Seeking Dolly Parton (2015) Movie Script

[Indistinct announcement
over pa]
[Music playing]
[Indistinct announcement
[Man speaking indistinctly
over pa]
I like your glasses.
No, they're cute.
Do i recognize you?
I'm sure i've seen you
somewhere before.
You-- Chopsticks?
No, what's that?
It's a bar.
It's a gay bar.
Oh, no, no.
You definitely didn't
see me there.
I like your accent.
I like yours.
I don't have one.
To me, you do.
[Indistinct announcement
over pa]
Wanna have a baby?
You did not say that.
Yeah, i'm pretty
sure i did.
No, no, i think it
took about two years
to get to that stage.
I think we had a few obstacles
to get through first,
Like the whole
girl-On-Girl thing.
Oh, no, i think we straddled
that hump quite nicely.
Yeah, well, it wasn't
without its obstacles.
No, like,
our first kiss.
I don't remember that.
Let me remind you.
it's so crazy how we
can do this nowadays.
I mean, we can actually
find a father on a laptop.
[Woman 2]
sperm donor.
I'm really getting sick
of saying the word "sperm."
Look at that guy.
Yeah, yeah, he's cute.
All right.
Well, there's dad.
Wait a second.
We gotta read up on the guy,
-See what's going on.
-Okay, well,
Says he plays basketball,
he's vegetarian.
Combined with you that baby
will be half vegetarian.
Oh, wait,
look at this guy.
Is he...
chinese or something?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Mother, japanese,
father, german.
Our two greatest enemies.
It's not 1942 anymore.
Well, either way,
i gotta start taking notes.
Okay, well,
you take your notes,
And if you get bored,
i'm gonna be in the paint room.
Come on, babe.
I'm not just doing this
for me here.
-This is for us.
-Oh, i know,
But you can
whittle it down.
I trust you.
You can think of yourself
as a...
casting director,
all right?
And then we'll pick together,
I love you.
All right.
Please stand on your mark
and slate your name.
[Deep voice]
hello. I'm jack hunky.
[Normal voice]
hi, jack, let me
see your profiles.
Oh, good, good.
Oh, that's really nice.
Now drop your pants.
you're not my type
i'm not yours
you're an open window
and i'm a closed door
you're so optimistic
i can't see why...
you slept in
your painting shirt again.
It's dry paint.
Nice ass.
kiss it.
Hey, um...
i got up this morning,
i was thinking about
something, you know.
I was going over
all those guys again.
You want the swimmer guy,
don't you?
What if we didn't
go with any of them?
What, you mean
a new donor place?
Well, what if we went
with somebody
You know, we--
We actually know?
Someone real.
What, you mean
actually get it
from an actual bloke
We actually know?
Look, last night
you could hardly care about
Who i picked off
that donor website.
-No, that's not true.
-I don't blame you.
It's weird.
I guess i just always
thought i'd get pregnant
the old-Fashioned way.
That something
you're gonna miss?
No, no, no.
No, i just...
i wonder if it's something
you'll ever miss.
You can't miss something
that you've never wanted.
You got someone
in mind?
-[Jon] beautifuls.
-Hey, jon.
What's going down,
besides yourselves?
-Come on in.
-Get in there.
-Looking good, though.
I like that.
are you guys abreast,
so to speak,
Of this new nudity law
in san francisco?
-Oh, yeah, yeah, i am.
-No, what law?
Well, now you can
strut your junk outside
in the city.
-No way.
And i'm the last guy
to ask another guy to put
their clothes back on
But have you seen the people
that are actually going
with this trend?
I swear to god,
the law needs to be:
you get a trench coat,
Six-Week diet plan,
and a workout at the gym.
Yeah, i walked outside
of my building yesterday
To a 65-Year-Old jogger
wearing only his ipad
and tennis shoes.
-You did not.
-Was he cute?
[Both laugh]
I'm skipping lunch.
End of conversation.
Yeah, so--
Hey, grandma.
These are my friends
right here,
Charlie and cerina.
-Hi, great to meet you.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
You want to offer them
a cup of tea?
Would you like to have
a cup of tea?
-No, no, we're fine.
-We can't stay long.
No, they don't drink tea,
grandma, they're lesbians.
I don't know
what to do now.
Go and wash
my dishes, grandma.
Lesbians don't drink tea?
When did
your grandma get here?
She helps pay the rent
and do chores.
You make her do chores?
Well, what is she gonna do?
I mean,
It's either that
or it's back to stripping,
And i don't think
she can pole dance anymore.
Hey, grandma.
Hey, grandma,
do me a pole dancing move.
Show some what?
All right, grandma.
Get out of here.
Pole dancing?
What the hell is
he talking about?
I think she was getting
a little antsy back in new york,
And she was sent out
to check on me
And... i'm the last grandson
and all that, so...
they want to know why
i haven't had any kids yet.
But, um...
yeah, so...
ah, you know.
So what are you guys
doing here, anyway?
-we, uh...
-We wanted to ask
you something.
Something that involves...
your sperm.
I'm really getting sick
of that word.
now, sis,
You're gonna have a gay guy
impregnate a somewhat-Lesbian
To have a child
with her most-Definitely,
Utterly, completely
lesbian girlfriend?
This is how the world
is gonna rid itself
of straight people.
Ah, what do you care?
You're asexual.
Workaholic's more
like the term.
Besides, mom and dad
are gonna be the ones
that trip out on this.
They're still hoping
that you're gonna bang
your head again
And someday rediscover
the joys of the male anatomy.
i remember them well.
Leo, a woman's sexuality
is a little bit more fluid
than a man's.
-Things like this happen.
Anyway, old news.
New news is this baby thing.
You think it's gonna go over
like a bad meal?
Who knows?
The last thing
mom and dad want
Is to not be unconditionally
loving parents in their
neighbors' eyes,
So you have their reputation
going for you.
Well, i'm not
too concerned anyways.
We aren't kids anymore.
We grew up like good kids,
and if they want to be
good parents,
-They'll learn to be proud.
Besides, they got over you
not going green on some
of your bills.
I thought you promised
not to bring that up again.
I'm so mad at you.
