Semi-Soeter (2025) Movie Script
Thirty seconds.
Your coffee tastes just as good as mine.
Twenty seconds.
Ten, nine, eight
Let's smash this day.
Three, two, one
- Like pizza in your face!
- Like pizza in your face!
I'm here! I'm here! Chicken Man!
- Herman, your tie!
- Uh-uh! Chicken Man.
Okay, Chicken Man.
Get down from there. Give me your tie.
Hermien, did you remember your homework?
Check.
My little house, built with solar panels!
Wow! That looks amazing!
Herman, where's yours?
Here it is.
Oh, and what is that exactly?
Um
It's his self-portrait.
Or a very creative expression
of your small intestine.
Well done, my boy. I'm proud of you!
Be careful of Chicken Man!
Aha! What do we have here?
A cat in the bag.
Well, you are the cutest idiom.
Cutest idiot!
- Hey, Herman!
- Herman!
The only missing thing is your whiskers.
Whoa! Not the permanent marker.
I'll get my make up bag.
Hey, whose turn was it to
take Peet and Penarie back to their coop?
Hey, come!
- Go, go, go.
- Look!
Don't blame me when it's your fault.
- No, it was your turn.
- Dude!
- Herman, please.
- Uh-oh!
Not in front of Peet and Penarie.
Technically, that qualifies as murder.
How long have you been standing there?
Long enough to know
what the coffee in this house tastes like.
Hendrik.
More like "ouch"
if you're late for school.
Penarie says, "Howzit?"
Peet says, "Kiss-it!"
Lock him in a cage!
Suck, suck, suck! Buck, buck, buck! Fu...
Don't even think about it!
Put those chickens down!
- Okay, guys, calm down.
- Your lunchboxes!
Ah! Nothing like the smell
of fresh chaos in the morning.
Hey, Hendrik!
I swear, ten seconds ago
we were totally on top of it.
We trained them so well.
- Oh, flip.
- Do you think so?
You two, not the kids.
Mommy! Mommy!
Hey!
- Hello, my love.
- My kitten!
- Hello!
- Let's have a look at my cat.
- Hello. Hello, my bunny.
- Look at my cat.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
What did the doctor say?
Is little Henry going to be okay?
Luckily, it was just trapped wind.
All he needs to do,
is let it rip and he'll feel better.
Yes, he kicked up quite a fuss,
just like his mother did when he was born.
You squeeze one out, and we'll talk again.
Okay, team. Your godparents have to go.
Our office kids await.
Are you sure I can't lend a hand today?
Under no circumstances. Denise and I
have it under control, remember.
I'm the control freak,
you're the incubator.
- Through thick and thin?
- Mm-hmm.
Thick and thin.
Bye, you crazy lot!
- Bye, Auntie. Bye, Uncle. Love you!
- Bye, guys. Love you.
Hertjie.
- I'll wait for you outside.
- Bye.
I'll get my tie and briefcase.
Bye, Bassons!
Bye!
I'm crazy about them
Crazy about them, but just
as crazy about giving them back.
I have no idea how Karla and Hertjie
will survive this every morning.
I'd rather fight with a boardroom full of
grumpy old men than with a five-year-old
whose sandwiches aren't cut into circles.
Yes, you're right.
Raising kids isn't much different
from what we do at work all day.
Hertjie!
I'm just having a wee!
The only difference is when my clients
are difficult, I take away their yachts.
Ironically, we have all the skills
to be amazing parents.
Well
It's not too late.
Are those the words of The Jackal?
The same guy who made me promise
in front of the altar
that if he ever chose babies
over business, I could have him certified?
One can only do so many business deals.
Besides, that was a long time ago.
Exactly. We're getting old...
More mature.
And we've tried everything, JP.
Mojo and Amalgamated Media are our family.
How many times have we been through this?
And where do you think we'll find time
for a baby with our hectic schedules?
You eat more on a plane
than you do at home,
and I babysit neurotic clients 24/7.
It's not that bad.
We can change some things.
I can change some things.
Do you mean selling your 27 companies
or trading your McLaren
for a station wagon?
I can make a plan.
I can put a roof rack on a McLaren.
Okay, you have a point. We're too busy.
But just for the record, you'd be
the hottest mom at the parent's evening.
Someone wrapped
my briefcase in toilet paper!
Yep, definitely the right decision
not to have children.
For sure.
See you at the office.
Chancer.
Loser.
So, have you and Jaci
discussed the whole Dubai thing?
- We've discussed it over email.
- Oh!
Your phones have a fantastic marriage.
And it's not a "thing" yet.
Establishing a new rugby league
in the Emirates does not happen overnight.
We're doing our due diligence,
so is the investor and his guys.
Where does your wife
fit into this "due diligence"?
Jaci doesn't love it that I might
have to spend six months a year in Dubai.
Me either!
Look, if Jaci clinches
the baby product deal after this weekend,
we can technically let the Dubai thing go.
I'm just hedging our bets.
You know they only have
camel biltong in Dubai, right?
Morning, partner.
Morning, partner.
How are things on the creative side?
Excellent.
GreenFuture signed yesterday.
And MAD Consulting was very happy
with the budget for their new campaign,
and everything for the YBAB pitch
this weekend is coming together nicely.
- Great.
- And on the business side?
JP's going to give the Dubai guys
a swift kick under the butt.
- What?
- Ha-ha. No, no, no. He's kidding.
The two of us are going
to entertain the investor
and his entourage
this weekend in the Cape.
Tourist vibes, you know. Kirstenbosch,
Table Mountain,
paragliding, shark cage diving.
- Great.
- And the Spur in Sea Point.
For some reason, they always insist on it.
And Saturday evening,
we're having a party
at his holiday mansion,
where two ex-Springbok rugby players
will just happen to make an appearance.
A surprise for them or for you guys?
It's good for business, Denise.
And while the entourage is asking
for autographs and taking selfies,
he'll accept the deal
and we'll officially become
the agency of a new rugby league
in the Middle East.
And poor Jaci and I will spend
the entire weekend drowning in YBAB,
diapers, and diaper cream.
I'm hungry.
What?
How sure are you, Doctor?
Was Naas Botha a Springbok?
Is the Pope Catholic?
Is Bobby van Jaarsveld the best Bobby?
So
Definitely not perhaps
or maybe early menopause?
Definitely "perhaps maybe"
for a fact to an early pregnancy.
But...
But that's impossible.
All seven of my previous doctors said
I couldn't fall pregnant.
You!
You said I couldn't fall pregnant.
That JP's soldiers are swimming
in circles and that my ovaries
are lazy because
my brain has to work so hard.
Besides
JP and I made peace with the fact that
we weren't going to have children.
We're too damn busy for a baby!
What if...
What if he divorces me?
Children can destroy a marriage.
No. No, no.
This...
Besides, I'm at the peak of my career.
I'm one of the only three companies
in the whole of Africa that's been
asked to pitch
for a multimillion dollar contract!
That's like an entire continent!
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
We've worked very hard to pitch...
Congratulations on the pregnancy.
Uh, you'll have to take it easy.
It's a geriatric pregnancy.
Geriatric?
- Look, I might be old, but I'm not...
- But not cold yet. Clearly not.
It seems to me
you're just starting to warm up.
Uh, you know, if I were you two,
I'd start thinking about baby names.
Ignatius.
It's a strong name.
And what if it's a girl?
Aw, did my kids make you broody?
It's for Jaci.
I don't think it'll fit her.
You know, it's not too late
for you guys to have a baby.
I can't expect Jaci to give up her career.
Have you discussed it?
Oh! No, wait,
you've probably discussed it over email.
It's complicated. Okay...
My swimmers aren't
exactly little Ryk Neetlings
You can have one of our five.
Karla won't even notice.
In fact, she'll pay you.
Maybe one day.
Hey! One day becomes yesterday,
and before you know it
Your prostate needs clearing out.
- What?
- I'm just saying.
Ah, a diaper-pic!
A what?
A diaper-pic from Karla. Look.
Looks like a map of Africa.
Hertjie, please
take your poop-porn and go.
Hmm.
- It could also be Italy.
- Hertjie!
- Hmm?
- Door.
- Hello.
- Hi.
This is for you.
What... W-Who did you talk to?
It's your invitation for the YBAB weekend.
- It landed on my desk.
- Oh!
The weekend. Of course.
Hey, check this out.
This lady is the perfect example
of someone who moved
to America,
but still took Benoni with her.
- Hi there, all y'all!
- Check this.
Benoni, hmm?
Speaking of babies
Um, I was at the gynae
for my checkup this morning...
Did you guys see the email?
The three agencies
that made it to the final round
of the YBAB pitch this weekend
are us, Northern Star,
and JDW!
JDW?
As in Joubert de Waal Advertising JDW?
Who's Joubert de Waal?
JP's boarding school
roommate from high school.
- Oh, that Joubert?
- What does "that Joubert" mean?
Joubert was top student,
appointed head boy,
and captain of the first rugby team
instead of JP.
And he was voted "most likely to succeed".
Okay, Hertjie.
Thanks for that history lesson.
- Oh! And he stole JP's first girlfriend.
- Herklaas!
I wonder if he still
has that punch-me face.
Yeah, he...
- Google him.
- Yes! Check your Facetagram page.
How is it that none of you
are on social media yet?
I'm actually quite proud of it.
Tumi!
Your Facebook account, please.
Uh, Joubert de Waal.
Seriously, you guys have to stop this.
How does an ad agency function where
none of the executives
are on social media?
Surprisingly well
and effective. Thank you.
Yes, we don't have time for "Tortilla Wrap
Slap challenges" and lip-sync videos.
Is this him?
Yes. Mr. Boarding school in all his glory.
I though you and JP
were roommates at school?
Only in matric.
After Joubert complained
that JP tried to kill him
in his sleep with his Culture Boy trophy.
For the 100th time, Hertjie,
that's not what happened, okay?
I was just looking at the trophy
that everyone knew should've been mine!
What? No ways! Is that...
What? How can...
Joubert de Waal is married to...
And they've got YBABs.
How did Chadrie end up with him?
I can see it.
Joubert has
kind of a Markus 2.0 vibe going.
They look like Rent-A-Family.
They look like a YBAB ad campaign.
She's right.
I think you should go play happy family
with Jaci at the YBAB pitch this weekend.
Take Hertjie and Karla along.
I can entertain
the investor and his entourage.
With all due respect,
Denise, what do you know about rugby?
Definitely more than I know
about diapers and diaper cream.
That's true. Denise breaks out in hives if
a child comes within a 3km radius of her.
JP, we need The Jackal
if we're going up against JDW and that
The YBAB contract
is more important than the Dubai guys.
And we need our A-team at Hazendal
this weekend, and that's the four of you.
Come on. We need to make arrangements.
Before you go, uh
I can't believe I have to spend
the weekend surrounded by
finger biscuits and dirty diapers
instead of beers and Springboks.
Finger biscuits aren't that bad.
They are if Springboks were on the menu.
Jaci. Are you coming?
Yep. Yes.
Come now, my little monkey.
You loved the pumpkin yesterday.
Booby or pumpkin-porridge?
Here you go, here you go.
Here, here.
- Okay, okay. There you go.
- Hey!
- Where are you?
- On the patio!
Gosh, what's going on here?
Master Chef Bellville here
has decided he prefers condensed milk
to baby food and Mommie's milk.
Why are you here so late?
Something interesting came up today
that I'd really like to talk to you about.
As long as it has nothing to do
with babies, baby food, or wombs.
Jaci,
I just can't anymore.
I feel like a melted ruler.
At least you have the YBAB weekend
to look forward to.
