Semana Santa (2015) Movie Script

Gil went to the restroom
and didn't wash his hands.
I did wash my hands.
The sinks were on the other side. I left before him.
He didn't see me, but I did wash them.
Hey, Pepino, come here and help me.
Did you see the motorcycle?
It looks like my dad's, right?
Some chips?
Take some. Get a hold of them.
Here, look.
Either you or your wife has to
attend our information session.
Give me some.
Here, take some more.
Let me use your phone.
For the buffets.
And the pools.
What are you doing, Pepino?
It's too tight.
Leave it alone.
What do you mean it's too tight?
It's too tight.
Damn, that's gross.
Wasn't me, was it you?
Was it you? Damn fart baby.
It was him.
It wasn't me.
Calm down, it'll work in a minute.
Is this normal, chief?
Don't worry.
It'll open any second now.
It happens sometimes.
We're here.
Hey, chief, have you heard
of Don Lucho's Ceviches?
It's a hut at a beach.
Don't remember the name, but it was...
I don't even remember what it looks like.
But they're so good.
Look, he can't hear.
Those are the best ceviches you'll ever try.
They have diced tomatoes...
Can I call grandma?
...some onions, cilantro...
They also have some chili
peppers, fresh cheese.
This thing Gil got you is pretty cool, isn't it?
I already have my own goggles.
This one is cooler.
Yeah, but do your goggles
help you breathe underwater?
It's got an air tube thingy.
They'll bring your bed in a minute, Pepino.
My name isn't Pepino, it's Pepe.
Your name is Jose Manuel.
Is that the way you danced?
Like this?
Let's practice my dance moves.
Like this?
Look at that guy standing stiff.
Just like me!
You're such an idiot!
-Stop it.
Can I take something from the minibar?
No, Pepino, you know what?
Wait a minute and we'll go to the store
That's not how it starts.
It starts like this:
"It's not my fault...
...that your soul is hurting...
No guilt at all...
...that you're smoking foil...
...become demons to your eyes...
All the saints that I paint for you...
...become demons to your eyes".
...where did the ghost end up.
How old were you when you got that one?
Did it hurt?
It did, a lot.
But a lot, a lot, a lot, a whole lot?
Yes. Yes!
Did you cry?
"All the saints that I paint for you...
...become demons to..."
Do you love Gil more than my dad?
Can you get me a Coke, Pepino?
Grandma says you love Gil more.
You wanna do it?
-With this.
-Yes, I know.
You do? Let's see.
Now do the other eye.
-Hey, Pepino?
We'll never be away from each other again, OK?
Stop! Take it easy.
- How do I look?
-Wait, I'm not done yet.
Come here, Pepino.
We're ready.
Thanks, chief.
-It's terrible.
-It's hideous.
-No, look at it.
It looks good.
Good evening, sir, what
would you like to drink?
Cuba libre, Charro or Paloma?
-A daiquiri, please.
-I'll take a Cubita.
-Of course, sir.
What's wrong with you, Pepino?
C'mon, take your mom out to dance.
C'mon, let's dance.
What do you want to order?
What's on the menu?
I ordered a burger.
Pepino ordered a ceasar salad.
No anchovies.
Do you want a burger?
A burger?
Two burgers, then.
OK, thanks.
Can I call grandma now?
You'll call her tomorrow, Pepino.
Hey, there's a telephone in the bathroom!
Come here.
Come to mama.
Come here, my baby.
Yes, yes, come here.
It's Gilberto Chavez.
Good, Perlita and you?
I really need the money.
Maybe you could help me out?
To make sure they take care of it tomorrow?
C'mon, don't be like that. I'm a good person.
I'm an honest guy.
Great, thanks. That's why I love you.
Thanks, take care and get some rest.
"This, more than a financial investment... an investment in love and well being...
...these are the family vacations for the rest of your life...
Can you put some on me?
Mom, can you put some on me?
I know what I want as a present.
I want to get on a jet ski.
Haven't you heard about the kid
who was eaten by sharks...
...after he fell off a jet ski?
Yeah, right.
