Shag (1988) Movie Script
1
Good morning,
miss Luanne.
Oh, damn! Every damn
thing has to happen
When you're in
a damn hurry!
Why Luanne,
You think your daddy
can't hear that language?
Dear, you're not wearing
bermuda shorts to Fort Sumter,
Least of all
to someone's house.
We're all going
to change
In a gas station
before we get there.
Senator Clatterbuck's
daughter
Does not undress
in a gasoline station.
Now go upstairs
and change.
Nicely.
Damn! Damn! Damn!
Now, do try
to learn something.
The civil war started
in Fort Sumter.
Everyone
knows that, mama.
And do try to be gracious.
Remember who you are.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't wear
dark lipstick.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't stay out
too late.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't let any
of the other girls
Drive my car!
Yes, ma'am.
Other than that,
have a good time.
Pudge? Pudge, you forgot
your metrecal, honey.
Oh, mama!
Now, you stay
on your diet, dear.
You want to fit into
that bridesmaid's dress.
Bye, mama.
Hey, Luanne.
Hey.
Is your mama still
making you diet?
There'll be
nothing left, Pudge.
She hasn't
noticed yet.
Bye, sweetheart.
Y'all have fun.
Woo!
Thought you'd never
get here, Luanne.
So did I.
Suppose your mama
calls my mama?
She won't.
She won't.
She's going off campaigning
with daddy somewhere.
What did your mama say
about the trip?
Ahem.
"I'm so thrilled you girls
are taking an interest
"In your heritage.
"Now, you take this jar
of my pepper relish
Oh!
"To Luanne's aunt devote!"
"And stay
on your diet, dear. "
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Melaina, unlock
this door.
You hear me?
I'm not decent, daddy.
Tell those girls
to lay off that horn.
You're not going
with them.
Yes, sir.
And you ain't
foolin' me
With that
Fort Sumter story.
Yes, sir.
There she is.
She doesn't know
that house has a door.
Someday, her daddy's
gonna take that ladder away.
Come on!
Go, go, go!
Lay rubber!
Whew!
Melaina!
Get back here
right now!
Damn holy roller!
I can't believe you're just
up and leaving me
With the whole weddin'.
Harley, it's only for 3 days!
Don't raise
your arms.
3 days is
a long time.
Harley, just let her go
on this little outing
So I can get on
without all this fuss.
You haven't even
chosen your bouquet yet.
Don't raise
your arms, Carson.
Sorry, mama.
Fort Sumter?
I don't know why
you have to go now...
uh-Oh, Harley's
having a hissy.
Y'all told.
Uh-Uh.
Shh, we did not.
Carson still thinks we're
going to Fort Sumter.
She's gonna lay a brick
when she finds out
Where we're takin' her.
French him, Carson!
Can you imagine marrying
anybody so dullsville?
Kill me now.
Do y'all think
Carson and Harley
Have premarital sex?
Melaina! Gross!
Carson told me Harley
doesn't see any point in it.
They're saving it
for their wedding night.
Then he'll
spring it on her
He doesn't have
a tallywagger.
Shh. Y'all
don't talk ugly
About Harley
in front of Carson.
Remember, we have to
make this the best weekend
Of her entire life.
Hi, Harley.
Hello.
Hi, y'all.
You ok, sugar?
Harley didn't
want me to come.
It's gonna be fun.
Y'all behave
yourselves.
Bye.
Bye.
We're on our way!
Ok, everybody,
"how mature are you?
"The night before the prom,
your steady breaks his leg.
"Do you:
"A. Sit home
with him watching TV
"And let your new
prom gown go to waste?
"Or b. drag him
to the prom,
"And then dance with
his best friend all night?"
What does the best
friend look like?
Melaina...
A. You'll sit
home with him
And let your new
prom dress go to waste.
Luanne is mature!
"Question number 2.
"At the party, your dreamboat
hands you an alcoholic beverage.
"Do you: a. Politely refuse
"And ask for
a soft drink-"
Or b. Get
knee-Walking drunk
And let him go
to third base?
Melaina, no.
Ok, Pudge,
here's your fortune.
Yellow.
Y-E-L-L-O-W.
"You will marry bullwinkle
and have three kids. "
At least I won't
be an old maid.
If I'm not engaged
by the time I'm 20,
I'm going to kill myself.
Luanne,
that was our turnoff.
Oh, damn!
Guess that means we just have
to go to Myrtle Beach!
Woo! In that case...
Melaina!
Grab the wheel.
Luanne!
Are y'all
going crazy?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
What are
y'all doing?
Goin' to Myrtle Beach
to meet boys.
Turn on the radio!
Woo!
Be careful!
Let's go on
everything.
We will.
Hey, y'all, look.
There's the ocean.
It's great here.
I want to call Harley.
You're not calling Harley.
Carson, we only came here
so you could have a good time.
I'm not allowed to go
to Myrtle Beach.
We won't tell on you.
Sug', we're not
in high school anymore.
Oh! I forgot it was
sun fun festival
This weekend.
Hi.
Hi.
Where y'all from?
None of your beeswax.
"None of your beeswax?"
That's so queer!
Ha ha ha.
They were cute.
He was uncouth!
He was adorable.
Hey, y'all!
Melaina, don't.
Come on!
I've been
coming to Myrtle Beach
Since I was a
little-bitty girl.
We just don't date
these local boys.
Well, I'm not stuck
having to marry
The son of some old
plantation owner, Luanne.
I can have fun.
I think you're forgetting
whose weekend this is.
Oh, my God. Look.
That's where Florence Jowers
Got pregnant last year.
It's not too late
to go to Fort Sumter.
Honestly, Carson! We're
not gonna get pregnant.
We can conduct
ourselves as ladies,
No matter where we are.
Y'all forgot your beer!
Hey!
Aah!
Aah!
Get them!
Melaina!
I'm sorry!
Melaina!
Y'all, act like
You've got some upbringing!
I mean it.
Everybody in this entire town
Knows the senator.
If my daddy finds out,
We'll be on restriction
till we're old and gray.
Now, we can have a good time,
But we cannot be wild.
Ha!
There's the pavilion, Pudge.
And look, there's a shag contest.
Get on your shagging shoes.
That is so cool.
Where the hell is it?
Let's just break in.
Melaina Buller, you are not
running the show.
Ah!
Luanne, this place
is huge.
Oh, wow.
Wow. I think
I could live here.
Luanne, this is
some beach house.
There are going to be
some rules around here.
For one thing,
I don't want anybody
sitting on the furniture.
If you have to sit down,
then just sit on the floor.
Also...
don't anybody use the telephone.
Oh, come on, Luanne.
The house is supposed to be empty.
If we run up that phone bill
And daddy sees someone was here-
What about calling Harley?
You're not calling Harley!
And furthermore...
daddy's bourbon...
strictly off limits.
Other than that...
why, make yourselves at home!
"5:30- Give your hair
"A fresh set.
"He's worth the extra trouble. "
How does she know?
"After your bath,
apply a cloud-Like spray
"Of his favorite cologne,
"And don't forget your deodorant. "
I can't believe
she put that in here.
"6:30- Apply makeup. "
What does she say about eyeliner?
Does she do that little
taily thing at the end?
I think eyeliner looks trashy.
I wear eyeliner.
Well, I like the way
it looks on some people.
So, what does that add up to?
She spends 21/2 hours
getting ready to go out?
Reckon that's how she got
to be miss Galaxy.
She's not even that pretty.
Don't y'all think she looks
Exactly like
Mary Pat Montgomery?
Ewwwwww!
Ha ha ha!
Mary Pat Montgomery
was the one
Who told me about boners.
Gross!
It isn't a bone at all.
It's a muscle.
This cousin of hers
dated a clemson tiger
Who sprained his in a game.
And she had to massage it
every night when it got hard
Because he was in so much pain.
Mary Pat told you that?
And she always acts so innocent!
Ok, come on.
What do y'all think?
French twist or bubble flip?
Bubble flip's much
better for shagging.
Come on, let's go.
I'm not gonna dance.
It wouldn't be right.
You're gonna dance.
Honey, this is your weekend.
Just forget about
that ol' wedding.
And let us spoil you.
Carson, I will never get over
How tiny your feet are.
What size do you wear? Four?
41/2?
Harley is certainly
a very lucky boy.
Sugar... what's wrong?
Looky, looky.
It's Binky.
Sugar, tell Luanne
what's wrong.
I love y'all so much.
And, uh...
y'all are going off
to college and everything.
And you're gonna forget me.
I know I shouldn't be jealous,
But I am.
She's wrecked her face.
Carson...
I swear. I swear on the Bible.
I will write you
every week from college.
And so will Pudge.
And so will Melaina.
I'm not going to college.
Do y'all think I'm
doing the right thing?
Yeah. Sure.
Of course we do. Yes.
Harley is a wonderful person
From a wealthy
and respected family,
And I know you're going to be...
very happy.
And if you're not,
there's always divorce.
Melaina!
Melaina!
Hey, where y'all going?
Wow! Yeah!
Look, there's Johnny!
Johnny!
Where you going, blondie?
Luanne, how come you never
brought us here before?
I haven't brought you
here now. Right, girls?
Oh, right.
Carson, you look exactly
like Jackie Kennedy.
I think J.F.K.
Is a sweet potato.
Oh, Melaina, he's an old man.
Eww!
I don't care. I'd have
an affair with him
Outside of marriage.
Melaina!
Melaina!
Ha ha ha.
Oh!
He's the president, Melaina.
That's sacrilegious.
What a sweet potato!
Don't y'all think...
oh! He saw us!
Jimmy Valentine.
Where?
There.
They can't really mean
the real Jimmy Valentine.
That's him.
That's Jimmy Valentine.
Do y'all really think
he's gonna be here?
Oh, God.
He's a greaser.
I thought you were over him.
How can you like him
and Harley Ralston
At the same time?
He can't even sing.
Did you see paradise
and you? Make me puke.
I am mostly over him.
Y'all, it's OK
If Carson likes Jimmy Valentine.
Yeah, um...
he's got a great...
personality.
Didn't he buy his mother
a car or something?
OK. Which one of you girls is mine?
Ha ha ha!
None of us!
They're all so forward.
Oh, no!
Aah!
Aah!
Oh, my God!
It's a thing!
I can't believe the jerks
In this town!
I'm really here.
I can't believe
I'm really here.
Get control.
Thanks.
Please, God!
Somebody ask me to dance.
Oh, God! Look at
these boho hairdos.
Where are they from?
Cool...
here comes somebody.
Pudge, if he asks you to
dance, first time say no.
You don't want him
thinking you're desperate.
Would any of y'all
like to dance?
No, thank you.
I'd love to.
Melaina!
The exception proves the rule.
She can't shag.
