Royal Tenenbaums, The (2001) Movie Script

Royal Tenenbaum bought
the house on Archer Avenue
in the winter of his 35th year.
Over the next decade
he and his wife
had three children
and then they separated.
Are you
getting divorced?
At the moment, no...
but... it doesn't look good.
Do you still love us?
Of course I do.
Do you still love Mom?
Yes, very much, but your
mother's asked me to leave
and I must respect
her position on the matter.
Is it our fault?
we made certain sacrifices
as a result of having children,
but, uh...
no, Lord, no.
Then why'd she ask you to leave?
I don't really know anymore.
Maybe, uh, I wasn't as true
to her as I could've been.
Well, she said...
Let's just drop it
shall we, uh, Chassie?
They were never
legally divorced.
Thank you, Pagoda.
Etheline Tenenbaum
kept the house
and raised the children
and their education was
her highest priority.
Yes, I'll hold, please.
Thank you.
I need $187.
Write yourself a check.
Bene. Si.
Grazie mille.
She wrote a book
on the subject.
- Chas, Chas!
- Richie!
Uh, the gentleman
in the blue cardigan, please.
Thank you. I have
a two-part question.
Go ahead.
Chas Tenenbaum had,
since elementary school
taken most of his meals
in his room
standing up at his desk
with a cup of coffee
to save time.
In the sixth grade,
he went into business
breeding Dalmatian mice
which he sold to a pet shop
in Little Tokyo.
He started buying real estate
in his early teens
and seemed to have an almost
preternatural understanding
of international finance.
He negotiated the purchase
of his father's summer house
on Eagle's Island.
Hold it, Chassie.
Hold it right there.
What are you doing?
You're on my team.
There are no teams.
The BB was still lodged
between two knuckles
in Chas's left hand.
Margot Tenenbaum was adopted
at age two.
Her father had always noted
this when introducing her.
This is my adopted daughter
Margot Tenenbaum.
She was a playwright, and won
a Braverman Grant of $50,000
in the ninth grade.
She and her brother Richie
ran away from home one winter
and camped out
in the African wing
of the public archives.
Hi, Eli.
You said I could run away, too.
No, I didn't, and don't
tell anyone you saw us.
They shared a sleeping bag
and survived on crackers
and root beer.
Four years later
Margot disappeared alone
for two weeks
and came back
with half a finger missing.
Richie Tenenbaum had been
a champion tennis player
since the third grade.
Do you copy, Anonymous?
He turned pro at 17
and won the U.S. Nationals
three years in a row.
He kept a studio
in the corner of the ballroom
but had failed to develop
as a painter.
Up... up...
On weekends
Royal took him on outings
around the city.
Put it out there.
These invitations
were never extended
to anyone else.
Richie's best friend, Eli Cash,
lived with his aunt
in the building
across the street.
He was a regular fixture
at family gatherings
holidays, mornings before
school, and most afternoons.
The three Tenenbaum children
performed Margot's first play
on the night
of her 11th birthday.
They had agreed
to invite their father
to the party.
What'd you think, Dad?
Mmm... didn't seem
believable to me.
Why are you wearing pajamas?
Do you live here?
He has permission to sleep over.
Well, did you at least think
the characters
were well-developed?
What characters?
This is a bunch
oflittle kids, uh
dressed up in animal costumes.
Good night, everyone.
Well, sweetie...
don't be mad at me.
That's just one man's opinion.
# Happy birthday to you #
# Happy birthday to you... #
He had not been invited
to any of their parties since.
In fact, virtually all memory
of the brilliance
of the young Tenenbaums
had been erased
by two decades of betrayal,
failure, and disaster.
Go, Mordecai.
# Na, na, na #
# Na-na-na-na #
# Hey Jude #
# Na, na, na #
# Na-na-na-na... #
I've been instructed
to refuse any further charges
on your room account
and to direct you, in writing
to please vacate the premises
by the end of the month.
What about Sing-Sang?
I owe her $100.
Royal had lived
in the Lindbergh Palace Hotel
for 22 years.
Can you pay her in cash?
He was a prominentlitigator
until the mid '80s
when he was disbarred
and briefly imprisoned.
No one in his family had spoken
to him in three years.
Read it back to me so far,
New paragraph.
Richie had retired
from professional tennis at 26.
His last match had been
widely discussed in the media.
"Your friend Richie."
End ofletter.
For the past year,
he had been traveling alone
on an ocean liner
called the Cote d'lvoire
and had seen both poles,
five oceans
the Amazon and the Nile.
"The crickets
and the rust beetles scuttled
"among the nettles
of the sage thicket.
"'Vamanos, amigos,'
he whispered
"and threw
the busted-leather flint craw
"over the loose weave
of the saddle cock
and they rode on
in the friscalating dusk light."
Eli was an assistant professor
of English literature
at Brooks College.
The recent publication
of his second novel...
... had earned him a sudden,
unexpected literary celebrity.
Well, everyone knows Custer
died at Little Bighorn.
What this book presupposes is...
maybe he didn't.
Let me ask you something.
Why would a review
make the point of saying
someone's not a genius?
You think I'm especially
not a genius?
I know w...
You didn't even have
to think about it, did you?
Well, I just don't use
that word lightly.
I have to go, Eli.
May I come in, please?
How are you, my darling?
Margo was married
to the writer and neurologist
Raleigh St. Clair.
I'm fine, thank you.
You need to eat something.
May I make you dinner?
No, thank you.
She was known
for her extreme secrecy.
For example,
none of the Tenenbaums knew
she was a smoker, which she
had been since the age of 12.
Norwere they aware
of her first marriage
and divorce to
a recording artist in Jamaica.
She kept a private studio
in Mockingbird Heights
under the name "Helen Scott."
She had not completed a play
in seven years.
ofDudley Heinsbergen.
All right, Dudley
make yours like mine.
