Sea Monsters (2017) Movie Script

[playful spooky music]
Hello there guys.
I'm Charlie Chapfin,
the funniest comedian
mutant monster fish
this ocean has ever seen.
Do I got a joke for you.
Here it comes.
What's a chicken, oh no, wait.
Why does a whale,
no, it's not a whale.
It's a jellyfish, yeah.
A jellyfish walks into a clam.
[audience booing]
Two sucker fish
walk into a byfield?
Oh slimy sea blob, I messed up.
Hey lampies and germs,
that was Charlie Chapfin.
Wasn't he, well,
well, something?
Well, he was
something, wasn't he?
Charlie, it's on,
they've announced it.
It's happening.
I can't believe it's
finally happening.
Floundering famine,
Charlie, you haven't heard?
It's really happening.
What are you
talking about, Mucus?
I guess you haven't heard.
If you had heard,
you would be totally
jumping out of your scales.
What is happening,
Mucus, what is it?
I don't think I can stand the
suspense for another moment.
OK, here it goes.
I heard from the seaweed that
they were going to announce
the funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
The what?
The funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
They're going to crown
the funniest monster
fish in the ocean.
No way!
It's happening two
weeks from now.
Two weeks?
Yeah, I know, right?
We hardly have any
time to prepare.
We have to practice,
we have to write new
material, we have to...
We have to win.
I'm not so worried
about you, Mucus.
You're the funniest
piece of slime on Shmirt.
You think so, Charlie?
Yeah, no slime, moss,
fungi, or mold spore
is funnier than you.
Well, it's my
father's side, you see.
They're a bunch of real
loud mucus filaments
from the sewage run off.
They can really find
the humor in anything.
My mom's side, on the
other hand, just a bunch
of real boring blubberfish.
Oh, blubberfish, yeah.
Not very funny.
I don't know, Charlie,
sometimes I'm not sure
I inherited that slime edge.
I mean, I can get a joke
started, but it goes
downhill from there,
just as if I kick off
full on slime funny, and
then slowly I taper down
to blubberfish blah.
You're funny, Mucus.
You got it.
You can make mutants
and fish laugh.
I don't know, Charlie.
This contest is not some
little local rotten fish dive
where I get to tell
my lines with a bunch
of ocean spores and
mold spots, this is big.
It's huge.
It's the big leagues.
I'll never stand a chance.
- Maybe you can...
- Oh, Mucus.
A group of crabs just gave
me a uniform claw down.
I don't think I'm ready, either.
Fish and mutants,
our next funny act
hails from the deep
oceans of Neptune Bay.
Everybody, a big round of
claw snaps and fin claps
for our inimitable, unmatched,
unparalleled, Jelly Fun.
Jelly Fun.
She's drop dead funny.
See, what did I tell you?
We're in deep waters.
We don't stand a chance
with Jelly Fun in the mix.
Mucus, Mucus.
She's so beautiful.
But she's the competition.
I know, it makes her
even more beautiful,
don't you find?
You know what, Charlie?
I think I'm in love.
Oh, Mucus.
You think Jelly Fun is funny?
Oh no, Brute.
My spores, the meanest
mutant bully in all of Shmirt.
I'll show you funny.
Check out my new act.
Observe and learn, my goofy
non funny mutant fish friends.
Lumpsuckers and sardines.
Coming up next is last year's
favorite funny sea creature,
Mutant Fish and Shmirt's
most eligible bachelor,
the one, and only Brute.
Thank you, thank you.
And for tonight's
performance, I will do
an impersonation of my good
friend Charlie Chapfin.
Two seared tuna steaks
walk into a clam.
No, wait, did I say tuna?
I meant salmon, or
maybe I meant sardine.
Or maybe is a...
Tuna salmon sardine.
With all these mutant fish
around, I get so confused.
Oh my fins.
This is so humiliating, Charlie.
Wasn't Brute awesome?
And now, mutants and
monster fish out there,
I have an announcement,
straight from
the Monster Comedy Club.
- Here it comes.
- I announce the funniest
monster fish in the sea contest.
Hear ye, hear ye.
To all funny creatures
of the sea of Shmirt.
This is your
opportunity to shine.
Your chance to show the
whole planet of Shmirt
that you are the
funniest creature of all.
It is time to make
it official, folks.
With the funniest monster
fish in the sea contest,
we will be crowning our supreme
funniest Shmirt creature
once and for all.
[playful music]
How do you suppose we
beat Jelly Fun and Bruce,
and they're not the only ones.
What about Pete
the Pancake Snark?
Speaking of the pancake.
Oh no, humiliation
never ceases.
Hey guys.
Hey Pancake Pete.
Hey, Pancake Pete.
You guys heard?
Yes, yes, we've heard.
You're participating, obviously.
Oh, guys, I'm not sure.
Whatever do you mean?
You're the funniest
pancake shark on Shmirt.
Yeah, no pancake,
waffle, or puff dried shark
is funnier than you.
Yeah, well, that
might be true, but...
- But?
- This contest
is not at some shark
and lamp ray dive
where I tell jokes to a couple
of low water electric eels.
- Momentous.
- Exactly.
