Sex, Lies, and Sugar (2022) Movie Script

I love how French
it sounds, en papillote.
- I just made a pot of meat.
- It's just a piece of paper.
I wanted to try something new.
Marybelle, what did you make?
Just a dessert.
Probably won't be as good as yours.
Sug, we need to get a move on.
Well, let me cut it open first.
Watch the steam, girls.
This thing is gonna be hot.
Jesus, it's Armageddon out here.
Let's mix up some daiquiris.
Now, be nice.
But I wanted to try something new.
I used that meat spread with
the little devil on the front.
Do you even know it's in that stuff?
Instead of flour or milk,
I just plopped in two
cans of cream of mushroom.
You're so right, Sugar.
Condensed soup?
That's what we've got here, solid soup.
Why not have a potluck on Sunday night?
With none of our husbands
going to work on Monday
because of the holidays,
it might be a nice change,
but to make it more exciting,
we could have a contest.
We could each bring a dish
and we could let our
husbands be the judges.
I don't know.
I can't win against you guys.
Finally, some action around here,
I've got a trick or two up my sleeve.
You've gotta trick or two up your skirt.
Ladies, the war is on.
Oh, hello neighbors!
Come on in.
Your old lady's in the room fixing up.
- Well, hello!
- Jerome.
Hi, great to see you.
You'd make a beautiful man, Jerome.
And Les!
Hey, do you golf?
You should come play some holes
with Sterling and me sometime.
- Well-
- Great!
We'll play tomorrow.
I'll pick you up at nine.
Maximilian and Marybelle.
Hey, why don't you
all mix up some martinis
and I'll go get the old ball in chain?
Be back in two shakes.
- Max.
- Sterling.
You're looking fit.
You been working out?
Oh, you know,
just running and messing
a little with the weights.
- Bert.
- Maximilian.
Wow, Florene, you look fantastic.
Why, thank you, darling.
Where are the girls?
So, uh, Leslie, you still
working at the university?
Yes, he's still
answering the president's phone.
I like mine a little dirtier.
Uh, you got it.
Hey, you've
been messing with my stuff.
Not tonight, Connie.
We've got company.
My tweezers are upside down.
You've been using them on your eyebrows.
Fucking hair on 'em.
Don't touch my fucking shit.
You know better than that.
When I was five,
my mother told me I was adopted
and she handed me a bucket
and some cleaning supplies,
and she told me to get to work.
I wrote my first poem that day.
- Good evening ladies.
- Hi, Sug.
- I'm telling a story.
- Oh, excuse me.
I scribbled it on a
piece of toilet paper,
in between scrubbing the
pot it went like this.
Dreams are candy
and mothers are dark smears
on white porcelain.
I wrote a poem every day since.
A poem for every day of my life.
I would write while washing the dishes
or polishing the silver or
cleaning the vomit off the carpet
after one of my mother's nightly binges.
Let's just say I grew up
in the perfect environment
for a poet to thrive.
What the hell are you talking about?
You don't even know
what a poem is.
Well, she's getting her poetry
straight from the bottle.
I got started early.
A child prodigy, a poet and
a drunk by the age of five.
Gosh, we're gonna have
fun tonight, I can feel it.
movie legend Judy Garland was found dead
in the bathroom of her
rented Chelsea London house.
Good Lord.
The coroner stressed
that there was no evidence
to suggest she had committed suicide.
Even so, a British specialist
who had attended Garland
said she had been living on borrowed time
due to cirrhosis of the liver.
Garland had turned 47 just
12 days prior to her death.
Her "Wizard of Oz" costar
Ray Bolger commented saying,
and I quote, "She just plain wore out."
I always loved "The Wizard of Oz."
47, that's too bad.
- That's too bad.
- Holy shit.
We saw her at Carnegie Hall.
Is it time to eat yet?
My friends, here it is.
The first round of what will be many...
Ca-ca-ca-ca-casserole wars!
And the inventor of
tonight's winning dish
will receive this groovy T-shirt.
My father gave me a
T-shirt for my fifth birthday
that read Daddy's little question mark.
I don't know why we can't
just have a dinner party.
I hate this competition stuff.
You know, deep down
inside, you're not gonna win.
Okay, honey, she's just jealous.
You're a better cook.
Dehydrated food and powder.
Am I supposed to believe in
astronaut can survive on Tang?
Get with the words, I need food.
Oh, Florene's hungry.
We gotta get her home.
