Scared to Death (2026) Movie Script

(film reel clattering)
(wind howling)
(birds chirping)
(electricity hissing)
Ooh
(ominous music)
(door clattering)
(birds chirping)
(feet shuffling)
(birds squawking)
(camera clicking)
(traffic whooshing)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
(fence clinking)
(dog barking)
(camera clicking)
(pensive music continues)
(footsteps plodding)
(dramatic music)
- Jasper, I presume.
- Mr. Crust?
- Yeah.
Sorry I'm late, traffic.
It's a pleasure to
make your acquaintance.
Uh, Champ, the gal I work
with, she gave me the heads-up,
told me all about you.
Uh, she did mention
about the, uh, the fee
for showing the property?
Yeah, uh, 50, right?
Uh, yeah.
(cash rustling)
Ah, thank you very much.
(chain clattering)
(Felix grunts)
Yes, I appreciate it,
and, uh, the ghosts
appreciate it, too.
(footsteps plodding)
(birds chirping)
Ah, this place looks
perfect for the film.
(feet shuffling)
(birds squawking)
Yeah, it's been
empty since the '50s.
70 years? Whoa.
Uh, may I?
Uh, you know, I'm in, I've
in the Screen Actors Guild,
(laughs) but I'd rather
you didn't, but, uh, yeah.
Come on.
(footsteps plodding)
(birds chirping)
Yeah, it was built on the
site of a beggars' cemetery
and later became a home
for, uh, homeless children.
(door clattering and creaking)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
Very creepy.
Yeah, uh, power's off. (Sighs)
Thanks.
Well, after you.
- And watch your step.
- Yeah.
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music)
(footsteps continue plodding)
(eerie music continues)
Should we look upstairs?
Sure.
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music continues)
(item thudding)
(Felix laughs)
(Jasper groans)
Scares cost extra.
(Jasper sighs)
(eerie music continues)
Whoa.
(box creaking)
(sighs) Locked.
Yeah, it needs a key.
Imagine there's a body inside.
Like a skeleton in the closet?
(laughs) Ooh.
(Felix laughs)
Yeah, our director's
gonna love this place.
I wonder what's in there.
(eerie music continues)
(items clattering)
Oh.
Misfortune only comes
in when the door is open.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
(camera clicking)
You know, Champ
didn't mention it,
but are there any stars in
the movie you're making?
No big names, but we do
have one horror legend.
[Felix] Oh, really?
(camera clicking)
- Yeah.
- Who?
Gregory Grogstone.
The Grog?
- Yeah.
- The actual Grog?
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding me?
He's older now, but...
(Felix laughs)
I'm a total horror fan.
Grog is a legend.
Oh, I, I have every
one of his movies.
I mean, most of 'em are on VHS.
Oh, my God, he's the real deal.
I, I've seen a
few of his films.
Who hasn't? He's
made, like, 200.
What? Did you
actually meet the Grog?
Yeah, at the casting,
he's a really nice guy.
(laughs) Oh, my
God, you are so lucky.
(laughs) I'm getting
a little distracted.
You know, there is
another floor above us.
[Jasper] Let's check it out.
[Felix] Okay.
Grog, are you kidding me?
Seriously.
(pensive music continues)
Now watch your step.
- Yeah.
(footsteps plodding)
Oh, God.
Geez, look at this
place. (Laughs)
(Jasper exhales)
God, it's kind of cold.
Creepy.
(camera clicking)
(eerie music)
(rug rustling)
- Oh, man.
- Yikes.
Jesus.
(door clattering)
Whoa.
I better go down
and check that out.
Maybe we should
stick together.
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music continues)
(camera clicking)
(air whooshing)
(Jasper gasps)
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music continues)
(dramatic music)
(hand knocking)
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
I mean, definitely
rodents in here, big ones.
They live in the walls
of old buildings.
It's wild to think
no one's been in here
since the '50s.
Yeah, yeah, the
city owns it now,
and no one's ever filmed
here before, lucky you.
(door rasping)
(pensive music)
Wow, cool place.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
Yeah.
[Jasper] Creepy.
Oh, yeah, Amos Stern,
master of the house.
Yeah, there was a tragedy here.
They had to shut the place down.
[Jasper] What happened?
(frame clattering)
Oh, you'll find out.
Don't wanna spoil the surprise.
You really think
this place is haunted?
[Felix] It depends
on what you believe.
I don't believe in ghosts.
Well, we'll have to fix that.
So, uh, what else did Champ say?
She told me that
you're a medium.
Said she went to
one of your seances.
Our film, "Dead House," is
actually about a seance.
I think our actors would really
love to attend a real one.
A real seance?
Have you ever attended
a real seance, Jasper?
Never.
That's why I think Champ's
idea is brilliant, you know?
Dry run.
Wow.
If, if I were to
set up a real seance
here in this house
for your crew,
do you think you could
get the Grog to attend?
(hand thudding)
Maybe, I, I
don't, I don't know.
Renting old houses for
movies is my day job.
I mean, I'd run a seance
outta here any day
of the week to meet the Grog.
[Jasper] Mm.
I mean, we'd have
to be discreet.
And I usually charge 2,500
bucks for a full seance.
But to meet the Grog,
I do it for a grand.
A grand?
I don't know.
I'll have to speak
with, uh, production.
Yeah, I mean, it's heavily
discounted for the Grog,
but everything's negotiable.
(birds chirping)
(hands rasping)
Thanks for the
tour, Mr. Crust.
Uh, call me Felix.
Appreciate it.
You're a very special
young man, Jasper.
I know your parents
are very proud of you.
My parents are dead, actually.
Yes, I know, killed in a
car crash, and you survived.
Ah, they're here with us now.
I'll see what I can
do regarding the Grog.
I'm on it.
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music)
(cash rustling)
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music continues)
(lips fluttering)
We have heads being cut off,
heads rolling down hallways.
We have popping and
bulging eyeballs.
We've got women screaming,
"Oh, no, it's the Grog."
I am the Grog, and I am back
in my new film, "Dead House."
Wait, cut.
I'd like to have a little
more on "Dead House."
Should be "Dead House."
- "Dead House."
- I want you to really,
like, use the,
use your, the back
of your throat like you
do when you yell at women.
[Grog] The Grog is back
in his new feature film,
"Dead House."
Bigger, just, just to be,
stay where you
are and do bigger.
I wanna hear "Dead House."
- "Dead House."
No, no, like, I
want you to think,
uh, bigger.
- "Dead House."
All right, that's better.
Visualize the house.
Visualize dead, action.
(footsteps plodding)
The Grog is back in his new
feature film, "Dead House."
That was good. That was good.
You like that? Did
you like the wink?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Are those the shoes
you're gonna wear?
Yeah, I always
wear these shoes.
You don't have
any, like, boots,
cool boots or anything?
- These are cool boots.
Look, boots.
No, those are low boots.
I'm talking boots.
(crew laughing)
You don't have any good boots?
What's on the back
of your shirt?
(Max speaking faintly)
[Alison] Dude, yo.
(sighs) Sorry I'm late.
(sighs) Max is
looking for you.
Where is she?
She's over by
camera with the Grog.
[Grog] Come see the Grog.
How's she doing today?
Good luck, buddy.
(Jasper sighs)
[Max] No.
What, are you showing
off your panties?
(Grog speaking faintly)
Yeah.
Okay, go back.
Start again. Action.
[Grog] The Grog is back in
- Uh, hey.
- His new feature
Cut, cut.
I need five.
(Grog grunts)
Go on, a little faster please.
(Max clears throat)
Hi.
- Hi.
Where the hell have you been?
I was scouting a location.
Oh, location?
Yeah.
You are late.
You can be anything
you want in Hollywood,
but you cannot be late.
I know, but I, I, I was
taking photos of this old house.
You wanna see?
I don't remember asking
you to go scouting.
Well, I'm taking initiative
like you and Ruth told me to.
Initiative my ass.
I, I, I wanted to
ask you something,
and now I don't remember
what I was gonna ask you.
Now just go get me,
get me my coffee.
No, but I just had an idea.
Oh, you had an idea?
- Yes.
- Oh, you had an idea.
- Oh, God.
- I'm up there doing my thing.
Like I'm, she's treating me
like I've never been in a movie.
I can't believe she
talks to you like that.
Don't take it to
heart. She's a bitch.
Yeah, something's
wrong with her for sure.