Raleigh's next book was
on the subject
of a condition he called
"Heinsbergen Syndrome."
Where's that red one
going to go?
Very good.
My goodness.
How interesting. How bizarre.
Dudley suffers
from a rare disorder
combining symptoms
of amnesia, dyslexia
and color blindness.
He has a highly acute
sense of hearing.
There is also evidence of...
I'm not color blind, am I?
I'm afraid you are.
Ari, fire alarm! Let's go!
Out you go!
Let's go!
Uzi, emergency! Let's go!
Uzi... what did I just say?!
Look alive!
Chas's wife Rachael
was killed in a plane crash
the previous summer.
What about Buckley?
It's too late. You forgot him.
Buckley! Buckley!
No elevator! There's a fire.
Go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Chas and their two sons,
Ari and Uzi
were also on the flight
and survived
as did their dog
who was discovered in his cage
several thousand yards
from the crash site.
Four minutes, 48 seconds.
We're all dead,
burnt to a crisp.
Over the last six months
he had become increasingly
concerned with their safety.
We left Buckley.
It doesn't matter.
Etheline became
an archaeologist
and had overseen excavations
for the Department of Housing
and the Transit Authority.
Apropos of my question
regarding l-40
slash l-9 adjustments...
She taught a bridge class
twice a week
with her friend and business
manager, Henry Sherman.
It would probably be
for your marital status
to be legally established
as single
in light of the circumstances.
What do you mean?
I mean for tax purposes.
But I thought...
- Etheline...
- Yes?
Will you marry me?
I love you, uh...
Did you already know that?
No, I didn't.
Since her separation
from her husband
she had had many suitors...
... but had not considered
a single one until this moment.
This isn't really
a tax issue, is it?
That's true, uh...
I don't know why
I put it that way.
Let me think about it, Henry.
Hello. Please tell Mr. Royal
this is the Pagoda.
Thank you, Dusty.
You're welcome.
Good morning, Jerry.
Oh, there's a call for you,
Mr. Tenenbaum.
Who is it, Frederick?
A Mr. Pagoda.
What do you got?
The black man asked her
to be his wife.
No shit?
What did Ethel say?
She think about it.
I don't like the sound of this
one damn bit, Pagoda.
I mean... Lord knows
I've had my share
but she's still my wife.
And no damn two-bit,
chartered accountant
is going to change that.
Hey, Pagoda,
give us a hand, huh?
What's going on?
We got locked out
of our apartment.
Did you call a locksmith?
Well, I don't understand.
Did you pack your bags
before you got locked out
or how did you?
It's not safe over there.
Excuse me for a moment.
What are you talking about?
The apartment.
I have to get
some new sprinklers
and a backup
security system installed.
But there are
no sprinklers here, either.
Well, we might have
to do something about that, too.
Isn't this fun, huh?
Isn't this great?
Feels like we're camping.
When are we going home?
Hey, look at this.
Pretty cool, huh?
# Who am I supposed to be? #
Who put that in here?
#... Look at me #
# What am I supposed to be? #
Well, I will see you boys
in the morning.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night.
# Look at me #
You know what?
I think I'm going
to sleep in here with you.
That way...
...we can all be together.
# Oh, my love #
# Oh. #
What kind of side effects
can be expected?
Well, there are
a number of possibilities.
Severe nausea and dizziness
are standard.
A certain percentage of patients
may also experience seizure.
You mean, like flopping around
on the floor and everything?
In some cases.
You have a visitor, my darling.
Who is it?
It's me, sweetie.
Raleigh says you've been
spending six hours a day
locked in here,
watching television
and soaking in the tub.
I doubt that.
I don't think that's
very healthy, do you?
Nor do I think
it's very intelligent
to keep an electrical gadget
on the edge of the bathtub.
I tie it to the radiator.
Well, it can't be very good
for your eyes, anyway.
Chas came home.
What do you mean?
He and Ari and Uzi
are going to stay
with me for a little while.
Why are they allowed
to do that?
I don't know exactly
but I think he's been
very depressed.
So am I.
So are you, what?
But why is this necessary?
'Cause I'm in a rut,
and I need a change.
Hang on.
That cab has a dent in it.
You don't love me anymore,
do you?
I do, kind of.
I can't explain it right now.
Another dent here,
and another dent here.
I'll call you, okay?
Hello, beautiful.
Got a minute?
What are you doing here?
Uh, I need a favor.
I want to spend some time
with you and the children.
Are you crazy?
Well, wait a minute, damn it!
Stop following me.
Well, I want my family back.
Well, you can't have it.
I'm sorry for you,
but it's too late.
Well, listen...
Baby, I'm dying.
Yeah, I'm-I'm sick as a dog.
I'll be dead in six weeks.
I'm dying.
What are you talking about?
What's happening?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Well, what'd they say?
What is the prognosis?
Take it easy, Ethel.
Now, hold-hold on, baby,
hold on.
Hold on, okay?
Ethel, hold on, hold on.
Where is the doctor?
Don't... Well, just...
W- Wait a second now.
Wait a second.
Okay, uh, listen,
I'm not dying...
but I need some time.
A month or so, okay?
I want us... I want us to-to...
What's wrong with you?!
Are you crazy?!
Ethel, baby...
I am dying.
Are you or aren't you?
What? Dying?
Have you told your children?
More or less.
And are they all right?
It's hard to say.
Who's your father?
His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
You told us he was already dead.
Yeah, well, now
he's really dying.
- Ready.
- Print it.
I am very sorry, Margo.
That's okay.
We're not actually related,
I'd like to send a response,
Yes, sir, go ahead.
Dear Mom:
I received your message.
I'm coming home
as soon as possible.
Who do I see about that?
The ship's porter arranged for
Richie to disembark at Halifax
and transfer
to a third-class state room
on board the Queen Helena
destined for
the Eastern seaboard.
His trunks would not arrive
for another 11 days.