You're so mean.
-You really need a prius.
[Knock on door]
Girls, the door was open.
Dude, you couldn't--
You need to knock before you...
-come in.
I'm sorry,
the door was open.
What's going on?
How is everything?
Just cooking dinner.
I'm not hungry,
though, thanks.
You ever
heard of knocking?
Well, that's funny,
'cause i got dinner plans,
so i'm not gonna--
Is that a panty?
We keep 'em
in the kitchen, sometimes.
Can i get a drink?
I need a drink.
Yeah, help yourself.
We better get used
to this interruption thing.
You drink, jon?
Only when i'm nervous
or about to get intimate.
You're not looking
to get intimate,
are you, jon?
The other day when
you came to me and you asked
for my toothpaste,
I never thought
anybody would ever ask me
for something like that.
I went home
and i thought about this.
When i moved
from the east coast,
I wanted to go somewhere
where i could think
And try and find myself.
I mean, you know.
I'm so confused,
So the thought
of having a baby grow up...
what if it ends up
confused like me?
-[Both] jon.
-No, it's--
We totally get it.
It's okay.
-We understand.
-No, wait a minute.
I'm not saying
i'm not interested--
Jon, if you
weren't interested,
You wouldn't have accepted
in the first place.
We get it.
It's cool.
-You get it?
-It's fine.
I'm starting to feel
really crappy about this.
-You're still here?
Took the day off.
I got a bunch of stuff
i gotta take care of.
What's up?
You know.
It's just funny how...
You can be raised
in a family
Where you're thinking
of your accomplishments
Before your eggs and ham
every single morning,
And then you look
back at the things that
really matter and...
somehow you never
saw them through.
We'll figure
this out, okay?
I'll see you tonight.
Chin up.
i wish we had the time
so i could
have a chance
to say goodbye
but as a river flows
i have to let you go
i wanna let you go
every day i let you go
a little more.
It's josh.
Okay, okay, okay.
This is awesome.
So girl/gay girl,
combo choice number one
is out.
That's no longer happening,
right? Okay?
Now it's ex-Boyfriend
impregnates ex-Girlfriend
So ex-Girlfriend
can have child baby
with new girlfriend.
Oh, i don't even know
if he would agree to it.
I haven't spoken to him
in, like, two years!
I'm just asking you
what you're thinking.
I so hope
it doesn't work out,
'Cause i can't
wait to hear what you
come up with next.
Gonna get me
hit by a car.
I'm just asking you
what you are thinking.
About josh?
I think he's a great guy.
Of course, not as attractive
as your current lover.
He had, like, one cold
in the two years we dated.
That's just unheard of.
I mean, that's
some sturdy constitution.
-Strong antibodies.
He had strong hair.
Big follicles.
That man was always
in a good mood, no matter what.
I mean, that is just
some serious cortisol and
norepinephrine levels.
He's a person,
not a nutritional label,
you know that, right?
Right, right.
I know, i know.
You know, he--
He was a well-Made person.
-His whole family was.
You just don't find that
on the donor websites anymore.
So if josh was all this
and that and everything...
-...why did you leave him?
[Charlie] your parents
don't like being around us
together too long, do they?
No, you know
that's not it.
It's just that, you know,
They had to be at the salon
before 10:00 pm
So they could get
their complimentary massages.
Hey, um, have you heard
from erin lately?
Erin? No,
not in a couple of months.
-Just wondering, i guess.
You know, it's okay to be
friends with your exes, right?
You don't think i still have
feelings for erin, do you?
No, i'm just--
I'd understand if you did.
She's hot.
She's just a silly stripper.
Silly strippers.
what's the matter?
I got another idea
for a sperm donor.
Okay, well,
you're saying "sperm" again,
so it must be good.
I don't even know if he would
agree to something like this.
I got the idea
to ask josh horn.
Josh horn.
I know,
it's a silly idea,
But it--
We're running out of options.
But your ex-Boyfriend?
I mean, i know.
I don't even know
if he would agree to it.
It's just--
Come on.
No, i'm--
Come on, i want to hear it.
I want to know why
the guy you said was like
the bohemian poster child
Is gonna be the right man
to father your baby.
Not father, donor,
And not my baby,
our baby.
I know, i get it.
I said a lot of things.
I was hurt over love.
You've said things about erin
before, you know, remember?
Yeah, she almost
made me straight.
-[Both chuckle]
Well, i get it,
we had our ups and downs,
But no receding hairline.
It's important.
Cerina, you're gonna be
the one that carries
this baby, so...
you're the one
that should choose the father.
You know i wanted you
to carry this child.
Yeah, we went
over that once.
Some people have parents.
You know, good or bad,
they have people to draw
experiences from.
I told you before,
i wasn't born.
I just woke up one day
and i was an adult.
There's no nurture
in my blood.
Come on.
Let's go get us a man
to boss around.
Yes, yes!
this is where
your ex-Boyfriend lives.
Well, i guess
the odds that josh is
the next bill gates are out.
yeah, i think
his aspirations
Were always a little more
creative than lucrative.
You know, usually
it's the girl turning up
on the guy's porch
And saying, "i want you
to know i'm pregnant."
Not, "i want you to know,
i want to get pregnant."
You going in?
-We are going in.
-Oh, hell no, no.
I will help deliver
the baby and all of that jazz,
But i am not gonna help
recruit the man.
[Cerina scoffs]
no, i understand it.
I get that,
i get it, i get it, i get it.
-Oh, that's him.
right, right, right,
right, right.
that's him?
-He looks kind of...
-Right, right, right.
He wasn't born that way.
I will-- Give me another week,
another week.
-That's all i need.
-All right, well,
go get him, tiger.
You never know,
might get lucky.
Might have a vial
in his refrigerator.
no, i know, i love you guys.
You guys are great.
Yeah, i get it, i get it.
I just told you,
I don't-- I'm not
a people photographer.
You know, i do
landscapes and objects.
Things that don't move.
Right, well, you know,
people are just too hard
for me to capture.
Yeah, well, i'll put
a squirrel in the tree, okay?
Yeah, i know,
but for 200 bucks,
What do you expect,
ansel adams?