Well, is everybody ready?
On your marks, get set and eat!
Before we dig in,
I would like us all to raise our glasses.
To Sugar.
Thank you for organizing this for evening.
- Sugar!
- To Sugar.
Do you know olio, Bert?
Why do they call it olio?
It's really margarine.
What the hell is olio?
Remember in "All About Eve,"
when Bette Davis bites
into that raw green onion?
I'm currently having that experience.
I don't know.
You know, I feel better if
I line the pan with foil.
Call it a quirk!
- Is a pimento a pepper?
- Oh no.
- Pimento's not a pepper.
- A pepper's a vegetable.
- Pimento is a pepper.
- Yeah.
You know, I always thought
Dr. Pepper was a real person.
It turned out true.
A big piece of gristle in this one.
Oh, that's Sugar's.
You know, I couldn't
personally eat sweetbreads.
It's the brains, right?
- What the hell is a thymus?
- Right.
- It's a gland in your neck.
- I don't have a thymus.
- I mean, in a calf's neck.
- Oh no, not a calf.
That's horrible, I could never eat a baby.
Hands down, the strangest thing about us
is that none of us have had babies.
Some of us should have had children.
With four votes, the winner tonight is...
The salmon en papillote.
It's salmon en papillote.
- Look at that T-shirt.
- Wow.
- Look.
- You wear it well.
Here, Connie, this one's for you.
To the salmon.
I bet what happened is that
everyone burned their mouths
on the first bite and their
taste buds were useless
because that was definitely
not the best dish tonight.
I'm sorry, it was not
the best dish tonight.
Jerome, you don't have to
be so defensive about it.
Jerome has written a note.
The salmon tastes like a spoonful of cunt.
- Jerome!
- You can't say that word.
You can't say that word out loud.
You know, honey,
there isn't a word like
that for men though, cunt.
Maximilian Beadham.
Just saying there
isn't a derogatory term
for men as ugly as cunt.
Stop saying it.
Well, if you think about it,
pencil dick is pretty damn bad.
Well, pencil dick doesn't have
the same hard consonant sounds
and the abruptness of the word cunt.
Cunt is a mighty word.
How about you are a fag?
Oh, she's got it!
That's it, the ugly "ah" sound
followed by the hard "guh."
It's a loaded word, man.
A loaded word.
F-A-G is the awfulest.
I mean, it's much worse
than that word cunt.
That's bullshit, Sterling.
No, it is worse.
F-A-G is to question our masculinity.
The very essence of who men are.
Cunt just refers to your.
Baby funnel?
I sometimes think men
are the stupidest creatures
to walk the face of
the earth, I really do.
Oh, but I just love saying dirty words.
Fuck yes, I do.
Repeat after me, ladies and
That felt good.
Marybelle, try it.
It feels good.
Come on!
Well, should we play a game?
No, let's just put on some tunes and go.
How about we play Agnew's favorite
pin The blame on the donkey?
Has everyone here
played railroad tracks?
Oh, what's that?
Honey, have we played that?
Bert, I love it.
When I was 13,
I got molested on some
railroad tracks by an albino.
The moon made his skin glow so brightly.
I had just pretended I was
having sex with a light bulb.
That's charming, Flo.
Railroad tracks is a physical game.
It's about balance and control.
The game requires concentration.
The ability to connect
your body and your mind.
So Marybelle, you up for it?
- Come on, Marybelle.
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Attagirl.
- You can do it.
- Three cheers for Marybelle!
Hip hip!
- Hip hip!
- Hooray!
- Hip hip!
- Hooray!
All right!
What are we gonna use for tracks?
- Belts.
- Hey, Sugar?
Run to the room and get all the belts.
We need more room.
All right, men.
Let's move this sofa back.
Let's get this out of the way.
- I guess I'll be helpful.
- Here we go, all right.
- Come on, one, two, heave!
- Three!
Watch it.
- I want to buy this sofa.
- Yeah.
Marybelle is the focus.
Marybelle is the focus.
- Thank you, baby.
- Oh yeah.
Okay, Marybelle, the idea of the game
is that you have to walk
on the tracks that we make.
The object is to walk the
entire length of the tracks
without falling off.
Your feet have to stay on the belts.
The floor is hot lava.
Watch out, hot, hot!
That's so easy.
Yes, it would be,
but you've gotta walk the entire tracks
wearing this blindfold.
Be careful, be careful, my hair.
