Sex: Unzipped (2021) Movie Script

Hey y'all, it's your girl, Saweetie.
Making love, hooking up,
smashing, knocking the boots,
getting pipe,
whatever you want to call it,
is a huge part of life.
Without sex, Netflix and chill
would be just watching
a whole-ass movie with someone
and not getting it in.
Look, we all love our sex,
but statistics have shown
that during the pandemic
libidos worldwide have taken a major L.
It's been reported
that for nearly 50 percent of us
lockdown was a major vibe killer.
We're in a sex drought, y'all.
So, think of this show
as a refresher course
to rehab your sex drive,
sex lives, and get your libido
popping in no time.
We'll be hearing and learning
from a bunch of sexperts.
Pay more attention to your partner
and less attention to your penis size.
From funny-ass amateurs.
- Fucking.
- Fucking.
- Fucking.
- So I said, "smashed on" once
and it didn't go well.
- And this lot.
- Hey, Saweetie!
Hey, girl!
- Oh, wow.
- Wow. Look at this.
Y'all ain't the sex toys I asked for,
but y'all are kind of fly.
Who are you?
Well, we're sex-positive puppets.
My name is Zeek.
My pronouns are "they, them."
'Cause I'm a non-binary babe.
Gender fluid, pansexual as fuck,
and down for whoever.
I know that's right.
Hey, I am Molly.
Pronouns are "she" and "her."
I am into girls, I am into guys,
but more importantly,
subscribe to my Just for Fans
at "Molly gives it a try
nothing beats good old-fashioned bi WAP
Ooh, catchy handle, sis.
And who's this hairy fellow?
Yes, and yes. What? Oh, oh, oh.
Oh hey, hi, sorry.
I'm Mike, and I'm a big gay bear.
Oh, we love a big boy. You good?
Yeah, just getting my evening sorted out.
We're almost done here, right?
Daddy busy. Yes...
- Yes?
- Hey.
I'm Barb.
And this hunky piece of felt
is my husband, Tuck.
[laughs nervously]
- Is he okay?
- Oh, oh, don't mind him.
He's just in shock. He's your biggest fan.
- [laughs]
- In fact, you're his celebrity hall pass.
- What's that?
- You're the one celebrity
I've given him express permission
to have sex with
without any consequences.
Is that right?
- D'oh!
- [thuds]
So, that's the show.
They're my sex-positive puppets.
But what exactly does sex positivity mean?
To me, sex positivity means
the opposite of shaming.
It's about educating people on sex
with advice that can be empowering.
But that's just my take.
Sex positivity is like a fingerprint.
Everyone's definition
is a little different.
Sex positivity means
honesty about sex.
Loving each other and on yourself
in all shapes, sizes, and shades.
Sex positivity means to me
maximizing your experience
and your enjoyment of sex, on your terms.
Letting people do their thing.
As long as they're not hurting anybody,
we shouldn't be shaming anyone
for any kink or anything.
Be into feet, be into getting spit on,
whatever your deal is.
You like getting doo-doo'd on.
Go do your thing, man.
So many people
are not getting their needs met.
Because they're too afraid
to tell someone to eat their ass.
If someone wants to be really vanilla
and only have sex with their husband,
that's me, and I think that's fine.
It doesn't mean I'm not sex positive.
Americans are both obsessed with sex
and deeply afraid of it.
We'll fully watch people get murdered
on the news.
But we won't let a woman
show her nipple on Instagram.
And also the more comfortable you are
talking about stuff,
the more you're going to communicate
with the people you having s...
You're gonna have better sex.
Sex positivity is better sex, yeah.
My mom, who is 67 years old,
she told me when I was 25,
"Please have as much sex as you can,
because they don't tell you
that it stops."
And if she'd have known
that her dick was gonna run out,
she would have caught
all the dicks that I did.
So I'm catching dick for me...
and my mother.
That sounds weird,
but that's why sex positivity is good.
Talking about sex positivity
[man panting]
Water, water.
[water sloshing]
[woman exclaiming]
That's good, yeah!
Depending on culture,
religion, or society,
sex can be a very taboo topic
to speak openly about.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's break that taboo right now.
Yes, we want your freak flag to fly high.
But also help keep you...
Barb, you good, girl?
Oh yeah, just being open
and celebrating sex.
Oh, okay.
So, was Tuck holding it down
during lockdown?
Oh, yeah, yeah. No sex drought for us.
We love to see it.
So, what is your secret
on keeping it popping in the bedroom?
Oh, Saweetie, you know,
what keeps our sexual appetite growing
is our... [moaning] ...mindfulness.
Mindfulness of one another
when we have sex.
And not to focus so much on how we look,
or how we perform,
that we forget to enjoy it.
All that, and obviously butt stuff.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. [spits]
Oh, my goodness.
Y'all out here really "Finding Nemo."
I was down by the vagina.
Oh, I'm not mad at it.
[laughs] Who's next?
- Okay.
- [laughs]
COVID. COVID really cock-blocked
my vagina.
I had to put it in rehab for a sec.
Sex is maybe
the most important thing to me,
which is weird to say because
I haven't had it for a really long time.
So, the longest I've gone
without sex, I mean,
I would say, like...
four years.
Just like a couple of months or so.
Probably a year.
Yeah, four years.
Maybe five.
I want to say like two or three months.
The moment of truth:
it's more likely seven, I think.
It makes me feel really shitty.
I hate going without sex.
I hate the feeling
of not having, like, that connection
with somebody, anybody.
If sexual frustration was a sound...
I think that's it.
You know the sound of the Titanic sinking?
- [groans]
- Like... [growls] Like a...
- [whines]
- ...creaking of the metal.
- [exhales sharply]
- [thumps]
- Could you hear it?
- [whimpers]
- [groans]
- [growls]
- [wails]
- [screams]
Like that.
Ooh. How much sex should we be having?
