Saltburn (2023) Movie Script

( ZADOK THE PRIEST ANTHEM PLAYING)
(CIGARETTE LIGHTER LID CLOSES)
I wasn't in love with him.
I know everyone thought I was.
But I wasn't.
I loved him, of course.
It was impossible
not to love Felix.
And that was part
of the problem. (CHUCKLES)
Everyone loved him.
Everyone wanted to
be around him.
It exhausted him.
People just wouldn't
leave him alone.
Especially the girls.
Christ, the girls!
It was embarrassing, really,
how everyone fawned over him.
I think, honestly, that's why
he liked me so much.
I protected him.
I was honest with him.
I understood him.
I loved him.
I loved him.
I loved him.
But was I "in love" with him?
(MUFFLED ROAR)
( ZADOK THE PRIEST ANTHEM
CONTINUES PLAYING)
Zadok the priest
And Nathan
The prophet
Anointed
Solomon King
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
You're really, really
frustrating me.
It's infuriating.
Rejoiced
Rejoiced
And all
the people rejoiced
Rejoiced
Rejoiced
Rejoiced
Rejoiced
Rejoiced
And all
the people rejoiced
Rejoiced
MALE STUDENT: I got it
in India this year.
Rejoiced
God save the King
Long live the King
God save the King
Amen, amen
Hallelujah, hallelujah, amen
Amen, amen
Amen, hallelujah, amen
-Oh, he's got the scarf.
-(GIRL CHUCKLES)
-Hey, cool jacket.
-(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
And the tie.
God save the King
(SIGHS)
(CHEERFUL INDISTINCCHATTERING, LAUGHTER)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
BOY: Is that seat taken?
Sorry, (CLEARS THROAT)
can I...
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I'm Michael Gavey.
Oliver.
-Oliver what?
-Oliver Quick.
So you're a Norman no-mates
too, then, Oliver Quick?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Isn't everyone?
-It's only the first night.
-Look around you.
It's just me and you, mate.
And the girl
who's got agoraphobia,
but she's in her room.
Obviously.
-What are you reading?
-Er...
I'm reading Maths.
I'm a genius.
I don't even
like Maths, really.
I can just do it. In my head.
Anything. Ask me a sum.
-No, you're okay.
-Oh, come on.
It's... It's not like
I don't believe you.
-Please. Come on.
-No, I believe...
(SHOUTING)
Fucking ask me a sum, then!
(CHATTERING STOPS)
Er...
423 times 78.
32,994.
(CHATTERING RESUMES)
PROFESSOR: So, how are you
finding Oxford?
Good.
Yeah, good.
-Hmm.
-Thanks.
Did you come
from far from home?
Prescot.
-Yeah, where?
-Er, Prescot.
-Merseyside.
-Ah.
Never been.
(EXHALES) Never been.
Prescot.
So, how did you get on
with the summer reading list?
Er, yeah. Okay, I think.
I read it all.
-What, all of it?
-Mmm-hmm.
Fifty books on there.
Are you mad?
-I thought we're supposed to.
-King James Bible is on there.
(CHUCKLES) Telling me you
spent your whole summer
reading the Bible?
The reading list is optional.
I've not read
half the books on there.
-Sorry.
-(CLEARS THROAT)
Any idea where he's got to?
He's 20 minutes late now.
Right, well, I suppose we'd
better make a start, then.
-(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-(DOOR OPENS)
I'm so sorry. Sorry I'm late.
Sorry I'm late.
I'm so sorry. (CHUCKLES)
Got completely lost.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I'm sorry.
You're Farleigh Start,
I take it?
Nice of you to join us,
finally.
You're not a (CLEARS THROAT)
relation of, er,
Frederica Start,
by any chance?
Er, she's my mother.
No!
I knew her
when I was your age.
When we were both here.
When she was Frederica Catton.
Before she went to America.
No way!
Oh, my God. I'll tell her.
She's gonna be thrilled
that I'm being
tutored by one of her friends.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, no, not, er, friend.
More, er... admirer.
Yeah, from afar.
Not sure we ever spoke.
No, don't even mention me.
(CHUCKLES)
Shall we start?
OLIVER: "G.K. Chesterton
would have it.
"This outrageous
gallop of lines.
"And thus,
-"the shape of the verse...
-(SIGHS)
"...can be said like
Browning's Last Duchess
"to look as if
it 'were alive'."
-(CLEARS THROAT)
-Okay. Yeah.
Very good. Erm...
Yeah, a lot of food
for thought there. Intriguing.
And thus...
(FARLEIGH CHUCKLES)
OLIVER: Hmm?
Sorry. Er, just "thus".
It's just a funny word.
-Why?
-FARLEIGH: I don't know.
I don't think we really use it
in real life, do we?
It's just, kind of, verbose,
don't you think?
-No. Not really.
-No.
No, you don't.
You used it seven times.
-No, I didn't.
-(CHUCKLES) Yes, you did.
I counted.
(PROFESSOR LAUGHS)
He's got you there,
I'm afraid, Oliver.
So, you're picking apart
the style of my essay
instead of the substance?
That's kind of...
-Kind of what?
-Lazy?
FARLEIGH: It's completely
valid to debate
the rhetoric of an argument.
It's not what you argue
but how.
PROFESSOR: Great point.
OLIVER: Yeah.
Especially if you haven't
actually read the poems.
Look forward
to hearing your essay.
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
MICHAEL: (SOFTLY) Oliver.
Oliver?
I got you a Crunchie.
Oh, thanks.
Did you know
there was a college
Christmas party tonight?
NFI, me and you.
Not fucking invited.
-I'm sure anyone can go.
-Oh, no.
It's invitation only,
apparently.
You get an invite
in your pigeon hole?
-Haven't checked.
-I have. You didn't.
Fucking losers.
-Like we wanted to go, anyway.
-Yeah.
As if we actually want to talk
to those vapid cunts.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-Nah, we can make our own fun,
-can't we?
-Yeah.
-Are you gonna eat that?
-No, you can have it.
One, two
Santa Claus is coming
Three, four
Filling up my stocking
(FELIX AND FARLEIGH LAUGHING)
Five, six
Everybody's popping
Christmas, Christmas
Everybody, come together
It's a hot, hot
Christmas night
Make the magic
last forever
Have a cheeky
Christmas time
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
OLIVER: You all right?
Erm, yeah,
I've got a flat tyre.
-Oh. That's bad luck.
-Yeah.
I've just been trying
to fix it.
Yeah, of course,
it's when I'm already
ten minutes late
for my tutorial.
Fuck!
OLIVER: Where is it?
Er, it's Iffley Road.
-Shit.
-Yeah.
I'm already in it
for skiving last week, so...
(SIGHS)
(FELIX SIGHS)
Look, I'm not really
going anywhere.
Just taking these
back to the library.
Take my bike.
No, no, no, I couldn't.
I mean, it looks like rain.
-I wouldn't want to...
-Honestly, it's no big deal.
I mean, I'll just get it
from you later.
-You're in my college, so...
-Am I?
Yep.
Fuck, that's kind.
Are you serious?
Mate, that is so kind.
Thank you.
Are you sure?
I mean, it's a bit of a faff
wheeling it back to college.
You want me
to take yours back?
Oh, no, no, no. I...
I'm sorry, I just thought...
I mean, I can wheel it
back to college.
-It's not that far.
-Oh, thank you.
Thank you. I'm sorry,
I don't know your name.
-I'm... I'm Felix.
-Oliver.
-Oliver. Oliver.
-Yeah.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Oliver, I love you.
-I love... (KISSES)
-Yeah...
I love you. (KISSES)
I love you. I love you.
Seriously.
-Okay.
-Thank you so much, mate.
So kind. You're a fucking
life-saver, really. Thank you.
All right, I'll just leave
yours in the bike shed, yeah?
-Yeah. Fine.
-All right, cheers, Ollie!
(BELL TOLLING)
Jameson spends the whole time
staring at her tits,
completely ignoring the fact
she can barely
do her times tables.
Times tables, Oliver!
Just fuck off
and do history of art, love.
-Hmm.
-Oliver. Oliver?
-Yeah.
-Not exactly dazzling company.
Sorry.
(MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Ooh! Sweet baby Jesus!
I'm going for a slash.
Get me another pint,
please, Oliver?
-Yeah.
-Thanks.
-A pint, mate.
-BARMAN: Yeah.
Oh! There he is.
Ollie! Oliver!
Oliver! Come here, mate!
Yeah, come here.
Come here. What? Come here.
Unreal.
Hiya, mate.
Hi.
This is my fucking hero
right here.
I was just telling everyone
how you saved
my arse yesterday.
GIRL 1: So cute.
GIRL 2: So cute.
FELIX: Hey, take a seat.
I owe you a drink.
Here, shove up, yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Are you with a friend?
Er, no, they just left.
So, erm, what college
are you in, mate?
-Yours.
-BOY: Oh, right.
And, er,
what are you studying?
ALL: (CHANTING)
Shots. Shots. Shots.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
(CHANTING QUICKENING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(LAUGHING)
FARLEIGH: Wait, wait, wait,
Jgerbombs.
