Robocall (2019) Movie Script

Hey, we got a hold of you,
this is Big Nine Solar,
how's it going today?
We're sorry, you're call
can not be completed as dialed.
Hi, we hear that you
wanna refinance your house.
Give us a call and we can help you.
Hey, how's it going,
this is Big Nine Solar.
There we go, that's it.
There's your tuna.
Eat up little kitty.
Oh boy.
Ah, shit.
- Yes?
- Hello, may I speak
with Mr. Burns?
There's no Burns here.
Sorry, Mister.
This is Benz, who are you calling?
Hi, Mr. Benz, I'm
calling from Big Nine Solar.
- How are you today?
- I don't wanna buy anything.
No, this is strictly
an information call.
Then what?
We just want you to
know that the Federal Government
is offering huge rebates for
upgrades to solar energy.
So you're working for
the Federal Government?
No, I'm with Big Nine Solar.
Who wants to sell me some solar panels?
Actually, with
the rebates and discounts,
the system would be virtually free.
I don't wanna buy anything.
Do you have an electric kitchen?
Not interested, thank
you, but no thanks.
Ay caramba, geez.
This is G.T.
Hi, how are you today, Mr. Benz?
I told you people I'm
not interested, okay?
We're working with
the Department of Power and Water today...
I don't care, I don't
wanna hear about it.
- Hello?
- Mr. Benz?
Hi, Mr. Benz, glad
I was able to reach you.
Who is this?
I'm with Big Nine Solar.
- We just...
- You know I told you people
I'm not interested, why
do you keep calling me?
Mr. Benz, we're not
trying to sell you anything.
Well then why are you calling me?
This is just an
informational call to educate.
I'm already well educated,
I don't need you to do it.
How much is your
monthly electric bill?
That's none of your damn business.
- Goodbye.
- Hello, Mr. Benz?
So you like,
- country music, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- What's your favorite?
- Romantic country?
- I don't know if
I have a favorite.
You're my favorite.
Yeah, you're my favorite.
Both have a favorite.
Who are you pretending to be?
You like country music.
Oh yeah, I know,
if you like country music,
I like country music.
Oh, so just anything I like, whoa.
I'm old.
Who are you right now?
I'm old.
I don't know who you are.
- G.T.!
- I'm old.
G.T. where are you?
Yes, who is it?
This is Dr. Franklin's office.
Oh, yes, yes.
Just reminding you
of your appointment Wednesday at 11.
Okay, I'll be there.
Fine, see ya then.
Thank you.
Well, Maggie,
I don't have your talent honey,
but I'm doing my best.
Oh, what the hell?
Mr. Benz?
Hey there, how we doing today?
Would you kiss my ass?
You're kinda ballsy, ain't ya?
Stupid sons of bitches.
Our allegiance
is to our customers
and community around the world.
So the guys says, okay,
but I am not serving beer to a horse.
How many times
you tell that joke before?
Oh, did I tell it before?
Ah, yeah.
Yeah, well what the
hell, it's a funny joke.
The first couple of
times it was funny, yeah.
Thanks a lot, pals.
You know, the thing is,
when you get old and senile,
every joke is new.
- Oh, I see.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, what the hell happened to Harris?
Why isn't he on duty?
Oh, he said he had to stop
and get something on the way over.
Probably some exotic snacks.
I could go for some of that good salami.
Yeah, let's hope so.
You guys have been
here about 35 seconds,
and I haven't heard anything
about any new aches or pains.
Well, I'll tell ya what, boys,
my granddaughter is getting married.
And you consider her a pain?
Not my Patty, no.
Hey, when's the happy day?
November; next November.
Hell, she's only 19
years old, isn't she?
Well what can I tell ya pals,
she taxied out, and
she's ready to take off.
And they called it...
- Puppy love.
- Puppy love.
Hey, there he is.
- Hey.
- Hey, what is this?
You guys starting without me?
Time and tide wait for
wait for no man, pal.
Hey, never, we're never
gonna start without you.
What do you got in the bag?
In the bag.
Doesn't look like salami.
Wow, what do you got in there?
- Oh, man.
- It's about time
we get this outfit organized.
- Look at that.
- Oh my God, that's great.
- Fantastic man.
- Wow, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, damn.
You know, this is mighty
white of you, Harris.
Hey, I know where you live, white boy.
These are great.
Yeah, thanks a million.
- Thanks a...
- Nothing,
nothing's too good for my pals.
Anyway, it's about time we
organize this raunchy outfit.
I figured we can keep 'em here at Riley's,
and we can wear 'em when we hold court.
Kinda like the Masons.
What the hell do you
know about the Masons?
Don't they make jars or something?
That's a good one.
Here's to Major Harris.
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
- Major Harris.
Hey you guys been bothered lately
by these damned robocalls;
sales calls, you getting that stuff?
Don't get me started on that.
I mean those bastards never give up.
It's like a computer finds your number,
they don't even know who they're calling.
Well they got me pretty well zeroed in.
Every time they call it's
the same damn company
over and over again.
They really get my blood up.
Barbara says that if I don't ignore 'em
I'm gonna have a stroke.
But they just keep calling!
Well we're in the information age boys.
If you guys would get
rid of those antique phones
you might not have such a problem.
Shit, it doesn't make any difference.
Once they're after ya,
they're never gonna let go.
The Russians are coming!
We gotta watch out for them,
scam artists, foot pads,
and you know, all them guys.
Oh, don't forget your
swindlers, your highway men.
There ya go.
And your bridge salesman, too.
Hey, I'm in the market
for a good bridge.
- There ya go.
- I got just
the bridge for ya.
- I don't know, you can...
- Is it them?
I don't you, you can't tell
because they change numbers
all the time, you know?
Oh, hi honey, how are ya?
Hi, Dad, how are you feeling?
Great, honey, great, how you doing?
Yeah, I meant to call sooner,
but we're just so swamped around here.
Oh, I understand honey, you
gotta busy family over there.
Isn't that the truth?