- First we've gotta spin her.
- Oh yeah, yeah, spin her!
Spin her!
- There you go.
- Spin her around.
There you go, okay.
I need my feet on the tracks.
Feet on the tracks, yeah.
- And then you just walk.
- Here I come!
Chug a chug a chug a chug a.
- Careful!
- Stay on the tracks!
Am I on the tracks?
Stay on them, Belle.
Somebody's gonna catch
me if I fall, right?
Hold on, Marybelle.
Hold on, hold on.
Wait one second.
Okay, now darling,
I want you to act like you're
in ballet class and do a plie.
And one.
What are you guys doing?
This is part of the
coordination test, it's okay.
And one, and two.
- And three.
- Shake your hips!
- Very graceful!
- I'm gonna fall!
Okay, little choo choo,
come on down the track a little further.
- Okay, almost done.
- Chug a chug a chug a chug.
- Woo woo!
- There you go, Marybelle.
Choo, choo, choo, woo woo!
- Come on now, come on.
- Okay, stop, stop, stop.
Okay, baby,
let me see a couple more plie knee bends.
- Connie, Connie.
- Okay.
- Follow the ballet master.
- And down, deeper, deeper.
There you go.
Oh, my knees are gonna give out!
Back up, back up, back up.
That's okay, come on up now.
Come on up.
- Now down, down more.
- This is the last one.
- Woo woo!
- Oh, that is deep!
- Marybelle.
- That's right.
And up.
One more thing, one more thing.
- Okay.
- Okay, are you ready?
On the count of three,
you can take off your blindfold.
- Okay.
- And one.
Two, three!
Beautiful, beautiful job!
You are all assholes!
Well, perhaps we could
deep fry a Moon Pie.
I like the
direction you're heading.
Well, we could.
We could deep fry two Moon Pies
until they're golden brown
and then we could drain them
and spread soft vanilla
ice cream in between them,
and then dip the whole thing in chocolate
and put it in the freezer.
I think I'm in love with you!
That sounds delicious!
Is my brain shrinking?
Can you tell if my brain is shrinking?
Have another drink, Leslie.
Can you see it through my eyes?
- Make it a double.
- Is it working?
- Yeah.
- Double what?
Double, what are you drinking?
- Here, I'll trade you.
- Okay.
It's not my fault.
I know it's not your fault,
but I want you to apologize anyway.
I'm not apologizing.
We were just having fun.
- Give me a kiss.
- No.
Give me a kiss.
Have a drink.
I have another game for us to play.
Max, come to mama.
Wait a minute, what kind of a game?
- It's a special kind.
- Is that a recipe tin?
What are the recipes?
Well, they're rather unique.
This is just a list of ingredients.
- What does it say?
- Ice cubes.
I don't understand.
You put an ice cube...
You might be missing something.
Holy shit, holy shit!
I just realized something.
I just realized this.
Casserole has the word ass in it.
Sound it out, it does.
All right.
All right, forgive me people
but I'm gonna be honest.
I am capital H horny.
- That is not news.
- No news at all, Bert.
I can't say horny 'cause
it reminds me of zebras.
Zebras don't have horns.
- But they should.
- They have stripes.
Jerome, Jerome give me
another one of those cards.
- Horn stripe.
- Well, this is so precious.
Get your waders out, boys.
All this one says is turn
to the person on your left
and tell them one thing
you like about them,
and in parenthesis, physical.
Sugar, you have a beautiful mouth.
It is a chasm of beauty,
and I should know,
because I want to
spelunk into it.
Thank you, Leslie.
No, I don't.
Let's not do this one.
I don't wanna do this.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
- It's okay.
- Quiet.
I am about to turn my head to the left.
Max Beadham, you are gorgeous,
and every woman in this
room thinks so too.
- Sugar!
- Hey, that's my husband!
I thought we were
gonna say it and move on.
- Okay, Max, your turn.
- Connie, don't be jealous.
- Kitty?
- Yes.
I think you have great tits.
Oh, thank you!
I'm with you all the way, buddy!
- Yes, she does.
- Kitty, go.
Okay, I'm going, bossy!
Your eyes.
I seriously cannot look
into your eyes for too long
because if I do,
I just wanna jump on you and
take you on a Kitty vacation!
Down, Kitty, down.
Okay, me.
- Marybelle.
- Watch it now.
Here, here.
To put it simply, I love your ass.
I love every slope and
curve of your bottom.
