Sex-Positive (2024) Movie Script
1
Yes, of course. Everythings great, Beccy.
-So, are you coming home?
-No, Im not coming home.
-Why not? Whats so great about--
-Because moms crazy, and youre
crazy to stay there, Beccy!
-What do you mean? Youre the crazy
one. On your own in that place.
-You want coffee?
-Yes, just milk please. Thank you so much.
-Hello? Hello?
-Is that the guy?
-Yeah, hes getting me coffee.
-Is he okay?
-What?
-The guy?
-Yeah. Hes--hes fine.
-So tell me...is he the one?
-What do you mean, the one?
-Your one true man.
-Beccy, I dont know if hes the one. I
mean he took me out for a meal last night.
Hello? Hello? Beccy?!
Ugh!
-Howdy.
-Hey, Charlie. Thats nice.
-Ill be goddamned. Yeah, no, we
got this guy comes in every week,
rents himself a slick ride, special rate,
picks up a new girl every time.
Looks like this time he left her in there.
Mornin, darlin. Sorry to rouse ya,
but were gonna need to get in there
and clean up.
-Whos he--whats he talking about?
-The guy you came with...hes gone.
-No. Hes getting me a coffee.
-Its not a coffee shop.
Its Charlies Garage. Rents classic cars.
Shit. Shit! SHIT! UGH!
He said he was--he took me out last night.
-Do you have his number?
-No. He was gonna give me that.
-Better call a ride.
-I dont have a phone. Its dead.
I dont have a credit card, either, okay?
In fact, I dont have any money at all.
-Oh, I get it.
-No you dont, asshole.
Just cause youre wearing a suit and a
clown tie doesnt make you any better
than that lying, stinking, shithole
bastard from last night. Urrgghaaagh!
So can I take you to wherever
youre going?
-Do I have a choice, Mr. Suit?
-Sure you do. Lifes all about
having choices. Im Jake.
-Virginia...
Actually, the suits borrowed.
And thats the truck.
I got a rental because I had a job
interview today. What do you do, Virginia?
-Right now, nothing.
-So you came to the Big Easy?
Theres nothing easy about New Orleans
without a job. Screw the Big Easy.
-Yeah, just dont let it screw you.
-Oh my god, you are so clever.
Except you drive a shit heap
and he had a Mustang.
Except he didnt...Lets go.
-Oh my god, theres no door.
-Air conditioning.
-We need to give my girl a second.
-Your trucks a girl?
Sure she is. The thing is I actually have
this project you might be interested in.
-In what?
-I want to write a blog about it, build
out a line of products, start
my own streaming channel.
-Of what?
-I have to do a lot of serious
research first.
-On what?!
Well, sex...
You know what? I think Im gonna
actually just walk. Thanks.
-Let me call you a ride!
-Nuh uh.
Shit. Aaagh, I dont believe this!
Listen, come back to the house. Im not
trying anything. Honest.
So Im that easy, huh? Nuh!
Youll be safe there. Theres lots of
girls. Theyve all got shoes.
And if you dont mind me saying...
you seem like you could use some friends.
-Listen youve got no reason to trust me--
-I didnt. I trusted your truck.
Well, the truck may need some help.
Okay, when I shout contact, just touch
these two wires together, okay?
Thats all you gotta do.
-Are you joking?
-No.
Ignition...
Contact!
Okay, lets go!
THIS is your house and THAT is your truck?
Dont be rude about my baby. I just
live here. Come on in.
-Hi, Jake.
-Wow, that is hot.
-I love you with clothes on.
-I know. Its weird, right?
-This is Virginia.
-Hi, Im Samantha.
-Hi.
-Hey, do you have size 7 shoes?
-No, try Cindy.
Hey, Nigels fixing me up later.
Come join.
Hey, help yourself.
Theres coffee in there.
-Oh my god!
-Hoo, what is it? You okay?
-Yes, but youre--
-I made coffee. You want some coffee?
-Yes, but maybe--
-I love people that say yes!
-But Im actually with him. Jake?
-The world is divided up by the people
that say no and stay safe, and they never
get hurt. Now, for the people that do say
yes, now maybe--maybe they get hurt,
alright? But theyre living life to the
fullest and theyve tried everything.
Hey, did you want some milk?
Um, yes please.
Coffee for my new friend.
Oohhoohoohoooo! Shes kinky...
Hey, come sit.
Hi, Im Cindy. Are you
the one who needs shoes?
Somebody left this great pair of
boots after a party.
-Ah, here we go. Try these on.
-I cant wear these.
Suit yourself. Mind your feet, though.
Dead soldiers.
Oh, agh, oh my god.
That is so disgusting!
Yeah, but better to be safe, right?
Bathrooms in there.
I gotta get back to work. See ya.
Waaah, no! Okay...
Oh, no...
Jake?
AH!
AH! Stop. Stop it. Ugh.
Uuuh. Aaauuugh...
Oh, hey. Its you again!
Damn, thats a cute girl.
-Im so sorry. Im Nigel. How do you do?
-At least youre wearing clothes.
-Do you know where Jake is?
-No, sorry. Great boots.
Do you want a boot website?
Is that your thing?
-Theres a website for boots?
-Theres a website for everything.
Within the hour online I can have anything
anybody wants at that front door.
-You mean you get girls?
-Sure, who do you want?
-No! Is this a whorehouse?
-Sex work is fine, but we dont let anyone
charge in the house.
-No, I dont charge.
-Look, Im just looking for--oh my god!
-Hey, Im Leslie.
-I hope youre looking for me.
-Uh, no. Jake.
-Shame. Hes upstairs. Come on.
Wait. So do you guys, like,
never wear clothes?
When we go outside. Oh, except
during Mardi Gras. Then we wear paint.
And except NIgel. He never takes his
shorts off. Do you, Nigel?
No.
Hes in there. Enjoy.
No, if I do this on my own, my
blog wont be taken seriously. I need
a partner. Anyway, thank you for the tie.
-So, whos the girl? Is she the one?
-I gotta find somebody.
-I adore you, you sexy hunk.
Yeah. you, too.
-Thats a dead end.
-I wasnt spying. The door was open.
We dont have secrets. Listen, Ive got
a serious proposition for you.
Ill bet. Can I get a
straight answer? Are you?
-What?
-Straight?
-No.
-Gay?
-No.
-Bi?
-No.
-Celibate?
-No.
-What else is there?
Omnisexual. Ill do anything. I usually
draw the line at inanimate objects.
-Usually?
-One time I had an affair with a washing
machine with a vibrant spin cycle. I chose
heavy wash and I sat right on top.
It gave me all I wanted in a relationship.
Its a joke, okay? Listen,
please. Can we just talk?
Virginia, wait!
Virginia, please. This is serious
research. I really need your help.
Give me 30 seconds, please, and I
promise Ill drive you home.
-30 seconds.
-Okay, great. Um--its about my channel--
my streaming channel and books and
toys and I want to start with a blog about
the experiences of a sex-positive couple.
Theres a revolution happening right now.
All the rules of sexual
combat have changed.
Sexual combat?
The internet has made everything
available. I had Nigel make up these.
Its a list of every sexual
practice and deviation.
We could try everything. Unless its
completely disgusting, and then
we just watch.
-WE, as in me?
Fetish is mainstream. Kink is cool.
Thats my market. The new sexuality.
-Only I cant get started. I need a girl.
-Well, theres plenty of them here.
-Nope, no. They all turned me down.
-Thats a good sign.
I need someone hot enough to
get me through any door.
Into any party. Someone like you. You
could live here. Id help with expenses.
Oh, so youd pay me to
screw you at parties?
No no no no. You dont have to screw
me ever. I promise. No strings.
You get me through the door, I keep you
safe, we meet interesting people--
-And we screw them?
-If we like! Listen, the group is going
to a sex club tomorrow and theyve all
got dates. I cant get in without a girl.
Forget it. Ill walk.
Youre gonna let her walk
the streets like that?
-I guess. I tried to help.
-I guess? Knuckledick.
Fuck you! Oh...
Yeah, we could try that. Im Truly. I
thought you could use a ride. I tried
those once and those boots
aint made for walkin.
Thanks, Trudy, but I think Ill be fine.
Its Tru-ly!
-With an L. Truly Happygirl.
-Thats your name?
Yeah! I wanted to be a truly
happy girl, so I changed it.
Be the change you want to be. Ghandi.
-Truly, are you on drugs?
-Never! Say no to drugs and yes to sex.
Nancy Reagan. Come on,
lets take you home.
Wait, the last time I got in this truck,
that Jake guy tried it on, so if youre
anything like that--
-Oh, no. Thats Leslie. I like cock.
I do girls, too--in fact, Ill do anybody.
Well, a guys gotta be a 2 out of 10.
-On what scale?
-1 out of 10 being dead.
I have a friend who works at the mortuary,
but I wont go there.
-Whats 2 out of 10?
-Breathing.
So you have no standards
and no discrimination?
Whats the point? I fuck anybody. Some
become friends, some dont, but fucking
is how I find out. Im a fuck-firster.
It just gets it out of the way.
-Isnt that dangerous?
-I love condoms. And we get tested
once a month. House rules. So, if you come
back with us, you must follow them, too.
Truly, I dont think I can--
-Oh, no. Come on, baby. Its just us
girls here. Come on! You can do it.
Youre a fucking mechanic!
You know, this happened to all of us at
the house. Small town girl moves to the
big city, gets screwed in every possible
way. Listen, I can tell youre on the
struggle bus here.
-Oh, no. Dont you feel sorry for me. All
I need is a bed, and Ive got one.
So it was an air bed? Thats not good.
You sure dont take help easy, do you? Why
dont you come stay at the house until you
get yourself sorted out. No strings, okay?
-Thats exactly what Jake said.
- Hes right.
- Ah!
We girls, we run that house. We make the
rules. And number one is nobody does
nothing with anybody they dont want to do
nothing with. Or something.
Dammit!
I need to get prepared for tonight, and
someone broke the fucking fucking machine.
-So why not just use a man?
-I need something reliable.
There is that...
-Virginia?
Youre back! Thats so great.
-Virginia, does this mean that you can--
-No. I was evicted. Can I stay a few days?
Come on, girl. We gotta
get ready for the party.
Party? What party?
Condoms...
Condoooms...luuube...anybody need a
condom? Lube? Condoms, lube. I am your
fairy condom mother. Condoms. Lube,
anybody? Condom? Okay! Ladies...
-Thaaank you. Here you go.
-Ugh, I love my life...
So, everybody needs a wing woman. I got
your six, so you can have your sex.
Okay...so, you guys do nothing
but sex all the time?
Well, Im a Dreamer, and Im getting my
law degree. So if thats nothing, then Im
sure doing a helkuva lot of it. Anyways,
Samantha here works a lot, too. What is it
that you do again?
-A PhD at Tulane on the philosophy of
hedonism and the psychosexual culture of
Generation X.
-Woah.
-And you thought I was a dumb blonde.
No...oh my god, yep. I did think you
were a dumb blonde. Im so sorry.
Of course. You know what this is?
Conditioning, baby. And weve all had it
because the men run the media, right?
Hey, boys.
Oooh-wooo! This is gooood!
-Oh, would you look at that? Bill,
-Mmmmm...
-I need more of your wife. She is hot.
-Oooh...oh, no no no, thats not my wife.
Thats her over there between those two
other guys. You want in? I can ask.
-Yeah....
-Alright.
Hey!
Heh, that Joanna loves DP.
Wooh! Yeah, come on.
-So hes in her--
-Uh huh.
-While the other ones in her--
-Oh, yeah...
-Ive never had it in the ass.
-Its kinda the same, but
the dick is next door.
Room for one more. Get over here, Bill.
So Bill is number three, and Joannas
ready for the play and Joanna is airtight!
She looks a little busy. I guess its
gonna be a while before I get in there.
-Well, maybe if youre free, we could--
-Juanita, you want to?
-Heh...no, Jake!
-Whats wrong with fucking me?
-Nothing, I just did that already.
-Got a point. Fresh meats always best.
-Fresh meat? Is that all we are?
-Ha! No, honey. Thats what the men are.
-I told you. We girls run these parties.
-Hi.
-Fuck?
-Sure.
-Why all the conversation?
Oh my god...
-Good morning!
-Do you have a swimsuit?
-What is a swimsuit?
-Virginia! They tell me youre
coming to stay with us.