Look, Dad, I was wondering if you had
the number of your CPA handy?
Well I'm sure I do, honey.
Yeah, we're not
happy with the one we're using,
and we wanna change to
someone we can trust.
Yeah, well just a
minute, let me dig it out,
hang on, I'll put the phone down.
Shit, you never can find anything.
When you don't want it,
you see it a hundred times,
but then when you want
it, you can't find it.
She just want's to get my
CPA number, so I'm gonna...
Ah, shit, I never, you know...
Honey, can you call me right back,
I'm just trying to dig it out right now.
I got another call, too.
Get right back.
All right, love, goodbye.
Shit, I thought I had
it right here, but...
Ah, dammit, there it is, right there.
Don't you have the number in your phone?
Oh, you know,
I didn't think of that.
Is this the same thud
driver we knew back in 'Nam?
Can't be.
I don't get it, how
could you manage a thud,
that oh so complicated F-105,
but you can't manage a cell phone?
You know, you guys won't
let me forget this, will you?
- Nope.
- Well you brought a plane
back with a tail full of holes.
And then
you took another one out,
a perfectly good one, and
never brought it back!
I think a SAM missile might've had
something to do with that.
Probably just a little.
Yeah honey, I got it right here, and...
Hi, Mr. Benz,
you're a hard man to catch.
How are you today?
It's the assholes again.
Shove it assholes.
Let me kill 'em.
Go to hell.
I mean, can you believe
those sons of bitches?
Oh yeah, they're relentless.
Yeah, the never quit,
they just never quit.
- Oh yeah.
- They're relentless.
- They are that.
- Rotten bastards.
Call the Better Business Bureau.
Hey, I did.
You know they've got a score of F.
I mean where do you go
from there, you know?
There oughta be a law.
Once they get your
name they never give up.
- Yeah, that's for sure.
- No.
There she is.
Hey asshole.
Hi honey.
Hey sweetheart, what are you doing?
You're a hard man to catch.
Hey, how's my daughter?
Oh, fine, fine, really great.
Look, Dad, I'm about to dash out the door,
but I was wondering if you
still have that picture of Mom
that I adore so much?
Which one's that honey?
The one of her at the beach.
You know, in the sun hat.
I've got it.
Oh great, be a
dear and send me a copy,
would you Dad?
Oh, that's great.
Thanks a bunch.
Sorry I can't chat now,
but I'll try and call you tomorrow.
Okay, Dad?
Okay, honey.
Call you later, love you.
Love you, too, bye-bye.
Morning, sir.
Well, yes, I'm conducting a
survey for the Census Bureau.
May I ask you a few questions?
How long will this take?
Just a couple of minutes, sir.
I did one of these things
a couple of years ago.
Thought it was every 10 years.
Oh, well, yes sir, well this
is an ad hoc regional survey.
What do you wanna know?
May I ask which party you identify with?
One with the most booze and broads.
Oh, very funny sir.
I'm glad it meets with your approval.
Independent, yes sir.
Now how many in your household?
Just one, unless you count my cat.
I hear it now.
And what is your ethnicity, sir?
What the hell difference does that make?
We just have to ask, sir.
And you can't tell by looking at me?
We need to hear it from the occupant.
Okay, what if I said I'm black?
Are you, sir?
I'm a mixture of Hottentot,
Macedonian, and Faeroese.
Caucasian, yes sir.
How many more of these
questions do you have?
Well there's a few more...
Yep, okay, well I don't have
time for it pal, that's it,
my phone, too, I gotta go.
Oh, well, it'll just
take a few more minutes.
Look, I said I didn't have...
Sir, we really need to...
We don't need to do anything!
I'm through, okay, no more.
You know the Bureau won't give up.
They'll just keep sending more people.
Let 'em send!
Hi, Dad.
Oh, sorry, honey, I got
robocalls on the brain.
Getting them a lot?
All the time.
Well, we get
them sometimes, too.
Anyway, I just thought I'd check
in to see how you're doing?
Yeah, just sailing along.
that pussy cat I hear?
She's fine, 'course she's senile,
you know, since that surgery.
Too damn much anesthesia.
You told me.
Did I?
That's right, I did, didn't I?
Poor thing, don't you think
she should be put to sleep?
Oh, honey, don't say that,
you know, that's my little buddy.
You know she's entitled to live her life.
Why don't you get another dog?
Because I would die before it,
and it would just end up
in the pound, that's why.
Come on, Dad.
You have many years left.
Your mouth to God's ears.
Well, anyway, I sure wish
we could dash over there for a visit.
Phoenix is not that far you know?
I know, but things
are just so hectic over here.
You know Patty's planning her wedding,
I've got my job, plus library
functions draining my time,
and don't even ask about Jeff.
He's so busy since his promotion,
you wouldn't believe it.
Well, you got your hands full
with a family, I know that.
Just miss ya that's all.
And I wish my damn doctor
would let me travel.
We'll get together soon.
Are you taking care of yourself?
Oh yeah.
You're not
drinking too much are you?
Just a, not much, a glass now and then.
Well, everything in moderation.
That's what they say.
Well, okay, Dad,
I've got to run, love you.
Geez Louise, already?
Okay, honey, love you, too.
Take care.
Okay little buddy,
where are ya, chow time.
You got lobster, you got
king crab, you got sushi.
Where are ya?
Beef wellington.
Come on, buddy.
Where are ya?
I bet you're down here.
There you are, come on you little...
Well Trish,
you needn't worry about my cat anymore.
You have called the office
of the district attorney.
For directions in English, press one.
Why do I have press one,
in my own damn country?
District attorney's office.
Yeah, where do I go to file
a complaint about robocalls?
What is it?
Robocalls, you know,
sales calls, endless calls.
Have you gone
on the don't call list?
I'm on the don't call list.
They don't give a damn.
Will you hold please?
Yes, I'll hold.
Hi, have you been helped?
No I have not been helped.
How may I direct your call, sir?
Nobody gives a shit, that's
just a waste of time.
What the hell.