Jgerbombs! (LAUGHS)
-I...
-It's your round, man.
-BOY: Yeah, go on, mate.
-I should go to bed.
FARLEIGH: Wait, no, no, no.
No, you can't snake your way
out of a round.
-I'm... I'm not.
-It looks like you are.
(ALL BOOING)
BOY: Come on.
(BOOING CONTINUES)
Okay! Okay.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-Farleigh.
-FARLEIGH: What?
-Just cut him a break, mate.
-What?
FELIX: That round's gonna cost
a fucking fortune.
Pub rules, Felix.
OLIVER: It's my round.
I can't.
I can't. I can't go back
and ask them for money.
BARMAN: Not my problem.
OLIVER: I'm asking...
Could I just pay you tomorrow?
I'm sorry, mate.
You're not even close.
Oh, please, I'll bring you
the money tomorrow.
No.
-Please? I'm...
-BARMAN: Fuck's sake.
Thought you might need a hand
with these ones, mate.
Oh, and you, er,
you dropped this
on the floor by your feet.
I was gonna nick it,
but I thought
I'd do the right thing.
Thank you.
I'll, erm,
pay it back tomorrow.
Don't know what
you're talking about, mate.
(LOUDLY) Thank you, Ollie!
Whoa!
-(ALL CHEERING)
-Thank you, Ollie. Oh, my God.
BOY 2: Cheers, man.
ALL: (CHANTING)
Ollie! Ollie! Ollie!
(SNORING SOFTLY)
(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANS SOFTLY)
(UPLIFTING MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
FELIX: Yeah, well, you know,
Farleigh basically
grew up with us.
OLIVER: I didn't know
you and Farleigh were cousins.
Mmm. My aunt,
-Farleigh's mum...
-Mmm-hmm.
...ran away to America
when she was 19
to escape
the cold-hearted English.
-Ciggie?
-Er, don't smoke.
FELIX: Dear Auntie Fred
married a lunatic
who pissed everything
she had up the wall
and a fair chunk
of Dad's money too,
until he had to finally
cut her off.
Sounds like
an Evelyn Waugh novel.
You know,
a lot of Waugh's characters
are based on
my family, actually.
Yeah, he was completely
obsessed with our house.
Well, Dad, you know,
he felt so guilty
about the whole thing that
he decided he would pay for
all of Farleigh's education.
(SCOFFS)
Lucky Farleigh.
Oh, fat lot of good
it's done him.
He's been expelled from almost
every school in England
for sucking off the teachers.
(SCOFFS, CHUCKLES)
FELIX: How about you?
OLIVER : Er...
I've not sucked
any teachers off.
Not yet, you haven't.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
It's DJ Fucking Shadow.
OLIVER: He's fucking
chronic, mate.
All these
boarding school psychos.
What do they teach you?
Um, Latin.
Water polo.
-And child abuse.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
OLIVER: Ah, that's cute.
Baby Felix.
There aren't any pictures
of me as a kid.
Well, I mean, there's not much
really to say.
Oh, come on.
What, are you
in fucking witness protection
or something?
Jesus Christ, mate.
Well, do you
have any siblings?
What are your parents like?
Siblings, no.
And, er, my parents, I...
What?
...don't see them that much.
-Why?
-Just, er...
they've...
-They've got problems.
-What? What kind of...
-What do you mean, problems?
-Mental health.
And addiction and stuff.
Dad was, kind of,
dealing and stuff.
Dealing?
Sounds awful, really.
-Yeah.
-Was it, was it...
-Was it awful?
-Look, it's...
...it's all tough.
Yeah.
Fuck 'em.
You're a fucking
inspiration, mate.
Seriously.
OLIVER: Thank you.
FELIX: Very cool.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING,
LAUGHTER)
Now, can you eenie, meenie
India or Annabel,
and take one fucking home?
Because they look miserable.
Eenie, meenie, miny, moe.
Catch a tiger by his toe.
If he squeals, let him go.
Er...
You're out, boy scout.
(KISSES, CHUCKLES)
(FELIX CLEARS THROAT)
Well, what the fuck, mate?
I've been chirpsing her
for about an hour.
I wanted at least a handjob.
I know. We all want
a fucking handjob, mate.
Get yourself a title
and a massive fuck off castle.
MICHAEL: Oliver Quick.
You look different.
Do I?
He'll get bored of you.
Excuse me?
MICHAEL: Bootlicker.
FELIX: Can Oliver come?
ANNABEL: Maybe.
FELIX: What?
ANNABEL: I don't know.
He's just a bit awkward.
He's got zero chat.
Like, who would I even
sit him next to?
FELIX: I don't know.
One of your hot friends?
(ANNABEL CHUCKLES)
I'm... I'm sorry, Felix,
but no one wants to sit
next to fucking Oliver.
Why not?
ANNABEL: 'Cause
he's a scholarship boy
who buys his clothes
from Oxfam.
FELIX: Harsh. That's so harsh.
-You're such a snob.
-ANNABEL: Sorry.
-(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-(KISSING)
-(ANNABEL MOANS SOFTLY)
(SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES)
-So fucking hot.
-(MUSIC FADES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
I know.
(SNIFFS)
What's that smell?
Erm... I don't know.
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
No.
-No, no, no.
-What? What are you on about?
It's disgusting, Felix.
-Right, I'm cleaning up.
-It's fine.
Only rich people can afford
to be this filthy.
-Fuck off.
-I mean, you've got
fucking pizza on the floor.
Mate, stop it.
I'll do it later. It's fine.
No, you won't, mate.
No, you fucking won't.
-You'll never do it.
-Yes, I will.
-No, you won't.
-Ollie, yes, I will.
-I said I'd do it later.
-No, you won't.
Ollie, fucking stop!
I'm not a fucking child!
I can do it myself!
I'm just... I'm just...
I'm just hot. It's fucking
boiling in these rooms.
They'd rather we all
die of heatstroke
than ruin the fucking
wood fucking panelling
by putting in
air conditioning.
Stressing about the exams?
(CHUCKLES) I'm not stressed
about the exams, Ol.
(CHUCKLES)
You're driving me fucking...
I've got some revising to do.
I think I might, er...
I might catch you later, yeah?
-King's Arms later?
-Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Erm...
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'll text you, yeah?
Okay.
Of course.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)
(SIGHS)
( THIS MODERN LOVE PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Jump left
What are you
holding out for?
What's always in the way?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
Why so damn absent-minded?
Why so scared of romance?
This modern love
Breaks me
This modern love
Wastes me
This modern love
Wastes me
-Hey.
-OLIVER: Oh, hey.
I was just seeing
if Felix was in.
We were supposed to meet.
Er...
Yeah, they're all at the pub.
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Okay.
He didn't say.
Was India there?
Yeah.
-Sorry.
-(CHUCKLES) Oh, God, no.
Whatever.
(SIGHS)
Do you have any alcohol?
Would you like me
to have alcohol?
(SIGHS)
( THIS MODERN LOVE
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(KISSING)
(CHUCKLES) Do you think
he'll be jealous?
Honestly?
I don't think it will even
fucking register. (CHUCKLES)
(OLIVER MOANS SOFTLY)
(MUSIC FADES)
-(DOOR OPENS)
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(DOOR SHUTS)
(MOBILE RINGING, BUZZING)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
-(LINE CONNECTS)
-(GRUNTS)
Hi, Mum.
(PEN SCRATCHING)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
(OLIVER BREATHING HEAVILY)
Ollie, what's happened?
(SNIFFLES)
-Hey, come here.
-(SOBBING SOFTLY)
How did it happen?
Cracked his head
on the pavement.
Probably drunk, knowing Dad.
-(SOFTLY) Fucking hell.
-Or off his fucking tits.
Jeez, I'm...
I'm so sorry, Ollie, that's...
It's just a shock.
Is your mum all right?
She was completely
incoherent...
which is pretty
normal for her.
They're gonna
have to let you skip exams.
You're in no state
to do them now.
-I mean, you've gotta go home.
-No.
I can't miss the exams.
Of course you can miss
-the fucking exams.
-No, I can't.
No.
I'm not like you, Felix.
This is all I have.
-(BELLS TOLLING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(UPLIFTING MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
-Hey, Oliver.
-Hey.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, nice tux.
Thank you.
Wow. It's a rental, right?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah, the sleeves
are too long.
Always check the sleeves.
(CHUCKLES)
But still, not bad.
I mean, you're almost passing.
For what?
I don't know.
A real human boy.
FARLEIGH: Hey.
FELIX: Ollie!
-Hiya, mate.
-Hey.
Come on, then. Follow me.
-OLIVER: Wait, wait, wait.
-(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)
-Where are we going?
-(FELIX CHUCKLES)
OLIVER: We're gonna
miss the ball, Felix.
What's going on, Felix?
FELIX: Well, I was thinking
about how I...
You... You've had such
a shit time lately
and you've been so brave
about everything, I...
-Oh, Felix, come on.
