Scarlett Cross: Agents of D.E.A.T.H. (2022) Movie Script
1
(Old film noise)
When your entire life has been erased...
When everything you
thought was real, is a lie...
You have two choices...
Accept your destiny, or just... die!
And I will take
What you make
The understanding's so so fake
And I'll wait, till you know
That a true love never lasts for long
This time...
You can break, what you make
You may think you take the best of me
But I'm cold from this pain
And you're the one that takes all the blame
Who am I?
Who am I?
(Instrumental)
(Birds tweeting)
(Alarm clock sounds)
(Running water)
(Footsteps)
(Toaster pops)
(Phone beeps)
Shit!
(Harbour ambient noise)
(Camera clicking)
(Loud sound of bag unzipping)
(Dramatic mysterious music)
(Music continues... birds tweeting)
(Engine starts)
(Loud running water)
(Dramatic music continues)
(Gun noise)
(Running water)
(Noise from photo being picked up)
Hello?
Shit!
(Loud noise of photo dropping)
Is somebody there?
(Dramatic music fades out)
I thought I told you to be inconspicuous!
Well now how am I supposed to do that,
when I sound like this... (American accent)
And we in sunny old England?
You look like a tit!
Why thank you ma'am.
I guess I should thank you!
What for?
The Priest assassination.
Talk of the town!
The underground town...
Oh great! Well it wasn't easy...
I had to read the Bible for two
fucking months before I went in.
Really? Was it the... children's edition?
Kiss my arse Logan!
Is that an offer?
You know, Priest... he was a
legend, almost like a super villain
Police, Assassins, Agents...
We've all been after him for years.
You did the world a favour!
Yeah, well I doubt I'll be on
the New Year's honours list.
Did he have Ninjas? I heard he had Ninjas!
No...
Oh... (Disappointedly)
He had psychopathic virgins with knives.
Well that's pretty cool!
I think I saw a movie called that once.
What?
'Pychopathic Virgins With Knives'
Oh...
Don't make 'em like they used to
Some people do!
Anyway what's the problem kiddo?
She is.
Well now, she don't look like a problem
She looks kinda... nice.
I know. That's the problem.
And since when did that become a problem?
Come on girl you know
the rules, target's a target.
Yeah I know... but,
There are no buts here sweetheart
Or did you get too close?
Well it's not like we went
shopping together or anything.
You're an Assassin, not a Detective
It don't matter who she is or what she does
Mother, Daughter, Sister... all three,
You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!
This ain't never been complicated.
Something doesn't feel right this
time, something doesn't add up.
Well maybe you need to stop
thinking about this so much
Or maybe, you just don't
have what it takes no more.
Fuck you Logan! I'm great at what I do.
Okay, I'm sure there's a hundred
dead guys would agree with that.
But... if you don't finish this job,
maybe somebody finishes you.
Gotta ask yourself, is it time to get out?
Well you got out. How
did you know it was time?
This ain't about me
Besides, maybe I'm looking to get back in
I mean I could kill her right now,
I do not have a problem with this
But clearly... you do.
Like I said, maybe it's time to quit.
Maybe, the priest thing
pushed ya'll over the edge?
What would you do?
I think I just told you.
I was being serious.
So was I
Do you have everything
you need? I mean financially.
Yeah... I'm good.
Kill her!
Then walk away.
(Background noise... voices)
(Steam noise frothing milk)
Here's your coffee madame.
Oh! Thanks.
Can I get you anything else?
No... no I'm fine thank you.
She's gorgeous isn't she?
Sorry?
Your friend, over there?
Oh come on Darling, you haven't taken
your eyes of her since she walked in.
Oh! You think?
Sssshhhh...
Don't worry sweetheart,
I won't say a thing.
Target's a target
You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!
Gotta ask yourself...
Is it time to get out?
You don't have what it takes no more.
Maybe it's time to quit.
I never quit.
That bitch is mine!
(Daunting music... birds tweeting)
(Footsteps)
(Dog whimpering)
(Gun noise)
Looking for me, Bitch?
Whoah, easy... now why
would I be looking for you?
Because you've got a gun in your hand
and you've been following me for days.
You're a bit fucking shit
at the whole covert thing!
Maybe I am losing it.
What?
Nothing.
Come on then, drop the fucking gun.
That's better. Now we can talk.
I'm not here to talk...
I'm here to kill.
Die Bitch!
Not my time.
(Techno music)
(Gun shot!)
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Scarlett Cross. I'm an Assassin.
What?
What the fuck?
But I was sent to kill you.
Yeah... and I was hired to kill you.
What?
But who would set us up like that?
It wasn't a set up
You were sent to find me not kill me.
That makes no sense.
There are two things you
should know about me...
I never leave the door unlocked
And I always finish the job!
Don't you ever knock?
(Pool balls crashing)
No
Sorry kiddo, there was never
gonna be any walking away from this.
Good work, Scarlett.
(Dramatic music... fast paced footsteps)
(Gunshot)
Something's not right!
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
Bye-bye Bitch.
(Gunshot)
(Electro music)
Professor (Whispered)
Professor (Whispered)
(Music becomes dramatic)
(Nunchaku noises)
(Gun empty)
(Music stops)
(Silence... except for birds tweeting)
Really?!
Professor (Quietly)
Professor you can come out now.
(Leaves rustling)
Flaming heck I don't know if
I can take much more of this!
What were they?
Ninja!
But, I always thought only
a Ninja could kill a Ninja?
Well, you thought wrong.
Are you okay?
I'll be fine.
You really are a remarkable
woman, I could use someone like you.
Do you have any idea how
important this formula is to the world!
No offence Professor, but I don't
give a shit, I'm just doing my job.
But aren't you the least bit
curious what's going on here?
I hold in my hands the
very future of mankind.
You must let me show you.
Professor, do you hear that?
I don't hear anything.
Exactly! That's the sound of everyone
back at the safe house that's already dead.
So, with all due respect
We need to fuck off right now!
(Doors close)
Where are you taking me?
Back to HQ
No, no, no, I have to get back
to my experiments please...
Just give me one hour, what I have
to show you will change your life.
Professor, I kill people. That's what I do.
Your science project, it
really doesn't interest me.
Don't you understand
these assassins will be back
I need you to be my bodyguard
so I can finish my work
Please. I'll pay well!
Okay... you've got one hour.
Yes!
Right, what's the address?
Oh, you won't find this on any map
dear, it's been dead and buried for years!
Professor where are we going?
A long forgotten place...
A place they used to call...
Asylum 13!
Sounds wonderful.
(Engine starts)
Tell me more.
(Wheel spin)
By the early twentieth century
There were over a hundred lunatic asylums
Across Great Britain
Once committed patients
would rarely leave these...
Over populated, God forsaken hell holes
They were left there to die...
Or murder each other.
Rotting away in a forgotten room
until eventually discovered days...
Sometimes weeks later.
Go on!
Asylum 13 was the most
notorious of these institutions.
The experiments carried
out on the patients there
Saw unspeakable acts
of violence and cruelty
The wardens abused their power
for their own personal entertainment.
Never for the good of the
poor bastards confined there.
So why are we going now?
The Asylum finally
closed it's doors in 1999
It's been derelict ever since
No one dares go near the place
And it's underground tunnels
are the perfect hideaway
For the most secret experiments.
Just pull in over here, we'll
make the rest of the journey on foot.
Okay.
Why do I get the impression
these experiments
are not exactly legal Professor?
If you want to change the world
you have to break a few rules.
Imagine for a minute a
world without disease.
You gonna tell me you found
a cure for cancer Professor?
No, no (Laughing)
That was done years ago but
the powers that be put a stop to it.
I'm talking about all disease.
And just exactly how do
you wipe out all disease?
Genetic mutation.
Genetic mutation?
Ladies first.
If you really insist.
Just keep in direct contact with
me. Stay directly behind me...
Until I give the all clear.
(Eerie music)
Just a little bit further.
This next door on your left.
So Professor, I'm curious...
How do you know all
this stuff about Asylum 13?
It's very simple dear...
I was the last patient here!
What the? Professor?
If you look up you'll see
the first of my experiments.
Genetically mutated, super human beings.
With added strength
and engineered to kill...
Or indeed protect mankind,
depending on your perspective.
Only one slight defect though
They seem to have developed
a taste for human flesh
So if I were you, I'd
act fast to defeat them
Before they get a little peckish!
Defeat them?!
Yes, my Super Soldiers!
Don't you see if you can beat them...
That makes you the perfect
bodyguard to protect me...
While I finish my work.
Together we can rule the world!
Right!
I hate to ruin your plans Professor,
but when I'm done with these
I'm going to modify you with
a barbaric form of violence
Rendering you identifiable
only by your dental records
Unfortunately, I'm also gonna
smash your fuckin' teeth in!
Now if you'll excuse me for a moment.
