Satanic Hispanics (2022) Movie Script

[Swat Officer 1]
Everybody down! El Paso police!
(ominous music)
[Swat Officer 1]
Dear God.
We're going to need more
body bags.
[Swat officer 2] It's like more
of the same everywhere we go.
He's got a gun!
- [Swat officer 3]
Freeze mother fucker!
- Down, get down!
- Down! Get down!
- Don't move!
(man yelling)
[Swat officer 1]
Down, stay down.
Don't move.
(heavy breathing)
(tense music)
(clock ticking)
[Detective Arden]
Yeah. Good morning.
I certainly wouldn't say that.
Yeah, so you heard.
I got the basic highlights.
Why don't you fill me in?
(heavy sigh)
27 dead bodies all shot
in the head between 2 and 4 AM.
Four children, among
the victims. All Hispanics.
No documentation on any of
them... and only one survivor.
- I bet he's got one
hell of a story to tell.
- Hmm.
I can't wait to hear it.
Detective Arden.
And she is...
I spent a lot of time here.
Thank the good lord.
Did you hear English?
- I heard something...
- I heard English.
Juan? Is it Juan?
Johnny, John.
Most call me, El Viajero.
Uh, what does that mean?
The traveler.
Ooh. The traveler.
The traveler, I like that.
Look, I don't mean to be
rude here,
but I haven't committed
any crimes. Please.
I'm the victim here.
I will fully cooperate with you.
But after, please let me go.
So you have somewhere to be?
I do, in fact.
I'm trying to make it to my
sister's wedding in San Antonio,
It's tonight.
It's why I traveled down here.
So you're in this country
Oh, no, no.
I was born here.
- I live in South America.
Mm hmm.
I find my low profile way of
getting around to be best suited
for my lifestyle.
You said you were born here.
Where's your documentation?
I had an old ID, but
the pinche coyote was holding on
to all of our possessions.
- Wait, the coyote?
- Yes.
That was a large group
he smuggled across the border.
That was a safe house
we were staying in.
We were supposed to lay low
and leave the next morning.
But it didn't work out that way.
What happened?
Some cartel bullshit.
They wanted to send a message.
They tied a man to a chair,
and made the others watch.
(offscreen gunshots)
Sick fuckers.
Took their time too.
Executing people
one by one.
But you're the only one
left standing.
How are you
the only one unharmed.
Haven't I been through
enough already tonight?
Look, I cannot stress it enough
how important it is for me
to leave.
Why are you so scared?
You scared something?
- Or maybe somebody?
- Yes.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I am. Yes.
Well, I got to tell you,
you're in the safest place you
possibly can be.
Did you see how many bodies
there were?
I had to watch all of that!
Would you feel safe
in some podunk jailhouse?
- No offense.
- None taken.
Speak for yourself.
You have no idea what is coming.
And believe me...
if I don't leave here
within the next 90 minutes,
we are all going to be dead.
Is that a threat, Mr. Garcia?
No, no, not at all.
It's a warning.
There are powers far darker
than that of men.
Forces for deadlier
than I or you,
could even possibly comprehend.
These lands
are filled with magic.
Creatures that defy...
Our imagination.
Well from one bullshitter
to another,
I got to tell you, uh,
I would have stuck
with the uh...
- The wedding story.
- Wedding.
Yeah. I mean, that,
- pulled in my heartstrings
a little bit.
- Yes.
Everyone loves a big wedding.
I feel sorry for you chubby.
Look, you.
Are not going anywhere until you
tell us about these people.
I don't know any of
these people.
I was on the bus with them
for all of 4 hours.
I didn't get a chance to know
any of them.
I know this one.
I know this one.
It's hard to tell, with all
the bullets in his face.
Do you know this person
or do you not know this person?
I am not sure if I met
him before or after...
he died.
- After he died?
- Yeah, what does that mean?
Death is never the end.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Here we go.
There are portals back and forth
from one realm to the other.
Problem is, sometimes portals
don't close once they're open.
No one knew this better
than Gustavo.
Tell us about Gustavo.
When I knew him,
we were in Argentina.
He had a very special sight.
He could see
what no one else could see.
(ominous music)
(Gustavo rapidly talking)
(rapid talking continuing)
(Gustavo performing a ritual)
(words and ritual growing
more intense)
(ritual stops abruptly)
(Gustavo breathing heavily)
(heavy breathing)
(man laughing)
(Gustavo labor breathing)
(heavy sigh)
(door slamming)
(rubik's cube noises)
[Jessy] What do you mean you
don't want to go?
You realize I already signed
you up for the tournament
yesterday, and that I was gonna
get your plane tickets tomorrow?
- Can you please explain
what's going on?
