Russendisko (2012) Movie Script
In spring 1990 a rumour spreads in Moscow
the GDR shelters Jews from the USSR
because they never contributed to Israel
Mischa, Andrej and I heard it from my father,
who is the head of planning department.
The great freedom is in the country.
But it would not live long in Russia.
Therefore, use your chance.
You are young, have ... nothing
Germany is the right place for you.
A stable social system.
A few boys more wouldnt get noticed.
Mischa, Andrej and I grew up here in Moscow.
We were best friends.
Mischa was cheerful and easygoing.
Then Dr. Orlows acne cream ruined his puberty.
Andrej as well, 15 years, was not at the height of his manhood
He tended to melancholy.
He claims that is nonsense and
he was bewitched by a woman at the age of seven.
And me, I don't know how to say,
I believe, I was just looking for the meaning of my life.
My father was right. We had nothing.
Germany was just right for us.
The GDR was the better choice then no hope at all
We arrived in the summer of 1990 in East Berlin.
We knew immediately: here we were right.
Everyone was happy
and six month after the reunification still celebrating.
In reality, it was just the World Cup.
three more?
Boys, that is the paradise
- Prost. - Prost.
- to the paradise! - to the paradise!
As a member of a national minority seeking refuge
I welcome you in the GDR. Please.
For you too: welcome.
And you...
No.
Oops. I was about to make a Jew out of you.
Joking.
For non Jewish citizen the permission is valid 3 month only.
After you have to leave. Or marry a German woman.
Sorry. I'm simply in good mood today.
No worry. Three month...
still better as in the Soviet Union
And who knows, laws changes
every minute we get new regulations.
These are valid for the foreigners dorm Marzahn
Please. Gentlemen...
Enjoy the last weeks of the German Democratic Republic.
The dorm is the starting point for refugees from all nations
The Vietnamese controlled the cigarette market.
The Russians accused themselves,
to be illegitimate Jews with faked approvals
Neither of whom trusted German doctors, went to the African healers.
The Albanians dreamed of the first Albanian restaurant in Berlin.
At night the Gypsies came back with loose change and often a stolen car.
The money they gave to the pub and drank the whole night
Then they get into the car drove it against a tree.
That was the highlight of their nocturnal pleasure.
Ta-da!
- well, free market economy. - Move.
Go over to Andrej, he is willing to share.
No way, you can get cardboard boxes. No, no.
Yes, that is nice. Thank you very much.
It is only for the next three months.
Surprise.
The Gypsies crashed the car into the tree.
Robbery. They bought it for 30 ct only.
Go complain. Room 17, third floor.
He seriously going there.
Russian crooks!
And, what do we do now? Any plans?
-Secret plans? Thievish plans?
-Wladi, are you KGB?
- Shut up?
- Wladi, like to talk about my secret plans.
- No, don't touch me.
- Why?
I'm clear. I have a plan.
I become a musician and earn a living.
And people will want to see me and such.
Well. Fine. Here is mine.
In five years, I'm rich or sell Borsch on the Red Square.
- Alright. Let's drink. Prost! -No, no, Wladi.
I admire how you shoulder the hopelessness.
But you don't get away like that.
Come on. Not just the others.
This is torture for me, that's Gulag! If I have a plan, I'll tell you.
Until then, I will help you.
Like my father, as head of the department.
The parades are no longer what they once were.
This is due to the Gorbachev. Glasnost, world peace, fine, ...
- But parades, he can't do that.
-Stop complaining, old kvetch.
- Wladimir? - Mamutschka ?
- It is Wladimir! How are you doing? -We have a room.
-A room! -Bravo.
-In the dorm with many Russians.
-With many Russians.
-Just don't get cheated!
-Do you have enough to eat?
-Yes. -Good. That is most important.
Tell dad I find work and will bring you here.
Oh, what do we want in Germany?
- Tell him we're too old for something new.
-Watch yourself
- and Andrej und Mischa.
- Will do. Give him a kiss.
- Morning. - Morning.
- What? - Where's your startup cash?
What?
- Sell beer and get rich. -Really rich!
Canned beer!
Hello.
And where? Here?
Here is good.
- Are you Russians? - Yes.
They come from Russia.
- to good-neighborly relations.. - Thanks.
- Nuts? From Saxony? - From all over the world.
- In case you're thirsty? - No.
We always take our thermos jug. Thank you.
- Nuts? - Yes.
Do you think it is still too early for a beer?
- No. - Definitely not.
- for the booth. - for the booth.
Maybe a nut? Nuts!
- Mushrooms from Saxony! - A beer?
- Why not. - 1.50 .
Well, it is working.
One fors "Mr. Podorsky found a scarf and does not wear it".
- I'm looking for Olga. - She is in the dressing room.
Thank you. By the way, was great. Super!
- Hello, Wladimir. - Hello, Olga.
- Nice to meet you. - Me too!
- Are you from Russia? - Yes. From Moscow.
- I am from the island of Sakhalin. - Where is that?
That is pretty far in the East.
And how is it in there?
There was always snow storms. After that frost.
And then again snow storms.
At that time we had three elementary schools named 2, 4, and 5.
- Where is number 3?
- It was a faulty design.
It had one floor too much and swept into the sea by the storm.
Next to school 5, the was the Court, school 4 had the lunatic asylum
and next to school 2 the prison.
We were afraid of Ms Schirkov,
if we did not do the homework.
On the way home, we were followed by bears and other animals.
Sometimes the Vulkan Iturup broke out and we ran screaming around the island.
- Hello. - Olga, that is us.
Olga, what happened?
That is extra somatic. Sounds simple...
Just be careful.
That is Helena. She writes for a Moscow newspaper.
About interesting Russians in Berlin.
During the interview they all fall in love.
There was the symbolist painter from Karaganda.
Wanted to impress her with images.
The dog breeder Goldmann.
breed of dog bred for her.
They all follow her.
Want to protect her from evil spirits.
Or rather from other Russians.
Fortunately, I'm not interesting.
And I'm not Russian.
Your face is amazing.
Considered from the perspective of a painter.
- What do you drink? - Everything.
Well, okay. Another beer and get "everything".
The Soviet national team is back 0:1.
No! You stupid loser!
- How did it go?
- Tomorrow we double the number of cans.
- Really? - Yes. And with you?
From the perspective of a painter, I have a stunning face.
The school of Olga was swept into the sea by a storm.
- No! - Gone, gone!
I thought you hated the Soviet Union.
Sure I hate them. But not the national team.
- How much money do we have?
-After today? 238 Mark.
Give me 150.
I promise, you will feel much better soon.
A company car for a business man.
There's still 20 marks to refuel. Keys.
Then unusual things happened.
The Vietnamese sold no cigarettes no more,
instead dug holes. No one knew why.
The Albanian family decided,
to open a pizzeria instead
After opening of the "Napoli" they went all straight to the folk high school.
And for one night, we were all world champions.
The game is over. Germany won the 1990 World Cup!
Andrej's career went steeply uphill through the newly acquired mobility.