Hey, Baumer.
Do you mind if we get
a picture with you?
Not at all.
He had made a request
for his usual escort
the one from his days
on the circuit
to meet him at the pier
by way of the Green Line bus.
As always, she was late.
# I've been out walking #
# I don't do too much talking
these days #
# These days #
# These days I seem
to think a lot #
# About the things
that I forgot to do... #
# And other times, I... #
Stand up straight.
Let me get a look at you.
What's so funny?
Well it's nice to see you, too.
That night, Etheline found
all of her children
living together under
the same roof
for the first time in 17 years.
Where's your dad?
The next morning,
Richie woke at dawn.
He had decided birds should not
be keptin cages
fed Mordecai three sardines,
and set him free.
I've missed the hell out of you,
my darlings.
Well, you know that, though,
don't you?
I hear you're dying.
So they tell me.
I'm sorry.
Well, I've had a good run.
You don't look so sick, Dad.
Thank you.
What have you got?
I've got a pretty bad case
of cancer.
How long you going to last?
Not long.
A month, a year?
About six weeks.
Let me get to the point.
The three of you and your mother
are all I've got
and I love you
more than anything.
- Ho-ho.
- Chas, let me
finish here.
Now, I've got six weeks
to set things right with you
and I aim to do it.
Will you give me a chance?
You speak
for everyone?
I speak for myself.
Well, you've
made your views known.
Let somebody else do some of
the talking now.
What do you propose to do?
I can't say, really.
Um, make up for lost time,
I suppose.
First thing I want to do is
take you out to see
your grandmother, at some point.
I haven't been out there
since I was six.
I haven't been out there at all.
I was never invited.
Well, she wasn't
your real grandmother
and I never knew how much
interest you had, uh, sweetie.
Anyway, you're invited now.
You know, Rachael's buried
out there, too.
My wife.
Oh, that's right, isn't it?
Well, we'll have to swing
by her grave, too.
Uh, I'll be right back.
Can I see my grandsons?
Because I finally want
to meet them.
Don't give me that guff.
I think we'll pass.
where's my Havelina?
I'll say good-night
to you now, children.
Thank you, my sweet boy.
I'll contact you
in the next 12 hours
with further instructions.
Look at that old
grizzly bear.
Hello, Ethel.
Good evening, sir.
Hold the cab,
will you, driver?
Royal, this is Henry Sherman.
Hey, lay it on me, man.
How do you do?
Not too well. I'm dying.
How's Richie?
I don't know.
I can't tell.
Yeah, me neither.
He wrote me a letter.
He says he's
in love with you.
What are you talking about?
That's what he said.
I don't know how
we're supposed to take it.
Hang on.
Sugar, it's Eli.
Hey, baby, give me a second.
What are we doing, Eli?
Oh, I just got to pick
something up.
Don't repeat that, by the way.
About Richie.
It was told to me in
confidence, and, you know...
Now just remove the loose soil
and note the
decomposition levels.
I'm sorry to interrupt
your work.
Don't be silly.
Come on.
I just want to apologize
for the other day
when I proposed to you.
I thought it was very sweet.
I know I'm not as accomplished
as some of the men
you've been involved with.
Uh, Franklin Benedict,
General Cartwright,
and your ex-husband.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
But, but, I feel...
I can offer
just as much as them.
I know I went about it
backwards, but...
Henry, I have no interest
in Franklin Benedict
or Doug Cartwright...
I never did...
and as far as Royal's concerned,
he's the most...
Henry, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Anyway, let me know
when you make up your mind.
Henry, wait a second.
I'm sorry, I'm very nervous.
Th-That's okay.
Oh, thank you.
Why are you so nervous?
Well, to tell you the truth
I haven't slept
with a man in 18 years.
# Dah-dah-dum #
# Dah-dah, dah-dah, dah,
dah-dum #
# Dah-dah, dah-dah-dah #
# Dah-dah, dah-dah, dah... #
# La-dah-dah-dah-dah,
dah-dah... #
# Lah-dah-dah-dah-dah,
dah-dah... #
# Dah-dah, dah-dah-dah-dah... #
# Dah, dah-dah-dah,
dah, dee... #
# Dah, dah-dah-dah-dah,
dah-dah-dah... #
# Dah-dah, dah-dah... #
That's a hell of an old
hound dog you got there.
What's he go by?
Buckley, sit.
You know who I am?
I'm Royal.
Have you heard of me?
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Your mother was a terribly
attractive woman.
Thank you.
Which one are you?
Uzi, I'm your granddad.
I'm sorry we haven't gotten
to know each other.
I don't get invited around
very much.
What do you think of that,
by the way?
Oh, you...
you don't have to say anything.
It's kind of a "fuck you"
to the old man, I guess.
How's your daddy?
You think so, huh?
How often has he got you
working out?
Do me a favor.
Tell him you want to meet me.
But we just met.
No, we didn't.
Look, I'd like us to have
a relationship
but we have to pull some strings
to make it happen.
Now, here's what you tell him.
You say...
Well, I bet
Mom would have wanted us
to meet him before he died.
Wouldn't she?
Don't you think?
She was a tough old broad,
wasn't she?
I wouldn't know.
Excuse me. Come on.
Oh, that's right.
We've got another body
buried here, haven't we?
Uh, hold on.
Take some of these.
Come on.
So what do you think
of this big, old black buck
moving in up there?
Henry Sherman.
You know him?
Is he worth a damn?
I believe so.
What happened to your finger?
Uzi, shh.
It's okay, I'll tell you.
I'm adopted. Did you know that?
Well, I am.
When I was 14, I went to find
my real family.
They live in Indiana.
All right, now, just set one
of them hickory trunks
right up top there,
sister Maggie.
Did you try to sew it back on?
Wasn't worth it.
Hell of a damn grave.
Wish it were mine.
It's a shame, isn't it?
Well, you probably had another
good two or three years
of competitive play in you.
