Rock Star (2001) Movie Script
Those days were amazing.
Being a kid, you know, what else was I|to do but to live the Dragon?
I'd study the music note for note.|I read every interview.
Copied every outfit, every move,|you know, every look.
My pursuit ofperfection|was relentless,
The music deserved that,
All right, ladies, Spread them,
Rob, you're not nailing the squeal.
I have no idea|what you're talking about.
Check it out.
Play it like that.
That's it.|That's a ping, not a squeal.
-Sounds just like the tape, man.|-No. Raunchier.
Again, please.
That was great. Thank you.
From the top.
Hold on!
Hey, Jeremy, no.
What are you doing?|You know what this is?
LuDricator, signed by all five|band members with the original cover.
Look. Jorgen's name is misspelled.|It should be an "E."
You know how much I can get for it?
Peace to you too, dude.|Try it like this.
Mom?|Mom, isn't my room off-limits?
I'm sorry, Chris.|Oh, what were you doing?
-How are you?|-Good. How's Willard?
-He's fine. You look nice.|-Thank you.
Here, hold on.|You got a smudge.
-Bye. Gotta run.|-Bye. Love you.
Love you too. Bye.
I need more power! I want more!
Come on, come on.
Nina and Samantha!
Hey, Chris.
-Coming to my show in a week?|-Of course.
-Want to hand out fliers?|-Absolutely.
-You guys look awesome.|-Bye.
We're a band called Blood Pollution...
...a Steel Dragon tribute band,|the best in Pittsburgh.
Thank you.
I wrote this one for someone|who ripped out my heart.
And put it through a bloody blender!
That's right.
This one's for IKim, who makes me|want to stand up and shout.
Em, I'll be right back, okay?
Excuse me.
You think I could have one?
Not without a blowjob and a sex|change, pal. But have a nice day.
-Come on, girls. This way.|-See you, Chris.
Oh, that was awesome!
That was the heaviest|since Columbus in '77.
Heavier than the Demented tour.
-I ask you, did they not rock?|-They totally rocked.
Guys.
What the...?
Come on.
Oh, I thought I smelled pussy.
Look who's here.
-If it isn't Yoko Ono and the Fag Five.|-What are you doing?
Making sure nobody sees|some cut-rate copy band.
Cut-rate? This dude can't|even tune his own guitar.
-You could work on your lip-synch.|-I don't lip-synch.
Be doing everyone a favor if you did.
You could get the outfit right.
Boots from the Wasted tour|and a cheap Twistedjacket.
You are so fully wrong, cocksmoker.|This is official issue.
The actual vest Bobby wore|on the Twisted tour.
My dad bought it from someone|who knows them.
Sorry, but your dad got ripped.
The lapels should be blue,|there's no green in the embroidery.
As a matter of fact,|can anybody here honestly say...
...they've ever seen Bobby Beers|with a jacket with red lapels?
-No, I can't.|-I don't think so.
You can make me his pants.
Or did she already rip out|the Dodge seats?
No. First tell me what you put there|to make people think you're a guy.
-This is all me, baby.|-You and a few ballet slippers.
-You want a piece of me?|-No, I'm good.
-Want to see how a real man--|-Don't touch her.
-Let go of my cape.|-Let go of my cape!
Get your ass out of bed.
Get out of here.
-Let's go. Get up.|-Get out of here.
Move it.
Where you hiding|your stash these days?
Get out! I didn't do anything.
That's the problem.|You never do anything.
-Get out of here, pig!|-God-- Fucking--
Come on!
Mom! Mom!
Jeez, boys. Quit. Break it up.|Chris, give him a break. Come on.
-Stop it!|-Tell him to get out!
-Used to be my room.|-Not anymore!
Because I moved out when I was 18.
-We're having breakfast.|-IKeep him out!
Get ready for work.|Will you go downstairs?
-IKeep him out!|-All right, he's gone.
So you arrested Mervin|for drunk driving?
He was parked on|the Brennemans' lawn.
Claims he was going out for ice cream.|Same story.
-Chris, so how was the show?|-It was fine.
-The freaks were out in force.|-Why weren't you busting heads?
-Female officers handle that crowd.|-You want to go?
-Come on.|-Saved again. Should take her to work.
-Good one.|-Did they do "Black Babylon"?
They haven't played that|since Osaka in '75.
-That is pathetic that you know.|-I love that song.
Okay, genius,|who's buried in Grant's tomb?
It's twisted that you're still living|at home, stealing Ma's makeup.
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?
How much longer will you|put up with this?
The rock star fantasy thing is|something you grow out of at 14.
If I get lucky, I'll get to grow up|and listen to Air Supply like you.
What's wrong with Air Supply?
Nothing, if you're|from the Village People.
You know what the sickest thing|is about you?
It's that you don't have|any fantasies of your own.
You fantasize about|being somebody else.
Wearing somebody else's clothes.|Singing somebody else's songs.
It's pathetic.
-Get a haircut.|-Okay, Satan's allegiant.
Have a good one, son.
-You didn't eat.|-Later. I love you guys.
Love you too.
-I love you.|-You do this every time.
I question his sexuality, Ma. I do.
Here's the procedure, so it won't|happen again. Don't stick a pen in.
I'll give you a simple|one-two-three procedure.
It's 1 -2-3.|Pop that down, push this.
Pull back on this lever, free up|the jam and you can access--
Is there something wrong?
Is that mascara?
-I'm in a band. Okay?|-Oh, okay.
Can you follow the 1 -2-3|without sticking a pen in there?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Sorry about that.
When's Marci getting back?
She and Rob went to see Wham!|Won't be back for a while.
Wham!? Oh, God.
George Michael's a wuss.|I'm gonna give Rob shit for it.
He'll want to cover that.
All right, you.
Okay, now just relax.
-Is it numb?|-I think so.
Feel that?
-Sure you want to do this?|-Yeah, Bobby did it last week.
-I love you, babe.|-I love you.
Okay, don't look. Don't look.
-God, that had to hurt.|-Yes, it does. Oh, God.
You want to do the other one?
No. You want to do yours?
-Maybe.|-Come on. Let's do yours.
Testing, testing. One, two.
-No way!|-That's right. That's my boy.
All right, ladies,|who had the weenies?
Do I have too much foundation on?
I keep putting this shit on|till I want to fuck myself.
-Hey, Rob, you wearing underwear?|-No.
Rob.
You know the drill. No panties.
-Get up.|-I am not freezing my balls--
Just stand up and drop it.
-I'm not taking it off.|-Come on.
If you want, take them off.|I am not taking off--
Your woman's an animal!
All right!
Before we get too into this party.
-I love you!|-Love you too.
Before we get too deep into this party,|I want to thank IKey Steel...
...for letting us use their place|of business to pay tribute...
...to the metal created by|none other than Steel Dragon!
And a special thanks|to my brother, Joe...
...who gave me my first Dragon|record because he hated it.
And to my parents, because they|let me play it as loud as I wanted!
-That's my boy!|-That's my baby!
Because they rock!
Now, this next tune...
...l'd like to dedicate to someone|who, when I first met...
...ripped my heart out|and put it through a bloody blender.
That's right! This one's for Emily!
She turns me up and shakes me|down and makes me want to what?
Stand up and shout!
What was that?
What was what?
There's no solo break|after the chorus.
They don't care.
That's not how the song goes.
I know how the song goes.
If you know how it goes,|then play it right.
Chris, you are taking this shit|too seriously.
That's right, because the music|deserves to be taken seriously.
If you don't,|you don't deserve to play it.
All right, you need to get a grip.
You've ruined your performance.|Do not ruin mine!
Hey!
Plug that fucker back in.
Quit it!
-That's my amp!|-Do not ruin this concert! Do not!
Hey, fuck this concert!
Here we go again.
-Hit him in the bollocks.|-That wraps it up for tonight.
Grab a T-shirt and cassette on|your way out. Thanks for coming.
Cut it.
-What's up?|-What's he doing here?
-What are you doing here?|-Bradley's our new front man.
You made your point.|Get him out now.
-Only one leaving is you.|-Chris, see these?
It's the new P.A. he brought with him.|And that's the new mixing board.
Have you heard his voice?
-Sit and spin.|-Dude, just relax.
I don't care if Bradley can hit|the notes Bobby Beers can hit.
Bobby's leaving the band anyway.
-You don't know.|-Nina and Samantha say he's leaving.
-Bullshit.|-It doesn't matter.
We want people to hear our originals.|We're tired of being a cover band.
-We're a tribute band.|-No, dude. We are a cover band.
The problem is, you think|you're in Steel Dragon.
I love you, man, but you're mental.
Get a grip on reality. You don't know|where Bobby Beers ends and you begin.
I'm mental, because I don't want|to be in a cheesy bar band...
...that butchers music and makes them|listen to your crappy originals!
Crappy? "Whole and a Half" kicks ass.|I'm proud to have written it.
That's why we got|so many requests for it.
Don't shit on me because you're|scared to write your own songs.