Sign please. House rules, including number
seven: no clothes allowed in the pool.
Which is why I never get in the pool.
Is there anything I need
to be worried about?
Youre fine. Read it later.
-Great, thank you. Heres a towel.
-Thanks.
Oh, what the fuck.
Naked girl in the pool! Naked
girl in the pool! Naked girl in the pool!
Wooooaaaah!
You assholes!
Welcome to the house, Virginia!
Hi, Im Ray. Well have no interest
in each other whatsoever.
-Youre gay?
-I am so ashamed!
Yeah, totally.
Can I get a straight answer
from a gay man?
-Youll never get one from a straight man.
-What the hell is this place?
The house? Its for people who like to
have sex and who dont judge others. Cindy
started it, and she found us or we found
her. The internet weaves its web.
-So, are you all ,like, couples?
-Oh, god, no. That would be horrible.
Unless Jake asked me. I mean hes just--
ugh, hes just so good.
-Is he?
-Oh my gosh, yes. When he is up, he is,
like, really really up. And when hes down
hes, like, straight back up again. What
more could you ask for?
-So why dont the girls go with him?
Going isnt the problem.
Its the coming thing.
-The Jake conversation?
-Yeah.
- Yeah, Jake doesnt come.
- Youre kidding?
No. Girls go with him, but they dont stay
with him, because he doesnt come with
them. He sees the orgasm as, like, some
kind of commitment. Dont you, dear?
If Im enjoying myself with someone,
why would I want to ruin it by coming?
-Exactly...
-Wait are you two--
Do you want me to? Come to the club
tonight, Ill do anybody you want.
Thats my phone...Shit, Steve!
-G-spot location services?
-Uh, yeah, can I speak to Jake?
-Steve, no no no no no.
-Im untying him right now, yes.
-Youre doing what?
-Hi, this is Jake. Im sorry about that.
-Yeah, you asked about the job.
Its not going to work Im afraid.
Thank you and goodbye.
The interview, they didnt want me.
-That sucks. Do you want a blowjob?
-No, Cindy. I want a real job!
Everybody, this is me drowning myself.
-Hey! You just broke rule seven.
-I know it.
Look, Im sorry to hear about your job.
Listen, Ill go with you to the club
tonight, but just to get
you through the door.
Youve given me a reason to live!
Okay, so if anyone hits on you, just say,
maybe later. And smile, okay? Here.
Maybe later.
Oh, Jake! You found a girl!
Hi. Im glad to see you came prepared.
Im Rod. They call me Hot Rod.
-I believe it...um, maybe later.
-No, I work here.
-Oh!
-First timers get a tour.
So its the usual rules. You know, no
means no. Gentleman, stay with the ladies.
-This is fun!
-Nah...the fun is upstairs.
So we have playrooms on each side.
This is the library.
Oh my god, I love libraries!
-Hey there!
Virginia!
-Wanna play?
-Uh, maybe later.
Moving on...Okay now, this is the feely
room. Absolute darkness in there.
You got to feel your way around.
-So whos in there?
I mean, you never know. Thats the point.
And this is the machine room.
Ginny! You gotta try this one. Oh!
-Ah, maybe later.
-Alright, now this room...
This is my absolute favorite.
Love this room. One-way glass, in there
you cant see whos watching.
Well, thats it, Im done at ten, then I
join the party. I hope to see you?
-Um...yeah. Maybe later.
-Yeah. Right.
-Jake? Oh, Im so sorry.
-Hi!
Jake, dont leave me alone!
Jake? Jake? Jake?
I cant believe Im seeing this.
-Oh my god, youre clothes...less.
-Ginny, its a sex club. Youre the
only one here with clothes on.
Oh, look at that...
Oh my god. Dont you just love this? I
mean how can anyone be depressed in here
for more than like ten minutes? Umm,
sometimes you just gotta get fucked.
-Anyway, so are you here with Jake?
-Oh, no, er, but maybe later...
Thats a good move. Sometimes you gotta
work em out before you work em in.
-Im Joanna.
-Oh, Virginia.
Oh, dont cover em up. Theyre cute.
-And this is my sub, and my husband, Bill.
-How do you do?
-Hi.
-So what are you into?
-Uhh...nobodys ever asked me that before.
-I give the best head. Do you like head?
-Do you?
-I mean, yeah, sure.
Oh, and you can leave your panties on.
He just loves to munch.
Oh, yes, please. Oh...oh!
Uh, Jake, hes--hes...
-You said yes twice, right?
-Just say stop. Consent is the only
sex that we have. He is good, isnt he?
-Oh my god...Yes. Yes...
Uh, just to be clear, thats yes stop, yes
continue, or yes hes good?
Um...yes...
-Ooh, theres a spot. You wanna fuck?
-Sure.
-Oh, and hell fuck you, if you want.
-No. No no no nonono...
Oh my gosh, I cannot
believe I just did that!
How many guys did you have?
One.
Two.
Euh, I mean, three.
Uh, four. Oh my god, I just went to a
party and I have to count how many
guys I fucked! Ahah...
-Five. It was five.
-I had three girls. Joanna was hot.
-Then there was Melanie, and Sarah.
-Wait, which one was Sarah?
-Skinny, big tits, tight ass.
-Do not define a woman by her body!
Tits and ass, is that all we are to you?
Just sex?
You just had just sex with just
five guys you just met.
Yeah, Im trying to work this out.
So wait, do you really not come?
Wait, what is that about?
Oh, wires. Got it. Pop the hood.
Sweet baby girl, sister, I have just had
the most amazing night. Please dont spoil
it for me. Okay! IGNITION! CONTACT!
WOOOH! Yeeeaaah!
Wooh!
-Good morning.
-Oh, hey.
-And, uh, how many guys did
you have last night?
Um, about as many as I had
my whole life before last night.
-Is it alright if I feel a little dirty?
-Its residual guilt. Its good, because
it makes it feel so bad. We should know,
were Catholic. What about you?
Er, ex-evangelical. Very ex. Thats what
Im trying to get away from.
So you two do stuff like this all the time
and still, you know, love each other?
Sure we do. Listen, Virginia, this
is all okay as long as its what you want.
As long as you do what you feel
and feel what you do.
Theres so many possibilities, I had no
idea. Are all of these real things?
-I guess.
-So why havent you done them?
-Well, I was waiting for the right--
-You know what, I want to try them.
I decided. I want to do it. Your research
thing. The sexy stuff. To hell with it, I
want to try every damned thing I can.
Letss do em all, A to Z!
-Are you serious? This is fantastic!
-Yeah, I mean, as long as I can say no,
and theres no pressure.
-Oh, absolutely. Totally.
Can we really do this, no shit, no lies,
no jealousy, just friends?
Yes we can. I swear I will never have sex
with you. In front of you, yes.
With you, never.
-Oh, no...thats not exactly--
-Nigel. Nigel! I need your help.
Virginias going to do my project!
All your deviations, were gonna
do them from A to Z.
Oh my god. This is so cool! Wait, can I
pick something that I like, please?
-Sure!
-Umm, altocalciphilia?!
Hey, perverts! Chin on the table,
hand off your hose, and eyes on the shoes.
Oh, oh thank you...
-Altocalciphilia.
-Boots, shoes? That was totally weird.
-All sex is weird. Alright! Anal...
-Oh, no. Why dont we just
do one of each letter?
-Ah, and then we go back to the beginning.
Great idea. Okay, Nigel, the Bs.
-Oh, yes...
-So its PDFM, right?
-No, no. B-D-S-M! Bondage, domination,
sadism, masochism, got it?
-Yeah.
And don't let anyone know
its your first time, okay?
-Okay. Okay, okay!
-Just be cool. Be cool.
-Oh, hello! Im Hugo. Please, come in.
-Good evening.
-Oh my god, doesn't that hurt?
-Yes of course. That's the point.
-Are you sure youre into this?
-What exactly do yall do?
-Uh, PDFM.
-No! No no no. Uh, BDSM. BDSM.
-Yes, but we specialize in PDFM.
-And what is PDFM?
It is um, penile...dysfunction...
forensic...um, massage.
-PDFM.
-Forensic?
-Yeah so its like mostly dead people.
-Dead people? You're necrophiliacs?
No. No no no. Theyre pretending to
be dead. Hence, er, disfunction.
-But you have BDSM experience?
-Yes of course.
Do you want to play? Gender switch,
power exchange, SSC or RACK?
-Er, I think, probably, just sex.
-Sex?
-You want sex?
-Oh honey, we don't do sex!
My god, what kind of people
do you think we are?
I mean, Im a married woman.
We are Baptists.
-Youre disgusting! They want sex!
-Get out, just get out of here!
Go, go on! Get! How dare you!
-They kicked you out?
-Yes, they hated us.
-Nigel, we got to C.
-There are not many Cs...
Capnolagnia, chremastistophilia,
coprophilia, coprophagia.
-And what the hell are they?
-In order, sexual gratification from
smoking, from being robbed, from shit,
and from eating...shit.
-Lets do D. Double penetration.
Pussy and ass together.
-No, that brings us back to anal...
-You said you would try everything.
-Okay, we move to E.
-But thats cheating.
-No, she said no, its not negotiable.
Right on. Thank you, Jake.
-Hey, we get on pretty good, dont we?
-Yeah, were doing just fine.
-Are you sure about this, Virginia?
-Yes I am, Jake.
Three...two...one...GO!
-E for Exhibitionism. Whats next?
-Felching, fellatio, frottage,
fisting, flagellation...
-Wait, whats fisting?
Oh! Oowoh! Okay, okay. I thought
you said that was a good pain?
-Okay, now G for...group sex.
-Yeeeaaah...
No! That, I want to see that.
Gay sex. Just guys, though.
Oh, I have just the right guy. Daddy Hank.
Older guy, he does girls, but he is
desperate to get into my pants.
Youve already had him.
-Me? I never had anyone called Hank.
-You can remember who youve had sex with?
Thats incredible.
-You cant.
I cant even remember faces, how
would I remember dicks?
So why dont we do both?
Group sex and gay sex.
Aaah! Sounds like a party!
-Hi, mind if we watch?
-Oh! Hey, what are you doing down there?
-This is who I told you about.
-Oh, this is your girl, right?
-Yes, and this really turns me on.
-What about you?
-Oh, Im just another homosexual.
-Well dont expect anything from me, bud.
-Hes here for me. Sloppy seconds.
-Okay, I guess you better sit down.
If the lady wants to watch it,
you better do it.
Dooohhh...
Is that an average sized dick,
would you say?
No, thats a big dick. All black
people have big dicks.
Im black, I dont have a dick.
Thats sexism.
No, I just meant...you know
how white people always--
What, so white dudes cant
have big dicks? Thats racism.
Come on, dont act like
an old lady. I was--
Whats wrong with being an old lady?
Thats ageism. Racism, ageism, sexism.
RAZ. Youre razy. Youre razy.
-Totally razy, man. Just razy--
Heres a word of advice. Keep your legs
open and your mouth closed, okay?
-Is he--
-Yeah, it usually happens with older guys
after they come. I kinda like it.
-Oh, momma...mmm...
Oh! You know, I could only do this
cos you were watching, right?
-Oh, I know.
-It was like I was doing you all the time.
-Mmhmm.
-Thank you so much, Daddy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, shes hot, huh?
What a girl. Hey, baby, see you round.
-Thats the closet.
-Yeah, I knew that.
Oh, boy...
-He is gross.
-I think hes gorgeous. And hes only
pretending to be Republican so
people dont think hes gay.
So, what did you think?
-Honestly, I didnt realize it would be so
-Functional? It usually is with guys.
-Men are so weird.
-Thats not even a conversation.
-I just--I wish I understood you guys.
-My dear, you never will, until you
learn the mysteries of the penis.
Its all so unnecessarily complicated.
-Whats it all about?
-How does it do what it does?
-How can we possibly find this attractive?
-This dangling throbbing thing.
And its always changing. I mean the next
minute, its this hard, pulsing, rigid
thing. And theyre all so different.
-Yeah, weight, length, thickness, shape,
hardness, taste. Different shafts,
different heads, mushroom, button,
cut, uncut.
-Why are we so fascinated in this stupid,
wrinkly worm?
-It may be stupid, but I wish I had
a dick for a day.
-You have a dick every day.
No, but what does it feel
like to have your own?
But why do we care about them at all?
I mean, look, its ridiculous.
