Santaman (2022) Movie Script
1
[dramatic
ethereal instrumental]
[sleigh bells ringing]
[Mortin] The time is 12:10
Eastern Standard Time.
Roger that.
How many more
deliveries do I have left?
[Mortin] 23 million,
give or take.
Ooh, it's going
to be a long night.
-[bag thudding]
-Oh!
[man] Hey, Santa.
I cleared a spot for you.
The TV goes
over the mantle.
Could have
at least decorated the tree.
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
[Morty sniffs]
All departments,
check in.
-Toys?
-Bag inventory's holdings. Go.
-Naughty Nice?
-List compiled for last leg.
-We are a go.
-Medical?
He's tired,
but we're a go.
Like the pocket
protector, Morty.
[Mortin] Santa,
you are a go for final leg.
Try and keep it
jolly out there.
Trying, Morton.
I'm trying.
Roof in sight.
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa thudding]
I caught Santa,
I caught Santa.
[Santa groans]
That's it.
Coal for you.
[melancholic
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa grunts]
Damn.
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[window creaking]
-Shh.
-Be quiet.
-That's what I'm telling you.
-Shh.
Santa ain't even
been here yet.
Who cares, you're on
the naughty list anyhow.
Grab the good stuff
and be quiet.
[objects thudding]
[Santa yawning]
[buzzer buzzing]
Big man's fading, guys.
How about a cookie break?
That might power him up.
Good idea, Santa,
you are a go for cookie break.
I repeat,
go for cookies.
Cookies in sight.
Make it quick, Santa.
And don't forget the milk.
Santa, I have a late
addition to the naughty list.
Don't deliver
the Mechano Man.
I repeat, bring back
the Mechano Man.
-Copy that, Norpole.
-Energy spike.
Elves, what's causing it?
Caroling? Christmas pudding?
I've got several groups in
Central Park singing right now,
and I've got
Mariah Carey on the radio.
That could
go either way.
Eh, I'm more partial
to Jingle Bells.
Cut the chatter, elves,
and work the problem.
-Might be a selfless act?
-Unlikely.
When was the last time
you saw one of those?
Could it be those cookies?
Remember
the cookie surge of '77?
-That was unsubstantiated.
-Doesn't matter.
Whatever it was,
Santa is in good shape now.
[foreboding strings music]
Let's make it quick.
And be quiet.
[bauble clanging]
[child gasping]
No way!
A Mechano Man action figure.
Too cool!
Stop messing around
and just grab the nice stuff.
Look, a whole bag
full of presents.
It's, like, endless.
Enough.
Let's get out of here.
Santa?
Ho-ho-ho.
[menacing trumpets]
Hey! That's my bag.
Santa's bag has been stolen.
I'm tracking it.
Santa,
where are the gifts?
Santa. Santa, abort.
I repeat, abort.
We don't have time
to get the bag.
It's my bag.
And I'm gonna
get it back.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[metal creaking]
[loud thudding]
Let it go, Santa.
We'll send more presents.
Launch
a resupply reindeer.
We're falling behind schedule.
[Santa grunting]
Whoa, look out below!
[loud thudding]
Shane, Shane!
Santa just came.
No, he didn't.
Go to sleep.
-You're dreaming.
-No, I saw him. I swear.
[Santa grunting]
Look,
he ate the cookies.
That was probably mom,
you know, making it look good.
Mom's not coming home
until tomorrow morning.
Well, if Santa was here,
where are the gifts?
Give me my bag,
naughty lister!
Give me the bag and go back
to the mall where you belong.
[Santa heaving]
Oh! Sorry about that.
-Did you hear that?
-No, I didn't hear--
Look. It's Santa!
And he's running away.
Nothing.
There's nobody out there.
Santa doesn't exist.
[woman]
Vitals are off the chart.
Santa, do you read me?
I repeat, Jolly-1,
what is your status?
-[Morty] Santa?
-[Santa panting]
Not good,
Norpole, not good.
I need a way
out of this alley.
[car tires screeching]
Santa, we read you.
We read you.
Stand by.
We're looking into it.
[siren wailing]
Morty, there's a chimney
clean out in the alley.
-Location?
-It's near the dumpster.
Sending it to screen.
[computer beeping]
[siren wailing]
[Mortin] Jolly-1,
there's an egress
point in the alley,
it has roof access.
It's your only shot, Chris.
So, for Jiminy Cricket's sake,
don't mess this up.
[siren wailing]
Norpole,
do you read me?
How do we
make up for lost time?
[Mortin] Santa, we're going
over telemetry right now.
We are way behind schedule.
There's no way
you can make this up.
Kris, it's bad.
Really bad.
Crumbs,
we haven't lost a Christmas,
and I don't intend on
having it happen on my watch.
-Work the problem, elves.
-Give me the options.
[serene
orchestral instrumental]
Mortin, what if we use
the Aurora drive?
It's too risky.
Santa, remember Felix?
[Santa] I remember.
But we all knew
we were going
to have
to use it someday.
We will find another way.
It's our only choice.
I'm preparing to make the leap.
Reverse the collectors.
Morty, I'll be fine.
Okay, Santa. Okay.
Peyton,
open the dome.
[Mortin] Naughty nice.
Prepare reverse polarity.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[ice crumbling]
[metal clanking]
[electric static]
It's beautiful.
Would you
look at that.
[serene
orchestral instrumental]
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[magical chiming]
[machinery whirring]
[Santa] Collector deployed.
Energizing.
[machinery whirring]
[Santa yelling]
[buzzer wailing]
Santa, do you read me?
Santa, please respond.
-Santa, repeat.
-I have no telemetry.
Santa,
do you come in?
[dog barking]
[wind howling]
[Santa] Ho-ho-ho!
Ho-ho-ho!
Norpole, this is Santa.
-[Santa chuckling over radio]
-Santa, is that you?
Tell me, how much time
did we say save?
Santa, we have enough time
to complete Christmas
with a few seconds
to spare.
Good.
I'll need those seconds.
We have to go back
for one delivery.
-Santa!
-It's Christmas, Morty.
Fine, make the jump
back to the apartment
as our last stop.
[foreboding strings music]
[fire crackling]
[doors squeaking]
Well, that's quite
the entrance, Mister...
[Supervisor]
You can call me the Supervisor.
Okay.
Okay, Mr. Supervisor.
What brings you here?
On Christmas Eve,
no less.
[Supervisor]
I have one question.
Why are you burning
billions of tons of coal?
What's it to you?
[Supervisor] By my calculation,
at this pace,
it will take you 100 years
to melt the North Pole.
I'll take that
into consideration.
[metal clanking]
Where did you
get this?
A little memento
from my childhood.
Santa dropped it off
for me when I was seven.
Were you
a naughty lister, Max?
No! I was not.
But Santa gave you
a lump of coal.
A decision
he'll regret soon enough.
Why not today?
How?
[triumphant
orchestral instrumental]
[woman over intercom]
Attention, ground crew.
Please report to
the hanger immediately
for Jolly-1's
post flight check.
Welcome back, Santa.
Ooh.
What happened here?
We had the Dynamo
stable at max power,
and then Marty
plugged his phone in.
I was down to 20%, Santa.
We still need to work out
some kinks on the Aurora drive.
Anyhow. Good job, Santa.
Mission accomplished.
-Mission accomplished.
-What's the matter?
People were
horrible this year.
They expect everything.
Bigger TVs, more toys,
more, more, more.
But it's like
they don't care anymore.
Don't let it get you down.
Things will turn around.
Maybe.
Let's go thank the crew.
[slow, joyful
orchestral instrumental]
Shane, look.
Santa came back for us.
I knew he would.
[Shane] To Sophie.
Sophie.
Sophie from Santa.
To Sophie.
I don't see
anything for me.
Maybe the crooks
got your presents?
Shane,
look what I found.
Santa must have left this
for you in the hallway.
Is that a Mechano Man?
Cool.
It is a...
well, it kind of
looks like a Mechano Man.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, don't thank me.
That was from Santa.
[toy parts clanking]
[water glugging]
It was my fault.
I shouldn't have
given chase to those crooks.
And losing the sack,
that was--
that was
just sloppy work.
I should do more.
What more can we do?
Kristmas only comes
once a year.
Maybe we need
to make a more concerted effort
to change
the world year round.
Like, have two Christmases?
Yeah, ooh,
but the Easter Bunny
thought Christmas in July
was too close to his turf.
Never liked
that egomaniac bunny.
No one does.
He is fluffy, though.
Mortin, those thugs I ran into
were stealing presents,
on Christmas no less.
How can I just stand by
and let that happen?
Let's go steal something.
No, first, we're going back for
that Mechano Man action figure.
That's first.
Forget the doll,
would you, Mike?
It's not a doll, Lou!
It's a superhero.
There's no
such thing as superheroes.
We need
to find a score, quick.
[Max] Ladies and gentlemen,
thanks for coming today.
Here at Kildare Power,
I believe in the future.
Today,
I announce my revolutionary,
new, clean coal
power technology.
Cleaner than solar power
with zero emissions.
Which means tomorrow
will be
a brighter day.
Tomorrow
I will break ground
on the world's largest
clean coal power plant,
and create
thousands of jobs.