Hey, baby...
ahh!
Let's twist!
No. Wait, wait, wait.
I don't dance!
Luanne!
Oh, my God!
What a creep!
Help!
Help!
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Leslie,
come on and dance.
Why can't girls
ask boys to dance?
It's not fair.
Hi. Buy you a beer?
They don't sell beer.
I have a soda.
Thank you.
Bartender, four beevos.
Nice night.
Oh, yeah.
Real nice.
Say, you don't happen
to shag, do you?
No.
Let go of me, you creep!
I'm Buzz Ravenel.
Let's dance.
I'm sorry.
I'm engaged.
Well, I'm sorry
You're engaged, too.
Wait!
Dance with my girlfriend first.
Hi.
Hi.
Got your eyes full?
Fat ass!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You know any elephant jokes?
Is that a remark?
About what?
Sorry.
I guess I'm just sensitive
about my weight.
What weight?
You want to drive out
to weewaw point?
Weewaw point?
You're out of your mind
If you think
I'm going parking with you.
I don't even know you.
Well, I don't know you either,
But, uh...
I don't consider that
an impediment.
Uh, you had a little something
On your little thing there.
Dance!
Dance on your butt, blondie.
Oops! My foot slipped.
Woo!
Woo!
Yeah, well, she thought
she was the bee's knees
Till she landed flat on her butt.
I can't wait until
You win miss Sun Queen tomorrow.
Big Bob will about die
when you waltz off
With Jimmy Valentine.
Nadine, you really think
I could win miss Sun Queen?
I got news.
You're gonna lose.
Hey, your roots are showing!
Leave me alone!
Oh! Oh!
Melaina!
Melaina!
Chip, grab the bar. We're gonna
make like a tree and leave.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
Well, don't play hard to get.
You might miss something.
Ah!
In the name of decency,
I'll beg you to stop.
Oh!
Hey, Carson!
Wait, wait, wait, y'all.
Where are y'all going?
Wait! Wait!
Boho son of a bitch,
I'm gonna get you!
Wait! Wait!
This is the most fun!
That carpet-bagging slut!
They're going to weewaw point.
Oh, good.
Girl, you make me think.
Who is that twerp behind us?
Oh, must be old four-Eyes.
Don't let her catch us!
Wait! Where you going?
Bye bye, birdie!
Heh heh heh!
Wait for me! Wait!
Oh!
Are you going to behave?
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I won't touch you again.
This isn't scary, is it?
No. You'll be fine.
You got to give this thing a name.
Greeny?
Like Herman or something.
Herman?
Yeah.
Herman? Ah!
You can shag with him
because I don't know how.
If anybody I know
sees me riding this,
I'm gonna be so embarrassed.
This is Chip Guillyard.
Be quiet!
Chip guillyard!
Oh, no.
Ah! Wilmington, Delaware.
Once I got
Hartford, Connecticut.
You did not.
I did, too!
Really?
I did.
Been up north?
No, I haven't. Buzz is
going to go to Yale, though.
Oh. Oh.
Ah! This is the most fun.
You're a little tiger,
ain't you?
I'm a christian.
Hey! Hey, come on,
you little bitch!
Oh! Stop!
I swear, I think
you're really nice,
But it's against my religion.
I think you're nice, too.
Don't act like a schoolgirl.
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Boho son of a bitch!
Nadine, what the hell are you...
come on!
Aah!
You think you can just
waltz right into town
Out of nowhere and take over?
Don't get that crap
all over my car!
Oh!
Suette, would you quit?
Suette, come over here
and help me out.
Let me go!
Ha ha ha!
I'm gonna kill you.
Oh, you're having fun now,
Doesn't she look lovely?
Woo!
Now, this is the most fun.
Fast eddy goes in the bar.
He looks around.
He sees the same girl.
It's 8:00 in the morning, and this
girl's got a drink in her fist.
Carson, sugar, are you OK?
I'm fine.
Now, this girl is very cool.
She's got this quality...
like she's better than him.
So they shoot the breeze,
And she says, uh...
"I'm the emancipated type.
"Real emancipated. "
Newman says,
"How about I get us a bottle?"
She says, "no. "
He says, "a fifth of scotch?"
She says,
"what do you want me to do,
"Just step out in the alley?
Is that it?"
They get the bottle.
And they're at the door
and she says, "why me?"
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
she's got a limp.
You don't notice until
she steps up at the bar.
She has a limp?
Yeah, but like I say,
she's got this quality...
this sex quality.
The limp really doesn't matter.
So newman just starts
making out with her
against the door.
She pushes him off.
"You're too hungry. "
Newman takes the bottle...
slips it under her arm,
and just walks away.
You want some more fries?
Yeah. I'll go with you.
OK.
See you later.
I take it you didn't
like the hustler.
I wasn't allowed to see
that picture show.
Look...
I'm sorry I made you
go on that ride.
I didn't know you were
gonna throw up.
I accept your apology.
And I'm sorry
I got fresh with you, too.
I mean it.
You must be fed up
With guys falling
all over you all the time.
You're so pretty.
Actually...
I've never really dated anyone
except Harley.
My fianci.
I guess I'm just not used to...
well...
Harley is, um...
he's very...
levelheaded.
Well...
that's important.
Yes.
Yes.
I'm a very lucky girl.
You know...
in my opinion...
marriage...
is just a legal form
of prostitution.
Melaina!
Melaina.
Daddy?
Come on.
No. I'm really not any good.
Just try it.
I can't. Everybody's
looking at me.
Nobody's looking at you.
You are.
Try it.
You're so much better than me.
Chip guillyard,
If you don't shag with me,
I'm gonna ask somebody else.
Get away from me.
Ok. I'm going.
All right. All right.
OK. Ready?
OK. Get into it.
Totally relax. Ready?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
See? I told you.
Just dance!
Come on!
Don't step on my foot.
1 and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Count.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
You're not like anybody
I've ever met.
Well, you are like
every girl I've ever met.
You're stuck-up, tight-assed,
And conventional.
Don't you swear in front of me!
Maybe I don't believe
In practicing free love.
Who does?
I do.
You know what, Chip?
What?
You're full of shit.
I am not.
This is the most fun.
I don't think
we should talk anymore.
Fine.
We won't talk anymore.
"I just came here
to play pool, fats. "
He left me like a dog
on the highway.
Melaina, you know better
than to go off with
white trash like Big Bob.
I'm gonna show those girls.
Oh, will you look at my nails?
What's Jimmy Valentine
gonna think?
Jimmy Valentine?
He's judging the miss Sun
Queen contest tomorrow.
Oh!
Well, you tell them
to carry you back home
Right this minute.
Harley, don't be mad
about Myrtle Beach.
They had a change of plans.
No, I'm not drunk.
I only had half a beer-
A beer and a half.
You wanna stay?
I- I don't know.
I'm just so confused.
They were all acting so crazy.
Well, where was Luanne
all this time?
We all just
ate some hamburgers, Harley.
Nothing happened.
I just wanted to
let you know that I was ok.
I love you. Bye.
Pudge?
Chip!
Hi. Good morning.
Hi.
Oh!
I hope I'm not too early.
Why, no!
No!
Aah!
Get out.
Get out!
Don't you want to go fishin'?
It's fun.
Like I'd really go fishing
with you, Buzz Ravenel.
Look...
I hope you know
That nothing is going to
happen between us.
Well, I'm glad
You said something first.
I think we should just be friends.
What do you think you're doing?
Practicing my talent
for miss Sun Queen contest.
I think I'm gonna win.
Wait a minute.
1 and 2, 3 and 4.
5, 6, 7, 8.
1 and 2. Lean.
Ha!
Are you ok?
"Yankees in Tara?
"Well... I won't
think about it now.
"I'll think about it
tomorrow. "
"As God is my witness,
"They're not gonna lick me.
"I'm gonna lie and steal
"And cheat and kill!
"I'll never be hungry-"
Melaina. Melaina. Melaina.
This is a very famous speech.
I did it for maid of cotton.
Remember when I won?
Carson did it for junior
miss... 'course, she lost,
But if you don't
get the words right,
The judges are gonna know.
I still think I'm better off
With modern ballet.
Modern ballet is trashy looking.
The couch!
The couch!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Chip, you and me
Ought to be
on american bandstand.
I think you have to be Italian.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Now, what would
Scarlett O'Hara think
Of you doin'
"as God is my witness"
In a polka-Dot bikini?
Here.
Now, you wear
my mama's hoop skirt.
I know how to win this thing.
Why, Melaina, it is bad
manners to think about winning.
Look, I'm not going to
college like some people,
And I'm sure as hell
not marrying
Any damn Ralston,
and I ain't gonna die
in a parish house in
Spartanburg, South Carolina.
Thank you.
Luanne, I'm as pretty
As any of those girls in hollywood.
This is my chance.
Jimmy Valentine's
gonna discover me today,
and it ain't gonna be
In your mama's hoop skirt.
Would you at least consider
Wearing my one-Piece
bathing suit?
And now here's
the weather forecast.
Sunny and hot...
... Ordered the
school doors kept shut.
Here's a good one.
"Experience speaks out.
"Is the twist dangerous?"
And this reader writes,
"I threw out my hip
doing the twist
"And was in the hospital.
"My parents have banned
the twist forever. "
What a doofus.
"Are you experienced?
"Have you ever
been naked with a boy
"In a swimming pool?"
Don't read that!
"Have you ever petted in a car?
Front seat or back?"
What is this?
It's... it's just a joke.
"Have you ever kissed
"For more than 20 minutes
without stopping?"
Have you?
Then he finished up
at Carolina,
and his daddy put him
right in the front office.
Guess it's kind of expected
by his family.
I mean, "Ralston,"
You just naturally think tobacco.
He's already got some ideas
about improving filter tips.
What about you?
What are your plans?
I figure I'll bum around
Italy or somewheres.
Look at statues and pick up women.
That's a lofty aspiration.
It's a damn sight better
than manufacturing cigarettes
for your daddy.
At least Harley is doing
something with his life.
Harley is a trained seal.
I don't care how rich he is.
I don't think
you're gonna marry him.
You are the rudest person
I have ever met.
Well, that's probably true.
Beevo?
I don't drink
in the middle of the day.
Well, you sure have a
lot of rules for yourself,
Don't you, Carson?
Would you kindly
put your shirt back on?
No.
"Number 9. Have you ever
french-kissed at a party
"With a boy you didn't know?
No.
"10. Have you ever
been to second base,
"On which number date?"
No.
No?
No!
Why not?
Boys don't
think about me like that.
"11... "
Um, "have you ever said
I love you to a boy?"
Rub a little on my back, OK?
Carson, have I laid
a finger on you today?
No.
Mmm. You've got
a nice touch, Carson.
