See Here, Private Hargrove (1944) Movie Script

See Here, Private Hargrove (1944)
Man, screaming: Hargrove!
You see Hargrove?
No, I haven't, chief.
Don't add cowardice
to your other
shortcomings, Hargrove.
Come out, wherever you are
and face the wrath of
your managing editor.
Something you want to
see me about, chief?
To say that I want to
see you, Mr. Hargrove,
is a crude distortion
of the facts.
The truth is, I'd gladly
pay a fortune
to any eye doctor
who'd fix it so that
I never saw you again.
Come in here!
I've done something bad?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sit down, Hargrove.
Not on my desk,
you chowderhead!
Hargrove, I'm an old man.
Oh, you're good for
a year or two yet.
Maybe more if you
controlled your temper.
Hargrove, it's time we had
a man-to-man,
heart-to-heart talk.
Again? We had a man-to-man
talk this morning
and a heart-to-heart
talk yesterday.
Hargrove, what
have I ever done
that I should be punished
by having you on my staff?
I don't know, chief.
Were you good to your mother?
Kind to dumb animals?
I've been kind to
you, haven't I?
Honestly, Hargrove, I
hate to fire you again.
[Eating candy]
That's all right, chief.
You always hire me back
in a few days anyway,
and the rest is good for me.
I think it's good
for you, too.
Yeah, but I want you
to be a good reporter!
You can write,
after a fashion,
you work hard,
you're sober,
you don't borrow
too much money,
you're honest, you're sincere.
Yeah, I know, chief...
but you don't bother
about the details!
You don't get names
and addresses straight,
you write a good story
and you walk off
and leave it on your desk.
You do a good interview
with the mayor,
and you walk out with his hat.
You... I don't know
what to do with you.
Another rejection slip?
No, I got a feeling that
this is an acceptance.
Heh, heh, heh. Fat chance.
What magazine would buy
the junk you write?
Don't worry about my
future anymore, chief.
"The president of
the United States"!
"To Marion Hargrove,
You're drafted?
This is total war.
Just wait till the
Japs hear I'm coming!
Yeah, I know.
[Men all talking excitedly]
Well, what do you
say, stranger?
Should we strike up
a lifetime friendship?
Swell. Esty's the name.
Orrin Esty, candidate for
the position of private
in the army of the
United States.
Hargrove. Marion Hargrove.
Is this your first
war, Mr. Esty?
Yeah. You a veteran?
Oh, no. I did try
to enlist in 1918,
but a sharp-eyed recruiting
sergeant noticed
that I was only 6
months old at the time.
Tough luck.
Here we go!
Say, if either of you chaps
have forgotten anything...
shaving cream, toothpaste,
stamps, et cetera...
I happen to have a few extras,
and I'd be more than
glad to oblige.
That's very good
of you, sir, b...
and no money down.
First payday's plenty of
time to take care of it.
Hey, I thought we left
the Morris plan behind
when we joined the army.
Oh, this isn't business.
This is just among friends.
Mulvehill's the name.
Welcome, brother Mulvehill.
I am Marion Hargrove,
and on my right is
would-be Private Orrin Esty.
It's an honor to
serve you gentlemen.
Oh, say, just a little
introductory souvenir...
no charge.
Oh, thanks!
Say, I'm going to have a
little laundry service going
after a few days at camp,
I hope you fellas
won't forget me.
Oh, I'll never forget
you, Mr. Mulvehill.
Say, haven't you got
some with almonds?
And now, men, you'll
probably be ordered to do
a lot of things that
you don't understand.
But in the army,
there is a reason
for everything.
If you treat the army right,
it'll treat you right.
Now raise your right hands,
say "I," and your names...
[Recruits say names]
And repeat after me.
"Do solemnly swear that I
will bear true faith..."
"Do solemnly swear that I
will bear true faith..."
"And allegiance to the
United States of America..."
"And allegiance to the
United States of America..."
"That I will serve them
honestly and faithfully..."
"That I will serve them
honestly and faithfully..."
"Against all our
enemies whomsoever..."
"Against all our
enemies whomsoever..."
"That I will obey the orders
of the president of
the United States..."
"And that I will obey the orders of the
president of the United States..."
"And the orders of the
officers appointed over me..."
"And the orders of the
officers appointed over me..."
"According to the rules
and articles of war."
"According to the rules
and articles of war."
First officer: At ease!
Second officer: At ease!
[All talking at once]
Detail attention!
I guess he only...
shut up, you two!
What do I do now?
All right, men. Pick
out your bunks!
[Noisy clamor]
Oh, a bed!
Man: Hut!
On your feet. At attention!
Boy, what a sleep we just had.
No talking.
Take off those hats!
At ease, men.
Sergeant: You don't
sit when at ease!
This'll be your
barracks, your home.
See to it it's kept
clean at all times.
Yes, sir.
Don't speak unless
you're spoken to.
[Whispering]: Yes, sir.
Sergeant, see that these men
are instructed in making beds.
Sergeant: Yes, sir.
Before you men get to
sleep in these beds,
you might as well know
how to make them.
Corporal? Show the men
how to make an army bed.
All right, men...
Better take a good
peek at this,
you'll be doing it
for a long time.
Now, the first
step, naturally,
is to unroll the mattress.
Then you take your first sheet
and you spread it out
evenly over the bed.
I don't want to make my bed,
I want to lie in it.
Sergeant: Pay attention, you
two, this is important.
Now listen and watch
what the corporal does.
You'll notice he spreads
the first sheet
over the mattress
so he has an equal
distance at both ends.
You smooth the sheet and
tuck it under the mattress.
The second sheet
you spread out
to within 6 inches from
the head of the bed.
Then you smooth it
over the first sheet,
and tuck this under the mattress
at the foot of the bed.
Be careful there are no wrinkles
or no holes in the sheet.
Now, your first blanket
should be spread to cover
approximately 2/3 of your bed
from the head to the foot.
You smooth it and take
the second blanket,
double and cover the
remaining space of the bed.
The bed should be made
neat, tidy, and fast.
Then you tuck in the
corners of the bedding
and let it drop back,
that's all there is to it.
Sergeant: All right,
men, get to work.
Well, good night, men!
First man: Good night.
Second man: Get
him out of there!
[Men shout and laugh]
Ohh, what a day.
I feel as if I've been
in the army
a lot more than one day.
You know, fellas,
I've been making
a little investigation.
That doctor, the one that
gave us all the shots?
Just like I thought...
he's also in charge
of bayonet practice!
Ha ha ha!
I couldn't lift my arm
even if it was time to eat.
Say, I got a little
preparation here.
Out west, it's used
for snake bite,
guaranteed to take out
the sting and soreness,
and the beauty of it is,
you don't have to pay a
cent unless it works.
If it brings you quick relief,
you just look up old Mulvehill
first payday, and I guaran...
Sergeant: Hey, you inside!
Lights out... 3 minutes.
Snap into it and get to bed.
Say, if anybody needs any
sleeping pills, I happen...
Regimentation. Do
this, do that.
You'd think they'd want
us to preserve
our individual personalities.
You better wrap that
individual personality
and check it for the duration.
The army doesn't want any.
You know, we start
drill tomorrow.
Don't you know some
sweeter bedtime story?!
Well, I got an angle.
You know, there's a
few departments here
we might be interested in.
Special services,
public relations.
And I figure if we could swindle
ourselves some kind of a deal...
look. Mulvehill, as a
swindler, you're on your own.
I got a good look at
that guardhouse today,
and it made this barracks look
like the Waldorf-Astoria.
Oh, all right.
If you want to spend
the rest of your life
doing "squads right" and
all that kind of stuff.
[Bugle playing taps]
Exciting, isn't it?
What is?
This. I mean, being here.
Maybe it isn't for you,
but I've never been
away from home.
It's kind of exciting for me.
Sure it is, kid. For me, too.
What's the matter?
Can't you sleep?
No. I was dead tired
till I got in bed, too.
I'm worried.
I didn't give the draft
board my new address.
[Whispering] Hey!
Boy, I've worried
and wondered about
this first day
for a long time.
I'm sure glad it's over.
Yeah, me, too.
We're soldiers.
It's a brand-new thing.
I don't feel like a soldier.
Don't even look
like a soldier.
Well, that's the
army's problem from now on.
[Train whistle blowing]
Oh, can't they even stop
blowing whistles at us
when we're in bed?
Did you hear that, guys?
That train's taking out the ones
that's finished their training.
Boy, they're off to
action somewhere.
[Whistle blows]
It's the Shanghai Express.
That's what they
calls it here.
All right, you guys. We
got a tough day tomorrow.
Now, shut up and get to sleep!
Man: Good night,
Did I say a tough
day tomorrow?
Well, I mean a very
tough day tomorrow.
Soldier: Hut, hut, hut...
[Knock knock]
Oh, hello, sergeant.
Hargrove, you can't
be on KP again.
Hargrove, how many days have
you been in the army now?
And how many days have
you been on KP now?
Ohhh, Hargrove!
But I've never
been on KP twice
in the same day, sarge!
Well, if it were
possible, you would be.
What was it this time?
[Whispering] It really
wasn't my fault at all.
It's all right, Hargrove.
The corporal isn't here
to defend himself.
You can tell all
the lies you like.
