Satan's Peak (2026) Movie Script
1
[Buffalora Entertainment bumper music]
[distant military battle]
[droning, ominous music]
[distant military battle]
[man screaming]
[man screaming]
[ominous music continues]
Welcome back to the Shit
Storm radio podcast.
I'm your host, Sean Henry.
And today we've been speaking
with Earl Shalalay, co-founder
and leader of God Salvationist,
a Southern Baptist Organization.
That's focused on resetting
our country's moral compass.
Earl, in terms of immoral
activities impacting
Christian Americans today,
what are the biggest
concerns you're seeing
that could have disastrous
ramifications for our nation?
We're seeing more kids today
led astray by bizarre fixation
with the occult, Sean.
Specifically... Satanism.
Of course, it's no surprise which states
are the progenitors of
this dangerous trend.
Now, if I were a betting man,
I'd say the Lefty McLefterson's.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Now, you look at the
recent mass shootings from
those godless liberal bastions.
The media savvy satanic leaders
are recruiting and poison
our children's minds
by praying to their base instincts.
See, now they're luring
them in with music,
then indoctrinating them through
underground pornographic
websites and other avenues.
And they sell illicit drugs
and cult paraphernalia.
Now, is that true?
I wish I could say I was making this up.
I swear, Sean, if you don't hold me back,
I might aim to do what
needs to be done and
set things right here.
You know the woke snowflakes ain't
doing nothing to stop it.
They don't care about
a goddamn thing except
making it easy for illegals
to abuse our healthcare and
defunding law enforcement.
Now, what can we do?
Yeah, we can start by being
more vigilant and understand
we all have a part to
play in this reconciliation.
Together...
We can recognize the early
warning signs and then
do everything in our
power to put a stop to it.
[spray painting noise]
[ominous music]
You can't hit me, man.
I'm just a kid.
Old enough to be in the satanic
bullshit, though, right?
[KID:] You know what? Fuck you.
You fuck...
[kid cries out in pain]
[kid cries out in pain]
[KID:] Fucking psycho!
[POLICE CHIEF:] Suspended.
Without pay.
Pending an evaluation.
Psych evaluation.
Yes, sir.
You got anything to say for yourself?
I mean...
what's with the fucking Incredible Hulk,
Charles Bronson bullshit?
Guess I overreacted again.
Overreact.
Overreacting. Listen,
a half sane person
would say that's the
understatement of the year.
The kid's mom is going to file
charges against the department.
You broke his fucking
arm, for Christ's sake.
I'll make myself scarce, Chief.
Listen, you just stuck a pipe bomb
up the entire department's asshole.
I can speak on behalf
of everyone when I say,
We really appreciate
your newfound discretion.
My folks have a place
up in Washington County.
Tell you what, I'll do y'all a favor
and put some miles between
myself and the department.
Yeah, sounds great. Listen,
before you go,
IA is gonna want to talk to you,
they're gonna come after
you like a proctologist.
They're gonna want to know all
of the different pieces and
parts of this thing.
What happened in Afghanistan,
about the PTSD,
about what happened to
your brother over there?
You better milk that one, too.
Look, man, these guys
aren't going to fuck around.
They're going to really
tear you a new asshole.
Is that all?
You know what, that is all.
Oh, before you go, John,
I'm going to need your gun and your badge
until all this shit blows over.
Thanks.
Hey, John.
Get your shit together.
This is probably the last
warning you're gonna get.
[ominous music]
[TALK SHOW CALLER:] Hell..
I tell you what,
they want to shut me down.
But the woke-stop-o.
Ain't gonna shut me down, Sean.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, yeah,
you're doing the Lord's work. Now,
obviously the police aren't
doing anything about this
devil worshiping scourge.
What could we do?
[TALK SHOW CALLER:] How's that saying go?
When the law turns a blind eye,
Then we become the law.
The deep cover shadow government has done
its goddamn best to
try and censor the sick
truth of what's actually
going on in this brainwashed
country by banning me,
and other like minded
truth warriors,
from the satanic mainstream media.
They put up their smoke screens
to hide their rampant webtard
pedophilia rings with
their liberal tentacles
wrapped around the throats
of the American public,
squeezing them into complacency
with their sicko Hollywood
propaganda machine.
This country is being strangled to death
by the scorpion's tail of the
shadow government's satanic
reach over the perverted, gun hating,
patriot baiting, queer loving media.
And we are speaking specifically
of the fraudulent news media that
manipulates the minds of its
gullible minions through
witchcraft and child sacrifice.
Like the McClutchen family that
was slaughtered in Providence.
This was actually carried out by Antifa,
Black Lives Matter,
and the LGBTQ community
who are warriors of Satan.
And I've seen photographic proof
of satanic child sacrifice.
People need to wake the hell up.
This is a battle for the nation's soul,
the phony mainstream
panders to the satanic
shadow government,
because they are co-conspirators
in the highly-organized
and well-coordinated
attack of American values
and patriotism.
They are not beholden to the Constitution
of this great nation,
but to the Satanic Bible,
a Bible baptized with the infant blood of
their hideous child sacrifices.
[ON PHONE:] John, it's Scott.
Just saw the news.
Jesus, man.
What the hell happened out there, bro?
Look, if you need to talk to anybody,
just give me a call, man.
I hope you're doing okay.
And don't you dare stick a
shotgun in your mouth over this
bullshit, man.
Fuck you.
- Call me, bro.
Asshole.
[ON PHONE:] John, it's your father.
We saw on the TV what happened.
I just wanted you to know that your,
your mother and I are
aware of the suspension.
Sorry, son.
I know you were only doing
what you thought was right.
Maybe you lost your temper, but
we're here for you,
if you want to talk, son.
We love you.
[TV NEWSCASTER:] Shocking
footage of apparent
police brutality
was caught by a bystander
cell phone in Akron today.
The footage shows a police
officer attacking and
breaking the arm... of a 15 year old boy.
The assault took place
behind Bartholomew's Deli
earlier this morning.
Police Sergeant John Darden,
The officer accused of the attack,
was immediately suspended
and faces charges of first
degree felony assault.
He is due to be arraigned Monday at the.
Superior Court of Ohio in Summit County.
[TV turned off]
[sound of military combat]
[somber music]
Most of the mass shootings in this country
are actually carried out
by Antifa terrorists.
They're conducting these
coordinated attacks
under the supervision of
the satanic shadow government,
thus attempting to weaken
the power of the NRA
and disarm
law abiding American citizens.
The plan being to leave us vulnerable
for a mass scale assault.
I reject the absurd notion that
gun control would prevent
these mass shootings.
The problem is not
access to assault rifles.
The real problem is
that the power of Satan
is alive and thriving in this country.
Satanists walk among us every day,
attempting to seduce us
through mainstream media,
and through their subliminal,
homosexual friendly messages,
embedded in mainstream
films, and television shows.
The rainbow flags, and pink triangles
are nothing more than
pentagrams in disguise.
Go to my website, and you'll see proof
that the McClechens were murdered
by satanic, ultra left forces.
We carry the Mark of the
Beast, not on our foreheads,
but on our cell phones
and laptop computers,
as the shadow government
possesses the ability to
monitor our every move, our...
Every text message and
our every phone call.
[satanic chanting]
Ave Satani...
And...
cut!
Beautiful.
Did I give you enough
Anton Levay on that one?
Samuel, I have a good
authority right now, in Hell,
Satan himself has an erection.
You are a shoo-in for a PentaGrammy.
I'll just stick with my
multiple Saturn Awards.
Thank you.
- Suit yourself.
Oh, thank God this isn't a comedy.
It isn't?
Okay, but, like, how did the nipples look?
[DIRECTOR:] Oh... ummm...
[Noel huffs]
Great.
Because, like,
I can perk them up a little bit,
and we could do another take.
I don't think that'll be necessary.
Okay, let me know if you change your mind.
Thank you.
All right.
Where are we at?
Well, that is all four
pages of the script,
and we can move on to the goat
fornication dream sequence.
You got every shot on your storyboard for
the scene, so we are looking good.
Perfect.
- But I do have some concerns.
What kind of concerns?
Well, first off, the blood splatter on.
Megan's face,
it was in a different
pattern than it was in
the reveal scene that we did earlier.
Nobody's gonna notice that.
Okay, well, I also noticed that Samuel's
hoodie was buttoned all
the way up in scene 22,
and now it's unbuttoned.
Nobody's gonna notice that.
Nina, I think you're
overthinking here just a little bit.
No, I am just looking out for you.
You know,
the horror community can be brutal
when they don't get realism.
Yeah, and the horror community
are a bunch of sweet, misguided
idiots that want the Terrifier franchise.
So I can't say I'm losing
sleep over that one.
Okay.
It'd be fine. Trust me.
Okay.
[exhales] Oh, boy.
Hey, there, are we happy?
Heh-heh. Oh, yeah.
This is some primo shit.
I mean, about the shot.
Uh...
That was beautiful.
Was that the right word?
Huh?
I thought we agreed you wouldn't
be smoking that shit on the set.
Uh, dejection.
Dejection, Your Honor.
You humbly requested that I didn't smoke.
Well, I posited...
Do you want me at my best?
[laughs quietly]
You know what? Whatever.
Are we good to move on to the next shot?
No, double check the monitor
before you green light,
but, uh,
I'm super ready for the goats-capades.
Okay, great.
Uh, bring on the goat.
Hey, hey, hey, I wanted to talk
to you about this, by the way.
I was thinking.
You know, in all these satanic movies
where the guy...
kills or thrills the goat.
Oh, boy.
Wouldn't it be more inspired...
If he took the time...
Oh, God.
To get to know the goat,
learn to respect the goat,
what are his dreams, his aspirations?
Do you even know his name?
How did he get in this situation?
And maybe over time,
he learns to love the goat.
And then he fucks the goat.
Tom, you could fuck coats all
you want in your spare time.
Let's just get this
fucking movie shot, okay?
[Noel makes funny noise]
Well, then I'm smoking.
Take five, everybody.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my gosh.
This blood is awesome.
That's because it's Dick
Smith's original recipe.
Not that Fright Tech Kayro syrup bullshit.
It's the Rolls Royce
of fake blood.
Hey, good job, guys.
The footage is looking great.
It reminds me of when I
did "Rape Dog" in 1983.
I'll tell you, sometimes,
the lower the budget,
the more the creativity.
"Rape Dog"?
- Oh, yeah.
Half man, half dog, all rapist.
Did really good numbers in Japan.
They eat that stuff up.
You have to keep in mind,
this was at a time when
rape revenge films were all the rage.
Funny story about that.
I only got the part
because Michael Berryman
was too expensive for the budget.
Samuel, can I get you to take
a look at some script changes?
On my way, my dear.
Oh, my God, I cannot believe that they got
Samuel Paragon to be in this film.
That's so fucking awesome.
I fucking love that guy.
Have you seen him in
"Bloodsucking Wet Nurses"?
Incredible.
I, um, I think I might
have missed that one.
It'll be on Tubi.
I'm looking forward to
the 4K later this year.
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna check that out for sure.
But this cabin, so cool.
I can't believe they're letting
you guys shoot here, you know,
because you're kind of thrashing
the place with all this
satanic shit.
It's like my old mentor
Gordon used to say.
It's easier to ask for forgiveness
than to beg for permission.
So, like, they don't know
that you guys are shooting
a horror movie here?
Aren't you worried that
they might kick us out?
This is run and gun Roger Corman shit.
Get in there, get the
footage, clean up your mess.
If you get busted, apologize.
We're like serial killers here.
And trust me,
the owners are not going to care.
This house has morbid history.
What do you mean, Tom?
What happened?
You don't know?
Back in the '70s?
This wacko cult leader got his
whole flock to come up here to,
uh...
[choking noises]
It's been deserted for decades.