I love spending time with you,
but watching you walk away
is one of the supreme
pleasures of my life.
If I could,
I would eat every meal off of your rump.
I wanna make a mold of your rear end
so I can hang it on
the wall next to my bed
so I can spend every
night staring at your ass.
- Conrad.
- That's enough now.
Sugar, don't be jealous.
- Stop.
- Thank you.
- Sterling.
- Yes.
I think you have very
strong looking hands.
Say thank you.
- Florene.
- Yes, my dear?
You give me some goose pimples.
- Is that all?
- And you smell really nice.
It's Estee Lauder.
But you already know that.
Oh, wait a minute.
That's not fair, they're married.
Naughty boy.
Go to him.
Okay, Leslie, I'm proud
to call you my friend.
- Oh, isn't that sweet.
- That's nice.
- Boring!
- That's not physical.
- Thank you.
- Oh, it's not physical.
Oh, you're, I always thought
you had a great eyebrows.
Mr. Bert, thank you.
Thank you for that compliment, Ster.
So we've made the rounds.
What's the next card?
I don't think we need to play anymore.
No, we can't stop in the middle.
I don't understand these games.
I mean, how do we know who's
winning and who's losing?
I don't have a fucking clue.
That's not the point, darling.
This one's good, I really like this one.
It'll be fun.
Lay on the ground.
- Oh yes.
- With your heads touching.
And let your brains synchronize.
Um, maybe we should try another one.
Yeah, sure.
Well then, is everybody
ready for another game?
- Angel.
- Sterling.
How about this one?
Grab each other and start swinging.
How do we do that?
Oh, oh, I know, I know, I know!
Connie, come here.
Come here.
Grab your arms like this.
Oh, we used to do
this when we were kids!
It's fun!
Come here, come on, sit down.
- Okay, ready?
- Yeah!
We'll start swinging.
Oh, I wanna do it.
Now let her go!
Holy mother of tits.
That's my gal.
Mama wants to swim!
Daddy wants to swim.
Come on, boys.
What are you waiting for?
Let's play Marco Polo.
Is this real?
All right.
You do have a great ass.
- I love Jell-O.
- Oh, I like it too.
What time is it?
Where are you going?
To the club.
I hadn't realized you had a game today.
Connie, come here.
I have something I could show you.
I've already seen it.
I'll be back before dinner.
Well, have a nice time.
Good morning!
I squeezed you some fresh orange juice.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm going to the country club
to play a round a golf
with Leslie and Connie.
What time will you be home for supper?
I'm not sure, depends.
Okay, well, just take your time.
Would you like me to
make anything specific?
Uh, whatever you'd like.
How about chicken?
I can use Marybelle's recipe.
You seem to enjoy that.
Sure, if it isn't any trouble.
No trouble at all.
- Bye dear.
- Bye!
Morning, Les.
Quite the party last night.
I hope the other golfers don't stare.
You know they'll know.
Jesus, would you look at that broad.
Oh, Sterling, you got it lucky.
Sure, you got a wife with great tits.
Lets you do whatever you want.
- It sounds like heaven to me.
- She's not.
Poor old Les has a
wife built like a man,
and I'm tied up to a cadaver.
I can't help it if I'm horny.
I'm a man.
I mean, our job is to be horny, right?
- Right?
- Sure.
Right, Les?
I'll get back to you on that.
Yeah, no big deal.
No big deal.
Oh Max, thank God it's you.
It's Sugar.
Listen, I just really wanted
to apologize for last night.
- I feel-
- Don't worry.
You were a tigress last night.
Oh, Max.
- Hello?
- I got it.
- Oh, hi Marybelle.
- Sugar?
It's me, Sugar.
I'll let you two girls talk.
What is it, Sugar?
I just wanted to let you know
that I washed and dried
your casserole dish
and it's ready for you any
time you'd like to pick it up.
- Okay?
- Oh, thank you.
Okay, I've
gotta run now, all right?
Okay, bye!
I'm going to bed now.
I've got some more reading to do.
Yeah, last night was really good.
We should do that more often.
Yeah, well, our friends are so uptight.
I mean, it's never taken that long
to get a group in the moment.
Oh, they're a bunch of Catholics.
- The worst.
- Republicans.
You know, that's why I married you.
Did you see that Kitty's tits?
Oh, now pussycat.
Now these, these are tits right here.
- You are a little rascal!
- Yes, I am.
- You hungry?
- I'm hungry.