Well, I was drilling away,
and out of the clear sky,
for no reason at all,
the corporal slings me
over to mess for KP.
You really think he's just
down on you, Hargrove?
Well, I hate to make an
accusation like that, sergeant,
but it must be...
weren't you late falling out
for reveille this morning?
Well, I...
weren't your leggings
on backwards?
Yes, but...
I know. You went
back to fix them.
When you came back, you didn't
have your field hat on!
Yes, sir.
And another thing, Hargrove.
Why do you say "sir" to
non-commissioned officers
and forget to salute
commissioned officers?
I don't mean to, sergeant...
and when you do remember
to salute an officer,
you click your heels
and bow from the waist
as if you were a member
of the German army!
Well, I get confused!
Hey, Hargrove! How you coming
with the garbage cans?
Oh, fine!
Remember, Hargrove.
I want to be able to see my
face in them garbage cans.
No accounting for
taste, is there, sir?
Not "sir," Hargrove.
Just "sergeant," or
just nothing at all,
but please, not "sir"!
No, sergeant.
Will there be anything
else, sergeant?
There better not be, Hargrove.
How's the platoon
coming, sergeant?
Whipping the boys into shape?
Oh, pretty good.
I'd like to get out on the rifle
range in a hurry, though.
What's the rush? The
platoon's pretty green.
I think maybe Hargrove
might get himself shot...
Then the outfit would
be in great shape.
Oh, him.
Yeah, him.
I been watching that kid.
He's got an idea that this
is some kind of a picnic.
Well, he don't get away with
that stuff in this battery.
Well, you know how it is.
They're a bunch of kids.
Sometimes they don't
quite realize...
they gotta realize.
They gotta realize
we're fighting a war.
The army didn't take them in to build
them up and then let them loaf.
We're going to turn this crew
into fighting men, heldon.
Sometimes I wonder.
Say, maybe I could ease
Hargrove out of the battery.
That is, if you and
the old man help...
not a chance. He
stays and he works
and he gets to be a
pretty good soldier
even if we have to mash him flat
and start off from scratch.
Ok. You keep a miracle
up your sleeve
for emergencies.
Right shoulder, ho!
Hut! Arms!
Left shoulder, arms!
Order, arms!
Right shoulder, arms!
Order, arms!
At ease, Hargrove.
There. You did that perfectly.
Yes, sir. Uh, yes, sergeant.
That's fine, Hargrove.
Now, what else did we
learn today, Hargrove?
I must not salute the
non-commissioned officers.
I must salute the
commissioned officers.
Thank you, Hargrove.
Now, that's enough
of the rifle.
All right, now get this.
We'll pretend I'm a
commissioned officer.
I've just come along the
drill field. Ready?
Yes, sir.
No, Hargrove, no!
You don't click your heels
and bow when you salute.
Oh, I'm sorry,
sergeant, I forgot.
All right.
Now I'm a non-commissioned
officer again.
Oh, they busted you, huh?
Later on we'll have
the jokes, Hargrove.
Now, how do you...
That's all.
Yes, sir.
[Whispering] Now, look.
Whatever you do,
don't ball me up.
That's the old man and I'm
not supposed to be out here
drilling you alone like this.
Now, remember, you salute.
You don't click your heels.
You don't bow.
Yes, sir.
You don't say sir. I
mean, you do say sir...
you're confusing me!
You say sir to me... to him...
not to me... you s...
uh... uh...
[Both click heels]
Where did you learn that
salute, sergeant? Vienna?
I'm sorry, I was
just out here...
I mean, I'm sorry, sir!
All right, sergeant,
don't shout.
At ease, Hargrove.
Thank you, sir.
I was just giving
Private Hargrove
a little personal,
extra instruction.
He found some of the
drills difficult.
I was trying to keep the
squad up to the mark.
Are you all right, sergeant?
Haven't you been out
in the sun too long?
Good work, Hargrove.
I like your spirit.
Oh, thank you, sir.
And I'd like to see
you in my office
in the morning, sergeant.
Yes, sir.
Will there be
anything else, sir?
Not "sir," Hargrove!
You say "sir" to the
commissioned officers,
not to the...
never mind, Hargrove.
You may go, Hargrove.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
[Clicks heels]
[Rapid gunfire]
Now, you don't yank
on that trigger
like a soda jerk, Hargrove.
A smooth, slow, easy
squeeze does it.
Well, what are you doing now?
I'm trying to
squeeze it slowly.
Well, for Pete's sakes.
Not that slow.
If that was the
enemy out there,
they'd be cramping
on your head by now.
Even if I was running?
shoot, will you? The
suspense is killing me.
3 o'clock!
That's your last round?
Yeah, sarge.
I want to see this score.
Maggie's drawers again.
Well, you're improving.
You didn't hit anybody
else's target that time,
even if you didn't
hit your own.
Man: B-o-i-d. Bird.
[Typewriter keys clicking]
Esty: Say, what are you
beating out on that thing?
I have some military secrets
that I'm selling to
foreign governments.
And the beauty of it is, they
don't have to pay me
until the first payday.
What kind of secrets?
Must be about KP
for you to know.
Marion's got a secret formula
for garbage can polish.
Actually, you pair of
illiterate, untutored grafters,
I am composing certain
pieces for my old newspaper,
and for what I am
assured will be
but a very generous
Does that mean he'll get
paid for writing something?
That's the impression
he's trying to get across.
Oh, poor little thing.
KP must have sapped
his tired brain.
[Blows whistle] Late mail!
First man: Hey, fellas!
Here comes the mail!
Um, Flanders.
[Men talking loudly]
Second man: If I don't get a letter
from my gal, I'm gonna kill her.
Man: Ok, if you're in
a hurry, there it is.
Wait a minute!
Take it easy now!
Don't be tearin' the mail!
Third man: Hey, here's that
letter from your girl!
No mail, huh?
Well, here's a girl
you might like.
Why, thanks!
It's all right.
Yes, a check.
Ohh! That much, eh?
How much, eh?
Oh, enough.
From the paper?
Well, what does
the letter say?
It's from the managing editor.
"Dear Hargrove..."
He says it's a masterpiece!
Take all I can send them.
He says it's one of
the finest pieces
he has ever read.
Oh, but why should I bore
you fellas with my triumphs?
Of course, you realize
my good-natured joshing
about your writing ability
was just kidding.
Yeah, Hargrove. Er... I
mean, buddy. Me, too.
Naturally, we who are
closest to you realize
that your writing
is talented and...
Why don't you come
with us, pal?
Personally, I wouldn't mind
standing treat to a
little celebration.
No, I think I'd better stay
and dash off a couple
of more columns.
Sure, you keep right at it.
Here, use my pen.
Newspaper men don't use
pens, they use typewriters.
Don't they, pal?
Smart as a whip, that boy.
Keen mind. I noticed
it right away.
Ought to be able to
figure out some way
to get in on that extra money.
[Typewriter keys clicking]
Boy, what I wouldn't give
for one of them machines.
Oh, you're welcome
to use this, Burk.
Uh, how would I run it?
Oh, if you want to write
a letter or something,
I'll do it for you.
I'm all through now.
No, I'm all through myself.
Anyway, if my mother got a
letter written on that,
she'd think I was
either dead or crazy.
She says I write
like a educated ape.
But at least when she
gets the letter,
she knows it's from me.
How come you're not over
at the service club?
I'll bet you shake
a mean hoof.
I better wait awhile.
I tread on so many of them
dames the last dance,
I don't think I'd do so
good over there tonight.
Very clever, Private Burk.
Anyway, I got some
book work to do.
Book work?
Yeah. I'm reading up on
the field artillery.
You see, when I got in, they was
tapping all us guys for infantry,
but I told them I
wanted field artillery.
Maybe lying a little bit
that I knew all about it.
So now I'm catching up on
what they think I know.
But what difference
does it make
where they put you?
It's all the army.
Maybe you look
at it like that,
but the way I figure it,
with a little rifle,
the kind they give
you in the infantry,
you can only knock off
one Nazi at a time.
But in the artillery,
with a big lollapalooza
of a shell,
a lucky guy might
get a whole company
with one shot!
Boy, I'd like that.
You think we'll get
a crack at them?
If we don't, I'll get transferred
to where I can get at them.
Or I'll buy a Cannon and go
into business for myself.
Boy, you have got a
burn against the Nazis.
Have you got relatives
in concentration camps?
What? In Jersey City?
Nah, I just get steamed up
when I read how they
push people around.
And I say to myself,
it's time somebody
pushed them around,
till their mean skulls rattle.
Yeah. I'm for that.
And when they start in
on us, I say to myself,
"Boy, let's face it. Get in."
So, here I am.
And I bet the army
wishes it had about
10 million more just like you.
They'll be along.
The way I feel can't be such a
special, exclusive
kind of thing.
Or I wouldn't be smart
enough to feel it.
Oh, I wouldn't be too sure.
And anyway, I get a big
boot out of it right now.
Look out at that.
Look at the size
of this place.
And all them P-47s
up there, like
angels guarding us at night.
And how you feel
when the whole fort
lines up for retreat.
Or we go out on maneuvers,
and everywhere you
look, you see
the United States Army,
lined up on every road
as far as you can look.
Why, Private Burk.
You're a poet!
Hey, you want a
rap in the snoot?
No offense, Bill!
But no cracks.