- I don't making...
competitive times.
I don't know what
- To me.
- You did 7 seconds.
7 seconds, Guti,
that's 2 seconds away
from the world record.
Right now I'm not doing
7 seconds.
I don't care about the money,
I already told you.
I don't care about the money.
And if you get top ten,
it's 8,000 dollars.
8,000 dollars in Argentina,
you can live like Rockefeller
with that money.
I'm going
to make...
you lose the money.
you are investing in me.
You drove your tenants crazy.
- Podcast! Pod. Cast!
(Gustavo sighing)
(performing ritual)
(performing ritual)
(heavy breathing)
(performing ritual)
(performing ritual)
(dialing on cell phone)
(redialing on phone)
(performing ritual)
(tense music)
(redialing on phone)
I will...
go to Japan,
I, I will compete anyway.
Maybe, it's eh,
you told me.
(sighing and groaning)
(Gustavo screaming)
(loud thud)
(Gustavo screaming in fear)
(Gustavo screaming)
(pained and fearful breathing)
(pained groans)
(Gustavo grunting and yelling
in pain) (bone snapping)
(bone snapping)
(Gustavo crying in pain)
(creature growling)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
[Jessy] Gus, what the fuck
are you talking about?
(phone taking pictures)
(knocking at front door)
(ominous music)
Help me.
(Vicente sobbing)
(Vicente crying)
(Vicente crying)
(cell phone ringing)
(Gustavo pained groaning)
(Gustavo yelling in pain)
(performing ritual quickly)
(performing ritual)
(deep growl)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
(cell phone ringing)
(ghostly voices rising)
That's everything
I know about the guy.
I don't think that's him.
I don't think so.
So we're telling ghost stories
now, is that what you're doing?
You ask what I know.
Detectives can I get a word?
(clearing throat)
Don't take too long.
The clock is ticking.
(clock ticking)
Please tell me you got
We ran his mug shot through
the image archives and we got
a match.
We get a few of them actually.
The first one that popped
up was 1996.
Couple petty crimes,
some traffic violations.
But then we have another
different name,
Antonio Salguero.
That's pretty much
the same, right?
Well this mugshot is from 1982.
[Detective Gibbons]
He'd be ten years old in
this picture.
Maybe he just looks
mature for his age.
And here's one from 1973.
- What?
- But there's this other
one odd fact.
What's that?
According to our records,
he's dead.
- He's dead?
- Yeah. He died in 1997.
Car accident.
Well, obviously he isn't dead,
so they must have IDed
the wrong guy.
Look, maybe this is some weird
computer glitch or maybe someone
put it in the wrong information
when they were entering
the data.
But as far as the state of Texas
is concerned,
that's a dead man in there.
- We have less than an hour.
- Yeah.
Can I please go?
We'll let you do that as soon as
you tell us the truth.
I have told you the truth.
I have complied completely.
Juan Garcia died
in a car accident in 1997.
Mr. Garcia, we're going to ask
you one last time, for God's
sakes, tell us the truth.
Come on, who are you?
The reason I survived
- the traffic accident.
- Okay?
The reason I survived
last night.
- Yeah.
- Is because I cannot die.
(Arden scoffing)
He can't die now.
(Gibbons laughing)
Are you telling us,
that you're immortal?
(everyone laughing)
To a certain extent...
that is correct.
If you don't believe me, there's
a real quick way I can prove
- that I'm not lying to you.
- How's that?
Take your weapon and point it
at my head and pull the trigger!
You know we're not
gonna be able--
Take your weapon,
shut the fuck up!
- Take your-- Shut the fuck up!
- You shut the fuck the up.
- I'm not taking my gun out.
- Take your weapon, point it
at my head and pull the trigger.
- Okay.
- I'm not fucking lying! Do it.
And let's end this back
and forth.
You know what?
We're going to take you back
to your cell so you can calm
the hell down.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not what I want.
What's he doing?
when I came in bleeding because
I tried to hack my hand off.
Where's the scar?
- How'd you do that?
- That's what I've been trying
to tell you.
But you don't listen.
(spiritual flute music)
I am.
I'm from Tenochtitlan,
the capital of the Aztec Empire.
542 years ago.
Uh huh...
See, so you lied to us.
You said you were born
in the U.S.?
Goddammit chubby.
- Is that all you got from this?
- Yeah.
You're barking up the wrong tree
with this magic shit.
There's a series of murders,
that went unsolved around
these parts,
Yeah, we, uh...
- We have a lot of those.
- All the time.
But these were different.
Were they not?
These victims were drained
of all their blood.
That was, uh...
very highly publicized.
What if I told you who did it?
Will you let me go?
