Shampoo (1975) Movie Script
It really thumps.
Honey, could you... could you
just put your hand up there?
Now hold it. That's right, because...
That's... That's...
Yeah?
What? Oh.
When'd you get back in town?
Uh-huh. Yeah?
Where are you staying?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Is she still in the same place?
Uh-huh.
Okay. Well, listen.
Uh, why don't you...
I-I'll call you tomorrow?
Or... Hey, why don't you
come by the shop and say hello?
Okay.
Okay. Bye.
I don't know why
you bother with them at all.
Tell them you're sleeping and hang up.
- Uh, I... I c...
- Hmm?
This girl has problems, you know.
- You know what your problem is?
- What?
- You know too many sick ladies.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Particularly in your business.
Don't worry... honey.
'Cause I'm
gonna protect ya.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
Oh, look what I found.
Oh. Well...
Oh, shit!
Shit.
Yeah?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
What do you mean?
No, I...
Okay, all r...
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I just don't know why you don't
get yourself an answering service.
All right.
What are you doing?
Um... looking for my keys.
Hmm?
Keys?
I thought you said
you weren't going anywhere.
I'm not. I just gotta see
this friend of mine for a few minutes.
What are you talking about?
It's one of those girls, isn't it?
You're going to see one of those girls.
What girl? She's not a girl.
She's just a friend of mine.
Wait!
At least wait till I'm dressed,
because I'm going too.
Aw...
Oh, Christ. Get me a Kleenex.
Look, Felicia, I-I won't be long.
- Listen, you're great, baby, believe me.
- Thanks a lot.
It's just that this girl's different, you know.
She has attacks.
- What attacks?
- These attacks.
It's got something to do
with her, uh, pancreas or...
Uh, I don't know... She's got a...
- Pancreatic ulcer?
- Yeah. Yeah. I think so.
- That's very serious.
- I know.
- Who's her doctor?
- I don't know.
- That's very serious.
- I know.
- Ruth Lesserman had a pancreatic ulcer.
- She did?
- It turned out to be a cancer.
- Wow.
So what are you going for, George?
You're not a doctor.
No, no. I gotta give her some pills.
Uh, Percodan. She ran out.
Look, Felicia.
- I want your ass in this bed when I get back.
- You do?
- Yes.
- You're very weird, George.
Mmm, baby. But you're great, baby.
Believe me, you are great. Really.
- Why don't you take this off?
- Hmm.
Ouch!
Jesus Christ. Goddamn it.
Oh, shit.
- Who is it?
- Who do you think it is?
Oh.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
- Don't yell at me.
- I'm not yelling.
- There were some shots.
- What are you talking about?
Gunshots. Some gunshots.
- Where?
- Here.
In the canyon.
Well, it's a big canyon, honey.
So what?
A bullet can probably go miles.
- Why do you leave me alone like this?
- Come on.
I've been running all over town,
trying to find out what they're going
to ask me at the bank tomorrow.
- You were home. Why didn't you call me?
- They shut off the phone.
I can't make outgoing calls.
Just breathe, honey.
Sometimes I get this terrible feeling...
that something awful's gonna happen.
Like what?
Well, I don't know. Like...
Like somebody's gonna get me.
Yeah?
I've had these dreams lately.
- What dreams?
- Well...
They're dumb, but, uh,
somebody gets me,
and they throw me around the room,
and I try to run away,
but they grab me and tie me down.
- Then what?
- Then I wake up.
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't know.
I-I figure if somebody's gonna get you,
it's, uh... you know,
it's probably gonna be me.
Oh! No!
No! No.
How are you, baby? Huh?
How are you?
Hmm.
Where were you?
I'm great, honey. Fantastic.
I really couldn't... couldn't be better.
- I mean, I'm really incredible.
- No.
- Incredible. I mean...
- No, where were you?
Huh?
I'm getting it together, baby.
I'm gonna open up the shop.
- Really?
- Yep.
You know, right now
I am at the epitome of my life.
- Yeah, well, what happened tonight?
- I don't want to talk about it now, honey.
But, you know,
I've been disgusted with my life.
But you just said
you were at the epitome of your life.
I am. I am.
Till I get Norman off my ass, you know...
When I got six guys cutting hair for me,
then I... You know.
I mean, after a while
women can get to be an occupational hazard.
What do you mean, "occupational hazard"?
You know, as long as I'm working in that shop,
I'm always gonna be doing too many heads.
- What about me?
- What about you?
- You're different.
- I am?
You're great.
- Do you really mean that?
- Hey.
I'm gonna retire with you.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
Why am I great?
Jesus, I don't know. You're great.
I don't know. I just...
You know what I read in Cosmopolitan?
That if you don't have a baby before you're 30,
you're gonna have a Mongolian idiot.
- Here, take it!
- Oh! Up against the wall!
- George?
- Bullshit.
Well, maybe you don't even like children.
- Never even been around one.
- Hey.
I'm around you and I like you, don't I?
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Good night, honey.
- George?
- What?
Jackie says she wouldn't
bring children into this world,
that it's overpopulated and hypocritical.
Uh-huh.
Uh, could we talk about this
in the morning?
Jesus, let me show you something.
Six... Six and three-quarters.
- That's our prime rate.
- Really?
And I'll tell you something else.
- The big boys are going for it.
- Are they?
Do you know where FHA is?
- FHA? FHA?
- Just t-take a guess.
Just take a guess where they're at.
Well, seven and a half.
- Wow.
- Wow, indeed.
We won't be going
back to the old days anymore.
- Yeah.
- And it's got nothing to do with inflation.
Rates rise independently of tight money.
Uh...
What... What sort of, uh, references
do you have, Mr., uh, Roundy?
Ref... Reference? Uh...
Yeah. Uh, I do Barbara Rush.
You do what?
Her hair. I do Barbara Rush.
S-See, I was talking about,
uh, credit references and...
Jesus.
Let me have a cigarette. Come on.
So what? We get a trip out of it anyway.
It's a job.
Egypt? Why Egypt?
Well, because that's where
the pyramids are, Jill.
- You seem disappointed.
- No.
Egypt?
Look, is there somewhere else you'd rather go?
Maybe we could change our location.
No! No, that's not it.
Do you have children?
No.
- Are you married?
- No.
- Do you have something against traveling?
- No.
- Do you have something against us?
- No.
Look, Jill, you can just come out and say it.
I'm embarrassed.
We'll let you know tomorrow.
Thank you for coming by.
Uh, look, please don't misunderstand me.
I would really like to go.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
Jesus, this town.
I don't know what a financial statement is.
I got the heads.
- You got the what?
- Right? The heads. The customers.
They come to me.
I'm the one they want.
If I open a shop,
they're gonna leave and come to me.
- I got a lot of heads.
- Listen, I'm sure you do.
- You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
- No, I don't...
How do you expect to lend me money if you
don't know the first thing about my business?
I don't.
Good morning, Mr. Roundy.
Excuse me. Uh, I think that I'm entitled
to make out a financial statement.
Yes, of course.
Uh, Miss Michaels,
would you hand me a couple of those forms
of financial statements, please?
Thanks very much.
You just have these notarized, bring them back,
and we'll see where we go from here, okay?
- Thank you.
- Sure.
You asshole.
- Do you know what George did the other night?
- Mm-mmm.
He wakes me up at two o'clock in the morning
just to do my hair.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't know. He just woke me up
and he said, "Come on, get up.
I'm gonna make you
the grooviest-looking chick in this town."
So what did you do?
Well, I looked at him and I said,
"George, if you love me,
I am the grooviest-looking chick in this town."
- Did he cut your hair?
- No.
- We didn't get around to that.
- Uh-huh.
Um, Jackie,
when you and George were together, you know,
did he do stuff like that?
Oh, I don't know, honey.
I can't remember. It was so long ago.
Yeah, it was a stupid question.
Anyway, I'm so pleased
that you're so happy with Lester.
- Mm-mmm.
- It's wonderful.
He's really great.
It's so great to wake up in the morning
with your rent paid.
I'm afraid George
was just too much of a gypsy for me.
He was always gonna settle down, but...
- He went to the bank today.
- Oh, he did?
Well, I just couldn't wait that long.
But George is great.
Yeah, George is great.
Great.
Hello, George!
Hey, baby. What's happening?
Nothing. I reconciled with Ron.
- Ron?
- You know. Ron. The guy I divorced last summer.
Great. Uh...
- Hope you make it.
- Call me.
Uh, I don't... I don't have your number.
Why don't you stop by the shop? Okay?
- Am I... Am I dry?
- Oh, it's glorious.
Height. You know, just right through here.
Always to drive me.
It was the most painful thing.
Could someone feel me?
- Am I... Am I dry?
- If my mother'd been where...
George. Is this a nice height?
- I'll see you later.
- Great.
You're late. I don't want to talk about it.
- You don't know what happened.
- I don't care.
- You don't know what happened. This girl...
- I don't care about that girl.
- I don't care if she's dead.
- Calm down.
- Norman says you're not collecting for the coffee.
- You know what you can tell Norman.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- You don't understand.
I don't take up your time.
Don't take up my time.
- You're right. You're absolutely right.
- My time is important.
You want to stick to hair?
Let's stick to hair.
- Don't do that with the bleach. Have Mary do it.
- Have Mary do what?
- I mean, you have no respect for me.
- I have no respect for...
You can't distinguish between me
and one of your goddamn Hollywood "mubbers"!
- What?
- Numbers!
- Numbers!
- That's not Wella. That's Tickle Pink.
- What?
- Numbers.
I-I-I don't have to take this.
- I don't need to be put in this kind of position.
- I'm not putting you in any...
- What are you here for?
- A wash and set.
- No.
- No?
- You need a cut.
- But M-Mr. Norman said...
Well, look, I'm George,
and I say you need to be cut.
I like myself far too much...
I like myself far too much...
- I'm not trying to put you in any kind of pos...
- to be put in this kind of position.
I'm not... Just...
All right, I'll have Mary wash you.
Mary? Mary.
- Yeah?
- Wash her.
- With what?
- A Brillo pad, anything. I don't care.
Honey, I-I'm not trying
to put you in a position...
Shit. What... I'll be right back.
Cassie, when you're ready.
Taking a lot of shit lately, George.
Well, it's Norman.
Ain't no Norman.
You're just like my Otis. He can't keep
his hands out of ladies' hair either.
Mmm. How's Otis doin' anyway?
Got a letter from him yesterday.
He just made corporal
or a squad leader or something.
Well... that's great.
Rocco, I do not believe
what you are saying to me!
That was the purest comment
that I have ever made!
- George, if you can't do my hair...
- Just stop right there.
I'm going crazy in here.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I've been cutting too much hair lately.
I'm losing all my concepts.
Huh?
Baby, you're great.
George.
Hey, baby. What's happening?
Um, they want me to go to Egypt
for three weeks.
Oh, great. Jill, say hello to Felicia.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- So, how'd it go at the bank?
- Great.
Um, could I speak to you for a second?
- Well, I mean, you know...
- Go ahead, George.
- Could I?
- Yeah.
Phone call for Mrs. Epstein.
I said I wasn't sure I could go.
- Go where?
- Egypt.
- Oh. Great. Listen, I gotta get back.
- Okay, okay.
- But how'd it go at the bank?
- Uh, great. Can we talk later?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- What were you doing at the bank?
- Oh, nothing.
- I'm trying to get my own shop going.
- Really?
- George.
- Yeah?
You're late.
We're all backed up
and you're supposed to go to Buffums.
- Buffums?
- Yes, Buffums.
- I got heads here, Norman.
- You promised me you would do the show.
- Aw, fuck, Norman!
- George!
If that man calls me one more time...
- Did you tell Gloria she needed a cut?
- Her ends are split.
Well, don't you contradict me
in public again.
Now, what is this horseshit
about not collecting for the coffee?
Listen, I'm doing twice as much
as I'm supposed to.
And if you think I'm gonna charge $25 a head
and hit on them for a cup of coffee,
you can shove it right up your ass.
I want you to learn to collect
for the coffee, George.
Will you learn to nickel and dime!
You're gonna end up without a pot to pee in.
Well, you're looking great, baby.
- What are you doing later?
- Whatever you say.
We have this political thing tonight.
Could you comb me out at the house?
Sure.
- You actually went to the bank?
- Yeah.
- For a loan?
- Yeah.
- You really want your own shop?
- Yeah.
- Why don't you see Lester?
- What?
- Your husband?
- Yes.
- What about?
- The shop.
I think you'd be a good investment.
I don't mind telling him.
Hey, listen, baby, I'm a star. I'm a star.
- George.
- Hey, baby.
- Uh, say hello to Felicia.
- I already said hello.
- Oh.
- George, when can we talk?
- Well, I'm right in the middle of work now.
- I know, but this is important.
- I have a decision to make.
- About what? What?
About whether or not I'm going.
- Going where?
- Egypt!
Well, honey, did they offer you the job yet?
No! But I... But I think they might.
- Uh, w-wait a minute. I'll be right back.
- I don't know what I need anymore!
George, is she the one
with the pancreatic ulcer?
I don't know.
- They didn't offer you the job?
- I still want your feelings about it.
Uh, after work.
Can't we talk after work?
But I never know when you're working
and when you're not working.
- Neither do I, baby.
- George. George!
Do you know what that Lillian Bercovici
just did?
- Please...
- Right after I sprayed her?
- She touched it.
- Well...
Then she played in it
and made it all into something else.
Now I don't know what it is.
- Well, you just gotta get... I'm busy, Ricci.