-(SHUSHES)
So in my family,
we have this tradition, right?
When somebody dies,
we write their name on a, er,
on a stone,
and we chuck it in the river.
My great-grandfather
started it
when his son died in the war.
I've only done it
for my dog so far, but...
You know,
I don't know, I just...
It helped, a bit.
This feels a bit
fucking stupid now.
No. It's not stupid.
Thank you.
It's something, right?
-So what do I do?
-I don't know really.
Erm, er, I guess you could say
a few words, or...
I mean, we could just stand
here in silence for a bit.
And then you just...
just chuck it in.
(OLIVER SIGHS)
(STONE CLATTERS)
-Well, that can't be good.
-Oh.
Fuck.
(UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING DISTANTLY)
(DISTANT LAUGHTER)
FELIX:
Do you think you'll go home?
OLIVER: Honestly?
I don't think
I'll ever go home again.
FELIX: But what
about your mum?
OLIVER: You know
the first time I felt
the inside of my mum's throat?
I was eight.
My dad told me
I had to stick my fingers in
to make her sick,
otherwise...
she'd die in her sleep.
So "home" doesn't mean
the same for me
as it does for you, Felix.
The fucking
filth of the place,
the mess, I can't do it.
Just can't.
Well, why don't you
come home with me?
Come to Saltburn.
-No.
-Yeah.
It's too much
of an imposition.
Oh, fuck off, it is!
You'll save my sanity.
-(CHUCKLES) Seriously.
-Oh, it'd feel weird.
It won't feel weird.
I mean, Mum has people
come and stay
for months at a time.
And you know what?
If you get sick of us,
you can leave.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
I promise.
OLIVER: And I believed him.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
Saltburn.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC BUILDS)
(DOORS CREAKING)
Mr Quick.
You're early.
Er, I got the earlier train.
Well, do let
us know next time.
You see,
the gates were not open.
That's... That's okay.
We'd sent someone
to pick you up.
Ah.
-Sorry.
-Not at all.
Follow me.
(DOORS CREAKING)
OLIVER: Wow.
This is amazing.
Wow. Wow.
-Just wow.
-Hmm.
Just leave your bag there.
Someone will get it for you.
FELIX: Ollie!
Thank God you're here.
Duncan, I'll show him
to his room. Don't worry.
Oliver, try not to be
too terrified of Duncan.
Duncan, stop being
so frightening
in front of my friends.
-Well, I'll try. Felix.
-FELIX: Come on, mate.
-Come on.
-He is terrifying.
Oh, he's all right.
He's just odd.
Okay!
So...
Er, red staircase.
I accidentally
fingered my cousin here.
Henry VII's cabinet.
Ghost of Granny.
Hi, Granny.
Green room. Gardens.
Some fucking hideous Rubens.
Broken piano.
Er, blue room.
It's blue.
And King's bedroom.
Actually, the bed still has
some of Henry VIII's
spunk on it.
This is the long gallery.
Er, dead reli. Dead relies.
Daddy's old teddy.
Shakespeare's folio.
And maze.
So, yeah,
we're just through here.
Okay.
Er, my room.
You'll be staying
just next door.
Bathroom.
Ooh, by the way, we're gonna
be sharing a bathroom.
I hope you don't mind.
Otherwise you'd be miles away
on the other end of the house.
(TUTTING)
Dressing room.
And...
your room!
Wow.
I'm glad you're here, mate.
Right, I will, er...
I will leave you to it.
Er, just one thing.
Mum has a phobia
of, er, beards and stubble,
so I left a razor for you
in the bathroom.
-What?
-Yeah. I don't know.
She thinks it's unhygienic.
Er, something to do
with her father.
It's bonkers. I mean...
I'm not even allowed to wear
my fucking stud when I'm here.
Anything else
I should know about?
No. No, just be yourself.
They'll love you.
It's relaxed, I promise.
We'll be in the library.
Library?
(CLACKING)
(CLACKING STOPS)
(DISTANT LAUGHTER)
McLovin's never existed
'cause that's a made-up
dumb fucking fairy-tale name,
you fuck!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
WOMAN 1: But they might have,
sort of, meetings, I suppose.
Well, I mean, they probably
don't have rehab in Liverpool.
WOMAN 1: No, gosh, no.
No, I can't imagine they do.
No, see, everybody just
goes to ruin, I suppose.
Where is Liverpool?
WOMAN 2: I think
it's on the sea, isn't it?
Darling, where's Liverpool?
Er, north.
-North.
-WOMAN 2: Yes.
FARLEIGH:
It's called Prescot.
WOMAN 2: Oh,
it'll be some awful slum.
WOMAN 1: Mmm.
A sort of hellish squat.
And both his parents
were dealing.
God, and his mother's a drunk.
I mean, babies
can be really affected.
-Traumatised.
-Oh, they come out drunk.
Is that right,
that he had to put his fingers
down his mother's throat
to make her sick?
FELIX: Farleigh,
that's private stuff.
FARLEIGH: Well, you told us.
FELIX: In confidence.
WOMAN 2: It's awful, darling.
Can you imagine
doing that to me?
WOMAN 1: I think
that's actually
rather normal
when you're poor.
I think, when you're poor,
that sort of thing
does happen a little bit more.
-(CHUCKLES)
-WOMAN 2: We should give him
the most wonderful time.
FARLEIGH: Good luck,
he doesn't smile much.
WOMAN 2: Farleigh seems
to think he's ghastly.
Why are you friends
with him, darling?
WOMAN 1:
Dirt poor, not attractive
and his parents
are drug addicts.
-I can't actually...
-And here he is now!
We were just
talking about you.
Don't be silly.
Farleigh, you just make up
the most awful things.
Of course we weren't.
Hello, Oliver, darling.
Oh, what beautiful eyes.
Oh, how wonderful!
Yeah, I told you
he wasn't a minger.
Oh, but, darling,
you're kind about everyone.
You can't be trusted.
Oliver, I have a complete
and utter horror of ugliness.
Ever since I was very young.
I don't know why.
Maybe because
you're a terrible person?
-Don't be mean.
-(FELIX CHUCKLES)
Has Venetia seen you yet?
Oh, my God, she'll die.
She's been draping herself
all around the house all day
hoping you'll come across her.
-(CHUCKLES) As it were.
-Do stop.
The poor boy's
only just arrived.
Oliver, how good
to finally meet you.
-Trip all right?
-Yes, thank you, sir.
Oh, God,
don't with the "sirs".
No, no, no, we can't stand
anything like that here.
Go on, come and sit by me.
This is my
dear friend, Pamela,
who's been staying with us.
PAMELA: Hey.
Pamela, darling,
will you go and find Annie
and ask about tea?
Yeah.
Yeah. Who, which...
Which one's that?
You'll find her, darling.
Annie.
-PAMELA: Where's, erm...
-You'll work it out, darling.
Okay, I'm going
to work it out.
MAN: Kitchen.
PAMELA: Ah, the kitchen.
Kitchen.
So, Annie in the kitchen.
Annie in the kitchen.
-WOMAN 2: Off you pop.
-Okay.
Poor Dear Pamela.
She's been staying with us
while she gets
back on her feet.
She's had an awful time
this year. Hideous.
But, oh, Oliver, so have you.
God, I was so sorry
to hear about your father.
How utterly, utterly tragic.
I've lost so many friends
to addiction.
So, so many dear,
dear friends.
It's the root of Poor Pamela's
horrors too, I'm afraid.
And the only interesting
thing about her.
Farleigh!
No, she is rather dull,
actually.
But she's so beautiful.
You have to admit,
she's very beautiful.
But it's only ever
really been a curse.
I mean, the men. Oliver,
you wouldn't believe it.
The latest one is some
ghastly Russian billionaire.
Malignantly ugly, of course.
And she's been holed up here
for months hiding from him.
Anyway,
let's not talk about that.
Darling, tell me
about your mother.
How is she bearing up?
-Still drinking?
-Stop!
-Ignore him.
-It's rude.
WOMAN 2:
Nothing shocks me, Oliver.
Absolutely nothing.
Tell me everything.
OLIVER: (SOFTLY) Fucking hell.
(DOOR OPENS)
FELIX: God, Ollie, I'm sorry
Mum asked
so many rude questions.
Don't take it personally.
Someone unpacked my suitcase?
FELIX: Er... Shit, yes.
I should have told you.
They do that here.
The maids all report
back to Mum, by the way,
so I hope you didn't pack
anything scandalous.
Just my old boxers.
-(SOFTLY) God.
-Oh, no, they're used to that.
Don't worry.
Duncan will be thrilled.
(OLIVER CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Oh, erm... (CLEARS THROAT)
I hope you don't mind.
I had them hang up
an old school dinner jacket.
We, er...
We dress for dinner here,
so I didn't want you
to be caught short.
Dress for dinner?
Yeah, it's, like...
It's, like, black tie.
-I could've brought one.
-Oh, no, don't be silly.
I mean, I have a spare.
It'd be a waste.
Do you have cufflinks, though?
No.
That's all right.
We'll get it sorted. I'll...