Until a couple years
ago, this young couple
put in their life savings.
Make this thing into an Airbnb.
They learn 2 important lessons.
One,
ain't nobody want a vacation out here.
And two,
anyone crazy enough to stay here
was just trying to steal stuff for their,
uh, true crime collections.
So, you can imagine that the
current owners are pretty
open to a bunch of horror freaks
laying siege to their property.
I mean, this shit is a win win for them.
It's like this place was just
sitting around waiting to become
the ideal location for a slasher film.
Susan.
Do me a kindness and get the latex.
Sure thing, Nick.
Where did we hide it?
It's in the bedroom upstairs.
You got it.
- By the bathroom.
So, uh, what else do you need wiped down?
[shock chord, director muttering]
Oh, fuck.
What the hell, Noel?
What are you doing?
Susan, I think you broke my nose.
Holy fuck.
I saw you walk upstairs.
I thought I'd give you a little scare.
You know, I taste blood.
This isn't good.
What did you think was gonna happen?
I'm sorry, but you don't
sneak up on people like that.
So you come upstairs.
Figured it'd give you a little scare, and.
I figured, you know,
we're in a bedroom,
if you're really not, uh...
You know?
I'll forgive you if you come over here and
and kiss it and make it better.
Heck no.
I told you, no fooling around on set.
Come on, Susan, what's the big deal?
The big deal
is that I need to be taken
seriously by this crew.
I can't have them thinking
that the only reason
that I'm on set is because
I'm banging the director.
I'm not just some sort of...
wannabe.
I'm an artist.
Are you even listening to me?
I'm hearing every single
word you're saying right now
and I wholeheartedly agree, okay?
I take you seriously.
We all take you seriously on the set,
especially me, because I'm
guaranteeing a bright future for you,
because I adore you. I feel for you. Okay?
I figured, we got a couple minutes.
What's the big deal?
You know, get this whole thing
up, you know,
skip it bitty-boop.
I'm sorry, but no,
I'm not changing my mind for some...
some panky.
But it's panky.
Oh, okay, hold on.
What if I smack my goblin while you watch,
and hum me the theme song
from "Saved by the Bell"
like we did on that J.R.
Bookwalter shoot in Mogadore
a couple months back, eh?
No.
Look, alright, get back to work.
We need to get going if we're going to
abide to your insane schedule.
Come on.
You need this liquid latex over
here, don't you?
Want come get it?
- Give me my liquid latex.
Come on, it's over here.
My nose.
My penis.
What am I gonna do now?
[makes goofy noise]
"Hello, Noel!"
Well, hello there, Handgina.
"Ready to do some weird shit?"
Why, yes, I am Handgina.
Where do you think we should...
Oh, sshh...
Oh... hail Satan!
How are Satanists luring
our children into their web?
[CALLER:] One of the primary
ways is through music.
Bands are going from town to town,
advertising what kids
can expect in advance
by peppering the community
with fliers that depict satanic
imagery like pentagrams,
black burning candles,
and sometimes Satan himself.
And this works?
Are you kidding?
I've been following one band
called Satan's Iron Fist
for the last few weeks,
and their shows are sold out.
What happens at these shows?
The shows are a recruiting
opportunity for them.
The band's organizers
infiltrate the audience with
satanic collateral
that guides kids to
exclusive local groups and
private social media
channels that they can join.
The cloud of mystery they spin
lures our children further into their web.
Satanism is a cancer now that's
slowly becoming a scourge.
[dramatic music]
Jesus fuck.
Skip Ballin, WRNG News.
Officer Darden,
some say that that kid actually
deserved the broken arm.
What was it that triggered your reaction?
Fucking dick.
Come to me, my child.
Stay away from me, you bastard.
Fuck you!
And your Satanic bullshit.
[MARY:] You're insane.
Not insane.
Enlightened.
Satan has chosen you, Mary.
The Lord of Darkness has chosen you to
be his earthly vessel,
to deliver the heir to his earthly throne.
Embrace your destiny, Mary.
Accept Satan as your lord and master.
And... cut.
Beautiful.
Katrina, that was phenomenal.
Well, it's easy to act exhausted
when it's 102 degrees in here.
Samuel doesn't even look
phazed by this shit.
Oh, we shot "Feast of the Inbred Mutants"
in the middle of the desert, Katrina.
Compared to that,
these blackout curtains are like
goddamned air conditioning.
[Noel chuckles]
Trust me, Katrina, your misery is gonna be
beautifully displayed on that screen.
Remember, you're the final girl.
So you get to ask for an
air conditioned trailer
for the sequel.
That's what I'm talking about.
Give me a franchise, bitch.
Hell yeah.
- Shit.
Maybe I can get some of that action
in some new flashback sequences.
Hey man.
Yeah.
We're just about ready to set
up for the death burn scene.
Now, I'm thinking about going Steadicam,
for whence you light Samuel on fire.
I will follow your storyboards to a tee
to make sure that the fire
effects don't look hokey,
but listen,
you gotta get a lot of coverage
when you're editing this baby.
Are you doing the full body burn later,
or are you doing it all in post?
Oh...
we didn't have the cash
for the full body burn.
It would have sent our insurance
premiums through the roof.
So if we end up doing the full body burn,
we're gonna have to do it back in L.A.
We'll just lay it over one
of the night exterior shots.
It'll be fine.
Do you already have somebody
doing that for you or...?
I know a guy.
We already got someone,
but I appreciate that, Sam.
Thank you.
Hey, man.
Can I talk to you a second?
Yeah, what's up?
Hey, man,
I know you're in a time crunch, but
I wanted you to hear it from me.
What are you talking about?
[moans]
Maybe this is a mistake.
Come on, man, spit it out.
All right, listen.
There's a big time preacher
in New York, right?
He's making you his target
this week on the show,
trying to get all of his
followers to protest your film,
because of all the violence,
and now this with the satanic cult.
Now, listen, normally,
I wouldn't give a shit, right?
But I'm telling you,
man, this thing has legs.
National news, man, I'm sorry,
but... it's everywhere.
Oh.
This.
This is phenomenal.
What?
You can't buy publicity like this.
Now, people are gonna
want to see this movie
and our last five movies
just to see how violent
and fucked up we could be.
This could be huge.
But aren't you worried about
the investors getting cold feet?
Ah...
In the immortal words of P.T. Barnum,
"Say something good,."
Say something bad.
"Just say something."
Oh, my goodness,
this is the best news I've had all week.
Oh.
Oh... please...
Don't ever do that again.
[Noel makes funny noise]
"Hey, Noel...
He's our type."
Not now, Handgina.
Excuse me.
So, do you think, uh,
Noel's gonna actually wrap today?
Well, we check out tomorrow.
You know, Noel has his shit together.
I mean, this isn't his first
rodeo, nor his first feature.
Right.
Yeah, I saw that last one he did.
"Genitaliac."
Hm, yeah.
- It was fucking crazy.
Well, tonight we're going
to have a wrap party
that'll make Burning Man
look like a Mormon baptism.
Yeah, just bring in the pharmacy.
We like to stay well equipped with a...
an assortment of different
SPFX of a different variety.
I've got some magic mushrooms.
I have Alpha 21 in here.
I got some LSD, MDMA,
and I have a few different
types of Marigana.
So we've got some Baby Coat Hanger,
Alien Foot Knuckle,
We've got some Fuzzy Butt Lovin',
Terrible Tongue Tickler,
We've got some Baggy Waggy Elbow,
Freud's Weenus Envy.
I've never had that one.
Um, Scary Fluff Pucker,
That one's a hyrid.
Um, we have Fickle Monkey Baby,
Spit in my Mouth, I've never had that one.
We've got Harry Larry,
Harry Fairy Very Berry,
We have Magic Butt Monkey,
A Little Bit of Shake,
and heroin.
Holy shit.
Yeah, work hard, play hard.
Best way to let off steam on
a set this fucking brutal.
Say, Nick.
Listen, man.
Noel needs the chainsaw gag, man.
Just bring the rest of
the weapons in here,
and don't fucking touch a chainsaw.
It's gased up and ready to go.
Easy, easy.
Ooh, dingum.
So...
Let's do it...
diagonally.
All right, so let's go do that.
I'll apply that real quick.
Let's meet you that way.
- Yeah.
Got it.
What, did Noel pick this place for the
shitty cell phone reception?
So we'd all be method acting.
Some bullshit.
I can't even send a text message.
You're not here to send text
messages, dipshit.
You here to make a film.
What, do you need to let your mommy know
you're gonna be late for supper?
Fuck you, Susan.
I have another gig next week.
I gotta get a hold of my fucking agent.
Hey, little Miss Big Shot.
Why don't you make yourself useful?
After we shoot you out,
why don't you head to
the store with Ted and
get a shitload of booze,
and then you can send your little message.
[mock laughing]
I don't know what to say, Dad.
The kid was a piece of
shit, and I knew it.
Anyway, hearing's on Monday.
Jesus, John.
I know you've gone through a lot.
Maybe they can take
that into consideration.
What happened to you in Afghanistan?
Takes a toll on a person.
Yeah.
They'll find a good
reason to shit can my ass.
It's not like you're some
out of control psycho.
You seen some evil kind of things that
some people are capable of firsthand.
Just got the best of
you in that situation.
John?
John, you still there?
Yeah, just tell Mom I'm okay.
Don't tell her anything else.
I don't want to worry her.
Anyway, I'll be at the cabin until Sunday,
if you need to get ahold of
me, call the landline,
'cause I will not be answering my cell.
You call me if you want us
with you on Monday, son.
And try not to beat the crap
out of any more bad guys
until you're hearing, if you can help it.
I'll try to manage, Dad.
Take care, son.
You too, old man.
Tell mom I love her.
Sorry I let you down.
Sadly, there was another tragic shooting
at a school north of Spokane.
[CALLER:] I told you, I told you,
last week, that I would bet $100,
the next mass shooting
would come from a liberal,
"sheeple" state.
And I saw a photo of the
shooter after he was arrested.
What a shock he was wearing a black shirt,
with a red, upside down pentagram on it.
And the first things the goddamn
liberals are going to
blame are the shooter,
the shooter's parents, and guns.
No one
is asking the important question.
Which is?
Who's behind poisoning that kid's mind?
I assure you, it's not their parents,
and it's not the gun makers.
It's all the poison they've been force fed
through the music they've
been listening to,
and that's "music" in quotes.
I mean, have you read the
lyrics to some of these bands?
I have the lyrics to a song
right here in front of me, actually.
Um...
Oh, nice.
"Fuck God..."
I am the devil.
I will swallow your soul whole.
Fuck the police.
Kill them all.
We'll have a ball.
Blood will be shed, lives will be lost.
"It just might be a bullet in your head."
It's pretty dark stuff.
[sinister music]
[flashback noises]
[somber music]
Okay, so this is pump action.
You just pull it back.
There's already a blank in here. Okay?
It's gonna be fucking loud.
So that's why you have earplugs in.
Understand?
Okay, stupid question,
but because I'm firing this at the camera.
You are absolutely positive.
The shell is a blank.
Yep, I swear on my mother.
There's a blank shell in there,
you're not gonna kill anybody.
All you need to do.
Point it over there,
scream your head off like fucking Rambo.
Don't worry about the effects.
We're gonna have Samuel
do a headcast in L.A.
and we're gonna fix it all in post.
Alright, we ready?
Let's blow this fucker up.
I'm gonna put the
"scream" in scream queen.
Hey, Katrina.
Can I get a sound check?
Check, check, I'm a star, and you're not.
Check.
Obnoxious, but I got good levels.
Camera's a go.
All right.
Roll camera?
Camera roll.
Roll sound.
Sound speeds.
Mark it.
"Satan's Peak."
Scene 57.
Take four.
And...
action.
