Robot Ninja (1989) Movie Script

Curses! Get 'em, boys!
Who are you?
I am the Robot Ninja...
and remember, kids,
drugs are not cool!
Oh Robot Ninja, you're my hero!
Courageous citizens like you
are the real heroes...
- I did not thee, little sprite.
Dost thou know the form
that thee just took?
Boy, this was the
best deal I ever made
letting NBC pick up
the domestic rights
to market this character
as a television show!
And to think that Lennie
Miller was so opposed to
having the show be a
campy one like the
Batman show in the '60s!
Lennie Miller's just
an uptight artist.
He hates the fact that
everybody's pegging
Robot Ninja as
the new Batman.
Look...lookit that!
If only I could see you
without your mask...
I wonder what Lennie
thinks about this
week's episode...
Will the Robot Ninja escape
the evil clutches of
the Weeping Forest
Find out next
week on TV 5...
same Ninja-time,
same Ninja-channel!
Man, this show's better
than the old Batman!
I hear ya bud, I hear ya!
Is Russ in
the editing suite?
Has anybody seen Russ?
Where's Russ?
Good evening,
Mister Miller...
Give me a wipe...
hey, who pays you?
Do I pay you or does
this bozo pay you?
Lennie! Lennie,
how you doin'?
I'm glad you--
eh--made it!!
Cut the shit, Rip.
Get to the point.
What's the deal with
the television show?
Uh, uh, Lennie, uh, I
want you to meet the
show's director...
Joey McHeister...
and this is the show's
producer over here,
this is Greg Lange...
Yeah, yeah, kid,
it's good to meet ya.
Man, gimme the wipe.
The wipe. THE WIPE!
Thank you.
Uh, so, uh Rip tells me you
got a little problem here
so why don't you cut the
crap and let's get right to it.
Uh, Lennie,
c'mon, jump in!
Uh, tell these quacks what
you think about all this...
tell 'em yer side of it!
C'mon, Rip... you're supposed
to be the agent here...
I'm the comic-book
artist, remember?
Now look, McHeister,
we think that you
should be a little more--
No, you look. Amsco Comics
contracted us to create
this wonder show.
- Yeah, whatever.
Right. Now look, we saw
a lot of potential with
this character.
- Right.
- I mean it works
great in the comics...
and Lennie's the
hottest artist since
this clown who invented
that Teenage Ninja
Mutant Turtles crap.
But this Robot Ninja...
it ain't reality!
Right Greg
- Yeah, whatever.
- You guys don't give a
shit about this character...
not one of you bastards.
Now listen, Miller... our
contract allows us a
certain amount of
creative leeway
with your character.
Rip, tell your boy here, we've
got the hottest TV show since
Batman on our hands here!
- Well I think that--
- This is bullshit...
all of this!
Do what you want
with Robot Ninja...
fuckin' cut out his
guts for television.
See if I care.
I'll show you what the
Robot Ninja
is really about.
Do what you wanna do in
your funny book, Miller!
Your publisher loves
Robot Ninja our way!
We'll do lunch.
Um, great show,
Mister Miller.
Can I get you
anything else?
No thank you.
It was very good.
ready to go?
Are you kidding? I've been
waiting for this night
for a year now.
Let's go!
Be right back...
gotta pay the bill.
I'll be here.
Thank you for dinner.
Now for the dessert!
Get 'er Revelle...
teach that slut!
You ain't much
of a man, man...
Leave him alone,
you animal...
What he's gettin' ain't
nothin' compared to what
I'm gonna do to you!
Let's see what kind of
fun I can have with
you, sweetie...
Goddamn it,
not again!
What the fuck, Sculley?
It's Revelle's fuckin'
radiator repair again!
Watch it, fucker!
I'm gonna pile
drive your ass!
I told you I ain't no
fuckin' Mister Goodwrench!
Alright, cut the shit.