There is no right answer.
My name is Oloni, I am a sex educator.
I'm an award-winning TV presenter.
And I'm an ambassador
for Lovehoney. [laughs]
Everyone's libido is completely different,
and that is completely fine.
You might want to have sex once a week.
You might want to have sex once a month.
It could be every single day in the week.
Whatever works for you.
My name is Emily Morse.
I'm a doctor of human sexuality,
and I'm the founder and host
of Sex With Emily.
I think it is okay to be in a period
of time where you're not having sex.
In fact, I think it is really healthy,
you know?
And you can always have sex with yourself.
Ladies, there's coconut oil
and two fingers.
Masturbating is an amazing tool.
So, if you're not having sex
with someone, just masturbate.
Self-pleasure's great, man.
Get it on
- Adam?
- Yes, Eve?
We've been going steady for a while now,
and I want you to know
you're the only man for me.
I should hope so.
I'm literally the only man here.
I love you. I think I'm ready.
Lets have, uh...
- What's it called?
- [God] Sex.
- Let's have sex.
- All right, okay.
Great. Really, not sure what to do here.
Is there an instruction manual?
I mean, come on,
no one has ever done this before.
This is literal virgin territory.
- Just touch me.
- Really?
Yeah, go on.
Just, yeah, just get in there.
No, just. Yeah.
[both moaning]
- [Adam] Oh, my...
- [snake groans]
I can see everything from up here.
It's unbelievable.
[both moan]
All right, let's vibe out
and get to know each other a little more.
- Yeah.
- It is healthy to talk about sex,
and you guys seem pretty open.
So, what was your first time like?
Yeah, well, me and Barb,
we decided to wait till we were married
to lose our virginity.
So the first time
for both of us was very special.
- What a honeymoon.
- [all exclaim]
- That's sweet.
- Yeah.
It was amazing.
The beaches were so beautiful.
Our sun-kissed skin,
rubbing against each other,
sand between our toes.
It was utterly perfect.
- Barb?
- Hmm?
Our honeymoon was in Buffalo.
There are no beaches in Buffalo.
Ahem. Okay, well, what about you, Zeek?
How did you lose your virginity?
Well, to be real with you, Saweetie,
I don't really know
how to answer that question,
because I don't believe in virginity.
I don't think your first sexual experience
is defined by penetration.
It's not like some magic dick comes along
and changes you forever.
- [all laugh]
- Haha, "magic dick."
Tell us about yours, Saweetie.
[sighs] You know what? I'm good.
I think it might just be a little too much
for the audience.
- What?
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Come on.
Don't be embarrassed.
Remember there's no judgment here.
Tell old Mike, come on.
Come on, come on.
- [whispers]
- Okay.
- [whispers]
- Okay.
- [whispers]
- Oh my God.
What's she saying?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Oh my God, yeah!
We're not going to be able to air that.
[all laugh]
Losing my virginity was important to me
because I wanted to be a grown-up.
And I don't know how that gets so
localized to your hormonal body.
Like, if you want to be grown,
pay some tax.
My parts didn't feel like
they were supposed to be mine.
So, it was a bit confusing.
I tried to find the pleasure,
but it was more a mental thing,
"Oh my gosh, I'm having sex,"
rather than a whole spiritual
and body engagement
that I feel now. [laughs]
Me having sex at 17
was like if I tried to walk
into a helicopter and fly it right now.
Like, we are all lucky,
that there wasn't a tragedy.
[helicopter whirs]
I'll tell you what, I orgasmed
the first time I had sex...
I luckily met a guy who, um...
knew I was a virgin,
and like took a lot of, like, care
and pride in taking my virginity,
and then he eventually moved to New York
to be with his girlfriend,
and never really called me again.
[machine] You have no new messages.
The best way I would describe it is
I was having sex,
and my brain was being a commentator.
So like, "You're tongue-kissing her now,
you're tongue kissing her now."
And his hand has moved
to one of her breasts.
And he's massaging.
He's massaging probably too vigorously.
She's moved his hand away.
He really is trying to move in
to seal the deal now.
Don't, just don't come too quick.
Whatever you do,
don't come too quick, mate.
You can handle this.
This is gonna be great now.
He's thrusting, he's thrusting.
He's not quite there,
but now he's thrusting.
He's trying to think about something else.
He's trying to think about fruit
for some reason
to try and stop himself ejaculating.
It is a weird move by him.
He's approaching the final straight now.
And it's over.
And... I've got
a fairly non-expressive face,
but I imagine she was able
to read some of that.
I'm Alexander Cheves,
and I'm a sex writer.
I think that the biggest mistake
people make in having their first time
is thinking that it's gonna be like porn.
Girls, please do not get on top.
You have no business getting on top.
It's not that time yet.
It will come, but it's just not now.
And I have literally worked on a porn set.
And can tell everybody they're acting,
there are edits
and messes that get edited out,
and nobody has sex like that.
Not even porn stars have sex like that.
Porn is not a sex education source.
Pick a partner that you trust
and that you feel safe with.
Make sure you communicate
ahead of time. Use protection.
I don't want to hear excuses, guys.
Don't care what your mum says,
you're not special.
There is a condom out there for you.
Wear it, please.
Safer sex is the greatest sex
My question for Dr. Ruth is, well...
I'm quite interested
in Dr. Ruth's sex life
and personal history. Like...
Is Dr. Ruth someone who has a lot of sex?
Does she, you know, what's she into?
And then also, I'd like to know...
is it true that...
a clit is basically like a small dick?
Okay, Mae. Okay, my dear. [laughs]
Okay, number one,
my personal sex life
is only my business
and my partner's. Goodbye.
Your other question
is a very important one,
and I don't want you to think
about the clitoris
as a penis, but you are right.
When the clitoris is aroused,
blood flows into the clitoris.
It has the characteristics of a penis.
Thank you for that great question.