Yes, Tumi called me.
Can't you leave Henry
at your mom's as well?
Nope, you know what she's like.
If her boobs were detachable,
she would've lost them somewhere.
Last time, she sent
Henry home with a "balloon"
which ended up being an inflated condom.
Wait. Why does my mother have condoms?
And that?
Every time I think
I've done something wrong,
I deposit a 20 rand
so that by the time Henry's 16,
he can see a psychologist of his choice.
Sorry, what did
you want to talk about, Jaci?
- Hey! Hey...
- Hey! Not with the...
Hey! No balls near the house!
There are windows here!
Stop wrapping presents
for your buddies with your underpants!
Okay.
Sorry. What did you want to say?
You know, um
Uh, we can chat this weekend.
- Okay, okay.
- Yes, look here.
What smells like candy floss?
No, wait. It's like beach and candy floss.
Man, your nose is imagining things.
Shoot him!
What? I'll shoot you guys!
I'm going to get you!
What are your brothers doing?
Sorry.
Oh, thank goodness. I need to wee.
Again? We've already stopped twice
on our way here. Is everything okay?
What did Dr. Tunnel Vision have to say?
After all these years,
it's still not funny.
It was his joke. What did he have to say?
Actually, quite a bit. Um
- I'm actually
- Dammit!
Crikey!
Where's the child's parents?
People who can't look after their children
should simply not have them, right?
It's an easy equation.
It's not that easy.
Children aren't always planned.
We've pulled it off pretty well so far.
Well, it's easy if we're not even
in the same country for half the year.
Dubai is just a back-up plan in case
the YBAB pitch falls through,
but it obviously won't,
because you're brilliant and
there's nothing JDW has
that Mojo doesn't have more of.
Apart from children.
What's going on with you?
Nothing. Uh
I need to wee.
Okay, son. Lesson 71.
Always read books, hmm?
A tree smiles
whenever you open a book because
it knows there's life after death.
Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaking of books, I, uh
Saw that book next to your bed
about the fifty types of gray.
I always thought
there was only one type of gray,
but you know, gray dove, gray dogs,
gray cloud, gray road,
gray mountains,
gray mice, gray birds, gray gray
- Do you have my wallet?
- Yes, somewhere here. I...
- Ouch!
- Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh, my word.
- Damnit.
- Gosh, that hurt.
- Sorry.
I've always wanted to bump heads with you!
Joubie-Boubie, come see.
I have to introduce you. Look who's here.
It's not necessary, my little pompom nose.
We're old friends.
This is the guy I told you about
the other day who missed that pass
and cost us the Craven Week trophy
in our Matric year.
Are you "Ball-drop Basson"?
I can't even remember
when last I didn't want to see you. Hey!
- And this is?
- This is, uh This is Jaci, my wife.
Your wife?
I didn't think I'd ever hear those words
from The Jackal's mouth.
Yes?
No, this guy
"played the field" in high school.
- Really?
- Like
- Behind the pavilion.
- Gross.
- No, it was hectic.
- Joubert.
Pleased to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
Funny that, I've not heard
a thing about you, doll.
Gross! I'm going to have to burn my dress.
- Hey!
- What?
What the...
- Is that Chadrie?
- Shh!
So, you guys are from Mo-Yo?
Uh, it's Mojo.
I was wondering who you'd send
to play happy family this weekend.
Although, the two of you
aren't much of a family.
This is our happy family.
- This is Chabert.
- Chabert.
And this is Joudrie.
Cha-Drie Jou-Bert.
They're twins.
They were born on the same day. A Monday.
Oh, and this is our little surprise.
Ah! You're too beautiful.
This is Chardonnay.
Say hello to the people.
It's a pleasure to meet you sir and ma'am,
we are excited
to learn more about you two.
Did you hear that?
It rhymes.
Okay, guys. Go read your dictionaries.
And remember, when I get back
I want to know what happened in the story.
Go sit on the couch. And no screen time.
That's the future president
and UN ambassador over there.
Yeah, yes!
Interesting that you want to pitch
for a baby brand without a baby.
Well, Mojo signed
the "Catilicious" cat food account
last week and we're not cats.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like those, um inter continent...
Intercontinenti...
Man, the diapers
for old people, that contract
you signed, and it's not
like you wear a diaper every day...
- Thanks, Chads. I think they get it.
- Okay.
So, that's the Joubert,
who used to call you "Pizza Face"
and the reason
why you don't eat pizza to this day?
Man, his bite is bigger than his bark.
It is.
You know, JP
It's kinda tragic that you,
of all people, shoot blanks.
Oh, shame, you guys.
Shame. It's really just
Babies were the best thing
that ever happened to us.
It's as if a light was turned on
in our lives. As if that light
Came out of my body.
It's... It's likePwaah!
Yes, who would've guessed that your
empty sack would land me a contract?
You know, uh
JP actually has very healthy, um
- Oh, pears.
- Pears.
- We say pears Healthy pears.
- We don't want the children to
So, have your grapevine dried up, or
Dry grapevine?
Empty sack?
It seems once a jackass, always a jackass.
A jackass with the right optics
to win the YBAB contract.
Here you go! A fresh diaper.
And that's the last time I'm changing
your baby's diaper this weekend.
Yes!
All this little one wants now is his mommy
and his daddy.
Have... Do you guys have a b...
No blanks, bud
Only cannonballs.
Meet Henry.
Our baby.
So you have a child?
But how?
Oh, Joubie-Boubie!
Well, when a mommy and a daddy
love each other very much,
they lie in a bed together and
And you guys?
What's your name again?
- It's Hertjie.
- Hertjie.
Pizza-face. Pizza-face.
He had a terrible pizza face
Do you have children?
The four terrorists
are with their grandmother.
- Four?
- Four?
- Good gracious.
- Four?
Four? Do you singlehandedly
- want to destroy the planet?
- A lot.
I simply can't imagine a weekend
without my children.
- Me neither.
- No.
I can't.
Me too.
For example, I want absolutely nothing to
do with our youngest this entire weekend.
- Well... Surely not absolutely nothing?
- Nothing?
Where's the pool?
I'm sure there's a pool. Come on, Hertjie.
Gosh, guys. He's a beautiful baby.
What have you done?
Me? What have I done?
What did Hertjie and Karla do?
We need to
take this baby back immediately.
Whoa, whoa. Let's just
think about this. Just for a moment.
JP, there's nothing to think about.
It's not our baby!
Yes, but only us and Hertjie
and Karla know, so technically
- Don't say it.
- We pretend to be his parents and...
And convince the YBAB lady
that we're a happy family.
You said it!
Darling, we've tried this little white lie
thing before and it blew up in our faces.
It wasn't all that bad.
I got you out of the deal, didn't I?
This contract is important.
More important than the Dubai rugby thing.
We can't do both if we have a ba...
If we what?
If we have a ba...
If we what?
How are we going to get any work done
this weekend with this?
Okay, you're right.
It's a stupid idea. We must give him back.
Thank you!
Wait, wait, wait. What about Joubert?
What about Joubert?
Tell him he misheard or something.
Okay, bubba-bubs.
We'll take you back
to your mommy and daddy.
Yup, and that's why people our age
shouldn't have children.
If we did, it wouldn't
be such a bad idea, would it?
Come on.
We're going to Mommy and Daddy.
Come, come, come. Shh, shh.
- It's her.
- Who?
The Elon Musk of baby products. Her.
- Oh, okay. What do we do now?
- for you.
- You know.
- Yoohoo!
Okay, let's...
Let's make this as quick as possible.
Oh, that's JP and Jaci from
what's the name of their company again?
- Mojo.
- FOMO. Ah, they're so forgettable.
They recently lost the "Cars
You Can Trust" campaign to us, JDW.
No, I know who they are,
but who is this little cutie?
He's actually our, um
He's such a strong little chap.
And he's a carbon copy of the two of you.
What's his name?
Uh, the baby's name is Henry.
Are you here to help Mommy
and Daddy this weekend?
Oh, he's such a cutie.
Mommy, you must be so proud?
- Very!
- Mmm.
You are so adorable.
I think
I should give you the YBAB contract.
Yes, well Uh, yes. Little Henry
is actually a little YBAB ambassador
in the making.
Uh, look, look! Chadrie and Chardonnay
are dressed the same. They match!
Ah, I made it myself from curtains
that I recycled, just like Mary Poppins.
We don't like to dictate
to Henry what to wear.
Yes, we believe
that all children need guidance.
In the right direction.
Oh, I love a bit of healthy competition!
I guess it wouldn't be much
of a pitch without babies, would it?
- I guess not.
- Definitely not.
I can wait for your pitches next week.
Use this weekend to get familiar
with the YBAB products properly.
I love that my finalist's pitches
will come from personal experience.
Indeed. Being a father
for the last 11 years
has been the greatest honor of my life.
How old is Henry again?
- About five or six years old.
- Probably about five-six
- Months!
- Months!
Months.
Henry is an old soul.
He's, uh He's our greatest inspiration.
Oh, Sonja Herholdt
is my greatest inspiration.
Oh, copy that.
See you guys later on the dance floor.
Well,
may the best baby, I mean, pitch win.
Hey, Joubert.
I hope you have a couple
of adult diapers in that bag,
'cause things could get messy.
Okay, we're officially
the parents of a fake baby.
Fake parents, real baby.
Ah, this idea is so terrible, it
That it could actually work.
And it's only for the weekend.
It's not only for the weekend. It's...
And Hertjie and Karla are also here so
Soon we'll swop the diaper bag
for a laptop bag. It'll be fine.
- It's nice.
- Hmm.
And now?
It tastes funny. I um
I just brushed my teeth.
No, you didn't.
Well, then it's just
not good champagne, okay?
I need to wee.
Okay, give it to me then.
It's very nice.
So, this is what a weekend
without children tastes like.
No nagging.
- Or second-hand baby food.
- And tonight, we'll sleep like babies.
Not like our baby
sleeps through the night.
Uh-uh. Jaci and JP have no idea
what's in store for them this weekend.
I suppose I can just say howzit!
Oh, man. It is so nice
to be back in my home country
and to finally launch YBAB
on African soil.
But most importantly, you are here
to have a great time while doing it!
So, come on, people. Let's get jiving.
Marietjie, wonderful speech.
When was the last time
someone asked you to dance?
Uh, the last time was on Noah's boat.
Then you're in the right hands.
I must say, I'm missing little Henry.
Oh, calm down.
It's for the contract, remember.
Yes, you're right.
Henry is a working baby now.
Yes, maybe he'll get JP and Jaci thinking.
I think JP is broody.
Broody or a mid-life crisis?
No, he has a bee in his bonnet.
He thinks it's Dubai,
but I think it's for a family.
- Henry will cure that very quickly.
- Yes.
Maybe we should leave his baby monitor
with him then we can listen in anytime.
Clever, but
One more drink then we'll go check on him.
Well, if you insist,
then shaken not stirred, Papa.
I love it
when Russian Karla comes to the party.
No way.
Slap me with a wet fish from Fish Hoek.
Those two are lying.
De Wet also says,
"The Jackal with a baby?"
Oh, JP would've said something
at the reunion the other day.
He wouldn't have stopped bragging.
"Check my baby, check my baby."
Joupie-Boubie, let it go.
It's story time
and the kids are already in bed.
There's nothing about them
and the baby online.
Not even on social media.
- I'm going around to that dance.
- No!
I'm going to see
- What I can find out.
- Oh, come on.
I'll talk to Hertjie as well.
Him and JP have always been
as tight as clenched butt cheeks.