Yeah.
"Dead House" is a
film about a seance.
Why not hold a real one for
the actors for research?
You could, uh, draw ideas
from it for the film.
You see, I met a
real medium today,
a real 12th-generation
psychic, Felix Crust.
And he said that he would
set up a seance for us.
Now he usually
does it for 2,500,
but he said that he
would do it for a grand
in a real haunted
house, an old orphanage.
Look. See?
I took these photos.
You gotta see.
(pensive music)
Wait. Weren't you in
that, uh, one porno movie?
Like, (exhales) I don't
remember what it was, was.
"Babes in Grogland"?
Yeah.
- That's awesome.
- That was not porn.
That was soft core.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
It's like, put that there,
but you don't see it.
It's softer.
- Got it.
- I don't don wanna ruin
my career.
- Real tasteful.
So you imagine the Grog.
- Yeah.
- Soft core.
[Champ] I don't, I'm, yeah.
Was that before or
after "The Grogfather"?
(snack crunching)
A thousand dollars?
- Yeah.
- Oh, you a producer?
(pensive music)
Are you a director?
No, you are a PA, which
today stands for pissant.
Now go and get me my coffee.
Make my coffee now.
I just thought it'd be
a good-
Just I don't care
what you do, God.
Just go, go, go.
Grog, Grog, get back here.
We have to finish this promo.
Otherwise, the
movie is gonna sink.
[Grog] Coming, Maxine.
Don't you call me Maxine.
Did you not listen
to what I said?
You're gonna get fired
before you get hired, buddy.
Now stand on the mark.
- Thank you.
- Get on your Goddamn mark.
How did the scout
go? What did she think?
It was good, but, uh, she
doesn't care, waste of time.
Aw, thick skin, Jasper.
I know. I know.
(laughs) I have faith in you.
Hey, don't forget
to bring photos
to the production meeting, okay?
Yeah.
- Okay, will do.
(Alison speaking faintly)
[Ruth] Hey, bud, what's up?
Oh, that's a different quote.
[Max] The T, it's at the
- Start.
- Top of the T.
You see where the T is.
(machine clattering)
Put your toe on that T.
[Grog] The Grog is back.
(chair clattering)
(pensive music continues)
(phone thudding)
(thumb tapping)
(cable clanking)
(phone thudding)
(pensive music continues)
(pensive music continues)
[Champ] Scare-Cam.
(dramatic music)
(Champ laughing)
- What did I tell you
about doing that?
I'm sorry, but
really I'm not, though,
because look at
your face. (Laughs)
Oh, that's gold.
Hey, um, I got some
Mary Jane for later.
(crew inhaling)
- Nice.
Hey, look. Check this out.
I took photos of the orphanage.
Look. What the heck is that?
That wasn't there before.
(laughs) Dude, please
stop messing with me
'cause you know I'm stoned.
I'm serious. What is that?
Uh, let's see.
That is revenge, yeah,
and you're really good.
You're good, yeah.
No, look, I spoke
with Felix Crust,
and he agreed to do
his seance for a grand.
He loves the Grog.
- A grand?
- Yeah.
Shit, dude, no way.
You're a freaking genius.
Um, yeah, I, I mean like,
it's usually way more than that.
Um, but look, seriously,
dude, don't tell Wolfie
that I sent you to Felix,
'cause you know
how she is with me.
Just take credit for that shit,
she'll be instantly, "No."
(Jasper laughs)
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I got you.
- Silver Surfer secret?
Silver Surfer secret.
(fists thudding)
'Kay, you're the best.
Production meeting in 10,
you can show me the rest
of that creepy shit later.
- Copy.
- Jasper.
I need you to shoot
behind the scenes
at the production meeting, okay?
Okay.
Thank you, appreciate it.
(Jasper sighs)
She's gonna run the show
here for, until I run the show.
- Nice.
- Okay?
[Ruth] There you
go, okay, guys.
- Okay, you just-
- Let's sit down.
- Just call it order.
- Let's start.
Let's start it.
- Ruth.
[Ruth] Have a seat, everyone.
Thank you so much
for showing up.
- Thank you, thank you.
- So you listen to her
from the beginning.
Team "Dead House," yay.
[All] Yay.
(hands smacking)
I'm so glad you
all could make it.
I thought it was very important
that we got together
in the same room
before we start
physical production.
So let's go around and
introduce ourselves.
I'll start first. I
am Ruth, the producer.
Good afternoon, new
friends, I'm the Grog.
I'll be playing the monster.
I was telling Ruth earlier,
about 20 years ago or so,
I shot parts of my
movie "Knife 2 Five"
right here in this very studio.
- Wow.
- Wow.
It was a big hit for me.
(laughs) Maybe
it's a good omen.
[Crew Member] Mm.
"Knife 2 Five,"
that's a great slasher.
- Next-
- Thank you, man.
Our benevolent dictator,
our leader, El Capitan.
Uh, thank you, thank
you, darling. (Laughs)
Hello, hello,
hello, and welcome.
I just wanted to say I do
not want to be called Maxine.
I do not want to be called Maxi.
It is Max.
Thank you.
You will all be glad to know
we have no shitty little kids
or stupid animals in this movie,
so we can really let
it rip, right, Ruth?
Yes, and now our superstar.
Well, hello, everyone,
my name is Lena Cooper.
I will be playing Morgan.
Oh, darling, you
need no introduction.
Am I right, everybody?
- Yeah.
- Come on.
Let's, let's give
her a big hand.
Come on.
- Oh, you guys.
[Max] Let's do
it, let's do it.
Please.
Everybody up.
Bravo, baby, bravo.
- Thank you guys, thank you.
Thank you.
- Bravo.
- Thank you, you're so kind.
- Okay, sit back down.
Everybody sit.
(Ruth and Lena laughing)
That was really sweet of you.
Um, this is my
first horror film,
so I'm a little bit nervous,
but mostly, I'm very excited.
I mean, I'm still pinching
myself over the fact
that I get to work
with the Grog.
It's the other way
around, Ms. Cooper.
I'm the lucky one.
Oh, thank you.
Everyone loves the Grog man.
(Lena laughs)
- [Ruth] Yes.
I'm Carlos, I wrote
this piece of crap,
and they got what they paid for,
so you won't be
seeing much of me.
(crew members laughing)
What's up, y'all?
My name is Johnny Fizz,
and I'm so excited to play
with you creative souls.
I am playing Chuck,
Lena's, I mean
Morgan's love interest
in "Dead House."
Like, as if.
(Lena and Johnny laughing)
And I'm Wally. I'm the
director of photography.
Uh, basically, that
means I'll be making all
of you look like movie stars.
I'm Jasper, Max's assistant.
Uh, this is my first
time on a feature film,
so if you guys need
anything, just ask.
He's very keen to please.
(Lena laughs)
He was top of his film school
class, weren't you, Jasper?
[Lena] Ooh.
- Go, Jasper.
- Go, Jasp.
(Max laughs)
- Right.
So I thought we'd start
by letting the actors, um,
let us know if there's any
concerns regarding the script.
They definitely didn't
pay me enough for Q&A,
so this is where I exit.
Hold up. Stay right there.
Your script is brilliant.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, someone actually
read the script.
Um, and I actually had a
question for our director.
Yes, darling.
So the movie is
about a seance.
Yes, darling.
(pensive music)
Well, I've never
actually been to a seance.
I have been doing tons of
research, watching videos,
um, but I would really like
to potentially do a
real one in person.
I just feel like it
would help ground me
to my character as an actress.
What, what do you guys think?
Oh, my God, you are
brilliant. That is brilliant.
Mm, and how is that, Max?
I have already
arranged for all of us
to attend a real seance for
those exact reasons, a dry run.
Well, that sounds amazing.
There's a real
medium raring to go
in a real haunted house
- Cool.
- And an abandoned orphanage,
no less.
So if we are all
willing to participate,
I will schedule it, and we will
make it happen for our star.
(Lena laughs)
Well, thank you,
Max. That's awesome.
Sounds scary.
Are you sure you want
to attend a real seance?
(laughs) I mean, we're
just making a movie.
We're not trying
to raise the dead
like Beetlejuice or something.
Oh, come on. It'll
be fun, Johnny.
If she's in, I'm in.
Yay.
(hands smacking)
Count me in. The Grog
loves an adventure.