You better not be telling us
a vampire story.
You bet your asses
I'm telling you a vampire story.
(spooky Halloween music)
(woman gasping quietly)
(woman quietly sobbing)
(bell ringing)
(vampire hissing)
Return to me.
You are...
under my thrall.
My word
is your command.
(dog barking)
(vampire hissing)
(dog growling)
Blah, blah!
I want to suck your blood.
(dog growling)
Fucking Halloween.
Come on, Ellie.
(frustrated groaning)
(cell phone vibrating)
(cell phone vibrating)
Must you disturb me?
I have but one night a year
in which I can enjoy myself
in public.
Hey asshole.
Do you know what time it is?
You would call me for the time!?
Don't you young people have
devices that tell you
such things?
We do.
They also tell us
when it's Daylight Savings Time.
I'm sorry. Come again.
What was that? What?
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not right.
It's like this in the fall
it goes forward.
In the spring - backwards.
It's the other way around dummy.
Sunrise is one hour earlier.
6 a.m. instead of seven.
What does the sky tell you?
Oh fuck.
You have 15 minutes
until sunrise.
How far away are you?
Not that far.
Tell me you weren't stupid
enough to go into town.
Of course not.
- I'm not an idiot.
- I'm dealing with a child.
That's enough.
I am hundreds of years,
your elder.
I have lived a dozen lives.
I have drank the blood
of kings and queens.
I have destroyed armies.
I have reigned terror all over--
Blah, blah, blah.
I'm hanging up.
No, no, no.
Please, please, please, no.
This is exactly why I try
to teach you how to drive.
You insisted in the old ways.
And now you want me to go
out there and put myself
at risk.
Maribel, please.
Exactly where are you?
Old town.
Excuse me.
- Old town.
- Jesus.
You're going to die.
You're never going
to make it back here on time.
You're always with
the pessimism.
- Why can't you just fly?
- Fly?
- Are you insane?
- Turn into a bat.
I mean, you always told me
you can transform.
Was that another one
of your lies?
I lied? No, no,
I just haven't done it
in a while.
So I'm a little out of practice.
- Yeah, right.
- Silence!
I'm your master.
I command you.
(bell tolling)
You know I didn't mean
that master thing.
I'm sorry, my love.
I didn't mean that, please.
Please, I beg you.
(angry yelling)
You know what?
I'm going to show you!
Be the bat.
Become the bat.
Be the bat. Be the bat.
Be the bat. Be the bat.
Be the bat.
(animalistic growling)
Be the bat. Be the bat!
Fly! Fly!
(frustrated groan)
Be the bat. Be the bat.
Be the bat!
(angry yelling)
(sinister laughter)
(upbeat spooky music)
(pained groaning)
(clowns laughing)
[Clown 1]
What a punk ass little bitch.
[Clown 2]
Oh my god!
[Clown 1]
This is my favorite shirt.
Oh, no way.
- Are you serious?
- That's your favorite shirt?
[Clown 2]
Oh dude that's so lame.
- That is ridiculous.
- Dude, get him again.
Oh shit!
Give me a minute.
(tired breathing)
I need to get back into
the Stairmaster.
(clown yelling in fear)
Oh my god!
(clown pained yelling)
(arm ripping off)
(pained screaming)
(body thumping on the ground)
(hand stabbing into clown)
(heart being ripped out)
(heart thumping)
(bell tower tolling)
I know what you are.
(pained yelling)
(dramatic groaning)
(hysterical laughing)
The heart...
is on the left son.
Oh yeah.
(clown dying)
(blood squirting)
Hold it right there mister.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
What the hell?
What you hiding back there?
A severed head officer.
(dog barking)
(policeman laughing)
There some kind of haunted house
thing here, huh Dracula?
(unenthusiastic scary groan)
[Policeman 1]
Chill, chill, chill.
You guys made a fucking mess.
Nobody better jump out at me.
I hate all that crap.
Yeah, me too.
Look. Look at this.
Look at this.
It's just so fake.
So so fake.
You really need to step your
game up next year sir.
Hey, Joe,
Get a...Get a picture of me and
Dracula with the severed head.
Oh, that's a good idea.
- Come on.
- Oh, you mind?
Yes. We can go viral with this.
My kids love this.
(policeman laughing)
- Can I? Can I?
- Sell it.
Sell it. Sell it.
Yes, sell it.
Sell it to me. Sell it. Oh, yes.
Show me those teeth.
Come on now, sell it to me.
Sell it, sell it.
There we go, there we go.
All right, well, thanks.
What is that Karo syrup?
It's my own recipe.
Holy shit.
That's not syrup.
- That's blood.
- What?
It's in my mouth!
Get your hands up.