How can I hope to compete?
I think I'm gonna go cry now.
See you guys later.
Poor Pancake Pete.
Poor us.
If Pancake Pete doesn't
think he's good enough,
the two of us are never
gonna stand a chance.
We need help.
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Depends on what
you're thinking.
What are we thinking?
The Maestro.
The Maestro.
I've heard he trained
hundreds of comedian monsters,
thespian mutants, and
ventriloquist fish,
all over the oceans of Shmirt.
I've heard he helped fashion
all sorts of sea creatures
into acclaimed, Shmirt
famous entertainers.
We have to find the Maestro.
But where?
Nobody's heard from him
in millions of years.
Some even say he's a legend.
Well, if he's a
legend, it's gonna be
even harder to find him.
Because he doesn't really exist.
Aw, shucks.
Blasting sea cucumbers,
that was loud, Porkenspiny.
You scared us half to death.
Yeah, for golly's sake.
Can you keep the
decibels down a little?
I guess he can't.
What did he say?
Ah, that was just as loud.
I meant in our language, Mucus.
Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad.
He's asking if we heard.
Yeah, we've heard.
Yeah, we've heard.
What did he say?
He wants to know if
we're getting ready for it.
Well, you see,
Porkenspiny, we very much
want to sign up, but we don't
think we have the chops.
Yeah, we think our only
chance is finding the Maestro.
Yeah, we know it's a great idea,
but we don't even
know if he's real.
Let alone where to find him.
What did he say?
He says he wants to
find the Maestro, too.
He says he wants
to win the contest.
What did he say?
He said we should
ask Mr. Sushi.
He will know where
to find the Maestro.
Mr. Sushi, of course.
He knows everything there
is to know about Shmirt.
He's the only one of us
that's even been outside.
Oh, yeah.
I heard the stories.
He was just a regular
old mutant salmon.
Just peacefully swimming
in the oceans of Shmirt
- until one day.
- He swallowed a fish.
That swallowed a fish.
That swallowed a fish.
That swallowed a fish.
That swallowed a fish.
That was then fished.
And taken to market.
And bought by Chef Mariyama.
And made into a sushi roll.
And served on a plate
of musculum greens.
That day, when Chef
Moryama wasn't looking...
He just rolled back
into the bay and escaped.
And that's how Mr. Sushi
knows just about everything.
Let's go see Mr. Sushi.
They're going in search
of the legendary Maestro?
If they learn to be funny,
they might hurt my chances
of winning the funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
I cannot let that
happen, I must stop them.
Mr. Sushi.
Mr. Sushi.
Ah, you kids have
given me a fright.
Sorry, Mr. Sushi,
but we need your help.
We totally need
your help, Mr. Sushi.
Well, what is it?
You have better some real
good reason to annoy me.
While attending to
my coral garden.
Oh, Mr. Sushi,
we didn't mean to...
Yeah, I mean, no, we
didn't mean to bother you.
Well, bother me you did.
We're sorry, Mr. Sushi.
How's your rice these
days, by the way?
Ah, my rice, eh?
Well, not so well, these days.
This ocean water,
it gets so soggy.
That's a drag, Mr. Sushi.
I have to go out of the
water and lie on a rock
in the sun for
hours to dry it off.
That sounds like a
mold spore of a pain.
I can't even begin to
tell you about the seagulls.
They won't leave me be.
They just peck at the
rice and the toppings
and the seaweed,
it's pure misery.
I'm sure it is, Mr.
Sushi, but we're here...
To ask for your help.
Oh, you kids just
cannot understand.
Wait until you get
made into sushi rolls.
You know?
It's not all bad.
Sometimes I get
in a raft or two.
Did I ever tell you
the time the seagulls
ate a piece of wasabi off
of the top of my head?
Yes, Mr. Sushi.
Yes, Mr. Sushi.
Let me tell you about it.
It was the summer
of the year 2001.
I remember very well
because it was the day
I had just celebrated
my second anniversary
of returning to the sea.
Oh boy.
I was sitting
on my usual rock.
Way up the cliff, over yonder.
And all of a sudden, out
of the blue, a big seagull
comes swooping down.
I held tight to my
rice, thinking that's
what he was aiming for.
- Instead.
- Oh.
He went right for the wasabi.
You should have seen his face.
It was red, like a sea coral.
I tell you, funniest
moment I ever did witness.
Speaking of funny.
Hmm, yes?
We were wondering if
you knew the whereabouts
of a certain sea creatures
known as the Maestro?
The Maestro.
You're asking about the Maestro?
Well, yes, you see, we...
They've just announced
the funniest monster fish
in the sea contest, and we...
We want to participate.
But we're afraid.
We're just not funny enough.
Even the beautiful
Jelly Fun can beat us.
Imagine if all the creatures
of the ocean participated.
Oh, they will participate.
This is probably the most
important contest ever held
in all of the 50 seas
of planet Shmirt.
Oh, Mr. Sushi, that does
not make me feel any better.
Take heart, my
little creatures.
Take heart.
You just need to
go see the Maestro.
He'll know what to do.
He trained hundreds in the
fine arts of entertainment.
