Save State (2023) Movie Script

- Trust me, it's gonna be worth it.
Daniel's company has an opening.
Oh, his ears must have been burning.
- Daniel thinks that Tony Stark is a good guy in the MCU.
- He's not?
- Every villain can be traced
back to some shitty decision
made by Tony Stark horse penis.
- Do we watch the same movies?
- Okay, look, if you go back,
you can see every bad guy
has some sort of legitimate grievance against him.
- Name one.
- Okay, well, if he doesn't create Ultron,
give him access to 4chan,
a country doesn't get dropped on Baron Zemo's family.
If you go back, you can see
Tony Stark's little grubby
fingers behind everything.
I'm just saying.
- I think you're overthinking this.
Remember 10 years ago? - Uh-huh.
- We shared the jalapeno pepper special at The Fox?
- They literally look exact... How did you that?
- I found a recipe.
I, I, it's one, one of those meal hack things.
Oh, my God.
- I love you. - I love you too.
I hate that shirt.
- It matches my lucky tie.
It's not even ironed.
I'll do it once I get past this.
This is important.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Okay, what if you oversleep?
- I have two alarms set.
Have you even researched the company?
- Yeah, I looked over their website on my lunch break.
- Which one of these do you like?
- The one I picked.
- What's wrong with these ones?
- Uh, that one doesn't fit right.
And, uh, this one is, uh, it's too wide around the waist.
- You're thinking about how
they look without the jacket on.
- Yeah, I, I don't think how my shirt looks
is gonna affect whether or not they decide to hire me.
- No, you're right.
They're gonna talk to you for 10 seconds,
and they're gonna fall in love with you.
I have no doubt.
- You don't know that.
It took me that long.
- All right.
- Yeah, I got it at work.
Thank you for that, um...
Yeah, can I take a few days to think about it?
Is that okay?
Awesome. Thank you.
I, yeah, I really appreciate that.
Yeah, of course. Okay.
Yeah. I'll talk to you soon.
Thanks so much. Okay, bye.
Can't even set the table?
It went well. Yeah?
- Until the usual.
- You know, you can get your degree online now.
- I pay 150 grand for what, exactly?
- I don't know, better career opportunities?
- Maybe it just means I have a good thing going,
and I shouldn't leave.
- Chris, it is a little bit of time and some money
for a piece of paper that can change your life.
- Yeah, it was just some money when you were in school,
but I was helping pay for it.
- I just think it could benefit you in the long run.
- What about buying a house?
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna go make dinner.
Hi, uh, Mr. Fulton.
Uh, yeah. This is Veronica Fields.
Um, yeah. Do you have a second to chat?
Cool, thanks, um...
Yeah, I'm, I'm super interested.
- Stephanie's single.
And? - Why not?
- Dude, not my type.
Hey, Todd told me.
They're not moving forward with you.
At least you have a job, right?
- Yeah, it's a shitty job with a company I hate
with no room to grow.
It's just, like...
It's like beating the original "Mega Man" game
with the select glitch.
- Yellow Devil is impossible without using it.
Don't kid yourself.
- Yeah, it, it, every boss fight just becomes
a button mash with it.
- Or it takes advantage of a flaw in the programming.
- I don't, I, I don't, I don't agree with that.
I think you gotta do things, honestly, you know?
- Hey, um, you're not gonna ask Daniel out, are you?
- Hard no. - Okay.
Thank God.
I don't think that that would-
- Mm-mm. - Yeah, mm-mm, yeah.
- You know, these are fancier than normal.
- Yeah, um...
They made me an offer.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Yeah, I said yes too, but, um...
- But, but you don't wanna leave.
Does he know about the offer?
- Yeah, um, well, okay.
I told him about the interview, but he was...
So, you know? - Yeah.
- I think, I don't know.
Every single time I try and tell him about the offer,
it's like, it's like, I see homecoming and prom
and driving from Marblehead to Austin.
- Right, right, and every version of this
Sunk Cost Fallacy you can think of.
- I look into his eyes,
and I just see that first date at the skating rink.
I just, I don't know. It's stupid.
- You know, I forget you grew up in a piss ass little town
that would have a skating rink and a fish fry.
- Okay, I grew up in Ohio, not Wisconsin.
- Does it make a difference?
- I mean, Marblehead has its charms.
I don't know.
- When was the last good moment you guys had?
That's not good.
- Well...
Steph, I went to every single
one of his baseball games.
He followed me through every college, every exam.
Like, that is 10 years.
Ah, that is... Okay.
Yep. That's 10 years of my life.
- I hate to say it but...
How many more years are you gonna waste
by staying here with him?
- Maybe moving to a new city can change things. You know?
- What would change?
- I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
- What about, um... No.
Come on.
That didn't happen. - Okay.
I think you need to rip the bandaid off.
- When I do, it's gonna bring up
all those old feelings again.
You know that, I, I-
- And if it does, you just walk out and don't look back.
- Super Mario's world record is so much cooler to watch
because of the glitches.
- They're all the same.
It takes skill to pull it off.
- Or lots of practice.
- Do you think it's okay to use glitches to beat a game?
- What?
- Just say yes and agree with me.
- Oh, uh, Mr. Hammer called.
He wanted to know if we're gonna renew the lease.
- Yeah, um, I actually wanted to talk about that.
- Great, yeah, I mean, I know, I know we're paying a lot,
but I think that it might be
good to stay here one more year
to save up, 'cause we're talking about-
- Chris, um... Getting the house.
What are you...
- I can't do this anymore.
- What do you, what do you mean you can't do this anymore?
- I love you, um, but I...
- But, but, but, but what?
Just don't make it a fight. Okay?
- This, this, like, everything is a fight with us.
- Yeah. It's really not about you.
It's, it's me.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's what people say
when it's definitely about them.
- I took the job in California.
- What is the job in California?
- The one I told-
- You, you told me?
But... You don't-
- I feel like we don't talk about anything anymore.
- You don't even pay attention to me anymore.
- What do you mean? - I, I'm done.
- If you actually told me what was going on.
What, this, this is how you're gonna end it?
Next stop, San Francisco.
- Oh, shit.
I have to give him my key.
- Mail it back.
- Well, my name's on the lease.