What do you say we go
get us a couple of those jobs,
then we
rob them blind?
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
Sophie,
you can't sit with me.
It's embarrassing.
Oh, I'm sorry,
are you scared
what all your friends
might think?
Don't be stupid.
Look at
what we've got here.
Shane's plan
to rule the world?
-Hey.
-No.
It's a plan
for a super robot?
It's a high tech
crime fighting device.
Now, give it back.
Those took me a long time
to work out the details on.
Maybe you can
use your super powers
on me to get them.
Can I please
have my drawings back?
Well,
since you asked so nicely.
-[paper tearing]
-[Shane] Turd licker.
Tell me
I didn't just hear that.
[people gasping]
Who did that?
If I find out
who did that,
I'm going to kill you.
You're lucky
this time, super nerd.
[melancholic
orchestral instrumental]
[music swells]
Honey,
what are you doing out here?
Why are you
in your flight suit?
[Santa sighing]
I'm not sure.
Thanks to the elves,
I have eternal life,
and what
I do with it?
I act jolly
and deliver gifts once a year.
But that's what we do.
Oh,
I know, I know.
I'm just tired
of hiding out here all year
while naughty listers
run free.
I should be doing more.
You're too hard
on yourself.
Just think
of all the joy you've spread.
[ice cracking]
That's the second one
this week.
Let's head back inside.
[ethereal singing
and strings music]
[wind howling]
[Santa grunting]
-See you next year, Santa.
-[Santa chuckling]
-Hi, Timmy.
-Hi.
What'd I tell you about
talking to strangers?
But Mommy, he's Santa.
And I'm a supermodel.
Go back to the homeless
shelter, would you?
And stop scaring
the children.
[Payton] Once again, the Santa
dolls were not a big hit.
I knew we should have brought
back the Cabbage Patch dolls.
Santa,
what brings you here?
I'm going to need a few things
right away, Payton.
Of course, big guy.
Already thinking
about next year, huh?
What kind of toys
you got in mind?
Not toys.
Sorry it took me
so long, Santa.
But here you go.
What is that?
It's a ribbon gun.
Should be very effective.
Are you sure
it will work?
We have been building
and wrapping toys
for hundreds of years,
it will work.
Peter, see if you can
find me a naughty lister.
What's going on here?
Mortin.
I'm glad you're here.
-We have work to do.
-What work?
What is
this thing on your waist?
Why did you take
the sleigh out last night?
[Santa grunting] Calm down.
I've decided
to do some side work.
Tell me you're not
driving the sleigh for Uber.
I'm doing something
about the real naughty listers.
Criminals?
Yes, criminals.
Naughty listers
are unpredictable.
They have
guns and knives.
-You have a-- a--
-It's a ribbon gun.
A ribbon gun?
I have a naughty lister
coming in right now.
Great!
Mortin, get the team.
Okay, okay, all elves
report to your stations.
[Peter] Hot crumb cakes!
Looks like a serial
naughty lister to me.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[alarm wailing]
[Santa gasping]
Thief! Stop, thief!
Who are you
supposed to be?
I'm Santa.
[thief chuckling] Hold on.
Hold on. I can't breathe.
[thief laughing]
Who made that?
Let me guess,
your elves?
Uh, of course they did.
You won't laugh
so hard at this.
[ribbon whooshing]
[Wong] Hey, Shane, Sophie,
grab a table, guys.
Hey, Wong.
What can I
make you kids today?
-The usual.
-A large moo shu pork,
fried rice, and spare ribs
for Shane to make you strong.
-Where's Mom?
-Biz trip, the usual.
You know,
I got to look after my brother,
take care of him,
make sure he eats, etcetera.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa grunts] They really
are better at making toys.
Uh-oh.
[Santa grunts]
Frank. Great.
Follow me.
[man] Where have you been?
Get inside, now.
He's gone.
We can go down now.
Well, it's a beautiful night.
-Let's go eat on the roof.
-Why not?
[ethereal chimes]
Santa's sleigh.
Can't be.
Don't be stupid.
It's Santa's sleigh.
Where are
the reindeer then?
Shane, I hate to break
the news to you, big bro.
But Santa...
is real.
And he flew
all the way down here
to get to
Wong's Chinese food?
He does make
a good spring roll though.
-[Santa grunting]
-Somebody's coming.
[Santa grunting]
Jolly-1 to Norpole.
I'm returning to base.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[birds chirping]
I trust
things are going well?
Yes, they are.
Allow me
to demonstrate.
[suspicious instrumental]
This is how
you used to burn coal.
[coal sizzling]
And now
allow me to demonstrate
our clean coal technology.
[machine buzzing]
[explosion rumbling]
[alarm beeping]
[Max coughing]
[Max coughing]
All of that
from one little piece?
Yes.
That's
the dirtiest clean coal
I've ever seen.
[laughing]
You ain't seen nothing yet,
my friend.
What if that old fat elf
Santa tries to stop us?
That's the whole idea.
-[muffled thudding]
-[sleigh bells ringing]
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
[sleigh thudding]
[woman over intercom]
Reindeer [indistinct]
please report to stations,
deer are inbound.
-How'd it go?
-Mm, not great.
I'm not sure the toy makers
are equipped for this.
Let's go.
I wonder
where all the toys are.
-Let's go find out.
-Walk on your tippy toes.
Why?
It's quieter.
[melodious
orchestral instrumental]
[footsteps]
Come on, let's go.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
Shh.
[doors shutting]
The promised land.
Nobody's going to
believe this.
[ethereal
orchestral instrumental]
[machines clicking]
We need to work
on our technology
or I'm not going to
last long out there.
You need to work
on your conditioning as well.
I noticed
while monitoring your vitals
that you were having quite
a bit of trouble out there.
Ooh, ho-ho-ho,
stop that.
[Santa grunts]
Looks like I'll have to
lay off
the Christmas pudding.
Let's take a look at some
new stuff we're working on.
We had this modified from
the gift wrapping department.
[woman over intercom]
Just a friendly reminder,
Kristmas is only
300 days away.
[buzzer beeping]
[gun clicking]
[ribbon whooshing]
[phone ringing]
-It's Mom.
-Ask her what she wants.
Yes, Mom.
We got dinner.
Yes,
we're just watching a movie.
What?
Uh,
it's a Christmas movie.
Okay.
Love you.
-Holy--
-What's going on over there?
Looks like Santa
had some stowaways.
This is just the kind of
trouble we don't need.
-What have you seen?
-Everything.
Well, now you can
never leave here.
Okay. Where do we sleep?
At Santa's house?
What time is dinner?
Where are the reindeer kept?
Forget that,
I meant to say,
I'm not sure
what to do with you guys.
They can make toys, I guess.
Shane? Sophie?
Why are you here?
We saw your sleigh, Santa.
You didn't do
a very good job of hiding it.
Oh. Thanks for the input.
Stop talking to them.
They have to be
taken back immediately.
What if they talk?
They could tell the world.
Everybody calm down.
No one
would believe them.
Kids are not allowed
at the North Pole.
This whole thing
is getting out of control.
What are
you up to, Santa?
This stuff looks a little bit
out of your wheelhouse.
[Santa stammering] Well, uh--
Don't tell them, Santa.
These are children.
They can't be here.
Exotic weapons,
weird gadgets,
whatever that is.
-What is this junk?
-Hey, that took a lot of work.
Listen, Santa,
I'm your guy.
I live
and breathe this stuff.
[phone ringing]
Excuse me one moment.
Yes,
we brushed our teeth.
I gotta go.
-Yeah. Love you.
-Love you, Mommy.
[mockingly] Love you, Mommy.
I mean,
your mom will be worried.
She's at a conference,
so she won't miss us.
Besides,
we can take care of ourselves.
Honey, I'm home.
[Mary]
I'm in the workout room.
[Santa] We have company.
If you're going to play cards
all night with Morton.
Kris,
who are these children?
I'm Sophie, and this is
my big brother, Shane.
He's on the naughty list,
but he's not a bad kid.
Pleased to meet you.
Can we find a place
for these kids to sleep?
Of course.
But where did they come from?
I'll explain later.
[gentle ethereal music]
So, Shane,
how is school going?
Fine, I guess.
Except for the bullies.
Yeah, except for that.
[Santa] Frank, ten years
straight on the naughty list.
[pancakes whipping]
How do you know Frank?
I know everybody.
He's Santa, Shane.
So, what's on
today's to do list, Santa?
Can I
call you that?
[cheerful
orchestral instrumental]
[machine clicking]
You can now see
that the subject
is completely immobilized.
[elf sneezing]
What do you think
of carbon fiber?
Kris, do you mind
if I take the kids for a while?
Why, Mary?
I thought we would
bake some biscuits
for the new
baby reindeer.
A new reindeer?
Oh, I'll make him some
of my chocolate chip cookies.
-He'll love them.
-Come on, kids.
-Do I have to?
-Go ahead.
Besides, it'll take us an hour
to make a new prototype.
[Mary] See you
back at the house, Chris.
Have fun! [Santa exclaims]
Ouch.
[gentle ethereal music]
[metal doors rumbling]
[reindeer grunting]
What's his name?
We haven't
named him yet.
Hey, little boy.
What's wrong with you?
We're not sure.
It's been a few weeks.