Why'd you say I wasn't
gonna marry Harley?
I'm not gonna tell you.
Why not?
'Cause you'll deny it.
If you think
I'd ever be interested
in somebody like you,
you're wrong.
So marry Harley.
"17. Have you ever been
frenched in the ear?"
Yes.
"18. Have you ever
frenched a girl in the ear?"
Yes.
My God, Chip, who'd
you do all this with?
Nobody.
Ebby Gainsley.
The only reason why
I did it is because...
she only went out with me
Because she had the hots for Buzz.
Huh!
No, it's true.
She wanted me
to tell Buzz she was fast.
So did you tell him?
No, I didn't.
No? You didn't?
No.
No.
What's your real name?
Pudge.
No. Your real name.
It's horrible.
It's so spazz.
Tell me.
Caroline.
That's pretty.
Ow!
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
"Number 20.
"Have you ever
gone all the way?"
Not yet.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Jimmy, will you
sign your autograph?
Mr. Jimmy Valentine!
Oh, Pudge!
I'm sorry.
Uh-Oh!
Don't you think Melaina's
the cutest girl here, Carson?
I want my bikini.
I do.
Jimmy Valentine
is gonna flake out.
Melaina, he's gonna
fall in love with you.
I want my bikini.
No.
I want-
Take me home right now.
I've got to get my bikini.
No, Melaina. No.
I look like a joke!
You look gorgeous.
Now, Melaina, listen to me.
She's just got butterflies.
You remember what they
told us at maid of cotton?
"This is not a parade of flesh. "
Others may cheapen themselves,
but you, Melaina,
you are a flower of the south.
Ha ha ha!
Yay, Melaina!
Oh, that poor girl.
Roberta MacLaine!
Wasn't she wonderful?
Whoo!
Those girls look like harlots.
Jimmy Valentine would
never pick any of them.
Yay!
Yay, Melaina!
Way to go!
Hi. My name is Melaina Buller.
I'm 18, and...
my talent is
dramatic interpretation.
"Yankees in Tara?
"Well, I won't think about it now.
"As God is my witness...
"as God is my witness,
"They're not gonna lick me...
"yet.
"As God is my witness,
"If I have to lie or steal
"Or cheat or kill...
"I'll never be hungry again!
"Oh!"
Yippee!
Yay, Melaina!
Hooray!
Yay, Melaina!
She was good.
Wasn't she?
Oh, my God. Harley.
Where?
There he is!
Now, number 13...
Quick! Quick! Let's go!
It's Harley! Let's go!
What's he doing here?
Before he sees us!
Harley!
Harley!
Are you nuts?
Come back!
Hide me! Hide me!
You're all deserting Melaina.
Who's oh-my-God Harley?
Her fiance.
Holy pajamas.
Well, Harley Ralston!
Whatever brings you
to Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for
all your help, Luanne.
I couldn't have lost
without you.
Did y'all let Carson
get intoxicated?
No, Harley-
What are you doing here?
Where's Carson and Buzz?
Buzz-
Buzz?
Who's Buzz?
Buzz is...
her uncle.
Our maid.
Old Buzzy the maid.
Carson had an awful headache...
let's go.
Throbbing and pounding.
And I guess Melaina called Buzzy
To carry Carson back to the house.
Right, Melaina?
Come on.
Ok, so let's go to the house.
No, Harley!
Let's go to edisto's
and get some ice cream first.
Baby, I gotta ask you to
sign a couple of papers, here.
You can put your arm
around him,
But not below his waist.
I know, you're not that
kind of girl, right?
There goes my dream date
with Jimmy Valentine, Luanne.
He's already given her
a Hollywood contract.
Luanne, you and Pudge
quick run over
And get Jimmy Valentine
and tell him
To come back
to the house with us.
Are you crazy?
Tell him- tell him
your daddy, the senator,
Wants him to sing
at the White House.
Quick, before that slut
gets in the car.
I'm not going to do
any such thing.
Luanne, damn it, you made
me lose miss Sun Queen,
But I'm not going to
lose Jimmy Valentine, too.
Now, you owe it to me.
And you better
get over there quick
Or we're never
gonna speak to you again.
Right, Pudge?
Right.
Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!
Excuse me.
Do you mind?
I am a nurse,
and this is an emergency.
Excuse me.
Hi! I'm thrilled to meet you.
I'm Luanne Clatterbuck.
My daddy, senator
Buford S. Clatterbuck
Asked me to
cordially invite you
Over to the house for a
cocktail with the family.
Right now.
Uh... I can't.
I'm supposed to do
this promotional thing.
Oh, well, it's gonna
be a great party.
Everyone's gonna be shagging.
Yeah, beach music.
My manager's like a priest, man.
You think
I get to go to parties?
Aah!
Will there be, like, girls there?
Girls?
This is the grand strand.
Myrtle Beach.
Wild!
Wild.
It's not a party-
There'll be a band
and everything.
Are you sure you can't come?
Carson, y'all aren't eloping?
I'm going back to Spartanburg
tonight with Harley.
Harley's so square,
he's got corners.
What's wrong with Buzz?
He's a sweet potato.
They're here!
Carson, tell me quick-
some Jimmy Valentine things.
You know, favorite
color, favorite perfume.
Jimmy Valentine's not down there.
Honey, Luanne got him.
Red? Blue?
Jimmy Valentine in this house?
So is Harley.
Blue.
It's definitely blue.
Pudge, run downstairs and
get Jimmy Valentine a drink.
Buzz...
I can't bring myself
To hurt a decent,
God-fearing boy
Like Harley Ralston.
Would you object if
I check on my little Carson?
She's asleep, Harley.
She had a real bad headache.
Where we going?
Which room, Luanne?
I don't know.
Call her, Harley.
Sugar pie.
Ha ha ha.
The senator regrets
that he has been detained
By a very, very important
phone call from Washington.
I think it's
Jacqueline Bouvier herself.
Lemonade?
Uh... nah.
Scotch and water
would be fine.
Man...
look at that fish.
Look at the expression
in his...
eye.
He knows it's over.
Man, I dig parties the most.
Ow!
When's the band get here?
There's no answer
at Carson's house.
Well, then,
I'm calling the police.
No, Harley, there's absolutely
no need to call the police-
You know what?
She took the bus
back to Spartanburg.
She wouldn't be there yet.
She missed you so bad,
She jumped right
on that bus and went home.
She went back to
Spartanburg on a bus?
In the middle
of the night, unescorted?
She's left all
her clothes up there.
She could have gone for a swim.
Hey.
A swim?
I saw you in, um...
you were great in... that movie.
Um...
what was it called?
Elvis is over, man.
I mean, I mean,
look at the guy's face.
He's desperate.
I never get to do jackshit, man.
Like, this is the first
real party I've ever been to.
Huh.
So what I want to know,
cool daddy,
Is where are the girls?
Terribly sorry I'm late.
She looks great!
Those are my mama's clothes.
Does anyone feel like dancing?
She'll do.
Chip, why do you tell lies?
About what?
You can shag.
Yeah, but I never
liked it until now.
Hey, what would you say
if I asked you a question?
What kind of question?
Do you want to go
in that shag contest
With me tomorrow?
You don't 'cause
I'm not good enough, right?
Well, that's OK.
I just thought-
No, no.
I just thought you were going
to ask me something else.
Like what?
Nothing.
Hey. Don't you worry about
Carson one more minute.
She's fine.
She's just got a case of the nerves.
I'd be nervous, too,
if I was about to marry you.
Really?
Uh-Huh.
Listen, do you mind if I split?
Uh, like, I've seen bigger
parties in a telephone booth.
I need action, baby.
I dig it the most.
You got to get
some people over here.
Don't you have any friends?
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
It's a P.J. Party.
Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
Put on a record, somebody!
Purple Jesus!
Get out of my house!
Put him down, you ape!
You'll break him!
Aaah!
Hey, y'all are ruining...
Oh, no, Harley,
what am I gonna do?
Want me to call the police?
No! They'll tell my daddy.
No, please,
don't call the police.
Aaah!
Take off your shoes.
Take them off!
All right.
I can't believe I'm making out
with Jimmy Valentine.
Are these your friends?
Um, well, one-
He...
he...
only one of them.
Ow!
I know that-No.
Oh, my Jesus Lord!
Melaina!
Aah!
Get out!
Aah!
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Oh, thank you, Harley.
"J.T.S. Brown.
"No ice, no glass. "
Gator!
It's raining.
Um, Buzz says you get
drunk a lot faster
If you use a star-
A straw.
Want some potato Chips?
No.
Oh!
Oh!
Nice trick.
What else
can you do?
"Hey, Rocky, watch me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "
Oh! Do it again.
No. I can't.
Yeah. Do it again.
"Hey, Rocky, watch me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "
They're gonna pay, all right.
This one's for you, four-eyes.
Goddamn rich bitches!
Dying cockroach!
You are ruining the floor. Now get up!
Get up! Get up!
Get up! Get up!
Oh! Let go. Let go!
Aah! Ooh!
Oh, what the hell?
Not bad.
Did you know that
I'm going off to the
United States naval academy
in Annapolis in a couple days?
No.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be a marine.
Anyway, I was telling Buzz
that, well, I was really hoping
that I'd fall in love
with a girl this summer,
so as I'd have
someone to write to.
Oh, Chip!
Only, you know what
I just realized?
I don't have to fall
in love with anybody.
I can just write to you.
It's not like writing
to a girl or nothing.
I mean, with you,
I can really be myself,
And I'm not afraid of
what you'll think of me.
Luanne...
your eyes are...
emerald green.
Buzz.
Buzz, I can't.
Oh, I can't.
It's wrong.
Well, I'm not gonna force you,
Even if you want me to.
Buzz...
I can't go around
Sleeping with every boy
that likes me.
Carson...
don't you know we'll remember this
For the rest of our lives?
Just don't tell anybody, OK?
Hey!
Oh.
Hey, you want to go
for a little cruise?
I can't feel my teeth.
Luanne, how...
how come we never talked
to each other before?
I think you are really...
really cool.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Harley!
Harley, I think
somebody's been here.
Oh! Oh!
I see!
Oh!
Elvira, what are you doing here?
I come to open the
house up for the senator,
On account of him and your mama
Are arriving on the noon plane.
Did you see all the mess?
Alex, where's my shoe?
Y'all get out!
Get up and get out!
Move on out of here!
See you later.
Oooh.
I thought it might
interest you to know
That my parents might
be arriving any minute.
Now here. You wear these.
Come on, now.
Go, go, go!
Are you...
are you... fuzzy?
You shut your filthy mouth.
All right.
Where is he?
Oh, God.
What are you doing?
Easy.
I think I'm blind.
Wait! Jimmy, Jimmy, write
down my phone number.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, huh?