I had a lot riding on
that match, you know.
Financially and personally.
Why did you choke out
there that day, Baumer?
Mr. Gandhi leads 40-15.
That's 72 unforced errors
for Richie Tenenbaum.
He's playing the worst tennis
of his life.
What's he feeling right now,
Tex Hayward?
I don't know, Jim.
There's obviously
something wrong with him.
He's taken off his shoes
and one of his socks
and... actually,
I think he's crying.
I think you're right.
Who's he looking at
in the friends' box, Tex?
That's his sister, Margot
and her new husband,
Raleigh St. Clair.
They were just married
yesterday, Jim.
Oh, yes.
I've never seen anything
like this.
Neither have I.
Strange day out here
at Windswept Fields.
I kind of disappeared
after that, didn't I?
But I understood.
I know you're not very good
with disappointment.
You still got that little BB
in your hand, Chassie?
Why did you shoot me?
It was the object
of the game, wasn't it?
We were on the same team.
Were we?
Well... you sued me.
Twice. Got me disbarred.
I don't hold it
against you, do I?
And how is it possible
for Mr. Tenenbaum
to withdraw these funds
without your written
Objection, Your Honor.
Damn it, I...
Why don't you leave
the objections to me, Royal?
Because I started the
corporation when I was a minor.
So, my father
was the primary signatory
on most of my accounts.
He also stole bonds
out of my safety deposit box
when I was 14.
You think you could
start forgiving me?
Why should I?
Because you're hurting me.
Come on.
Were you in prison?
Kind of.
Minimum security.
I got jacked by the IRS.
Should we split?
Yes, sir.
No, call me Mr. Tenenbaum.
No, I'm kidding; call me Pappy.
Come on, let's shag ass.
Well, just let me know
if you need somebody
to talk to, okay?
I like Raleigh very much.
I know he's a lot older
than you are
and you two are having
some problems
but... anyway,
maybe I can help.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey, Baumer! All right!
All right! Ha!
Oh, shit! Oh, Jesus.
By the way, I heard about
that letter you sent to Eli.
You dropped some cigarettes.
Those aren't mine.
They just fell
out of your pocket.
Oh, my Lord, look at you.
Come in.
Did you tell Margot
about that letter
I wrote to you?
Why? Did she mention it?
Yes, I did.
Why would she
have repeated that, I wonder?
Well, I would ask you
the same question.
Rightly so.
What'd you say?
I didn't say anything.
When? Right now?
I'm sorry; don't listen to me.
I'm on mescaline.
I've been spaced out all day.
Did you say you're on mescaline?
I did, indeed.
Very much so.
How often do you, uh?
I'm worried about you, Richie.
Well, actually, Margot is,
for some reason.
But I did find it odd
when you said
you were in love with her.
She's married, you know.
And she's your sister.
Where are my encyclopedias?
They've been placed in storage.
Well, damn you.
You're taking my encyclopedias.
- Th-this is humiliating.
- I'm sorry.
Would you like to make
a complaint in writing?
Where am I supposed to go?
You're turning me
into a damn hobo.
I'd be happy to make
a reservation for you
- at another hotel.
- You son of a bitch.
Hello there, Dusty.
Could you spot me a quarter?
Of course.
Richie? Hi.
It's your dad.
I think he's very lonely...
Ionelier than he lets on
maybe lonelier
than he even realizes.
Have you spoken
to him about this?
and he agreed that we...
I'm sorry, maybe I'm
a little confused here.
What are you suggesting?
That he come here
and stay in my room.
Are you out of your mind?
No, I'm not.
Anyway, I think that
he'd be much more comfortable
here than he would...
Who gives a shit?
I do.
You poor sucker.
You poor, washed-up papa's boy.
All right, let's not
get out of hand.
Please, don't get in the middle
of this, Mr. Sherman.
This is a family matter.
Don't talk to him like that.
- Call me Henry.
- I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Call him Henry.
Why? I don't know him
that well.
You've known him for ten years.
As your accountant,
Mr. Sherman, yes.
Where are you going to sleep?
I'm just going
to camp out upstairs.
We brought our sleeping bag...
We don't mind, Dad.
We like him.
Who, Pappy?
He can sleep in
the room above us.
Ari, it's not your decision.
Nor is it yours.
Well, he's already up there.
I think he's asleep
because of the medication
he's on
but I... I guess you can
wake him up and throw him out...
ifMom says it's okay.
Get out.
All right.
Let me just collect my things.
Would you mind handing me
my cane, Richie?
Let me see,
where's my suitcases?
I'll get 'em.
Oh, thanks.
Grab me a Nembutal,
will you, son?
Are you okay?
What the fuck you care?
Oh, my goodness.
Call Doctor McClure.
Take a breath and hold it.
Now cough.
His condition is stable.
The attack was
just a side effect.
I recommend you push fluids
and continue the stomach cancer
Can we move him?
Absolutely not.
For how long?
We'll have to wait and see.
Is he going to be all right?
That depends. Is he a fighter?
Then that's the best we've got.
Pagoda's in possession
of a parcel containing
my will
and some instructions
for the funeral
including my epitaph,
for when the time comes.
Proofread it for me
before they carve it
on the headstone, okay?
I never did stop loving you,
by the way.
Do you believe that?
Not really.
You look terrific.
That dress is stunning.
# Tears that angels cry... #
# And the dark
and all the sky... #
Lights out, old man.
I thought I'd read
for a while, Chas.
Sorry. 11:30. Lights out.
I'm right in the middle
of a sentence.
Well, you'll have to finish it
in the morning.
Them's the rules.
Good night, my boy.
# When the one you love
says good-bye #
# Sing a lullaby #
# Dee-dee-dee,
dee-dee, dee-dee #
# Dee-dee-dee, dee-dee,
dee-dee... #
Looks like you and Dad are
back together again, huh?
