Screamtime (1983) Movie Script
Come on.
[MUMBLING]
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Come on!
[DOOR BELL BUZZING]
Coming.
Who's there?
-ED: It's me.
-[SIGHS]
-How are you doing?
-Well, come in.
I want to see some movies.
MARIE: So go to a theater.
Look, I'm going out.
I've got a date.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, you got a date?
Is that what
they're calling it now?
Boy, she's really something,
you know?
She's really a sweet kid.
MARIE: Look, I mean it, Ed.
You can't stay here.
Not this time.
Take it easy.
Me and Marie,
we're old friends.
Yeah, sure.
Like every time the cops
are after him.
Look, I told you,
I just want to see
a few movies.
There's no cops around,
so go get ready for your date.
Well, look, two movies, okay?
And then out.
I might be bringing
somebody back here later.
ED: Somebody hit the light.
[SWITCH CLICKS]
Want to make yourself useful?
[PUPPET GIBBERING ON TV]
What was it? What was it?
[CHEERING]
[MUMBLING]
KIDS: Yay!
[PUPPETS GIBBERING]
[KIDS CHEERING]
Where is it?
[KIDS CHEERING]
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
What was it? What was it?
[KIDS CHEERING]
[PUPPET BABBLING]
KIDS: Yes.
[PUPPET BABBLING]
Help, help, help, help.
[KIDS CHEERING]
LENA: How do you expect us
to live on that?
Are you seeing these bills?
JACK: You've chipped a bit
of paint off his nose, Lena.
Well, I'll chip a bit off
your nose as well,
if you don't put those
damn things down
and listen to me for once.
It's never going
to happen for you.
You're a born loser,
and you might as well
face up to it,
children's entertainer.
[LAUGHING] It's my life.
Well, it's not going
to be my life anymore,
or Damien's.
I had a letter from Harry
and Ruth asking us
to join them in Canada.
Their business is doing
very well out there,
and there's an opening
for all of us.
You're thinking
of going to Canada?
Not thinking, Jack.
I'm going with or without you.
Well, it's not just us,
there's Damien to consider.
What prospects
are there for him here?
He hasn't had a job since
he left school a year ago.
But you can't expect me to
leave all this behind now,
not after all these years.
I mean, it's just...
Well...
It's sort of a part of me.
You come with us, Jack.
You burn them.
[SIGHS]
Hey,
when you pack in
your Punch and Judith...
Will you let me be the one
to set fire to it all?
Just eat your dinner
and be quiet.
What's the matter?
Trying to prove you're as
tough as my old man was?
Except that he used
to ride motor cars,
instead of playing with dolls.
I told you to shut up,
didn't I?
Stop picking on him, Jack.
Would you like some
more peas, dear?
[SQUEAKING]
[KNOCKING]
[MUMBLING]
What do you think
you're trying to do?
-Scared of me?
-Your face, Mr. Grimshaw.
-Now look...
-Uh-oh, naughty, naughty.
Lose your temper at me
and I'll tell mom.
Jack?
It's all right, Lena.
You go back to sleep.
[PUPPET GIBEBRING]
[KIDS CHEERING]
PUPPET: Was he hurting
the baby?
KIDS: Yes.
[PUPPET GIBBERING]
KIDS: Oh, yes, you did.
PUPPET: Well, I didn't get up
here quick enough.
If he does that again,
you let me know.
I'll try and catch him
next time.
I won't be long.
-Bye-bye.
-KIDS: Bye-bye.
I said, bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
[PUPPET GIBBERING]
PUPPET: Stupid. Eh, stupid.
[PUPPETS GIBBERING]
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[PUPPET LAUGHING]
PUPPET: The end of our
Punch & Judy Show.
Hope you've enjoyed it.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
PUPPET: Bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
[ALL LAUGHING]
SUZY: Oh, look at him.
[INAUDIBLE]
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
SUZY: Oh, look at him.
I'm sorry, you kids.
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Damien, what do you
think you're doing?
-Oh, give it...
-Hey, nice catch.
Give that to me.
I said give it to me.
-I said give it to me.
-Oh, yeah.
You'll damage it.
Damien.
Now look, Damien,
I'm warning you.
Warning me? Okay.
-Give me that doll.
-Okay.
Give me that doll.
[GRUNTING]
Do you want to know something?
I hate you.
I've always hated you,
you and your bleeding puppets.
Oh, you think I want you to
come to Canada with us?
Why do I want a feeble
old fart like you around?
What have you ever been to me?
-Damien.
-Introduce me to some bleeding
puppets of yours.
That's all you've ever
cared about, so fuck you!
Burn it.
Burn that fucking thing.
I said burn it!
No!
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
So what's bugging you?
Come on.
What do you think?
-I mean, I know he's only
your stepfather but...
-So?
Well, so, you don't do
that kind of thing.
I mean, you just don't.
Listen, don't start giving me
all that moral crap.
And you don't know him.
You haven't had to live
with him like I have.
You don't know what
we've been through
all these years.
I'm telling you, he's crazy.
But what you did
to him today...
He's been asking for it.
All he cares about,
all he's ever cared about
is his puppets.
No one matters to him.
He's never given a sod
about me.
I should have been born
a puppet.
I don't like you
when you're like this.
So piss off then.
Is that what you want?
You want me to piss off?
What are you talking about?
I just reckon anyone
who can do what you did
to his own father
need his head seen too.
Hey, Suzy!
Suzy!
Oh, fuck it.
[SIGHS]
Brought you a cup of tea.
Don't leave me, Lena, please.
Don't, Jack.
I told you I'm going.
You never did understand,
did you?
Don't you stare at me
like that, you puppet.
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Who?
Oh, Suzy.
No, Damien, isn't in yet.
Right.
I'll tell him, dear.
Bye-bye.
That was Suzy.
I told her Damien
wasn't home yet.
She's going to call around
in the morning.
Are you going to sit there
and sulk all night?
I told you, you've only
yourself to blame
for what happened.
Don't expect
any sympathy for me.
It's Damien
I feel sorry for.
You always do.
Well, someone's got to.
When have you taken
any trouble with him?
Oh, for God sake.
Oh, when?
It's always left to me
to cope.
What kind of father have you
ever tried to be to him?
What kind of husband have you
ever tried to be to me?
And don't walk away
when I'm talking to you!
I just phoned Nigel to see
if he was around there.
He hasn't seen him
all evening.
[SIGHS] I know what he's like
when he gets in a mood.
Staying out all night,
getting himself drunk.
I don't understand you.
You don't care about
anyone, do you?
Well, I've got different ways
of showing my feelings,
that's all.
All right.
If you really care for me,
you'll get rid of them.
Don't ask me, Lena.
I mean it, Jack.
It's them or me.
Lena.
Damn you, Jack.
Damn your puppets.
You want me,
you chop them out.
All of them, right now.
MR. PUNCH: Jack.
JACK: Mr. Punch?
Mr. Punch?
[CREAKING]
[WHISPERING]
[CREAKING]
Jack?