Dont even get me
started on the testicles.
-Ooh!
-Eugh...
Oval, round, hanging, baggy, tight,
soft hard. There's so much variety
with the male genitalia.
-Excuse me...
-And you know what gets me is
the texture. They just dont feel like
anything else on earth.
-Wait, you dont even like dick.
I love dick. I just dont like
what its attached to.
-Hello, Im up here. I am--I am up here.
-Can I ask you to do something?
Oh, I didnt think we were doing
that yet, but I guess so.
-Jump up and down.
-Ooh yeah, I want to see that.
-Come on...
-Yeah.
-Isnt that painful?
-No.
-What about running, run for us!
-Oh, yeah!
-Oooh, doesn't it bang around?
-Don't your tits bang around?
I don't have tits between my legs
getting mashed by a pair of thighs.
Okay, stop. What happens to it all?
I mean, in your pants.
-Yeah, like, where does it all go?
-That...
Is the mystery of the penis.
-Oh, for heavens sake.
Can we go party now?
-Nigel, why dont you join the party?
-Oh no, I cant.
-Why not?
-Im sure the girls have told you.
Im not very big down there. And I just
dont want to disappoint anyone.
What? Nigel, if you think you cant please
a woman cos of the size of your dick,
then you dont understand the vagina.
-What dont I understand about the vagina?
Oh. Well, oftentimes a big dick just
glides right past it, whereas a smaller
dick, will hit it.
-Hits what?
-The spot?
-What spot?
-The...like--
-Virginia...I got it arranged!
Maybe later.
-Sorry, I was dealing with dick.
-Heheh.
Come on, lets join.
-Ooh, hey Virginia. You ready to play now?
Hey, guys...Oh, is that why
they call it down time?
-Heeey, you look happy.
-I am happy. Happy to be here. We all are.
-Are you staying with us for good?
-Oh, I cant. I would not be able to
afford the rent.
-Rent? We dont pay rent.
-Well, then who pays for all this?
-Cindy does. Shes loaded. Come see.
Guys, come on. This pussy
isn't going to lick itself.
-Sir Timothy John Berners-Lee.
-Who?
He created the world wide web. He
connected hypertext with TCP and DNS.
For the first time in history, ordinary
people can get any kind of sex they want.
A girl like me couldn't exist before the
internet. My whole life is online.
-Im sure you have other interests.
-Er, no, you dont get it. Her life
is online. They see everything.
-Who do?
The Guys. Theres a hundred of them. Nigel
set it up for me. I do whatever I want and
the Guys watch every second of it.
-You mean they--they can see us now?
-You didnt read the house rules?
-Say hello to Virginia, Guys!
I dont believe this!
Who are these people?
Theyre creeps. Youre all creeps, Guys!
Alright, Im going back to the party.
Because around this time the boys get
seedy and the girls get needy.
Wait, the Guys get nervous if Im
off cam for too long. So do I.
Cindy, there has to be something else
to your life. Maybe a boyfriend?
Oh no. The Guys would get jealous if I did
that. So I just screw everybody.
But...I do have a gorgeous secret friend.
One of the Guys sends me poetry.
The others dont know.
-So invite him over, in secret.
-Give me his contacts, Ill arrange it.
-Oh you mean, like, actually meet him?
Like a...a real guy? Oh Virginia, I...I...
you would do that for me?
-Yeah.
-Oh that is so exciting. Oh, thank you
thank you thank you. Just
dont tell anyone, okay? Okay.
-Cindy they really dont like you off cam.
-Oh, dont worry. Theyll like this.
Okay Guys, party time for Cindy!
Hey, isnt life great? I cannot imagine
that whole monogamy thing.
Only fucking one guy. How dull is that?
So are you guys going to do
this for the rest of your lives?
-Yes...
-No. Ill have a normal life, you know...
Wife and kids and stuff.
-Normal. Thats nice.
-And I'll just do this on the side.
-You mean, you'll cheat?
Well, you have to cheat. I mean,
thats what a normal life is, right?
Im in shock, I need to get
fucked. Come on, Steve.
Oh!
Oh, its you again. You
were at the club, right?
I came looking, but you were real busy
that night. I'm Rod, remember?
-Oh, yeah. Hot Rod.
-And you met my friend Chris.
-Hey. Huh? Oh my god, Im so sorry!
-Thats fine. We were wondering if
you would like to join us?
-Why? Wait, what, what, what do you want?
I mean, sorry thats wrong. Um, it's just
the penis, I was not expecting the penis.
-Youve never had two guys?
-Is it that obvious? I mean, Ive just
never had it, you know, in the other end.
-Well we can try that whenever you want.
And take it real slow.
Now we don't want to
bug you, but any time.
NOW!
Or...maybe later.
You go, girl!
-Having a wild time?
-Oh, yeah...
-Nice and easy, huh?
Oh...my...goodness! That feels amazing!
So? What do you think?
Im not such a weirdo, huh?
-Are you Ray?
-I am.
-Youre the financial analyst?
-No that's my sister, Lorraine.
Oh I know Lorraine, I work in
product development at Hensons.
No way, I used to do market research
for them. Are you Chuck?
-No, Im Chris.
-Chucks the sales guy.
-Oh my god, guys! Please!
-Oh right, sorry.
-Ooooh...ooohhh
-Even I think thats hot.
-Jake?
-Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, shit.
-Come on, hes waiting.
-Oh! Im so excited!
There he is, Mister Poetry. Go...
-Hi...
-Hi. I never met one of the Guys before.
I love you completely and utterly in a way
that is unrestrained by any social norm.
Oh. Would you like to go up to my room?
Er, can we begin in the
traditional way, first?
Oh, yes. That would be beautiful...
That was great...bye!
He was so beautiful.
-You were in two separate rooms?
-Aagh!
-Wait a minute. Is he...?
-I guess thats all he wanted.
That technique has its advantages.
Especially for him. Hes disgusting.
-Shut up! I thought he was the one!
-Dont worry, sweetheart. I bet the
Guys really enjoyed watching. Right, Guys?
-Nope. Turned them off.
-I am not surprised.
-No, I mean Ive turned them off.
-You--you turned off the Guys?
-Oh, they're going nuts. Look at the
messages, they are so mad.
-Im going out.
-Wait.
Cindy, you never go out.
Im going to go to a bar. And Im going to
meet a guy. And were going to fall in
love. Oh, its going to be just
like in the old movies.
-I cant believe you would do this.
-What? She deserves to find
-a man she loves. Screw the Guys!
-Theyre the only guys we dont screw.
Who do you think pays for this house?
This is a disaster, our entire way
of life is threatened.
-Wait, the Guys pay for all this?
But theyre such creeps.
-But these creeps have money and we
never even have to meet them.
Thats the best kind of guy you can get.
-Im ready. Lets go.
Cindy, weve progressed further than
finding guys in bars. That's why they
invented the internet.
Love is a dangerous thing, okay.
It can lead to all types of consequences.
-Such as?
-Expenses, emotion, pregnancy,
arguments, diseases, legal fees...
-Hes right. We men, we're vulnerable.
True dat.
Come on girls, lets leave
these pricks behind.
You know what I think? Women are from
Venus, and men are from the Dollar Store.
Can you believe those idiots? Were
vulnerable, wa-wa-wa. Euch.
Well theyre right. We know who we are.
Every month were reminded that were
animals living on a planet that were
absolutely connected to. Men don't know
who they are, or what they're for.
Men are okay. They lower their pants,
you lower your expectations.
I knew a guy who used to rate women. To
fuck this one, hed need a bag over her
head. To fuck that one, hed need a bag
over her head, and three cans of beer.
To fuck a real dog, hed need a bag over
her head, a six-pack, and a bag over his
own head. Guys are so stupid, they confuse
physical beauty with sexual attraction.
But we all know the truth, right? Ugly
guys are the best fucks. They have to be.
I dont care about ugly, I just want a
man. But no mans going to want me if I
have a hundred Guys. Right?
-If you found a man whod be okay with...
No, youre right. Men are so insecure.
Ive totally screwed up
everything, havent I?
It was inevitable. Juanita,
when do you graduate?
-A month.
-A month. After that, I dont think Im
going to be able to afford the house.
Im sorry, everyone...
-Hell no! Its been a great run, Cindy.
-It has been a great run, hasnt it?
You know what we should do tonight? We
should put our males in bondage, and FORCE
them to have sex with us. Just like
they do on Planet Orgasmo.
Thats so wrong!
Welcome to Planet Orgasmo!
-Harder. Harder!
-Oh, Saint Jude!
-Who is he?
-Patron Saint of lost causes...
Yeah, I guess so. Chris, youre up.
Clear space.
My turn, you puny earthling!
So all this is coming to an end,
thanks to me... Are you okay?
I had hoped to, but no chance now.
What? You mean, you and Cindy?
Oh my god, Nigel, does she know?
No, Id have to tell her, and then she
might want to have sex with me,
and thats not going to happen, is it?
-this is ridiculous. TRULY! JUANITA!
Get off those guys! Uh uh uh! Stand here.
Nigel, every sized cock is normal, from
the smallest shrimp to the biggest...
jumbo shrimp.
-Coitus interruptus!
-This better be worth it.
-Nigel, I want to see your cock.
-Thank you, no.
I dont wish to be treated as a sex
object, only defined by my genitalia.
-You what?
-Thats how you treat men.
Thats how you see them.
I see you guys do it all the time.
We do not!
Okay, yeah, maybe we do...
-Yeah, a little bit, you guys do.
Well Im not going to accept that kind of
penis-centered abuse from your
proto-feminist hier--
You know what, fuck it. Just fuck it.
There, is that what you want?
-Nigel thats a perfectly reasonable cock.
-I bet it can be unreasonable.
-Nigel, who told you that was small?
-The internet, the porn stars, theyve
got these big dicks--
The fucking internet. It makes
us and it breaks us.
-Thats a perfectly great cock!
-So you think Cindy might like it?
-Cindy?
-Cindy?
Yes, Nigel, I think she might.
Okay, then...I think we have
some business to attend.
-So you really think...?
-Yes.
Hey guys...Oh! Oh...Well, Nigel,
whats next on the boards?
Well Virginia just did I for internet
sex. Complete disaster. Next up
would be J, for jealousy.
I refuse to do jealousy,
lets move on to K.
-Are you sure--
-Yes! K!
Klismaphilia. Erotic arousal by enemas?
-Sounds kinda fun.
-Fun? Jake, Im not sure I
want to do this any more.
-I thought you wanted to try everything.
Yeah well maybe its too
many choices for one girl.
Life is about having choices. You can
never have too many choices.
-Shes just nervous. The next
letter is L for lesbian.
Oh. Right. I already took care of this.
Hey, Leslie?
-Leslie, penis at the door. Is it hard?
-No, it's easy. They all are.
No penises allowed in here.
-No penises allowed in here.
Yes I know, but its for Virginia.
We talked about this, right?
Oh, yeah. Bring her in.
-Oh, Im sorry. Were you two--
-No, if it's not a cock, I don't know
how to work it. Lets go Jake.
-Okay girl, if youre sure you
want to do this, then lets get it on.
Oh thats such a cute cat. Is he yours?
-Its a she. Vagina.
-What?
Thats her name. If everyone insists on
calling vaginas pussies, I thought
we should be consistent.
So...
You want to stroke my little Vagina?
-How was it?
-She wants you.
-What does she want me for?
-Such a loser. Virginia wants you.
No. No no no no she does not.
We have a deal...
Work it out, Jake.
So...?
-So what happened?
-Im--shes not the one Im interested in.
Vagina?
Oh, fuck! I must have let the cat out.
Leslies going to be so mad at me.
-Hi...
-Virginia live here?
Yeah shes here. But the whole lesbian
thing isnt going to work for her.
Come on in.
-What lesbian thing?
Quiet...
Hi, there!
Vagina! Vagina? Where's my little girl?
Come here Vagina? Come here...
-Virginia?
-No, Vagina...
Ahh! Mom! Beccy!
-What are you doing?
-The pussy. It's called Vagina.
-I know, I go to the gynecologist.
And the correct word is vulva.
Why is everybody naked?
-Do you need a towel?
-Oh, yes.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, no! Oh...
Thanks a lot, Steve.
So this is how you live? In a sex commune?
So whats wrong with having sex?
Having sex is one thing. Having
this much sex is outrageous!
Bathroom. Right now.