(80's style Sci-Fi music)
(Glass smash)
(Glass smash)
(Music stops)
(Glass smash... music starts)
(Bones crunching!)
(Music stops)
Not so fast my dear
You see, during those brief moments you
took your eyes off me in the woods, I...
Seized the opportunity to take your gun.
(Laughing)
Oh Professor, I never took my eyes off you
I planned the whole
scenario from start to finish.
And besides, I'm all outta bullets
(Gun clicks)
And you're all out of luck!
(Dramatic music)
No, no no!!
(Neck snaps!)
You see Professor, it was never about you.
It was always about the formula.
(Birds tweeting)
Okay Scarlett, lets begin as
we have for the past few weeks.
Tell me what your full name
is and who you work for.
My name is Scarlett Cross
and I work for you people.
Oh come on Doc!
Do you have to do everything
by the bloody book?!
I'm afraid we do Scarlett
Besides, repeating this information
at the start of every session
It establishes the very thing that we're
trying to reassure you of, does it not?
I know who I am Doctor!
Do you?
I think I do, I mean I thought I did
Well maybe not who I
am, but I know what I am.
Okay, in that case, why don't we
answer the question correctly this time?
My name is Scarlett Cross
I work for a secret division
of the British government
I am an Assassin
And it appears one in need of
serious psychiatric evaluation!
Don't be so hard on yourself Scarlett!
Most people in this line of
work require the exact same.
I just want to feel like me again.
But I don't actually know
what that really means.
We all get a little lost
sometimes, Scarlett
And that's what I'm here for
We just need to understand
what's real and what is...
In my fucked up head. I know!
Well I wouldn't have
put it quite like that.
But you do need some help
and I'm here to provide it.
I just need you to work
with me a little more.
And stop being so...
Resentful.
Give it to me straight Doc,
does the agency want rid of me?
Absolutely not, no.
You're carrying out your duties admirably.
I heard all about the killing at
the castle, as they're calling it.
Scarlett, can you tell me who this is?
Oh, that's my baby, JJ.
You sure?
Of course I'm sure, what
a ridiculous question!
And how old is he now? Six?
Seven!
Do you remember when he was born?
No.
So how do you know he's your baby?
Because he's my entire
fucking world Doctor!
And one of the few
fucking things I'm sure of.
Good.
So then we've established
three solid facts.
You know your name
You have a connection with your son
And you know you kill people for a living.
So, tell me about the nightmares.
They seem so real.
I wake up... terrified.
My heart's pounding.
And the flashbacks are
almost constant. All day long.
I just feel like I need to...
Rip these memories out of my head!
Is that what you think these are?
Memories from before the accident?
I don't know. I just know
that I can't go on like this.
I need it gone.
So what is it that troubles you the most?
Well, it feels like I'm sleeping,
But when I open my eyes
Everything is different.
As I wake up I realise that
I'm not at home anymore.
I'm lying on the floor and
I feel bruised and beaten.
And the next thing I remember I'm walking
down a country lane in broad daylight
Half fucking naked, feeling frightened
and cold, but there's something else...
My face, it's different.
It isn't me that I'm seeing.
It's a different girl, but
I don't recognise her
Then I see a car in the distance.
And then what?
And then I wake up and it was
just a horrible dream. I mean...
It must be a dream mustn't it,
there's no record of any of this, right?
No Scarlett, there's no record
of it before, or after the accident.
But that doesn't necessarily mean to say it
didn't happen at some point in your life.
It could be a dream, or it
could be a distant memory
From before you came to the agency.
It gets me so frustrated that I
can't even remember the car crash
Or anything before it.
Twenty-seven years of my
fucking life up in smoke...
Literally!
We lost a good agent that day.
But we're so very
grateful we didn't lose you.
Thank you Doc.
I don't even remember the mission
Or the accident.
All I remember is waking
up in hospital wondering...
What the fuck is going on!
Well thankfully Logan and the team got you
back on your feet as quickly as possible.
You've made an amazing recovery.
And now we just need to mend
the broken pieces of the puzzle.
Yeah, I've got a lot to be thankful for.
Oh Scarlett, where are my manners today!
Would you like another coffee?
Doc, now you know I never
say no to coffee... thank you.
You're welcome.
You know they're sending
me away on vacation?
Oh yeah I heard something about that.
Do you think it will be somewhere nice?
I hope it's somewhere
nice, I dunno, like Italy.
I've always wanted to go to Italy.
I'm sorry Scarlett
But your holiday destination
is the least of your worries.
(Phone keypad noises)
(Phone rings)
Logan.
Uh-huh
(Sighs)
She remembers.
(Sexual noises)
Oh! You love it don't you baby!
You make me want to vomit
you disgusting little man! (Italian)
I wouldn't even piss on you! (Italian)
Yeah I know you fucking love it!
Tell me how much you
love it you dirty bitch!
You have such a pathetic little penis,
this is like fucking a house fly! (Italian)
Do they even have cocks? (Italian)
If they do I bet they
feel like yours (Italian)
Oh you're a lucky girl!
Tell me how much you love it!
Oh I really should say sorry... (Italian)
Just fuck me, I haven't got
a clue what you're saying.
Now I must chop off your
dick before I have to look
at that pig ugly cum face
you must have! (Italian)
(Stabbing noises... Dramatic music)
(Police siren)
So, I heard about the diamond robbery!
'Cock and Balls' up to
their old tricks again?
It seems so. The bloody press
had a field day with this last time!
Well it's not your fault.
No, but you'd think it
would be relatively easy
To find a 6 foot 4 transvestite
and two Ginger midgets!
Well when you put it like that. (Laughing)
Anyway, what've you got for me?
Okay, three murders, in three
different cities, in three weeks
All the victims found with a
cross carved into their heads.
I know the fucking story
Pipe, but what about it?
I've found a link.
Go on?
St Joseph's
Means nothing to me.
Well it wouldn't do, I mean now it's
some kind of indoor shopping centre
Selling bondage gear and bongs.
Been there recently Detective?
Well, not recently... (Embarrassed)
Anyway it used to be a church
It was closed down and
boarded up about seven years ago
And?
And, it seems the three victims
were all members of St Joseph's
The Choir Leader, the
Officer, and our latest victim...
The Deacon!
So who's next? The Priest?
Who is he? Do we know his name?
He was an old fella, I think he died
shortly after the place shut down.
The only person with any links to
the Church that I've been able to trace
Is a Sister Mary. The Nun
who runs the local Church hall.
And how long ago did you work this out?
About 3am this morning.
Right. Well it's 10am now 'Lazy Bollocks'
Piss off and find Sister
Mary for me before it's too late!
I want her brought in for
questioning while we figure out
What the fuck was going on in that Church!
Yes Ma'am.
Oh Pipe!
Yes Ma'am?
Well done.
Thanks Ma'am.
(Birds tweeting)
(Sinister music plays)
(Crying and whimpering)
(Screams)
(Intense screaming)
Hello? Can I help you?
Get out! Get out now!
You stay away from me! I'm
warning you... Child of Satan!
Speak not of Satan you evil bitch!
For I was the most loyal of servants
until you took that away from me!
But today...
I send you straight to hell! (Italian)
(Dramatic music)
This is for all the
children of God (Italian)
(Scream)
(Door slams)
Excuse me love, you wouldn't
happen to be Sister Mary would you?
Oh no, you'll find her inside.
Thank you!
Fuck me! Nuns are
getting sexier by the day!
(Dramatic music)
Fuckin' Hell!
(Thud!)
Well I'm still not sure this
is gonna work you know.
Oh for fucks sake Tatiana, how
could this not be a massive hit?
Look, we do guns, we do
drugs, we do prostitution...
Now why can't we conquer the
world of Saturday night television?
Well it's not really
prime time viewing is it?
She's got a point there boss.
Fuckin' hell not you too!
Well it has been done before.
You what?
B.G.T.
You know, B.G.T... Britain's Got...
Whoah, whoah, whoah how the
fuck has this been done before?
I categorically guarantee you
the world has never, ever seen
'Britain's Got Titties'
It's fucking genius, it's my
idea, and I like it very much.
Now why the fuck are you
two trying to ruin my day?
We're not trying to ruin your day Danny
It's just, who are you going to sell it to?
Are you fucking serious sunshine, you
can't even go on a dating show these days
Without being bollock naked.
Good point!
Well when you put it like that.
Well I do put it like that, and I reckon
you've been on one of the shows
Because I have to say Darlin'
the first time I saw your vagina,
it looked very fucking familiar!
Now! Without further
ado, let's bring on the girls!
(Phone rings)
Oh for fucks sake, what now?
Hello?
The police are here.
Hang on, hang on,
Detective Sergeant, Dickpipe?
Dick Pipe. Yeah.
Alright. Send him in.
(Footsteps)
(Sighs)
It's alright sunshine, he's on our side.
He's as crooked as a dog's back leg.
Dickpipe 'ello!
What the fuck happened to your glasses?