Even my friend, Sunny the
Sturgeon, sharpened his
comedic chops with the Maestro.
Did I tell you about the time...
That's great, Mr. Sushi.
But do you know where
to find the Maestro?
I have no idea.
I don't even know
if he really exists.
Do you?
But you said.
What did I say?
I can't quite recollect.
You see, since those pelicans
nibbled on the fish eggs
on top of my head, I
can't quite seem to recall
a single thing that I say.
So, you're saying?
What was I saying?
You were saying,
what was he saying?
I have no idea.
Wait, is this a
comedy skit we're in?
Where Mr. Sushi
forgets what he's saying.
And then we all forget
what we were saying?
Oh, to be a comedy skit,
it would have to be funny.
- Is this funny?
- I don't know.
Oh my fins, if we don't
know if this skit is funny,
how are we ever going to win
the funniest monster fish
in the sea contest?
Mr. Sushi, you think it's funny.
We're funny, yay.
We're funny.
There is hope, after all.
I'm not laughing
because it's funny.
I'm laughing because
you guys are so funny
trying to be funny.
That, in my book, is comedy.
You are so totally clueless
on how to be funny,
that you are coming
across totally hysterical.
While not being
funny whatsoever.
You get it?
So you're saying we're funny?
Not at all.
Well, dang, that did take
the water out of my spores.
Mr. Sushi, you have to tell us
the whereabouts of the Maestro.
We really need help.
You do, indeed.
Well, then, do you know
where we can find him?
Oh, boy.
But you can always go
see Big Eddie Spaghetti.
If someone knows
comedy, it's Big Eddie.
- Really?
- Yeah.
He was just born funny looking.
He took care of the rest.
He might know where
to find the Maestro.
What a brilliant idea.
Well, thankfully, the pelicans
left a few eggs up there.
Thank you, Mr. Sushi.
Let's go.
Good luck, guys.
Oh, drat, I should
have warned them
about the deadly carnivorous
plant guarding the way
to Big Eddie's house.
Perhaps I ought to, oh.
What was I saying?
Ah, yes, my coral
garden needs trimming.
Why didn't we think of it?
Yeah, Big Eddie will know.
Big Eddie knows everything.
He's got his fins in
all sorts of stuff.
Well, he's got several to spare.
Do you guys know the one
about the mutant sea monster?
Which one?
The one about the sea
monster who, oh no, wait.
Was it a sea monster?
Oh, no, I think it was
more like a starfish.
Or was it a mutant sardine?
No, no, I think it
was a sea monster.
Here we go again.
Hey, there, Sushi.
It's Mr. Sushi to you, fella.
Why do you interrupt
my gardening?
Was wondering if three puny
little mutant monster fish
came by to see you.
What's it to you, guy?
See, they're good friends
of mine, and I'm supposed
to meet them, wherever
they're going.
You don't say.
You know where they're headed?
Why, yes, I sent
them there myself.
Well, where on Shmirt
did you send them?
Shh, Porkenspiny, we're
entering the mutant bay shortly.
I heard there are some
carnivorous plants around here.
Yeah, practice your
quiet voice, Porkenspiny.
Speaking of carnivorous plants,
did I ever tell you guys
the one about the pitcher plant?
Nope, but something
tells me you're about to.
A pitcher plant walks into
a dentist's office and says.
Hello, there, little ones.
Oh, no, it's...
How sagacious of
you, little ones.
Yes, indeed, my name is Lips.
And I'm the most
poisonous, ravenous, cranky
and downright evil
mutant carnivorous plant
in the whole wide sea.
Well, Mr. Lips, that's
some introduction.
Yeah, amazing.
You should try for the movies.
You don't say.
I should look into that,
after I devour you, of course.
Of course.
What are you fellas
made of, anywho?
I have an array
of food allergies
and a sensitive
digestive enzyme.
I've got to keep
an eye on my diet,
or I'll flare up.
I tried all sorts of diets.
Mediterranean, TLC,
volumetric, vegetarian,
the South Beach Diet,
the zone, and I still
keep flaring up.
You don't want
to eat us, then.
I guarantee we'd do a
number on your stomach.
I don't have a stomach.
I secrete digestive enzymes
in my large pitcher,
which in turn will dissolve
any creature, big or small,
who enters my lips.
In a matter of minutes.
But alas.
Like I was saying.
I keep flaring up.
It's a drag.
I have an idea.
You don't say.
Now, I'm not doctor, in
fact, I'm just half a slug
of swimming mutant mucus,
and half blubber fish,
but I fancy myself an
expert in obnoxious gases.
You do, now?
Yes, you see?
I find that when the
sensitive air gets trapped
in my mycelium,
I get gassy, too.
It's just awful.
Well, have you ever
tried holding your breath,
and then letting out
the biggest burp ever?
It just clears out my
mycelium like no other.
Interesting theory.
I think I'm gonna give it
a try, if you don't mind.
Not at all.
I'll join you, if I may.
You know what?
I feel better already.
Oh, slimy some.
Now I can eat you.
Oh, drat.
Get in line, so I can
slurp you up one by one.
You little goofy thing,
will be my appetizer.
The ugly slimy thingy next to
you will be my main course.