What did you do?
What did you do?
Get your hands up.
- What did you do, get'em up!
- Put your hands up!
- Get'em up!
- Freeze.
You're under my thrall.
My every word is your command.
- What? What did you do to him?
- My every word is your command.
Ken you okay?
- You're under my thrall.
- Hey, man!
Put your hands up!
You are under my thrall.
- My every word is your command.
- What did you do to me?
What are you, man?
What are you? Get on the ground.
Get on the ground!
- You're under my thrall.
- Motherfucker. What kind of
voodoo shit is this?
- You are under my thrall.
- Put your hands
on the ground now.
You are under my thrall,
- Every word is my--
- What are you doing?
I will shoot you in the face.
- Now stop it.
- Crap.
You are under my thrall!
- Stop it. What are you do--
- You are under my thrall!
Can't mess with people's brains
like this, man.
Why are you doing this? Why?
- You are under my thrall!
- Stay back. Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it right now.
(Vampire grunting)
(Vampire grunting)
Fuck it!
Come on you alright? Come on.
We are in pursuit south on
market, Hispanic male on foot.
It appears as if he's a vampire.
Don't look him in the eyes.
I repeat,
do not look him in the eyes.
- Did you really just say that
over the radio?
- Yes. Yes, let's go!
(vampire grunting and breathing
(labored breathing)
(pained grunts)
(door breaking)
Relax. Relax, relax,
What's that?
(ominous church organ music)
(pained screaming continues)
Hot, hot, hot, hot!
(pained screaming)
(Vampire groaning)
I'm not gonna make it.
(police sirens)
(phone ringing)
[Maribel on answering machine]
Hello. Leave a message.
Maribel, I need you.
I know that sometimes
I act like I don't but I do.
I'm sorry that I snuck out
behind your back,
but I just needed a
taste of the old days.
The hunt, the thirst.
I'm just an immortal idiot.
Please forgive me.
(police sirens)
(more and more sirens)
(screeching tires)
- Maribel!
- Get in!
Go, go.
You came.
It's a horrible character flaw.
Here. Don't get blood
on my seats.
What am I supposed to do
with this?
(chuckling angrily)
(Maribel sniffing)
Is something burning?
It's my flesh.
I accidentally went
into a church.
You are a real piece of work.
I'm sorry I said that I was
your master.
You know, I hate that.
I know.
Maybe it's the reason
why I say it.
but. But. But never again.
I promise,
if we make it out of this,
That's a big if.
The sun is about to rise.
No, no, no.
We're going to make it.
It's our destiny.
Nothing can stop us.
(tires screeching)
- Rush hour!
- Back up!
I can't there's cars behind me.
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
We have to run!
More running!
(car door closing)
We're too late.
Come on!
(tense music)
Get in!
- I'm not going in there!
- Let's go!
This cannot be the way I go.
- It's so unbecoming!
- Relax!
We've been in worse
spots than this,
remember Frankfurt.
Oh, yeah.
The mob with,
With the torches and
the pitchforks.
We had to hide in an outhouse
all day.
You hung a sign at the door
that said, "Out of order".
(both laughing)
I still can't believe
that worked!
I can't believe the smell
didn't kill us.
You know,
I had to throw those shoes away.
- And I loved those shoes.
- I know.
I knew you will come for me.
You shouldn't have.
We're destined to be together
You think so?
I do.
I do.
(sweet music)
(pained yelling)
This thing isn't going to keep
the sun out.
I guess this is...
This is it.
I am so sorry.
- You are always sorry.
- I'm not sorry I met you.
Me neither.
The last hundred and 50 years
have been the happiest of
my life.
And it's because of you.
It's been a blast my love.
(both crying)
(pained yells)
(heavy sigh)
Fucking Halloween.
Okay, so now you want us to put
an APB out on a vampire?
No, he's a trail of dust now.
Mr. Garcia, at this point,
you're just wasting our
fucking time.
Then can you please let me go?
Well, first, I need to ask you
some questions about some
of your...
Those are my relics, my things.
What is this?
Is this a gang thing?
You recognize this?
I don't know it looks
pretty old.
Did you steal them
from a museum?
Really? Because you see
me as I am.
You think everything I do is a
crime or gang related?
(Gibbons scoffing)
I mean, well,
we all collect different
things, right?
That human blood?
Hard to say.
I mean, there's
a lot of death in the world.
Could be animal, people,
might not be even blood at all.
Tell us, how did that come into
your possession?
It was a shaman ceremony
in Mexico.
I got there,
but after it was over.
I took a sample for good luck.