I better get that
letter in the mail,
or my mother will come down
here and bat my ears off.
Ha! So long, kid.
So long, Bill.
[Big band music playing]
You know, somebody who didn't
understand the situation
might think I was
trying to muscle in
on Private
Hargrove's good fortune.
Oh, I understand, Mulvehill.
I knew you would.
You're welcome.
Take all you want.
The way I see it,
if it wasn't for the rest
of the fellas in the army,
well, Hargrove couldn't
write these pieces about it
and make this extra money.
So he really owes
half of the money
to the rest of the
fellas in the army.
Naturally, when you
try and split it up
among 10 million guys,
nobody's going to
get very much.
So, we have to narrow it
down to just a few of us.
Two, to be exact.
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
How about you?
They're free
tonight, you know.
No, thanks.
Come on, take one.
Ok, thank you very much.
Last round, boys.
Why don't you sit down?
Why, thank you.
Say, you know...
did you boys have any supper?
That's your second
helping, you know.
The kind of supper we get,
what difference does it make?
Oh, you're kidding.
I happen to know the
army food is swell.
Yeah, but you should
see the tiny portions.
Yeah, in our battery,
when dinner's ready,
they don't say,
"come and get it,"
they say, "come and find it."
Well, we want you boys to
feel this is your home.
But you're sure you won't
get sick or anything.
We only get sick
from not eating.
You go to work on these.
Good night, boys!
Good night. Good night.
Oh, miss!
If we could escort
you someplace,
please feel free
to call upon us.
Yeah. It isn't safe walking
around here at night.
Wolves, you know.
I'm beginning to know.
Yes, I wish you
would escort me.
This is a genuine
pleasure, miss, uh...
Well, here we are, boys.
Thank you so much.
[Laughs sheepishly]
[Clears throat]
Hey, fellas! Who's that girl?
Oh, her? Well, she was just...
I beg your pardon.
What was that?
The girl you were just talking
to, that got into the bus.
Yeah? Oh, her! Yeah.
Oh, well, you know that Date
Bureau I was organizing?
Well, that's one of the
cuties I got lined up for it.
Oh! That's for me.
Fix it up, will you?
Well, she's our most
popular number.
She'd cost you quite a bit.
Oh, now, look, fellas, who cares
about money at a time like...
how much?
Well, a date for
Saturday night, say,
would cost you 5 bucks.
5 bucks?!
I had to go to a
lot of trouble
to get this thing
organized, you know.
I got a big overhead...
advertising, publicity...
Operation expenses...
Ok, ok.
Uh, Esty, mark down one
date for Private Hargrove
for Saturday night
with number 18.
Number 18?
Don't I get to call her
by her name for 5 bucks?
In due time. Mustn't
rush things, you know.
Well, you certainly
rushed for my 5 bucks.
Well, that's a different
thing entirely!
One is love and the
other is money.
And never the
twain shall meet.
You got it?
Hargrove, number 18,
Saturday night.
On behalf of the Fort Bragg
Date Bureau, L.T.D.,
I want to impress
upon you the fact
that the bureau expects
you to conduct yourself
like a gentleman at all times.
But if you kiss her, that's 50
cents extra for us.
Nah, we'll toss that in
with the date this time.
Say, uh, don't be surprised
if Miss Halliday
is just a bit
standoffish at first.
Yeah, yeah, ok, ok. And thanks a
lot for the ammunition, fellas.
Not another word. Payday's plenty
of time to thank me...
And pay me.
Oh, yes. Ahem.
Well, here you are, kid.
Good luck.
So long, fellas.
Gee, Mulvehill, do
you think we ought
to let him barge in
on a strange girl?
She might have a brother...
a big brother.
Hargrove might get hurt.
Don't give it another thought.
It's all taken care of.
You fixed it up with the girl?
No, no. I, uh...
I sold Hargrove
an accident insurance policy.
Good evening, sir.
I'm calling on Miss
Carol Halliday.
Come in.
Thank you.
Come inside.
Thank you.
Have a chair.
Oh, thank you.
Carol is expecting you?
Oh, yes, sir.
What name?
Private Hargrove, sir.
Private Marion Hargrove,
"D" Battery,
First Battalion,
First Regiment,
Field Artillery Replacement
Training Center,
Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
United States Army?
Yes, sir.
I'll tell her.
Thank you.
Yes, Uncle George?
There's a soldier here to see
you... Private Marion Hargrove,
Battery "D", First Battalion,
First Regiment, et cetera,
North Carolina.
Private Marion Hargrove,
Battery "D", First Regiment...
never mind. I'm
coming right down.
She'll be right down.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, good evening,
Miss Halliday.
Oh... Good evening.
Uh, did you want to see
me about something?
Uh, yeah. I'm Private
Hargrove... Your date.
Thank you. My what?
Hargrove: Uh...
I'm from the... You know...
The Date Bureau.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Mulvehill and Esty, the fellas
who run the Date Bureau...
you know them, don't you?
Yeah, but you got
to know them!
They sold me this date!
They sold you a date with me?
Yeah. Paid $5.00. $5.00?!
They said you were their
most expensive girl.
Carol: Of all the
unmitigated army nerve!
Do you think girls are
sheep, cattle, horses...
No, ma'am.
To be traded in the
marketplace like so many...
no, ma'am.
You can have these back!
And there's the door.
Hargrove: Yes, ma'am.
Heh heh.
Now, just a moment.
I'm leaving, sir. I just...
wait! You, too, Carol.
Carol, I'm a lawyer,
and it's plain to me
that Private Hargrove
is the innocent victim
of circumstance...
circumstance and the designs
of a couple of army chiselers.
Yes, sir.
Now, your honor,
I maintain that my client
here has committed no crime
except that of admiring
a strange girl...
the inalienable right of every
man in the armed forces.
That's what we're
fighting for, sir.
Exactly! And, in
his naive way,
my client has paid this
girl a great compliment
by forking over 10%
of his monthly pay,
not counting the extra cost
of flowers and candy
for the privilege.
The defense rests.
Counsel has some very
important letters to write.
He just remembered.
Oh, you've got a rose in
your hair. It looks funny.
Oh. Oh, a thorn!
I'll fix you up a bit.
Oh, thank you.
Well, I'll be an M.P.'s uncle.
In my arms, in my arms
Ain't I ever gonna get
a bundle of charms?
Comes the dawn,
I'll be gone
I've just got to have a
honey holdin' me tight
You can take me whirlin'
If I've got to
go to Berlin
Give me a girl in
my arms tonight
In my arms, in my arms
Ain't I never gonna get
a girl in my arms?
In my arms, in my arms
Ain't I never gonna get
a bundle of charms?
Comes the dawn,
I'll be gone
I've just got to have
a honey holdin' me...
Take it, Bob.
Are you kidding?
You can take me whirlin'
If I'm a-gonna
go to Berlin
Give me a girl in
my arms tonight
In my arms, in my arms
Ain't I never gonna get
a girl in my arms?
In my arms, in my arms
Ain't I never gonna get
a bundle of charms?
Comes the dawn,
I'll be gone
And I thank you for the
many letters you'll write
As for something nice
and cute and female
I'll never get
it in the v-mail
Give me a girl in
my arms tonight
You can keep your shaving
cream and lotion
If I'm a-gonna
cross the ocean...
Give me a girl in
my arms tonight
Well, I think the Fort Bragg
Date Bureau is quite a thing.
I like the service. Don't you?
I'd hate to give them
any references, but...
Yes, I think it's quite
an institution.
Uh, I could probably get them
to make the same arrangements
for next Saturday
night at a discount.
Why don't you deal directly
with the manufacturer...
And eliminate the middleman?
Next Saturday night, then.
Yes... If I'm still here.
If you're here? Where
else could you be?
Well, New York, just
to mention one place.
That's my home, you know.
Fayetteville, North Carolina,
is only a stopover.
Oh. Well, let me put
it another way, then.
Will you try to be here
next Saturday night?
You better say yes,
because if you don't,
I'll have to blow up the
railroad station and the airport
and the waterworks
to keep you here,
and that's bound to interfere
with my career in the army.
Well, to keep the
peace, I'll try.
Oh, thank you.
Well, good night,
Miss Halliday.
I have enjoyed the pleasure
of your company exceedingly.
Please give my respects
to your aunt and uncle.
Good night, Private Hargrove.
I, too, have enjoyed
this evening,
and I want to thank you for
taking me to the nightclub
and the lovely supper party
at Joe's barbecue stand.
Hey, you two, come
here a minute.
I want to talk to you men.
I'm worried about Hargrove.
Has he done something
bad, sergeant?
No, and that's what
worries me.
Hang it, here it is Saturday,
and for a whole week now,
Hargrove has been the snappiest
model soldier on the post.
Not once... not one
single day, mind you...
has Hargrove been on K.P.
This week!
He's in love.
Yeah, and we fixed it for him.
Maybe the army ought
to give us a bonus.
The Fort Bragg Date Bureau...
privates Mulvehill and
Esty, sole proprietors...
arranged a rendezvous
for Private Hargrove,
and it took so well that
Hargrove's dead set
on being a success in the army
just so his girl will
be proud of him.
Well, that's great!
Say, maybe you could tell the old
man what we did for Hargrove
so he'd send us some business.
I'll see him right away.
All right, that's all.
Inspection any minute now.