If I don't give him the key, like, then they're gonna-
- They'll do nothing and like it.
- No, I mean, I put down the security deposit.
I kind of want the money back.
- He'll do the right thing.
- If I don't give it to him now,
I'm gonna have a reason to call him.
And this way it is just gonna be over, right?
- It's over as soon as we start the car, Veronica.
- No...
What if he turns into the guy that I want him to be
and I missed it?
- If he was gonna be that guy, he would be by now.
Just think, we get to go to a new city.
New men. New you.
I'd kill for that.
- Except for the fact that I haven't been on a first date
since before I could drive.
I, I just think I, I don't know.
- What do you think will happen?
- I walk in there.
He takes the key.
We wish each other luck in our lives and we move on.
- I just, it's not gonna happen like you think it will.
- Okay. - Okay.
I think you'll walk in and he'll be all,
"You know, I did some thinking,
and I hope you have a wonderful and amazing life."
"We could even be friends on Facebook."
And then you'll be all,
"Gosh, I hope you have a wonderful life too.
I clearly didn't waste 10 years of my life with you."
- I hate the way you do my voice.
- You don't need closure. We gotta get going.
- No, no. This is, this is gonna be good.
Just trust me.
- Look, your keys don't even want you to go.
- I... Let's leave.
- I, no, just let... California.
- Let me do this.
Come on. Okay.
That's that.
- Too cheap for a stamp?
- Can we just end this on good terms? Like adults?
- What does that look like?
I don't know.
You wish me luck, we hug. Something along those lines?
This ain't that kinda movie, babe.
- Excuse me?
- We moved here.
We said we were gonna save up, get a house and a dog.
- You can still do those things without me.
- You just don't want stability.
- You just don't want me to be happy.
Yeah, that would be about as easy as punching out God.
- Um, what is that supposed to mean?
- You're never happy.
Every time I'm happy, you
just can't wait for it to be over.
Now that we finally have something good,
you're just ready to blow it up.
- Chris, you are very happy
with very simple things, and I am-
- A miserable bitch who can't enjoy anything fun.
Well, at least I
don't spend every single second
of every single day doing the same three things.
Drinking beer, and playing video games.
- That's two things.
- Right, I actually forgot
about the amazing conversations
that you have with an imbecile.
- What, what, what would you prefer?
I just, like, fucking watch sports all day?
- Honestly, that'd be more interesting.
- Hey, learning the Heat Man skip-
- Oh, my God.
- Was very interesting for me.
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Dork, dork, dork, dork, dork.
- How am I a dork?
- Oh, wait, right.
Because dorks are usually smart and successful.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, you always said money was never an issue.
- That's when you were bringing home the bacon, hon.
But now you bring home the Bacos
and act like that is some sort of accomplishment.
- What do you want me to do?
- Seriously? - Yeah.
- We, oh my God.
You could finish college... Oh, gosh.
- Or get an apprenticeship or do something
for the betterment of your life
instead of just sitting around
and doing nothing all day.
- I beat all six "Mega Man" games in one day.
That's an accomplishment.
- Yeah. If you're a moron.
Hey, yeah, you're,
you're just pissed because
"Mega Man" is more developed
in 8-bits than you are in real life.
- Oh, yeah, that... No, fuck you.
- Hey, oh, hey, yeah.
Been there, done that. Over it.
- Never heard you complain about that.
- Yeah, that's 'cause I was happy you were finally
in the mood for once.
- I wouldn't need to be in the mood
if you lasted longer than 10 seconds, you know?
- No, but after, like, three or four seconds,
you were just like, "Oh, I'm so sore."
Now, I just think that's 'cause you're so miserable,
you couldn't even enjoy that either.
- Yeah, it's good to hear the truth.
- That's why you wanna be out in California, huh?
Just be around a bunch of
other fucking miserable assholes?
- You're so smart.
I should just stay here and sit around with Daniel
and talk about shitty movies with a fucking loser.
- Hey, what the...?
I don't wanna hear you and that horse face bitch
talk about anything that
isn't reality TV and Instagram.
- I'm sorry. Horse face?
Where the fuck did that come from?
- They called her Savage,
'cause the doctor couldn't spell milk toast.
Okay, well at least my,
at least my best friend doesn't
have a fucking Waifu pillow.
- What? You have, like, 12 stuffed animals in the closet.
- My stuffed animals do not look like that.
Have fun in California.
Go stuff yourself.
Hopefully you don't die in a fiery car accident.
- Don't want to talk about it.
- Noted.
- What's this?
- Ah, I got bored at work.
- Uh, it's over, so, let's go.
- I know her Facebook login.
- We're on the job. - I have to know.
- No, you don't.
- It'll only take 30 seconds. Just keep going.
- What is this?
- Okay. - Annie recommended it.
The lead guy conducts an orchestra,
and his daughter gets kidnapped.
He's former GIGN, and shit gets real.
It's not that good.
- Who's Annie? - We met on Reddit.
She thinks I'm cute and funny.
- So she's dumb and blind. Got it.
- Hey, what are you up to this weekend?
She's got a friend and wants to double up.
- Dude, I'm not ready yet. Okay?
- You don't have to fall in love with her, you know?
A little lust couldn't hurt.
- Still trying? - Nice misdirection.
- Well, how does it work?
- Do you have a PhD in quantum mechanics,
solid state physics or material science?
- I flunked geology in high school, okay?
You press a button and shazam.
- I was expecting more science than that.
- The device creates a sub-state
worm hole that pushes you
back in time using micro
quantum thermo-atomic energy.
It replaces the you that's
there with the you that is here
on an elementary particle level.
Everything after that is more complicated.
Based on my calculations,
you've got about 10 minutes or so.
- That's not a lot of time.
- Yeah, no matter what I do with my modifications,
the battery only has so much power.
Also, I think you might be
on a government watch list right now.
What? - Yeah.
They see me ordering some low grade uranium
or from a former Soviet Republic
that may or may not be supplying several ISIS cells
and Homeland Security's gonna be here tomorrow.
I mean, they see you ordering and they don't care.
- Oh, my God.
- You know, it's also strange that websites
from the former Soviet
Tajikistan only take Discover card?
- Oh, my God. - You get 5% cash back.
