you were wonderful.
Darling, congratulations.
Thank you, Sherman.
Come on, sit down.
We'd like to talk to you.
I'm sorry to have
to say this, Sherman,
but if it's about the
wedding, my mind is made up.
But, Lucia...
Of course, dear.
We'd be the last to try to
change your mind. Do sit down.
Naturally, I'm not very happy
about what you're doing, Lucia.
But if that's the way you feel,
then, of course, I want to help you.
Don't you see, dear? That's all.
I want to help you.
A drink to our future,
Whoa! Steady.
To the Dixie Hotshots!
Who are they?
Oh, us! Yes.
Well, Lu... Uh, Ginger.
You're just in time,
Miss O'Roark.
Get a load of this contract. We just
signed for five years. Two-week guarantee.
Proud of me,
I hate you.
I loathe you.
I despise you.
She acts
more like Bogie!
Please, what is going on?
What is this?
These men are making
a fool of you, Mr. Cardoso.
They told you this was
an American band, but it isn't.
They picked up those three men
right here on the street in Rio.
Don't pay attention to her. She
jumps the track now and then.
Her noggin's on the toboggan!
Cleo, your camels are waiting!
Look at those clothes.
You are not Americans!
You're telling me!
You're telling me!
You're in the groove...
So, you are phoneys! You have
been making a fool of Cardoso.
No, we're doing everything for you.
You heard the applause.
That does not matter! Liars do
not work for Cardoso. Get out!
You don't have to call us
names. We're on the level.
Look at our faces.
Don't confuse the man!
Let me tell you...
Get out!
Pedro! Silvio! You are through. Fired!
Get out of here and never come back.
We can explain
If you'd just let us talk...
Whoa! Drop that body!
You all right, pal?
Oh, I hate you. I loathe
you. I despise you.
Lay off me, will you?
I feel bad enough.
You phoneys! You will
never work in Rio again!
Who wants to work?
We're musicians!
Broken-down trap.
Good night, boys.
Good night, miss!
The papers. Put them in the safe
when you get to the plantation.
What about those two musicians?
They can still cause trouble.
Really, Sherman.
You should know by now
that I never leave any loose ends.
Get some sleep, child. You
have a long trip ahead of you.
Come along, darling.
All right, Harry. Drive
around to the stage entrance.
With pleasure.
I guess our engagement with Senhor
Cardoso was of the limited variety.
Don't worry. We'll find another country
where a dame can get you in trouble.
I can't figure that
Lucia out. One moment
she's sweet as pie, and
the next second, a heel.
What's in her mind?
Look, you got 32 slaps.
You want to try for 64?
Let's grab a northbound boat and we switch
this time. You hang on the meat hook.
Oh, better tell the boys it's off.
We'll send you one of our
old straitjackets, huh?
Bye, fellas.
So long.
Come on, genius.
Let's grab the boat.
It's tall, dark and cyanide.
Good evening,
Mr. Sweeney, Mr. Barton.
Hi, Mrs. Vail.
Hiya, fellas.
What do you hear
from your embalmer?
I'm sorry.
Mr. Sweeney...
I'd like to make you and your
friend a business proposition.
Business? He's all ears.
What kind of a proposition?
Lucia's getting
married tomorrow.
I think it would be best for all
of us if she never saw you again.
I'm willing to give you
$10,000 to leave Brazil.
Ten grand?
That's a big deal. We'll have to
have some time to think this over.
You'll have to give us time.
Well, time's up. Where's the money?
Oh, really. I don't have it with me now.
Come along. We'll arrange
the details at my home.
Let's talk this over.
Let's get the money and talk
and count at the same time.
Happy thoughts.
We usually charge 15,000 to leave
countries. You're getting quite a bargain.
Straight to the vault, James.
You can skip
the java, Mrs. Vail.
Never mind the coffee,
just pour the sugar, huh?
You're very
suspicious young men.
It's not that.
It's just that we're grown up.
This might be a plot to get rid of
us. The coffee might be poisoned.
Yeah, who knows,
this could...
Have you got any tea?
Very well. I'll put
your minds at ease.
Which would you
rather have?