I got twatted by a fucking Nun!
Yeah, alright sunshine well grab a seat.
You're supposed to address
me as Detective Sergeant.
Well I'm very fucking sorry
Detective Sergeant Dick Pipe.
I prefer Richard.
Well, you'll always be a Dick to me.
Who's this pretty lady?
Oh fucking hell don't start Pipe.
I was just asking who she is?
Alright then, well let me to introduce to
you the magnificent 'Three Titty Tatiana'.
(Sniffs)
Did you just sniff that then?
Erm... No! No I didn't.
I'm pretty fucking sure you just
sniffed her hand. He sniffed her hand!
No, no not at all. Anyway, I came about...
Hang on, did you say 'Three Titty Tatiana'?
That's right Detective, I used to do
magical things when I was a pole dancer!
Wow! Really?
That's right Pipe. She could
swing them around so fast...
That people thought she
had three, but she don't...
She's only got two.
Bit fucking disappointing really.
Anyway, close your fucking
mouth, as I was about to say...
My town is going to...
Danny, Danny, just slow down for a minute!
I came here because
I've been tipped off.
Tipped off? What the fuck
are you talking about Pipe,
we have an arrangement don't we?
Yeah, we do, but he doesn't!
Aren't you, 'Big Billy Bastard'
the Blackpool bomber?!
What? The Blackpool bomber! (Laughing)
I've been looking for
you for two fucking years!
Right. Just give me a
minute and I can explain.
Pipe, what the fuck are you talking about?
He's still wanted for questioning
about the old folks charity bombing!
You what? He bombed
a fucking charity event?
Yeah. Shocking stuff. Ninety-seven
pensioners went up in smoke.
All that was left was a bunch
of smouldering wheelchairs.
Well that's fucking tragic Pipe it
really is. Where there any survivors?
Yeah, but they all died a few
days later with heart failure.
What? You knew about
this and you never told me?
Well yeah, I didn't think it was necessary.
It wasn't fucking necessary?
What kind of a massive wanker
bombs an old folks charity event?!
If you give me a minute boss I can explain.
It's okay, Large William.
There's no need to explain.
Give me a sec Pipe, I'll sort this out.
(Machine Gunfire)
What?
If you don't mind me saying so
Danny, that was a little bit harsh.
What the fuck did you do that for!!!
Well he was a cunt wasn't he.
I'm an officer of the law, for fucks sake!
You can't go around shooting
people when I'm standing here!
Well why not? I shoot people
when you're not standing here.
There are witnesses. I'm going
to have to fucking arrest you.
What? 'Three Tits'? Look at her
Pipe she already doesn't give a shit!
What?
Nothing Darlin' as you were.
Anyway Pipe I just did
you a massive favour.
Yeah okay, I suppose you're right.
Good. Now as I was saying
Before I was rudely interrupted
by some Granny bombing gobshite!
My town is going to shit
I've got some serial killer running
around, carving crosses into people's heads
Now what the fuck is that all about?!
Well it's that psychotic
nun I was telling you about.
What, the one that ruined your glasses?
Exactly!
Have you started doing drugs again? And
if so why aren't you buying them from me?
No, im deadly serious. We're
dealing with a fucking killer nun!
Or at least she dresses like a Nun!
She's been targeting everyone
connected with the old Catholic Church.
St Joseph's?
That's the one.
But I'm not sure there's anyone
left in this town for her to kill.
What about Frigstick?
Frigstick?
Yeah, the old priest.
He's called Frigstick?
Oh... no sorry... Freigsteich...
he's German or something.
Anyway, you've got room to talk.
I thought that priest was dead.
Well a lot of people think he is,
so we call him 'The Holy Ghost'
I reckon he's about three
hundred years old now.
Anyway, I've spotted
him down at the brothel.
Busty Betty assures me
he's one of our best customers
I'm surprised you haven't seen him.
When you've been down there
for a bit of slap and tickle Pipe.
Erm... well no, I've never been.
Pipe!
What?
We've got CC TV.
Bollocks!
And while we're on the subject, have you
ever considered having your arse waxed?
Erm... no!
Well you should, it looks
like the fucking Vietnam jungle.
I reckon you could find
prisoners of war in that crack.
I could recommend somebody if you like?
Erm... that's enough about
me and my fucking arse!
Well we're only trying to help.
Anyway, we need to
find that priest and fast!
If I remember correctly Pipe
Father Frigstick likes a fiddle
on a Friday night down at Betty's.
So why don't we go there, grab
the old bastard, and use him as bait
to lure out this fucking killer Nun!
Sounds like a plan to me!
But here's the thing right,
I'm bringing in reinforcements
Because you fuckers
can't do your job properly.
What you talking about? I
found the bloody Nun didn't I?!
Well you did find her, but
when I get my hands on her
I'm gonna fucking crucify her!
(Oriental music plays)
Gentlemen, let me introduce
to you, the deadly Yakuza,
Sakura Nagasawa
Fantastic!
Where is he?
He... is looking right at you.
I'm no fucking expert sunshine,
but I reckon that's a woman!
Well, it is!
And I don't want to be picky or
anything, but if she's Japanese
Then my friend here doesn't have a
name that sounds like a wanking tool!
What?
No... wait.
I mean for fucks sake I asked
Logan for a world class killer
And he sends me tits and tattoos
Which... don't get me wrong I
do appreciate in equal amounts
But it was definitely not on
the fucking job description!
Mr McQueen you don't understand
Logan assures me that
Nagasawa is a world class killer
And if anything maybe,
THE world class killer!
Alright... enlighten me.
Sakura's parents were
killed when she was a child
They were living in Japan at the time,
She was found on a doorstep and she
was raised and trained as an Assassin
By an infamous Yakuza family.
Go on...
Well as you know there's not many
women in that type of organisation
Hardly any in fact
And what you're looking at
here is the only caucasian female
That's ever lived and survived
in the Japanese underworld.
Alright I'm impressed.
But I won't be fucking impressed,
If Kenny Takakura comes
knocking on my door now will I.
Relax Mr McQueen
As far as the Yakuza are
concerned she's already dead.
Yeah, well she better be.
Do you want to see the death certificate?
No, I want Shirley Nagashagger
or whatever she's called here
To show me what's she capable of.
It's Sakura Nagasawa.
I don't care what it is,
I'm gonna call her Shirley.
Shirley?
Yeah... Shirley... it was my father's name.
She's gonna need an opponent.
Indeed.
Right Pipe. Show this
bitch what you're made of!
Why me?!
Because you told me you
were a national champion.
Well I was.
Well what was it then,
Boxing, Kickboxing...
Karate, Judo... what?
Breakdancing.
What?
Breakdancing.
Breakdancing?
Yes.
Break. Dancing?
Yes.
National Champion?
Yes.
Three years in a row?
Yeah, they didn't call me
Electric Dickydoo for nothing!
Alright.
Alright, well now's your time to shine!
She's gonna fuckin' kill him isn't she?
Yeah.
(THUD!)
(CRUNCH!)
(THUD!)
Right... well... that'll do for me.
(Guitar music plays)
Alright Darlin' how many we got in tonight?
Just the one for now.
Fuckin' hell Betty, it's Friday
where the fuck is everybody?
Well, speaking of business, I thought
we needed to do a little more advertising.
Advertising? Are you fucking serious?
Yeah! I thought of a great
slogan and everything.
Alright then, let's hear it.
Alright...
Not getting it at home?
Then go balls deep at
Busty Betty's banging brothel!
Huh? What do you think?
Well... that... that is
fucking beautiful Darlin'
I mean that is fucking poetry it really is.
However, let's talk about it later alright.
What time are you
expecting Frigstick tonight?
The Holy Ghost? Well, he's already here.
What? He's here?
Yeah, that's right he came
in a little bit earlier than usual
I put him in with the new girl.
New girl? You didn't
tell me you were hiring?
Oh you're gonna fucking love her Danny
she dresses like an Nun and everything
The dirty bitch!
Shit! What's the room number?
Room Four.
Have I done something wrong hun?
No, it's not your fault.
Listen, nobody leaves!
Shirley, come with me.
Oi! Shag you later Danny!
No thanks Darlin' you nearly
fucking killed me last time.
(Sighs)
Right Shirley, let's do this!
(Door bursts open)
Fucking hell Darlin'
I don't mind telling you for a Nun
You have some serious fucking
issues you need to contend with.
What have you done to Frigstick?
The devil himself deserved to die!
(Dramatic music)
Fuck me!
Yeah, yeah alright then.
Well where's the rest of him?
Oh fucking hell!
That is, what the fuck even is that?
(Laughs)
Sorry Frigstick.
Listen Darlin' I decide who
lives and dies in this town
And if I were you I'd
start fuckin' praying!
(Laughs)
(Phone rings)
Excuse me.
Oh bollocks... right
Shirley, make this quick!