- I can't even stand to talk to her on the phone.
- Jill...
- I am worth it! I'm worth it.
- Shit.
- Is she all right?
Yeah, she's fine.
Anyway, I really think
you would be a good investment.
- Great. Well...
- I wouldn't tell Lester if I didn't think so.
- You really mean it?
- I mean it.
I mean it, or I wouldn't say it.
Hey, Dennis.
- Felicia looks great that way, right?
- Right.
Great.
Yeah?
Look, I don't know and I don't care
whether the goddamn fish
are laying their eggs in the Baltic.
I want beluga caviar!
Call Chasen's. Call Jurgenson's.
I don't care how much it costs. It...
How much?
Well, then spend it.
Just be sure it's there on the table tonight.
Jesus Christ.
You gotta do everything yourself.
Felicia says you're a very good hairdresser.
Well, yeah.
She says you're a fabulous hairdresser.
Thank you.
I didn't say it. She did.
Yeah.
How'd you happen
to get into that... line of work?
I went to beauty school. You know.
I mean, first you go to beauty school
and then you get your operator's license.
And then you graduate,
and then you're a hairdresser.
It's an unusual trade.
But the important thing is,
you're successful at it.
- In a way, but I-I-I...
- What's this?
- The thing is, I'm...
- The deck chairs for Mr. Russell.
Is that what that son of a bitch
calls wholesale?
- Uh...
- All right, we've had it with him.
- I'm better than the guy I work for.
- Well, that's very good, George.
It's wonderful that you wanna do something.
Thank you.
But... well, personal services
aren't the kind of thing I usually get into.
There's no way of keeping track
of anything.
It's a cash business. You gotta watch
your operators or they'll steal you blind.
- Now, am I right or am I right?
- Uh, you're right.
No, who needs that aggravation?
When I come home from work, there's...
I'm sorry, Lester,
but I have to have that key!
- What key?
- What key? I've been ringing and ringing you.
The garage door is locked.
The man from Sloan's is coming. I've been...
How'd you lose that key?
Oh, George, this is Jackie.
- Well, uh...
- Oh, hi.
I mean, um, hello. We've met.
- Is that right?
- Yes.
George is a terrific hairdresser.
That's what I hear.
- How's Norman?
- Oh, great. Great.
- Who's doing your hair?
- Oh, nobody much.
George is thinking about
opening up his own shop.
- No kidding. Your own shop? Huh.
- Yeah.
George, will you, uh,
excuse us a moment, please?
Sure.
- In, uh...
- Out, please.
Yeah.
I called to tell you I was sending a key over,
but the line was busy.
You're al... always on the phone.
My secretary says
she saw you talking to that boy.
Steve?
Whatever his name is. That... That actor.
Steve Slutes
couldn't get arrested as an actor.
He couldn't get arrested as a boy.
Then you were talking to him?
I ran into him at the 76 station
on Little Santa Monica.
What was I supposed to do,
hide in the ladies room?
Yes, I was talking to him.
I'm always on the phone
because you never let me see anybody.
I can't even bring my girlfriends to the house
in case they might run into you.
It's driving me up the wall, Lester.
You're even jealous of the dogs.
I mean, I have to talk to somebody, don't I?
Don't I?
I'm not jealous of the dogs.
I'm not jealous of anybody.
It's just that I can't afford
to get caught... off base.
So I can't talk to some broken-down actor.
What do you think,
I'm gonna tell him I'm screwing Lester Karpf?
Of course not.
That's not very logical, Lester.
It is logical.
It's the most logical thing in the world.
You wouldn't feel this confined
if we could go out with a few people,
have a little dinner,
a little conversation and so forth.
Oh, yes? How about starting with tonight?
Look, sweetheart, I-I know it's tough.
Mmm.
But at this point my business involves
handling money for a lot of touchy people.
Politics and so forth.
Felicia's in
a very difficult period in her life.
Any divorce and settlement
and so forth and...
well, my finances'd
have to be looked into.
You and your touchy investors.
You do well for people,
they don't ask you to stop.
Nobody wants you to stop making money, doll.
Not even Uncle Sam.
They all want their share.
You're lying about one thing, Lester.
What's that?
You're still jealous.
Hmm?
God, you're a doll.
Now, look, I'll, uh...
I'll work something out about tonight.
I promise.
No. I promise.
Huh? Hmm?
Oh.
Give me the key to the Bowmont house, huh?
Thanks.
Come on, George. I'll walk you down.
- Felicia seems very interested in your shop.
- Yeah.
You know, George, you may not think
that ten or 15 grand means much to me,
but I invest for myself
and a lot of particular people.
So I want a little more of your thinking
on the subject.
- When?
- "When"?
- Well, how about tonight?
- Tonight?
Yeah, I have some big contributors
coming over to the Bistro.
We're gonna watch the returns.
It's a pain in the ass,
but it's, well, something I have to do.
- We'll have a little time to talk there.
- Oh, great.
That's great. Yeah.
Maybe on your way over
you could, uh, pick up Jackie here.
No, it's good you want
to do something, George.
Wish my son knew what he wanted to do.
Anything, just so long as it's something.
Maybe he ought to go to beauty school.
Anyway, see you tonight, huh, doll?
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- Your car down here?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, I'm supposed to take Jill
to El Cholo tonight.
- Oh, it's all right. She can come with us.
- I don't want her to.
All right.
Are you really serious about this shop?
- Are you serious about Lester?
- I asked you first.
Well, I'm never serious about anything.
- How long you had this?
- About six weeks.
Well, I won't be going tonight either.
- Oh, honey, please do this for me...
- Does he know we went together?
Well, no. It never came up.
Well, tell him we went together.
Then I'll take you.
There's not one girl who comes into that shop
you wouldn't do this for.
I'm not gonna be a beard
for you and this guy.
- Why? Is it against your principles?
- Yeah.
I'd like to know what you've been doing
with his wife to get the money for the shop.
Oh, yeah? I don't fuck anybody for money.
I do it for fun.
Hey, I'll do whatever you want me to.
You know that.
Sometimes, George...
Want me to do your hair?
Oh, no...
Oh, I don't know!
What do you think? Huh?
Oh, boy.
George!
- You can't leave. What are you doing?
- Stop by the shop. I'll see what I can do.
Gold closed at $43 an ounce, down 18 cents.
At the bell, the 30 Dow Jones industrials
closed at 946.23, off 2. 18.
Volume, 16 million shares.
Now for the most active stocks
on the big board.
Texaco, 85 and three-quarters, down a half.
Sears, 68 and a quarter, up a quarter.
Polaroid off three-quarters
at 109 and a quarter.
Atlantic Richfield dips a quarter
to 102 and a half.
No, I tried that stuff.
You know I always burn. You...
Yes, when I went to the dermatologist
he gave me that stuff, and it gave me a rash.
Well, that's fine for you.
No. You have a different skin than me.
All right. All right, I-I-I'll try it.
Ah.
Think George is a fairy?
- Who?
- That kid. The hairdresser.
Well... I don't know for sure.
He is a hairdresser.
Thank you, Mona.
Maybe he's just a kooky guy
who likes to do kooky things, huh?
Maybe. Why do you ask?
Oh, I'm thinking of investing with him.
- He worries me.
- Why?
Well, maybe he's too flighty
and irresponsible.
That's why I asked if he was a fairy.
I don't know. He's a hairdresser.
Well, you suggested it.
Don't you think it's a good idea?
Yes, but I thought... You know.
What?
I thought you were indulging me.
You know how you indulge me, Lester.
No, doll. I listen to you.
If the deal doesn't make any money,
that's... that's not too bad either,
if it's... if it's handled right.
- Mmm.
- He's a nice boy.
I invited him tonight.
Just sorry he's a fairy.
Ah.
Well, what do you think?
Dr. Feldman says
that to a certain extent it's normal.
What's that?
- Post-natal frigidity.
- Uh-huh.
But with me it's really...
This guy just expected me
to jump right into bed.
I've gotta feel something tender or whatever.
I've got to know somebody.
George, will you pick up on line two, please.
Line two, George.
Hello.
I'd like to, Jackie,
but I told you to stop by the shop.
Chicken salad.
Uh-huh. All right.
But I gotta be in Bel-Air by 4:00.
Ask Ricci if he'd wind up Anjanette for me,
would you?
There's still too much red.
Huh? No. Honey, it's great.
I'm sorry. I gotta split.
George, I can't do anyone else.
This moon gold's been chewing up my hands.
I have an appointment with the allergist.
It took me a week to get it.
Come on, Ricci.
I'm not asking you to do a dye job.
- But why can't you finish her?
- Now what's the problem, George?
- No problem, no problem.
- George says he can't finish Anjanette.
I don't care.
You don't have to comb out Mrs. Karpf
until four o'clock.
- Why can't you finish her, George?
- I'm busy till 4:00.
- Busy doing what?
- Whatever I feel like.
Yes, and whenever you feel like it.
It's all right. Shut up.
Oh. Come on in.
Um... would you like a drink or something?
- Hmm?
- Uh, no, thanks.
Well, I would.
- Nice place.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, where do you want to do this?
Uh, you got a bathroom or something?
- Oh, can't we do it in here? Huh?
- Huh?
- Well, what are you gonna do?
- I'd cut it.
- Cut it?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Well, you don't seem to be very sure.
- I-I-I'm sure.
- You don't like it the way it is?
- Honey, it makes you look like a hooker.
George, what a terrible thing to say.
What do you want me to do, lie to you?
I'd cut it.
One thing... I have to look great tonight.
I mean, I have to look absolutely great.
...Harris poll
were leading Nixon by three percentage points.
Hello.
Nguyen Van Thieu hints Saigon
will always stand on peace negotiations.
- Oh, hi. Uh, just a second... Whoops.
- These and other stories at 4:30.
We can put you in a brand-new 1968...
Um... well, how are you?
How about what?
I can't.
Uh, I mean, you can't really
come up here, Johnny.
If it's a Chevrolet,
we've got it and we just have to get rid of it.
Shove 'em off the lot, any way we can
to make room for our 1969 models.
Uh, well, it might be difficult,
but it's not impossible.
Now...
But I don't want short hair.
Not too much off, eh? Huh?
Oh, George, what's the matter?
- Nothing. Everything's great.
- Great?
- Good.
- Good?
Not bad.
"Not bad" is not "great."
- I lied a little.
- That's not even "good."
I lied a lot.
Yeah, uh... I, uh...
Oh, stop it, you silly.
It's a little hot in here, huh?
It's the, um... the steam room.
Lester likes me to keep it on
in case he wants to use it.
That's better.
Mmm.
Mona.
Mona, Mona, Mona.
I need you!
Mona, this earring...
Will you please try and find the other one?
And when George comes,
please tell him to wait.
I have to pick up a dress.
I may have to have it fitted.
But be sure to tell him to wait.
Yes, ma'am.
But I have to go to the market.
Mona, make sure he doesn't leave.
It's important.
Anyway, the guy at the bank thought
I was some kind of hippie or something.
- Oh.
- I did it to myself.
He just didn't know a good thing
when he saw one.
- Jill's gonna be mad.
- Oh, no, she won't.
Wh-Wh-What are you doing in the back?
Let me see.
- You'll see. You'll see.
- I tell you, Jill absolutely adores you.
Mmm.
- Remember Myrna Lynn?
- Tsk. Mmm.
She adored me.
Then one day she called me her hairdresser
and took off to Palm Springs
with some agent from William Morris.
Well, Jill is 20 times the girl Myrna is, really.
- Yeah, exactly.
- What does that mean?
I don't know.
You get so you can sense these things.
What?
She needs to be with somebody
who can take care of her.
Coca-Cola closed
down an eighth at 48 and five-eighths.
IT& T, 57 and three-eighths, off five-eighths.
RCA at 46 and three-quarters,
off three-eighths.
Revlon, 83 and five-eighths, up a half.
Shell Oil, 68 and seven-eighths, off an eighth.
What about Felicia?
What about her?
- Did you?
- Did I what?
Come on.
Oh, I just can't wait to see Lester
with me and that cunt
in the same room tonight.
Hey.
Well, did you or didn't you? Hmm?
Hmm?
Can't stand to miss one of them, can you?
George.
US Steel, 43, up three-eighths.
And the Dow Jones industrial average
closed at 946.23, off 2. 18.
South Vietnamese President Nguyen Van Thieu
said today
South Vietnam would not attend
the Paris peace talks on Wednesday...
44 and three-eighths, unchanged.
Penn Central, 64, down...
Tsk. Shit.
Yeah.
Oh, you're a genius, honey.
You're a genius.
You're a genius.
- Oh, no, baby.
- Hmm?
No. No, baby, no.
I want to. Come on.
No, no, no.
Come on.
- Oh, baby, no.
- Hmm?
Baby, no, no, no, really.
No, really.
- Sorry.
- Baby, no. It'll ruin everything!
Mmm. Oh, baby.
It'll ruin everything.
43 and five-eighths, up seven-eighths.
General Electric, 94 and three-eighths,
up a quarter.
International Harvester, 35 and five-eighths...
Ah! Hey! Jesus Christ!
Fuck me.
Honey!
My God, it's Lester!
- Get up, get up. Get up!
- Doll?
Jackie?
- Oh, God, do something, please.
- Uh...
Baby, you sleepin'?
Jackie?
Jackie?
Oh, shut the door! Shut the door, honey!
Come on!
Oh.
Sorry.
Either come in or stay out.
Shut the door, honey.
What do you think this is, a picnic? Come on.
- Just don't let the steam out.