We just passed one, Momma. Shes here
to see the urologist. For a procedure--
Beccy, why did you give her
my address? This was our secret.
Because you are living in a world of sin
and depravity. The Reverend says the
the end-times are coming, and if we--
-Beccy, TV evangelists are crazy.
All they care about is cars,
whores and face-lifts.
I know right from wrong. And
sex before marriage is wrong.
How are you going to know the
marriage is right if the sex isnt?
-What about love?
-Were talking about sex,
what's love got to do with it?
Whats looove...got to do with it,
got to--oh...uh uh uh...
Beccy, Were going.
Virginia, now you call me, if you have
time between all your social engagements!
Mmmm... Cant. Ill be way too busy
with all my orgies and sex stuff.
-You okay?
-My mother caught me looking for Vagina,
and now we all have to move out because I
thought that love was more important...
Sure, Im fine.
-Are we okay?
-Ugh!
-Leslie said you wanted me for something.
Yeah, what do you think that could be?
Virginia please, be reasonable.
I just--I need to talk.
-Oh, do you want to talk now?
-Yeah...
Okay. I just want to say...
You know, you and me...
I just want you to be happy.
You know, like I am.
Youre happy? Jake, all you are is a
life support system for your dick.
How are you happy?
-Arent you?
-No!
-But you have everything
you need right here.
-But I dont have you!
Hey, we made an agreement...
No, Jake, you made an agreement.
Youve been scared of me ever since the
day I got to this house, and I dont know
why. But Im not stupid, okay? I can see
that Im under your skin as much as
youre under mine. I think...
I think I could love you.
Could you ever feel the same?
-Sure.
-So say it.
Come on, you know that...
You know that I have a hard
time saying what I feel.
No. I think you have a hard
time feeling what you feel...
I made a mistake. Im going to pack
up my things and Im going to get a job.
-What the fuck am I supposed to do?
-if you aint knowing, I aint telling.
- Im literally at the door.
- Have you tried knocking?
- Yeah, somebodys coming.
- Is it her?
I dont know, I dont see her.
Im waiting for someone to--
Hi. Again.
Hi, is my sister here?
No, she left about a week ago.
Got a job in the Quarter.
-Shes not here, Mom.
-Oh, for heavens sake!
Dont shout at me...
-She hung up.
-You dont have a smart phone?
Mother wont allow it. Shes afraid of
what I might see on the internet...
Oooh, right. I have Ginnys new address
in my room, if you want to come in
for a cold drink?
So, what was your name again?
-Hi Jake. Again...
-So you got a job at a sex shop?
-Its an art gallery.
-Mmm...thats a pity. Sex sells.
Well art sells for more and its dirtier.
Oh, hi. Good afternoon.
Please take a look around.
-Thank you.
-Ginny, I miss you. We need to talk.
Well, I dont miss you, Jake, okay?
Bastard.
-Remarkable, isnt it? It is
in fact the actual penis of the artist.
-His own penis?
-Yes, his very last erection. He had it
injected with a quick-drying elastomer
moments before it was surgically removed.
-Why would he want to lose his penis?
-Uh, to become a better human being.
-Mmm...
-So... So this is the real thing?
Yep. She just wanted to be rid of the
damned thing. Now while he was
an expensive artist, she is even more so.
-Ginny you need to come back to the house.
-Jake, no, please. Im working off of
commission, and I havent made
a single sale. Can you please go?
-But you really need to come back.
-Can you actually use this?
Oh, yes. The artist is very keen on her
penis being used, now that shes finished
with it. She sees it as a combination
of life after death and recycling.
-Can we--can we try it out?
-Uh, can you try it out?
-Mmhmm.
-Uh, no, I'm afraid not.
Uh, but you can touch it, I guess.
-Oh my God, its--Its perfect.
-We'll take it.
-But it's twenty-five thousand dollars.
-For art like this, thats cheap.
Okay, you guys, its a fake. Its
a fake penis. Its not real.
-Oh, we know that.
-Okay well you know you could just
go,like, buy a dildo, or something?
-No, no, no, then wed have to hide it.
This is art. We can display this
in our living room. Well take it.
Okay...
-Hey, everybody. Look who it is.
-Hey, guys and gals...
-Oh. Virginia?
-Hi....
-Okay, what the fuck is going on?
-You need to go see Leslie.
Seriously?
Ginny, I wanted to tell you,
I just didnt know how.
I was scared you were going to tell Mom.
And this is not just sex. Although--
golly gosh--the sex is so great.
I didnt even know it was possible.
I mean, I came, and I cant stop coming.
I know its wicked, I just--it feels so
completely right, and I love this woman
so much. Please tell me its okay?
I know this is not what--
-Stop!
Its beautiful.
-I am SO glad we didnt fuck.
-Fuck yeah! So am I...
-Dan dah-dah dah! Here she is!
I got it! I graduated.
And I got offered a job!
Now that everyones here, I have an
announcement to make. Take a seat.
Before we leave the house...
Im getting married!
Wait, what?
No, no, no. His name is Winston.
We met at a party. He rolled off of some
girl, our eyes met, and there he was.
-Oh, that is so romantic.
-What kind of person is he?
-Six inches.
-Beer bottle?
-Beer can.
-Oh my goodness!
-Truly!
-But does he love you?
-Can't keep his hands off of me.
Well, okay. There must be
something special about him?
Oh yeah. Yeah...yeah!
-So, what is it?
-He, uh...He bends to the left.
-He what?
-I have a displaced G-spot. Its over
to the right, he bends to
the left, so its perfect.
Youre going to marry a man because
his penis bends to the left?
-Dont you worry, Ill make it work.
-Congratulations, you idiot!
Hey, Cindy! You going to wear
something crazy to the wedding?
I dont think I can go to the wedding.
Wha-what?
What?! Why not?
Look at you. Youre moving on with your
career, and youre getting married.
Meanwhile Ive been doing this same job
for fifteen years, and Ive never even had
a real boyfriend. I better go to my room.
No! Wait. Just wait.
-Steve, we cannot interfere.
-Bullshit.
-Speak.
-I...I think you should get the
Guys back online. They miss you.
-And...?
-And I cant bear to see you unhappy.
-Because?
-Because I...I love you.
-Huh! But you never said.
Because I thought the Guys
would get mad at me.
Oh, right. I guess no one would
want all the Guys there watching.
Actually...that kinda turns me on.
Then why the FUCK didnt you tell me?
I want you to turn on the cam, get
the Guys back online right now. Now
go upstairs, take off your clothes,
and lie on the bed naked.
-Gyah-ha!
Wait, Cindy! Does this mean--
-Oh, yeah. We can all stay in the house.
-Yes!
Steve, you were brilliant.
I never knew you had feelings.
-Sure I do. I just keep em in my dick.
-My kind of guy...
So this means you can stay
at the house again, right?
No, Jake. Ill see you at the wedding.
You have the brain the size
of one of my testicles.
Look, I know what you all think,
okay, but you just dont get it.
Virginia doesnt want all of that stuff.
Shes a sensible person, she doesnt
want to ruin what we have. What am I going
to do, chase after her? Hows that going
to look, right? And then what am I
going to say, Virginia, I love you!
-Anyway, you dont even have testicles.
-Neither do you.
Nigel...
-Oh, hey, Jake, looking good.
-I think so. You, too.
Mom! Dad! There you are!
-So good to meet you.
-Oh! So youre Truly?
-Yes.
-Wheres he? Him? Our...our son.
You know him, he takes
so long to get dressed.
-Why did you choose W...
-Winston.
Yes, I know what his name is!
Why did you choose... Winston?
He's exactly right for me. You know how a
big one just hits you right at the back,
slams your wall like an interior remodel.
And a small one, yeah, it just tickles all
the right places? Well Winston, hes right
in the middle. Real nice shape, big head,
smooth shaft, little curve. Oh my god,
incredibly hard. Feels like hes made to
measure, with the pelvic bone like a
Tyrannosaurus Rex, just hits my clit like
a jackhammer bub-bub-bubbub-bub. Almost as
good as my vibrator, and how many guys can
you say that about? I just come like Chris
Oh, you cannot save Truly from herself.
Lets get this done everybody!
The ceremony will be led by an ordained
minister from the Church
of Perpetual Abandon.
My friend...Steve.
Thank you, thank you...
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Dearly beloved, lets cut right
to the chase. Haul him in!
Thank you, Sister Virginia, Brother Jake.
Now I have been told to make this quick,
so that we may get back to our party.
-Yeah, no rings. Except this one.
-Aaah!
-Oh ho, wonderful! Now do you,
Winston, dude, do you take this woman,
Truly, to be your lawfully wedded wife?
-He does.
-Yeah, he has to say that.
-Oh please. I want her to give my answers.
-Yeah, not this one.
-Okay, so, I... I do. I do! I do!
-Wonderful, wonderful! Now do you Truly--
-Poem, poem, poem. Can I do my poem now?
-We have a poem!
-Oh, no...
-Hey, so I watched this movie, and they
got married, and some guy said a poem.
Crying, everyone. Or maybe it was a
funeral? Same fucking thing, right?
Sorry, sorry. Anyway...
Before we sign our oath, my love
We can't depend on luck
One thing we must agree, my dove
And that's the way we fuck.
You see a girl you want, my love
Go on, take a chance
Give her all the dick you got
But give me your romance.
See a boy you want, my love
Take him by the hair
-Yeah...
-Take him any way you want
As long as I can share.
-Oh, yeah...
So bring it home to me, my love
Let our love be free
Have sex with anything you like
Just bring it home to me.
Alright, lets hit it!
-Well um...Do you Truly take him,
Winston, yes Winston, to be your
lawfully wedded wife...hus--husband?
-Both, yes I do.
-Wonderful, wonderful. Well now by the
power vested in me, I now
pronounce you man and wife.
-I love you so much.
-I love you, too, big boy.
Everyone in the pool!
-To the poool!
-Wooh!
No, no, its okay, sit down.
Oh god...WINSTON! Your father!
-Dont worry, I know CPR.
-No! Get away fronm here. FUCK OFF! HA!
I havent done this in years...
Ive been waiting to do this...
my entire...life!
-Go on!
-Ginny, you leaving again?
-Maybe. Can I embarrass you, Jake?
-Not possible. Try it.
Youre a really good friend. And
thanks to you I have a bunch more.
-Oh...well, okay.
-And theres nothing you could
-Oh...well, okay.
-And theres nothing you could
ever do to hurt me, except lie to me.
-What would I possibly have to lie
to you about? Youve seen me--
-Screwing everything that moves.
Yeah, I know. And thats all fine, Jake. I
like what you are, and I don't want you
to change. But just promise me you wont
stop change if it happens to you.
Yeah, sure, okay. Umm, can we move on?
Listen, um, are you free
the first of next month?
-For you, yes.
-Thats the day we get married.
What?
Im thinking you love me. Deny it.
I...Is this a joke? Gi--
Lets just hook up for a while.
-For you, that means nothing.
-We havent even had sex.
-You had your chance.
-Virginia, you cant force me to
spend the rest of my life with you.
-Well, then youre gonna be without me
for the rest of your life. Which is worse?
Listen, Jake...I love you. And this is the
only way Im going to get you.
So if you say no, we both walk away.
-Im not very good at saying--
-Thats why Im saying it for you.
-I cant just make a decision.
-I made it for you.
So youre saying, I dont have any choice
in this? I dont have a choice right now?
-Done?
-Done.
Congratulations, Jake. Here are the keys
to this car. We put the papers in the
glove box, packed your stuff inside, so
you can take it, drive off, get on with
your life and never come back, or...
Classic girl? Classic car?
Whats it going to be, Jake?
Jake, life isnt about having choices.
Its about making them.
Okay, I see what youre doing everybody,
thank you very much, I appreciate it,
but I think its a little too much...
I mean, Im a pretty reasonable guy, but
I know what Im doing, okay?
You think I havent really
thought this over?
This is outrageous! AAAAAAAAHHHH!
Yaaaahaaaaw...!
Eh, eh?
Come on, lets do it!
-Are you kidding, now?
-Yeah, why not?
-Well, this is Charlies Garage?
-This is where we met!
Okay...understand, theres no chance
youre gonna make me come.
-Jake, yes I am.
-No, I promise you its
not going to happen.
-No, I really really am.
-No, Im serious--
-No, and Im being serious, too--
Theres absolutely no way youre
gonna make me come!