(horse neighing)
(horse neighing)
(ghostly voice)
(distant screeching)
(distant growling)
(animal growling)
(man grunting)
(heavy breathing)
(digging through closet)
(clock ticking)
(phone ringing)
(phone ringing)
De la Cruz.
This is agent Rothschild.
Yes sir, it's me.
I need to verify your identity.
Or the deal is off the table.
Full legal name, birthday,
birthplace, spouse,
and children.
To confirm voice recognition.
March 10th, 2021.
(holding back sobs)
Children De la Cruz.
(De la Cruz sobbing)
In regards to your cooperation
with the CIA,
in the assistance and
involvement in the take down
of political
leader Jose Luis Salvador.
Wanted for the mass murders
of innocent civilians of
the United States of America
in the illegal drug trade.
We are in agreement
that the information
you provided is to be
100 percent based on fact,
and first hand witness accounts.
I alone have enough to give you
the keys to take Salvador
and his entire political
party down.
You will still hold your
promise to relocate me
outside of Mexico
after my election.
This thing is finished.
[Agent] When your end of
the bargain is met
we just don't give out free
fucking passes into our country.
Stay right where you are.
Pick up will be arranged for you
tomorrow at 1800 hours.
Why can't it be tonight!
I'm ready waiting here.
Save now.
One more thing,
does anybody know you're there?
No sir.
(Ramn gasping)
(cocking shotgun)
(door breaking)
(tense ominous music)
(animal screech)
(Ramn yelling in pain)
(high pitched tone)
(animalistic growling)
(horse neighing)
(Ramn crying and laughing)
(animalistic growl)
(Ramn yelling)
(Ramn yelling angrily)
(chaotic orchestral music)
(water flowing)
(gurgling water)
(Ramn coughing and wheezing)
(distant horn)
(birds screeching)
(birds screeching)
(woman chanting)
(woman chanting)
(bells ringing)
(woman chanting)
(bells ringing)
(Ramn laughing hysterically)
(Ramn screaming in pain)
(ropes tightening)
(Ramn screaming in pain)
(ropes tightening)
(birds screeching)
(forest noises)
(Ramn gurgling)
(woman groaning)
(bones cracking)
(bones cracking)
(woman yelling)
(animalistic growling)
(birds screeching)
(woman laughing)
(men growling)
(animalistic growling)
(people chanting)
(man praying)
(man continuing to pray rapidly)
(bells ringing)
(somber music)
(speaking indigenous language)
(speaking indigenous language)
(group chanting)
(people chanting and praying)
(nature sounds intensifying)
And you actually expect us
to believe that?
Honestly, no.
- But that's exactly
what happened.
- Here.
- What's this?
- [Juan] A sacred bullet.
It's filled with the sawdust...
Of Christ's cross.
It was forged with the iron,
with the nails used to crucify
It can stop anything.
Saint...or Sinner.
Well, it doesn't matter now,
because the gun that shoots
the thing it...
has been lost for 80 years.
Why would you need
such a bullet?
Because it's the only thing that
can stop what's coming.
And believe me,
if you don't let me go,
it will destroy everything in
its path to get to me.
I thought you said you
couldn't die.
There's one thing that
can kill me.
San la Muerte.
Saint Death.
Santa Muerte.
Santa Muerte, is Mexica.
from Mexico.
- Right.
- San La Muerte.
Is a saint from Colombia.
It's who you go to when
you're desperate,
for a favor.
- Of course.
- Long time ago I...
I needed a favor.
You asked me if I stole
this ring.
No, detectives. No.
This was my engagement ring.
I was married to a
beautiful woman.
We had a child.
But both were chosen to be
So I made a deal with
San La Muerte.
Their lives in exchange
for mine.
When my time came, I was scared.
So I ran away.
It's why I survived.
All this time.
By being one step
ahead of death.
I need an aspirin.
(door opening and closing)
Why is this San La Muerte,
coming for you?
Why today?
He's always been coming for me.
He has been for the majority
of my life.
But I have to keep moving.
I'm always several hours ahead
of him, usually no more than 12.
But if I stand still or end up
in a predicament like this,
he has time to catch me.
And it never ends well.
Mr. Traveler...
The uh...
The markings on the bullet
reminded me of something
I'd seen before,
at a crime scene.
El Matador Divino.
The Saint Killer.
What is a saint killer?
Where do you have this?
Is this here?
You have to give it to me.
- Uh, hey, Arden.
- Yeah?
Would you mind going out there
to the evidence cabinet and
bringing me the weapon.
To give to the suspect.
Sure. Would you like me to
load it for you?
Get the fuck out of here man.
(Gibbons laughing angrily)
Made my head itch!
I should have known
that I was fucked
the moment I was locked up in a
room with a fucking gringo.
tinker with our toys,
and it's us who get fucked!