I'll get you some.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
I'm really happy
you're here, Ol.
I'm sorry that
everything is so...
old-fashioned.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
No, it's wonderful.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
We met in rehab, so...
He was just so lovely
at first, and then
all of his business partners
started, sort of,
falling out of windows.
-(SOFTLY) You know.
-Right.
-Lucky escape.
-PAMELA: Mmm. I suppose so.
But he spoke Russian
all the time
and it just sounded
so romantic.
And I don't know
the Russian word for "whore",
so I, sort of, thought
it sounded like lovely poetry.
OLIVER: Yeah.
Daddy always said I'd end up
at the bottom of the Thames.
So far so good.
PAMELA: I don't know
what I'd do without Elspeth.
She really saved me.
Don't bang on about it,
Pamela, darling.
You know we're delighted
to have you for however long
-it is you mean to stay.
-Forever?
Oh, no. I think I might have,
erm, found somewhere.
-Oh, well done, darling.
-Oh, good.
Yeah, my cousin...
My cousin has a flat.
Oh, that'll suit you
very well, a nice little flat.
It's more of a...
More of a bedsit really.
ELSPETH: I loved living
in a bedsit in my 20s.
It's so freeing
to live all in one room.
And much less cleaning to do.
Oh, but it'll be terrible
when you're gone.
How will I cope?
Well, I... (STAMMERS)
I could actually stay
for a little bit longer...
Oh, no, darling, no.
You must be desperate
to be rid of us
and find your own place.
I quite understand.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WIND BLOWING)
-OLIVER: Hey.
-(SQUEALS)
Fucking hell,
you gave me a fright.
Sorry. I just thought
you were sleepwalking.
No, I wanted to have a look
at the moon.
It's nearly full.
Do you know what that means?
No.
We're all about
to lose our minds.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Sorry, you must be...
You must be cold.
(VENETIA CHUCKLES)
I'm cold-blooded.
We're all cold-blooded,
haven't you noticed?
You're not cold-blooded.
Your family is so kind to me.
-Sweet.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I see why Felix
likes you so much.
You're so, erm...
So what?
I don't know.
(VENETIA CHUCKLES)
Real.
-Hmm.
-(CHUCKLES)
I think I like you even more
than last year's one.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(VENETIA CHUCKLES)
Night.
-What's, erm, what's...
-MAID: Breakfast is ready.
-OLIVER: Morning.
-Morning.
VENETIA: Morning.
FELIX: You sleep well, mate?
OLIVER: Erm, yeah.
(SIGHS)
(SOFTLY) Hi.
Hey, Oliver,
have some breakfast.
Er, can I get a full
English breakfast too, please?
Breakfast is on the side,
darling.
Just help yourself.
How would you like your eggs?
-It's fine. I can get them.
-FARLEIGH: Not the eggs.
The eggs are made for you.
Exactly.
And everything else
is on the side.
Fried over easy, please.
Ollie, we were just talking
about the Shelley biography.
Shelley who? Shelley,
Belinda's sister Shelley?
Oh, Percy Bysshe Shelley.
The poet.
-The Romantic poet.
-Oh.
VENETIA: Do you know the story
about Shelley's doppelgnger?
SIR JAMES: His doppelgnger?
VENETIA: Mmm.
Shelley's housekeeper
was cleaning one of the rooms
when Shelley walked past
the window and waved at her.
So, she waved back
before she realised
that Shelley was in Italy.
And she was on the top floor
of the house.
Oh, Vee. Stop, stop, stop.
I won't sleep.
A few hours later, he drowned.
ELSPETH: Oh!
Oh, that's just
given me goosebumps.
-Look, Pamela.
-Oh, no.
-I heard he fucked his sister.
-Oh, for God's sake!
I think that was Byron.
PAMELA: Oh,
speaking of which...
Ellie, did you hear,
Ada ran off with Tommy Prior?
-ELSPETH: Yes, you told me.
-(SOFTLY) Thank you so much.
ELSPETH: 'Course she did.
Her husband was ghastly.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Is everything okay, Ollie?
Er, 'course, yeah.
It's just, erm...
Runny eggs. I...
I get a bit sick from them.
Sorry.
So sorry.
-(DUNCAN CLEARS THROAT)
-OLIVER: Sorry.
We're over here, Ollie!
FELIX: Hi, mate.
FARLEIGH: Hey.
No trunks allowed
in the field.
( TIME TO PRETEND BY MGMPLAYING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, well, well.
-Leave him alone.
-(LAUGHS)
Good for you.
-What a twist.
-(VENETIA LAUGHING)
I'm feelin' rough
I'm feelin' raw
I'm in the prime
of my life
Watch out for thistles, mate.
Thistles, they're everywhere.
Seasonal.
Let's make some music
Make some money
Find some models for wives
FELIX: Do you think
Harry, Hermione and Ron
-all have threesomes?
-VENETIA: What?
FARLEIGH:
Oh, without a fucking doubt.
FELIX: You think
they all fuck?
They're missing out on
an opportunity if they're not.
You man the island
- And the cocaine
- (ALL SCREAMING)
And the elegant cars
VENETIA: Oh, my God!
ELSPETH: Why is she wet?
FELIX: Because she's been
down the well, Mum.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We've got the vision
Now let's have some fun
(ALL CHEERING)
FARLEIGH: That was out.
-FELIX: Drink, drink, drink!
-Fuck off!
FELIX: You've got
to hit the ball, Vee.
Yeah, it's overwhelming
But what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices
And wake up for
the morning commute?
What are these?
ELSPETH: Oh,
the Palissy plates.
Do you mean Bernard Palissy,
the 16th century
Huguenot ceramicist?
Yes. Do you know him?
OLIVER: I've always
loved his work,
but I've never seen anything
of his in real life.
-We're fated
-(GASPS)
-To pretend
- (GROANS IN DISGUST)
-(EXCLAIMING)
-(GRUNTING)
That's so weird.
-Stop!
-Our point.
(WHOOPING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(SONG ENDS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Can I help you?
Er, sorry.
Quite all right.
Lots of people get lost
in Saltburn.
-(DUNCAN CHUCKLES)
-Well...
(MUFFLED MOAN)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(FELIX BREATHING HEAVILY)
(MOANING)
(INHALES SHAKILY)
(CONTINUES MOANING)
(WATER DRAINING)
FELIX: All right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Night, mate. (KISSES)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SLURPS)
(SLURPS)
(SLURPING)
(MOANS SOFTLY)
ELSPETH: Oh, Oliver darling.
So punctual.
Poor Vee.
The boys just run a mile.
OLIVER: Why?
Well, she gives
it away for free.
She's sexually incontinent.
Has been since she was 14.
My mother always said...
"Born masochist."
And then there's all the stuff
with the food.
What stuff?
You know,
"fingers for pudding".
We thought she'd grow
out of it, the throwing up.
I... I didn't know.
Well, exactly!
Hasn't even helped.
Complete waste of time.
Honestly. But if she found
the right boy or girl.
I don't care. Anything.
I was a lesbian for a while,
you know.
But it was all just
too wet for me in the end.
Men are so lovely and dry.
Ah, it can't have been
easy for Venetia.
With you being her mother.
-Why?
-Because...
Because what?
Because you're
so fucking beautiful.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
What do you think, er, Pamela
will be wearing tonight?
What? Oh, Pamela's not here.
-Oh, is she...
-She's gone.
James thought it would better
to peel her away this morning
without too much of a scene.
Only so many hints
you can drop.
Yeah, she did seem a bit lost.
Ha, very tactful.
She's a complete limpet.
The wettest of wet blankets.
And very hard to know
from looking at her
because she's so stylish.
You'd think she was a riot
to look at her.
But there's absolutely nothing
going on underneath.
I know she's
had a hideous time
the past few years
but, honestly,
she did go on about it.
If all of it was true...
What do you mean?
I shouldn't have said that.
No, no, go on.
No, I don't know. Just...
Her stories, they just seemed
a bit inconsistent at times.
I thought you noticed it too.
Oh, yes, I had. Absolutely.
The self-pity,
the emotional blackmail.
You know.
Yes.
Yes! God!
I was feeling quite guilty
about it this afternoon,
but you're absolutely right.
There was actually something
quite sinister about her.
Yes.
(EXHALES) Thank goodness
for you, Oliver.
You're so perceptive.
(EXHALES)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
You're presumptuous.
(OLIVER CHUCKLES)
And you're in
a see-through nightdress
underneath my window.
It's my house.
I can go wherever I want.
OLIVER: Oh, okay.
And you want to be
in a see-through nightdress
underneath my window.
(CHUCKLES)
I hadn't really
thought about it.
OLIVER: Just a masochist,
then?
You're not eating anything.
Yes, I am.
Well, you're not
keeping it down.
I mean, you're so beautiful,
Venetia.
You need to look
after yourself.
So tomorrow
you're going to eat,
and then you're going
to stay at the table.
Do you understand?
Yes.
(SOFTLY) Good.
I could just eat you.
(MOANING SOFTLY,
BREATHING HEAVILY)
Ollie...