Sculley, get out and fix
the fucker and let's
get the fuck home.
Hello, yes, I want to report
a possible assault...
So that's the way
it's done, eh, babe?
What the fuck?
Who the hell is that?
Let's get these
two outside...c'mon!
Hey, where you guys
takin' them? I'm
almost through--
Take a look
over there, ass-wipe!
Aw, shit.
Stop it!
Go fuck yourself, asshole!
Sculley, let's fix the van
and get outta here...
Don't do it...
don't do it, hero-man...
Leave her alone,
you son of a bitch...
Run, Susan, run!!
C'mere, ya
son of a bitch...
Son of a bitch!!
I showed that
Yeah, I got our
hero-boy, too...
Let's go boy,
we've had our fun!
Move it, boy,
the pigs're comin'!
No, dammit...
[car door opens[
Dispatch, this is Hickox.
I've got three bodies...
two dead, one
male, one female.
One alive, male.
Send an ambulance.
You are very lucky you
didn't get much more than
just some bumps and
bruises, Leonard Miller.
Now...what the hell possessed
you to help those poor people?
You should have seen
them, Goodknight...
it was the worst
thing I've ever seen.
Ah, yes, so Officer
Hickox told me.
You're very lucky
to be alive, no?
It scared the shit
out of me, doc.
I should hope so.
Now get in.
Dumkauf artists.
This is gonna be the one, doc.
I'm gonna use this thing as
the new Robot Ninja story.
That sounds very good, Leonard.
Yeah, I'll show those
boneheads at the network
how to make Robot Ninja work.
I'm sure you will, Leonard.
I'm sure you will.
"Don't do it..."
"don't do it, hero-man..."
"Run, Susan, run!!"
Leave her alone!
"Let's go boy,
we've had our fun...!"
Well, Mister Coleslaw...
This, uh, Bayou-Man comic
book certainly is an
interesting concept.
You really think so? It took me
hours to get it this good!
Mmm. Well, it
certainly looks like it.
Yeah, it's, uh, it's not bad.
But you see, Marty...
the problem is,
our star artist,
Leonard Miller...
has a character
called Bog-Thing.
And uh, I really hate
to tell you this, but...
I'm afraid he's going to have
to take priority over you--
No, no dammit!
Everywhere I go it's
Leonard Miller this!
Leonard Miller that!
Leonard Miller can suck
sheep shit through a
Crazy Straw for all I care!
Do you see these hands?
These hands are insured
for ten -- count it --
ten thousand dollars
and I will not--
Mister Coleslaw,
are you alright?
I'm fine...
and I'm leaving!!
Here's the proofs for the
new issue of Lizard Boy comics,
Mister Kane...
Thank you.
Have you seen these?
Robot Ninja, huh?
It doesn't look like
the TV show!
That's the problem.
Miss Barbeau, would you please
call Leonard Miller on the
right away.
You got it, chief!
Holy shemp, I wish I had.
What the hell is
this boy thinking?
Mister Kane...Lennie
Miller on line one.
Thank you, Miss Barbeau.
Hello Lennie!
How are things in Ridgway?
Just fine, Stanley,
what's the problem?
Did you get the new pages
of the Robot Ninja comic?
Yes, Leonard.
That is the problem.
I thought we'd agreed
to do the new series
as an adaptation of
the television show.
It's getting great
press, y'know?
Yeah, well I had a talk about
that the other night
with my agent and the
show's director and producer.
We...didn't see eye-to-eye
on the show's concept.
I told them that you both
can fuck up the show
as much as you want
but the comic's still my baby.
That's our contract, remember?
Yes, Lennie, of course...
how about if we release this
new story as a graphic novel.
- It'll sell more copies and I--
- Bullshitsky, Stan.
You're not rakin' me
over the coals this time.
You're printin' this damned
story or I fuckin' quit.
You got that?
Yes...yes, Len, I'll print it.
