Sea of Time (2022) Movie Script
SEA OF TIME
Jojo?
- Is there any wind?
- No.
I could pass some?
Hey monster man, are you awake?
Come here.
Mind the coffee.
Look at that.
And press 'pause' now.
This, for ever.
So, we start with the 'ta-da-da-da'.
That lift. You need to time that.
The music needs to be softer.
From the fourth measure.
Or I can't hear them. Take it away.
When you put her down
and start rolling...
You should work from an impulse.
A thought.
No vibrato. Steady voice.
Look and listen to each other.
You are one.
You four are telling this story together.
Understand?
So keep contact. Yes?
Can we have the lights off, please?
I don't know what I'm looking at.
Let me check.
Can we take a break?
No breaks. Just carry on now.
Geez, guys.
- They've been at it for hours.
- Just like me. Stay concentrated.
All right. Three, two, one...
Jesus Christ. Don't cross
in front of the beamer.
- Goddammit.
- I'll go.
God almighty.
Diane, wait. I'll go.
I'll do it myself.
If it isn't Johanna.
Something bothering you?
You have no right. And you know it.
Coming.
I don't get it.
How can you even contemplate it?
These are my coordinates.
I'll be home all night.
Maybe we should talk about this.
Start at one.
- One. Two.
- Right.
Three.
Four, five, six, seven.
- No, Kai. What comes after seven?
- Oh, right. Eight.
Two, three, four.
And same here.
One, two, and three. You try.
Go on.
That's right.
A little bit more. That's it.
A little bit more.
That's it.
So that's how he talks?
- Like so? With your hands.
- Yes.
Gently.
Reel it in slowly. Not too fast.
Gently. Gently now.
- Reel it in. Well done.
- It's a mackerel.
Wait, wait.
Hey, Kai.
Hey, toreador.
Hi, Milady.
Hello, Sir.
So, do something.
Three, two, one.
And... action.
Lucas.
Lucas.
Kai...
Shame.
I'll just go back to my art film.
- Bye, Milady.
- Goodbye, Sir.
Dad...
Empty.
- Is he with you?
- What?
- Where's Kai? I don't see him.
- Must be below deck.
Kai?
Well?
Not in the toilet.
Uh oh, where might Kai be?
Oh no, I'll have to eat him again.
Boo.
- Are you under here?
- Or...
Here?
- Where are you hiding?
- Where could he be?
I'm coming to get you, naughty boy.
- Kai?
- You all right, Kai?
Kai, give us a squeak?
Kai, I want you to come out now.
This is not funny.
We're done.
- Kai?
- Kai, where are you?
Where's the catamaran?
What?
The catamaran is gone.
Kai?
Do you see him?
Dammit.
No.
The buoys.
- Luc.
- The engine.
And?
I don't see him.
Mayday, mayday. This is De Swaene.
Mayday, mayday.
- We're out of reach.
- Kai.
Do you think he climbed over?
- Over the net?
- He wouldn't. He knows.
Maybe he wanted
to try out his catamaran.
- Did it have a rope?
- Kai.
- Did the catamaran have a rope?
- Kai.
- Hon, did it have a rope?
- No.
Or maybe it did. I don't know.
Did you see anything?
You were in the stern.
What did I see? I sat there and...
I sat there...
Like this.
I sat there, like this. But I was busy.
I was busy, because I knew
he was there. With his catamaran.
I wasn't looking.
I thought you were. You were there.
I was here. I was doing stuff, too.
And he was sitting there. I saw.
- You were there filming.
- Not at that time.
Kai.
It's getting dark.
What are you doing?
Kai.
Let me go, let me go.
I want to be with him. Please.
Don't do this. Don't.
- Please let me go.
- Don't. Please don't.
Stay here.
Stay here.
Kai.
Did you see anything?
No.
Jojo?
What do we do?
Back to the Azores?
Four days. With this wind.
What about Kai?
I...
I'll make some coffee.
Jojo?
Jojo?
You have to get out of the sun.
Kai.
Kai.
We're not going to find him.
I say.
Yeah.
- Is it all gone?
- It was a long journey.
We were on our way back.
I'll get you an extension.
I've dealt with this before.
Thanks.
- Do you need money?
- No, I've found a job.
- In the theatre?
- No, in demolition.
Here in town.
- Are you moving back to Amsterdam?
- I'm commuting.
- So she'll be alone all day?
- My mother checks in on her.
- I can check in, too.
- Marcia...
She doesn't want to see anyone.
Why are you talking about taxes?
Sorry.
Kai.
Kai.
Jo?
Where were you?
I'm here.
Where were you?
Jo?
I thought I saw him.
I couldn't find him.
We left too soon.
We shouldn't have...
We should have...
He's waiting for us.
He's waiting.
Oh God, he's scared.
He's alone.
- He's just a child. A child.
- Calm down.
He's scared.
We left him alone.
- We took him on that journey.
- No. Stop it.