Yeah, that's it. I'm too scared.
If you wanna make it,|you write your own tunes.
Thanks for the tip, bro.|Look, come on, guys.
We loved playing Dragon tunes. We|couldn't imagine playing anything else.
-I thought it'd be a goof.|-A goof?
Wouldn't you rather fail|as yourself...
...than succeed as|a Bobby Beers clone?
You can write a song about|why I would wanna do that!
All right, you're gone. Just go!
What's so fucking funny?
Babe, come on. Let's go.
Fine. This is my mike stand!|I'm taking it! These are my cables.
I'll get new cables.
-Don't think I'm coming back.|-I don't.
-Well, that's because I'm not.|-Good.
I'm serious. If I leave,|I'm not coming back!
-You said that!|-Shut up, Bradley.
Last time.
Emily.
If you still want to manage us,|then it's okay with us.
Rob, I'm a businesswoman.
Rule one in this business is|you go where the talent is...
...and all the fucking talent|that was in this band just left.
You know, those guys are|so replaceable.
It'll take me five minutes to put|together a band and blow them away.
Maybe this is just a sign.
You know, just time to move on.
I'm not in the mood to look|on the bright side now.
No, this is an opportunity for you...
...to write your own songs.
Why?
Be another clown with a guitar,|trying to get attention? No way.
Remember what you wrote|for me on my birthday?
-No.|-Yes, you do.
Come on, please.|It's embarrassing.
Are you done making fun of me yet?
I love that song.
You're not getting it.|You're not hearing me.
I'm telling you,|first time I ever saw you...
...first time I laid eyes on you...
...sophomore year, Bill Starbuck|in The Rainmaker,
I said to myself,|"Oh, my God, that guy's got it."
I mean, my heart stopped.
And I said,|"That guy is going all the way."
I was just singing|someone else's lines.
I did not write them.
-My favorite color is rainbow.|-Mine's mauve,
I said no. Haley, did you answer|the telephone? Thank you.
Sunshine Daycare.
Chris! Telephone!
Telephone!|You want to help me crack eggs?
-I want five.|-Five eggs.
Chris? ls that Chris Cole?
-Who is this?|-This is Kirk Cuddy,
Ricki, your accent is|as lame as your playing.
What do you suggest|I do about my playing?
Who is this?
I told you, it's IKirk Cuddy.|I play in a band called Steel Dragon.
-Maybe you've heard ofus,|-I don't have time.
Hang on, hang on.|Listen to this, all right?
Are you lip-synching?
If this is IKirk,|what did you call your third wife?
Do we have to talk about that old slag?|I called her Sugar Bum.
The second wife, too,|It's why the third left,
Now I affectionately refer|to all ladies as Tottie,
Is that enough for you?
My God, this is unbelievable.|I was sorry to hear about your dog.
Pookie?
Yeah. I sent flowers|but I didn't get a response.
But I figured you're so busy.
Can we get past|the This ls Your Life crap?
There's a ticket waiting for you|for a flight to L.A. tomorrow.
-Are you serious?|-Ofcourse I'm serious,
-Tell no one about this,|-Yes, sir.
Good man, I'll see you tomorrow,
Bye.
Right there.
I'm Chris Cole.
I'm Tania. I work with the band.
-You went out with Bobby.|-You look like Bobby.
-Is that all you brought?|-My manager.
We traded the first-class ticket|for two coach.
How resourceful.
Yeah, well, I thought so.
What was that? Did you see that?
Why are we here?
I should let IKirk explain|everything to you.
Are those your breasts?
I'm sorry. What?
Your breasts. Are they yours?
Well, you know, I don't remember.
They're quite sensational.
Well, thanks.|That's just what I was going for.
So you're in a Steel Dragon cover band.
-Tribute band.|-Right.
I'm kind of sort of|in between bands right now.
-Your pants.|-Emily had them made for me.
I bet they're easy|to get in and out of.
So, when do we get there?|Tania, is it?
Tania.
-Are you famous?|-No, we're nobody. Sorry.
-Well, you should be!|-Oh, thank you. Bye.
-Can you get us in?|-I'm just trying to get in myself.
Follow me, darlings.
This is Bobby's Twisted tour in '77.
-Look at that.|-See the dragon?
That's Sammy!
Look!
It's a '58 Flying V|in fire-mist gold.
And it's the real one. Look.|The fingerboards are rosewood.
That's from|the Delirious tour, right?
-Are you two coming or what?|-Yeah. Sorry.
Wait right here, all right?
Thanks a lot, Ralph. That's great.
-That's it?|-Yeah. Very nice. Thanks.
Lovely.
They're ready for you now.
What's up?
Thanks for coming.|Not too fagged out?
-I don't think so.|-Mats, the road manager.
I saw you in Pittsburgh.|You gave everybody a pass but me.
From the looks of you,|I had good reason.
We saw a tape of you singing|provided by Nina and Samantha.
Is the incredible voice really yours?
-Cocksuckers!|-That would be you, Bobby.
You think some child|can replace me?
You want to do your thing.
-You're firing me?|-Calm down.
You calm down, you wanker!
-It's because I'm gay, isn't it?|-You're gay?
No, I have pierced nipples and a house|in Morocco because I'm John Wayne.
Have you listened|to the lyrics of "Stand Up"?
Did you really think|that IKim was a girl?
-IKim was a guy?|-Yeah, IKim was a guy.
He's my lover, to the horror|of these sausage-jockeys.
-As if we give a toss.|-Just keep your dick away from me.
Stop it, man.
You don't turn up|for recording sessions.
You missed half the gigs,|and when you did show--
I am Steel Dragon!|Without me, you're nothing!
Give us a break.
You'll be playing for coppers|in the tube without me!
We'll see.
Yeah. We'll see.
-What's going on?|-I don't know.
My scarf.
-Take it.|-Yeah, I will.
Good.
If I leave now, I'm never coming back.|Never.
Heard you the first time.
What you looking at?
You think you can dress like me|and be a star?
-No, sir.|-You have no idea what it takes.
You think it's all sex,|drugs and rock 'n' roll?
You got the sex wrong.
I never touch drugs.|No one does a gig like I do half-cut.
Not even at your age.
And it's bed, 1 1 :30 every night|before a gig. That's what it takes.
Just do your own thing.
Get your own life.|It's like being bloody Elvis.
Except Elvis was the king.
And I'm just the queen.
Very funny.
Ha-bloody-ha.
Bastards. You bastards.
Sorry about that.
-Missed your cue.|-Yeah, sorry, IK--
-You do know this song?|-Yes, sir.
We'll pick it up just|coming out of the intro.
I'm sorry.
We wasting our time here?
Sorry. Could I start it one more time?
All right, go again.
Sorry about that.
I love you,
I love you,
Well, mate, do you want the gig, then?
Look in the lens, guys.|Go. Get in there more.
Give me attitude.|Two double-platinum records.
You're playing the Forum. You got|20 girls who want to be with you.
Give me rock star attitude.|Hold that. Here we go.
Hey, lzzy, let's try one|with attitude. No smile.
Sorry.
Better. Now you're looking cool.
Come on, right in my lens.|Nice shot. Attitude.
We combed this entire planet|looking for someone...
...heavy enough to pull this off|and we found a star.
When this guy sings, you'll forget|about Bobby Beers. I promise you.
Izzy! ls that your name? lzzy?
Yeah, the name's lzzy,|like lzzy's Revenge.
Holy shit.
Izzy? I'm not calling him lzzy.
Can you hit all the notes|Bobby can?
That's why I'm in the band.
Stand up and shout
How do you keep your voice|in such great shape?
My choir teacher gives me|really cool exercises--
He eats a lot of pussy, that's how.
Yeah, I eat a lot ofpussy,
-Classy.|-Like father, like son.
-That's my boy.|-Come on, you guys.
-How was l?|-So good. So comfortable.
-I messed up my accent.|-It was great.
-Nice way to handle that "pussy" Iine.|-I can't argue with him.
Izzy, don't worry.|I'll make an honest man out of you.
I eat a lot of pussy.
Loads of it.
I eat a lot of pussy.
Tons.
I got my voice eating pussy, man.|It's a vocal technique exercise.
I got it eating pussy.|Loads of it. All the time.
It's all I do. Breakfast, morning,|noon, night. I've got to have it.
It's all I do, is eat pussy.|I love it.
Either get in here and do it|or shut up.
Hold on. Oh, shit! I eat pussy!
Hi. I'm lzzy's mother.
-Have a good one.|-I'll see you up there.
-Did you see all the people?|-I know. Just breathe.
You'll be great.|Nobody knows these songs better.
-True.|-Be yourself, Chris.
-Don't get--|-Izzy.
You'll be great, babe.|I love you so much.
I love you too.
All right, matey.|Time to go to work.
Sorry, darling, back to the henhouse.
I'm gonna sit with his parents.
Whatever twirls your beanie.|Come on, mate.
-I gotta piss.|-What? You gotta piss?