This is G.T.
Hello, Mr. Benz.
What is wrong with you people?
Don't you know I'll never
by jack crap from you?
Can I ask you what
is your monthly power bill?
Can I have your social security number?
How 'bout your wife's cell
phone number, I could use that.
You might save as much as...
Just kiss my royal fanny.
- Hey Doc, how you doing?
- Hey, good, how are you?
Good to see ya.
Nice to see you.
Well, what's the story?
you're cholesterol levels are lousy.
You're enzymes for your
liver are marginal.
And your blood pressure is up.
So I'm in pretty good shape?
For a corpse.
How have you been feeling?
Well I feel all right, but...
They're a couple of times when I,
I wasn't sure where I
was for a few seconds.
What were you going right before then?
Before, I don't know,
nothing special really.
Were you drinking at the time?
I don't remember, maybe.
How much you been drinking these days?
Not that much.
Remember, I'm your doctor.
Well, I don't know, maybe I'm drinking
a little bit too much,
but I never get drunk.
You don't have to be
drunk to have a problem.
it's kinda odd, Doc, you know?
What's that?
I know I'm pretty sick,
but I just don't feel it most the time.
you seem to be hanging in there.
Despite my best efforts.
It's a paradox.
Still no travel?
You really shouldn't fly.
What if I take the
train or drive to Phoenix?
What happens if you're halfway there
and there's an emergency?
How should I put this?
Your condition is fragile, my friend.
You've been hanging in there, but,
I wouldn't push it.
Is your daughter aware of your condition?
You know, I don't wanna worry her,
and she can't do anything about it anyway.
Tell me something, Doc,
how does a man know if
he's getting Alzheimer's?
Why do you ask?
Well, you know, my memory
just hasn't been quite the same.
Well I don't see any indication,
but alcohol surely doesn't help.
Especially if you're on medication.
Yeah, it's not that much.
All right, well let me
know if it gets any worse.
I'm gonna increase your BP medicine
from 150 milligrams to 200 milligrams.
You're the boss.
Tell me something, Doc.
How much time do I have?
Now I'm a fortune teller?
With all things considered
as you like to say.
You might have a few years,
could be a few months.
Live your life.
Enjoy yourself, don't worry about it.
What I worry about is what's up here.
My whole world's up there.
My whole life.
Forgetfulness is a part of age.
Well that part I don't need.
I'll see ya next time.
Okay, Doc, take it easy.
Mr. Benz.
Yeah I'm trying to reach the
office of Congressman Garcia.
This is his
office, how may I help you?
Well, may I speak to him?
May I ask what this is about?
I don't wanna repeat myself,
can I just talk to him?
The congressman is quite busy
as I'm sure you can imagine.
If you'll tell me...
Well I'm busy, too.
I won't talk more than
a couple of minutes.
What is your name, sir?
G.T., G.T. Benz.
G.T. Benz, I'll see if
- he can take your call.
- Fine.
- Hello, sir?
- Yes.
Sir, I'm sorry, but
he's in a conference just now.
I just wanna talk to him about
these bloody robocalls I'm getting.
- Robocalls?
- Robocalls.
Wouldn't that be something
you'd talk to the phone company?
I tried that, I need some muscle here.
Sir, have you tried our website?
There's a place where you can...
Screw the website!
Here we go.
Ah, boy.
Listen to this, honey.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
and this same flower that smiles today,
tomorrow will be dying.
Ol' Bob Herrick pretty well
nails it, doesn't he, honey?
We're no more important
than gophers in the garden.
What can I do for you boss?
Wow, that's seen better days.
Can you retrieve the
memory from that for me?
I'm sure we can.
Just gonna upgrade you
to the newest version.
And what does that entail?
More features.
Let's just keep it simple, okay?
Can you give me what I've got?
Sir, that'd be the old version.
Well that's me, the old tech.
To be honest with you,
we're only gonna support
that version for like another year.
Okay, let me worry about that.
Okay, boss.
Why don't you go sit down,
and I'll be right with you.
Okay, boss.
Hey honey.
Two calls in one week, how do I rate?
Hi Dad.
Just wanted to tell you
that we'll be out soon.
Well that's great, honey, what happened?
Well, Jeff is
being transferred to Florida,
so he gets two weeks off before the move.
Florida, that's way the hell and gone.
I know, but
hopefully things will let up
with this new position.
Then we can more easily fly
back for holidays and such.
Well what about your work?
You know I work from home.
I can do it from anywhere.
Oh that's right, yeah.
Well I'm glad you're coming, honey.
When do you think you'll arrive?
I'll get back
to you with the details,
but hopefully we'll have
at least a week together.
Oh boy, that's gonna be wonderful.
It will.
Anyway, gotta run, love you.
Love you, too, honey.
Hey big guy.
See you brought the warden with you.
Couldn't leave the wild man alone, huh?
No choice.
They're tenting our house.
Remember that remodeling
I told you about?
Turns out, we have termites.
And they had to cover the whole
house with a striped tent.
It looks like a damn circus.
And we already had a clown living there.
Grab a seat, Lucy.
No thanks, I'm gonna sit at the bar.
I'm gonna talk to Barbara and Juanita.
Intelligent conversation.
What do you got, man?
Oh, check this out.
Just hold that for a minute.
Okay, look at this my friend.
Now we are official, we are now organized.
Let the Bacchanalia begin.
Hear, hear.
- Moron.
- Thanks dear.
Oh shut up you old bag.
Tacky Riley, really tacky.
You know you're lucky she
doesn't punch your lights out.
Oh, it's how we show our love.
What's the first order of business?
Well, Ketch has the flu.
Harris is late again.
Well were gonna have to gig that joker.
Yeah, what kind of discipline
is this from a Major?
what's new?
Oh, I got some great news.
Tricia's finally coming out to see me.
Hey, that's great.
I'm glad you're good news for a change.
But you know,
I got a new subject for our fecal roster.
Leaf blowers.
They're driving me nuts.
They're a menace, morning,
night, they don't give a damn.