Breathe.
Through your nose. Your nose.
Through your nose.
Mummy...
Kai.
Kai.
Johanna.
I took her to see Dingeman.
He gave her pills.
One a day, before bedtime.
- What should I do?
- Wait what those pills will do.
Don't let it go to waste.
Hey.
How long did I sleep?
Six or seven hours.
It's like I'm living in reverse.
I can't catch up with him.
The distance is too great.
Hey, come here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Doesn't it wear you out?
It does.
What is it?
Jo?
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
For a walk.
I couldn't sleep.
In the middle of the night?
I couldn't breathe.
Fine. I'll walk with you.
Come on, then. Let's walk.
Next time you want to go for a walk,
you ask me to come with you.
We'll walk together.
That's the deal.
- The pain is just...
- I know.
- Hey, dickhead.
- Sorry.
- Something wrong with your eyes?
- I said sorry, didn't I?
- Calm down, man.
- I said sorry.
- Calm down.
- Hey. Bugger off, you.
Dickhead.
Jo?
Jo?
What's that?
Some films. I had them developed.
You take those pills at night.
Not during the day.
You were supposed to cook today.
I will.
Did you go shopping?
I didn't know I'd sleep this long.
- Take it off and come to bed. Please.
- I can't.
- Out of my way.
- Jo. Please.
Where is he?
- Where's my child?
- Stop this.
Stop. I don't sleep.
What do you want me to do?
The way you carry on.
Should I lock the door?
- Carry on?
- Go do something.
Something else, I don't know.
Like me. Just do something.
- How do you mean?
- He's not out there.
He's nowhere. Stop doing this.
He was a lovely child. The most
wonderful child in the whole world.
But he's dead.
He's dead. Dead.
Gone. Done.
Water under the bridge. Dead.
He's dead. Dead.
He's dead.
It's better for Lucas.
Bye, girlie.
So...
It's Amsterdam for the time being.
You do what's best.
What will she do in the city?
Where is our bed?
Who did this?
- I thought... I wanted...
- Did you do this?
I thought it might help.
How could you do this?
- How could you do this?
- Stop it. Stop.
- And Kai's pictures? Did you bin them?
- No, everything's stored in the attic.
- Where?
- Jesus. In the attic.
- You junked it.
- Stop it.
- Sorry. I thought it be best.
- For whom?
Piss off.
Kai might like
that we sleep in his room.
- Will she stay for dinner?
- I hope so.
Will Lucas come, too?
I have no idea.
- Shall I make macaroni?
- You do that.
I can't go on, Mum.
Hey, sweetheart.
You need help.
Is he angry?
We...
We didn't...
He's not angry.
He lives in another world.
He hears you.
He sees you.
He loves you.
He's with you.
I keep seeing him.
And I keep thinking he's waiting for me.
No.
You're waiting for him.
With all that crying
you're holding him back.
But really, he's doing fine.
You can let him go.
I have to let him go.
However hard it may be.
It's better for him.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- Do you think it's dumb?
- No, but...
Never mind.
- I really think she can help us.
- Us?
I'm not going to see her.
- Why won't you try?
- It's bullshit.
'Kai lives in another world.
He hears you, he sees you.' Bollocks.
Who does she think she is?
She says that to find yourself, you will
have to embark on an inner journey.
I think she's right.
- And she's going to help you with that?
- Yes.
- I'm sorry. I hate people like that.
- Hate?
I don't trust them.
And I hate that you're talking to others
about Kai.
That belongs to us.
It's nobody's business.
It's yours and mine.
And Kai's.
And nobody else's.
Hey.
- Sorry.
- Hey.
I've missed you so badly.
And I you.
I...
I can't hold back.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
It's been too long.
No. No. Stay.
What's this?
Well...
I thought...
No.
You should do this more.
- What did you think?
- Let's eat first.
That's been a while.
Careful. It may be hot.
I've been thinking about a child.
A new life.
That might help us.
A child?
A new child.
It will give us back our lives.
- And Kai will find peace.
- Wait. Hang on.
I don't understand.
Are we talking about
another child now?
You still want children, right?
Jesus Christ.
I...
It doesn't bear thinking about.
How can you be thinking
about this now?
Sorry.
I shouldn't have sprung this on you.
A child? And then what?
- Imagine that...
- That won't happen.
It's mostly fine.
I don't want another child.
- Not now? Or not ever?
- I don't want to think about it.
- Why not?
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Don't you think it might help us?
- I don't want another child.
- I hear you.
- Subject closed.
What about me?
Do I even matter?
What? You mean everything.
Crazy girl. You're the love of my life.
You know that.
Hey. You know that, right?
You know that, right?
You know that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're mine.
Let's not talk about this anymore.
Okay?
Don't go there again.
Another child...
It would break me.
Yeah.
- Lucas?
- Sorry. I thought you were asleep.
What is it?
Honey? I'll be late.
- Shall I make you sandwiches?