[TALK SHOW HOST:] But
that's exactly my point.
Politicians, law enforcement, hell,
even the President of
this once-great country
are not taking this satanic
explosion seriously.
If they did, we certainly
wouldn't be in the situation we are now.
It's terrifying.
I'm going to open up the call lines and
see what our faithful
listeners have to say.
Vinnie from Pittsburgh.
You're on Shitstorm Radio Podcast.
Thrill me.
Yeah, my on?
You're on, Vinny. Whats on your mind?
Where do you get off saying
that our President doesn't
care about the American public
with the whole satanic panic bullshit?
It's called freedom of speech, Pinhead.
Look it up.
What are you? Some kind of Commie?
Do me a favor, Vinny.
Go to your kitchen drawer,
pull out the largest and
dullest butcher knife
that you can,
and cut your balls off, so there's...
No chance you can reproduce.
Shitstorm Radio Podcast.
Who am I speaking with?
Today, people,
that's why I rarely take calls.
Officer John.
What's on your mind, Officer John?
I don't understand the world anymore.
You and me both, friendo.
I love this country.
Fought and bled for this country.
And now I get to sit
and watch it as it eats
stuff from the inside
of these godless pricks.
And the sad thing is that
if you speak out on it,
you're intolerant, as if we're
supposed to be supportive
of the complete destruction
of Christianity.
I mean, exactly, you know?
I mean, I spent every day
walking the straight and narrow.
And I have every fucking
person in the world out there,
freaking fight me tooth and
nail every step of the way.
No one ever said doing the right thing
was an easy task, Officer John.
We just have to keep
fighting the good fight.
I mean, good versus evil.
It's an age old story.
I get that.
It's like everyone around me is completely
blind to the situation.
Hell.
You might be the last
voice of reason left.
Well, I'm flattered, but if my words reach
only one listener,
then I've done my job.
You do a fine job, Sean.
But my job is fucking impossible.
You know,
I've been a great cop for 15 years.
I have more accommodations for bravery
and for service, than you could count.
But it doesn't matter,
because they all just took
the word of a Satanistic
graffiti artist word over mine.
Officer John, um...
Is this Officer John Darden,
who was suspended for roughing up that kid
who was defacing private
property with a pentagram?
Thanks for listening, Sean.
Thanks for always being there.
John?
John?
Are you there?
[dramatic music]
Levels are good.
All right,
we've got Samuel front and center,
our random Satanists on either side,
looking beautiful.
Am I doing the satanic chant or just...
smiling maniacally?
Smiling maniacally!
I don't know how to smile maniacally.
Oh, you're Samuel Paragon.
Give it a shot.
You sure you don't want
to shoot this both ways?
Oh!
[Noel laughs]
I'm sure.
How's the lighting?
Watertight.
Fantastic.
Roll camera...
Camera's a-go.
Roll sound.
Sound speeds!
Mark it!
"Satan's Peak" scene 38, take one.
And...
Action.
Satanists begin chanting on
three, two, one.
[Satanists chanting]
[shock chord]
Psycho motherfuckers.
[satanic chanting]
Holy shit.
Fucking Christ.
It's really happening.
[dramatic music]
Party time, motherfuckers. [cocks gun]
[suspenseful music]
Cut!
[Noel exhales]
And that's a goddamn wrap, people.
All right, bitches, pharmacy is open.
Hey, James.
- Yeah?
Can I talk to you a second?
Sure, what's up?
So, I don't want to shit on
your riff or anything, but...
but can't help but notice that
you never hang out with the cast and crew.
You're always...
over there with the extras.
You think you're better
than us or something?
No, no.
It's nothing like that, trust me.
I gotta...
I got an angle to all
this, you know what I mean?
No. What's that?
So get this.
I'm a supporting actor
in a low-budget horror film, okay?
Got a couple of lines here and there.
Hang out with these guys.
As far as they're concerned,
I'm fucking Bruce Campbell, right?
So,
raises my opportunities
to get laid tonight.
[actress sighs]
But I kind of get that.
Don't you think you're
kind of limiting yourself?
I mean,
there's like,
two female extras in the whole group.
Who says I'm just going after the babes?
All right, who's got my fucking drugs?
[party music, people chattering]
[party music, people chattering]
Hail fucking Satan.
I can't believe we got all this shit done
by the Halloween deadline.
Noel is the fucking shit.
12 insanely elaborate murder setups...
in five days?
And you came out of this shit alive.
Think, motherfucker.
I'm the final girl.
The bitch that beats the devil
at his own game.
[girls laughing]
[suspense music,
knife stabbing into flesh]
[girl screaming]
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music fades out]
[eerie music]
[girl screaming]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're excited. You're confused. I get it.
We'll get to that.
First things first, though.
You... have a big decision to make.
Do you wanna die fast?
Or do you want to die slow?
I am sorry about the decisions,
but those are the ones we got.
Now, I'm gonna ask you some questions.
Answer me truthfully.
Fast.
Painless.
Or...
You can tell me lies.
And then I will hurt you
for the rest of your life.
I need you to understand.
I do not like torturing women.
The screams are so different.
But I promise you...
I will get used to it.
Now...
my first question, and it is an easy one.
How many are you Satanistic...
murder party-having
friends are in this house?
Are in this house?
[tape tears]
Wait, you fucking psychopath.
This isn't some goddamn satanic orgy!
You just killed an innocent woman!
[sinister music drone]
I really wish...
this has gone differently.
Well...
[cuts off finger]
What a mess.
[exhales]
Those little finger piggies...
are not going to market.
Let's see...
what your little foot friends are up to.
Now...
When someone usually shoots you
in the foot with one of these.
They'll use a straight nail.
And for the life of me, I do not know why,
because the ones that I use...
hurt so much more.
You try to take them out, oof.
That is no fun.
But I don't want that.
Just tell me...
how many your friends are in this house?
They're not my friends.
You're gonna make me do this.
You're gonna make me shoot in the foot
with this fucking thing?
Goddamn it!
[nail gun into foot]
[sinister music]
How many?
Say, Kev, you need a joint?
Pass, friend.
It's a party, man.
You get so stressed and
you need to get lit.
Hey, I appreciate it, but...
I've been off the drugs for 13 years.
I don't need to start tonight.
Did you have a problem, man?
If you call getting so fucked up,
I ended up in Thailand,
married to a lady boy
and didn't even realize it
until I woke up the next morning
"a problem."
Yeah, man.
That's a definite problem.
Laugh it up, funny boy.
At least I don't fuck goats.
Hey.
She was tight, man.
Suh-weet.
[laughter, background chatter]
[on TV:] Well,
we have about an hour left...
anything you want to do?
We've done way worse,
years of torture porn,
cutting people's toes
off, gouging eyes out.
We even jump rope with that
dude's frickin' intestines.
Dude, last gig?
We had to pull this dude's
teeth out one by one,
and then we shoved his
head up his own asshole.
Classy.
[rock music]
Oh, man.
Hey, uh... hey, Sam.
Sam.
Do you think us making
that guy eat his own penis
was going a little bit too far?
Yeah, I mean,
when I did "The Devil's Orgy" in '78.
I ate a fetus, so...
I might be a little bias on that point.
Nice.
Well, I hate to bail on this
swanky satanic soiree, but...
I need to hit the bathroom
and head back to my hotel.
I got a...
gay serial killer thing back in L.A.
on Monday.
Oh, I totally get it, man. No worries.
Hey, listen, I can't thank you enough
for everything you've
done for this production.
You are truly the Satanic
Lord and Master, okay?
Would do me a favor?
Use the bathroom upstairs,
because the one down here,
there's a severed head in the toilet.
There's blood all over the place,
all kinds of shit you don't
want to deal with, okay?
Good to know.
You got it, buddy. Safe travel, Sam.
[rock music plays offscreen]
Oh, I did not even see you there.
Samuel.
Hey, it was really great working with you.
Same here.
I hope to get the chance to do it again.
Me, too.
Well...
enjoy the party.
No, thank you,
but this really isn't my thing.
I'll probably be taking
off in a little bit, so...
Oh, I see.
Well, I don't know if
you'd be interested, but
I'm just gonna be hanging out in my hotel.
My plane doesn't leave
until tomorrow morning.
You're welcome to join me, if you like.
I'd love to.
Wonderful.
So, I'll see you in about an hour?
Can't wait.
Yep.
Still got it.
[rock music continues playing]
[closes door]
[thumping noise]
[suspense music]
What the hell?
[body falls]
[party chatter]
[music swells]
It seems like we have a vacancy.
Good. Even the dead won't hear us.
Oh yeah.
My Lord.
Courtesy of the prop department.
Score.
Think these are used?
Absolutely.
So, how fucked up are you?
How fucked up are you?
I'm rolling like a 7-Eleven hot dog, baby.
I wonder if I'm fucked up enough.
Eh, give it a couple minutes.
Now...
you're gonna hang tight.
Bite down for me.
Now, don't you try to run away.
I'll be right back.
[whispers] I'll be right back.
She wants kinky.
I'll give her fucking kinky.
Heh... horny.
Oh, Jesus.
It's okay.
I'm not one of those freaks.
Let's get out of this.
They won't hurt you anymore.
All right, baby.
Who's ready to get double pregnant?
Baby...
[girl whimpers]
Oh, you are really getting
into character, baby.
[girl whimpers]
What the hell is wrong with you?
[girl whimpers]
It's just me.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck...
Let's get you out of this.
It's okay. Okay.
Goddamn fucking psycho!
They're gonna fucking hear us....
goddamn it!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
[suspense music, choking sounds]
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
It's not your fault.
Poor thing.
They brainwashed you.
Rest now.
And you.
You don't need to be scared anymore.
Their sick plans for you are over.
Your mom is going to heaven now.
And she'll take you with her.
You're welcome.
And I promise...
I will kill everyone
in this house for you.
For both of you.
But then I said,
"Put it on his dick and
see if it spins, Johnny."
and you should have seen the look.
Hey, you seen Samuel Paragon?
Oh, yeah,
he's upstairs using the bathroom.
Dammit, I was just up there.
I have a whole bunch of
stuff I need him to sign.
I'm gonna make a fucking killing on eBay.
Tacky.
Yeah, well,
it's not like you're paying me much.
Wait, you're insinuating
that I'm actually paying you?
Yeah, my contract is hourly,
not this day rate bullshit.
Motherfucker, Nina.
[crickets, quiet night]
Hey, uh, you seen
Samuel Paragon?
I wanted to get some "Devil's
Onion Ring" stuff signed.
Hello?
[suspense music]
[knife stab]
[struggling sounds]
[gasping] I'm an artist...
Oh, fuck.
[chopping sound]
Fuck me.
[chopping sound]
[suspense music]
Oh, man.
Hey, I don't recognize you.
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm the cleaner.
Oh.
[laughs]
Fuck!
[drunkenly] I do not envy your job at all.
[James throws up]
Oh.
Oh, God, no, no, man, sorry.
Sorry, bro. [mumbles incoherently]
I'll clean you up a little bit.
Man.
Shit, man. I'm sorry.
You're making it worse.
Yeah, you and your buds have
fucked up this place plenty.
But believe me...
I will clean house.
Kind of rude.
Shit.
[night crickets, quiet]
[twig snaps]
[suspense music]
[stabbing noise]
[dramatic music swells]
Ew.
You scared the shit out of me.
Where is Samuel Paragon?
Hilarious, Nick.
You have a machete
sticking out of your head,
as if that that hasn't
been done a million times.
All right, you bastards,
let's have a toast.
Here's to mating with
whore brides of Satan.
Oh!
That's some good shit right there.
Oh, man.
You like that?
Oh, shit.
Hey, guys.
Make sure Susan saves me
some of that new weed.
Uh, what's it called, that,
uh, "Spit in My Mouth"?