Joubert Johagen de Waal, you promised
you won't leave us
on our own again this weekend.
We're doing this for us, our children
And all the babies in Africa.
And South Africa.
- And South Africa.
- Yes.
Yes.
Do you have the baby monitor?
Neatly tucked away under the blanket.
Oh, thank goodness.
Please just take him.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong,
but he doesn't stop screaming.
I think he has He smells funny.
I think his diaper is dirty.
Yes. Smells like a spine-crawler.
You know my rules
about changing your baby's diapers.
Oh, no, girl. This is part
of the borrow-our-baby-package.
Yes, he's yours for the weekend
and that includes diapers.
My wife and I
Are going dancing.
No, wait. Listen,
we don't want this anymore...
There's breast milk in your fridge.
See you later, or not.
The evening's still an embryo.
- Stop smelling me!
- I...
- All right then.
- Great.
Have a good evening.
Did you guys forget something?
Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.
Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.
Only you, Joubert. Drop
and roll fast, that's your last resort.
Uh, check this move.
- You're doing the diaper.
- That's... Me?
- Why me?
- Because I just did the sleeper.
Okay, let's do it.
Okay.
- It's just a poop. Just a poop.
- Okay.
- Here we go. Here we go.
- Watch his canon!
The one in the front
or the one in the back?
That is
What does she feed him?
Okay, open up, open up.
Turn.
- Wet wipes. Grab the wet wipes!
- No.
I want these...
Can't we just rinse him off under the tap?
- He's a baby, not a frying pan.
- Okay, lift his feet and I'll wipe.
- Yes, mister-I-change-diapers-everyday.
- Lift his feet.
I've got poop
I've got poop on my hand...
My hand...
This is the guy they call The Jackal.
Let's see if we can keep this one clean.
Yes!
Definitely his father's child.
With his mother's lungs.
- Mmm.
- To us.
- Ah, to us.
- Freedom.
Taste it.
- Is he...
- Good grief.
Ah, that guy.
Is he behind us?
I can feel it.
How can we help you, Joubert?
I thought we could
have a chat about the old days.
Why did you think that?
Hmm. There's a...
You've got a... Hmm.
Your blouse is leaking.
Um
What leak?
Another drink?
I thought you'd never ask.
So, Jaci and The Jackal have a child.
- Mmm, yep.
- Yes, yes.
Like most people here, and you, and us.
We
I thought after the fiasco
with his father and stepmother
he'd never reproduce.
Well, people change.
Excuse us, please.
We just want to enjoy
our break away from our five monsters.
- Five?
- But earlier you said there were four.
Four, five.
Fifty. It's a bunch of children.
They just kept following the light.
Bye, Joubert!
Did I just blow it?
Relax. Joubert is as dangerous
as a packet of tissues.
Would you rather check in on Jaci and JP?
Oh, I'm sure they're fine.
What could go wrong?
- Where's his volume control?
- What?
Do something!
Sprinkle salt on him, or something.
Dammit.
When do you think the fun part
of being a parent starts?
It can't be that bad.
Millions of people do it every day.
Aw, you two make a beautiful picture.
Maybe this little one will grow on us.
I told you we'd be amazing parents.
Speaking of parents
Mommy's little wildling.
My little pop-tart.
Yes.
Let's give Aunt Jaci and Uncle JP
a little me-time and you some boob-time.
Looks like the two of you
have a baby-hangover!
I'm so tired I can hear colors.
You'd better kick start yourself. Today is
YBAB events day, and you have to impress.
Dammit. Denise and the entourage.
I need to check-in.
Relax. Denise is on it.
They're probably prepping to paraglide.
Of course,
everyone wants to know where you are.
Hopefully kicking Joubert's butt.
Denise, hey! How are you?
Hold on. I'm walking out.
Excuse me.
- Are you okay?
- Mmm.
Probably just, uh, bad room service.
I'm a sympathetic vomiter.
Oh, wait. Wait, wait.
Wait a minute
Popcorn,
candy floss
A touch of strawberries!
You smell like Karla!
- What?
- When she's pregnant.
Hertjie, you can't tell anyone. Promise?
Especially not Karla, because Karla
will tell JP and I haven't told JP yet,
and then he'll divorce me.
And then I'll be
a single parent and I'll have
to grow a beard
for bring daddy-to-school day.
Not to mention how angry Karla will be
because you knew before she did.
Promise?
You know JP is my best friend
and I'm as bad at lying
as Eskom is at generating electricity.
Please.
Why don't you just tell him?
I tried. I'm going to. I will.
I'll obviously have to. It's just I...
I've only just found out myself
and I'm just waiting for the right moment.
I'm so happy you got knocked up!
Promise?
Okay.
But you know secrets
between couples lead to
uncomfortable couch sleeping, right?
Thanks, Hannes.
I owe you a round at Leopard.
What time is it? Birdie time!
The kids are still asleep.
I just spoke to the CEO
of Blue Peach Media.
He was with Jaci at a pitch
a while ago and he says
she was definitely not pregnant.
Maybe she just carried small.
If she ate a pea,
she'll have a little bump.
Oh, I've got it.
Maybe she adopted a baby.
- Hmm?
- No.
See what you can find out
at the events today.
Either way,
we're going to nail them.
How are you guys?
It's such a beautiful day at YBAB.
Oh, my goodness.
Look at all this fun!
I have a beauty hack to share with you.
So the YBAB booty paste
isn't just for babies.
I use it on my pimples. It
literally gets rid of pimples overnight.
And then the nipple cream is amazing
for dark circles under your eyes.
So, try it out. Thank me later.
And that's it.
Cheers to an amazing YBAB weekend.
Oh, hi, guys.
Do you want a taste?
I can't decide whether it is one, 60%,
or two, 70% dark chocolate,
but it's definitely a number two!
- No!
- No, thanks, Tawnie.
Why do they call her tannie
if she looks so young?
Oh, great, great, great!
Listen, the game plan is simple.
One of us must win and the other
must make sure Joubert doesn't win.
Rather you than me.
I have the heart of a champion,
but the legs of a bystander.
What? How's that?
I think it's important that
you do this one on your own.
- Why?
- Oh, you know.
You never know when Jaci's going to pop.
Pop?
Pop, as in burst.
Her appendix could burst any time.
Why do they call it an appendix?
No one really knows why it's there.
Sometimes I wonder
the same thing about you.
Pull yourself together.
I came up with the idea way back
when we had to race
through the corn fields with a tractor,
on the way to the hospital,
in labor with my third little one.
Popping out babies
can make for interesting stories.
Mine were all caesareans.
No stories, only scars.
And you, Jaci?
I just assumed the stork delivered babies!
So you adopted?
No!
She means she gave birth naturally.
Yes, yes. Very naturally.
In a dam.
Bath.
And when my water bent broke!
When my water broke
I struggled to breathe and I...
Then I urgently had to
Go to the bathroom?
And then
I just pushed him out.
JP, because he was in my way.
And then...
You were what, in labor for 23 hours?
Twenty-three hours!
No wonder the kid
has such an elongated head.
The child doesn't have an elongated head!
I gave birth in the back of a police van.
You guys
It was so beautiful.
My bag was all ready to go
and when my water broke,
Joubie-Boebie loaded it in the car
and rushed to the hospital.
Unfortunately, he left me at home.
And then?
I waited outside the house
on the sidewalk.
And the police van?
Luckily, our neighbors were burgled,
so I got a free ride with the police.
They even put the sirens on for me.
In the end I just sneezed,
and Chardonnay shot out.
Really?
No, with my kids it was
in like a banana, out like a pineapple.
- The boys are ready. Come on!
- Nice.
- Hey!
- Go, Joubie-Boubie, go!
What the hell, man?
That's probably why
they called you The Jackal,
because you're used to
everyone's leftovers!
I won! I actually won!
Come take a picture for Denise!
She won't believe it!
I'm going to hang it in my office!
What happened, Joubie?
Who's Denise?
It's easy as pie, my little pom-pom nose.
Call this Denise woman.
Tell her you work for YBAB and you need
more information about Jaci and JP's baby.
But she'll recognize my voice.
Not after all these years.
Use an American accent.
- You know? Like we practiced.
- Yes.
Just like those
Real Housewives of New York.
- New York.
- New York, yeah.
- New York, yeah.
- New York, yeah.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Okay, I can do that. I think so. Okay.
- Mm-hmm. Yes.
Goodness, she's so rude.
Personal information. They're babies.
We don't want their ID numbers.
No, it's fine.
Sooner or later, they'll slip up,
and I'll be ready.
Look at the spaghetti rain!
Ah, you guys are such naturals.
Oh, taste this. It's my own concoction
for the South African market.
- Oh!
- Sausage flavor.
- Oh, saus...
- Hey.
- Nice.
- But it isn't
It's not something you taste every day.
No. Enjoy.
Mmm, that's awful!
It tastes like whale snot.
- Do you want this?
- My smarty-pants.
You're so good with the posts
- for JDW's Insta.
- Oh, yes.
How about you get all the babies together,
take a picture,
- and tag the agency?
- Yes. Yes!
Like the ants go marching one by one.
Oh my sweetness.
Yes, come with me.
Keep an eye on Henry.
Yep. I'm just sending
Denise a message quickly.
Denise, hey. Don't forget that they love
Kurt Darren's music and biltong.
So make sure there's a lot of that.
Joubie-Boubie is going to L-O-V-E this.
Would you mind sending me the photos too?
Not at all.
I'll just tag Mojo in the post.
Really? That'll be amazing.
Sure thing. Let me take a photo of you
and Henry and I'll post that as well.
Oh, um, uh, we're not wild about
putting pictures of Henry on social media.
I understand.
Chabert and Joudrie only
got their accounts when they were four.
Let me take a picture
of you guys anyway and I'll post it?
Oh, no. You know, I, um
Oh! Gosh.
No, it smells like he left
a special present for me and JP.
A try is actually worth five points.
It's a little confusing.
You're coming with me.
I'm not doing this bomb on my own.
No, not a bomb.
What's up? What's up?
Okay, guys. Deal time.
If you guys do a good job of looking after
this baby you'll get extra screen time
and Mommy never needs to know
That you're not doing
your binary number systems.
Mommy will find out.
She always knows when we're lying.
Well, then lie better
like most other teenagers.
Okay, bye.
Oh, crap.
What? Please not another spine-crawler.
It's much, much worse.
How can it be worse than a spine...
Can a willy fall off
like an umbilical cord?
Henry is a girl.
No, Henry's not a girl. This isn't Henry.
There you go.
Here you are, my froggy!
Where were you?
I already looked here, huh?
Where have you been playing?
JP, where's Henry?
He must be here somewhere.
He can't even walk yet.
As far as I know.
I don't see him anywhere.
He's disappeared like an earring.
Maybe Karla fetched him for a feed.
I can't believe this is my inspiration
to get up from my afternoon nap.
Don't worry.
Mine is usually my bladder.
Quick innocent question,
is Henry with you guys by any chance?
What?
No, why would he be with us?
We just thought that you
were missing him so much you might've...
Where's my baby?
Not here?
- No!
- No!
- Okay. See you guys later.
- Okay. Sorry to bother you.
No! Wait!
Where's my baby?
Uh, well
- You see
- We might've
Semi accidentally
- Sort ofmisplaced.
- Somewhere.
- What?
- What?
He's a baby. Not a bunch of keys!
- His baby monitor!
- Yes, come!
Call security! Now!
- Careful, careful!
- Get out of the way, man!
Excuse me!
Sorry. We're looking for a baby.
Well, this is my baby!
You couldn't even look
after our fake baby for a few seconds.