My work here is done. (Italian)
One for me... one for you! (Italian)
Well, if you must know, I'm
in the process of killing a Nun
And then I quite fancy takeaway
I dunno, Pizza or Chinese or something...
What? Pipe? I don't
know where the fuck he is
He didn't turn up!
Yeah, yeah, yeah alright... listen
If I'm taking over from Logan,
who do I have to kill first?
Well, who the fuck is Scarlett Cross?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
alright... I got it, I got it
Pipe, Logan, yeah I got it.
Alright.
Fucking impatient bitch!
(Dramatic music continues)
(Music ends)
Excellent work Shirley!
Now, two things... kill Pipe... find Logan
Let's move onto the bigger picture
shall we, I've got a date with D.E.A.T.H.
(Music begins)
Where am I?
I said, where am I, Bitch?
(Stick noise)
Shit!
Come on then...
Let's do this!
(Rock music begins)
(Stick noise)
(Thud!)
(Music fades)
(Footsteps)
(Oriental music begins)
Okay, I don't know who the fuck you are
Or where the fuck I am
But I'm telling you this,
it's been a pretty shitty day.
So come on 'Sugar Tits', are
you gonna put that sword to use?
Or am I gonna shove it up your ass?
(Sword noise)
Well, that answers that then!
(Funky music begins)
(Music fades)
(Slap noise)
Sorry sweetheart, but I do
need to have your attention
As I'm a very busy girl.
Logan?
Hey sugar!
What the fuck is going on?
Why are we being held hostage by
the waitress from the coffee shop?!
Well... here's the thing...
She's not a waitress.
She's not a waitress?
No.
Are you sure about that?
Pretty much!
Erm... hello, over here.
I'm still in the fucking room.
And I'm not a waitress darling.
You're not a waitress?
No.
But I have seen you before
in the coffee shop right?
Can I get you anything else?
Yes.
And we have had several girly
chats over coffee and cake?
Yes, we have...
And on these occasions...
Did you or did you not serve me coffee?
Yes I did but...
You're a fucking waitress
She's a fucking waitress!
(Gunfire!)
Jesus Christ!
Was that really necessary?
Oops... sorry if it stings...
just trying to make a point.
I'm not a waitress darling, but I
don't mind taking out the trash!
Honey!
She's not... a fucking... waitress
Now would you shut the fuck up and listen
Would a waitress be pointing a gun at us?
Well I don't know. I complained
about the coffee once.
It tasted like that cheap instant shit.
Not sure what you've done.
Will you shut the fuck up!
I don't mean to be rude Princess
But I'm doing my very best
not to just shoot you in the face
Now clearly, if you have
a think about the situation
The fact that you're sitting
here, bruised.. beaten
And losing quite a lot of blood
It might become apparent that we
have some serious shit to discuss, huh?
Logan, seeing as she's your
fuck up, why don't you start talking?
Your fuck up?
Oh darling, you can't possibly imagine
Your world is about to crumble
into a million little pieces.
Come on you fucking prick, talk!
What have you done?
Tell me! (Shouts)
Touchy!
Okay... okay.
She's not a fucking waitress.
She's known as 'Reaper'.
And she's our boss!
What?
The coffee shop, it's all a front, it's
It's one of several places
we use to keep an eye on...
Our experiments.
Logan, you're not making any sense
Experiments?
You're name is not Scarlett Cross
You don't work for some secret
division of the British government.
You're an Assassin... plain and simple.
You're controlled by a criminal
organisation known as, Death
What the... Death?
Yeah, D... E...
I know how to spell it you fuckwit!
No, it's an abbreviation. It stands for...
I don't give a fuck
what it stands for Logan.
What the hell is going on here?
Like the man said, you're
an experiment Scarlett
Or should I say Miss Stone.
A creation, our creation.
We took your life, ended it...
Then completely reinvented it.
Stone?
We were looking for a subject, someone
we could erase from everyday existence
And mould into... the
perfect Agent for D.E.A.T.H.
I was driving in the country
one day and there you were
Walking along the side of the road
Beaten and bruised
Visibly shaken from some kind of ordeal
I stopped the car to get out and...
As I did you dropped to
the ground, unconscious
So it was real.
I picked you up, I put you in the car
And drove you to a private hospital
After a few days it was on the news...
A house nearby to where I found you
Was the scene of a mass murder
The police... had an
alert... on a Jennifer Stone.
Clearly you were a natural
born killer sweet cheeks!
So you're telling me that
I'm this Jennifer Stone?
Right.
Then why is nobody looking for me now?
Because... we have people
working in all the right places.
A body was provided, a funeral held.
And one of our top surgeons
completely changed your face.
You changed my face?!
Oh come on now, you
can't complain about that
We gave you a pretty
good face don't you think?
What about my husband... and my little boy?
Where's my JJ?
Come on Logan get on with it.
Your husband...
He works for us
Or at least he did.
Did?
He was buried about three hours ago.
Where's my son?
I want to see my baby!
Oh come on, is none of
this making any sense?
He's not your son.
He's an orphan. His parents were
murdered when he was about six months old
By your friend Logan
here as a matter of fact.
Oh don't worry, that little boy will
have a new mummy soon enough.
He's my little boy and I wanna see him now!
Oh, poor Jenny...
But I'm afraid that ship has sailed,
he could be anywhere by now.
If this is true, then why do that?
Why turn me into an
Assassin, then give me a family?
To add to the excitement of course.
Making you think that
you had a terrible secret
That you had to keep hidden
from your precious family
And a family that you had to keep
safe, from your dark little secret.
What's the problem with that?
Superheroes have been doing it for years!
But I'm not a fucking superhero though am I
I'm one of the bad guys.
Don't be too hard on yourself kid
Not everybody you killed was a good guy
And D.E.A.T.H. is...
partly, government funded.
What?!
Oh do keep up!
Don't be do naive Scarlett
Regardless of popular belief,
no one wants world peace
Happy ever afters for
everyone just isn't possible.
And besides... heroes need
villains to make them look good.
If there was no evil in the
world there'd be no justice
No order... right?
So... there was no accident.
No coma.
No amnesia.
You just found me... and
erased my entire life?!
When I found you, you were catatonic.
Making it very easy for our mind
control experiments to take place.
But unfortunately now, according to Dr
Land, you're starting to remember things
Which has caused this somewhat inconvenient
predicament we find ourselves in.
This is all just one
big game to you isn't it.
Not a game Darling no.
Although, today's events have
prooved somewhat entertaining.
Speaking of which I have a plane to catch
But before I do I'll leave you in the very
capable hands of an old friend of yours.
He's no fucking friend of mine!
Oh no not that one Darling. (Laughing)
He's dead.
What?
You see what Logan didn't
get around to telling you
Was not only have we been
experimenting with mind control
And generally fucking up your entire life
We've also been messing
around with genetic engineering,
Cryogenics... cloning...
You know all that weird and wonderful stuff
You only ever see in low
budget straight-to-video movies
Like the ones they used to make in the 80's
Starring people like Reb
Brown and Chris Mitchum.
Miles O'Keeffe and Richard Harrison?
No!
Bruce Baron and Weng Weng?
Never fucking heard of them!
Well... not many people have.
I was always more of a
Chuck Norris girl myself.
Well... I think I was.
Hmm... so unoriginal.
Anyway, as I was about to say
Thanks to one of our
ladies, who you killed today
We were able to get our hands
on a rather magic little formula
Turning violent bitches like you
into almost invincible killing machines!
Of course we had to
work on it a little bit...
When it first came into our possession
We had a load of mindless
fucking zombies running around.
No one wants that do they!
However, with some tweaking
it has minimal side effects
I think you're going to
enjoy what's in store.
Anyway, enough of the chit chat
I have a plane to catch
D.E.A.T.H. is a worldwide
organisation you understand.
Goodbye Jennifer.
My name is Scarlett Cross!
And I'm gonna fuck you up!
Oh no... it doesn't end like that...
(Noise from above)
It ends like this...
(Footsteps)
(Door handle rattles)
Hello Scarlett... remember me?
Holy shit!
Not quite.
What the fuck is this?
You're dead... I killed you!
Yes... and I seem to remember
you repeatedly stabbing me in the tits!
It hurt. Quite a lot actually.
My left nipple is still completely fucked.
Never mind your left nipple... what
the fuck happened to your eyes?
I don't mind telling you
this... you don't look too good!
Part of my resurrection I believe.
Mmm... and I'm actually quite... hungry!
Well, eat this Bitch!
(Techno music begins)
Aargghh! Ah... fuck!
Killing at the castle?
I don't think so Bitch!
(Choking noises)
(Tranquil music begins)
(Birds tweeting)
(A train in the distance)
So you're the massive pain in
the arse they call Scarlett Cross!
Pity really, the trouble you've caused
You could have been one of
D.E.A.T.H.'s greatest creations
But now...
Scarlett Cross will not return.
Gentlemen
Open fire.
Fuck!
(Excessive gunfire!)