- No need. You stay in bed.
I'll see you tonight.
Jo?
- Hey, dear.
- Where is she?
- Sit down. Did you get the letter?
- Yes, I did.
'Don't look for me. It's better this way.'
That was all. What does it mean?
Where is she? What should I do?
She might be dead.
- It's not what you think.
- Don't worry. Just sit down.
- Is she here?
- No.
Then where? What do you know?
- She was here this morning.
- Oh? Why? What did she say?
- We promised not to tell.
- Tell what? What's going on?
She wants to be alone and
regain her composure. That's all.
For how long? When will she be back?
Is she not coming back?
- Why not? What did I do?
- Nothing.
Leave him be.
I'm going crazy.
She's abandoning me now?
- Now?
- You know, you went through the worst.
Maybe you keep seeing that
in each other.
- Is that what she says?
- It's what I say.
What does she say?
We're going through this together.
She can't abandon me now.
I've stood by her.
Where is she? I have to talk to her.
We promised her.
- Are you angry with me?
- Angry?
Did I do this? Is it all my fault?
Don't torture yourself. No one's at fault.
It happened. That's bad enough.
- Lucas? Where are you going?
- I'm going to look for her.
Hello?
Come in.
Sit down.
Take off your coat.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Water, please.
I have a cold sauvignon blanc.
Well, okay.
We never used to drink wine.
Now everyone drinks it.
Although they're making us stop again.
Are you doing all right?
It seems like it.
You're looking good. Classy.
You smell nice.
I don't recognise it.
Sorry I hit you.
- My hand hurts, too.
- Good.
But it was so...
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Kai up there, larger than life...
- You can't do this.
- Right. Cheers.
Good to see you.
- Did you read about it in the papers?
- Yes.
Long read. Giant photo.
Listen.
I don't know
how you've been keeping...
Fine, thank you.
But it cost me a great deal of time.
Years.
Many years.
It was always there. Still is.
But I fought hard
to learn to live with it.
To live with myself. But I managed.
Respect that. Please.
Do you have kids?
Except for Kai? No.
You?
Yes. Two. Daughters.
They don't know about this.
Oh?
We didn't want to burden them with it.
You can't explain it to a child.
It's unsafe.
But they're grown up now.
Have you even stopped to think
what this might mean to me?
- Certainly.
- So?
- So? Nothing. Carried on working.
- Why?
Because this is a necessary play.
- For whom?
- For me.
And for the audience, perhaps.
Would be nice.
What about me?
- You could have asked me at least.
- How?
I've not known where you were
for 40 years.
- Did you make an effort?
- No.
- Why not?
- You'd likely show up by yourself.
And...
And then what?
Did you picture that, too?
That I'd come to watch and admire?
'Wow, this is art.
So it wasn't senseless after all.'
Something like that.
You can't put on this play.
You simply can't.
Least of all with those images.
They also belong to me.
- You want to see them?
- What?
Our videos. You've never seen them.
- You mean, now?
- Yes. Why not?
You're here now.
It might be good.
We can talk more after.
Right.
It starts here. At La Gomera.
Our first crossing.
Where you bought this camera.
For you.
- You can see I was scared.
- Were you scared?
Initially.
Later on, I wasn't. When I realised you
knew what you were doing.
Yeah. You sat there a lot.
On the foredeck.
I loved it.
- I filmed this.
- Yeah. Who else?
- Remember those dolphins?
- Yeah.
- There were so many.
- Amazing.
Christmas...
- Where's that?
- Barbados.
Right.
This is where he gets that fish. See?
His birthday.
I wish I'd been born a fish.
Maybe we should stop?
Are you all right?
Where's your bathroom?
First door on the right.
There isn't much more.
We can leave it at this?
- No, carry on.
- All right.
- This is en route to the Azores.
- The return journey.
Sweetie.
So young.
That's it.
The most beautiful child in the world.
I'm going to lie down.
I read you were going to quit
as artistic director.
That this play will be
your final goodbye.
Terrible phrase.
Be glad it's not happening.
- Does it scare you? That you're quitting?
- No, it's great.
No more meetings.
More time to direct and write.
I wrote this, too.
And women?
Nothing permanent. More coffee?
And you? Men?
I'm a widow.
For six years now.
Lovely man. Andreas.
Doctor of internal medicine.
Lovely dad, too. To Marije and Belle.
So you became
a spoilt little doctor's wife.
No, I became a landscaper.
I have permanently black fingernails.
Shall we talk about it now?
You know, I have a better idea.
- Hey, sweetheart.
- Hi, Mum.
- Could you babysit this afternoon?
- I'm not home.
- Oh. And tonight?
- I don't know what time I'll be back.
What are you doing?
I'm not quite sure myself.
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
I'm driving, so I have to pay attention.
Wow.
- So light.
- Yeah.
- I remember it as ever so dark.
- It was.
That kitchen.
- Where was our kitchen again?