It's... It's not the right
time of the month.
And is that something
you think I'm worried about?
(VENETIA BREATHING HEAVILY)
It's lucky for you
I'm a vampire.
(VENETIA GULPS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MOANS SOFTLY)
You've got a little
something there.
(VENETIA CHUCKLES)
(FARLEIGH SCOFFS)
You stupid little boy.
(SCOFFS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
ELSPETH: It must have been
such a strain.
SIR JAMES: I can never
remember the name
of the, er, chubby one.
What was it?
ELSPETH:
He's some doctor in Paris.
I can't remember his name.
But he gives you,
sort of, shakes
that you mix up with water,
I suppose.
OLIVER: Good morning.
ELSPETH: Hello, darling.
-You sleep well?
-No, not really, mate.
We're 30 for dinner
tomorrow night.
Stopford Sackville
has cried off.
Oh, dear, that's a shame.
God, I forgot about
fucking dinner.
Wait, who is coming
to dinner again?
-The Henrys.
-FARLEIGH: No, please!
-Who are the Henrys?
-VENETIA: Dad's friends.
They're all called Henry.
-Not all of them. Just most.
-It'll be fun.
It'll be being
molested by Henry.
You know which one.
I'll put you next
to Oliver, then.
He can molest you instead.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Oh, Oliver,
I was going to say,
we should do something fun
for your birthday.
A proper party.
No Henrys.
Something actually fun.
What do you think, darling?
If Oliver would like it,
I think it's a splendid idea.
FARLEIGH: I think Oliver
looks like he'd rather
throw himself out of a window.
What kind of party?
I don't know.
Whatever you want.
What do you think?
About 100 people?
-A hundred?
-Or two.
It invariably
ends up being two,
doesn't it, with this
sort of thing? (CHUCKLES)
Invite whoever you want.
All your friends.
What friends?
Oh! Oh! How about fancy dress?
ELSPETH: Oh, yes!
I can wear
my suit of armour, Elspeth.
Good idea, darling.
We could have a theme.
What about
Midsummer Night's Dream?
SIR JAMES: Lovely.
FARLEIGH:
Bring on the slutty fairies.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
OLIVER: Hey.
Hey.
Felix.
Is everything okay?
Yes. Why?
You seem annoyed
about something.
I'm not annoyed
about anything.
Okay.
It's just slightly bad form,
that's all.
-What's bad form?
-What do you think?
Getting with Venetia, Ollie.
What makes you think
I got with Venetia?
Farleigh saw you two.
It's just
fucking cringe, mate.
I mean, really,
you're my friend.
You're supposed
to be here with me.
Look, I didn't want
to embarrass Venetia.
What do you mean?
Well, I saw her...
I saw her outside
and I went down to see
was she okay.
And I think she got the wrong
end of the stick because...
she tried to kiss me.
And I politely
steered her away.
Farleigh said you two were
practically eating each other.
Oh, and you believe him?
Me and Venetia?
(SCOFFS) Come on.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
-Well, why didn't you tell me?
-I just...
I thought it would
be nicer not to.
She was hammered.
Probably doesn't remember.
She's so embarrassing.
And fucking Farleigh.
What a little a shit stirrer.
Mmm.
Well, someone
has to entertain us all.
Right.
That's why we love him.
(SIGHS) Thank God.
You know, I thought we had
another Eddie situation.
-Eddie?
-Yeah.
Eddie was my best friend
at school.
And he came to stay with us.
And he, kind of,
developed a little thing
for Venetia,
and everything just
got so awkward.
Yeah, it, kind of,
ruined our friendship.
I can imagine.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
FARLEIGH: I'm not saying
my mother isn't
completely idiotic
when it comes to money.
FELIX: You just have
to be firm with her.
FARLEIGH: I can't call her
and tell her no.
FELIX: I know. I know.
You've said that.
-I know, I understand.
-FARLEIGH: No, you don't.
-You don't. It's humiliating.
-FELIX: It's very hard...
FARLEIGH: I'm sorry,
but it's a bit fucking shitty.
You're all throwing Oliver
a party for 200 people
while my mother
lives in squalor.
FELIX: Oh, she's hardly
living in squalor, mate.
FARLEIGH: Well, she can't
pay her bills, so she will be.
Okay? At the rate she's going,
she will be.
FELIX: Right,
that's exactly why
Dad's concerned
about helping her.
He doesn't wanna enable her.
He wants her to learn
to stand on her own two feet.
-Yeah, like he does?
-Farleigh.
I mean, you do know
how this looks, right?
Making me come to you
with a begging bowl.
What are you implying?
I think you know
what I'm implying, Felix.
Why don't you ask
Liam and Joshua?
Who...
Who the fuck
are Liam and Joshua?
(CHUCKLES)
Your footmen.
Oh, that is...
That is low, Farleigh.
-Jesus Christ, mate.
-Okay.
Seriously, is that...
Is that where
-you wanna take this?
-Right.
Make it a race thing?
What the fuck?
I mean, we're your family.
We hardly even notice
that you're different,
or anything like that.
-FARLEIGH: Mmm.
-I never know
our footmen's names.
The turnover of a footman
is notoriously high.
-Of course.
-And by the way,
my father has been
more generous
than most people would be.
A lot more.
(CLAPS HANDS)
But...
maybe... maybe we've done
all that we can.
(SCOFFS, CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING,
LAUGHTER)
How do you know
her father, then?
Felix warned you off, then?
Well, maybe we just need to be
a bit more careful.
No, thanks.
It's just so disappointing.
You're just another
one of his toys.
You're upset.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm used to it. Honestly.
I mean, he never liked
sharing his toys.
Even the ones he doesn't want
to play with any more.
Henry, how is your
gorgeous son?
Venetia, Venetia...
-Me first. You're on my left.
-I'm sorry.
OLIVER: Of course.
So, how long have you
known the Cattons for?
Oh, forever. Forever and ever.
-And how... how did you...
-My husband is James' godson.
How long have
you been married?
You've been married long?
Yes.
-Lovely.
-Why?
-Erm...
-Why would it be "lovely"?
-Hmm?
-The man's an idiot.
...from the ocean floor.
(LAUGHS)
Do you know what I mean?
-Have you got children?
-Yes. Two.
No, three. Three boys.
-Must be a handful.
-Well, no, they're at school.
That's the main thing
about school,
you hardly ever have
to see them.
WOMAN:
Hen, darling, save me.
HENRY: The rumour was,
she had two arseholes.
How was I supposed to know
she was a bloody hooker?
( LOW BY FLO RIDA PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
HENRY: Let me talk to 'em
Let me talk to 'em
Let it rain
Let me talk to 'em
Shawty had them
apple bottom jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club
was lookin' at her
She hit the floor
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low
Low, low, low
All right, fuck this.
I'm gonna get a drink.
Yeah, me too.
The Reeboks with the strap
She turned around
and gave that
Big booty a slap
(WHOOPS)
Fuck, chuck or marry.
Richard III,
Henry VII or Henry VIII?
You know,
I think I'd fuck Richard III.
He's so insecure, so you know
he'd put in the work, right?
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Or you could just fuck me?
Why did you tell Felix
about me and Venetia?
Well, I didn't think
he'd react that badly.
Yes, you did.
Yes, I did.
(SIGHS) You know...
if you ever wanna
talk to anyone,
you can talk to me, Farleigh.
What do you mean?
Well, I know you're going
through a hard time at home.
I know how that feels.
When things are so precarious.
It's terrifying.
And lonely.
And it must be
so fucking weird
having to ask them
for everything.
And I know
you fucking hate me.
I...
I don't hate you.
But if you ever wanted me
to talk to them
to see if there's...
(SIGHS)
If I can help in any way...
...just ask.
(CHUCKLES)
-Okay.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Right, I think I'm gonna go
put him out of his misery.
Shawty got low, low
Low, low, low
-Oh!
-(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
Okay.
Well done, Henry.
That was great.
Everyone, round of applause
for Henry.
-(SONG ENDS)
-(ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
Okay. Now it's time
to take things up a notch.
( RENT BY PET SHOP BOYS
PLAYING)
Er, okay, we have someone here
who is a very talented singer.
He's your best friend,
and mine.
Oliver Quick.
-(APPLAUSE)
-SIR JAMES: Oliver!
-Come on, up you get.
-No, no, no.
-Yes, yes, don't be shy.
-I don't even know the song.
The words are
on the screen, Oliver.
That's the best bit.
That's the best bit!
(ALL CHEERING)
You dress me up
I'm your puppet
You buy me things
I love it
You bring me food
I need it
You give me love
I feed it
(VENETIA WHOOPS)
And look at the two of us
In sympathy
With everything we see
I never want anything
It's easy
You buy whatever I need
But look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
-Oh!
-(CHUCKLES)
I love you
You pay my rent
(WHOOPS) You tell them!
-FELIX: Farleigh.
-What?
This is your song as well,
Farleigh.
Come finish it.
FARLEIGH: Only if you insist.
You took me
to a restaurant
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-Off Broadway
To show me who you...