He had many regular customers: the bums.
- Just a little schnaps. - No, no.
Lost Japanese tourists.
The cheerful Jehovah's witnesses and Scientologists,
watching for Eastern Europeans to convert them to their faith.
Because business went well without us,
we could follow Mischa's way to fame, success and glory.
After several successful weeks,
an illegal day bar owner approached us.
After three months in Berlin Mischa got his first gig:
The Tuesdays bar.
Hello.
In Russia the winter last ten month in average.
Then we have plenty of time and sing...dada
sing about our survivalism.
A typical tale of a such a song:
The father looks hungry into his stable.
The horses are already eaten.
The oxen are also eaten.
And also the chickens are all already eaten.
And then he turns around and in front of him...
are his wife and seven children.
Only one Russian song made a career in the West.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mischa Mirolenko.
Because it was incorrectly translated. We thought it was a love story.
But it was written 80 years ago in a cold winter night.
Dealing with hunger and hardship. The composers were freezing and died.
And the song goes like that:
-I love you, Mischa!
-I love you too!
Guys, if I was a girl I would have screamed instantly.
Hello. Wladimir Kaminer.
- Helena. - Hanna. Hello.
- I am Olga. - I know.
I write about Russians in Berlin.
Do you think I could interview your friend?
-Sure, why not? Ask him. - Okay.
-That was very funny.
-Really, exceptional.
-That was really great. - Thank you.
"Mr Podorsky found a scarf" was also very funny.
Especially the part where the horse went backward.
I can tell, I danced before.
-Really?
-Oh? You're a colleague then.
Well, forced. At age of seven in the folk ballet.
"The conquest of the North Pole". There were sailors and penguins.
As a newcomer I was a Penguin.
When the sailors arrived, we had to use the wings...
Then everyone ran apart.
And what did the sailors?
Yes. And after a year you could switch. And...
I spent two years at the North Pole and have not made it to the sailors.
Poor little Penguin.
You're more like the funny guy, are you?
Can you also be serious?
Yes, totally. Sometimes.
Very much. And you?
Oh well. Depends on.
Now I'm well quite.
Get in!
- Andrej, that's for you our pay.
-You owe me nothing.
I know. But anyway.
May be tomorrow I have to borrow it again.
So.
Wladi, wait a minute.
This Helena, who asked the questions.
- I think I'm in love. - Really?
- Yes. - Really?
- Yes. - Oh shit.
- Why? - Because... Doesn't matter.
Hey.
Thanks.
I was bewitched in a hallway when I was seven.
That's why I may look sad sometimes.
- I'm sorry. - It is not your fault.
What does that mean?
Sometimes I feel
as I had forgotten my heart in Russia.
But there is an advantage to be bewitched.
I can see when witchcraft is in the game.
And where?
There.
All gone in ten seconds.
ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five, four, three, two
one...
Helena, Helena, Helena.
I want no songs. Certainly none of us. Oh, man.
- Not bad. - I know.
- This is the Red Star. -Yes?
Ah. Yes, right.
This is a reminder of Mischa, Andrejs and
my glorious time in the Red Army.
Aha.
It is a story full of tragedy and death.
-Do you want to hear? - sure.
- The official version? - The unofficial.
Good.
Our mission was the manning of a post in the Moscow defense circle.
Mischa, Andrei and I formed a well trained, efficient unit.
-Alarm. Hey, alarm! -What should we do?
Luckily, we knew perfectly what to do in this case.
Inform the superiors. He informs the Division headquarters.
Moscow. We have a problem.
Every superior reported to his superiors.
Until it was too late
and Matthias Rust has landed on the red square already.
I lead an army of incompetent idiots.
And this unfortunately triggered a chain reaction.
Well. And we have not joined.
Yes. Obvious.
And the official version?
Yes, the official version...
Is like that...
- Yes? - That...
That I'd like to kiss you now.
Not? Why not?
-Because this makes no sense.
-What? Of course that makes sense.
The greatest sense of everything I did.
I'm going back to Moscow.
- No. - Sure.
I'm starting as a stage assistant at the Bolshoi.
We just have met, you can't go away.
But stage set? You're a dancer.
I'm not a dancer.
I'm a waitress,
who imagines herself that she's a dancer.
You're the most wonderful dancer.
I can tell, I was one.
Is true... please stop it.
I'm serious.
Do we see each other tomorrow?
Weirdo.
- This is no answer. - Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
See you.
-Maybe we meet again later. - Sure.
Be careful.
You too.
- That will be difficult. - Hard.
Let's go. I still have something to drink.
Oh no.
- Hello, Herr Freimuth. - Hi, Wladi, Mischa.
- Michail Mirolenko? - Yes?
Your visa has expired since weeks.
Pack your things and come.
Come on, come on, come on!
That was not smart, right?
- And now? - You will go back.
-Is at out of the question.
-You know, that is bullshit.
Man, we shouldn't run away.
- Come on, it is not that dramatic.
- It could be much worse.
In Moscow, we would be frozen to death by now.
- Or robbed. - Or both.
- Or that. - Yes.
This is shit, so unfair! Just as we getting to start here.
I will never go back.
-What are you going to do?
-Do you live in here?
-May be they would forget about me.
Sleeping with a German.
- Maybe she marries you.
- And if not?
Then you go back with great memories of German sex.
- Great. -Let's face it now.
That is what the immigration officer told us.
It's actually quite comfortable here.
- Man, Mischa. - I think it is comfortable.
- Hello? That... - Good night!
Good night!
Are you serious?
I'm sorry, this is an old car .
- Sleep well. - Night.
Wladi, I can't sleep like that. Get up, please.
We want you to stay. We find someone who marries you.
- How about the girl from the concert?
- Hanna?
Yes. She liked you, right?
-She wanted to see me again.
-Really? That's great!
I go and meet Olga and tell her, she should bring Hanna.
Yes I can't.
Shit. Is a friend of Olga. But maybe you fall in love!
I would have to hide my intentions.
How about not hiding anything? Just be honest?
Wait.
Here. Wall stones.
And now?
Our path, the path of history, crosses ...
Wladi, the wall stands here probably for 100 years.
True. But we do it, okay?
Look. Wladi has it in abundance in Moscow.
-Really?
-Probably ten, twenty of it...
At some point, a whole country ends up at the flea market.
Have you played that one? Up there?
-Come on. We are right back.
-Have fun.
-That is so great! -Absolutely.
-With you? -She is so funny!
Super
Do you also feel the cold?
-Yes. - Does this care has park heating?
When it was built, there was not even such word.
Right again.
-We could do a lap. -Okay.
One more time?
- One more round? - Of course.
Hold it. Stop, Stop!
-What happened? -Go back!
This is Taganka.
true.
How nice.
- Good Morning. - Hey.
Do you have trouble?
Let's say we don't live here anymore.
It is said that you are warlock.
I am sad. Always been.
I also have fun and stuff. But actually, I'm sad.
I thought it would be better here. But it's not.
-You should visit a psychotherapist.