-Okay, well...
Right, all right,
well, i'll tell you what,
Yeah, i'm still
down at the clothing store,
And you know,
they give me some hours there,
So i'll, uh...
ooh, yeah.
Can i...
call you back
in a minute?
Come on, girlfriend.
Serve him
that silver platter.
Hi, josh.
This your place?
Yeah, i got some, um...
i got some roommates,
but, uh,
This is where i crash.
what are you doing
out here?
well, i--
Is that me?
Oh, that was--
I was looking for that.
I was throwing all
this stuff away,
And that was one of the things
that i was gonna, you know,
throw away.
Question for you.
Would you sell me
a cup of your--
I even feel awkward.
Well, what happened?
Did he tell you there's a long
waiting list or something?
It's really not a--
This was a dumb idea.
-Let's go.
-No, listen, i--
-No, look.
-Okay, i'll listen,
or look.
I haven't seen you
in a long time
And then you just kind
of show up here and--
I mean, this whole idea
of you handing me money
And me handing you
a cup of my--
Look, i know, i probably didn't
think it that far through.
Maybe i should have sat on
the whole idea a little
while longer
Before just going
to look for you.
Why-- Why me?
I don't understand.
I mean, there's gotta be
plenty of guys out there
With a lot less
qualities you dislike.
I don't dislike you, josh.
Look, you have a lot
of great qualities,
And you're good-Natured,
i mean, healthy.
I don't know,
maybe you just seemed
like a good candidate
For more, um, joshes.
Well, i'm flattered.
I mean, i guess
that's what i am.
I just-- Can i have a day
to think about this?
-Yeah, of course.
Of course.
This is charlie.
this doesn't get
any better for me, all right?
My three beautiful women
in the laundromat.
This is it.
-Right, grandma?
-You all right?
Keep folding.
I don't care
how beautiful you are.
jon, you don't need
to keep flattering us.
We do still love you.
I can't stop thinking about
this whole thing, all right?
I just can't
think straight about it.
You get that, straight?
It's funny.
now you can become
all the man you want to be
Without a baby
in the rear view mirror.
well, that's right,
that's what i mean, okay?
Now you just go on
the internet, anonymously,
You have a one-Night stand,
you have a baby,
And that's a little less
complicated, right?
yeah, we might not be going
down that route anymore.
well, what do you mean?
You spoke
to your ex-Boyfriend?
I didn't know
anything about this.
Well, don't you think
this is a little odd?
Well, did he accept?
not yet.
We'll find out tomorrow.
so he didn't accept yet.
yeah, thanks
for reminding me.
okay, look,
i was just saying,
Because i thought you
were gonna go on
Some match-Semen.Com
website, that's all.
can't we just all
shut the hell up
And focus
on the laundry, okay?
Hurry up, grandma,
i gotta get outta here.
all righty.
-What's the matter
with you?
these streets
are lonely
another face
in the crowd
but i've got
my guitar
and i'm singing it
out loud
well, i've learned
my lesson
always listen
to the call
even though
it may kill me
i won't be sorry
when i fall
i'll be laughing
when i fall
all alone
with my bags unpacked
i still stare
at the wall
i don't know
when my day will come
and i don't care
at all
i know i'm never
looking back
this train is
right on track...
[Phone rings]
Hey, josh.
Oh, oh, my god.
Yeah, that--
I mean, that--
That's great.
You don't--
Oh, josh, i can't even--
I can't even
thank you enough.
Yeah, this will mean
so much to us.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, my god, yes!
[Both laughing]
she said her name
was billie
as she looked up
from her drink
a smile on her face
she knew him
he couldn't
quite remember
when they'd met up
at that place
he was a young boy
she was a fool
and they got high
the night flew by
and she wished that he
would never let her go
doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo...
What are you doing?
I'm drawing.
Oh, god, really?
I hope it's not me,
Because i'm gonna look
like a dirty maid.
Now that is a series
of paintings that i could
get into.
Hey, listen, we gotta get
the boxes out of the attic.
Yeah, i did it.
Oh, okay.
Oh, the guest room blinds,
we gotta fix that,
Because the light
comes right through.
Yeah, they're done.
Well, thank you.
Appreciate it.
You, uh, want me
to paint some fluffy clouds
on the ceiling, too?
I don't know, maybe
a baby mobile above his bed,
Or some fluffy toys?
He's not the actual baby,
cerina, he's a houseguest.
He's coming
for a couple of weeks.
He's gonna be
poked and prodded,
And he's maybe
gonna become the cow
to our dairy farm.
Is there no romance
in this for you?
Is there for you?
Want to see your room?
Mm-Hmm, yeah.
-What do you think?
-Of what?
Of him!
So far, i think
he walks pretty good.
So you know, leo and i
actually have offices down
the street from each other.
I mean, sometimes i feel like
we're just little kids again
With adjoining rooms.
And i get to see him
so much, it's awesome.
[Clears throat]
you know, he likes you.
Leo does, you know.
He always thought
that you were the cool brother
that he never had.
No, not that i wasn't
a cool sister and all,
But, you know, he just always
needed that male energy
Or male camaraderie thing.
And you know,
i was just so girly.
So, uh, josh.
What have you been
up to lately?
Well, since...
i last saw you,
I moved down
to l.A. For a while,
And tried to start a band.
A band?
Yeah, i always had
a dream about doing
The rock-Star-On-The-Road
thing, you know?
You played an instrument?
You, uh, you bought me
a guitar for christmas
one year, remember?
It's all right.
I kind of got into it
more later
After i saw you,
And um...
ah, you know.
It was all right.
It gave me some focus
and direction at the time.
Kind of gone more into
the photography thing lately.
That's awesome.
I just...
kinda always
thought you wanted
to get into films.
Hmm. Yeah,
well, i tried that business.
Those guys are, like, crazy
and it was too much.
how did the road artist
thing pan out?
[Clears throat]
well, three tours of gilroy,
Five groupies,
and i got a music video--
Half music video done.
Actually, i have it
on dvd here if you guys
want to check it out.
It's pretty good.
That's awesome!
That's really good.
I didn't even know
you were so naturally
In the things i didn't know
you were talented in.