- Also here.
That garden needs a bit of work.
I'm hardly ever here.
But if you know a good landscaper...
- How is De Swaene?
- What?
De Swaene?
You still can't pronounce it.
De Zwaene.
- De Zwaene.
- Right.
- The boat.
- No.
The ship.
The ship.
The ship's fine. She's still afloat.
In Greece.
Tourist charter. On the islands.
New coat of paint. And a new name.
But she's still sailing.
This is where I work. When I'm here.
This is my house. My home.
You could look at him.
Yes, I like to look at him.
He had five intensely happy years.
And then...
He died.
And we died while we were still living.
'Don't look for me. It's better this way.'
He's desperate. He calls every week.
He stops by every now and then.
I miss him, too.
Are you sure he mustn't know?
A child would break him.
Andreas asked me to marry him.
- Does he know it's Lucas's?
- Yes.
He knows everything.
He loves me.
Do you love him?
I knew no other way.
I'm sorry.
But why? I've never understood.
I still don't.
It's not easy.
- I...
- Where were you?
Does it matter?
Well, I spent ages looking for you.
So I'd like to know, finally.
I was in Bergen. With family.
They took me in.
I was...
I was in a bad way.
There I met Andreas, we got married
and we moved. To the country.
You immediately hooked up
with someone else.
- While I was still looking for you.
- Andreas was my salvation.
- Big word.
- He was.
- A new life. With kids.
- Sure.
Without those kids, I don't know
if I'd be here today.
- You just erased me.
- Lucas, I had no choice.
You left me no choice.
You made more than clear
you didn't want kids.
You could have waited.
No, I could not.
You should have given us time.
We were young.
You think you'd have changed
your mind?
Who knows?
You never gave me the chance.
I had to find my way alone.
How do you think I felt?
- We were both going through hell.
- But I never left you.
- It did feel that way.
- What?
It felt that way.
That I left you? Dammit, I was so busy
all the time, just keeping you alive.
Where's Johanna? What's she doing?
It drove me crazy.
- I want to discuss this calmly.
- I panicked you'd go into the water.
Hang yourself from a tree.
Then you left me with no explanation.
And now you're here with the gall
to tell me that I left you?
- You're not listening.
- Just piss off.
Go into the water.
That's what you always wanted.
You did leave me.
You were working all the time.
You just made off.
Somebody had to earn a living.
You didn't do anything.
But it was an escape, too.
You wouldn't let me talk about it.
'Water under the bridge.'
Leaving already? Good.
One more thing: I am staging that play.
I don't care what you say.
I am staging that play.
Why?
You ignored it for 40 years.
So why now?
Because I have to. Now.
I was getting rid of everything.
Clearing away the mess.
But the first thing I came across...
was his...
Is that box of his,
with his things and those videos.
And I thought, I have to see them.
I watched them
and then, suddenly, I knew.
For the first time in my life, I want
to make something beautiful. Fragile.
An ode. To life.
To him.
To a child at play.
I'm giving him back his life.
With everything I have in me.
All I can give.
In real life, I only had so little time...
To be with him.
I was not able to protect him.
I was not able to...
That feeling stays with you.
That you failed.
That you're culpable.
Because a father should be able
to protect his son.
And when you haven't...
And that...
That feeling...
It never leaves you.
No matter how many times
you tell yourself it's not true.
What is that?
Open it when you get home.
And tell your daughters.
Hey...
Bye, Jojo.
This one needs water.
Ms Staps? A letter.
Here. I need you to sign for it.
For you and your daughters.
Please come. Lucas.
I agree with Lucas.
High time to tell the girls about Kai.
- Nice, Dad.
- I'm making a series.
A ten-year plan.
- You'll be 97 by then.
- That's another day.
And when will you tell Lucas?
I can't, Mum.
What do you expect me to do?
Open your mouth and speak.
And then what?
Mess up his entire life?
And what about Marije?
You'll get through this.
- And for Lucas, this is a chance.
- How do you mean?
With a bit of luck, he'll have 30 years
with his grown-up daughter.
And grandchild.
Shouldn't we go see him?
You two know each other, don't you?
- No, that was years ago. So, no.
- It'll be fun.
Let's go. I'm getting the coats.
It's so crowded here.
- Have a nice evening.
- Thank you.
Jo. Leaving already?
Yeah, too busy. Sorry.
- Thanks for the tickets.
- Glad you came.
- These are Aimee and Belle?
- No.
- This is Marije.
- Right, Marije. Sorry.
- Hi. I'm Lucas.
- Great show. Congratulations.
- And this is Belle.
- It was very intense.
Luc?
- Bye.
- Bye.
Hope we see each other again.
Lucas?
I thought it was a wonderful play.
I'm so glad you didn't listen to me.
Thank you.
- Jojo?
- Yes?
I'll be in Zeeland for the whole
of next week. At the house.
Okay.
Come.