-Wait.
When I was seven years old, I was bewitched.
I think. By a woman in our hallway.
I need to know whether it has something to do with it.
Do you still have the room key?
- Do you have a pot and a knife?
-I think so.
Then let's go.
Cold cuts with pickles for the pigeons.
- Oh. - Hi.
That is Wladimir. Anatol. Wladimir.
The guy who lives in the car.
-Three in a car.
I also slept in a beetle.
- It has its romantic sides. -Absolutely.
- But it's actually... - big shit.
The Palasts made it to over the wall and gave me the keys.
Take a look. I wasn't in there yet.
Thanks!
Look, maybe you even have a balcony.
So, this is my home.
Make yourself at home. I get something to drink.
- Wait, wait. - What is it?
- Thank. - What for?
Well, that you ran into to me.
At that time I think, it was not to the smallpox vaccine,
It's about recognizing us in the post-socialist world.
I won't let you go to Russia. You have to stay here.
Do you know how many apply there?
That is just an excuse not to try it over there.
Not to try ... I'm trying it for so long already.
If I knew what I want to do.
I wouldn't give that up in any case.
This is an excuse, Mr. Kaminer.
You have to stay here. And keep on dancing.
- Yes? - What?
And...
To become my wife.
You are acting weird.
Morning.
How are you doing?
-Thank you. Bye. -Bye.
-Where did you get that? -Huh?
-Where did you get that?
-I'm a stand in for my buddy.
-Where is he? -What do you want?
I asked a question: where is he?
Look. Just buy it.
Sure, take it.
may be it makes you a better person.
Thanks.
-What do you get? -It's okay.
Why are they digging?
They had buried smuggled cigarettes.
And could no longer find it.
-Shit. The Russian radio doctor. -What?
-This is incredible, listen.
-Many listeners...
-He calls himself...
-Shut up!
There were only two causes. Men had headaches from the liquor.
And women from menstruation.
The Russians don't trust German doctors.
My daughter has pimples we try everything.
Every morning more pimples.
In Russia, there were the exquisite zinc acne creams...
-By Dr. Orlov.
-She messed up Mischa youth.
You won't get that here. But gasoline does.
- Hey - Hey
- Und Wladi? - With Olga on the road.
Then he comes no longer. -Don't think so.
Dner. Tasty!
-Bon Appetit. -Thank you.
I mean, if he already does not come for dinner,
then he could tell at least.
Since we give such an effort and then everything is cold.
What is now? What is going on?
Where my cigarettes? Hide, where?
Where my cigarettes?
- Mischa, watch out! - Fuck off!
You get nothing! Nothing!
What was that?
- Hello, Olga. - Hi.
- Why did they do that?
-They wanted their cigarettes.
You stole cigarettes from the Vietnamese?
Ouch! Ah!
-Because of you they were digging?
-I watched them burying it.
It's great. Our booth is finished.
We can't stay here either.
I think we've got something for you.
What?
Hey, Wladimir, it is a dream.
very careful.
At home you should get a medal for it.
- Olga has organized it.
-Thank you, Olga.
Mr. Palast has left it. House shoes.
And for you he has left something too.
Attention.
Something for camping
Here.
- Don't you take my gift? - No.
Where were you this morning?
Hm? We were worried.
Do we have secrets now? Or...
You know, I think, I have been bewitched.
Clear.
I had to know if that's true.
When I took the cigarettes, Franois was there.
He filled a pot with water, put in a knife
and put it under my bed.
Then I slept there.
Would the water have been gone the evening,
it would have been drunken by 'her'.
The water was still there.
I'm sorry, but... Knife in the pot?
I also did a magic course.
-Then shut up. -What's wrong?
-What? -I did not wanted to tell.
-It was fun.
-Not everything is a fucking fun.
-It's no joke.
-Also it's not all just serious.
Andrej, come on.
Sometimes he can be quite annoying
Okay, listen.
I'm sorry, how I reacted.
I got music for you.
Asshole.
-Good afternoon, Mrs policewoman. -Hello.
So, my favorite Russians.
Dearest Hanna. Good night.
Night.
-Yes. Good night. -Good night.
Yes, then...
Good night.
Good night, Mischa.
-Good morning. -Morning.
Morning.
What is going on? Come on. Say it!
-Coffee? -Yes.
We're getting married.
We decided this morning.
-Yes, um... - Yes, then.
My most sincere congratulations!
Congratulations!
My parents are coming to visit today!
And our dearest Mischa gets married!
Isn't that the most beautiful day you can imagine?
You know what? A day without a dance...
Is a lost day anyway.
Come on.
Everything will be good.
See you later, Yes?
-How comes you know Italian?
-From the Albanians.
-Can I ask you a question? -Yes.
Why was the knife in the pot?
Would the water have been gone, I would have thrown it out the window.
Would it hit the blade first,
I'm no longer haunted.
But the water was still there.
Fortunately. The yard was full of kids.
Have you seen a doctor?
-I do not trust the German doctors.
-Right, me too.
Mischa?
May I ask you something?
Please don't hurt Hanna.
I know you like her. But she loves you. Don't hurt her.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
- As much as you can get.
- As always.
So... So.
-Thank you. See you tomorrow. -See you tomorrow.
You are right. You're absolutely right.
Thanks, Andrej.
I thought you went out selling wall bricks.
But this is so much better. Come on in.
-Do you want some tea? -Yes.
This is for the University.
-Here. -Thank you.
Tell me, is everything okay?
What's the matter?
I have no visa for months.
That's why we had to leave the dormitory
Shit.
And then...
Wladimir and I...
We had the idea, that...
What?
That I should marry a German woman.
But I can't.
I'm sorry, Hanna.
I wanted it so much. Really.
I wanted it to be sure. I wanted it so much, but...
It would not work.
I don't love you.
I'm sorry.
Oh Mischa...
- Papa, Mama. - Wladimir.
Hi.
- How was the trip? -Was everything good.
Oh, come on.
There it is!
Yes, this is our place.
There sleeps Andrej. The kitchen.
-She packed all your stuff. -This is however no clutter.
-What kind of clutter?
-Look.
-My records. -Yes.
-My records. -Yes.
Boy, you did great.
Andrej does great business, Mischa and I perform...
That is Olga.
- Hey, Olga. - Wladi, please.
I need to talk to you.
-My parents are already there. -Please.
Close the door.
Was this your idea?
- What kind of person are you? - Olga, I have...
Hanna is at home crying! It is terrible to see that.
For weeks, the motherfucker is lying to her. Made a proposal!
So, was it your idea?
Wladi, say something, damn.
You always know what to say.
I had cancelled my flight.
And I wanted to tell you tonight.
-Why did you do that with Hanna? -Because it was right.
-You have to tell me!
-What's up, you bastard?
Stop it, really.
He did what was right.
-How do you know that? - And you?
I said that it is shit!
-Because of you bums, Olga is gone .
-Come on, Wladi.
Here, for you.
-Is Olga here?
-Not yet.