- He's not fake!
- He's not fake!
He's just not yours.
We wouldn't have needed a fake baby if...
Yes, but you're the one who just took him!
So that we could be fake parents.
If I hear the word fake once more,
I'll attack you like a drunk dentist!
Retrace your steps with a fine tooth comb!
Come on, let's go to the pool.
I'll never allow
my kids outside of my body again.
- The swimming pool!
- The pool's empty.
- I don't know
- Heya, YBAB squad. Do we have a gem...
Hi. Sorry, I need this. Thank you.
Your attention, please.
We're looking for my... our friends',
JP and Jaci's baby boy Henry.
Henry.
Yes, he's the size
of a small bag of potatoes.
Last seen in a YBAB baby sleeper.
And he doesn't have an elongated head.
How does one lose a baby?
That's, uh terrible.
I mean, how can you trust someone
with anything if they
can't even look after their own baby?
Oh! Have you checked Lost and Found?
You know, Chadrie
We were just going there.
I'll look around the gardens.
There are many open water sources,
ponds, rivers. You never know.
- Accidents happen so quickly.
- Yes.
- That's true.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Uh, reception.
What are we going to do?
This is the last place Henry was with us.
You were too busy
playing Instagram-Instagram
with Chadrie,
you forgot to look after Henry.
Me?
I was doing my job.
You were playing on your phone.
I wasn't playing.
I was cheking in with Denise
on the other contract,
which could possibly be paying FOMO...
Mojo's bills next month.
I'm going back to the hotel.
Maybe security knows something by now.
Maybe someone took
the wrong baby from the MessY Hub.
- It happens.
- Not if it's your own baby.
Hey. Nothing yet.
Karla, I'm incredibly...
This isn't a good time to talk to me.
I know you're probably furious, but...
No! You have no idea
because you're not a mother!
I found him!
I have the baby!
- I've got the baby!
- My baby!
Joubert is the man! Joubert has got him!
- Hello, sweetheart. Thank goodness.
- I found the baby! I found the baby!
My baby! You found my baby!
My poppet!
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Her baby?
I thought he's their baby?
And I thought the stork delivered him?
Excuse me. Can I borrow this thing?
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to all of you.
Look, as a father of three children, I can
only imagine the emotional trauma...
Dad, you said if we looked after the baby
we could have more screen time.
But you haven't loaded any data yet.
Go back to the hotel room.
- trauma that the...
- A promise is a promise, Dad,
and we took good care of the baby
while you were away.
Joubie-Boubie.
Did you leave the baby with the children?
- Alone?
- Uh
- You'd better...
- N-No
Mom says that if you lie,
your tongue will cut open your throat.
Joubert de Waal, what did you do?
- I...
- You'd better...
- But...
- You'd better start talking!
- Chadrie...
- Think carefully.
- There's a clean baby.
- Chads, but I didn't do anything.
Those two are the liars!
What?
Besides, Henry is fine
and safe and he's been found,
so I honestly don't know
what the problem is.
- Are you insane?
- What is the prob...
- You...
- Wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa! There are children here!
Okay, everyone, calm down. Calm down.
Stay with Mommy.
Coincidentally, the baby
was in my hotel room all along.
- Good grief!
- You cockroach turd!
Chadrie! I need a wet wipe, please.
The four of us need to talk, now!
Chad!
Chadrie, what are you doing? Help me!
There's a little something
between your teeth, "Jou-blertsie."
You two are the most
irresponsible people on earth.
- Who loses their best friends' baby?
- Oh, I know. They do.
Listen...
Uh-uh! Nothing you say
can make this better.
In nine months,
you can use your own baby for pitches.
Or seven months, or years,
or whenever you have your own baby.
The two of you are fired as friends!
We're going to pack Henry's things,
get our bags, and going straight home.
You'll have to figure out
how to impress "Meraaikie" on your own.
- Come on!
- Yes!
Right after the YBAB "eat as much as you
want" rib night, we're hitting the road.
- Now, Herklaas!
- Oh.
The one thing we're good at is our jobs,
and now we've messed that up as well.
Joubert is going to get the contract.
And you'll have to go to Dubai.
The contract?
Is that all you worry about?
It's always just about work.
Really? That's where you want to go?
You sleep in your office
more than you do at home, Jaci.
Maybe because I prefer my desk to a man
who will always
puts his businesses before his family!
All I ever wanted
was for us to be a family.
- Yes, a work family.
- No, a real family.
Us?
We can't even look after a fake baby.
What ever gave us the idea
we could do it for real?
You're right.
You're right. We obviously
can't deal with fake or office children.
So, what are you saying?
You don't want children?
Or just not with me?
Any baby would be
better off without us, Jaci.
Without the two of us, or without you?
I'm going to help Denise
with the Dubai contract.
Fine, go!
Go play with
your rugby balls in the desert!
We don't need you!
Lesson 78, son.
A lie is like a blanket.
If you cover your head,
your feet will stick out.
I can't believe we're packing again.
- Ridiculous.
- Nonsense.
Why are you sitting out here on your own?
Because the Americans
can't barbeque to save their lives.
Can I twist your arm?
Enough sausage here for Africa.
- I'm not the best company at the moment.
- Have a seat.
It's my birthday and I damn-well
have no one to share it with.
Congratulations.
Did any of your family join you
on your trip to South Africa?
We drifted apart years ago.
I was obsessed with work.
So, I lost track
of my husband and children.
Now it's too late.
If we ever get like this,
I'm divorcing you.
I'm sure that's not the case.
They don't even speak
to each other. Never mind me.
- I didn't realize...
- What?
That "America's favorite granny"
hasn't met her grandchildren yet?
You're not the only one
who lies to grow her career, girl.
JP and I messed up.
We shouldn't have lied about Henry.
We used our friends, and their baby.
But now that I think about it,
it was actually Karla and Hertjie's idea,
so they're also a little guilty.
But we should've known better.
The irony is
We didn't even have to lie about it.
I found out a few days ago that I'm
Definitely, for a fact, pregnant.
You're the first person I've told.
Well, technically the second.
Hertjie literally smelled it out of me.
And you didn't say a thing, you dipstick!
Congratulations.
Have you decided what to do?
Not a clue.
Well, from what I've seen,
you and JP are an awesome team.
He doesn't think so.
It's because he doesn't know
about the third team player yet.
- Do you think so?
- Of course.
People change.
You did.
If I were to tell you,
that the YBAB contract is yours,
how does that make you feel?
Kinda empty
Because?
It doesn't matter as much anymore.
And what matters now?
Take it from an old lady who knows.
Don't make the same mistakes as I did.
Go on. What are you waiting for?
Thank you.
Thanks for everything.
And
Enjoy your barbeque.
Oh, and enjoy your birthday!
Cheers!
I can't see her anywhere.
Hey, guys! I feel so super, duper,
pooper guilty about Joubert.
He's such a sparkle thief.
Hey! We've been looking for you.
I feel like a wet baguette
and you have no reason to forgive me...
But you have to get to JP
right now to tell him the good news!
- How...
- We heard everything.
You're going to be a mommy!
- What?
- I'm so excited.
You're finally going to get fat!
- Thick and thin for real-sies.
- What?
- Yes!
- Oh!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Come, let's go before JP signs
that donkey contract contract.
No, wait. It's time for Henry's nap,
so you guys go ahead.
No, leave him with me.
It's also time for Chardonnay's nap.
I can't believe I'm doing this!
Come on! We have to go.
You're driving like a demon today, Dad!
Bye, guys!
- JP's not answering his phone.
- We're nearly there.
Not the way you're driving.
The car's shadow
is already two steps ahead of you.
Is your car part
of a science project or something?
- Move it, pumpkin!
- Don't yell at me!
Go play with your friends. Go, baby.
Here's his holiday mansion.
Whatever this guy invests in pays well.
Check those guys.
Okay, stop over here.
I'll go in, in the meantime.
- Um, park the car somewhere.
- Okay.
I want one full perimeter patrol,
eyes open, fingers on the triggers.
Go!
Hi, I'm Jaci Basson
from Mojo and Amalgamated Media.
My team are waiting for me inside.
Sorry.
Your name isn't on the VIP list.
Oh, my name doesn't have to be
on the list if my company
is about to sign a
multi million dollar deal with your boss.
Look.
I probably would've acted
the same in your situation.
You seem like a
Stick-to-the-rules kind of guy.
Without a doubt.
So, um
The love of my life is currently
signing a contract in that house,
which could ruin our,
and many other people's lives.
And I urgently need
to get to him, stop him,
and tell him he's going to be a father.
So, I'm begging you
to turn a blind eye just this once.
Ma'am, there's nothing wrong with my eyes.
Please, I'm begging you.
I'll even name my unborn baby after you.
What's your name?
That's not a name, that's a short story.
Why aren't you at the YBAB pitch?
- Don't ask.
- JP, what's going on?
I'm trying to ensure
that by Monday everyone at Mojo
- can still draw a salary.
- What?
- Bismark, Jannie.
- JP.
- Hey.
- It's so good to see you here.
- Yes.
- Same here.
- I can't believe it's finally happening.
- Yes, mostly thanks to you guys.
That security guy is having none of it.
- But does he know who you are?
- My name isn't on the list.
I'll see if I can distract him.
- See if you can get in somewhere.
- How? Did you see that security?
Um Well, Hertjie is technically a ladder.
Climb him like one.
Uh, no, thanks.
She looks kind of heavy.
Through thick and thin. Hmm?
Through thick and thin.
Okay.
Hello, little guy.
You run! I'll keep him busy.
Run!
Well, this is the culmination
of many people's hard work.
You win, I underestimated you!
Okay. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Hey, look here!
Look. You know you want to.
Come on, come on.
Yes!
Yes.
- Jaci?
- Don't sign the contract.
No, man. Baby.
Are we
We're having a baby!
We're having a bab...
Hey! What are you doing?
Just hanging around. Get help, Hertjie!
- Hertjie!
- JP! We have to get her down!
- She's... She's...
- I know. I know.
Jaci, hang tight.
We're coming! We're making a plan!
No, no. Remember that line out sign?
- Grass mouse.
- Grass mouse.
- Grass mouse!
- Grass mouse!
- Grass mouse!
- What's grass mouse?
Please just jump.
Almost.
Hang tight. I'm coming!
I'm coming.
Okay, it's fine.
It's just cracked.
Okay, I'm here.
I'm here.
Okay, I've got you. You can let go.
There you go.
That's it.
That's it.
Please, don't sign the contract.
I already have.
How could you choose Dubai over us?
Jaci, I... I didn't.
Denise is going to Dubai in my place.
What?
- Denise?
- Yes.
Denise!
- Denise!
- Yes.
I'm sorry. I'm
I'm so sorry. I...
I'm so hormonal and
I wanted to tell you sooner,
but there were babies and diapers
and spaghetti and champagne
and I'm just so nauseous all the time,
and not only in the mornings.
That's a nasty myth.
We're having a baby.
And you're okay with that?
Okay with that...
You chose a spectacular way
to tell me about it, but
Of course I'm okay with that.
Family first?
I'll start looking
for a roof rack for the McLaren.
We're having a baby.
ONE YEAR LATER
Bomb!
Hey, Herklaas.
Time to braai.
Yes, Daddy-O.
Speaking of daddies,
who would've thought that your sperm
swam in circles all these years,
training for the jackpot?
- Huh?
- Speaking of, here's my rugby team.
- Where's Daddy?
- Hello,
- cutie pies.
- Here's Daddy.
Look who's here.
One, two, three of you. Come here
FOR JAMES
Subtitle translation by: Antoinette Smitt
Your coffee tastes just as good as mine.