Hey, who are
you calling slimy?
And the other whatchamathingy?
You can be my dessert.
Great going, Mucus,
now we're plant chow.
I was just trying to help.
You did.
Now get on with it.
I'm suddenly starving.
What about a joke, instead?
A joke?
What would I do with a joke?
You can't eat a joke.
Yes, but haven't
you heard it said
that laughter is
the best medicine?
Very well.
In exchange for a good joke,
I'll let you little
creatures go.
But only if you
can make me laugh.
If you can't.
If we can't.
You're plant chow.
Great going, Charlie,
we're fish fry.
We just have to
be funny, Mucus.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm the funny funniest
super funny mutant monster
fish comedian Charlie Chapfin,
and I'm here to tell
you a funny joke.
Oh, boy, we're fishsticks.
A joke about...
A pig?
Not a pig, more like, hmm.
Mutant rhino?
Yes, a clam walks
into a doctor's office.
The doctor goes, "Hey, clam,
why do you look so pale?"
And the clam says, "I'm here
to get a lightbulb screwed in."
And the dentist goes, "Hey,
clam, why do you look so pale?"
And the clam says, "I'm here
to get a lightbulb screwed in."
- And the dentist says...
- Oh, boy.
And the dentist.
The dentist?
The dentists says, "You
seem a bit clammy."
Get it?
OK, I'm gonna eat you.
No, Lips, wait.
I'm a little rusty,
but I can be funny.
I really can.
Let me try.
I'm Mucus, I live on a
rock by the sewage runoff,
and I can swim, slide, and burp.
I'm the funniest piece of
stinky slime you'll ever meet.
Have you ever heard the one
about the three legged seahorse?
We're seafood, Pancake.
This is humiliating, Charlie.
This is crashing, Mucus.
We've got to find Big Eddie.
Yeah, we got to
find Big Eddie.
Time is short.
Let's go, guys.
Real quiet like.
Yeah, real quiet like.
Hey, where are you going?
You said that if
we made you laugh,
you'd let us go.
I did say that,
but after your
lackluster performances,
I feel it's my duty to eat you.
I cannot allow you to torture
any more unsuspecting audiences.
It's just not right.
No, wait, I promise you,
we'll get funnier, we will.
Yeah, we're on our way
to see Big Eddie Spaghetti.
That bore?
Whatever for?
He's gonna point us to our
only hope to win the contest.
Who would that be?
The Maestro.
Did you say
the Maestro?
Do you know him?
Sure, I do.
We used to share a rent controlled
barnacle in the suburbs
about 10,000,000
Shmirt years ago.
Of course, we were
just larva, then.
Do you know where
we can find him?
- Oh.
- Oh.
When he got too big for
the barnacle, he moved
to the big sea city.
Bright lights,
fame, all of that.
Too good for a potted
carnivorous sea urtacuralarea
mutantus like myself, I suppose.
But what did he
do in the sea city?
I hear he made it
big as a party singer.
Gig weddings, bar mitzvahs,
live shows on cruise ships.
The works.
The fame.
Sounds like our kind of guy.
He's the Maestro.
The best of the best.
If you do find him,
tell him Lips says hi.
And that I want the barnacle
rent money he still owes me.
When's the last time we
had a bite to eat, Charlie?
Seems like forever.
You know what I'd die for?
- What?
- Mutant spores.
Mutant spores?
They're so delicious.
They taste like
strawberry cotton candy.
I can't wait to go back
to the sewage runoff,
there's tons of
mutant spores there.
Those are the best ones.
Yeah, my fungi
relatives get together
on Saturday mornings, bring
the kids, and just slurp up
the mutant spores all day long.
Where do you think
mutant spores come from?
[whimsical music]
'Twas the year,
minus 10,000,007,
when a radioactive meteor
crashed into the sea of Shmirt.
Since then, mutant spores
abound in our waters.
Who goes there?
They call me Tony Longknees.
But you can call me
Tony Flatface Longknees
Twoscales Macadoo.
Well, hello, Mr. Tony Flatface
Longknees Twoscales Macadoo.
Hello to you.
Heard you talk
about mutant spores.
Our favorite snack.
Mine, as well.
Say, I've never seen you
guys around these parts.
You mutants or fish or what?
I'm a mutant monster fish.
Might not look it
yet, but I'm growing
my first monster tooth, see?
And you?
I'm half mucus filament
from the city runoff,
and half blubberfish.
Ah, mucus filament.
They're some funny
bunch, those guys.
Blubberfish, not so much.
What are you guys doing
in these waters, anyhoot?
We're headed to
find Big Eddie.
He might know the
whereabouts of the Maestro.
The Maestro, you say.
- You know him?
- Of course.
We ran together back in our
young and wholly larva days.
Ah, the good times we had.
Racing minnows in the bay.
Riding tuna schools
in the open sea.
But, alas, the Maestro
moved on to the ocean city.
But I heard he started
a theater company.
He was still a
larva when he directed
- the undersea production of the Taming of the Sardine.
- Whoa.
After that, it was
one hit after another.
Henry the Eightfish
ran for 3,000 years
at the underwater fish festival.
Much Ado about Mackerel
got a five star fish review
on Rotten Fish Guts.