Make sure she, uh, uh, okay, awesome.
Thanks, guys.
Hopefully somebody fucking heard that.
[Noel laughs]
All right.
We finally fucking did it.
Oh...
hello there, friend.
Hey, we wrapped, motherfucker.
We did this.
Even though I don't really recognize
you, that's okay.
Huh.
So, uh...
What's your name?
Oh ho ho ho...
Hey, man, that better be fake.
I don't need any kind of Alec
Baldwin situation going on here.
All right.
Ready?
Drop.
Oh fuck.
[suspense music]
Oh, fuck.
Hey, some extra shot me in
the leg with a real bullet!
Did we forget to pay someone?
Nina!
[shock chord]
Oh... Noel...
Holy shit.
[shock chord]
Fuck!
[Noel mumbles]
I know now's a bad time to bring this
up, but, uh...
we don't have insurance.
[suspense music continues]
Who the fuck was that guy?
I don't fucking know.
But they killed Nick.
And Samuel, fucking puke on his death.
He killed Samuel?
Oh, God.
Well, at least his check didn't clear
yet, so I think, uh,
I think at least in that
aspect, it'll be okay,
but that's very sad.
Fuck.
Are you serious right now?
All of the alcohol is poisoned.
All of our extras are puking blood
all over the house.
Our cars are fucked up,
and I'm trying to call for help,
but I can't seem to find a signal because
we're in the middle of fucking
nowhere because of you.
Oh, God.
You accidentally conjured
up Satan himself...
what have I done?
Shut up.
Okay, there is a rickety
old bike in the back,
and I'm gonna ride it far, far away from
from you and your shit show
until I can get a signal
and call for help,
because I have to do everything.
Susan.
This...
has been a very tough shoot for all of us.
Okay?
We've all been broken
mentally from it, right?
Especially me.
[makes funny sound]
[funny voice:] And me.
See?
I know, right?
But I need you to know something.
This...
is your moment.
Okay?
Not only are you saving this film,
but you're saving lives.
You are one of the most talented
and smartest people I've
ever met in my fucking life.
And I have no doubt you're
gonna pull this off.
Yeah.
- Right?
I will.
Go get 'em.
- Great.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You got your...
you've got the important stuff.
Ah... duh.
Wanda, while, while you're here.
Yes, Noel?
Spit in my mouth?
James smoked it all.
Oh, no. I mean, for real.
You're disgusting.
Pig!
[DISPATCHER:] Attention Unit One,
we've had numerous calls
reporting possible gunshots
fired near the peak of Howe Mountain Road.
Residents say that the shots are fired
from the Lucas property area.
You talking about the cult?
Are you talking...
You talking about the cult suicide house?
You know we don't call it that, Rick.
Bad for tourism, remember?
Copy that.
I'll check it out.
Jesus Christ,
perfect serial killer weather.
[DISPATCHER:] That's stupid.
Goddamn it, Stacy, get off the line.
[police radio chatter]
[car starts]
[shrieking in pain]
Jesus Christ...
Lucky fucking shot!
Goddamn it...
You fuckers want to play?
Oh, we're gonna play.
I'll keep riding until I get
a signal and call for help.
Keep Broadway, boogie, boogie,
will fall to hell. I got it.
Tom!
Get it together.
You have two shells left.
And if he pops this head up,
you blow the shit out of that
little biatch.
Go full "Evil Dead" on him.
Do not pussy out.
Biatch...
Pussy.
Nina!
Nina.
Nina, hey.
What a relief.
Listen...
Susan's riding down.
She's gonna find a
signal, bring the cavalry.
Help is on the way.
We just got to be strong, okay?
Are we stuck in some kind
of "Twilight Zone" shit?
I know, right?
Where's Noel?
He's upstairs lying down.
Listen, you know,
now that it's the two of us, I just,
I want to let you know,
I saw you earlier, I was so
happy to see your pretty face intact.
I-I...
maybe...
there's something...
Oh, God, just my luck.
If I only just left when
I originally wanted to,
I'd be in Samuel's hotel room right now.
I wouldn't be in this death trap.
Nina.
Samuel's dead.
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no.
- Oh, hey...
[Nina sobbing]
- Hey, hey...
We all miss him.
We'll get through it, just...
This isn't happening.
Fuck.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
All right, you piece of shit.
[Noel laughs]
Let's do this.
Come get some.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
Do we just sink your
battleship, penis chicks?
[suspense music fades out]
Piece of shit.
Give me a signal.
The damn GPS says I'm here,
but all I'm seeing is woods.
[DISPATCHER:] Rick,
how long have you lived here?
Stacy, don't give me that shit.
I haven't been up here since
the massacre, all right?
This ain't my fault.
I'll bet if they had strippers there,
you could find your way.
It was one time.
One goddamn time.
And we were separated.
Keep telling yourself that,
you unfaithful bastard.
Stacy, now is not the time.
There are lives at risk.
When is the time, Rick?
You've never made time
for our relationship.
Our marriage counselor said as much.
That is not what they said.
You know, this is our problem.
You like to put words in people's mouths
to fit your agenda.
Tough talk for someone who can't
keep his dick in his pants.
For the love of fuck.
I never cheated on you,
you fucking nutjob.
Oh, come the fuck out, goddamn it.
Stacy, we can talk about
this when we get home.
Would you please just
help me find this house?
[DISPATCHER:] What road are you on?
I'm at 9 Mile and Middlevale.
Did you pass Potter's Bluff Road?
Uh, yes.
Well, then you passed it.
Turn around and go two blocks up.
Now, see?
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Stacy?
Stacy.
[shock chord]
Holy fuck.
You have to help us.
There's a psychopath,
and he's killing everybody.
Ma'am, just calm down.
I'll call in back up.
We'll, we'll...
No, there's no time. We have to go.
All right, just get in.
Just get in the car.
Ah, fuck.
Nina?
I really think it'd be really nice of you
to get in here and help us.
I am not going near that motherfucker.
What are we gonna do
with this sack of shit?
[Noel gasps]
Oh, we ought to kill this motherfucker.
Or I just make him suck our dicks.
Yeah.
Don't be ridiculous.
You can't kill him.
That'll make us just as bad as he is.
Can you just kill your
date earlier tonight?
All right.
Just make it look like self defense.
I mean, if he looks like
he's helpless and tied up,
I'm not going to jail for this.
Right on.
Okay.
Seriously.
Obviously, we have to do
something, because otherwise,
I just foresee this motherfucker
breaking out of that chair.
He's gonna end up
stabbing him in the balls
and he's gonna end up
shooting you in the face
because he's a fucking idiot.
Then having to end up getting
shot because fuck me, right?
So obviously,
the most logical thing to do
in the situation right now,
I think we could all agree.
She's got to chainsaw
this motherfucker in half.
Yeah, yeah... yeah, yeah.
If you guys have him
tied up and handcuffed,
and the cops come in here,
you're gonna end up cellmates
with a big dude named Mule Dick.
You want that?
Uh...
All right.
Good point.
What do we do?
[action music]
[shotgun fires]
[suspense music continues]
Faster, we have to go!
We need to hurry.
They're gonna kill my friends.
Ma'am, I am going as fast as
I possibly can, I promise you.
Hurry!
Damn serial killer weather.
Fuck you!
Where you going, tough guy?
[suspense music continues]
[chainsaw running]
When all these drugs wear off...
that's really gonna fucking hurt.
[Sean moans in pain]
All right.
Seriously.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What is wrong with me?
Yes, with you.
Out of all the people
in the world to murder.
You landed on us.
Why?
Fucking cocksuckers
don't deserve to live.
What, you got something
against filmmakers?
You Satanists...
snuff film is not art!
[NOEL:] Snuff film?
We're just making a shitty B-horror movie.
For no money.
You low, naughty, Satanistic assholes have
fucking alibis through everything.
You fucking kidding me?
Okay, hold on one second, asshole.
Don't go anywhere.
Okay.
[Noel flinches]
Okay, look.
All this shit's fake.
It's all fake.
Look...
stage blood.
It says stage blood.
Fuck whistle.
[NOEL:] All this shit's fake.
Look.
It's James. You already killed him.
You can't kill a guy twice.
I didn't cut his head off.
Our special effects guy Nick made this.
It actually looks really good, doesn't it?
No, this is silicone, man.
This is fake as fuck.
Up close. Holy shit.
Look.
Fucking fake, man. I didn't even feel bad.
I'm on a ton of drugs right now,
but you'd think that would hurt
at least a little bit, right?
Fake.
[NOEL:] Everything we were doing...
was make believe.
Everything you did...
was fucking permanent.
I bet you're one of those
hypocritical religious types
that thinks
horror movies and anything not
fitting into their agenda
is pure evil, aren't you?
Well, I got news for you.
Everything you tried to do tonight?
Completely fucking backfired
because you just made this movie.
A huge hit.
[Noel chuckles]
Thank you, by the way,
and you are forever gonna be known as...
a stabby asshole
that killed the cast and crew of a film,
including B-horror movie
legend Samuel Paragon,
and a pregnant actress.
Congratulations.
You're an asshole.
[suspense music]
This isn't fake.
I'm a PTSD nightmare.
Ticking fucking time bomb.
You know something?
You actually did me a favor today,
because now
I don't have to pay these people.
I appreciate that.
But if shit's gonna go south
on a Noel Campbell set,
it's gonna be on Noel Campbell's terms.
Put down the weapon.
Noel!
[trip & stabbing noises]
Oh, I'm gonna puke.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, no, no.
Oh...
but she was one...
I didn't mind paying.
Put down the hatchet.
You are under arrest.
Ah.
This is all your fault.
Do not make this worse for yourself.
Send my regards...
to Satan.
[axe chop]
[gunshots]
[NEWSCASTER:] Our ongoing
story is the horrifying
ordeal that local law
enforcement is calling
the most violent crime in Ridgway history.
Independent filmmaker Noel Campbell,
known for his ultraviolent horror film.
"Genitaliac,"
was shot dead by Ridgway police.
This took place during a
standoff where Campbell
had killed the entirety of
his cast and crew during
the filming of the horror film,
"Satan's Peak."
In total, Campbell murdered 16 people,
including popular genre
actor Samuel Paragon
and disgraced police officer John Darden.
Officer Darden, if you
remember, was recently suspended
for excessive force of a minor.
The question being asked, in this case,
was this massacre satanically motivated?
Joining us via satellite is controversial
podcaster and self proclaimed
warrior against Satan,
Sean Henry.
Mr. Henry, welcome to the show.
Well, thank you for having me.
Mr. Henry, in your opinion,
was Noel Campbell a Satanist?
Oh, without a doubt.
I mean, just look at the movies
that he wrote and directed.
This is a clear cut case
of a sickness disguised as art.
I believe that Mr. Campbell
lured his cast and crew to their doom,
in order to sacrifice them to the devil.
What about Officer John Darden?
What do you think his involvement
in this situation was?
Sadly, I think Officer
Darden was just in the
wrong place at the wrong time.
Now, I take this case very personally,
because not only does it prove my theory
about the connection between horror movies
and demonic possession,
but it's also a sad day
for my listeners as well.
I had the pleasure to
speak to Officer Darden
the night before his death.
I mean, as you know,
he called into my podcast.
He was extremely distraught
about the current
state of the world
and was committed to making a difference.
And I believe that it was
fate that his parents' cabin
was seated right next to Campbell's
pit of satanic hell.
And I truly believe that Officer Darden
died trying to save those kids.
Is there anything that we can
learn from this situation?
To...
possibly ensure that this kind of thing
could never happen again.
I think that this situation
proves that horror films
are, uh,
simply a gateway into
the minds of the weak,
for the devil to take root in.
It's time to cut them off at the source.
Pretty powerful stuff.
And we'll be back after these messages.