Twenty seconds.
Ten, nine, eight
Let's smash this day.
Three, two, one
- Like pizza in your face!
- Like pizza in your face!
I'm here! I'm here! Chicken Man!
- Herman, your tie!
- Uh-uh! Chicken Man.
Okay, Chicken Man.
Get down from there. Give me your tie.
Hermien, did you remember your homework?
Check.
My little house, built with solar panels!
Wow! That looks amazing!
Herman, where's yours?
Here it is.
Oh, and what is that exactly?
Um
It's his self-portrait.
Or a very creative expression
of your small intestine.
Well done, my boy. I'm proud of you!
Be careful of Chicken Man!
Aha! What do we have here?
A cat in the bag.
Well, you are the cutest idiom.
Cutest idiot!
- Hey, Herman!
- Herman!
The only missing thing is your whiskers.
Whoa! Not the permanent marker.
I'll get my make up bag.
Hey, whose turn was it to
take Peet and Penarie back to their coop?
Hey, come!
- Go, go, go.
- Look!
Don't blame me when it's your fault.
- No, it was your turn.
- Dude!
- Herman, please.
- Uh-oh!
Not in front of Peet and Penarie.
Technically, that qualifies as murder.
How long have you been standing there?
Long enough to know
what the coffee in this house tastes like.
Hendrik.
More like "ouch"
if you're late for school.
Penarie says, "Howzit?"
Peet says, "Kiss-it!"
Lock him in a cage!
Suck, suck, suck! Buck, buck, buck! Fu...
Don't even think about it!
Put those chickens down!
- Okay, guys, calm down.
- Your lunchboxes!
Ah! Nothing like the smell
of fresh chaos in the morning.
Hey, Hendrik!
I swear, ten seconds ago
we were totally on top of it.
We trained them so well.
- Oh, flip.
- Do you think so?
You two, not the kids.
Mommy! Mommy!
Hey!
- Hello, my love.
- My kitten!
- Hello!
- Let's have a look at my cat.
- Hello. Hello, my bunny.
- Look at my cat.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
What did the doctor say?
Is little Henry going to be okay?
Luckily, it was just trapped wind.
All he needs to do,
is let it rip and he'll feel better.
Yes, he kicked up quite a fuss,
just like his mother did when he was born.
You squeeze one out, and we'll talk again.
Okay, team. Your godparents have to go.
Our office kids await.
Are you sure I can't lend a hand today?
Under no circumstances. Denise and I
have it under control, remember.
I'm the control freak,
you're the incubator.
- Through thick and thin?
- Mm-hmm.
Thick and thin.
Bye, you crazy lot!
- Bye, Auntie. Bye, Uncle. Love you!
- Bye, guys. Love you.
Hertjie.
- I'll wait for you outside.
- Bye.
I'll get my tie and briefcase.
Bye, Bassons!
Bye!
I'm crazy about them
Crazy about them, but just
as crazy about giving them back.
I have no idea how Karla and Hertjie
will survive this every morning.
I'd rather fight with a boardroom full of
grumpy old men than with a five-year-old
whose sandwiches aren't cut into circles.
Yes, you're right.
Raising kids isn't much different
from what we do at work all day.
Hertjie!
I'm just having a wee!
The only difference is when my clients
are difficult, I take away their yachts.
Ironically, we have all the skills
to be amazing parents.
Well
It's not too late.
Are those the words of The Jackal?
The same guy who made me promise
in front of the altar
that if he ever chose babies
over business, I could have him certified?
One can only do so many business deals.
Besides, that was a long time ago.
Exactly. We're getting old...
More mature.
And we've tried everything, JP.
Mojo and Amalgamated Media are our family.
How many times have we been through this?
And where do you think we'll find time
for a baby with our hectic schedules?
You eat more on a plane
than you do at home,
and I babysit neurotic clients 24/7.
It's not that bad.
We can change some things.
I can change some things.
Do you mean selling your 27 companies
or trading your McLaren
for a station wagon?
I can make a plan.
I can put a roof rack on a McLaren.
Okay, you have a point. We're too busy.
But just for the record, you'd be
the hottest mom at the parent's evening.
Someone wrapped
my briefcase in toilet paper!
Yep, definitely the right decision
not to have children.
For sure.
See you at the office.
Chancer.
Loser.
So, have you and Jaci
discussed the whole Dubai thing?
- We've discussed it over email.
- Oh!
Your phones have a fantastic marriage.
And it's not a "thing" yet.
Establishing a new rugby league
in the Emirates does not happen overnight.
We're doing our due diligence,
so is the investor and his guys.
Where does your wife
fit into this "due diligence"?
Jaci doesn't love it that I might
have to spend six months a year in Dubai.
Me either!
Look, if Jaci clinches
the baby product deal after this weekend,
we can technically let the Dubai thing go.
I'm just hedging our bets.
You know they only have
camel biltong in Dubai, right?
Morning, partner.
Morning, partner.
How are things on the creative side?
Excellent.
GreenFuture signed yesterday.
And MAD Consulting was very happy
with the budget for their new campaign,
and everything for the YBAB pitch
this weekend is coming together nicely.
- Great.
- And on the business side?
JP's going to give the Dubai guys
a swift kick under the butt.
- What?
- Ha-ha. No, no, no. He's kidding.
The two of us are going
to entertain the investor
and his entourage
this weekend in the Cape.
Tourist vibes, you know. Kirstenbosch,
Table Mountain,
paragliding, shark cage diving.
- Great.
- And the Spur in Sea Point.
For some reason, they always insist on it.
And Saturday evening,
we're having a party
at his holiday mansion,
where two ex-Springbok rugby players
will just happen to make an appearance.
A surprise for them or for you guys?
It's good for business, Denise.
And while the entourage is asking
for autographs and taking selfies,
he'll accept the deal
and we'll officially become
the agency of a new rugby league
in the Middle East.
And poor Jaci and I will spend
the entire weekend drowning in YBAB,
diapers, and diaper cream.
I'm hungry.
What?
How sure are you, Doctor?
Was Naas Botha a Springbok?
Is the Pope Catholic?
Is Bobby van Jaarsveld the best Bobby?
So
Definitely not perhaps
or maybe early menopause?
Definitely "perhaps maybe"
for a fact to an early pregnancy.
But...
But that's impossible.
All seven of my previous doctors said
I couldn't fall pregnant.
You!
You said I couldn't fall pregnant.
That JP's soldiers are swimming
in circles and that my ovaries
are lazy because
my brain has to work so hard.
Besides
JP and I made peace with the fact that
we weren't going to have children.
We're too damn busy for a baby!
What if...
What if he divorces me?
Children can destroy a marriage.
No. No, no.
This...
Besides, I'm at the peak of my career.
I'm one of the only three companies
in the whole of Africa that's been
asked to pitch
for a multimillion dollar contract!
That's like an entire continent!
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
We've worked very hard to pitch...
Congratulations on the pregnancy.
Uh, you'll have to take it easy.
It's a geriatric pregnancy.
Geriatric?
- Look, I might be old, but I'm not...
- But not cold yet. Clearly not.
It seems to me
you're just starting to warm up.
Uh, you know, if I were you two,
I'd start thinking about baby names.
Ignatius.
It's a strong name.
And what if it's a girl?
Aw, did my kids make you broody?
It's for Jaci.
I don't think it'll fit her.
You know, it's not too late
for you guys to have a baby.
I can't expect Jaci to give up her career.
Have you discussed it?
Oh! No, wait,
you've probably discussed it over email.
It's complicated. Okay...
My swimmers aren't
exactly little Ryk Neetlings
You can have one of our five.
Karla won't even notice.
In fact, she'll pay you.
Maybe one day.
Hey! One day becomes yesterday,
and before you know it
Your prostate needs clearing out.
- What?
- I'm just saying.
Ah, a diaper-pic!
A what?
A diaper-pic from Karla. Look.
Looks like a map of Africa.
Hertjie, please
take your poop-porn and go.
Hmm.
- It could also be Italy.
- Hertjie!
- Hmm?
- Door.
- Hello.
- Hi.
This is for you.
What... W-Who did you talk to?
It's your invitation for the YBAB weekend.
- It landed on my desk.
- Oh!
The weekend. Of course.
Hey, check this out.
This lady is the perfect example
of someone who moved
to America,
but still took Benoni with her.
- Hi there, all y'all!
- Check this.
Benoni, hmm?
Speaking of babies
Um, I was at the gynae
for my checkup this morning...
Did you guys see the email?
The three agencies
that made it to the final round
of the YBAB pitch this weekend
are us, Northern Star,
and JDW!
JDW?
As in Joubert de Waal Advertising JDW?
Who's Joubert de Waal?
JP's boarding school
roommate from high school.
- Oh, that Joubert?
- What does "that Joubert" mean?
Joubert was top student,
appointed head boy,
and captain of the first rugby team
instead of JP.
And he was voted "most likely to succeed".
Okay, Hertjie.
Thanks for that history lesson.
- Oh! And he stole JP's first girlfriend.
- Herklaas!
I wonder if he still
has that punch-me face.
Yeah, he...
- Google him.
- Yes! Check your Facetagram page.
How is it that none of you
are on social media yet?
I'm actually quite proud of it.
Tumi!
Your Facebook account, please.
Uh, Joubert de Waal.
Seriously, you guys have to stop this.
How does an ad agency function where
none of the executives
are on social media?
Surprisingly well
and effective. Thank you.
Yes, we don't have time for "Tortilla Wrap
Slap challenges" and lip-sync videos.
Is this him?
Yes. Mr. Boarding school in all his glory.
I though you and JP
were roommates at school?
Only in matric.
After Joubert complained
that JP tried to kill him
in his sleep with his Culture Boy trophy.
For the 100th time, Hertjie,
that's not what happened, okay?
I was just looking at the trophy
that everyone knew should've been mine!
What? No ways! Is that...
What? How can...
Joubert de Waal is married to...
And they've got YBABs.
How did Chadrie end up with him?
I can see it.
Joubert has
kind of a Markus 2.0 vibe going.
They look like Rent-A-Family.
They look like a YBAB ad campaign.
She's right.
I think you should go play happy family
with Jaci at the YBAB pitch this weekend.
Take Hertjie and Karla along.
I can entertain
the investor and his entourage.
With all due respect,
Denise, what do you know about rugby?
Definitely more than I know
about diapers and diaper cream.
That's true. Denise breaks out in hives if
a child comes within a 3km radius of her.
JP, we need The Jackal
if we're going up against JDW and that
The YBAB contract
is more important than the Dubai guys.
And we need our A-team at Hazendal
this weekend, and that's the four of you.
Come on. We need to make arrangements.
Before you go, uh
I can't believe I have to spend
the weekend surrounded by
finger biscuits and dirty diapers
instead of beers and Springboks.
Finger biscuits aren't that bad.
They are if Springboks were on the menu.
Jaci. Are you coming?
Yep. Yes.
Come now, my little monkey.
You loved the pumpkin yesterday.
Booby or pumpkin-porridge?
Here you go, here you go.
Here, here.
- Okay, okay. There you go.
- Hey!
- Where are you?
- On the patio!
Gosh, what's going on here?
Master Chef Bellville here
has decided he prefers condensed milk
to baby food and Mommie's milk.
Why are you here so late?
Something interesting came up today
that I'd really like to talk to you about.
As long as it has nothing to do
with babies, baby food, or wombs.
Jaci,
I just can't anymore.
I feel like a melted ruler.
At least you have the YBAB weekend
to look forward to.
Yes, Tumi called me.