-Go now.|-I can't.
Or you gotta use it. Use it.|You're awesome. Bye, babe.
-Are you okay?|-Yeah.
Well, you're in my house now, mate.|And I ain't lost a man yet.
-Let's do it.|-Here we go.
Let's do it, Mats.
This is your coronation, my dear.
There you go.
All right, boy.
You're okay.
You won't need it, but there's|a bucket in each wing, all right?
-Up you go.|-All right, Mats.
Break a leg!
Are you all right, lzzy?
-I'm all right.|-Fantastic! IKeep going!
Thank you.
-You okay?|-Couldn't be better.
There's a bit up there.|That's it.
How do I look?
Fantastic. It's brilliant, mate.|Fucking brilliant. Off you go.
I'm just a regular guy...
...who grew up with posters|of these guys on my walls!
And now I'm one of them!
That's right!
I'm standing here, living proof|that if you work hard enough...
...and you want it bad enough,|dreams do come true.
So follow your dreams, man.
Follow your dreams,|because we all die young.
Fucking scintillating, baby!
Quiet! Shut them up behind us.|Give us 10 minutes. In we go.
Lock it up! Thank you!
That was something really....
Amazing! You were demented out there.
I thought I was gonna|break my neck when I fell.
You brought the audience home.|You did fucking beautiful.
Thanks.
It was so heavy hearing the music|played to perfection.
We heard it sang right.
-Beautiful.|-Right between the eyes.
It was incredible, man.|Thanks, IKirk.
The Dragons!
All right, let's go.
Go. Go.
Get the hell out of here.
-Oh, my pass.|-VIP. Sorry.
I'm Chris' girlfriend. Manager.
-Who?|-Izzy's girlfriend/manager.
-Yeah, right.|-She's okay. She's all right.
-Go on.|-I'm his mother.
How amazing was he? Brilliant!
Our boy came through tonight.|He was on fire.
-Where are you going?|-Oh, sorry. I've got....
-No. Go on back, darling.|-I'm lzzy's brother.
-I don't think so.|-Mom!
What did you think?
-Are you all right?|-I am so good.
-Oh, man.|-This is insane.
-Arrest her for indecent exposure.|-Out of my jurisdiction, bro.
-Mats, get us the tequilas, will you?|-Ladies, you're on.
Got an initiation for you.|You joined, done a beautiful job.
Now I'll buy you a drink, mate.|Hello, ladies. Thank you.
For lzzy!
-Hey! Hang on. No hands.|-No hands.
You're hanging with the hardcore now.
Two teeth, come on.
Go on, my son.
You're so bad.
Oh, my God.
-The laws of gravity no longer apply.|-I guess not.
You'll get used to it.
You build up a tolerance to it.
Right, okay. I'll get that one going.
-Some crazy stuff happens.|-Oh, my God, it's amazing.
It's all good fun.|Just makes for good stories, you know?
I'm beginning to have|a couple of my own.
You can have a good time as well.|It's allowed.
Anything you want.|You just have to ask.
-Don't forget.|-Oh, I won't.
Cheers.
I'm gonna go to the dance floor.
-Have you seen Emily?|-How you doing?
I'm good. I'm really good.|I'm great, actually.
Tell me something.
How's it feel to know|that everyone in here...
...wants to fuck you?
You're serious?
I can't stop touching you.|I can't keep my hands to myself.
You know, you've turned me|into a silly little groupie.
There she is.
We were just talking about how|stunningly beautiful you are, really.
Oh, God, you two.|Such a sexy couple.
If I were you,|I'd spend all my time in bed.
Come on.
-Sorry about that.|-Relax, lover.
You were terrific last night.
Are those my pants?
Yeah, they're a bit snug,|but that's how I like them.
-So you think....|-Let's not.
People, boat's leaving. All aboard.|Quick as you can, please.
Thank you.|All right, two lovely people.
Quickly, boys.|Boat's going in a minute.
Good afternoon, my darlings.|Look, I've been meaning to tell you.
There's a longstanding rule|that wives and girlfriends...
...aren't allowed on the bus.
The boys don't like distractions|when they're working on their music.
You can travel with the wives.|They're nice.
Yeah, well, who are they?
That's IKirk's astrologer...
...and his physical therapist.
And that, well, we all know what|that is, right? We'd better go.
-I'm gonna ride with Emily.|-Oh, no. Sorry. You can't do that.
The boys need you there|when they work on the tunes.
Go ahead, babe. I'm fine.
Quick as you can.
-You sure?|-Yeah, I'm sure.
I didn't know about the rule.
Yeah. Just get on the bus.
-Have fun.|-You too. Be careful.
The boys are waiting in the back.|They're working. They need you.
-What's up, lzz?|-What's up?
Izz, you want some?
I was gonna go over the schedule.
Suit yourself.|It's good for writing lyrics.
You know, he's a rock star now.|The normal rules don't apply.
-I didn't say anything.|-You didn't have to.
Somebody's jealous.
No. No, I'm not.
I just know him|and he's not that--
Like hell he's not.|He's a guy, isn't he?
Look, we all know exactly|what happens on that bus.
I met Ghode on that bus.
I didn't say anything.
I know it's crazy,|but it comes with the territory.
You either drive yourself batty|trying to change it or you adapt.
You gotta let him off the leash|once in a while.
Or they get cranky. At the end|of the day, they always come home.
And who says you can't|have your own fun?
Exactly.
-Do you want some?|-No, I'm good. I just had breakfast.
-Okay. Here.|-Hair of the dog.
Here's some advice from me.|Number one: Learn to share.
Number two: Get very close|with his accountant.
And three:
Don't sign anything.|I had to learn that the hard way.
You know what I always say.|If you love someone, let them go.
And if they come back to you|with very expensive jewelry...
...then it's meant to be.
I hope I am not as cynical|as you are when I am your age.
Honey, she's 23.
221/2 .
-23|-I am 221/2 .
You guys were at my birthday party.|I was born....
Move aside, you scallywags.|You're getting in the way of future sales.
Be nice to this bloke from MTV.
They're not playing|our videos as much...
...since the boys trashed their set.
Tell them about that thing|you do with your tongue.
-All right, and here we are.|-Thanks, Mats.
I'll be back in half an hour.|Mind your backs, please!
-Chris, I need to talk to you--|-You can't call me that here.
I need to talk to you.
I gotta do this MTV thing,|then talk to a producer--
I know your schedule.|I get a copy every day.
-Then you know when I'm done.|-I'm leaving.
-Just meet me at the hotel.|-I'm going to Seattle.
Come on.
Em, what the hell|is going on in Seattle?
-Marci and I have been talking--|-Who's Marci?
You know who Marci is.|My roommate, Rob's girlfriend.
Sorry. I know who she is.|I've got things on my mind.
I know, I know.
We've been talking about this business|and we got our loan.
-We're going to Seattle to--|-When did you do this?
While the wives were out shopping.
Is this a money thing?|lf you need money--
You know I didn't mean it|like that, Em. I swear.
-Are you leaving me?|-No. I'm not leaving you.
But I am leaving this.|I cannot do this every day.
-I thought we're having a great time.|-We are. It has been fun.
But, baby, this is all happening|to you. And it's great.
But it's different for me.|I can't follow a bus all day.
You don't have to do that anymore.|We're getting our own car.
It's not about the car.
What is it?
You know, it's wanting a life.
And I really want to do this thing|with Marci in Seattle.
Can we hook up in Seattle|when I get there?
Of course. Of course.
All right.
I'll talk to Mats|and get you our numbers...
...so you can call|when you get there.
So I know you got there|safe, all right?
So I'll see you in Seattle?
Can I give you some advice, mate?
-What's up, A.C.?|-Let the chick go, man.
-So how are we doing?|-Lovely. Thank you very much.
-I'll be back to check on you.|-I'm sure you will.
Freshening up the blood.
The liver doesn't work as good|as it did when I was your age.
Listen, make it easier on yourself.
There's no way it can work.
You start off with|the best intentions.
But there's so much pussy coming|at you every day that...
...finally it wears you down.|Then you crack.
Aren't you married to a supermodel?
Yeah, you know why? Because I can.
And you can too.
You got these birds dreaming|about having it off with you.
That makes the guys want to be you.
The guys are the ones|that buy the records.
So if the chicks don't want you,|the guys are gone.
I mean, put it this way:
Your job is to live the fantasy|other people only dream about.
Don't go in half-assed.
Dream big.
Live the life.
-You running for pink slips?|-See you in hell, Bat Boy.
You ready, Robin?
Go!
You got yourself a Ferrari!
Hello, Wichita.
Izzy? Oh, my God, is that lzzy?
I love you!
Watch out!
Out of my bloody way!
-What's going on?|-His wife ran off with Peter Gabriel.
-Let me get that.|-That doesn't work.
Ladies, ladies, please.|A little bit of decorum, please.
Now, listen. We've got limited space.|Just be patient.
I gotta check your credentials,|so have your pussy passes out.