Yes, indeed.
The Maestro's as big
as you're gonna get
in the entertainment
world of the sea.
Why you fellas looking for him?
- We want to enter...
- The funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
And win.
We hope the Maestro can
help us on our skills.
Make us stage ready.
Well, if there's one creature
in the whole sea of Shmirt
that can help you, that
would be the Maestro.
Cool, sea cucumbers.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go find Big Eddie
and hear what he knows.
Yeah, Mr. Tony Flatface
Longknees Twoscales Macadoo.
Good luck finding
the Maestro, kids.
Good luck.
[whimsical music]
I think I see
Big Eddie's rock.
Say, how can anyone
live under that rock?
There's hardly any space.
They call him Big Eddie
Spaghetti for a reason.
He can get inside
the tiniest crevices.
Doesn't he get stuck?
Of course, all the time.
Last time, he had to
call a whole team of rock
demolition crabs, took them
seven years to get him out.
Yeah, had to live off
mutant spores and clam juice
until they got to him.
No way.
Lost a fin, too.
But he grew two right back.
Hey, there he is.
Hey, Big Eddie.
Oh, hello, fellows.
What good ocean current
brings you down these parts?
It's about the funniest
monster fish in the sea contest.
Oh, yes, the contest, I heard.
It was about time the
sea of Shmirt organized
a comedy contest, so much
talent in these waters.
Yes, right.
- Well, you see...
- We want to participate.
But we want to get
real good, first.
That makes a lot of sense.
- And we thought...
- Yeah, we thought
the Maestro could help us.
The Maestro?
But, but, but, but,
but, that's impossible.
- Why?
- Because after his
lost Broadbay show,
A Starfish Named Desire,
was badly received,
he's gone into hiding
in the Terror Cove.
The Terror Cove?
Yeah, dark and scary place.
Deep, deep down the bottom
of the deepest ocean.
And deeper than that.
So deep, in fact,
there's only one fish
that can find its way
around down there.
Who's that?
Pepperhead Firefly.
Pepperhead Firefly?
Yeah, Pepperhead Firefly?
She can find her way
into the murkiest waters.
Will she take us
to the Terror Cove?
No way.
Anyone who dares venture
into the Terror Cove
has never been heard from again.
Including the Maestro.
I hear he surrounded
himself with a gang
of scary mutant thugs,
who guard every
inch of the cove,
and let nobody through.
Oh my scales, we'll
never get funny enough
in time for the contest.
All right, all
right, stop crying.
I'll tell you where to
find Pepperhead Firefly.
She might agree to guide
you to Terror Cove.
I wouldn't count on
it, but she just might.
Not so fast, fellas.
If you want to find
Pepperhead Firefly,
you have to travel deep,
deeper, and ever so deepest,
to the center of the
underwater burping crevice.
And into the fog sea bog.
There she dwells.
My sweet fins,
the burping crevice.
I wonder what it's like.
I've heard stories.
What kind of stories?
The burping crevice's
fiery monstrosity,
oozing with fluorescent lava,
emitting lightning and thunder.
I heard Patty the
Pernicious Percula visited
the burping crevice once
to roast some marshmallows,
and she never came back.
Here she blows.
Oh, that doesn't
look too scary.
Charlie, if we go in there,
we'll come out fish sticks.
We have to go, Mucus.
I wouldn't go down
there if I was you.
Who goes there?
It's me, Flattooth McGee.
Mutant spelunking enthusiast.
Who might you be?
I'm Charlie Chapfin, comedian
and little mutant monster.
And this here is Mucus.
Blubberfish and mucus filament.
And this is Porkenspiny.
We're from the other side
of the sea of Shmirt.
Amazing. And what brings
you to these parts?
We're looking for the Maestro.
The Maestro?
Yeah. But we need the help of
Pepperhead Firefly to find him.
We hear he's hiding
in Terror Cove.
Yes, Pepperhead Firefly, a
good spelunking buddy of mine.
Couldn't find my way down
those dark underwater caves
without her to guide me.
You think she'll help us
find our way down
the burping crevice?
She's a little hotheaded,
but can be very nice,
if she takes a shining to you.
In order to see her,
you have to go down
to the bottom of the
crevice, where she dwells.
No way I'm going
down that crevice.
I don't want to turn
into fish sticks.
But we must, just like
we must step on that stage,
even when we know our
jokes are gonna fall flat,
and we'll be pummeled
with rotten sea cucumbers.
Yet, we go.
Just so, we must brave
the depth of the crevice
to find the Maestro.
- Not buying it.
- Mucus, we have to go.
Our future as comedians
depends on it.
All right, fine.
I just don't know how
funny I'm gonna be
once I turn into a Cajun
style blackened blubberfish.
- Funnier than you are now.
- Good point.
[ominous music]
Hey, there, Eddie.
I'm looking for three
shrimpy mutant monster fish.
Have you seen them?
Yeah, they're headed
out to Terror Cove.
You don't say.
But I wouldn't be foolish
enough to follow them
down that burping crevice.
If you know what's good for you.
I'm gonna have to
see that for myself.
Good day.
[ominous music]
Whoa, we made it.