(GRUNTING SOFTLY)
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES)
(SNORING SOFTLY)
-(BED CREAKING)
-(GASPS)
What the fuck are you doing?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
OLIVER: What do you
think I'm doing?
FARLEIGH: I think you're
in the wrong fucking room.
Am I?
(FARLEIGH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SOFTLY) Are you going to
behave from now on, Farleigh?
No.
(FARLEIGH MOANS SOFTLY)
(SOFTLY)
Are you going to behave?
No.
(SOFTLY)
Don't make me ask again.
(SOFTLY) Say it.
I'm going to behave.
(FARLEIGH MOANS SOFTLY)
-What the fuck...
-(SHUSHES)
(BED CREAKING)
(FARLEIGH MOANS SOFTLY)
(OLIVER SHUSHES)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
FARLEIGH: I wouldn't do this.
ELSPETH: James is very upset.
FARLEIGH: You know that...
Why would I do this?
ELSPETH: I don't know...
FARLEIGH: I swear to God,
-this has to be...
-ELSPETH: Enough!
FARLEIGH: There must be
some kind of mistake here.
-ELSPETH: Farleigh...
-I'm sure I can...
FELIX: Vee, what the fuck
is going on?
VENETIA: (SHUSHES, SOFTLY)
It's Farleigh.
OLIVER: (SOFTLY)
What happened?
VENETIA: (SOFTLY)
He tried to nick something.
FELIX: (SOFTLY)
What are you talking about?
(FARLEIGH AND ELSPETH
ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
VENETIA: (SOFTLY)
He's a fucking idiot.
DUNCAN: Move!
ELSPETH: Please.
FELIX: (SOFTLY) Fuck.
( YOU'RE GORGEOUS
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
Because you're gorgeous
I mean, it's outrageous!
OLIVER: What
actually happened?
FELIX: He sent an email
to Sotheby's
to say that he'd "come by"
-some Palissy plates.
-(VENETIA SCOFFS)
I mean, the idiot.
He had to have known
that Dad went to school
with the chairman.
I mean,
talk about biting the hand.
And Mum and Dad would give him
anything he asked for.
Yeah, well, obviously
he got sick of asking.
That's ridiculous.
He's more spoilt than we are.
I mean, come on, Vee. You...
You have to admit.
It's a little bit dark,
him having to go
to Mum and Dad
with a begging bowl.
-Oh, boo-fucking-hoo.
-FELIX: All right, yes.
Fine, it was incredibly
fucking stupid...
VENETIA: Guys, guys, guys.
(FELIX SHUSHES)
Oliver,
don't mention it, okay?
OLIVER: What happens
if they bring him up?
-They won't.
-What a glorious day.
Never known a summer
as hot as this one.
Sweltering.
I think it's even hotter
than last year.
I didn't think
that was possible,
but here we are again.
It's hotter than Barbados,
apparently. Barbados!
ELSPETH: No, I can
believe it, darling.
Honestly, I don't think I've
ever been hotter in my life.
SIR JAMES: Oh,
I need to check with Robert...
-(SIGHS)
-...to make sure that
he's being extra vigilant
with the hydrangeas.
Very wise, my love.
Oh, bliss.
Bliss, bliss, bliss.
(INHALES)
Mmm!
Oh, this song. God, I haven't
heard this song in forever.
(SIGHS) I used to hang out
with them all, actually,
when I was modelling.
Britpop, Blur, Oasis.
God, the parties.
Oh, but then, of course,
Common People came out
and everybody thought
it was written about me.
Which was completely
mortifying and ridiculous.
I mean, I barely knew Jarvis.
VENETIA: What?
ELSPETH: She came from Greece.
She had a thirst
for knowledge.
It couldn't have been me.
I've never wanted
to know anything.
(GROANS) God, I wish we didn't
have to go to London.
I didn't know you were
going to London.
Pamela's funeral.
-(SOFTLY) Oh.
-Pamela died?
Yeah.
She'd do anything
for attention.
(FELIX MOANING SOFTLY)
(SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Morning, birthday boy.
Get dressed.
We're going on a road trip.
Where?
Oh, it's a surprise.
Wear something nice.
(CHUCKLES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER CAR RADIO)
(FELIX AND OLIVER LAUGHING)
(FELIX AND OLIVER EXCLAIMING)
(FELIX AND OLIVER
SINGING INDISTINCTLY)
How much further is it?
It's not too far now.
Er, please tell me you're...
Felix, are...
FELIX: Look, Ollie,
just hear me out, all right?
-OLIVER: No, no, no.
-Hear me out for a sec.
What have you done?
What have you done?
-Your mum called a week ago.
-Er...
You left your phone
in the bathroom,
so I thought, I thought...
I, sort of, just picked up.
I mean, you've been ignoring
her calls for weeks
and I just thought that
maybe I could help.
And on the phone, she really
sounded sober, mate.
She had no idea where you were
and she just wanted
to send you a card
for your birthday.
Please turn the car round.
You can't take me there.
You can't. Felix, you can't
take me there.
-Ollie, she's your mother.
-No!
She's your family!
-She's all that you've got.
-You don't understand!
-Ollie, she's your...
-You don't!
-I'm begging you.
-Mate...
I'm begging you. Please, no.
I'm not taking "no" for
an answer, mate. I'm sorry.
You have to fix this, mate.
Oh, look, there's a sign.
Churchill Avenue. Right.
Oh, 138.
Is this it?
-Oh, this is nice, mate.
-(CAR RATTLING)
Look, she's clearly
cleaned up her act.
This is lovely.
Let's do this.
(KEYS JANGLING)
Let me go in
without you, please.
I'm not leaving you, mate.
We're in this together.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOOR BELL RINGS)
MOTHER: Oliver! Oh!
Praise you're alive.
(CHUCKLES)
I didn't recognise you.
(SIGHS)
Happy birthday, darling.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
You must be Felix.
It's so nice to meet you.
Your father's in the garden.
-His father?
-MOTHER: (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
He's been pacing around
all morning. He's so excited.
Come in. Come in.
Jeff!
(LAUGHING)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
JEFF: Oh, that was in Mykonos.
We go every year.
Well, not any more.
No, not now
the kids are all grown up.
Kids?
You told me you were
an only child, Oliver?
No, I've always talked about
my sisters.
All right.
Well, I must have...
I must have forgotten.
(CHUCKLES)
MOTHER: I'm not surprised
if he didn't.
He always wanted
to be an only child,
always beetling off
by himself.
I bet, yeah. Yeah, I bet.
They didn't know what to do
with him at his school.
He was so clever.
That's why I think
he found it hard
to make friends.
The others were jealous.
And now he's the top scholar
at Oxford.
-(CHUCKLING)
-The top scholar?
God, he's so modest.
You know, I... I had no idea.
(CHUCKLES)
It's been hard not seeing him.
Yeah, but it must be a lot
of pressure, though, I expect.
Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, of course it is.
-I bet. Yeah, I can't imagine.
JEFF: Working day and night.
And then, on top of it all,
he's got the union.
-The plays.
-(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING NOISE)
-Yeah, the plays.
-JEFF: The rowing team.
-The rowing team?
-MOTHER: Oh, yeah...
OLIVER: I've gotta go.
JEFF: What d'you mean?
I've got these
horrible migraines.
Oh. Why don't you lie down
upstairs, darling?
I made your bed up
in case you wanted to stay.
We've got to get back.
We've...
We've got to get back
for my party.
Oliver...
Oliver, your mother spent
-all morning making lunch.
-MOTHER: It doesn't matter.
-It does matter. It does.
-MOTHER: No, it's all right.
-If he's not well...
-JEFF: It's not okay.
It doesn't matter,
it's only spag bol.
JEFF: And the cake?
It doesn't matter.
Of course we can stay,
we would love to stay.
Ollie, just take a pill
or something,
for Christ's sake.
I love spag bol.
(CAR RATTLING)
Felix, look, Felix,
please, let me just explain.
I think the best thing
is that you go home
after your party.
It's too late
to cancel it now,
and summer's almost finished
anyway.
So I think we'll have
your party tonight, and...
I will see you back at Oxford.
And we can still be friends,
though?
I mean, we're going
to laugh about this.
I... I...
I don't even know
why I said it.
It's just a stupid thing
to say...
FELIX: No, it's fucking weird,
is what it is, mate.
Honestly, I don't
even know where to start.
I mean,
you're a fucking liar, Ollie.
(SIGHS)
Why would you lie?
I just wanted
to be your friend.
Look, let's just
get through tonight.
Can you not tell your family,
please?
Of course not. Fucking hell!
It's dark enough as it is!
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRYING)
(INHALING DEEPLY)
(EXHALES)
( PERFECT EXCEEDER PLAYING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Duncan.
-Yes?
-Orchid.
Watch me work it,
I'm perfect
One, two, three, four
Let me hear you scream
If you want some more
-(GLASSES CLINKING)
-Cheers!
Watch me work it,
I'm perfect
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
SIR JAMES: Uh-oh.
ELSPETH: Oh,
it's George's daughter.