(Max and Lena laughing)
Jas, put that down, and go
make the call, and set it up,
and while you're at it,
print out the most recent
scripts for all of us.
There's a good boy.
Okay, uh, let's go
over the schedule, um.
[Max] Jas, turn that off.
I have a question about
the date for that seance.
Okay, what do you,
yeah, and you know,
that is a good question.
I don't, have we
decided what we're doing?
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Nice hair.
- Thank you.
Thank you, Lena, hey.
(Jasper and Carlos
speaking faintly)
- Thank you, my brother.
- Yeah.
Give it up, oh.
- Got nice hair as well.
- Nice hair.
(Jasper sighs)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
(footsteps continue plodding)
Refresh.
(Jasper sighs)
You know what?
I've had it with you. I quit.
I can't believe you did
that in the meeting.
Did what?
The seance, that was my idea.
Oh, come on. Would you
just stop being a big baby?
(Jasper sighs)
I'm wasting my time here.
All I do is make your coffee.
I didn't go to film
school for three years
so I could be your punching bag.
Oh, my God, you
should be an actor.
(laughs) You are so dramatic.
I'm out of here.
You're an asshole.
Uh, what? Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
What did you say?
(Jasper sighs)
Hmm? Come on.
I'll say it with you. Come on.
Come on, I'm a, a, a, a,
come on, asshole, right?
You're right. I am an asshole.
(Jasper sighs)
You listen to me, Jasp.
Cry babies finish last.
Now refresh my coffee,
and set up the seance,
and get me my pills.
No, nope, I've worked
here for an entire year
with absolutely
nothing to show for it.
I'm only gonna do it if
I get to shoot the seance
with the cameras and I get
to direct behind the scenes.
(mug thudding)
(pensive music continues)
Don't you push
me, you teeny peeny.
Screw this. I'm outta here.
All right, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come back here.
All right, I shouldn't have
called you a teeny peeny.
You can direct behind
the scenes, okay?
But now, set up
the seance, please,
and get me my pills.
(pills rattling)
Smart ass.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
Uh, by the way, when
did you grow them?
Grow what?
Your new set of balls.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
(paper rustling)
(gentle music)
(pensive music)
(brooding music)
(pensive music)
(sheet rustling)
(keys tinkling)
(person laughing)
Champ, what's so funny?
Oh, I, I thought
you were upstairs.
Are you almost done?
No, I mean,
everything's set up,
but I just have to run
a test on the projector
and the speakers.
Quickly, quickly,
they're almost here.
Yeah, okay, got it.
(bag thudding)
(pensive music continues)
(tone warbling)
(switch clicks)
(pensive music continues)
(bag rustling)
(footsteps plodding)
(Felix grunts)
(switch thudding)
(electricity hissing)
(lamp clinking)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
(lamp clattering)
(person wailing)
Hey, Champ, love
the sobbing. (Laughs)
It's really getting
me, man. (Laughs)
Ah, okay, you can
stop the testing now.
Let's save it for our company.
(eerie music)
(door creaking)
Anyone home?
(bags thudding)
(door squeaking and clattering)
Greetings. (Laughs)
(footsteps plodding)
Hello, yes, well,
the power is on.
Uh, some of the sockets are
working, not all of them.
It's bad wiring.
Uh, I've turned on as many
lamps as I could find.
Yeah, lamps will work, thanks.
Yeah, so, uh, let's get
the money out of the way,
uh, the thousand.
Right, uh, my producer,
Ruth, told me I should pay
at the end, you know,
when it's all done,
so, uh.
- Huh.
Well, uh, yeah.
Uh, well, uh,
Champ's here already.
- She is?
- Yeah.
What?
(footsteps plodding)
(door clattering)
- Hey, dude.
- When'd you get here?
You know, like, a minute
ago, early bird and munchies.
Hey, hey, you know better.
Okay, let's set up.
We're gonna do the
seance in this room here.
The chandelier is
great for lighting.
[Champ] 'Kay,
sounds like a plan.
Yeah, let's go upstairs.
(footsteps plodding)
(lamp clicks)
(lamp clinking)
(brooding music)
What do you make of Felix?
He's kinda hot
in an old dude way.
- What?
- (laughs) I'm just playing.
Look, you know, Felix
loves the Grog, right?
And he hooked you up.
(pensive music)
Do you believe in ghosts?
Mm, I think you only see
ghosts if you believe in 'em.
I mean, it is the brain
that sees, not the eyes.
The eyes are like lenses, and
the brain creates the image,
like, the cerebral cortex
and all that, right?
Well, then how do you
explain the face in my photos?
Man, that's easy.
You were pranking me, idiot.
- No, I wasn't.
- Okay. (Scoffs)
Okay, uh, let's
put a GoPro up there
and get it shooting
down the pipe.
Okay.
(items clattering)
(Jasper sighs)
(chair clattering)
(camera clattering)
Look, I don't know about you,
but I am in need
of some McLovin.
TMI, but, uh, I hear ya.
Join the club.
So, what's up?
We're friends,
dude. Seriously?
Yeah, okay, I know.
I'm just desperate.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, you are welcome.
(pensive music continues)
(light clinking)
(brooding music)
(footsteps plodding)
(Champ sighs)
(bags clattering)
- So strange.
What?
There's nothing here.
(bat screeching)
(dramatic music)
What the hell was that?
I think that was a bat, dude.
Can we just please do
this and get outta here?
Like...
- Definitely.
- Oh.
Okay, uh, let's put a
camera in that corner there
and get a wide shot
of this entire room.
Okay.
(pensive music)
That's good.
Let's put one on the mirror here
and get it, uh,
shooting the bed.
(camera clattering)
Hey, uh, remind me why all
the cameras are up here again.
The seance is on
the ground floor.
Ya never know.
(laughs) "Paranormal
Activity" vibes.
You got it.
You're cuckoo.
[Jasper] We'll see.
(eerie music)
(brush rasping)
(gentle music)
(hand thudding)
(gentle music continues)
Champ, is that you?
- Felix.
- Jesus.
- What's up there?
- Oh, man, you scared me.
I, I don't know. It must
have been an animal.
Well, we did see a
bat in the attic, so.
Okay, hand held is good to go.
Be careful with that.
(bags clattering)
I think she likes you.
Nah, we're, we're,
we're just friends.
Young love.
(Felix laughs)
(camera thuds)
(footsteps plodding)
(gentle music continues)
(dramatic music)
(bedding rustling)
(dramatic music continues)
I'm in deep, I can't think
You got me under your spell
when you're touching me
Learn how to drive, asshole.
I'm in deep.
It's like a dream
(door clattering)
(laid-back hip hop
music continues)
(Max inhales)
(saliva sloshing)
(joint thudding)
(laid-back hip hop
music continues)
(engine humming)
(phone ringing)
- Hey.
- Hey, I'm outside.
Where are you at?
[Ruth] Max, Ellie's sick.
I've gotta rain check.
[Max] (scoffs) Rain check?
Ruth, what the fuck?
So your grandkid
is sick, so what?
[Ruth] She's got a fever.
[Max] That's why I never
had kids. She'll get over it.
[Ruth] Max, please.
[Max] Don't Max please
me. Don't Max please me.
(Ruth sighs)
Everyone that ever has a kid,
they, they, they, they use
them as a Goddamn excuse.
[Ruth] I'm not using
her as an excuse.
- I need you-
- She's four.
[Max] here with
me for the film.
[Ruth] My family comes
first. You know this.
[Max] This is work, Goddammit.
(hand thudding)
Jasper, open the Goddamn door.
What's her problem?
The aliens forgot
to remove the probe.
Oh, girl is infamous.
(Lena laughs)
(door creaking)
(footsteps plodding)
I am not signing a release.
Where do I go?
Felix, I'd like
you to meet Max Wolf,
our esteemed director.
Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
I will be your
medium for tonight.
It's Max, not ma'am,
(pensive music)
And I don't touch dirty things.
Is there wine?
Uh, yes, up the
stairs and to the right.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
(door clattering)
Now, Felix, I know
you've been excited
to meet someone very special.
I'd like to introduce you to
the great Gregory Grogstone,
star of the best
horror classics.
Grog, I'd like to introduce
you to Felix Crust,
our medium for tonight.
You're too kind, Jasper.
Felix Crust, what
a delightful name.
(laughs) Oh, my God, oh,
such a pleasure to meet you.
I am such a big fan. I've
seen all of your movies.