- Oh.
Hey, Jackie?
I brought you a little something, doll.
You look like you had quite a workout.
It's nerve-racking.
Women can get you very upset sometimes.
- I know, I know.
- This doing hair, it's just...
I know.
Look, I know you have to deal with Felicia
and you're caught in the middle,
but if you can just bear with me tonight...
Oh, hey.
No, listen, it's a difficult situation.
I want you to know I appreciate it.
All right? It's gonna be very...
very tough on me.
Well, I-I-I don't know...
But we'll do business, son, I...
I can tell you that.
Better clean that mess up
or the dogs'll get it all over the house.
What have you been doing?
Get out of there. Come on.
You oughta get rid of those dogs.
They get hair all over the place.
They're Yorkies, and they don't shed.
- Aren't you having a drink?
- No.
- Well, why not?
- I don't want one.
Oh, come on, doll.
Have a little drink. It's five o'clock.
I don't want one!
First you tell me not to drink.
Then you tell me to drink. Which is it?
I don't want a drink.
I called to tell you I was on my way,
but the line was busy.
You're always on the phone.
- You here to see my mother?
- Yeah, uh, do you...
She's out. You're supposed to wait.
Nobody's home up there.
Maybe, u-uh... Uh...
You hungry?
Yeah, a little.
This is the one thing I like
about this house.
- Want some lox?
- No, thanks.
You're my mother's hairdresser.
I do hair, yeah.
- Chopped liver?
- No, thanks.
Are you gay?
Want a baked apple?
They're cold, but they're good.
No, thanks.
Did you hear me?
Yeah.
Well, are you? Are you queer?
Mmm, sure.
Come on. Are you or aren't you?
This is great, you know.
Come on. Tell me. Don't be afraid.
Why do you want to know so bad?
See if you've been making it
with my mother.
Why would my being a faggot
have anything to do with that?
Nothing, I guess.
Have you ever made it with a guy?
Well, you ever make it with a girl?
Uh, well...
- Are you?
- Am I what? Wh-What are you talking about?
Making it with my mother?
I'd like to do your hair sometime.
Do you have a thing about older women?
That's sort of faggoty, isn't it?
I never get my hair done.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been
to a beauty salon in my whole life.
Yeah?
- You think that's funny, don't you?
- Yeah.
Beverly Hills hairdresser.
You might as well be a faggot.
Think that's funny too?
No.
No, no.
Then what do you think?
Well, you know, I think you've got
exactly the same eyes as your mother.
And... your chin's a little bit like hers too.
- No, it isn't.
- I think it is.
No, no.
And my eyes aren't like hers either.
- They are.
- No, they're not. I'm nothing like my mother.
I'm not trying to insult you, you know.
Can't we just, uh, be friends?
Okay.
You wanna fuck?
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- As long as you don't ask me what sign I am.
- Okay.
Are you married?
Sometimes.
But, uh, not at the moment.
Would you like to go to a party?
George?
George.
Seventeen percent.
Now, doesn't that tell you something...
- Lorna...
- about the permissive atmosphere...
Lorna, have you seen George,
by any chance?
He's my hairdresser.
- He's in the bathroom.
- What?
He's in the bathroom.
He's in your bathroom?
- Nobody should know better than you...
- Yeah.
...that we have an attorney general
in Washington...
who's not doing what he should do
to fight organized crime.
For the past seven years,
crime has been rising...
nine times the span
of the population of this country.
In seven years...
- Hello, George.
- Hi.
- Uh, I should be dry by now.
- Forty-three percent of the people...
Uh...
in the report of the president's
own crime commission
are afraid to walk the streets at night.
George, come here.
- What? Huh?
- Come here.
- No.
- You dry?
No!
- Don't comb my hair out, Geo...
- No... I'll do it now.
No, George, you can do it later,
for heaven sakes.
George...
- I'm so glad you're gonna be there tonight.
- What?
I'm so glad you're gonna be there tonight.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Uh...
- Right here?
- Right here.
- I don't care.
- Um, let me get the...
- I don't care.
- I'd better get the...
I don't want to.
So?
- Where's your car?
- A friend dropped me off.
- Who?
- Never mind.
I'm going tonight. Jackie asked me.
I need you to fix my hair.
Wants to pick us up pretty soon, huh?
Well, she doesn't have to pick me up.
I'm going with somebody else.
By the way, you never did say
how it went this morning.
Oh. Uh... okay.
- Well, are they gonna give you the loan?
- Well, uh...
- Uh...
- I don't know why I bother to ask!
The only way you're ever gonna
get money out of a bank is to rob one.
- What are you so mad about?
- Oh, just fix my hair.
You break your neck to go up to Jackie's.
- When do I get my hair done?
- She asked me to do her hair.
Does that mean you have to do
whatever anybody asks?
Why am I always at the end of the line
when you're passing out favors?
You want me to do your hair,
I'll do your hair.
And stop kissing everybody's ass
that comes into that shop.
That's not gonna put you in business.
That's gonna make you a kiss-ass!
- Come on, Jill. I'm trying to get things moving.
- Oh, grow up!
You never stop moving.
You never go anywhere. Grow up!
Grow up! Grow up!
Honey, I'm sorry.
Uh, you're right.
I just want us to have a normal life
like everybody else.
Jesus. I-I just can't take it anymore.
All I want is to get up early
and run my own business,
take you out to a movie on the weekend.
I'm trying, honey. I just...
I just can't get out of my own way.
I know. I know.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Well, come on.
Honey, come on. We don't have much time.
Sure.
What do you know about this guy?
He's a director.
- You ever heard of him?
- Sure.
Movies or television?
Commercials. Make you feel better?
Thought it might.
Yeah. Commercials.
Who is that?
- Who is it?
- Ah, it's nobody.
Nobody.
I'm sorry, sir.
There's a private party upstairs.
Jesus. It's Norma Stern. Look at her hair.
George!
Looks like somebody took a dump in it.
- George.
- You've been chipping on me.
- Well, isn't it awful?
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
George, for Christ's sakes,
don't let me drink too much.
You don't do that anymore, do you?
Good evening.
Check your coat?
- What?
- Your coat.
Oh. Uh...
Want me to take this?
- Okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
Twentypercent
of the vote in, Nixon with a lead.
Uh...
In case she wants it back.
Eighty-four percent of the vote in Delaware.
Well, what would you like to drink?
Um, I'll have a stinger.
Before dinner?
Well, I don't know. What do you think?
- Uh, why don't you try something light.
- Okay.
- Waiter?
- Yes, sir?
We'll have a white Dubonnet
on the rocks, please.
- And for you?
- Just a little white wine.
Little white wine. And, uh...
Uh... I'll have a Coke.
- Soda with a twist.
- Yes, sir.
Oh. Sorry.
Daley's in a good spot.
Daley has had it. He is in.
George.
Glad you could make it, son.
- Hiya, doll.
- Lester.
- This is my friend Jill.
- Hello.
- Glad to know you, Jill.
- Nice to meet you.
- And this is, uh...
- Johnny Pope.
- Mr. Pope.
- Hello.
Well...
Who are they?
Jill? I've told you about Jill a hundred times.
Lester, you never listen to anything I say.
Does she know about us?
Jesus, she's my best friend.
Well, I'll find room for them.
Who's the guy? George's boyfriend?
I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
Jackie, I'm only...
George.
Kinda keep an eye on Jackie tonight.
She's a little high-strung, you know.
See that she doesn't drink too much.
Surprisingly, the race,
along with the presidential race...
See you later, doll.
...makes California
very important at this moment.
The race that has also attracted attention
since it runs parallel to the presidential race
is the one for the United States Senate,
the seat, uh, which Tom Kuchel,
the Republican whip,
uh, lost in the primary to Max Rafferty,
state superintendent of public instruction.
And there, Cranston seems to be running
better than Humphrey.
- How does she know Lester Karpf?
- I don't know. Why?
Well, I just wouldn't want him
mad at me, that's all.
If you keep postponing taxes,
you're using the government's money,
and you don't worry what...
George.
Uh, how are you?
Uh, Jackie? This is Jackie.
Say hello to Felicia.
Hello, Felicia.
I'm so glad that you could make it.
I've been looking forward
to seeing you all evening.
Hmm.
Well...
Ohio's nothing to worry about.
Bet you don't remember
the first time we met.
Well, you never know.
Lester, what the fuck
do you think you're doing?
Huh?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Nate. I'm sorry.
Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself.
Why didn't you come alone? Lester invited you.
Why did you have to bring her?
Oh, um, she's a friend of Jill's.
Who is Jill?
You know, she's a friend of Johnny Pope's,
the director.
Pardon me.
Oh.
Nixon, 672, 000.
And that leaves California, the big one.
NBC News nowprojects
Nixon the winner in South Carolina.
Jackie? Jackie.
Jackie?
Excuse me. I know I know you,
but I can't remember where.
Uh... Uh, Bruce Barton's.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Come with me a minute, please.
Just come with me.
Come on.
Exactly what can a president do
to affect the moral tone of the country?
A president can end
the permissive attitude
noncritical of an individual
who decides for himself...
That, uh, other couple we're with tonight.
Do you know them very well?
Why?
Why?
Well, I thought maybe you could explain
why George just went into the ladies' room.
George?
We'll restore respect
for the United States of America.
Let's make one thing very clear.
In our administration, the American flag
will not be a doormat for anybody.
- You gotta let me out.
- No, no. It's boring.
- You're going to get us killed.
- It's boring.
Come on.
- What?
- Come here.
Come here, you.
Uh, what... what do you want to do?
Now, listen, you both have tidelands.
You both want Uncle Sam
to give you offshore drilling permits.
Why not do it together?
- Am I right, or am I right?
- That son of a bitch.
Everything he says is a phony piece of shit.
What does he think I am,
some cigar butt he's got between his teeth?
He ignores me!
I want a recognition
of that constitutional republic
because if we don'tget it,
then everything is of vanity.
He could have at least introduced me
to someone or something.
Couldn't he?
You're drunk.
Oh, George, what do I want?
Uh, well... how about some coffee?
Oh, hi, doll. Say, what's wrong?
You know what's wrong.
...wouldget the Wallace electors,
that's one thought.
Another possibility, it seems to me,
is that Mr. Wallace might,
verygraciously andgenerously,
throw or direct his electors...
Felicia. There you are.
We were just...
You know George.
And, uh...
uh...
uh...
Jackie Shawn.
Jackie Shawn.
Yeah, my wi... Uh, Felicia.
We've met.
Well, uh, anyway, uh...
Well, your hair, uh, looks just fabulous.
- It's George.
- Just fabulous.
Wonder if he could do anything with mine.
Yeah, well, uh, I could try.
Uh, well, do you wash your hair every day?
- Well, isn't that bad for it?
- No, no, no, it's very good.
Keeps the skin peeling.
You've gotta keep the skin peeling.
Otherwise the little follicles don't have
a chance to breathe, you know.
I mean, uh, that's how you lose your hair.
Remember, the follicle never dies.
Oh.
This here really ought to...
ought to be layered, I think.
- Layered?
- Yeah.
Otherwise, it just sort of lies there,
you know, and it, uh...
If you layer it, it kind of fluffs it out.
Oh.
Uh, I think everybody's ready
to eat dinner.
Are they, uh...
ready to sit down?
Well, we don't know where to sit.
- They're waiting for you, Lester.
- Oh.
Waiter.
One word out of you,
and I'll gargle with it.
Try to stop her from drinking.
I ca... Are you kidding?
Yeah, you should have seen
those little kids, Senator.
About 40 of 'em, all blind.
We put these mattresses on the front lawn.
They came running out of the house,
tripping and stumbling all over the place.
Just having a hell of a good time.
I mean, they were blind, of course.
But I don't know, it gave me
a feeling of accomplishment.
I can't tell you
when I had such a good time.
- Aren't you hungry, Miss Shawn?
- Not for rubber chicken, no.
Maybe I can get you something.
Oh, that's very sweet of you, Mr. Roth.
Sid.
Sid. You must be a very important executive.
Well, whatever I am,
I think I can get you whatever you'd like.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
- Whatever I'd like?
- Whatever you'd like.
Well, most of all,
I'd like to suck his cock.
Hey. Guess what. Whoo!
Uh, where did you say
the school is located?
Uh, just the other side of Santa Barbara.
- Curious to see it sometime.
- Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, listen, darling, I can't stand it.
It's killing me. Come on. Why not?
Come on!
Don't you want to?
Who's the greatest cocksucker in the world?
You are.
Fuckin'- A.
Excuse me, Senator.
Well, George, your friend feeling
a little under the weather?
You phony asshole.
Ah. That's too bad.
- Uh...
- Get her out of here, George.
- Oh, I'll go, I'll go.
- Come on.
What was that?
- Illinois.
- Ah. Good.
Uh, I've got to take her out of here.
- Go ahead. Take her home.
- Aren't you...
Oh. Uh, I'll see you later.
Johnny'll take me home.
Not a bad place to visit,
but I don't wanna live here.
By the way, I know this is not a projection,
it is not NBC's...
- Your coat.
- Oh, fuck it.
Just my own personal, private opinion.
I don't think we're going to get a winner tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have been awarded
the decided privilege of introducing
our guest of honor this evening.
Are you all right?
I'm just fine.
Thanks.
...and vote for the people,
for the country, for our Constitution.
- Lester?
- Sweetheart, please.
I hope you like Miss Shawn.
What?
Oh. Well, she's very nice, yes.
I mean, normally she...
Because she's going to be
very, very expensive.