If I get to be with lzzy,|I am going to shit bricks.
Well, yeah, that'll make|a lasting impression.
-Do you dance at Chubbies?|-No.
You should. You have a killer body.|It's not totally nude there.
We wear G-strings,|so the guys respect us way more.
Yeah, that is so true.
Nothing says "respect" Iike cramming|a strip of Lycra up your ass.
Fucking-A, mama!
Yes, that's fine.|You're absolutely fine.
Oh, hi. Hello. Now, that's a very|important little P, isn't it?
-In you go. Nice.|-What's the "P" stand for?
Yes, it's "pass."
Oh, yeah? It's not "pimp"?
-No, it's "personal"....|-"Personal friend."
Yeah, "personal friend of the band."|Yeah. One sec.
I'm not here to check up|on him. I was invited.
-He's doing interviews.|-Interviews? Okay.
Tell you what, darling.
I'm not really sure|where he is, actually.
If you'd like to wait just....
Of course, wait here if you like.|He's actually down there.
What are you doing here?
I live here, Chris.
I thought you were in Seattle.
We're in Seattle.|You're in Seattle.
I'm sorry.
-You forgot.|-No.
Yeah, you did.|You forgot I was coming.
Wait. I did not forget|you were coming. Mats.
Told him to arrange-- Didn't I say|to remind me she was coming?
Shit. I'm so sorry.|I really screwed up, mate.
-What do you mean?|-Chris, please.
You don't need people|taking falls for you. Please.
No, Em. I did not forget.
Chris, don't lie to me.|Please don't lie to me.
It might've slipped my mind.|But I didn't forget. I remembered....
I didn't remember,|but I didn't forget, okay?
Things get crazy.|It's hard to keep things straight.
I know. I see that.
-It is.|-I know. I see that.
Emily, you look great.
Come on. You're wasted.|You're absolutely wasted.
-No, I'm not wasted. I'm tired.|-Sorry.
I gotta do him first,|because I gotta work at midnight.
Come over here. Stand over here|for a second, all right?
-Who are you?|-Izzy.
What is this? What?
Izzy. But you don't have|to call me that. It's me.
Call me Chrizzy, okay?
You don't have to call me lzz.|Call me Chris.
Chris. Well, I'm glad we talked.|I'm gonna go.
-Emily, wait.|-What? What?
-I'll go with you.|-Go with me where?
With you. I'm gonna go to Seattle.
We're in Seattle, Chrizzy.
Sorry, sorry. But...
...are you guys done?|Because l--
We're done.
Get going on this one because|she's gotta be at work by midnight.
Dinner's canceled.
She's really sweet,|but I was here first.
Why don't we go in here?|Somewhere out of the way.
Can I get a picture, lzzy?
All right, I gotta go.|Here you go.
Jorg, it's not very brutal.|Can we make it more raunchy?
Sounds raunchy in here.
Maybe it's an E.Q. thing.|Just take a few minutes.
It needs a bit of bollocks to it.|E.Q. it or something.
Good hunting at your ranch?
Great. Everything I saw, I killed.|IKilled something every damn day.
You should bring|your new fiance up there.
She's busy at the moment.|Some yearbook committee.
--got any body to it.
-Hey, lzz.|-What's up?
-Hello, Chrizzy.|-How are you guys?
-What's with your eyebrow?|-Isn't it cool?
You gotta clear it with us|before you do that.
Worked on some songs for the album.|They're still rough...
...but I wanted to get your input|before I went further.
I don't know.
Just a thought,|but isn't that a cool cover?
No title, no band name.|Could be heavy. What do you think?
Izzy, it looks great.
It still needs work.
I'm glad you've been having fun|writing songs.
I busted my ass|working on the songs.
But the tunes have|already been written.
-What do you mean?|-A.C. and I wrote them during break.
-I know you and A.C. do most of it--|-Not most. All of it.
But shouldn't I have some input?
I'm singing the tunes,|so you at least want my stamp.
I'm not just....
You aren't just expecting me|to be some singer-for-hire, are you?
Let me explain. Come here.
Listen, our fans, right,|our loyal, die-hard fans...
...our very lifeblood, if you will,|expect to see certain things.
We give them what they want.
We don't deviate because one|disappointed fan can turn into two...
...to four, to eight,|till the next thing you know...
...we're playing to a half-empty hall.
And our lost sheep are off enjoying|the rock stylings of, say, Ratt.
So while I understand your impulse|to do your own thing...
...and I admire it|in some small way...
...if you want to stay|with Steel Dragon...
...then you have to reconcile yourself|to doing the Steel Dragon thing.
All right? And the Steel Dragon thing|is that A.C. and I write the songs.
And you sing the songs that we write.
Am I clear?
Yeah.
Good.
What's he doing?
-What?|-Just sing it like it's written.
-I thought I was.|-You weren't.
All right. Sorry.
-Great.|-Theo, from the top.
Thanks.
Pretty good.
What is it when you do something|to somebody and they hate it?
Then somebody does the same|to you and you hate it.
I suppose some might call it|poetic justice. I don't know.
All I know is I owe a guy named Rob|a big fat apology. That's for sure.
We all owe someone an apology along|the way. I mean, that's life, man.
A long, long time ago...
...when I was at university...
...l was married.
No. You were married?
It was before you boys and that|rock 'n' roll music corrupted me, man.
Yeah, I still think|about it sometimes.
She was really a very sweet girl.
What happened?|lf you don't mind me asking.
No, no.
One day we were sitting in the park.
Having lunch, me and the wife.
I needed to take a piss...
...so I walked to the toilet.|You know, in the bathroom.
I'm standing there staring|at the wall, as you do.
And all of the sudden,|something came over me.
Like a fear that my whole life|had already been laid out for me.
I'd finish my studies, get a job.
I'd be working for somebody else...
...worrying about things|that didn't matter.
So I walked out of there.
IKept going. Didn't come back.
You just left her there?
Yep.
Sitting in front of a half-eaten|steak and kidney pie.
Very harsh, man.
She came to see a show a few years|ago. She hadn't changed at all.
She married my best friend.|A doctor.
They have three gorgeous little kids.
Yeah, she's very happy.
Very happy.
Thank you.
You know, I'm just a regular guy...
...who grew up with posters|of these guys on my walls.
And now I'm one of them.|That's right.
I'm standing here, and I'm proof if you|work hard and want it bad enough....
Dreams come true!
That's right. Dreams do come true|so follow them.
Me?
-Awesome!|-What's your name?
Mike, but my friends call me|Thor, God of Thunder!
-IKnow the rest of it?|-IKnow them all.
I know all your moves.|I study you. I love you.
You want to rip|the roof off this place?
Are you serious?
Yep.
Go ahead. Get out there.|Get out there, bro. It's all yours.
-Everything all right?|-Couldn't be better.
Taking a night off, are you?
I'm gonna go take a piss.
I'll see you again.
Off you go.
Chris "Izzy" Cole of Steel Dragon|shocked fans,,,
,,, when he walked offstage,
Izzy's departure is|more trouble for Steel Dragon,,,
,,,as the band tries|to maintain its status,,,
,,,as the industry's|top hard-rock act,
As far as I'm concerned,|it's much ado about nothing.
There's still four of us left.|We're not going anywhere.
I don't give a fuck where he is...
...and I don't care if I see|that bastard again.
He said to me:
"I need to take a piss."
That's it.
"Mats," he said,|"I really need a piss."
One day I realized|it wasn't for me anymore.
I was wearing the clothes|and singing the songs.
Itjust didn't feel right,
Ijust wanted to find myself,|Find my own music,
-What's up?|-Long time.
-It has been. You cut your hair.|-So did you, asshole.
I'm starting a new band.
I got "Whole and a Half"|on a shelf. It's ready to go.
I'm gonna go talk to Emily.
I missed you.
I know. Me too.
-I wanted to tell you.|-I know.
I know.
You look great.
So do you.
Why didn't you rejoin the band?
As the mouthpiece of Steel Dragon,|I had this responsibility.
It's me they're looking at|and want to learn from.
The vacuous, empty world of sex|and drugs and rock 'n' roll...
...is not the message|I want to send out.
I wanted something more cerebral,|eloquent and dignified,
We kick ass, man!
Ever get your ass kicked by|a guy with long hair and makeup?
Right here!
Chris "Izzy" Cole shocked fans--|Damn it!
Cut!
Okay, Backstage Pass.|Okay, Crud Pollution.
Okay, Bobby Beers.|I mean, Chris Queers.
After the nuclear holocaust...
...survivors will crawl out|of the rubble, light a fire...
...then one man,|the singer of songs, will sing.
And that is the essence|of rock 'n' roll.
What are you talking about?
Chris....
As they continue--|What are they continuing?
As the band continues|to struggle to continue its--
What?
Oh, my God.
No more metal shit.|It's all about hip-hop.
It's all bling-bling, pinky ring,|word about, bling-bling.
No more of this. It's about this.|You heard me?
Lay your shit by the TV and watch|this shit. This shit the bomb.