- What if you're wrong?
- Then our fundamental
understanding of the universe-
- Okay, I, I don't want a physics lesson.
Just, like-
- Would you rather talk about your intimacy issues?
- Okay, look, if it works,
what would you do?
- Well, you're supposed to say, "Kill Hitler."
- But you wouldn't, I think.
- I'd say goodbye to my Dad.
- What about changing our
fundamental understanding
of the universe and time itself?
- You know, I think about all the things I could do,
all the things I should do,
and I'm stuck on that.
- But what if not saying goodbye to him is, like,
a fixed point in time or something?
- I'd rather know than have that regret on my soul.
- I want closure.
- Have you seen her Facebook?
- I keep thinking about August 5th.
That moment, that day.
She came in here and said goodbye.
Time displacement device.
Date, um...
August 5th. Wait, no, no, no.
August 5th. One year ago.
Powering up. Okay, oh.
Stupid idea.
Just go back, get what you need. Okay.
All right, um...
Holy shit.
- That's that.
- I forgot how beautiful you are.
Too cheap for a stamp?
- Can we just end this on good terms? Like adults?
- What does that look like?
I don't know.
You wish me luck, we hug. Something along those lines?
- This ain't that kind of movie, babe.
- Excuse me?
- Don't change anything. No.
When we moved here, the plan was to save up,
get a house and a dog.
We still don't have a dog, by the way.
- You know, I thought that this could be, like,
awkward or something, but not like this, Chris.
- Look, I paid for you
when you found yourself in college, okay?
I was hoping for more than
just a thank you, fuck you, bye.
- Well, thank you, fuck you, bye.
- Oh, yeah, that's really clever.
You're just gonna repeat what I say right back to you?
- You've been wearing the same shirt for two days.
- All right, look, I don't have a lot of shirts.
I'm outta here.
- Holy shit.
I, I, I don't wanna talk about it.
- Noted.
- Holy shit. What the?
- Hey, man.
- You, uh, you left the TV on.
- Sorry. - Yeah, no worries.
- I think I should destroy it.
- What about your Dad?
- I keep thinking I couldn't just stop at goodbye.
- But you can't stop a car accident.
- I don't know.
I could tell him to drive in a different direction.
I could tell him not to drive at all.
- He's gonna die eventually.
- Yeah, but what if I could save my mother
a little bit of extra pain?
- What if you screw something up, though?
- The past doesn't change. Just the here and now.
- Would it be for the best?
That's why I should destroy it.
- Well...
I don't know, I mean,
that, that thing could do a lot of good actually.
- Yeah, or I could destroy the world
because I'm a selfish dickhead.
- I, I don't think it would end up that bad.
- What would you change with Veronica?
- Who says I would?
- I gave you Monica's number. She said you never called.
- She's not my type, okay?
- She's cute and she's single.
- Look, there'll be another Monica.
But Veronica was special. - Not as special as you think.
- Fuck you.
- That moment when you could have fought for her,
you fought with her.
Look, that says something.
- What was I supposed to do? - Something else.
It's done.
Nothing will change.
You saw her eyes, man. You saw the moment.
It was over.
I should have fought for her.
I can try again because the past doesn't change.
Running through the clouds I'm
Searching for something I
Don't where I am I
- What are you doing?
Don't even know
- You got this.
- That's that.
- You don't have to leave. - Excuse me?
- Please don't go.
- Um, it's a little late for that, Chris.
- Look, we can work this out.
- Haven't we already talked about this?
- Why not once more?
- What is there left to say?
- Can you just give me, um, nine minutes and 40 seconds?
- Now's really not the time for something like that.
- Look, I think 10 years with you has earned me the right.
- Okay, fine. Come with me to California.
- That's an entirely different conversation to have.
- Okay, so I'm just not supposed
to show up to my work on Monday?
What do you want? - They'll, they'll...
People change their mind all the time
about stuff like this.
- B&H already gave me my last check.
- They'll take you back.
I already trained my replacement.
- Well, fuck her. Who cares about her?
- Are you kidding me? - Our relation-
- I cannot believe
that we're having another fight.
Veronica, come back.
- Great.
- It's going to be all right, man.
- I tried, but we...
We just fight. - That sounds familiar.
- Hey, can I get some sympathy here?
- Maybe it's a sign.
I just...
You know, I thought the right words
would just come out somehow.
- It's going to be okay.
Just relax. All right?
- Right.
Holy shit.
- I thought I was watching something.
- Sorry I woke you.
Were Veronica and I good together?
You were good at fighting.
We didn't fight that much.
- Remember when Marty was in town?
We helped him with his Tinder.
- Oh, we fought the whole way back from the bar.
- Yeah, I'd say change your tune,
but you're stuck on the same record.
- What?
- You can cry all you want over her,
but when it mattered, you
didn't do shit to try to save it.
- I just, it, it, it, it literally feels
like it just happened.
- You saw her Facebook, right?
- Ah, man, I have not looked at that since the day she left.
- You should.
- What about using your device
to try and go back, save things with her?
- Ignoring the obvious impact on the time stream
that you're completely overlooking,
have you even thought about what you'd say?
- Not really.
- Well, that could be a start.
If you're not going to use it
to do something for the good of humanity.
- What, what do you think I should do with it then?
- You could kill Hitler. - How about baby Hitler?
- It's a baby. - It's baby Hitler.
- Maybe you just take five year old Adolf.
Have him get into a little traffic accident.
Blame it on bad parenting.
- It is insane to contemplate
having that kind of power
in your hands, you know what I mean?
- I'm beginning to think people
only talk about killing Hitler
because they think it's the right answer.
- You don't think it is?
- My first thought was selfish.
- But your second probably wasn't.
I keep thinking about
Skynet and the Terminator.
They could have won that war in any number of ways,
but they decided to be selfish.
- They killed John Connor and the war is over.
That's not selfish.
- They could have sent themselves
plans for better weapons.
They could have done any number of things,
but they went after him.
What are you doing?
- I tried this already. It works.
- What?
- It, it takes me back to the, the same day
where she walked out on me.
- You could go back to before that.
- Yeah, but if that's the moment when my life changed,
if I go back to that-
- This isn't a video game.