I mean, you're the
greatest to me.
(laughs) You know, I, I know
I'm, I'm gushing a little bit.
Oh.
Appreciate you, bro.
(hand patting)
(hands smacking)
Well, shall we?
(cup thudding)
(footsteps plodding)
(wine sloshing)
(bottle thudding)
- Hi.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
- You want one?
Um, you know, that's tempting,
but I think I'm gonna get
something a little bit stronger.
(bottle thudding)
(pensive music continues)
- Me too.
- Mm-hmm.
- You count me in.
- Okay.
- Cheers.
- I'll give you the signal.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
I told you that I am
not signing a release.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
Thank you all for
attending tonight.
Uh, it's a real honor
making your acquaintance.
Jasper tells me that this
is an exercise in research
for a movie you're
about to make.
I just hope it is
as inspirational
as it is entertaining.
Uh, for those of you who have
never attended a real seance,
don't worry.
It's nothing like you see
on TV or in the movies.
Uh, this is a very
special place.
This was built over
a beggars' cemetery,
and, uh, after the war,
it became an orphanage.
You may have seen the
sign out in front.
You know, when I first
explored the house,
I came upon, uh, a fragment
of a local news article,
which I will show
to, uh, Johnny here.
In the winter of 1954,
(paper rustling)
Five orphans were found
dead in the attic upstairs.
"The five orphans were
scared out of their wits
or literally
frightened to death."
Oof, nowadays, what
would that be called,
like, a cardiac
arrest or whatever?
Uh, it says that
Amos Stern disappeared,
and then the orphanage
was shut down.
Yes, and it remained
closed for, for decades.
Geez, I'm scared already,
and we haven't even started.
Ah, don't worry,
Johnny. (Laughs)
They're just children.
- Mm.
- (laughs) Just children.
Give me a break, Crusty.
Uh, please try to keep
an open mind because, uh
How long is this gonna take?
Uh, usually, one to two hours.
But, uh, first of all, let us,
uh, form a circle of trust.
We hold hands. We
close our eyes.
(eerie music)
(dramatic music)
So close our eyes, take
a cleansing breath.
(participants
inhaling and exhaling)
(dramatic music)
(children screaming)
Don't touch me.
Stop it. Stop it.
Stop it. Go to bed.
Jasper, give me my,
give me my (stammering).
(Max panting)
Pill. (Gasping)
(Max speaking gibberish)
(Max screaming)
(dramatic music continues)
(air whooshing)
Max, are you okay?
I'm fine.
I thought you were
having a heart attack.
(Max scoffs)
I'm not having a
heart attack. I'm fine.
Girl, you screamed.
No, I didn't.
[All] Yes, you did.
No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- You did.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
You are all crazy.
(footsteps plodding)
You know, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna go.
Yeah, that's your friend.
[Max] My God.
Max.
What the hell was that?
What?
You're crazy.
I'm gonna go upstairs.
Meet me there in a minute.
(footsteps plodding)
Boss, you sure you're okay?
I am fine. What, is
everybody high around here?
You were scared.
You were saying, "Go to
bed. Get away from me."
You were trying
to hit something.
What?
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music)
(bag rustling)
(plastic rustling)
(eerie music)
Did you see kids?
What?
I am fine, Greggy, or Groggy,
or whatever your name is.
And you know what?
If I did, I'm not afraid of
some shitty little rugrats.
(foot thudding)
- Do you have kids, Maxine?
Oh, what do you
want now, Groggy?
You want the history
of my ovaries?
Are you an actor, or
are you a pervert?
I am not a pervert.
- Oh, man.
- I am the Grog.
- Oh, my God.
- Look, man.
It's all good. She just
takes some getting used to.
Miss thing's reputation
precedes her, fucking nightmare.
Excuse you. Did you
capture me saying that?
Put that thing away.
(Champ laughs)
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music)
Princess.
(Lena sniffing and exhaling)
(Max laughs)
Stop right there.
That one's got my name on it.
(laughs) Go for
it. It's all yours.
Grog, what do you think?
I don't know. That was weird.
- Yeah.
- I bet she's putting it on.
I wouldn't put it
past the old bat.
Do you think she
should participate?
Uh, yes, put her out of
her misery, uptight bitch.
Sorry, guys, sorry.
(exhales) I was
telling Jasper earlier.
This location's perfect
for "Dead House."
It reminds me of one of
my movies, "Blood Bath,"
but that wasn't about a seance.
(laughs) That was a great
movie with Arthur Sebring.
That's right, bro.
We called him the Chrysler.
(Felix laughs)
[Jasper] How do you feel
about the seance, Mr. Fizz?
Oh, wow, that's
a great question.
Truth be told, I'm
ready to go home.
Mm-hmm.
My director's freaking me out.
She didn't wanna be here.
Hmm, my mother said you
never mess with the dark side,
but this is for a movie, so.
You'll protect us,
right, Mr. Grog?
It'd be my honor, bro.
(clothes rustling)
- Sorry.
- Oh, I got you.
Oh.
(Champ and Johnny laughing)
You're such a sweet human
for being such a horrible
monster in the movies.
I got you. I got you.
See? He got me.
- You are so lucky.
- Period.
(hand thudding)
(footsteps plodding)
(Max sniffing)
(eerie music continues)
(Lena laughing)
Max, Max, look
at me, look at me.
I love this look
for you, honestly.
Yeah.
Oh, God, thank
God for you, Lena.
(dramatic music)
What is it, darling?
Um, nothing, this, this
house is just starting
to really freak me out.
Must be the coke.
Probably did too much.
Um, this is all you now.
Have at it, bye.
(footsteps plodding)
[Max] Hey, where
are you going?
Wasn't there a movie
where you played a frog?
Yeah, man, that's,
um, very impressive.
"Grog the Monster
(laughs) Frog."
Fire.
I appreciate that, man.
How do you know about that?
Well, I'm trying to be
like you when I grow up,
the chocolate version.
- Gotta keep working hard,
bro.
- Hi.
- Hey, how are you?
- What's up, boo?
- Good.
- Go out for a little detour?
- Yeah.
- Mm.
(lips smacking)
(person screaming)
(eerie music)
(footsteps plodding)
(person continues screaming)
(door creaking)
(eerie music continues)
(children laughing)
(eerie music continues)
(person shushing)
(door squeaking)
(door thudding)
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music continues)
(sheet rustling)
(Max grunts)
Oh, my God, what the hell?
There's a monster
under the bed.
There is no monster
under the bed.
But you wanna know a secret?
I thought, when I was your age,
there was a monster
under the bed, too.
It was just my father.
Come on. Get out of the bed.
[Children] There's a
monster under the bed.
There is no monster
under the bed.
Only people are monsters.
(brooding music)
Now come on. Get out of there.
Come on.
(bedding rustling)
Hurry, hurry. There you go.
Okay, gather round. Everybody,
please take your seats.
Anyone know where Max is?
Um, she was upstairs
with me just a second ago.
(Jasper groans)
Max, we're starting.
(lamp clinking)
Max.
(footsteps plodding)
(eerie music)
Now what?
- Sing with us.
- Sing?
Bah, bah, black sheep,
have you any wool
Yes, sir, yes, sir,
three bags full
One for the master
(person screaming)
(eerie music continues)
Are you my mommy?
Mommy.
- Mommy?
- Mommy.
- Mother.
- Mommy.
I'm not your mommy.
But you wanna know
another secret?
Sh.
(sobs) I wish I was.
- We love you, Mommy.
- We love you, Mommy.
- We love you, Mommy.
- I love you.
Master will kill us, Mommy.
No, no, no, one will
ever, ever hurt you.
Show Mommy.
[Children] Mommy needs to see.
We want to show you.
Is this a, am I
getting a surprise?
Am I getting a surprise?
Oh.
I'll close my eyes.
- Here.
Look under the bed.
- Look under the bed.
- Under the bed.
- One, two, three.
Is there a puppy under here?
Tell me when to open my eyes.
[Children] Open your eyes.
(dramatic music)
(Max screaming)
(crickets chirping)
(door clattering)
Max.
She probably bailed.
Hey, you want some?
I'm working, and so are you.
- So?
- Geez.
(Jasper blowing)
(Champ exhales)
(door squeaking)
Don't act like you've
never smelled it before.
(door squeaking and clattering)
Geez, you reek.