He can barely walk
and he may never fly.
[magical chiming]
[upbeat ethereal music]
Sophie, you'll have to
give me that recipe.
[gate clanging]
Shane, be careful.
Buttons is one
very unpredictable reindeer.
-He has hurt many an elf.
-[Buttons snorting]
[low growling]
[Buttons growling]
Be careful, Shane.
[carrot cracking]
So, Mort,
tell me what we've got.
Carbon fiber ribbon
cannons on one wrist.
Frost blaster
on the other.
And of course,
kevlar armor reinforcements.
Ow.
Let's check the collector.
I want to get into the field
and test this stuff out.
-You're sure you're ready?
-Let's do it.
[keyboard clicking]
Wow.
How does this thing work?
Oh, it's one of
my favorite inventions ever.
Look, I'll show you.
The first step is that
someone does something naughty.
You may not know this,
but the breath of
a naughty lister
is very different
from that of a nice lister.
[car tires screeching]
That breath co-mingles
within the atmosphere
until it eventually
bonds with a flake.
We call that "imprinting".
And as everyone knows,
all snow eventually ends up
at the North Pole.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[computer beeping]
This computer
is analyzing every flake
for naughty behavior,
and sorts candidates
into either
naughty or nice list.
For crime fighting purposes,
we have cross-referenced
the naughty list history with
a few other crime databases
we have hacked into.
The snow is then melted,
enters into our sewer system
to be purified, and returned
back to our delicate,
naughty-nice ecosystem,
neat, right?
That doesn't make any
scientific sense whatsoever.
I don't see
how that could possibly work.
Who came up
with this thing?
I'd like to meet him.
You can't.
Felix is not around anymore.
Felix?
We have negative activity.
Didn't we go
paperless last year?
[Peter] Right.
Let's look at the big screen.
Get the sleigh ready.
We launch immediately.
Be careful, Santa.
I will, Sophie.
Ho-ho-ho.
Ho-ho-ho!
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[car tires screeching]
Hey. Nice car.
Thanks. It's uh, new.
You're a naughty lister, Adam.
Hey, how do you
know my name?
I know everybody's name.
[ribbons whooshing]
[chips crumbling]
He should be back.
-Any word?
-Nothing yet.
One less naughty lister
roaming the streets.
Mom.
Mortin.
Hey, what's up?
Santa did it, Shane.
Santa caught
the naughty lister!
We did it, we did it!
Right, he did it.
Kris,
they need to go home.
Let's take
a little sleigh ride, kids.
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
Almost home, Shane.
Great.
Shane,
what's the matter?
I hate school.
Mmm, Frank?
Yeah.
Frank and everybody else.
School can be tough.
Hey,
you want to drive the sleigh?
Cool.
Santa,
can I tell you something?
Of course.
I'm going to remember this
for the rest of my life.
[door clicks open]
[paper bag rustling]
[curtain whooshing]
Oh, hey.
On the couch, huh?
Wait until you see
what I got you guys.
"I Love New York".
Great airport gift, Mom.
How was the conference?
Very informative.
Did you guys
manage to get out this weekend?
No, we just...
watched a lot of TV.
You kids
really need to get
some fresh air, you know?
Get out and see the world.
[both] Right, Mom.
[foreboding orchestral
instrumental]
You have been busy,
my friend.
Allow me
to demonstrate the device.
[Supervisor] Gentlemen,
please man your stations.
Is he talking to us?
I don't know.
Hey,
are you talking to us?
Yes,
I'm talking to you two.
Now, man your station
over there
at the command console.
[keyboard clacking]
[machine buzzing]
Activate the transfer.
[button beeping]
[machine whirring]
[Supervisor] Now, Max,
please have a seat over there.
First, we will extract
Santa's life force.
[machine beeping]
[machine whirring]
[machine continues whirring]
[liquid bubbling]
[Supervisor]
And once the life force
is collected
in the canister,
it is ours
to do with as we please.
Throw the transfer switch.
[lever clicks]
[machine whirring]
[machine whirring]
What happened?
What-- what-- what was that?
The effects from mortals
are only temporary, my friend.
But when
the subject of the extraction
lives forever--
Yes.
The results
will be immortality.
And what happens to Santa?
He will be no more.
[tires screeching]
[dramatic orchestral
instrumental]
[gun cracking]
Everybody on the ground.
Fill it up with cash
and don't do anything stupid.
Come on. Come on.
[car crashes]
Don't worry.
I'll let the bank know
I've frozen your funds.
[woman laughing]
[mailbox crashes]
[bat rattling]
Huh?
[spray clicking]
[Santa] Mmm.
[sponge scrubs]
[car whooshing]
I can't wait
to show Morton
and the gang
my new designs.
Do you think Santa's here?
There's no
such thing as Santa.
Hey,
what do we got here?
Give me that back.
Or what?
Frank.
I asked nicely.
Now, please give me back
the drawings.
Frank!
What did I tell you
about going off
before your chores
are done, boy?
Hey,
why don't you cut that out?
Did you say something to me?
Yeah, I did.
So why don't you pick
on somebody your own size?
Or what?
What are you
going to do about it?
Come on, Frank, run.
Hey, did you guys
do that to me with the yoghurt?
Follow me,
we'll go back alley.
[wistful orchestral
instrumental]
Nobody's ever
helped me before.
They have now.
[paper rustling]
[sleigh whooshing]
What the--
who is that?
You know,
the guy who doesn't exist.
[upbeat, ethereal music]
[magical chiming]
[Sophie] Santa!
Good to see you,
big guy.
Hey, kids.
Shane, can you introduce me
to your new friend?
Um, Frank,
this is Santa.
Santa, Frank.
But you already knew that,
right?
Pleased to meet you, Frank.
Keep up the good work
and you'll be
off the naughty list
in no time.
I'm on the naughty list?
Like, for what?
Frank, spare us.
Shane, I learned something
from you tonight.
I'm very proud of you.
You are?
Thanks, Santa.
Hey,
how did things go this week?
Mmm, pretty good.
But I feel like
something is missing.
Shane, show him.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
[dramatic orchestral
instrumental]
[loud thud]
[concrete cracks]
[concrete breaks]
I know
what you're thinking.
"Was I naughty?
Was I nice?"
Well,
to tell you the truth,
in all this excitement,
I haven't had a chance
to check the list myself.
So, why don't you
go ahead and return that bag?
And maybe I'll forget
this ever happened.
Who are you?
I'm Santaman.
[computer chiming]
[button beeps]
[engine whooshing]
[Santa laughing]
I have
a high probability decode.
Jolly-2, we are sending over
another decode.
-[Santa] I'm on it.
-[boy] Look, look!
It's Santaman.
Santaman!
[sirens wailing]
[man yells]
[jet whooshing]
Prepare to bring
the plant online.
Commence furnace ignition.
[buttons beeping]
[lever clicks]
I've been waiting
a long time for this.
How soon
'til we melt the North Pole?
[Supervisor] Relax, my friend.
The plan is to get him here,
and this will bring
Santa to us.
You have my word.
[jet engine whirring]
[smokes gushing]
[jet engine whirring]
[jet whooshing]
[Santa lands]
Look, it's Santa.
[ice spray bubbling]
[Santa heaving]
[jet whooshing]
[Santa] North Pole,
I think our work is done.
Santa, uh,
do you have a moment?
Of course.
What's up?
Well,
it's getting late
in the year, so,
well, you know,
I think we really need to start
getting ready
for Christmas now.
Do you?
Yeah, well, yes.
It always comes up fast,
but now we need
to move off of crime fighting
and start building toys,
check over
the naughty-nice list,
and toy list, and get
the wrapping department
geared up.
Can we
pick this up again tomorrow?
Of course, Santa.
[gentle ethereal music]
They think
you don't want to do Christmas.
I don't.
I like my new role.
I'm not a joke anymore.
We're finally
helping people.
The elves,
they don't understand.
They just want
to get back to Christmas.
It's what they do.
It's what we all do.
Don't forget
what they did for us.
How can I forget
eternal life?
It's a special gift.
But why, Mary?
To deliver presents?
I can't help but think
it was for a different purpose.
I understand.
But have you considered
that there's enough time
for both Santaman and Santa?
I don't want
to go back to that.
I'm going to help
on the toy line.
Please give it
some more thought.
[upbeat orchestral
instrumental]
What do you think
of this year's wrapping paper?
Great colors,
as always, Payton.
But I'm concerned
it will all go to waste.
Well, what can we do?
I don't know.
I don't think
he'll listen to anybody.
What about
Shane and Sophie?
Do you think
they could talk to him?
That might work.
Maybe they can convince him.
They're just children.
And that's what
Kristmas is all about, right?
[car whooshing]
Try the duck sauce, Frank.
Yuck!
I'm not going to eat duck.
It's not made of ducks.
That's just
what they call it in China.
[soft thudding]
-Santa?
-Let's go.
Here you go, guys.
The usual.
[soft ethereal music]
-Santa?
-Don't be silly.
It's Mrs. Claus.
Shane, Sophie,
we need your help.
Can you come
to the North Pole with me?
-Sure.
-Is something wrong?
I'll explain on the way.
[sleigh whooshing]
[mischievous
orchestral instrumental]
[door clicks open]
[smoke gushing]
[wind howling]
-Hey, Santa!