Smoke, dust, noise.
Yeah, they oughta make a law.
Hell, they tried.
What happened?
Somebody called it racist,
so they didn't pass it.
Racist, leaf blowers?
Modern times my friend.
Yeah, where the hell
are the environmentalists
when you need 'em?
I guess it depends on
who's doing the polluting.
You got that right.
Hey, what is it?
I just got a call from Juanita.
Harris is in the hospital.
Oh, what happened?
Yeah, I mean, they have
him under control, but,
he had a serious heart attack.
Well let's go.
No, no, no, he can't have
visitors until tomorrow.
And I wanna call Juanita.
I wouldn't, she's still pretty upset.
She just wanted us to know.
We can't even see 'em.
That son of a bitch
better not die on us.
What is going on?
That figures.
Well who is it?
Mr. Benz, and
how are you this morning?
You know I think I read something
about the owner of your company.
You mean Mr. Williams?
Yeah, yeah, Mr. Williams,
that's it, Mr. Williams.
Oh really?
What did you read?
Well I read that he was
arrested for running a meth lab
and a kiddie porn ring.
You asshole.
Oh good, I got ya, how are ya?
Listen you son of a bitch.
I know where you are
and I know who you are.
And I'm gonna come down
there and hurt somebody.
Are you threatening?
I mean I'll kill every
son of a bitch in the place.
Aw shit.
What the hell am I doing?
Can I help you find anything?
Yeah, I'm just trying to find something
to beautify my backyard.
My daughter's coming out to visit
and I haven't seen her in awhile.
Oh, where does your daughter live?
She lives in Arizona now,
but she's moving to Florida.
Well that's very nice,
she's coming out for a visit.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Well, so, what did you have in mind?
Well something that looks
bright on the patio table.
Maybe something red?
We have some lovely vincas in season.
Yeah, they're in bloom already?
Can't wait 'til summer that's for sure.
Would you like to see 'em?
I would.
Okay, come on, follow me.
Great, thank you.
Oh yeah, you will do well.
They won't let him have
that bottle of bourbon.
Where there's a will
there's a way, my brother.
You shoulda brought candy or something.
The guy's got type 2 diabetes.
What's he gonna do with candy?
He's had a heart attack,
what's he gonna do with booze?
Oh, I thought he
could take it home later
and drink it there.
Yeah, Ketch, we're almost there.
How's he doing?
What is it?
He, uh,
didn't make it.
What the hell are you talking about?
He didn't make it.
What are you doing?
Don't you wanna go see Harris?
I'll go to his funeral.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe you're right.
Okay, whatever you're
pushing, I don't need.
Mr. Benz?
Who wants to know?
I'm Detective Warren,
this is Detective Loo.
Okay, why do I need the police?
Do you mind if we come in?
Have a seat.
Looks like you're gonna have a party?
Yeah, my
daughter's coming out to see me,
and I haven't seen her in three years.
Very nice.
So we hear you're having a
problem with a call center?
Oh good, the D.A.
got my email then, huh?
Well that's why you're here, isn't it?
Seems that you had a run in
with the people at Big Nine Solar?
Tell me about it!
Did you threaten to
harm anyone over there?
They claim that you threatened
to go over there and kill someone.
You ever get bothered
by these robocalls?
But we don't threaten to kill anyone.
Well they've been calling
me over and over again.
And I just lost my temper.
Calm down.
We're just trying to get
to the bottom of this.
The bottom of the problem is that they,
they are calling me and harassing me.
That's the bottom line.
Okay, but what about the guns?
I don't have any guns.
Do you mind if we look?
Hell yes I mind!
We can get a search
warrant if we have to.
'Kay, you do what you have to do.
But if there's no further business.
Okay, Mr. Benz,
that's how you wanna play it?
Oh, wait a minute, you know...
You're just doing your job, I know,
I got no quarrel with you.
It's just that I lost my
temper and made an idle threat,
and there's nothing more, okay?
Good day, Mr. Benz.
Good day.
Hey, Ace, have you talked to Juanita?
Yeah, she's taking
Harris back to Atlanta
for service and burial.
I knew he had family there.
We've seen the last of our friend.
In this lifetime.
Anyway, I just wanted
to make sure you knew.
Feel like coming over?
Not tonight, old buddy.
I'll call you tomorrow, all right?
Catch you then.
Mr. Benz?
- Yes?
- How would you like to save
a thousand dollars a year on your power...
Can I ask you a question?
Knowing that I hate your guts,
knowing that I'll never buy jack from you,
knowing that I'll tell all my friends
you're a bunch of assholes,
why do you keep calling me?
Mr. Benz, we're
providing a service...
I don't want the service.
That you could be saving.
I don't wanna save money,
I wanna change it all into silver dollars
and roll 'em down the hill.
You might not know
it, but you're wasting money.
It's my money.
Look, Mr. Benz...
Okay, just kiss my ass, will ya?
What the hell are you
people doing out there?
What the hell are you
people doing out here?
We're here to save your money.
Save my money?
Hello, and how are you today, sir?
Everyone's concerned
about my well-being.
I'm sorry?
Nevermind, what can I do for you?
Well I'm here collecting aid
for our unfortunate poor
who live in poverty.
Well yeah they would, wouldn't they?
Will you help us?
Who'd you say you're with?
I'm with the Mizithra Society.
We're working to uplift the downtrodden.
There's a golden oldie.
How much can I put you down for, sir?
Mizithra, that's a cheese isn't it?
Are you gonna help us or not?
I gave at the office.
Burn in hell you selfish pig!
- Oh!
- Somebody cut the cheese.
I'm worried about Ketch.
Well, when you get old
it takes longer to recover.
Whoa there big fella,
you're getting ahead of me.
Well somebody's gotta fly point.
We all gotta die of something.
We sure couldn't pass a flight physical.
Yeah, but we're still here.
Some of us anyway.
Here's to Major Harris.
Damn I miss that guy.
We sure took a lot for granted.
You got that right.