But I guarantee you, when
your damned contract
expires this May
we're going to
have a serious talk.
Why, I had an artist in
here ten minutes ago
just as talented as you
and he wants to do a new
creature-in-the-swamp series
and I--
Damned artists.
Robot Ninja...
Damn publishers.
...small village of
Ridgway this day.
Late last night, a witness saw
what appeared to be two men
brutalize and rape a young
woman at the Ridgway Plaza
on the corner of Cleveland
and Mogadore Roads.
The police have no
leads on this...
the fifth such brutal crime
in Ridgway this month.
Next we'll have
Dan with weather
and then "The Bud" will
recap the Browns'
loss at the stadium...
What is it, Leonard?
Can't you see I'm playing
"Lords of the Rising Sun"?
I've almost got this Ninja beat!
Ha-ha! I got through it!
What is it now, Leonard?
You've gotta help me, doc.
I just got this
great idea today!
I want you to build me a suit...
a real one, not some
Halloween costume!
Robot Ninja?
What the hell for?
I just need it. It's gotta
be built like a tank...
padding, plating,
the whole nine yards!
You want to be
the Robot Ninja?
Who better to fight the
thugs that killed that couple?
Especially that bitch
that kicked my ass.
I figure the costume alone
could kinda freak 'em out.
And if I catch 'em off
guard with this outfit
maybe I can corral 'em long
enough to get the police there.
How the hell do you
think Batman got started?
Yes, well, but Batman
was a rich man
in his alter-ego if I
remember correctly.
Don't worry about
that, Goodknight.
Buy whatever you want.
I just got paid last week from
royalties on that idiot TV show.
I'm an inventor,
not a costume maker.
Just like this?
Alright, Lennie.
For you, I'll do it.
Thanks, man.
I knew I could count on you.
Crazy little man.
Late last night
a witness saw what appeared
to be two men
brutalize and rape a young
woman at the Ridgway Plaza
on the corner of Cleveland
and Mogadore Roads.
The police have no leads on
this, the fifth such brutal
crime in Ridgway this month.
Well, Leonard?
Is there a problem?
Almost there!
Here I come!
Well, how do I look?
And there's one more
feature here that
I've added.
There. Now try to speak.
Go ahead.
Hello, Goodknight...
shit, this is great!
Hold it you thugs,
stop there!
It's a vocal disguiser that one
of the computer companies
wanted me to design.
It's just a prototype,
but I think it will suffice
for your needs.
This is fantastic, Goodknight!
How can I possibly lose
with all this shit on my side?
I feel invincible!
Yes, well, let's hope so.
Well, Leonard, be careful.
I'm going to bed,
it has been a long day.
Yeah, I guess it's time for
me to get out on the prowl.
You mean to tell me
you're going out tonight?
Sure! The longer I wait
the less chance I have
of catching those
creeps in the act.
Please be careful.
I really think you should
get some sleep
before you do this.
Naw, I'll be fine.
I'm used to no sleep!
Well, alright.
Good night, then.
Good night,
Very funny.
I'll just get my stuff and go!
Let's go, clerk...
all your bread.
Sculley, go start up
the escape pod.
Just do it!
Hurry up, Christopher.
Take the tapes back in
and let's get back home.
Don't snap at me, Christine...
it's not my fault mom forgot
to take these movies back today.
Just go, alright.
I have to get back.
George is supposed to be
calling me any minute now.
All right...
Cameron, in reference
to the Miller case...
check Video World across
from the Ridgway Plaza.
I saw a black van
as I drove by
matching the description
of the one involved
in that incident.
I'm tied up with this code
four down on Nine-Mile
and Middlevale.
Ten-four, I've got an accident
report to finish here
and I'll be right there.
E.T.A. is ten minutes.
This is great,
I cracked a nail!
Thanks, man...
I knew there was somethin'
I liked about Video World!
And we are outta here!
What is that dumb
kid doin' now?
Oh shit!!