With special thanks to his parents
Lucie Hubert & Arthur Kortenoever
Jojo?
- Is there any wind?
- No.
I could pass some?
Hey monster man, are you awake?
Come here.
Mind the coffee.
Look at that.
And press 'pause' now.
This, for ever.
So, we start with the 'ta-da-da-da'.
That lift. You need to time that.
The music needs to be softer.
From the fourth measure.
Or I can't hear them. Take it away.
When you put her down
and start rolling...
You should work from an impulse.
A thought.
No vibrato. Steady voice.
Look and listen to each other.
You are one.
You four are telling this story together.
Understand?
So keep contact. Yes?
Can we have the lights off, please?
I don't know what I'm looking at.
Let me check.
Can we take a break?
No breaks. Just carry on now.
Geez, guys.
- They've been at it for hours.
- Just like me. Stay concentrated.
All right. Three, two, one...
Jesus Christ. Don't cross
in front of the beamer.
- Goddammit.
- I'll go.
God almighty.
Diane, wait. I'll go.
I'll do it myself.
If it isn't Johanna.
Something bothering you?
You have no right. And you know it.
Coming.
I don't get it.
How can you even contemplate it?
These are my coordinates.
I'll be home all night.
Maybe we should talk about this.
Start at one.
- One. Two.
- Right.
Three.
Four, five, six, seven.
- No, Kai. What comes after seven?
- Oh, right. Eight.
Two, three, four.
And same here.
One, two, and three. You try.
Go on.
That's right.
A little bit more. That's it.
A little bit more.
That's it.
So that's how he talks?
- Like so? With your hands.
- Yes.
Gently.
Reel it in slowly. Not too fast.
Gently. Gently now.
- Reel it in. Well done.
- It's a mackerel.
Wait, wait.
Hey, Kai.
Hey, toreador.
Hi, Milady.
Hello, Sir.
So, do something.
Three, two, one.
And... action.
Lucas.
Lucas.
Kai...
Shame.
I'll just go back to my art film.
- Bye, Milady.
- Goodbye, Sir.
Dad...
Empty.
- Is he with you?
- What?
- Where's Kai? I don't see him.
- Must be below deck.
Kai?
Well?
Not in the toilet.
Uh oh, where might Kai be?
Oh no, I'll have to eat him again.
Boo.
- Are you under here?
- Or...
Here?
- Where are you hiding?
- Where could he be?
I'm coming to get you, naughty boy.
- Kai?
- You all right, Kai?
Kai, give us a squeak?
Kai, I want you to come out now.
This is not funny.
We're done.
- Kai?
- Kai, where are you?
Where's the catamaran?
What?
The catamaran is gone.
Kai?
Do you see him?
Dammit.
No.
The buoys.
- Luc.
- The engine.
And?
I don't see him.
Mayday, mayday. This is De Swaene.
Mayday, mayday.
- We're out of reach.
- Kai.
Do you think he climbed over?
- Over the net?
- He wouldn't. He knows.
Maybe he wanted
to try out his catamaran.
- Did it have a rope?
- Kai.
- Did the catamaran have a rope?
- Kai.
- Hon, did it have a rope?
- No.
Or maybe it did. I don't know.
Did you see anything?
You were in the stern.
What did I see? I sat there and...
I sat there...
Like this.
I sat there, like this. But I was busy.
I was busy, because I knew
he was there. With his catamaran.
I wasn't looking.
I thought you were. You were there.
I was here. I was doing stuff, too.
And he was sitting there. I saw.
- You were there filming.
- Not at that time.
Kai.
It's getting dark.
What are you doing?
Kai.
Let me go, let me go.
I want to be with him. Please.
Don't do this. Don't.
- Please let me go.
- Don't. Please don't.
Stay here.
Stay here.
Kai.
Did you see anything?
No.
Jojo?
What do we do?
Back to the Azores?
Four days. With this wind.
What about Kai?
I...
I'll make some coffee.
Jojo?
Jojo?
You have to get out of the sun.
Kai.
Kai.
We're not going to find him.
I say.
Yeah.
- Is it all gone?
- It was a long journey.
We were on our way back.
I'll get you an extension.
I've dealt with this before.
Thanks.
- Do you need money?
- No, I've found a job.
- In the theatre?
- No, in demolition.
Here in town.
- Are you moving back to Amsterdam?
- I'm commuting.
- So she'll be alone all day?
- My mother checks in on her.
- I can check in, too.
- Marcia...
She doesn't want to see anyone.
Why are you talking about taxes?
Sorry.
Kai.
Kai.
Jo?
Where were you?
I'm here.
Where were you?
Jo?
I thought I saw him.
I couldn't find him.
We left too soon.
We shouldn't have...
We should have...
He's waiting for us.
He's waiting.
Oh God, he's scared.
He's alone.
- He's just a child. A child.
- Calm down.
He's scared.
We left him alone.
- We took him on that journey.
- No. Stop it.
Breathe.