Yes, of course. Everythings great, Beccy.
-So, are you coming home?
-No, Im not coming home.
-Why not? Whats so great about--
-Because moms crazy, and youre
crazy to stay there, Beccy!
-What do you mean? Youre the crazy
one. On your own in that place.
-You want coffee?
-Yes, just milk please. Thank you so much.
-Hello? Hello?
-Is that the guy?
-Yeah, hes getting me coffee.
-Is he okay?
-What?
-The guy?
-Yeah. Hes--hes fine.
-So tell me...is he the one?
-What do you mean, the one?
-Your one true man.
-Beccy, I dont know if hes the one. I
mean he took me out for a meal last night.
Hello? Hello? Beccy?!
Ugh!
-Howdy.
-Hey, Charlie. Thats nice.
-Ill be goddamned. Yeah, no, we
got this guy comes in every week,
rents himself a slick ride, special rate,
picks up a new girl every time.
Looks like this time he left her in there.
Mornin, darlin. Sorry to rouse ya,
but were gonna need to get in there
and clean up.
-Whos he--whats he talking about?
-The guy you came with...hes gone.
-No. Hes getting me a coffee.
-Its not a coffee shop.
Its Charlies Garage. Rents classic cars.
Shit. Shit! SHIT! UGH!
He said he was--he took me out last night.
-Do you have his number?
-No. He was gonna give me that.
-Better call a ride.
-I dont have a phone. Its dead.
I dont have a credit card, either, okay?
In fact, I dont have any money at all.
-Oh, I get it.
-No you dont, asshole.
Just cause youre wearing a suit and a
clown tie doesnt make you any better
than that lying, stinking, shithole
bastard from last night. Urrgghaaagh!
So can I take you to wherever
youre going?
-Do I have a choice, Mr. Suit?
-Sure you do. Lifes all about
having choices. Im Jake.
-Virginia...
Actually, the suits borrowed.
And thats the truck.
I got a rental because I had a job
interview today. What do you do, Virginia?
-Right now, nothing.
-So you came to the Big Easy?
Theres nothing easy about New Orleans
without a job. Screw the Big Easy.
-Yeah, just dont let it screw you.
-Oh my god, you are so clever.
Except you drive a shit heap
and he had a Mustang.
Except he didnt...Lets go.
-Oh my god, theres no door.
-Air conditioning.
-We need to give my girl a second.
-Your trucks a girl?
Sure she is. The thing is I actually have
this project you might be interested in.
-In what?
-I want to write a blog about it, build
out a line of products, start
my own streaming channel.
-Of what?
-I have to do a lot of serious
research first.
-On what?!
Well, sex...
You know what? I think Im gonna
actually just walk. Thanks.
-Let me call you a ride!
-Nuh uh.
Shit. Aaagh, I dont believe this!
Listen, come back to the house. Im not
trying anything. Honest.
So Im that easy, huh? Nuh!
Youll be safe there. Theres lots of
girls. Theyve all got shoes.
And if you dont mind me saying...
you seem like you could use some friends.
-Listen youve got no reason to trust me--
-I didnt. I trusted your truck.
Well, the truck may need some help.
Okay, when I shout contact, just touch
these two wires together, okay?
Thats all you gotta do.
-Are you joking?
-No.
Ignition...
Contact!
Okay, lets go!
THIS is your house and THAT is your truck?
Dont be rude about my baby. I just
live here. Come on in.
-Hi, Jake.
-Wow, that is hot.
-I love you with clothes on.
-I know. Its weird, right?
-This is Virginia.
-Hi, Im Samantha.
-Hi.
-Hey, do you have size 7 shoes?
-No, try Cindy.
Hey, Nigels fixing me up later.
Come join.
Hey, help yourself.
Theres coffee in there.
-Oh my god!
-Hoo, what is it? You okay?
-Yes, but youre--
-I made coffee. You want some coffee?
-Yes, but maybe--
-I love people that say yes!
-But Im actually with him. Jake?
-The world is divided up by the people
that say no and stay safe, and they never
get hurt. Now, for the people that do say
yes, now maybe--maybe they get hurt,
alright? But theyre living life to the
fullest and theyve tried everything.
Hey, did you want some milk?
Um, yes please.
Coffee for my new friend.
Oohhoohoohoooo! Shes kinky...
Hey, come sit.
Hi, Im Cindy. Are you
the one who needs shoes?
Somebody left this great pair of
boots after a party.
-Ah, here we go. Try these on.
-I cant wear these.
Suit yourself. Mind your feet, though.
Dead soldiers.
Oh, agh, oh my god.
That is so disgusting!
Yeah, but better to be safe, right?
Bathrooms in there.
I gotta get back to work. See ya.
Waaah, no! Okay...
Oh, no...
Jake?
AH!
AH! Stop. Stop it. Ugh.
Uuuh. Aaauuugh...
Oh, hey. Its you again!
Damn, thats a cute girl.
-Im so sorry. Im Nigel. How do you do?
-At least youre wearing clothes.
-Do you know where Jake is?
-No, sorry. Great boots.
Do you want a boot website?
Is that your thing?
-Theres a website for boots?
-Theres a website for everything.
Within the hour online I can have anything
anybody wants at that front door.
-You mean you get girls?
-Sure, who do you want?
-No! Is this a whorehouse?
-Sex work is fine, but we dont let anyone
charge in the house.
-No, I dont charge.
-Look, Im just looking for--oh my god!
-Hey, Im Leslie.
-I hope youre looking for me.
-Uh, no. Jake.
-Shame. Hes upstairs. Come on.
Wait. So do you guys, like,
never wear clothes?
When we go outside. Oh, except
during Mardi Gras. Then we wear paint.
And except NIgel. He never takes his
shorts off. Do you, Nigel?
No.
Hes in there. Enjoy.
No, if I do this on my own, my
blog wont be taken seriously. I need
a partner. Anyway, thank you for the tie.
-So, whos the girl? Is she the one?
-I gotta find somebody.
-I adore you, you sexy hunk.
Yeah. you, too.
-Thats a dead end.
-I wasnt spying. The door was open.
We dont have secrets. Listen, Ive got
a serious proposition for you.
Ill bet. Can I get a
straight answer? Are you?
-What?
-Straight?
-No.
-Gay?
-No.
-Bi?
-No.
-Celibate?
-No.
-What else is there?
Omnisexual. Ill do anything. I usually
draw the line at inanimate objects.
-Usually?
-One time I had an affair with a washing
machine with a vibrant spin cycle. I chose
heavy wash and I sat right on top.
It gave me all I wanted in a relationship.
Its a joke, okay? Listen,
please. Can we just talk?
Virginia, wait!
Virginia, please. This is serious
research. I really need your help.
Give me 30 seconds, please, and I
promise Ill drive you home.
-30 seconds.
-Okay, great. Um--its about my channel--
my streaming channel and books and
toys and I want to start with a blog about
the experiences of a sex-positive couple.
Theres a revolution happening right now.
All the rules of sexual
combat have changed.
Sexual combat?
The internet has made everything
available. I had Nigel make up these.
Its a list of every sexual
practice and deviation.
We could try everything. Unless its
completely disgusting, and then
we just watch.
-WE, as in me?
Fetish is mainstream. Kink is cool.
Thats my market. The new sexuality.
-Only I cant get started. I need a girl.
-Well, theres plenty of them here.
-Nope, no. They all turned me down.
-Thats a good sign.
I need someone hot enough to
get me through any door.
Into any party. Someone like you. You
could live here. Id help with expenses.
Oh, so youd pay me to
screw you at parties?
No no no no. You dont have to screw
me ever. I promise. No strings.
You get me through the door, I keep you
safe, we meet interesting people--
-And we screw them?
-If we like! Listen, the group is going
to a sex club tomorrow and theyve all
got dates. I cant get in without a girl.
Forget it. Ill walk.
Youre gonna let her walk
the streets like that?
-I guess. I tried to help.
-I guess? Knuckledick.
Fuck you! Oh...
Yeah, we could try that. Im Truly. I
thought you could use a ride. I tried
those once and those boots
aint made for walkin.
Thanks, Trudy, but I think Ill be fine.
Its Tru-ly!
-With an L. Truly Happygirl.
-Thats your name?
Yeah! I wanted to be a truly
happy girl, so I changed it.
Be the change you want to be. Ghandi.
-Truly, are you on drugs?
-Never! Say no to drugs and yes to sex.
Nancy Reagan. Come on,
lets take you home.
Wait, the last time I got in this truck,
that Jake guy tried it on, so if youre
anything like that--
-Oh, no. Thats Leslie. I like cock.
I do girls, too--in fact, Ill do anybody.
Well, a guys gotta be a 2 out of 10.
-On what scale?
-1 out of 10 being dead.
I have a friend who works at the mortuary,
but I wont go there.
-Whats 2 out of 10?
-Breathing.
So you have no standards
and no discrimination?
Whats the point? I fuck anybody. Some
become friends, some dont, but fucking
is how I find out. Im a fuck-firster.
It just gets it out of the way.
-Isnt that dangerous?
-I love condoms. And we get tested
once a month. House rules. So, if you come
back with us, you must follow them, too.
Truly, I dont think I can--
-Oh, no. Come on, baby. Its just us
girls here. Come on! You can do it.
Youre a fucking mechanic!
You know, this happened to all of us at
the house. Small town girl moves to the
big city, gets screwed in every possible
way. Listen, I can tell youre on the
struggle bus here.
-Oh, no. Dont you feel sorry for me. All
I need is a bed, and Ive got one.
So it was an air bed? Thats not good.
You sure dont take help easy, do you? Why
dont you come stay at the house until you
get yourself sorted out. No strings, okay?
-Thats exactly what Jake said.
- Hes right.
- Ah!
We girls, we run that house. We make the
rules. And number one is nobody does
nothing with anybody they dont want to do
nothing with. Or something.
Dammit!
I need to get prepared for tonight, and
someone broke the fucking fucking machine.
-So why not just use a man?
-I need something reliable.
There is that...
-Virginia?
Youre back! Thats so great.
-Virginia, does this mean that you can--
-No. I was evicted. Can I stay a few days?
Come on, girl. We gotta
get ready for the party.
Party? What party?
Condoms...
Condoooms...luuube...anybody need a
condom? Lube? Condoms, lube. I am your
fairy condom mother. Condoms. Lube,
anybody? Condom? Okay! Ladies...
-Thaaank you. Here you go.
-Ugh, I love my life...
So, everybody needs a wing woman. I got
your six, so you can have your sex.
Okay...so, you guys do nothing
but sex all the time?
Well, Im a Dreamer, and Im getting my
law degree. So if thats nothing, then Im
sure doing a helkuva lot of it. Anyways,
Samantha here works a lot, too. What is it
that you do again?
-A PhD at Tulane on the philosophy of
hedonism and the psychosexual culture of
Generation X.
-Woah.
-And you thought I was a dumb blonde.
No...oh my god, yep. I did think you
were a dumb blonde. Im so sorry.
Of course. You know what this is?
Conditioning, baby. And weve all had it
because the men run the media, right?
Hey, boys.
Oooh-wooo! This is gooood!
-Oh, would you look at that? Bill,
-Mmmmm...
-I need more of your wife. She is hot.
-Oooh...oh, no no no, thats not my wife.
Thats her over there between those two
other guys. You want in? I can ask.
-Yeah....
-Alright.
Hey!
Heh, that Joanna loves DP.
Wooh! Yeah, come on.
-So hes in her--
-Uh huh.
-While the other ones in her--
-Oh, yeah...
-Ive never had it in the ass.
-Its kinda the same, but
the dick is next door.
Room for one more. Get over here, Bill.
So Bill is number three, and Joannas
ready for the play and Joanna is airtight!
She looks a little busy. I guess its
gonna be a while before I get in there.
-Well, maybe if youre free, we could--
-Juanita, you want to?
-Heh...no, Jake!
-Whats wrong with fucking me?
-Nothing, I just did that already.
-Got a point. Fresh meats always best.
-Fresh meat? Is that all we are?
-Ha! No, honey. Thats what the men are.
-I told you. We girls run these parties.
-Hi.
-Fuck?
-Sure.
-Why all the conversation?
Oh my god...
-Good morning!
-Do you have a swimsuit?
-What is a swimsuit?
-Virginia! They tell me youre
coming to stay with us.