Now, look, sweetheart,
can't we go into this later?
No.
No, we cannot go into this later.
Well, that's... that's okay too.
Senator Joe East.
I've blown it with Lester.
I don't think so.
I thought you were great.
Oh, you always say that.
And I really care for Lester, don't I?
Where do you want to go? Uh, Sammy's?
Is he still having parties?
Never stops.
This tells the story
of the ancient grandmother,
who, upon seeing the garden gate
of her childhood,
stops for a moment and says,
"Hello, garden gate. Hello, garden gate.
Garden gate, hello."
Hi-yi-ya. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-ya! Hi-yi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-ya-ya.
Be straight with me, Lester.
Just be straight with me
for once in your life.
Look, Felicia, this party involves
more than you and me, you know.
These people are concerned
about more than each other.
- Is that right?
- Yes, that's right.
Some of us are trying to make this country
a better place to live in,
believe it or not.
Is that what this is all about?
To make this country a better place to live in?
- Yes, that's what this is all about.
- Oh.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-yo.
It's a beautiful thing he's doing.
Hi-yi-ya!
Hi-yi-ya.
I recall another old ancient song.
My God, Lester,
you are a miserable human being.
- Man never loses...
- You're not helping anybody.
You're just twisting arms here
to raise money
for a lot of silly sons of bitches
who are all out for themselves.
You're kidding yourself
if you think your new business partner's
gonna keep his hands off your girl.
Or she's going to keep her hands off him.
What are you talking about, Felicia?
Think while you have time to think, Lester.
Excuse me, Senator.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're going to have to evacuate this room
as quietly and as quickly as possible.
Believe me,
there's nothing to worry about.
We would like to have you exit
through the door on my right,
continue down the stairs,
and out into the street, please.
Everything okay?
Ah, shit!
You don't have to entertain me.
- Am I entertaining you?
- We're friends.
That's true.
You feel like playing, you should go and play.
There are a lot of players here.
- George.
- George.
Hey, how you doin'?
- How are you doing?
- What's happening?
- You're lookin' good.
- You look really good.
- Come on down to the Jacuzzi.
- Oh, uh...
Come to the Jacuzzi.
We're going there now.
No, no, no, no. I can't.
- Hey, what's the problem, honey?
- His car... They have it blocked.
Please move out.
That's no problem.
Gene. You wanna move that truck?
- Sure. No problem.
- Thank you.
Listen, could you kids give me a ride?
I'm... kind of stranded.
Forget it, Wally. There's no bomb.
- Sure.
- Mmm?
- Yeah.
- Ah, good.
Come on.
Is it all right, son?
It will be, as soon as I can find my keys.
- Come on. I'll get in the back.
- No, no.
- Oh, it's so little.
- No, no.
Oh!
See? Nothin' to it.
What did you say your name was, sweetie?
Jill.
Jill?
- Yeah, Jill.
- Oh.
- Gee, that's wonderful, Jill.
- Thank you.
Just wonderful.
Hi. What are we doing?
Uh, Johnny, M-Mr. Karpf needed a ride home,
and I said we'd take him.
- Uh, you don't mind, do you?
- Oh, of course not.
Hey, call me Les, huh?
Where to, Les?
Well, listen, would you kids like
to stop off for a drink?
Well, we'd love to,
but we're going to another party.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I'll stop off there for a drink. Hmm?
You never were a tit man though, were you?
Ass and legs.
Look who's talking.
Do you know why
I used to get so angry with you?
Oh, I wouldn't settle down.
'Cause you were always so happy...
about everything.
I was?
I found it rather unrealistic.
Your type.
Very nice. Mmm.
- You want children?
- Oh, I don't really think about it that much.
I mean, there's so much to do
and so many places to go while I'm still free.
You know, um, unattached.
We're kiddin' ourselves.
We are?
You know, last night I had a dream.
I was, uh, 50 years old,
and, uh, I was supposed
to meet Jill at the shop.
Ooh.
Scared the hell out of me.
Why?
I can't imagine being with Jill
when I'm 50 years old.
I can't imagine not being with you.
Two weeks from tomorrow.
You're kidding.
Really?
Uh, I really don't know how to say this,
but... would you like to come home with me?
Hi.
Hi!
Come on in.
Yeah?
Why not, huh?
You know, we really shouldn't leave
that poor man here by himself.
Les? He wouldn't know the difference.
I know, but still,
let's go tell him we're gonna go, huh?
- Well, uh...
- Come on.
Uh, say...
What is it, man?
- Where can I get a towel?
- Over by the tennis court.
Thanks.
Oh.
- Uh, Les, Les.
- Shh.
That's what I call fucking.
Am I right, or am I right?
Come on, Les. Let's get out of here.
Oh, my God.
- You bastard!
- Oh, hey. Where've you been?
We've been looking everywhere for you.
You... son of a bitch!
Jill?
Baby?
Oh, Jesus, what should I do?
Uh, I better... I better go get her. Wait here.
Wait here. Jill!
Jill!
Honey. Jill!
Jill!
Jackie? Honey?
Shit.
Jackie?
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jill?
Jill?
Oh. Yeah, this is George Roundy speaking.
And I left a message there
a little earlier for Jackie.
Has she picked it up yet?
Uh-huh.
No. No, just tell her I called twice.
Thank you.
- Want me to come in with you?
- No.
- Well, I'll call you in a few minutes, okay?
- All right.
I don't want to fight, George.
I don't want to fight either.
Look. Uh, I-I'm sorry.
Bullshit.
- Why didn't he come in?
- Because I didn't want him to.
Well, I hope he doesn't mind me being here.
Did you get a job out of it at least?
I'd like you to leave now.
And take this with you.
Where did this come from?
Who knows? I'm sure you don't.
But if it'll help any,
I found it in your bed.
Obviously, there were others.
Weren't there?
Obviously.
- How many?
- What do you want to know for?
- Because I want to know. That's all.
- What difference does it make?
Because... I don't want girls looking at me
and knowing and me not knowing.
- Please don't do this.
- No, it'll help me, really.
- Please?
- It'll help me if you tell me.
How?
Because I'll know
that you've lied to me all along.
And I'll know that you're incapable of love,
and that'll help me.
If it'll do any good,
I just... You know, I-I have...
- You really want to know?
- Yes.
There were a couple of...
I mean, there were, uh...
Jesus. I-I-I... There were just...
Let's face it. I fucked them all.
I mean, that's what I do.
That's why I went to beauty school.
I mean, they were always there,
and I can't... I-I just... I-I...
Uh, you know, I-I...
I don't know what I'm apologizing for.
So sometimes I fuck 'em.
I... I go into that shop,
and they're so great-looking. You know?
And I... And I... I'm doing their hair,
and they feel great, and they smell great.
Or I could be out in the street, you know,
and I just stop at a stoplight,
or go into an elevator, or I...
There's a, uh... beautiful girl.
I-I-I don't know.
I mean, that's it. It makes my day.
I mean, it makes me feel
like I'm gonna live forever.
And as far as I'm concerned with what I've
liked to have done at this point in my life,
I-I know I should have accomplished more,
but I got no regrets.
I mean, Jesus, 'cause I-I...
I mean, I, um...
I...
Maybe that means I don't love 'em.
Maybe it means I don't love you.
I don't know.
Nobody's gonna tell me
I don't like 'em very much.
Jesus.
Well.
I'm glad you told me.
And I wish you'd go now.
Hi. Um, no. No, no.
Everything's fine, really.
The interim period between now
and the inauguration
of any activity that may be helpful
in bringing the peace for a while.
I also told him that,
as he finished his campaign,
I know exactly how he felt.
I know how it feels to lose a close one.
How long you been here?
All night.
You live like a pig.
Yeah.
Kyle, wait outside.
Having lost a close one eightyears ago
and having won a close one this year,
I can say that winning's a lot more fun.
Who are those guys?
What do they look like?
You unhappy about something, Lester?
Sit down.
- Well, now, wait a minute...
- I said sit down!
Now, George, either you admit it
to my face, man to man,
or I'm gonna have them
pound it out of you.
- And they do a hell of a job, believe me.
- Yeah, I-I believe you.
All right, I want to know about it.
Ah, Jesus.
I want to know how a guy like you thinks.
Look, just have them put me away,
or whatever they're gonna do. I'm...
What, do you get your kicks
sneaking around behind people's backs,
taking advantage of them?
Is that your idea
of being antiestablishment?
I'm not antiestablishment.
Well, was it me?
What, did you have something against me?
What, do you think I planned it?
Jackie, Felicia. Ugh.
Did they have something against me?
I'm sure you've done something
they could be pissed off about.
Well, goddamn it,
I want to hear it from you!
How am I going to tell you
what they've got against you?
I mean, Christ, they're women, aren't they?
Do you ever listen to women talk, man?
Do you?
'Cause I do till it's running out of my ears.
I mean, I'm on my feet all day long
listening to women talk,
and they only talk about one thing...
how some guy fucked them over.
That's all that's on their minds.
That's all I ever hear about.
Don't you know that?
Well, I follow your thinking on that.
I mean, face it. We're always
trying to nail 'em, and they know it.
They don't like it.
They like it, and they don't like it.
It's got nothing to do with you, Lester.
It just happened.
Felicia's got nothing to do
but shop and get her hair done.
She's getting older, her daughter hates her.
Wait a minute.
You think Lorna hates her?
Oh, I don't think she hates her.
I mean, she may resent her a little, but...
- Are you kidding, man? She hates her.
- Why?
I mean, why is that?
How would I know?
I don't know. I...
You want a drink?
No, thanks.
- Have a drink.
- Okay. Thanks.
Not a clean glass in the whole house.
Jesus Christ, what a way to live.
I never lived like this,
not even when I was your age.
Not even when I never had a dime.
It's a hell of a way to treat a business partner,
that's all I can say.
Who?
Me.
Hey, you were never gonna
give me the money.
I was going to give you the money.
Probably I would have.
Shit, I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
But you never know, you know?
I mean, one minute you're here,
and the next, pfft.
I wish...
I just wish I knew
what the hell I was living for.
A teenager held up a sign...
"Bring Us Together."
And that will be the great objective
of this administration at the outset...
to bring the American people together.
Hmm.
This will be an open administration.
Open to new ideas.
You can lose it all, you know.
I mean, you can lose it all,
no matter who you are.
What's the sense of having it all?
Market went down ten points last week.
Goddamn Lyndon Johnson.
Yeah. Well...
We want to bring America together.
Maybe Nixon will be better.
What's the difference?
They're all a bunch of jerks.
I don't know what to do with you.
I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
At least you do what you want.
Me? I'm...
Shit.
What about Jackie?
Ah, never mind. She's nothing but a whore.
I go over there, I have a few drinks,
I get my gun off, I'm through with her.
- Nothing but a whore.
- Oh, no.
You could call everybody a whore.
She really likes you, Lester.
It's not just the bread.
You think so?
Yes, I do.
Nah, I'm through with her.
Oh, uh, by the way,
you want me to say hello to Lorna for you?
What the hell. Go easy on him.
- Just having a little fun, George.
- Oh.
Come on, Hal. Let's go home.
Listen, I'll call you tomorrow
about the shop.
Christ, I'm beat.
Devra? Devra.
I want you to call Jackie Shawn
and keep trying her until you get her, okay?
Mrs. Schumann and Mrs. Young
are both waiting for you.
Mrs. Young is kind of uptight.
She's on the Rolodex. Will you get her?
Sorry.
- Where's Mary?
- She's with Norman.
I asked you to call Jackie.
Would you do it, please?
- Mary's gonna have to wash you.
- Not today.
What are you talking about now?
What the hell is going on around here? Mary!
Mary?
Mary! I'm not the shampoo girl, you know.
Do you think you can give me a little help?
What's the matter with Norman?
George, settle down.
Norman's son was killed.
- Killed?
- Car accident.
Near Oceanside.
He was on his way back to Camp Pendleton
and, uh, it was foggy,
and some guy in his truck
jumped the divider on the freeway.
It happened instantly.
Lord have mercy.
Just a minute. Almost ready.
Where you going?
Oh! Um, you'll have to go.
- I gotta leave?
- Oh, honey, you have to get out of here.
- Why?
- Lester's on his way.
Where are you going?
Oh, please. We'll talk about it later, huh?
Well, honey, uh, about last night...
Oh, forget about last night. It's okay.
We'll talk when I get back.
It's not okay. I mean, I want to talk now.
Where are you going?
Look, either you leave or I leave.
But I don't want the two of us to be here
when Lester arrives. I just don't.
That's him.
It's a cleaner.
That's it. Then I'm leaving.
Honey.
Oh!
Cleaners!
Honey?
Honey?
- You're gonna kill me.
- Honey?
What are you trying to do?
I want you to marry me.
I-I want to take care of you.
I-I want you to have a baby with me.
Hey, I know I'm a fuckup,
but I'll take care of you.
I'll make you happy.
I swear to God I will.
Huh?
Honey?
What do you think?
It's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?
We're not dead yet.
That's the only thing that's too late.
Lester's left Felicia.
We're going to Acapulco
on the four o'clock flight.
He's asked me to marry him.
Well...
Honey.
Honey, please.
Please, honey.
I...
Honey.
I... I...
I don't trust anybody but you.
Baby.
Lester's at the house.
Don't go, honey. Please don't.
But I have to go. I have to.
I can't just leave him standing there.
Oh, I have to go. I have to... I have to go.
Well, the puppies are in the car.
I can't think of anything else,
so... why don't we just take off, huh?
Okay?