He was riding and he fell off
and was eaten by sharks.
All the sharks ate him, all of them.
-Only his hand was found.
-Yes, just floating there.
-I don't believe you.
Yeah, they found it at this beach.
Hey, let's play volleyball.
They'll lend you a ball at the beach.
Me and mom against you.
You're on.
I'm gonna make it easy on you.
Or, I'm gonna find a gringa and ask her to be my partner.
So I'm gonna go and tell her:
"Hello, Mr. Gringa... you want to play with me, volleyball?"
So, what?
About the jet ski.
What about it?
He wants to ride a jet ski.
For my birthday.
When is your birthday, champ?
Your birthday is on Sunday, isn't it?
You'll ride it on Sunday, not today.
-But why not?
-Just no.
Do you want some sausages, Pepino?
No, I'm a herbivore.
A Perla called you.
Martinez or Gutierrez.
Who is she?
She's a hottie who can't
stop drooling over me.
How about that?
Get your ass down here!
Coming, coming.
Let's go to the beach.
Later, OK?
What did you order?
Pia colada.
The waiter told me it's happy hour.
It has alcohol in it, silly.
You feel tipsy?
No. I don't think so.
No? Don't you feel happy?
Like when someone tucks
you in with a blanket?
No. Not at all.
No? Then you're fine.
OK, you're ready, Pepe. Go play.
Can I call grandma?
Sure, call her.
Rincon Diamante is the best
place for your vacations...
It's the place to go with your kids,
your grandma, your mother-in-law...
Rincon Diamante is exceptional.
Mom, thanks.
What did she say?
Did you tell her you're having fun?
I feel dizzy.
Did she ask about me?
What did she say then?
She said I should pray today at 3:00 pm...
...because that's when Christ died.
Also some chocolate cakes, please.
And a cell phone card for 200 pesos,
no, make it a 100.
It's 169 pesos.
Here's your change.
-You're welcome.
Have a nice day.
Thanks, you too.
Good morning, could you sign your bill please?
You left in a hurry this morning.
Well now you've caught up with me.
That's right.
"I believe in one God...
...Father Almighty...
...Creator of heaven and earth...
...and of all that is, seen and...
...of all that is, seen and unseen".
Pepino, it's your turn.
Play or there's no jet ski.
That got you!
I still haven't said yes to the jet ski.
Yes you did.
She did, you heard her, right?
Grandma said I can.
Wanna play soccer?
Why don't you ask them if you can play?
I don't know how to play.
Come here, I'll teach you something.
First, you're going to do this.
With your arm.
Like a hinge.
What's a hinge?
It's putting your arm in an "L" shape.
Because otherwise, I'll hit you here and you're out.
If you put your arm down...'re covered.
Defense, defense, always on defense.
The best attack is defense.
Why are you teaching him that?
What's up? What you got?
If you don't, they'll fuck you up, man.
No one fucks with me.
Don't swear, moron.
You first, moron.
C'mon! Hit me!
Hit me!
Just fucking hit me, Pepino.
Hit me.
C'mon, man.
C'mon, Pepino.
OK, enough.
I want to take a shower.
Gil, are you coming?
I'll catch up with you guys later.
Jesus took Peter aside and told him...
Pepino, can you hand me a Coke?
...This very night, before the rooster crows,
you will disown me three times.
Peter replied...
Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.
Do I answer?
-Pepino, can we change the channel?
Your credit card isn't working.
Your credit card isn't working.
So tell me...
When did it become better to
pay with a credit card?
Which, by the way, isn't real money.
Rather than paying in cash?
Yes, but we need some sort of guarantee.
Of course, that's what I'm saying.
Let's see, what's your name?
Alright Itzel.
I'm a good person.
I'm chill.
I'll pay you on Sunday.
Every penny will be here.
I'll look for you personally
and give you the money.
The thing is...
I mean, if this card didn't go through...
...maybe my other card will also be rejected.
Maybe there's a problem with
your network or something...
...and what can we do about that?
No, but...
What do you mean?
What about the three and a half
years that I worked there?
I didn't even... I was never late.