I love you. You know I love you.
I love you, too.
-I love you!
-Yes, I love you too!
Oh Man, Wladi.
I'm so sorry about Olga.
Really, with all my heart. I didn't mean it.
You will never find a better woman.
I love you. But, honestly...
It is a relieve that you're not so fucking optimistic
I get something else.
Andrej goes back to Moscow.
- What?
- Andrej goes back to Russia.
No, he can't.
- Yes, he can, Wladi.
- No.
You can't do that!
Oh, Wladi. Come on.
You were the first who wanted go abroad, Yes?
Yes, you.
And you've always said that we can do it all three together.
-Man, I'm homesick. -Yes.
I thought I had to leave to become happier.
- But that's not true.
- At that time you felt like shit.
Here I am much more depressed. Yes, it is my fault.
All I hated before, I'm missing it now.
Moscow, our prefab quarters, weather, even my parents.
I do understand.
-I love you, Yes? -I love you.
-Wait, here. -I love you too.
Do you know what, Wladi,
Mischa here has his music, you your optimism.
I have nothing here. Only my longing for home.
Real capitalism, the really real,
I can find only in Russia.
I'm going to take a piss.
Please use the toilet, not in the corner.
The old society rooms.
We wanted to make something out of it.
Just never did.
Ah, there you are!
Wladimir. Breakfast!
From Moscow? -Of course.
-May I?
-Yes, don't ask. Eat, eat.
How was the trip?
-Long. -Yes.
And how long you want to stay in Berlin?
Yes, actually...
We did not came to tell this to Wladimir, but...
Maybe we want to stay forever.
Perestroika and the market economy,
does not fit well together.
He has nailed up all the Windows because of the crime.
And the energy crisis, which was evil.
When he started to hack the furniture,.
to burn it, I said:
"I have had it. Now is final. We're going to our son in exile."
-Hanna, please.
-Mischa, I know!
Terribly sorry.
You don't know how you could get the idea.
You would immediately undo it.
And if there is anything you can do,
you would do it, of course.
Uh, Yes.
So, Yes.
I hope that you can forgive me at some time.
A cup of coffee?
Please.
Yes?
Okay.
Let me decide when.
Yes? So, when...
I mean when we shall meet again.
That's the only thing.
In any case.
Apology also from Wladimir.
Tell me, what are you doing now with your...
With the expulsion?
Since Wladimir still had another idea.
-Oh God. -Yes, oh God.
That's pretty stupid.
-Sabbath? -Starts Friday evening.
-When? -At sunset.
Very good. What do we eat on Easter? Come on, come on.
- Papa, give it to me. We have to go.
- Thank you, Herr Kaminer.
-We have to go. -Goodbye. And good luck.
-What are we going to eat on Easter? -Matzos.
There are year-round. What are Matzos?
Biscuits according to an old recipe made from the blood of children.
-The Rabbi may fall unconscious.
-It would never work.
It works super. You're a straight Jew.
-Our Premium jude. -Century Jew!
And the most important is: "das mer bleejbt ejn mensch."
You have a great-grandmother
which was half Jewish
Right.
That makes you
a one-sixteenth Jew.
Correct.
What do you love most about God?
You know for sure what is Matzos. And Sabbath.
But what do you love about God the most?
That he is... so generous?
Russians visit me every day
that have discovered some Jewish great-grandfather.
Then, I should issue a certificate that they are Jewish
You are definitely not Jewish descent.
If I don't do it, you are expelled, right?
So. What should I do?
-Follow your heart.
-I have to laugh.
Listen, I can't promise to make no music on Saturdays.
But I don't start wars and treat people with respect.
And who wants to hear me, I make music,
which makes the world at least not worse.
-Uh, you make music?
-Well, I'm trying.
-What kind of music?
-Russian punk soul.
Ah.
Means nothing to me.
-Do you play also organ?
-Two years at the Conservatory.
Our community lacks an organ player.
It will be an honor for you to play the organ.
What would not of course affect the testimony.
Of course not.
Which would not deteriorate your chances.
What I humbly accept.
Do you know
previously, all Jews wanted to be simply Russians.
And now all of a sudden every Russian wants to be Jewish.
But you didn't get circumcised just for this interview?
Yes, it is smooth like a sausage.
So.
Hi.
Hi.
Hanna has told, Mischa was talking to her.
And that you also had apologized.
-How's she doing? -Yes, better.
-I'm glad you came. -Wladi, please.
That's it for today with "world music yesterday and today"
here on "radio Multikulti"
continues: our culture program.
Soon the Russian radio doctor is awaiting you.
Have fun.
Turks stuff themselves with vegetables. Russians
do roast pork today,
And roast pork tomorrow.
We got stuck, comrades!
-With whom am I speaking?
-My name is Wladimir Kaminer.
-What is your problem? -I'm sick.
-Thats why you called.
-I have a broken heart.
And... I'm in love with a woman that want to go back to Russia.
-I don't know what to do.
-Where did she come from?
-From Sakhalin
-Forget it.
- Why?
- When women from the island of Sakhalin
make a decision. They never revert.
- How did it went?
- Vodka with honey and pepper would help
But it helped against colds.
-Do you question my competency?
-No.
Definitely not. But I love this woman.
I love this woman about everything. She is my life.
I want to grow old with her.
And get children...
Olga, if you hear this, then...
I want to tell you that you were right.
That I always do things for others, not for me.
We are organizing the "Russendisko" now
There, I play my old records.
-It's sad that you're not here.
-You really love this woman.
-Above everything else in the world.
-So in this case:
double the amount of vodka with honey and pepper.
She is not going to come back to you.
-On tonight. -On tonight.
-On tonight. -On tonight.
Hanna!
Ladies and gentlemen, now on the stage
a very good friend of mine.
Applause for Mischa Mirolenko!
From that time on, Olga and I hosted the "Russendisko" under the motto:
"Wild dancing to the October revolution"
"Wild dancing in the Holy Night".
The "Russendisko" has become a piece of home to the homeless.
At "Dance into may without police" Japanese guests sung
"Muss ich denn, muss ich denn zum Stdtele hinaus"
Spaniards introduce their rituals.
The pilot of the Soviet army
failed to demonstrate his flights.
guidebooks refer to "Caf Burger" hetero hitting shed.
the Russians sort it under "gay and cheap".
I did it on the list of interesting Russians.
For self-protection, I have so far denied the interview.
In 50 years, my parents had
never crossed the border of the Soviet Union.
In democracy, they discovered the freedom of movement.
But how large can the world get?
The question was answered by an offer from "Roland travel"
The bus drove never far away, but he drove beautifully long.
Andrej actually went back. In his honor we play
a "wild dance in honor of the Soviet planned economy".
Whether he overcame his depression, he never told.
But his business acumen continues in Russia.
Mischa plays the organ and teaches in the synagogue.
As of his goal to live from music, he is not getting any closer.
But music gave him a life.
And I? I don't know what to say.
Maybe that: I love the freedom.
I love Mischa and Andrej.