Can't you leave Henry
at your mom's as well?
Nope, you know what she's like.
If her boobs were detachable,
she would've lost them somewhere.
Last time, she sent
Henry home with a "balloon"
which ended up being an inflated condom.
Wait. Why does my mother have condoms?
And that?
Every time I think
I've done something wrong,
I deposit a 20 rand
so that by the time Henry's 16,
he can see a psychologist of his choice.
Sorry, what did
you want to talk about, Jaci?
- Hey! Hey...
- Hey! Not with the...
Hey! No balls near the house!
There are windows here!
Stop wrapping presents
for your buddies with your underpants!
Okay.
Sorry. What did you want to say?
You know, um
Uh, we can chat this weekend.
- Okay, okay.
- Yes, look here.
What smells like candy floss?
No, wait. It's like beach and candy floss.
Man, your nose is imagining things.
Shoot him!
What? I'll shoot you guys!
I'm going to get you!
What are your brothers doing?
Sorry.
Oh, thank goodness. I need to wee.
Again? We've already stopped twice
on our way here. Is everything okay?
What did Dr. Tunnel Vision have to say?
After all these years,
it's still not funny.
It was his joke. What did he have to say?
Actually, quite a bit. Um
- I'm actually
- Dammit!
Crikey!
Where's the child's parents?
People who can't look after their children
should simply not have them, right?
It's an easy equation.
It's not that easy.
Children aren't always planned.
We've pulled it off pretty well so far.
Well, it's easy if we're not even
in the same country for half the year.
Dubai is just a back-up plan in case
the YBAB pitch falls through,
but it obviously won't,
because you're brilliant and
there's nothing JDW has
that Mojo doesn't have more of.
Apart from children.
What's going on with you?
Nothing. Uh
I need to wee.
Okay, son. Lesson 71.
Always read books, hmm?
A tree smiles
whenever you open a book because
it knows there's life after death.
Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaking of books, I, uh
Saw that book next to your bed
about the fifty types of gray.
I always thought
there was only one type of gray,
but you know, gray dove, gray dogs,
gray cloud, gray road,
gray mountains,
gray mice, gray birds, gray gray
- Do you have my wallet?
- Yes, somewhere here. I...
- Ouch!
- Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh, my word.
- Damnit.
- Gosh, that hurt.
- Sorry.
I've always wanted to bump heads with you!
Joubie-Boubie, come see.
I have to introduce you. Look who's here.
It's not necessary, my little pompom nose.
We're old friends.
This is the guy I told you about
the other day who missed that pass
and cost us the Craven Week trophy
in our Matric year.
Are you "Ball-drop Basson"?
I can't even remember
when last I didn't want to see you. Hey!
- And this is?
- This is, uh This is Jaci, my wife.
Your wife?
I didn't think I'd ever hear those words
from The Jackal's mouth.
Yes?
No, this guy
"played the field" in high school.
- Really?
- Like
- Behind the pavilion.
- Gross.
- No, it was hectic.
- Joubert.
Pleased to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
Funny that, I've not heard
a thing about you, doll.
Gross! I'm going to have to burn my dress.
- Hey!
- What?
What the...
- Is that Chadrie?
- Shh!
So, you guys are from Mo-Yo?
Uh, it's Mojo.
I was wondering who you'd send
to play happy family this weekend.
Although, the two of you
aren't much of a family.
This is our happy family.
- This is Chabert.
- Chabert.
And this is Joudrie.
Cha-Drie Jou-Bert.
They're twins.
They were born on the same day. A Monday.
Oh, and this is our little surprise.
Ah! You're too beautiful.
This is Chardonnay.
Say hello to the people.
It's a pleasure to meet you sir and ma'am,
we are excited
to learn more about you two.
Did you hear that?
It rhymes.
Okay, guys. Go read your dictionaries.
And remember, when I get back
I want to know what happened in the story.
Go sit on the couch. And no screen time.
That's the future president
and UN ambassador over there.
Yeah, yes!
Interesting that you want to pitch
for a baby brand without a baby.
Well, Mojo signed
the "Catilicious" cat food account
last week and we're not cats.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like those, um inter continent...
Intercontinenti...
Man, the diapers
for old people, that contract
you signed, and it's not
like you wear a diaper every day...
- Thanks, Chads. I think they get it.
- Okay.
So, that's the Joubert,
who used to call you "Pizza Face"
and the reason
why you don't eat pizza to this day?
Man, his bite is bigger than his bark.
It is.
You know, JP
It's kinda tragic that you,
of all people, shoot blanks.
Oh, shame, you guys.
Shame. It's really just
Babies were the best thing
that ever happened to us.
It's as if a light was turned on
in our lives. As if that light
Came out of my body.
It's... It's likePwaah!
Yes, who would've guessed that your
empty sack would land me a contract?
You know, uh
JP actually has very healthy, um
- Oh, pears.
- Pears.
- We say pears Healthy pears.
- We don't want the children to
So, have your grapevine dried up, or
Dry grapevine?
Empty sack?
It seems once a jackass, always a jackass.
A jackass with the right optics
to win the YBAB contract.
Here you go! A fresh diaper.
And that's the last time I'm changing
your baby's diaper this weekend.
Yes!
All this little one wants now is his mommy
and his daddy.
Have... Do you guys have a b...
No blanks, bud
Only cannonballs.
Meet Henry.
Our baby.
So you have a child?
But how?
Oh, Joubie-Boubie!
Well, when a mommy and a daddy
love each other very much,
they lie in a bed together and
And you guys?
What's your name again?
- It's Hertjie.
- Hertjie.
Pizza-face. Pizza-face.
He had a terrible pizza face
Do you have children?
The four terrorists
are with their grandmother.
- Four?
- Four?
- Good gracious.
- Four?
Four? Do you singlehandedly
- want to destroy the planet?
- A lot.
I simply can't imagine a weekend
without my children.
- Me neither.
- No.
I can't.
Me too.
For example, I want absolutely nothing to
do with our youngest this entire weekend.
- Well... Surely not absolutely nothing?
- Nothing?
Where's the pool?
I'm sure there's a pool. Come on, Hertjie.
Gosh, guys. He's a beautiful baby.
What have you done?
Me? What have I done?
What did Hertjie and Karla do?
We need to
take this baby back immediately.
Whoa, whoa. Let's just
think about this. Just for a moment.
JP, there's nothing to think about.
It's not our baby!
Yes, but only us and Hertjie
and Karla know, so technically
- Don't say it.
- We pretend to be his parents and...
And convince the YBAB lady
that we're a happy family.
You said it!
Darling, we've tried this little white lie
thing before and it blew up in our faces.
It wasn't all that bad.
I got you out of the deal, didn't I?
This contract is important.
More important than the Dubai rugby thing.
We can't do both if we have a ba...
If we what?
If we have a ba...
If we what?
How are we going to get any work done
this weekend with this?
Okay, you're right.
It's a stupid idea. We must give him back.
Thank you!
Wait, wait, wait. What about Joubert?
What about Joubert?
Tell him he misheard or something.
Okay, bubba-bubs.
We'll take you back
to your mommy and daddy.
Yup, and that's why people our age
shouldn't have children.
If we did, it wouldn't
be such a bad idea, would it?
Come on.
We're going to Mommy and Daddy.
Come, come, come. Shh, shh.
- It's her.
- Who?
The Elon Musk of baby products. Her.
- Oh, okay. What do we do now?
- for you.
- You know.
- Yoohoo!
Okay, let's...
Let's make this as quick as possible.
Oh, that's JP and Jaci from
what's the name of their company again?
- Mojo.
- FOMO. Ah, they're so forgettable.
They recently lost the "Cars
You Can Trust" campaign to us, JDW.
No, I know who they are,
but who is this little cutie?
He's actually our, um
He's such a strong little chap.
And he's a carbon copy of the two of you.
What's his name?
Uh, the baby's name is Henry.
Are you here to help Mommy
and Daddy this weekend?
Oh, he's such a cutie.
Mommy, you must be so proud?
- Very!
- Mmm.
You are so adorable.
I think
I should give you the YBAB contract.
Yes, well Uh, yes. Little Henry
is actually a little YBAB ambassador
in the making.
Uh, look, look! Chadrie and Chardonnay
are dressed the same. They match!
Ah, I made it myself from curtains
that I recycled, just like Mary Poppins.
We don't like to dictate
to Henry what to wear.
Yes, we believe
that all children need guidance.
In the right direction.
Oh, I love a bit of healthy competition!
I guess it wouldn't be much
of a pitch without babies, would it?
- I guess not.
- Definitely not.
I can wait for your pitches next week.
Use this weekend to get familiar
with the YBAB products properly.
I love that my finalist's pitches
will come from personal experience.
Indeed. Being a father
for the last 11 years
has been the greatest honor of my life.
How old is Henry again?
- About five or six years old.
- Probably about five-six
- Months!
- Months!
Months.
Henry is an old soul.
He's, uh He's our greatest inspiration.
Oh, Sonja Herholdt
is my greatest inspiration.
Oh, copy that.
See you guys later on the dance floor.
Well,
may the best baby, I mean, pitch win.
Hey, Joubert.
I hope you have a couple
of adult diapers in that bag,
'cause things could get messy.
Okay, we're officially
the parents of a fake baby.
Fake parents, real baby.
Ah, this idea is so terrible, it
That it could actually work.
And it's only for the weekend.
It's not only for the weekend. It's...
And Hertjie and Karla are also here so
Soon we'll swop the diaper bag
for a laptop bag. It'll be fine.
- It's nice.
- Hmm.
And now?
It tastes funny. I um
I just brushed my teeth.
No, you didn't.
Well, then it's just
not good champagne, okay?
I need to wee.
Okay, give it to me then.
It's very nice.
So, this is what a weekend
without children tastes like.
No nagging.
- Or second-hand baby food.
- And tonight, we'll sleep like babies.
Not like our baby
sleeps through the night.
Uh-uh. Jaci and JP have no idea
what's in store for them this weekend.
I suppose I can just say howzit!
Oh, man. It is so nice
to be back in my home country
and to finally launch YBAB
on African soil.
But most importantly, you are here
to have a great time while doing it!
So, come on, people. Let's get jiving.
Marietjie, wonderful speech.
When was the last time
someone asked you to dance?
Uh, the last time was on Noah's boat.
Then you're in the right hands.
I must say, I'm missing little Henry.
Oh, calm down.
It's for the contract, remember.
Yes, you're right.
Henry is a working baby now.
Yes, maybe he'll get JP and Jaci thinking.
I think JP is broody.
Broody or a mid-life crisis?
No, he has a bee in his bonnet.
He thinks it's Dubai,
but I think it's for a family.
- Henry will cure that very quickly.
- Yes.
Maybe we should leave his baby monitor
with him then we can listen in anytime.
Clever, but
One more drink then we'll go check on him.
Well, if you insist,
then shaken not stirred, Papa.
I love it
when Russian Karla comes to the party.
No way.
Slap me with a wet fish from Fish Hoek.
Those two are lying.
De Wet also says,
"The Jackal with a baby?"
Oh, JP would've said something
at the reunion the other day.
He wouldn't have stopped bragging.
"Check my baby, check my baby."
Joupie-Boubie, let it go.
It's story time
and the kids are already in bed.
There's nothing about them
and the baby online.
Not even on social media.
- I'm going around to that dance.
- No!
I'm going to see
- What I can find out.
- Oh, come on.
I'll talk to Hertjie as well.
Him and JP have always been
as tight as clenched butt cheeks.
Joubert Johagen de Waal, you promised
you won't leave us
on our own again this weekend.