Thanks, Dr. Ruth.
Next question, please.
Oh, Dr. Ruth, how do I make sure
I'm treating a sex worker ethically?
Asking for a friend.
Hi, Trixie.
I'll tell you how.
Make sure you pay double.
And if that partner says "How come?"
you say, "Dr. Ruth
said I should pay double."
Thank you for that question.
Bye-bye. Good luck.
Thanks, Dr. Ruth.
Bush. He-he, bush.
Bermuda Triangle. Hmm.
Braslia. [laughs]
- [whistle blows]
- Braslia! Braslia! Braslia!
I'ma have your nails
looking handsome as hell in no time.
[gasps] You're too good to me.
You know, after so long
in the sexual wilderness,
you'll need to unwind and relax
that body of yours.
so the sex can feel as carefree
and sensual as possible.
Hashtag: "self care is sexy".
No joke.
When venturing back into the sexual arena,
one of the most important
areas are your...
important areas.
Hygiene and grooming
are a huge part of a person's sex appeal.
Personally, I don't subscribe
to gendered beauty standards.
I just let it grow
with the flow, you know?
Big-time sascrotch energy.
- [tearing]
- [Mike] Ah!
I went for the bald eagle.
Oh, my lord.
Don't give me like a bald vagina.
But, I don't want '70s bush,
you know what I mean?
Look like you handle your stuff.
I love when women let it grow.
I think you're meant to have pubic hair.
Full disclosure, I'm utterly hairless.
I just wish there was more
of an open conversation
about what guys should do
with their pubic hair.
'Cause there is nothing.
I'm flying blind right now.
[razor buzzes]
Well, the first time that I, like,
put Veet on my vagina,
I let it get to, like,
into, like, the crevices,
and I had a burnt clitoris
for, like, I don't know,
two weeks.
- [sizzling]
- [howls]
That kind of sucked.
I couldn't use peppermint soap anymore.
What is this?
You have to be clean, I mean...
You have to be clean.
It's a big spectrum of hygiene
that we need to cover
because it is not even
just bodily hygiene.
You know when you go into a man's bed
and you can tell
he don't wash his bedsheets.
Your bedsheets smell frusty.
Like, is that a word? Frumpy.
It smells like the word... blech.
Clean ears, very important.
Yuck. Like, if you can't clean your ears,
your dick must be dirty.
I don't know why men
more often don't just...
flop out their dicks
and wash them in a sink.
It should be more socially acceptable
to take your dick out
in a public restroom sink
and give it a wash.
If I saw a man washing his dick in public,
I would applaud him.
I wouldn't be alarmed.
I wouldn't be offended.
I would say thank you.
I will say, sometimes I've been with guys
where they wash the penis
too aggressively,
and then when you are doing
the oral sex, you're like,
"Did you shove an entire bar
of Irish Spring up your piss slit?"
I absolutely know what this is.
Well, worryingly, it really looks used.
I'm gay. Don't you flush
your butthole out with this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gay.
You can't stump me
with a butthole mechanism.
I think the word is "douche."
Okay, I like "butthole mechanism."
The official name is "anal douche,"
but I like "butthole mechanism."
Fill it with water, up the butt,
squeezy, squeezy,
pushy out the water, sexy, sexy.
Says that on the box. [laughs]
I think that the hygiene mistakes
that we make
are thinking that there's
something wrong with us
and that we somehow
have to change our natural odor.
I mean, the vaginas
are self-cleaning ovens, essentially.
You are not supposed to wash
inside your vagina.
We have our natural balance,
and it's going to pretty much stay
how it's supposed to.
It's not just about intimacy.
It's also about self.
Making sure that,
we get those regular STI tests.
Some people are still not doing that.
They ignore those smells.
They ignore the burn,
or the pain or, you know,
that's coming from their genitals.
And it's like why?
You should be, at a minimum,
getting a full-range screen
for STIs every three months.
And that's true for men,
that's true for women,
that's true for queer people,
that's true for non-queer people.
And a full screening for me...
I'm already HIV positive,
so I don't get screened for HIV,
but I get screened for gonorrhea,
chlamydia, hep C, and syphilis.
And everybody who's having sex
needs to be screened for those things.
That's just being a responsible,
sexually active adult.
I have a feeling
my grandmother had one of these.
Communication leads to
Better copulation
[camera shutter clicks]
You are getting my good side, right?
Profile pics are so important.
[camera shutter clicks]
Mike, did you ever sort your evening out?
Oh, yeah, my new profile
is working a treat.
- [phone dings]
- Yes, yes.
What ever happened to a good
old-fashioned pick-up line in a bar?
Also, why am I even in this bit?
Where the hell is Saweetie?
She's doing Zeek's nails.
Three tours on the dating apps wars.
I've spent lot of time on there.
Gotta cast a wide net
if you want to catch a lot of fish.
I've been on Tinder...
Tinder for the straight people,
Grindr for people who grind...
Been on Bumble...
Grindr is certainly
the most popular gay sex app.
- ...been on Hinge.
- GROWLr for bears.
Oh, gosh. I use Scruff primarily.
I've been on Raya...
...which is a dating app for
DJs who jump off their friends' yachts.
I've been on Jdate...
Recon is for gay men and queer men
who are into kinks and fetishes.
I use that one quite a bit.
- I've been on JSwipe.
- ChristianMingle,
which is confusing,
'cause if your name is Christian,
why would you want
to meet someone else named Christian.
And for a shot period, I was on OkCupid,
but I met my fianc doing a podcast.
I was on Yahoo! Personals,
and this was, like,
the app back in the day
where you had to fill out paragraphs
of who you was and what you wanted to be.
I said, "Oh, my God, this is a book."
Now dating apps are just like Uber Eats.
You can just Uber Eats
that dick right on over.
- [doorbell rings]
- Hi, here's your dick.
Guys would say,
"Yeah, I'm...