Well, not really,
but thanks.
Wow, your family,
they must all have, like,
This artist's streak
going through them
Well, let's see,
my mom's a cpa,
My brother tests soil
for a construction company,
-So i'm not--
That's awesome
that he does that, you know,
That's really cool.
I just didn't even know
he did those kind of things.
You're a love-Your-Job
kind of guy, then?
I feel everybody
who has passion
Should at least try
and put it to work.
And what if your passion's
an undesired commodity?
What then?
I feel
if you've got passion,
Somebody's gonna want it.
Right, right, right.
You know, and sometimes
you artists need a break
from creating,
Uh, to make money,
it really works out
for this whole arrangement,
Because you need money
to keep creating,
And we need... stuff,
to keep procreating.
how's the help?
Well, uh,
good night, josh.
Sleep tight.
Oh, thanks.
You sleep tight, too,
Or, i mean, you know,
i'm not telling you
to go to sleep,
But i'm just--
I'm just--
Yeah, yeah, sleep--
All right, i'll see you
[Camera clicks]
so how'd it go?
Oh, it's not too--
Oh, that.
Pretty good
if you're a dartboard.
Well, i guess we'll find out
if you got any, uh...
Yeah, no.
You don't have to worry
about that, 'cause to get stds,
you gotta...
what's with the tree?
I'm doing some graphics
for this holistic massage
place by me.
It's-- I mean,
it's not the happy ending
kind of massage,
Just the regular--
The sad ending kind.
Well, why the tree, then?
Oh, 'cause it's called
"the tree-Tment center,"
you know?
They're like
the green kind of people,
And so they want
to have a tree in it,
But they also want
to put a person in it and--
You get in that tree.
Oh, no.
No, no, not me, no.
Oh, no, come on!
Get in the tree,
why not?
Oh, come on,
you remember.
I fell on my head,
cracked my skull open
when i was eight.
No, no.
And i thought you said
you weren't good at shooting
people, anyways.
Well... you know, we'll both
confront our weaknesses.
Oh, no.
No thanks.
Come on, if there's
anybody i'm gonna take
a great picture of,
It's gonna be you.
Thanks, well...
maybe i'll hire you to take
some pictures of charlie and i.
She's a nice girl.
-Yeah, she's cool.
Yeah, i agree.
She's, um...
I was gonna--
I was gonna say
she's not your type,
But then, i don't think
her entire body was your type.
Why don't you think
she's my type?
I don't know, i guess...
if i thought you were gonna
go in that direction
at any point,
I guess she wasn't the girl
that i necessarily pictured
you going after.
And what type of girl
did you see me going after?
Well, that's kind of hard
to pinpoint, 'cause truthfully,
You going after
somebody else
Wasn't something
i thought about too much.
I gotta ask you something.
Are you with charlie...
charlie, what?
Are you with charlie
Because i had asked--
Because i wanted you and i...
Are you with charlie
because i asked you
to have a threesome?
You never told me
that you had a three-Way.
-Well, it was more of
a two-And-A-Half way.
Look, i was up
for the whole idea,
Only i brought in somebody
that was a little bit more
hardcore than you,
And poor little josh
just ended up getting
a live show.
Not that he was
complaining much.
So that is
the little experience
That you told me
about when we met.
And that was it.
Only now he's wondering
if he's the one
That led me down the path
of least resistance.
Typical bloke to think
it was somehow him
That made you want
to be with a woman.
Okay, he's not like that.
Look, he was probably
just trying to make
something better
That he knew was already
falling apart,
And now he's just trying
to piece it all together.
you are here with me
Because you want
to be, right?
I mean, that's--
That's not even
a question for you, is it?
Oh, charlie,
don't think like that, okay?
He's here
because, simply,
I want him
to get me pregnant.
Because for a minute
i thought it was for
something immoral.
What are you
doing in here?
Oh, this is
really interesting.
I saw this
dolly parton.
A what?
Reminds me of a dolly parton.
It's a rose.
I was taking this
botanical semester for
this charcoal class one time,
And they studied
this sucker to death,
But it was--
Kinda struck me that way,
Like, uh--
Let me see, what was it?
Warm climates.
It's kind of like an orange--
It's not finished.
I got a lot of
unfinished songs, you know.
Sometimes things
take time.
Look, josh,
you're a guest in my house
and everything,
And i really appreciate
you helping us,
But please don't
go looking through people's
private things.
Sorry, i was just--
Just walking by.
All right, okay.
He was looking
through my stuff.
What was that?
Your boyfriend.
Looking through
my paintings.
I want you to tell him
that if he has even
a cold sore
Show up on
those tests tomorrow,
He is heading straight back
to that art colony by the sea.
it's just one painting.
Just one painting?
Cerina, you have memories,
don't you?
Now, if all those memories
were wiped from your mind,
Would you be
the same person again?
I have one real memory
of my dad.
And it's of a place
that he took me to
in the city,
Maybe half a dozen times.
And it was
our magic place.
And it was where we went
just to be ourselves.
And when he died,
he took that place...
he took that place and he took
all of its magic with him
Because i was too young
to even remember where it was.
So i move halfway
across the world...
and sometimes i still
take a different route
home from work
Just in case
i find it again.
And all i have
to remember that place by
is those paintings.
And you tell me
it's just a painting.
It's not just a painting.
let me show you.
-Do like that.
That's the focus.
-It says "focus" right there.
-Oh, okay.
You can try it if you want,
just hit the button there.
I'd like
to get a camera.
-It's pretty cool.
Taking pictures
of your friends, you know?
Yeah, people are
a little harder, you know?
It's kind of hard
to get 'em in the best light
all the time, you know?
Guess you just gotta try.
you see in the thing
in the center there,
Kind of focusing
up in the middle,
-That little dot?
-[Boy] yeah, yeah.
And you just [clicks tongue],
snap away.
All right, well,
thanks for your time.
Appreciate it.
Oh, no problem.
-I guess i'll see you around?
-Yeah, see me around... trees.
keep on taking
pictures of trees.
-Guess i'll see you later.
All right, man, take care.
Watch out for the wolves.