I love my wife.
And we still swinging over Berlin.
the GDR shelters Jews from the USSR
because they never contributed to Israel
Mischa, Andrej and I heard it from my father,
who is the head of planning department.
The great freedom is in the country.
But it would not live long in Russia.
Therefore, use your chance.
You are young, have ... nothing
Germany is the right place for you.
A stable social system.
A few boys more wouldnt get noticed.
Mischa, Andrej and I grew up here in Moscow.
We were best friends.
Mischa was cheerful and easygoing.
Then Dr. Orlows acne cream ruined his puberty.
Andrej as well, 15 years, was not at the height of his manhood
He tended to melancholy.
He claims that is nonsense and
he was bewitched by a woman at the age of seven.
And me, I don't know how to say,
I believe, I was just looking for the meaning of my life.
My father was right. We had nothing.
Germany was just right for us.
The GDR was the better choice then no hope at all
We arrived in the summer of 1990 in East Berlin.
We knew immediately: here we were right.
Everyone was happy
and six month after the reunification still celebrating.
In reality, it was just the World Cup.
three more?
Boys, that is the paradise
- Prost. - Prost.
- to the paradise! - to the paradise!
As a member of a national minority seeking refuge
I welcome you in the GDR. Please.
For you too: welcome.
And you...
No.
Oops. I was about to make a Jew out of you.
Joking.
For non Jewish citizen the permission is valid 3 month only.
After you have to leave. Or marry a German woman.
Sorry. I'm simply in good mood today.
No worry. Three month...
still better as in the Soviet Union
And who knows, laws changes
every minute we get new regulations.
These are valid for the foreigners dorm Marzahn
Please. Gentlemen...
Enjoy the last weeks of the German Democratic Republic.
The dorm is the starting point for refugees from all nations
The Vietnamese controlled the cigarette market.
The Russians accused themselves,
to be illegitimate Jews with faked approvals
Neither of whom trusted German doctors, went to the African healers.
The Albanians dreamed of the first Albanian restaurant in Berlin.
At night the Gypsies came back with loose change and often a stolen car.
The money they gave to the pub and drank the whole night
Then they get into the car drove it against a tree.
That was the highlight of their nocturnal pleasure.
Ta-da!
- well, free market economy. - Move.
Go over to Andrej, he is willing to share.
No way, you can get cardboard boxes. No, no.
Yes, that is nice. Thank you very much.
It is only for the next three months.
Surprise.
The Gypsies crashed the car into the tree.
Robbery. They bought it for 30 ct only.
Go complain. Room 17, third floor.
He seriously going there.
Russian crooks!
And, what do we do now? Any plans?
-Secret plans? Thievish plans?
-Wladi, are you KGB?
- Shut up?
- Wladi, like to talk about my secret plans.
- No, don't touch me.
- Why?
I'm clear. I have a plan.
I become a musician and earn a living.
And people will want to see me and such.
Well. Fine. Here is mine.
In five years, I'm rich or sell Borsch on the Red Square.
- Alright. Let's drink. Prost! -No, no, Wladi.
I admire how you shoulder the hopelessness.
But you don't get away like that.
Come on. Not just the others.
This is torture for me, that's Gulag! If I have a plan, I'll tell you.
Until then, I will help you.
Like my father, as head of the department.
The parades are no longer what they once were.
This is due to the Gorbachev. Glasnost, world peace, fine, ...
- But parades, he can't do that.
-Stop complaining, old kvetch.
- Wladimir? - Mamutschka ?
- It is Wladimir! How are you doing? -We have a room.
-A room! -Bravo.
-In the dorm with many Russians.
-With many Russians.
-Just don't get cheated!
-Do you have enough to eat?
-Yes. -Good. That is most important.
Tell dad I find work and will bring you here.
Oh, what do we want in Germany?
- Tell him we're too old for something new.
-Watch yourself
- and Andrej und Mischa.
- Will do. Give him a kiss.
- Morning. - Morning.
- What? - Where's your startup cash?
What?
- Sell beer and get rich. -Really rich!
Canned beer!
Hello.
And where? Here?
Here is good.
- Are you Russians? - Yes.
They come from Russia.
- to good-neighborly relations.. - Thanks.
- Nuts? From Saxony? - From all over the world.
- In case you're thirsty? - No.
We always take our thermos jug. Thank you.
- Nuts? - Yes.
Do you think it is still too early for a beer?
- No. - Definitely not.
- for the booth. - for the booth.
Maybe a nut? Nuts!
- Mushrooms from Saxony! - A beer?
- Why not. - 1.50 .
Well, it is working.
One fors "Mr. Podorsky found a scarf and does not wear it".
- I'm looking for Olga. - She is in the dressing room.
Thank you. By the way, was great. Super!
- Hello, Wladimir. - Hello, Olga.
- Nice to meet you. - Me too!
- Are you from Russia? - Yes. From Moscow.
- I am from the island of Sakhalin. - Where is that?
That is pretty far in the East.
And how is it in there?
There was always snow storms. After that frost.
And then again snow storms.
At that time we had three elementary schools named 2, 4, and 5.
- Where is number 3?
- It was a faulty design.
It had one floor too much and swept into the sea by the storm.
Next to school 5, the was the Court, school 4 had the lunatic asylum
and next to school 2 the prison.
We were afraid of Ms Schirkov,
if we did not do the homework.
On the way home, we were followed by bears and other animals.
Sometimes the Vulkan Iturup broke out and we ran screaming around the island.
- Hello. - Olga, that is us.
Olga, what happened?
That is extra somatic. Sounds simple...
Just be careful.
That is Helena. She writes for a Moscow newspaper.
About interesting Russians in Berlin.
During the interview they all fall in love.
There was the symbolist painter from Karaganda.
Wanted to impress her with images.
The dog breeder Goldmann.
breed of dog bred for her.
They all follow her.
Want to protect her from evil spirits.
Or rather from other Russians.
Fortunately, I'm not interesting.
And I'm not Russian.
Your face is amazing.
Considered from the perspective of a painter.
- What do you drink? - Everything.
Well, okay. Another beer and get "everything".
The Soviet national team is back 0:1.
No! You stupid loser!
- How did it go?
- Tomorrow we double the number of cans.
- Really? - Yes. And with you?
From the perspective of a painter, I have a stunning face.
The school of Olga was swept into the sea by a storm.
- No! - Gone, gone!
I thought you hated the Soviet Union.
Sure I hate them. But not the national team.
- How much money do we have?
-After today? 238 Mark.
Give me 150.
I promise, you will feel much better soon.
A company car for a business man.
There's still 20 marks to refuel. Keys.
Then unusual things happened.
The Vietnamese sold no cigarettes no more,
instead dug holes. No one knew why.
The Albanian family decided,
to open a pizzeria instead
After opening of the "Napoli" they went all straight to the folk high school.
And for one night, we were all world champions.
The game is over. Germany won the 1990 World Cup!
Andrej's career went steeply uphill through the newly acquired mobility.
He had many regular customers: the bums.