Sign please. House rules, including number
seven: no clothes allowed in the pool.
Which is why I never get in the pool.
Is there anything I need
to be worried about?
Youre fine. Read it later.
-Great, thank you. Heres a towel.
-Thanks.
Oh, what the fuck.
Naked girl in the pool! Naked
girl in the pool! Naked girl in the pool!
Wooooaaaah!
You assholes!
Welcome to the house, Virginia!
Hi, Im Ray. Well have no interest
in each other whatsoever.
-Youre gay?
-I am so ashamed!
Yeah, totally.
Can I get a straight answer
from a gay man?
-Youll never get one from a straight man.
-What the hell is this place?
The house? Its for people who like to
have sex and who dont judge others. Cindy
started it, and she found us or we found
her. The internet weaves its web.
-So, are you all ,like, couples?
-Oh, god, no. That would be horrible.
Unless Jake asked me. I mean hes just--
ugh, hes just so good.
-Is he?
-Oh my gosh, yes. When he is up, he is,
like, really really up. And when hes down
hes, like, straight back up again. What
more could you ask for?
-So why dont the girls go with him?
Going isnt the problem.
Its the coming thing.
-The Jake conversation?
-Yeah.
- Yeah, Jake doesnt come.
- Youre kidding?
No. Girls go with him, but they dont stay
with him, because he doesnt come with
them. He sees the orgasm as, like, some
kind of commitment. Dont you, dear?
If Im enjoying myself with someone,
why would I want to ruin it by coming?
-Exactly...
-Wait are you two--
Do you want me to? Come to the club
tonight, Ill do anybody you want.
Thats my phone...Shit, Steve!
-G-spot location services?
-Uh, yeah, can I speak to Jake?
-Steve, no no no no no.
-Im untying him right now, yes.
-Youre doing what?
-Hi, this is Jake. Im sorry about that.
-Yeah, you asked about the job.
Its not going to work Im afraid.
Thank you and goodbye.
The interview, they didnt want me.
-That sucks. Do you want a blowjob?
-No, Cindy. I want a real job!
Everybody, this is me drowning myself.
-Hey! You just broke rule seven.
-I know it.
Look, Im sorry to hear about your job.
Listen, Ill go with you to the club
tonight, but just to get
you through the door.
Youve given me a reason to live!
Okay, so if anyone hits on you, just say,
maybe later. And smile, okay? Here.
Maybe later.
Oh, Jake! You found a girl!
Hi. Im glad to see you came prepared.
Im Rod. They call me Hot Rod.
-I believe it...um, maybe later.
-No, I work here.
-Oh!
-First timers get a tour.
So its the usual rules. You know, no
means no. Gentleman, stay with the ladies.
-This is fun!
-Nah...the fun is upstairs.
So we have playrooms on each side.
This is the library.
Oh my god, I love libraries!
-Hey there!
Virginia!
-Wanna play?
-Uh, maybe later.
Moving on...Okay now, this is the feely
room. Absolute darkness in there.
You got to feel your way around.
-So whos in there?
I mean, you never know. Thats the point.
And this is the machine room.
Ginny! You gotta try this one. Oh!
-Ah, maybe later.
-Alright, now this room...
This is my absolute favorite.
Love this room. One-way glass, in there
you cant see whos watching.
Well, thats it, Im done at ten, then I
join the party. I hope to see you?
-Um...yeah. Maybe later.
-Yeah. Right.
-Jake? Oh, Im so sorry.
-Hi!
Jake, dont leave me alone!
Jake? Jake? Jake?
I cant believe Im seeing this.
-Oh my god, youre clothes...less.
-Ginny, its a sex club. Youre the
only one here with clothes on.
Oh, look at that...
Oh my god. Dont you just love this? I
mean how can anyone be depressed in here
for more than like ten minutes? Umm,
sometimes you just gotta get fucked.
-Anyway, so are you here with Jake?
-Oh, no, er, but maybe later...
Thats a good move. Sometimes you gotta
work em out before you work em in.
-Im Joanna.
-Oh, Virginia.
Oh, dont cover em up. Theyre cute.
-And this is my sub, and my husband, Bill.
-How do you do?
-Hi.
-So what are you into?
-Uhh...nobodys ever asked me that before.
-I give the best head. Do you like head?
-Do you?
-I mean, yeah, sure.
Oh, and you can leave your panties on.
He just loves to munch.
Oh, yes, please. Oh...oh!
Uh, Jake, hes--hes...
-You said yes twice, right?
-Just say stop. Consent is the only
sex that we have. He is good, isnt he?
-Oh my god...Yes. Yes...
Uh, just to be clear, thats yes stop, yes
continue, or yes hes good?
Um...yes...
-Ooh, theres a spot. You wanna fuck?
-Sure.
-Oh, and hell fuck you, if you want.
-No. No no no nonono...
Oh my gosh, I cannot
believe I just did that!
How many guys did you have?
One.
Two.
Euh, I mean, three.
Uh, four. Oh my god, I just went to a
party and I have to count how many
guys I fucked! Ahah...
-Five. It was five.
-I had three girls. Joanna was hot.
-Then there was Melanie, and Sarah.
-Wait, which one was Sarah?
-Skinny, big tits, tight ass.
-Do not define a woman by her body!
Tits and ass, is that all we are to you?
Just sex?
You just had just sex with just
five guys you just met.
Yeah, Im trying to work this out.
So wait, do you really not come?
Wait, what is that about?
Oh, wires. Got it. Pop the hood.
Sweet baby girl, sister, I have just had
the most amazing night. Please dont spoil
it for me. Okay! IGNITION! CONTACT!
WOOOH! Yeeeaaah!
Wooh!
-Good morning.
-Oh, hey.
-And, uh, how many guys did
you have last night?
Um, about as many as I had
my whole life before last night.
-Is it alright if I feel a little dirty?
-Its residual guilt. Its good, because
it makes it feel so bad. We should know,
were Catholic. What about you?
Er, ex-evangelical. Very ex. Thats what
Im trying to get away from.
So you two do stuff like this all the time
and still, you know, love each other?
Sure we do. Listen, Virginia, this
is all okay as long as its what you want.
As long as you do what you feel
and feel what you do.
Theres so many possibilities, I had no
idea. Are all of these real things?
-I guess.
-So why havent you done them?
-Well, I was waiting for the right--
-You know what, I want to try them.
I decided. I want to do it. Your research
thing. The sexy stuff. To hell with it, I
want to try every damned thing I can.
Letss do em all, A to Z!
-Are you serious? This is fantastic!
-Yeah, I mean, as long as I can say no,
and theres no pressure.
-Oh, absolutely. Totally.
Can we really do this, no shit, no lies,
no jealousy, just friends?
Yes we can. I swear I will never have sex
with you. In front of you, yes.
With you, never.
-Oh, no...thats not exactly--
-Nigel. Nigel! I need your help.
Virginias going to do my project!
All your deviations, were gonna
do them from A to Z.
Oh my god. This is so cool! Wait, can I
pick something that I like, please?
-Sure!
-Umm, altocalciphilia?!
Hey, perverts! Chin on the table,
hand off your hose, and eyes on the shoes.
Oh, oh thank you...
-Altocalciphilia.
-Boots, shoes? That was totally weird.
-All sex is weird. Alright! Anal...
-Oh, no. Why dont we just
do one of each letter?
-Ah, and then we go back to the beginning.
Great idea. Okay, Nigel, the Bs.
-Oh, yes...
-So its PDFM, right?
-No, no. B-D-S-M! Bondage, domination,
sadism, masochism, got it?
-Yeah.
And don't let anyone know
its your first time, okay?
-Okay. Okay, okay!
-Just be cool. Be cool.
-Oh, hello! Im Hugo. Please, come in.
-Good evening.
-Oh my god, doesn't that hurt?
-Yes of course. That's the point.
-Are you sure youre into this?
-What exactly do yall do?
-Uh, PDFM.
-No! No no no. Uh, BDSM. BDSM.
-Yes, but we specialize in PDFM.
-And what is PDFM?
It is um, penile...dysfunction...
forensic...um, massage.
-PDFM.
-Forensic?
-Yeah so its like mostly dead people.
-Dead people? You're necrophiliacs?
No. No no no. Theyre pretending to
be dead. Hence, er, disfunction.
-But you have BDSM experience?
-Yes of course.
Do you want to play? Gender switch,
power exchange, SSC or RACK?
-Er, I think, probably, just sex.
-Sex?
-You want sex?
-Oh honey, we don't do sex!
My god, what kind of people
do you think we are?
I mean, Im a married woman.
We are Baptists.
-Youre disgusting! They want sex!
-Get out, just get out of here!
Go, go on! Get! How dare you!
-They kicked you out?
-Yes, they hated us.
-Nigel, we got to C.
-There are not many Cs...
Capnolagnia, chremastistophilia,
coprophilia, coprophagia.
-And what the hell are they?
-In order, sexual gratification from
smoking, from being robbed, from shit,
and from eating...shit.
-Lets do D. Double penetration.
Pussy and ass together.
-No, that brings us back to anal...
-You said you would try everything.
-Okay, we move to E.
-But thats cheating.
-No, she said no, its not negotiable.
Right on. Thank you, Jake.
-Hey, we get on pretty good, dont we?
-Yeah, were doing just fine.
-Are you sure about this, Virginia?
-Yes I am, Jake.
Three...two...one...GO!
-E for Exhibitionism. Whats next?
-Felching, fellatio, frottage,
fisting, flagellation...
-Wait, whats fisting?
Oh! Oowoh! Okay, okay. I thought
you said that was a good pain?
-Okay, now G for...group sex.
-Yeeeaaah...
No! That, I want to see that.
Gay sex. Just guys, though.
Oh, I have just the right guy. Daddy Hank.
Older guy, he does girls, but he is
desperate to get into my pants.
Youve already had him.
-Me? I never had anyone called Hank.
-You can remember who youve had sex with?
Thats incredible.
-You cant.
I cant even remember faces, how
would I remember dicks?
So why dont we do both?
Group sex and gay sex.
Aaah! Sounds like a party!
-Hi, mind if we watch?
-Oh! Hey, what are you doing down there?
-This is who I told you about.
-Oh, this is your girl, right?
-Yes, and this really turns me on.
-What about you?
-Oh, Im just another homosexual.
-Well dont expect anything from me, bud.
-Hes here for me. Sloppy seconds.
-Okay, I guess you better sit down.
If the lady wants to watch it,
you better do it.
Dooohhh...
Is that an average sized dick,
would you say?
No, thats a big dick. All black
people have big dicks.
Im black, I dont have a dick.
Thats sexism.
No, I just meant...you know
how white people always--
What, so white dudes cant
have big dicks? Thats racism.
Come on, dont act like
an old lady. I was--
Whats wrong with being an old lady?
Thats ageism. Racism, ageism, sexism.
RAZ. Youre razy. Youre razy.
-Totally razy, man. Just razy--
Heres a word of advice. Keep your legs
open and your mouth closed, okay?
-Is he--
-Yeah, it usually happens with older guys
after they come. I kinda like it.
-Oh, momma...mmm...
Oh! You know, I could only do this
cos you were watching, right?
-Oh, I know.
-It was like I was doing you all the time.
-Mmhmm.
-Thank you so much, Daddy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, shes hot, huh?
What a girl. Hey, baby, see you round.
-Thats the closet.
-Yeah, I knew that.
Oh, boy...
-He is gross.
-I think hes gorgeous. And hes only
pretending to be Republican so
people dont think hes gay.
So, what did you think?
-Honestly, I didnt realize it would be so
-Functional? It usually is with guys.
-Men are so weird.
-Thats not even a conversation.
-I just--I wish I understood you guys.
-My dear, you never will, until you
learn the mysteries of the penis.
Its all so unnecessarily complicated.
-Whats it all about?
-How does it do what it does?
-How can we possibly find this attractive?
-This dangling throbbing thing.
And its always changing. I mean the next
minute, its this hard, pulsing, rigid
thing. And theyre all so different.
-Yeah, weight, length, thickness, shape,
hardness, taste. Different shafts,
different heads, mushroom, button,
cut, uncut.
-Why are we so fascinated in this stupid,
wrinkly worm?
-It may be stupid, but I wish I had
a dick for a day.
-You have a dick every day.
No, but what does it feel
like to have your own?
But why do we care about them at all?
I mean, look, its ridiculous.
Dont even get me
started on the testicles.