Through your nose. Your nose.
Through your nose.
Mummy...
Kai.
Kai.
Johanna.
I took her to see Dingeman.
He gave her pills.
One a day, before bedtime.
- What should I do?
- Wait what those pills will do.
Don't let it go to waste.
Hey.
How long did I sleep?
Six or seven hours.
It's like I'm living in reverse.
I can't catch up with him.
The distance is too great.
Hey, come here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Doesn't it wear you out?
It does.
What is it?
Jo?
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
For a walk.
I couldn't sleep.
In the middle of the night?
I couldn't breathe.
Fine. I'll walk with you.
Come on, then. Let's walk.
Next time you want to go for a walk,
you ask me to come with you.
We'll walk together.
That's the deal.
- The pain is just...
- I know.
- Hey, dickhead.
- Sorry.
- Something wrong with your eyes?
- I said sorry, didn't I?
- Calm down, man.
- I said sorry.
- Calm down.
- Hey. Bugger off, you.
Dickhead.
Jo?
Jo?
What's that?
Some films. I had them developed.
You take those pills at night.
Not during the day.
You were supposed to cook today.
I will.
Did you go shopping?
I didn't know I'd sleep this long.
- Take it off and come to bed. Please.
- I can't.
- Out of my way.
- Jo. Please.
Where is he?
- Where's my child?
- Stop this.
Stop. I don't sleep.
What do you want me to do?
The way you carry on.
Should I lock the door?
- Carry on?
- Go do something.
Something else, I don't know.
Like me. Just do something.
- How do you mean?
- He's not out there.
He's nowhere. Stop doing this.
He was a lovely child. The most
wonderful child in the whole world.
But he's dead.
He's dead. Dead.
Gone. Done.
Water under the bridge. Dead.
He's dead. Dead.
He's dead.
It's better for Lucas.
Bye, girlie.
So...
It's Amsterdam for the time being.
You do what's best.
What will she do in the city?
Where is our bed?
Who did this?
- I thought... I wanted...
- Did you do this?
I thought it might help.
How could you do this?
- How could you do this?
- Stop it. Stop.
- And Kai's pictures? Did you bin them?
- No, everything's stored in the attic.
- Where?
- Jesus. In the attic.
- You junked it.
- Stop it.
- Sorry. I thought it be best.
- For whom?
Piss off.
Kai might like
that we sleep in his room.
- Will she stay for dinner?
- I hope so.
Will Lucas come, too?
I have no idea.
- Shall I make macaroni?
- You do that.
I can't go on, Mum.
Hey, sweetheart.
You need help.
Is he angry?
We...
We didn't...
He's not angry.
He lives in another world.
He hears you.
He sees you.
He loves you.
He's with you.
I keep seeing him.
And I keep thinking he's waiting for me.
No.
You're waiting for him.
With all that crying
you're holding him back.
But really, he's doing fine.
You can let him go.
I have to let him go.
However hard it may be.
It's better for him.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- Do you think it's dumb?
- No, but...
Never mind.
- I really think she can help us.
- Us?
I'm not going to see her.
- Why won't you try?
- It's bullshit.
'Kai lives in another world.
He hears you, he sees you.' Bollocks.
Who does she think she is?
She says that to find yourself, you will
have to embark on an inner journey.
I think she's right.
- And she's going to help you with that?
- Yes.
- I'm sorry. I hate people like that.
- Hate?
I don't trust them.
And I hate that you're talking to others
about Kai.
That belongs to us.
It's nobody's business.
It's yours and mine.
And Kai's.
And nobody else's.
Hey.
- Sorry.
- Hey.
I've missed you so badly.
And I you.
I...
I can't hold back.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
It's been too long.
No. No. Stay.
What's this?
Well...
I thought...
No.
You should do this more.
- What did you think?
- Let's eat first.
That's been a while.
Careful. It may be hot.
I've been thinking about a child.
A new life.
That might help us.
A child?
A new child.
It will give us back our lives.
- And Kai will find peace.
- Wait. Hang on.
I don't understand.
Are we talking about
another child now?
You still want children, right?
Jesus Christ.
I...
It doesn't bear thinking about.
How can you be thinking
about this now?
Sorry.
I shouldn't have sprung this on you.
A child? And then what?
- Imagine that...
- That won't happen.
It's mostly fine.
I don't want another child.
- Not now? Or not ever?
- I don't want to think about it.
- Why not?
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Don't you think it might help us?
- I don't want another child.
- I hear you.
- Subject closed.
What about me?
Do I even matter?
What? You mean everything.
Crazy girl. You're the love of my life.
You know that.
Hey. You know that, right?
You know that, right?
You know that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're mine.
Let's not talk about this anymore.
Okay?
Don't go there again.
Another child...
It would break me.
Yeah.
- Lucas?
- Sorry. I thought you were asleep.
What is it?
Honey? I'll be late.
- Shall I make you sandwiches?
- No need. You stay in bed.