Sculley, what the
fuck are you doing?
Who in the fuck?
No false heroics, man!
Oh, man...
Heh...I'm gonna have some
fun with her tonight, man!
C'mon, baby, let's see
them big knockers!
I wouldn't if I
were you, man!
You got some kinda
death wish, man?
I am the Robot Ninja,
and I kick ass...
Like hell!
You son-of-a-bitch fucker!
Get the hell out
Christopher, wake up!
I did it!
I did it!
What the hell is this, Leonard?
Good morning, Goodknight.
You killed that boy!
He was just a punk kid...
he deserved it.
No, no, not the punk...
that little boy!!
Oh God.
Dead is Buddy Revelle, age 23
and Christopher Curtis, age 13.
Ridgway Police are
actively pursuing this
masked vigilante's
arrest and conviction
in connection with
these deaths.
I didn't kill him...
I saved him!
It was that female thug,
she tossed him to the ground!
That's not how I see it...
and neither do the cops.
And why did you take a
bunch of drugs from my
medicine cabinet
I had to stay awake...
I had to get those guys!
Well no more...
where's the uniform?
No, you're not taking it!
I have to get the girl!
Get the girl...
get her like you got
Christopher Curtis?
I don't think so, Leonard...
No, you're not taking it...
not until I'm done.
You are done.
No, you should have
seen me, I was great!!
Oh, I'm sure, now
where's the suit?
Goodknight, I'm sorry.
Go tell it to the cops.
Fuck you too.
Quiet night.
a little too quiet.
C'mere, you son of a bitch!
You're going to end up
like your friend...
Not tonight, Ninja-man...
it's our turn to slice
and dice tonight.
Kill that fucker!!
Tear his fucking
heart out!
Teach him the way it is!!
This is for Revelle,
you Ninja bastard!
You're a dead
mother fucker now...
What kind of Robot Ninja
screams in pain
Yeah...maybe he ain't like
on the TV show, eh boss?
Yeah...maybe he ain't.
Let's see if robots bleed.
Well...what have we here?
It don't look like
no robot to me.
Sure don't. Hold him.
You got it, babe!
Hold still...I'm tryin'
some surgery here!
Hold still, fucker!
Fucker! Fucker! Fucker!
C'mon, let's take him
home and kill him! nuts!
He's getting away!
Forget it, I'll get him!
Oh, shit!
Not the cops again!
Get up, Sculley...
ya big dickhead.
Hold it!
Don't move!
Dispatch, this is Cameron.
Please send assistance to
the corner of Cleveland
and Mogadore.
Two men fleeing in black van...
license number North-
Eastern-Quadrant 549.
Well, let's see where
We gonna tag him now?
No no, let him
get rested up.
I don't feel like any
more shit tonight.
We'll come back
in the morning.
Doctor Hubert Goodknight, eh?
We'll have to pay a visit
to the doctor tomorrow...
try and catch the fucker
out of his little playsuit.
...and, no surprise, there's
more trouble in Ridgway tonight.
Police report that
the vigilante posing
as the Robot Ninja
television character--
we told you about
that story last night--
is now responsible
for four more deaths.
We go live to Russ Mazzola
at the scene of this tragedy.
Melanie, it's massacre central
down here at Ridgway Plaza
where the Robot Ninja
vigilante has claimed at
least two more victims.
- We've got two more over here!
- Two more deaths are being
blamed on resistance of arrest.
The police say there is
going to be a citywide manhunt
for this vigilante tonight.
We have an eyewitness to
the entire massacre, his
name is Bert Ralston.
- Bert, tell us what
happened tonight.
- Tell us what happened,
in your own words.
- Oh. Okay.
Well this guy comes up,
see... he's about six, six-one,
uh, blond hair...
wore this kind of like metal
uh, uh, mask, across his face
with a visor in the, in
the, over the eyes...
it was kind of silver,
kind of like a bondage-style
welder's mask
and he had a black
outfit with this, uh...
kind of like a pajama
outifit with a...
a red sash, and those
Chinese slippers on his feet--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
what happened, Bert?