[Boy] okay.
I'm not gonna give you
credit for that shot,
i'm gonna use it.
I'm just kidding.
It's just a joke.
-Oh, okay.
-It's a photographer joke.
-I really don't even care.
-Oh, okay.
Who's, um--
Who's that?
That is a future
gang banger
Who just had, like,
a minute of hope
in his life.
You could use
just a little bit
more optimism.
Speaking of which,
i got your test results back,
And you're all good.
You're one clean guy.
Ah, let me see that.
Let me see that.
Ah, hepatitis b, negative.
Htlv, negative.
Cystic fibrosis,
I have no idea
what thalassemia is,
But i'm glad
i don't have it.
This is good.
Glad to hear it.
Fine, so...
so, you want
to go celebrate?
Okay, sounds good.
It's just, um--
I'll take you out to dinner
to that sushi place you keep
talking about.
You know, that--
You want to take me to...
listen, josh, now that
you're clean and healthy,
I think there's a few
other steps we need
to talk about.
[Both chuckle]
Right, but we're not exactly
going to do that before dinner,
are we?
charlie may be
a woman, josh,
But i'm with her.
Maybe somehow this doesn't
feel real to you
Because she's not a guy.
She's as real as any guy
i've ever known.
Want me to get up
in that tree?
Gonna take
some risks, huh?
Why not?
Life's full of them, right?
All right, you're gonna
have to help me here.
Oh, god.
-[Dogs barking]
-See, they don't like me
going up either.
It's all right,
one step at a time,
there you go.
that's good,
that's good.
All right,
that's good.
Let's get this on.
How's this?
Oh, yeah, look at you.
Oop, i gotta get my...
damn setting on here.
Oh, you look great.
[Camera clicks]
Hey, uh, i was sorry
about charlie's paintings
And whatever
happened that day.
Oh, it's fine,
she's just--
They're important
to her.
She lose somebody?
How do you know?
I could just tell.
Her father.
He died when she was ten.
They used to travel here
all the time for business,
And he'd take her along,
And then he'd take her
to this park or something.
So, all those
broken images you see
Are just her trying to recall
the one place she remembers
sharing with him.
I don't know if it ever
actually really existed,
Or is it something
that she needs to remember.
It's real.
You don't search that hard
for something that's not real.
Okay, i think
i'm ready to get down.
Here you go.
-All righty.
-All right, thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey listen, um...
tomorrow with my parents,
Just keep that whole donating
thing off the table, okay?
Oh, we're gonna do
the old "ex drops into town"
routine, huh?
[Water running]
Sorry, i didn't--
Yeah, you thought
it was cerina.
No, i was actually
looking for the kitchen,
I was just trying to--
Kitchen, that way.
So confusing
in here sometimes.
I'm just--
I want to raise a toast
And say i'm so happy
i'm at the--
-Try that back.
-[Man] thank you, thank you.
that was well done.
Well toasted.
-Thank you.
I would just--
I'm really so happy
That my parents
came to visit,
And i have
my brother with me,
And um, my charlie,
And us friends.
-Josh, it's an--
-[Josh] an old friend.
-Old friend.
-So, josh, so what--
What brought you
back up here?
well, actually,
it was so weird, because
We just happened
to run into each other
and just--
No, wait a minute.
Would you stop
touching me now?
Did you tell them
about the--
You're-- I was just gonna
tell them about that time
When you got so drunk.
-What, what's wrong?
-Did i do anything wrong?
-You kinda did.
I'm not used to this kind
of touching all the time.
I'm showing you affection,
that's all.
but it's too much.
Girl's parents are here.
Can you step away
a little bit?
So remind me
of your first names again.
I'm not so good with names.
-Ben and...
-i'm jon.
-Ben and jon.
I should be able
to remember that.
Yeah, it's easy.
Like "bj."
-Thank you so much.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Thank you.
-This was so much fun.
-Are you kidding me?
-It was hysterical.
She's commented
on my hair like ten times.
-You're kidding me, that's--
-What do you expect
her to do?
You know when
she says she likes something,
that means she hates it.
so, josh,
it's great to see you.
It's so nice to see you.
yeah, no, it's great
to see you guys.
-You never change.
-You're so sweet, josh.
Oh, i am, okay.
You look really well, hon.
You're still digging
on my sister, huh?
Wow. It must be pretty weird
living under the same roof
With a girl
that you totally want
And knowing she's
completely shacking up
with another hot chick.
No? Well, like, what do
you do to get her back?
Do you act more masculine
or do you act more feminine?
It's, like,
hard to figure out.
and you too, josh.
We'll have to facebook
friend each other.
-[Josh] oh, yeah.
-[Woman] oh, no,
that's unnecessary.
-That'd be pretty funny.
-[Cerina] mom.
Why are you
being so jealous?
-I'm not jealous.
-Yeah, you are.
-These are my friends.
-Oh, my god.
Here we go.
I can't believe you're
such an ass right now.
-This is not working out.
-I guess not.
Cerina, honey,
i miss our museum trips
so much.
Yeah, any time.
You just let me know.
You know,
you're the busy one.
Who's your favorite artist,
then, lizzie?
Oh, uh, matisse.
i actually studied
matisse in college.
Did matisse
for my last semester
in art college.
-I love his work.
-That's-- That's sweet.
So-- So--
Can we plan something?
I'd love to.
The three of us,
you, me, and leo,
like old times.
Well, let's bring charlie.
She could teach us
a few things.
just maybe the three of us,
i thought.
-Or just a--
-This is too much for me.
-What? Too much, what?
That's exactly what it says
in the stages of coming out.
Oh, my god, what are you,
my therapist now?
John, we're just touching.
What are you talking about?
Just touching.
All of a sudden
that's acceptable?
What, was i sticking
my tongue down your throat
or something like that?
Straight to tongue
with you, right?
[Lizzie] so i really want
to hear more about
your photos.
well, i actually took a couple
of her while i was here
And they look
really cool.
you know, you used
to take the best photos
Of you two together.
Yeah, well, um,
that was a long time ago.
yeah, it was like,
i don't know,
But they were wonderful.
-Just, you know.
-Take it easy.