-Hey, Santa.
Look who came
to help us decorate the tree.
Oh! Ho-ho-ho.
Sophie, Shane,
so good to see you.
How about we just relax
and watch the kids?
Sure, honey.
[ice breaks]
I think Sophie
and I will take a walk
over to the stables
this morning.
Oh. Okay.
-Santa?
-Yes, Shane?
We know
you must be super busy
with Christmas
being so close, but...
If you need any help,
we're here for you, big guy.
[Santa sighing]
Shane. Sophie.
Kristmas is
canceled this year.
But Santa,
you can't cancel Christmas!
It's not fair
to put them up to this.
[rhythmic beeping]
We have
a serious naughty lister here.
Decoding now.
What's the crime?
[beeping]
Melting the North Pole.
That can't be right.
Run another decode.
It says
"Melting the North Pole!"
Get the sleigh ready!
You can't go out now.
What about Christmas?
[Santa]
I have to handle this.
Melting the North Pole?
How can we ignore that?
How can you ignore that?
Everyone, listen up.
Kristmas is canceled.
End of discussion.
Santa, please.
It can wait.
We just got
a major naughty lister
and I have to take it.
I was wrong.
I was wrong
to not believe before.
But I believe
in Christmas now.
Shane,
someday you'll understand.
You helped
open my eyes to this.
And now I can't go back.
I take it back.
I take it all back.
I wish
I never came here.
[rhythmic beeping]
[beeping]
[machine whirring]
[elf] Jolly 2 is cleared
for takeoff.
Santa,
please just stay safe.
[heroic instrumental]
Is he going
to deliver Christmas?
I don't think so, sweetie.
[smoke gushing]
[plane whooshing]
Jolly 2,
do you read us?
Jolly 2!
Santa-- [voice breaking up]
North Pole to Jolly 2.
Do you read?
Santa-- [voice breaking up]
He's gone.
I've lost him.
I still have vital signs.
At least we'll know
if he's alive or not.
That's not funny.
Peter, bring up
that naughty flake.
I want to confirm
the coordinates.
I'm having computer trouble.
I think it's the flake.
It might be corrupt.
I've seen
something like this before.
Magnify the flake's
fractal on the screen.
[alarm blares]
[Peter] That looks man-made!
Or elf-made.
There's only one elf
who can manipulate
fractal like this.
But it can't be him.
[metallic rumbling]
[rocks crashing]
[metal clanking]
[holiday themed
action instrumental]
[whirring]
[gentle tinkling]
[metal slams]
[soft orchestral music playing]
I wouldn't touch that
if I were you.
Max.
On the naughty list
since you were six.
And now
destroying the planet
with this place.
-But why?
-Why?
I'll tell you why.
A lump of coal
can make
quite an impression
on a child, Santa.
You were naughty then,
and you're still naughty.
And now,
I'm going to shut you down.
Do you mind
if I join this conversation?
[ribbons whooshing]
You and your ribbons.
Do I know you?
You used to be
so good with names.
Now, well...
[Santa grunts]
Look at you.
Activate the life force
transfer device.
What is this machine?
[metal cracking]
[powering up]
Good work, my friend.
Good work.
I'll take my chair now.
What do you mean?
Don't make this
hard on yourself, Kildare.
My chair. Now.
Kildare.
I will give you the honor
of activating the machine
and the destruction
of Santa Claus.
Start the energy field.
[lever clicks]
[machine beeping]
[inhales sharply]
Mortin. Anybody?
Do you copy?
In trouble, send help.
[exhales]
[keyboard clicking]
[computer beeping]
This can't be right.
I have a flake.
And it looks like
it's from Santa.
Of course!
A distress flake!
Way to go, Santa!
Everybody decode immediately.
Decoding vitals on Santa.
Something is not right.
Power's way down.
I've never seen
some of this stuff before.
Mortal.
Santa's going mortal.
Damn, we need
to establish communication.
Santa, do you come in?
Santa, please respond.
Pulse is decreasing.
It's like--
It's like he's dying.
Santa.
What's going on?
Do you read me?
We have to help him.
It's impossible.
Santa's in trouble.
Where were you guys?
At the stables.
We saw Santa fly off.
Baby, reindeer got so big.
Big?
I know a big reindeer.
[footsteps running]
[machine whirring]
[Buttons growling]
Settle down in there.
[wooden clack]
I'm warning you.
[electricity crackling]
All right.
You asked for it.
Hey, cut that out.
[electricity crackling]
Hey, friend.
I need your help.
[metal crackling]
We have
an unauthorized reindeer
on the launch pad.
That's Shane!
And he's on Buttons.
Buttons?
He'll kill himself.
Shane,
you can't launch on Buttons.
-He's uncontrollable.
-Shane.
[Sophie] Don't do it.
You won't let me down.
Right, buddy?
Shane, wait!
Presents for Max.
Who's Max?
It was all a mistake.
He wasn't
supposed to get cold.
It was Felix the elf.
He manipulated the data.
[tires screeching]
[metal whooshing]
[machine pumping]
[Santa groaning]
[metallic thump]
[reindeer galloping]
Looks like
we have a visitor, sir.
[glass shatters]
[Kildare] Oh, look.
A fuzzy reindeer.
[Supervisor]
That's not just any reindeer.
That's Buttons.
[ominous instrumental]
[Buttons snorts]
[thud]
Shane?
Get me out of this chair.
Where do you think
you're going?
To save Santa.
Now, out of my way.
I don't think so.
Max, stop!
Shane, are you okay?
Max?
You're Max?
No. No, no.
You have it all wrong.
I can prove it to you.
It wasn't Santa.
It was an elf.
It was Felix.
[heartfelt holiday
instrumental]
[delicate tinkling]
[box rustling]
Enough of this nonsense.
You two,
get that boy.
Bring him to me.
Sure thing, boss.
[grunts in fear]
[chuckles nervously]
[Buttons grunts]
[Buttons stomps]
[Buttons grunts]
Idiots.
Now, Kildare.
Finish the energy transfer.
[keyboard clicking]
[electricity crackling]
[yelling in pain]
[electricity crackling]
[robotic arm chirping]
[metal stretching]
[metal clanging]
Oh! Felix!
Yes, Santa.
It's me, Felix.
Good to see you again.
But the hyperdrive test.
It wasn't a test.
It was my escape from you.
All you could
think of is toys.
And you
didn't care at all.
You wanted to use Christmas
for all
the wrong reasons, Felix.
Spare me your
sentimental diatribes, Santa.
We could have
used Christmas as a springboard
to rule the world.
So elves would again
walk above man.
Santa, we were not
meant to be hidden
in the North Pole.
It is time we again
assume our rightful place
as the dominant species.
[liquid gushing]
[gentle tinkling]
[computer beeping]
[heavy thud]
[liquid gushing]
[whirring]
[whirring stops]
[whirring]
[lever clicks]
[liquid gushing]
[ominously ethereal
instrumental]
[gentle chiming]
[loud explosion]
[glass tinkling]
[magical instrumental playing]
Sophie.
[bright heroic instrumental]
[lever clicks]
[machine pumping]
[metal crackling]
[liquid gushing]
[machine whirring]
[whirring]
[body thuds]
Santa.
Santa, wake up.
Wake up.
What's wrong with him?
Why didn't it work?
Shane.
Shane, what do we do?
I don't know.
Maybe the transfer
didn't work.
Maybe it was too much.
Or I was too late.
[gentle sobbing]
[computer beeping]
[alarm sounds]
[faint sobbing]
Cookie, cut it out.
Cookie, please.
Wait. Cookie.
The cookies!
[sniffing]
[sniffing]
[Santa groans]
Sophie? Shane?
What happened?
We don't know, Santa.
But Sophie's cookies
brought you back.
Santa.
Santa,
we thought we lost you.
[computer beeping]
Bev, are you seeing this?
I am.
I-- I don't understand.
And he's almost back
to full strength.
A cookie surge?
Yes, a cookie surge.
And now it's substantiated.
All right,
everybody, listen up.
It's go time.
Peter, map out the deliveries.
Peyton,
launch the sleigh.
Let's get going, kids.
I have
a lot of presents to deliver.
Kildare!
[Santa grunts]
Shane.
He'll get away.
It's okay, Santa.
He's with us now.
Don't worry, Santa.
I'll take
care of him for you.
It's going to take
years of hard labor
to dismantle this place.
Santa, we have a package
coming your way.
Prepare rendezvous.
[bright holiday
action instrumental]
Thanks for the ride, kids!
Uh, you guys
will be okay, right?
Go. Go.
I'll make sure he gets home.
Don't worry about a thing,
big guy.
[Mortin] Santa,
do you come in?
Santa, please respond.
Yes, yes, Morton.
I read you.
Loud and clear!
[cheering & whistling
over speaker]
[laughs]
Mortin!
Prepare the Aurora Drive.
[Mortin] The field
is already energized.
[machine whirring]
[Santa] Ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
[gentle classical
holiday instrumental]
[plastic clanging]
I always preferred
the way this fit you.
Me too.
[sighs]
We still have
a lot of work to do.
[water splashes]
[spirited holiday instrumental]
[music fades]
[dramatic
ethereal instrumental]
[sleigh bells ringing]
[Mortin] The time is 12:10
Eastern Standard Time.