I'll see you tonight.
Jo?
- Hey, dear.
- Where is she?
- Sit down. Did you get the letter?
- Yes, I did.
'Don't look for me. It's better this way.'
That was all. What does it mean?
Where is she? What should I do?
She might be dead.
- It's not what you think.
- Don't worry. Just sit down.
- Is she here?
- No.
Then where? What do you know?
- She was here this morning.
- Oh? Why? What did she say?
- We promised not to tell.
- Tell what? What's going on?
She wants to be alone and
regain her composure. That's all.
For how long? When will she be back?
Is she not coming back?
- Why not? What did I do?
- Nothing.
Leave him be.
I'm going crazy.
She's abandoning me now?
- Now?
- You know, you went through the worst.
Maybe you keep seeing that
in each other.
- Is that what she says?
- It's what I say.
What does she say?
We're going through this together.
She can't abandon me now.
I've stood by her.
Where is she? I have to talk to her.
We promised her.
- Are you angry with me?
- Angry?
Did I do this? Is it all my fault?
Don't torture yourself. No one's at fault.
It happened. That's bad enough.
- Lucas? Where are you going?
- I'm going to look for her.
Hello?
Come in.
Sit down.
Take off your coat.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Water, please.
I have a cold sauvignon blanc.
Well, okay.
We never used to drink wine.
Now everyone drinks it.
Although they're making us stop again.
Are you doing all right?
It seems like it.
You're looking good. Classy.
You smell nice.
I don't recognise it.
Sorry I hit you.
- My hand hurts, too.
- Good.
But it was so...
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Kai up there, larger than life...
- You can't do this.
- Right. Cheers.
Good to see you.
- Did you read about it in the papers?
- Yes.
Long read. Giant photo.
Listen.
I don't know
how you've been keeping...
Fine, thank you.
But it cost me a great deal of time.
Years.
Many years.
It was always there. Still is.
But I fought hard
to learn to live with it.
To live with myself. But I managed.
Respect that. Please.
Do you have kids?
Except for Kai? No.
You?
Yes. Two. Daughters.
They don't know about this.
Oh?
We didn't want to burden them with it.
You can't explain it to a child.
It's unsafe.
But they're grown up now.
Have you even stopped to think
what this might mean to me?
- Certainly.
- So?
- So? Nothing. Carried on working.
- Why?
Because this is a necessary play.
- For whom?
- For me.
And for the audience, perhaps.
Would be nice.
What about me?
- You could have asked me at least.
- How?
I've not known where you were
for 40 years.
- Did you make an effort?
- No.
- Why not?
- You'd likely show up by yourself.
And...
And then what?
Did you picture that, too?
That I'd come to watch and admire?
'Wow, this is art.
So it wasn't senseless after all.'
Something like that.
You can't put on this play.
You simply can't.
Least of all with those images.
They also belong to me.
- You want to see them?
- What?
Our videos. You've never seen them.
- You mean, now?
- Yes. Why not?
You're here now.
It might be good.
We can talk more after.
Right.
It starts here. At La Gomera.
Our first crossing.
Where you bought this camera.
For you.
- You can see I was scared.
- Were you scared?
Initially.
Later on, I wasn't. When I realised you
knew what you were doing.
Yeah. You sat there a lot.
On the foredeck.
I loved it.
- I filmed this.
- Yeah. Who else?
- Remember those dolphins?
- Yeah.
- There were so many.
- Amazing.
Christmas...
- Where's that?
- Barbados.
Right.
This is where he gets that fish. See?
His birthday.
I wish I'd been born a fish.
Maybe we should stop?
Are you all right?
Where's your bathroom?
First door on the right.
There isn't much more.
We can leave it at this?
- No, carry on.
- All right.
- This is en route to the Azores.
- The return journey.
Sweetie.
So young.
That's it.
The most beautiful child in the world.
I'm going to lie down.
I read you were going to quit
as artistic director.
That this play will be
your final goodbye.
Terrible phrase.
Be glad it's not happening.
- Does it scare you? That you're quitting?
- No, it's great.
No more meetings.
More time to direct and write.
I wrote this, too.
And women?
Nothing permanent. More coffee?
And you? Men?
I'm a widow.
For six years now.
Lovely man. Andreas.
Doctor of internal medicine.
Lovely dad, too. To Marije and Belle.
So you became
a spoilt little doctor's wife.
No, I became a landscaper.
I have permanently black fingernails.
Shall we talk about it now?
You know, I have a better idea.
- Hey, sweetheart.
- Hi, Mum.
- Could you babysit this afternoon?
- I'm not home.
- Oh. And tonight?
- I don't know what time I'll be back.
What are you doing?
I'm not quite sure myself.
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
I'm driving, so I have to pay attention.
Wow.
- So light.
- Yeah.
- I remember it as ever so dark.
- It was.
That kitchen.
- Where was our kitchen again?
- Also here.
That garden needs a bit of work.