The other thing,
that's like your third glass.
please have my back.
You're my brother.
-I do have your back.
-I asked you to--
-But do me a favor.
-Don't call me out.
I won't call you out,
but next time you do
a dinner party,
Take a cooking class
first, okay?
You're an asshole.
I am loving this, guys,
-It's really--
-Don't we make
a cute couple?
You do look cute.
the whole sperm--
This is not
a mnage trois, jon.
I'm not sure
what's going on here.
I just want to talk
to you about the thing...
all right, we can--
We can talk.
You want to go in the other--
You want to go in the kitchen
and talk?
How about the bedroom?
So what have you been up to
lately, charlie?
Um, i mean, i'm just--
I'm still working at
the tattoo parlor.
Ah, so, i wanted
to know more about
What you're doing
You were always so creative.
-Mom. Mom.
-[Woman] wait.
you know, there's a couple
of pieces that charlie has
That i looked at,
and i thought
Should be in a museum.
No, seriously.
There's one, though,
she's got a real eye
For dimension,
you know,
'Cause in the thai culture
there's an art
To taking two dimension
and making it look almost
kind of three dimensions.
She's actually kind of
got a skill like that that
i think's pretty impressive.
Well, i don't know
about that.
You're so creative,
Well, so's charlie.
i really can't wait
to see your photos.
You will have
to send me some.
Your mom and i
have a long drive.
Yeah, about
a four hour drive,
So you know, i get
a little bit of a migraine,
you know...
-do you want
something for it?
-No, no, no.
-I have my own medication.
-She's gonna sleep
in the car.
And i'll drive,
and you'll be fine.
-I do like the cut, honey.
-Oh, good.
-You look great, honey.
Your straps show
a little bit, there you go.
-Yeah, so we'll have to--
If you-- If your head
is hurting i can give you
something, i really can--
it's okay.
Yeah, i'm fine.
-No, she'll be fine.
-Dad, you know when she says
she's fine she's not fine.
-No, i'm fine. I'll be fine.
-No, she'll sleep in the car,
And you know,
if we need to stop
somewhere on the way,
-We can--
-I have stuff here.
I mean,
it's perfectly okay.
You're making
my head worse, darling,
it's hurting.
-I'm just trying to help.
-No, it's-- I'll be fine.
I don't know, maybe it was
something in the soup.
I gotta get this
uncomfortable dress off.
I'm going now.
[Door closes]
I didn't know you were
taking those sneaky photographs
that you were talking about.
You'll have
to show 'em to me.
Like to see 'em.
All right,
i'll show 'em to you.
I think he was drinking
a little bit.
Maybe i should go
walk with him out there.
That'd be nice,
you know.
[Door closes]
Yes, yes.
yes, yes.
Hey, how's it going?
You all right?
What are you doing here?
I just saw
you walked off,
So i thought,
you know,
I'd come by and say hi.
You all right?
You feelin' okay?
Feelin' all right.
How are you feeling?
Doing all right.
You taking the--
You gonna take the train?
-No, i'm gonna walk.
-You'll walk.
You live far from here?
10 minutes that way.
you know those girls
are my best friends, right?
What you guys are getting into,
it means a lot to them.
Yeah, i know.
It's an honor,
you know that.
Yeah, i get
that it's an honor.
Yeah, i got it.
You look like
a straight-Up guy to me.
But let me tell you something,
decisions are difficult.
-I agree.
-Even the easy ones.
You know, you want
to go to a strip joint,
Or you want to go
to a volleyball court.
They may seem easy
on the surface but even those
have got repercussions.
I'm a repercussed
person, josh.
I've been repercussed,
Because of my decisions,
you understand.
Sometimes the most
difficult choice, josh,
Is... making a choice.
Am i making myself clear?
Um, a little bit.
Those are cool dogs.
Wanna go get a drink?
-Wanna get a drink?
All right, you--
All right.
Wait a minute.
Jon's first sleepover.
Our baby's grown up.
[Clears throat loudly]
Oh, brother.
I'm just reading
the dos and don'ts
on this sperm donor thing.
Did you miss the
"don't be a donor for
your ex-Girlfriend" part?
No, look.
-"Parking is available."
-No, below that.
"You need to have a minimum
of 48 to 72 hours abstinence
Because this will provide
the specimen with the highest
optimal sperm count.
If the specimen is provided
with less abstinence
than 48 hours,
The sperm count
will be decreased
by varying percentages,
And therefore
may not be approved
By the basb
quality standards."
Well, he's been here
for three days.
Well, so
he can't have done...
oh, no,
he wouldn't have.
No way.
He was outside the bathroom
when i was taking a shower.
He was what?
And i think he thought
it was you.
Well, i mean, you're just
going to have to ask him.
I can't do that.
Of course you can.
What's the problem?
Are you more comfortable
with the vernacular?
I don't know, say,
"been answering the boner phone
lately, josh?"
"Been walking willie
the one-Eyed wonder worm?"
"Spanking the monkey?"
Or "shaking hands
with the unemployed?"
I'm gonna have
to talk to him.
"Hand-To-Gland combat?"
"Doing the roman helmet
"Squeezing the cream
from the flesh twinkie?"
Oh, god,
that is disgusting.
Did you sleep okay?
Yeah, it was fine,
'Cause we...
kinda just fell asleep--
No, i think we must've just
fallen right asleep there.
-Yeah, we did.
-I was just out.
-I was pretty tired.
-Tired, really tired
last night.
Must've been from
walking a lot,
'Cause we just kept
walking the whole time.
We did, right?
I don't think we did anything
else, we just walked.
-Around town.
-That's cool,
i needed some exercise.
Had a little bit to drink,
and that was pretty good.
That's why-- You know,
you say things when
you're drunk,
So-- It's kind of funny,
but it's all good,
it's all good.
You know, you forget
those kind of nights.
I didn't really
say anything,
'Cause i was sleeping.
Babe! Come on,
we've gotta go.
Sorry, i just had to pack
a few things, food and stuff,
food and stuff?
It's josh
in the porn rag room,
It's not shakespeare
in the park.
I know,
this is for later.