- Just a little schnaps. - No, no.
Lost Japanese tourists.
The cheerful Jehovah's witnesses and Scientologists,
watching for Eastern Europeans to convert them to their faith.
Because business went well without us,
we could follow Mischa's way to fame, success and glory.
After several successful weeks,
an illegal day bar owner approached us.
After three months in Berlin Mischa got his first gig:
The Tuesdays bar.
Hello.
In Russia the winter last ten month in average.
Then we have plenty of time and sing...dada
sing about our survivalism.
A typical tale of a such a song:
The father looks hungry into his stable.
The horses are already eaten.
The oxen are also eaten.
And also the chickens are all already eaten.
And then he turns around and in front of him...
are his wife and seven children.
Only one Russian song made a career in the West.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mischa Mirolenko.
Because it was incorrectly translated. We thought it was a love story.
But it was written 80 years ago in a cold winter night.
Dealing with hunger and hardship. The composers were freezing and died.
And the song goes like that:
-I love you, Mischa!
-I love you too!
Guys, if I was a girl I would have screamed instantly.
Hello. Wladimir Kaminer.
- Helena. - Hanna. Hello.
- I am Olga. - I know.
I write about Russians in Berlin.
Do you think I could interview your friend?
-Sure, why not? Ask him. - Okay.
-That was very funny.
-Really, exceptional.
-That was really great. - Thank you.
"Mr Podorsky found a scarf" was also very funny.
Especially the part where the horse went backward.
I can tell, I danced before.
-Really?
-Oh? You're a colleague then.
Well, forced. At age of seven in the folk ballet.
"The conquest of the North Pole". There were sailors and penguins.
As a newcomer I was a Penguin.
When the sailors arrived, we had to use the wings...
Then everyone ran apart.
And what did the sailors?
Yes. And after a year you could switch. And...
I spent two years at the North Pole and have not made it to the sailors.
Poor little Penguin.
You're more like the funny guy, are you?
Can you also be serious?
Yes, totally. Sometimes.
Very much. And you?
Oh well. Depends on.
Now I'm well quite.
Get in!
- Andrej, that's for you our pay.
-You owe me nothing.
I know. But anyway.
May be tomorrow I have to borrow it again.
So.
Wladi, wait a minute.
This Helena, who asked the questions.
- I think I'm in love. - Really?
- Yes. - Really?
- Yes. - Oh shit.
- Why? - Because... Doesn't matter.
Hey.
Thanks.
I was bewitched in a hallway when I was seven.
That's why I may look sad sometimes.
- I'm sorry. - It is not your fault.
What does that mean?
Sometimes I feel
as I had forgotten my heart in Russia.
But there is an advantage to be bewitched.
I can see when witchcraft is in the game.
And where?
There.
All gone in ten seconds.
ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five, four, three, two
one...
Helena, Helena, Helena.
I want no songs. Certainly none of us. Oh, man.
- Not bad. - I know.
- This is the Red Star. -Yes?
Ah. Yes, right.
This is a reminder of Mischa, Andrejs and
my glorious time in the Red Army.
Aha.
It is a story full of tragedy and death.
-Do you want to hear? - sure.
- The official version? - The unofficial.
Good.
Our mission was the manning of a post in the Moscow defense circle.
Mischa, Andrei and I formed a well trained, efficient unit.
-Alarm. Hey, alarm! -What should we do?
Luckily, we knew perfectly what to do in this case.
Inform the superiors. He informs the Division headquarters.
Moscow. We have a problem.
Every superior reported to his superiors.
Until it was too late
and Matthias Rust has landed on the red square already.
I lead an army of incompetent idiots.
And this unfortunately triggered a chain reaction.
Well. And we have not joined.
Yes. Obvious.
And the official version?
Yes, the official version...
Is like that...
- Yes? - That...
That I'd like to kiss you now.
Not? Why not?
-Because this makes no sense.
-What? Of course that makes sense.
The greatest sense of everything I did.
I'm going back to Moscow.
- No. - Sure.
I'm starting as a stage assistant at the Bolshoi.
We just have met, you can't go away.
But stage set? You're a dancer.
I'm not a dancer.
I'm a waitress,
who imagines herself that she's a dancer.
You're the most wonderful dancer.
I can tell, I was one.
Is true... please stop it.
I'm serious.
Do we see each other tomorrow?
Weirdo.
- This is no answer. - Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
See you.
-Maybe we meet again later. - Sure.
Be careful.
You too.
- That will be difficult. - Hard.
Let's go. I still have something to drink.
Oh no.
- Hello, Herr Freimuth. - Hi, Wladi, Mischa.
- Michail Mirolenko? - Yes?
Your visa has expired since weeks.
Pack your things and come.
Come on, come on, come on!
That was not smart, right?
- And now? - You will go back.
-Is at out of the question.
-You know, that is bullshit.
Man, we shouldn't run away.
- Come on, it is not that dramatic.
- It could be much worse.
In Moscow, we would be frozen to death by now.
- Or robbed. - Or both.
- Or that. - Yes.
This is shit, so unfair! Just as we getting to start here.
I will never go back.
-What are you going to do?
-Do you live in here?
-May be they would forget about me.
Sleeping with a German.
- Maybe she marries you.
- And if not?
Then you go back with great memories of German sex.
- Great. -Let's face it now.
That is what the immigration officer told us.
It's actually quite comfortable here.
- Man, Mischa. - I think it is comfortable.
- Hello? That... - Good night!
Good night!
Are you serious?
I'm sorry, this is an old car .
- Sleep well. - Night.
Wladi, I can't sleep like that. Get up, please.
We want you to stay. We find someone who marries you.
- How about the girl from the concert?
- Hanna?
Yes. She liked you, right?
-She wanted to see me again.
-Really? That's great!
I go and meet Olga and tell her, she should bring Hanna.
Yes I can't.
Shit. Is a friend of Olga. But maybe you fall in love!
I would have to hide my intentions.
How about not hiding anything? Just be honest?
Wait.
Here. Wall stones.
And now?
Our path, the path of history, crosses ...
Wladi, the wall stands here probably for 100 years.
True. But we do it, okay?
Look. Wladi has it in abundance in Moscow.
-Really?
-Probably ten, twenty of it...
At some point, a whole country ends up at the flea market.
Have you played that one? Up there?
-Come on. We are right back.
-Have fun.
-That is so great! -Absolutely.
-With you? -She is so funny!
Super
Do you also feel the cold?
-Yes. - Does this care has park heating?
When it was built, there was not even such word.
Right again.
-We could do a lap. -Okay.
One more time?
- One more round? - Of course.
Hold it. Stop, Stop!
-What happened? -Go back!
This is Taganka.
true.
How nice.
- Good Morning. - Hey.
Do you have trouble?
Let's say we don't live here anymore.
It is said that you are warlock.
I am sad. Always been.
I also have fun and stuff. But actually, I'm sad.
I thought it would be better here. But it's not.
-You should visit a psychotherapist.
-Wait.