(End instrumental music begins)
(Old film noise)
When your entire life has been erased...
When everything you
thought was real, is a lie...
You have two choices...
Accept your destiny, or just... die!
And I will take
What you make
The understanding's so so fake
And I'll wait, till you know
That a true love never lasts for long
This time...
You can break, what you make
You may think you take the best of me
But I'm cold from this pain
And you're the one that takes all the blame
Who am I?
Who am I?
(Instrumental)
(Birds tweeting)
(Alarm clock sounds)
(Running water)
(Footsteps)
(Toaster pops)
(Phone beeps)
Shit!
(Harbour ambient noise)
(Camera clicking)
(Loud sound of bag unzipping)
(Dramatic mysterious music)
(Music continues... birds tweeting)
(Engine starts)
(Loud running water)
(Dramatic music continues)
(Gun noise)
(Running water)
(Noise from photo being picked up)
Hello?
Shit!
(Loud noise of photo dropping)
Is somebody there?
(Dramatic music fades out)
I thought I told you to be inconspicuous!
Well now how am I supposed to do that,
when I sound like this... (American accent)
And we in sunny old England?
You look like a tit!
Why thank you ma'am.
I guess I should thank you!
What for?
The Priest assassination.
Talk of the town!
The underground town...
Oh great! Well it wasn't easy...
I had to read the Bible for two
fucking months before I went in.
Really? Was it the... children's edition?
Kiss my arse Logan!
Is that an offer?
You know, Priest... he was a
legend, almost like a super villain
Police, Assassins, Agents...
We've all been after him for years.
You did the world a favour!
Yeah, well I doubt I'll be on
the New Year's honours list.
Did he have Ninjas? I heard he had Ninjas!
No...
Oh... (Disappointedly)
He had psychopathic virgins with knives.
Well that's pretty cool!
I think I saw a movie called that once.
What?
'Pychopathic Virgins With Knives'
Oh...
Don't make 'em like they used to
Some people do!
Anyway what's the problem kiddo?
She is.
Well now, she don't look like a problem
She looks kinda... nice.
I know. That's the problem.
And since when did that become a problem?
Come on girl you know
the rules, target's a target.
Yeah I know... but,
There are no buts here sweetheart
Or did you get too close?
Well it's not like we went
shopping together or anything.
You're an Assassin, not a Detective
It don't matter who she is or what she does
Mother, Daughter, Sister... all three,
You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!
This ain't never been complicated.
Something doesn't feel right this
time, something doesn't add up.
Well maybe you need to stop
thinking about this so much
Or maybe, you just don't
have what it takes no more.
Fuck you Logan! I'm great at what I do.
Okay, I'm sure there's a hundred
dead guys would agree with that.
But... if you don't finish this job,
maybe somebody finishes you.
Gotta ask yourself, is it time to get out?
Well you got out. How
did you know it was time?
This ain't about me
Besides, maybe I'm looking to get back in
I mean I could kill her right now,
I do not have a problem with this
But clearly... you do.
Like I said, maybe it's time to quit.
Maybe, the priest thing
pushed ya'll over the edge?
What would you do?
I think I just told you.
I was being serious.
So was I
Do you have everything
you need? I mean financially.
Yeah... I'm good.
Kill her!
Then walk away.
(Background noise... voices)
(Steam noise frothing milk)
Here's your coffee madame.
Oh! Thanks.
Can I get you anything else?
No... no I'm fine thank you.
She's gorgeous isn't she?
Sorry?
Your friend, over there?
Oh come on Darling, you haven't taken
your eyes of her since she walked in.
Oh! You think?
Sssshhhh...
Don't worry sweetheart,
I won't say a thing.
Target's a target
You find the bitch and you kill the bitch!
Gotta ask yourself...
Is it time to get out?
You don't have what it takes no more.
Maybe it's time to quit.
I never quit.
That bitch is mine!
(Daunting music... birds tweeting)
(Footsteps)
(Dog whimpering)
(Gun noise)
Looking for me, Bitch?
Whoah, easy... now why
would I be looking for you?
Because you've got a gun in your hand
and you've been following me for days.
You're a bit fucking shit
at the whole covert thing!
Maybe I am losing it.
What?
Nothing.
Come on then, drop the fucking gun.
That's better. Now we can talk.
I'm not here to talk...
I'm here to kill.
Die Bitch!
Not my time.
(Techno music)
(Gun shot!)
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Scarlett Cross. I'm an Assassin.
What?
What the fuck?
But I was sent to kill you.
Yeah... and I was hired to kill you.
What?
But who would set us up like that?
It wasn't a set up
You were sent to find me not kill me.
That makes no sense.
There are two things you
should know about me...
I never leave the door unlocked
And I always finish the job!
Don't you ever knock?
(Pool balls crashing)
No
Sorry kiddo, there was never
gonna be any walking away from this.
Good work, Scarlett.
(Dramatic music... fast paced footsteps)
(Gunshot)
Something's not right!
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
Bye-bye Bitch.
(Gunshot)
(Electro music)
Professor (Whispered)
Professor (Whispered)
(Music becomes dramatic)
(Nunchaku noises)
(Gun empty)
(Music stops)
(Silence... except for birds tweeting)
Really?!
Professor (Quietly)
Professor you can come out now.
(Leaves rustling)
Flaming heck I don't know if
I can take much more of this!
What were they?
Ninja!
But, I always thought only
a Ninja could kill a Ninja?
Well, you thought wrong.
Are you okay?
I'll be fine.
You really are a remarkable
woman, I could use someone like you.
Do you have any idea how
important this formula is to the world!
No offence Professor, but I don't
give a shit, I'm just doing my job.
But aren't you the least bit
curious what's going on here?
I hold in my hands the
very future of mankind.
You must let me show you.
Professor, do you hear that?
I don't hear anything.
Exactly! That's the sound of everyone
back at the safe house that's already dead.
So, with all due respect
We need to fuck off right now!
(Doors close)
Where are you taking me?
Back to HQ
No, no, no, I have to get back
to my experiments please...
Just give me one hour, what I have
to show you will change your life.
Professor, I kill people. That's what I do.
Your science project, it
really doesn't interest me.
Don't you understand
these assassins will be back
I need you to be my bodyguard
so I can finish my work
Please. I'll pay well!
Okay... you've got one hour.
Yes!
Right, what's the address?
Oh, you won't find this on any map
dear, it's been dead and buried for years!
Professor where are we going?
A long forgotten place...
A place they used to call...
Asylum 13!
Sounds wonderful.
(Engine starts)
Tell me more.
(Wheel spin)
By the early twentieth century
There were over a hundred lunatic asylums
Across Great Britain
Once committed patients
would rarely leave these...
Over populated, God forsaken hell holes
They were left there to die...
Or murder each other.
Rotting away in a forgotten room
until eventually discovered days...
Sometimes weeks later.
Go on!
Asylum 13 was the most
notorious of these institutions.
The experiments carried
out on the patients there
Saw unspeakable acts
of violence and cruelty
The wardens abused their power
for their own personal entertainment.
Never for the good of the
poor bastards confined there.
So why are we going now?
The Asylum finally
closed it's doors in 1999
It's been derelict ever since
No one dares go near the place
And it's underground tunnels
are the perfect hideaway
For the most secret experiments.
Just pull in over here, we'll
make the rest of the journey on foot.
Okay.
Why do I get the impression
these experiments
are not exactly legal Professor?
If you want to change the world
you have to break a few rules.
Imagine for a minute a
world without disease.
You gonna tell me you found
a cure for cancer Professor?
No, no (Laughing)
That was done years ago but
the powers that be put a stop to it.
I'm talking about all disease.
And just exactly how do
you wipe out all disease?
Genetic mutation.
Genetic mutation?
Ladies first.
If you really insist.
Just keep in direct contact with
me. Stay directly behind me...
Until I give the all clear.
(Eerie music)
Just a little bit further.
This next door on your left.
So Professor, I'm curious...
How do you know all
this stuff about Asylum 13?
It's very simple dear...
I was the last patient here!
What the? Professor?
If you look up you'll see
the first of my experiments.
Genetically mutated, super human beings.
With added strength
and engineered to kill...
Or indeed protect mankind,
depending on your perspective.
Only one slight defect though
They seem to have developed
a taste for human flesh
So if I were you, I'd
act fast to defeat them
Before they get a little peckish!
Defeat them?!
Yes, my Super Soldiers!
Don't you see if you can beat them...
That makes you the perfect
bodyguard to protect me...
While I finish my work.
Together we can rule the world!
Right!
I hate to ruin your plans Professor,
but when I'm done with these
I'm going to modify you with
a barbaric form of violence
Rendering you identifiable
only by your dental records
Unfortunately, I'm also gonna
smash your fuckin' teeth in!
Now if you'll excuse me for a moment.
(80's style Sci-Fi music)
(Glass smash)
(Glass smash)
(Music stops)
(Glass smash... music starts)
(Bones crunching!)