Get ready.
Shoes out of line.
That's worth a gig.
Snap into it.
Hey, Hargrove, is it true
you're studying
to be a general?
Well, not right
away, naturally.
It will take time, I guess.
Ah, love, your magic
spell is everywhere.
No, not everywhere.
Not in Fayetteville, North
Carolina, for instance.
What's that? You mean, she gave
you the brusheroo so soon?
She has to go
back to New York.
And you won't see her again?
And how... right after
the noon whistle...
And then far into the night.
And then she goes.
Maybe I could fix it for you to
get a convalescent furlough.
The sergeant thinks you must
be out of order someplace
because you haven't been on K.P.
all week.
Sergeant: On your
toes now, men.
The up-to-the-minute
snappy soldier
keeps his quarters and
personal belongings
in continual meticulous order.
So that no inspection,
no matter how sudden,
worries him in the least.
Hargrove, stow that
typewriter in your locker.
I don't want to see it again.
Oh, yes, sergeant. I forgot.
Sergeant: Come on, hurry up!
[Rattling locker]
Corporal: Hut!
Prepare for inspection.
That shirt's a little
too long, isn't it?
Yes, sir.
Don't you have a housewife?
Yes, sir.
Well, use it.
Sergeant, check all
socks for holes.
Yes, sir.
All lockers should be open
for inspection, Hargrove.
Yes, sir. It sticks
sometimes, sir.
I couldn't get the
door open, sir.
Yes, I know... they
do that sometimes.
I had the same trouble...
Until I learned a little
trick with the handle.
Now, watch.
It's really quite simple.
[Locker door rattling]
Easy does it.
Of course, some of them are
different than others.
It's just like squeezing the
trigger on your carbine.
Hit the dirt!
I'm sorry, sir.
See, the typewriter was on...
Hiya, Hargrove!
[Whistle blowing]
There goes the whistle.
Thought you had a date.
I have. Just want to give
him a chance to clean up.
Hey, Hargrove!
Not that way, this way.
We work right up to
the service club.
Oh, corporal, not up there!
Uh, there's a nice,
dirty pavement
full of stuff to clean up.
Let's tackle that, huh?
You can tackle that tomorrow if
you don't do as you're told.
Go on, get busy.
There she is. She'll
be knocking off
any minute to go
meet Hargrove.
I know, I know.
What you gonna tell her...
or ain't ya?
Sure, sure, but I haven't got
this yarn quite straight yet.
This has got to be good.
Why did he give himself
such a big buildup?
It's no crime to be stuck
on a street-cleaning detail.
Let's see... Filled
her so full of con
about what a great
soldier he is,
now he's scared to let her see
him with a shovel and a broom.
Come here.
Go see if he's headed
this way.
All right.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Are you off duty so soon?
Yes, Miss Carol.
To arms! The
redcoats are coming!
Are you boys all right?
I was just thinking about
some things that...
sit down.
Sorry, I'm a little late now.
I'm going to meet your
colleague, Private Hargrove.
Well, yes, of course.
Do you mean to say that you
don't know about Hargrove?
We thought you knew.
Well... What happened?
Measles. [Gasps]
German measles.
Those rats will
stop at nothing!
Oh, no!
Oh, yes.
He woke this morning
with a fever and...
Little red spots
on his forehead.
Well, you know Hargrove,
what a soldier he is.
He just wouldn't
answer sick call.
He wanted to continue
with some important work
he was doing for the
commanding officer.
But he just couldn't make it.
Oh, the poor kid.
Oh, can I see him?
I'm afraid not.
Contagion, you know.
Excuse me.
Oh, he's got a date. He's just
watching out for her.
If there's any message
you'd like to send Hargrove,
I'd be glad to take it.
Can you see him?
Hmm? Oh, no! No,
of course not,
but I can slip him a note.
Oh. Well...
Tell him I'm sorry
about our date
and about his
being sick and...
I'll write to him.
The enemy is at our gates!
We're sunk!
All right! Um, um...
Don't rush off.
I'd better. I don't
want to miss the bus
if I'm going back into town.
Private Esty, why don't
you show Miss Carol
the shortcut to the bus
stop through the back door.
Oh, yes, it's...
back door? Bus stop?
What is the matter
with you two?
Well, uh... As long as
you've forced me...
He's crazy about you.
Uh, uh, yes, I...
Let's sit down and
talk it over, huh?
And your best friend in
bed with the measles!
You ought to be shot!
Corporal: Hargrove,
get to work!
Hello, Carol.
They told me you were sick.
I feel sick.
Sorry, lady, you'll
have to break it up.
Oh, corporal, give us
just a second, will you?
She has to go away. Just
let me say good-bye.
Ok, but make it fast.
Uh, Carol, honest, I'm sorry.
I got into trouble. I knocked
the C.O. flat on his back.
On purpose?
No, it was an accident, but...
Well, they slung
me on this detail,
and I didn't want
to tell you, so...
Well, now you know.
I don't care.
Yeah, but the worst
part of it is that
tonight I'm confined
to barracks.
Oh... I was sort of looking
forward to tonight.
Ok, lady! He's got
to get back to work.
All right.
[Horn honks]
Here comes my bus.
[Men jeering and whistling]
It's a pleasure!
Can I help you, baby?
So long, Hargrove!
I'm... I'm sorry
about tonight!
Hey, Hargrove, lean
on that broom!
Ok, cupid!
That for the army, the
battery commander,
all first sergeants, and K.P.!
And this is for you, you
mechanical traitor!
Ooh! Ooh!
That evil, fiendish
of diabolical machinery
is going to go
straight on the
government scrap heap!
Oh, the things I could write
about this army from now on.
Well, just get me a
quick court-martial,
'cause I'm through with
that kind of stuff!
And you can say that again...
And again and again...
I don't like that.
Say, if he stops writing,
that's practically robbing
me of that extra money!
Where are you going?
To the showers.
You just had a shower.
I missed a spot
on my left leg.
Tough day, Hargrove?
[Giggling quietly]
Hi, old kid!
What's the good word?
Shut up! That's what
the good word is.
Don't bite me. I
didn't stick you
on that street-cleaning
You're in the
army, aren't you?
Anything or anybody
connected with this army
is strictly a pain
in the arm to me.
Now, that attitude's just
asking for trouble.
Might as well ask for it.
I get it anyway.
Now, look, let's be logical.
All right, you hate the army.
So the first thing you
know, you'll get in a jam.
What will that lead to?
A brick wall and a
firing squad, I hope.
Worse than that, even.
No furlough.
No fur...
and by that, I mean
no trip to New York
to see Carol, get it?
Well, maybe.
And kicking that
typewriter like that
and swearing off writing!
Why, that means no dough!
So even if you get
your furlough,
you won't be able to go
anyplace but Fayetteville.
Aw, what's the difference?
But if you buckle down to it,
why, the furlough's a cinch.
And, uh, if you just knock out a
couple articles for the paper,
well, so is the dough, see?
Yeah, I see what you mean.
But, uh, why are
you so anxious
to see me writing again?
Ain't I your pal?
I mean, in addition to that.
Oh. Well, I figure...
you figure that
sooner or later,
you'll be able to swindle
some of that extra dough.
Now, that is a
rotten thing to say!
Naturally, if you
should happen to need
some money, say,
for a furlough...
Or a trip, or
anything like that,
well, I'd be happy
to help you out.
For a substantial cut, huh?
Well, we might be able to figure
out something advantageously.
I see. Well, thank you very
much for your pep talk,
and I'll do just
exactly as you say.
Hey, you will?
Sure. Ha ha!
But I don't need
your help, thanks,
so you can forget about chiseling
in on that extra dough.
Well, that's a very unfriendly
way to look at things.
Hey, I dropped my soap.
Can you help me find it?
Oh, never mind about
your soap... ooh!
Oh... You found it.
Aw, thanks.
[Cannon firing]
Today, we're firing
for a record!
Stay on the ball!
Corporal: Battery, adjust!
Shell h.E., charge
4, fuse quick,
base deflection right, 8-0!
On number one, open two!
Speed and accuracy
count, Hargrove.
Make sure you're on
your aiming stakes.
Corporal: S.I. 300!
Battery, 3 rounds
at my command!
1-3-8-0. Check.
Number 3 is ready!
[Cannon firing]
Ready. 3 gun ready!
[Cannon firing]
I wonder how we made out.
With Hargrove as gunner,
we'll be lucky if we
didn't hit the old man.
Is that so?
Do you want to know
how we made out?
All: Yeah! What happened?
Greatest number of rounds
fired, number 3 gun.
How about that?!
Did we hit anything?
Greatest number
of hits scored...
Number 3 gun.
Good work, men.
Ha ha ha!
Just wait till I collect
those paychecks. Just wait!
Due to the fact that Private
Hargrove was our gunner,
I was able to get odds
ranging from 2-1 to 5-1.
So, for an initial
investment of $6.00,
we win... Let me see, now...
We win $18.75.
And the $6.00 back.
So that's 6 for
you and 6 for you
and 6 for you, and
a 75-cent bonus
for our esteemed gunner,
Private Marion Hargrove.
Oh! Hear, hear! This goes into
my furlough fund, fellas...
New York!
One of you guys Hargrove?
That's me.
B.C.'s office... right away.
I didn't do anything!