And... and I didn't even miss a day.
What? That doesn't count?
Exploring a new planet,
just let yourself go...
It smells like feet,
it smells like feet,
it smells like feet,
nobody controls...
Alright, Pepino.
C'mon, mommy.
Don't call me "mommy."
C'mon, at least up to the door.
You're a big boy, aren't you?
Yes or no?
I'm gonna get you.
I'd rather you throw me your panties.
I'm on vacation, dude.
"I'm on vacation."
Don't complain when the old
hag starts nagging you.
What about the old hag?
So, when are you going to thank me?
Yeah, right, like you're that hot.
I'm serious...
...for bringing you to the beach.
...and for not giving you kid a spanking,
even though he really needs it.
That little shit is such a tattle tale.
How do you think the old hag finds
out everything you do?
He goes and tells her everything.
Don't call him a little shit.
-You're a fucking...
Say it!
"You're a fucking" what?
Low life? Is that what you were gonna say?
You know what I want?
I wanna go out.
To dance.
To dance a lot.
Chill out, damn it.
The next time you fuck up, that
old hag will take your kid...
...and this time for good.
Hey, low life.
-Wait, wait, wait.
-Pepino, Pepino.
-He's sleeping.
-Listen, he's asleep.
Pepino, Pepino!
Told you. He's asleep.
So, why didn't you wait
for your mom this time?
And how long is this phase
of yours going to last?
Which phase?
You know, being oviparous.
I'm not oviparous.
Did you know that God is omnipresent?
Did you know?
Oh, I know, you're on a diet.
You want to look like those models on TV.
You're on a diet!
No, it's not a diet.
It was just a joke.
So let's see, what's omnipresent?
If my mother loves you so much...
...why does she keep using my dad's T-shirt?
What's up?
Nothing really.
Where's Pepe?
He's downstairs, at the pool.
Is he having fun?
Who knows?
I spoke with the waiter...
...and I told him tomorrow is Pepino's birthday... see if we can sing happy birthday,
and get him a cake.
He said it was fine.
Let's go to the ceviche place.
Which one?
The one I told you I used to go with my dad.
I already asked downstairs and they told me how to get there.
We have to take the highway, but just for a bit.
Come on, let's go. Get changed.
I don't want to get changed.
It doesn't matter how hard I bust
my balls, nothing changes, right?
I just want you to get changed...
...and come spend time with your family.
My family.
Get changed and come downstairs.
Or do whatever the hell you want.
Good afternoon ma'am.
I've come to invite you to the
talk about Rincon Diamante.
Hold on.
Just to remind you, your room's special rate... conditioned on your attending the talk...
...otherwise we will have to adjust your bill.
300 pesos for half an hour.
Where are your parents?
In the hotel, they're coming.
Did they give you permisison?
You should get on the horse instead.
You know how to ride? Or should I help you?
Ah! No, Hanna!
Don't go, don't go.
Look, let's play soccer. Goal!
C'mon! Play with us.
She doesn't have a horse.
-Have you played before?
-I'll get on your shoulders.
-Are you sure you can handle her?
Alright, go under.
Damn, Panties, you're gonna regret it!
How lame!
At the Fantasy, the one over there.
Truth is, we came here because
of the pool and all.
Sometimes we get tired of everyone.
Why they call you Panties?
That's a long story.
Shut up.
Hey, do you have weed?
Come on, you do.
I mean, I do, but it's in the room.
But my friend is there with some girl.
Man, I hate this touristy shit.
So, what are you doing here then?
There are some pretty
awesome beaches close by.
-We don't have a ride.
So what?
We can't get around without one.
I bet this guy has a car.
For sure.
-Break the wheels out.
-C'mon, take us.
Take us there, c'mon.
Let's roll!
I hope you're not going to kidnap us.
Or are you?
So where is this beach?
Um, just ahead of La Ventana.
Is it full of gringos?
Of course not.
Who was it? Your girl?
She called to give you a hard time?
So, what about the cool beach?
At least take us for something to eat.
Look at this filthy pig.
You're gross!