[DOOR CREAKING]
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[STOPS SCREAMING]
JACK: Lena?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Mr. Grimshaw,
-you said it was your wife?
-Yeah.
Upstairs.
Have the police been called?
No.
It's all right, Mr. Grimshaw.
Just leave it to me.
-No, you don't understand,
doctor.
-You might have to
-come downstairs.
-I'll give you something to...
No, they...
No, they'll think it was me.
They'll think I'm mad.
-No, I'm sure not.
-No, you see I know
who did do it.
I know, I know.
I heard his voice.
Well then,
all you have to do is,
tell the police.
No, let me explain to you,
doctor. You see,
it could have killed
Damien as well.
It's first, the baby,
and then it's Judy.
Judy?
My wife, Lena.
He's here somewhere.
I know he's here.
He must be hiding.
He knows what he's done.
You see, it's first the baby,
and then it's Judy,
and then next
it's always the doctor.
Mr. Grimshaw,
I really do think
you might let me
give you something.
You just lie back,
try to relax.
[SWITCH CLICKS]
Mr. Grimshaw?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[EXHALES]
[SOFTLY] Bastard.
[SCREAMING]
[MUMBLING]
[GRUNTS]
[PUPPET SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way to do it.
[PUPPET LAUGHING]
[MUMBLING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
[GASPING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
[LAUGHING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way. Oh!
Oh!
That's the way to do it.
[LAUGHING]
Go to sleep, little baby
You're so pretty always
What a pity
What a pity
[LAUGHING]
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
Damien?
Mrs. Grimshaw?
Hello?
Hello?
Mrs. Grimshaw?
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING]
[JACK MUMBLING]
[CLATTER]
JACK: Over here.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PUPPET BABBLING]
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
Hmm...
Damn, British movies.
I can tell by the way
they talk.
Oh, I got to go get dressed.
-[SIGHS]
-Hey, she's really great.
What does she do for a living?
Oh, don't ask.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN TV]
[SWITCH CLICKS]
No, Tony, I'm tired.
Oh, tired.
Please, Tony, not tonight.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'm sorry.
So, am I.
[SIGHS]
Tony?
Hmm?
Darling?
What?
Tony?
Hmm?
I suppose
this is very silly.
Mmm. Mmm.
But I think we've got mice.
Oh, for God's sake.
That's still no reason
to blame your father, dear.
Mother, nothing's finished.
Everything was supposed
to be finished
by the time we got back.
Don't be so ungrateful,
Anthony.
After all it was
our wedding present
to you both.
Wedding present?
It was just dad offloading
property you couldn't get
a good market price for.
That's beside the point.
TONY: Look, mother,
I'm not ungrateful.
But I did at least expect
the place to be habitable
by the time we moved in.
There is such a thing as do
it yourself, you know.
SUZY:
Who's the boy out there
on a bicycle?
Oh, he's gone now.
Gee, it doesn't surprise me,
that's what boys are like.
No consideration.
Why I ever gave birth to one
I shall never know.
Take my advice, dear,
when it's your turn,
stick to girls.
Much better.
-Instant hot water.
-Great.
At least the plumber knew
what he was doing.
Nothing can be safe
with my dad's builders.
Oh, shit.
[SIGHS] Wait here.
I'll see if I can fix it.
SUSAN: Do you know
where the fuse box is?
TONY: Well, I'll find it.
SUSAN: There's a torch over
by the sink in the kitchen.
No, I think it's all right
-[THUDS]
-[TONY GRUNTING]
Are you okay?
TONY: Bloody stupid place
to put a door.
[WATER RUNNING]
[TURNS OFF]
[CREAKING]
Tony, is that you?
Tony?
[WATER RUNNING]
So who's the genius then?
Not the plumber,
that's for certain.
Why?
The water, it was all red.
Probably rust.
Tell me.
You hurry up
and have your bath
and I'll warm up the bed.
[CLATTER]
SUZY: Tony?
Oh, not more, damn mice.
No, listen.
-Tony?
-Oh, come, on, Sue.
-There's someone downstairs.
-[SIGHS]
Oh, if they can find
anything worth stealing,
as far as I'm concerned,
they're more than
welcome to it.
Please, Tony.
But, it's... [SIGHS]
Oh, bloody bulb.
[THUDDING]
Oh, for God's sake.
[TONY GRUNTING]
[DOOR CLOSING]
[CREAKING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Tony?
Tony?
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING] Stop it!
Fucking I hate you,
I hate you!
Well, it serves you right
for coming out of bed.
Oh, look, Sue, I'm sorry.
-[DOOR CLOSING]
-I'm sorry.
I really am.
Sue?
Sue, open the door.
-Let me in Sue, come on.
-[KNOCKING ON THE DOOR]
Now, come on, don't be silly.
Open the door. Susan?
[ENGINE STARTS]
[CREAKING]
Tony?
Tony, wake up.
-Listen.
-[MUMBLES]
Oh, Sue, for God's sake.
Downstairs,
didn't you hear it?
-Hear what?
-There's someone downstairs,
I heard it.
Oh, not another burglar.
Oh, God.
Tony.
Be careful.
[CREAKING]
[GASPING]
No!
No! No! No!
-Susan, for God's sake.
-[GASPS] Oh, Tony.
-What is it?
-A man, he...
-A man? What man?
-A man, I...
There was no one there.
[SOBBING]
Out there, I saw him.
-Sue, there's no one there.
-There was.
I saw him. Oh, God.
[SOBBING]
Listen, I've been downstairs
and there's no one there.
I saw him.
He was...
he had a knife
and he came right out
in front of me and he...
I didn't, no.
[SOBBING]
Okay.
Look, first thing
in the morning,
I'll get in touch
with the police, all right?
Okay? Now don't worry.
We'll keep the bedroom door
locked until then.
There you go.
Feeling safer now?
What a way to
spend the weekend,
changing all the locks.
Tony, I've been thinking,
it could've been
one of the builders.
I mean, they must have keys.
Yeah, maybe.
Don't you think
we ought to tell the police?
Look, if you want to
pester them, okay.
But I'm not making
a fool of myself again.
Now, I think I'll start
working the garden.
Are you sure it was?
I mean, how do you know
it was blood?
I don't know but it was red
and sticky and...
That's odd.
Maybe it was further down.
You said you got it
on your hands.
Perhaps it came off.
I don't understand it.
Well, I can't see any blood,
just plain commoner
garden banister.
I didn't imagine it,
really I didn't!
Tony.
Hmm?
You did lock up properly,
didn't you?
Yes, darling.
There's nowhere
he could be hiding,
is there?
-Like in the attic.
-Look Susan,
you know the police had
been through the house
from top to bottom.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Tony?
Hmm?
You still love me, don't you?
Of course, I do.
[GASPING]
[SOFTLY] What's the matter?
[BOY SCREAMING]
BOY: Help!
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[TAPPING]
[STAIRS CREAKING]
-[BOY SCREAMS]
-[GASPS]
[SIGHS]
-[GRUNTING]
-[SCREAMS]
Darling, I'm home.