Being a kid, you know, what else was I|to do but to live the Dragon?
I'd study the music note for note.|I read every interview.
Copied every outfit, every move,|you know, every look.
My pursuit ofperfection|was relentless,
The music deserved that,
All right, ladies, Spread them,
Rob, you're not nailing the squeal.
I have no idea|what you're talking about.
Check it out.
Play it like that.
That's it.|That's a ping, not a squeal.
-Sounds just like the tape, man.|-No. Raunchier.
Again, please.
That was great. Thank you.
From the top.
Hold on!
Hey, Jeremy, no.
What are you doing?|You know what this is?
LuDricator, signed by all five|band members with the original cover.
Look. Jorgen's name is misspelled.|It should be an "E."
You know how much I can get for it?
Peace to you too, dude.|Try it like this.
Mom?|Mom, isn't my room off-limits?
I'm sorry, Chris.|Oh, what were you doing?
-How are you?|-Good. How's Willard?
-He's fine. You look nice.|-Thank you.
Here, hold on.|You got a smudge.
-Bye. Gotta run.|-Bye. Love you.
Love you too. Bye.
I need more power! I want more!
Come on, come on.
Nina and Samantha!
Hey, Chris.
-Coming to my show in a week?|-Of course.
-Want to hand out fliers?|-Absolutely.
-You guys look awesome.|-Bye.
We're a band called Blood Pollution...
...a Steel Dragon tribute band,|the best in Pittsburgh.
Thank you.
I wrote this one for someone|who ripped out my heart.
And put it through a bloody blender!
That's right.
This one's for IKim, who makes me|want to stand up and shout.
Em, I'll be right back, okay?
Excuse me.
You think I could have one?
Not without a blowjob and a sex|change, pal. But have a nice day.
-Come on, girls. This way.|-See you, Chris.
Oh, that was awesome!
That was the heaviest|since Columbus in '77.
Heavier than the Demented tour.
-I ask you, did they not rock?|-They totally rocked.
Guys.
What the...?
Come on.
Oh, I thought I smelled pussy.
Look who's here.
-If it isn't Yoko Ono and the Fag Five.|-What are you doing?
Making sure nobody sees|some cut-rate copy band.
Cut-rate? This dude can't|even tune his own guitar.
-You could work on your lip-synch.|-I don't lip-synch.
Be doing everyone a favor if you did.
You could get the outfit right.
Boots from the Wasted tour|and a cheap Twistedjacket.
You are so fully wrong, cocksmoker.|This is official issue.
The actual vest Bobby wore|on the Twisted tour.
My dad bought it from someone|who knows them.
Sorry, but your dad got ripped.
The lapels should be blue,|there's no green in the embroidery.
As a matter of fact,|can anybody here honestly say...
...they've ever seen Bobby Beers|with a jacket with red lapels?
-No, I can't.|-I don't think so.
You can make me his pants.
Or did she already rip out|the Dodge seats?
No. First tell me what you put there|to make people think you're a guy.
-This is all me, baby.|-You and a few ballet slippers.
-You want a piece of me?|-No, I'm good.
-Want to see how a real man--|-Don't touch her.
-Let go of my cape.|-Let go of my cape!
Get your ass out of bed.
Get out of here.
-Let's go. Get up.|-Get out of here.
Move it.
Where you hiding|your stash these days?
Get out! I didn't do anything.
That's the problem.|You never do anything.
-Get out of here, pig!|-God-- Fucking--
Come on!
Mom! Mom!
Jeez, boys. Quit. Break it up.|Chris, give him a break. Come on.
-Stop it!|-Tell him to get out!
-Used to be my room.|-Not anymore!
Because I moved out when I was 18.
-We're having breakfast.|-IKeep him out!
Get ready for work.|Will you go downstairs?
-IKeep him out!|-All right, he's gone.
So you arrested Mervin|for drunk driving?
He was parked on|the Brennemans' lawn.
Claims he was going out for ice cream.|Same story.
-Chris, so how was the show?|-It was fine.
-The freaks were out in force.|-Why weren't you busting heads?
-Female officers handle that crowd.|-You want to go?
-Come on.|-Saved again. Should take her to work.
-Good one.|-Did they do "Black Babylon"?
They haven't played that|since Osaka in '75.
-That is pathetic that you know.|-I love that song.
Okay, genius,|who's buried in Grant's tomb?
It's twisted that you're still living|at home, stealing Ma's makeup.
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?
How much longer will you|put up with this?
The rock star fantasy thing is|something you grow out of at 14.
If I get lucky, I'll get to grow up|and listen to Air Supply like you.
What's wrong with Air Supply?
Nothing, if you're|from the Village People.
You know what the sickest thing|is about you?
It's that you don't have|any fantasies of your own.
You fantasize about|being somebody else.
Wearing somebody else's clothes.|Singing somebody else's songs.
It's pathetic.
-Get a haircut.|-Okay, Satan's allegiant.
Have a good one, son.
-You didn't eat.|-Later. I love you guys.
Love you too.
-I love you.|-You do this every time.
I question his sexuality, Ma. I do.
Here's the procedure, so it won't|happen again. Don't stick a pen in.
I'll give you a simple|one-two-three procedure.
It's 1 -2-3.|Pop that down, push this.
Pull back on this lever, free up|the jam and you can access--
Is there something wrong?
Is that mascara?
-I'm in a band. Okay?|-Oh, okay.
Can you follow the 1 -2-3|without sticking a pen in there?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Sorry about that.
When's Marci getting back?
She and Rob went to see Wham!|Won't be back for a while.
Wham!? Oh, God.
George Michael's a wuss.|I'm gonna give Rob shit for it.
He'll want to cover that.
All right, you.
Okay, now just relax.
-Is it numb?|-I think so.
Feel that?
-Sure you want to do this?|-Yeah, Bobby did it last week.
-I love you, babe.|-I love you.
Okay, don't look. Don't look.
-God, that had to hurt.|-Yes, it does. Oh, God.
You want to do the other one?
No. You want to do yours?
-Maybe.|-Come on. Let's do yours.
Testing, testing. One, two.
-No way!|-That's right. That's my boy.
All right, ladies,|who had the weenies?
Do I have too much foundation on?
I keep putting this shit on|till I want to fuck myself.
-Hey, Rob, you wearing underwear?|-No.
Rob.
You know the drill. No panties.
-Get up.|-I am not freezing my balls--
Just stand up and drop it.
-I'm not taking it off.|-Come on.
If you want, take them off.|I am not taking off--
Your woman's an animal!
All right!
Before we get too into this party.
-I love you!|-Love you too.
Before we get too deep into this party,|I want to thank IKey Steel...
...for letting us use their place|of business to pay tribute...
...to the metal created by|none other than Steel Dragon!
And a special thanks|to my brother, Joe...
...who gave me my first Dragon|record because he hated it.
And to my parents, because they|let me play it as loud as I wanted!
-That's my boy!|-That's my baby!
Because they rock!
Now, this next tune...
...l'd like to dedicate to someone|who, when I first met...
...ripped my heart out|and put it through a bloody blender.
That's right! This one's for Emily!
She turns me up and shakes me|down and makes me want to what?
Stand up and shout!
What was that?
What was what?
There's no solo break|after the chorus.
They don't care.
That's not how the song goes.
I know how the song goes.
If you know how it goes,|then play it right.
Chris, you are taking this shit|too seriously.
That's right, because the music|deserves to be taken seriously.
If you don't,|you don't deserve to play it.
All right, you need to get a grip.
You've ruined your performance.|Do not ruin mine!
Hey!
Plug that fucker back in.
Quit it!
-That's my amp!|-Do not ruin this concert! Do not!
Hey, fuck this concert!
Here we go again.
-Hit him in the bollocks.|-That wraps it up for tonight.
Grab a T-shirt and cassette on|your way out. Thanks for coming.
Cut it.
-What's up?|-What's he doing here?
-What are you doing here?|-Bradley's our new front man.
You made your point.|Get him out now.
-Only one leaving is you.|-Chris, see these?
It's the new P.A. he brought with him.|And that's the new mixing board.
Have you heard his voice?
-Sit and spin.|-Dude, just relax.
I don't care if Bradley can hit|the notes Bobby Beers can hit.
Bobby's leaving the band anyway.
-You don't know.|-Nina and Samantha say he's leaving.
-Bullshit.|-It doesn't matter.
We want people to hear our originals.|We're tired of being a cover band.
-We're a tribute band.|-No, dude. We are a cover band.
The problem is, you think|you're in Steel Dragon.
I love you, man, but you're mental.
Get a grip on reality. You don't know|where Bobby Beers ends and you begin.
I'm mental, because I don't want|to be in a cheesy bar band...
...that butchers music and makes them|listen to your crappy originals!
Crappy? "Whole and a Half" kicks ass.|I'm proud to have written it.
That's why we got|so many requests for it.
Don't shit on me because you're|scared to write your own songs.
Yeah, that's it. I'm too scared.