Maybe they got the
target scores mixed up.
You better beat it
over there, kid.
Yeah, I guess I'd better.
Say, have you got
six 1s for a 5?
Oh, fine. Thank you very much.
At ease, Hargrove.
Hargrove, I don't
mind telling you
that when you first
joined this battery,
my first impulse was to
resign and join the Navy.
Yes, sir.
But during the past 6 weeks,
I've detected improvement.
Oh, you have?!
Uh, yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Now, on the firing
range today,
you not only lived up
to my expectations,
but, um, I never expected
it in the first place.
Yes, sir?
We're about to go out on a
field problem, Hargrove,
and I want to bring out the
qualities of leadership
and resourcefulness in
every eligible man.
"Private Marion
Hargrove, as of today,
you are appointed to the rank
of acting corporal with..."
[Thud] Good grief,
he's fainted!
Now, this field problem between
the blue and the red army,
in which we're the blue,
involves our moving out at 2100.
We move to sunken track, where
there'll be a d-11 marker.
Rendezvous area lies 200
yards north of bivouac area.
First serial will lead
column to rendezvous area,
where they'll be met by marker
number two by this time... 2400.
Second serial will be at I.P.,
400 yards south
of bivouac area.
Battery will be laid parallel
to this point. Any questions?
Pretty dusty out. I think my
stripes will need cleaning.
You should only keep them so
long that they need cleaning!
Oh, listen, I'll keep these
and add more to them!
They said that the war
problems are a real test
of those men with
qualities of leadership.
Look, we're on the tail end
of these perambulators.
We go where they go and
do what we're told.
That's right.
We wouldn't know what to do
with leadership if we had it.
Which we haven't.
All right, so what's wrong
in shooting my mouth off?
Keeps me warm, doesn't
do anybody any harm.
Hey, corporal, the gun
brakes are dragging.
All right, you,
you, and you...
get down and give Burk a hand.
On the double!
You know, if I were on
the general's staff,
I wouldn't waste time crossing
Bridges and things like that.
I would put the whole
blue army on the train
and send them down to Florida.
Then I would put the whole
blue army on the boats,
and bring them up that way,
and I would surprise the
pants off the enemy.
Of course, it would
take two weeks,
and the field problem
would be over,
but it would be interesting.
How we coming, Burk?
It's all right here.
Ok, corporal.
All right, let's move out.
On the double!
Hold it! You can't use
the bridge up ahead.
It's been captured
by the enemy.
You'll have to get this piece
across lower down the river.
Have you got your map?
Sure, sarge.
Get to this point here...
the shallow ford marked off.
Get your piece across
and rejoin us here.
If you can't do that, get through
to first battalion headquarters.
You got that?
Yeah, sure, sarge.
You 4 men...
move forward to this point
and scout around
for enemy patrols.
All right, on the double.
Let's go, Burk!
Cut a path on your right flank
through the woods
to the water.
Ok, corporal.
I'll direct you from there.
[Starts engine]
All right, fellas... heeeeave!
Come on, men... heeeeave!
Easy does it, Burk!
Hold it, Burk! Hold it!
Hold it!
"I'll direct you from
there," he says.
All right now, on the count
of 3, everybody heave,
and this time, Burk, you
really give it the guns, see?
Aye-aye, skipper!
All right! Get ready!
Ready, men?
All right, 1, 2, 3...
[Engine growling]
Hold it, Burk! Hold it!
We're drowning!
Aye-aye, skipper!
Hold it! Hold it!
We're drowning!
It's the first time since
I've been in the army
I didn't have to stand
in line to get a shower.
Well, what do you
make of it, sir?
Well, offhand, just
as a snap judgment,
I would say we are
stuck in the mud!
Anybody got any ideas?
Why don't we take it apart
and mail it to headquarters?
I've got it.
What's our problem?
How to get out of
here, but fast.
Right. Now, the wheels won't
catch on anything down there
because they haven't got
anything to catch on to.
So we'll put some boards
and planks under there,
and we'll breeze right out.
If we had a submarine to
cruise around in down there.
All right, listen, men...
first thing we do
is dump off that extra gas
drum to lighten the load.
Burk, get on that, will you?
Dump gas?
The corporal knows
what he's doing.
Follow orders.
I don't think you're
right, corporal.
The heavier the load, the
easier it's gonna...
Corporals are always right.
All right, come on, men...
on the double!
[Sarcastic] On the double.
All right, on the
double, on the double.
Well, if it isn't Moby Dick.
All right, take it away, Burk!
Keep clear, men!
Easy does it, my
boy, easy does it!
[Starts engine]
Corp, you're a genius.
That's understood.
All right, come on, men...
on the double!
I'm coming on the double.
Hey, have you got any
idea where we are?
Well, according to this
compass and my calculations,
we are in the business
district of Montreal, Canada.
Lost, huh?
Well, let's just find the
first enemy detachment
and surrender.
I'm tired.
Surrender? No! They'll
never take me alive!
That's the spirit.
I'm with you.
No gas, corporal.
That does it.
Ha ha ha! No gas, huh!
Now how did that happen, corp?
Shut up. No gas?
We'll get some gas.
Just let me think.
What's the use?
We're lost, anyway.
You get more gas, you just
get that much more lost.
We're not lost!
Look, I've got it figured
out now exactly!
We're only about 8 miles
from headquarters base.
I can take us there directly!
Come on, fellas,
let's scatter out.
There must be a farm or a
gas station around here.
Burk, you stay
here with Betsy.
Yeah, corporal.
Mulvehill, bring along
that extra gas drum.
Yes, corporal.
Here you are, private.
On the double, on the double!
Hey! Hold it, Burk!
Hold it!
Ha ha ha!
We made it!
Hargrove, I didn't know
you had it in you.
Just leave everything to good
old Corporal Hargrove, fellas.
Hey, come on, Burk...
move out! Move out!
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy! Divisional
And then to top that,
we ran out of gas,
but that didn't stop me.
We commandeered
some from a farm.
So here we are,
we got the gun,
and it's ready
for action, sir.
Well, corporal, you've gone
through quite a lot
to bring your gun in.
Yes, sir.
I want to compliment you on
your resourcefulness, corporal.
Thank you, sir.
I believe you said that
your unit was attached
to "D" battery, blue
battalion, is that correct?
Yes, sir.
In that event, corporal,
since this is "c" battery,
red battalion headquarters,
you men are prisoners.
[Embarrassed laugh]
Boy, what a strategist
I turned out to be.
What a tactician!
I really maneuvered those
maneuvers, didn't I?
Ahh, who cares about that?
I don't care about myself.
I'm so used to K.P. that
even in Fayetteville,
if I see a garbage
can on the street,
I stop and polish it.
But I get you and the
other guys in trouble.
Oh, I don't mind.
I don't imagine Burk and
Esty mind much, either.
Only I'm sorry they
busted you, that's all.
Of course if your conscience
bothers you too much,
why don't you take the boys
into town tonight for a feed?
I'll come along,
too, if you insist.
Hey, fellas...
General Hargrove's compliments
to his staff,
and he'd like to invite the members
of gun crew 3 to join him tonight
at dinner in Fayetteville.
Say, that's keen.
That did you do? Kid strike
gold in that garbage can?
No, it's my furlough money.
You can imagine my chances
of getting a furlough now.
And if I did, they'd probably make
me take along the garbage cans!
This morning, I want you guys
to police up your barracks
better than you've ever
done it before.
Battery, attention!
Chief of sections, take over!
Chief: Platoon dismissed!
Some party we had last night.
I can hardly stand.
Sergeant: Hargrove?
Your furlough just
came through.
10 days. You leave tonight.
Oh, but sergeant, I'm not prepared
right now to take my furlough...
you asked for it, didn't you?
Well, yes, but I...
well, you've got it.
You don't have to take the
furlough if you don't want it,
but it may be some time
before you can get another.
But sergeant,
I-I'm broke, I...
you can spend your furlough
in the public library
in Fayetteville
for all I care.
Do you want it or don't you?
I'll take it.
All right.
Gee, that's tough.
I feel like a heel.
Thanks, guys.
Hey, Mulvehill.
I just got my furlough.
You'll have to help me out.
Well, I don't know.
But you have to! I
haven't a quarter!
I spent it all last night.
Well, if you're going to
throw your dough around
like a drunken
artilleryman, Hargrove,
I'm sure there's...
why, you wild Irish
confidence man...
whose idea was it to blow
everybody to a big treat, huh?
Well, this should teach you
not to trust everybody
you meet in the army.
ever since I sold
my first article,
you've been trying to muscle
in on that extra dough, right?
Well, that's a little strong,
but that's the general idea.
And how. Well,
here's your chance.
You finance my furlough,
and you're a partner.
You mean it?
I got to mean it.
Ok, don't worry, I'll fix it.
Come on!
The meeting will
come to order.
"The name of this association
"shall be the Marion Hargrove
Beneficial Association,
"set up for the
purpose of supplying
"the said Marion Hargrove
with sufficient funds
to visit New York on his
forthcoming furlough."
I'd like to change the wording
to read "ample funds."
"Sufficient" is
what I've got here.
"In consideration of this
and any subsequent loans
"made by the association,
"the said Marion Hargrove
"assigns, bequeaths, devises,
and bestows to the association
"all right, title,
and principle of,
"in and to, any payments
of money made to him
"or his heirs or assigns
by the United States Army,
or from any source
That makes me as much of
a slave as Uncle Tom.