[Buffalora Entertainment bumper music]
[distant military battle]
[droning, ominous music]
[distant military battle]
[man screaming]
[man screaming]
[ominous music continues]
Welcome back to the Shit
Storm radio podcast.
I'm your host, Sean Henry.
And today we've been speaking
with Earl Shalalay, co-founder
and leader of God Salvationist,
a Southern Baptist Organization.
That's focused on resetting
our country's moral compass.
Earl, in terms of immoral
activities impacting
Christian Americans today,
what are the biggest
concerns you're seeing
that could have disastrous
ramifications for our nation?
We're seeing more kids today
led astray by bizarre fixation
with the occult, Sean.
Specifically... Satanism.
Of course, it's no surprise which states
are the progenitors of
this dangerous trend.
Now, if I were a betting man,
I'd say the Lefty McLefterson's.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Now, you look at the
recent mass shootings from
those godless liberal bastions.
The media savvy satanic leaders
are recruiting and poison
our children's minds
by praying to their base instincts.
See, now they're luring
them in with music,
then indoctrinating them through
underground pornographic
websites and other avenues.
And they sell illicit drugs
and cult paraphernalia.
Now, is that true?
I wish I could say I was making this up.
I swear, Sean, if you don't hold me back,
I might aim to do what
needs to be done and
set things right here.
You know the woke snowflakes ain't
doing nothing to stop it.
They don't care about
a goddamn thing except
making it easy for illegals
to abuse our healthcare and
defunding law enforcement.
Now, what can we do?
Yeah, we can start by being
more vigilant and understand
we all have a part to
play in this reconciliation.
Together...
We can recognize the early
warning signs and then
do everything in our
power to put a stop to it.
[spray painting noise]
[ominous music]
You can't hit me, man.
I'm just a kid.
Old enough to be in the satanic
bullshit, though, right?
[KID:] You know what? Fuck you.
You fuck...
[kid cries out in pain]
[kid cries out in pain]
[KID:] Fucking psycho!
[POLICE CHIEF:] Suspended.
Without pay.
Pending an evaluation.
Psych evaluation.
Yes, sir.
You got anything to say for yourself?
I mean...
what's with the fucking Incredible Hulk,
Charles Bronson bullshit?
Guess I overreacted again.
Overreact.
Overreacting. Listen,
a half sane person
would say that's the
understatement of the year.
The kid's mom is going to file
charges against the department.
You broke his fucking
arm, for Christ's sake.
I'll make myself scarce, Chief.
Listen, you just stuck a pipe bomb
up the entire department's asshole.
I can speak on behalf
of everyone when I say,
We really appreciate
your newfound discretion.
My folks have a place
up in Washington County.
Tell you what, I'll do y'all a favor
and put some miles between
myself and the department.
Yeah, sounds great. Listen,
before you go,
IA is gonna want to talk to you,
they're gonna come after
you like a proctologist.
They're gonna want to know all
of the different pieces and
parts of this thing.
What happened in Afghanistan,
about the PTSD,
about what happened to
your brother over there?
You better milk that one, too.
Look, man, these guys
aren't going to fuck around.
They're going to really
tear you a new asshole.
Is that all?
You know what, that is all.
Oh, before you go, John,
I'm going to need your gun and your badge
until all this shit blows over.
Thanks.
Hey, John.
Get your shit together.
This is probably the last
warning you're gonna get.
[ominous music]
[TALK SHOW CALLER:] Hell..
I tell you what,
they want to shut me down.
But the woke-stop-o.
Ain't gonna shut me down, Sean.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, yeah,
you're doing the Lord's work. Now,
obviously the police aren't
doing anything about this
devil worshiping scourge.
What could we do?
[TALK SHOW CALLER:] How's that saying go?
When the law turns a blind eye,
Then we become the law.
The deep cover shadow government has done
its goddamn best to
try and censor the sick
truth of what's actually
going on in this brainwashed
country by banning me,
and other like minded
truth warriors,
from the satanic mainstream media.
They put up their smoke screens
to hide their rampant webtard
pedophilia rings with
their liberal tentacles
wrapped around the throats
of the American public,
squeezing them into complacency
with their sicko Hollywood
propaganda machine.
This country is being strangled to death
by the scorpion's tail of the
shadow government's satanic
reach over the perverted, gun hating,
patriot baiting, queer loving media.
And we are speaking specifically
of the fraudulent news media that
manipulates the minds of its
gullible minions through
witchcraft and child sacrifice.
Like the McClutchen family that
was slaughtered in Providence.
This was actually carried out by Antifa,
Black Lives Matter,
and the LGBTQ community
who are warriors of Satan.
And I've seen photographic proof
of satanic child sacrifice.
People need to wake the hell up.
This is a battle for the nation's soul,
the phony mainstream
panders to the satanic
shadow government,
because they are co-conspirators
in the highly-organized
and well-coordinated
attack of American values
and patriotism.
They are not beholden to the Constitution
of this great nation,
but to the Satanic Bible,
a Bible baptized with the infant blood of
their hideous child sacrifices.
[ON PHONE:] John, it's Scott.
Just saw the news.
Jesus, man.
What the hell happened out there, bro?
Look, if you need to talk to anybody,
just give me a call, man.
I hope you're doing okay.
And don't you dare stick a
shotgun in your mouth over this
bullshit, man.
Fuck you.
- Call me, bro.
Asshole.
[ON PHONE:] John, it's your father.
We saw on the TV what happened.
I just wanted you to know that your,
your mother and I are
aware of the suspension.
Sorry, son.
I know you were only doing
what you thought was right.
Maybe you lost your temper, but
we're here for you,
if you want to talk, son.
We love you.
[TV NEWSCASTER:] Shocking
footage of apparent
police brutality
was caught by a bystander
cell phone in Akron today.
The footage shows a police
officer attacking and
breaking the arm... of a 15 year old boy.
The assault took place
behind Bartholomew's Deli
earlier this morning.
Police Sergeant John Darden,
The officer accused of the attack,
was immediately suspended
and faces charges of first
degree felony assault.
He is due to be arraigned Monday at the.
Superior Court of Ohio in Summit County.
[TV turned off]
[sound of military combat]
[somber music]
Most of the mass shootings in this country
are actually carried out
by Antifa terrorists.
They're conducting these
coordinated attacks
under the supervision of
the satanic shadow government,
thus attempting to weaken
the power of the NRA
and disarm
law abiding American citizens.
The plan being to leave us vulnerable
for a mass scale assault.
I reject the absurd notion that
gun control would prevent
these mass shootings.
The problem is not
access to assault rifles.
The real problem is
that the power of Satan
is alive and thriving in this country.
Satanists walk among us every day,
attempting to seduce us
through mainstream media,
and through their subliminal,
homosexual friendly messages,
embedded in mainstream
films, and television shows.
The rainbow flags, and pink triangles
are nothing more than
pentagrams in disguise.
Go to my website, and you'll see proof
that the McClechens were murdered
by satanic, ultra left forces.
We carry the Mark of the
Beast, not on our foreheads,
but on our cell phones
and laptop computers,
as the shadow government
possesses the ability to
monitor our every move, our...
Every text message and
our every phone call.
[satanic chanting]
Ave Satani...
And...
cut!
Beautiful.
Did I give you enough
Anton Levay on that one?
Samuel, I have a good
authority right now, in Hell,
Satan himself has an erection.
You are a shoo-in for a PentaGrammy.
I'll just stick with my
multiple Saturn Awards.
Thank you.
- Suit yourself.
Oh, thank God this isn't a comedy.
It isn't?
Okay, but, like, how did the nipples look?
[DIRECTOR:] Oh... ummm...
[Noel huffs]
Great.
Because, like,
I can perk them up a little bit,
and we could do another take.
I don't think that'll be necessary.
Okay, let me know if you change your mind.
Thank you.
All right.
Where are we at?
Well, that is all four
pages of the script,
and we can move on to the goat
fornication dream sequence.
You got every shot on your storyboard for
the scene, so we are looking good.
Perfect.
- But I do have some concerns.
What kind of concerns?
Well, first off, the blood splatter on.
Megan's face,
it was in a different
pattern than it was in
the reveal scene that we did earlier.
Nobody's gonna notice that.
Okay, well, I also noticed that Samuel's
hoodie was buttoned all
the way up in scene 22,
and now it's unbuttoned.
Nobody's gonna notice that.
Nina, I think you're
overthinking here just a little bit.
No, I am just looking out for you.
You know,
the horror community can be brutal
when they don't get realism.
Yeah, and the horror community
are a bunch of sweet, misguided
idiots that want the Terrifier franchise.
So I can't say I'm losing
sleep over that one.
Okay.
It'd be fine. Trust me.
Okay.
[exhales] Oh, boy.
Hey, there, are we happy?
Heh-heh. Oh, yeah.
This is some primo shit.
I mean, about the shot.
Uh...
That was beautiful.
Was that the right word?
Huh?
I thought we agreed you wouldn't
be smoking that shit on the set.
Uh, dejection.
Dejection, Your Honor.
You humbly requested that I didn't smoke.
Well, I posited...
Do you want me at my best?
[laughs quietly]
You know what? Whatever.
Are we good to move on to the next shot?
No, double check the monitor
before you green light,
but, uh,
I'm super ready for the goats-capades.
Okay, great.
Uh, bring on the goat.
Hey, hey, hey, I wanted to talk
to you about this, by the way.
I was thinking.
You know, in all these satanic movies
where the guy...
kills or thrills the goat.
Oh, boy.
Wouldn't it be more inspired...
If he took the time...
Oh, God.
To get to know the goat,
learn to respect the goat,
what are his dreams, his aspirations?
Do you even know his name?
How did he get in this situation?
And maybe over time,
he learns to love the goat.
And then he fucks the goat.
Tom, you could fuck coats all
you want in your spare time.
Let's just get this
fucking movie shot, okay?
[Noel makes funny noise]
Well, then I'm smoking.
Take five, everybody.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my gosh.
This blood is awesome.
That's because it's Dick
Smith's original recipe.
Not that Fright Tech Kayro syrup bullshit.
It's the Rolls Royce
of fake blood.
Hey, good job, guys.
The footage is looking great.
It reminds me of when I
did "Rape Dog" in 1983.
I'll tell you, sometimes,
the lower the budget,
the more the creativity.
"Rape Dog"?
- Oh, yeah.
Half man, half dog, all rapist.
Did really good numbers in Japan.
They eat that stuff up.
You have to keep in mind,
this was at a time when
rape revenge films were all the rage.
Funny story about that.
I only got the part
because Michael Berryman
was too expensive for the budget.
Samuel, can I get you to take
a look at some script changes?
On my way, my dear.
Oh, my God, I cannot believe that they got
Samuel Paragon to be in this film.
That's so fucking awesome.
I fucking love that guy.
Have you seen him in
"Bloodsucking Wet Nurses"?
Incredible.
I, um, I think I might
have missed that one.
It'll be on Tubi.
I'm looking forward to
the 4K later this year.
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna check that out for sure.
But this cabin, so cool.
I can't believe they're letting
you guys shoot here, you know,
because you're kind of thrashing
the place with all this
satanic shit.
It's like my old mentor
Gordon used to say.
It's easier to ask for forgiveness
than to beg for permission.
So, like, they don't know
that you guys are shooting
a horror movie here?
Aren't you worried that
they might kick us out?
This is run and gun Roger Corman shit.
Get in there, get the
footage, clean up your mess.
If you get busted, apologize.
We're like serial killers here.
And trust me,
the owners are not going to care.
This house has morbid history.
What do you mean, Tom?
What happened?
You don't know?
Back in the '70s?
This wacko cult leader got his
whole flock to come up here to,
uh...
[choking noises]
It's been deserted for decades.
Until a couple years
ago, this young couple
put in their life savings.