Sue,
are you upstairs?
Sue?
Are you all right, darling?
Yes, fine.
Just sorting through
a few things.
Oh!
I assume a bit later,
I bumped in to Reverend Peters
on the way home.
He said he was sending
a Miss Burns around to see you
tomorrow morning at 11:00.
What's all that about, then?
Just a coffee morning.
Well, you want me to
get to know people, don't you?
Neighbors and people
in the district?
-Yeah. Yes, of course.
-Well then.
Dinner won't be long.
Who's this Miss Burns then?
I still think you
should've told your husband.
SUSAN: He doesn't believe
in things like ghosts.
Oh, don't worry dear,
they're my trouble,
I'm used to skeptics.
Some people
are funny like that.
Can't think why.
If you don't find
anything here,
then that means
it's all in my head,
doesn't it?
Oh, come on now.
What is it that
you're called where you're
given to hallucinations?
There's a name for it.
A special term they use
for that particular kind
of madness.
In my profession
it's called second sight.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
Shall we get started?
And this sort of thing
has never happened
to you before,
-seeing things,
visions, hearing noises?
-Never.
You may have the gift
without being aware of it.
Often happens, you know.
How many figures,
different figures that is,
have you seen so far?
Well, there was a man
with a knife,
-the burglar, at least
that's what I thought he was.
-Quite.
There was a young boy,
I've seen him lot of times.
Yes, children are very good
like that.
-I have a little girl
called Alice.
-Oh, really?
Raped and strangled in 1876.
Can't keep her away seances,
she loves them,
pops up all the time.
SUSAN: Then there was
the older boy
and the man in bed
that I told you about
and what sounded like
a girl screaming.
Most interesting.
Do you know anything
about the house?
Does it have a history
of violence?
Not that I know of.
Hmm, something
we ought to look into.
Don't you think so?
Oh, yes.
Nothing to be afraid of,
you know?
Some of my best friends
are ghosts.
[SIGHS]
Well, my dear whatever it is
you've been experiencing,
there's nothing here now
quite definitely.
If there had been,
it would've come through.
But I did see them.
The boy and...
Oh, I don't doubt you my dear,
not for an instant.
All I'm saying is
if there has been anything,
it's gone now.
No, there's nothing here now.
I'd stake my reputation on it.
How nice of you to
drive me home,
much appreciated.
I'll send you my account
in due course.
So nice to have met you.
Don't worry dear,
it's a nice house.
Good vibrations.
I'll just drop her off then
I'll be straight back.
You're going to be okay?
I shan't be long.
I know it's really none
of my business Mr. Kingsley,
but has your wife
thought of seeing a doctor?
A psychiatrist?
[SCOFFS]
For want of a better word.
You mean,
you think she's sick?
Just a thought.
[ENGINE STARTING]
[WATER RUNNING]
[CLATTER]
[CREAKING]
[SCRATCHING]
[MEOWING]
[GRUNTING]
[SWITCH CLICKS]
[SCREAMS]
Mom?
DANNY: Help, help, please,
help, help.
[SCREAMING] Help, help.
Please stop it.
Stop it, help, help!
Help! Help! Help!
Please, help me.
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[SOBBING]
[CRASHING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMING]
[CHOCKING]
[GASPING]
[GROANING]
[SOBBING]
And if there's anything else
at all that you've
left behind,
please don't hesitate
to get in touch.
No, I'm sure
this is the only thing.
Well, I'm glad to see
that you've settled in okay,
better than we did anyway.
How is your wife?
It must've been awful shock
coming back
and finding her like that.
I went to visit her and Sunday
and, uh, well I don't know.
She seem to recognize me
but the doctor say it will be
quite some time yet.
Yes.
I had an aunt
who had a nervous breakdown,
very sad.
Yes. Well...
I'm sorry you couldn't
meet my husband
because I explained before,
he's in bed with flu
and there's so much
to be done.
You seem to have
some help anyway.
My son Alan,
he's home from University.
At least that means
I can get some help
with the decorating.
-[HONKING]
-Danny.
Time to come in.
Well, I'm sure
you'll be happy here.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE REVS]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[ENGINE STOPS]
[EXHALES] Pretty good, huh?
Not that I get scared
or nothing
'cause I know
they're just actors
with stories.
Why don't you go see
if Marie's got
any cigarettes?
Yeah, let me go check.
You know what this is called?
Garden of Blood.
Well, Ed sent me
in for some...
-Hi.
-What kept you?
[WHIRRING ON TV]
[ANNOUNCER TALKING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
He's getting ready
to go after all.
Now that's on the first hill,
on the first bend.
[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES TALKING]
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING]
Participants
for the next round.
Next junior race.
[ENGINE REVVING]
Good luck!
[ANNOUNCER
TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[CONTINUES TALKING]
Well, what was
the trouble then, Gav?
Bloody engine
overheat again.
Tim. Tim.
Look at him,
bloody brother of mine.
Gav, tell him to get his
ass over here
and give us a hand.
Didn't sign good, Gav?
Of course,
it didn't, you prat.
The engine seized up.
That's going to cost a packet.
You and your cheap bloody oil.
Hey, why so balmy?
Gav, you said so yourself.
Yeah, look what
it has done to my bike.
You worked right, Gav.
Yeah, just like Evel Knievel.
Here, you ladies!
Give him a hand
with that bike.
REPORTER: 400 children
are being bused
across the river
from Bethnal Green
to West Greenwich
because of an asbestos
scare at their school.
Teachers at
Daneford Comprehensive
wouldn't take classes
in the old block
until the panels containing
asbestos are removed.
And on East London River,
feminist publishers
may be prosecuted over
a sex book for children.
Mary Whitehouse is urging
the Attorney General
Sir Michael Havers...
GAVIN: I tell you,
if I don't get that money
in the next couple of weeks,
I'm going to miss
the trials next month.
Maybe if I find out, Greg.
How can you? He's inside.
Yeah.
Well, I was just thinking.
Well, don't.
You never were
very good at it.
I was only trying
to be helpful.
Well, if you want to help,
make that tea.
There's no milk.
Well, coffee, then.
What's wrong with coffee
for Christ's sake?
God.
Cain...
What if he can help me?
Forget it, I'm already paying
you too much as it is.
Well, how about
an advance, then?
Already have one.
Well, what if I come in
and work on Saturdays?
And what am I supposed
to say to Charlie?
Give him the push?
Just because you've suddenly
decided you want
to work weekends.
I gave you that option
when you were first here.
You were the one that refused
to work Saturdays
so you could prance about
on your motorbike.
Sorry, Gavin,
-the simple answer is no.
-[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello, Alex's Men's Wear.
I've told you before about
having personal calls here,
it's your brother.
Hello, Tim?
You know what
we were talking
about last night?
Well, I've been looking.
Here, listen to this...
"Wanted general gardener
and handyman
for weekend work."
Oh, leave off, Tim.
I mean,
what's that going to pay?
It says here
it's good money,
expenses...
And there's an address, too.