Honey, could you... could you
just put your hand up there?
Now hold it. That's right, because...
That's... That's...
Yeah?
What? Oh.
When'd you get back in town?
Uh-huh. Yeah?
Where are you staying?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Is she still in the same place?
Uh-huh.
Okay. Well, listen.
Uh, why don't you...
I-I'll call you tomorrow?
Or... Hey, why don't you
come by the shop and say hello?
Okay.
Okay. Bye.
I don't know why
you bother with them at all.
Tell them you're sleeping and hang up.
- Uh, I... I c...
- Hmm?
This girl has problems, you know.
- You know what your problem is?
- What?
- You know too many sick ladies.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Particularly in your business.
Don't worry... honey.
'Cause I'm
gonna protect ya.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
Oh, look what I found.
Oh. Well...
Oh, shit!
Shit.
Yeah?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
What do you mean?
No, I...
Okay, all r...
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I just don't know why you don't
get yourself an answering service.
All right.
What are you doing?
Um... looking for my keys.
Hmm?
Keys?
I thought you said
you weren't going anywhere.
I'm not. I just gotta see
this friend of mine for a few minutes.
What are you talking about?
It's one of those girls, isn't it?
You're going to see one of those girls.
What girl? She's not a girl.
She's just a friend of mine.
Wait!
At least wait till I'm dressed,
because I'm going too.
Aw...
Oh, Christ. Get me a Kleenex.
Look, Felicia, I-I won't be long.
- Listen, you're great, baby, believe me.
- Thanks a lot.
It's just that this girl's different, you know.
She has attacks.
- What attacks?
- These attacks.
It's got something to do
with her, uh, pancreas or...
Uh, I don't know... She's got a...
- Pancreatic ulcer?
- Yeah. Yeah. I think so.
- That's very serious.
- I know.
- Who's her doctor?
- I don't know.
- That's very serious.
- I know.
- Ruth Lesserman had a pancreatic ulcer.
- She did?
- It turned out to be a cancer.
- Wow.
So what are you going for, George?
You're not a doctor.
No, no. I gotta give her some pills.
Uh, Percodan. She ran out.
Look, Felicia.
- I want your ass in this bed when I get back.
- You do?
- Yes.
- You're very weird, George.
Mmm, baby. But you're great, baby.
Believe me, you are great. Really.
- Why don't you take this off?
- Hmm.
Ouch!
Jesus Christ. Goddamn it.
Oh, shit.
- Who is it?
- Who do you think it is?
Oh.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
- Don't yell at me.
- I'm not yelling.
- There were some shots.
- What are you talking about?
Gunshots. Some gunshots.
- Where?
- Here.
In the canyon.
Well, it's a big canyon, honey.
So what?
A bullet can probably go miles.
- Why do you leave me alone like this?
- Come on.
I've been running all over town,
trying to find out what they're going
to ask me at the bank tomorrow.
- You were home. Why didn't you call me?
- They shut off the phone.
I can't make outgoing calls.
Just breathe, honey.
Sometimes I get this terrible feeling...
that something awful's gonna happen.
Like what?
Well, I don't know. Like...
Like somebody's gonna get me.
Yeah?
I've had these dreams lately.
- What dreams?
- Well...
They're dumb, but, uh,
somebody gets me,
and they throw me around the room,
and I try to run away,
but they grab me and tie me down.
- Then what?
- Then I wake up.
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't know.
I-I figure if somebody's gonna get you,
it's, uh... you know,
it's probably gonna be me.
Oh! No!
No! No.
How are you, baby? Huh?
How are you?
Hmm.
Where were you?
I'm great, honey. Fantastic.
I really couldn't... couldn't be better.
- I mean, I'm really incredible.
- No.
- Incredible. I mean...
- No, where were you?
Huh?
I'm getting it together, baby.
I'm gonna open up the shop.
- Really?
- Yep.
You know, right now
I am at the epitome of my life.
- Yeah, well, what happened tonight?
- I don't want to talk about it now, honey.
But, you know,
I've been disgusted with my life.
But you just said
you were at the epitome of your life.
I am. I am.
Till I get Norman off my ass, you know...
When I got six guys cutting hair for me,
then I... You know.
I mean, after a while
women can get to be an occupational hazard.
What do you mean, "occupational hazard"?
You know, as long as I'm working in that shop,
I'm always gonna be doing too many heads.
- What about me?
- What about you?
- You're different.
- I am?
You're great.
- Do you really mean that?
- Hey.
I'm gonna retire with you.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
Why am I great?
Jesus, I don't know. You're great.
I don't know. I just...
You know what I read in Cosmopolitan?
That if you don't have a baby before you're 30,
you're gonna have a Mongolian idiot.
- Here, take it!
- Oh! Up against the wall!
- George?
- Bullshit.
Well, maybe you don't even like children.
- Never even been around one.
- Hey.
I'm around you and I like you, don't I?
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Good night, honey.
- George?
- What?
Jackie says she wouldn't
bring children into this world,
that it's overpopulated and hypocritical.
Uh-huh.
Uh, could we talk about this
in the morning?
Jesus, let me show you something.
Six... Six and three-quarters.
- That's our prime rate.
- Really?
And I'll tell you something else.
- The big boys are going for it.
- Are they?
Do you know where FHA is?
- FHA? FHA?
- Just t-take a guess.
Just take a guess where they're at.
Well, seven and a half.
- Wow.
- Wow, indeed.
We won't be going
back to the old days anymore.
- Yeah.
- And it's got nothing to do with inflation.
Rates rise independently of tight money.
Uh...
What... What sort of, uh, references
do you have, Mr., uh, Roundy?
Ref... Reference? Uh...
Yeah. Uh, I do Barbara Rush.
You do what?
Her hair. I do Barbara Rush.
S-See, I was talking about,
uh, credit references and...
Jesus.
Let me have a cigarette. Come on.
So what? We get a trip out of it anyway.
It's a job.
Egypt? Why Egypt?
Well, because that's where
the pyramids are, Jill.
- You seem disappointed.
- No.
Egypt?
Look, is there somewhere else you'd rather go?
Maybe we could change our location.
No! No, that's not it.
Do you have children?
No.
- Are you married?
- No.
- Do you have something against traveling?
- No.
- Do you have something against us?
- No.
Look, Jill, you can just come out and say it.
I'm embarrassed.
We'll let you know tomorrow.
Thank you for coming by.
Uh, look, please don't misunderstand me.
I would really like to go.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
Jesus, this town.
I don't know what a financial statement is.
I got the heads.
- You got the what?
- Right? The heads. The customers.
They come to me.
I'm the one they want.
If I open a shop,
they're gonna leave and come to me.
- I got a lot of heads.
- Listen, I'm sure you do.
- You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
- No, I don't...
How do you expect to lend me money if you
don't know the first thing about my business?
I don't.
Good morning, Mr. Roundy.
Excuse me. Uh, I think that I'm entitled
to make out a financial statement.
Yes, of course.
Uh, Miss Michaels,
would you hand me a couple of those forms
of financial statements, please?
Thanks very much.
You just have these notarized, bring them back,
and we'll see where we go from here, okay?
- Thank you.
- Sure.
You asshole.
- Do you know what George did the other night?
- Mm-mmm.
He wakes me up at two o'clock in the morning
just to do my hair.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't know. He just woke me up
and he said, "Come on, get up.
I'm gonna make you
the grooviest-looking chick in this town."
So what did you do?
Well, I looked at him and I said,
"George, if you love me,
I am the grooviest-looking chick in this town."
- Did he cut your hair?
- No.
- We didn't get around to that.
- Uh-huh.
Um, Jackie,
when you and George were together, you know,
did he do stuff like that?
Oh, I don't know, honey.
I can't remember. It was so long ago.
Yeah, it was a stupid question.
Anyway, I'm so pleased
that you're so happy with Lester.
- Mm-mmm.
- It's wonderful.
He's really great.
It's so great to wake up in the morning
with your rent paid.
I'm afraid George
was just too much of a gypsy for me.
He was always gonna settle down, but...
- He went to the bank today.
- Oh, he did?
Well, I just couldn't wait that long.
But George is great.
Yeah, George is great.
Great.
Hello, George!
Hey, baby. What's happening?
Nothing. I reconciled with Ron.
- Ron?
- You know. Ron. The guy I divorced last summer.
Great. Uh...
- Hope you make it.
- Call me.
Uh, I don't... I don't have your number.
Why don't you stop by the shop? Okay?
- Am I... Am I dry?
- Oh, it's glorious.
Height. You know, just right through here.
Always to drive me.
It was the most painful thing.
Could someone feel me?
- Am I... Am I dry?
- If my mother'd been where...
George. Is this a nice height?
- I'll see you later.
- Great.
You're late. I don't want to talk about it.
- You don't know what happened.
- I don't care.
- You don't know what happened. This girl...
- I don't care about that girl.
- I don't care if she's dead.
- Calm down.
- Norman says you're not collecting for the coffee.
- You know what you can tell Norman.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- You don't understand.
I don't take up your time.
Don't take up my time.
- You're right. You're absolutely right.
- My time is important.
You want to stick to hair?
Let's stick to hair.
- Don't do that with the bleach. Have Mary do it.
- Have Mary do what?
- I mean, you have no respect for me.
- I have no respect for...
You can't distinguish between me
and one of your goddamn Hollywood "mubbers"!
- What?
- Numbers!
- Numbers!
- That's not Wella. That's Tickle Pink.
- What?
- Numbers.
I-I-I don't have to take this.
- I don't need to be put in this kind of position.
- I'm not putting you in any...
- What are you here for?
- A wash and set.
- No.
- No?
- You need a cut.
- But M-Mr. Norman said...
Well, look, I'm George,
and I say you need to be cut.
I like myself far too much...
I like myself far too much...
- I'm not trying to put you in any kind of pos...
- to be put in this kind of position.
I'm not... Just...
All right, I'll have Mary wash you.
Mary? Mary.
- Yeah?
- Wash her.
- With what?
- A Brillo pad, anything. I don't care.
Honey, I-I'm not trying
to put you in a position...
Shit. What... I'll be right back.
Cassie, when you're ready.
Taking a lot of shit lately, George.
Well, it's Norman.
Ain't no Norman.
You're just like my Otis. He can't keep
his hands out of ladies' hair either.
Mmm. How's Otis doin' anyway?
Got a letter from him yesterday.
He just made corporal
or a squad leader or something.
Well... that's great.
Rocco, I do not believe
what you are saying to me!
That was the purest comment
that I have ever made!
- George, if you can't do my hair...
- Just stop right there.
I'm going crazy in here.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I've been cutting too much hair lately.
I'm losing all my concepts.
Huh?
Baby, you're great.
George.
Hey, baby. What's happening?
Um, they want me to go to Egypt
for three weeks.
Oh, great. Jill, say hello to Felicia.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- So, how'd it go at the bank?
- Great.
Um, could I speak to you for a second?
- Well, I mean, you know...
- Go ahead, George.
- Could I?
- Yeah.
Phone call for Mrs. Epstein.
I said I wasn't sure I could go.
- Go where?
- Egypt.
- Oh. Great. Listen, I gotta get back.
- Okay, okay.
- But how'd it go at the bank?
- Uh, great. Can we talk later?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- What were you doing at the bank?
- Oh, nothing.
- I'm trying to get my own shop going.
- Really?
- George.
- Yeah?
You're late.
We're all backed up
and you're supposed to go to Buffums.
- Buffums?
- Yes, Buffums.
- I got heads here, Norman.
- You promised me you would do the show.
- Aw, fuck, Norman!
- George!
If that man calls me one more time...
- Did you tell Gloria she needed a cut?
- Her ends are split.
Well, don't you contradict me
in public again.
Now, what is this horseshit
about not collecting for the coffee?
Listen, I'm doing twice as much
as I'm supposed to.
And if you think I'm gonna charge $25 a head
and hit on them for a cup of coffee,
you can shove it right up your ass.
I want you to learn to collect
for the coffee, George.
Will you learn to nickel and dime!
You're gonna end up without a pot to pee in.
Well, you're looking great, baby.
- What are you doing later?
- Whatever you say.
We have this political thing tonight.
Could you comb me out at the house?
Sure.
- You actually went to the bank?
- Yeah.
- For a loan?
- Yeah.
- You really want your own shop?
- Yeah.
- Why don't you see Lester?
- What?
- Your husband?
- Yes.
- What about?
- The shop.
I think you'd be a good investment.
I don't mind telling him.
Hey, listen, baby, I'm a star. I'm a star.
- George.
- Hey, baby.
- Uh, say hello to Felicia.
- I already said hello.
- Oh.
- George, when can we talk?
- Well, I'm right in the middle of work now.
- I know, but this is important.
- I have a decision to make.
- About what? What?
About whether or not I'm going.
- Going where?
- Egypt!
Well, honey, did they offer you the job yet?
No! But I... But I think they might.
- Uh, w-wait a minute. I'll be right back.
- I don't know what I need anymore!
George, is she the one
with the pancreatic ulcer?
I don't know.
- They didn't offer you the job?
- I still want your feelings about it.
Uh, after work.
Can't we talk after work?
But I never know when you're working
and when you're not working.
- Neither do I, baby.
- George. George!
Do you know what that Lillian Bercovici
just did?
- Please...
- Right after I sprayed her?
- She touched it.
- Well...
Then she played in it
and made it all into something else.
Now I don't know what it is.
- Well, you just gotta get... I'm busy, Ricci.
- I can't even stand to talk to her on the phone.
- Jill...
- I am worth it! I'm worth it.