Well I don't know,
I didn't see much.
This is Russ Mazzola, Live
Action-Cam 5 in Ridgway.
Back to you at
the studio, Melanie.
Hello. Goodknight here.
I'm out of town until
tomorrow morning.
Leave a message
at the tone.
I lost...
I should of won.
Who the hell?
Hiya, doc...
have a nice fall!
C'mon, we got us a
Robot Ninja to disarm.
Let's do it.
Hey Sanchez...
check this.
Y'know the doc's given us
no end of trouble 'cause
of this here suit.
Y'know, I think
you're right.
I think the doc
deserves some
punishment for the
hassles he's given us.
Now you got the idea.
Lookit that...
the doc's ready to play.
We about killed
you last night...
we would've if it weren't
for the pigs gettin' in the way.
We're killin' you tonight,
though... and you'll end
your stint as Robot Ninja.
No, no, it's not me.
I'm not the Robot Ninja!
Oh no? Then why did we follow
him here last night
I just--
built it for a friend...
If that's true,
then where is he?
go to hell!
I already been there...
and I didn't like
the weather.
Sculley... gun!
Well, I gotta go.
But let me not be so rude
as to just kill and go.
I should really
say goodbye.
Good night,
Nobody fucks with
Gody Sanchez!
Let's get rid of him.
It's time...
to play.
Come in Hickox,
this is Cameron.
Go ahead.
Yeah, uh, a man reported a
sighting of the suspect vehicle
about half an hour ago heading
toward the old junkyard
on the edge of town.
Uh, the man said something
about a couple of punk kids
harassing some of the
students down at the, uh,
high school dance.
Good God!!
I was gonna take a run
down to the junkyard area
and check things out.
Sound okay?
Hickox, do you copy?
Uh, Hickox, does that
sound okay, sir?
Yes, Cameron, yes!
Get to the junkyard now,
I'll meet you there!
I'm not going to
lose... please...
So... I get to have the
pleasure of killing you.
Well that's too bad.
I wanted Sanchez to
have that fun.
Oh well.
I am the Robot Ninja...
Not for long you ain't...
Ya fucking
cut me, man!
...and I kick ass...
Sculley SCULLEY!!
Die, copper!
what an idiot move!
No fuckin' around
this time, Robot Ninja...
I agree...
You son of a bitch...
We'll meet again,
Robot Ninja...
Open the door,
it's Officer Hickox!
Copy, Mister Buckshot.
Uh, thank you.
Well, son,
how's it look?
Oh, just fine,
chief, just fine!
Good work, son.
Let's get this ready to go
so you can go back to
this month's issue of
Good work, boy.
Yes sir,
Mister Hammarstrom.
We'll be shipping you
those new Robot Ninja
books next week.
Yes, that's true.
These will be the last ones.
Thank you.
Another request for
the collector's edition.
We've already prebooked
more copies than DC's
Dark Knight series!
I wonder what kind of
sales these bookstores
are going to have that
they've ordered so many!
Don't worry. Lennie's
always been a big draw!
Hey, you
gonna buy that?
Yeah, I think so.
You better, Bobby, it's gonna
be worth some money soon.
Ah, managed to get
yourself one of these, eh?
Yeah, what's the big
deal with those anyway?
The artist, Lennie Miller,
killed himself about
a month ago.
Shot himself in the head.
Didn't stop the publisher
from crankin' it out real quick,
though, did it?
These are the most violently
graphic comics ever released.
They're only printing
a few thousand of them.
Funny, most of it's
not very realistic.
Not very graphic, either.
Okay, thanks.
Have fun.
Boy, this guy's cool.
Sure wish I could be him.
Not me...
look at the ending!
What a way to
end a comic book!