Yeah, okay, Tim.
Look, I appreciate it.
It's just, look,
I'll find you later,
all right?
You know,
if I didn't work
here Saturdays,
I could've gone after that.
I don't know why
I bother sometimes.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Listen, if you need
the money
that desperately,
why don't you sell your car?
[CHUCKLES] Have you seen it?
You could finish off.
How much is it you need?
About 400, a bit less maybe.
If you can guarantee
to pay me back, say,
40 a week,
I'll lend it you.
Oh, well, thanks.
I will pay you back.
Here, I've just got to
make a call.
[DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello? Oh, hi, how are you?
Yeah, hang on. I'll get him.
Tim, it's your brother.
Hello, Gav.
Oh, you've changed your mind,
then, have you?
[CHUCKLES]
Hold on, I'll get the address.
[ENGINE TURNS OFF]
[DOOR CREAKING]
Oh, hello...
I came about the job
in the newspaper.
Oh, yes, Mr. Martin.
Do come in, won't you?
Oh, Mildred dear,
this nice young man
has come in reply
to our advertisement.
Oh, perfectly splendid.
I'm Mildred Hurley.
You've already met Emma,
of course.
Gavin Martin.
Delighted to make
your acquaintance,
Mr. Martin.
Do please make
yourself comfortable.
Would you care for some tea?
Uh! Thanks, I will.
It's a nice place
you got here.
Yes.
The oldest part goes back
to the 16th century.
That's Tudor, you know?
MILDRED: Of course,
it's been modernized since.
EMMA: Oh, Mrs. Harlett,
this is Mr. Martin.
He's come in answer
to our advertisement.
And we thought a pot of tea
and some of your
delicious hot scones
would be rather nice.
Right.
Mrs. Harlett cleans for us,
you know, doesn't she,
Mildred?
Every Tuesday and Thursday.
She's from the village.
Her husband's
on the other side.
The other side of what?
He's passed on, dear.
Oh, you mean he's dead?
We don't believe in death,
Mr. Martin.
What about the job?
Such a pretty young man,
don't you agree, Mildred?
Oh, indeed, Emma.
I think he'll be
most acceptable.
Oh, yes, they'll like him.
No doubt you wish
to speak to us
about the remuneration.
I must confess, Mr. Martin,
both Emma and I
are rather out of touch
with the present amounts
paid for such work.
Well, it's quite a lot
these days.
Oh, dear.
I do hate having
to discuss money.
Would you, Emma dear?
Oh, no, Mildred,
you're so much better at it
than I am.
Well, uh...
Would 25 a day
be considered
too much of an insult?
Cash?
Oh, we never pay
any other way.
We don't believe in banks,
do we, Mildred?
MILDRED: No.
Of course, apart from
being general handyman
about the house,
we would expect you
to attend to the upkeep
of the garden.
Oh, well, it's no problem.
Not that it'll need
much attention.
The fairies see to that.
We have fairies at the bottom
of the garden.
MILDRED: Do you believe
in fairies, Mr. Martin?
Well, I saw the gnomes.
Oh, gnomes are just
simple workers.
But one must respect
the workers, mustn't one?
GAVIN: Fucking thing.
Oh, Mr. Martin,
that's not very nice.
Listen, I'm sorry about that.
So, anyway,
I'm nearly finished.
I did tell you the garden
needs very little attention.
Oh, yeah, I remember you
saying the fairies, right.
They looked after this house
for generations,
isn't that true, Mildred?
Absolutely, Emma.
They are a bit like
spoiled children.
Humor them up
and they'll do anything
for you.
That's true.
But upset them
and they can be very spiteful.
They can be very obliging.
No, listen,
me and your fairies,
I promise you,
are going to get on a treat.
EMMA: That's Lady Ann Hurley
and that's her lost lover.
Well, it's very interesting.
Legend has it that
she made a secret pact
with the fairies.
She had infidelities,
you know.
-MILDRED: Several of them.
-Really?
EMMA: Shocking when
you consider
she was a married woman.
Well, that was
the pact she made
that the fairies
would make sure
that her husband
never discovered
that she had a whole string
of young lovers.
And do you know,
he never did.
Sounds like
she had it made to me.
What he did discover,
however,
was all their dead bodies
buried in the grounds.
Fairies do have a wicked sense
of humor, you know.
She was executed
for murder, of course.
Her last lover died
in terrible agony,
they do say.
Yes, but then fairies
are like that, aren't they,
Emma dear?
EMMA: [CHUCKLES]
Love to see
we humans suffer.
MILDRED: Perhaps
to keep them amused,
you know.
And that was the arrangement.
All her dead lovers
became their slaves.
Well, this is all
very interesting,
but let's have a look at that
window you want fixed.
Well, how was that?
That's so much better.
Thank you.
Well, I think it's time
I should be leaving now.
-Oh, yes.
-I mean, it's after 5:00.
Yes, but I'll get your money
for you.
You're not thinking
of robbing the place,
are you?
Gav?
Gavin?
Shut up.
-I'm switching the light out.
-[SWITCH CLICKS]
I'm thinking.
Are you?
[WHISPERING] Gav...
Where did they bury
the bodies then?
Are we going to rob this place
or do you want a guided tour?
Give me that torch.
Right, you get in there
and start in the silver.
We're going upstairs.
[CLOCK TICKING]
[CLOCK CHIMES]
[WHISPERING]
[CREAKING]
Shh.
What's that?
Nothing. Come on.
[CREAKING]
[CHANDELIER CLANKING]
FRANK: Fuck me.
Shh.
Get a rope...
-Frank?
-Yeah.
Doesn't matter.
-How's it going?
-Okay.
-Where's that rope?
-In the bag.
[GASPING] Shit.
You nearly gave me
a heart attack.
Sorry, Gav.
Gav?
What?
Come on.
[THUDS]
[GNOMES LAUGHING]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[CHOKING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[SIGHING]
God.
[GRUNTS]
Sorry, Gav.
We're going to have a rest.
Yeah, it's hard work
robbing houses.
[SIGHS]
Wonder where Tim's got to.
Wait here.
[CREAKING]
[SOFTLY] Tim.
Tim. Psst, Tim.
[HOOTING]
[CHIMES]
[HOOTING]
[SCREAMING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SCREAMING]
[CLATTER]
[WIND GUSHING]
[CLINKS]
[WIND GUSHING]
[FRANK GROANS]
[GROANING]
[GASPING]
Nice place you've got here.
Thank you, Mr. Cross, was it?
Our last gardener,
he, um, disappeared.
Yes, the police were
most perplexed.
Oops. Oh, really?
I told them before
not to come
into the house.
[TONGUE CLICKS]
This is one of our more
infamous ancestors.
And this was her last lover.
She made a contract
with the fairies
that they could have the souls
of her dead lovers as slaves.
Do you believe in fairies?
Do I believe in fairies?
[CHOCKING]
-What's that?
-It's nothing.
[PUPPET SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[CONTINUOUS SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PUPPET SINGING]
[MUMBLING]
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Come on!