When I was seven years old, I was bewitched.
I think. By a woman in our hallway.
I need to know whether it has something to do with it.
Do you still have the room key?
- Do you have a pot and a knife?
-I think so.
Then let's go.
Cold cuts with pickles for the pigeons.
- Oh. - Hi.
That is Wladimir. Anatol. Wladimir.
The guy who lives in the car.
-Three in a car.
I also slept in a beetle.
- It has its romantic sides. -Absolutely.
- But it's actually... - big shit.
The Palasts made it to over the wall and gave me the keys.
Take a look. I wasn't in there yet.
Thanks!
Look, maybe you even have a balcony.
So, this is my home.
Make yourself at home. I get something to drink.
- Wait, wait. - What is it?
- Thank. - What for?
Well, that you ran into to me.
At that time I think, it was not to the smallpox vaccine,
It's about recognizing us in the post-socialist world.
I won't let you go to Russia. You have to stay here.
Do you know how many apply there?
That is just an excuse not to try it over there.
Not to try ... I'm trying it for so long already.
If I knew what I want to do.
I wouldn't give that up in any case.
This is an excuse, Mr. Kaminer.
You have to stay here. And keep on dancing.
- Yes? - What?
And...
To become my wife.
You are acting weird.
Morning.
How are you doing?
-Thank you. Bye. -Bye.
-Where did you get that? -Huh?
-Where did you get that?
-I'm a stand in for my buddy.
-Where is he? -What do you want?
I asked a question: where is he?
Look. Just buy it.
Sure, take it.
may be it makes you a better person.
Thanks.
-What do you get? -It's okay.
Why are they digging?
They had buried smuggled cigarettes.
And could no longer find it.
-Shit. The Russian radio doctor. -What?
-This is incredible, listen.
-Many listeners...
-He calls himself...
-Shut up!
There were only two causes. Men had headaches from the liquor.
And women from menstruation.
The Russians don't trust German doctors.
My daughter has pimples we try everything.
Every morning more pimples.
In Russia, there were the exquisite zinc acne creams...
-By Dr. Orlov.
-She messed up Mischa youth.
You won't get that here. But gasoline does.
- Hey - Hey
- Und Wladi? - With Olga on the road.
Then he comes no longer. -Don't think so.
Dner. Tasty!
-Bon Appetit. -Thank you.
I mean, if he already does not come for dinner,
then he could tell at least.
Since we give such an effort and then everything is cold.
What is now? What is going on?
Where my cigarettes? Hide, where?
Where my cigarettes?
- Mischa, watch out! - Fuck off!
You get nothing! Nothing!
What was that?
- Hello, Olga. - Hi.
- Why did they do that?
-They wanted their cigarettes.
You stole cigarettes from the Vietnamese?
Ouch! Ah!
-Because of you they were digging?
-I watched them burying it.
It's great. Our booth is finished.
We can't stay here either.
I think we've got something for you.
What?
Hey, Wladimir, it is a dream.
very careful.
At home you should get a medal for it.
- Olga has organized it.
-Thank you, Olga.
Mr. Palast has left it. House shoes.
And for you he has left something too.
Attention.
Something for camping
Here.
- Don't you take my gift? - No.
Where were you this morning?
Hm? We were worried.
Do we have secrets now? Or...
You know, I think, I have been bewitched.
Clear.
I had to know if that's true.
When I took the cigarettes, Franois was there.
He filled a pot with water, put in a knife
and put it under my bed.
Then I slept there.
Would the water have been gone the evening,
it would have been drunken by 'her'.
The water was still there.
I'm sorry, but... Knife in the pot?
I also did a magic course.
-Then shut up. -What's wrong?
-What? -I did not wanted to tell.
-It was fun.
-Not everything is a fucking fun.
-It's no joke.
-Also it's not all just serious.
Andrej, come on.
Sometimes he can be quite annoying
Okay, listen.
I'm sorry, how I reacted.
I got music for you.
Asshole.
-Good afternoon, Mrs policewoman. -Hello.
So, my favorite Russians.
Dearest Hanna. Good night.
Night.
-Yes. Good night. -Good night.
Yes, then...
Good night.
Good night, Mischa.
-Good morning. -Morning.
Morning.
What is going on? Come on. Say it!
-Coffee? -Yes.
We're getting married.
We decided this morning.
-Yes, um... - Yes, then.
My most sincere congratulations!
Congratulations!
My parents are coming to visit today!
And our dearest Mischa gets married!
Isn't that the most beautiful day you can imagine?
You know what? A day without a dance...
Is a lost day anyway.
Come on.
Everything will be good.
See you later, Yes?
-How comes you know Italian?
-From the Albanians.
-Can I ask you a question? -Yes.
Why was the knife in the pot?
Would the water have been gone, I would have thrown it out the window.
Would it hit the blade first,
I'm no longer haunted.
But the water was still there.
Fortunately. The yard was full of kids.
Have you seen a doctor?
-I do not trust the German doctors.
-Right, me too.
Mischa?
May I ask you something?
Please don't hurt Hanna.
I know you like her. But she loves you. Don't hurt her.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
- As much as you can get.
- As always.
So... So.
-Thank you. See you tomorrow. -See you tomorrow.
You are right. You're absolutely right.
Thanks, Andrej.
I thought you went out selling wall bricks.
But this is so much better. Come on in.
-Do you want some tea? -Yes.
This is for the University.
-Here. -Thank you.
Tell me, is everything okay?
What's the matter?
I have no visa for months.
That's why we had to leave the dormitory
Shit.
And then...
Wladimir and I...
We had the idea, that...
What?
That I should marry a German woman.
But I can't.
I'm sorry, Hanna.
I wanted it so much. Really.
I wanted it to be sure. I wanted it so much, but...
It would not work.
I don't love you.
I'm sorry.
Oh Mischa...
- Papa, Mama. - Wladimir.
Hi.
- How was the trip? -Was everything good.
Oh, come on.
There it is!
Yes, this is our place.
There sleeps Andrej. The kitchen.
-She packed all your stuff. -This is however no clutter.
-What kind of clutter?
-Look.
-My records. -Yes.
-My records. -Yes.
Boy, you did great.
Andrej does great business, Mischa and I perform...
That is Olga.
- Hey, Olga. - Wladi, please.
I need to talk to you.
-My parents are already there. -Please.
Close the door.
Was this your idea?
- What kind of person are you? - Olga, I have...
Hanna is at home crying! It is terrible to see that.
For weeks, the motherfucker is lying to her. Made a proposal!
So, was it your idea?
Wladi, say something, damn.
You always know what to say.
I had cancelled my flight.
And I wanted to tell you tonight.
-Why did you do that with Hanna? -Because it was right.
-You have to tell me!
-What's up, you bastard?
Stop it, really.
He did what was right.
-How do you know that? - And you?
I said that it is shit!
-Because of you bums, Olga is gone .
-Come on, Wladi.
Here, for you.
-Is Olga here?
-Not yet.
I love you. You know I love you.
I love you, too.