(footsteps plodding)
Maybe she left.
Yeah, she did not
want to be here.
We need her.
She's the director.
Did anyone see where she went?
(sighs) Okay, uh, Champ
and I will go look for her.
Uh, nah, I'm gonna take off.
What? No, I need your help.
No you don't. I've
set everything up, man.
You're good to go,
and I never agreed
to take part in the seance.
Let her go, Jasper.
Everyone needs to be
a willing participant.
[Jasper] I need you.
Stoners and spooks
don't mix. I'm out.
[Jasper] Oh, come
on. Are you serious?
Man, all the cameras
are up and running.
You've got six hours on each.
The hand held is
literally in your hand.
You've got this.
- Champ, please.
- Deep end, bro.
That's how you learn to swim.
(footsteps plodding)
[Lena] Bye, Champ.
(Jasper sighs)
Hey, hey, as they say in the
movies, the show must go on.
(Jasper sighs)
(chair clattering)
Is anybody gonna
go look for Max?
(Jasper sighs)
(camera thuds)
(Jasper sighs)
(footsteps plodding)
Thank you.
I wasn't gonna do it.
(lamp clinking)
- Boss, you here?
(children laughing)
(lamp clinking)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
(children laughing)
(lamp clinking)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
Max?
(foot thudding)
(doll speaking indistinctly)
Hello?
(child screaming)
(doll speaking indistinctly)
(footsteps plodding)
(light clinking)
Boss, are you here?
(footsteps plodding)
(brooding music)
What are you doing?
(brooding music continues)
(Jasper whimpering)
(Max exhaling)
(Jasper whimpering and gasping)
(feet pattering)
She's dead. She's dead.
She's-
What
- What are you saying?
- Are you talking about?
- Max, she's, she's-
- What happened?
- Sit down and talk to us.
- What are you saying?
- Uh, well, she's-
- What the hell is going on?
- Max.
- Breathe.
- Max is-
- Speak slowly.
- It's-
- What happened?
It's Max.
She's upstairs on
the bed in the attic,
and she looks dead,
her face, and she,
like, she looks-
Whoa, okay, okay.
What do you mean she looks dead?
She looks dead, and, and
her face is just, it's just...
What happened to her?
Look, look, everybody,
let's just calm down, okay?
We need to go get Max
and bring her down here.
Who's with me?
- Hell to the no.
I'm staying right here.
- I'll go.
- No, Mr. Crust is staying
right here with me, too,
thank you very much.
I'll go.
I will go.
(feet pattering)
- Don't try it.
- Okay, all right, all right.
- Where to, Jasper?
- Bathroom, attic.
Let's go.
(Lena grunting)
(feet pattering)
Oh, my God.
(pensive music)
She was on top of the bed.
Yeah, well, she's
under the sheets now.
- Are you fucking with us?
- Seriously?
[Max] Ooh, ooh.
- Shit.
- Max.
Oh, my God.
(Lena gasps)
(Max groaning)
Oh, my God, what
the fuck is she doing?
What happened to her face? Max.
- Check her pulse.
- Max, wake up, wake up.
(Max whimpering)
Oh, my God, Jasper,
what the fuck?
(Max gasping)
She's ice cold.
Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
Let's get her up,
let's get her up.
(dramatic music)
(Max whimpering)
- What happened to her?
- Look at her face.
It's worse than the
kids in the photos.
What the hell do
you think she saw?
(Max speaking gibberish)
(Max growling)
Hey, what are we
gonna do with her?
(Max gasping)
(Max speaking gibberish)
Call 911. We
need an ambulance.
(Max speaking gibberish)
Looks like she had a
stroke or a heart attack.
Right.
What? Just like that?
Uh, uh, uh, it, it
happens, high stress.
Okay, I did cocaine with her
a little while ago upstairs.
I really hope that's not it.
Fuck.
- Oh, Lord.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Don't you judge me.
Guys, I don't have
a signal. Anyone else?
Let me check.
(light clinking)
Yeah, no, I got nothing.
(fingers tapping)
(hand thudding)
What the hell is
going on, Felix?
What are you playing at?
This has gone on far enough.
Loss of electrical power
or signals is, is commonplace
when communicating
with the spirit world.
Shut up. What spirits?
We haven't even started.
They know we're here.
Who? Who is they?
Look. Just try to relax.
Relax? Look at this woman.
You know what?
I have suddenly decided
I am no longer a
willing participant.
See y'all the fuck later.
(Max whimpering)
(pensive music)
(hand thudding)
Hell no.
Who locked the damn
door? Who has the key?
[Felix] Look, I did not
lock the door. I had the key.
I-
Give me the key.
Give it to me.
- Max?
(Max hissing)
Max?
(Max groaning)
[Felix] Sure tight, dammit.
(door clattering)
Max.
(Max roaring)
[Lena] Fuck this
fucking place.
[Felix] Jasper, come this way.
(hand thudding)
- Um, okay, okay.
There is a door in the
kitchen we can use.
(door clattering)
(brooding music)
(Johnny screaming)
[Grog] Try and get this
wood off the windows.
[Jasper] Yeah, good idea.
(board clattering)
Maybe there's a
hammer somewhere.
There's a utility
closet it upstairs.
I'll go look.
Show me you'll
leadership capabilities.
(hands thudding)
(brooding music continues)
Uh, uh, yeah,
that's the one, yeah.
(Felix grunting)
(key clanking)
Dammit, won't open.
- Mm.
Here, let me try.
(footsteps plodding)
(doorknob clattering)
What the fuck, Felix?
(doorknob clattering)
This place is an
absolute nightmare.
Did Max put you up to
these tricks and games?
'Cause if she did,
I can play along.
You know, I'm cool.
No, no, I am just as
freaked out as you are.
Hey, fuck.
(hand thudding)
(Lena sighs)
(pensive music)
(brooding music)
(Lena whimpering)
What?
[Johnny] There's no
service in this stupid place.
I know, man. I can't
get a signal either.
(Max gasping)
We can't get the door open.
[Grog] All the windows
are boarded shut, too.
- What?
- No hammers,
just fricking brooms and stuff.
Hey, time to fess up, Crust.
Is this an escape room,
like a candid-camera deal?
Are you pranking us? Jasper?
[Jasper] Definitely not.
- I think it's a sign.
- A sign of what?
(Max groaning)
You okay?
I wanna leave.
I just saw something
really fucked up.
What?
(Max groaning)
Uh, nothing.
A sign of what,
Felix? Answer Johnny.
(sighs) I think
it's the children.
Would you stop with
the children nonsense?
We need to get
Max to a hospital.
Yeah, yeah, maybe we can go
upstairs and find a way out.
Look, whoever or whatever
put her in this state
can remove her from it.
We must continue.
Nothing put Max in this state.
She had a stroke or something.
How can you be sure?
She looks scared to death?
Wait, sh. She's
trying to say something.
(Max vocalizing)
Max, can you hear me?
Okay, blink if you can hear us.
(Max gasping)
Fuck.
Look, look, people,
we must continue.
First, we look
for another exit.
Yeah, I'm with you. Let's go.
Let's go right now.
(Max screams)
(footsteps plodding)
Honestly, Felix, if this
is a prank, you're done.
Listen, this is not a prank.
I, I, I think the children
don't want us to leave.
Would you just stop it?
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music)
So what do you
think happened to Max?
Maybe shrunk.
The face looked like
those kids faces.
Okay, stop, please.
I'm scared.
Sorry.
[Lena] You're forgiven.
What's gonna happen
with the movie?
The movie?
Screw the damn movie,
Jasper. I'm terrified.
I saw these weird eyes
in the bathroom earlier,
and I saw a head,
a severed head.
[Jasper] What?
(dramatic music)
Champ.
(laid-back music)
Champ, can you hear me?
Did you lock the damn doors?
We can't get out. It's
not part of the plan.
It's not funny.
(Champ humming)
People are freaking out,
and, and our cell
phones don't work.
Man, I didn't lock
the doors, dude.
Must be them ghosts.
See, this is the exact reason
I do not do haunted houses,
idiots.
- Champ, can you hear me?
[Grog] Hey, uh, Felix,
what are you doing, man?
Oh, uh, I was just
praying, just praying,
and, and you know,
I was thinking
about how much I loved you
in "The Iguana People."
Thanks, man.
(Felix laughs)
What are you doing?
Ah, just, just, just
praying, just praying.