[DOOR BELL BUZZING]
Coming.
Who's there?
-ED: It's me.
-[SIGHS]
-How are you doing?
-Well, come in.
I want to see some movies.
MARIE: So go to a theater.
Look, I'm going out.
I've got a date.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, you got a date?
Is that what
they're calling it now?
Boy, she's really something,
you know?
She's really a sweet kid.
MARIE: Look, I mean it, Ed.
You can't stay here.
Not this time.
Take it easy.
Me and Marie,
we're old friends.
Yeah, sure.
Like every time the cops
are after him.
Look, I told you,
I just want to see
a few movies.
There's no cops around,
so go get ready for your date.
Well, look, two movies, okay?
And then out.
I might be bringing
somebody back here later.
ED: Somebody hit the light.
[SWITCH CLICKS]
Want to make yourself useful?
[PUPPET GIBBERING ON TV]
What was it? What was it?
[CHEERING]
[MUMBLING]
KIDS: Yay!
[PUPPETS GIBBERING]
[KIDS CHEERING]
Where is it?
[KIDS CHEERING]
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
What was it? What was it?
[KIDS CHEERING]
[PUPPET BABBLING]
KIDS: Yes.
[PUPPET BABBLING]
Help, help, help, help.
[KIDS CHEERING]
LENA: How do you expect us
to live on that?
Are you seeing these bills?
JACK: You've chipped a bit
of paint off his nose, Lena.
Well, I'll chip a bit off
your nose as well,
if you don't put those
damn things down
and listen to me for once.
It's never going
to happen for you.
You're a born loser,
and you might as well
face up to it,
children's entertainer.
[LAUGHING] It's my life.
Well, it's not going
to be my life anymore,
or Damien's.
I had a letter from Harry
and Ruth asking us
to join them in Canada.
Their business is doing
very well out there,
and there's an opening
for all of us.
You're thinking
of going to Canada?
Not thinking, Jack.
I'm going with or without you.
Well, it's not just us,
there's Damien to consider.
What prospects
are there for him here?
He hasn't had a job since
he left school a year ago.
But you can't expect me to
leave all this behind now,
not after all these years.
I mean, it's just...
Well...
It's sort of a part of me.
You come with us, Jack.
You burn them.
[SIGHS]
Hey,
when you pack in
your Punch and Judith...
Will you let me be the one
to set fire to it all?
Just eat your dinner
and be quiet.
What's the matter?
Trying to prove you're as
tough as my old man was?
Except that he used
to ride motor cars,
instead of playing with dolls.
I told you to shut up,
didn't I?
Stop picking on him, Jack.
Would you like some
more peas, dear?
[SQUEAKING]
[KNOCKING]
[MUMBLING]
What do you think
you're trying to do?
-Scared of me?
-Your face, Mr. Grimshaw.
-Now look...
-Uh-oh, naughty, naughty.
Lose your temper at me
and I'll tell mom.
Jack?
It's all right, Lena.
You go back to sleep.
[PUPPET GIBEBRING]
[KIDS CHEERING]
PUPPET: Was he hurting
the baby?
KIDS: Yes.
[PUPPET GIBBERING]
KIDS: Oh, yes, you did.
PUPPET: Well, I didn't get up
here quick enough.
If he does that again,
you let me know.
I'll try and catch him
next time.
I won't be long.
-Bye-bye.
-KIDS: Bye-bye.
I said, bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
[PUPPET GIBBERING]
PUPPET: Stupid. Eh, stupid.
[PUPPETS GIBBERING]
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[PUPPET LAUGHING]
PUPPET: The end of our
Punch & Judy Show.
Hope you've enjoyed it.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
PUPPET: Bye-bye.
KIDS: Bye-bye.
[ALL LAUGHING]
SUZY: Oh, look at him.
[INAUDIBLE]
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
SUZY: Oh, look at him.
I'm sorry, you kids.
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Damien, what do you
think you're doing?
-Oh, give it...
-Hey, nice catch.
Give that to me.
I said give it to me.
-I said give it to me.
-Oh, yeah.
You'll damage it.
Damien.
Now look, Damien,
I'm warning you.
Warning me? Okay.
-Give me that doll.
-Okay.
Give me that doll.
[GRUNTING]
Do you want to know something?
I hate you.
I've always hated you,
you and your bleeding puppets.
Oh, you think I want you to
come to Canada with us?
Why do I want a feeble
old fart like you around?
What have you ever been to me?
-Damien.
-Introduce me to some bleeding
puppets of yours.
That's all you've ever
cared about, so fuck you!
Burn it.
Burn that fucking thing.
I said burn it!
No!
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
So what's bugging you?
Come on.
What do you think?
-I mean, I know he's only
your stepfather but...
-So?
Well, so, you don't do
that kind of thing.
I mean, you just don't.
Listen, don't start giving me
all that moral crap.
And you don't know him.
You haven't had to live
with him like I have.
You don't know what
we've been through
all these years.
I'm telling you, he's crazy.
But what you did
to him today...
He's been asking for it.
All he cares about,
all he's ever cared about
is his puppets.
No one matters to him.
He's never given a sod
about me.
I should have been born
a puppet.
I don't like you
when you're like this.
So piss off then.
Is that what you want?
You want me to piss off?
What are you talking about?
I just reckon anyone
who can do what you did
to his own father
need his head seen too.
Hey, Suzy!
Suzy!
Oh, fuck it.
[SIGHS]
Brought you a cup of tea.
Don't leave me, Lena, please.
Don't, Jack.
I told you I'm going.
You never did understand,
did you?
Don't you stare at me
like that, you puppet.
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Who?
Oh, Suzy.
No, Damien, isn't in yet.
Right.
I'll tell him, dear.
Bye-bye.
That was Suzy.
I told her Damien
wasn't home yet.
She's going to call around
in the morning.
Are you going to sit there
and sulk all night?
I told you, you've only
yourself to blame
for what happened.
Don't expect
any sympathy for me.
It's Damien
I feel sorry for.
You always do.
Well, someone's got to.
When have you taken
any trouble with him?
Oh, for God sake.
Oh, when?
It's always left to me
to cope.
What kind of father have you
ever tried to be to him?
What kind of husband have you
ever tried to be to me?
And don't walk away
when I'm talking to you!
I just phoned Nigel to see
if he was around there.
He hasn't seen him
all evening.
[SIGHS] I know what he's like
when he gets in a mood.
Staying out all night,
getting himself drunk.
I don't understand you.
You don't care about
anyone, do you?
Well, I've got different ways
of showing my feelings,
that's all.
All right.
If you really care for me,
you'll get rid of them.
Don't ask me, Lena.
I mean it, Jack.
It's them or me.
Lena.
Damn you, Jack.
Damn your puppets.
You want me,
you chop them out.
All of them, right now.
MR. PUNCH: Jack.
JACK: Mr. Punch?
Mr. Punch?
[CREAKING]
[WHISPERING]
[CREAKING]
Jack?