And don't think any civil
war is coming along
to get you out of this.
Well, hurry it up, will you?
It's almost train time.
"And that on his
return to camp,
"he applies himself diligently to
writing articles for the paper,
thereby earning extra money
for the association."
Gentlemen, I am touched
by the generosity
of your proposal
to finance my
furlough to New York.
Especially as you
ask no security,
other than all the money I may
earn during the rest of my life.
Could I ask one question?
How am I expected to live?
Oh, we advance you
further sums...
small ones, to be sure...
which are added to the
principal sum of the debt.
Oh, I see.
Just to make sure that I never
get out of your clutches, huh?
I'd like to make a motion
that Private Hargrove
is permitted
to bum cigarettes,
cokes, and movie tickets
from any member of
the association.
Approved. Any other
suggestions or complaints?
A pen, Esty?
Oh, don't you want
me to sign in blood?
Just one more thing.
When you get to New York,
you will visit all
the publishers
and do everything possible to
get your articles published
in book form.
You mean if the
book is published,
you guys get in on that, too?
right. Right.
I don't know.
I hadn't thought about...
I hadn't...
Well... Ok.
Just sign it where I
marked an "x" there.
[Indistinct chattering]
Hey, here's my
mother's phone number.
If you get a chance, call
her up in Jersey City
and tell her I'm feeling fine.
I'll do it first thing.
Now take care of
yourself, Hargrove.
Remember. You're
all we've got.
Yeah. Oh... take care of
my garbage cans, will you?
[Train whistle]
Hurry up, this is New York.
New York...
New York!
Take it easy, will you?
Hey, where you going, boy?
What's going on here? Hey!
Do you mind, sir, if I...
not at all. Go right ahead.
Thank you.
Conductor: New York!
New York!
Oh, thank you.
Yes, sir.
What do you think?
I don't know.
It don't look right to me.
Did you have a nice trip?
Oh, fine, thanks.
Did you...
Oh, that's wonderful!
Where did you get
the coat, bub?
Well, you see, I'm from Fort
Bragg, North Carolina...
you're from the guardhouse
on governors island
if you don't get out
of the coat, bub.
Yes, sergeant.
Must have been a mistake
in the washroom.
I know.
You like that coat?
Oh, yes, sir.
I... I guess it's your coat.
What's your name?
H-Hargrove, sir.
Private Marion Hargrove, "D"
battery, first batta...
never mind, that's enough.
Where are you from?
Fort Bragg, North
Carolina, sir.
Hargrove, Fort Bragg.
Yes, sir.
All right.
But in the future, Hargrove,
keep your wits about you.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
And don't go around town
impersonating no
officers, bub.
Well, you see, I'm not
a general, Carol.
I was a corporal for
one day, though.
Marion Hargrove, do
you mean to tell me
you didn't deliberately put
on that officer's coat
just to get me to kiss you?
Oh, no, Carol, I
swear I didn't.
It was all just a mix-up.
Well, it was a wonderful idea.
You should have thought of it.
Good evening, sir.
My name is...
We're all pretty familiar
with that name around here.
Come on in, son.
I'm Carol's dad.
Oh, how do you do, sir?
Let me take your things here.
Here we are.
Put these down here.
Carol's primping.
She'll be down pretty soon.
Let's come over here and
make ourselves at home.
Want a cigar?
Oh, yes, thank you.
Mmm, nice.
I'll smoke this after dinner.
It's certainly different
from the barracks at camp.
Yeah, guess so. I was in the
a.E.F. In '17, you know.
Oh, you were?
Yeah, I'd be interested to know
what you think of this army.
Well, I'd be very happy to tell
you anything that I can...
well, for one thing, do you like
it? Does it agree with you?
Well, yes, I'd say.
Oh, there's nothing
like the army.
You know, later on you'll
look back on these days
as the happiest
ones of your life.
Got any stripes on
that sleeve yet?
Well, I...
oh, I had my ups
and downs in 1917.
3 times I was up
there, a top sergeant,
and 3 times busted.
Well, I was a corporal
until the maneuvers...
I was busted once on account
of overstaying my leave.
I got the right train
all right, you know,
but I fell asleep,
missed my connection.
Well, that's like when I was coming
back on the train to New York.
then there was that trip
overseas with my unit.
For 14 days I went
without a cigarette.
I followed one guy
all around the ship,
waiting for him to
throw away a butt.
And he finally threw it over
the side and into the ocean.
Well, that's like our first
day at Fort Bragg...
and over in France, you know,
we used to exchange
our drinking water
for the wine with
those frenchmen.
It was a toss-up as to which tasted
worse, the water or the wine.
We used to guzzle
it down, you know,
out of those leather
skin things,
spill it all over the front
of our uniforms, ha ha ha!
Oh, and those uniforms, oh!
How do you like the new ones?
Well, the uniforms are...
Yeah? Go on.
Oh. Well, now the uniforms
are really very...
well, they couldn't have been
anything like that g.I. Stuff in 1917.
Well, Mr. Halliday,
I've certainly enjoyed
sitting here talking to you
about my experiences
in the army,
but I think I'm taking up
too much of your time.
Oh, ha ha!
Maybe Carol is ready...
nonsense. I could listen
to you for hours.
It's been a pleasure listening
to your experiences.
Carol: Hello, Marion.
Oh, hello, Carol.
Did you two get acquainted?
Well, your young man's had
some very interesting
We'll have to have
another talk.
Two old army men, huh?
Yes, sir. I'd certainly
like that.
Uh, do you use a pipe?
Yes, sir, sometimes.
Here's a new one I just got.
Take it and let me know
what you think of it.
Oh, thank you. Thank
you very much.
Will you excuse us, dad?
Sure, run along.
Have a good time.
Good night, sir.
Good night.
[Band playing jazz]
My name is Hargrove,
Mrs. Burk,
and Bill asked me to call you.
Ah. Uh-huh.
Oh, Bill's fine, Mrs. Burk.
Yes, he likes it fine, and
he's a swell soldier.
Oh, they treat us fine.
Sure, the food is good.
The cookies?
Oh, they were wonderful!
Uh, send more next
time, Mrs. Burk,
because there's a heck of a
lot of us in the barracks.
Yeah. Well, I'll tell Bill.
Oh. Well, I... I don't think
I can hug him for you.
He'd punch me right
in the nose.
Yeah, well... well, good-bye.
Oh. I'm glad I finally
got that call in.
I wouldn't want Bill to think
that I forgot about it.
It was nice of you to
phone Burk's mother.
Well, Bill was one of the boys
who made my furlough possible.
Marion, uh...
Do you think we
should have come
to such an expensive place?
Well, it just so
happens, Carol,
that I'm a man
with resources...
hidden resources.
Now, I know how much money you
had when you came to New York,
and it's been 6 days.
You can't have much left.
And these prices!
Did you wire Mulvehill
for more money?
Oh, now you must think
I'm really crazy.
Ah, and just think...
we walk right out and
leave the dishes.
What will they think of next?
Oh, uh, waiter.
The check, please.
Right away, sir.
Marion, you...
you didn't get an advance
on your book, did you?
No. The publishers are
still playing coy
about signing checks for it.
But then how did
you do all this?
Oh, this chitchat about money
is really very distressing
to a man of means, Carol.
Now, uh, what would you
like to do this afternoon?
The opera? A show? The...
oh, here we are.
Your check, private.
Keep the change.
Thank you.
Oh... Captain.
Oh, that's perfectly
all right.
Marion Hargrove, where
is your wristwatch?
Why, uh... uh...
you pawned it!
Well, yeah, but
it's all right, Carol.
The man told me that
I could call him
anytime that I wanted to
know what time it was.
Ha ha!
We ready now?
Well, good-bye, son.
Good-bye, sir.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you. Good-bye,
Mrs. Halliday.
Thank you very much for
all that swell cooking.
Come and see us again when you
get your next furlough, Marion.
You bet.
Come on, we're holding
up a bridge game.
Good night.
Play them close to the vest.
Now remember, when
I kick you once,
it means I got good cards,
but no strong suit.
Well, shall we...
Go out somewhere?
Well, I don't know...
that's a wonderful suggestion.
Uh, ahem...
any M.P.s or sergeants around?
I don't see a one.
Good. I can relax.
Do you suppose your mother and father
really had a bridge date, Carol,
or were they just
being tactful?
Well, they do play bridge.
They're pretty swell
people, you know it?
I think so.
Hey, and this pipe
your father gave me...
oh, boy, it's strictly solid.
In fact, I like
everything about him.
Including his tobacco.
Oh, Carol...
I know what you're thinking.
Don't worry, though.
I do this for dad
all the time.
I know, but there's a
knack to it.
Now you mustn't
pack it too loose
or you mustn't
pack it too tight.
Here, try this.
Oh. You're a very
talented girl.
Am I?
Pretty, too.
And you've got a very
good disposition.
Well, that's really something.
Oh, well, you know
what I mean, Carol.
You're fun to be with,
no matter what we do.
Just... just sitting
around, even.
Like this?
Mmm. Like this.
You know, even
while I was hoping
that some publisher
would say yes
about the book right away,
I was a little scared, too.
Scared? What about?