Huh?
You see that?
Do you see this?
I got 10 grand in that mouth.
It's gorgeous.
You should have teeth like this.
You ever see a chin like that?
It's like art, like sculpture.
3 grand.
Singing lessons.
The kid has got
a wardrobe
Makes Liz Taylor look
like a cleaning lady.
I'm talking about investment, all right?
So don't think I'm gonna let
Some piece of dixie ass
parade in here
and crap all over my dream.
Let's go. Come on.
I know!
Let's you and me pick
them up at the airport.
You and me are in Fort Sumter.
Whose is this?
Carson.
Oh, my God. Carson.
What am I gonna tell Harley?
Tell him you're in love with me.
He'd never believe that.
Oh, God. I wish Harley would die.
It would be so much easier.
I didn't mean that.
It's terrible.
Tell him you're going to college.
With you?
Crazy, girls don't go to Yale.
But there's loads of women's
colleges around there.
That's how Yale gets around
not letting any females in.
All the girls
from these other schools
come over on weekends.
I mean, they don't
expect Yale men
To go 4 years without sex.
You want me to go
all the way up there
To a yankee school
Just so I can
come over every weekend
And practice free love with you.
Well, not every weekend.
Aah!
I can't find 'em anywhere.
Chip, where do you
think Buzz would go?
We better start calling motels.
Motels?
Oh, my God!
If daddy's little girl
is your daddy's yacht, Luanne,
I hope you know there's
somebody down there on it.
They're not in the attic.
Thank you for reporting
That there's somebody
on the yacht, Harley.
Chip, come take Harley
up to the senator's study
And show him daddy's collection
Of confederate uniform buttons.
Buttons?
Maybe I better call Carson.
There's one that's
got some blood on it.
Go take a peek.
What buttons?
What happened?
Nothing.
We had a party.
What happened to you?
Did you go all the way?
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Are you sure?
You poor thing. Here,
put your feet up, OK?
What did it feel like?
Don't ask her that!
Wait, wait.
Did it hurt?
Melaina!
You must really love him.
I hate him to death.
He attacked her.
I knew it!
No. He didn't attack me.
I let him.
Y'all...
I'm wild.
Guess I've been wild all along.
I just didn't know it till now.
Way out!
Y'all think I should
throw Harley over?
Yes!
It's only fair.
It's liable to kill him.
He'll get over it, I know.
Pudge, go get Harley, OK?
He's upstairs.
Wait!
Don't y'all think
I better marry somebody?
I mean, I am way out of control.
So marry Buzz.
I wouldn't marry Buzz Ravenel
If he were the last man
in the free world.
Beevo?
You rape artist.
I only want to talk to her.
Jeez.
Hello, Harley.
Hi.
Hi, Harley.
Who are you?
Buzz Ravenel.
It's nice to meet you.
Maid, huh?
Buzz is, uh-
He's-
He's
Luanne's boyfriend.
He is not!
Oh, Luanne.
Don't deny our love.
If Luanne asks where I went,
tell her I'm on a manhunt.
What are you doing
in mrs. Clatterbuck's closet?
Looking for my ticket
to Hollywood.
Why the face?
Melaina, what am I gonna do?
I love him so much I feel sick.
He acts like I'm his pen pal.
You spent the last
24 hours with him.
What more do you want?
I want him to feel like I feel.
Does this look like a birthmark?
Remember in forever amber
When they were on the balcony?
I want him to
take me in his arms
and crush me with passion.
There's only one way
to catch a boy like Chip.
Make yourself look irresistible,
and act like you can't stand him.
And be nice.
And above all, do not
bring them to this house
until we've left for Spartanburg.
Well, what about
the shag contest?
That's it.
That's a good idea.
You take them to the shag contest.
No, I ain't taking them
to the shag contest.
I was supposed to be
in the shag contest with Pudge.
Don't be stupid.
You can't take Pudge
to the shag contest.
I'm taking her back
to Spartanburg with me.
Well, what if they don't want
to go to the shag contest?
I don't care.
You take them there anyway.
Nobody wants to get married, OK?
Go, go, go!
I don't especially feel
like getting married myself.
That's no reason
to call off a wedding.
My daddy's invited half the state.
Don't test me, Carson.
Pudge?
Caroline?
Don't be a moron.
He's only knocked once.
Perfume should linger.
Caroline?
Pudge?
Be cruel.
What do you want?
Um, gosh...
blue.
Um.
I guess you're leaving
and everything.
I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry
We didn't get to enter the
shag contest together, and-
Well, I was thinking maybe
I'd come down from Annapolis-
I wouldn't shag with you
If you were the last
man in the free world.
Now, wait about 5 minutes,
And go offer him
a chance to apologize.
Chip? Oh, Chip?
Where is he?
I sent him to pick up my folks.
Is he coming back here?
Of course not.
He's gone, Pudge.
Now, hurry. And go change your clothes.
We're leaving now.
Buford, what are we doing
in this contraption?
Sir, let me ask you something.
In my experience with girls,
I've found that as soon as a girl
knows you're in love with her,
she starts treating you
just like a dirtball.
You found that to be true, sir?
Every time, son.
Every time.
I tried to be so cool this time.
Just like Buzz.
I never let on
I was crazy about her,
like I definitely was not
in love with her.
But she knew.
She looked right into my mind
and she knew.
This boy is crazy.
Son, did your supervisor
tell you where to take us?
Because we're running
real, real late here.
...directly to the pavilion.
Uh...
But there's a shag contest
at the pavilion, sir.
Yeah. We're guests of the Mayor.
We're the judges.
We'd have been in that shag contest
If she didn't...
if she hadn't...
if she didn't...
did you attempt a familiarity
with this young lady?
No, sir!
I'm a southern gentleman, sir.
Recently accepted
at the United States
naval academy at Annapolis.
Annapolis?
Well, I'm an Annapolis man
myself, son.
Really, sir?
Say, you know, I got
a tie exactly like that.
This is intimate.
Let me out.
What are you doing with that guy?
I'm insulted.
He's completely wrong for you.
You don't know me.
You don't love me.
You sure as all damn
don't want to marry me.
So why don't you
leave me the hell alone?
I don't think I can.
Hah! That's my mama's dress.
Take that off right now!
Melaina Buller, you take
every stitch of this
Off your body!
You see if I ever
invite you to Hollywood.
Everything's in the car, Luanne.
I left your keys in the ignition.
Thank you, Harley.
I wish everyone was
as considerate as you.
I thought it would be so sweet-
One last fling together...
best friends...
those selfish little twerps.
I wish Carson was half as mature
As you, Luanne.
You're a great person.
I keep telling myself
It'll be different
after we get married,
but what if it isn't?
Follow your heart.
Y'all is the horniest
bunch of white folks
I ever seen.
Luanne, I'll be right back.
Don't be mad.
No!
Oh, no!
Oh! You Judas!
Don't worry, Luanne.
My T-Bird can catch
a Cadillac any day.
Son of a bitch!
Are you coming in?
No. There's no point now.
I got to get back.
Luanne will be mad.
Well, thanks for the lift.
I'll write you from California.
Good luck with Jimmy Valentine.
Jimmy Valentine?
Pudge, he's small potatoes.
I love you, Melaina.
Me, too.
Oh, Melaina, you forgot...
Where have I seen you before?
Maybe in one of your better dreams.
"Don't stop!"
You're a great crowd.
We want you to enjoy
your dance contest.
Big dan and the sand dollars
will be back.
Right now,
Let's give a warm
Myrtle Beach welcome
To the judges of
the 1963 sun fun shag contest.
Come on. Let's hear it.
Senator and
mrs. Clatterbuck.
Also, let's have
a round of applause
For our celebrity guest,
mr. Jimmy Valentine.
Clear the floor,
please, for couple number one-
Skinny and sissie danvers.
"Hey, Rocky, want to see me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat?"
You came back.
And next, the popular...
Jack and Ettie Stroos
from Georgetown.
Who's that old couple?
They're famous.
They're varsity.
They win every year.
Not this year.
Maude...
that young man there,
Isn't he our driver?
Yes.
And isn't the girl like Pudge?
"Carmichael. "
Huh. Why she's Lamar
and Emmie's daughter.
Heavens, no.
Pudge is fat.
She's pretty.
She must be a first cousin.
Way to go, varsity!
Jack and Ettie Stroos,
ladies and gentlemen.
And now, Nadine Thibideau
and Big Bob Conway
From Myrtle Beach.
Move it, fat ass!
Go play in the traffic, liver lips.
An associate of mine
is putting together
kind of a teen thing, uh.
Music, dance...
calls it shindig.
I think you got something, kid.
It's kind ofa Mona Lisa quality.
You really think so?
Oh, yeah.
We're rooting for you,
Spartanburg...
and Myrtle Beach.
Thank you.
Is everything OK, Melaina?
I'm having the most fun.
Does anybody see the car?
No. No.
I don't see it.
Come on, now.
We'll try the pad.
Stop!
Son of a bitch!
Finally, couple number 12-
Caroline Carmichael
from Spartanburg
and Chip Guillyard
from Myrtle Beach.
Don't go in there!
They're already here.
Now, we have to think of a lie.
Hey, everybody, look at Pudge!
A 10?
Excuse me.
A 10? Are you sure?
Wait! Luanne!
Come back.
They'll see you!
What does it matter, Luanne?
Your folks obviously know Pudge.
I'm gonna tell them
Pudge went crazy,
And that she ran off from us,
And we didn't know what to do.
So we called the police.
And the police tracked her here
to Myrtle Beach.
Luanne, why don't we
just go up there
and say, "this was our
last weekend together,
"And we didn't feel
like going to Fort Sumter
"And touring Goddamn
colonial homes
"We wanted to go
to the beach and meet boys
"And go to wild parties
and dance"?
I mean, why can't we
tell them the truth?
I'll tell my parents the truth
When you tell Harley the truth.
I can't marry you, Harley.
I'm in love with Buzz.
They-They went all the way!
Son of a bitch!
We have a unanimous decision.
The winners of the 1963 sun fun
shag contest...
couple number 12!
Now, that was the most fun.
They were awful.
'Course the girls had their
hearts set on Fort Sumter,
But I pleaded with them.
I said, "y'all must come
down to Myrtle Beach,
"And we'll surprise your folks. "
I'm so glad you did.
Uh-Uh.
I don't like apples.
So after basic training's done,
I want to get commissioned
for Camp Pendleton.
Where's that?
It's in California.
And from there,
I can go anywhere.
Harley, I've always disapproved
of tobacco use.
To tell you the truth, so do I.
You don't own anything
like a winter coat,
Do you?
I might.
It gets cold in new haven
at Thanksgiving.
What would I want to go
to new haven for?
Beevo?