I want a relationship, I want a thing,"
and then I say, "I'm trans,"
and then the next thing I knew,
my inbox was flooded with nudes
in all various forms, and shapes,
and sizes, and colors,
and, after a while, it just...
got horrifying. [laughs]
My DMs are like
the United Nations of dick right now.
I've got dick from all over the world.
I've got Caribbean dick.
I've got Greek dick.
I've got... Guys will send you a dick pic
just 'cause it is Tuesday.
The way that straight men
photograph their dicks,
it's like the last photo
of them seen alive.
I met a guy on an app,
and he invited me over,
and I knew he was in an open relationship.
I showed up at his house, and we sat down
in the living room and he was like,
"We have to hook up in the living room,
because my husband is home,
and he's a little bit racist."
I was like, "Excuse me?"
This guy matched with me,
and I said, "Hi," he said, "Hi."
Then he said, "I want to see
your dark brown pussy lips."
And I was like, "First of all,
we just said hello!"
Like, we need to build up
to pussy lip chat.
I'm not mad at dating apps.
I think it's great. I think
it's really important for people
to put themselves out there.
I met my husband...
There's no other way to say it.
It was a one-night stand.
You know, I always tell my friends
that have a lot of rules
when it comes to dating,
"Open your mind, open your heart,
and open your legs to love."
'Cause you never know
when you might find it.
The biggest thing
that I think apps have done
is that they've changed the way
we present ourselves to each other.
Among men who have sex with men,
my generation, and certainly
the generation following mine,
is very concerned
about whether or not they're a top
or a bottom or a versatile,
and they see these roles
as being really divided
and fixed and permanent.
Because that's literally a tag
within the app
that you can either filter
or search somebody for.
So we have this idea
that you must be one or the other.
And I think that that's very new.
Weirdly, like, dating apps are the place
where I did try to use pick-up lines
because I never knew what to say first.
Because, like,
if you're really good-looking,
you can open with like, "Hey!"
But if you're, you know,
kind of average like me,
you have to, like, try to open
with a fun fact, where you're like,
"A lot of people think Vermont
makes the most maple syrup,
but it's actually New Hampshire.
Hi, I'm Ian."
- [interviewer] Has it worked?
- Not once.
[woman] With female intimate anatomy,
the first rule
is that you don't start there ever.
It's important to start at the very
peripheries or at the fingers,
the hands, the arms, and have eye contact,
and make the woman feel safe.
So my name is Stella Anna Sonnenbaum.
I'm a somatic sexologist
in central London.
Once we get to the intimate anatomy,
a nice way is pussy paw strokes,
which is just, with a lubricated hand,
going over the vulva like this,
from different directions,
and find the grooves.
So, the inner labia
sometimes stick out, like here.
Sometimes even more and different colors.
Rose or white-colored,
or grey, purple, or brown.
And sometimes they are hardly there,
so women who look like this.
We can make a vulva sandwich, like that.
The other difference
between different women
is how far is the clitoral head,
which is here,
away from the vaginal opening,
because the further it is away,
the more difficult it is to achieve orgasm
with penetration alone,
without any additional stimulation
on the clitoral head.
The clitoris also has legs,
which are here in the outer labia,
so when a woman gets very aroused,
then the entire thing here swells up.
A nice way to stimulate
the head of the clitoris
is to first of all go around clockwise
for quite a long time.
Some women like direct touch
on the clitoral head.
For other women, it's agony.
It's like being on an electric wire,
so communication is key here.
Some women's clitorises are hidden
by the hood,
and some are really, like, large,
prominent and sticking out.
Oral sex, stimulating
with the tongue the entire vulva...
That can be really nice.
There's also another arousal zone.
The perineal sponge here
between the vagina and the anus.
Rimming, so stimulating
the anal area, can feel really nice.
The other thing to concentrate on
is the clitoral head.
Quick tongue movements,
they can either be up and down
or they can be across,
keeping some stamina going there
and doing the same repetitive movements
for quite a long time.
Other arousal zones.
So, the G-ridge starts
just after the vaginal opening,
and it goes all the way
to the G-spot around the corner.
Women have different amounts
of G-spot tissue.
Some have a G-ridge, some just a G-spot,
and with other women
there is hardly any G-spot tissue at all.
A nice stroke to find the G-spot
with the middle finger,
we need to have the thumb
on the two o'clock
and then to do a kind of pincer movement
because what we have in between,
the urethra is wrapped
in a sheath of erectile tissue,
so that is also an arousal zone.
A penis is unlikely to ever hit the G-spot
because it's going around the corner,
but what a penis can hit
are two other pleasure zones
that are at the end of the vagina.
One towards the belly button
that's, like, all the way in.
That is called the A-spot often.
And there's one that's also
at the end of the vagina
that's towards the guts,
and that's sometimes
called the O-spot or the P-spot.
And so, this is more likely
to get hit by a penis
or by a toy, yeah,
if there is intercourse.
Don't be a rookie
When it comes to getting nooky
- Mm.
- [both giggle]
[peach] Ugh, why is it always the grapes?
[eggplant] I know. Always the grapes.
I mean, why do they get the love?
Well, red grapes help stimulate
the production of estrogen
and testosterone.
So, you know, trust the science.
[sighs] All right, Fauci.
Well, I'm a powerhouse of vitamin C,
so I increase the sex drive.
Eat me, eat me!
- Ah.
- [both giggle]
I guess, we're just gonna
have to stay as emojis.
Honestly, I have no idea why I'm here.
I'm not even a fruit.
I'm a vegetable.
Where is that grape going?
Stuff it in there, big guy.
- Ick!
- Yeah, get me. Stick me in there.
That would be a surprise.
- [yawns]
- [meows]
So, uh...
Eh, I'm not really feeling it tonight,
Oh, my gosh.
What happened to you two? Hmm?
At the beginning of the show,
y'all were literally swimming
in each other.