- Shit.
- Is she all right?
Yeah, she's fine.
Anyway, I really think
you would be a good investment.
- Great. Well...
- I wouldn't tell Lester if I didn't think so.
- You really mean it?
- I mean it.
I mean it, or I wouldn't say it.
Hey, Dennis.
- Felicia looks great that way, right?
- Right.
Great.
Yeah?
Look, I don't know and I don't care
whether the goddamn fish
are laying their eggs in the Baltic.
I want beluga caviar!
Call Chasen's. Call Jurgenson's.
I don't care how much it costs. It...
How much?
Well, then spend it.
Just be sure it's there on the table tonight.
Jesus Christ.
You gotta do everything yourself.
Felicia says you're a very good hairdresser.
Well, yeah.
She says you're a fabulous hairdresser.
Thank you.
I didn't say it. She did.
Yeah.
How'd you happen
to get into that... line of work?
I went to beauty school. You know.
I mean, first you go to beauty school
and then you get your operator's license.
And then you graduate,
and then you're a hairdresser.
It's an unusual trade.
But the important thing is,
you're successful at it.
- In a way, but I-I-I...
- What's this?
- The thing is, I'm...
- The deck chairs for Mr. Russell.
Is that what that son of a bitch
calls wholesale?
- Uh...
- All right, we've had it with him.
- I'm better than the guy I work for.
- Well, that's very good, George.
It's wonderful that you wanna do something.
Thank you.
But... well, personal services
aren't the kind of thing I usually get into.
There's no way of keeping track
of anything.
It's a cash business. You gotta watch
your operators or they'll steal you blind.
- Now, am I right or am I right?
- Uh, you're right.
No, who needs that aggravation?
When I come home from work, there's...
I'm sorry, Lester,
but I have to have that key!
- What key?
- What key? I've been ringing and ringing you.
The garage door is locked.
The man from Sloan's is coming. I've been...
How'd you lose that key?
Oh, George, this is Jackie.
- Well, uh...
- Oh, hi.
I mean, um, hello. We've met.
- Is that right?
- Yes.
George is a terrific hairdresser.
That's what I hear.
- How's Norman?
- Oh, great. Great.
- Who's doing your hair?
- Oh, nobody much.
George is thinking about
opening up his own shop.
- No kidding. Your own shop? Huh.
- Yeah.
George, will you, uh,
excuse us a moment, please?
Sure.
- In, uh...
- Out, please.
Yeah.
I called to tell you I was sending a key over,
but the line was busy.
You're al... always on the phone.
My secretary says
she saw you talking to that boy.
Steve?
Whatever his name is. That... That actor.
Steve Slutes
couldn't get arrested as an actor.
He couldn't get arrested as a boy.
Then you were talking to him?
I ran into him at the 76 station
on Little Santa Monica.
What was I supposed to do,
hide in the ladies room?
Yes, I was talking to him.
I'm always on the phone
because you never let me see anybody.
I can't even bring my girlfriends to the house
in case they might run into you.
It's driving me up the wall, Lester.
You're even jealous of the dogs.
I mean, I have to talk to somebody, don't I?
Don't I?
I'm not jealous of the dogs.
I'm not jealous of anybody.
It's just that I can't afford
to get caught... off base.
So I can't talk to some broken-down actor.
What do you think,
I'm gonna tell him I'm screwing Lester Karpf?
Of course not.
That's not very logical, Lester.
It is logical.
It's the most logical thing in the world.
You wouldn't feel this confined
if we could go out with a few people,
have a little dinner,
a little conversation and so forth.
Oh, yes? How about starting with tonight?
Look, sweetheart, I-I know it's tough.
Mmm.
But at this point my business involves
handling money for a lot of touchy people.
Politics and so forth.
Felicia's in
a very difficult period in her life.
Any divorce and settlement
and so forth and...
well, my finances'd
have to be looked into.
You and your touchy investors.
You do well for people,
they don't ask you to stop.
Nobody wants you to stop making money, doll.
Not even Uncle Sam.
They all want their share.
You're lying about one thing, Lester.
What's that?
You're still jealous.
Hmm?
God, you're a doll.
Now, look, I'll, uh...
I'll work something out about tonight.
I promise.
No. I promise.
Huh? Hmm?
Oh.
Give me the key to the Bowmont house, huh?
Thanks.
Come on, George. I'll walk you down.
- Felicia seems very interested in your shop.
- Yeah.
You know, George, you may not think
that ten or 15 grand means much to me,
but I invest for myself
and a lot of particular people.
So I want a little more of your thinking
on the subject.
- When?
- "When"?
- Well, how about tonight?
- Tonight?
Yeah, I have some big contributors
coming over to the Bistro.
We're gonna watch the returns.
It's a pain in the ass,
but it's, well, something I have to do.
- We'll have a little time to talk there.
- Oh, great.
That's great. Yeah.
Maybe on your way over
you could, uh, pick up Jackie here.
No, it's good you want
to do something, George.
Wish my son knew what he wanted to do.
Anything, just so long as it's something.
Maybe he ought to go to beauty school.
Anyway, see you tonight, huh, doll?
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- Your car down here?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, I'm supposed to take Jill
to El Cholo tonight.
- Oh, it's all right. She can come with us.
- I don't want her to.
All right.
Are you really serious about this shop?
- Are you serious about Lester?
- I asked you first.
Well, I'm never serious about anything.
- How long you had this?
- About six weeks.
Well, I won't be going tonight either.
- Oh, honey, please do this for me...
- Does he know we went together?
Well, no. It never came up.
Well, tell him we went together.
Then I'll take you.
There's not one girl who comes into that shop
you wouldn't do this for.
I'm not gonna be a beard
for you and this guy.
- Why? Is it against your principles?
- Yeah.
I'd like to know what you've been doing
with his wife to get the money for the shop.
Oh, yeah? I don't fuck anybody for money.
I do it for fun.
Hey, I'll do whatever you want me to.
You know that.
Sometimes, George...
Want me to do your hair?
Oh, no...
Oh, I don't know!
What do you think? Huh?
Oh, boy.
George!
- You can't leave. What are you doing?
- Stop by the shop. I'll see what I can do.
Gold closed at $43 an ounce, down 18 cents.
At the bell, the 30 Dow Jones industrials
closed at 946.23, off 2. 18.
Volume, 16 million shares.
Now for the most active stocks
on the big board.
Texaco, 85 and three-quarters, down a half.
Sears, 68 and a quarter, up a quarter.
Polaroid off three-quarters
at 109 and a quarter.
Atlantic Richfield dips a quarter
to 102 and a half.
No, I tried that stuff.
You know I always burn. You...
Yes, when I went to the dermatologist
he gave me that stuff, and it gave me a rash.
Well, that's fine for you.
No. You have a different skin than me.
All right. All right, I-I-I'll try it.
Ah.
Think George is a fairy?
- Who?
- That kid. The hairdresser.
Well... I don't know for sure.
He is a hairdresser.
Thank you, Mona.
Maybe he's just a kooky guy
who likes to do kooky things, huh?
Maybe. Why do you ask?
Oh, I'm thinking of investing with him.
- He worries me.
- Why?
Well, maybe he's too flighty
and irresponsible.
That's why I asked if he was a fairy.
I don't know. He's a hairdresser.
Well, you suggested it.
Don't you think it's a good idea?
Yes, but I thought... You know.
What?
I thought you were indulging me.
You know how you indulge me, Lester.
No, doll. I listen to you.
If the deal doesn't make any money,
that's... that's not too bad either,
if it's... if it's handled right.
- Mmm.
- He's a nice boy.
I invited him tonight.
Just sorry he's a fairy.
Ah.
Well, what do you think?
Dr. Feldman says
that to a certain extent it's normal.
What's that?
- Post-natal frigidity.
- Uh-huh.
But with me it's really...
This guy just expected me
to jump right into bed.
I've gotta feel something tender or whatever.
I've got to know somebody.
George, will you pick up on line two, please.
Line two, George.
Hello.
I'd like to, Jackie,
but I told you to stop by the shop.
Chicken salad.
Uh-huh. All right.
But I gotta be in Bel-Air by 4:00.
Ask Ricci if he'd wind up Anjanette for me,
would you?
There's still too much red.
Huh? No. Honey, it's great.
I'm sorry. I gotta split.
George, I can't do anyone else.
This moon gold's been chewing up my hands.
I have an appointment with the allergist.
It took me a week to get it.
Come on, Ricci.
I'm not asking you to do a dye job.
- But why can't you finish her?
- Now what's the problem, George?
- No problem, no problem.
- George says he can't finish Anjanette.
I don't care.
You don't have to comb out Mrs. Karpf
until four o'clock.
- Why can't you finish her, George?
- I'm busy till 4:00.
- Busy doing what?
- Whatever I feel like.
Yes, and whenever you feel like it.
It's all right. Shut up.
Oh. Come on in.
Um... would you like a drink or something?
- Hmm?
- Uh, no, thanks.
Well, I would.
- Nice place.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, where do you want to do this?
Uh, you got a bathroom or something?
- Oh, can't we do it in here? Huh?
- Huh?
- Well, what are you gonna do?
- I'd cut it.
- Cut it?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Well, you don't seem to be very sure.
- I-I-I'm sure.
- You don't like it the way it is?
- Honey, it makes you look like a hooker.
George, what a terrible thing to say.
What do you want me to do, lie to you?
I'd cut it.
One thing... I have to look great tonight.
I mean, I have to look absolutely great.
...Harris poll
were leading Nixon by three percentage points.
Hello.
Nguyen Van Thieu hints Saigon
will always stand on peace negotiations.
- Oh, hi. Uh, just a second... Whoops.
- These and other stories at 4:30.
We can put you in a brand-new 1968...
Um... well, how are you?
How about what?
I can't.
Uh, I mean, you can't really
come up here, Johnny.
If it's a Chevrolet,
we've got it and we just have to get rid of it.
Shove 'em off the lot, any way we can
to make room for our 1969 models.
Uh, well, it might be difficult,
but it's not impossible.
Now...
But I don't want short hair.
Not too much off, eh? Huh?
Oh, George, what's the matter?
- Nothing. Everything's great.
- Great?
- Good.
- Good?
Not bad.
"Not bad" is not "great."
- I lied a little.
- That's not even "good."
I lied a lot.
Yeah, uh... I, uh...
Oh, stop it, you silly.
It's a little hot in here, huh?
It's the, um... the steam room.
Lester likes me to keep it on
in case he wants to use it.
That's better.
Mmm.
Mona.
Mona, Mona, Mona.
I need you!
Mona, this earring...
Will you please try and find the other one?
And when George comes,
please tell him to wait.
I have to pick up a dress.
I may have to have it fitted.
But be sure to tell him to wait.
Yes, ma'am.
But I have to go to the market.
Mona, make sure he doesn't leave.
It's important.
Anyway, the guy at the bank thought
I was some kind of hippie or something.
- Oh.
- I did it to myself.
He just didn't know a good thing
when he saw one.
- Jill's gonna be mad.
- Oh, no, she won't.
Wh-Wh-What are you doing in the back?
Let me see.
- You'll see. You'll see.
- I tell you, Jill absolutely adores you.
Mmm.
- Remember Myrna Lynn?
- Tsk. Mmm.
She adored me.
Then one day she called me her hairdresser
and took off to Palm Springs
with some agent from William Morris.
Well, Jill is 20 times the girl Myrna is, really.
- Yeah, exactly.
- What does that mean?
I don't know.
You get so you can sense these things.
What?
She needs to be with somebody
who can take care of her.
Coca-Cola closed
down an eighth at 48 and five-eighths.
IT& T, 57 and three-eighths, off five-eighths.
RCA at 46 and three-quarters,
off three-eighths.
Revlon, 83 and five-eighths, up a half.
Shell Oil, 68 and seven-eighths, off an eighth.
What about Felicia?
What about her?
- Did you?
- Did I what?
Come on.
Oh, I just can't wait to see Lester
with me and that cunt
in the same room tonight.
Hey.
Well, did you or didn't you? Hmm?
Hmm?
Can't stand to miss one of them, can you?
George.
US Steel, 43, up three-eighths.
And the Dow Jones industrial average
closed at 946.23, off 2. 18.
South Vietnamese President Nguyen Van Thieu
said today
South Vietnam would not attend
the Paris peace talks on Wednesday...
44 and three-eighths, unchanged.
Penn Central, 64, down...
Tsk. Shit.
Yeah.
Oh, you're a genius, honey.
You're a genius.
You're a genius.
- Oh, no, baby.
- Hmm?
No. No, baby, no.
I want to. Come on.
No, no, no.
Come on.
- Oh, baby, no.
- Hmm?
Baby, no, no, no, really.
No, really.
- Sorry.
- Baby, no. It'll ruin everything!
Mmm. Oh, baby.
It'll ruin everything.
43 and five-eighths, up seven-eighths.
General Electric, 94 and three-eighths,
up a quarter.
International Harvester, 35 and five-eighths...
Ah! Hey! Jesus Christ!
Fuck me.
Honey!
My God, it's Lester!
- Get up, get up. Get up!
- Doll?
Jackie?
- Oh, God, do something, please.
- Uh...
Baby, you sleepin'?
Jackie?
Jackie?
Oh, shut the door! Shut the door, honey!
Come on!
Oh.
Sorry.
Either come in or stay out.
Shut the door, honey.
What do you think this is, a picnic? Come on.
- Just don't let the steam out.
- Oh.
Hey, Jackie?
I brought you a little something, doll.
You look like you had quite a workout.