Uh, time for the seance.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
(window rasping)
(Jasper grunting)
(hand thudding)
(Jasper exhales)
This is just hopeless.
(Max groaning)
(eerie music)
(Max whimpering)
(feet pattering)
(Lena gasping)
There is no way out.
Everything is nailed
shut, all of it.
Shit, I'm not getting any
signal on this damn thing.
My anxiety can't take it.
We have to do something.
I can't stay here.
Why would all the
doors just lock?
(Felix sighs)
(plastic rustling)
(breath whooshing)
(pensive music)
Crust, what the
hell are you doing?
(Lena inhaling)
The summoning.
The what?
(incense clattering)
(sighs) Look, to save
Max, we must begin, right?
So let's breathe deeply
and relax, relax.
(Lena exhales)
Okay, now we join hands
to form a spiritual circuit.
(watch clattering)
Okay, Johnny, come on.
That's good.
We do not break
the circuit, 'kay?
Is that crystal clear?
Don't break the circuit until
I say it's safe to do so.
Okay?
So let's close our
eyes and breathe.
(Lena breathing deeply)
Breathe.
(Lena breathing deeply)
(bicycle squeaking)
(dramatic music)
(bed thudding)
- [Lena] Oh, my God.
What the hell was that?
Reconnect. Come on.
Reconnect. Close your eyes.
I summon the earth by divinity.
Divinity by earth, give
us the power to see.
(brooding music)
(item thudding)
What is that?
Okay, spirits of the
past, move among us.
(Felix exhales)
By the light of this
world, visit upon us.
(pensive music)
'Kay, nod three times.
(fingers tapping)
And we are off.
(children laughing)
I think I hear the children.
Keep the circle intact.
Friends who move among
us, tell us your names.
(children laughing)
Friends who move among us...
(children laughing)
(fingers tapping)
(children laughing)
Men keep out o' my way
They know I'll
lead 'em astray
They fall the minute I sway
I insist you can't resist
A jazz vampire
(Max groaning)
(static hissing)
[Amos] Get out.
Get out of my house.
I will kill you.
- Don't break the circuit.
That's it. Let's go.
Don't break the
circuit, Johnny.
[Amos] They're my children.
Leave my children.
(gentle music resumes)
That's it. I'm done.
- Johnny.
- Don't break it, Johnny.
(electricity hissing)
(pensive music)
(plug thudding)
Felix, are you okay?
(fingers tapping)
[Amos] Get out.
Get out of my house.
(video whirring)
Get out of my house.
I will kill
(voices speaking indistinctly)
I know that voice.
What are you
talking about, Crust?
(Felix breathing heavily)
What?
(Felix breathing heavily)
I, I, I just,
uh, I just need, take a
break just for a second.
- A what?
- Keep breathing.
Just relax.
- He needs to take a break?
I need to take a break.
[Johnny] Is Max paying
you for this shit?
I'm not just...
Champ, what's happening?
He out here eating grapes?
- What the hell is he doing?
- Oh, my God.
- He can't be serious.
- I want a grape.
[Felix] Champ, what happened?
It's not me, but I
didn't do that, yep.
- What the hell's going on?
- Sorry, dude.
Not me, my guy.
- Champ.
(Champ exhales)
(Felix sniffs and exhales)
Hail, fair moon,
ruler of the night.
- Bro.
- Hail the moon?
[Johnny] Come on.
Guard me and mine
until the light.
Really, Crust, really?
- Okay.
- Mm.
(Max whimpering)
[Child] Get out.
Amos is coming.
He's coming.
(Max whimpering)
(child speaking faintly)
Leave this place.
(children laughing)
Are they laughing at us?
Children.
(children laughing)
Beautiful children.
They're gone.
(eerie music)
(item clanking)
Oh.
Oh, my God, an apport.
A what?
A key, an
inter dimensional transport.
(laughs) Oh.
This is a first for me. (Laughs)
[Lena] Let me see that.
How'd you do that, Crust?
What do you mean do that?
That's a good
parlor trick, buddy.
We have some fakery afoot, my
friends, some fakery afoot.
No fakery. Grog.
(laughs) No, it's real.
That materialized
out of thin air.
Which one of you threw it?
Don't look at me.
(camera clattering)
Jasper, enough
with the bullshit.
I have nothing
to do with this.
You know, Felix, you
know that it is bad karma
to fuck with people
like this, right?
Max needs our help.
This shit is serious.
[Felix] I know, I know.
Look, I think the children are
trying to tell us something.
Ay.
(footsteps plodding)
Is everyone
taking a coke break?
Why, you want some?
(footsteps plodding)
(hand thudding)
(key clattering)
(Jasper grunting)
(pensive music)
[Jasper] Oh.
(box clattering)
(paper rustling)
Whoa.
(lid thudding)
(paper rustling)
Look.
The plot thickens.
Let's go.
(paper rustling)
(door clattering)
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
Guys, look what we found.
Where?
It was in the
armoire. The key fits.
It's the same
issue you showed us.
Yeah, it says here,
"The master of the house,"
Amos Stern, disappeared
the night the children
were found dead.
Police presumed Stern was
responsible for the murders,
"but no evidence of
that kind was found."
And he vanished without a trace.
Wait. (Grunts)
(paper rustling)
"With the disappearance
of Master Amos Stern,
the staff revealed that he ran
the house with an iron fist.
Stern was a violent,
abusive disciplinarian
who had been previously arrested
for feeding the children
alcohol in their milk
"to sedate them at night."
Stop. That's enough.
[Lena] Oh, my God.
(clothes rustling)
Fuck you, Felix.
Seriously, messing with
us like this, (sighs)
This has to be a crime,
like a felony or something.
(door clattering)
(foot thudding)
Let me out.
(door clattering)
(brooding music)
[Lena] Oh, Johnny.
(feet pattering)
(Johnny gasping)
(brooding music)
(dramatic music)
(high-pitched tone blaring)
(Johnny exhales)
(brooding music continues)
Guys?
(brooding music continues)
(bedding rustling)
(Johnny whimpering)
(bedding rustling)
(Johnny continues whimpering)
(dramatic music)
(Johnny screaming)
Johnny.
(Johnny laughing)
Johnny, wake up.
(Johnny screaming)
(dramatic music)
(Johnny gasping)
- You were laughing.
- You fell.
Ah, it was horrible.
I was in a bed in the attic.
Uh, there was something
under sheets, a, a head.
I couldn't look at it.
A brass bed?
- Yes.
- Johnny, you saw a head?
I saw a head.
(Johnny exhales)
Okay, it's okay, it's okay.
You were here, you were
with us the entire time.
It was just a nightmare.
- People.
- Hmm.
All right, everybody, let's
get him up off the floor.
Yeah.
(Johnny grunting)
- Yeah, there you go.
Oh, my God.
Three scratches, so
mocking of the Holy Trinity.
Oh, my God, Felix, would you
please just shut up already?
This is serious.
He's actually hurt.
- I know it's serious.
- Sit down here.
- Look, I'm not-
- All right, let's just get
this over with.
(Johnny sighing)
(pensive music)
(footsteps plodding)
I'm getting
seriously pissed off.
(paper rustling)
Let's see.
Okay, uh, "The lead
detective in charge"
of the investigation reported,
and the nursing
staff had confessed
that Amos Stern had in the past
squandered the welfare funds
"provided by the state on
alcohol and gambling."
"Reported there being
barely enough food to eat
and the children being
systematically tortured
by his hands.
Four had died previously
at the facility."
"Insufficient
evidence resulted
in no charges being pressed
against the missing Stern.
With primary suspect gone,
the case was put on hold,
and the chief of police
said the children were prone
to night terrors
in the orphanages.
Stern held a doctorate
in divinity and served
"for over two decades as minister
before losing his faith."
I was in a film once
called "Blood of the Orphan."
Oh, my God, with,
with Ed McMahon.
Yeah, it had
a similar plot.
- Oh, my God, Grog.
Now is not the time.
- I've never asked for-
- stop.
- Anything, dear Lord.
- This is not the time.
And I know that
I sin way too much.
But we need your protection
right now. (Sighs)
And we gotta save these kids.
Look, we were
here for a seance.
The door is open. We
need to reconnect.
(pensive music)
Okay, close your eyes.
Children, come to those
of us who are near.
Cross the great divide.
Activating the orb.
(laid-back music)
(pensive music)
Holy smokes.