Where are we?
I can't see an
inch from my nose.
Wait, I can't even see my nose.
Did I lose my nose, Charlie?
I can't see it, do you see it?
Is my nose still on my face?
Don't panic, Mucus.
You never had a nose.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Nevermind, it's all
accounted for, then.
This must be the fog sea bog.
How are we gonna find
Pepperhead Firefly down here?
We're just gonna
have to wait for...
Pepperhead Firefly?
Who wants to know?
I'm Charlie Chapfin,
and these are my friends.
We need a guide to find
our way to the Terror Cove.
Terror Cove is very dangerous.
Why would I want
to take you there?
Because you're a
kindhearted mutant fish?
I may be kind,
but I'm not a dummy.
No way I'm going nowhere
near terror cove.
Haven't you heard the stories?
Nobody whoever goes down
there ever comes back.
Say, why do you want to
go down there so bad?
We're looking for the Maestro.
Yeah, we want him to teach
us how to be the greatest
comics in the sea of Shmirt.
We want to win
the funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
A comedy contest?
- Yeah.
- Oh boy.
I love comedy.
Oh, no, really.
I always wanted to be
a comedian, myself.
But there isn't a
lot of fish down here
who could listen to my jokes.
How did you end up
down here, anyway?
I was born a teeny
little mutant larva
near the surface of the sea.
Slowly, my instincts
drove me deeper and deeper
down the ocean,
until I arrived here.
I never really asked why.
It just seemed the
right thing to do.
But now I do feel
lonely sometimes.
Wish I had somebody to talk to.
Well, here we are.
Indeed, you are.
Now I can tell you
some of my jokes, yay.
Do you know the one about
the sea turtle that,
no, wait, I think
it's an octopus.
Are you talking about the
ambidextrous octopus one?
Yeah, that's it.
Or was it?
I think it was, maybe
it was a sea turtle.
Oh, boy, here we go again.
It's definitely an
ambidextrous octopus.
Really, OK, then.
Here we go.
An ambidextrous octopus
walks into a shirt store.
He says...
"Do you have
anything in my size?"
And the store clerk goes...
He goes, "I have," no, wait.
- He says...
- He goes, "Yeah, I have."
- I have.
- I have seven shirts
- in your size and...
- Or was it a pair of gloves?
A pair of gloves
or swimming trunks?
Guys, may I remind
you that mucus filaments
have a lifespan of
only 10,000,000 years?
I would like to go to Terror
Cove before I dissolve
into mutant moldy goo.
Yeah, yes, of course.
I, well, Miss
Pepperhead Firefly?
It was so nice meeting
you, but we have to go
find the Maestro, now.
Well, I have to say, I
haven't had this much fun
in a long time, being
I'm always down here
in the fog sea bog.
Even with all the cherry
ice cream flavored
mutant spores, it
does get boring.
What about I come and
meet the Maestro, too?
Cool sea cucumbers.
You think he could teach
me how to be funny, too?
Sure clams.
I always wanted to get
out of the fog sea bog.
Sounds like a deal.
I want to try out for
the funniest comedian
in the monster
ocean contest, too.
You're very
welcome to join us.
And one more thing.
- What is it?
- Will you be my friends?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Then what are we waiting for?
Let's go.
[whimsical music]
I wouldn't go down
there, if I was you.
It's already digested
three little fellas today.
You'd need a fourth if you
were foolish enough to enter.
You saw them go down there?
- I have.
- Well, then.
I shouldn't worry
about them anymore.
There's no way they'll ever
get out of there alive.
Now, time to prepare to
win the funniest comedian
in the monster ocean contest.
You sure we're going
the right direction
to the Terror Cove, Pepperhead?
Sure, I'm sure.
I can see my way through
this fog bog real easy.
I could find anything down here.
No problem.
It's easy.
All you have to do is
live down in the fog bog
for 10,000,000 years.
Can't imagine living down
here for 10,000,000 years.
It does get boring sometimes.
But I learned to
be happy on my own.
I play a lot of games.
Like what?
Well, I chase mutant spores.
And I play hide and go seek.
Who do you play with?
Myself, of course.
How do you do that,
Miss Pepperhead?
See, first I hide
in a fog real good.
Then, I start running
around in circles
until I forget
where I was hiding.
And when I do, I
go look for myself.
Spiny lumpsuckers,
that sounds super clever.
You're a smart mutant
fish, Miss Pepperhead.
Necessity is the
mother of all inventions.
When all you have is a sea of
fog, you gotta get creative.
Well said.
I think we're here.
This is where
Terror Cove begins.
Stay close, guys.
You never know what you
might encounter down here.
I wonder where the Maestro is.
The Maestro won't see anybody.
So you better turn right
around and leave Terror Cove.
If you know what's good for you.
But, but.
Yeah, but, but.
No buts, barnacles
or belugas.
- You leave now, or I...
- Or?
Or I'll be forced
to devour you.
Listen, here, you nasty
little toothy thing.
What did you call me?
Oh, I think you heard me.
I called you a nasty
little toothy thing.
So sue me.
Miss Pepperhead, no.
Don't get him mad.
He looks like he can devour
you in a single gulp.