Well, how's that house coming along,
when they gonna finish?
A couple more days.
Uh oh, robocall.
No, I think it's Trish.
Hi Dad, what are you up to?
Oh, just gabbing with
my partner in crime.
You're at Riley's?
We're at Chuy's today.
Well, I'm
glad you're having fun,
but don't drink too much.
You now we were just talking about that.
You need to widen
your circle of friends, Dad.
I got my buddies right
here and that's all I need.
I mean you need
some female companionship.
Go out and meet some ladies.
Your mom was the only
woman for me, honey.
Of course, but you
can still have female friends.
Don't worry about the
old man, what's up, kiddo?
Oh, we're
going nuts around here
getting ready for the move.
You're still coming right?
Oh for sure.
Got to see my dad.
Great, great, honey.
But we're gonna
have to make it next week,
'cause we're up to our eyeballs here.
I mean Patty has to...
Say no more, honey, I understand.
Anyway it'll give me more
time to fix up the old place.
Don't go crazy out there.
We're just family, you know?
Nothing too good for my family.
Anyway, place gets run down
without your mom there to keep me in line.
Well, don't
over do it, okay, Dad?
Gotta run, love you.
Okay, honey, be well.
Damn, these calls are getting
down to 20 words or less.
He loves his daughter.
So what's it been, three
years since you've seen her?
Yeah, but she's gonna
spend the whole week with me.
Well that's wonderful.
What are ya gonna do when she gets here?
Well, take her to the beach,
maybe a ride up to Santa Barbara
for lunch on the pier.
We'll just hang out, no stress.
You better clean up
that shoebox you live in
before she gets there.
Already on it.
She won't recognize the old shack.
Even bought some new flowers
to make it look nice.
Oh that's great.
We'll have a great time.
Hey, you spying on us, Lucy?
I'm going to the ladies' room.
Go back to your precious booze.
Hey that's a microagression, Riley.
Hey, damn, you're right.
Stop invading our safe space, Lucy.
You're making us uncomfortable.
I will get you some coloring
books and stuffed animals.
- Hello?
- Mr. Benz?
Oh boy, I think they got your number.
Okay, what do you got for me?
Hi, I'm Lisa.
I wanna see you, you wanna see me?
Click for my photo.
Forget it.
You've been found in violation
of section so and so
forth of the penal code.
Send a money order in the amount of $500.
Right away.
Dear Mr. Benz,
inherited $10 million, wow.
We're prepared to send $5
million to your bank account.
Regulations record ta, ta, ta,
prepare to send $5 million
to your bank account
as soon as we receive
your bank information.
Coming right at ya, pal.
Oh, brother.
What is it?
Listen you son of a bitch,
what goes around, comes around.
Oh you son of a bitch.
Hello, is this Mr. Benz?
What can I do for ya?
Oh, hi, I'm with Big Nine Solar,
and we're calling to tell
of some wonderful government
subsidies now available
for solar energy conversion.
Is that right?
We have only a few appointments available,
but our specialists are ready
to come out to your home
to explain how we can help.
Hey, that's great, can
I ask you a question?
I'm looking for a good part-time job,
how's the call center business?
Oh, it's fine.
I've only been here a
week now, but I like it.
Are you from India?
we're in North Hollywood.
What, in some kind of boiling room?
Boiler room,
I'm not sure what you,
there's about 10 of us
here, but it's fine.
I just had this image of a huge room
with hundreds of people in it.
Oh really, I
don't know, maybe so.
We're just in a little office.
What day would be...
You know I think I know that location.
You're behind the post office, right?
No, behind Walmart.
Would you hold just a moment, sir?
Sorry sir, may I make an...
You said you're behind Walmart?
Sorry sir, I can't discuss that.
Would you like to make a...
Oops, there's my taxi,
gotta run, bye-bye.
Oh, hi, honey.
I was hoping it was you.
Can't you ready your caller ID?
Ah, not when the sun's shining.
Oh, I see.
Where's that part?
Look, Dad, I've
been doing some thinking...
Well, you're not getting any younger.
I worry about you.
You're not gonna try and put me
in a retirement home are ya?
Good heavens, no.
You're too independent for that.
But you should get someone to clean
a couple of times a week.
And you should hire a gardener.
I don't need no stinkin' gardener.
It's too much for you.
You might have a heart
attack or something.
Honey, it's how I get my exercise, okay?
There's no one
to help you in an emergency.
I can always call Riley or Ketch.
Dad, they're old men, too.
Who's gonna help them?
Honey, you worry too much.
I'm a tough old bird.
Also, I was wondering
if you've prepared a will?
Have you?
Well, I've been thinking about it.
You really should.
You know the government
can take a massive bite
out of your estate if
you don't have a will.
You know I'm not really all that rich.
Even so, you
should be protected.
Yeah, you're right.
Why don't you
take it up with your CPA,
and let him make some suggestions?
Did he bring this up?
No, well, I
asked a few questions.
It doesn't hurt to be
informed about these things.
No it doesn't, does it?
That's what
we, what I was thinking.
Whoops, there's
that other line.
Call you later, Dad, love you.
Okay, love you, too, honey, bye-bye.
You probably don't remember me,
but, um, it's Ginger.
I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.
We dated once when were students at SC.
We spent the day at the park?
Wow, that's been a few summers ago.
I hope you don't mind me calling.
No, no, that's all right.
How'd you happen to think
of me after all these years?
Well, I just happened to be on Facebook,
and I saw your name, and I
thought instead of sending
a friend request, I would just go ahead
and I would give you a call.
Well, how'd you get my number?
I have my ways.
Is that right?
So how is my old Trojan friend?
Well, I'm okay.
What have you been doing?
G.T., I just wanted to say,
how sorry I am about the loss of your wife
a couple of years ago.
How'd you hear about that?
Oh, I must've seen it in
the obituaries somewhere.
Really, where?
You know if this is a bad time,
I really, I could call you again.
No, no, that's okay.
So, what've you been
doing all these years?
Oh, I don't think you'd even believe it.