Ten thousand in cash? Or
this piece of jewelry?
Personally, I look better
in the green stuff.
Just a minute.
My turn.
I'm afraid you've made
a very poor choice, gentlemen.
You see, this locket happens
to be worth $50,000.
The stone is one of the largest
and purest of star sapphires.
It was mined in Rangipour Province
of India many generations ago.
Way down there?
If you look closely,
you can see the iridescent
star of the true sapphire.
Look closely.
Yeah. Yeah, I can see it.
Can you see it, Mr. Sweeney?
Look deep into the stone.
Now, do you see the star?
Yeah, I can see it.
Keep looking into the star.
You won't be
needing this?
Many years ago,
two men killed each other
in a struggle for the
possession of this stone.
One of them was
the Duke Duchampere.
A good-looking young man, who bore
a resemblance to you, Mr. Sweeney.
In fact, you are
the Duke Duchampere.
I am the Duke Duchampere.
The other man was
a certain Count Venescue.
I am the count.
Generation after generation,
your two families have
hated each other.
I hate your family.
I hate yours.
This hatred has descended to you,
the last decadent offspring
of these noble ancestors.
That's the same as swine.
All right. Ham!
You both desire this stone.
You would kill to get it.
There's only one way: a duel.
A duel.
A duel.
A duel to the death.
A duel.
A duel.
To the death.
To the death.
A duel.
To the death.
Come, gentlemen.
Your pistols,
Loaded, I trust?
It's easy to find out.
Not yet!
Not sporting, huh?
My man is ready, Baron.
You gentlemen
know the rules.
When I say go, take 10
paces, turn and fire.
Take 10 paces, turn and fire.
Take 10 paces, turn and fire.
Let's get out of here.
Well, dog,
why do you wait?
Haven't we
forgotten something?
Ah, yes.
The final insult.
Ten paces, turn and fire.
Ten paces, turn and...
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What is this?
A gun!
Oh, I remember.
That dame,
she hypnotized us.
You've got a gun too! She
wanted us to kill each other.
Boy, what a narrow
escape, huh, pal?
Ten paces, turn and fire.
Oh, now, duke. Duke!
Scat! I mean...
Scat, snap out of it!
Wake up!
You don't want to kill me.
I'm your buddy, your friend!
It's no use,
Count Venescue.
But I'm not a count.
I'm not a count!
I'm just Hot Lips Barton,
a plain ordinary schmo!
I must avenge
the family honor.
What family? You haven't
even got a family!
You were left on a doorstep with
a bottle of milk, homogenized!
Ten paces, turn and fire.
Stop saying that, Scat!
You got to listen to me.
We're friends, we're
practically brothers!
Blood is thicker than water,
and this is no time to prove it!
Besides, I want to live.
I'm too young to die.
Too young, do you hear me?
Too young!
Let go, you swine.
That's the same as pig!
Ten paces!
No, no!
Walk some more!
You took short ones.
Don't do it, pal!
Don't shoot!
You haven't got a license!
Besides, I'm out of season! Please, don't!
Hot Lips!
Hot Lips!
Oh, my pal.
My buddy!
And I killed him.
Oh, when I think of all the gay,
carefree, happy times we've had together...
Now he's gone. I wonder where
he kept his life insurance.
Oh, I'll remember you like this,
Lying there in that beautiful
double-breasted, brown pinstripe.
Hardly even been worn!
Well, you've got me to thank for this.
I've lied to you, I've
double-crossed you, I've conned you,
ever since the day we first met.
Remember that gal in St. Louis?
The one that broke a
date with you because she
had to go to the movies
with her grandmother?
Well... I was Granny.
We didn't see much
of the picture.
You remember the 20 bucks
that disappeared in Cincinnati?
You thought your money belt
had sprung a leak.
I stole that 20 bucks
and bought myself a duck press.
Hot Lips!
You're alive!
Say something.
Give me that 20 bucks.
Let me help you.
Don't help me anymore, Granny.
You've helped me enough!
How do you like that?
Not even my size!
You want to take it easy...
Lay off me,
you fat Benedict Arnold, you!