He's your dad, too, Chas.
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
You really hate me,
don't you?
No. I don't. I love you.
Well, I don't know
what you think
you're going to get out of this
but believe me, whatever it is,
it's not worth it.
I don't want to hurt you.
I know what you and the boys
have been through.
You're my brother,
and I love you.
Stop saying that!
What's that jackass doing?
I know you, asshole!
Did Eli send you that?
He always sends me
his clippings.
What for?
I think he just likes
the encouragement.
He's done it for years.
He used to send me
his grades in college.
That's ridiculous.
How long do you intend
to stay here?
I don't know.
Are you ever coming home?
Maybe not.
You're joking.
Well, I want to die.
Raleigh, please...
Have you met someone else?
I couldn't even begin
to think about
knowing how to answer
that question.
I don't like the way
you're treating Raleigh.
What are you talking about?
You don't even know him.
Well, I've met him,
and I don't think he deserves...
Stay out ofit.
You're two-timing him
with that bloodsucker
Eli Cash.
Now, that's just not right,
damn it.
You used to be a genius.
No, I didn't.
Anyway, that's what
they used to say.
Richard, I know you're
terribly close to Margot
and probably understand
her better than anyone.
May I confide in you?
I believe
she's having an affair.
I'm utterly devastated.
I... don't know
where else to turn.
Will you advise me?
I don't know.
What do you want to do?
I don't know.
Perhaps, uh...
Find the guy and get him?
Well, no,
I thought we could...
Who do you think it might be?
I don't know at the moment.
Let's look
at the actuals, okay?
I agree with you
a hundred percent.
That's why we have
marketing grids.
What do you say
we go down to Little Tokyo
and get some fireworks?
What do you need?
I see you got them,
uh, crunching numbers for you.
Please don't
come in this room.
Chas has those boys cooped up
like a pair ofjackrabbits,
He has his reasons.
Oh, I know that
but you can't raise boys
to be scared oflife.
You got to brew
some recklessness into them.
I think that's terrible advice.
No, you don't.
We take boxing
and self-defense classes.
I'm not talking
about dance lessons.
I'm talking about
putting a brick
through the other guy's
I'm talking about taking it out
and chopping it up.
What do you mean?
# The mama pajama
rolled out of bed #
# And she ran
to the police station #
# When the papa found out,
he began to shout #
# And he started
the investigation #
# It's against the law #
# It was against the law #
# What the mama saw,
it was against the law #
# The mama looked down
and spit on the ground #
# Ev'ry time my name
gets mentioned #
# The papa said,
"Oy, ifl get that boy #
# I'm gonna stick him
in the house of detention" #
# Well, I'm on my way #
# I don't know where I'm goin' #
# I'm on my way #
# I'm takin' my time #
# But I don't know where #
# Goodbye to Rosie,
the Queen of Corona... #
Come here.
# See you, me and Julio #
- That's it! Run!
# Down by the schoolyard #
# See you, me and Julio
down by the schoolyard. #
He saved my life, you know.
knifed in a bazaar
in Calcutta.
He carried me
to the hospital on his back.
Who stabbed you?
He did.
Yeah, there was
a price on my head
and he was a hired assassin.
Stuck me right in the gut
with that. Shoot.
Where have you been?
Uh, we just stepped out
to get some air.
What's that?
Holy shit.
That's not?
What is that?
Oh, no, no,
that's, uh, dog's blood.
Come here.
You stay away from my children.
Do you understand?
My God, I haven't been
in here for years.
Hey! Are you listening to me!
Yes, I am!
I think you've having
a nervous breakdown!
I don't think you recovered
from Rachael's death.
There you are.
How are you feeling?
I'm having a ball.
Scrapping and yelling
and mixing it up.
Loving every minute
with this damn crew.
I want to thank you
for raising our children
by the way.
I'm not kidding.
You always put them first,
didn't you?
I tried to.
Lately I feel like maybe
I didn't do such a great job.
Goddamn it,
don't do that to yourself.
I'm the one that failed them.
Or, anyway,
it's nobody's fault.
Plus, that... it doesn't...
Why didn't you give
a damn about us, Royal?
Why didn't you care?
I don't know.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I'll tell you
one thing, though...
you got more grit, fire and guts
than any woman
I have ever met.
What... what are you
smiling about?
No, wha... what's so funny?
It's these little
expressions of yours.
I don't know
what you're talking about
but I'll take it
as a compliment.
You're true blue, Ethel.
You really are.
How's your love life?
None of your business.
I'd like you to talk
to Royal about us
if you don't mind.
I don't think the timing's right
for that, Henry.
Well, I'd agree
ifl thought he was really
going to die in six weeks
but I don't.
Well, I hope you're right.
Actually, I don't believe
I'll join you tonight.
I'll call you in the morning.
She said that?
Got the sucker on the ropes.
Can I ask you something, Hank?
Are you trying
to steal my woman?
I beg your pardon?
You heard me, Coltrane.
Did you just call me "Coltrane"?
You didn't?
But ifl did...
you wouldn't be able to do
anything about it, would you?
You don't think so?
No, I don't.
Listen, Royal
if you think
you can march in here...
You want to talk some jive?
I'll talk some jive.
I'll talk some jive
like you've never heard.
- Oh, yeah?
- Right on!
- Sit down.
- What?!
Wh-what did you say?
I said sit down, goddamn it!
Oh, I heard you!
I want you out of my house!
This is not your house!
I want your raggedy ass out!
Don't talk semantics with me.
Oh, this is not your...
What's going on here?
Hello, I'm calling in regards
to a Dr. McClure... yes...
at Colby General.
The name of the patient
is Royal Tenenbaum.
Is that a Tic-Tac?
How much is he paying you?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Well, I grew up with the
Tenenbaum family, you know.
Across the street.
They've fallen on hard times
now, haven't they?
I can't say no.
This is bullshit.
Change it, huh?