[DOOR CREAKING]
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[STOPS SCREAMING]
JACK: Lena?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Mr. Grimshaw,
-you said it was your wife?
-Yeah.
Upstairs.
Have the police been called?
No.
It's all right, Mr. Grimshaw.
Just leave it to me.
-No, you don't understand,
doctor.
-You might have to
-come downstairs.
-I'll give you something to...
No, they...
No, they'll think it was me.
They'll think I'm mad.
-No, I'm sure not.
-No, you see I know
who did do it.
I know, I know.
I heard his voice.
Well then,
all you have to do is,
tell the police.
No, let me explain to you,
doctor. You see,
it could have killed
Damien as well.
It's first, the baby,
and then it's Judy.
Judy?
My wife, Lena.
He's here somewhere.
I know he's here.
He must be hiding.
He knows what he's done.
You see, it's first the baby,
and then it's Judy,
and then next
it's always the doctor.
Mr. Grimshaw,
I really do think
you might let me
give you something.
You just lie back,
try to relax.
[SWITCH CLICKS]
Mr. Grimshaw?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[EXHALES]
[SOFTLY] Bastard.
[SCREAMING]
[MUMBLING]
[GRUNTS]
[PUPPET SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way to do it.
[PUPPET LAUGHING]
[MUMBLING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
[GASPING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
[LAUGHING]
That's the way to do it.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way.
That's the way. Oh!
Oh!
That's the way to do it.
[LAUGHING]
Go to sleep, little baby
You're so pretty always
What a pity
What a pity
[LAUGHING]
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
Damien?
Mrs. Grimshaw?
Hello?
Hello?
Mrs. Grimshaw?
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING]
[JACK MUMBLING]
[CLATTER]
JACK: Over here.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PUPPET BABBLING]
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
Hmm...
Damn, British movies.
I can tell by the way
they talk.
Oh, I got to go get dressed.
-[SIGHS]
-Hey, she's really great.
What does she do for a living?
Oh, don't ask.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN TV]
[SWITCH CLICKS]
No, Tony, I'm tired.
Oh, tired.
Please, Tony, not tonight.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'm sorry.
So, am I.
[SIGHS]
Tony?
Hmm?
Darling?
What?
Tony?
Hmm?
I suppose
this is very silly.
Mmm. Mmm.
But I think we've got mice.
Oh, for God's sake.
That's still no reason
to blame your father, dear.
Mother, nothing's finished.
Everything was supposed
to be finished
by the time we got back.
Don't be so ungrateful,
Anthony.
After all it was
our wedding present
to you both.
Wedding present?
It was just dad offloading
property you couldn't get
a good market price for.
That's beside the point.
TONY: Look, mother,
I'm not ungrateful.
But I did at least expect
the place to be habitable
by the time we moved in.
There is such a thing as do
it yourself, you know.
SUZY:
Who's the boy out there
on a bicycle?
Oh, he's gone now.
Gee, it doesn't surprise me,
that's what boys are like.
No consideration.
Why I ever gave birth to one
I shall never know.
Take my advice, dear,
when it's your turn,
stick to girls.
Much better.
-Instant hot water.
-Great.
At least the plumber knew
what he was doing.
Nothing can be safe
with my dad's builders.
Oh, shit.
[SIGHS] Wait here.
I'll see if I can fix it.
SUSAN: Do you know
where the fuse box is?
TONY: Well, I'll find it.
SUSAN: There's a torch over
by the sink in the kitchen.
No, I think it's all right
-[THUDS]
-[TONY GRUNTING]
Are you okay?
TONY: Bloody stupid place
to put a door.
[WATER RUNNING]
[TURNS OFF]
[CREAKING]
Tony, is that you?
Tony?
[WATER RUNNING]
So who's the genius then?
Not the plumber,
that's for certain.
Why?
The water, it was all red.
Probably rust.
Tell me.
You hurry up
and have your bath
and I'll warm up the bed.
[CLATTER]
SUZY: Tony?
Oh, not more, damn mice.
No, listen.
-Tony?
-Oh, come, on, Sue.
-There's someone downstairs.
-[SIGHS]
Oh, if they can find
anything worth stealing,
as far as I'm concerned,
they're more than
welcome to it.
Please, Tony.
But, it's... [SIGHS]
Oh, bloody bulb.
[THUDDING]
Oh, for God's sake.
[TONY GRUNTING]
[DOOR CLOSING]
[CREAKING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Tony?
Tony?
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING] Stop it!
Fucking I hate you,
I hate you!
Well, it serves you right
for coming out of bed.
Oh, look, Sue, I'm sorry.
-[DOOR CLOSING]
-I'm sorry.
I really am.
Sue?
Sue, open the door.
-Let me in Sue, come on.
-[KNOCKING ON THE DOOR]
Now, come on, don't be silly.
Open the door. Susan?
[ENGINE STARTS]
[CREAKING]
Tony?
Tony, wake up.
-Listen.
-[MUMBLES]
Oh, Sue, for God's sake.
Downstairs,
didn't you hear it?
-Hear what?
-There's someone downstairs,
I heard it.
Oh, not another burglar.
Oh, God.
Tony.
Be careful.
[CREAKING]
[GASPING]
No!
No! No! No!
-Susan, for God's sake.
-[GASPS] Oh, Tony.
-What is it?
-A man, he...
-A man? What man?
-A man, I...
There was no one there.
[SOBBING]
Out there, I saw him.
-Sue, there's no one there.
-There was.
I saw him. Oh, God.
[SOBBING]
Listen, I've been downstairs
and there's no one there.
I saw him.
He was...
he had a knife
and he came right out
in front of me and he...
I didn't, no.
[SOBBING]
Okay.
Look, first thing
in the morning,
I'll get in touch
with the police, all right?
Okay? Now don't worry.
We'll keep the bedroom door
locked until then.
There you go.
Feeling safer now?
What a way to
spend the weekend,
changing all the locks.
Tony, I've been thinking,
it could've been
one of the builders.
I mean, they must have keys.
Yeah, maybe.
Don't you think
we ought to tell the police?
Look, if you want to
pester them, okay.
But I'm not making
a fool of myself again.
Now, I think I'll start
working the garden.
Are you sure it was?
I mean, how do you know
it was blood?
I don't know but it was red
and sticky and...
That's odd.
Maybe it was further down.
You said you got it
on your hands.
Perhaps it came off.
I don't understand it.
Well, I can't see any blood,
just plain commoner
garden banister.
I didn't imagine it,
really I didn't!
Tony.
Hmm?
You did lock up properly,
didn't you?
Yes, darling.
There's nowhere
he could be hiding,
is there?
-Like in the attic.
-Look Susan,
you know the police had
been through the house
from top to bottom.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Tony?
Hmm?
You still love me, don't you?
Of course, I do.
[GASPING]
[SOFTLY] What's the matter?
[BOY SCREAMING]
BOY: Help!
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[TAPPING]
[STAIRS CREAKING]
-[BOY SCREAMS]
-[GASPS]
[SIGHS]
-[GRUNTING]
-[SCREAMS]
Darling, I'm home.