And another thing,
this deal about Lucia...
Wait a minute.
Yeah, what about her?
Don't you see?
The same thing that happened
to us happened to her.
That swinging
locket routine.
Deep, deep.
Stop it!
It makes me seasick.
That's the gimmick. That's how Mrs.
Vail gets her to do anything she wants.
That's why she's
marrying Mallory.
Poor kid.
Are we going to stand by
and let her throw her life away?
Are we going to take
the easy way out?
Yes, we are.
You're admitting
you're a dirty coward?
No, a clean one!
I've seen everything.
I've seen it all.
But never, never in a
lifetime of tears and laughter,
have I seen a guy walk out
on a gal who's nuts about him.
Well, you're seeing one
right now.
You mean Lucia?
You mean she's nuts
about me?
She's dying to kiss
a trumpet player.
Oh, well, that figures.
It's nothing new to me. I've had
dolls blow their lid about me before.
Well, don't stand there. You
want to be best man, don't you? Come!
Always was.
We would like to speak to Senhorita
de Andrade. We're friends of hers.
Ah, for that, you will
have to go to Campinas.
She's being married this
afternoon to Senhor Mallory.
This afternoon?
A big wedding.
The whole countryside
will be there.
How about people?
Everybody will attend.
Good day, senhores.
Everybody will be there but us.
How far is Campinas?
About 300 miles.
Walk faster.
Brother, we're stymied.
Not if we can hire a plane.
Hire a plane? We haven't got
enough to get an airmail stamp!
We'll get dough.
Sure, there's nothing to it.
A guy's going to step out
from behind a tree and say,
" Here, boys. Here's
some dough. Hire a plane."
Psst! Gentlemen!
I wonder if this ever
happens in real life.
Mr. Sweeney,
Mr. Barton.
That's Eenie, Meenie and Mo.
My name is Rodrigues.
The fella in the radiogram.
I understand Lucia is
very fond of one of you.
You will do anything
to help her?
it may mean your life.
I'll get the police.
No, no, no!
The police cannot
help us, not yet.
But you can.
Gentlemen, hidden in a safe
in Mrs. Vail's bedroom
at the coffee plantation,
you will find...
the papers.
The papers?
Morning or evening papers?
They are in a long
manila envelope.
Find the envelope
and give it to the prefeito.
Prefeito? Sounds
like a dessert.
That's one of
the local big shots.
The prefeito will
be at the wedding.
He's a man we know
we can trust.
I don't get it.
How can the...
papers stop a wedding?
These papers can.
Gentlemen, you do
what I tell you.
Un momento.
What do you think?
Fly to Campinas.
Get the papers.
Stop the wedding.
Foil Mrs. Vail.
Rescue Lucia.
Boy, what a finish.
Who was that?
The Warner Bros.
They're very jealous.
Thank you.
Now, here's the money.
Hire a plane.
My car will take you
to the airport. Come!
Hey, you're going to go with us?
I'll be along later with help.
Happy landings.
Break it up men,
we've had this already.
Oh, yes.
A nice landing.
Don't ever use the wheels,
it's better that way.
Picturesque place, isn't it?
Yeah. We got to meet Chloe here.
She's featured here.
Look at this.
You all right?
Come, men, come.
There you are.
Pretty cosy in there,
wasn't it?
You're telling me.
Pay the man.
They went that way.
Pay the man.
Here you are.
There we are.
There we go.
Here, one for the copilot.
Nice work. And the hostess.
There you are.
Buy yourself a B-29.
Make our goodbyes to the rest
of the passengers. Thank you.
Which way's the hot dogs?
Over here.
When are they going to
hold the wedding?
I'll find out.
We got to find
those... papers pronto.
They're going to start as soon
as the prefeito arrives.
He's liable to see a double-header:
Lucia's wedding and our funeral.
Huh? Uh-oh.
Mrs. Rigor-Mortis.
Let's see what's playing up
there on the mezzanine. Amigos!
Hey, do you believe in ghosts?
Who says opportunity
doesn't knock twice?
We lost them.
We better tell
Mrs. Vail. Come on.
Listen closely, child.