What did you do to your hand?
Uh, nothing.
Can we get somebody over here
to kill these mice for us?
No. They belong to Chas.
Or anyway, he invented them.
Well, get him to stick them
in a fucking cage
or something.
Etheline... mind coming up here
for a minute, please?
What's cooking, Pops?
You'll see.
Now, your previous novel...
Yes. Wildcat.
Not a success.
Well, Wildcat was written
in a kind of obsolete
Wild... cat...
I'm going to go.
I'm taking this off
and I'm going.
Stepping out.
What the hell
kind of way to act is that?
Open the door.
He's on drugs.
I'll be right back.
James Bradley...
Hold on a minute, please.
What's going on?
Pagoda has something to say.
He has a cancer.
No, he doesn't.
I know what stomach cancer
looks like.
I've seen it.
And you don't eat
three cheeseburgers a day
with French fries if you got it.
The pain is excruciating.
How would you know?
My wife had it.
Not only is there
no Dr. McClure at Colby General
there is no Colby General.
It closed in 1974.
Aw, shit, man.
Oh, shit, man.
Yes, can you send a taxi
to 111 Archer Avenue
right away, please?
Thank you.
I guess we're back out
on the street, huh, pal?
Were you part of this,
Of course he was.
No, well, yeah, he was
but, I mean,
he wasn't that involved.
Where'd you get all
these medical supplies?
A guy at St. Pete's
owed me a favor.
I did some malpractice work
for him.
I do have
high blood pressure, though.
Look, I know I'm going to be
the bad guy on this one.
But I just want to say,
the last six days have been
the best six days
of probably my whole life.
Immediately after
making this statement
Royal realized
that it was true.
Why'd you do this to us, Royal?
What was the point?
I thought I could win you back.
And then I thought I could
get rid ofHenry...
and at least keep
the status quo.
But we hadn't spoken
in seven years.
I know.
Plus, uh...
I was broke.
And I got kicked out
of my hotel.
You're a bastard.
Good-bye, Royal.
Take it easy
on those boys, Chassie.
I don't want this
to happen to you.
You know, Richie, this illness,
this closeness to death
has had a profound effect
on me.
L- I feel like a different
person, I really do.
Dad, you were never dying.
But I'm going to live.
He's not your father.
Neither are you.
You son of a bitch!
God... damn...
That's the last time you put
a knife in me, hear me?
The 375th Street Y, please.
Everyone's against me.
It's your fault, man.
Yeah, I know, but damn it,
I want this family to love me.
How much money you got?
I don't have.
What, you're broke?
You got to be kidding me.
How are we going to pay
for this room?
All right,
we'll think of something.
I'm not in love
with you anymore.
I didn't know you ever were.
Let's not make this
any more difficult
than it already is.
Okay, what?
Okay, I'm not in love
with you, either.
Yes, I know;
you're in love with Richie
which is sick and gross.
Do you send my mother
your clippings...
and your grades from college?
Please stop belittling me.
You never gave me
the time of day
till I started getting
good reviews.
Your reviews aren't that good.
But the sales are.
Gentlemen... how much
do you already know?
Very little, I'm afraid.
Would you like
to examine the report?
# Jackie is a punk,
Judy is a runt #
# They both went down to Berlin,
joined the Ice Capades #
# And, oh, I don't know why #
# Oh, I don't know why #
# Perhaps they'll die,
oh, yeah #
# Perhaps they'll die #
# Oh, yeah #
# Perhaps they'll die,
oh, yeah #
# Perhaps
they'll die, oh, yeah #
# Second verse,
same as the first #
# Jackie is a punk,
Judy is a runt #
# They both went down to Berlin,
joined the Ice Capades #
# And, oh, I don't know why #
# Oh, I don't know why #
# Perhaps they'll die,
oh, yeah #
# Perhaps they'll die #
# Oh, yeah #
# Perhaps
they'll die, oh, yeah #
# Perhaps they'll die,
oh, yeah #
# Third verse,
different from the first #
# Jackie is a punk... #
She smokes.
All right, well.
Everything seems
to be in order.
I'll contact you
in the next 24 hours.
I appreciate that.
Uh, which way are you leaning,
by the way?
I'll inform you of my decision
at the appropriate time.
I get it.
Uh, Dusty, put in a good word
for us, will you?
I already did.
You want to play some word games
or do some experiments
on me or anything?
# Your hand on his arm #
# Haystack charm #
# Around your neck #
# Strung out and thin #
# Calling some friend,
trying to cash some check #
# He's acting dumb #
# That's what you've come...
to expect #
# Needle in the hay #
# He's wearin' your clothes #
# Head down to toes #
# A reaction to you #
# You say you know what he did #
# But you idiot kid #
# You don't have a clue #
# Sometimes they just #
# Get caught in the eye #
# You're pulling him through #
# Needle in the hay #
# Needle in the hay... #
I'm going to kill myself
# Needle in the hay #
# Needle in the hay. #
Dudley, where is he?
He'll probably sleep
for several hours
and then I'll come back
to check on him.
All right?
How are you feeling?
Fine, thanks.
Are you in any pain?
Not really.
Why'd you try
to kill yourself?
Don't press him right now.
I wrote a suicide note.
You did?
Right after I regained
Can we read it?
Can you paraphrase it for us?
I don't think so.
Is it dark?
Of course it's dark.
It's a suicide note.
All right, that's enough.
Doctor said to let him sleep.
Cover for us, will you, Dusty?
Yes. Yes, Royal.
You've made a cuckold of me.
I know.
Many times over.
I'm sorry.
And you nearly killed
your poor brother.
What's he talking about?
It doesn't matter.
She's balling Eli Cash.
Oh, my goodness.
May I have a cigarette?
Shall I repeat the question?
You don't smoke.
I know that.
And a light.
Au revoir.
How long have you been
a smoker?
Well, I think you should quit.
How can I help?