I made your favorite for dinner tonight.
Mm, green beans and ham?
- Green bean Florene.
- Oh, honey.
If you suck my Peter.
You ain't gonna be no cheater.
Because I'm about respect.
Come here, I love you.
It's pigs on a cloud.
It looks like Stonehenge.
It's very interesting, Kitty.
I mean, are we meant to use
these little wieners as utensils?
Jesus, the tension in
here, it's as thick as Nixon.
We don't have to talk about it.
Come on, we can't even look
at each other in the eye.
It's ridiculous.
It was just sex.
I'm not a sex person.
I think what we need to do
is just all have another party,
have a few drinks, some
nice hors d'oeuvres.
- Are you insane?
- I don't know.
Either that or we turn into
bitter, dried up old prunes.
What we did was not normal!
What we did was get bombed.
Jerome is right.
We just drank a little too much is all.
Oh, right, blame it on the liquor.
You know what they say?
What happens when you're
drunk doesn't count.
Well, we were much better off
before we made it a contest.
We just trampled all over our vows.
Come on, grow up.
We're animals, get used to it.
There will be no more dissenting voices.
We're a club and we stick
together no matter what.
Right, girls?
I think what we need to do
is just follow the example of the hippies
and have a group hug or
hold hands or something.
Maybe we can all burn our bras?
What dishes are we voting on tonight?
Oh, well, um, Kitty
made some pigs on a cloud.
Uh, Marybelle made cheesy Italian.
Jerome, her cheese enchiladas.
I made maximum crab crunch.
Florene, I'm sorry, I cannot
remember what it is you made.
I didn't make a casserole.
But I thought that we were
all gonna make casseroles.
I made an appetizer.
Okay, but an appetizer?
- Oh, I love you.
- Darling.
Thank you.
- I call them identity bars.
- Identity bars?
- They're delicious.
- Is it a cookie?
Is it a cake?
Is it a bar?
Which is it?
- Mm, yummy, yummy!
- How exotic.
Is that ginger that I taste?
Mm, creamy.
Max, you have a crumb on your chin.
Tell me, did you
get the recipe off the side
of the Eagle brand sweetened
condensed milk can?
I did, but I also added
a few personal touches.
Sure, sure!
Who doesn't doctor a recipe?
You gotta make it your own.
There you go!
Mm, it takes really good
with whiskey.
These bars look fantastic.
I'm actually ready to vote right now.
Best dish of the night.
Why do my eyebrows feel
like they're flying away?
Florene, these bars
wouldn't have anything to do
with space, would they?
Thanks, are my eyebrows still there?
They're made in honor of Apollo 11.
I love you, Alice Beach am.
Honey, my hairs are high.
Oh shit!
Oh shit!
Oh, come here, baby.
I thought it tastes like vodka now.
Mm, look at me I'm a
dancing tree!
On guard!
Take that, take that!
You bastard, I'm gonna get you!
Oh shit, what am I gonna
do with a split banana?
Let's eat it.
Looks like we got us some
hooligans up here in these parts.
Yes, ma'am.
Looks like we ought to frisk 'em.
- Drop the belt.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
Can you turn down your headlights?
I need to check under the hood.
- Drop 'em nice and slow.
- Take it easy.
You've been a bad boy.
Do you still like me?
I still like you.
I love you.
Hello, Max.
It's pretty isolated over here.
Good job.
It's my private spot.
It's where I come to
think and to be alone.
I made us a picnic lunch.
I don't really have time to eat.
Honestly, my favorite thing
is when Kitty rubs my monster
while I watch "The Carol
Burnett Show."
How is it that the
subject of our conversations
always turn to sex?
'Cause people like to
talk about the things
that they want and they never get.
Like blowjobs.
Hey buddy, I'm with
you all the way.
My wife's vagina looks like
a parenthesis with an Afro.
Well, I'm not sure I understand vaginas.
What's to understand?
A pussy is a doorway.
You go in and you come out.
Les, you're up, buddy.
Of course my wife won't
even give me a blow job,
I go down on her and everything's fine.
But when it comes to returning the favor,
she always says, "No, no,
no, it's not ladylike."
What's not ladylike about that?
You should try my wife.
She gives great blow jobs.
- Are you kidding me?
- Flo knows what a man needs.
Well, ask Connie.
He's been on the receiving end.
Flo knows.
See, fellas, it's all about symbiosis.