Sue,
are you upstairs?
Sue?
Are you all right, darling?
Yes, fine.
Just sorting through
a few things.
Oh!
I assume a bit later,
I bumped in to Reverend Peters
on the way home.
He said he was sending
a Miss Burns around to see you
tomorrow morning at 11:00.
What's all that about, then?
Just a coffee morning.
Well, you want me to
get to know people, don't you?
Neighbors and people
in the district?
-Yeah. Yes, of course.
-Well then.
Dinner won't be long.
Who's this Miss Burns then?
I still think you
should've told your husband.
SUSAN: He doesn't believe
in things like ghosts.
Oh, don't worry dear,
they're my trouble,
I'm used to skeptics.
Some people
are funny like that.
Can't think why.
If you don't find
anything here,
then that means
it's all in my head,
doesn't it?
Oh, come on now.
What is it that
you're called where you're
given to hallucinations?
There's a name for it.
A special term they use
for that particular kind
of madness.
In my profession
it's called second sight.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
Shall we get started?
And this sort of thing
has never happened
to you before,
-seeing things,
visions, hearing noises?
-Never.
You may have the gift
without being aware of it.
Often happens, you know.
How many figures,
different figures that is,
have you seen so far?
Well, there was a man
with a knife,
-the burglar, at least
that's what I thought he was.
-Quite.
There was a young boy,
I've seen him lot of times.
Yes, children are very good
like that.
-I have a little girl
called Alice.
-Oh, really?
Raped and strangled in 1876.
Can't keep her away seances,
she loves them,
pops up all the time.
SUSAN: Then there was
the older boy
and the man in bed
that I told you about
and what sounded like
a girl screaming.
Most interesting.
Do you know anything
about the house?
Does it have a history
of violence?
Not that I know of.
Hmm, something
we ought to look into.
Don't you think so?
Oh, yes.
Nothing to be afraid of,
you know?
Some of my best friends
are ghosts.
[SIGHS]
Well, my dear whatever it is
you've been experiencing,
there's nothing here now
quite definitely.
If there had been,
it would've come through.
But I did see them.
The boy and...
Oh, I don't doubt you my dear,
not for an instant.
All I'm saying is
if there has been anything,
it's gone now.
No, there's nothing here now.
I'd stake my reputation on it.
How nice of you to
drive me home,
much appreciated.
I'll send you my account
in due course.
So nice to have met you.
Don't worry dear,
it's a nice house.
Good vibrations.
I'll just drop her off then
I'll be straight back.
You're going to be okay?
I shan't be long.
I know it's really none
of my business Mr. Kingsley,
but has your wife
thought of seeing a doctor?
A psychiatrist?
[SCOFFS]
For want of a better word.
You mean,
you think she's sick?
Just a thought.
[ENGINE STARTING]
[WATER RUNNING]
[CLATTER]
[CREAKING]
[SCRATCHING]
[MEOWING]
[GRUNTING]
[SWITCH CLICKS]
[SCREAMS]
Mom?
DANNY: Help, help, please,
help, help.
[SCREAMING] Help, help.
Please stop it.
Stop it, help, help!
Help! Help! Help!
Please, help me.
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[SOBBING]
[CRASHING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMING]
[CHOCKING]
[GASPING]
[GROANING]
[SOBBING]
And if there's anything else
at all that you've
left behind,
please don't hesitate
to get in touch.
No, I'm sure
this is the only thing.
Well, I'm glad to see
that you've settled in okay,
better than we did anyway.
How is your wife?
It must've been awful shock
coming back
and finding her like that.
I went to visit her and Sunday
and, uh, well I don't know.
She seem to recognize me
but the doctor say it will be
quite some time yet.
Yes.
I had an aunt
who had a nervous breakdown,
very sad.
Yes. Well...
I'm sorry you couldn't
meet my husband
because I explained before,
he's in bed with flu
and there's so much
to be done.
You seem to have
some help anyway.
My son Alan,
he's home from University.
At least that means
I can get some help
with the decorating.
-[HONKING]
-Danny.
Time to come in.
Well, I'm sure
you'll be happy here.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE REVS]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[ENGINE STOPS]
[EXHALES] Pretty good, huh?
Not that I get scared
or nothing
'cause I know
they're just actors
with stories.
Why don't you go see
if Marie's got
any cigarettes?
Yeah, let me go check.
You know what this is called?
Garden of Blood.
Well, Ed sent me
in for some...
-Hi.
-What kept you?
[WHIRRING ON TV]
[ANNOUNCER TALKING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
He's getting ready
to go after all.
Now that's on the first hill,
on the first bend.
[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES TALKING]
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING]
Participants
for the next round.
Next junior race.
[ENGINE REVVING]
Good luck!
[ANNOUNCER
TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[CONTINUES TALKING]
Well, what was
the trouble then, Gav?
Bloody engine
overheat again.
Tim. Tim.
Look at him,
bloody brother of mine.
Gav, tell him to get his
ass over here
and give us a hand.
Didn't sign good, Gav?
Of course,
it didn't, you prat.
The engine seized up.
That's going to cost a packet.
You and your cheap bloody oil.
Hey, why so balmy?
Gav, you said so yourself.
Yeah, look what
it has done to my bike.
You worked right, Gav.
Yeah, just like Evel Knievel.
Here, you ladies!
Give him a hand
with that bike.
REPORTER: 400 children
are being bused
across the river
from Bethnal Green
to West Greenwich
because of an asbestos
scare at their school.
Teachers at
Daneford Comprehensive
wouldn't take classes
in the old block
until the panels containing
asbestos are removed.
And on East London River,
feminist publishers
may be prosecuted over
a sex book for children.
Mary Whitehouse is urging
the Attorney General
Sir Michael Havers...
GAVIN: I tell you,
if I don't get that money
in the next couple of weeks,
I'm going to miss
the trials next month.
Maybe if I find out, Greg.
How can you? He's inside.
Yeah.
Well, I was just thinking.
Well, don't.
You never were
very good at it.
I was only trying
to be helpful.
Well, if you want to help,
make that tea.
There's no milk.
Well, coffee, then.
What's wrong with coffee
for Christ's sake?
God.
Cain...
What if he can help me?
Forget it, I'm already paying
you too much as it is.
Well, how about
an advance, then?
Already have one.
Well, what if I come in
and work on Saturdays?
And what am I supposed
to say to Charlie?
Give him the push?
Just because you've suddenly
decided you want
to work weekends.
I gave you that option
when you were first here.
You were the one that refused
to work Saturdays
so you could prance about
on your motorbike.
Sorry, Gavin,
-the simple answer is no.
-[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello, Alex's Men's Wear.
I've told you before about
having personal calls here,
it's your brother.
Hello, Tim?
You know what
we were talking
about last night?
Well, I've been looking.
Here, listen to this...
"Wanted general gardener
and handyman
for weekend work."
Oh, leave off, Tim.
I mean,
what's that going to pay?
It says here
it's good money,
expenses...