It's nerve-racking.
Women can get you very upset sometimes.
- I know, I know.
- This doing hair, it's just...
I know.
Look, I know you have to deal with Felicia
and you're caught in the middle,
but if you can just bear with me tonight...
Oh, hey.
No, listen, it's a difficult situation.
I want you to know I appreciate it.
All right? It's gonna be very...
very tough on me.
Well, I-I-I don't know...
But we'll do business, son, I...
I can tell you that.
Better clean that mess up
or the dogs'll get it all over the house.
What have you been doing?
Get out of there. Come on.
You oughta get rid of those dogs.
They get hair all over the place.
They're Yorkies, and they don't shed.
- Aren't you having a drink?
- No.
- Well, why not?
- I don't want one.
Oh, come on, doll.
Have a little drink. It's five o'clock.
I don't want one!
First you tell me not to drink.
Then you tell me to drink. Which is it?
I don't want a drink.
I called to tell you I was on my way,
but the line was busy.
You're always on the phone.
- You here to see my mother?
- Yeah, uh, do you...
She's out. You're supposed to wait.
Nobody's home up there.
Maybe, u-uh... Uh...
You hungry?
Yeah, a little.
This is the one thing I like
about this house.
- Want some lox?
- No, thanks.
You're my mother's hairdresser.
I do hair, yeah.
- Chopped liver?
- No, thanks.
Are you gay?
Want a baked apple?
They're cold, but they're good.
No, thanks.
Did you hear me?
Yeah.
Well, are you? Are you queer?
Mmm, sure.
Come on. Are you or aren't you?
This is great, you know.
Come on. Tell me. Don't be afraid.
Why do you want to know so bad?
See if you've been making it
with my mother.
Why would my being a faggot
have anything to do with that?
Nothing, I guess.
Have you ever made it with a guy?
Well, you ever make it with a girl?
Uh, well...
- Are you?
- Am I what? Wh-What are you talking about?
Making it with my mother?
I'd like to do your hair sometime.
Do you have a thing about older women?
That's sort of faggoty, isn't it?
I never get my hair done.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been
to a beauty salon in my whole life.
Yeah?
- You think that's funny, don't you?
- Yeah.
Beverly Hills hairdresser.
You might as well be a faggot.
Think that's funny too?
No.
No, no.
Then what do you think?
Well, you know, I think you've got
exactly the same eyes as your mother.
And... your chin's a little bit like hers too.
- No, it isn't.
- I think it is.
No, no.
And my eyes aren't like hers either.
- They are.
- No, they're not. I'm nothing like my mother.
I'm not trying to insult you, you know.
Can't we just, uh, be friends?
Okay.
You wanna fuck?
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- As long as you don't ask me what sign I am.
- Okay.
Are you married?
Sometimes.
But, uh, not at the moment.
Would you like to go to a party?
George?
George.
Seventeen percent.
Now, doesn't that tell you something...
- Lorna...
- about the permissive atmosphere...
Lorna, have you seen George,
by any chance?
He's my hairdresser.
- He's in the bathroom.
- What?
He's in the bathroom.
He's in your bathroom?
- Nobody should know better than you...
- Yeah.
...that we have an attorney general
in Washington...
who's not doing what he should do
to fight organized crime.
For the past seven years,
crime has been rising...
nine times the span
of the population of this country.
In seven years...
- Hello, George.
- Hi.
- Uh, I should be dry by now.
- Forty-three percent of the people...
Uh...
in the report of the president's
own crime commission
are afraid to walk the streets at night.
George, come here.
- What? Huh?
- Come here.
- No.
- You dry?
No!
- Don't comb my hair out, Geo...
- No... I'll do it now.
No, George, you can do it later,
for heaven sakes.
George...
- I'm so glad you're gonna be there tonight.
- What?
I'm so glad you're gonna be there tonight.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Uh...
- Right here?
- Right here.
- I don't care.
- Um, let me get the...
- I don't care.
- I'd better get the...
I don't want to.
So?
- Where's your car?
- A friend dropped me off.
- Who?
- Never mind.
I'm going tonight. Jackie asked me.
I need you to fix my hair.
Wants to pick us up pretty soon, huh?
Well, she doesn't have to pick me up.
I'm going with somebody else.
By the way, you never did say
how it went this morning.
Oh. Uh... okay.
- Well, are they gonna give you the loan?
- Well, uh...
- Uh...
- I don't know why I bother to ask!
The only way you're ever gonna
get money out of a bank is to rob one.
- What are you so mad about?
- Oh, just fix my hair.
You break your neck to go up to Jackie's.
- When do I get my hair done?
- She asked me to do her hair.
Does that mean you have to do
whatever anybody asks?
Why am I always at the end of the line
when you're passing out favors?
You want me to do your hair,
I'll do your hair.
And stop kissing everybody's ass
that comes into that shop.
That's not gonna put you in business.
That's gonna make you a kiss-ass!
- Come on, Jill. I'm trying to get things moving.
- Oh, grow up!
You never stop moving.
You never go anywhere. Grow up!
Grow up! Grow up!
Honey, I'm sorry.
Uh, you're right.
I just want us to have a normal life
like everybody else.
Jesus. I-I just can't take it anymore.
All I want is to get up early
and run my own business,
take you out to a movie on the weekend.
I'm trying, honey. I just...
I just can't get out of my own way.
I know. I know.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Well, come on.
Honey, come on. We don't have much time.
Sure.
What do you know about this guy?
He's a director.
- You ever heard of him?
- Sure.
Movies or television?
Commercials. Make you feel better?
Thought it might.
Yeah. Commercials.
Who is that?
- Who is it?
- Ah, it's nobody.
Nobody.
I'm sorry, sir.
There's a private party upstairs.
Jesus. It's Norma Stern. Look at her hair.
George!
Looks like somebody took a dump in it.
- George.
- You've been chipping on me.
- Well, isn't it awful?
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
George, for Christ's sakes,
don't let me drink too much.
You don't do that anymore, do you?
Good evening.
Check your coat?
- What?
- Your coat.
Oh. Uh...
Want me to take this?
- Okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
Twentypercent
of the vote in, Nixon with a lead.
Uh...
In case she wants it back.
Eighty-four percent of the vote in Delaware.
Well, what would you like to drink?
Um, I'll have a stinger.
Before dinner?
Well, I don't know. What do you think?
- Uh, why don't you try something light.
- Okay.
- Waiter?
- Yes, sir?
We'll have a white Dubonnet
on the rocks, please.
- And for you?
- Just a little white wine.
Little white wine. And, uh...
Uh... I'll have a Coke.
- Soda with a twist.
- Yes, sir.
Oh. Sorry.
Daley's in a good spot.
Daley has had it. He is in.
George.
Glad you could make it, son.
- Hiya, doll.
- Lester.
- This is my friend Jill.
- Hello.
- Glad to know you, Jill.
- Nice to meet you.
- And this is, uh...
- Johnny Pope.
- Mr. Pope.
- Hello.
Well...
Who are they?
Jill? I've told you about Jill a hundred times.
Lester, you never listen to anything I say.
Does she know about us?
Jesus, she's my best friend.
Well, I'll find room for them.
Who's the guy? George's boyfriend?
I don't know. Why don't you ask him?
Jackie, I'm only...
George.
Kinda keep an eye on Jackie tonight.
She's a little high-strung, you know.
See that she doesn't drink too much.
Surprisingly, the race,
along with the presidential race...
See you later, doll.
...makes California
very important at this moment.
The race that has also attracted attention
since it runs parallel to the presidential race
is the one for the United States Senate,
the seat, uh, which Tom Kuchel,
the Republican whip,
uh, lost in the primary to Max Rafferty,
state superintendent of public instruction.
And there, Cranston seems to be running
better than Humphrey.
- How does she know Lester Karpf?
- I don't know. Why?
Well, I just wouldn't want him
mad at me, that's all.
If you keep postponing taxes,
you're using the government's money,
and you don't worry what...
George.
Uh, how are you?
Uh, Jackie? This is Jackie.
Say hello to Felicia.
Hello, Felicia.
I'm so glad that you could make it.
I've been looking forward
to seeing you all evening.
Hmm.
Well...
Ohio's nothing to worry about.
Bet you don't remember
the first time we met.
Well, you never know.
Lester, what the fuck
do you think you're doing?
Huh?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Nate. I'm sorry.
Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself.
Why didn't you come alone? Lester invited you.
Why did you have to bring her?
Oh, um, she's a friend of Jill's.
Who is Jill?
You know, she's a friend of Johnny Pope's,
the director.
Pardon me.
Oh.
Nixon, 672, 000.
And that leaves California, the big one.
NBC News nowprojects
Nixon the winner in South Carolina.
Jackie? Jackie.
Jackie?
Excuse me. I know I know you,
but I can't remember where.
Uh... Uh, Bruce Barton's.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Come with me a minute, please.
Just come with me.
Come on.
Exactly what can a president do
to affect the moral tone of the country?
A president can end
the permissive attitude
noncritical of an individual
who decides for himself...
That, uh, other couple we're with tonight.
Do you know them very well?
Why?
Why?
Well, I thought maybe you could explain
why George just went into the ladies' room.
George?
We'll restore respect
for the United States of America.
Let's make one thing very clear.
In our administration, the American flag
will not be a doormat for anybody.
- You gotta let me out.
- No, no. It's boring.
- You're going to get us killed.
- It's boring.
Come on.
- What?
- Come here.
Come here, you.
Uh, what... what do you want to do?
Now, listen, you both have tidelands.
You both want Uncle Sam
to give you offshore drilling permits.
Why not do it together?
- Am I right, or am I right?
- That son of a bitch.
Everything he says is a phony piece of shit.
What does he think I am,
some cigar butt he's got between his teeth?
He ignores me!
I want a recognition
of that constitutional republic
because if we don'tget it,
then everything is of vanity.
He could have at least introduced me
to someone or something.
Couldn't he?
You're drunk.
Oh, George, what do I want?
Uh, well... how about some coffee?
Oh, hi, doll. Say, what's wrong?
You know what's wrong.
...wouldget the Wallace electors,
that's one thought.
Another possibility, it seems to me,
is that Mr. Wallace might,
verygraciously andgenerously,
throw or direct his electors...
Felicia. There you are.
We were just...
You know George.
And, uh...
uh...
uh...
Jackie Shawn.
Jackie Shawn.
Yeah, my wi... Uh, Felicia.
We've met.
Well, uh, anyway, uh...
Well, your hair, uh, looks just fabulous.
- It's George.
- Just fabulous.
Wonder if he could do anything with mine.
Yeah, well, uh, I could try.
Uh, well, do you wash your hair every day?
- Well, isn't that bad for it?
- No, no, no, it's very good.
Keeps the skin peeling.
You've gotta keep the skin peeling.
Otherwise the little follicles don't have
a chance to breathe, you know.
I mean, uh, that's how you lose your hair.
Remember, the follicle never dies.
Oh.
This here really ought to...
ought to be layered, I think.
- Layered?
- Yeah.
Otherwise, it just sort of lies there,
you know, and it, uh...
If you layer it, it kind of fluffs it out.
Oh.
Uh, I think everybody's ready
to eat dinner.
Are they, uh...
ready to sit down?
Well, we don't know where to sit.
- They're waiting for you, Lester.
- Oh.
Waiter.
One word out of you,
and I'll gargle with it.
Try to stop her from drinking.
I ca... Are you kidding?
Yeah, you should have seen
those little kids, Senator.
About 40 of 'em, all blind.
We put these mattresses on the front lawn.
They came running out of the house,
tripping and stumbling all over the place.
Just having a hell of a good time.
I mean, they were blind, of course.
But I don't know, it gave me
a feeling of accomplishment.
I can't tell you
when I had such a good time.
- Aren't you hungry, Miss Shawn?
- Not for rubber chicken, no.
Maybe I can get you something.
Oh, that's very sweet of you, Mr. Roth.
Sid.
Sid. You must be a very important executive.
Well, whatever I am,
I think I can get you whatever you'd like.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
- Whatever I'd like?
- Whatever you'd like.
Well, most of all,
I'd like to suck his cock.
Hey. Guess what. Whoo!
Uh, where did you say
the school is located?
Uh, just the other side of Santa Barbara.
- Curious to see it sometime.
- Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, listen, darling, I can't stand it.
It's killing me. Come on. Why not?
Come on!
Don't you want to?
Who's the greatest cocksucker in the world?
You are.
Fuckin'- A.
Excuse me, Senator.
Well, George, your friend feeling
a little under the weather?
You phony asshole.
Ah. That's too bad.
- Uh...
- Get her out of here, George.
- Oh, I'll go, I'll go.
- Come on.
What was that?
- Illinois.
- Ah. Good.
Uh, I've got to take her out of here.
- Go ahead. Take her home.
- Aren't you...
Oh. Uh, I'll see you later.
Johnny'll take me home.
Not a bad place to visit,
but I don't wanna live here.
By the way, I know this is not a projection,
it is not NBC's...
- Your coat.
- Oh, fuck it.
Just my own personal, private opinion.
I don't think we're going to get a winner tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have been awarded
the decided privilege of introducing
our guest of honor this evening.
Are you all right?
I'm just fine.
Thanks.
...and vote for the people,
for the country, for our Constitution.
- Lester?
- Sweetheart, please.
I hope you like Miss Shawn.
What?
Oh. Well, she's very nice, yes.
I mean, normally she...
Because she's going to be
very, very expensive.
Now, look, sweetheart,
can't we go into this later?
No.