The women, they bring the
main dish and the men,
they bring the dessert.
That little casserole thing
that they've got going on.
It's like a gift
waiting under the tree
for us to open.
So you guys should, uh,
come over Friday night,
bring the wives.
It'll be fun.
Say again?
We have to populate.
Oh, I'll be sure to bring Patti.
It's time to act like ancient Romans.
Men, grab your sticks.
It's time to throw our balls around.
I'm a little uncomfortable
with stereotypes.
Do you like the way I look in this?
- Sure.
- What does that mean?
Do you think I look pretty?
Belle, I've lived with you for 12 years
and I'm not gonna fall into
your circle conversation.
It's not a circle, it's communication.
Just a simple answer.
Just look at me and tell me
if you think I look pretty.
Say yes or no.
You look delicious.
If you were a cake, I'd eat you up.
There, that wasn't so hard, was it?
I don't know though.
I think this belt hits me
a little high in the waist.
I don't have a waist.
Where are you going?
In the TV room where there's no belts.
You don't care how
I look at all, do you?
You wouldn't mind if I walked around
in front of our friends without a waist.
Belle, why don't you
just take the belt off?
And look like a shapeless sack?
No, thank you.
You're so clueless about fashion.
Max, please.
I just finally got my makeup right.
- Sterling.
- Ned.
- Hail Caesar.
- When in Rome, Brute.
When in Rome.
Kit, I'd like you to meet
Ned and Marjorie Levon.
Ned, Marjorie, this is my wife, Kitty.
And this is Gayle and Patti Carver.
What a lovely home,
and your haciendas, they're so beautiful.
They're hydrangeas, dear.
But I'm fine.
Not fine, I'm, what does fine mean anyway?
It's such a nothing word.
I'm doing okay.
I'm sound, I'm with it.
I'm groovy!
I feel so stupid.
I try to sound relevant and
I just can't sell it, can I?
- No.
- I mean, I'm groovy.
What does that mean?
I mean, it means I'm...
Blah, it sounds like
something an album would say.
I mean, if you were gonna
anthropomorphize an album,
it would be right insane.
I'm groovy.
Take a swig of this.
Good lord, Jerome!
What is that, turpentine?
Just about.
Leslie has a still in the basement.
Jerome, we're not in
the hills of Tennessee.
This is a respectable community.
Respectable my ass.
Screw it, I wanna get drunk.
Give me more.
That's it, Sugar.
Let it all go.
I mean, who are those people anyway?
I don't want them here.
I thought this party was
just for us, private.
Oh, hello, Max.
I made shepherd's pie.
I ground the spam myself.
Damn arthritis.
I hate our bodies.
You know, it's a design flaw
that they start falling
apart before we die.
Who wouldn't have thought of that anyway?
The Lord God in heaven above, of course,
He created us.
Well, he should have had
his damn license revoked.
Giving an expiration
date to a consciousness.
How cruel?
How fucking cruel is that?
He gave you life after
all, and don't forget that.
What he gave me
is the ability to know
that I'm going to die,
and I find that excruciating.
So go ahead and believe
in your God if you must.
But at least acknowledge the fact
that he is the most psychopathic
serial killer of all time.
I mean, if any one of us were
to just reach across the table
and strangle the life out of her,
would it make any difference to the world?
I mean, her God kills people
all the time, every day.
So it must be all right for
us to do the same thing,
wouldn't you think?
Hypothetically speaking.
Oh, is there anything I can do to help?
Oh no, honey, we're just getting ready.
- Excuse me.
- Are you sure?
So forgive me for not knowing,
but do we take our
clothes off now or later?
I've just never done this
kind of thing before.
Whenever you feel like it, hun.
Well, Gayle didn't tell me
if we'd be screwing each other
before dinner or after dinner.
Which is it?
Ned, sweetie, we're going.
We just got here.
We're not leaving yet.
Something's come up at church.
I, I don't want to go.
I know what's going on here.
I'm not an idiot.
Marjorie, take the car and go home.
- What?
- Take the car and go home.
Ned Levon, I'm your wife.
Nice to meet you, Marjorie.
- Poor bastard.
- Drive safe.
I'll drink to that.
Oh, hi.
Let me help you.
Oh damn!
Pour me one too, Tiger.
- Are you as thirsty as I am?
- Oh, you bet.
- Sterling.
- Yes?
This is a fun night, thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, damn it.
Ran out of booze.
That's cool.
We can share.