And now, this is just sad.
The vibes are hella off.
You got to set the mood.
- What do you mean?
- Get the lights right.
- Ooh!
- Get some music on.
- [romantic music playing]
- Ah.
And kick that cat out of the room, please.
Bye, Stanley.
Okay, vibe check. How are we feeling?
- [moaning]
- [giggling]
Oh! See, now you're speaking my language.
- [growls]
- [moans]
Setting the scene for sex
is very important.
You know,
you have to have a little ambiance.
A nice candle, not too scented
because we want to be able
to smell ourselves.
[laughs] Yes.
Foreplay helps. The passion,
kissing on my neck and, you know,
just admiring my body
and letting me know you're into it.
Going down on a woman is so important.
There is not...
You can't just stick your face in it,
smoosh it about and pray.
Sometimes they're too teethy.
I'm gonna ask you to gum, like just...
Gum... just...
Don't go in there and...
Just... lips. Push your lips forward
and then the tongue underneath it.
Don't just... el, el. That's not cool.
There is no scene-setting for sex
in my marriage anymore.
I kind of feel like there's an honesty
in that, that should be respected.
I mean, some people have a fight
to get in the mood.
Some people really like that as foreplay.
I just feel like I get in the mood for sex
by, like, putting
my husband's dick in my mouth.
When you engage all your senses
and you have an environment that's sort of
geared towards you feeling good
and your partner feeling good.
To me, that is the best way
to set the mood for sex.
The best place I've had sex is
on a terrace in Paris.
- On a beach.
- In a hot tub.
I got fingered on Magic Mountain.
One time I jerked off
on the second floor of a Neiman Marcus
in a handicap stall.
I will not be discussing it at this time.
I love basic simple design.
It really gets me going.
Um... I had sex in like uh...
It's not that weird,
but I think it is weird for me.
But you know, if you were like sitting
in like a dinner party or something,
or like a party,
and everyone goes,
"Where is the weirdest place you had sex"?
My answer, everyone would go "Oh, my God"!
That's pathetic because I imagine
there's like really cool answers,
but I had sex in a Portaloo.
Absolutely disgusting
and I don't recommend it.
In fact I condemn it.
Oh! I had sex in a lake.
I've definitely been fingered in a lake
and had sex in a Canadian lake at night.
Beautiful, probably some moose watching.
You got to have a pervy moose
watching you.
And most Canadians have had sex in a lake
and um, actually, ask Katherine Ryan
if she's had sex in a lake.
Mae Martin, sadly I don't think I had sex
in a Canadian lake.
I grew up in Sarnia
where we have
a massive petrochemical plant
and so I think part of the reason
I can still reproduce
is that I never had sex in that lake.
But no, I don't think I had sex
in the lake.
I mean, my follow-up question
is which lakes?
- We have Great Lakes.
- Yeah, yeah.
We're talking Lake Ontario,
Lake Superior...
um... you know...
- Georgian Bay.
- What?
Is Mae like a seahorse?
What is she doing?
Like, only mating in the water?
I've had sex on a bed.
I've had sex on a couch.
I've had sex on a futon,
which is a bed and a couch.
And then once on the floor, near a couch.
So, I like having sex indoors,
in my bedroom.
[Stella] What I hear from men,
is that women handle penises quite rough.
Without any lube or without any saliva.
So it's often, this kind of movement,
up and down.
And often when there is no lubrication,
that can be downright painful.
And a lot of women tell me
they just don't know what to do
with a penis or they're not confident
to handle a penis.
And so, I really like talking about it.
What's often forgotten is the perineum
which is behind the testicles,
between the testicles and the anus
and what we have there is the root
of the penis within.
So that is often surprisingly essential
and a nice area to touch as well.
The other forgotten area
are the testicles.
The testicles are in the scrotum,
the skin bag
and we can either pull the testicles out
a little bit like that.
Or we can make a ring around the testicles
and either stroke or tickle.
Just a word of warning,
the only thing you must not do
is obviously hitting it really hard
and twisting in any way.
So for the penis itself,
it is quite nice to make rings.
And to see which is actually most
pleasurable because that may differ.
The other thing to discover,
often the underside
is really sensual and pleasurable
But what about comparing the right side
with the left side or the upper side.
A nice simple stroke is when we hold
the penis like that
and glide our palms on top of the glans.
And we can also move
the glans around like this.
Or we can do the stroke
that is called a lemon squeezer.
Where we kind of come from above.
We turn around,
and then all sort of on and off.
So a common misconception is that
in order to give oral sex to a penis owner
that we use our mouth only.
Mm, I would suggest not.
I will suggest to use the hand
and the mouth.
An interesting area
is the sulcus area here.
So that is where the shaft
and the glans meet, um.
Usually that is quite pleasurable
to touch.
So go with the mouth over the sulcus area
and then off again,
and then use the hand also.
To the sulcus area and off again.
What is crucial is lube, lubrication.
More saliva than you think is possible
to produce. A lot, yeah?
And so you still have the one hand free
to stimulate the anal area
And that can be just on the outside,
like on the rim.
Or we can also insert a fingertip inside.
It depends on the nails.
If you have long nails, don't do that.
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
- I love you.
- I love you too.
You know, I would really love for you
to talk dirty to me.
- I don't know what to say.
- Say whatever turns you on.
- Shock me.
- You sure?
Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Um... yeah.
I really want to fuck your Dad!
- Wait, what?
- What?
- What?
- Dude.
I don't know about you
but I think we've all learned
something new.
And it's not just the physical stuff
that's important.
- No.
- There is an art to saying
the right thing in bed.
- Communication is hella important.
- Yes.
For a lot of people, talking in bed
and specifically dirty talking,
can be a huge turn-on.
With enough conviction,
you can take any word
and make it sound dirty.
Just remember to always keep it
respectful and keep it icy.
Let's try.
Someone in the class, shout a word.