-Ooh!
-Eugh...
Oval, round, hanging, baggy, tight,
soft hard. There's so much variety
with the male genitalia.
-Excuse me...
-And you know what gets me is
the texture. They just dont feel like
anything else on earth.
-Wait, you dont even like dick.
I love dick. I just dont like
what its attached to.
-Hello, Im up here. I am--I am up here.
-Can I ask you to do something?
Oh, I didnt think we were doing
that yet, but I guess so.
-Jump up and down.
-Ooh yeah, I want to see that.
-Come on...
-Yeah.
-Isnt that painful?
-No.
-What about running, run for us!
-Oh, yeah!
-Oooh, doesn't it bang around?
-Don't your tits bang around?
I don't have tits between my legs
getting mashed by a pair of thighs.
Okay, stop. What happens to it all?
I mean, in your pants.
-Yeah, like, where does it all go?
-That...
Is the mystery of the penis.
-Oh, for heavens sake.
Can we go party now?
-Nigel, why dont you join the party?
-Oh no, I cant.
-Why not?
-Im sure the girls have told you.
Im not very big down there. And I just
dont want to disappoint anyone.
What? Nigel, if you think you cant please
a woman cos of the size of your dick,
then you dont understand the vagina.
-What dont I understand about the vagina?
Oh. Well, oftentimes a big dick just
glides right past it, whereas a smaller
dick, will hit it.
-Hits what?
-The spot?
-What spot?
-The...like--
-Virginia...I got it arranged!
Maybe later.
-Sorry, I was dealing with dick.
-Heheh.
Come on, lets join.
-Ooh, hey Virginia. You ready to play now?
Hey, guys...Oh, is that why
they call it down time?
-Heeey, you look happy.
-I am happy. Happy to be here. We all are.
-Are you staying with us for good?
-Oh, I cant. I would not be able to
afford the rent.
-Rent? We dont pay rent.
-Well, then who pays for all this?
-Cindy does. Shes loaded. Come see.
Guys, come on. This pussy
isn't going to lick itself.
-Sir Timothy John Berners-Lee.
-Who?
He created the world wide web. He
connected hypertext with TCP and DNS.
For the first time in history, ordinary
people can get any kind of sex they want.
A girl like me couldn't exist before the
internet. My whole life is online.
-Im sure you have other interests.
-Er, no, you dont get it. Her life
is online. They see everything.
-Who do?
The Guys. Theres a hundred of them. Nigel
set it up for me. I do whatever I want and
the Guys watch every second of it.
-You mean they--they can see us now?
-You didnt read the house rules?
-Say hello to Virginia, Guys!
I dont believe this!
Who are these people?
Theyre creeps. Youre all creeps, Guys!
Alright, Im going back to the party.
Because around this time the boys get
seedy and the girls get needy.
Wait, the Guys get nervous if Im
off cam for too long. So do I.
Cindy, there has to be something else
to your life. Maybe a boyfriend?
Oh no. The Guys would get jealous if I did
that. So I just screw everybody.
But...I do have a gorgeous secret friend.
One of the Guys sends me poetry.
The others dont know.
-So invite him over, in secret.
-Give me his contacts, Ill arrange it.
-Oh you mean, like, actually meet him?
Like a...a real guy? Oh Virginia, I...I...
you would do that for me?
-Yeah.
-Oh that is so exciting. Oh, thank you
thank you thank you. Just
dont tell anyone, okay? Okay.
-Cindy they really dont like you off cam.
-Oh, dont worry. Theyll like this.
Okay Guys, party time for Cindy!
Hey, isnt life great? I cannot imagine
that whole monogamy thing.
Only fucking one guy. How dull is that?
So are you guys going to do
this for the rest of your lives?
-Yes...
-No. Ill have a normal life, you know...
Wife and kids and stuff.
-Normal. Thats nice.
-And I'll just do this on the side.
-You mean, you'll cheat?
Well, you have to cheat. I mean,
thats what a normal life is, right?
Im in shock, I need to get
fucked. Come on, Steve.
Oh!
Oh, its you again. You
were at the club, right?
I came looking, but you were real busy
that night. I'm Rod, remember?
-Oh, yeah. Hot Rod.
-And you met my friend Chris.
-Hey. Huh? Oh my god, Im so sorry!
-Thats fine. We were wondering if
you would like to join us?
-Why? Wait, what, what, what do you want?
I mean, sorry thats wrong. Um, it's just
the penis, I was not expecting the penis.
-Youve never had two guys?
-Is it that obvious? I mean, Ive just
never had it, you know, in the other end.
-Well we can try that whenever you want.
And take it real slow.
Now we don't want to
bug you, but any time.
NOW!
Or...maybe later.
You go, girl!
-Having a wild time?
-Oh, yeah...
-Nice and easy, huh?
Oh...my...goodness! That feels amazing!
So? What do you think?
Im not such a weirdo, huh?
-Are you Ray?
-I am.
-Youre the financial analyst?
-No that's my sister, Lorraine.
Oh I know Lorraine, I work in
product development at Hensons.
No way, I used to do market research
for them. Are you Chuck?
-No, Im Chris.
-Chucks the sales guy.
-Oh my god, guys! Please!
-Oh right, sorry.
-Ooooh...ooohhh
-Even I think thats hot.
-Jake?
-Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, shit.
-Come on, hes waiting.
-Oh! Im so excited!
There he is, Mister Poetry. Go...
-Hi...
-Hi. I never met one of the Guys before.
I love you completely and utterly in a way
that is unrestrained by any social norm.
Oh. Would you like to go up to my room?
Er, can we begin in the
traditional way, first?
Oh, yes. That would be beautiful...
That was great...bye!
He was so beautiful.
-You were in two separate rooms?
-Aagh!
-Wait a minute. Is he...?
-I guess thats all he wanted.
That technique has its advantages.
Especially for him. Hes disgusting.
-Shut up! I thought he was the one!
-Dont worry, sweetheart. I bet the
Guys really enjoyed watching. Right, Guys?
-Nope. Turned them off.
-I am not surprised.
-No, I mean Ive turned them off.
-You--you turned off the Guys?
-Oh, they're going nuts. Look at the
messages, they are so mad.
-Im going out.
-Wait.
Cindy, you never go out.
Im going to go to a bar. And Im going to
meet a guy. And were going to fall in
love. Oh, its going to be just
like in the old movies.
-I cant believe you would do this.
-What? She deserves to find
-a man she loves. Screw the Guys!
-Theyre the only guys we dont screw.
Who do you think pays for this house?
This is a disaster, our entire way
of life is threatened.
-Wait, the Guys pay for all this?
But theyre such creeps.
-But these creeps have money and we
never even have to meet them.
Thats the best kind of guy you can get.
-Im ready. Lets go.
Cindy, weve progressed further than
finding guys in bars. That's why they
invented the internet.
Love is a dangerous thing, okay.
It can lead to all types of consequences.
-Such as?
-Expenses, emotion, pregnancy,
arguments, diseases, legal fees...
-Hes right. We men, we're vulnerable.
True dat.
Come on girls, lets leave
these pricks behind.
You know what I think? Women are from
Venus, and men are from the Dollar Store.
Can you believe those idiots? Were
vulnerable, wa-wa-wa. Euch.
Well theyre right. We know who we are.
Every month were reminded that were
animals living on a planet that were
absolutely connected to. Men don't know
who they are, or what they're for.
Men are okay. They lower their pants,
you lower your expectations.
I knew a guy who used to rate women. To
fuck this one, hed need a bag over her
head. To fuck that one, hed need a bag
over her head, and three cans of beer.
To fuck a real dog, hed need a bag over
her head, a six-pack, and a bag over his
own head. Guys are so stupid, they confuse
physical beauty with sexual attraction.
But we all know the truth, right? Ugly
guys are the best fucks. They have to be.
I dont care about ugly, I just want a
man. But no mans going to want me if I
have a hundred Guys. Right?
-If you found a man whod be okay with...
No, youre right. Men are so insecure.
Ive totally screwed up
everything, havent I?
It was inevitable. Juanita,
when do you graduate?
-A month.
-A month. After that, I dont think Im
going to be able to afford the house.
Im sorry, everyone...
-Hell no! Its been a great run, Cindy.
-It has been a great run, hasnt it?
You know what we should do tonight? We
should put our males in bondage, and FORCE
them to have sex with us. Just like
they do on Planet Orgasmo.
Thats so wrong!
Welcome to Planet Orgasmo!
-Harder. Harder!
-Oh, Saint Jude!
-Who is he?
-Patron Saint of lost causes...
Yeah, I guess so. Chris, youre up.
Clear space.
My turn, you puny earthling!
So all this is coming to an end,
thanks to me... Are you okay?
I had hoped to, but no chance now.
What? You mean, you and Cindy?
Oh my god, Nigel, does she know?
No, Id have to tell her, and then she
might want to have sex with me,
and thats not going to happen, is it?
-this is ridiculous. TRULY! JUANITA!
Get off those guys! Uh uh uh! Stand here.
Nigel, every sized cock is normal, from
the smallest shrimp to the biggest...
jumbo shrimp.
-Coitus interruptus!
-This better be worth it.
-Nigel, I want to see your cock.
-Thank you, no.
I dont wish to be treated as a sex
object, only defined by my genitalia.
-You what?
-Thats how you treat men.
Thats how you see them.
I see you guys do it all the time.
We do not!
Okay, yeah, maybe we do...
-Yeah, a little bit, you guys do.
Well Im not going to accept that kind of
penis-centered abuse from your
proto-feminist hier--
You know what, fuck it. Just fuck it.
There, is that what you want?
-Nigel thats a perfectly reasonable cock.
-I bet it can be unreasonable.
-Nigel, who told you that was small?
-The internet, the porn stars, theyve
got these big dicks--
The fucking internet. It makes
us and it breaks us.
-Thats a perfectly great cock!
-So you think Cindy might like it?
-Cindy?
-Cindy?
Yes, Nigel, I think she might.
Okay, then...I think we have
some business to attend.
-So you really think...?
-Yes.
Hey guys...Oh! Oh...Well, Nigel,
whats next on the boards?
Well Virginia just did I for internet
sex. Complete disaster. Next up
would be J, for jealousy.
I refuse to do jealousy,
lets move on to K.
-Are you sure--
-Yes! K!
Klismaphilia. Erotic arousal by enemas?
-Sounds kinda fun.
-Fun? Jake, Im not sure I
want to do this any more.
-I thought you wanted to try everything.
Yeah well maybe its too
many choices for one girl.
Life is about having choices. You can
never have too many choices.
-Shes just nervous. The next
letter is L for lesbian.
Oh. Right. I already took care of this.
Hey, Leslie?
-Leslie, penis at the door. Is it hard?
-No, it's easy. They all are.
No penises allowed in here.
-No penises allowed in here.
Yes I know, but its for Virginia.
We talked about this, right?
Oh, yeah. Bring her in.
-Oh, Im sorry. Were you two--
-No, if it's not a cock, I don't know
how to work it. Lets go Jake.
-Okay girl, if youre sure you
want to do this, then lets get it on.
Oh thats such a cute cat. Is he yours?
-Its a she. Vagina.
-What?
Thats her name. If everyone insists on
calling vaginas pussies, I thought
we should be consistent.
So...
You want to stroke my little Vagina?
-How was it?
-She wants you.
-What does she want me for?
-Such a loser. Virginia wants you.
No. No no no no she does not.
We have a deal...
Work it out, Jake.
So...?
-So what happened?
-Im--shes not the one Im interested in.
Vagina?
Oh, fuck! I must have let the cat out.
Leslies going to be so mad at me.
-Hi...
-Virginia live here?
Yeah shes here. But the whole lesbian
thing isnt going to work for her.
Come on in.
-What lesbian thing?
Quiet...
Hi, there!
Vagina! Vagina? Where's my little girl?
Come here Vagina? Come here...
-Virginia?
-No, Vagina...
Ahh! Mom! Beccy!
-What are you doing?
-The pussy. It's called Vagina.
-I know, I go to the gynecologist.
And the correct word is vulva.
Why is everybody naked?
-Do you need a towel?
-Oh, yes.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, no! Oh...
Thanks a lot, Steve.
So this is how you live? In a sex commune?
So whats wrong with having sex?
Having sex is one thing. Having
this much sex is outrageous!
Bathroom. Right now.