You can't just keep reloading
from your last save state.
Like there are no consequences of the changes
you are making to the time stream.
- Look, it, it, it's not my body that goes back.
It's just my mind.
- It's almost like "Days of Future Past,"
and you're Wolverine.
- Every time I go back, she comes in,
she says the same thing, I
get another chance to save us.
- God, you're using it like a save state.
You got this.
All right.
- That's that.
- Can we talk?
- Um, what is there left to say?
- I can't live without you.
- I'm going.
You can't really stop... I love you.
- No, I, I've made my choice.
- Just, just, just gimme 10 minutes.
- It... It's too little.
- You're the only one I wanna be with now and forever.
- You just don't want me to leave.
- Yeah, well, this year was too much to handle.
I, I, I can explain later.
Come with me to California.
- I don't think going there
is just gonna fix everything either.
Okay. Uh, what do you wanna do?
- Stay one more night. For me.
- Okay. Okay.
- Texas as animal rights activists
unleashed deadly murder hornets from a lab.
Guy Huge has the story.
- When did you get into spicy wings?
- Mickey's? A month ago?
The girl in the red dress.
She wanted me to buy her a drink,
so I asked her if she had a job.
That's a dick move.
- Yeah, it's the first thing
that made you laugh since she left.
- So what happened after that?
- You were there. Or were you?
- Look, okay. I didn't go anywhere.
My mind did.
- Like Logan and...
- "Days of Future Past." Yep.
Hey, it didn't work, okay?
- This is for science. - She is my everything.
- She ghosted you after one last-
- She wouldn't do that. Not to me.
- You lived through it.
- Well, no, I didn't, technically.
She still loved me, man.
Or maybe it was nostalgia.
- You don't understand.
- I knew I should have destroyed it.
- I just need one more try and I'll get it right this time.
- It's too dangerous.
- Just one more try. She is the one.
- Chris, there is no Konami Code for this.
- What do you want me to do then?
- Spend some time with her.
Like, actual quality time.
Life doesn't get better just like that.
I think I know her well enough that I-
You got this.
That's that.
- Does it have to be?
You came up here to drop off
the key. That means something.
- It means I don't trust the postal service
to deliver it to you.
- Come on, no one's that cheap.
- The security deposit is in my name.
- I, I'll call the super right now and get this squared up.
- It's okay. I trust you.
- What can I do to convince you to stay here with me?
A lot more than that.
- You, you haven't left yet.
- Please don't make this difficult.
- I love you. - I love you too, but I-
- I don't want you to leave. - I'm not staying.
- What can I do to convince you? I don't wanna lose you.
- Take care of yourself.
What if I drove with you?
- What about all that time you could be spending
with the Yellow Demon?
It's the Yellow Devil.
I deserve that.
God. Stephanie's gonna be pissed.
- Look, we can...
I'll pay for whatever she spent on this, okay?
- Why? - We, we gotta talk.
Like, really talk. - Okay.
- What better way than that?
- What if you wanna leave before we get to California?
Then you just drop me off at an airport.
- That is nuts. - Look, we gotta talk.
We said we can talk about a lot of things.
Okay? Why, why, why not now?
- Steph and I were gonna go places. We have plans.
We're gonna-
- You can do whatever you planned.
- I'm amazed how many movies aren't as good high
as they are sober.
I thought it'd be like "Grizzly Man," but it's not.
- Oh, that film is so good.
- It's the best comedy ever.
- It's not a comedy.
It's about the savage nature of the animal kingdom
and mankind's foolish attempts to tame it.
- Listen to the guy for 10 minutes when you're high.
It's so funny, it hurts.
- He went into some woods to confront his demons.
That's so good.
Oh, my God.
- It works.
- I'm not that high.
Ah, maybe I am.
- Okay, so it just sends my mind back, not my body.
- Like "Days of Future Past."
- Yeah. You already said that.
- You're Logan, and my device is Kitty Pryde.
Holy shit.
- I don't remember anything after the day she moved out.
- What's the last thing you remember?
- Look, no, we talked about this, okay?
I'm Logan. My memory doesn't update to the present.
- Because you're slipping in
and out of one moment in time.
Oh, my God, this...
It just got legalized.
I may have gone a little overboard.
- Wait, that happened?
- You fiddled with the time stream.
What did you think would've happened?
- Okay, so what does that mean for me?
- It means that I
had to pick you up at O'Hare
at 4:00 in the damn morning,
because someone thought it was a good idea
to go on a road trip to California with his ex.
Well, I'm grateful.
Look, I need you to do some diagnostics on this.
It's, it, look, it only sends me back for 10.
I need more time.
- I change one thing, and you end up
back in the Jurassic era.
- Okay, well maybe you should sober up and then do it.
- I'm not touching that thing.
If I could stand, I would destroy it.
What if you breaking up
is a fixed point in time?
What if you fucking up
all of these issues in the present,
is because you have no comprehension
of what you're doing to the time stream?
Think about it.
- I, I, I just, I just need one more time to go back.
Then I could fix it.
Did I tell you that this is stupid?
And you should just change
everything back to how it was?
- Yeah, you did tell me that.
- Well, do that.
- Look, I, I think if I go back again, I can make it work.
I don't know. I, I, I mean I just need her in my life.
I can't let her go.
- Then you should have stayed with her.
- Well, last time I went with her.
- Yeah, and your boss said,
"If you don't come back, you're fired."
- So I chose that shitty job I hate over her?
- If your words aren't backed up by actions,
then your words are meaningless.
- I mean, last time you just told me
to go back and, and, and, and, and try to,
I don't know, try to talk through things.
Just talk with her about it.
- You had two weeks to talk about it.
- Maybe she just didn't have
a stake in our relationship.
- Have you seen her Facebook lately?
- Driving didn't work. Think, man.
That's that.
Take care of yourself.
- Goodbye, Chris.
- Look, I can't let you leave.
- You can't make me do anything.
- My boss won't let me work remotely.
Have you even asked?
- I just, no. - Okay, there are other jobs.
- That goes for you too.
- I'm making twice what I did here
and it's a destination company.
I would, I would literally be so stupid.
- Will you stay if we got married?
- What?