Roger that.
How many more
deliveries do I have left?
[Mortin] 23 million,
give or take.
Ooh, it's going
to be a long night.
-[bag thudding]
-Oh!
[man] Hey, Santa.
I cleared a spot for you.
The TV goes
over the mantle.
Could have
at least decorated the tree.
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
[Morty sniffs]
All departments,
check in.
-Toys?
-Bag inventory's holdings. Go.
-Naughty Nice?
-List compiled for last leg.
-We are a go.
-Medical?
He's tired,
but we're a go.
Like the pocket
protector, Morty.
[Mortin] Santa,
you are a go for final leg.
Try and keep it
jolly out there.
Trying, Morton.
I'm trying.
Roof in sight.
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa thudding]
I caught Santa,
I caught Santa.
[Santa groans]
That's it.
Coal for you.
[melancholic
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa grunts]
Damn.
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[window creaking]
-Shh.
-Be quiet.
-That's what I'm telling you.
-Shh.
Santa ain't even
been here yet.
Who cares, you're on
the naughty list anyhow.
Grab the good stuff
and be quiet.
[objects thudding]
[Santa yawning]
[buzzer buzzing]
Big man's fading, guys.
How about a cookie break?
That might power him up.
Good idea, Santa,
you are a go for cookie break.
I repeat,
go for cookies.
Cookies in sight.
Make it quick, Santa.
And don't forget the milk.
Santa, I have a late
addition to the naughty list.
Don't deliver
the Mechano Man.
I repeat, bring back
the Mechano Man.
-Copy that, Norpole.
-Energy spike.
Elves, what's causing it?
Caroling? Christmas pudding?
I've got several groups in
Central Park singing right now,
and I've got
Mariah Carey on the radio.
That could
go either way.
Eh, I'm more partial
to Jingle Bells.
Cut the chatter, elves,
and work the problem.
-Might be a selfless act?
-Unlikely.
When was the last time
you saw one of those?
Could it be those cookies?
Remember
the cookie surge of '77?
-That was unsubstantiated.
-Doesn't matter.
Whatever it was,
Santa is in good shape now.
[foreboding strings music]
Let's make it quick.
And be quiet.
[bauble clanging]
[child gasping]
No way!
A Mechano Man action figure.
Too cool!
Stop messing around
and just grab the nice stuff.
Look, a whole bag
full of presents.
It's, like, endless.
Enough.
Let's get out of here.
Santa?
Ho-ho-ho.
[menacing trumpets]
Hey! That's my bag.
Santa's bag has been stolen.
I'm tracking it.
Santa,
where are the gifts?
Santa. Santa, abort.
I repeat, abort.
We don't have time
to get the bag.
It's my bag.
And I'm gonna
get it back.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[metal creaking]
[loud thudding]
Let it go, Santa.
We'll send more presents.
Launch
a resupply reindeer.
We're falling behind schedule.
[Santa grunting]
Whoa, look out below!
[loud thudding]
Shane, Shane!
Santa just came.
No, he didn't.
Go to sleep.
-You're dreaming.
-No, I saw him. I swear.
[Santa grunting]
Look,
he ate the cookies.
That was probably mom,
you know, making it look good.
Mom's not coming home
until tomorrow morning.
Well, if Santa was here,
where are the gifts?
Give me my bag,
naughty lister!
Give me the bag and go back
to the mall where you belong.
[Santa heaving]
Oh! Sorry about that.
-Did you hear that?
-No, I didn't hear--
Look. It's Santa!
And he's running away.
Nothing.
There's nobody out there.
Santa doesn't exist.
[woman]
Vitals are off the chart.
Santa, do you read me?
I repeat, Jolly-1,
what is your status?
-[Morty] Santa?
-[Santa panting]
Not good,
Norpole, not good.
I need a way
out of this alley.
[car tires screeching]
Santa, we read you.
We read you.
Stand by.
We're looking into it.
[siren wailing]
Morty, there's a chimney
clean out in the alley.
-Location?
-It's near the dumpster.
Sending it to screen.
[computer beeping]
[siren wailing]
[Mortin] Jolly-1,
there's an egress
point in the alley,
it has roof access.
It's your only shot, Chris.
So, for Jiminy Cricket's sake,
don't mess this up.
[siren wailing]
Norpole,
do you read me?
How do we
make up for lost time?
[Mortin] Santa, we're going
over telemetry right now.
We are way behind schedule.
There's no way
you can make this up.
Kris, it's bad.
Really bad.
Crumbs,
we haven't lost a Christmas,
and I don't intend on
having it happen on my watch.
-Work the problem, elves.
-Give me the options.
[serene
orchestral instrumental]
Mortin, what if we use
the Aurora drive?
It's too risky.
Santa, remember Felix?
[Santa] I remember.
But we all knew
we were going
to have
to use it someday.
We will find another way.
It's our only choice.
I'm preparing to make the leap.
Reverse the collectors.
Morty, I'll be fine.
Okay, Santa. Okay.
Peyton,
open the dome.
[Mortin] Naughty nice.
Prepare reverse polarity.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[ice crumbling]
[metal clanking]
[electric static]
It's beautiful.
Would you
look at that.
[serene
orchestral instrumental]
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[magical chiming]
[machinery whirring]
[Santa] Collector deployed.
Energizing.
[machinery whirring]
[Santa yelling]
[buzzer wailing]
Santa, do you read me?
Santa, please respond.
-Santa, repeat.
-I have no telemetry.
Santa,
do you come in?
[dog barking]
[wind howling]
[Santa] Ho-ho-ho!
Ho-ho-ho!
Norpole, this is Santa.
-[Santa chuckling over radio]
-Santa, is that you?
Tell me, how much time
did we say save?
Santa, we have enough time
to complete Christmas
with a few seconds
to spare.
Good.
I'll need those seconds.
We have to go back
for one delivery.
-Santa!
-It's Christmas, Morty.
Fine, make the jump
back to the apartment
as our last stop.
[foreboding strings music]
[fire crackling]
[doors squeaking]
Well, that's quite
the entrance, Mister...
[Supervisor]
You can call me the Supervisor.
Okay.
Okay, Mr. Supervisor.
What brings you here?
On Christmas Eve,
no less.
[Supervisor]
I have one question.
Why are you burning
billions of tons of coal?
What's it to you?
[Supervisor] By my calculation,
at this pace,
it will take you 100 years
to melt the North Pole.
I'll take that
into consideration.
[metal clanking]
Where did you
get this?
A little memento
from my childhood.
Santa dropped it off
for me when I was seven.
Were you
a naughty lister, Max?
No! I was not.
But Santa gave you
a lump of coal.
A decision
he'll regret soon enough.
Why not today?
How?
[triumphant
orchestral instrumental]
[woman over intercom]
Attention, ground crew.
Please report to
the hanger immediately
for Jolly-1's
post flight check.
Welcome back, Santa.
Ooh.
What happened here?
We had the Dynamo
stable at max power,
and then Marty
plugged his phone in.
I was down to 20%, Santa.
We still need to work out
some kinks on the Aurora drive.
Anyhow. Good job, Santa.
Mission accomplished.
-Mission accomplished.
-What's the matter?
People were
horrible this year.
They expect everything.
Bigger TVs, more toys,
more, more, more.
But it's like
they don't care anymore.
Don't let it get you down.
Things will turn around.
Maybe.
Let's go thank the crew.
[slow, joyful
orchestral instrumental]
Shane, look.
Santa came back for us.
I knew he would.
[Shane] To Sophie.
Sophie.
Sophie from Santa.
To Sophie.
I don't see
anything for me.
Maybe the crooks
got your presents?
Shane,
look what I found.
Santa must have left this
for you in the hallway.
Is that a Mechano Man?
Cool.
It is a...
well, it kind of
looks like a Mechano Man.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, don't thank me.
That was from Santa.
[toy parts clanking]
[water glugging]
It was my fault.
I shouldn't have
given chase to those crooks.
And losing the sack,
that was--
that was
just sloppy work.
I should do more.
What more can we do?
Kristmas only comes
once a year.
Maybe we need
to make a more concerted effort
to change
the world year round.
Like, have two Christmases?
Yeah, ooh,
but the Easter Bunny
thought Christmas in July
was too close to his turf.
Never liked
that egomaniac bunny.
No one does.
He is fluffy, though.
Mortin, those thugs I ran into
were stealing presents,
on Christmas no less.
How can I just stand by
and let that happen?
Let's go steal something.
No, first, we're going back for
that Mechano Man action figure.
That's first.
Forget the doll,
would you, Mike?
It's not a doll, Lou!
It's a superhero.
There's no
such thing as superheroes.
We need
to find a score, quick.
[Max] Ladies and gentlemen,
thanks for coming today.
Here at Kildare Power,
I believe in the future.
Today,
I announce my revolutionary,
new, clean coal
power technology.
Cleaner than solar power
with zero emissions.
Which means tomorrow
will be
a brighter day.
Tomorrow
I will break ground
on the world's largest
clean coal power plant,
and create
thousands of jobs.
What do you say we go
get us a couple of those jobs,
then we
rob them blind?
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
Sophie,
you can't sit with me.