Good morning,
miss Luanne.
Oh, damn! Every damn
thing has to happen
When you're in
a damn hurry!
Why Luanne,
You think your daddy
can't hear that language?
Dear, you're not wearing
bermuda shorts to Fort Sumter,
Least of all
to someone's house.
We're all going
to change
In a gas station
before we get there.
Senator Clatterbuck's
daughter
Does not undress
in a gasoline station.
Now go upstairs
and change.
Nicely.
Damn! Damn! Damn!
Now, do try
to learn something.
The civil war started
in Fort Sumter.
Everyone
knows that, mama.
And do try to be gracious.
Remember who you are.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't wear
dark lipstick.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't stay out
too late.
Yes, ma'am.
And don't let any
of the other girls
Drive my car!
Yes, ma'am.
Other than that,
have a good time.
Pudge? Pudge, you forgot
your metrecal, honey.
Oh, mama!
Now, you stay
on your diet, dear.
You want to fit into
that bridesmaid's dress.
Bye, mama.
Hey, Luanne.
Hey.
Is your mama still
making you diet?
There'll be
nothing left, Pudge.
She hasn't
noticed yet.
Bye, sweetheart.
Y'all have fun.
Woo!
Thought you'd never
get here, Luanne.
So did I.
Suppose your mama
calls my mama?
She won't.
She won't.
She's going off campaigning
with daddy somewhere.
What did your mama say
about the trip?
Ahem.
"I'm so thrilled you girls
are taking an interest
"In your heritage.
"Now, you take this jar
of my pepper relish
Oh!
"To Luanne's aunt devote!"
"And stay
on your diet, dear. "
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Melaina, unlock
this door.
You hear me?
I'm not decent, daddy.
Tell those girls
to lay off that horn.
You're not going
with them.
Yes, sir.
And you ain't
foolin' me
With that
Fort Sumter story.
Yes, sir.
There she is.
She doesn't know
that house has a door.
Someday, her daddy's
gonna take that ladder away.
Come on!
Go, go, go!
Lay rubber!
Whew!
Melaina!
Get back here
right now!
Damn holy roller!
I can't believe you're just
up and leaving me
With the whole weddin'.
Harley, it's only for 3 days!
Don't raise
your arms.
3 days is
a long time.
Harley, just let her go
on this little outing
So I can get on
without all this fuss.
You haven't even
chosen your bouquet yet.
Don't raise
your arms, Carson.
Sorry, mama.
Fort Sumter?
I don't know why
you have to go now...
uh-Oh, Harley's
having a hissy.
Y'all told.
Uh-Uh.
Shh, we did not.
Carson still thinks we're
going to Fort Sumter.
She's gonna lay a brick
when she finds out
Where we're takin' her.
French him, Carson!
Can you imagine marrying
anybody so dullsville?
Kill me now.
Do y'all think
Carson and Harley
Have premarital sex?
Melaina! Gross!
Carson told me Harley
doesn't see any point in it.
They're saving it
for their wedding night.
Then he'll
spring it on her
He doesn't have
a tallywagger.
Shh. Y'all
don't talk ugly
About Harley
in front of Carson.
Remember, we have to
make this the best weekend
Of her entire life.
Hi, Harley.
Hello.
Hi, y'all.
You ok, sugar?
Harley didn't
want me to come.
It's gonna be fun.
Y'all behave
yourselves.
Bye.
Bye.
We're on our way!
Ok, everybody,
"how mature are you?
"The night before the prom,
your steady breaks his leg.
"Do you:
"A. Sit home
with him watching TV
"And let your new
prom gown go to waste?
"Or b. drag him
to the prom,
"And then dance with
his best friend all night?"
What does the best
friend look like?
Melaina...
A. You'll sit
home with him
And let your new
prom dress go to waste.
Luanne is mature!
"Question number 2.
"At the party, your dreamboat
hands you an alcoholic beverage.
"Do you: a. Politely refuse
"And ask for
a soft drink-"
Or b. Get
knee-Walking drunk
And let him go
to third base?
Melaina, no.
Ok, Pudge,
here's your fortune.
Yellow.
Y-E-L-L-O-W.
"You will marry bullwinkle
and have three kids. "
At least I won't
be an old maid.
If I'm not engaged
by the time I'm 20,
I'm going to kill myself.
Luanne,
that was our turnoff.
Oh, damn!
Guess that means we just have
to go to Myrtle Beach!
Woo! In that case...
Melaina!
Grab the wheel.
Luanne!
Are y'all
going crazy?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
What are
y'all doing?
Goin' to Myrtle Beach
to meet boys.
Turn on the radio!
Woo!
Be careful!
Let's go on
everything.
We will.
Hey, y'all, look.
There's the ocean.
It's great here.
I want to call Harley.
You're not calling Harley.
Carson, we only came here
so you could have a good time.
I'm not allowed to go
to Myrtle Beach.
We won't tell on you.
Sug', we're not
in high school anymore.
Oh! I forgot it was
sun fun festival
This weekend.
Hi.
Hi.
Where y'all from?
None of your beeswax.
"None of your beeswax?"
That's so queer!
Ha ha ha.
They were cute.
He was uncouth!
He was adorable.
Hey, y'all!
Melaina, don't.
Come on!
I've been
coming to Myrtle Beach
Since I was a
little-bitty girl.
We just don't date
these local boys.
Well, I'm not stuck
having to marry
The son of some old
plantation owner, Luanne.
I can have fun.
I think you're forgetting
whose weekend this is.
Oh, my God. Look.
That's where Florence Jowers
Got pregnant last year.
It's not too late
to go to Fort Sumter.
Honestly, Carson! We're
not gonna get pregnant.
We can conduct
ourselves as ladies,
No matter where we are.
Y'all forgot your beer!
Hey!
Aah!
Aah!
Get them!
Melaina!
I'm sorry!
Melaina!
Y'all, act like
You've got some upbringing!
I mean it.
Everybody in this entire town
Knows the senator.
If my daddy finds out,
We'll be on restriction
till we're old and gray.
Now, we can have a good time,
But we cannot be wild.
Ha!
There's the pavilion, Pudge.
And look, there's a shag contest.
Get on your shagging shoes.
That is so cool.
Where the hell is it?
Let's just break in.
Melaina Buller, you are not
running the show.
Ah!
Luanne, this place
is huge.
Oh, wow.
Wow. I think
I could live here.
Luanne, this is
some beach house.
There are going to be
some rules around here.
For one thing,
I don't want anybody
sitting on the furniture.
If you have to sit down,
then just sit on the floor.
Also...
don't anybody use the telephone.
Oh, come on, Luanne.
The house is supposed to be empty.
If we run up that phone bill
And daddy sees someone was here-
What about calling Harley?
You're not calling Harley!
And furthermore...
daddy's bourbon...
strictly off limits.
Other than that...
why, make yourselves at home!
"5:30- Give your hair
"A fresh set.
"He's worth the extra trouble. "
How does she know?
"After your bath,
apply a cloud-Like spray
"Of his favorite cologne,
"And don't forget your deodorant. "
I can't believe
she put that in here.
"6:30- Apply makeup. "
What does she say about eyeliner?
Does she do that little
taily thing at the end?
I think eyeliner looks trashy.
I wear eyeliner.
Well, I like the way
it looks on some people.
So, what does that add up to?
She spends 21/2 hours
getting ready to go out?
Reckon that's how she got
to be miss Galaxy.
She's not even that pretty.
Don't y'all think she looks
Exactly like
Mary Pat Montgomery?
Ewwwwww!
Ha ha ha!
Mary Pat Montgomery
was the one
Who told me about boners.
Gross!
It isn't a bone at all.
It's a muscle.
This cousin of hers
dated a clemson tiger
Who sprained his in a game.
And she had to massage it
every night when it got hard
Because he was in so much pain.
Mary Pat told you that?
And she always acts so innocent!
Ok, come on.
What do y'all think?
French twist or bubble flip?
Bubble flip's much
better for shagging.
Come on, let's go.
I'm not gonna dance.
It wouldn't be right.
You're gonna dance.
Honey, this is your weekend.
Just forget about
that ol' wedding.
And let us spoil you.
Carson, I will never get over
How tiny your feet are.
What size do you wear? Four?
41/2?
Harley is certainly
a very lucky boy.
Sugar... what's wrong?
Looky, looky.
It's Binky.
Sugar, tell Luanne
what's wrong.
I love y'all so much.
And, uh...
y'all are going off
to college and everything.
And you're gonna forget me.
I know I shouldn't be jealous,
But I am.
She's wrecked her face.
Carson...
I swear. I swear on the Bible.
I will write you
every week from college.
And so will Pudge.
And so will Melaina.
I'm not going to college.
Do y'all think I'm
doing the right thing?
Yeah. Sure.
Of course we do. Yes.
Harley is a wonderful person
From a wealthy
and respected family,
And I know you're going to be...
very happy.
And if you're not,
there's always divorce.
Melaina!
Melaina!
Hey, where y'all going?
Wow! Yeah!
Look, there's Johnny!
Johnny!
Where you going, blondie?
Luanne, how come you never
brought us here before?
I haven't brought you
here now. Right, girls?
Oh, right.
Carson, you look exactly
like Jackie Kennedy.
I think J.F.K.
Is a sweet potato.
Oh, Melaina, he's an old man.
Eww!
I don't care. I'd have
an affair with him
Outside of marriage.
Melaina!
Melaina!
Ha ha ha.
Oh!
He's the president, Melaina.
That's sacrilegious.
What a sweet potato!
Don't y'all think...
oh! He saw us!
Jimmy Valentine.
Where?
There.
They can't really mean
the real Jimmy Valentine.
That's him.
That's Jimmy Valentine.
Do y'all really think
he's gonna be here?
Oh, God.
He's a greaser.
I thought you were over him.
How can you like him
and Harley Ralston
At the same time?
He can't even sing.
Did you see paradise
and you? Make me puke.
I am mostly over him.
Y'all, it's OK
If Carson likes Jimmy Valentine.
Yeah, um...
he's got a great...
personality.
Didn't he buy his mother
a car or something?
OK. Which one of you girls is mine?
Ha ha ha!
None of us!
They're all so forward.
Oh, no!
Aah!
Aah!
Oh, my God!
It's a thing!
I can't believe the jerks
In this town!
I'm really here.
I can't believe
I'm really here.
Get control.
Thanks.
Please, God!
Somebody ask me to dance.
Oh, God! Look at
these boho hairdos.
Where are they from?
Cool...
here comes somebody.
Pudge, if he asks you to
dance, first time say no.
You don't want him
thinking you're desperate.
Would any of y'all
like to dance?
No, thank you.
I'd love to.
Melaina!
The exception proves the rule.
She can't shag.
Hey, baby...
ahh!