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Me.
Me, me, me, me, me.
- [Saweetie] Uh-huh?
- Door hinge.
Hmm. Do you want to see me
open up like a door hinge?
Oh! You did it.
How about, uh, mango?
Mm. You know what will taste
even better after I eat this mango?
[class exclaims]
- Oh, wow.
- That's true.
Okay, okay, this ought to stump her.
- [Zeek] Oh!
- Um...
- Can I please get the language of origin?
- Latin.
Definition please.
Sassafras, a North American deciduous tree
with aromatic bark and leaves.
- How does she know that?
- I don't know.
Can you spell it out?
- S, A...
- Sorry, I meant can you spell "sassafras"
with your tongue on my punani?
- [class exclaims]
- [laughs]
- Damn, that is so hot.
- So good.
Told you, Icy's here to teach y'all.
Oh, my God, I just came.
Oh, yeah, I love talking dirty.
I am a dirty talker.
That is an important part
of my sex life for sure.
There is so many different layers to dirty
because you've got dirty as in "Ugh."
Or dirty as in, "Oh, yeah."
I think that the problem
with talking dirty, is once you start,
like once you open Pandora's box,
you can't stop
and it has to kind of escalate.
I've often been sucking the dick,
and someone goes "Yeah."
"Suck my dick." And I go, "I am."
Why are you telling me what I am doing?
Is this closed captioning?
It is dependent on the person,
and how good they are at it.
Sometimes, like...
it's cool like, to be degraded.
And then sometimes
it can be like weirdly too specific.
Like I remember one time
I was fucking this guy and he was like,
"Do you like that, idiot?"
And I was like, "Idiot?"
"I'm not an idiot," like...
You're thinking of it as talking dirty,
but more or less,
think of it as just talking sexy.
As in bringing out your inner sexy.
You know, I'm not trying to talk to you
in the sense of what you want to hear.
I'm going to tell you what I want to hear.
How I feel about myself.
My top tips
for starting to talk dirty are like
just live in your comfort zone.
You know, you don't got to go straight
porno crazy off the top.
You don't got to say nothing nutty like,
"Let me pee on your tits."
You can just kiss a neck
and say "Do you like that"?
You know, just start simple
and ease yourself in.
If I auditioned for a Marvel movie,
that would be my sex voice.
"We can't let Thanos
get the infinity stones."
You like that? You like that?
I... see, I'm doing it right now!
I don't even know...
I can't even make fun of how I sound
when I'm doing sex. I get so embarrassed.
When I'm "doing" sex.
This is the part of the interview
where I admit I've never had sex before.
A common mistake is to neglect the mouth.
The mouth has a lot of nerve endings
so the lips and the tongue.
And when we talk
in a sexual way, it's about feeling.
I think I am doing it right now.
It's about feeling the mouth,
so that every syllable is being felt.
You might say something
like, "I want to come all over your face,"
and then, she's just like
"What? Why would you want to do that?
Like why?"
Her sexual boundary might just be,
"I don't mind you nutting on
my butt cheeks or my inner thighs."
You know, on her face
might sound disrespectful.
Oh, of course, we'd love talking dirty.
That's the hottest part of it.
And especially
if you have a nice sexy voice too.
Oh, my God, that's like,
"Let's bring it on."
Talk dirty to me. Yeah, in the ear.
Right here, let's have it.
I want to really give it to you so-so bad
you naughty, you naughty bloody,
bloody woman, I am gonna f...
You are gonna...
Jesus, I'm gonna give it to you.
If you think dirty talk
might be for you, after watching that,
here's a little song
the team has put together
to help you with your naughty vocabulary.
A is for anal
B is for ball sack
C is for cunnilingus
Cock, clitoris. and climax
D is for dildo
It's a dick without a guy
E is for ejaculate
Or ejaculate if you like
F is for fisting
Have you found your G-spot
H is for a handjob round the back
Of the chemistry block...
That's very specific.
I is for inter-girl intercourse
When you stick it between two thighs
J is for jism, K is for kissing
Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer
Cis, straight
From New Zealand to Great Britain
M, mutual masturbation
N, nipple stimulation
Oral, Penile, just a Quickie
Rimming or Scrotalingus
Tribbing, Upside-down ass spanking
Voyeurism, just plain wanking
Triple-X pornography
It's a Yes, Yes, Yes for me
And when we're done
We feel the ease
We all lie back and get some Zs
That concludes the A to Z of sex
Good job, everyone.
That was a lot of sex acts
we packed in there.
- Chock full, right?
- Sex is fun.
Okay, you said you wanted us to try
some new toys together, right?
- I did.
- And you were willing to try anything?
- Uh-huh.
- And I was allowed to choose.
Yes, you were. Fuck! This is so hot!
Okay. Well, get ready, babe.
I bought us...
Speak Out! Let's play Speak Out.
Everybody loves Speak Out.
Give me something to say.
I'm gonna get him to say
"This relationship is over."
Speak Out.
Welcome to Mistress Icy's dungeon.
The best way to keep your sex life lit?
Level up the kink.
Role play, throw in some toys,
suck on some toes.
We're gonna cover it all
in whipped cream and lick it off.
Now, kink is not for everyone.
But for those kink lovers out there,
it's great that you're getting
something from the experience.
Any questions?
[muffled speaking]
Sex toys?
[muffled speaking]
Great question. Let's find out.
I do use sex toys,
I think they are crucial.
And I think more people should use them.
I think more straight couples
should use them.
- I think they're the best.
- I do like some machinery
in the mix for sure.
I have used one
of those little vibrator things.
I don't know what the... Vibrator.
I think that's what they call it.
You definitely got to have a strap-on,
if you're gonna go sling some D.
You know what I mean?
That's like lesbian requirement.
So I mean, I don't even know
if I consider it a sex toy,
as much as like, a sex friend.
- Sex homie.