I just-- I thought we'd go
to petaluma after he's done.
Such a girl.
Hey, we gotta go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right, right.
Just a minute.
Are you okay?
Fine, fine.
No, you're not.
I know you better than that,
So what is it?
Well, i--
It's just--
Do you have any idea what
they've called these rooms
i gotta go into?
Now i gotta go down there,
strut through this long
white hall
With these hot nurses--
There's no hot nurses.
I know, i know.
I'm just doing that
So i can deal with this
for a minute.
I gotta go down this hall
with some somewhat
good-Looking women
To a room
with a neon sign above it
that says "masturbatorium."
I mean, come on,
that's like a freudian
Josh, did you not
think this through?
I thought it
through most of it.
Look, i don't remember
you ever having a problem
Being naked
in front of anybody.
Yes, exactly.
If nurse heidi were to
come into that room with me,
You could sell
freakin' tickets.
I mean, as a matter of fact,
i think with that slight
Business would be a-Boomin'
down at the bay area
sperm bank.
Josh, how did you think
the sperm was gonna get in me?
Look, if he doesn't
want to do it,
Then we just kick him
and his gun-Shy great white
knuckler out of here.
with the euphemisms.
I'm sorry.
I don't know.
Maybe the reality of it all
just hit him, you know?
A week ago, he was
just an artist roaming free
And now...
oh, look.
We can do this at home.
There's a punch
in the munchkin home kit?
I'm sorry, i just wanted
to use that one.
I mean, we can do this here.
He doesn't have to go
into the office.
That means...
we have another option.
Yeah, but we have an hour
to get it to the office.
We can make it.
Straight shot down
the freeway.
Sorry, i'm just visualizing us
shooting down the freeway.
We can do it.
We can do it!
I'm driving.
You're holding it.
This is so much better.
Well, even i know
he's not gonna want us
standing out here.
-He can't hear us.
-I can hear you.
This is not
so much better.
We can get
nurses' outfits.
Look, um...
you don't have to do this
if you don't want to.
That's not it.
'Cause if there was a time
to go, josh, it would be now.
You know there are ledges
in life that we walk on and...
sometimes if you
cross over one,
It's bloody hard
to get back.
I used to think i could
see those ledges pretty
well, you know?
And then sometimes
life is sort of...
you know, screws up
your depth perception
or something.
what is this about?
i don't know exactly.
He left a note.
He always used
to leave notes,
Said they were more personal
than phone messages.
This note said, "if two
walk east three blocks,
Then two turn right
four blocks,
Then two will become three."
That's horrible.
Oh, there he is,
mr. Notes-R-Us.
Well, you figure it out.
Wouldn't go that far.
Yeah, um,
why are we here, josh?
What's with the park?
Okay, well, first off
i brought you here
i wanted to apologize
for the other day.
Because i didn't
read the fine print,
And, uh, it kinda
threw me off.
This clinical thing...
i don't know, maybe
i just need to wrap my head
around it a little bit.
But in the meantime,
i thought maybe, possibly,
We could do
a little bonding.
Like... like
what kind of bonding?
[clears throat] some countries,
they chop down trees to bond,
But i didn't think,
you know, berkeley would be
too good with that.
So i got a better idea:
Josh, sports?
And, in honor of
our british team here,
I brought along
a soccer ball.
Or better known in your country
as a football.
Yeah, we're not german,
and that's not a football.
Are you sure?
i'm sure.
I don't know, it's a little
round, like a football.
It's got air in it.
It bounces.
It's pretty similar.
Don't want
to discriminate.
You do realize
you've totally just met
your match.
Badass, all right.
Oh, i shouldn't
have fallen for that.
you make me giddy
i want to stay up
all night...
Hey, where'd you learn them
tricky feet--
I'll show you how
they do it in north london.
Oh, you show me.
I'll show you how we do it
in north america.
you make me giddy
I want to show you
my favorite poems
and then you would go
and write me your own
you make me giddy
i want to light up
your life
like you blazed
into mine
and together
we'd burn the place down
you make me giddy,
don't make me wait around...
All right, come on, ready?
This is called...
you make me giddy
i want to start a
You've gotta kick
with the inner part
Of your foot, babe,
not your toe.
Come on down.
Come and get it.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
damn it.
i want to spread out
my wings
- and go do bigger things...
-Where's the ball?
and i'd fly
and i'd sing about love...
They aren't gonna make
a good mommy doing that.
in our kingdom
would be ringing
you make me giddy
i want to light up
your life
like you blazed
into mine
and together
we'd burn the place down...
Good job, babe.
Proud of you.
like, what are you doing?
Seriously, man.
I've been dying
to ask you that.
Like, what are you doing?
with what?
What do you mean?
you know this thing
with cerina and charlie,
It's for real, right?
They're each others'.
I mean,
This isn't like a college
experiment or anything
like that,
-I mean--
-I get that it's not
a college experiment.
Okay, well, i spend
a lot of time with her,
You know, and believe
in lesbian love now for real,
So they're--
They're the real deal, man.
I mean,
you get it, right?
-I mean--
-Yeah, okay, i get it.
-All right, we're cool?
We're cool?
-We're cool, brother.
All right, man, cool.
-All right, no problem.
-No problem.
-All right, man,
see you around.
You want to race back
to the car?
No, go ahead, man.
I'm gonna get a drink
of water.
All right.
See you back there.
All right, see you.
See you.
[Cerina on recording]
hey, you've reached
cerina and charlie.
Leave a message
and we'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Hey, cerina and charlie,
it's josh.
Um...i'm sure
you noticed that, uh,
My stuff was gone,
And, um...
i was gonna leave you guys
a note, but i just...
i couldn't think of
anything witty to say.
So i guess this is
my next bravest step.
You both, uh--
You're really something.
I came in not knowing
what to expect from you two
And... i guess i'm leaving
not knowing what to expect
from me.
I'm flattered and honored
that you felt i was--
that i was worthy
of this great thing
That you two are doing.
And i'm sorry if i
didn't live up to that.
But i wish you both
the best...
because if anybody's
capable of it,
it's you two.
you're starting to be
too nice to me, grandma.
no, i'm not being
nice to you.