SIR JAMES: Uh-oh, uh-oh.
ELSPETH: Oh, dear,
she's just like her mother.
(GIRL VOMITING, COUGHS)
That's right
I'm a superstar
Everybody wanna come up
When I'm at the bar
All the people wanna try
It's like give me some more
Try a little harder, honey
Give me some more
Let's go I'm a superstar
Getting busy with the boys
Hanging at the bar
Everybody coming close
'cause they all want me
You all knew
When you saw me
I like how you look
Baby call me, call me
One, two, three, four
Let me hear you scream
If you want some more
MAN: Hey! Hey!
OLIVER: Have you seen Felix?
Nope.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING CHEERFULLY)
(CHUCKLING)
FELIX: Which one's
the biggest...
Oh, no.
-Oh, fuck.
-OLIVER: Felix.
Can I, er, talk to you
for one second?
(GIRL GROANS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
You can't ignore me forever.
I can try.
OLIVER: Felix,
we need to talk.
Felix, come on!
Look, man, I tried to be nice,
but can you fuck off
and bother somebody else?
(GIRL CHUCKLES)
Who was that?
(ROAST SKEWERS SQUEAKING)
OLIVER: (SIGHS)
Hello, Farleigh.
How did you know it was me?
Signet ring.
(CHUCKLES) God.
You really do notice
everything, don't you?
Have they seen you yet?
Not yet. (SIGHS)
(SNORTS)
Yeah, they'll go ballistic.
I doubt it.
They invited me. (SNIFFS)
OLIVER: Ohhh!
FARLEIGH: Mmm.
Mmm.
(CHORTLES)
God, the look on your face.
They can't have invited you.
Oh, Oliver,
you'll never catch on.
This place...
(CHUCKLES) You know,
it's not for you.
It is a fucking dream.
It is an anecdote
you'll bore your fat kids
with at Christmas.
Oliver's once in a lifetime
handjob on a hay bale,
golden, big boy summer!
(LAUGHING)
You'll cling on to it,
and comb over it,
and jerk off to it,
and you'll wonder how
you could ever
ever, ever, ever get it back.
But you don't get it back.
Because your summer's over.
And so you...
(CHUCKLING) Oh...
You...
catch a train...
to whatever
creepy doll factory
it is they make Olivers in.
And I come back here.
This isn't a dream to me.
It's my house.
So whatever happens,
I always come back.
Try harder next time, baby.
ALL: Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear...
MAN: Shit,
I can't remember his name.
(ALL SNORTING AND GIGGLING)
Happy birthday to you
-WOMAN: Whoo!
-(PEOPLE MURMUR INDISTINCTLY)
(ALL CHEERING)
( HAPPINESS BY TOMCRAFPLAYING)
Happiness seems
To be loneliness
And loneliness
Killed my world
How could you guess
When you're only
Thinking of yourself?
How you looked
At other girls
Happiness seems
To be loneliness
And loneliness
Killed my world
How could you guess
When you're only
Thinking of yourself?
How you looked
At other girls
Happiness seems
To be loneliness
And loneliness
Killed my world
How could you guess
When you're only
Thinking of yourself?
How you looked
At other girls
(PEOPLE CHEERING, WHISTLING)
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(INDIA AND FELIX CHUCKLING)
(SIGHS)
(FELIX GRUNTING)
(INDIA AND FELIX MOANING)
-Felix.
-FELIX: Oh, Jesus Christ!
What the fuck
are you doing here?
OLIVER: I need to talk to you.
INDIA: Were you spying on us?
No, I wasn't.
You know,
you two are fucking gross.
FELIX: Fucking hell, mate.
(GROANS) God...
What the fuck
is wrong with you, Oliver?
Leave me the fuck alone!
-No, we need to talk.
-Please stop.
We can't... We can't,
are you fucking crazy?
-You can't just throw me away.
-Get the fuck away from me.
Ah, fuck...
Look, I just gave you
what you wanted!
Like everyone else does.
Everyone puts on
a show for Felix.
So I'm sorry that...
(STAMMERS)
my performance
wasn't good enough.
I think...
I think you need
to see somebody.
You need help, okay?
Seriously.
No. No, I don't.
I just need you to understand
how much I fucking love you.
You're the only friend
I ever had, Felix.
Okay...
I mean, doesn't this
just prove how much,
how much of a good friend
I actually am?
How well I actually know you?
I'm still the same person.
Yeah?
I'm still the same person.
I don't know what you are.
But I do know you,
you make my fucking blood
run cold.
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
Wait there a sec.
(GAGS)
OLIVER: Fuck. Ah.
(VOMITING)
-Better?
-Fuck you.
FELIX: I think
you should go to bed.
I don't care
what you think any more.
(SIGHING) Oh, fuck.
(SOMBRE MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SNIFFLING SOFTLY)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
ELSPETH: (DISTANTLY) Felix!
VENETIA: (DISTANTLY) Felix!
SIR JAMES: Felix!
Felix!
(DISTANT THUDDING)
(SNIFFLES)
(FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING)
OLIVER: You don't need
to be told, do you?
You already know.
You're just turning the handle
on a jack in the box.
Walking towards
the end of the world.
Knowing that any second...
the ground
was gonna fall away.
(ELSPETH SCREAMING)
It's the end of everything.
Darling, darling boy.
-My darling boy.
-(BOTH CRYING)
Help me move him.
We need to get him inside.
Get him warm.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
I just need
to get him warmed up.
Felix, darling,
where's your jumper?
Hmm?
Where's your jumper?
(VENETIA CRYING)
Come on now! Help me.
I don't think
we can move him, James.
I think... I think the police.
Yes.
Yes, come away, darling.
It's nearly lunch.
Yes.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(CUTLERY CLINKING)
What is it, Duncan?
DUNCAN: It's the police,
Your Ladyship.
They're having trouble.
What kind of trouble?
They keep getting lost
in the maze.
(FARLEIGH SCOFFS)
SIR JAMES: And?
(WHISPERS) May I send
one of the gardeners
-to assist them, sir?
-Fine.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Oliver, darling.
Why don't you tell us
about last night?
-Last night?
-ELSPETH: Mmm.
Did you have a lovely time?
Yeah, it was, er, wonderful.
-Thank you.
-ELSPETH: Oh, good.
I think it was a hit.
Don't you, darling?
Oh, yes, a triumph.
ELSPETH: Yes. The house
looked good, didn't it?
-SIR JAMES: Beautiful.
-And that cake was...
ELSPETH: Oh, did you like it?
-Mm-hmm.
-I never had any in the end.
That's always the way,
isn't it?
You end up running around
so much
you miss the actual party.
What now?
May I be permitted
to close the curtains, sir?
Sir, the coroner's outside
and may need
to pass the window with...
Yes, thank you. Close them.
I don't normally
like chocolate cake.
Yes, it can be cloying,
can't it?
Mmm, but last night
it was so light.
ELSPETH: Yes, Lynn has always
been an expert with cakes.
Yes, cold hands, apparently.
You have to have cold hands.
-OLIVER: Mm-hmm, I've heard.
-(CURTAIN ROD THUDDING)
So the butter doesn't melt.
ELSPETH: Although
I would think
that applied more
to pastry than to...
Duncan, just get them closed,
for Christ's sake!
DUNCAN: Yes, I am trying, sir.
I can't.
-(DRAWING CURTAIN)
-I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(MUFFLED SOB)
(GURNEY SQUEAKING OUTSIDE)
(SIGHS)
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
(GAGGING)
-(MUFFLED SOBBING)
-(GROANS)
-FARLEIGH: Oh, my God.
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
Er, may I be excused, please?
No, we haven't finished lunch.
Lunch is cold.
You want me just to eat it
like nothing's happening?
What else is there to do,
darling?
-Anything! Anything!
-(YELLING) Farleigh!
Will you be quiet?
Sit down
and eat the bloody pie!
Just eat it!
Eat it and shut up!
Eat the bloody pie!
(COUGHING AND SOBBING)
You're not the only person
here with feelings.
None of us wants
your bloody American feelings.
I think it's delicious.
(SNIFFLES)
FARLEIGH: What the fuck
are you still doing here?
Wait, does no one else
find it weird?
No one else finds that weird?
I wouldn't throw stones
if I was you, Farleigh.
-FARLEIGH: Excuse me?
-Please stop.
-SIR JAMES: What is he saying?
-I... I have no idea.
What I'm saying
is I would feel guilty too.
-Guilty?
-OLIVER: If I was the one
racking up lines
the night someone died.
-Fuck you.
-That's not a denial.
Is that true?
Search Farleigh's room.
-Yes, sir.
-No.
Get out!
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(SOBBING) No, wait...
-Erm...
-What's happening?
Aunt Elspeth... Elspeth...
Don't you dare look at her!
Get out!
I won't mention this
to the police.
That's all you'll get.
Nothing more,
ever again.