It's embarrassing.
Oh, I'm sorry,
are you scared
what all your friends
might think?
Don't be stupid.
Look at
what we've got here.
Shane's plan
to rule the world?
-Hey.
-No.
It's a plan
for a super robot?
It's a high tech
crime fighting device.
Now, give it back.
Those took me a long time
to work out the details on.
Maybe you can
use your super powers
on me to get them.
Can I please
have my drawings back?
Well,
since you asked so nicely.
-[paper tearing]
-[Shane] Turd licker.
Tell me
I didn't just hear that.
[people gasping]
Who did that?
If I find out
who did that,
I'm going to kill you.
You're lucky
this time, super nerd.
[melancholic
orchestral instrumental]
[music swells]
Honey,
what are you doing out here?
Why are you
in your flight suit?
[Santa sighing]
I'm not sure.
Thanks to the elves,
I have eternal life,
and what
I do with it?
I act jolly
and deliver gifts once a year.
But that's what we do.
Oh,
I know, I know.
I'm just tired
of hiding out here all year
while naughty listers
run free.
I should be doing more.
You're too hard
on yourself.
Just think
of all the joy you've spread.
[ice cracking]
That's the second one
this week.
Let's head back inside.
[ethereal singing
and strings music]
[wind howling]
[Santa grunting]
-See you next year, Santa.
-[Santa chuckling]
-Hi, Timmy.
-Hi.
What'd I tell you about
talking to strangers?
But Mommy, he's Santa.
And I'm a supermodel.
Go back to the homeless
shelter, would you?
And stop scaring
the children.
[Payton] Once again, the Santa
dolls were not a big hit.
I knew we should have brought
back the Cabbage Patch dolls.
Santa,
what brings you here?
I'm going to need a few things
right away, Payton.
Of course, big guy.
Already thinking
about next year, huh?
What kind of toys
you got in mind?
Not toys.
Sorry it took me
so long, Santa.
But here you go.
What is that?
It's a ribbon gun.
Should be very effective.
Are you sure
it will work?
We have been building
and wrapping toys
for hundreds of years,
it will work.
Peter, see if you can
find me a naughty lister.
What's going on here?
Mortin.
I'm glad you're here.
-We have work to do.
-What work?
What is
this thing on your waist?
Why did you take
the sleigh out last night?
[Santa grunting] Calm down.
I've decided
to do some side work.
Tell me you're not
driving the sleigh for Uber.
I'm doing something
about the real naughty listers.
Criminals?
Yes, criminals.
Naughty listers
are unpredictable.
They have
guns and knives.
-You have a-- a--
-It's a ribbon gun.
A ribbon gun?
I have a naughty lister
coming in right now.
Great!
Mortin, get the team.
Okay, okay, all elves
report to your stations.
[Peter] Hot crumb cakes!
Looks like a serial
naughty lister to me.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[alarm wailing]
[Santa gasping]
Thief! Stop, thief!
Who are you
supposed to be?
I'm Santa.
[thief chuckling] Hold on.
Hold on. I can't breathe.
[thief laughing]
Who made that?
Let me guess,
your elves?
Uh, of course they did.
You won't laugh
so hard at this.
[ribbon whooshing]
[Wong] Hey, Shane, Sophie,
grab a table, guys.
Hey, Wong.
What can I
make you kids today?
-The usual.
-A large moo shu pork,
fried rice, and spare ribs
for Shane to make you strong.
-Where's Mom?
-Biz trip, the usual.
You know,
I got to look after my brother,
take care of him,
make sure he eats, etcetera.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[Santa grunts] They really
are better at making toys.
Uh-oh.
[Santa grunts]
Frank. Great.
Follow me.
[man] Where have you been?
Get inside, now.
He's gone.
We can go down now.
Well, it's a beautiful night.
-Let's go eat on the roof.
-Why not?
[ethereal chimes]
Santa's sleigh.
Can't be.
Don't be stupid.
It's Santa's sleigh.
Where are
the reindeer then?
Shane, I hate to break
the news to you, big bro.
But Santa...
is real.
And he flew
all the way down here
to get to
Wong's Chinese food?
He does make
a good spring roll though.
-[Santa grunting]
-Somebody's coming.
[Santa grunting]
Jolly-1 to Norpole.
I'm returning to base.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[birds chirping]
I trust
things are going well?
Yes, they are.
Allow me
to demonstrate.
[suspicious instrumental]
This is how
you used to burn coal.
[coal sizzling]
And now
allow me to demonstrate
our clean coal technology.
[machine buzzing]
[explosion rumbling]
[alarm beeping]
[Max coughing]
[Max coughing]
All of that
from one little piece?
Yes.
That's
the dirtiest clean coal
I've ever seen.
[laughing]
You ain't seen nothing yet,
my friend.
What if that old fat elf
Santa tries to stop us?
That's the whole idea.
-[muffled thudding]
-[sleigh bells ringing]
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
[sleigh thudding]
[woman over intercom]
Reindeer [indistinct]
please report to stations,
deer are inbound.
-How'd it go?
-Mm, not great.
I'm not sure the toy makers
are equipped for this.
Let's go.
I wonder
where all the toys are.
-Let's go find out.
-Walk on your tippy toes.
Why?
It's quieter.
[melodious
orchestral instrumental]
[footsteps]
Come on, let's go.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
Shh.
[doors shutting]
The promised land.
Nobody's going to
believe this.
[ethereal
orchestral instrumental]
[machines clicking]
We need to work
on our technology
or I'm not going to
last long out there.
You need to work
on your conditioning as well.
I noticed
while monitoring your vitals
that you were having quite
a bit of trouble out there.
Ooh, ho-ho-ho,
stop that.
[Santa grunts]
Looks like I'll have to
lay off
the Christmas pudding.
Let's take a look at some
new stuff we're working on.
We had this modified from
the gift wrapping department.
[woman over intercom]
Just a friendly reminder,
Kristmas is only
300 days away.
[buzzer beeping]
[gun clicking]
[ribbon whooshing]
[phone ringing]
-It's Mom.
-Ask her what she wants.
Yes, Mom.
We got dinner.
Yes,
we're just watching a movie.
What?
Uh,
it's a Christmas movie.
Okay.
Love you.
-Holy--
-What's going on over there?
Looks like Santa
had some stowaways.
This is just the kind of
trouble we don't need.
-What have you seen?
-Everything.
Well, now you can
never leave here.
Okay. Where do we sleep?
At Santa's house?
What time is dinner?
Where are the reindeer kept?
Forget that,
I meant to say,
I'm not sure
what to do with you guys.
They can make toys, I guess.
Shane? Sophie?
Why are you here?
We saw your sleigh, Santa.
You didn't do
a very good job of hiding it.
Oh. Thanks for the input.
Stop talking to them.
They have to be
taken back immediately.
What if they talk?
They could tell the world.
Everybody calm down.
No one
would believe them.
Kids are not allowed
at the North Pole.
This whole thing
is getting out of control.
What are
you up to, Santa?
This stuff looks a little bit
out of your wheelhouse.
[Santa stammering] Well, uh--
Don't tell them, Santa.
These are children.
They can't be here.
Exotic weapons,
weird gadgets,
whatever that is.
-What is this junk?
-Hey, that took a lot of work.
Listen, Santa,
I'm your guy.
I live
and breathe this stuff.
[phone ringing]
Excuse me one moment.
Yes,
we brushed our teeth.
I gotta go.
-Yeah. Love you.
-Love you, Mommy.
[mockingly] Love you, Mommy.
I mean,
your mom will be worried.
She's at a conference,
so she won't miss us.
Besides,
we can take care of ourselves.
Honey, I'm home.
[Mary]
I'm in the workout room.
[Santa] We have company.
If you're going to play cards
all night with Morton.
Kris,
who are these children?
I'm Sophie, and this is
my big brother, Shane.
He's on the naughty list,
but he's not a bad kid.
Pleased to meet you.
Can we find a place
for these kids to sleep?
Of course.
But where did they come from?
I'll explain later.
[gentle ethereal music]
So, Shane,
how is school going?
Fine, I guess.
Except for the bullies.
Yeah, except for that.
[Santa] Frank, ten years
straight on the naughty list.
[pancakes whipping]
How do you know Frank?
I know everybody.
He's Santa, Shane.
So, what's on
today's to do list, Santa?
Can I
call you that?
[cheerful
orchestral instrumental]
[machine clicking]
You can now see
that the subject
is completely immobilized.
[elf sneezing]
What do you think
of carbon fiber?
Kris, do you mind
if I take the kids for a while?
Why, Mary?
I thought we would
bake some biscuits
for the new
baby reindeer.
A new reindeer?
Oh, I'll make him some
of my chocolate chip cookies.
-He'll love them.
-Come on, kids.
-Do I have to?
-Go ahead.
Besides, it'll take us an hour
to make a new prototype.
[Mary] See you
back at the house, Chris.
Have fun! [Santa exclaims]
Ouch.
[gentle ethereal music]
[metal doors rumbling]
[reindeer grunting]
What's his name?
We haven't
named him yet.
Hey, little boy.
What's wrong with you?
We're not sure.
It's been a few weeks.
He can barely walk
and he may never fly.