Hey, Sterling, I can't.
I don't think I can kiss a man 'cause I'm,
'cause I'm a Christian.
Me too, man.
Christians make the best lovers.
Remember, Judas kissed Christ.
In a scene described
by what investigators say
is reminiscent of a weird religious rite,
five persons including actress
Sharon Tate were found dead
in the home of Miss Tate
and her husband screen
director Roman Polanski.
Miss Tate, who starred
in "Valley of the Dolls"
was eight months pregnant
and was found in a bikini top nightgown
with a rope around her
neck attached to her body.
Among the other victims
were Hollywood hairstylist Jay Sebring
and coffee heiress Abigail Folger.
Authorities ruled out in
an unofficial capacity
inside the posh $200,000
home in the Hollywood Hills
overlooking Los Angeles.
The telephone and the
electricity lines cut.
The bodies had been dead about 12 hours.
They were discovered this
morning by a neighbor
who went screaming to the neighbors.
One officer summed up
the murders when he said,
"In all my years I've never
seen anything like this."
Why did the philosopher drown?
Because he jumped in the lake
and thought about swimming.
Oh Jesus.
Deja vu.
Is he dead?
- No, is he dead?
- Honey.
- No, is he?
- Honey, honey.
Patti, don't come outside.
No, Leslie!
No, let me go!
- He's dead.
- Fucking go!
He's dead.
I have to ask my dad and he's not here.
What's she doing over there?
Every time somebody says
groovy on the television,
she's taking a drink.
Does my face look red to you?
Marybelle, you are always
so concerned with your face.
Do you think angels live in our hair?
- Marybelle?
- Angels.
Do you think angels live in our hair?
I think angels are real
and tiny and transparent,
and they live in our hair.
Sometimes they sit and dangle their feet
over the top of our ears so
that they can give us advice
when we're having trouble.
I can do the headstand, wanna see?
Leslie, do you like that?
Jerome, oh no, Jerome.
Jerome, we're not gonna do this, Jerome.
- She wants to get down.
- Jerome.
- No.
- No, no, I got it.
You're okay, baby.
What a mess.
Sit down and I'll
get you in your dinner.
Another bubbling concoction of crap?
Why can't we ever have a real meal?
Well, this one is turkey
divan strata, and you love it.
I made it for you our
first night in this house.
Do you remember, Connie?
Steak would be a good meal.
You're too lazy to cut
up some real vegetables
and grill me a piece of meat?
Well, this has turkey in it
and it's got some spinach,
and it's very, very good for you, Connie.
Sterling says Kitty makes
a different meal every night.
Kitty is not creative.
What about roast chicken?
I would love a roast chicken.
Kitty is my very good friend,
but I can assure you she
is not roasting chickens.
Kitty does not know how to bake a potato.
You don't even try.
You do nothing.
Hell, even the can opener
does the work for you.
Connie, today was Leslie's day.
I didn't have time to truss you a bird.
I didn't have time to truss you a bird.
You're a stupid little
hole, you know that?
Connie, I saw you fucking that bitch
and I saw that you liked it.
Is it 'cause she was a stranger?
Is that what it takes now, Connie?
A stranger?
Do you really want to get into this now?
Well, I'm just not so sure why
you invited those people into our house.
They're not part of our little group.
You mean they had nothing to
do with you and Max Beadham.
I don't know what you're talking.
Oh, come on, Sugar.
Be honest.
You've been wet for Max since
they moved across the street.
I know how that deceitful
mind of yours works.
You couldn't wait to get Max inside you.
You planned that party
and got us all drunk
so you'd have an excuse
to live out your fantasy.
I'll tell you something.
You take things and you mess it around.
I don't know how to reach
you anymore, Connie.
I don't know how to talk to you!
You don't know
what you're talking about.
Would you like one scoop
or would you like two?
I don't want your fucking casserole!
I'm sick of it!
I'm sick of you!
I'm sick of this house!
I'm sick of your whiny mouth!
I made you that dinner, Connie!
You used to like that dish.
You used to love, love,
love turkey divan strata!
I worked hard to make dinner tonight
because I wanted to make you happy!
I work hard to make you happy,
Connie, and you ruin it!
You ruined our dinner!
You get drunk and you get
mad, and you ruin everything!
You lock yourself in that fucking bathroom
and you, you go after that,
whatever you do to yourself, Connie!
Your leg.
Your leg looks like raw hamburger meat!
How am I supposed to love that?