If you wanna make it,|you write your own tunes.
Thanks for the tip, bro.|Look, come on, guys.
We loved playing Dragon tunes. We|couldn't imagine playing anything else.
-I thought it'd be a goof.|-A goof?
Wouldn't you rather fail|as yourself...
...than succeed as|a Bobby Beers clone?
You can write a song about|why I would wanna do that!
All right, you're gone. Just go!
What's so fucking funny?
Babe, come on. Let's go.
Fine. This is my mike stand!|I'm taking it! These are my cables.
I'll get new cables.
-Don't think I'm coming back.|-I don't.
-Well, that's because I'm not.|-Good.
I'm serious. If I leave,|I'm not coming back!
-You said that!|-Shut up, Bradley.
Last time.
Emily.
If you still want to manage us,|then it's okay with us.
Rob, I'm a businesswoman.
Rule one in this business is|you go where the talent is...
...and all the fucking talent|that was in this band just left.
You know, those guys are|so replaceable.
It'll take me five minutes to put|together a band and blow them away.
Maybe this is just a sign.
You know, just time to move on.
I'm not in the mood to look|on the bright side now.
No, this is an opportunity for you...
...to write your own songs.
Why?
Be another clown with a guitar,|trying to get attention? No way.
Remember what you wrote|for me on my birthday?
-No.|-Yes, you do.
Come on, please.|It's embarrassing.
Are you done making fun of me yet?
I love that song.
You're not getting it.|You're not hearing me.
I'm telling you,|first time I ever saw you...
...first time I laid eyes on you...
...sophomore year, Bill Starbuck|in The Rainmaker,
I said to myself,|"Oh, my God, that guy's got it."
I mean, my heart stopped.
And I said,|"That guy is going all the way."
I was just singing|someone else's lines.
I did not write them.
-My favorite color is rainbow.|-Mine's mauve,
I said no. Haley, did you answer|the telephone? Thank you.
Sunshine Daycare.
Chris! Telephone!
Telephone!|You want to help me crack eggs?
-I want five.|-Five eggs.
Chris? ls that Chris Cole?
-Who is this?|-This is Kirk Cuddy,
Ricki, your accent is|as lame as your playing.
What do you suggest|I do about my playing?
Who is this?
I told you, it's IKirk Cuddy.|I play in a band called Steel Dragon.
-Maybe you've heard ofus,|-I don't have time.
Hang on, hang on.|Listen to this, all right?
Are you lip-synching?
If this is IKirk,|what did you call your third wife?
Do we have to talk about that old slag?|I called her Sugar Bum.
The second wife, too,|It's why the third left,
Now I affectionately refer|to all ladies as Tottie,
Is that enough for you?
My God, this is unbelievable.|I was sorry to hear about your dog.
Pookie?
Yeah. I sent flowers|but I didn't get a response.
But I figured you're so busy.
Can we get past|the This ls Your Life crap?
There's a ticket waiting for you|for a flight to L.A. tomorrow.
-Are you serious?|-Ofcourse I'm serious,
-Tell no one about this,|-Yes, sir.
Good man, I'll see you tomorrow,
Bye.
Right there.
I'm Chris Cole.
I'm Tania. I work with the band.
-You went out with Bobby.|-You look like Bobby.
-Is that all you brought?|-My manager.
We traded the first-class ticket|for two coach.
How resourceful.
Yeah, well, I thought so.
What was that? Did you see that?
Why are we here?
I should let IKirk explain|everything to you.
Are those your breasts?
I'm sorry. What?
Your breasts. Are they yours?
Well, you know, I don't remember.
They're quite sensational.
Well, thanks.|That's just what I was going for.
So you're in a Steel Dragon cover band.
-Tribute band.|-Right.
I'm kind of sort of|in between bands right now.
-Your pants.|-Emily had them made for me.
I bet they're easy|to get in and out of.
So, when do we get there?|Tania, is it?
Tania.
-Are you famous?|-No, we're nobody. Sorry.
-Well, you should be!|-Oh, thank you. Bye.
-Can you get us in?|-I'm just trying to get in myself.
Follow me, darlings.
This is Bobby's Twisted tour in '77.
-Look at that.|-See the dragon?
That's Sammy!
Look!
It's a '58 Flying V|in fire-mist gold.
And it's the real one. Look.|The fingerboards are rosewood.
That's from|the Delirious tour, right?
-Are you two coming or what?|-Yeah. Sorry.
Wait right here, all right?
Thanks a lot, Ralph. That's great.
-That's it?|-Yeah. Very nice. Thanks.
Lovely.
They're ready for you now.
What's up?
Thanks for coming.|Not too fagged out?
-I don't think so.|-Mats, the road manager.
I saw you in Pittsburgh.|You gave everybody a pass but me.
From the looks of you,|I had good reason.
We saw a tape of you singing|provided by Nina and Samantha.
Is the incredible voice really yours?
-Cocksuckers!|-That would be you, Bobby.
You think some child|can replace me?
You want to do your thing.
-You're firing me?|-Calm down.
You calm down, you wanker!
-It's because I'm gay, isn't it?|-You're gay?
No, I have pierced nipples and a house|in Morocco because I'm John Wayne.
Have you listened|to the lyrics of "Stand Up"?
Did you really think|that IKim was a girl?
-IKim was a guy?|-Yeah, IKim was a guy.
He's my lover, to the horror|of these sausage-jockeys.
-As if we give a toss.|-Just keep your dick away from me.
Stop it, man.
You don't turn up|for recording sessions.
You missed half the gigs,|and when you did show--
I am Steel Dragon!|Without me, you're nothing!
Give us a break.
You'll be playing for coppers|in the tube without me!
We'll see.
Yeah. We'll see.
-What's going on?|-I don't know.
My scarf.
-Take it.|-Yeah, I will.
Good.
If I leave now, I'm never coming back.|Never.
Heard you the first time.
What you looking at?
You think you can dress like me|and be a star?
-No, sir.|-You have no idea what it takes.
You think it's all sex,|drugs and rock 'n' roll?
You got the sex wrong.
I never touch drugs.|No one does a gig like I do half-cut.
Not even at your age.
And it's bed, 1 1 :30 every night|before a gig. That's what it takes.
Just do your own thing.
Get your own life.|It's like being bloody Elvis.
Except Elvis was the king.
And I'm just the queen.
Very funny.
Ha-bloody-ha.
Bastards. You bastards.
Sorry about that.
-Missed your cue.|-Yeah, sorry, IK--
-You do know this song?|-Yes, sir.
We'll pick it up just|coming out of the intro.
I'm sorry.
We wasting our time here?
Sorry. Could I start it one more time?
All right, go again.
Sorry about that.
I love you,
I love you,
Well, mate, do you want the gig, then?
Look in the lens, guys.|Go. Get in there more.
Give me attitude.|Two double-platinum records.
You're playing the Forum. You got|20 girls who want to be with you.
Give me rock star attitude.|Hold that. Here we go.
Hey, lzzy, let's try one|with attitude. No smile.
Sorry.
Better. Now you're looking cool.
Come on, right in my lens.|Nice shot. Attitude.
We combed this entire planet|looking for someone...
...heavy enough to pull this off|and we found a star.
When this guy sings, you'll forget|about Bobby Beers. I promise you.
Izzy! ls that your name? lzzy?
Yeah, the name's lzzy,|like lzzy's Revenge.
Holy shit.
Izzy? I'm not calling him lzzy.
Can you hit all the notes|Bobby can?
That's why I'm in the band.
Stand up and shout
How do you keep your voice|in such great shape?
My choir teacher gives me|really cool exercises--
He eats a lot of pussy, that's how.
Yeah, I eat a lot ofpussy,
-Classy.|-Like father, like son.
-That's my boy.|-Come on, you guys.
-How was l?|-So good. So comfortable.
-I messed up my accent.|-It was great.
-Nice way to handle that "pussy" Iine.|-I can't argue with him.
Izzy, don't worry.|I'll make an honest man out of you.
I eat a lot of pussy.
Loads of it.
I eat a lot of pussy.
Tons.
I got my voice eating pussy, man.|It's a vocal technique exercise.
I got it eating pussy.|Loads of it. All the time.
It's all I do. Breakfast, morning,|noon, night. I've got to have it.
It's all I do, is eat pussy.|I love it.
Either get in here and do it|or shut up.
Hold on. Oh, shit! I eat pussy!
Hi. I'm lzzy's mother.
-Have a good one.|-I'll see you up there.
-Did you see all the people?|-I know. Just breathe.
You'll be great.|Nobody knows these songs better.
-True.|-Be yourself, Chris.
-Don't get--|-Izzy.
You'll be great, babe.|I love you so much.
I love you too.
All right, matey.|Time to go to work.
Sorry, darling, back to the henhouse.
I'm gonna sit with his parents.
Whatever twirls your beanie.|Come on, mate.
-I gotta piss.|-What? You gotta piss?
-Go now.|-I can't.