[magical chiming]
[upbeat ethereal music]
Sophie, you'll have to
give me that recipe.
[gate clanging]
Shane, be careful.
Buttons is one
very unpredictable reindeer.
-He has hurt many an elf.
-[Buttons snorting]
[low growling]
[Buttons growling]
Be careful, Shane.
[carrot cracking]
So, Mort,
tell me what we've got.
Carbon fiber ribbon
cannons on one wrist.
Frost blaster
on the other.
And of course,
kevlar armor reinforcements.
Ow.
Let's check the collector.
I want to get into the field
and test this stuff out.
-You're sure you're ready?
-Let's do it.
[keyboard clicking]
Wow.
How does this thing work?
Oh, it's one of
my favorite inventions ever.
Look, I'll show you.
The first step is that
someone does something naughty.
You may not know this,
but the breath of
a naughty lister
is very different
from that of a nice lister.
[car tires screeching]
That breath co-mingles
within the atmosphere
until it eventually
bonds with a flake.
We call that "imprinting".
And as everyone knows,
all snow eventually ends up
at the North Pole.
[dramatic
orchestral instrumental]
[computer beeping]
This computer
is analyzing every flake
for naughty behavior,
and sorts candidates
into either
naughty or nice list.
For crime fighting purposes,
we have cross-referenced
the naughty list history with
a few other crime databases
we have hacked into.
The snow is then melted,
enters into our sewer system
to be purified, and returned
back to our delicate,
naughty-nice ecosystem,
neat, right?
That doesn't make any
scientific sense whatsoever.
I don't see
how that could possibly work.
Who came up
with this thing?
I'd like to meet him.
You can't.
Felix is not around anymore.
Felix?
We have negative activity.
Didn't we go
paperless last year?
[Peter] Right.
Let's look at the big screen.
Get the sleigh ready.
We launch immediately.
Be careful, Santa.
I will, Sophie.
Ho-ho-ho.
Ho-ho-ho!
[suspenseful
orchestral instrumental]
[car tires screeching]
Hey. Nice car.
Thanks. It's uh, new.
You're a naughty lister, Adam.
Hey, how do you
know my name?
I know everybody's name.
[ribbons whooshing]
[chips crumbling]
He should be back.
-Any word?
-Nothing yet.
One less naughty lister
roaming the streets.
Mom.
Mortin.
Hey, what's up?
Santa did it, Shane.
Santa caught
the naughty lister!
We did it, we did it!
Right, he did it.
Kris,
they need to go home.
Let's take
a little sleigh ride, kids.
[upbeat
orchestral instrumental]
Almost home, Shane.
Great.
Shane,
what's the matter?
I hate school.
Mmm, Frank?
Yeah.
Frank and everybody else.
School can be tough.
Hey,
you want to drive the sleigh?
Cool.
Santa,
can I tell you something?
Of course.
I'm going to remember this
for the rest of my life.
[door clicks open]
[paper bag rustling]
[curtain whooshing]
Oh, hey.
On the couch, huh?
Wait until you see
what I got you guys.
"I Love New York".
Great airport gift, Mom.
How was the conference?
Very informative.
Did you guys
manage to get out this weekend?
No, we just...
watched a lot of TV.
You kids
really need to get
some fresh air, you know?
Get out and see the world.
[both] Right, Mom.
[foreboding orchestral
instrumental]
You have been busy,
my friend.
Allow me
to demonstrate the device.
[Supervisor] Gentlemen,
please man your stations.
Is he talking to us?
I don't know.
Hey,
are you talking to us?
Yes,
I'm talking to you two.
Now, man your station
over there
at the command console.
[keyboard clacking]
[machine buzzing]
Activate the transfer.
[button beeping]
[machine whirring]
[Supervisor] Now, Max,
please have a seat over there.
First, we will extract
Santa's life force.
[machine beeping]
[machine whirring]
[machine continues whirring]
[liquid bubbling]
[Supervisor]
And once the life force
is collected
in the canister,
it is ours
to do with as we please.
Throw the transfer switch.
[lever clicks]
[machine whirring]
[machine whirring]
What happened?
What-- what-- what was that?
The effects from mortals
are only temporary, my friend.
But when
the subject of the extraction
lives forever--
Yes.
The results
will be immortality.
And what happens to Santa?
He will be no more.
[tires screeching]
[dramatic orchestral
instrumental]
[gun cracking]
Everybody on the ground.
Fill it up with cash
and don't do anything stupid.
Come on. Come on.
[car crashes]
Don't worry.
I'll let the bank know
I've frozen your funds.
[woman laughing]
[mailbox crashes]
[bat rattling]
Huh?
[spray clicking]
[Santa] Mmm.
[sponge scrubs]
[car whooshing]
I can't wait
to show Morton
and the gang
my new designs.
Do you think Santa's here?
There's no
such thing as Santa.
Hey,
what do we got here?
Give me that back.
Or what?
Frank.
I asked nicely.
Now, please give me back
the drawings.
Frank!
What did I tell you
about going off
before your chores
are done, boy?
Hey,
why don't you cut that out?
Did you say something to me?
Yeah, I did.
So why don't you pick
on somebody your own size?
Or what?
What are you
going to do about it?
Come on, Frank, run.
Hey, did you guys
do that to me with the yoghurt?
Follow me,
we'll go back alley.
[wistful orchestral
instrumental]
Nobody's ever
helped me before.
They have now.
[paper rustling]
[sleigh whooshing]
What the--
who is that?
You know,
the guy who doesn't exist.
[upbeat, ethereal music]
[magical chiming]
[Sophie] Santa!
Good to see you,
big guy.
Hey, kids.
Shane, can you introduce me
to your new friend?
Um, Frank,
this is Santa.
Santa, Frank.
But you already knew that,
right?
Pleased to meet you, Frank.
Keep up the good work
and you'll be
off the naughty list
in no time.
I'm on the naughty list?
Like, for what?
Frank, spare us.
Shane, I learned something
from you tonight.
I'm very proud of you.
You are?
Thanks, Santa.
Hey,
how did things go this week?
Mmm, pretty good.
But I feel like
something is missing.
Shane, show him.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
[dramatic orchestral
instrumental]
[loud thud]
[concrete cracks]
[concrete breaks]
I know
what you're thinking.
"Was I naughty?
Was I nice?"
Well,
to tell you the truth,
in all this excitement,
I haven't had a chance
to check the list myself.
So, why don't you
go ahead and return that bag?
And maybe I'll forget
this ever happened.
Who are you?
I'm Santaman.
[computer chiming]
[button beeps]
[engine whooshing]
[Santa laughing]
I have
a high probability decode.
Jolly-2, we are sending over
another decode.
-[Santa] I'm on it.
-[boy] Look, look!
It's Santaman.
Santaman!
[sirens wailing]
[man yells]
[jet whooshing]
Prepare to bring
the plant online.
Commence furnace ignition.
[buttons beeping]
[lever clicks]
I've been waiting
a long time for this.
How soon
'til we melt the North Pole?
[Supervisor] Relax, my friend.
The plan is to get him here,
and this will bring
Santa to us.
You have my word.
[jet engine whirring]
[smokes gushing]
[jet engine whirring]
[jet whooshing]
[Santa lands]
Look, it's Santa.
[ice spray bubbling]
[Santa heaving]
[jet whooshing]
[Santa] North Pole,
I think our work is done.
Santa, uh,
do you have a moment?
Of course.
What's up?
Well,
it's getting late
in the year, so,
well, you know,
I think we really need to start
getting ready
for Christmas now.
Do you?
Yeah, well, yes.
It always comes up fast,
but now we need
to move off of crime fighting
and start building toys,
check over
the naughty-nice list,
and toy list, and get
the wrapping department
geared up.
Can we
pick this up again tomorrow?
Of course, Santa.
[gentle ethereal music]
They think
you don't want to do Christmas.
I don't.
I like my new role.
I'm not a joke anymore.
We're finally
helping people.
The elves,
they don't understand.
They just want
to get back to Christmas.
It's what they do.
It's what we all do.
Don't forget
what they did for us.
How can I forget
eternal life?
It's a special gift.
But why, Mary?
To deliver presents?
I can't help but think
it was for a different purpose.
I understand.
But have you considered
that there's enough time
for both Santaman and Santa?
I don't want
to go back to that.
I'm going to help
on the toy line.
Please give it
some more thought.
[upbeat orchestral
instrumental]
What do you think
of this year's wrapping paper?
Great colors,
as always, Payton.
But I'm concerned
it will all go to waste.
Well, what can we do?
I don't know.
I don't think
he'll listen to anybody.
What about
Shane and Sophie?
Do you think
they could talk to him?
That might work.
Maybe they can convince him.
They're just children.
And that's what
Kristmas is all about, right?
[car whooshing]
Try the duck sauce, Frank.
Yuck!
I'm not going to eat duck.
It's not made of ducks.
That's just
what they call it in China.
[soft thudding]
-Santa?
-Let's go.
Here you go, guys.
The usual.
[soft ethereal music]
-Santa?
-Don't be silly.
It's Mrs. Claus.
Shane, Sophie,
we need your help.
Can you come
to the North Pole with me?
-Sure.
-Is something wrong?
I'll explain on the way.