Make this thing into an Airbnb.
They learn 2 important lessons.
One,
ain't nobody want a vacation out here.
And two,
anyone crazy enough to stay here
was just trying to steal stuff for their,
uh, true crime collections.
So, you can imagine that the
current owners are pretty
open to a bunch of horror freaks
laying siege to their property.
I mean, this shit is a win win for them.
It's like this place was just
sitting around waiting to become
the ideal location for a slasher film.
Susan.
Do me a kindness and get the latex.
Sure thing, Nick.
Where did we hide it?
It's in the bedroom upstairs.
You got it.
- By the bathroom.
So, uh, what else do you need wiped down?
[shock chord, director muttering]
Oh, fuck.
What the hell, Noel?
What are you doing?
Susan, I think you broke my nose.
Holy fuck.
I saw you walk upstairs.
I thought I'd give you a little scare.
You know, I taste blood.
This isn't good.
What did you think was gonna happen?
I'm sorry, but you don't
sneak up on people like that.
So you come upstairs.
Figured it'd give you a little scare, and.
I figured, you know,
we're in a bedroom,
if you're really not, uh...
You know?
I'll forgive you if you come over here and
and kiss it and make it better.
Heck no.
I told you, no fooling around on set.
Come on, Susan, what's the big deal?
The big deal
is that I need to be taken
seriously by this crew.
I can't have them thinking
that the only reason
that I'm on set is because
I'm banging the director.
I'm not just some sort of...
wannabe.
I'm an artist.
Are you even listening to me?
I'm hearing every single
word you're saying right now
and I wholeheartedly agree, okay?
I take you seriously.
We all take you seriously on the set,
especially me, because I'm
guaranteeing a bright future for you,
because I adore you. I feel for you. Okay?
I figured, we got a couple minutes.
What's the big deal?
You know, get this whole thing
up, you know,
skip it bitty-boop.
I'm sorry, but no,
I'm not changing my mind for some...
some panky.
But it's panky.
Oh, okay, hold on.
What if I smack my goblin while you watch,
and hum me the theme song
from "Saved by the Bell"
like we did on that J.R.
Bookwalter shoot in Mogadore
a couple months back, eh?
No.
Look, alright, get back to work.
We need to get going if we're going to
abide to your insane schedule.
Come on.
You need this liquid latex over
here, don't you?
Want come get it?
- Give me my liquid latex.
Come on, it's over here.
My nose.
My penis.
What am I gonna do now?
[makes goofy noise]
"Hello, Noel!"
Well, hello there, Handgina.
"Ready to do some weird shit?"
Why, yes, I am Handgina.
Where do you think we should...
Oh, sshh...
Oh... hail Satan!
How are Satanists luring
our children into their web?
[CALLER:] One of the primary
ways is through music.
Bands are going from town to town,
advertising what kids
can expect in advance
by peppering the community
with fliers that depict satanic
imagery like pentagrams,
black burning candles,
and sometimes Satan himself.
And this works?
Are you kidding?
I've been following one band
called Satan's Iron Fist
for the last few weeks,
and their shows are sold out.
What happens at these shows?
The shows are a recruiting
opportunity for them.
The band's organizers
infiltrate the audience with
satanic collateral
that guides kids to
exclusive local groups and
private social media
channels that they can join.
The cloud of mystery they spin
lures our children further into their web.
Satanism is a cancer now that's
slowly becoming a scourge.
[dramatic music]
Jesus fuck.
Skip Ballin, WRNG News.
Officer Darden,
some say that that kid actually
deserved the broken arm.
What was it that triggered your reaction?
Fucking dick.
Come to me, my child.
Stay away from me, you bastard.
Fuck you!
And your Satanic bullshit.
[MARY:] You're insane.
Not insane.
Enlightened.
Satan has chosen you, Mary.
The Lord of Darkness has chosen you to
be his earthly vessel,
to deliver the heir to his earthly throne.
Embrace your destiny, Mary.
Accept Satan as your lord and master.
And... cut.
Beautiful.
Katrina, that was phenomenal.
Well, it's easy to act exhausted
when it's 102 degrees in here.
Samuel doesn't even look
phazed by this shit.
Oh, we shot "Feast of the Inbred Mutants"
in the middle of the desert, Katrina.
Compared to that,
these blackout curtains are like
goddamned air conditioning.
[Noel chuckles]
Trust me, Katrina, your misery is gonna be
beautifully displayed on that screen.
Remember, you're the final girl.
So you get to ask for an
air conditioned trailer
for the sequel.
That's what I'm talking about.
Give me a franchise, bitch.
Hell yeah.
- Shit.
Maybe I can get some of that action
in some new flashback sequences.
Hey man.
Yeah.
We're just about ready to set
up for the death burn scene.
Now, I'm thinking about going Steadicam,
for whence you light Samuel on fire.
I will follow your storyboards to a tee
to make sure that the fire
effects don't look hokey,
but listen,
you gotta get a lot of coverage
when you're editing this baby.
Are you doing the full body burn later,
or are you doing it all in post?
Oh...
we didn't have the cash
for the full body burn.
It would have sent our insurance
premiums through the roof.
So if we end up doing the full body burn,
we're gonna have to do it back in L.A.
We'll just lay it over one
of the night exterior shots.
It'll be fine.
Do you already have somebody
doing that for you or...?
I know a guy.
We already got someone,
but I appreciate that, Sam.
Thank you.
Hey, man.
Can I talk to you a second?
Yeah, what's up?
Hey, man,
I know you're in a time crunch, but
I wanted you to hear it from me.
What are you talking about?
[moans]
Maybe this is a mistake.
Come on, man, spit it out.
All right, listen.
There's a big time preacher
in New York, right?
He's making you his target
this week on the show,
trying to get all of his
followers to protest your film,
because of all the violence,
and now this with the satanic cult.
Now, listen, normally,
I wouldn't give a shit, right?
But I'm telling you,
man, this thing has legs.
National news, man, I'm sorry,
but... it's everywhere.
Oh.
This.
This is phenomenal.
What?
You can't buy publicity like this.
Now, people are gonna
want to see this movie
and our last five movies
just to see how violent
and fucked up we could be.
This could be huge.
But aren't you worried about
the investors getting cold feet?
Ah...
In the immortal words of P.T. Barnum,
"Say something good,."
Say something bad.
"Just say something."
Oh, my goodness,
this is the best news I've had all week.
Oh.
Oh... please...
Don't ever do that again.
[Noel makes funny noise]
"Hey, Noel...
He's our type."
Not now, Handgina.
Excuse me.
So, do you think, uh,
Noel's gonna actually wrap today?
Well, we check out tomorrow.
You know, Noel has his shit together.
I mean, this isn't his first
rodeo, nor his first feature.
Right.
Yeah, I saw that last one he did.
"Genitaliac."
Hm, yeah.
- It was fucking crazy.
Well, tonight we're going
to have a wrap party
that'll make Burning Man
look like a Mormon baptism.
Yeah, just bring in the pharmacy.
We like to stay well equipped with a...
an assortment of different
SPFX of a different variety.
I've got some magic mushrooms.
I have Alpha 21 in here.
I got some LSD, MDMA,
and I have a few different
types of Marigana.
So we've got some Baby Coat Hanger,
Alien Foot Knuckle,
We've got some Fuzzy Butt Lovin',
Terrible Tongue Tickler,
We've got some Baggy Waggy Elbow,
Freud's Weenus Envy.
I've never had that one.
Um, Scary Fluff Pucker,
That one's a hyrid.
Um, we have Fickle Monkey Baby,
Spit in my Mouth, I've never had that one.
We've got Harry Larry,
Harry Fairy Very Berry,
We have Magic Butt Monkey,
A Little Bit of Shake,
and heroin.
Holy shit.
Yeah, work hard, play hard.
Best way to let off steam on
a set this fucking brutal.
Say, Nick.
Listen, man.
Noel needs the chainsaw gag, man.
Just bring the rest of
the weapons in here,
and don't fucking touch a chainsaw.
It's gased up and ready to go.
Easy, easy.
Ooh, dingum.
So...
Let's do it...
diagonally.
All right, so let's go do that.
I'll apply that real quick.
Let's meet you that way.
- Yeah.
Got it.
What, did Noel pick this place for the
shitty cell phone reception?
So we'd all be method acting.
Some bullshit.
I can't even send a text message.
You're not here to send text
messages, dipshit.
You here to make a film.
What, do you need to let your mommy know
you're gonna be late for supper?
Fuck you, Susan.
I have another gig next week.
I gotta get a hold of my fucking agent.
Hey, little Miss Big Shot.
Why don't you make yourself useful?
After we shoot you out,
why don't you head to
the store with Ted and
get a shitload of booze,
and then you can send your little message.
[mock laughing]
I don't know what to say, Dad.
The kid was a piece of
shit, and I knew it.
Anyway, hearing's on Monday.
Jesus, John.
I know you've gone through a lot.
Maybe they can take
that into consideration.
What happened to you in Afghanistan?
Takes a toll on a person.
Yeah.
They'll find a good
reason to shit can my ass.
It's not like you're some
out of control psycho.
You seen some evil kind of things that
some people are capable of firsthand.
Just got the best of
you in that situation.
John?
John, you still there?
Yeah, just tell Mom I'm okay.
Don't tell her anything else.
I don't want to worry her.
Anyway, I'll be at the cabin until Sunday,
if you need to get ahold of
me, call the landline,
'cause I will not be answering my cell.
You call me if you want us
with you on Monday, son.
And try not to beat the crap
out of any more bad guys
until you're hearing, if you can help it.
I'll try to manage, Dad.
Take care, son.
You too, old man.
Tell mom I love her.
Sorry I let you down.
Sadly, there was another tragic shooting
at a school north of Spokane.
[CALLER:] I told you, I told you,
last week, that I would bet $100,
the next mass shooting
would come from a liberal,
"sheeple" state.
And I saw a photo of the
shooter after he was arrested.
What a shock he was wearing a black shirt,
with a red, upside down pentagram on it.
And the first things the goddamn
liberals are going to
blame are the shooter,
the shooter's parents, and guns.
No one
is asking the important question.
Which is?
Who's behind poisoning that kid's mind?
I assure you, it's not their parents,
and it's not the gun makers.
It's all the poison they've been force fed
through the music they've
been listening to,
and that's "music" in quotes.
I mean, have you read the
lyrics to some of these bands?
I have the lyrics to a song
right here in front of me, actually.
Um...
Oh, nice.
"Fuck God..."
I am the devil.
I will swallow your soul whole.
Fuck the police.
Kill them all.
We'll have a ball.
Blood will be shed, lives will be lost.
"It just might be a bullet in your head."
It's pretty dark stuff.
[sinister music]
[flashback noises]
[somber music]
Okay, so this is pump action.
You just pull it back.
There's already a blank in here. Okay?
It's gonna be fucking loud.
So that's why you have earplugs in.
Understand?
Okay, stupid question,
but because I'm firing this at the camera.
You are absolutely positive.
The shell is a blank.
Yep, I swear on my mother.
There's a blank shell in there,
you're not gonna kill anybody.
All you need to do.
Point it over there,
scream your head off like fucking Rambo.
Don't worry about the effects.
We're gonna have Samuel
do a headcast in L.A.
and we're gonna fix it all in post.
Alright, we ready?
Let's blow this fucker up.
I'm gonna put the
"scream" in scream queen.
Hey, Katrina.
Can I get a sound check?
Check, check, I'm a star, and you're not.
Check.
Obnoxious, but I got good levels.
Camera's a go.
All right.
Roll camera?
Camera roll.
Roll sound.
Sound speeds.
Mark it.
"Satan's Peak."
Scene 57.
Take four.
And...
action.
[TALK SHOW HOST:] But
that's exactly my point.