I will, too.
Listen up, you
goofy toothy thing.
These friends of mine have
traveled across the ocean
of Shmirt, down the
burping crevice,
through the fog sea bog, all
the way to the Terror Cove,
just to see the Maestro,
and we're not leaving
until we talk to him.
You shall not see the Maestro.
Why ever not?
He's writing a comedy
of errors and needs peace.
Strict orders are to
keep everyone away.
So, away with you.
The Maestro is writing?
That's amazing.
I wonder what he's writing.
None of your
sea wax, now shoo.
Or I'll be forced to devour
you once and for all.
Oh, enough with you.
We're here to see the Maestro,
and the Maestro we will see.
Make way.
I have warned you.
Now I shall eat you, one by one.
- Wait.
- Maestro?
[Maestro] I've been here
long enough and I'm bored,
so I will let them enter
Terror Cove and see me.
But under one condition.
- What condition is that?
- You have to make me laugh.
- It's a deal.
- But if you fail.
- If we fail?
- I'll have you thrown
into the burping crevice,
while it's burping.
You got it, Maestro.
What, no wait.
We can't do this.
Yeah, I don't think that's
such a hot idea,
Miss Pepperhead.
- Why ever not?
- If we could make
mutant fish laugh,
we wouldn't be here
to ask the Maestro to help
us make mutant fish laugh.
Huh, you do have a
point there, Charlie.
See, so we better
leave right now
before we end up fish sticks.
Pepperhead Firefly never
backs down from anything.
If laughs is what he wants,
laughs is what he gets.
What do you say, Charlie?
Better get the batter ready.
- Next.
- You're next, Mucus.
- Why me?
- Well, you're funny looking.
That gives you an edge.
Oh, cool, I go next.
Wait just a minute.
Did you call me funny looking?
We can only hope
you're as funny
as you're funny looking, Mucus.
Our lives depend on it.
Oh, boy.
Fins crossed.
How do you stick a whale
inside a refrigerator?
You open the door
and stick him in.
- Next.
- Go on, Charlie.
Your turn.
- Must I?
- You do.
And don't worry about it.
You'll be great.
Oh, boy, I can already
hear the crevice burping.
How do you stick a giant
squid in the refrigerator?
You have to take out the
soda bottle, first, see?
Then you stick the, no, wait.
You take out the giant
squid, then you put
the refrigerator,
oh, wait, you...
- Next.
- Oh, it's me, it's me.
I'm next.
Fish sticks, who
would have thought
we'd end up fish sticks?
Oh, Charlie, I don't
even like fish sticks.
I'm a vegetarian mucus.
Mucus hold me.
What do you do with
a green mackerel?
You wait until it ripens.
I love you, Mucus.
It was great
knowing you, Charlie.
- A good one.
- She did it.
- She made the Maestro laugh.
- And so she did.
How did you do
it, Miss Pepperhead?
I watch you guys
tell your jokes,
they didn't get any laughs.
So I did the opposite
of whatever you did.
I guess I figured the
opposite of not funny
had to be funny.
[Maestro] Good, little one.
You already think like
a funny mutant fish.
You, on the other hand.
You, well.
You need work.
- But Maestro, where are you?
- I haven't shown my face
to the world in a million years.
You, too, shan't see me, ever.
- But why?
- Because, the world
cannot bear the
sight of my figure.
I have made the worst
reviewed play ever.
A Starfish Named Desire.
I was so humiliated, I
decided never to show my face
to the world again.
But Maestro, we don't
think you're a failure.
Yeah, we think you're a hero.
[Maestro] A hero, what?
Yeah, we came all the
way down here to see you
because you're the best entertainer
in the whole of Shmirt.
- You really mean that?
- Sure clams.
[Maestro] Well, if
you really mean that,
I shall reveal myself.
[triumphant music]
- Maestro.
- Maestro.
In the scales.
Will you help us, then?
Help you with what?
We want to get funny, Maestro.
Yeah, real funny.
So we can win the funniest
monster fish in the sea contest.
A contest, huh?
Yeah, will you train us?
Hmm, you do realize that
with comedy comes
great responsibility.
And with great
responsibility come...
Great comedy?
- Exactly.
- We're ready.
Then, we'll start.
I'm ready to get
my funny on, Maestro.
Charlie, I am about to reveal
to you the secret of comedy.
I'm all internal
ears, Maestro.
What you do is find whatever
it is you take seriously,
and you make fun of it, get it?
I think I got it.
OK, Charlie, give it a shot.
Hello there, I'm Charlie,
and I want to be a comedian.
But when I try to be
funny, nobody laughs.
So I stopped trying.
The moment I stopped trying,
everybody started laughing at me.
A good one.
Great going, Charlie,
that was comedy gold.
Mucus, tell me a joke
about where you grew up
in the city run off.
I grew up in the city run off,
amongst the sewage waters of,
and what's really funny
about that is, hmm.
I know there's something
really funny about that,
I just can't put
my filament on it.
Eh, Mucus, if I had a
frying pan, I would pan you
and then deep fry you.
Oh my blubber.
You've got to get a hold
of those nerves, Mucus,
or you'll never amount
to anything on the stage.