(Juan laughing)
It is exactly what happened
to Malcolm?
Who the fuck is Malcolm?
You wanna know about
fucking Malcolm?
Oh, please don't.
Let me tell you about Malcolm.
(Mariachi music)
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's it going?
I haven't been here in a while.
- Doesn't look any different
than I remember.
- You always liked this place.
That'd be nice to meet here.
And I actually think this
was the table.
Uh, when you broke up with me.
- Come on.
- I'm just.
I tried to convince myself
that the reason we broke up
that night is because you were
just upset that they got your
order wrong.
No, no, no.
It was definitely you.
Sure that's a little different.
You were an asshole back then.
Yeah I know you mentioned that.
Also, you look like shit.
- What happened to you?
- Yeah...
Where is everybody?
Are Gus and Ed joining us?
What are you talking about?
Gus, Ed?
They're all dead.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
- After Havana, what do--
- Shhh.
I thought we'd never speak again
of what happened in Havana.
I thought that was what
you wanted.
Yeah that was what I wanted.
Until all our friends
fucking died! Because of it.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Thanks.
- Thank you so much.
So, uh...
I think
we've all been cursed.
And there is something
out to get us.
Do you hear what you're saying?
Here look I'll,
prove it to you.
Do you remember when we took
this picture?
Yeah, it was right before we
went into that
weird ceremony.
You don't remember anything
about that ceremony do you?
What we saw.
We were not supposed to see.
We were not supposed
to be there.
That ceremony was secret
for a reason.
And then none of that stuff
was supposed to get out.
But I recorded it.
Wait, you recorded it?
- Yes.
- Jesus, Malcolm.
- I know.
- They were crystal clear
about that.
I did it for your fucking
documentary, okay?
And I thought it was all
bullshit anyway.
I think that by recording it.
I awoke something.
and now it's coming for us.
What do you mean
awoke something?
Like a demon?
And they're coming for
us. And they're going to
take us over one by
one until we are all dead.
Malcolm, honey,
are you on meds?
None of this makes any sense.
Look at the picture. Okay.
You see, Gus?
See that he's wearing red?
Red is the color of Siete Rayos
the ruler of fire.
Do you want to know
how Gus died?
He was burned alive.
- Was it an accident?
- He was burned
from the inside out.
What do you fucking think?
I don't know.
Now look at Carol.
See how her hair is like that?
That's Kimbabula,
the ruler of wind.
She was crushed by a hurricane
in her own fucking apartment.
What about Ed?
- See how he's holding
his crotch?
- Oh, yeah, that's...
- That's typical Ed.
- Yeah.
I think that's Mama Chola,
ruler of human pleasures.
You remember that girl
he was hooking up with in Cuba?
Well, I guess her vagina turned
to a fucking woodchipper
because they had to hose him off
the ceiling.
What about Miguel?
He did this.
He died.
He died a week ago
Uh, in front of me.
let's stop this.
Where's the recording?
Let's destroy it.
No, I already,
I already tried that. I tried.
I tried it all. I melted it,
busted it apart.
I threw it in the ocean
and just keeps on coming back.
I think maybe they need it
to get out.
I mean, we're the ones who heard
it and look what's
happened to us.
Now, imagine if that thing goes
on YouTube or some asshole with
a podcast
plays it for his listeners and
then you have 100 million
fucking maniacs.
- It would be the end.
- Of the fucking world, yeah.
Right, you said that it's
taking over us.
As in possessing?
If everyone else is dead,
that means it has to be
one of us now.
You... You think it's me?
You're saying that I'm
Malcolm, stop acting crazy.
I'm not possessed.
It's me,
That's just it I don't
think you are.
I think you're tricking me
into believing you're Amy.
You're actually the last
one of them.
Nzambi Mpungo.
- King Zombie.
- King Zombie.
(Amy laughing)
King Zombie.
What the fuck?
- Seriously?
- King Zombie.
What makes you think that?
Oh, for starters,
you invited me here
thought it would be a
safe space.
Something I'm familiar
with, a lot of people around.
I feel safe, you know,
I let my guard down and then...
you rip me to shreds and
take the tape.
I asked you here because
it was our favorite spot.
I mean, it was our favorite
spot, it was my favorite spot.
But this restaurant closed
down years ago.
Now, I know Amy knows that,
but I don't know if she knows
that I know that.
Mainly because I made a big
stink about never coming back
to my favorite restaurant,
because of the heartbreak.
But I came back.
I love the food here.
So, no,
I don't think this
place is real.
I don't think these
people are real.
I don't think you're real.
At least the real Amy that I
used to know.
I thought I had you there.
- Now what?