(Music stops)
Not so fast my dear
You see, during those brief moments you
took your eyes off me in the woods, I...
Seized the opportunity to take your gun.
(Laughing)
Oh Professor, I never took my eyes off you
I planned the whole
scenario from start to finish.
And besides, I'm all outta bullets
(Gun clicks)
And you're all out of luck!
(Dramatic music)
No, no no!!
(Neck snaps!)
You see Professor, it was never about you.
It was always about the formula.
(Birds tweeting)
Okay Scarlett, lets begin as
we have for the past few weeks.
Tell me what your full name
is and who you work for.
My name is Scarlett Cross
and I work for you people.
Oh come on Doc!
Do you have to do everything
by the bloody book?!
I'm afraid we do Scarlett
Besides, repeating this information
at the start of every session
It establishes the very thing that we're
trying to reassure you of, does it not?
I know who I am Doctor!
Do you?
I think I do, I mean I thought I did
Well maybe not who I
am, but I know what I am.
Okay, in that case, why don't we
answer the question correctly this time?
My name is Scarlett Cross
I work for a secret division
of the British government
I am an Assassin
And it appears one in need of
serious psychiatric evaluation!
Don't be so hard on yourself Scarlett!
Most people in this line of
work require the exact same.
I just want to feel like me again.
But I don't actually know
what that really means.
We all get a little lost
sometimes, Scarlett
And that's what I'm here for
We just need to understand
what's real and what is...
In my fucked up head. I know!
Well I wouldn't have
put it quite like that.
But you do need some help
and I'm here to provide it.
I just need you to work
with me a little more.
And stop being so...
Resentful.
Give it to me straight Doc,
does the agency want rid of me?
Absolutely not, no.
You're carrying out your duties admirably.
I heard all about the killing at
the castle, as they're calling it.
Scarlett, can you tell me who this is?
Oh, that's my baby, JJ.
You sure?
Of course I'm sure, what
a ridiculous question!
And how old is he now? Six?
Seven!
Do you remember when he was born?
No.
So how do you know he's your baby?
Because he's my entire
fucking world Doctor!
And one of the few
fucking things I'm sure of.
Good.
So then we've established
three solid facts.
You know your name
You have a connection with your son
And you know you kill people for a living.
So, tell me about the nightmares.
They seem so real.
I wake up... terrified.
My heart's pounding.
And the flashbacks are
almost constant. All day long.
I just feel like I need to...
Rip these memories out of my head!
Is that what you think these are?
Memories from before the accident?
I don't know. I just know
that I can't go on like this.
I need it gone.
So what is it that troubles you the most?
Well, it feels like I'm sleeping,
But when I open my eyes
Everything is different.
As I wake up I realise that
I'm not at home anymore.
I'm lying on the floor and
I feel bruised and beaten.
And the next thing I remember I'm walking
down a country lane in broad daylight
Half fucking naked, feeling frightened
and cold, but there's something else...
My face, it's different.
It isn't me that I'm seeing.
It's a different girl, but
I don't recognise her
Then I see a car in the distance.
And then what?
And then I wake up and it was
just a horrible dream. I mean...
It must be a dream mustn't it,
there's no record of any of this, right?
No Scarlett, there's no record
of it before, or after the accident.
But that doesn't necessarily mean to say it
didn't happen at some point in your life.
It could be a dream, or it
could be a distant memory
From before you came to the agency.
It gets me so frustrated that I
can't even remember the car crash
Or anything before it.
Twenty-seven years of my
fucking life up in smoke...
Literally!
We lost a good agent that day.
But we're so very
grateful we didn't lose you.
Thank you Doc.
I don't even remember the mission
Or the accident.
All I remember is waking
up in hospital wondering...
What the fuck is going on!
Well thankfully Logan and the team got you
back on your feet as quickly as possible.
You've made an amazing recovery.
And now we just need to mend
the broken pieces of the puzzle.
Yeah, I've got a lot to be thankful for.
Oh Scarlett, where are my manners today!
Would you like another coffee?
Doc, now you know I never
say no to coffee... thank you.
You're welcome.
You know they're sending
me away on vacation?
Oh yeah I heard something about that.
Do you think it will be somewhere nice?
I hope it's somewhere
nice, I dunno, like Italy.
I've always wanted to go to Italy.
I'm sorry Scarlett
But your holiday destination
is the least of your worries.
(Phone keypad noises)
(Phone rings)
Logan.
Uh-huh
(Sighs)
She remembers.
(Sexual noises)
Oh! You love it don't you baby!
You make me want to vomit
you disgusting little man! (Italian)
I wouldn't even piss on you! (Italian)
Yeah I know you fucking love it!
Tell me how much you
love it you dirty bitch!
You have such a pathetic little penis,
this is like fucking a house fly! (Italian)
Do they even have cocks? (Italian)
If they do I bet they
feel like yours (Italian)
Oh you're a lucky girl!
Tell me how much you love it!
Oh I really should say sorry... (Italian)
Just fuck me, I haven't got
a clue what you're saying.
Now I must chop off your
dick before I have to look
at that pig ugly cum face
you must have! (Italian)
(Stabbing noises... Dramatic music)
(Police siren)
So, I heard about the diamond robbery!
'Cock and Balls' up to
their old tricks again?
It seems so. The bloody press
had a field day with this last time!
Well it's not your fault.
No, but you'd think it
would be relatively easy
To find a 6 foot 4 transvestite
and two Ginger midgets!
Well when you put it like that. (Laughing)
Anyway, what've you got for me?
Okay, three murders, in three
different cities, in three weeks
All the victims found with a
cross carved into their heads.
I know the fucking story
Pipe, but what about it?
I've found a link.
Go on?
St Joseph's
Means nothing to me.
Well it wouldn't do, I mean now it's
some kind of indoor shopping centre
Selling bondage gear and bongs.
Been there recently Detective?
Well, not recently... (Embarrassed)
Anyway it used to be a church
It was closed down and
boarded up about seven years ago
And?
And, it seems the three victims
were all members of St Joseph's
The Choir Leader, the
Officer, and our latest victim...
The Deacon!
So who's next? The Priest?
Who is he? Do we know his name?
He was an old fella, I think he died
shortly after the place shut down.
The only person with any links to
the Church that I've been able to trace
Is a Sister Mary. The Nun
who runs the local Church hall.
And how long ago did you work this out?
About 3am this morning.
Right. Well it's 10am now 'Lazy Bollocks'
Piss off and find Sister
Mary for me before it's too late!
I want her brought in for
questioning while we figure out
What the fuck was going on in that Church!
Yes Ma'am.
Oh Pipe!
Yes Ma'am?
Well done.
Thanks Ma'am.
(Birds tweeting)
(Sinister music plays)
(Crying and whimpering)
(Screams)
(Intense screaming)
Hello? Can I help you?
Get out! Get out now!
You stay away from me! I'm
warning you... Child of Satan!
Speak not of Satan you evil bitch!
For I was the most loyal of servants
until you took that away from me!
But today...
I send you straight to hell! (Italian)
(Dramatic music)
This is for all the
children of God (Italian)
(Scream)
(Door slams)
Excuse me love, you wouldn't
happen to be Sister Mary would you?
Oh no, you'll find her inside.
Thank you!
Fuck me! Nuns are
getting sexier by the day!
(Dramatic music)
Fuckin' Hell!
(Thud!)
Well I'm still not sure this
is gonna work you know.
Oh for fucks sake Tatiana, how
could this not be a massive hit?
Look, we do guns, we do
drugs, we do prostitution...
Now why can't we conquer the
world of Saturday night television?
Well it's not really
prime time viewing is it?
She's got a point there boss.
Fuckin' hell not you too!
Well it has been done before.
You what?
B.G.T.
You know, B.G.T... Britain's Got...
Whoah, whoah, whoah how the
fuck has this been done before?
I categorically guarantee you
the world has never, ever seen
'Britain's Got Titties'
It's fucking genius, it's my
idea, and I like it very much.
Now why the fuck are you
two trying to ruin my day?
We're not trying to ruin your day Danny
It's just, who are you going to sell it to?
Are you fucking serious sunshine, you
can't even go on a dating show these days
Without being bollock naked.
Good point!
Well when you put it like that.
Well I do put it like that, and I reckon
you've been on one of the shows
Because I have to say Darlin'
the first time I saw your vagina,
it looked very fucking familiar!
Now! Without further
ado, let's bring on the girls!
(Phone rings)
Oh for fucks sake, what now?
Hello?
The police are here.
Hang on, hang on,
Detective Sergeant, Dickpipe?
Dick Pipe. Yeah.
Alright. Send him in.
(Footsteps)
(Sighs)
It's alright sunshine, he's on our side.
He's as crooked as a dog's back leg.
Dickpipe 'ello!
What the fuck happened to your glasses?
I got twatted by a fucking Nun!