- Look, I don't have a ring or anything, but um-
- Yes. - Um, wait.
- Yes, I'll marry you. - Really?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh...
Oh, my God.
Um, I...
- I just realized I used basil on this.
You're not allergic to that, are you?
- I am not. I love basil.
- Why did I think you were allergic to basil?
- I love you. - I love you too.
- You guys are really cute.
- Oh, it's mainly her.
- So how's college?
- Uh, it's, uh, it's a lot of work, I think.
- It's all going to be worth it.
- Sure. I guess. - He's being modest.
- Ah, well, it's, this is all kind of new to me.
- I thought you went to college.
- Oh, you know what the
downside of being a great athlete
in high school is?
- Eventually guys like me
can crush you with our wallets?
- You get passing grades, 'cause you can throw a ball.
- That's right, Veronica
mentioned you were a good pitcher.
- Yeah, well, I mean, I was third team All-American,
which was enough to get drafted
in the fifth round by the Rangers.
Three summers in A-ball and then a part of a summer
in the Northern League and I was done.
- Hey, that's three summers
and part of a summer more than most people get.
- Yeah, well, I mean, all I ever did
was prepare to make it to the show.
I just, uh, kinda let a lot of things slide, I think.
- Colleges love people like him.
- Screw ups looking for a second chance, right?
- So what are you studying?
- Oh, you were just telling
me about the article you read
on the Spanish Flu.
- Yeah, the article on the Spanish Flu
is what I was reading.
- And the Anthrax-19 outbreaks in Portugal
must give that so much context right now.
- Sometimes I wish Anthrax-19 did anything else
besides just kill people.
- What would you want it to do?
- Hmm, maybe...
It could make you talk like you're singing
in a righteous thrash metal band.
- Oh, yeah, what would be the worst job
for that to happen to somebody?
- Easy. News announcer.
Oh, yeah.
Welcome to the WCBX News
Howdy today - I'm Bill Smith.
You freeze is off tonight
Jack Townsend is on sports
Liz is on weather
It's gonna rain
Rain so bad
- Do you need some more wine?
- You know, I thought I saw another bottle in the fridge.
- Oh, yeah. You guys, you, okay, cool.
Thanks. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Did it work? - Did what work?
- You changed something.
- I did, and it worked.
- Was there a pandemic on the far side of the world
before you used that thing?
- No. - Oh, my God.
You changed one thing,
and now you are affecting
things beyond your control.
- All I told you was I just needed one more chance,
and I got it right this time.
Did you?
Something important?
- Just another Tinderella.
- Hey, what about Annie?
What about her?
- Well, look, the last thing I remember
was you, and was me and
Veronica right after I proposed.
- Yep. - It's that.
How did you-
- Okay, we've had this conversation a lot.
I'm not doing this again.
- Okay. I have a lot of questions.
- Oh, you're Mr. Popular it seems.
It's never the right one.
- Yeah, let's see.
You can do worse.
- Somebody important? - No, dating app.
- Oh, is it that bad? - Yes.
You would not believe how many dick pics
I got in just this week.
- Yeah. It's always the same picture too.
Hmm? - Yeah.
Oh my God. Ew.
Wait, okay, would it be better
if they did some sort of, like,
French boudoir thing or something?
- I don't know, they think it's the most amazing thing
in the world.
Look, it's my dick. - Ew.
I mean, Daniel's right in there if you want.
No, no, there is... I know.
No universe ever... Yeah.
- Where we would be together.
Yeah, I gotta stop making that joke.
- See? - She's cute.
- Ooh, what about her?
- Um, I think you can do better than her.
- She has a great rack on her.
- Look, man. She has a Marilyn Monroe quote.
Yeah, that's not good.
Hmm? - Ooh, hard no.
Oh, my God. Look.
- I'm right here. - Yes, you are.
- Oh, my God, Chris. - Dude, yes.
- What about her?
- Uh, she looks like she'd be fun.
Am I looking for just fun right now?
- Okay, seriously?
I'm just trying to help here.
- You're a married man.
- Yeah, married doesn't mean I'm dead, okay?
- It means you shouldn't do that.
- In front of you.
- Not at all.
- Look, I am just trying to help my best friend here, okay?
- We've talked about this.
- It's better than usual.
- Oh, yeah, because the two of you
are such bastions of intellectual discussions?
- I'm sorry, do you know how much dumb shit
we've had to learn about just to understand
what the fuck you two are talking about?
- The only thing you two talk about is Instagram
and the shit you watch on TV.
- Excuse me?
- Um, uh, your last name is Savage
because they couldn't spell
milk toast on Ellis Island.
What the hell, Chris?
- Look, if you're gonna insult my friends,
then your friends are fair game too, okay?
- Milk toast? - It means boring.
- He goes to college for one semester
and thinks he can use big words?
- Look, okay, uh, I thought
maybe you wouldn't understand it
unless I had a hashtag in front of it, so good job.
- Oh, my God.
All right, well, you guys wouldn't understand
anything we're saying unless we're referencing
some shitty movie nobody's ever seen.
- Hey, I didn't do anything.
- She's got great tits. - I said she has a great rack.
- Like that's any bit better.
- Tits is something the guy who date rapes you says.
Rack is classy and dignified, right?
- No. - No.
Well, it'd be easier
if you could swipe on personality.
- That's true.
- That's actually kind of a good-
- Just don't agree with either of them right now.
- Oh, yeah heaven forbid she agrees with anything
either of us say.
- What's with the attitude, Chris?
This about college again? - What?
- I asked you to do one thing
for the betterment of your life,
and every single night you complain about it.
- I do? - I'm so sick of it.
- Well, maybe I'm not happy.
- You'd just prefer nothing ever change.
- Look, I, I guess I try to do this
to make you happy and obviously it's not working.
You should have done it for you.
- What? Look.
You are never happy with anything.
I could find the cure to cancer,
and you'd find something wrong with it.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the cure to cancer
could be found in the best nude scenes
of Mickey Rourke's costars in the '80s.
- Ooh, "The Handmaid's Tale" is so edgy and engaging.
- Don't act like you're suddenly talking
about French New Wave cinema.
- What? We have fun.
Fun? - Yeah.