Well, if I had sold
it while I was here
and gotten some
money right away,
there's no telling what I
might have felt like doing.
I mean, we might
have even, uh...
well, you know what
I mean, Carol.
We might have
even got married.
Or... Something
crazy like that.
Well, that would
have been crazy,
wouldn't it?
I mean, you're in New York,
lots to do, people you like.
Well, you know what
I mean, Carol.
It wouldn't be fair.
Although it would mean
an awful lot to me.
But I want to feel
there's someone.
And then there'd be one
soldier who was mine.
I could write to you
and send you things...
oh, gee, Carol, that
would be swell.
Well, if I ever see action,
I'll make you proud of me,
even if I have to throw
garbage cans at the enemy.
Ha ha!
Hey, wait a minute...
I just remembered my train.
But that isn't for two hours.
Yeah, I know,
but we haven't even
started to say good-bye.
There. I got it at Fayetteville
for only 50 cents.
Pretty, isn't it?
Well, it's cheap, anyhow.
Will I give that lug a welcome
home when he gets here.
How do you like that nerve?
We finance the furlough,
we don't even hear
a peep out of him.
We don't even know
if he sold the book!
Ahh, who cares about the book?
I never thought
he'd sell it, anyhow.
What did you put
up the dough for?
Just to help the kid.
Say, if he stands to make
anything out of the book,
as far as I'm concerned,
he can keep...
that is a very
dangerous attitude.
I feel like telling Hargrove
what a rat you really are.
Me? Say, I...
suppose he gets a lot
of dough for this book.
If he keeps it all to himself,
he might get swelled head,
talk back to an officer,
wind up in the guardhouse!
Ho ho! What a fine
friend you are
to wish a thing like
that on Hargrove.
Who, me? Gee, fellas...
then it's agreed.
We stick together.
United we stand...
divided we divide up Hargrove.
Hey, fellas!
Hiya, kid!
Glad to see you, tiger!
Oh, fellas, I'm touched.
Deeply touched.
Why, this little demonstration
must have cost you
at least 75 cents.
Now what kind of an
attitude is that, Hargrove,
mocking our poverty?
Oh, I'm only kidding.
It's great to be back!
Ah, wonderful. Just
like a bed of spikes.
Come on, tell us.
Well, it was even better
than I'd ever expected.
Her father gave me this pipe.
Straight grain imported briar.
Got a match?
Who's father? What pipe?
Carol's father. Don't you
want to hear about...
I want to hear about the
book, you lovestruck goon.
Oh, yes, the book!
Soldier: Fall in for
retreat in 5 minutes!
Well, what about the book?
Well, I expect to hear
from them any day now.
It looks good.
In fact, I think a firm
is going to take it.
But let me tell
you about caro...
what firm? How much dough?
Well, not much right
away, naturally.
However, if it's accepted,
I'll get a few hundred
in advance...
Sergeant: Ah, Hargrove.
Oh, yes, sergeant.
Back with us, I see.
A soldier returning
from furlough
shall immediately make his return
known to the battery commanders
such as the designated
person or persons.
Oh, yes, sarge. I forgot.
Is that so?
Hey, psst!
Hey, I got to talk to you.
Oh? Well, sit down.
Pull up a can.
This is big stuff,
very important.
Now get this:
You know our basic
training is nearly over.
Pretty soon the battery is
going to be shipped out,
maybe way out.
Maybe thousands of
miles from our friends
and our loved ones.
I hear a rumor
it may be India.
Well, wherever it is,
I'm quite confident
someone will see to it
that I still polish
garbage cans.
What I'm driving at is
why polish garbage cans?
Oh. You mean you
have some solution
to this age-old
army problem, huh?
Well, the fact is I have.
Two men in the public
relations department
here at the fort are being
transferred to an army newspaper.
That means they're going
to need two new men here.
Well, now, with your
newspaper experience
and your book coming out
and all, we're a cinch.
What do you mean,
we're a cinch?
Well, I teach you all I
know about human beings,
you teach me all you
know about newspapers,
together we're ham on rye.
It can't miss.
Well, I'll think it over.
Think it over?
Do you want to
spend the duration
manicuring garbage cans?
You got a book coming out.
You gotta make some dough.
Maybe you'd like
to see your girl.
Well, I... I don't know, I...
this is answer to
a K.P.'s prayer!
Clean hands!
Sit around in a swivel
chair all day long.
Interesting assignments
all over the country.
Maybe New York.
You know, I think maybe
you got something there.
Now, first chance you
get, you run up to town
and contact some of these
newspaper friends of yours,
get some letters of
recommendation, you know.
And what are you going to do?
Forge some?
Oh, don't worry about me.
Just leave a little space on
the letters for my name, too.
Why, you old swindler.
Why, sure...
didn't I swindle us the
best jobs in the U.S. Army?
Why, we're practically aristocrats
of the field artillery.
No more K.P.
We'll travel to every important
city in the country.
Yeah! Chicago, Detroit...
and New York!
St. Louis, Salt Lake City...
and New York!
Philadelphia, Pittsburgh!
We'll be dancing in officer's clubs
all over the country!
Oh, brother, that's it!
Hey hey
May I?
Why, of course!
No more K.P. hey hey
Hey hey no more K.P.
No more K.P. hey hey
Oh, boy, Carol and me hey...
Hey... hey! oh,
boy, Carol and me
Hey... hey!
Oh, boy
La da Dee-ah, ah da Dee-ah
Da da da, get
Carol in my arms
La da da, ah da da...
[Approaching vehicles]
[Whispers] Hey, what
about those transfers?
Pick them up, will you?
Couple of more of
these forced marches,
and I won't have strength
enough to hold a pencil.
Well, I just got word...
Sergeant: Attention!
Hup, 2, 3, 4!
Hut, 2, 3, 4!
Hep! Hep!
Hut, 2, 3, 4!
Hut, 2, 3, 4!
[Blows whistle]
All men in this barracks
are moving out tonight!
Where to?
Camp "x".
That's what we've been
waiting for!
Get your equipment, pack
your barracks bags,
and have them ready by 22:00.
You leave 23:00. That's all.
[Excited chatter]
You and your soft jobs, huh?
What happens now, mastermind?
Well... Don't bother me now.
I've got to pack.
Sergeant: Now get your
stuff stowed away,
and let's show the new C.O. that
we learned to stash equipment.
Now, if you men would like to
be in on a little secret...
those 3-day overnight marches
at Bragg was just kid's stuff!
Tomorrow we start out
on a 30-day maneuver,
and they'll throw plenty of live
ammunition and dynamite at us.
So this battery better
be on the ball.
That's all.
And, uh, what is your comment
on this situation,
Private Mulvehill?
Don't bother me now.
I got to unpack.
[Artillery fire]
[Shell burst]
How you doing?
Oh, great.
We should be out of
here by Christmas.
[Artillery fire]
[Shell burst]
I like this!
You be careful.
You might get a slug
in your bonnet.
Brother, I wouldn't
lift my head
to kiss Hedy Lamarr!
[Artillery fire]
[Shell burst]
Exciting, isn't it?
[Artillery fire]
Public relations, huh?
Sergeant: Hit it, boys!
On your horse, private...
get going!
Come on!
Hit it!
Come on, fellas!
Break it up! Let's go!
Go through there!
Come on!
Come on, let's go!
Come on!
[Artillery fire]
Come on, men!
Keep moving!
Over the hurdle!
Yes, sergeant!
Come on, fellas, let's go!
Hurry up, men!
Come on, Hargrove,
under the wire!
[Artillery fire]
Come on, men! Come on!
Hargrove, come on!
You think we got all day?
Come on!
Oh, I'd go faster,
only I like it
here in the mud!
Mulvehill, keep
those hands down!
You want to get them shot off?
[Artillery fire]
Oh, boy, this is
good, clean fun!
We'll be darn glad
we had this workout
when we get where we're going.
What do you mean,
where we're going?
It's a cinch with all
these maneuvers,
they ain't getting us
ready for the camp show.
They're shipping us out.
I hear it's Norway.
Oh, that's a lot of corn!
It's rumors, that's all.
Yeah, well, Burk got it
practically official.
On the level, Burk? Official?
Well, like Esty says,
practically official.
A friend of mine, a fella
who used to hack out of
the same garage in Jersey,
he's stationed over
to Camp Roberts.
He eats all the time
in a restaurant
where the cashier goes
around with a guy...
he works in the officer's club
here at this camp.
And this guy was waiting
on some visiting officers
from Fort Sill, Oklahoma,
and that's how I knows
we're headed for Norway.
Boy, is that official.
I could give you a better prediction
by reading your tea leaves!
Pick up your equipment!
Fall in over here!
On the double!
You'll see, wise guy.
If you wake up some morning
with snow on your bunk,
don't say I didn't warn you.
Bart! Here I am!
Shane! Here!
Hargrove! Here!
Lathram! Here!
Adams! Here!
Hey, it's from the publishers.
Open it up, slowpoke.
Come on, come on, come on.
They've accepted the book!
And a check!
A pen, Esty.
Now, you just endorse this,
and I'll go right
out and cash it.
A pen, a pen, a pen!
Esty: Oh, all right.
You'd get it dirty.
"Total assets, $300.
"Cash on hand in deposit and
banks and trust companies
"other than this advance, 0.
hey, Mulvehill, what are you
trying to pull off here?