Let's twist!
No. Wait, wait, wait.
I don't dance!
Luanne!
Oh, my God!
What a creep!
Help!
Help!
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Leslie,
come on and dance.
Why can't girls
ask boys to dance?
It's not fair.
Hi. Buy you a beer?
They don't sell beer.
I have a soda.
Thank you.
Bartender, four beevos.
Nice night.
Oh, yeah.
Real nice.
Say, you don't happen
to shag, do you?
No.
Let go of me, you creep!
I'm Buzz Ravenel.
Let's dance.
I'm sorry.
I'm engaged.
Well, I'm sorry
You're engaged, too.
Wait!
Dance with my girlfriend first.
Hi.
Hi.
Got your eyes full?
Fat ass!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You know any elephant jokes?
Is that a remark?
About what?
Sorry.
I guess I'm just sensitive
about my weight.
What weight?
You want to drive out
to weewaw point?
Weewaw point?
You're out of your mind
If you think
I'm going parking with you.
I don't even know you.
Well, I don't know you either,
But, uh...
I don't consider that
an impediment.
Uh, you had a little something
On your little thing there.
Dance!
Dance on your butt, blondie.
Oops! My foot slipped.
Woo!
Woo!
Yeah, well, she thought
she was the bee's knees
Till she landed flat on her butt.
I can't wait until
You win miss Sun Queen tomorrow.
Big Bob will about die
when you waltz off
With Jimmy Valentine.
Nadine, you really think
I could win miss Sun Queen?
I got news.
You're gonna lose.
Hey, your roots are showing!
Leave me alone!
Oh! Oh!
Melaina!
Melaina!
Chip, grab the bar. We're gonna
make like a tree and leave.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
Well, don't play hard to get.
You might miss something.
Ah!
In the name of decency,
I'll beg you to stop.
Oh!
Hey, Carson!
Wait, wait, wait, y'all.
Where are y'all going?
Wait! Wait!
Boho son of a bitch,
I'm gonna get you!
Wait! Wait!
This is the most fun!
That carpet-bagging slut!
They're going to weewaw point.
Oh, good.
Girl, you make me think.
Who is that twerp behind us?
Oh, must be old four-Eyes.
Don't let her catch us!
Wait! Where you going?
Bye bye, birdie!
Heh heh heh!
Wait for me! Wait!
Oh!
Are you going to behave?
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I won't touch you again.
This isn't scary, is it?
No. You'll be fine.
You got to give this thing a name.
Greeny?
Like Herman or something.
Herman?
Yeah.
Herman? Ah!
You can shag with him
because I don't know how.
If anybody I know
sees me riding this,
I'm gonna be so embarrassed.
This is Chip Guillyard.
Be quiet!
Chip guillyard!
Oh, no.
Ah! Wilmington, Delaware.
Once I got
Hartford, Connecticut.
You did not.
I did, too!
Really?
I did.
Been up north?
No, I haven't. Buzz is
going to go to Yale, though.
Oh. Oh.
Ah! This is the most fun.
You're a little tiger,
ain't you?
I'm a christian.
Hey! Hey, come on,
you little bitch!
Oh! Stop!
I swear, I think
you're really nice,
But it's against my religion.
I think you're nice, too.
Don't act like a schoolgirl.
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Boho son of a bitch!
Nadine, what the hell are you...
come on!
Aah!
You think you can just
waltz right into town
Out of nowhere and take over?
Don't get that crap
all over my car!
Oh!
Suette, would you quit?
Suette, come over here
and help me out.
Let me go!
Ha ha ha!
I'm gonna kill you.
Oh, you're having fun now,
Doesn't she look lovely?
Woo!
Now, this is the most fun.
Fast eddy goes in the bar.
He looks around.
He sees the same girl.
It's 8:00 in the morning, and this
girl's got a drink in her fist.
Carson, sugar, are you OK?
I'm fine.
Now, this girl is very cool.
She's got this quality...
like she's better than him.
So they shoot the breeze,
And she says, uh...
"I'm the emancipated type.
"Real emancipated. "
Newman says,
"How about I get us a bottle?"
She says, "no. "
He says, "a fifth of scotch?"
She says,
"what do you want me to do,
"Just step out in the alley?
Is that it?"
They get the bottle.
And they're at the door
and she says, "why me?"
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
she's got a limp.
You don't notice until
she steps up at the bar.
She has a limp?
Yeah, but like I say,
she's got this quality...
this sex quality.
The limp really doesn't matter.
So newman just starts
making out with her
against the door.
She pushes him off.
"You're too hungry. "
Newman takes the bottle...
slips it under her arm,
and just walks away.
You want some more fries?
Yeah. I'll go with you.
OK.
See you later.
I take it you didn't
like the hustler.
I wasn't allowed to see
that picture show.
Look...
I'm sorry I made you
go on that ride.
I didn't know you were
gonna throw up.
I accept your apology.
And I'm sorry
I got fresh with you, too.
I mean it.
You must be fed up
With guys falling
all over you all the time.
You're so pretty.
Actually...
I've never really dated anyone
except Harley.
My fianci.
I guess I'm just not used to...
well...
Harley is, um...
he's very...
levelheaded.
Well...
that's important.
Yes.
Yes.
I'm a very lucky girl.
You know...
in my opinion...
marriage...
is just a legal form
of prostitution.
Melaina!
Melaina.
Daddy?
Come on.
No. I'm really not any good.
Just try it.
I can't. Everybody's
looking at me.
Nobody's looking at you.
You are.
Try it.
You're so much better than me.
Chip guillyard,
If you don't shag with me,
I'm gonna ask somebody else.
Get away from me.
Ok. I'm going.
All right. All right.
OK. Ready?
OK. Get into it.
Totally relax. Ready?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
See? I told you.
Just dance!
Come on!
Don't step on my foot.
1 and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Count.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
You're not like anybody
I've ever met.
Well, you are like
every girl I've ever met.
You're stuck-up, tight-assed,
And conventional.
Don't you swear in front of me!
Maybe I don't believe
In practicing free love.
Who does?
I do.
You know what, Chip?
What?
You're full of shit.
I am not.
This is the most fun.
I don't think
we should talk anymore.
Fine.
We won't talk anymore.
"I just came here
to play pool, fats. "
He left me like a dog
on the highway.
Melaina, you know better
than to go off with
white trash like Big Bob.
I'm gonna show those girls.
Oh, will you look at my nails?
What's Jimmy Valentine
gonna think?
Jimmy Valentine?
He's judging the miss Sun
Queen contest tomorrow.
Oh!
Well, you tell them
to carry you back home
Right this minute.
Harley, don't be mad
about Myrtle Beach.
They had a change of plans.
No, I'm not drunk.
I only had half a beer-
A beer and a half.
You wanna stay?
I- I don't know.
I'm just so confused.
They were all acting so crazy.
Well, where was Luanne
all this time?
We all just
ate some hamburgers, Harley.
Nothing happened.
I just wanted to
let you know that I was ok.
I love you. Bye.
Pudge?
Chip!
Hi. Good morning.
Hi.
Oh!
I hope I'm not too early.
Why, no!
No!
Aah!
Get out.
Get out!
Don't you want to go fishin'?
It's fun.
Like I'd really go fishing
with you, Buzz Ravenel.
Look...
I hope you know
That nothing is going to
happen between us.
Well, I'm glad
You said something first.
I think we should just be friends.
What do you think you're doing?
Practicing my talent
for miss Sun Queen contest.
I think I'm gonna win.
Wait a minute.
1 and 2, 3 and 4.
5, 6, 7, 8.
1 and 2. Lean.
Ha!
Are you ok?
"Yankees in Tara?
"Well... I won't
think about it now.
"I'll think about it
tomorrow. "
"As God is my witness,
"They're not gonna lick me.
"I'm gonna lie and steal
"And cheat and kill!
"I'll never be hungry-"
Melaina. Melaina. Melaina.
This is a very famous speech.
I did it for maid of cotton.
Remember when I won?
Carson did it for junior
miss... 'course, she lost,
But if you don't
get the words right,
The judges are gonna know.
I still think I'm better off
With modern ballet.
Modern ballet is trashy looking.
The couch!
The couch!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Chip, you and me
Ought to be
on american bandstand.
I think you have to be Italian.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Now, what would
Scarlett O'Hara think
Of you doin'
"as God is my witness"
In a polka-Dot bikini?
Here.
Now, you wear
my mama's hoop skirt.
I know how to win this thing.
Why, Melaina, it is bad
manners to think about winning.
Look, I'm not going to
college like some people,
And I'm sure as hell
not marrying
Any damn Ralston,
and I ain't gonna die
in a parish house in
Spartanburg, South Carolina.
Thank you.
Luanne, I'm as pretty
As any of those girls in hollywood.
This is my chance.
Jimmy Valentine's
gonna discover me today,
and it ain't gonna be
In your mama's hoop skirt.
Would you at least consider
Wearing my one-Piece
bathing suit?
And now here's
the weather forecast.
Sunny and hot...
... Ordered the
school doors kept shut.
Here's a good one.
"Experience speaks out.
"Is the twist dangerous?"
And this reader writes,
"I threw out my hip
doing the twist
"And was in the hospital.
"My parents have banned
the twist forever. "
What a doofus.
"Are you experienced?
"Have you ever
been naked with a boy
"In a swimming pool?"
Don't read that!
"Have you ever petted in a car?
Front seat or back?"
What is this?
It's... it's just a joke.
"Have you ever kissed
"For more than 20 minutes
without stopping?"
Have you?
Then he finished up
at Carolina,
and his daddy put him
right in the front office.
Guess it's kind of expected
by his family.
I mean, "Ralston,"
You just naturally think tobacco.
He's already got some ideas
about improving filter tips.
What about you?
What are your plans?
I figure I'll bum around
Italy or somewheres.
Look at statues and pick up women.
That's a lofty aspiration.
It's a damn sight better
than manufacturing cigarettes
for your daddy.
At least Harley is doing
something with his life.
Harley is a trained seal.
I don't care how rich he is.
I don't think
you're gonna marry him.
You are the rudest person
I have ever met.
Well, that's probably true.
Beevo?
I don't drink
in the middle of the day.
Well, you sure have a
lot of rules for yourself,
Don't you, Carson?
Would you kindly
put your shirt back on?
No.
"Number 9. Have you ever
french-kissed at a party
"With a boy you didn't know?
No.
"10. Have you ever
been to second base,
"On which number date?"
No.
No?
No!
Why not?
Boys don't
think about me like that.
"11... "
Um, "have you ever said
I love you to a boy?"
Rub a little on my back, OK?
Carson, have I laid
a finger on you today?
No.
Mmm. You've got
a nice touch, Carson.
Why'd you say I wasn't
gonna marry Harley?