Let me look at these forms.
Oh, Henry.
Richie Tenenbaum, please.
Your name?
Royal Tenenbaum.
I'm afraid visiting hours
are over, sir.
Wh-Wh-What does it say there...
they don't want me?
L- I'm sorry.
I have to refer you
to Dr. Burrows.
He'll be in
tomorrow afternoon.
We could shimmy up
that gutter
jump over that window ledge
and then, uh, pry open
that ventilator shaft.
There he is.
Where's he going?
Well, I have to say
he didn't look half bad
for a suicide.
Attempted, anyway.
# Please #
# Give me second grace #
# Please #
# Give me a second face #
# I've fallen far down #
# The first time around #
# Now I just sit on the ground
in your way #
# Now #
# lfit's time
for recompense #
# For what's done... #
Who's there?
# Come #
# Come sit down
on the fence in the sun... #
# And the clouds will roll by #
# And we'll never deny... #
W- What are you doing in my tent?
Just listening to some records.
Aren't you supposed to be
in the hospital?
I checked myself out.
How many stitches did you get?
I don't know.
You want to see?
# They seem to stay
for day after day #
# And won't disappear... #
# I tried every way... #
Richie, that looks horrible.
I heard about your ex-husband.
I guess so.
I didn't get his name.
I met him in the ocean.
I was swimming
and he came out to me
in a canoe.
We were only married
nine days.
And I heard about Eli.
I know.
Poor Eli.
Anyway, they mostly
just talked about you.
They did?
I guess that was the attraction,
if you know what I mean.
# She smiled sweetly #
# And says don't worry... #
I have to tell you something.
What's that?
I love you.
I love you, too.
# There's no use tryin' #
# You're here #
# Begin again #
# And o'er again #
# That's what she said
so softly... #
I can't stop thinking
about you.
I went away for a year,
and it only got worse
and I don't know
what to do.
Let's lie down for a minute.
# She smiled sweetly #
# She smiled sweetly... #
This is the sleeping bag
we took to the museum,
isn't it.
# Oh, no, no, no... #
Why'd you do it?
Because of me?
Yeah, but it's not your fault.
You're not going
to do it again, are you?
I doubt it.
# She would never say #
# Where she came from... #
# Yesterday don't matter #
# lfit's gone #
# While the sun is bright #
# Or in the darkest night #
# No one knows... #
I think we're just going
to have to be
secretly in love with each other
and leave it at that, Richie.
# Good-bye, Ruby Tuesday #
# Who could hang a name
on you? #
# When you change
with every new day #
# Still I'm gonna miss you... #
Lobby floor.
Thank you, sir.
Going up?
What floor, sir?
Doesn't matter.
So, you're
elevator operators now?
Yeah, just started.
We'll get a bump as soon
as we join the union.
What made you decide
to do that?
We're broke.
But in answer to your question
I wanted to prove
I could pay my dues,
and whatnot.
I just hope
somebody notices.
You asked me
why I choked out there that day.
I think I may know the answer
and I wanted your advice.
Margot Tenenbaum?
Well, since when?
Since always.
Does she know?
Well, what does she feel
about that?
I think she feels confused.
Well, I can understand that.
It's probably illegal.
I don't think so.
We're not related by blood.
That's true.
Still frowned upon.
But then, what isn't
these days, right?
I don't know, maybe it works.
Why not, what the hell.
You love each other.
Nobody knows
what's going to happen, so...
You know something.
Don't listen to me.
I never understood her myself.
I never understood any of us.
I wish I could tell you
what to do
but I just can't.
That's okay.
No, it's not.
You still consider me
your father?
Sure, I do.
I wish I had more to offer
in that department.
I know you do, Pop.
I don't blame you, by the way.
Uh, she's a
great-looking girl
and smart as a whip.
# Stephanie says
that she wants to know #
# Why she's given
half her life #
# To people she hates now... #
Holy shit.
You came back.
Jiminy crickets.
That damn bird must
have radar in its brain.
Is that true, Mordecai?
L- I'm not so sure
this is Mordecai.
What do you mean?
He flew right in here.
This bird has much more
white feathers on him.
Oh, the son of a bitch
must be molting.
Oh. I need your help
with something else.
You got it.
What's the situation?
Well, um, I think Eli maybe...
Hold it.
Pagoda, meet me in the lobby.
Let's hit it.
I didn't mean right this second,
but... that's okay.
I don't think it was Ramses.
I believe
it was Tootinkamen.
Yes. Tutankhamen.
Hey, Richie.
We want to take you
to get some help.
Is it just you guys?
Would you
excuse us, please?
Are we still friends?
What do you mean?
Are we?
Of course.
How can you even ask me that?
Well, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter?
It does matter.
I heard about you and Margot.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I always wanted
to be a Tenenbaum, you know.
Me, too.
'Cause it doesn't mean
what it used to though, does it?
I wish he'd done this for me
when I was a kid.
But you didn't have
a drug problem then.
Yeah, but it would've meant
a lot to me.
Anyway, I'm glad
you're here now.
I recognize
that I have a problem...
and I want to get better.
I'll just grab my stuff.
There he goes.
There he goes.
Skiddly, skiddly.
# Christmastime is here #
# Happiness and cheer... #
I'd like to order some ice cream
for my daughter, please.
What would you like, Margot?
Nothing. I told you
I have to go in five minutes.
I'll have a butterscotch sundae,
I guess.
Your brother's all torn up
Well, so am I, but I'm not going
to discuss it with you.
Can't somebody be a shit
their whole life
and try to repair the damage?
L- I mean, I think people want
to hear that.
Do they?
You probably don't even know
my middle name.
That's a trick question.
You don't have one.
That was my mother's name.
I know it was.
Anybody interested
in grabbing a couple burgers
and hitting the cemetery?
I got something for you, Ethel.
Actually, I made it.
What's this?
It's a divorce.