You're in the chapel.
My brother's at your side.
You're about to be married.
Lucia Maria de Andrade,
do you take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
I do.
Come, child.
Time to get dressed.
Come on, let's go in.
What's playing in there?
The papers.
Don't do that!
Where's the safe?
Behind the painting.
Always is.
Any more ideas, fat man?
They must've talked
to Rodrigues.
Don't worry, Mrs. Vail.
They'll never get the papers.
How do we know they
haven't got them already?
Twelve to the left.
Seven to the right.
Nine to the left.
... to the right.
What was that?
Five to the...
Five to the right.
The papers.
Lucky for all of us, they're still here.
Tony, you watch that door.
Harry, this one.
I think our friends
will be dropping by.
And this time, no games.
Let's crack this little crib, huh?
Those sneaks.
What's the matter with you?
We got the combination.
I was just reminiscing.
Hurry up.
The papers!
If they hear us,
we're dead ducks.
Quack, quack!
Quack, quack!
Quack, quack!
What's the matter with you?
"Everybody here
Likes chicken cacciatore"
"Everybody here
Likes chicken cacciatore"
"Oh! Oh!"
"And there's a few
Who like chopped chicken liver"
"And there's a few
Who like chopped chicken liver"
"Oh! Oh!"
Come on, Blanchard.
Knock them, Davis.
Scat? Scat, where...?
Who? Oh, it's you.
Proceed, boy.
Oh, this is it!
Fly, boy!
Okay, guys,
the party's over.
Help! Help!
Get the lead out of your horses!
Where are they?
Where are what?
Where's the papers?
Honest, fellas, we haven't got
any papers. We can't even read!
I wouldn't be caught dead with...
No use.
We're cornered.
Fellas, the papers are
right in back of the clock.
That's right. Right there.
Back of that pendulum.
Stop horsing around.
Where's the papers?
We'll give you just 10
seconds to make up your mind.
Well, look. It's there.
Right in back of the pendulum.
Watch the pendulum.
seven, eight...
seven, eight...
Watch the pendulum.
Deep into the pendulum.
Psst! Hey!
We seem to have them.
What do we do now?
You are children, little
children, playing a game.
Playing patty-cake.
Yeah, yeah, patty-cake.
One of you cheats.
Naughty, naughty.
The other one doesn't like it.
You go faster and faster.
You're waiting for a chance
to get even. Faster and faster!
You're waiting for a signal.
A signal to slug each other.
And when we say "three,"
that's the signal.
One, two, three!
Whoa! Ha-ha!
That's what they get
for not seeing our pictures.
Come along!
Come along!
Wait! Look out!
Hey, wait a minute!
Hold everything! Look out!
Stop the wedding!
Yeah, return the presents!
I do.
I do.
Don't you see?
She's hypnotized.
Snap out of it,
honey, for me.
Sorry for this interruption.
These hoodlums don't belong here.
Are you going to stand there...?
Just a second. Wait,
sister! You're the one going
to the clink. This whole
wedding is a frame-up!
Wait till you see what we got.
The papers!
What am I doing
in this wedding dress?
You're all right
now, baby.
Here you are, sir,
take a look at these papers.
Is he on our side?
Pull up the drawbridge!
What are you doing,
you fools?
We hate you.
We loathe you. We despise you.
Let me go!
We hate you.
We loathe you. We despise you.
Gentlemen, you
have all our thanks.
Your discovery of these papers has
prevented a horrible miscarriage of justice.
Papers stop a wedding?
I still don't get it.
Let's see.
What does it say?
The world must
never know.
What do you know?
We never quite made it!
Exciting, though, wasn't it?
I'm sorry, nobody home.
Put the shoes out later,
will you?
You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?
Get away with what?
We're married, bud!
You're married?
I'm sorry, Scat.
This is the man I love.
My dream boy.
Oh, please, honey,
not in front of strangers.
Get a barrel and go over the
falls, son. We'll check with you.
How do you like this?
And close the door tight.
All the time I thought
she was in love with me.
Take it easy, honey.
This doesn't figure.
It doesn't figure at all.
Oh, I might've known.