So anyway I was wondering if
you might want to meet
sometime and have some coffee?
You know, talk about the old days?
I don't think I'm up
for it, Ginger, really.
I mean it's not like a date or anything.
It's just, you know,
it's just a get together with old friends.
Might be fun.
Okay, coffee might be okay.
Where do you wanna meet?
Well how about where we left off?
Why don't we meet tomorrow
in the old park around 11 a.m.?
I'll bring the coffee.
You wanna have coffee in a park?
Well why not?
It's better than a noisy coffee shop.
Unless you want some wine?
Coffee's fine.
Over here!
Hi, G.T.
You still recognize me?
Oh, yes.
How are you?
Oh, good.
Well you've aged well.
Well, thank you sir.
- Please.
- Thank you, ma'am.
Got the coffee ready, and
we're ready to party here, huh?
Well this place, pretty
much the same, isn't it?
I just, you know, I thought
that we could talk more
without distractions.
What do you mean?
Yeah, you know, loud
people, rattling plates.
Oh my God, you look just fabulous.
Well thank you.
So what's been happening with Ginger
all this last millennia?
Oh, you wouldn't believe it.
Right now I am, I'm
trying to shed a husband.
Oh is that right?
Oh he is such an animal, I mean really.
- Yeah?
- Really.
But, that's my problem.
So, tell me, are you still
working, are you retired?
You know, I shoulda told you sooner,
but I can't stay long, Ginger.
Oh really?
Yeah, I've got an appointment.
At what time?
At 2.
Well, then we've got tons of time.
Thank you.
Wow, you like it strong.
Well, I brewed it just for you.
I didn't think and old fighter
pilot would like weak coffee.
Well it's like a volley of triple A.
I'm sorry, what?
Dumb joke.
So, how have ya been?
I think you're gonna be bored.
Are you
dating again?
I'm an old man, Ginger.
My dating days are done.
Silly boy, you still got
it, my friend, believe me.
That's nice of you to say that, but,
there was only one woman for me.
That's very commendable.
I'm sure.
But you still got a lot of years left.
Thank you, but, you know, geez,
I'm gonna have to run, Ginger, I'm sorry...
Oh, you just got here,
you haven't even finished your coffee.
Yeah I know, I'm sorry about that.
But you said your appointment
wasn't until 2 o'clock.
Yeah but I've gotta
pick up my prescription
and I gotta feed my cat.
Sorry, okay, I really am.
Well, when can I see you again?
I'm gonna call you next week, okay?
Dr. Franklin's office.
Yeah, this is G.T. Benz.
Well I'm a regular
patient, I think you know me.
Yes, how can we help you?
I'd like to make an
appointment with Dr. Franklin.
What seems to be the trouble?
It's regarding something we talked about
a couple of weeks ago.
He said to call him if
I had certain symptoms.
Which are?
Look, Doris, are you a doctor?
No, I'm not.
Then may I please speak to my doctor
about my medical condition,
if it's not too much trouble?
Hold on.
Eh, boy.
Aw, man.
Would you come on?
Are you still there?
Did you have an appointment?
Did you hear what I said a while ago?
What did you say?
I'd like to make an
appointment with Dr. Franklin.
When did you want to come in?
How 'bout tomorrow at 10?
I'm afraid this week is booked.
I have an opening next
Wednesday at 3, do you want it?
May I have your name again?
G.T. Benz.
Fine, see you on Wednesday.
Ay, ay, ay.
The world's changed, honey.
You wouldn't like it.
Hello there, it's me.
Hi, Ginger, how are you?
You didn't call, so, I'm calling you.
Yes you did.
So I was wondering when
we might get together again?
I miss you.
Look, Ginger, my daughter's
coming out to visit me,
why don't I call you when she's gone?
Great, I would love that.
I will email you my phone
number, just so you have it.
I really wanna see you again.
Yeah, okay, great, thanks
for the call, Ginger.
How in the hell did
she get my email address?
Actually with
the rebates and discounts
the system would be virtually free.
Hi, I'm with Big
Nine Solar and we're calling
to tell of some wonderful
government subsidies
now available for solar energy conversion.
Absolutely, we have only a few
more appointments available,
but our specialists are ready
to come out to your home
to explain how we can help.
- Offering a huge rebate.
- Absolutely.
On upgrades to solar energy.
Hey old man.
What the hell you doing over
there, watching cartoons?
Oh, I'm a busy boy.
I've been sprucing this place up, and,
gonna cut the grass tomorrow.
Then I'm gonna sit down
with a glass of fine wine
and cook some high-class French chow.
Wine, cooking?
What the hell you doing,
going metro on us?
Strictly scientific research, my friend.
And I bought a case of nice
Merlot; 30 bucks a bottle.
And then I'm gonna see
if it passes muster.
What the hell are you
gonna do with a case?
Tricia's coming tomorrow.
You know, nothing's too
good for my daughter.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
What are you gonna do,
keep her drunk all week?
No, and I also got some great cheese.
She loves her cheese.
Well don't we get any?
You ever hear of that old proverb
about casting your pearls before swine.
Thanks, buddy.
Anyway, I'm just calling to check and see
if you're coming over
to the local on Friday?
Yeah, I'll be there,
and I'm bringing Trish.
Great, and,
bring some of that cheese, will ya?
Forget it.
Oh, hi, honey.
Sorry, thought it was the robocall.
You need large print caller ID.
Yeah, you're right.
Anyway, I was just thinking about you.
- You were?
- Yup.
Counting the hours until
my daughter comes...
That's so sweet.
What are you doing right now?
Well I'm just about to make a pot
of my world famous Coq Au Vin.
You're mom used to love it.
Aw, you still
miss her, don't you?
Every day.
Anyway, making a big pot, and
it's always best the next day
when the herbs get a
chance to really blend in...
Yeah, honey.
I'm so sorry to do this to you,
but we're just running out of time here...
You're not coming?
No, I'm truly sorry, Dad.
We thought we could squeeze it in, but,
will you forgive me?