-I love you!
-Yes, I love you too!
Oh Man, Wladi.
I'm so sorry about Olga.
Really, with all my heart. I didn't mean it.
You will never find a better woman.
I love you. But, honestly...
It is a relieve that you're not so fucking optimistic
I get something else.
Andrej goes back to Moscow.
- What?
- Andrej goes back to Russia.
No, he can't.
- Yes, he can, Wladi.
- No.
You can't do that!
Oh, Wladi. Come on.
You were the first who wanted go abroad, Yes?
Yes, you.
And you've always said that we can do it all three together.
-Man, I'm homesick. -Yes.
I thought I had to leave to become happier.
- But that's not true.
- At that time you felt like shit.
Here I am much more depressed. Yes, it is my fault.
All I hated before, I'm missing it now.
Moscow, our prefab quarters, weather, even my parents.
I do understand.
-I love you, Yes? -I love you.
-Wait, here. -I love you too.
Do you know what, Wladi,
Mischa here has his music, you your optimism.
I have nothing here. Only my longing for home.
Real capitalism, the really real,
I can find only in Russia.
I'm going to take a piss.
Please use the toilet, not in the corner.
The old society rooms.
We wanted to make something out of it.
Just never did.
Ah, there you are!
Wladimir. Breakfast!
From Moscow? -Of course.
-May I?
-Yes, don't ask. Eat, eat.
How was the trip?
-Long. -Yes.
And how long you want to stay in Berlin?
Yes, actually...
We did not came to tell this to Wladimir, but...
Maybe we want to stay forever.
Perestroika and the market economy,
does not fit well together.
He has nailed up all the Windows because of the crime.
And the energy crisis, which was evil.
When he started to hack the furniture,.
to burn it, I said:
"I have had it. Now is final. We're going to our son in exile."
-Hanna, please.
-Mischa, I know!
Terribly sorry.
You don't know how you could get the idea.
You would immediately undo it.
And if there is anything you can do,
you would do it, of course.
Uh, Yes.
So, Yes.
I hope that you can forgive me at some time.
A cup of coffee?
Please.
Yes?
Okay.
Let me decide when.
Yes? So, when...
I mean when we shall meet again.
That's the only thing.
In any case.
Apology also from Wladimir.
Tell me, what are you doing now with your...
With the expulsion?
Since Wladimir still had another idea.
-Oh God. -Yes, oh God.
That's pretty stupid.
-Sabbath? -Starts Friday evening.
-When? -At sunset.
Very good. What do we eat on Easter? Come on, come on.
- Papa, give it to me. We have to go.
- Thank you, Herr Kaminer.
-We have to go. -Goodbye. And good luck.
-What are we going to eat on Easter? -Matzos.
There are year-round. What are Matzos?
Biscuits according to an old recipe made from the blood of children.
-The Rabbi may fall unconscious.
-It would never work.
It works super. You're a straight Jew.
-Our Premium jude. -Century Jew!
And the most important is: "das mer bleejbt ejn mensch."
You have a great-grandmother
which was half Jewish
Right.
That makes you
a one-sixteenth Jew.
Correct.
What do you love most about God?
You know for sure what is Matzos. And Sabbath.
But what do you love about God the most?
That he is... so generous?
Russians visit me every day
that have discovered some Jewish great-grandfather.
Then, I should issue a certificate that they are Jewish
You are definitely not Jewish descent.
If I don't do it, you are expelled, right?
So. What should I do?
-Follow your heart.
-I have to laugh.
Listen, I can't promise to make no music on Saturdays.
But I don't start wars and treat people with respect.
And who wants to hear me, I make music,
which makes the world at least not worse.
-Uh, you make music?
-Well, I'm trying.
-What kind of music?
-Russian punk soul.
Ah.
Means nothing to me.
-Do you play also organ?
-Two years at the Conservatory.
Our community lacks an organ player.
It will be an honor for you to play the organ.
What would not of course affect the testimony.
Of course not.
Which would not deteriorate your chances.
What I humbly accept.
Do you know
previously, all Jews wanted to be simply Russians.
And now all of a sudden every Russian wants to be Jewish.
But you didn't get circumcised just for this interview?
Yes, it is smooth like a sausage.
So.
Hi.
Hi.
Hanna has told, Mischa was talking to her.
And that you also had apologized.
-How's she doing? -Yes, better.
-I'm glad you came. -Wladi, please.
That's it for today with "world music yesterday and today"
here on "radio Multikulti"
continues: our culture program.
Soon the Russian radio doctor is awaiting you.
Have fun.
Turks stuff themselves with vegetables. Russians
do roast pork today,
And roast pork tomorrow.
We got stuck, comrades!
-With whom am I speaking?
-My name is Wladimir Kaminer.
-What is your problem? -I'm sick.
-Thats why you called.
-I have a broken heart.
And... I'm in love with a woman that want to go back to Russia.
-I don't know what to do.
-Where did she come from?
-From Sakhalin
-Forget it.
- Why?
- When women from the island of Sakhalin
make a decision. They never revert.
- How did it went?
- Vodka with honey and pepper would help
But it helped against colds.
-Do you question my competency?
-No.
Definitely not. But I love this woman.
I love this woman about everything. She is my life.
I want to grow old with her.
And get children...
Olga, if you hear this, then...
I want to tell you that you were right.
That I always do things for others, not for me.
We are organizing the "Russendisko" now
There, I play my old records.
-It's sad that you're not here.
-You really love this woman.
-Above everything else in the world.
-So in this case:
double the amount of vodka with honey and pepper.
She is not going to come back to you.
-On tonight. -On tonight.
-On tonight. -On tonight.
Hanna!
Ladies and gentlemen, now on the stage
a very good friend of mine.
Applause for Mischa Mirolenko!
From that time on, Olga and I hosted the "Russendisko" under the motto:
"Wild dancing to the October revolution"
"Wild dancing in the Holy Night".
The "Russendisko" has become a piece of home to the homeless.
At "Dance into may without police" Japanese guests sung
"Muss ich denn, muss ich denn zum Stdtele hinaus"
Spaniards introduce their rituals.
The pilot of the Soviet army
failed to demonstrate his flights.
guidebooks refer to "Caf Burger" hetero hitting shed.
the Russians sort it under "gay and cheap".
I did it on the list of interesting Russians.
For self-protection, I have so far denied the interview.
In 50 years, my parents had
never crossed the border of the Soviet Union.
In democracy, they discovered the freedom of movement.
But how large can the world get?
The question was answered by an offer from "Roland travel"
The bus drove never far away, but he drove beautifully long.
Andrej actually went back. In his honor we play
a "wild dance in honor of the Soviet planned economy".
Whether he overcame his depression, he never told.
But his business acumen continues in Russia.
Mischa plays the organ and teaches in the synagogue.
As of his goal to live from music, he is not getting any closer.
But music gave him a life.
And I? I don't know what to say.
Maybe that: I love the freedom.
I love Mischa and Andrej.
I love my wife.
And we still swinging over Berlin.