I'm telling you that
that's the way i see it.
You think i would be
a good father, grandma?
I think you'd
have things to learn,
but so does every dad.
And there's those things
that come up that are
And you're pretty good
in an emergency.
I don't think i can handle
emergencies, grandma.
Oh, well, you don't have
to worry about emergencies.
If they come, you have a react--
You know, you go for it
Right there and then,
that's all there is to it.
You don't even have to think
about it ahead of time.
Because you don't know
when it's gonna happen.
You don't know
what it's gonna be.
I can't be
a good father, grandma.
The responsibility means
that you're gonna have
to stay sometimes
When it's very
And you don't want
to stay.
So it's growing up.
It's called growing up,
And-- And i know
you're a man.
See, i wouldn't worry
about that part of it.
Just ease off
a little bit.
You're worthy of this.
Why do vaginas
even exist?
say it again?
I said, "why do vaginas
even exist?" Grandma.
Why do vaginas
even exist?
Well, um...
[clears throat]
Explain that to me,
because i don't know
what it means
To like or dislike
a vagina.
I'm just a little confused.
It's a long story, grandma.
What's wrong
with what i'm doing?
it's beautiful.
I love it.
All right,
then what's wrong?
Stay with it, babe.
I think i might be gay.
Well, that doesn't mean
you can't be a good father.
Thanks, grandma.
[Door opens, closes]
Just gonna
talk to that guy.
-Go for it.
How are you?
I'm all right.
What are you doing here?
You're not an easy man to find,
i'll tell you that.
Nice store, though.
Pays the rent.
Oh, yeah?
I'm not sure i finished
my story the other night.
I was watching
a movie the other night,
With cowboys.
And this one cowboy
rides into a town,
And he's big
and he's strong,
And you think
he's gonna help them.
And he does.
I was thinking,
though, can you imagine
if the cowboy decided
To get back on the horse,
Before he helped
everybody out,
And rode out of town?
That's not
a happy ending, josh.
I guess in this movie
the cowboy goes back
to his ranch,
Hangs out, and thinks,
"maybe i should have helped
those lesbians."
What kind of movie
would that be, josh?
Not the happy ending
i would like.
And i think sometimes
we need happy endings.
Especially when
the cowboy's big and strong.
That, um--
That's a pretty--
That's a crappy story.
He was a big,
strong cowboy.
Disco inferno?
That is
a really nice shirt.
It's eight bucks.
I'll give you five for it.
everywhere you go,
you're always looking back
every tear you shed
is dry...
[Cerina on recording]
hey, you've reached
cerina and charlie.
Leave a message
and we'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
hey, cerina and charlie,
it's josh.
I'm, uh,
back in town,
And i really wanted
to talk to you guys.
So i was thinking tomorrow
morning at maybe 10:00,
You could meet me
up at tilden park.
It's up at the top
of alvarado road.
I'll be waiting right past
the basketball courts there.
charlie, wait up!
i'm going to find him.
Why are you so angry?
Just because you like him
doesn't mean that i have to!
It doesn't mean
i still like him.
And why don't
you like him?
Why, cerina?
Well, because he's an artist,
and he's a little bit
off the wall,
And a little bit crazy?
Or is it
because he's free?
Look, he can't
just turn up here
And make me feel
all understood for a moment
And then just leave!
[Indistinct chatter]
-There he is.
Why are you
even back here?
You already left.
I told you
when you should go.
I know.
I know you did,
and i'm sorry,
And that--
That's why i'm back.
Oh, so you--
So you can tell us
some more--
Some more beautiful lies
about life.
Charlie, none of those
were lies.
Then what was?
My bravery.
Always seems to be the first
thing to go when you're...
confused about your feelings
for somebody.
So you did come back here
because you still have
feelings for her.
Yes, maybe,
at first i did.
And then i met you.
And i saw you two
and i guess that's
what i wanted to have.
And i suppose
i thought i'd never--
I'd never get it
if i didn't know why she left.
You tell him.
You tell him, cerina.
Yeah, you can.
You don't make
a word of it up.
He needs to know.
He needs to know
so he can move on
with his life.
And it might be done now,
But he needs to know
that for--
For a moment, at least,
he was important to you.
And that for a moment,
he did good.
If you don't tell him that,
he's just gonna keep searching
And staying and waiting...
and waiting.
Tell him.
I don't--
I don't know why we--
All come together.
I can't even piece
together why
We fell apart.
Maybe i chase
what i'm most afraid of.
Maybe i got scared
and i ran.
I ran before
you could see my flaws,
Before you would run.
The people that you remember,
that you look back on,
They leave a mark,
Whether a wrinkle
or a scar...
but you'll always--
You'll always remember.
And i know right now
what i want.
Maybe i didn't know then
but now i know.
I know i don't want
to be without you.
-[Josh] where'd you get that?
-[Charlie] what?
-That hurt going in?
-Yeah, a little bit.
My god,
ooh, don't do that.
You ever done, like,
a paint fight before?
No, and i don't want
to have one here.
No, we could
have a paint fight,
it's great.
Yeah, no, i--
Do you paint?
can we, like, do, like,
a rainbow on you?
You cannot paint my face.
Oh, come on, i mean,
just a little--
No, you don't.
I'll get you.
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
No, okay, okay, okay.
I got it, i got it.
What's up?
i want to talk to you.
[Music playing]
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-You crazy kids.
-With the door open.
This one?
Oh yeah,
'Cause when you close it
it gets so hot.
Did i make you guys
freeze last night?
-I'm the reader.
-You're the reader.
-And you're the what?
-She's the painter.
you've got a question
your heart wants
the answer to
you feel it
burning inside
and i would hold it for you
if you'd ask me to
if you could swallow
your pride
you'd see love
if you could open your eyes
to the truth of things
you'd see we're
all made of light
even winter gives birth
to a breath of spring
you only see stars
at night
you'd see love
you'd see love
you'd see love
you'd see love
i'll patch the holes
in your heart
glue together
the broken parts
don't forget
you're a part
of my love
you'd see love
you'd see love
you'd see love
you'd see
see love
you'd see love
you'd see
you'd see love.