Sure honey, I understand.
It can't be helped.
We're coming
out at Christmas though.
And nothing can stop us.
That's a promise.
Great, honey, that's only
a couple of months away.
Right, and we'll
make up for lost time.
You're darn right.
Great, thanks for
being so understanding, Dad.
No problemo.
How's everything else, Dad?
Feeling all right?
Never felt better.
Taking your meds?
Good to hear.
Well, I have to run, Dad,
but thanks for being so
sweet and understanding.
That's what dads are for, honey.
Okay, well, take care.
We love you.
Love you, too.
Bye Dad.
Goodbye honey.
I'm truly sorry, Dad.
We thought we could squeeze it in.
I'm so sorry to do this to you,
we're just running out of time here.
Oh, I'm truly sorry, Dad.
We thought we could squeeze it in.
Will you forgive me?
Hi, G.T., it's Ginger.
Hello Ginger.
Did I catch you at a bad time?
No, that's all right.
How you doing?
I just wanted to see how your
visit with your daughter went?
Just fine, we had a great time.
Oh, that's wonderful.
It's so great when we can
spend time with our kids.
How many do you have?
Me, oh, I don't have any kinds.
I mean I was just speaking
generally, of course.
Any-who, I was wondering
if you wanted to get together this week?
If you're not too busy?
What do you do?
I just sit around and
watch my liver spots grow.
I can't imagine you sitting around.
'Cause you were always such a powerhouse.
Yeah, well that powerhouse
has kinda burned out.
Oh, you silly.
So, what about it?
Wanna have lunch this week?
I don't think so, Ginger, I...
We didn't really have much of a chance
to talk the other day.
I know, I came on way
too strong, I'm sorry.
I just, that's there's so few people
to talk to these days.
Well, my daughter says
I should get out more.
Oh, no complications, I promise.
So, how about
Thursday at 1 o'clock
at Howie's Restaurant?
Which one?
On Topanga.
Where do you live anyway?
Oh, just about a mile from you.
How do you know where I live?
Well, because I was
curious, so I looked it up.
You can find anything
online these days, you know?
So, are we on?
You know, Ginger, I just remembered
that I've gotta take my
daughter, my granddaughter,
to the movies on Thursday.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, how 'bout if we
do this some other time?
I'll call you and we'll
talk then, how's that?
Fine, I will email you my number.
You did that, I have it,
and thank you for calling.
How ya doing?
Where's Ketch?
Not coming.
What do you mean?
Flamed out.
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh, shit.
What happened?
Oh, it seems like another heart attack.
He was just fine last week.
He was the best damn wing
man the Air Force ever had.
First Harris and now Ketch.
It's a wonder any of
us made it this far.
Yeah, you're right.
Look at you.
A guy gets shot out of the air,
falls three miles before his chute opens,
then he walks out of the jungle
with a leg full of shrapnel.
Well we were lucky, my friend.
You got that right, old
buddy, you got that right.
Hey, what's with all this wine?
Well I bought it for
Tricia, but she's not coming.
I'm sorry.
it's all coming apart, my friend.
The world, everything.
Seems that way.
You know I sometimes
forget that we're old men.
Well it ain't over yet.
Ketch and Harris just landed
before we did, that's all.
Chateau Shackmeyer.
What'd you pay for that?
Don't drink it.
I won't.
Well, you got your place all spruced up.
Are you still taking care of
that big yard by yourself?
Well somebody's gotta do it.
Ah, you oughta get some help.
Costs money.
It do, that it do.
I thought you were gonna flip that place?
It's been five years you've
been in that little cracker box.
I know, but it's...
I'm comfortable and I like to garden.
Yeah but you, you know, you
got all that street noise,
the traffic, sirens, all this junk.
I've gotten used to it.
Besides it was,
it was our project, Maggie's and mine.
I don't wanna sell it,
and I sure as hell don't feel like moving.
Well, it's tiny, but it's
big enough for one guy I guess.
It was a lot bigger
when Maggie was in it.
Yeah, I understand.
Nothing is like it was, is it?
You know I got out, and,
in the yard, and,
I see her little plants, and,
her little touches.
It's gone my friend.
All washed away by time.
Gone in the blink of an eye.
Yeah, parents.
Even our children eventually.
Aw, shit.
Let's not go down without
a fight, okay, buddy?
Hear, hear.
Still it's,
it's getting kind of lonely around here.
Thanks to one and all for
your presence here with us.
We're here to celebrate a life.
Yes, we're sad.
We sorrow, we grieve.
But we're also thankful
for Ketch's life with us.
You'll see the American flag.
Ketch was a serviceman.
He was a part of the
United States Air Force.
We say thank you for your service.
A man who loved life, and worked hard.
You'll also notice the casket is closed.
That's at the request of the family.
They would like you to remember Ketch.
We'd like you all to remember the impact
Ketch had on your lives.
The stories, the remembrances
you made together in life.
I would like to invite those who would
care to share a word of
remembrance to come up,
and tell us of your experience with Ketch.
If you would please.
Ketch and I
used to get together for lunch,
every month or two.
He loved his pastrami.
At one of our last lunches together
he asked me,
do you ever regret,
you never had any kids?
A family?
You guys
my family.
I'll take it from here.
I guess
my strongest memory of,
of Ketch was
we were in Vietnam, and,
coming back from a,
a mission.
My plane was pretty well shot up.
Fuel was streaming out of the wing, and,
shaking like crazy and I didn't
know what was gonna happen.
Then I looked over,
and looked over to my right,
and there was Ketch.
Right along right next to me,
he was giving me the thumbs up sign.
We made it back to base with
a few hundred pounds of fuel.
And ol' Ketch,
he didn't pay for any beers
at the "O" Club that night.
I'm gonna miss him.
There are many stories that can be told.
The family would love to hear them.
So as we close our service,
please feel free to come,
greet the family,
share a remembrance with them.
Thank you for being here.
My dear, my condolences again.
Thank you so much.
We're certainly here for
you, anything we can do.