Politicians, law enforcement, hell,
even the President of
this once-great country
are not taking this satanic
explosion seriously.
If they did, we certainly
wouldn't be in the situation we are now.
It's terrifying.
I'm going to open up the call lines and
see what our faithful
listeners have to say.
Vinnie from Pittsburgh.
You're on Shitstorm Radio Podcast.
Thrill me.
Yeah, my on?
You're on, Vinny. Whats on your mind?
Where do you get off saying
that our President doesn't
care about the American public
with the whole satanic panic bullshit?
It's called freedom of speech, Pinhead.
Look it up.
What are you? Some kind of Commie?
Do me a favor, Vinny.
Go to your kitchen drawer,
pull out the largest and
dullest butcher knife
that you can,
and cut your balls off, so there's...
No chance you can reproduce.
Shitstorm Radio Podcast.
Who am I speaking with?
Today, people,
that's why I rarely take calls.
Officer John.
What's on your mind, Officer John?
I don't understand the world anymore.
You and me both, friendo.
I love this country.
Fought and bled for this country.
And now I get to sit
and watch it as it eats
stuff from the inside
of these godless pricks.
And the sad thing is that
if you speak out on it,
you're intolerant, as if we're
supposed to be supportive
of the complete destruction
of Christianity.
I mean, exactly, you know?
I mean, I spent every day
walking the straight and narrow.
And I have every fucking
person in the world out there,
freaking fight me tooth and
nail every step of the way.
No one ever said doing the right thing
was an easy task, Officer John.
We just have to keep
fighting the good fight.
I mean, good versus evil.
It's an age old story.
I get that.
It's like everyone around me is completely
blind to the situation.
Hell.
You might be the last
voice of reason left.
Well, I'm flattered, but if my words reach
only one listener,
then I've done my job.
You do a fine job, Sean.
But my job is fucking impossible.
You know,
I've been a great cop for 15 years.
I have more accommodations for bravery
and for service, than you could count.
But it doesn't matter,
because they all just took
the word of a Satanistic
graffiti artist word over mine.
Officer John, um...
Is this Officer John Darden,
who was suspended for roughing up that kid
who was defacing private
property with a pentagram?
Thanks for listening, Sean.
Thanks for always being there.
John?
John?
Are you there?
[dramatic music]
Levels are good.
All right,
we've got Samuel front and center,
our random Satanists on either side,
looking beautiful.
Am I doing the satanic chant or just...
smiling maniacally?
Smiling maniacally!
I don't know how to smile maniacally.
Oh, you're Samuel Paragon.
Give it a shot.
You sure you don't want
to shoot this both ways?
Oh!
[Noel laughs]
I'm sure.
How's the lighting?
Watertight.
Fantastic.
Roll camera...
Camera's a-go.
Roll sound.
Sound speeds!
Mark it!
"Satan's Peak" scene 38, take one.
And...
Action.
Satanists begin chanting on
three, two, one.
[Satanists chanting]
[shock chord]
Psycho motherfuckers.
[satanic chanting]
Holy shit.
Fucking Christ.
It's really happening.
[dramatic music]
Party time, motherfuckers. [cocks gun]
[suspenseful music]
Cut!
[Noel exhales]
And that's a goddamn wrap, people.
All right, bitches, pharmacy is open.
Hey, James.
- Yeah?
Can I talk to you a second?
Sure, what's up?
So, I don't want to shit on
your riff or anything, but...
but can't help but notice that
you never hang out with the cast and crew.
You're always...
over there with the extras.
You think you're better
than us or something?
No, no.
It's nothing like that, trust me.
I gotta...
I got an angle to all
this, you know what I mean?
No. What's that?
So get this.
I'm a supporting actor
in a low-budget horror film, okay?
Got a couple of lines here and there.
Hang out with these guys.
As far as they're concerned,
I'm fucking Bruce Campbell, right?
So,
raises my opportunities
to get laid tonight.
[actress sighs]
But I kind of get that.
Don't you think you're
kind of limiting yourself?
I mean,
there's like,
two female extras in the whole group.
Who says I'm just going after the babes?
All right, who's got my fucking drugs?
[party music, people chattering]
[party music, people chattering]
Hail fucking Satan.
I can't believe we got all this shit done
by the Halloween deadline.
Noel is the fucking shit.
12 insanely elaborate murder setups...
in five days?
And you came out of this shit alive.
Think, motherfucker.
I'm the final girl.
The bitch that beats the devil
at his own game.
[girls laughing]
[suspense music,
knife stabbing into flesh]
[girl screaming]
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music fades out]
[eerie music]
[girl screaming]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're excited. You're confused. I get it.
We'll get to that.
First things first, though.
You... have a big decision to make.
Do you wanna die fast?
Or do you want to die slow?
I am sorry about the decisions,
but those are the ones we got.
Now, I'm gonna ask you some questions.
Answer me truthfully.
Fast.
Painless.
Or...
You can tell me lies.
And then I will hurt you
for the rest of your life.
I need you to understand.
I do not like torturing women.
The screams are so different.
But I promise you...
I will get used to it.
Now...
my first question, and it is an easy one.
How many are you Satanistic...
murder party-having
friends are in this house?
Are in this house?
[tape tears]
Wait, you fucking psychopath.
This isn't some goddamn satanic orgy!
You just killed an innocent woman!
[sinister music drone]
I really wish...
this has gone differently.
Well...
[cuts off finger]
What a mess.
[exhales]
Those little finger piggies...
are not going to market.
Let's see...
what your little foot friends are up to.
Now...
When someone usually shoots you
in the foot with one of these.
They'll use a straight nail.
And for the life of me, I do not know why,
because the ones that I use...
hurt so much more.
You try to take them out, oof.
That is no fun.
But I don't want that.
Just tell me...
how many your friends are in this house?
They're not my friends.
You're gonna make me do this.
You're gonna make me shoot in the foot
with this fucking thing?
Goddamn it!
[nail gun into foot]
[sinister music]
How many?
Say, Kev, you need a joint?
Pass, friend.
It's a party, man.
You get so stressed and
you need to get lit.
Hey, I appreciate it, but...
I've been off the drugs for 13 years.
I don't need to start tonight.
Did you have a problem, man?
If you call getting so fucked up,
I ended up in Thailand,
married to a lady boy
and didn't even realize it
until I woke up the next morning
"a problem."
Yeah, man.
That's a definite problem.
Laugh it up, funny boy.
At least I don't fuck goats.
Hey.
She was tight, man.
Suh-weet.
[laughter, background chatter]
[on TV:] Well,
we have about an hour left...
anything you want to do?
We've done way worse,
years of torture porn,
cutting people's toes
off, gouging eyes out.
We even jump rope with that
dude's frickin' intestines.
Dude, last gig?
We had to pull this dude's
teeth out one by one,
and then we shoved his
head up his own asshole.
Classy.
[rock music]
Oh, man.
Hey, uh... hey, Sam.
Sam.
Do you think us making
that guy eat his own penis
was going a little bit too far?
Yeah, I mean,
when I did "The Devil's Orgy" in '78.
I ate a fetus, so...
I might be a little bias on that point.
Nice.
Well, I hate to bail on this
swanky satanic soiree, but...
I need to hit the bathroom
and head back to my hotel.
I got a...
gay serial killer thing back in L.A.
on Monday.
Oh, I totally get it, man. No worries.
Hey, listen, I can't thank you enough
for everything you've
done for this production.
You are truly the Satanic
Lord and Master, okay?
Would do me a favor?
Use the bathroom upstairs,
because the one down here,
there's a severed head in the toilet.
There's blood all over the place,
all kinds of shit you don't
want to deal with, okay?
Good to know.
You got it, buddy. Safe travel, Sam.
[rock music plays offscreen]
Oh, I did not even see you there.
Samuel.
Hey, it was really great working with you.
Same here.
I hope to get the chance to do it again.
Me, too.
Well...
enjoy the party.
No, thank you,
but this really isn't my thing.
I'll probably be taking
off in a little bit, so...
Oh, I see.
Well, I don't know if
you'd be interested, but
I'm just gonna be hanging out in my hotel.
My plane doesn't leave
until tomorrow morning.
You're welcome to join me, if you like.
I'd love to.
Wonderful.
So, I'll see you in about an hour?
Can't wait.
Yep.
Still got it.
[rock music continues playing]
[closes door]
[thumping noise]
[suspense music]
What the hell?
[body falls]
[party chatter]
[music swells]
It seems like we have a vacancy.
Good. Even the dead won't hear us.
Oh yeah.
My Lord.
Courtesy of the prop department.
Score.
Think these are used?
Absolutely.
So, how fucked up are you?
How fucked up are you?
I'm rolling like a 7-Eleven hot dog, baby.
I wonder if I'm fucked up enough.
Eh, give it a couple minutes.
Now...
you're gonna hang tight.
Bite down for me.
Now, don't you try to run away.
I'll be right back.
[whispers] I'll be right back.
She wants kinky.
I'll give her fucking kinky.
Heh... horny.
Oh, Jesus.
It's okay.
I'm not one of those freaks.
Let's get out of this.
They won't hurt you anymore.
All right, baby.
Who's ready to get double pregnant?
Baby...
[girl whimpers]
Oh, you are really getting
into character, baby.
[girl whimpers]
What the hell is wrong with you?
[girl whimpers]
It's just me.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck...
Let's get you out of this.
It's okay. Okay.
Goddamn fucking psycho!
They're gonna fucking hear us....
goddamn it!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
[suspense music, choking sounds]
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
It's not your fault...
[mumbling] It's not your fault...
It's not your fault.
Poor thing.
They brainwashed you.
Rest now.
And you.
You don't need to be scared anymore.
Their sick plans for you are over.
Your mom is going to heaven now.
And she'll take you with her.
You're welcome.
And I promise...
I will kill everyone
in this house for you.
For both of you.
But then I said,
"Put it on his dick and
see if it spins, Johnny."
and you should have seen the look.
Hey, you seen Samuel Paragon?
Oh, yeah,
he's upstairs using the bathroom.
Dammit, I was just up there.
I have a whole bunch of
stuff I need him to sign.
I'm gonna make a fucking killing on eBay.
Tacky.
Yeah, well,
it's not like you're paying me much.
Wait, you're insinuating
that I'm actually paying you?
Yeah, my contract is hourly,
not this day rate bullshit.
Motherfucker, Nina.
[crickets, quiet night]
Hey, uh, you seen
Samuel Paragon?
I wanted to get some "Devil's
Onion Ring" stuff signed.
Hello?
[suspense music]
[knife stab]
[struggling sounds]
[gasping] I'm an artist...
Oh, fuck.
[chopping sound]
Fuck me.
[chopping sound]
[suspense music]
Oh, man.
Hey, I don't recognize you.
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm the cleaner.
Oh.
[laughs]
Fuck!
[drunkenly] I do not envy your job at all.
[James throws up]
Oh.
Oh, God, no, no, man, sorry.
Sorry, bro. [mumbles incoherently]
I'll clean you up a little bit.
Man.
Shit, man. I'm sorry.
You're making it worse.
Yeah, you and your buds have
fucked up this place plenty.
But believe me...
I will clean house.
Kind of rude.
Shit.
[night crickets, quiet]
[twig snaps]
[suspense music]
[stabbing noise]
[dramatic music swells]
Ew.
You scared the shit out of me.
Where is Samuel Paragon?
Hilarious, Nick.
You have a machete
sticking out of your head,
as if that that hasn't
been done a million times.
All right, you bastards,
let's have a toast.
Here's to mating with
whore brides of Satan.
Oh!
That's some good shit right there.
Oh, man.
You like that?
Oh, shit.
Hey, guys.
Make sure Susan saves me
some of that new weed.
Uh, what's it called, that,
uh, "Spit in My Mouth"?