- I love anything that vibrates.
Something that really has
some battery power to it.
Something that will take out
the power in my building.
I want to be shell-shocked.
Sex toys need to be,
not just for single women alone
to fill in for a dick
that they can't get elsewhere.
Sex toys are great.
And dick is great.
Together, they are the greatest.
I don't have several strap-ons.
One strap-on for one girl.
You take her out when you first date,
you say "pick your dick."
Then, that's the dick
for the relationship.
If she was with a dude,
he wouldn't just be switching
his dick out every other second.
The best thing you can do for yourself
is get one of those molds
of your own dick.
And fuck yourself with your own dick
'cause that, it's like, as an empath,
it is the quintessential sexual experience
'cause you're like "Okay,
this is what it feels like
when I'm fucking somebody."
Sex toys have really come a long way
in the last 15 to 20 years.
You used to see sex toys
that came in a box with a porn star on it
because toys were typically made by men,
thinking that all that people with vulvas
wanted was a toy that looked like a penis.
What they come to find out
is that toys can be small
and they can stimulate the clitoris.
My favorite, favorite toy
is a suction toy.
So it basically behaves as though
it's like you having oral sex.
There isn't really sex toys
that were doing that like five years ago.
This is literally sucking on your clit,
and it feels phenomenal.
Toys that are Bluetooth-enabled.
Then you can have a partner
control it from the next room
or from across the country,
across the world.
They just press a couple of buttons
and they can change the speed.
They can change the intensity.
You're making a big purchase, dude.
Is it attractive to me?
Do I like the color of this toy?
Do I like how it feels?
And it's an intimate thing. You can see
having a relationship with this toy.
Couple of mistakes people make
buying sex toys is they buy
dildos that are just too big.
I just want like...
I want a strap-on that has like...
Someone is gonna steal this idea actually,
so I don't want to say it.
I'm gonna design it.
And it is going
to revolutionize the world.
Everybody get sexual
As long as it's consensual
[scoffs] Molly! You done, girl?
We got a segment to do.
Give me one second,
I am just finishing up...
[panting] ...a custom bid.
Whew! Oh.
That was more satisfying
than the one time I went to McDonald's
just one minute
before they stopped serving breakfast
and I still got a McGriddle.
Yeah, I started using
one of those Bluetooth vibrators
that everyone has been talking about
during my cam shows.
All my clients have to do
is download the app.
So whether you're some dad
of three in Chugwater, Wyoming
or an architect from Sugartown, UK.
You can now control...
or in the architect's case,
build... my orgasm.
It's the hottest thing
that has ever been invented.
My subscriptions
have gone through the roof.
My clients love it!
I'm trying to think
of more ways to spice up my show.
Well, girl, have you tried role playing?
'Cause that will definitely
get them tipping.
Well, what do you mean? Like sexy improv?
Yeah, girl, you get to dress up
and be anybody you want.
It can be so sexy.
Oh! Oh. Oh! [breathes heavy]
- What?
- I forgot to turn the Bluetooth off.
Ooh. I love to see my pretty bitches...
- [moans loudly]
- ...experiment with new things.
- That's my girl.
- Oh, yeah!
Go ahead, Molly.
Oh, my God. Yes, yes!
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- It is about to get real crazy up in here.
- [vibrator buzzes]
- [Saweetie giggles]
I think my biggest turn-on is dicks.
I like dicks.
I like that like, come comes out of them.
That impresses me.
Seeing him in sexy underwear turns me on.
Him seeing me in sexy...
Me seeing me in sexy underwear
turns me on.
Hmm. My biggest turn-on is vaginas.
And my biggest turn-off
is when the vaginas go away.
Honestly for me
the biggest turn-on is looking at me.
A person who cross-dresses for a living.
And it doesn't affect you at all.
You see it as a completely normal job.
A turn-on for me is how
you know, my husband is so nice
with a waiter or someone
like a stranger on the street, you know.
That really is my love language.
Also, when he unloads that dishwasher?
Bitch, I am moist!
What is the kinkiest thing I've ever done?
I don't know, I am not gonna...
I don't know, I mean.
I'm going through
a library of things in my head
and I'm like, I'm not saying that on TV.
What is... [laughs]
What is the kinkiest thing I've ever done?
I am into kinks now,
that I would never have foreseen.
Like, I'm into foot stuff.
Like, I would like someone
to hold my foot when I come.
I really like kind of role plays
and any kind of weird power dynamic,
I'm into.
I've been the bad little girl.
- I've been the nurse.
- [beeping]
Oh! I've been the warrior princess.
Been that.
I haven't done anything with anime yet,
but I might try anime soon. [laughs]
So, okay, this is my fantasy. I'm a chef.
And I'm a young nervous chef.
Trying to prove myself.
Trying to make a name
in the culinary industry.
And then
a really sexy food critic comes in.
And she is ordering my food,
and I'm just like desperate to please.
She's sending stuff back.
She's like, "It's too salty" or whatever.
And then anyway, I present her
with like my main dish.
She is eating the food
and then I go down on her,
under the table.
That's my... I keep thinking about it.
I'm gonna make it happen.
I'm gonna get someone
to act that out with me.
'Cause I'm like, trying to get,
you know, a Michelin star.
Or like five stars for my restaurant.
Kink is anything
that is not plain vanilla sex.
Outside of the...
It's like basically anything
but missionary.
And just so,
most people are a little bit kinky.
I will say that...
for me and for a lot
of kinky people I know,
we start doing kink
before we know what it's called.
When I was a kid, I would sometimes like
tie up my action figures
and I would like gag them
with Scotch tape or whatever.
I used to watch these movies where like...
Oh, my God, I remember Leonardo DiCaprio
getting cuffed to a pole in Titanic.
It was just like, the hottest thing
in the world to me.
Like what does it say that I wanted
Rose and Cal to get together.
Not Rose and Jack.