(FARLEIGH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
( LORD OF ALL HOPEFULNESS
PLAYING)
Lord of all hopefulness
Lord of all joy
Whose trust,
Ever child-like
No cares could destroy
Be there at our waking
And give us, we pray
Your bliss in our hearts,
Lord
At the break of the day
Lord of all eagerness
SIR JAMES: See you back
at the house, Oliver.
Lord of all faith
Whose strong hands
Were skilled
At the plane and the lathe
Be there at our labours
And give us, we pray
(STONE SPLASHES)
Your strength in our hearts,
Lord
At the noon of the day
Lord of all kindliness
Lord of all grace
Your hands swift
To welcome
Your arms to embrace
Be there at our homing
And give us, we pray
Your love in our hearts,
Lord
At the eve of the day
Lord of all gentleness
Lord of all calm
Whose voice is contentment
Whose presence is balm
Be there at our sleeping
And give us, we pray
Your peace in our hearts,
Lord
At the end of the day
(SOBBING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
(MOANING SOFTLY)
(CRYING)
SIR JAMES: The vicar did well.
ELSPETH: (SNIFFLING) Yes,
so much nicer than his father.
Oh, he was all right.
Just a little old fashioned.
Extremely old fashioned.
Do you remember
Felix's christening?
-Mm-hmm.
-"You can't possibly
"have River as a middle name."
Do you remember?
Hm. (CHUCKLING) I remember
you giving him what for.
It doesn't matter now.
It doesn't matter
what his middle name is now.
-Darling.
-ELSPETH: He was right.
River is quite silly.
But I suppose you don't pick
your child's name
imagining that one day
you'll have to think about
how it will look...
carved on a...
(INHALES SHAKILY) headstone.
Choose a font.
What font did you choose?
Times New Roman.
On local stone.
-It'll be good, I think.
-Yeah, yeah.
It's a good choice. Solid.
(CHUCKLES BITTERLY)
I'll leave you.
You're not going anywhere,
Oliver, darling?
I was just going upstairs.
But you're not leaving us?
You're not leaving Saltburn?
(WATER SPLASHES)
(DOOR OPENS)
Ah, sorry.
Your politeness is so grating.
-Do you know that?
-Erm, sorry?
You're always sorry.
Always flinching away
like a little fucking...
serf.
I saw you.
Sobbing in the church
at the funeral.
I watched you weeping away
and I just...
I felt so sorry for you.
So sorry.
And then I remembered...
(CHUCKLING)
and I started laughing.
(LAUGHING)
I just...
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
I just couldn't stop laughing
because I...
I remembered that...
that you only knew him for...
six months?
(SOFTLY)
You hardly knew him, Ollie.
You have nothing to do
with him, with us,
with here.
Nothing at all.
You're just a stranger.
-It's very late.
-Yet, here you are.
Right in the middle of it all.
Ooh.
Stranger fucking danger.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Yeah, I'm going to bed.
Ollie, you know...
You know what
Daddy's starting to call you?
Spiderman.
-Really?
-Because you're always
just skulking around.
Weaving your spider-y,
Oliver-y web.
Good night.
Drink some water...
Hey, Ollie, Ollie,
don't be upset.
I don't think you're a spider.
I think you're a moth.
I'm right, aren't I?
Quiet...
harmless...
drawn to shiny things...
batting up against
the window...
just desperate to get in.
Well, you've done it now.
You've made your holes
in everything.
You'll eat us
from the inside out.
-You've drunk way too much.
-Yeah.
Hm.
Isn't that his aftershave?
Hm?
You are a fucking freak.
I bet you're wearing
his underwear too, aren't you?
Yeah.
You disgusting little nobody.
Oh, my God!
You ate him right up
and you licked
the fucking plate!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SOBBING QUIETLY)
It broke her completely.
She said it herself.
She couldn't live without him.
Thank you
for coming to see me.
Is everything all right?
Er...
How long were you planning
on staying with us?
Because Elspeth
won't let you go.
(SIGHS) Erm, I'm happy to stay
-as long as she needs me to.
-Very kind of you.
But I'm not sure
that's good for her or us.
I think it's time, Oliver,
for you to go home
discreetly tonight,
to cause her
the least anxiety.
I hope you understand.
I'd go in a heartbeat
if I could.
I just don't think
I can leave her in this state.
Well...
It would be best if the family
was able to grieve in private.
Oh, I...
I understand, I agree.
I agree.
But I just think
it's best if I stay
just for the time being.
I want to do
what's right for her.
You won't go?
I don't see how I can.
(SIGHS)
(OPENS DRAWER)
What are you doing?
-How much?
-Excuse me?
How much for you to leave
and never come back?
To cease all contact
with my wife?
-Why?
-Because we all
have to move on.
-(SIGHS)
-I know you live under
somewhat
difficult circumstances,
but this will be a fresh start
for you too.
Why are you doing this?
(SOFTLY) How much?
How much? (GASPS)
How much?
(OLIVER SIGHS)
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNIFFLES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(KEYS JANGLING)
-(CARD MACHINE BEEPS)
-WOMAN: Thanks.
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Oliver.
-Oliver.
-Elspeth.
-My God.
-Oh, Ollie!
Oh, how handsome you look!
I can't believe it.
But you're all grown up,
you're...
Of course, you're grown up.
Of course, silly of me,
of course.
You grew up.
-(SIGHS)
-Sorry.
I'm all over the place
at the moment.
I... I read the news
about Sir James.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.
I was surprised
he waited so long in a way.
You know...
But still it was a...
a terrible shock.
Yeah.
It's so funny to see you.
I've actually just bought
a little flat nearby.
Oh, what are the odds?
Saltburn suddenly seemed
so big and so far away.
How is Saltburn?
Er, is Duncan still there?
Oh, God, he's still there.
Oh, everything's the same.
Exactly, exactly the same
as when you left it.
I'm glad. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Ollie, I didn't like it
the way James treated you,
and I wanted to say something.
Oh, it was a long time ago.
No, but it's not to me.
You see,
I've thought about it a lot.
And...
you have to remember
that he wasn't
in his right mind then,
after everything
that happened.
And he...
You do forgive him,
you do understand?
Of course.
Have you been happy?
Not really.
You?
(CHUCKLES SADLY) Not really.
WOMAN: Flat white.
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
Come up and stay.
At Saltburn.
Coast is clear now, isn't it?
(DOOR CLOSES)
I can honestly say
that these last few months
have been the happiest
of my life.
It's just such a shame
you got so ill.
(VENTILATOR HISSING)
But it's been a privilege
to look after you.
(ELSPETH WHEEZING)
Just as it'll be a privilege
to look after Saltburn.
So thank you for trusting me.
I promise
I'll look after this house
just as Felix would have.
We got there in the end,
didn't we?
Somehow.
Thank God.
After all those terrible,
terrible accidents.
(SIGHS)
But...
is there really
ever such a thing
as an accident, Elspeth?
-(CLICKS BUTTON)
-I don't know.
(BED WHIRRING)
Accidents are for people
like you.
For the rest of us,
there's work.
And unlike you,
I actually know how to work.
(THRILLING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
(AIR HISSING)
(COINS CLATTERING)
OLIVER: Please, I...
I don't have any money.
Could I just pay you tomorrow?
What actually happened?
FELIX: He sent an email
to Sotheby's
to say that he'd "come by"
some Palissy plates.
(KEYS CLACKING)
ELSPETH: I've actually just
bought a little flat nearby.
Oliver.
I wasn't "in love" with him.
I know,
everyone thought I was.
But I wasn't.
I loved him.
I loved him.
I loved him.
By God, I loved him.
But sometimes...
I...
I hated him.
(THRILLING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
(RAIN PATTERING)
-(BED THUDS)
-I hated him.
(SIGHS)
Yeah, I hated him.
(BED CREAKING)
I hated all of you.
And you made it so easy.
Spoiled dogs,
sleeping belly-up.
No natural predators.
Well...
almost none.
(AIR HISSING OUT)
(ELSPETH GASPING SOFTLY)
(MUSIC FADES)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(BEES BUZZING)
(MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR
PLAYING)
It's murder
on the dance floor
You'd better not
kill the groove, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
Oh, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know,
I know, I know
About your kind
And so, and so,
and so, and so
And so, and so, and so
I'll have to play
If you think
you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when I say
(SNORTS)
Hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
kill the groove
Hey, hey, hey, hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
steal the moves, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
Oh, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know,
I know, I know
There may be others
And so, and so, and so
And so, and so,
and so, and so
You'll just have to pray
If you think
you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Stay another song
I'll blow you all away
Hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
kill the groove
Hey, hey, hey, hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
steal the moves, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
(SIGHS)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(OLIVER EXHALES)
(MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR
PLAYING)
Don't think
you'll get away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when I say
Hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
kill the groove
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
steal the moves, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
kill the groove
Hey, hey, hey, hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
But you'd better not
steal the moves, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
It's murder
on the dance floor
On the dance floor
But you'd better not
kill the groove
Hey, hey, hey, hey
It's murder
on the dance floor
On the dance floor
But you'd better not
steal the moves, DJ
Gonna burn this
goddamn house right down
Oh, I know, I know, I know
(MELANCHOLY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
PLAYING)