- Fun is not discussing the
physics of the puppet sex scene
in "Team America: World Police" in graphic detail.
- Her neck would snap on the second thrust.
- It was my birthday.
- Oh, look it's basic physics. Okay?
I could be
in that amazing apartment
working at that amazing job,
and I gave that all up for this.
You know, I was supposed to just walk in here
and give you the key.
That was it.
Instead, I had a moment of weakness,
and I agreed to spend the rest of my life
with somebody that I dated in high school.
At least he had a full head of hair.
- What, I mean, you're not the cheerleader
you used to be either.
- Every single time that you try and do
something better with your life,
you decide, "Actually, you know what?
No, I'm gonna go play 'Ligar'
and drink beer with my friends."
- It's "RYGAR" not "Ligar."
- Whatever, gar. It doesn't matter, Chris.
- Look, I mean, look,
I've made a lot of sacrifices too.
- What have you sacrificed? - Plenty, okay?
- I could be in San Francisco right now
doing something meaningful with my life.
- Look, every time I loaded up the Corolla,
uh, when you couldn't hack it at some college,
we went to a different town, a different college.
And then once again, you barely got a C average there.
- It's better than yours.
- Oh, oh, yeah. Well, at least I have an excuse.
You're supposed to be the smart one.
- I am the smart one.
- Well, then, Urkis, I guess you're not,
you're not smart enough.
You know, my Mom always told me that women like me
don't marry men like you.
- Your Dad likes me. - Okay.
This probably explains why you didn't ask
for his blessing to marry me.
- What the fuck? Is this, like, the '40s or something?
Because I think, um-
- It's a tradition in our family.
- Well, look, it was a spontaneous decision.
I didn't think it through, okay?
- Yeah, me neither.
I panicked. That's why I said yes.
I just thought that, like, maybe
some way you could become
the man that I wanted you to be.
But you didn't, Chris.
- If I'm not good enough for you,
why don't you just leave then?
Yeah, you're right.
I'll be out in the morning.
- Fuck.
- How bad was it?
- That bad.
Holy shit.
We were happy and then-
- You weren't that happy.
- Must be nice to be Logan.
All the sadness, but no self-awareness.
- Don't I get any sympathy right now?
- Why did you ask her to marry you?
- Look, okay...
Every time I went back, she didn't have a stake in us.
I thought if she did, it would be better.
- Did you do any of the work
to fix what was wrong with you?
- Obviously not. - Yeah.
- I know what I need to do.
Work your issues out.
- That's that.
- Can we talk?
- What is there left to say? - Please?
It's a great opportunity, Chris.
- Why didn't you ever tell me about it?
- I did. I told you about the interview.
- You said that was just work stuff.
- No.
Yeah, you were playing video games, so that probably-
- Look, I, I can stop playing video games, okay?
I can get rid of all of them if you want me to.
- I don't really want you to do that.
- Well, what do you want me to do?
- Let us go. - I can't.
- Okay, fine. Just answer one question.
What do you wanna do with the rest of your life?
- I don't care, as long as it's with you.
- Then we, then we should see someone.
We should go to therapy or something.
- What about your job though?
- No, it's fine, um...
It's a four hour plane ride to California.
We can figure out a schedule.
We can, we can figure this out.
- Okay.
- What do you want?
- It's going to be a while. - Great.
- Know any good jokes?
This is going down.
- What the fuck?
- I told you about the orgy tonight.
- What?
- You know, I didn't think I'd be down for the lifestyle,
but I am pleasantly surprised
by how comfortable these clothes are.
Oh, my God.
- You just need a peg leg
and you're Xenon Ryce's douchebag nephew.
- Good one. No fucking way.
- My mind goes back.
- Like "Days of Future-"
- I am not having this conversation with you again.
- Again? - Look.
You've created time travel that works
and has a convenient comparison.
Good job.
- You're Logan and my devices-
- Give me pride, yes.
Why are you having an orgy?
- Why not?
- Well, last I thought you were with Annie.
Although I don't know what's
happened the last 12 months.
- Short story, Steph's into the lifestyle, and now so am I.
- I never would've guessed.
- Well, you've been a depressive shitbag
ever since it happened.
Hey, maybe a little something, something
would do you a little-
- That just feels wrong.
What, what happened to Veronica?
- She moved to California.
You two did counseling on some app.
Yeah, you slammed the laptop shut
because she was being biased as fuck
and not taking your side. - Oh, no.
- Hey, you sure you don't want in?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- That's that.
- Please don't go.
- Um, okay, uh, the Corolla is loaded.
- We can make this work.
- You had two months.
- We haven't had a real conversation about this
since you told me about
everything for the first time.
- We have spoke plenty, Chris.
- But we, we, we just fought.
- Fine. Let's have a conversation.
- Absolutely. - Where do you wanna start?
- I don't want you to leave.
- I'm not staying.
- We need a minute.
Okay, look, um, what if we try to do long distance?
Um, like, I can try to get a job out there
and then we can just kind of go from there.
- What if that doesn't happen?
- We'll figure it out.
- Chris, we have not lived apart from each other
since before we could drink.
- Look, think of this like a reset, okay?
Like, we're just starting over again.
Just like back in the apartment, you know?
Sitting on the couch watching Netflix.
It's gonna be great.
What do you think?
- Okay. - Okay?
- Oh, okay. Geez.
- Yes. Yes. - What is this?
- Tonight, Congress braces
as its newly sworn in President,
Chet Hanks, son of legendary actor Tom Hanks,
will deliver the State of the Union to a nation still-
- Where's Veronica?
- Where you left her.
I thought it would've worked this time.
- Please tell me that's the first time
you've used that thing.
- Not gonna lie to you. - And?
- I'm not gonna lie to you.
- Oh, my God, you are an idiot.
- It sends my mind back.
Every time I open my eyes, I'm on that couch,
and then she walks in the door.
Like "Days-"
- Change the record, Daniel, please. Okay?
- What's the last thing you remember?
- She and I were gonna go on a walk.
We were gonna talk things through.
- Yeah, it gets easy to avoid someone's calls
when you're not here.
- It was supposed to be a fresh start. Okay?
- You don't erase years of
issues by just talking to someone
once or twice a week.
- Well, we tried counseling once,
and that didn't work either, apparently.