Now that is spectral.
(Champ laughs)
What? (Laughs)
It's a projection.
(cover clattering)
(camera whirring)
(Lena grunts)
What?
(Grog laughs)
I knew it. I knew it.
Felix the Faker.
- What?
- No.
[Lena] Yeah, really?
(Champ grunts)
What do you have
to say for yourself?
(Johnny laughs)
(hand thudding)
- Thank God. (Laughs)
I thought, oh, this was real.
Shit, dammit, shit.
(Johnny laughing)
(seat creaking)
(door clattering)
Shit.
Crust?
[Lena] Felix?
(Max groaning)
(Felix gasping)
(Felix groaning)
(head thudding)
Felix?
Do you think he's faking it?
(Max groaning)
(static hissing)
Away, before I go away
(energetic rock music)
(gentle music)
(Max whimpering)
Get out.
(brooding music)
Or there'll be hell to pay.
Amos is coming.
Get out.
(Felix gasping)
[Johnny] Whoa.
- Oh, my-
- Whoa.
Felix, your face.
Oh.
Guys, the, the
voice on the radio,
I unplugged that shit.
Yeah, no-
It's a parlor trick, guys.
Come on.
- Guys.
Did you hear that?
Max just spoke with the
child's voice saying
that Amos is here and
that we need to get out.
(hands thudding)
I'm serious.
Well, stop it, man.
He's playing us, guys.
They're all playing us.
(laughs) Is this some
hidden-camera show?
Like...
Guys, I'm not lying.
Is this another one
of your tricks, Felix,
like you just
pulled with the orb?
Okay, okay, you've got
me. You got me there.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, the music,
the radio, at least,
at least most of it,
uh, the, the children
laughing, the orb,
(sighs) yeah, okay, you got me.
Champ is outside in
her van helping me.
We just wanted to give you
guys, uh, some entertainment,
I mean, just some
bang for your buck.
Champ is what?
Look, it's an
embellishment, okay?
But, but something
real is going on here,
something that I
don't understand.
But can you feel it?
He's a charlatan.
I damn well knew it.
I'm not a charlatan.
- Yes, you are.
- No, I am not, Grog.
I am 12th-generation
Crust. I am a medium.
Just, just, I have lost my mojo.
(Johnny laughs)
You've lost your mojo?
I don't give a fuck,
Felix. I'm done.
Open the doors.
- I did not lock the door.
- Bullshit.
- It's something else.
Something else is going on here.
This has never happened.
(Felix grunts)
(heads thudding)
(eerie music)
Bah, bah, black sheep
Have you any wool
Yes, sir, yes, sir,
three bags full
One for the master
One for the master
Bah, bah, black sheep
(sword clanging)
Have you any wool
Yes, sir
- Johnny.
(dramatic music)
(table clattering)
(Lena gasping)
Johnny, Johnny,
don't break the circle.
- Did anybody see that?
Did anybody see that?
- Yes.
- What did you see?
I saw, I saw through
the eyes of the kids.
I saw, he was, he
was torturing them.
How'd you do that, Felix?
Do? Uh, do what?
I, I didn't do anything.
Look, I would never lie to you.
Shut the fuck up, Felix.
That man, Amos, I saw
him, I saw him earlier.
I saw his face.
- I saw him in the bed.
I saw him in the kitchen,
and I saw him in the bathroom.
I saw it, too.
(hand thudding)
- Look, people,
I know you think
I'm full of shit,
and, and I have fucked
with you a little bit,
but we need to continue
in order to save Max.
Now we need five
willing participants.
Five? Why?
[Felix] For the pentacle.
We need your help, Jasper.
Uh, I'm just shooting
behind the scenes.
Go get the fucking
chair, Jasper.
Bring up a chair. Come on.
We need you. We can't
do it without you.
[Lena] Sit down, Jasper.
[Grog] Get the chair.
(camera thuds)
Fuck.
(chair clattering)
(eerie music continues)
Okay, Grog, you take that end
and then across to Johnny,
Johnny to Jasper,
okay, Jasper to Lena,
and Lena back to me.
Okay.
Okay.
(eerie music continues)
(children laughing)
By the dragon's light,
give me the might.
By the power of
five, I conjure thee
to protect those
who surround me.
(children continue laughing)
Protect us from the darkness.
(eerie music continues)
(Johnny whimpering)
(eerie music continues)
(air whooshing)
(heads thudding)
(utensil clinking)
(eerie music continues)
(lemon squelching)
(liquid sloshing)
(eerie music continues)
Make sure he drinks it all.
(eerie music continues)
(liquid sloshing)
(cap clanking)
Tonight, the pain
and torture ends.
Arsenic his toddy will
send Stern to his grave.
(eerie music continues)
Sh.
(eerie music continues)
What have you got for me?
(Amos laughs)
Victoria.
(liquid sloshing)
(eerie music continues)
(Amos exhales)
(Amos coughing)
(Amos groaning)
(tray clattering)
(Amos continues groaning)
(children laughing)
(Amos continues groaning)
(Amos gasping)
(eerie music continues)
(Amos continues gasping)
(eerie music continues)
(children laughing)
(head thudding)
(Amos growling)
(head thudding)
(blood squelching)
(Amos growling)
(dramatic music)
(children screaming)
(participants gasping)
They killed him, the kids.
[Jasper] Did
everyone see that?
We transported.
She cut his head off.
(brooding music)
My whole life, I knew,
I knew it was real,
God and the devil.
(electricity hissing)
(generator whirring)
(participants grunting)
(brooding music)
Breaker box is
in the basement.
Here, follow me.
- Please protect us.
- Okay.
[Jasper] Please protect us.
[Felix] Okay.
- Please protect us.
- Okay, watch the stairs.
(footsteps plodding)
Okay.
(eerie music)
(footsteps plodding)
Wait, Johnny, wait, wait.
- Lena, come on.
- No, just give me one second.
(Jasper groaning)
[Grog] Be careful.
(pensive music)
Max?
Max, can you hear me?
I think she's dead.
Don't say that, Johnny.
Lena, she's not moving.
(Lena sniffing)
(pensive music continues)
What are we going to do?
(Lena whimpering)
[Felix] Okay, watch your head.
Watch your head.
- I'm on it.
Okay.
(switch thuds)
(electricity hissing)
Let there be light.
(light clinking)
What's down here?
(door squeaking)
(eerie music)
Yeah, the children
are talking.
They led us here.
(children laughing)
Is this another one
of your damn recordings?
No, no.
The draft opened it.
Well, I'm going in.
Action's my middle name.
Ah, "Bullets and Trains."
No "Bones in the
Sandbox," stupid.
Yeah, even I knew that.
Oh, I see something guys.
What the hell?
- Holy shit.
- What the fuck is that?
- Oh.
- It's a broad sword.
God.
This reminds me of
my ex-wife, Janet.
We used to love to
go to the beach.
She left me for the guy
with the metal detector.
- Ah, that's rough.
- Yeah.
Oh.
(metal clanging)
What is that?
[Jasper] That's
not good, Grog.
[Felix] I don't know.
It's a sickle?
(weapon clattering)
(hands rasping)
Rosary beads.
Grog, no, no, put those back.
I'm keeping the rosary beads.
[Jasper] Oh, God.
[Grog] There's
something else under here.
It's like a box.
There's a cross
on the top of it.
We're gonna get
through this, okay?
Okay?
Okay.
But I'm scared.
I'm so scared. (Whimpering)
Oh, my God, Max.
[Grog] I'm getting it, guys.
[Felix] No, don't do it, Grog.
(box clattering)
(Grog grunting)
[Grog] Oh, I got the
box, guys, with the cross.
[Felix] Oh, my God,
No, it's a sarcophagus.
- We gotta look inside.
- Put it back.
(footsteps plodding)
Look what we found, guys.
She's dead.
- What?
- Huh?
We must continue. Come on.
(eerie music)
(footsteps plodding)
Okay, guys, we
need to get it open.
What's in this box is
not meant to be seen.
We're opening the box.
You said it yourself.
The children led us
there. They need our help.
Listen, if we open this box,
we have to be prepared
for the consequences.
- Shut up.
- That's why we're opening it.
Let's go.
Wait a minute, wait, wait.
I invoke thee, divine light.
Fill our souls with
love and courage.
Protect us from the darkness.