I'm hardly ever here.
But if you know a good landscaper...
- How is De Swaene?
- What?
De Swaene?
You still can't pronounce it.
De Zwaene.
- De Zwaene.
- Right.
- The boat.
- No.
The ship.
The ship.
The ship's fine. She's still afloat.
In Greece.
Tourist charter. On the islands.
New coat of paint. And a new name.
But she's still sailing.
This is where I work. When I'm here.
This is my house. My home.
You could look at him.
Yes, I like to look at him.
He had five intensely happy years.
And then...
He died.
And we died while we were still living.
'Don't look for me. It's better this way.'
He's desperate. He calls every week.
He stops by every now and then.
I miss him, too.
Are you sure he mustn't know?
A child would break him.
Andreas asked me to marry him.
- Does he know it's Lucas's?
- Yes.
He knows everything.
He loves me.
Do you love him?
I knew no other way.
I'm sorry.
But why? I've never understood.
I still don't.
It's not easy.
- I...
- Where were you?
Does it matter?
Well, I spent ages looking for you.
So I'd like to know, finally.
I was in Bergen. With family.
They took me in.
I was...
I was in a bad way.
There I met Andreas, we got married
and we moved. To the country.
You immediately hooked up
with someone else.
- While I was still looking for you.
- Andreas was my salvation.
- Big word.
- He was.
- A new life. With kids.
- Sure.
Without those kids, I don't know
if I'd be here today.
- You just erased me.
- Lucas, I had no choice.
You left me no choice.
You made more than clear
you didn't want kids.
You could have waited.
No, I could not.
You should have given us time.
We were young.
You think you'd have changed
your mind?
Who knows?
You never gave me the chance.
I had to find my way alone.
How do you think I felt?
- We were both going through hell.
- But I never left you.
- It did feel that way.
- What?
It felt that way.
That I left you? Dammit, I was so busy
all the time, just keeping you alive.
Where's Johanna? What's she doing?
It drove me crazy.
- I want to discuss this calmly.
- I panicked you'd go into the water.
Hang yourself from a tree.
Then you left me with no explanation.
And now you're here with the gall
to tell me that I left you?
- You're not listening.
- Just piss off.
Go into the water.
That's what you always wanted.
You did leave me.
You were working all the time.
You just made off.
Somebody had to earn a living.
You didn't do anything.
But it was an escape, too.
You wouldn't let me talk about it.
'Water under the bridge.'
Leaving already? Good.
One more thing: I am staging that play.
I don't care what you say.
I am staging that play.
Why?
You ignored it for 40 years.
So why now?
Because I have to. Now.
I was getting rid of everything.
Clearing away the mess.
But the first thing I came across...
was his...
Is that box of his,
with his things and those videos.
And I thought, I have to see them.
I watched them
and then, suddenly, I knew.
For the first time in my life, I want
to make something beautiful. Fragile.
An ode. To life.
To him.
To a child at play.
I'm giving him back his life.
With everything I have in me.
All I can give.
In real life, I only had so little time...
To be with him.
I was not able to protect him.
I was not able to...
That feeling stays with you.
That you failed.
That you're culpable.
Because a father should be able
to protect his son.
And when you haven't...
And that...
That feeling...
It never leaves you.
No matter how many times
you tell yourself it's not true.
What is that?
Open it when you get home.
And tell your daughters.
Hey...
Bye, Jojo.
This one needs water.
Ms Staps? A letter.
Here. I need you to sign for it.
For you and your daughters.
Please come. Lucas.
I agree with Lucas.
High time to tell the girls about Kai.
- Nice, Dad.
- I'm making a series.
A ten-year plan.
- You'll be 97 by then.
- That's another day.
And when will you tell Lucas?
I can't, Mum.
What do you expect me to do?
Open your mouth and speak.
And then what?
Mess up his entire life?
And what about Marije?
You'll get through this.
- And for Lucas, this is a chance.
- How do you mean?
With a bit of luck, he'll have 30 years
with his grown-up daughter.
And grandchild.
Shouldn't we go see him?
You two know each other, don't you?
- No, that was years ago. So, no.
- It'll be fun.
Let's go. I'm getting the coats.
It's so crowded here.
- Have a nice evening.
- Thank you.
Jo. Leaving already?
Yeah, too busy. Sorry.
- Thanks for the tickets.
- Glad you came.
- These are Aimee and Belle?
- No.
- This is Marije.
- Right, Marije. Sorry.
- Hi. I'm Lucas.
- Great show. Congratulations.
- And this is Belle.
- It was very intense.
Luc?
- Bye.
- Bye.
Hope we see each other again.
Lucas?
I thought it was a wonderful play.
I'm so glad you didn't listen to me.
Thank you.
- Jojo?
- Yes?
I'll be in Zeeland for the whole
of next week. At the house.
Okay.
Come.
With special thanks to his parents
Lucie Hubert & Arthur Kortenoever