Make sure she, uh, uh, okay, awesome.
Thanks, guys.
Hopefully somebody fucking heard that.
[Noel laughs]
All right.
We finally fucking did it.
Oh...
hello there, friend.
Hey, we wrapped, motherfucker.
We did this.
Even though I don't really recognize
you, that's okay.
Huh.
So, uh...
What's your name?
Oh ho ho ho...
Hey, man, that better be fake.
I don't need any kind of Alec
Baldwin situation going on here.
All right.
Ready?
Drop.
Oh fuck.
[suspense music]
Oh, fuck.
Hey, some extra shot me in
the leg with a real bullet!
Did we forget to pay someone?
Nina!
[shock chord]
Oh... Noel...
Holy shit.
[shock chord]
Fuck!
[Noel mumbles]
I know now's a bad time to bring this
up, but, uh...
we don't have insurance.
[suspense music continues]
Who the fuck was that guy?
I don't fucking know.
But they killed Nick.
And Samuel, fucking puke on his death.
He killed Samuel?
Oh, God.
Well, at least his check didn't clear
yet, so I think, uh,
I think at least in that
aspect, it'll be okay,
but that's very sad.
Fuck.
Are you serious right now?
All of the alcohol is poisoned.
All of our extras are puking blood
all over the house.
Our cars are fucked up,
and I'm trying to call for help,
but I can't seem to find a signal because
we're in the middle of fucking
nowhere because of you.
Oh, God.
You accidentally conjured
up Satan himself...
what have I done?
Shut up.
Okay, there is a rickety
old bike in the back,
and I'm gonna ride it far, far away from
from you and your shit show
until I can get a signal
and call for help,
because I have to do everything.
Susan.
This...
has been a very tough shoot for all of us.
Okay?
We've all been broken
mentally from it, right?
Especially me.
[makes funny sound]
[funny voice:] And me.
See?
I know, right?
But I need you to know something.
This...
is your moment.
Okay?
Not only are you saving this film,
but you're saving lives.
You are one of the most talented
and smartest people I've
ever met in my fucking life.
And I have no doubt you're
gonna pull this off.
Yeah.
- Right?
I will.
Go get 'em.
- Great.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You got your...
you've got the important stuff.
Ah... duh.
Wanda, while, while you're here.
Yes, Noel?
Spit in my mouth?
James smoked it all.
Oh, no. I mean, for real.
You're disgusting.
Pig!
[DISPATCHER:] Attention Unit One,
we've had numerous calls
reporting possible gunshots
fired near the peak of Howe Mountain Road.
Residents say that the shots are fired
from the Lucas property area.
You talking about the cult?
Are you talking...
You talking about the cult suicide house?
You know we don't call it that, Rick.
Bad for tourism, remember?
Copy that.
I'll check it out.
Jesus Christ,
perfect serial killer weather.
[DISPATCHER:] That's stupid.
Goddamn it, Stacy, get off the line.
[police radio chatter]
[car starts]
[shrieking in pain]
Jesus Christ...
Lucky fucking shot!
Goddamn it...
You fuckers want to play?
Oh, we're gonna play.
I'll keep riding until I get
a signal and call for help.
Keep Broadway, boogie, boogie,
will fall to hell. I got it.
Tom!
Get it together.
You have two shells left.
And if he pops this head up,
you blow the shit out of that
little biatch.
Go full "Evil Dead" on him.
Do not pussy out.
Biatch...
Pussy.
Nina!
Nina.
Nina, hey.
What a relief.
Listen...
Susan's riding down.
She's gonna find a
signal, bring the cavalry.
Help is on the way.
We just got to be strong, okay?
Are we stuck in some kind
of "Twilight Zone" shit?
I know, right?
Where's Noel?
He's upstairs lying down.
Listen, you know,
now that it's the two of us, I just,
I want to let you know,
I saw you earlier, I was so
happy to see your pretty face intact.
I-I...
maybe...
there's something...
Oh, God, just my luck.
If I only just left when
I originally wanted to,
I'd be in Samuel's hotel room right now.
I wouldn't be in this death trap.
Nina.
Samuel's dead.
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no.
- Oh, hey...
[Nina sobbing]
- Hey, hey...
We all miss him.
We'll get through it, just...
This isn't happening.
Fuck.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
All right, you piece of shit.
[Noel laughs]
Let's do this.
Come get some.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
Do we just sink your
battleship, penis chicks?
[suspense music fades out]
Piece of shit.
Give me a signal.
The damn GPS says I'm here,
but all I'm seeing is woods.
[DISPATCHER:] Rick,
how long have you lived here?
Stacy, don't give me that shit.
I haven't been up here since
the massacre, all right?
This ain't my fault.
I'll bet if they had strippers there,
you could find your way.
It was one time.
One goddamn time.
And we were separated.
Keep telling yourself that,
you unfaithful bastard.
Stacy, now is not the time.
There are lives at risk.
When is the time, Rick?
You've never made time
for our relationship.
Our marriage counselor said as much.
That is not what they said.
You know, this is our problem.
You like to put words in people's mouths
to fit your agenda.
Tough talk for someone who can't
keep his dick in his pants.
For the love of fuck.
I never cheated on you,
you fucking nutjob.
Oh, come the fuck out, goddamn it.
Stacy, we can talk about
this when we get home.
Would you please just
help me find this house?
[DISPATCHER:] What road are you on?
I'm at 9 Mile and Middlevale.
Did you pass Potter's Bluff Road?
Uh, yes.
Well, then you passed it.
Turn around and go two blocks up.
Now, see?
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Stacy?
Stacy.
[shock chord]
Holy fuck.
You have to help us.
There's a psychopath,
and he's killing everybody.
Ma'am, just calm down.
I'll call in back up.
We'll, we'll...
No, there's no time. We have to go.
All right, just get in.
Just get in the car.
Ah, fuck.
Nina?
I really think it'd be really nice of you
to get in here and help us.
I am not going near that motherfucker.
What are we gonna do
with this sack of shit?
[Noel gasps]
Oh, we ought to kill this motherfucker.
Or I just make him suck our dicks.
Yeah.
Don't be ridiculous.
You can't kill him.
That'll make us just as bad as he is.
Can you just kill your
date earlier tonight?
All right.
Just make it look like self defense.
I mean, if he looks like
he's helpless and tied up,
I'm not going to jail for this.
Right on.
Okay.
Seriously.
Obviously, we have to do
something, because otherwise,
I just foresee this motherfucker
breaking out of that chair.
He's gonna end up
stabbing him in the balls
and he's gonna end up
shooting you in the face
because he's a fucking idiot.
Then having to end up getting
shot because fuck me, right?
So obviously,
the most logical thing to do
in the situation right now,
I think we could all agree.
She's got to chainsaw
this motherfucker in half.
Yeah, yeah... yeah, yeah.
If you guys have him
tied up and handcuffed,
and the cops come in here,
you're gonna end up cellmates
with a big dude named Mule Dick.
You want that?
Uh...
All right.
Good point.
What do we do?
[action music]
[shotgun fires]
[suspense music continues]
Faster, we have to go!
We need to hurry.
They're gonna kill my friends.
Ma'am, I am going as fast as
I possibly can, I promise you.
Hurry!
Damn serial killer weather.
Fuck you!
Where you going, tough guy?
[suspense music continues]
[chainsaw running]
When all these drugs wear off...
that's really gonna fucking hurt.
[Sean moans in pain]
All right.
Seriously.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What is wrong with me?
Yes, with you.
Out of all the people
in the world to murder.
You landed on us.
Why?
Fucking cocksuckers
don't deserve to live.
What, you got something
against filmmakers?
You Satanists...
snuff film is not art!
[NOEL:] Snuff film?
We're just making a shitty B-horror movie.
For no money.
You low, naughty, Satanistic assholes have
fucking alibis through everything.
You fucking kidding me?
Okay, hold on one second, asshole.
Don't go anywhere.
Okay.
[Noel flinches]
Okay, look.
All this shit's fake.
It's all fake.
Look...
stage blood.
It says stage blood.
Fuck whistle.
[NOEL:] All this shit's fake.
Look.
It's James. You already killed him.
You can't kill a guy twice.
I didn't cut his head off.
Our special effects guy Nick made this.
It actually looks really good, doesn't it?
No, this is silicone, man.
This is fake as fuck.
Up close. Holy shit.
Look.
Fucking fake, man. I didn't even feel bad.
I'm on a ton of drugs right now,
but you'd think that would hurt
at least a little bit, right?
Fake.
[NOEL:] Everything we were doing...
was make believe.
Everything you did...
was fucking permanent.
I bet you're one of those
hypocritical religious types
that thinks
horror movies and anything not
fitting into their agenda
is pure evil, aren't you?
Well, I got news for you.
Everything you tried to do tonight?
Completely fucking backfired
because you just made this movie.
A huge hit.
[Noel chuckles]
Thank you, by the way,
and you are forever gonna be known as...
a stabby asshole
that killed the cast and crew of a film,
including B-horror movie
legend Samuel Paragon,
and a pregnant actress.
Congratulations.
You're an asshole.
[suspense music]
This isn't fake.
I'm a PTSD nightmare.
Ticking fucking time bomb.
You know something?
You actually did me a favor today,
because now
I don't have to pay these people.
I appreciate that.
But if shit's gonna go south
on a Noel Campbell set,
it's gonna be on Noel Campbell's terms.
Put down the weapon.
Noel!
[trip & stabbing noises]
Oh, I'm gonna puke.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, no, no.
Oh...
but she was one...
I didn't mind paying.
Put down the hatchet.
You are under arrest.
Ah.
This is all your fault.
Do not make this worse for yourself.
Send my regards...
to Satan.
[axe chop]
[gunshots]
[NEWSCASTER:] Our ongoing
story is the horrifying
ordeal that local law
enforcement is calling
the most violent crime in Ridgway history.
Independent filmmaker Noel Campbell,
known for his ultraviolent horror film.
"Genitaliac,"
was shot dead by Ridgway police.
This took place during a
standoff where Campbell
had killed the entirety of
his cast and crew during
the filming of the horror film,
"Satan's Peak."
In total, Campbell murdered 16 people,
including popular genre
actor Samuel Paragon
and disgraced police officer John Darden.
Officer Darden, if you
remember, was recently suspended
for excessive force of a minor.
The question being asked, in this case,
was this massacre satanically motivated?
Joining us via satellite is controversial
podcaster and self proclaimed
warrior against Satan,
Sean Henry.
Mr. Henry, welcome to the show.
Well, thank you for having me.
Mr. Henry, in your opinion,
was Noel Campbell a Satanist?
Oh, without a doubt.
I mean, just look at the movies
that he wrote and directed.
This is a clear cut case
of a sickness disguised as art.
I believe that Mr. Campbell
lured his cast and crew to their doom,
in order to sacrifice them to the devil.
What about Officer John Darden?
What do you think his involvement
in this situation was?
Sadly, I think Officer
Darden was just in the
wrong place at the wrong time.
Now, I take this case very personally,
because not only does it prove my theory
about the connection between horror movies
and demonic possession,
but it's also a sad day
for my listeners as well.
I had the pleasure to
speak to Officer Darden
the night before his death.
I mean, as you know,
he called into my podcast.
He was extremely distraught
about the current
state of the world
and was committed to making a difference.
And I believe that it was
fate that his parents' cabin
was seated right next to Campbell's
pit of satanic hell.
And I truly believe that Officer Darden
died trying to save those kids.
Is there anything that we can
learn from this situation?
To...
possibly ensure that this kind of thing
could never happen again.
I think that this situation
proves that horror films
are, uh,
simply a gateway into
the minds of the weak,
for the devil to take root in.
It's time to cut them off at the source.
Pretty powerful stuff.
And we'll be back after these messages.