From you?
This is Sanchez.
He's a notary public.
- Hello.
- Hello, sir.
You just sign here
and initial here
and sign there.
You own this building,
don't you, Henry?
It's magnificent.
I used to be a homeowner myself
until our son expropriated it
from me.
I got to catch my bus.
Thanks, Sanchez.
You're welcome.
Are we divorced?
Sanchez just has
to file the papers.
I love you, Etheline.
Congratulations to both of you.
I didn't think so much
of him at first.
But now I get it.
He's everything that I'm not.
Take back Pagoda, will you?
Uh, slightly uneven.
Looks okay. You're just nervous.
Hello, Richie.
This is my son, Walter Sherman.
Hi, Walter. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Henry's your dad?
So you've been married before.
Yes. I'm a widower.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
You know, I'm a widower myself.
I know you are, Chas.
What are you chewing on?
My nicotine inhaler.
It's supposed to help me quit.
Is it working?
Not really.
Well, of course,
I'm halfHebrew
but the children are
three-quarters Mick Catholic.
So they were raised
in the church?
I believe so.
I really don't know.
Here I come.
What was that?
Eli just crashed his car
into the front of the house.
Oh, my God.
Where's my shoe?
Ari, Uzi, where are you?
They're okay, Chas.
It's okay. They're safe.
They're safe.
Dad, they ran over Buckley.
Yeah, I think we lost Buckley.
He saved them.
Dad. He pulled them
out of the way.
You did?
Did I hit anyone?
Is everybody okay?
What's going on?
Hey, man.
You should try this.
It's very tasty.
Did I hit the dog?
Is he dead?
I need help.
So do I.
Go around to the other side.
You kids stay there.
We'll be right back.
Can I say something
to you, Henry?
I've always been considered
an asshole
for about as long
as I can remember.
That's just my style.
But I'd really feel blue
ifl didn't think
you were going to forgive me.
I don't think
you're an asshole, Royal.
I just think you're kind
of a son of a bitch.
Well, I really
appreciate that.
Could you let us
in your backyard, ma'am?
We've got a couple boys
back there.
I think you may
have broken an ankle.
Well, that's not terribly
serious, is it?
Do you have an alternate?
Are there priests on call?
Why don't you bring
the car around, Anwar.
At which point, I apparently
lost control of the vehicle
smashed it into the house,
and killed that poor dog.
You're Eli Cash.
Yes indeed, I am.
I love your work.
Oh, how sweet of you to say.
78-35, Code Six.
I think he's part mutt.
What kind of papers
do you have for him?
Spark Plug, sit, sit.
Good boy.
Put this on.
What's so funny, Dudley?
You look great.
Can you see out ofit?
Not really.
Uh-huh. Minor corneal damage.
Page me ifit spreads
to the other eye.
Who do I make it out to?
Alex? Okay.
But these aren't structure-
bearing elements, Dad.
It doesn't matter.
It's still best
to file another force majeure
and recoup the deductible.
You boys come up here with me.
But Buckley's
still under there.
I know, but there's nothing
we can do for him at the moment.
Come on.
I got you a new dog
for the boys.
I just bought him.
You did?
Sorry I let you down, Chas.
All of you.
I been trying
to make it up to you.
What's his name?
Spark Plug.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I've had a rough year, Dad.
I know you have, Chassie.
See, now he has
more white feathers
on his neck.
I wonder
what happened to him?
I don't know.
Sometimes if a person
has a traumatic experience
their hair turns white.
Well, I'm sure
he'll get over it.
This was one
of my first hiding places.
How old do you think those are?
I'd say about ten years.
Come here.
Royal dug a hole for Buckley
behind the garden shed
and buried him
in a canvas duffel bag.
All right, boys.
Say a prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father...
I do.
Etheline and Henry were married
48 hours later
in judge's chambers.
Margot's new play was produced
at the Cavendish Theatre.
This is my adopted daughter,
Elaine Levinson.
It ran for just under two weeks
and received mixed reviews.
Yes, can the boy tell time?
Oh, my Lord, no.
No. No.
Raleigh and Dudley
went on a lecture tour
to 11 universities
in the promotion
of their new book.
Eli checked himself into
a rehabilitation hospital
in North Dakota.
Oh, hey, this is my sponsor,
Runs With Two Horses.
Wind's blowing up
a gale today.
This is the grip
that Rod Laver used.
Are you familiar with Laver?
Richie started a program
teaching competitive tennis
to eight-to-12 year olds
at the 375th Street Y.
Game. Change sides.
Royal had a hear tattack
at the age of 68.
Chas rode with him
in the ambulance
and was the only witness
to his father's death.
In his will, he stipulated
that his funeral
take place at dusk.
Among the few possessions
he left to his heirs
was a set
of Encyclopedia Britannica
in storage
at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel
under the names
Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum.
No one spoke at the funeral
and Father Petersen's leg
had not yet mended...
but it was agreed among them
that Royal
would have found the event
to be most satisfactory.
# We shall walk again #
# All along the lane #
# Down the avenue #
# Just like we used to #
# With our heads so high #
# Smile at passersby #
# And we'll softly sigh #
# Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi #
# Everyone, everyone,
everyone, everyone #
# Everyone, everyone, everyone,
everyone #
# By the winding stream #
# We shall lay and dream #
# And these dreams come true #
# If we want them to #
# Yes, all will come #
# Playing pipes and drum #
# Sing a happy song #
# Yeah, we'll sing along #
# Everyone, everyone,
everyone, everyone #
# Everyone, everyone, everyone,
everyone #
# We shall walk again #
# All along down the lane #
# Down the avenue #
# Just like we used to #
# With our heads so high #
# Smile at passersby #
# And we'll softly sigh #
# Ai-yi-yi-yi-
yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi #
# Everyone, everyone,
everyone, everyone #
# Everyone, everyone, everyone,
everyone #
# Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah. #