By the power of sun, the moon,
land, and sea, (exhales)
let it be.
(box clattering)
I'm trying to get
my fingers under it.
Ah.
- Ooh.
- Shit.
(lid clattering)
[Amos] No, put it back, no.
- Ah.
- Oh, my God, oh.
It's Amos.
Who would bury this?
(hands smacking)
And, and why does it have
the stone in its mouth?
Stones were placed in the
mouths of those believed
to be possessed by the devil.
To prevent their souls from
returning to the flesh,
the heads were
often decapitated.
(bedding rustling)
(eerie music continues)
(box clattering)
[Nurses] No one
must ever find this.
(flesh squelching)
(nurse whimpering)
(lid thudding)
(hands rasping)
We buried it in secret.
People, we have
exhumed the dead.
We need to continue.
We need to protect ourselves.
What about the box?
I don't want
this thing near us.
(bones clattering)
(footsteps plodding)
[Nurses] No one
must ever find it.
(hands rasping)
(lips smacking)
(eerie music continues)
It was Amos's head
that I saw in the photos.
None of this makes any sense.
Felix?
Oh, my God, I feel
like I'm on LSD.
Felix?
Beasts of hoof,
beasts of shell,
drag this demon back to hell.
[Amos] Get out of my house.
(Felix screaming)
(head thudding)
Oh, my God.
(head continues thudding)
- Felix.
- Oh.
- Felix?
- Felix?
[Jasper] Felix?
(head continues thudding)
Uh, help him. Pick him up.
Felix?
(eerie music continues)
Holy shit.
Felix.
(dramatic music)
(Johnny whimpering)
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die.
Whatever you are,
show your face.
I'm not scared of you, demon.
I'll kick your bitch ass.
Come on.
There are no demons.
This is all craziness
in our heads.
[Max] Eat me.
- Felix, wake up.
- Eat me.
(footsteps plodding)
Boss, you're alive.
Max, we, we gotta
get you to a hospital.
She was definitely dead
the last time I saw her.
(footsteps plodding)
[Grog] Maxine?
[Max] Eat me.
You're the last
thing I wanna eat.
[Max] Eat me.
What's your problem, lady?
(Amos laughing)
- Johnny, Johnny.
- What the fuck?
What the fuck are you?
(fist thudding)
[Johnny] Fuck that.
Grog, let's go.
(fist thudding)
- Jasper.
- Jasper, come on.
Jasper come on.
Let's leave.
- Let's go.
So go, go.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- Just go, just go.
Goddamn motherfucker.
Shit, I'll kill you.
(candlestick thudding)
[Jasper] Grog, come on.
- Jasper, let's go.
- Jasper.
[Johnny] Come on. Hurry up.
Come on.
Jasper, come on.
This reminds me
of one of my movies.
Grog, let's go.
"Big Broccoli," and
trust me, I won that fight.
(camera thuds)
(suspenseful music)
(liquid sloshing)
(glass shattering)
[Amos] Don't be a pussy.
(bones cracking)
(dramatic music)
(body thudding)
- Jasper, let's go.
- Jasper.
Let's go.
- We gotta help the Grog.
- Are you kidding me?
No, we have to hide.
Now, let's go.
- Let's go, let's go.
(dramatic music continues)
Children.
Where are the children?
(body thudding)
(Johnny thudding)
Oh, oh.
(Johnny grunts)
(wood cracking)
[Jasper] Shit, it's coming.
Shit.
- Johnny, Johnny,
what are you doing?
Oh, my God.
- Don't be afraid.
No more running.
(Amos laughing)
(dramatic music continues)
(Lena gasping)
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Come on, Amos.
(Johnny grunting)
(pole thudding)
(Amos groaning)
(body thudding)
(Johnny gasping)
Yeah.
(Johnny gasping)
I killed him.
- What?
(feet pattering)
(Johnny gasping)
Oh, my God.
It's Max.
Uh, how? What?
(light clinking)
(bones cracking)
(eerie music)
Oh, my God.
- What the hell is
this shit?
- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Hide, hide.
- Where, where, Jasper, where?
Uh, under the bed, go.
(Jasper and Lena grunting)
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Johnny.
- Johnny.
Johnny.
(dramatic music)
Johnny.
I'm not going nowhere.
I'm not afraid of you.
(demon screaming)
(Johnny groaning)
(body thudding)
(Johnny gasping)
(head thudding)
(dramatic music continues)
What was that?
- Close your eyes.
- What do you mean
close my eyes?
- Close your eyes.
What do you mean
close my eyes?
I have to go save Johnny.
No, close them. Don't go, no.
(Lena gasping)
(head thudding)
(demon exhaling)
(Lena screaming)
(pensive music)
(footsteps plodding)
(birds chirping)
Yo, Jasper.
(hand knocking)
Anyone home?
(door clattering)
Jasp.
Holy shit, oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Mr.
Grogstone, are you okay?
Felix is dead.
What?
(pensive music continues)
No, oh, my God.
Wait, what, what, what happened?
Uh, well, I've never been
in a movie like this before.
Hey, hey, you're
gonna be okay, okay?
I'm gonna call an
ambulance, yeah?
Oh, fuck.
(phone beeping)
Where are the others?
Okay, you're gonna
be okay, okay?
[Automated Voice]
You have reached
the Altadena 911 Center.
Your call will be answered
- Jesus.
- As soon as possible.
(footsteps plodding)
(pensive music continues)
[Champ] Jasper?
Jasp.
Max?
(pensive music continues)
[Automated Voice]
Please stay on the line.
You have reached the
Altadena 911 Center.
- Max.
- Your call will be answered
as soon as possible.
[Champ] Max, oh, my God.
[Dispatcher] Altadena
Police, what is the address
of your emergency?
- Hi, hi.
Yes, yes, I, I need an
ambulance, maybe two.
Um, Potters Field Lane,
Altadena, there's
- What is your name?
- There's dead people.
- Are you injured?
- Jasp.
Jasper.
- Ma'am, are you injured?
Just stay on the line, please.
Fuck.
[Automated Voice] The
sheriff has been notified.
Please stay on the line.
Jasper. (Whimpering)
(Champ exhales)
(Jasper groans)
What happened?
(sirens wailing)
Your colleague comes back,
and the door's just open.
I didn't see any
ghosts on the footage.
You only see ghosts
if you believe in them.
It's the brain that
sees, not the eyes.
All these folks were scared
to death in that house,
and yet you come out unscathed.
The Grog didn't die.
He broke his back. What
do you make of all this?
Four people died.
I didn't kill anybody.
What can you tell
me about the 500 grand
that was recently deposited
in your personal
checking account?
Are you surveilling me?
[Det. Harris] How do
you account for the money?
The studio bought my footage.
The studio?
Yeah, the studio
financing "Dead House."
They saw an opportunity.
Was that your
plan from the start?
(Jasper laughs)
I'm not that clever.
500 grand.
A bargain, considering.
How did you make it out alive?
How?
I kept my eyes closed.
You kept your eyes closed?
It's all in the footage.
(Jasper sighs)
(pensive music continues)
We're done here.
(file thudding)
Don't leave town.
(packet clanking)
(pensive music continues)
(energetic rock music)
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
Scared to death
Paid the toll
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
Scared to death
Paid the toll
I'm scared of me,
I'm scared of you
Only we know what to do
Holy Spirit compromised
Satanic window in disguise
Cannot open up the door
Gates of hell forever more
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
Scared to death
Paid the toll
Always kind, make our breaks
Cannot kill with
just a stake
Try to reason, try to write
Crazy world, never right
Can we just see
inside the heart
Kindness is a common start
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
Scared to death
Paid the toll
Around the house,
the bodies lie
In the attic,
the children cry
(children screaming)
The children cry
Kids scream
(children screaming)
Unbearable pain, never safe
I don't see rage
Why are you doing
this to my brain
This is all just insane
Leave me alone
Why are you here
I don't know, I
share your fear
All the screaming
and the sounds
Ghosts and ghouls all around
(brooding rock music continues)
I'm scared to death
I'm scared to death
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
Scared to death
Paid the toll
Paid the toll
Around the house,
the bodies lie
In the attic,
the children cry
(children screaming)
The children cry
'Cause I'm scared to death
Gets a hold
The children cry
'Cause I'm scared to death
Scared to death
The children cry
'Cause I'm scared to death
[Victim] Please help me.
(eerie music)
Please help me.