- Well now I,
send you back to whatever
hell you crawled out from.
(Amy laughing)
And how are you going
to do that?
Well...I have a secret plan.
Did you want to hear it?
tell me you're stupid
little pl--
(bones cracking)
Where's the recording?
You're never going to get it.
I forged the hell you
want to send me to.
I breathed life into all
the beings that took
your friends.
You never stood a chance.
You brought it, you fool.
With this...
I'll unleash an army of Nkisi
to take over the world.
(rhythmic percussion music)
(music change)
I'm gonna kill you
- No!
- I'm gonna kill you
Your human weapons
can't hurt me.
They can't, but this can.
This is not possible.
- How!
- Well like you said,
my human weapons can't hurt you.
So I had to find something
that can kick your ass.
- No.
- That's right, baby.
I found--
(upbeat jazzy music)
Welcome to the Mystic Museum,
fellow travelers,
home of oddities and strange
- So what can I do for you?
- Are you the man
they call El Jefe?
Haven't heard that in a
long time.
But yes,
I used to go by that name.
We find ourselves
in a situation in which
we might need some
sort of protection.
Well you've come
to the right place.
We have all sorts of amulets,
anything from chicken feed
to sage,
protection from pretty much
anything you can think of.
What if it's not for protection?
What if we want to fight back?
You're already in trouble,
aren't you?
This thing that's come for you.
What is it?
An angry ghost, a werewolf?
- Bigger.
- Demons?
- Bigger.
- The Devil?
Satan himself.
Maybe take it down a notch.
This thing.
Where does it come from?
(both sighing)
Fucking Cubans.
[El Jefe] What's coming for you
has been around a lot longer
than we have.
Our weapons cannot hurt it.
Only a weapon from its realm
can send it back to it.
And I happen to have
such a weapon.
- It's as good as you say
we'll take it.
- Yeah.
We trust you man but we don't
have time for backstories.
Back when I was younger,
I started traveling the world
trying to figure out who I was.
So I grabbed the backpack,
some clothes,
- my pet parakeet, Winokee.
- Nice.
And that's how I wound up
in Zanzibar.
I heard about a being
an entity that reveals
the real you.
So I took a leap of faith
and went to seek The Popobawa.
The Popobawa.
Yes, The Popobawa.
A very powerful demon.
Oh. Yeah.
So I performed a ceremony
to summon him.
So the third night
I saw him for the first time,
he blended with the darkness.
His sweaty skin
glistening in the moonlight.
He stood by the doorway
staring at me.
I couldn't move.
I was hypnotized.
I managed,
to utter a single phrase,
show me.
And in a blink he was on
top of me.
El Jefe, that's a wild story
but we--
And then he penetrated me.
Oh, I'm sorry, what?
He held me down with his
powerful arms.
And he thrust himself inside of
me over and over,
bringing me closer and closer
to who I was meant to be.
He made me feel things
that I never felt before.
It was like a rainbow
exploded inside of me.
Yeah. Okay.
And when it was finally
done, he left
and my heart was pounding
in my chest.
My lungs were screaming
for oxygen,
and my body overflowed with his
energizing, demonic residue.
Okay, but I still had doubts,
- so I summoned him again.
- You...
you summoned the demon again?
Yes. There was a lot of
So for 19 nights
I continued to summon him,
and for 19 nights
the demon came to me
and each night
I felt like he was digging
deeper inside of me
to reveal who I really am.
Yeah, man, this really doesn't
sound like it was a demon.
It was a demon.
A powerful demon.
He knew about my past.
You've been a bad boy he
would tell me,
and he was right.
I needed to be punished.
You should have heard the filthy
things that he whispered to me
as he held me in his powerful,
muscular embrace
as we lay down in bed together.
It was nasty.
But then
things started to go wrong.
He started showing up late,
keeping me waiting for hours.
And then he stopped showing
up at all.
So I started adding
sacrifices to the ceremonies.
I filled the shack with flowers
and, and chicken heads to bring
him back.
Even my sweet pet parakeet
Winokee had to go.
You had to kill Winokee?
I had to sacrifice
something that was important.
But it was worth it.
That night he came back,
but he changed.
He was cold, distant.
He didn't even mention that I
was wearing the shirt that he
said he liked.
So I confronted him, I said,
Popo, what is wrong?
What you call him Popo?
- Popobawa, Popo.
- Yeah sorry.
- Shortened.
- Yeah.
But he got mad at me.
Oh man, he got so angry.
He said that
I was the one that called him.
He said he could only stay for a
little while because he was
super busy
and that things were
moving too fast.
Then I found out.
Well, it turns out that
the Popobawa had been around
for a very long time
and, that he would just come to
any man that would call him.