I'm not gonna tell you.
Why not?
'Cause you'll deny it.
If you think
I'd ever be interested
in somebody like you,
you're wrong.
So marry Harley.
"17. Have you ever been
frenched in the ear?"
Yes.
"18. Have you ever
frenched a girl in the ear?"
Yes.
My God, Chip, who'd
you do all this with?
Nobody.
Ebby Gainsley.
The only reason why
I did it is because...
she only went out with me
Because she had the hots for Buzz.
Huh!
No, it's true.
She wanted me
to tell Buzz she was fast.
So did you tell him?
No, I didn't.
No? You didn't?
No.
No.
What's your real name?
Pudge.
No. Your real name.
It's horrible.
It's so spazz.
Tell me.
Caroline.
That's pretty.
Ow!
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
"Number 20.
"Have you ever
gone all the way?"
Not yet.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Jimmy, will you
sign your autograph?
Mr. Jimmy Valentine!
Oh, Pudge!
I'm sorry.
Uh-Oh!
Don't you think Melaina's
the cutest girl here, Carson?
I want my bikini.
I do.
Jimmy Valentine
is gonna flake out.
Melaina, he's gonna
fall in love with you.
I want my bikini.
No.
I want-
Take me home right now.
I've got to get my bikini.
No, Melaina. No.
I look like a joke!
You look gorgeous.
Now, Melaina, listen to me.
She's just got butterflies.
You remember what they
told us at maid of cotton?
"This is not a parade of flesh. "
Others may cheapen themselves,
but you, Melaina,
you are a flower of the south.
Ha ha ha!
Yay, Melaina!
Oh, that poor girl.
Roberta MacLaine!
Wasn't she wonderful?
Whoo!
Those girls look like harlots.
Jimmy Valentine would
never pick any of them.
Yay!
Yay, Melaina!
Way to go!
Hi. My name is Melaina Buller.
I'm 18, and...
my talent is
dramatic interpretation.
"Yankees in Tara?
"Well, I won't think about it now.
"As God is my witness...
"as God is my witness,
"They're not gonna lick me...
"yet.
"As God is my witness,
"If I have to lie or steal
"Or cheat or kill...
"I'll never be hungry again!
"Oh!"
Yippee!
Yay, Melaina!
Hooray!
Yay, Melaina!
She was good.
Wasn't she?
Oh, my God. Harley.
Where?
There he is!
Now, number 13...
Quick! Quick! Let's go!
It's Harley! Let's go!
What's he doing here?
Before he sees us!
Harley!
Harley!
Are you nuts?
Come back!
Hide me! Hide me!
You're all deserting Melaina.
Who's oh-my-God Harley?
Her fiance.
Holy pajamas.
Well, Harley Ralston!
Whatever brings you
to Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for
all your help, Luanne.
I couldn't have lost
without you.
Did y'all let Carson
get intoxicated?
No, Harley-
What are you doing here?
Where's Carson and Buzz?
Buzz-
Buzz?
Who's Buzz?
Buzz is...
her uncle.
Our maid.
Old Buzzy the maid.
Carson had an awful headache...
let's go.
Throbbing and pounding.
And I guess Melaina called Buzzy
To carry Carson back to the house.
Right, Melaina?
Come on.
Ok, so let's go to the house.
No, Harley!
Let's go to edisto's
and get some ice cream first.
Baby, I gotta ask you to
sign a couple of papers, here.
You can put your arm
around him,
But not below his waist.
I know, you're not that
kind of girl, right?
There goes my dream date
with Jimmy Valentine, Luanne.
He's already given her
a Hollywood contract.
Luanne, you and Pudge
quick run over
And get Jimmy Valentine
and tell him
To come back
to the house with us.
Are you crazy?
Tell him- tell him
your daddy, the senator,
Wants him to sing
at the White House.
Quick, before that slut
gets in the car.
I'm not going to do
any such thing.
Luanne, damn it, you made
me lose miss Sun Queen,
But I'm not going to
lose Jimmy Valentine, too.
Now, you owe it to me.
And you better
get over there quick
Or we're never
gonna speak to you again.
Right, Pudge?
Right.
Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!
Excuse me.
Do you mind?
I am a nurse,
and this is an emergency.
Excuse me.
Hi! I'm thrilled to meet you.
I'm Luanne Clatterbuck.
My daddy, senator
Buford S. Clatterbuck
Asked me to
cordially invite you
Over to the house for a
cocktail with the family.
Right now.
Uh... I can't.
I'm supposed to do
this promotional thing.
Oh, well, it's gonna
be a great party.
Everyone's gonna be shagging.
Yeah, beach music.
My manager's like a priest, man.
You think
I get to go to parties?
Aah!
Will there be, like, girls there?
Girls?
This is the grand strand.
Myrtle Beach.
Wild!
Wild.
It's not a party-
There'll be a band
and everything.
Are you sure you can't come?
Carson, y'all aren't eloping?
I'm going back to Spartanburg
tonight with Harley.
Harley's so square,
he's got corners.
What's wrong with Buzz?
He's a sweet potato.
They're here!
Carson, tell me quick-
some Jimmy Valentine things.
You know, favorite
color, favorite perfume.
Jimmy Valentine's not down there.
Honey, Luanne got him.
Red? Blue?
Jimmy Valentine in this house?
So is Harley.
Blue.
It's definitely blue.
Pudge, run downstairs and
get Jimmy Valentine a drink.
Buzz...
I can't bring myself
To hurt a decent,
God-fearing boy
Like Harley Ralston.
Would you object if
I check on my little Carson?
She's asleep, Harley.
She had a real bad headache.
Where we going?
Which room, Luanne?
I don't know.
Call her, Harley.
Sugar pie.
Ha ha ha.
The senator regrets
that he has been detained
By a very, very important
phone call from Washington.
I think it's
Jacqueline Bouvier herself.
Lemonade?
Uh... nah.
Scotch and water
would be fine.
Man...
look at that fish.
Look at the expression
in his...
eye.
He knows it's over.
Man, I dig parties the most.
Ow!
When's the band get here?
There's no answer
at Carson's house.
Well, then,
I'm calling the police.
No, Harley, there's absolutely
no need to call the police-
You know what?
She took the bus
back to Spartanburg.
She wouldn't be there yet.
She missed you so bad,
She jumped right
on that bus and went home.
She went back to
Spartanburg on a bus?
In the middle
of the night, unescorted?
She's left all
her clothes up there.
She could have gone for a swim.
Hey.
A swim?
I saw you in, um...
you were great in... that movie.
Um...
what was it called?
Elvis is over, man.
I mean, I mean,
look at the guy's face.
He's desperate.
I never get to do jackshit, man.
Like, this is the first
real party I've ever been to.
Huh.
So what I want to know,
cool daddy,
Is where are the girls?
Terribly sorry I'm late.
She looks great!
Those are my mama's clothes.
Does anyone feel like dancing?
She'll do.
Chip, why do you tell lies?
About what?
You can shag.
Yeah, but I never
liked it until now.
Hey, what would you say
if I asked you a question?
What kind of question?
Do you want to go
in that shag contest
With me tomorrow?
You don't 'cause
I'm not good enough, right?
Well, that's OK.
I just thought-
No, no.
I just thought you were going
to ask me something else.
Like what?
Nothing.
Hey. Don't you worry about
Carson one more minute.
She's fine.
She's just got a case of the nerves.
I'd be nervous, too,
if I was about to marry you.
Really?
Uh-Huh.
Listen, do you mind if I split?
Uh, like, I've seen bigger
parties in a telephone booth.
I need action, baby.
I dig it the most.
You got to get
some people over here.
Don't you have any friends?
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
It's a P.J. Party.
Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus!
Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!
Put on a record, somebody!
Purple Jesus!
Get out of my house!
Put him down, you ape!
You'll break him!
Aaah!
Hey, y'all are ruining...
Oh, no, Harley,
what am I gonna do?
Want me to call the police?
No! They'll tell my daddy.
No, please,
don't call the police.
Aaah!
Take off your shoes.
Take them off!
All right.
I can't believe I'm making out
with Jimmy Valentine.
Are these your friends?
Um, well, one-
He...
he...
only one of them.
Ow!
I know that-No.
Oh, my Jesus Lord!
Melaina!
Aah!
Get out!
Aah!
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Oh, thank you, Harley.
"J.T.S. Brown.
"No ice, no glass. "
Gator!
It's raining.
Um, Buzz says you get
drunk a lot faster
If you use a star-
A straw.
Want some potato Chips?
No.
Oh!
Oh!
Nice trick.
What else
can you do?
"Hey, Rocky, watch me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "
Oh! Do it again.
No. I can't.
Yeah. Do it again.
"Hey, Rocky, watch me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "
They're gonna pay, all right.
This one's for you, four-eyes.
Goddamn rich bitches!
Dying cockroach!
You are ruining the floor. Now get up!
Get up! Get up!
Get up! Get up!
Oh! Let go. Let go!
Aah! Ooh!
Oh, what the hell?
Not bad.
Did you know that
I'm going off to the
United States naval academy
in Annapolis in a couple days?
No.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be a marine.
Anyway, I was telling Buzz
that, well, I was really hoping
that I'd fall in love
with a girl this summer,
so as I'd have
someone to write to.
Oh, Chip!
Only, you know what
I just realized?
I don't have to fall
in love with anybody.
I can just write to you.
It's not like writing
to a girl or nothing.
I mean, with you,
I can really be myself,
And I'm not afraid of
what you'll think of me.
Luanne...
your eyes are...
emerald green.
Buzz.
Buzz, I can't.
Oh, I can't.
It's wrong.
Well, I'm not gonna force you,
Even if you want me to.
Buzz...
I can't go around
Sleeping with every boy
that likes me.
Carson...
don't you know we'll remember this
For the rest of our lives?
Just don't tell anybody, OK?
Hey!
Oh.
Hey, you want to go
for a little cruise?
I can't feel my teeth.
Luanne, how...
how come we never talked
to each other before?
I think you are really...
really cool.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Harley!
Harley, I think
somebody's been here.
Oh! Oh!
I see!
Oh!
Elvira, what are you doing here?
I come to open the
house up for the senator,
On account of him and your mama
Are arriving on the noon plane.
Did you see all the mess?
Alex, where's my shoe?
Y'all get out!
Get up and get out!
Move on out of here!
See you later.
Oooh.
I thought it might
interest you to know
That my parents might
be arriving any minute.
Now here. You wear these.
Come on, now.
Go, go, go!
Are you...
are you... fuzzy?
You shut your filthy mouth.
All right.
Where is he?
Oh, God.
What are you doing?
Easy.
I think I'm blind.
Wait! Jimmy, Jimmy, write
down my phone number.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, huh?
Huh?