Or you gotta use it. Use it.|You're awesome. Bye, babe.
-Are you okay?|-Yeah.
Well, you're in my house now, mate.|And I ain't lost a man yet.
-Let's do it.|-Here we go.
Let's do it, Mats.
This is your coronation, my dear.
There you go.
All right, boy.
You're okay.
You won't need it, but there's|a bucket in each wing, all right?
-Up you go.|-All right, Mats.
Break a leg!
Are you all right, lzzy?
-I'm all right.|-Fantastic! IKeep going!
Thank you.
-You okay?|-Couldn't be better.
There's a bit up there.|That's it.
How do I look?
Fantastic. It's brilliant, mate.|Fucking brilliant. Off you go.
I'm just a regular guy...
...who grew up with posters|of these guys on my walls!
And now I'm one of them!
That's right!
I'm standing here, living proof|that if you work hard enough...
...and you want it bad enough,|dreams do come true.
So follow your dreams, man.
Follow your dreams,|because we all die young.
Fucking scintillating, baby!
Quiet! Shut them up behind us.|Give us 10 minutes. In we go.
Lock it up! Thank you!
That was something really....
Amazing! You were demented out there.
I thought I was gonna|break my neck when I fell.
You brought the audience home.|You did fucking beautiful.
Thanks.
It was so heavy hearing the music|played to perfection.
We heard it sang right.
-Beautiful.|-Right between the eyes.
It was incredible, man.|Thanks, IKirk.
The Dragons!
All right, let's go.
Go. Go.
Get the hell out of here.
-Oh, my pass.|-VIP. Sorry.
I'm Chris' girlfriend. Manager.
-Who?|-Izzy's girlfriend/manager.
-Yeah, right.|-She's okay. She's all right.
-Go on.|-I'm his mother.
How amazing was he? Brilliant!
Our boy came through tonight.|He was on fire.
-Where are you going?|-Oh, sorry. I've got....
-No. Go on back, darling.|-I'm lzzy's brother.
-I don't think so.|-Mom!
What did you think?
-Are you all right?|-I am so good.
-Oh, man.|-This is insane.
-Arrest her for indecent exposure.|-Out of my jurisdiction, bro.
-Mats, get us the tequilas, will you?|-Ladies, you're on.
Got an initiation for you.|You joined, done a beautiful job.
Now I'll buy you a drink, mate.|Hello, ladies. Thank you.
For lzzy!
-Hey! Hang on. No hands.|-No hands.
You're hanging with the hardcore now.
Two teeth, come on.
Go on, my son.
You're so bad.
Oh, my God.
-The laws of gravity no longer apply.|-I guess not.
You'll get used to it.
You build up a tolerance to it.
Right, okay. I'll get that one going.
-Some crazy stuff happens.|-Oh, my God, it's amazing.
It's all good fun.|Just makes for good stories, you know?
I'm beginning to have|a couple of my own.
You can have a good time as well.|It's allowed.
Anything you want.|You just have to ask.
-Don't forget.|-Oh, I won't.
Cheers.
I'm gonna go to the dance floor.
-Have you seen Emily?|-How you doing?
I'm good. I'm really good.|I'm great, actually.
Tell me something.
How's it feel to know|that everyone in here...
...wants to fuck you?
You're serious?
I can't stop touching you.|I can't keep my hands to myself.
You know, you've turned me|into a silly little groupie.
There she is.
We were just talking about how|stunningly beautiful you are, really.
Oh, God, you two.|Such a sexy couple.
If I were you,|I'd spend all my time in bed.
Come on.
-Sorry about that.|-Relax, lover.
You were terrific last night.
Are those my pants?
Yeah, they're a bit snug,|but that's how I like them.
-So you think....|-Let's not.
People, boat's leaving. All aboard.|Quick as you can, please.
Thank you.|All right, two lovely people.
Quickly, boys.|Boat's going in a minute.
Good afternoon, my darlings.|Look, I've been meaning to tell you.
There's a longstanding rule|that wives and girlfriends...
...aren't allowed on the bus.
The boys don't like distractions|when they're working on their music.
You can travel with the wives.|They're nice.
Yeah, well, who are they?
That's IKirk's astrologer...
...and his physical therapist.
And that, well, we all know what|that is, right? We'd better go.
-I'm gonna ride with Emily.|-Oh, no. Sorry. You can't do that.
The boys need you there|when they work on the tunes.
Go ahead, babe. I'm fine.
Quick as you can.
-You sure?|-Yeah, I'm sure.
I didn't know about the rule.
Yeah. Just get on the bus.
-Have fun.|-You too. Be careful.
The boys are waiting in the back.|They're working. They need you.
-What's up, lzz?|-What's up?
Izz, you want some?
I was gonna go over the schedule.
Suit yourself.|It's good for writing lyrics.
You know, he's a rock star now.|The normal rules don't apply.
-I didn't say anything.|-You didn't have to.
Somebody's jealous.
No. No, I'm not.
I just know him|and he's not that--
Like hell he's not.|He's a guy, isn't he?
Look, we all know exactly|what happens on that bus.
I met Ghode on that bus.
I didn't say anything.
I know it's crazy,|but it comes with the territory.
You either drive yourself batty|trying to change it or you adapt.
You gotta let him off the leash|once in a while.
Or they get cranky. At the end|of the day, they always come home.
And who says you can't|have your own fun?
Exactly.
-Do you want some?|-No, I'm good. I just had breakfast.
-Okay. Here.|-Hair of the dog.
Here's some advice from me.|Number one: Learn to share.
Number two: Get very close|with his accountant.
And three:
Don't sign anything.|I had to learn that the hard way.
You know what I always say.|If you love someone, let them go.
And if they come back to you|with very expensive jewelry...
...then it's meant to be.
I hope I am not as cynical|as you are when I am your age.
Honey, she's 23.
221/2 .
-23|-I am 221/2 .
You guys were at my birthday party.|I was born....
Move aside, you scallywags.|You're getting in the way of future sales.
Be nice to this bloke from MTV.
They're not playing|our videos as much...
...since the boys trashed their set.
Tell them about that thing|you do with your tongue.
-All right, and here we are.|-Thanks, Mats.
I'll be back in half an hour.|Mind your backs, please!
-Chris, I need to talk to you--|-You can't call me that here.
I need to talk to you.
I gotta do this MTV thing,|then talk to a producer--
I know your schedule.|I get a copy every day.
-Then you know when I'm done.|-I'm leaving.
-Just meet me at the hotel.|-I'm going to Seattle.
Come on.
Em, what the hell|is going on in Seattle?
-Marci and I have been talking--|-Who's Marci?
You know who Marci is.|My roommate, Rob's girlfriend.
Sorry. I know who she is.|I've got things on my mind.
I know, I know.
We've been talking about this business|and we got our loan.
-We're going to Seattle to--|-When did you do this?
While the wives were out shopping.
Is this a money thing?|lf you need money--
You know I didn't mean it|like that, Em. I swear.
-Are you leaving me?|-No. I'm not leaving you.
But I am leaving this.|I cannot do this every day.
-I thought we're having a great time.|-We are. It has been fun.
But, baby, this is all happening|to you. And it's great.
But it's different for me.|I can't follow a bus all day.
You don't have to do that anymore.|We're getting our own car.
It's not about the car.
What is it?
You know, it's wanting a life.
And I really want to do this thing|with Marci in Seattle.
Can we hook up in Seattle|when I get there?
Of course. Of course.
All right.
I'll talk to Mats|and get you our numbers...
...so you can call|when you get there.
So I know you got there|safe, all right?
So I'll see you in Seattle?
Can I give you some advice, mate?
-What's up, A.C.?|-Let the chick go, man.
-So how are we doing?|-Lovely. Thank you very much.
-I'll be back to check on you.|-I'm sure you will.
Freshening up the blood.
The liver doesn't work as good|as it did when I was your age.
Listen, make it easier on yourself.
There's no way it can work.
You start off with|the best intentions.
But there's so much pussy coming|at you every day that...
...finally it wears you down.|Then you crack.
Aren't you married to a supermodel?
Yeah, you know why? Because I can.
And you can too.
You got these birds dreaming|about having it off with you.
That makes the guys want to be you.
The guys are the ones|that buy the records.
So if the chicks don't want you,|the guys are gone.
I mean, put it this way:
Your job is to live the fantasy|other people only dream about.
Don't go in half-assed.
Dream big.
Live the life.
-You running for pink slips?|-See you in hell, Bat Boy.
You ready, Robin?
Go!
You got yourself a Ferrari!
Hello, Wichita.
Izzy? Oh, my God, is that lzzy?
I love you!
Watch out!
Out of my bloody way!
-What's going on?|-His wife ran off with Peter Gabriel.
-Let me get that.|-That doesn't work.
Ladies, ladies, please.|A little bit of decorum, please.
Now, listen. We've got limited space.|Just be patient.
I gotta check your credentials,|so have your pussy passes out.
If I get to be with lzzy,|I am going to shit bricks.