How dark is that? At 13.
I was like, this is too vanilla.
Jack and Rose.
And like, here is my encouragement
to people who think they might be kinky.
If you are kinky, if you have interest...
be open-minded and explore,
and you will find more.
Dr. Ruth, my question for you is
what constitutes
a healthy sexual relationship?
Hi, Romesh.
First of all, Romesh, I like very much...
the question.
If you like her,
if you really have things in common,
then stop worrying.
Just enjoy the moment.
Make sure that you enjoy your erection.
And that she enjoys
your giving her great orgasms.
Good luck to you. Bye-bye.
I'm Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
Thank you very much
for such a great answer, Dr. Ruth.
Next question, please.
Hi, Dr. Ruth, I have a question for you.
How do you stop yourself
from getting lockjaw
when you're sucking dick?
'Cause I have that problem a lot.
London, okay. So here is what you do.
I've never had that question.
Wonderful that you're engaging
in oral sex.
I'm sure that he also goes down on you.
So, your jaw,
make sure that you're relaxing your jaw.
That you don't do it, like so hard,
that you get a cramp.
Maybe do a little exercise
with your hand on your jaw before.
And then, if he is very large,
you don't have to take that whole penis
in your mouth.
Just take the glans, just the tip,
and he will not know the difference.
Good question. Goodbye.
Aw! Thanks, Dr. Ruth. Okay.
I learned a lot.
- Keep going.
- Tell me when!
- I will.
- Promise me.
I will!
- Not yet.
- You better tell me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God...
- That was amazing.
- You're amazing.
Fucking hell.
I'm fucking drenched down here.
Came right on my fucking puppeteer's face.
Okay, that's it.
Thank you for watching,
but the show is over.
We've reached the climax.
- Really? What?
- Oh, no!
- My gosh.
- No, I was just faking it.
[all laugh]
- What! I really thought...
- I know.
Classic. Classic.
What a skank.
Of course I've faked it.
I'm fucking busy. Let's go.
I'm a good actress. Are you serious?
I didn't have my first orgasm
until I was like 25.
I didn't start having them
regularly until my 30s.
I've dated people for years
who never gave me an orgasm,
and I just thought that was fine.
And now I love seeing
this new generation of empowered
like sexual people
who have equality in the bedroom.
I don't know
what this says about my psychology,
but when someone says "Don't come,"
I come in two seconds.
A scientist
would probably say that an orgasm...
Starts off in your toes.
It feels like you've played the lotto
for the first time and won all the money.
I just find orgasms really relaxing.
A orgasm is like
walking into that all-white room
in The Matrix.
It's just like a...
Goddamnit, how do you describe an orgasm?
An orgasm is a...
Uh, an orgasm is...
So, an orgasm... an orgasm...
I, I, I... huh.
A little feather is tickling your big toe.
Then it goes from your toes,
and goes straight to your vagina.
Goddamn, hmm.
Often... So it depends, so there is a...
Flood of...
This, like...
There's like a...
...flow of like pleasure.
- It can be...
- Three little fireworks...
- ...tingly...
- Right at the...
- ...physical...
- ...beginning of your vagina.
You know?
These fireworks gotta go somewhere.
Where they gonna go?
I'm trying to think... I think...
As I approach orgasm,
I become increasingly frantic.
- ...emotional.
- Twitching.
- It is kind of...
- ...mental.
- Panic.
- Happening in the brain.
- It's kind of.
- ...too dirty.
- No, it is good.
- We're just doing
what our insides are telling us to do.
An increased blood flow in the genitals.
- Dang.
- That's so hard.
- Like a fucking horse.
- Oh, yeah.
- No, that's great.
- Right...
- ...before...
- The fireworks go up.
It feels like a washing machine
being thrown down the stairs.
- [growls]
- [Romesh] I then pull a face,
it's very similar to when I'm trying to
open a tough pickle jar.
[laughs] Okay.
The nerves all fire together.
- up.
- Close your eyes...
- Wet yourself.
- ...with a kind of enjoyment.
Shit comes out this way.
- Yes.
- I don't know the technical terms.
- Fluid.
- Water.
- Moist.
- [laughs]
And there is a specific brain area
that lights up as well.
- [moans]
- [fireworks pop]
Oh, yeah.
- [moaning]
- [fireworks pop]
If it was good for you, it's good for me.
Was it good for you?
Everybody is talking about sex
Talking 'bout sex
Looks like this show
is about to finish, y'all.
[all groan]
- [moans]
- [vibrator buzzes]
And so am I.
Molly, if you don't
put that Bluetooth down...
We've reached the end of the show.
So what did y'all learn?
Well, we learned
that everyone has a different definition
of sex positivity.
Also I learned that Mike's towel
only covers 65% of his nether region.
It's true.
Well, I learned that it's important
to remember how much fun sex can be.
And that it's okay
to laugh in the bedroom.
As long as you're not laughing
at my dingle-dongle.
That's short for "penis."
And that orgasms
aren't the be-all and end-all.
They're everything.
And I've learned it's important to be safe
and respectful at all times.
Sex without consent isn't sex.
Yeah, safe and
enthusiastically consensual sex
is beautiful sex.
- A hundred percent.
- What about you, Saweetie?
Did you learn anything?
Actually I did.
I learned a whole lot, y'all.
I learned that sexual experiences
shouldn't affect your self-worth.
And more importantly,
I learned that sex positivity
is really about being comfortable
within your own body.
No one should tell you
who you should have sex with.
Or how to have sex.
Look, I was an only child for 11 years.
I didn't have someone
teaching me about sex.
I didn't have a big sister
coaching me through my curious thoughts.
It was just me and my home girls talking.
Now imagine a whole bunch of teenagers
giving each other sex advice.
Like, sis, this is not Degrassi.
But I think the major thing I learned
is making a show about sex
is way more lit with puppets.
- I know that's right.
- I know that's right.