[sleigh whooshing]
[mischievous
orchestral instrumental]
[door clicks open]
[smoke gushing]
[wind howling]
-Hey, Santa!
-Hey, Santa.
Look who came
to help us decorate the tree.
Oh! Ho-ho-ho.
Sophie, Shane,
so good to see you.
How about we just relax
and watch the kids?
Sure, honey.
[ice breaks]
I think Sophie
and I will take a walk
over to the stables
this morning.
Oh. Okay.
-Santa?
-Yes, Shane?
We know
you must be super busy
with Christmas
being so close, but...
If you need any help,
we're here for you, big guy.
[Santa sighing]
Shane. Sophie.
Kristmas is
canceled this year.
But Santa,
you can't cancel Christmas!
It's not fair
to put them up to this.
[rhythmic beeping]
We have
a serious naughty lister here.
Decoding now.
What's the crime?
[beeping]
Melting the North Pole.
That can't be right.
Run another decode.
It says
"Melting the North Pole!"
Get the sleigh ready!
You can't go out now.
What about Christmas?
[Santa]
I have to handle this.
Melting the North Pole?
How can we ignore that?
How can you ignore that?
Everyone, listen up.
Kristmas is canceled.
End of discussion.
Santa, please.
It can wait.
We just got
a major naughty lister
and I have to take it.
I was wrong.
I was wrong
to not believe before.
But I believe
in Christmas now.
Shane,
someday you'll understand.
You helped
open my eyes to this.
And now I can't go back.
I take it back.
I take it all back.
I wish
I never came here.
[rhythmic beeping]
[beeping]
[machine whirring]
[elf] Jolly 2 is cleared
for takeoff.
Santa,
please just stay safe.
[heroic instrumental]
Is he going
to deliver Christmas?
I don't think so, sweetie.
[smoke gushing]
[plane whooshing]
Jolly 2,
do you read us?
Jolly 2!
Santa-- [voice breaking up]
North Pole to Jolly 2.
Do you read?
Santa-- [voice breaking up]
He's gone.
I've lost him.
I still have vital signs.
At least we'll know
if he's alive or not.
That's not funny.
Peter, bring up
that naughty flake.
I want to confirm
the coordinates.
I'm having computer trouble.
I think it's the flake.
It might be corrupt.
I've seen
something like this before.
Magnify the flake's
fractal on the screen.
[alarm blares]
[Peter] That looks man-made!
Or elf-made.
There's only one elf
who can manipulate
fractal like this.
But it can't be him.
[metallic rumbling]
[rocks crashing]
[metal clanking]
[holiday themed
action instrumental]
[whirring]
[gentle tinkling]
[metal slams]
[soft orchestral music playing]
I wouldn't touch that
if I were you.
Max.
On the naughty list
since you were six.
And now
destroying the planet
with this place.
-But why?
-Why?
I'll tell you why.
A lump of coal
can make
quite an impression
on a child, Santa.
You were naughty then,
and you're still naughty.
And now,
I'm going to shut you down.
Do you mind
if I join this conversation?
[ribbons whooshing]
You and your ribbons.
Do I know you?
You used to be
so good with names.
Now, well...
[Santa grunts]
Look at you.
Activate the life force
transfer device.
What is this machine?
[metal cracking]
[powering up]
Good work, my friend.
Good work.
I'll take my chair now.
What do you mean?
Don't make this
hard on yourself, Kildare.
My chair. Now.
Kildare.
I will give you the honor
of activating the machine
and the destruction
of Santa Claus.
Start the energy field.
[lever clicks]
[machine beeping]
[inhales sharply]
Mortin. Anybody?
Do you copy?
In trouble, send help.
[exhales]
[keyboard clicking]
[computer beeping]
This can't be right.
I have a flake.
And it looks like
it's from Santa.
Of course!
A distress flake!
Way to go, Santa!
Everybody decode immediately.
Decoding vitals on Santa.
Something is not right.
Power's way down.
I've never seen
some of this stuff before.
Mortal.
Santa's going mortal.
Damn, we need
to establish communication.
Santa, do you come in?
Santa, please respond.
Pulse is decreasing.
It's like--
It's like he's dying.
Santa.
What's going on?
Do you read me?
We have to help him.
It's impossible.
Santa's in trouble.
Where were you guys?
At the stables.
We saw Santa fly off.
Baby, reindeer got so big.
Big?
I know a big reindeer.
[footsteps running]
[machine whirring]
[Buttons growling]
Settle down in there.
[wooden clack]
I'm warning you.
[electricity crackling]
All right.
You asked for it.
Hey, cut that out.
[electricity crackling]
Hey, friend.
I need your help.
[metal crackling]
We have
an unauthorized reindeer
on the launch pad.
That's Shane!
And he's on Buttons.
Buttons?
He'll kill himself.
Shane,
you can't launch on Buttons.
-He's uncontrollable.
-Shane.
[Sophie] Don't do it.
You won't let me down.
Right, buddy?
Shane, wait!
Presents for Max.
Who's Max?
It was all a mistake.
He wasn't
supposed to get cold.
It was Felix the elf.
He manipulated the data.
[tires screeching]
[metal whooshing]
[machine pumping]
[Santa groaning]
[metallic thump]
[reindeer galloping]
Looks like
we have a visitor, sir.
[glass shatters]
[Kildare] Oh, look.
A fuzzy reindeer.
[Supervisor]
That's not just any reindeer.
That's Buttons.
[ominous instrumental]
[Buttons snorts]
[thud]
Shane?
Get me out of this chair.
Where do you think
you're going?
To save Santa.
Now, out of my way.
I don't think so.
Max, stop!
Shane, are you okay?
Max?
You're Max?
No. No, no.
You have it all wrong.
I can prove it to you.
It wasn't Santa.
It was an elf.
It was Felix.
[heartfelt holiday
instrumental]
[delicate tinkling]
[box rustling]
Enough of this nonsense.
You two,
get that boy.
Bring him to me.
Sure thing, boss.
[grunts in fear]
[chuckles nervously]
[Buttons grunts]
[Buttons stomps]
[Buttons grunts]
Idiots.
Now, Kildare.
Finish the energy transfer.
[keyboard clicking]
[electricity crackling]
[yelling in pain]
[electricity crackling]
[robotic arm chirping]
[metal stretching]
[metal clanging]
Oh! Felix!
Yes, Santa.
It's me, Felix.
Good to see you again.
But the hyperdrive test.
It wasn't a test.
It was my escape from you.
All you could
think of is toys.
And you
didn't care at all.
You wanted to use Christmas
for all
the wrong reasons, Felix.
Spare me your
sentimental diatribes, Santa.
We could have
used Christmas as a springboard
to rule the world.
So elves would again
walk above man.
Santa, we were not
meant to be hidden
in the North Pole.
It is time we again
assume our rightful place
as the dominant species.
[liquid gushing]
[gentle tinkling]
[computer beeping]
[heavy thud]
[liquid gushing]
[whirring]
[whirring stops]
[whirring]
[lever clicks]
[liquid gushing]
[ominously ethereal
instrumental]
[gentle chiming]
[loud explosion]
[glass tinkling]
[magical instrumental playing]
Sophie.
[bright heroic instrumental]
[lever clicks]
[machine pumping]
[metal crackling]
[liquid gushing]
[machine whirring]
[whirring]
[body thuds]
Santa.
Santa, wake up.
Wake up.
What's wrong with him?
Why didn't it work?
Shane.
Shane, what do we do?
I don't know.
Maybe the transfer
didn't work.
Maybe it was too much.
Or I was too late.
[gentle sobbing]
[computer beeping]
[alarm sounds]
[faint sobbing]
Cookie, cut it out.
Cookie, please.
Wait. Cookie.
The cookies!
[sniffing]
[sniffing]
[Santa groans]
Sophie? Shane?
What happened?
We don't know, Santa.
But Sophie's cookies
brought you back.
Santa.
Santa,
we thought we lost you.
[computer beeping]
Bev, are you seeing this?
I am.
I-- I don't understand.
And he's almost back
to full strength.
A cookie surge?
Yes, a cookie surge.
And now it's substantiated.
All right,
everybody, listen up.
It's go time.
Peter, map out the deliveries.
Peyton,
launch the sleigh.
Let's get going, kids.
I have
a lot of presents to deliver.
Kildare!
[Santa grunts]
Shane.
He'll get away.
It's okay, Santa.
He's with us now.
Don't worry, Santa.
I'll take
care of him for you.
It's going to take
years of hard labor
to dismantle this place.
Santa, we have a package
coming your way.
Prepare rendezvous.
[bright holiday
action instrumental]
Thanks for the ride, kids!
Uh, you guys
will be okay, right?
Go. Go.
I'll make sure he gets home.
Don't worry about a thing,
big guy.
[Mortin] Santa,
do you come in?
Santa, please respond.
Yes, yes, Morton.
I read you.
Loud and clear!
[cheering & whistling
over speaker]
[laughs]
Mortin!
Prepare the Aurora Drive.
[Mortin] The field
is already energized.
[machine whirring]
[Santa] Ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
[gentle classical
holiday instrumental]
[plastic clanging]
I always preferred
the way this fit you.
Me too.
[sighs]
We still have
a lot of work to do.
[water splashes]
[spirited holiday instrumental]
[music fades]