Shut your fucking mouth!
Just stop it.
Just stop it.
Just stop it.
I'm pregnant.
Isn't that an ugly word?
I think it's the hard H sound, huh,
followed by that hard R.
It's really ugly word, isn't it?
You almost have to expectorate to say it.
I think that's what makes
it such a horrible word.
Not just the consonants hitting each other
that it takes effort to say it.
You really have to push to get it out.
Connie, help me.
Just help me.
Help me.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't leave me, Connie.
Connie, come back here, please!
Please, Connie!
I'm so sorry.
Connie, I'm sorry, please come back here!
I'm a lemon, I'm a bag of jello.
Look at me, I'm a yeti.
No, you're not.
You're thick.
I like you fine just the way you are.
No one likes a man ballast.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
We're in this together, remember?
Okay, I'm not exactly a tasty dish.
What are you talking about?
You are the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen.
I'm a manatee.
God, when did this happen?
I'm not even a man anymore.
Of course you're a man.
You're my man.
No, I'm not.
I'm a dump truck, the cruise liner.
I'm the darn is Isthmus of Panama.
You're perfect to me, okay?
You're perfect to me.
Hey, Ned, come here for a second.
What do you want?
What's going on, Ned?
I've gotta be some place.
I gotta go.
I thought maybe we'd get, um,
get together sometime.
I'm still not that way, I'm sorry.
You know for not being that way,
you sure give a hell of a blow job, buddy.
Stay the fuck out of my life.
Oh my God.
What happened?
Sterling, what happened?
I messed up, Kitty.
Shh, okay, I'm here.
I'm here, okay, honey?
Come here.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
Hello, Max.
Oh, I've missed you so much.
What are you doing here?
You're all sweaty, Max.
I just got back from a run.
How long will it take you to pack?
My things are all ready,
I figure if we leave now,
we could be to Vegas by nightfall.
Sugar, what are you talking about?
Oh, we're gonna start
a new life together, Max.
You and I, won't it be divine?
I'm having our baby, Max.
We did it.
You and I, baby Beadham.
It'll be the most beautiful baby ever.
I've never felt this way before.
You don't understand.
I feel alive for the first time
ever in my whole life, Max.
Everything is going to be.
Sugar, I don't know what's
going on in that head of yours,
but I am not leaving my wife.
But you're gonna be a daddy, Max.
A real father.
How do you know it's mine?
Everyone was with everyone.
What about Connie?
Connie hasn't touched me in eons.
We were drunk.
We were having fun.
You've probably forgotten this
is someone else's mistake.
A mistake?
No, Max, don't be silly.
We love each other.
I love you and you love me.
We met in private, remember?
That made it different.
I love Marybelle.
She's my wife,
and I'm not gonna leave her.
Not now, not ever.
I'm sorry, Sugar.
I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea.
No, I'm fine, I'm just fine.
Everything's gonna be okay.
I'm okay.
What am I supposed to do, Max?
What am I supposed to do?
You'll figure it out, Sug.
You look good like that.
Oh, Max.
My eyes disappear and
my lips are too thin.
I don't like the paint.
All the other girls are so
put together and so with it.
I've gotta be more like that.
I'm such a square.
Belle, come here.
I've been thinking,
let's try to have a baby.
Oh, Max, I don't know.
I'd have to buy a whole
new wardrobe.
And this house, it's our house.
It's not a house for a baby.
You are beautiful.
Just like this.
And I don't care about any of that stuff.
I wanna start over again.
Move away from here.
Move away from our friends?
Oh, Max, yes.
Yes, I want to.
We'll buy a new house.
- A bigger house.
- Yeah.
And we'll paint it.
I'll pick out soothing colors for our baby
and we'll put a swing set in the backyard
and we'll have real grass.
- Yeah.
- And trees.
- We can move to Colorado.
- Yes.
- Away in the mountains.
- Yes, yes.
Away from everybody.
And I'll slide out of bed in the morning
and pull my hair back
and make pancakes for the whole family.
Oh, I want that, I want to.
We can live somewhere
with no mirrors, right?
No mirrors.
Yes, Belle Belle.
We don't have to live
with any of that stuff.
I feel like everybody's
always looking at me.
The only neighbors we'll have
are the deer and the squirrels.
Come on, help me.
More, grab them all!
I love you, wife.
I love you, husband.
- Jesus H. Christ.
- Holy shit.
How did we miss this the first time?