Yeah, alright sunshine well grab a seat.
You're supposed to address
me as Detective Sergeant.
Well I'm very fucking sorry
Detective Sergeant Dick Pipe.
I prefer Richard.
Well, you'll always be a Dick to me.
Who's this pretty lady?
Oh fucking hell don't start Pipe.
I was just asking who she is?
Alright then, well let me to introduce to
you the magnificent 'Three Titty Tatiana'.
(Sniffs)
Did you just sniff that then?
Erm... No! No I didn't.
I'm pretty fucking sure you just
sniffed her hand. He sniffed her hand!
No, no not at all. Anyway, I came about...
Hang on, did you say 'Three Titty Tatiana'?
That's right Detective, I used to do
magical things when I was a pole dancer!
Wow! Really?
That's right Pipe. She could
swing them around so fast...
That people thought she
had three, but she don't...
She's only got two.
Bit fucking disappointing really.
Anyway, close your fucking
mouth, as I was about to say...
My town is going to...
Danny, Danny, just slow down for a minute!
I came here because
I've been tipped off.
Tipped off? What the fuck
are you talking about Pipe,
we have an arrangement don't we?
Yeah, we do, but he doesn't!
Aren't you, 'Big Billy Bastard'
the Blackpool bomber?!
What? The Blackpool bomber! (Laughing)
I've been looking for
you for two fucking years!
Right. Just give me a
minute and I can explain.
Pipe, what the fuck are you talking about?
He's still wanted for questioning
about the old folks charity bombing!
You what? He bombed
a fucking charity event?
Yeah. Shocking stuff. Ninety-seven
pensioners went up in smoke.
All that was left was a bunch
of smouldering wheelchairs.
Well that's fucking tragic Pipe it
really is. Where there any survivors?
Yeah, but they all died a few
days later with heart failure.
What? You knew about
this and you never told me?
Well yeah, I didn't think it was necessary.
It wasn't fucking necessary?
What kind of a massive wanker
bombs an old folks charity event?!
If you give me a minute boss I can explain.
It's okay, Large William.
There's no need to explain.
Give me a sec Pipe, I'll sort this out.
(Machine Gunfire)
What?
If you don't mind me saying so
Danny, that was a little bit harsh.
What the fuck did you do that for!!!
Well he was a cunt wasn't he.
I'm an officer of the law, for fucks sake!
You can't go around shooting
people when I'm standing here!
Well why not? I shoot people
when you're not standing here.
There are witnesses. I'm going
to have to fucking arrest you.
What? 'Three Tits'? Look at her
Pipe she already doesn't give a shit!
What?
Nothing Darlin' as you were.
Anyway Pipe I just did
you a massive favour.
Yeah okay, I suppose you're right.
Good. Now as I was saying
Before I was rudely interrupted
by some Granny bombing gobshite!
My town is going to shit
I've got some serial killer running
around, carving crosses into people's heads
Now what the fuck is that all about?!
Well it's that psychotic
nun I was telling you about.
What, the one that ruined your glasses?
Exactly!
Have you started doing drugs again? And
if so why aren't you buying them from me?
No, im deadly serious. We're
dealing with a fucking killer nun!
Or at least she dresses like a Nun!
She's been targeting everyone
connected with the old Catholic Church.
St Joseph's?
That's the one.
But I'm not sure there's anyone
left in this town for her to kill.
What about Frigstick?
Frigstick?
Yeah, the old priest.
He's called Frigstick?
Oh... no sorry... Freigsteich...
he's German or something.
Anyway, you've got room to talk.
I thought that priest was dead.
Well a lot of people think he is,
so we call him 'The Holy Ghost'
I reckon he's about three
hundred years old now.
Anyway, I've spotted
him down at the brothel.
Busty Betty assures me
he's one of our best customers
I'm surprised you haven't seen him.
When you've been down there
for a bit of slap and tickle Pipe.
Erm... well no, I've never been.
Pipe!
What?
We've got CC TV.
Bollocks!
And while we're on the subject, have you
ever considered having your arse waxed?
Erm... no!
Well you should, it looks
like the fucking Vietnam jungle.
I reckon you could find
prisoners of war in that crack.
I could recommend somebody if you like?
Erm... that's enough about
me and my fucking arse!
Well we're only trying to help.
Anyway, we need to
find that priest and fast!
If I remember correctly Pipe
Father Frigstick likes a fiddle
on a Friday night down at Betty's.
So why don't we go there, grab
the old bastard, and use him as bait
to lure out this fucking killer Nun!
Sounds like a plan to me!
But here's the thing right,
I'm bringing in reinforcements
Because you fuckers
can't do your job properly.
What you talking about? I
found the bloody Nun didn't I?!
Well you did find her, but
when I get my hands on her
I'm gonna fucking crucify her!
(Oriental music plays)
Gentlemen, let me introduce
to you, the deadly Yakuza,
Sakura Nagasawa
Fantastic!
Where is he?
He... is looking right at you.
I'm no fucking expert sunshine,
but I reckon that's a woman!
Well, it is!
And I don't want to be picky or
anything, but if she's Japanese
Then my friend here doesn't have a
name that sounds like a wanking tool!
What?
No... wait.
I mean for fucks sake I asked
Logan for a world class killer
And he sends me tits and tattoos
Which... don't get me wrong I
do appreciate in equal amounts
But it was definitely not on
the fucking job description!
Mr McQueen you don't understand
Logan assures me that
Nagasawa is a world class killer
And if anything maybe,
THE world class killer!
Alright... enlighten me.
Sakura's parents were
killed when she was a child
They were living in Japan at the time,
She was found on a doorstep and she
was raised and trained as an Assassin
By an infamous Yakuza family.
Go on...
Well as you know there's not many
women in that type of organisation
Hardly any in fact
And what you're looking at
here is the only caucasian female
That's ever lived and survived
in the Japanese underworld.
Alright I'm impressed.
But I won't be fucking impressed,
If Kenny Takakura comes
knocking on my door now will I.
Relax Mr McQueen
As far as the Yakuza are
concerned she's already dead.
Yeah, well she better be.
Do you want to see the death certificate?
No, I want Shirley Nagashagger
or whatever she's called here
To show me what's she capable of.
It's Sakura Nagasawa.
I don't care what it is,
I'm gonna call her Shirley.
Shirley?
Yeah... Shirley... it was my father's name.
She's gonna need an opponent.
Indeed.
Right Pipe. Show this
bitch what you're made of!
Why me?!
Because you told me you
were a national champion.
Well I was.
Well what was it then,
Boxing, Kickboxing...
Karate, Judo... what?
Breakdancing.
What?
Breakdancing.
Breakdancing?
Yes.
Break. Dancing?
Yes.
National Champion?
Yes.
Three years in a row?
Yeah, they didn't call me
Electric Dickydoo for nothing!
Alright.
Alright, well now's your time to shine!
She's gonna fuckin' kill him isn't she?
Yeah.
(THUD!)
(CRUNCH!)
(THUD!)
Right... well... that'll do for me.
(Guitar music plays)
Alright Darlin' how many we got in tonight?
Just the one for now.
Fuckin' hell Betty, it's Friday
where the fuck is everybody?
Well, speaking of business, I thought
we needed to do a little more advertising.
Advertising? Are you fucking serious?
Yeah! I thought of a great
slogan and everything.
Alright then, let's hear it.
Alright...
Not getting it at home?
Then go balls deep at
Busty Betty's banging brothel!
Huh? What do you think?
Well... that... that is
fucking beautiful Darlin'
I mean that is fucking poetry it really is.
However, let's talk about it later alright.
What time are you
expecting Frigstick tonight?
The Holy Ghost? Well, he's already here.
What? He's here?
Yeah, that's right he came
in a little bit earlier than usual
I put him in with the new girl.
New girl? You didn't
tell me you were hiring?
Oh you're gonna fucking love her Danny
she dresses like an Nun and everything
The dirty bitch!
Shit! What's the room number?
Room Four.
Have I done something wrong hun?
No, it's not your fault.
Listen, nobody leaves!
Shirley, come with me.
Oi! Shag you later Danny!
No thanks Darlin' you nearly
fucking killed me last time.
(Sighs)
Right Shirley, let's do this!
(Door bursts open)
Fucking hell Darlin'
I don't mind telling you for a Nun
You have some serious fucking
issues you need to contend with.
What have you done to Frigstick?
The devil himself deserved to die!
(Dramatic music)
Fuck me!
Yeah, yeah alright then.
Well where's the rest of him?
Oh fucking hell!
That is, what the fuck even is that?
(Laughs)
Sorry Frigstick.
Listen Darlin' I decide who
lives and dies in this town
And if I were you I'd
start fuckin' praying!
(Laughs)
(Phone rings)
Excuse me.
Oh bollocks... right
Shirley, make this quick!