We appreciate that.
It was beautiful.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you so much.
Look, you know,
we're hear for you...
- I know.
- If you need anything.
I appreciate that.
Oh, Riley.
You were his pal.
- So sorry.
- Oh, G.T.
He was one of a kind.
You were such a good friend.
He was the best.
He was the best.
How'd it happen?
Oh, you know Ketch,
he could get excited sometimes.
He was on the phone yelling at somebody.
Yelling at who?
I don't know, it was one
of those robocalls I guess.
He got so worked up.
But I tried to tell him.
He just dropped the phone.
He'd been sick for a long
time, you know he had problems.
If only I had taken that call.
It just isn't right.
Look, honey,
we'll always be here for
ya, and you know that right?
You can always count on us.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What is it?
It's me.
I see that.
Please don't be mad at me,
I just, I had no place else to go.
- What...
- Please.
If you just let me come in, I can explain.
Well, come in.
And I just want you to know that
I wouldn't be here, unless
I was really desperate.
Okay, I'm listening.
See, Ted, that's my husband.
He gets really violent when he drinks,
and he is a heavy drinker.
I mean big time.
And tonight, he just
started talking crazy.
He gets that way sometimes.
Why didn't you just call the police?
Because they won't come out
unless he actually does something,
I mean that is so crazy.
By the time they come out
it's gonna be too late.
'Kay, surely you have
a friend or a relative
or someone you can go see?
I don't have anybody.
You're telling me you
don't have one single friend
out there where you can go and stay?
All my friends are dead.
And I know it sounds really crazy,
I just remembered how sweet you were to me
when we were at school together.
Why didn't you just go to a motel?
I don't have any money.
Ted drinks it all up.
This Ted sounds a little bit old
to be carrying on like this.
He's 10 years younger than I am.
I'm sorry, I'm just,
I'm really so ashamed.
Why don't I just lend
you the money for a motel.
There's a nice motel down the road...
No, no, no, because
I'm terrified that he
would find me there.
If I could stay here until morning,
until I knew that it was okay to go home.
Look, it's gonna be light.
Please, just a
- couple of hours.
- It's 2 o'clock
in the morning, Ginger.
- What do you want me to do?
- If I could just sleep here
until the morning?
Until I knew that it would be safe
for me to go home.
You'll have to sleep on the sofa,
I've only got one bed.
That's wonderful.
Thank you.
- Okay...
- Thank you G.T.
Okay, here's a pillow.
Here's a blanket.
Thank you.
Bathroom's at the end of the hall, okay?
I'm going to bed.
What the hell are you doing?
Well, I just thought that
you might like some company?
You scared the living shit out of me!
What the hell's the matter with you?
Well excuse me.
But I thought that maybe
there was a man in this room!
Son of a bitch.
Oh man.
What the hell is the
matter with that woman?
This isn't working out, Ginger.
You're gonna have to go.
Here's a hundred, please
get yourself a motel, okay?
I knew there was a reason
why we only had one date.
Boy, just go, Ginger, please.
God, I should've known
that you would be such a loser.
Have a real nice life.
Oh my God.
Well, where ya been, Ginger?
At my sisters, just go inside!
Oh my God.
Ah, no.
Hello Mr. Benz.
What now?
Can we come in?
Not unless you have a warrant.
Got it right here.
What do you want?
We just wanna look around
the house for weapons.
Okay, what if there's a weapon?
I haven't committed any crimes.
No one is saying you have.
We have orders to take them into custody
until this matter's settled.
Well what matter are
we talking about now?
You made some serious threats, Mr. Benz.
We have to make sure the public
has no cause for concern.
I explained all that, I
said that I lost my temper,
I made some idle threats,
and that's all been covered.
We understand sir.
We're just doing what
we were ordered to do.
I'm sure you can straighten
it out before the judge.
Okay, what judge?
Have a seat, and we'll be
outta here as soon as possible.
This is really outrageous.
Really outrageous.
Would you like to save us some time,
and tell us where they are?
There's a pistol in the
nightstand by the bedroom there.
Last time you said you
didn't have any guns.
Okay, I'm a old man, I forgot.
Really outrageous.
That's it then.
This all there is?
That's all there is, now get out.
Better tell us now or...
That's it.
All right, here you go.
If everything works out,
you'll get your gun back.
Thank you for your cooperation, sir.
let me get this straight.
You're not planning on that second date?
That woman's libido will
live on beyond the grave.
She sounds like a complete wacko.
She might come over here and shoot ya.
- Jesus, let's hope not.
- Hey,
you still have that Russian Makarov
you brought back from 'Nam?
Yeah, and I know where I can get
a couple of cops if I need them.
You know, it's...
I don't know, it's...
It's just
falling apart out there.
You said that.
You know it's the phone calls,
the cops coming around, and Ginger,
it's just a giant fubar.
You think those calls
really did in ol' Ketch?
You're damn straight I do.
That guy was in bad health.
They just pushed him over the edge.
Why even do we take those calls?
I'd just be afraid
I'm missing something.
I keep getting these
calls where I, or dreams.
Maggie's trying to call me,
and I can't, I just can't...
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know I guess it's better that Maggie
isn't here to see all this crap.
It's a zoo.
The world has gone completely nuts.
You got that right, my friend.
Without my old lady,
I don't know what I'd do.
45 years my friend.
That is really something.
And we still love each other.
Figure that.
It's a gift.
They'll just
keep sending more people.
Drag it in.
Uh huh, still drinking
that battery acid I see.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
You want some?
Too strong for me.
Suit yourself, but you're missing out.
Nectar of the gods.
Got the file on the
call center shooting.
You ever get one of
those robocalls, Salazar?
Well, who doesn't,
those bastards never stop.
Says here he didn't hurt anybody.
No, but he shot the
shit out of the computers,
and he scared the
hell out of everybody in there.
How do you wanna handle it?
I'll get around to it.
What else you got?
Do you need a lawyer?
The attorneys at Bilman and Chase
will fight for your rights.