- Have you tried going back
to before the day she left you?
- Why?
- Because there's probably more than one reason
why you can't make it work.
- I just need one more chance.
- What happened last time?
- You and Steph were having an orgy.
- That doesn't seem right.
- You had the shirt for it. Anyway, wish me luck.
- I'm going to destroy it. - Hey, whoa.
Well, just, I can't let her go.
- You have to.
- Let me handle this. - Yeah?
How's that working out for you?
Look, I can do it this time. I know it.
Just don't turn Daniel into a weirdo this time.
- That's that.
- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry about everything.
- Huh... It's okay.
This is for the best.
- No, it's not.
- Please don't make this difficult.
- I can't lose you.
- You could have said something, like, anything
before right now.
- Why not right now?
- It's not that you want me to stay, Chris.
It's just that you don't want me to leave you. That's all.
- I, I want you to stay more than anything else right now.
- I've been moving for two months,
and you've not done a single thing to stop me.
- What did you want me to do?
- Give me one good reason to turn that job down.
- I love you.
- That's not enough.
- It's been enough for most of our adult lives.
What's changed?
- When's the last time we had sex like you meant it?
You, you have not done that to me
since we were in high school.
- Oh, I've done that to you plenty.
- You have not. Not like that.
Oh, oops.
What do you think Steph's gonna think?
She probably heard me.
I have not been this tired since-
- The Jeep.
Memorial Day? Yeah.
- You were on a work trip on Memorial Day.
- Uh...
- What the hell?
- Um, okay, it was, like, one, one time with Brad.
It was, like, really stupid.
I don't even know why he did it.
I just... What was?
- You can cut down on the carbs
by taking the bread out and using a wrap.
- She fucked him.
- Who fucked who?
- Veronica fucked Brad while we were still dating.
That's why she left me.
- Hey, at least she picked someone good looking, right?
Nothing's worse than the other person being ugly.
Imagine you're a famous
movie star and your model wife
ends up having an affair
with a guy who looks like Shrek.
- What?
- I can only imagine how horrific Shrek's O face must be.
Oh, Donkey, I'm about to blow.
- Stop it.
- The only difference between
comedy and tragedy, is timing.
- I just found out, man.
- Motherfucker. - Look.
It's like "Days of Future Past" in case you're wondering.
- So your mind-
- I just wish we didn't have to use that metaphor
every single time you find out.
It's really lazy.
Oh, God.
- I really just...
I couldn't find a way to make her happy.
Were you two ever happy?
- Well, we got married once.
It just disintegrated over dinner.
- Maybe it's a sign to let sleeping dogs lie, Chris.
- I just, it can't end like this.
- At least you know why it's over.
It's not just wondering. - It's not closure.
- I think you should just accept it
and move on with your life.
There's so many other women.
- That's that.
- Why?
- Come on, Chris, we've... Why him?
- Um, don't think I know what you're talking about.
- You slept with Brad.
Don't deny it.
- Uh, how did you find out about that?
- You told me.
- What? I don't...
- Look, I'll spare you the details, okay?
- Please don't be angry.
- I'm not angry.
- Okay.
Um, we were drinking, okay?
It's not an excuse,
but you and I hadn't, like, slept together
in, like, I don't know, months.
He was really nice to me and he listened to me.
Kind of like how you used to.
I don't... It was stupid.
I don't...
I don't really know.
I mean, I'm sorry.
- It's too late for that. - Okay.
- I think you should leave. - Yeah, okay.
Yeah. Bye.
Peaceful protests.
Guy Huge is on the ground in Chicago.
- What's wrong? - It's over.
- We've had this conversation before.
- Yeah, like, 10 seconds ago.
- Like, one year ago.
- I just thought I'd get closure, but, uh...
- You just can't leave well enough alone, can you?
- What's well enough alone in your opinion?
- Moving on with your life.
- Just, just every time it just gets worse and worse.
- You are save scumming your life.
- You're not even gonna ask how it works, are you?
- At this point, I don't care.
I want you to destroy it and move on.
- It sends my mind back. Isn't that cool?
- Like "Days of Future Past." - Yeah.
It's impressive, right?
- Not really.
Not like this.
Fucking unbelievable. You embarrass me.
- That's that.
- Have fun whoring about in San Francisco.
- Uh, what?
I'm sorry, what did-
- Get the fuck outta my town home.
- Everything all right, buddy?
- She cheated on me.
Hey, better you found out this way then.
You might wanna get yourself tested, mate.
You'll find that funny eventually.
Still not funny.
You might wanna get yourself tested, mate.
What if I'm asymptomatic
and years from now my balls fall off?
- Not this again. - The way she walked out.
Just like, "Oh, look at me.
I fucked my way around the
country while you paid the rent."
That bitch decided that since
she didn't wanna deal with our bullshit,
she could just go out
and fuck any single person that she wanted.
- Please, be over soon.
- I mean, she, I, I, I just, I, I did nothing wrong.
And yet she feels like... Are you done?
- She cheated on me and I have the right to be angry.
- Not for this long.
- It literally just happened. - No, it didn't.
Oh, God. - It sends my mind back, FYI.
- Like "Days of Future-"
- I swear, that's the only
fucking movie about time travel
you've ever seen in your life.
How many times have you done this?
- Enough to get the truth out of her.
- Okay, well, now you can stop and move on.
- I should tell her to fuck off.
Uh, you could text her right now,
but you're probably blocked.
- That doesn't matter anymore.
- Oh, no.
- Do you have any disinfectant?
- Uh...
- I don't want whatever disease you got from him.
- What? What?
Wait, what?
- I know you slept with Brad. Don't deny it.
Don't lie to me. - Um, yeah.
Uh, okay. It was, it was one time.
- That's a lie.
Um, I...
Please don't hurt me.
- Tell me the truth. Okay, Veronica?
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Tell me the truth.
Oh, my God.
- That's not good.
- Daniel?
Hey man, um, I don't know what happened
or exactly, um, what I said,
but, uh, I, I, uh...
If you could just call me or
come over, that would be great.
Thank you.
It's open.
- It's been a minute.
- It has?
- You told me to enjoy Jewish hell.