Yes, Maestro.
Tell me, Mucus, what
are you nervous about?
Well, everybody's
looking at me.
Where do you want them to look?
If they don't pay
attention to you,
how in the whole wide ocean
can you make them laugh?
Oh, right.
The best thing for
you to do, Mucus,
is to turn it around
and picture the audience
without scales, shells,
or bony plates on.
They will never make
you nervous again.
What's so funny?
You guys look really goofy
without your scales on.
Stop picturing me
without my scales.
This is so embarrassing.
I think you're ready to tackle
your first real joke, Mucus.
So, I grew up in
the city run off.
Don't believe me, hey,
smell my underfins.
Oh, that's funny.
My slimy spores, I can't
believe I made you laugh.
Give me a little more
punch on the Porkspiney.
You guys hear the one
about the monster clam
and the electric mackerel?
A monster clam walks
into, oh, no, wait.
An electric mackerel
crosses the coral reef.
No, wait.
Charlie, you must
remember two things
about telling a proper joke.
Number one, setup.
Number two, punchline.
You must have both
working together.
A setup without a punchline
is like a dog fish
with a pretty face.
It just doesn't work.
A punchline without
a setup is no better.
Got it.
Quick, Charlie.
Give me the setup.
OK, what do you
get from an angry
big toothed mutant shark?
Now, deliver the
punchline, Charlie.
With gusto.
As far away as possible.
That's great, Charlie.
I believe you little ones
are ready for the limelight.
You really
believe so, Maestro?
Yes, I do.
Under my guidance,
you have now learned
all the tricks of being
a funny mutant fish.
What about you, Maestro?
Are you going to stay down
here in Terror Cove forever?
No, I have decided to
reenter public life again.
I shall bring my one
man show to the world.
My Fair Fins, the musical,
is finally complete.
It will be my Broadway comeback.
World, get ready
for the Maestro.
- Yay.
- Yay.
No, you go and
win that contest.
Lamp rays and rock fish.
Welcome to the first ever
funniest monster fish
in the sea contest.
To all you Shmirt creatures
in and out of the oceans,
turn on your TVs, and
tune in to the biggest
comedy show you've
ever experienced.
Some of the funniest monsters,
mutants, and fish forms
all over Shmirt.
Here to entertain you.
So, let's get the
show on the road.
We're here.
We're about to compete in
the first funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
It's the biggest
performance of our lives.
I can barely hold onto my slime.
How did they get here?
How did they survive
the burping crevice?
Did they get to see the Maestro?
Did they learn
funny comedy tricks?
I can't let them win.
I just can't.
Before we bring out our
first comedian, let's test
our laugh o meter.
Whoever's joke score the
highest will win the contest.
Give me some laughs.
And now, we welcome to the
stage our first comedian,
a very talented
young monster fish
with a bright future in comedy.
I'm sure you're gonna love him.
Bring your fins and your
claws together for Brute.
Mutant sea cumber, cucumber,
walks into a, into a...
Hmm, wait, wait,
wait, I know this.
Wait, you can't boo me.
Don't you know who I am?
I'm the funniest mutant fish
in all the ocean of Shmirt.
How dare you boo me, I'm funny.
Oh, boy, I hope I
don't bomb like that.
You'll do fine, Mucus.
You trained with the best.
And now, coming to the stage
is a funny piece of slime.
His name is Mucus.
And you're gonna love him.
Why did the dinosaur
cross the road?
Because chickens
didn't evolve yet.
Great job, Mucus.
Next up is a funny
mutant lady fish.
Her name is Pepperhead Firefly.
She hasn't been out
for the sea fog bog
in 10,000,000 years,
but she's here tonight
to make you laugh.
You're gonna love her.
Put your fins and
pinchers together
for Miss Pepperhead Firefly.
Where do you find a
lobster with no legs?
Exactly where you left him.
She's amazing.
I think I'm in love.
Coming up again is the
very funny and very loud
Enjoy the show.
That was awesome, Porkenspiny.
You're up next, Charlie.
Are you nervous?
What's there to
be nervous about?
It's just the biggest
moment of my life.
You go get 'em, Charlie.
Show 'em what
funny is all about.
And now, coming to the stage
is the very funny
Charlie Chapfin.
A big round of applause
for Charlie, please.
Hello, there, guys,
I'm Charlie Chapfin.
Do I got a joke for you.
What do you call a guppy
with a whale on his head?
Great job,
Charlie, you got 'em.
Well, lion fish
and mutant groupers.
It's official.
We've got the winner
of our first funniest
monster fish in the sea contest.
And the winner is,
Mucus, Porkenspiny, Miss
Pepperhead, and Charlie Chapfin.
By unanimous laugh-o-meter
vote, they all share
the title funniest
monster fish in the sea.
Congratulations, you guys.
Floundering salmon, we did it.
We won the funniest monster
fish in the sea contest.
And we did it together.
- And now what?
- Yeah, and now what?
Well, there's a whole
wide ocean with many more
contests to win, and I
think we can win 'em all.
What do you say?
Let's make them all laugh.
Let's make 'em all laugh.
[All] Woo hoo.
[whimsical music]