I'm giving you
lugs a statement.
Say, if I was a firm of
certified public accountants,
I'd charge you guys real money
for a report like this.
Well, speed it up, will you?
Now the stockholders
are getting impatient.
Yeah, let's get down
to the divvying.
Ok, if you want to run your
business in a sloppy manner.
We got 300 bucks.
You split it up 4 ways, and
that's 75 bucks apiece.
Oh, hiya, sarge.
Hiya, sarge.
Too bad you're not
a stockholder.
We're just cutting
up a dividend.
Yeah, how do you like
our private goldmine?
Those two? A couple
of swell operators.
Mulvehill, I've met some
14-carat swindlers in this army,
but you rate a salute
from the best of them.
And you're in there
pitching, too, Hargrove.
Your transfers
just came through.
Public relations.
What transfers?
You're kidding, sarge.
Oh, didn't they
even tell you guys?
Well, we didn't say anything
about it because...
oh, quit your stalling.
So you swindled two seats on
the aisle for the duration.
What's wrong with
asking for a transfer?
Kind of tough on you guys...
working hard like you did to
make that a crack gun crew.
Well, everybody did,
and it turned out to be the
best one in the battalion.
Then half your team transfers
just before the game starts.
That's what's wrong with it.
If you ask me, I'd call it a
good break for the battery.
Ok, if that's the way
you feel about it!
You can take your old battery
and mow the lawn with
it for all I care!
Old iron pants is just
blowing off a little steam.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes, the money.
Well, as I was saying,
that means a total for each
one of the stockholders...
keep mine. Count me out.
But that's not fair.
You're entitled to it.
Look, bud, what I'm
trying to tell you
is that some soldiers
in this army are choosy
about who they go
in business with.
I got 20 bucks coming.
You can give it to me
or don't give it to me.
That's ok, too.
Is that how you feel, Burk?
Yeah, that's how I feel.
Oh, he's a sorehead.
Let him go.
Well, Esty, me lad, that
just means so much more
for the old faithful trio to
split up among themselves.
Excuse me, fellas, I
got to see a guy.
Hey, wait a minute. I'll
give you your dough.
I don't want all that.
Just give me back
what I put in.
So long.
Well, buddy,
I guess that just leaves the
two of us in the association.
Hey, where are you going?
Ah, leave me alone.
What am I doing?
Oh, this is the life.
Isn't this better than standing
over a hot Cannon all day?
Shut up.
You know, I don't understand
you, Private Hargrove.
Here I go and wangle us
two very important jobs.
We're practically
war correspondents,
if we were near any war
to correspond with.
We're doing responsible
work with regular hours,
and you sit there
and beef as though
I've played you some
kind of a dirty trick.
Shut up!
Ever since we've been
you've been sitting around here,
looking like an open grave.
What's eating you? And
don't say, "shut up."
Nothing, I'm fine.
Oh, yes, sir.
Hurry up with that story
on the anti-tank gun.
Yes, sir.
Hargrove, hurry up with that
story on the anti-tank gun.
Now look, Mulvehill,
this public relations
job is no cinch,
even if everybody
does their own work.
But when I got to do
yours and mine...
well, I understand that,
but I got to learn.
Well, why couldn't you
have just told the captain
one simple, little lie?
Why did you have to tell him
that you were not
only a reporter,
but a photographer, a
rewrite man, a copy editor,
a retoucher, a...
I got carried away.
Hiya, sarge.
Huh. How are you, Hargrove?
Ok, sarge.
Hey, it looks kind
of empty in there.
Yup. We're moving out.
How's things over at
public relations?
How's Mulvehill?
Oh, he...
we don't see you two
guys around anymore.
Well, we didn't think we were
very popular around here.
It's tough to get
a good gun crew
so it's right on the
ball and lose two men.
We worked mighty hard
on you and Mulvehill.
Well, we work mighty hard
over in that office.
We've been on the job
ever since we got there.
It's all the same army, kid.
Right, now check all your
equipment on the truck.
Come on, snap into it.
Ok, sarge.
Well, so long, sarge,
and good luck to you.
Same to you, Hargrove.
Say, sarge, uh...
uh, are you going overseas?
Is it action?
Say, sarge, all the
barracks bags are loaded.
Anything else to
go on the trucks?
No, but I want you to get
right down to that train.
Well, so long, sarge,
and good luck to you.
Same to you, Hargrove.
Say, uh, sarge...
say good-bye to Burk and
Esty for me, will you?
Sure thing.
Oh, thanks.
Well, so long, sarge,
and good luck to you.
Same to you, Hargrove.
Say, sarge, I want to get back in
the battery before you pull out.
What do you say, huh?
If I can work the transfer,
can I get back in?
Are you sure you want
it that way, Hargrove?
Sure I'm sure! I belong
in that battery!
I miss the gang!
Only what worries me is
does the battery want me?
To take an official transfer,
you got to get it today.
Well, what do you say?
You're wasting valuable time.
Go to it, son.
Oh, thanks!
And you better show me
some real soldiering!
We'll have garbage
cans wherever we go!
Whatcha doing?
Huh? Oh, uh,
just writing a letter.
Say, by the way,
did you know that the old
battery is pulling out?
Yeah, I heard that,
but I imagine that it's just
the same old rumor.
No, not this time. I was
just over at the barracks.
I saw cramp.
You did?
I suppose he gave
you a big con talk
about going back
into the battery.
No, he thought this
public relations was
a very good spot for me.
He did?
Oh, he's right,
it's a great set-up.
Very useful work.
Wild horses couldn't drag
me away from this job.
Oh, me neither.
You know, I'm gonna kind of
miss the old gang, though.
Burk and Esty.
Even cramp.
Hey, can you imagine
missing a top sergeant?
Well, I, uh...
I've got to shoot over
to the C.O.'s office.
You go right ahead.
Go right ahead.
Well, I'm sorry, Hargrove.
All I can do is put through
your request for a transfer,
and I'll do it gladly, but that's going
to take a couple of weeks.
But lieutenant, the
battery's pulling out today.
Sorry, that's the
best I can do.
Well, may I have
permission to speak
with Captain Hammond, sir?
Go right ahead.
Thanks, sir.
Oh, hi.
I'm just... I'm just...
I'm just trying to get a
pass for the weekend.
Oh, I was just trying to find out
something about my next assignment.
Well, so long.
Yeah, so long.
Lieutenant: Come in.
Well, still after that old
pass for the weekend?
Yeah. Yeah.
You still worrying about
your next assignment?
Uh, yeah.
Hey, that business
about the pass,
that's just a lot of hot air.
I'm trying to get transferred
back to the battery.
Why, you...
now look, I know what
you're gonna say...
all I'm gonna say, you
big four-flusher,
is let's not waste any time!
I'll take the major and
you take the colonel!
Hey, any luck?
Aw, no. I got the same answer.
What about the colonel?
Not in.
Oh, fine.
Hey, hey!
Oh, Colonel Forbes!
Private Hargrove, sir.
I have Major Roberts' permission
to speak to you
regarding a transfer.
Oh, yes. Major Roberts
phoned me about that.
I'm sorry, Hargrove,
I'd honestly like to help you,
but I got to go
over regulations.
I'd like to see you get
back to your battery,
but a transfer would
take 5 or 6 days.
Oh, yes, sir.
Well, could I have your permission
to speak to General Howard, sir?
All right, Hargrove, go to it.
Thank you, sir.
General Howard's out of town,
army conferences.
You can see him
first thing Monday.
That does it. Now
we are stuck.
Look, the next time
you get a brainwave
about easy jobs and transfers,
just remind me to
slug you, will you?
Why should I remind
you to slug me?
Anyhow, how come
this is all my rap?
You're 21, you know
what's going on.
Oh, you're such a con man.
You can talk anybody
into anything.
All right, if that's the
way you feel about it!
Look, all I know is that
you got us into this mess,
and now we're hanging around
here flipping our typewriters
while the battery's moving
out and le...
Any luck with the
transfer, Hargrove?
No, sir. I couldn't
see the general, sir.
Oh, yes. Conferences
in Washington.
Well, that's too bad.
I was hoping you'd make it.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Let's see, General
Dillon is here.
The divisional commander.
Perhaps if you could...
Come along with me, Hargrove.
Yes, sir!
[Band playing march]
Hut, 2, 3, 4. Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
[Whistle blows]
You wait here, Hargrove.
I'll see if I can
pave the way for you.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
All right, I'll talk to him.
All right.
General Dillon,
this is the young man whose transfer
we would like you to approve.
[Band playing march]
[Indistinct shouting]
[Horn honking]
Hey, sarge, look!
A staff car!
Holy smoke, it's the general!
Ha! Carry on, men.
Gee, kid, you made it!
All right, come on!
Let's get on that train!
What are you waiting on?
Come on, the army don't
wait for you guys!
Break this up, come on!
Come on, you fellas!
You don't mind, do you?
I like this!
Well, we're all together.
Now, look, fellas, I'm not telling
you where we're headed for,
but it wouldn't
hurt to take along
a little bottle of
seasick remedy,
and it just so
happens that I...
[Train whistle toots]
That's it!
We're on the Shanghai Express!
And we're on it! Ha ha ha ha!
[Playing march]
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[Train whistle toots]