We just passed one, Momma. Shes here
to see the urologist. For a procedure--
Beccy, why did you give her
my address? This was our secret.
Because you are living in a world of sin
and depravity. The Reverend says the
the end-times are coming, and if we--
-Beccy, TV evangelists are crazy.
All they care about is cars,
whores and face-lifts.
I know right from wrong. And
sex before marriage is wrong.
How are you going to know the
marriage is right if the sex isnt?
-What about love?
-Were talking about sex,
what's love got to do with it?
Whats looove...got to do with it,
got to--oh...uh uh uh...
Beccy, Were going.
Virginia, now you call me, if you have
time between all your social engagements!
Mmmm... Cant. Ill be way too busy
with all my orgies and sex stuff.
-You okay?
-My mother caught me looking for Vagina,
and now we all have to move out because I
thought that love was more important...
Sure, Im fine.
-Are we okay?
-Ugh!
-Leslie said you wanted me for something.
Yeah, what do you think that could be?
Virginia please, be reasonable.
I just--I need to talk.
-Oh, do you want to talk now?
-Yeah...
Okay. I just want to say...
You know, you and me...
I just want you to be happy.
You know, like I am.
Youre happy? Jake, all you are is a
life support system for your dick.
How are you happy?
-Arent you?
-No!
-But you have everything
you need right here.
-But I dont have you!
Hey, we made an agreement...
No, Jake, you made an agreement.
Youve been scared of me ever since the
day I got to this house, and I dont know
why. But Im not stupid, okay? I can see
that Im under your skin as much as
youre under mine. I think...
I think I could love you.
Could you ever feel the same?
-Sure.
-So say it.
Come on, you know that...
You know that I have a hard
time saying what I feel.
No. I think you have a hard
time feeling what you feel...
I made a mistake. Im going to pack
up my things and Im going to get a job.
-What the fuck am I supposed to do?
-if you aint knowing, I aint telling.
- Im literally at the door.
- Have you tried knocking?
- Yeah, somebodys coming.
- Is it her?
I dont know, I dont see her.
Im waiting for someone to--
Hi. Again.
Hi, is my sister here?
No, she left about a week ago.
Got a job in the Quarter.
-Shes not here, Mom.
-Oh, for heavens sake!
Dont shout at me...
-She hung up.
-You dont have a smart phone?
Mother wont allow it. Shes afraid of
what I might see on the internet...
Oooh, right. I have Ginnys new address
in my room, if you want to come in
for a cold drink?
So, what was your name again?
-Hi Jake. Again...
-So you got a job at a sex shop?
-Its an art gallery.
-Mmm...thats a pity. Sex sells.
Well art sells for more and its dirtier.
Oh, hi. Good afternoon.
Please take a look around.
-Thank you.
-Ginny, I miss you. We need to talk.
Well, I dont miss you, Jake, okay?
Bastard.
-Remarkable, isnt it? It is
in fact the actual penis of the artist.
-His own penis?
-Yes, his very last erection. He had it
injected with a quick-drying elastomer
moments before it was surgically removed.
-Why would he want to lose his penis?
-Uh, to become a better human being.
-Mmm...
-So... So this is the real thing?
Yep. She just wanted to be rid of the
damned thing. Now while he was
an expensive artist, she is even more so.
-Ginny you need to come back to the house.
-Jake, no, please. Im working off of
commission, and I havent made
a single sale. Can you please go?
-But you really need to come back.
-Can you actually use this?
Oh, yes. The artist is very keen on her
penis being used, now that shes finished
with it. She sees it as a combination
of life after death and recycling.
-Can we--can we try it out?
-Uh, can you try it out?
-Mmhmm.
-Uh, no, I'm afraid not.
Uh, but you can touch it, I guess.
-Oh my God, its--Its perfect.
-We'll take it.
-But it's twenty-five thousand dollars.
-For art like this, thats cheap.
Okay, you guys, its a fake. Its
a fake penis. Its not real.
-Oh, we know that.
-Okay well you know you could just
go,like, buy a dildo, or something?
-No, no, no, then wed have to hide it.
This is art. We can display this
in our living room. Well take it.
Okay...
-Hey, everybody. Look who it is.
-Hey, guys and gals...
-Oh. Virginia?
-Hi....
-Okay, what the fuck is going on?
-You need to go see Leslie.
Seriously?
Ginny, I wanted to tell you,
I just didnt know how.
I was scared you were going to tell Mom.
And this is not just sex. Although--
golly gosh--the sex is so great.
I didnt even know it was possible.
I mean, I came, and I cant stop coming.
I know its wicked, I just--it feels so
completely right, and I love this woman
so much. Please tell me its okay?
I know this is not what--
-Stop!
Its beautiful.
-I am SO glad we didnt fuck.
-Fuck yeah! So am I...
-Dan dah-dah dah! Here she is!
I got it! I graduated.
And I got offered a job!
Now that everyones here, I have an
announcement to make. Take a seat.
Before we leave the house...
Im getting married!
Wait, what?
No, no, no. His name is Winston.
We met at a party. He rolled off of some
girl, our eyes met, and there he was.
-Oh, that is so romantic.
-What kind of person is he?
-Six inches.
-Beer bottle?
-Beer can.
-Oh my goodness!
-Truly!
-But does he love you?
-Can't keep his hands off of me.
Well, okay. There must be
something special about him?
Oh yeah. Yeah...yeah!
-So, what is it?
-He, uh...He bends to the left.
-He what?
-I have a displaced G-spot. Its over
to the right, he bends to
the left, so its perfect.
Youre going to marry a man because
his penis bends to the left?
-Dont you worry, Ill make it work.
-Congratulations, you idiot!
Hey, Cindy! You going to wear
something crazy to the wedding?
I dont think I can go to the wedding.
Wha-what?
What?! Why not?
Look at you. Youre moving on with your
career, and youre getting married.
Meanwhile Ive been doing this same job
for fifteen years, and Ive never even had
a real boyfriend. I better go to my room.
No! Wait. Just wait.
-Steve, we cannot interfere.
-Bullshit.
-Speak.
-I...I think you should get the
Guys back online. They miss you.
-And...?
-And I cant bear to see you unhappy.
-Because?
-Because I...I love you.
-Huh! But you never said.
Because I thought the Guys
would get mad at me.
Oh, right. I guess no one would
want all the Guys there watching.
Actually...that kinda turns me on.
Then why the FUCK didnt you tell me?
I want you to turn on the cam, get
the Guys back online right now. Now
go upstairs, take off your clothes,
and lie on the bed naked.
-Gyah-ha!
Wait, Cindy! Does this mean--
-Oh, yeah. We can all stay in the house.
-Yes!
Steve, you were brilliant.
I never knew you had feelings.
-Sure I do. I just keep em in my dick.
-My kind of guy...
So this means you can stay
at the house again, right?
No, Jake. Ill see you at the wedding.
You have the brain the size
of one of my testicles.
Look, I know what you all think,
okay, but you just dont get it.
Virginia doesnt want all of that stuff.
Shes a sensible person, she doesnt
want to ruin what we have. What am I going
to do, chase after her? Hows that going
to look, right? And then what am I
going to say, Virginia, I love you!
-Anyway, you dont even have testicles.
-Neither do you.
Nigel...
-Oh, hey, Jake, looking good.
-I think so. You, too.
Mom! Dad! There you are!
-So good to meet you.
-Oh! So youre Truly?
-Yes.
-Wheres he? Him? Our...our son.
You know him, he takes
so long to get dressed.
-Why did you choose W...
-Winston.
Yes, I know what his name is!
Why did you choose... Winston?
He's exactly right for me. You know how a
big one just hits you right at the back,
slams your wall like an interior remodel.
And a small one, yeah, it just tickles all
the right places? Well Winston, hes right
in the middle. Real nice shape, big head,
smooth shaft, little curve. Oh my god,
incredibly hard. Feels like hes made to
measure, with the pelvic bone like a
Tyrannosaurus Rex, just hits my clit like
a jackhammer bub-bub-bubbub-bub. Almost as
good as my vibrator, and how many guys can
you say that about? I just come like Chris
Oh, you cannot save Truly from herself.
Lets get this done everybody!
The ceremony will be led by an ordained
minister from the Church
of Perpetual Abandon.
My friend...Steve.
Thank you, thank you...
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Dearly beloved, lets cut right
to the chase. Haul him in!
Thank you, Sister Virginia, Brother Jake.
Now I have been told to make this quick,
so that we may get back to our party.
-Yeah, no rings. Except this one.
-Aaah!
-Oh ho, wonderful! Now do you,
Winston, dude, do you take this woman,
Truly, to be your lawfully wedded wife?
-He does.
-Yeah, he has to say that.
-Oh please. I want her to give my answers.
-Yeah, not this one.
-Okay, so, I... I do. I do! I do!
-Wonderful, wonderful! Now do you Truly--
-Poem, poem, poem. Can I do my poem now?
-We have a poem!
-Oh, no...
-Hey, so I watched this movie, and they
got married, and some guy said a poem.
Crying, everyone. Or maybe it was a
funeral? Same fucking thing, right?
Sorry, sorry. Anyway...
Before we sign our oath, my love
We can't depend on luck
One thing we must agree, my dove
And that's the way we fuck.
You see a girl you want, my love
Go on, take a chance
Give her all the dick you got
But give me your romance.
See a boy you want, my love
Take him by the hair
-Yeah...
-Take him any way you want
As long as I can share.
-Oh, yeah...
So bring it home to me, my love
Let our love be free
Have sex with anything you like
Just bring it home to me.
Alright, lets hit it!
-Well um...Do you Truly take him,
Winston, yes Winston, to be your
lawfully wedded wife...hus--husband?
-Both, yes I do.
-Wonderful, wonderful. Well now by the
power vested in me, I now
pronounce you man and wife.
-I love you so much.
-I love you, too, big boy.
Everyone in the pool!
-To the poool!
-Wooh!
No, no, its okay, sit down.
Oh god...WINSTON! Your father!
-Dont worry, I know CPR.
-No! Get away fronm here. FUCK OFF! HA!
I havent done this in years...
Ive been waiting to do this...
my entire...life!
-Go on!
-Ginny, you leaving again?
-Maybe. Can I embarrass you, Jake?
-Not possible. Try it.
Youre a really good friend. And
thanks to you I have a bunch more.
-Oh...well, okay.
-And theres nothing you could
-Oh...well, okay.
-And theres nothing you could
ever do to hurt me, except lie to me.
-What would I possibly have to lie
to you about? Youve seen me--
-Screwing everything that moves.
Yeah, I know. And thats all fine, Jake. I
like what you are, and I don't want you
to change. But just promise me you wont
stop change if it happens to you.
Yeah, sure, okay. Umm, can we move on?
Listen, um, are you free
the first of next month?
-For you, yes.
-Thats the day we get married.
What?
Im thinking you love me. Deny it.
I...Is this a joke? Gi--
Lets just hook up for a while.
-For you, that means nothing.
-We havent even had sex.
-You had your chance.
-Virginia, you cant force me to
spend the rest of my life with you.
-Well, then youre gonna be without me
for the rest of your life. Which is worse?
Listen, Jake...I love you. And this is the
only way Im going to get you.
So if you say no, we both walk away.
-Im not very good at saying--
-Thats why Im saying it for you.
-I cant just make a decision.
-I made it for you.
So youre saying, I dont have any choice
in this? I dont have a choice right now?
-Done?
-Done.
Congratulations, Jake. Here are the keys
to this car. We put the papers in the
glove box, packed your stuff inside, so
you can take it, drive off, get on with
your life and never come back, or...
Classic girl? Classic car?
Whats it going to be, Jake?
Jake, life isnt about having choices.
Its about making them.
Okay, I see what youre doing everybody,
thank you very much, I appreciate it,
but I think its a little too much...
I mean, Im a pretty reasonable guy, but
I know what Im doing, okay?
You think I havent really
thought this over?
This is outrageous! AAAAAAAAHHHH!
Yaaaahaaaaw...!
Eh, eh?
Come on, lets do it!
-Are you kidding, now?
-Yeah, why not?
-Well, this is Charlies Garage?
-This is where we met!
Okay...understand, theres no chance
youre gonna make me come.
-Jake, yes I am.
-No, I promise you its
not going to happen.
-No, I really really am.
-No, Im serious--
-No, and Im being serious, too--
Theres absolutely no way youre
gonna make me come!