We're doing this for us, our children
And all the babies in Africa.
And South Africa.
- And South Africa.
- Yes.
Yes.
Do you have the baby monitor?
Neatly tucked away under the blanket.
Oh, thank goodness.
Please just take him.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong,
but he doesn't stop screaming.
I think he has He smells funny.
I think his diaper is dirty.
Yes. Smells like a spine-crawler.
You know my rules
about changing your baby's diapers.
Oh, no, girl. This is part
of the borrow-our-baby-package.
Yes, he's yours for the weekend
and that includes diapers.
My wife and I
Are going dancing.
No, wait. Listen,
we don't want this anymore...
There's breast milk in your fridge.
See you later, or not.
The evening's still an embryo.
- Stop smelling me!
- I...
- All right then.
- Great.
Have a good evening.
Did you guys forget something?
Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.
Throw water, throw sand. We are on fire.
Only you, Joubert. Drop
and roll fast, that's your last resort.
Uh, check this move.
- You're doing the diaper.
- That's... Me?
- Why me?
- Because I just did the sleeper.
Okay, let's do it.
Okay.
- It's just a poop. Just a poop.
- Okay.
- Here we go. Here we go.
- Watch his canon!
The one in the front
or the one in the back?
That is
What does she feed him?
Okay, open up, open up.
Turn.
- Wet wipes. Grab the wet wipes!
- No.
I want these...
Can't we just rinse him off under the tap?
- He's a baby, not a frying pan.
- Okay, lift his feet and I'll wipe.
- Yes, mister-I-change-diapers-everyday.
- Lift his feet.
I've got poop
I've got poop on my hand...
My hand...
This is the guy they call The Jackal.
Let's see if we can keep this one clean.
Yes!
Definitely his father's child.
With his mother's lungs.
- Mmm.
- To us.
- Ah, to us.
- Freedom.
Taste it.
- Is he...
- Good grief.
Ah, that guy.
Is he behind us?
I can feel it.
How can we help you, Joubert?
I thought we could
have a chat about the old days.
Why did you think that?
Hmm. There's a...
You've got a... Hmm.
Your blouse is leaking.
Um
What leak?
Another drink?
I thought you'd never ask.
So, Jaci and The Jackal have a child.
- Mmm, yep.
- Yes, yes.
Like most people here, and you, and us.
We
I thought after the fiasco
with his father and stepmother
he'd never reproduce.
Well, people change.
Excuse us, please.
We just want to enjoy
our break away from our five monsters.
- Five?
- But earlier you said there were four.
Four, five.
Fifty. It's a bunch of children.
They just kept following the light.
Bye, Joubert!
Did I just blow it?
Relax. Joubert is as dangerous
as a packet of tissues.
Would you rather check in on Jaci and JP?
Oh, I'm sure they're fine.
What could go wrong?
- Where's his volume control?
- What?
Do something!
Sprinkle salt on him, or something.
Dammit.
When do you think the fun part
of being a parent starts?
It can't be that bad.
Millions of people do it every day.
Aw, you two make a beautiful picture.
Maybe this little one will grow on us.
I told you we'd be amazing parents.
Speaking of parents
Mommy's little wildling.
My little pop-tart.
Yes.
Let's give Aunt Jaci and Uncle JP
a little me-time and you some boob-time.
Looks like the two of you
have a baby-hangover!
I'm so tired I can hear colors.
You'd better kick start yourself. Today is
YBAB events day, and you have to impress.
Dammit. Denise and the entourage.
I need to check-in.
Relax. Denise is on it.
They're probably prepping to paraglide.
Of course,
everyone wants to know where you are.
Hopefully kicking Joubert's butt.
Denise, hey! How are you?
Hold on. I'm walking out.
Excuse me.
- Are you okay?
- Mmm.
Probably just, uh, bad room service.
I'm a sympathetic vomiter.
Oh, wait. Wait, wait.
Wait a minute
Popcorn,
candy floss
A touch of strawberries!
You smell like Karla!
- What?
- When she's pregnant.
Hertjie, you can't tell anyone. Promise?
Especially not Karla, because Karla
will tell JP and I haven't told JP yet,
and then he'll divorce me.
And then I'll be
a single parent and I'll have
to grow a beard
for bring daddy-to-school day.
Not to mention how angry Karla will be
because you knew before she did.
Promise?
You know JP is my best friend
and I'm as bad at lying
as Eskom is at generating electricity.
Please.
Why don't you just tell him?
I tried. I'm going to. I will.
I'll obviously have to. It's just I...
I've only just found out myself
and I'm just waiting for the right moment.
I'm so happy you got knocked up!
Promise?
Okay.
But you know secrets
between couples lead to
uncomfortable couch sleeping, right?
Thanks, Hannes.
I owe you a round at Leopard.
What time is it? Birdie time!
The kids are still asleep.
I just spoke to the CEO
of Blue Peach Media.
He was with Jaci at a pitch
a while ago and he says
she was definitely not pregnant.
Maybe she just carried small.
If she ate a pea,
she'll have a little bump.
Oh, I've got it.
Maybe she adopted a baby.
- Hmm?
- No.
See what you can find out
at the events today.
Either way,
we're going to nail them.
How are you guys?
It's such a beautiful day at YBAB.
Oh, my goodness.
Look at all this fun!
I have a beauty hack to share with you.
So the YBAB booty paste
isn't just for babies.
I use it on my pimples. It
literally gets rid of pimples overnight.
And then the nipple cream is amazing
for dark circles under your eyes.
So, try it out. Thank me later.
And that's it.
Cheers to an amazing YBAB weekend.
Oh, hi, guys.
Do you want a taste?
I can't decide whether it is one, 60%,
or two, 70% dark chocolate,
but it's definitely a number two!
- No!
- No, thanks, Tawnie.
Why do they call her tannie
if she looks so young?
Oh, great, great, great!
Listen, the game plan is simple.
One of us must win and the other
must make sure Joubert doesn't win.
Rather you than me.
I have the heart of a champion,
but the legs of a bystander.
What? How's that?
I think it's important that
you do this one on your own.
- Why?
- Oh, you know.
You never know when Jaci's going to pop.
Pop?
Pop, as in burst.
Her appendix could burst any time.
Why do they call it an appendix?
No one really knows why it's there.
Sometimes I wonder
the same thing about you.
Pull yourself together.
I came up with the idea way back
when we had to race
through the corn fields with a tractor,
on the way to the hospital,
in labor with my third little one.
Popping out babies
can make for interesting stories.
Mine were all caesareans.
No stories, only scars.
And you, Jaci?
I just assumed the stork delivered babies!
So you adopted?
No!
She means she gave birth naturally.
Yes, yes. Very naturally.
In a dam.
Bath.
And when my water bent broke!
When my water broke
I struggled to breathe and I...
Then I urgently had to
Go to the bathroom?
And then
I just pushed him out.
JP, because he was in my way.
And then...
You were what, in labor for 23 hours?
Twenty-three hours!
No wonder the kid
has such an elongated head.
The child doesn't have an elongated head!
I gave birth in the back of a police van.
You guys
It was so beautiful.
My bag was all ready to go
and when my water broke,
Joubie-Boebie loaded it in the car
and rushed to the hospital.
Unfortunately, he left me at home.
And then?
I waited outside the house
on the sidewalk.
And the police van?
Luckily, our neighbors were burgled,
so I got a free ride with the police.
They even put the sirens on for me.
In the end I just sneezed,
and Chardonnay shot out.
Really?
No, with my kids it was
in like a banana, out like a pineapple.
- The boys are ready. Come on!
- Nice.
- Hey!
- Go, Joubie-Boubie, go!
What the hell, man?
That's probably why
they called you The Jackal,
because you're used to
everyone's leftovers!
I won! I actually won!
Come take a picture for Denise!
She won't believe it!
I'm going to hang it in my office!
What happened, Joubie?
Who's Denise?
It's easy as pie, my little pom-pom nose.
Call this Denise woman.
Tell her you work for YBAB and you need
more information about Jaci and JP's baby.
But she'll recognize my voice.
Not after all these years.
Use an American accent.
- You know? Like we practiced.
- Yes.
Just like those
Real Housewives of New York.
- New York.
- New York, yeah.
- New York, yeah.
- New York, yeah.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Okay, I can do that. I think so. Okay.
- Mm-hmm. Yes.
Goodness, she's so rude.
Personal information. They're babies.
We don't want their ID numbers.
No, it's fine.
Sooner or later, they'll slip up,
and I'll be ready.
Look at the spaghetti rain!
Ah, you guys are such naturals.
Oh, taste this. It's my own concoction
for the South African market.
- Oh!
- Sausage flavor.
- Oh, saus...
- Hey.
- Nice.
- But it isn't
It's not something you taste every day.
No. Enjoy.
Mmm, that's awful!
It tastes like whale snot.
- Do you want this?
- My smarty-pants.
You're so good with the posts
- for JDW's Insta.
- Oh, yes.
How about you get all the babies together,
take a picture,
- and tag the agency?
- Yes. Yes!
Like the ants go marching one by one.
Oh my sweetness.
Yes, come with me.
Keep an eye on Henry.
Yep. I'm just sending
Denise a message quickly.
Denise, hey. Don't forget that they love
Kurt Darren's music and biltong.
So make sure there's a lot of that.
Joubie-Boubie is going to L-O-V-E this.
Would you mind sending me the photos too?
Not at all.
I'll just tag Mojo in the post.
Really? That'll be amazing.
Sure thing. Let me take a photo of you
and Henry and I'll post that as well.
Oh, um, uh, we're not wild about
putting pictures of Henry on social media.
I understand.
Chabert and Joudrie only
got their accounts when they were four.
Let me take a picture
of you guys anyway and I'll post it?
Oh, no. You know, I, um
Oh! Gosh.
No, it smells like he left
a special present for me and JP.
A try is actually worth five points.
It's a little confusing.
You're coming with me.
I'm not doing this bomb on my own.
No, not a bomb.
What's up? What's up?
Okay, guys. Deal time.
If you guys do a good job of looking after
this baby you'll get extra screen time
and Mommy never needs to know
That you're not doing
your binary number systems.
Mommy will find out.
She always knows when we're lying.
Well, then lie better
like most other teenagers.
Okay, bye.
Oh, crap.
What? Please not another spine-crawler.
It's much, much worse.
How can it be worse than a spine...
Can a willy fall off
like an umbilical cord?
Henry is a girl.
No, Henry's not a girl. This isn't Henry.
There you go.
Here you are, my froggy!
Where were you?
I already looked here, huh?
Where have you been playing?
JP, where's Henry?
He must be here somewhere.
He can't even walk yet.
As far as I know.
I don't see him anywhere.
He's disappeared like an earring.
Maybe Karla fetched him for a feed.
I can't believe this is my inspiration
to get up from my afternoon nap.
Don't worry.
Mine is usually my bladder.
Quick innocent question,
is Henry with you guys by any chance?
What?
No, why would he be with us?
We just thought that you
were missing him so much you might've...
Where's my baby?
Not here?
- No!
- No!
- Okay. See you guys later.
- Okay. Sorry to bother you.
No! Wait!
Where's my baby?
Uh, well
- You see
- We might've
Semi accidentally
- Sort ofmisplaced.
- Somewhere.
- What?
- What?
He's a baby. Not a bunch of keys!
- His baby monitor!
- Yes, come!
Call security! Now!
- Careful, careful!
- Get out of the way, man!
Excuse me!
Sorry. We're looking for a baby.
Well, this is my baby!
You couldn't even look
after our fake baby for a few seconds.
- He's not fake!