Which you said was nothing more
than a Michael Bay movie marathon.
- I, I'm sorry for whatever I said, okay?
Oh, my God.
What do you remember?
- Look, my, my mind goes back,
but I don't remember anything between then and now.
"Days of Future Past."
You say it every time and it's annoying, okay?
- You're lucky I didn't delete your voicemail.
- I wasn't the one who said all those things to you, okay?
- Yeah, technically you didn't,
but you did.
And watching you torch your life wasn't fun either.
- I'm sorry, okay?
I, I, I didn't mean whatever I said.
I, I just, I just wanted to say my piece to her.
- But you didn't.
- But look, I was, I was angry and hurt,
and I, I just-
- And you didn't think about anything
outside of that moment.
- What happened?
- Long version or short version?
- Either.
She filed a restraining order against you.
Your boss found out and fired you.
I tried to talk you into therapy,
and you said a lot of nasty shit to me.
You got pulled over for a DUI,
and wound up punching out the cop.
- What? Oh, my God.
Yeah, you're going to be on "Cops" someday.
- Jesus Christ.
- So, at least you've gotten that going for you.
I called you a sad, bitter man
who's going to die alone.
So it's not like I didn't say my piece.
- This is pathetic.
I'm pathetic.
- You did exactly what you were going to do
regardless of who was in charge.
- So what do I do now?
I have a spare room.
- Usually you moved in here.
- I wanted to, but you,
or was it the other guy, or some guy, said, "No."
- Look, I, I need to make things right with you. With her.
- You can't come within a country mile of her.
- No, no, no, no, not her. Her.
- You can rebuild your life.
This is just a rough patch.
Are you sure?
- Not really.
- Are you okay?
- I didn't know what to say.
Ah. "Days of Future Past."
- Her?
- I tried, but I just froze.
- I thought about what I'd tell my old man.
- What'd you come up with?
It was more of a state of mind than any words.
I just wanna make peace with him.
- That's it?
- Sometimes it's all you have.
- I don't know, I think...
- That's that.
- I hope you find whatever it is
you're looking for out there.
- Um, I'm sorry.
About all of this.
- Me too.
- It's kinda, like, the first time we've talked
since we broke up, you know?
- We, we've talked plenty I think.
- I mean, like, actually talked.
Not just-
- Walking through the end of this?
Do you feel like kind of recently
we're not even the same people anymore?
- Remember when we first started dating,
and it was just, like, we were just hanging out
on my Mom's couch watching Netflix?
- Oh, and that one night, your
brother suggested "Bio-Dome."
- He has the worst taste in movies.
- Well, I mean, I guess it was the one time
when he stayed with us and Norma.
Do you remember that? - Oh, yeah.
- And then... That's, yeah.
- Oh, and I could not sleep at all every single night
because have he was snoring.
- I told you to get earplugs and you did not believe me.
- That's true. - It's, he's at beast.
- Okay, I just thought a two bedroom
was supposed to be bigger.
That place was so small. - Yeah.
That's good memories though, you know?
We crammed for finals there.
- Whenever I see your rear taillights,
it makes me think of that place.
- Fixing the car would cost
more than it was actually worth.
- Right, well, we needed the money for a deposit here.
- Yes. - So, you know.
Couldn't use that for the car.
I think...
Part of me will always love you.
- But you are gonna find somebody who loves
to talk about shitty movies
and, and is just dying to have conversations
about which actress over 65 is the sexiest.
- Diane Keaton is a classy lady. I'm telling you.
- You know what? Actually I think Daniel's right.
Helen Mirren's accent wins the day.
- Oh, come on. That's blasphemy.
Ah, how do we end this?
- Um... I don't think we're gonna be friends.
- Not even on Facebook?
- Definitely not on Facebook.
- Do, do you want any?
- I'm not hungry.
- It's either "Days of Future Past" or "Back to the Future."
- Don't wanna talk about it.
- At least you didn't blow up the world, right?
- Oh, new phone.
Hey, what about-
- If you can let her go, I can let him go.
- I got what I needed.
- So you're a yes
for Game Night with Annie and Monica tonight?
- Yes. - Yes.
- As long as we destroy
everything that built that thing.
I think she's got you there.
- The select glitch isn't cheating.
- It feels like cheating though.
- No, I told you I was right.
- You're just mad that my time
against Yellow Devil is faster.
- Oh, Monica and I wanna prank an old sorority sister
with a video on Cameo.
Who would you suggest? - Charlie Sheen.
- Bullshit. - I told you.
- Why does everyone always suggest him?
- Because he's the last person you expect to be on there.
- There's no way he spent
all of his anger management money, right?
- That sure didn't last too long.
- It was one of the most expensive shows in TV history
because of how much they paid him.
- I mean, he couldn't have spent all of his money
on cocaine and porn stars.
- Well, you know what guys like that do when they have
too much time and money on their hands, right?
- Oh, an exotic animal ring. - What?
- No. A passion project.
Like, I, I think I know what his would be.
A remake of "It's a Wonderful Life"
where everyone does a
Christopher Walken impression.
No, "It's a Walken Life." It's gonna make a billion dollars.
- Tonight, anger mounting in Texas
as animal rights activists unleashed
deadly murder hornets from a lab.
Guy Huge has the story.
Tonight, Congress braces
as newly sworn in President Chet Hanks,
son of legendary actor Tom Hanks,
will deliver the State of the Union to a nation
still mourning the death of President Mike Noise.
Guy Huge is on Capitol Hill with the story.
And in lighter news, the number one film
at the box office this week, "Titanic II."
Guy Huge is downtown in line
with the thousands of people hoping a ticket is left.
Take deep breaths
- The country braces for another
round of peaceful protests.
Guy Huge is on the ground in Chicago with the latest.
Are you serious?
Dominating social media chats this week
has been a viral TikTok video
discussing the merits of goblin amputee porn.
Guy Huge has to deal
with the rest of this bullshit.
I'm a serious newsman. I teach at a journalism school.
This is the bullshit I have to report on?
This afternoon WPNS' very own Guy Huge
got to experience first contact.
Guy Huge is live with Joe Rogan and Blaster Maximus
from Omnicron Pass at 8:00.
I'm floating away
I'm floating away
I'm floating away