And there's an address, too.
Yeah, okay, Tim.
Look, I appreciate it.
It's just, look,
I'll find you later,
all right?
You know,
if I didn't work
here Saturdays,
I could've gone after that.
I don't know why
I bother sometimes.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Listen, if you need
the money
that desperately,
why don't you sell your car?
[CHUCKLES] Have you seen it?
You could finish off.
How much is it you need?
About 400, a bit less maybe.
If you can guarantee
to pay me back, say,
40 a week,
I'll lend it you.
Oh, well, thanks.
I will pay you back.
Here, I've just got to
make a call.
[DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello? Oh, hi, how are you?
Yeah, hang on. I'll get him.
Tim, it's your brother.
Hello, Gav.
Oh, you've changed your mind,
then, have you?
[CHUCKLES]
Hold on, I'll get the address.
[ENGINE TURNS OFF]
[DOOR CREAKING]
Oh, hello...
I came about the job
in the newspaper.
Oh, yes, Mr. Martin.
Do come in, won't you?
Oh, Mildred dear,
this nice young man
has come in reply
to our advertisement.
Oh, perfectly splendid.
I'm Mildred Hurley.
You've already met Emma,
of course.
Gavin Martin.
Delighted to make
your acquaintance,
Mr. Martin.
Do please make
yourself comfortable.
Would you care for some tea?
Uh! Thanks, I will.
It's a nice place
you got here.
Yes.
The oldest part goes back
to the 16th century.
That's Tudor, you know?
MILDRED: Of course,
it's been modernized since.
EMMA: Oh, Mrs. Harlett,
this is Mr. Martin.
He's come in answer
to our advertisement.
And we thought a pot of tea
and some of your
delicious hot scones
would be rather nice.
Right.
Mrs. Harlett cleans for us,
you know, doesn't she,
Mildred?
Every Tuesday and Thursday.
She's from the village.
Her husband's
on the other side.
The other side of what?
He's passed on, dear.
Oh, you mean he's dead?
We don't believe in death,
Mr. Martin.
What about the job?
Such a pretty young man,
don't you agree, Mildred?
Oh, indeed, Emma.
I think he'll be
most acceptable.
Oh, yes, they'll like him.
No doubt you wish
to speak to us
about the remuneration.
I must confess, Mr. Martin,
both Emma and I
are rather out of touch
with the present amounts
paid for such work.
Well, it's quite a lot
these days.
Oh, dear.
I do hate having
to discuss money.
Would you, Emma dear?
Oh, no, Mildred,
you're so much better at it
than I am.
Well, uh...
Would 25 a day
be considered
too much of an insult?
Cash?
Oh, we never pay
any other way.
We don't believe in banks,
do we, Mildred?
MILDRED: No.
Of course, apart from
being general handyman
about the house,
we would expect you
to attend to the upkeep
of the garden.
Oh, well, it's no problem.
Not that it'll need
much attention.
The fairies see to that.
We have fairies at the bottom
of the garden.
MILDRED: Do you believe
in fairies, Mr. Martin?
Well, I saw the gnomes.
Oh, gnomes are just
simple workers.
But one must respect
the workers, mustn't one?
GAVIN: Fucking thing.
Oh, Mr. Martin,
that's not very nice.
Listen, I'm sorry about that.
So, anyway,
I'm nearly finished.
I did tell you the garden
needs very little attention.
Oh, yeah, I remember you
saying the fairies, right.
They looked after this house
for generations,
isn't that true, Mildred?
Absolutely, Emma.
They are a bit like
spoiled children.
Humor them up
and they'll do anything
for you.
That's true.
But upset them
and they can be very spiteful.
They can be very obliging.
No, listen,
me and your fairies,
I promise you,
are going to get on a treat.
EMMA: That's Lady Ann Hurley
and that's her lost lover.
Well, it's very interesting.
Legend has it that
she made a secret pact
with the fairies.
She had infidelities,
you know.
-MILDRED: Several of them.
-Really?
EMMA: Shocking when
you consider
she was a married woman.
Well, that was
the pact she made
that the fairies
would make sure
that her husband
never discovered
that she had a whole string
of young lovers.
And do you know,
he never did.
Sounds like
she had it made to me.
What he did discover,
however,
was all their dead bodies
buried in the grounds.
Fairies do have a wicked sense
of humor, you know.
She was executed
for murder, of course.
Her last lover died
in terrible agony,
they do say.
Yes, but then fairies
are like that, aren't they,
Emma dear?
EMMA: [CHUCKLES]
Love to see
we humans suffer.
MILDRED: Perhaps
to keep them amused,
you know.
And that was the arrangement.
All her dead lovers
became their slaves.
Well, this is all
very interesting,
but let's have a look at that
window you want fixed.
Well, how was that?
That's so much better.
Thank you.
Well, I think it's time
I should be leaving now.
-Oh, yes.
-I mean, it's after 5:00.
Yes, but I'll get your money
for you.
You're not thinking
of robbing the place,
are you?
Gav?
Gavin?
Shut up.
-I'm switching the light out.
-[SWITCH CLICKS]
I'm thinking.
Are you?
[WHISPERING] Gav...
Where did they bury
the bodies then?
Are we going to rob this place
or do you want a guided tour?
Give me that torch.
Right, you get in there
and start in the silver.
We're going upstairs.
[CLOCK TICKING]
[CLOCK CHIMES]
[WHISPERING]
[CREAKING]
Shh.
What's that?
Nothing. Come on.
[CREAKING]
[CHANDELIER CLANKING]
FRANK: Fuck me.
Shh.
Get a rope...
-Frank?
-Yeah.
Doesn't matter.
-How's it going?
-Okay.
-Where's that rope?
-In the bag.
[GASPING] Shit.
You nearly gave me
a heart attack.
Sorry, Gav.
Gav?
What?
Come on.
[THUDS]
[GNOMES LAUGHING]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[CHOKING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[SIGHING]
God.
[GRUNTS]
Sorry, Gav.
We're going to have a rest.
Yeah, it's hard work
robbing houses.
[SIGHS]
Wonder where Tim's got to.
Wait here.
[CREAKING]
[SOFTLY] Tim.
Tim. Psst, Tim.
[HOOTING]
[CHIMES]
[HOOTING]
[SCREAMING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SCREAMING]
[CLATTER]
[WIND GUSHING]
[CLINKS]
[WIND GUSHING]
[FRANK GROANS]
[GROANING]
[GASPING]
Nice place you've got here.
Thank you, Mr. Cross, was it?
Our last gardener,
he, um, disappeared.
Yes, the police were
most perplexed.
Oops. Oh, really?
I told them before
not to come
into the house.
[TONGUE CLICKS]
This is one of our more
infamous ancestors.
And this was her last lover.
She made a contract
with the fairies
that they could have the souls
of her dead lovers as slaves.
Do you believe in fairies?
Do I believe in fairies?
[CHOCKING]
-What's that?
-It's nothing.
[PUPPET SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[CONTINUOUS SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PUPPET SINGING]