You see that?
Do you see this?
I got 10 grand in that mouth.
It's gorgeous.
You should have teeth like this.
You ever see a chin like that?
It's like art, like sculpture.
3 grand.
Singing lessons.
The kid has got
a wardrobe
Makes Liz Taylor look
like a cleaning lady.
I'm talking about investment, all right?
So don't think I'm gonna let
Some piece of dixie ass
parade in here
and crap all over my dream.
Let's go. Come on.
I know!
Let's you and me pick
them up at the airport.
You and me are in Fort Sumter.
Whose is this?
Carson.
Oh, my God. Carson.
What am I gonna tell Harley?
Tell him you're in love with me.
He'd never believe that.
Oh, God. I wish Harley would die.
It would be so much easier.
I didn't mean that.
It's terrible.
Tell him you're going to college.
With you?
Crazy, girls don't go to Yale.
But there's loads of women's
colleges around there.
That's how Yale gets around
not letting any females in.
All the girls
from these other schools
come over on weekends.
I mean, they don't
expect Yale men
To go 4 years without sex.
You want me to go
all the way up there
To a yankee school
Just so I can
come over every weekend
And practice free love with you.
Well, not every weekend.
Aah!
I can't find 'em anywhere.
Chip, where do you
think Buzz would go?
We better start calling motels.
Motels?
Oh, my God!
If daddy's little girl
is your daddy's yacht, Luanne,
I hope you know there's
somebody down there on it.
They're not in the attic.
Thank you for reporting
That there's somebody
on the yacht, Harley.
Chip, come take Harley
up to the senator's study
And show him daddy's collection
Of confederate uniform buttons.
Buttons?
Maybe I better call Carson.
There's one that's
got some blood on it.
Go take a peek.
What buttons?
What happened?
Nothing.
We had a party.
What happened to you?
Did you go all the way?
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Are you sure?
You poor thing. Here,
put your feet up, OK?
What did it feel like?
Don't ask her that!
Wait, wait.
Did it hurt?
Melaina!
You must really love him.
I hate him to death.
He attacked her.
I knew it!
No. He didn't attack me.
I let him.
Y'all...
I'm wild.
Guess I've been wild all along.
I just didn't know it till now.
Way out!
Y'all think I should
throw Harley over?
Yes!
It's only fair.
It's liable to kill him.
He'll get over it, I know.
Pudge, go get Harley, OK?
He's upstairs.
Wait!
Don't y'all think
I better marry somebody?
I mean, I am way out of control.
So marry Buzz.
I wouldn't marry Buzz Ravenel
If he were the last man
in the free world.
Beevo?
You rape artist.
I only want to talk to her.
Jeez.
Hello, Harley.
Hi.
Hi, Harley.
Who are you?
Buzz Ravenel.
It's nice to meet you.
Maid, huh?
Buzz is, uh-
He's-
He's
Luanne's boyfriend.
He is not!
Oh, Luanne.
Don't deny our love.
If Luanne asks where I went,
tell her I'm on a manhunt.
What are you doing
in mrs. Clatterbuck's closet?
Looking for my ticket
to Hollywood.
Why the face?
Melaina, what am I gonna do?
I love him so much I feel sick.
He acts like I'm his pen pal.
You spent the last
24 hours with him.
What more do you want?
I want him to feel like I feel.
Does this look like a birthmark?
Remember in forever amber
When they were on the balcony?
I want him to
take me in his arms
and crush me with passion.
There's only one way
to catch a boy like Chip.
Make yourself look irresistible,
and act like you can't stand him.
And be nice.
And above all, do not
bring them to this house
until we've left for Spartanburg.
Well, what about
the shag contest?
That's it.
That's a good idea.
You take them to the shag contest.
No, I ain't taking them
to the shag contest.
I was supposed to be
in the shag contest with Pudge.
Don't be stupid.
You can't take Pudge
to the shag contest.
I'm taking her back
to Spartanburg with me.
Well, what if they don't want
to go to the shag contest?
I don't care.
You take them there anyway.
Nobody wants to get married, OK?
Go, go, go!
I don't especially feel
like getting married myself.
That's no reason
to call off a wedding.
My daddy's invited half the state.
Don't test me, Carson.
Pudge?
Caroline?
Don't be a moron.
He's only knocked once.
Perfume should linger.
Caroline?
Pudge?
Be cruel.
What do you want?
Um, gosh...
blue.
Um.
I guess you're leaving
and everything.
I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry
We didn't get to enter the
shag contest together, and-
Well, I was thinking maybe
I'd come down from Annapolis-
I wouldn't shag with you
If you were the last
man in the free world.
Now, wait about 5 minutes,
And go offer him
a chance to apologize.
Chip? Oh, Chip?
Where is he?
I sent him to pick up my folks.
Is he coming back here?
Of course not.
He's gone, Pudge.
Now, hurry. And go change your clothes.
We're leaving now.
Buford, what are we doing
in this contraption?
Sir, let me ask you something.
In my experience with girls,
I've found that as soon as a girl
knows you're in love with her,
she starts treating you
just like a dirtball.
You found that to be true, sir?
Every time, son.
Every time.
I tried to be so cool this time.
Just like Buzz.
I never let on
I was crazy about her,
like I definitely was not
in love with her.
But she knew.
She looked right into my mind
and she knew.
This boy is crazy.
Son, did your supervisor
tell you where to take us?
Because we're running
real, real late here.
...directly to the pavilion.
Uh...
But there's a shag contest
at the pavilion, sir.
Yeah. We're guests of the Mayor.
We're the judges.
We'd have been in that shag contest
If she didn't...
if she hadn't...
if she didn't...
did you attempt a familiarity
with this young lady?
No, sir!
I'm a southern gentleman, sir.
Recently accepted
at the United States
naval academy at Annapolis.
Annapolis?
Well, I'm an Annapolis man
myself, son.
Really, sir?
Say, you know, I got
a tie exactly like that.
This is intimate.
Let me out.
What are you doing with that guy?
I'm insulted.
He's completely wrong for you.
You don't know me.
You don't love me.
You sure as all damn
don't want to marry me.
So why don't you
leave me the hell alone?
I don't think I can.
Hah! That's my mama's dress.
Take that off right now!
Melaina Buller, you take
every stitch of this
Off your body!
You see if I ever
invite you to Hollywood.
Everything's in the car, Luanne.
I left your keys in the ignition.
Thank you, Harley.
I wish everyone was
as considerate as you.
I thought it would be so sweet-
One last fling together...
best friends...
those selfish little twerps.
I wish Carson was half as mature
As you, Luanne.
You're a great person.
I keep telling myself
It'll be different
after we get married,
but what if it isn't?
Follow your heart.
Y'all is the horniest
bunch of white folks
I ever seen.
Luanne, I'll be right back.
Don't be mad.
No!
Oh, no!
Oh! You Judas!
Don't worry, Luanne.
My T-Bird can catch
a Cadillac any day.
Son of a bitch!
Are you coming in?
No. There's no point now.
I got to get back.
Luanne will be mad.
Well, thanks for the lift.
I'll write you from California.
Good luck with Jimmy Valentine.
Jimmy Valentine?
Pudge, he's small potatoes.
I love you, Melaina.
Me, too.
Oh, Melaina, you forgot...
Where have I seen you before?
Maybe in one of your better dreams.
"Don't stop!"
You're a great crowd.
We want you to enjoy
your dance contest.
Big dan and the sand dollars
will be back.
Right now,
Let's give a warm
Myrtle Beach welcome
To the judges of
the 1963 sun fun shag contest.
Come on. Let's hear it.
Senator and
mrs. Clatterbuck.
Also, let's have
a round of applause
For our celebrity guest,
mr. Jimmy Valentine.
Clear the floor,
please, for couple number one-
Skinny and sissie danvers.
"Hey, Rocky, want to see me
"Pull a rabbit out of my hat?"
You came back.
And next, the popular...
Jack and Ettie Stroos
from Georgetown.
Who's that old couple?
They're famous.
They're varsity.
They win every year.
Not this year.
Maude...
that young man there,
Isn't he our driver?
Yes.
And isn't the girl like Pudge?
"Carmichael. "
Huh. Why she's Lamar
and Emmie's daughter.
Heavens, no.
Pudge is fat.
She's pretty.
She must be a first cousin.
Way to go, varsity!
Jack and Ettie Stroos,
ladies and gentlemen.
And now, Nadine Thibideau
and Big Bob Conway
From Myrtle Beach.
Move it, fat ass!
Go play in the traffic, liver lips.
An associate of mine
is putting together
kind of a teen thing, uh.
Music, dance...
calls it shindig.
I think you got something, kid.
It's kind ofa Mona Lisa quality.
You really think so?
Oh, yeah.
We're rooting for you,
Spartanburg...
and Myrtle Beach.
Thank you.
Is everything OK, Melaina?
I'm having the most fun.
Does anybody see the car?
No. No.
I don't see it.
Come on, now.
We'll try the pad.
Stop!
Son of a bitch!
Finally, couple number 12-
Caroline Carmichael
from Spartanburg
and Chip Guillyard
from Myrtle Beach.
Don't go in there!
They're already here.
Now, we have to think of a lie.
Hey, everybody, look at Pudge!
A 10?
Excuse me.
A 10? Are you sure?
Wait! Luanne!
Come back.
They'll see you!
What does it matter, Luanne?
Your folks obviously know Pudge.
I'm gonna tell them
Pudge went crazy,
And that she ran off from us,
And we didn't know what to do.
So we called the police.
And the police tracked her here
to Myrtle Beach.
Luanne, why don't we
just go up there
and say, "this was our
last weekend together,
"And we didn't feel
like going to Fort Sumter
"And touring Goddamn
colonial homes
"We wanted to go
to the beach and meet boys
"And go to wild parties
and dance"?
I mean, why can't we
tell them the truth?
I'll tell my parents the truth
When you tell Harley the truth.
I can't marry you, Harley.
I'm in love with Buzz.
They-They went all the way!
Son of a bitch!
We have a unanimous decision.
The winners of the 1963 sun fun
shag contest...
couple number 12!
Now, that was the most fun.
They were awful.
'Course the girls had their
hearts set on Fort Sumter,
But I pleaded with them.
I said, "y'all must come
down to Myrtle Beach,
"And we'll surprise your folks. "
I'm so glad you did.
Uh-Uh.
I don't like apples.
So after basic training's done,
I want to get commissioned
for Camp Pendleton.
Where's that?
It's in California.
And from there,
I can go anywhere.
Harley, I've always disapproved
of tobacco use.
To tell you the truth, so do I.
You don't own anything
like a winter coat,
Do you?
I might.
It gets cold in new haven
at Thanksgiving.
What would I want to go
to new haven for?
Beevo?