- He's not fake!
He's just not yours.
We wouldn't have needed a fake baby if...
Yes, but you're the one who just took him!
So that we could be fake parents.
If I hear the word fake once more,
I'll attack you like a drunk dentist!
Retrace your steps with a fine tooth comb!
Come on, let's go to the pool.
I'll never allow
my kids outside of my body again.
- The swimming pool!
- The pool's empty.
- I don't know
- Heya, YBAB squad. Do we have a gem...
Hi. Sorry, I need this. Thank you.
Your attention, please.
We're looking for my... our friends',
JP and Jaci's baby boy Henry.
Henry.
Yes, he's the size
of a small bag of potatoes.
Last seen in a YBAB baby sleeper.
And he doesn't have an elongated head.
How does one lose a baby?
That's, uh terrible.
I mean, how can you trust someone
with anything if they
can't even look after their own baby?
Oh! Have you checked Lost and Found?
You know, Chadrie
We were just going there.
I'll look around the gardens.
There are many open water sources,
ponds, rivers. You never know.
- Accidents happen so quickly.
- Yes.
- That's true.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Uh, reception.
What are we going to do?
This is the last place Henry was with us.
You were too busy
playing Instagram-Instagram
with Chadrie,
you forgot to look after Henry.
Me?
I was doing my job.
You were playing on your phone.
I wasn't playing.
I was cheking in with Denise
on the other contract,
which could possibly be paying FOMO...
Mojo's bills next month.
I'm going back to the hotel.
Maybe security knows something by now.
Maybe someone took
the wrong baby from the MessY Hub.
- It happens.
- Not if it's your own baby.
Hey. Nothing yet.
Karla, I'm incredibly...
This isn't a good time to talk to me.
I know you're probably furious, but...
No! You have no idea
because you're not a mother!
I found him!
I have the baby!
- I've got the baby!
- My baby!
Joubert is the man! Joubert has got him!
- Hello, sweetheart. Thank goodness.
- I found the baby! I found the baby!
My baby! You found my baby!
My poppet!
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Her baby?
I thought he's their baby?
And I thought the stork delivered him?
Excuse me. Can I borrow this thing?
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to all of you.
Look, as a father of three children, I can
only imagine the emotional trauma...
Dad, you said if we looked after the baby
we could have more screen time.
But you haven't loaded any data yet.
Go back to the hotel room.
- trauma that the...
- A promise is a promise, Dad,
and we took good care of the baby
while you were away.
Joubie-Boubie.
Did you leave the baby with the children?
- Alone?
- Uh
- You'd better...
- N-No
Mom says that if you lie,
your tongue will cut open your throat.
Joubert de Waal, what did you do?
- I...
- You'd better...
- But...
- You'd better start talking!
- Chadrie...
- Think carefully.
- There's a clean baby.
- Chads, but I didn't do anything.
Those two are the liars!
What?
Besides, Henry is fine
and safe and he's been found,
so I honestly don't know
what the problem is.
- Are you insane?
- What is the prob...
- You...
- Wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa! There are children here!
Okay, everyone, calm down. Calm down.
Stay with Mommy.
Coincidentally, the baby
was in my hotel room all along.
- Good grief!
- You cockroach turd!
Chadrie! I need a wet wipe, please.
The four of us need to talk, now!
Chad!
Chadrie, what are you doing? Help me!
There's a little something
between your teeth, "Jou-blertsie."
You two are the most
irresponsible people on earth.
- Who loses their best friends' baby?
- Oh, I know. They do.
Listen...
Uh-uh! Nothing you say
can make this better.
In nine months,
you can use your own baby for pitches.
Or seven months, or years,
or whenever you have your own baby.
The two of you are fired as friends!
We're going to pack Henry's things,
get our bags, and going straight home.
You'll have to figure out
how to impress "Meraaikie" on your own.
- Come on!
- Yes!
Right after the YBAB "eat as much as you
want" rib night, we're hitting the road.
- Now, Herklaas!
- Oh.
The one thing we're good at is our jobs,
and now we've messed that up as well.
Joubert is going to get the contract.
And you'll have to go to Dubai.
The contract?
Is that all you worry about?
It's always just about work.
Really? That's where you want to go?
You sleep in your office
more than you do at home, Jaci.
Maybe because I prefer my desk to a man
who will always
puts his businesses before his family!
All I ever wanted
was for us to be a family.
- Yes, a work family.
- No, a real family.
Us?
We can't even look after a fake baby.
What ever gave us the idea
we could do it for real?
You're right.
You're right. We obviously
can't deal with fake or office children.
So, what are you saying?
You don't want children?
Or just not with me?
Any baby would be
better off without us, Jaci.
Without the two of us, or without you?
I'm going to help Denise
with the Dubai contract.
Fine, go!
Go play with
your rugby balls in the desert!
We don't need you!
Lesson 78, son.
A lie is like a blanket.
If you cover your head,
your feet will stick out.
I can't believe we're packing again.
- Ridiculous.
- Nonsense.
Why are you sitting out here on your own?
Because the Americans
can't barbeque to save their lives.
Can I twist your arm?
Enough sausage here for Africa.
- I'm not the best company at the moment.
- Have a seat.
It's my birthday and I damn-well
have no one to share it with.
Congratulations.
Did any of your family join you
on your trip to South Africa?
We drifted apart years ago.
I was obsessed with work.
So, I lost track
of my husband and children.
Now it's too late.
If we ever get like this,
I'm divorcing you.
I'm sure that's not the case.
They don't even speak
to each other. Never mind me.
- I didn't realize...
- What?
That "America's favorite granny"
hasn't met her grandchildren yet?
You're not the only one
who lies to grow her career, girl.
JP and I messed up.
We shouldn't have lied about Henry.
We used our friends, and their baby.
But now that I think about it,
it was actually Karla and Hertjie's idea,
so they're also a little guilty.
But we should've known better.
The irony is
We didn't even have to lie about it.
I found out a few days ago that I'm
Definitely, for a fact, pregnant.
You're the first person I've told.
Well, technically the second.
Hertjie literally smelled it out of me.
And you didn't say a thing, you dipstick!
Congratulations.
Have you decided what to do?
Not a clue.
Well, from what I've seen,
you and JP are an awesome team.
He doesn't think so.
It's because he doesn't know
about the third team player yet.
- Do you think so?
- Of course.
People change.
You did.
If I were to tell you,
that the YBAB contract is yours,
how does that make you feel?
Kinda empty
Because?
It doesn't matter as much anymore.
And what matters now?
Take it from an old lady who knows.
Don't make the same mistakes as I did.
Go on. What are you waiting for?
Thank you.
Thanks for everything.
And
Enjoy your barbeque.
Oh, and enjoy your birthday!
Cheers!
I can't see her anywhere.
Hey, guys! I feel so super, duper,
pooper guilty about Joubert.
He's such a sparkle thief.
Hey! We've been looking for you.
I feel like a wet baguette
and you have no reason to forgive me...
But you have to get to JP
right now to tell him the good news!
- How...
- We heard everything.
You're going to be a mommy!
- What?
- I'm so excited.
You're finally going to get fat!
- Thick and thin for real-sies.
- What?
- Yes!
- Oh!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Come, let's go before JP signs
that donkey contract contract.
No, wait. It's time for Henry's nap,
so you guys go ahead.
No, leave him with me.
It's also time for Chardonnay's nap.
I can't believe I'm doing this!
Come on! We have to go.
You're driving like a demon today, Dad!
Bye, guys!
- JP's not answering his phone.
- We're nearly there.
Not the way you're driving.
The car's shadow
is already two steps ahead of you.
Is your car part
of a science project or something?
- Move it, pumpkin!
- Don't yell at me!
Go play with your friends. Go, baby.
Here's his holiday mansion.
Whatever this guy invests in pays well.
Check those guys.
Okay, stop over here.
I'll go in, in the meantime.
- Um, park the car somewhere.
- Okay.
I want one full perimeter patrol,
eyes open, fingers on the triggers.
Go!
Hi, I'm Jaci Basson
from Mojo and Amalgamated Media.
My team are waiting for me inside.
Sorry.
Your name isn't on the VIP list.
Oh, my name doesn't have to be
on the list if my company
is about to sign a
multi million dollar deal with your boss.
Look.
I probably would've acted
the same in your situation.
You seem like a
Stick-to-the-rules kind of guy.
Without a doubt.
So, um
The love of my life is currently
signing a contract in that house,
which could ruin our,
and many other people's lives.
And I urgently need
to get to him, stop him,
and tell him he's going to be a father.
So, I'm begging you
to turn a blind eye just this once.
Ma'am, there's nothing wrong with my eyes.
Please, I'm begging you.
I'll even name my unborn baby after you.
What's your name?
That's not a name, that's a short story.
Why aren't you at the YBAB pitch?
- Don't ask.
- JP, what's going on?
I'm trying to ensure
that by Monday everyone at Mojo
- can still draw a salary.
- What?
- Bismark, Jannie.
- JP.
- Hey.
- It's so good to see you here.
- Yes.
- Same here.
- I can't believe it's finally happening.
- Yes, mostly thanks to you guys.
That security guy is having none of it.
- But does he know who you are?
- My name isn't on the list.
I'll see if I can distract him.
- See if you can get in somewhere.
- How? Did you see that security?
Um Well, Hertjie is technically a ladder.
Climb him like one.
Uh, no, thanks.
She looks kind of heavy.
Through thick and thin. Hmm?
Through thick and thin.
Okay.
Hello, little guy.
You run! I'll keep him busy.
Run!
Well, this is the culmination
of many people's hard work.
You win, I underestimated you!
Okay. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Hey, look here!
Look. You know you want to.
Come on, come on.
Yes!
Yes.
- Jaci?
- Don't sign the contract.
No, man. Baby.
Are we
We're having a baby!
We're having a bab...
Hey! What are you doing?
Just hanging around. Get help, Hertjie!
- Hertjie!
- JP! We have to get her down!
- She's... She's...
- I know. I know.
Jaci, hang tight.
We're coming! We're making a plan!
No, no. Remember that line out sign?
- Grass mouse.
- Grass mouse.
- Grass mouse!
- Grass mouse!
- Grass mouse!
- What's grass mouse?
Please just jump.
Almost.
Hang tight. I'm coming!
I'm coming.
Okay, it's fine.
It's just cracked.
Okay, I'm here.
I'm here.
Okay, I've got you. You can let go.
There you go.
That's it.
That's it.
Please, don't sign the contract.
I already have.
How could you choose Dubai over us?
Jaci, I... I didn't.
Denise is going to Dubai in my place.
What?
- Denise?
- Yes.
Denise!
- Denise!
- Yes.
I'm sorry. I'm
I'm so sorry. I...
I'm so hormonal and
I wanted to tell you sooner,
but there were babies and diapers
and spaghetti and champagne
and I'm just so nauseous all the time,
and not only in the mornings.
That's a nasty myth.
We're having a baby.
And you're okay with that?
Okay with that...
You chose a spectacular way
to tell me about it, but
Of course I'm okay with that.
Family first?
I'll start looking
for a roof rack for the McLaren.
We're having a baby.
ONE YEAR LATER
Bomb!
Hey, Herklaas.
Time to braai.
Yes, Daddy-O.
Speaking of daddies,
who would've thought that your sperm
swam in circles all these years,
training for the jackpot?
- Huh?
- Speaking of, here's my rugby team.
- Where's Daddy?
- Hello,
- cutie pies.
- Here's Daddy.
Look who's here.
One, two, three of you. Come here
FOR JAMES
Subtitle translation by: Antoinette Smitt