Yeah, well, no wonder
you were so tired, Mr. Popo.
I mean, He, he made me feel
special, you know,
I thought I was the only one,
no, he had that entire island
under his seductive grip.
So I had to free them.
Winokee's sacrifice would
not go in vain.
So that night,
after a particularly rough
yet gentle session.
When he was fast asleep,
I went down to the kitchen
and I grabbed the biggest knife
I could find.
And while he was snoring,
I went back and I delivered from
his despicable evil.
Uh. So you killed this guy,
the demon, you killed the demon.
I wounded him.
It woke up bleeding
and screaming
and he ran off into the night.
And that was the last time I
ever saw him.
As he was escaping.
He left in my possession
the most dangerous
weapon that I have
ever encountered.
The very appendage
that terrorized the whole town.
The Hammer of Zanzibar.
- Okay!
- Fuck, nope, nope.
I'm not touching that thing man.
[Malcolm] That was in your body?
Oh, my God.
Okay, we got to go, man.
You don't get. It, do you?
This is the most powerful thing
that you will ever hold in
your hand.
- I'm sure.
- If Satan himself crossed
your path,
and you fought him with this.
- Satan, would be fucked!
- Of course, he'd be fucked,
look at the size of that thing.
Look, I'm happy you found
yourself but Miguel and I
we're just gonna figure
something else out, right,
Sure we will Malcolm,
and we will fuck your soul for
all eternity.
What did you say?
We'll fuck your soul.
Oh God.
Miguel! Fucking what the fuck?
It's me! Malcolm! My mom
used to bake you cookies!
We'll fuck your mother's heart!
(Malcolm screaming)
Miguel what the fuck!
Oh fuck!
We'll fuck your mother's heart!
Shut up!
We'll fuck your mother's heart!
What the fuck Miguel!
We'll fuck your mother's heart!
(Demonic laughter)
(Heavy thud and squishing)
I told you it would work.
How much do you want for it?
(exciting adventure music)
The Hammer of Zanzibar.
That's right.
Let's get hammered.
(demonic roar)
(rock song)
I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to kill you.
I will make you regret you
ever tried to kill me.
Cause I'm gonna really give it
my all, King Zombie!
I'm going to kill you.
Oh fuck!
I'm going to kill you.
- Fuck!
Gonna take the hammer
of Zanzibar
Shove it right down
your throat
fucking prick,
you fucking dork
I hope you
fucking choke
I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to kill you.
(beating thuds)
I'm going to kill you.
We'll see you in Hell!
You can tell them I'm coming.
And hell's coming with me.
That doesn't make any
sense. Nobody--
(recording clicking)
(rhythmic percussion music)
(music grows louder)
(police sirens)
(people getting out of cars)
[Police] Drop your weapon and
come out with your hands up!
It's not a weapon.
It's a giant demon di--
(mariachi music)
So they caught him?
A white guy surrounded by
dead Latinos.
They said he survived the gang
and so they let him go.
But of course, it's a white guy
had to be a white guy.
It's been fun spending time
with you and
sharing all these wonderful
I have lived my life many
times over.
If I go,
it's been long overdue.
But you
I'm sure you have loved ones
would like to see tonight,
come home.
They won't
unless you let me go.
- You know what?
- What?
- I'm done.
- Yeah, I'm done too.
You need to go back to
your cell.
Thank you.
- Fuck is that?
- What the hell?
He's here.
(heavy thud)
(heavy thud)
(tense dark music)
[Policeman] I understand just
bring it down a little bit,
all right?
Hey, hey, hey hoss, you can't go
that way. Alright, man?
(intense ominous music)
You may want to check that out.
Yeah, thanks.
Don't look into the eyes.
(speaking foreign language)
(gunshots outside room)
- Why don't you tell us
about this?
- I did.
- Now, do you believe me?
- So we let you go
and this stops now.
It will only stop if you give me
the Saint Killer weapon.
Fine. Fine.
(gunshots continuing)
(Spanish Rock Ballad )
Goddammit! Fuck, fuck!
- Where is it?
- Just take it!
Just take it!
(evil roar)
(song continues)
(San la Muerte screeching
in pain)
(ghostly sounds)
[San la Muerte]
I'll be back, I'll be back.
He'll be back, he's always
coming for me.
From the jungles of Argentina.
to the Chihuahuan Desert
of Mexico.
There are forces beyond our
creatures that exceed our
And I'm the unlucky sap
who comes across it.
When you're a part of the other
side, you see it everywhere.
But I must travel on.
I must.
(police siren)
Why such a hurry?
Because if I don't get out of
here in the next ninety minutes,
we're all going to die.
(Los Saicos - "Demolicion" )