My work here is done. (Italian)
One for me... one for you! (Italian)
Well, if you must know, I'm
in the process of killing a Nun
And then I quite fancy takeaway
I dunno, Pizza or Chinese or something...
What? Pipe? I don't
know where the fuck he is
He didn't turn up!
Yeah, yeah, yeah alright... listen
If I'm taking over from Logan,
who do I have to kill first?
Well, who the fuck is Scarlett Cross?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
alright... I got it, I got it
Pipe, Logan, yeah I got it.
Alright.
Fucking impatient bitch!
(Dramatic music continues)
(Music ends)
Excellent work Shirley!
Now, two things... kill Pipe... find Logan
Let's move onto the bigger picture
shall we, I've got a date with D.E.A.T.H.
(Music begins)
Where am I?
I said, where am I, Bitch?
(Stick noise)
Shit!
Come on then...
Let's do this!
(Rock music begins)
(Stick noise)
(Thud!)
(Music fades)
(Footsteps)
(Oriental music begins)
Okay, I don't know who the fuck you are
Or where the fuck I am
But I'm telling you this,
it's been a pretty shitty day.
So come on 'Sugar Tits', are
you gonna put that sword to use?
Or am I gonna shove it up your ass?
(Sword noise)
Well, that answers that then!
(Funky music begins)
(Music fades)
(Slap noise)
Sorry sweetheart, but I do
need to have your attention
As I'm a very busy girl.
Logan?
Hey sugar!
What the fuck is going on?
Why are we being held hostage by
the waitress from the coffee shop?!
Well... here's the thing...
She's not a waitress.
She's not a waitress?
No.
Are you sure about that?
Pretty much!
Erm... hello, over here.
I'm still in the fucking room.
And I'm not a waitress darling.
You're not a waitress?
No.
But I have seen you before
in the coffee shop right?
Can I get you anything else?
Yes.
And we have had several girly
chats over coffee and cake?
Yes, we have...
And on these occasions...
Did you or did you not serve me coffee?
Yes I did but...
You're a fucking waitress
She's a fucking waitress!
(Gunfire!)
Jesus Christ!
Was that really necessary?
Oops... sorry if it stings...
just trying to make a point.
I'm not a waitress darling, but I
don't mind taking out the trash!
Honey!
She's not... a fucking... waitress
Now would you shut the fuck up and listen
Would a waitress be pointing a gun at us?
Well I don't know. I complained
about the coffee once.
It tasted like that cheap instant shit.
Not sure what you've done.
Will you shut the fuck up!
I don't mean to be rude Princess
But I'm doing my very best
not to just shoot you in the face
Now clearly, if you have
a think about the situation
The fact that you're sitting
here, bruised.. beaten
And losing quite a lot of blood
It might become apparent that we
have some serious shit to discuss, huh?
Logan, seeing as she's your
fuck up, why don't you start talking?
Your fuck up?
Oh darling, you can't possibly imagine
Your world is about to crumble
into a million little pieces.
Come on you fucking prick, talk!
What have you done?
Tell me! (Shouts)
Touchy!
Okay... okay.
She's not a fucking waitress.
She's known as 'Reaper'.
And she's our boss!
What?
The coffee shop, it's all a front, it's
It's one of several places
we use to keep an eye on...
Our experiments.
Logan, you're not making any sense
Experiments?
You're name is not Scarlett Cross
You don't work for some secret
division of the British government.
You're an Assassin... plain and simple.
You're controlled by a criminal
organisation known as, Death
What the... Death?
Yeah, D... E...
I know how to spell it you fuckwit!
No, it's an abbreviation. It stands for...
I don't give a fuck
what it stands for Logan.
What the hell is going on here?
Like the man said, you're
an experiment Scarlett
Or should I say Miss Stone.
A creation, our creation.
We took your life, ended it...
Then completely reinvented it.
Stone?
We were looking for a subject, someone
we could erase from everyday existence
And mould into... the
perfect Agent for D.E.A.T.H.
I was driving in the country
one day and there you were
Walking along the side of the road
Beaten and bruised
Visibly shaken from some kind of ordeal
I stopped the car to get out and...
As I did you dropped to
the ground, unconscious
So it was real.
I picked you up, I put you in the car
And drove you to a private hospital
After a few days it was on the news...
A house nearby to where I found you
Was the scene of a mass murder
The police... had an
alert... on a Jennifer Stone.
Clearly you were a natural
born killer sweet cheeks!
So you're telling me that
I'm this Jennifer Stone?
Right.
Then why is nobody looking for me now?
Because... we have people
working in all the right places.
A body was provided, a funeral held.
And one of our top surgeons
completely changed your face.
You changed my face?!
Oh come on now, you
can't complain about that
We gave you a pretty
good face don't you think?
What about my husband... and my little boy?
Where's my JJ?
Come on Logan get on with it.
Your husband...
He works for us
Or at least he did.
Did?
He was buried about three hours ago.
Where's my son?
I want to see my baby!
Oh come on, is none of
this making any sense?
He's not your son.
He's an orphan. His parents were
murdered when he was about six months old
By your friend Logan
here as a matter of fact.
Oh don't worry, that little boy will
have a new mummy soon enough.
He's my little boy and I wanna see him now!
Oh, poor Jenny...
But I'm afraid that ship has sailed,
he could be anywhere by now.
If this is true, then why do that?
Why turn me into an
Assassin, then give me a family?
To add to the excitement of course.
Making you think that
you had a terrible secret
That you had to keep hidden
from your precious family
And a family that you had to keep
safe, from your dark little secret.
What's the problem with that?
Superheroes have been doing it for years!
But I'm not a fucking superhero though am I
I'm one of the bad guys.
Don't be too hard on yourself kid
Not everybody you killed was a good guy
And D.E.A.T.H. is...
partly, government funded.
What?!
Oh do keep up!
Don't be do naive Scarlett
Regardless of popular belief,
no one wants world peace
Happy ever afters for
everyone just isn't possible.
And besides... heroes need
villains to make them look good.
If there was no evil in the
world there'd be no justice
No order... right?
So... there was no accident.
No coma.
No amnesia.
You just found me... and
erased my entire life?!
When I found you, you were catatonic.
Making it very easy for our mind
control experiments to take place.
But unfortunately now, according to Dr
Land, you're starting to remember things
Which has caused this somewhat inconvenient
predicament we find ourselves in.
This is all just one
big game to you isn't it.
Not a game Darling no.
Although, today's events have
prooved somewhat entertaining.
Speaking of which I have a plane to catch
But before I do I'll leave you in the very
capable hands of an old friend of yours.
He's no fucking friend of mine!
Oh no not that one Darling. (Laughing)
He's dead.
What?
You see what Logan didn't
get around to telling you
Was not only have we been
experimenting with mind control
And generally fucking up your entire life
We've also been messing
around with genetic engineering,
Cryogenics... cloning...
You know all that weird and wonderful stuff
You only ever see in low
budget straight-to-video movies
Like the ones they used to make in the 80's
Starring people like Reb
Brown and Chris Mitchum.
Miles O'Keeffe and Richard Harrison?
No!
Bruce Baron and Weng Weng?
Never fucking heard of them!
Well... not many people have.
I was always more of a
Chuck Norris girl myself.
Well... I think I was.
Hmm... so unoriginal.
Anyway, as I was about to say
Thanks to one of our
ladies, who you killed today
We were able to get our hands
on a rather magic little formula
Turning violent bitches like you
into almost invincible killing machines!
Of course we had to
work on it a little bit...
When it first came into our possession
We had a load of mindless
fucking zombies running around.
No one wants that do they!
However, with some tweaking
it has minimal side effects
I think you're going to
enjoy what's in store.
Anyway, enough of the chit chat
I have a plane to catch
D.E.A.T.H. is a worldwide
organisation you understand.
Goodbye Jennifer.
My name is Scarlett Cross!
And I'm gonna fuck you up!
Oh no... it doesn't end like that...
(Noise from above)
It ends like this...
(Footsteps)
(Door handle rattles)
Hello Scarlett... remember me?
Holy shit!
Not quite.
What the fuck is this?
You're dead... I killed you!
Yes... and I seem to remember
you repeatedly stabbing me in the tits!
It hurt. Quite a lot actually.
My left nipple is still completely fucked.
Never mind your left nipple... what
the fuck happened to your eyes?
I don't mind telling you
this... you don't look too good!
Part of my resurrection I believe.
Mmm... and I'm actually quite... hungry!
Well, eat this Bitch!
(Techno music begins)
Aargghh! Ah... fuck!
Killing at the castle?
I don't think so Bitch!
(Choking noises)
(Tranquil music begins)
(Birds tweeting)
(A train in the distance)
So you're the massive pain in
the arse they call Scarlett Cross!
Pity really, the trouble you've caused
You could have been one of
D.E.A.T.H.'s greatest creations
But now...
Scarlett Cross will not return.
Gentlemen
Open fire.
Fuck!
(Excessive gunfire!)
(End instrumental music begins)