Well, yeah, that'll make|a lasting impression.
-Do you dance at Chubbies?|-No.
You should. You have a killer body.|It's not totally nude there.
We wear G-strings,|so the guys respect us way more.
Yeah, that is so true.
Nothing says "respect" Iike cramming|a strip of Lycra up your ass.
Fucking-A, mama!
Yes, that's fine.|You're absolutely fine.
Oh, hi. Hello. Now, that's a very|important little P, isn't it?
-In you go. Nice.|-What's the "P" stand for?
Yes, it's "pass."
Oh, yeah? It's not "pimp"?
-No, it's "personal"....|-"Personal friend."
Yeah, "personal friend of the band."|Yeah. One sec.
I'm not here to check up|on him. I was invited.
-He's doing interviews.|-Interviews? Okay.
Tell you what, darling.
I'm not really sure|where he is, actually.
If you'd like to wait just....
Of course, wait here if you like.|He's actually down there.
What are you doing here?
I live here, Chris.
I thought you were in Seattle.
We're in Seattle.|You're in Seattle.
I'm sorry.
-You forgot.|-No.
Yeah, you did.|You forgot I was coming.
Wait. I did not forget|you were coming. Mats.
Told him to arrange-- Didn't I say|to remind me she was coming?
Shit. I'm so sorry.|I really screwed up, mate.
-What do you mean?|-Chris, please.
You don't need people|taking falls for you. Please.
No, Em. I did not forget.
Chris, don't lie to me.|Please don't lie to me.
It might've slipped my mind.|But I didn't forget. I remembered....
I didn't remember,|but I didn't forget, okay?
Things get crazy.|It's hard to keep things straight.
I know. I see that.
-It is.|-I know. I see that.
Emily, you look great.
Come on. You're wasted.|You're absolutely wasted.
-No, I'm not wasted. I'm tired.|-Sorry.
I gotta do him first,|because I gotta work at midnight.
Come over here. Stand over here|for a second, all right?
-Who are you?|-Izzy.
What is this? What?
Izzy. But you don't have|to call me that. It's me.
Call me Chrizzy, okay?
You don't have to call me lzz.|Call me Chris.
Chris. Well, I'm glad we talked.|I'm gonna go.
-Emily, wait.|-What? What?
-I'll go with you.|-Go with me where?
With you. I'm gonna go to Seattle.
We're in Seattle, Chrizzy.
Sorry, sorry. But...
...are you guys done?|Because l--
We're done.
Get going on this one because|she's gotta be at work by midnight.
Dinner's canceled.
She's really sweet,|but I was here first.
Why don't we go in here?|Somewhere out of the way.
Can I get a picture, lzzy?
All right, I gotta go.|Here you go.
Jorg, it's not very brutal.|Can we make it more raunchy?
Sounds raunchy in here.
Maybe it's an E.Q. thing.|Just take a few minutes.
It needs a bit of bollocks to it.|E.Q. it or something.
Good hunting at your ranch?
Great. Everything I saw, I killed.|IKilled something every damn day.
You should bring|your new fiance up there.
She's busy at the moment.|Some yearbook committee.
--got any body to it.
-Hey, lzz.|-What's up?
-Hello, Chrizzy.|-How are you guys?
-What's with your eyebrow?|-Isn't it cool?
You gotta clear it with us|before you do that.
Worked on some songs for the album.|They're still rough...
...but I wanted to get your input|before I went further.
I don't know.
Just a thought,|but isn't that a cool cover?
No title, no band name.|Could be heavy. What do you think?
Izzy, it looks great.
It still needs work.
I'm glad you've been having fun|writing songs.
I busted my ass|working on the songs.
But the tunes have|already been written.
-What do you mean?|-A.C. and I wrote them during break.
-I know you and A.C. do most of it--|-Not most. All of it.
But shouldn't I have some input?
I'm singing the tunes,|so you at least want my stamp.
I'm not just....
You aren't just expecting me|to be some singer-for-hire, are you?
Let me explain. Come here.
Listen, our fans, right,|our loyal, die-hard fans...
...our very lifeblood, if you will,|expect to see certain things.
We give them what they want.
We don't deviate because one|disappointed fan can turn into two...
...to four, to eight,|till the next thing you know...
...we're playing to a half-empty hall.
And our lost sheep are off enjoying|the rock stylings of, say, Ratt.
So while I understand your impulse|to do your own thing...
...and I admire it|in some small way...
...if you want to stay|with Steel Dragon...
...then you have to reconcile yourself|to doing the Steel Dragon thing.
All right? And the Steel Dragon thing|is that A.C. and I write the songs.
And you sing the songs that we write.
Am I clear?
Yeah.
Good.
What's he doing?
-What?|-Just sing it like it's written.
-I thought I was.|-You weren't.
All right. Sorry.
-Great.|-Theo, from the top.
Thanks.
Pretty good.
What is it when you do something|to somebody and they hate it?
Then somebody does the same|to you and you hate it.
I suppose some might call it|poetic justice. I don't know.
All I know is I owe a guy named Rob|a big fat apology. That's for sure.
We all owe someone an apology along|the way. I mean, that's life, man.
A long, long time ago...
...when I was at university...
...l was married.
No. You were married?
It was before you boys and that|rock 'n' roll music corrupted me, man.
Yeah, I still think|about it sometimes.
She was really a very sweet girl.
What happened?|lf you don't mind me asking.
No, no.
One day we were sitting in the park.
Having lunch, me and the wife.
I needed to take a piss...
...so I walked to the toilet.|You know, in the bathroom.
I'm standing there staring|at the wall, as you do.
And all of the sudden,|something came over me.
Like a fear that my whole life|had already been laid out for me.
I'd finish my studies, get a job.
I'd be working for somebody else...
...worrying about things|that didn't matter.
So I walked out of there.
IKept going. Didn't come back.
You just left her there?
Yep.
Sitting in front of a half-eaten|steak and kidney pie.
Very harsh, man.
She came to see a show a few years|ago. She hadn't changed at all.
She married my best friend.|A doctor.
They have three gorgeous little kids.
Yeah, she's very happy.
Very happy.
Thank you.
You know, I'm just a regular guy...
...who grew up with posters|of these guys on my walls.
And now I'm one of them.|That's right.
I'm standing here, and I'm proof if you|work hard and want it bad enough....
Dreams come true!
That's right. Dreams do come true|so follow them.
Me?
-Awesome!|-What's your name?
Mike, but my friends call me|Thor, God of Thunder!
-IKnow the rest of it?|-IKnow them all.
I know all your moves.|I study you. I love you.
You want to rip|the roof off this place?
Are you serious?
Yep.
Go ahead. Get out there.|Get out there, bro. It's all yours.
-Everything all right?|-Couldn't be better.
Taking a night off, are you?
I'm gonna go take a piss.
I'll see you again.
Off you go.
Chris "Izzy" Cole of Steel Dragon|shocked fans,,,
,,, when he walked offstage,
Izzy's departure is|more trouble for Steel Dragon,,,
,,,as the band tries|to maintain its status,,,
,,,as the industry's|top hard-rock act,
As far as I'm concerned,|it's much ado about nothing.
There's still four of us left.|We're not going anywhere.
I don't give a fuck where he is...
...and I don't care if I see|that bastard again.
He said to me:
"I need to take a piss."
That's it.
"Mats," he said,|"I really need a piss."
One day I realized|it wasn't for me anymore.
I was wearing the clothes|and singing the songs.
Itjust didn't feel right,
Ijust wanted to find myself,|Find my own music,
-What's up?|-Long time.
-It has been. You cut your hair.|-So did you, asshole.
I'm starting a new band.
I got "Whole and a Half"|on a shelf. It's ready to go.
I'm gonna go talk to Emily.
I missed you.
I know. Me too.
-I wanted to tell you.|-I know.
I know.
You look great.
So do you.
Why didn't you rejoin the band?
As the mouthpiece of Steel Dragon,|I had this responsibility.
It's me they're looking at|and want to learn from.
The vacuous, empty world of sex|and drugs and rock 'n' roll...
...is not the message|I want to send out.
I wanted something more cerebral,|eloquent and dignified,
We kick ass, man!
Ever get your ass kicked by|a guy with long hair and makeup?
Right here!
Chris "Izzy" Cole shocked fans--|Damn it!
Cut!
Okay, Backstage Pass.|Okay, Crud Pollution.
Okay, Bobby Beers.|I mean, Chris Queers.
After the nuclear holocaust...
...survivors will crawl out|of the rubble, light a fire...
...then one man,|the singer of songs, will sing.
And that is the essence|of rock 'n' roll.
What are you talking about?
Chris....
As they continue--|What are they continuing?
As the band continues|to struggle to continue its--
What?
Oh, my God.
No more metal shit.|It's all about hip-hop.
It's all bling-bling, pinky ring,|word about, bling-bling.
No more of this. It's about this.|You heard me?
Lay your shit by the TV and watch|this shit. This shit the bomb.