-Hurry up!
-I think something bit my ass.
I couldn't hold it any longer.
You girls like ceviche?
What do you want to order?
Or should we share something?
Thanks, chief.
-Are you Don Lucho?
I already know what I want.
I want a double tequila straight.
Same for me, but with a grapefruit soda.
Also a shrimp cocktail.
You know, my father used to
bring me here when I was a kid.
We came here a lot. They're
the best ceviches ever.
Well, here our speciality is grilled fish.
OK, so bring us one of those.
I'll have a classic ceviche as well.
So what's so special about
that classic ceviche?
Oh, well, it has diced tomatoes...
Go, go, go.
It's like Panties over here...
...what she lacks in boobs, she has in smarts.
Stupid bitch.
So she must be smart as hell.
Look into each other's eyes.
Up, down, to the middle, and in.
And in!
So you'll get all messed up.
Stop it.
Now you take one on your own.
We're going to hand out some brochures.
Please you two, come closer
so you can see the video.
It's truly very visual.
Sometimes people don't get to
see the whole grounds.
...this is an investment in love and well being.
These are the family vacations
for the rest of your life...
One quick thing, the email
address on the back is wrong.
It's, DOT mx.
In case you pass it on to your friends.
Here are the bracelets for the pools and buffets.
-And the keys.
What I can do is call and see
if anyone has seen him.
Have you called your husband?
They might be together.
No, he's not my husband.
Why don't you wait for him in your room?
Answer, you asshole.
Hello ma'am.
Dali, Dalila.
Fine, he's better.
He must have eaten something
bad for breakfast.
I miss your son, very much.
My son is dead.
You should worry about your own son.
I do worry.
Wow, that's a lot of candy.
-How much is it?
-I'll tell you in a minute.
Is this enough?
Yes, but wait a minute.
It's omnipresent.
It's the motorbike of the future.
It flies through the skies.
Alfredo, ask the young lady
what she wants to drink.
Pia colada, daiquiri?
Whats wrong Alfredo?
In this bar we don't serve tropical drinks.
Give her a vodka.
One tequila. Thanks.
So, what about you? You're always here?
I'm going to miss you, fucking Alfredo.
Who did those braids?
Alfredo, are you kicking me out?
Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
That's the one who threw up.
And you?
OK, but in Spanish.
The other day I went dancing and...
...and I got home at like five...
...I remembered I had to make sandwiches
for my son to take to school.
So I got back home, I started
making the sandwiches.
I took out the ham, the cheese, the tomato.
I was about to take the napknins out...
...when I realized there was a frame
with a picture of the neighbors.
I was in the wrong apartment!
I made the neighbors some sandwiches.
Can I have a sip?
Do you want one?
There! Now you're screwed!
Get a room, pigs.
How do I put this?
I can't even afford Pepino's jet ski.
I wanted to bring you the beach, you
know, so you could be at the beach.
I don't know how we're gonna do it.
But you know what?
Truth is, it doesn't matter.
I'm OK.
And I walk.
And I have feet.
-Hey, good morning.
Tell me, what happened?
Look, we can handle this at checkout...
...and your kid can tell you what happened.
He's not my kid, but thanks.
Come here.
What did you do, dumbass?
What did you fucking do, Pepino?
When your mom arrives, we'll
sing you Happy birthday.
But citrus vodka?
And another one?
If you want, I can show you the tickets.
Please do. I think there's a mistake there.
-Lend me a pen please.
-Of course.
Wait a minute. I feel like
someone's taking advantage here.
Are you feeling OK, miss?
Take my hand, I'll help you.
Are you OK?
Are you sure?
We could go to that ceviche
place I mentioned.
I don't want to wear a suit
at the wedding.
That's OK.
The tie is too tight.
Don't worry, that's fine.
Grandma wants to throw out
my dad's motorcycle.
Well, it wasn't the motorcycle's fault.
Come ride a jet ski, come
ride the bannana boat.
Don't you want your present anymore?
How come? Are you afraid, sissy?
You're afraid.
So, what do you want?
The horse.
How come?
Just because.