No, we cannot go into this later.
Well, that's... that's okay too.
Senator Joe East.
I've blown it with Lester.
I don't think so.
I thought you were great.
Oh, you always say that.
And I really care for Lester, don't I?
Where do you want to go? Uh, Sammy's?
Is he still having parties?
Never stops.
This tells the story
of the ancient grandmother,
who, upon seeing the garden gate
of her childhood,
stops for a moment and says,
"Hello, garden gate. Hello, garden gate.
Garden gate, hello."
Hi-yi-ya. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-ya! Hi-yi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-ya.
Hi-ya-ya.
Be straight with me, Lester.
Just be straight with me
for once in your life.
Look, Felicia, this party involves
more than you and me, you know.
These people are concerned
about more than each other.
- Is that right?
- Yes, that's right.
Some of us are trying to make this country
a better place to live in,
believe it or not.
Is that what this is all about?
To make this country a better place to live in?
- Yes, that's what this is all about.
- Oh.
Hi-yi-yo. Hi-yi-yo.
It's a beautiful thing he's doing.
Hi-yi-ya!
Hi-yi-ya.
I recall another old ancient song.
My God, Lester,
you are a miserable human being.
- Man never loses...
- You're not helping anybody.
You're just twisting arms here
to raise money
for a lot of silly sons of bitches
who are all out for themselves.
You're kidding yourself
if you think your new business partner's
gonna keep his hands off your girl.
Or she's going to keep her hands off him.
What are you talking about, Felicia?
Think while you have time to think, Lester.
Excuse me, Senator.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're going to have to evacuate this room
as quietly and as quickly as possible.
Believe me,
there's nothing to worry about.
We would like to have you exit
through the door on my right,
continue down the stairs,
and out into the street, please.
Everything okay?
Ah, shit!
You don't have to entertain me.
- Am I entertaining you?
- We're friends.
That's true.
You feel like playing, you should go and play.
There are a lot of players here.
- George.
- George.
Hey, how you doin'?
- How are you doing?
- What's happening?
- You're lookin' good.
- You look really good.
- Come on down to the Jacuzzi.
- Oh, uh...
Come to the Jacuzzi.
We're going there now.
No, no, no, no. I can't.
- Hey, what's the problem, honey?
- His car... They have it blocked.
Please move out.
That's no problem.
Gene. You wanna move that truck?
- Sure. No problem.
- Thank you.
Listen, could you kids give me a ride?
I'm... kind of stranded.
Forget it, Wally. There's no bomb.
- Sure.
- Mmm?
- Yeah.
- Ah, good.
Come on.
Is it all right, son?
It will be, as soon as I can find my keys.
- Come on. I'll get in the back.
- No, no.
- Oh, it's so little.
- No, no.
Oh!
See? Nothin' to it.
What did you say your name was, sweetie?
Jill.
Jill?
- Yeah, Jill.
- Oh.
- Gee, that's wonderful, Jill.
- Thank you.
Just wonderful.
Hi. What are we doing?
Uh, Johnny, M-Mr. Karpf needed a ride home,
and I said we'd take him.
- Uh, you don't mind, do you?
- Oh, of course not.
Hey, call me Les, huh?
Where to, Les?
Well, listen, would you kids like
to stop off for a drink?
Well, we'd love to,
but we're going to another party.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I'll stop off there for a drink. Hmm?
You never were a tit man though, were you?
Ass and legs.
Look who's talking.
Do you know why
I used to get so angry with you?
Oh, I wouldn't settle down.
'Cause you were always so happy...
about everything.
I was?
I found it rather unrealistic.
Your type.
Very nice. Mmm.
- You want children?
- Oh, I don't really think about it that much.
I mean, there's so much to do
and so many places to go while I'm still free.
You know, um, unattached.
We're kiddin' ourselves.
We are?
You know, last night I had a dream.
I was, uh, 50 years old,
and, uh, I was supposed
to meet Jill at the shop.
Ooh.
Scared the hell out of me.
Why?
I can't imagine being with Jill
when I'm 50 years old.
I can't imagine not being with you.
Two weeks from tomorrow.
You're kidding.
Really?
Uh, I really don't know how to say this,
but... would you like to come home with me?
Hi.
Hi!
Come on in.
Yeah?
Why not, huh?
You know, we really shouldn't leave
that poor man here by himself.
Les? He wouldn't know the difference.
I know, but still,
let's go tell him we're gonna go, huh?
- Well, uh...
- Come on.
Uh, say...
What is it, man?
- Where can I get a towel?
- Over by the tennis court.
Thanks.
Oh.
- Uh, Les, Les.
- Shh.
That's what I call fucking.
Am I right, or am I right?
Come on, Les. Let's get out of here.
Oh, my God.
- You bastard!
- Oh, hey. Where've you been?
We've been looking everywhere for you.
You... son of a bitch!
Jill?
Baby?
Oh, Jesus, what should I do?
Uh, I better... I better go get her. Wait here.
Wait here. Jill!
Jill!
Honey. Jill!
Jill!
Jackie? Honey?
Shit.
Jackie?
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jackie!
Jill?
Jill?
Oh. Yeah, this is George Roundy speaking.
And I left a message there
a little earlier for Jackie.
Has she picked it up yet?
Uh-huh.
No. No, just tell her I called twice.
Thank you.
- Want me to come in with you?
- No.
- Well, I'll call you in a few minutes, okay?
- All right.
I don't want to fight, George.
I don't want to fight either.
Look. Uh, I-I'm sorry.
Bullshit.
- Why didn't he come in?
- Because I didn't want him to.
Well, I hope he doesn't mind me being here.
Did you get a job out of it at least?
I'd like you to leave now.
And take this with you.
Where did this come from?
Who knows? I'm sure you don't.
But if it'll help any,
I found it in your bed.
Obviously, there were others.
Weren't there?
Obviously.
- How many?
- What do you want to know for?
- Because I want to know. That's all.
- What difference does it make?
Because... I don't want girls looking at me
and knowing and me not knowing.
- Please don't do this.
- No, it'll help me, really.
- Please?
- It'll help me if you tell me.
How?
Because I'll know
that you've lied to me all along.
And I'll know that you're incapable of love,
and that'll help me.
If it'll do any good,
I just... You know, I-I have...
- You really want to know?
- Yes.
There were a couple of...
I mean, there were, uh...
Jesus. I-I-I... There were just...
Let's face it. I fucked them all.
I mean, that's what I do.
That's why I went to beauty school.
I mean, they were always there,
and I can't... I-I just... I-I...
Uh, you know, I-I...
I don't know what I'm apologizing for.
So sometimes I fuck 'em.
I... I go into that shop,
and they're so great-looking. You know?
And I... And I... I'm doing their hair,
and they feel great, and they smell great.
Or I could be out in the street, you know,
and I just stop at a stoplight,
or go into an elevator, or I...
There's a, uh... beautiful girl.
I-I-I don't know.
I mean, that's it. It makes my day.
I mean, it makes me feel
like I'm gonna live forever.
And as far as I'm concerned with what I've
liked to have done at this point in my life,
I-I know I should have accomplished more,
but I got no regrets.
I mean, Jesus, 'cause I-I...
I mean, I, um...
I...
Maybe that means I don't love 'em.
Maybe it means I don't love you.
I don't know.
Nobody's gonna tell me
I don't like 'em very much.
Jesus.
Well.
I'm glad you told me.
And I wish you'd go now.
Hi. Um, no. No, no.
Everything's fine, really.
The interim period between now
and the inauguration
of any activity that may be helpful
in bringing the peace for a while.
I also told him that,
as he finished his campaign,
I know exactly how he felt.
I know how it feels to lose a close one.
How long you been here?
All night.
You live like a pig.
Yeah.
Kyle, wait outside.
Having lost a close one eightyears ago
and having won a close one this year,
I can say that winning's a lot more fun.
Who are those guys?
What do they look like?
You unhappy about something, Lester?
Sit down.
- Well, now, wait a minute...
- I said sit down!
Now, George, either you admit it
to my face, man to man,
or I'm gonna have them
pound it out of you.
- And they do a hell of a job, believe me.
- Yeah, I-I believe you.
All right, I want to know about it.
Ah, Jesus.
I want to know how a guy like you thinks.
Look, just have them put me away,
or whatever they're gonna do. I'm...
What, do you get your kicks
sneaking around behind people's backs,
taking advantage of them?
Is that your idea
of being antiestablishment?
I'm not antiestablishment.
Well, was it me?
What, did you have something against me?
What, do you think I planned it?
Jackie, Felicia. Ugh.
Did they have something against me?
I'm sure you've done something
they could be pissed off about.
Well, goddamn it,
I want to hear it from you!
How am I going to tell you
what they've got against you?
I mean, Christ, they're women, aren't they?
Do you ever listen to women talk, man?
Do you?
'Cause I do till it's running out of my ears.
I mean, I'm on my feet all day long
listening to women talk,
and they only talk about one thing...
how some guy fucked them over.
That's all that's on their minds.
That's all I ever hear about.
Don't you know that?
Well, I follow your thinking on that.
I mean, face it. We're always
trying to nail 'em, and they know it.
They don't like it.
They like it, and they don't like it.
It's got nothing to do with you, Lester.
It just happened.
Felicia's got nothing to do
but shop and get her hair done.
She's getting older, her daughter hates her.
Wait a minute.
You think Lorna hates her?
Oh, I don't think she hates her.
I mean, she may resent her a little, but...
- Are you kidding, man? She hates her.
- Why?
I mean, why is that?
How would I know?
I don't know. I...
You want a drink?
No, thanks.
- Have a drink.
- Okay. Thanks.
Not a clean glass in the whole house.
Jesus Christ, what a way to live.
I never lived like this,
not even when I was your age.
Not even when I never had a dime.
It's a hell of a way to treat a business partner,
that's all I can say.
Who?
Me.
Hey, you were never gonna
give me the money.
I was going to give you the money.
Probably I would have.
Shit, I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
But you never know, you know?
I mean, one minute you're here,
and the next, pfft.
I wish...
I just wish I knew
what the hell I was living for.
A teenager held up a sign...
"Bring Us Together."
And that will be the great objective
of this administration at the outset...
to bring the American people together.
Hmm.
This will be an open administration.
Open to new ideas.
You can lose it all, you know.
I mean, you can lose it all,
no matter who you are.
What's the sense of having it all?
Market went down ten points last week.
Goddamn Lyndon Johnson.
Yeah. Well...
We want to bring America together.
Maybe Nixon will be better.
What's the difference?
They're all a bunch of jerks.
I don't know what to do with you.
I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
At least you do what you want.
Me? I'm...
Shit.
What about Jackie?
Ah, never mind. She's nothing but a whore.
I go over there, I have a few drinks,
I get my gun off, I'm through with her.
- Nothing but a whore.
- Oh, no.
You could call everybody a whore.
She really likes you, Lester.
It's not just the bread.
You think so?
Yes, I do.
Nah, I'm through with her.
Oh, uh, by the way,
you want me to say hello to Lorna for you?
What the hell. Go easy on him.
- Just having a little fun, George.
- Oh.
Come on, Hal. Let's go home.
Listen, I'll call you tomorrow
about the shop.
Christ, I'm beat.
Devra? Devra.
I want you to call Jackie Shawn
and keep trying her until you get her, okay?
Mrs. Schumann and Mrs. Young
are both waiting for you.
Mrs. Young is kind of uptight.
She's on the Rolodex. Will you get her?
Sorry.
- Where's Mary?
- She's with Norman.
I asked you to call Jackie.
Would you do it, please?
- Mary's gonna have to wash you.
- Not today.
What are you talking about now?
What the hell is going on around here? Mary!
Mary?
Mary! I'm not the shampoo girl, you know.
Do you think you can give me a little help?
What's the matter with Norman?
George, settle down.
Norman's son was killed.
- Killed?
- Car accident.
Near Oceanside.
He was on his way back to Camp Pendleton
and, uh, it was foggy,
and some guy in his truck
jumped the divider on the freeway.
It happened instantly.
Lord have mercy.
Just a minute. Almost ready.
Where you going?
Oh! Um, you'll have to go.
- I gotta leave?
- Oh, honey, you have to get out of here.
- Why?
- Lester's on his way.
Where are you going?
Oh, please. We'll talk about it later, huh?
Well, honey, uh, about last night...
Oh, forget about last night. It's okay.
We'll talk when I get back.
It's not okay. I mean, I want to talk now.
Where are you going?
Look, either you leave or I leave.
But I don't want the two of us to be here
when Lester arrives. I just don't.
That's him.
It's a cleaner.
That's it. Then I'm leaving.
Honey.
Oh!
Cleaners!
Honey?
Honey?
- You're gonna kill me.
- Honey?
What are you trying to do?
I want you to marry me.
I-I want to take care of you.
I-I want you to have a baby with me.
Hey, I know I'm a fuckup,
but I'll take care of you.
I'll make you happy.
I swear to God I will.
Huh?
Honey?
What do you think?
It's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?
We're not dead yet.
That's the only thing that's too late.
Lester's left Felicia.
We're going to Acapulco
on the four o'clock flight.
He's asked me to marry him.
Well...
Honey.
Honey, please.
Please, honey.
I...
Honey.
I... I...
I don't trust anybody but you.
Baby.
Lester's at the house.
Don't go, honey. Please don't.
But I have to go. I have to.
I can't just leave him standing there.
Oh, I have to go. I have to... I have to go.
Well, the puppies are in the car.
I can't think of anything else,
so... why don't we just take off, huh?
Okay?