She-Devil (1989) Movie Script
1
Some women
are born beautiful.
They make it look easy!
But most women have to put
a little time and effort...
Into their appearance.
And then, there are those of us...
Who need all the help
we can get.
Like me.
Tonight my husband
is taking me...
To a very fancy affair...
So I'm going to do
whatever it takes to look great.
Sometimes you just have
to pull out all the staff.
Yet another magnificent
miniseries...
Based on the
passionate prose of...
The reigning Royal Highness
of romance...
Her Majesty Mary Fisher.
At the tender age of 34...
She has already penned
over 30 novels!
These steamy stories
have sold in the millions...
Affording Mary a lifestyle...
Even her wealthiest heroine
would envy.
Here, in her lavish
Long Island Palace...
Mary lives in the lap of luxury.
Passion!
Excitement!
I think that's important
in a long term relationship.
And that's what I think women
find from my novels, a...
They find ways to...
Make their men feel...
Important and comfortable...
So that he knows
that he is...
The man...
You know, so
there's no confusion.
Ever the faithful daughter...
Mary is never too busy
to visit with her mother.
Who convalesces in style...
At the Golden Twilight
rest home.
Mrs. Francine Fisher
is the proud matriarch...
Of the Fisher clan.
Champagne, caviar
and dashing men.
Sit down!
Mary Fisher...
Takes a moment to reflect on
her writing philosophy...
Mr. Patchett...
I got your wife
on line three.
Hello, Ruth!
Hi, honey!
How's my favorite
accountant doing today?
Oh, I'm swamped,
my secretary quit...
I'm going out of my mind...
I'm trying to break
in a new girl...
Oh, well, I just called
to tell you...
How excited I'm
about the party tonight!
Ruth, I'm warning you!
It's going to be very boring.
A bunch of people
I don't really even know.
I just want to do
some networking...
Trying to round up
some new clients...
I don't think it's...
Worth your time to drive
all the way into the city.
Oh, I don't mind!
We haven't been out
together for so long!
Okay, Ruth.
Don't say I didn't warn you!
I got to run, okay sweety?
Bye, bye!
Bye, Bob!
How did you get here?
Oh, I took the Concorde.
It was a little cramped.
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Oh, my God!
It's you!
I don't believe it!
- Oh, I'm so sorry!
- You've ruined my...
Ruth, what are you doing?
Bob, I just spilled
my wine...
On the famous
author Mary Fisher!
I have read
all of your books!
- That's very nice!
- Ruth, why don't you go get...
Some salt and some Perrier
to remove the stain?
Hurry, honey, hurry!
Salt and Perrier!
A man...
Familiar with a woman's domain...
I like that!
It's just that my wife is
always toppling things.
- She's a bit clumsy.
- That's your wife?
- Too bad!
- Yeah...
It's too late!
That stain has already set.
Why don't we just cover it up?
I insist that you send
the bill for the dry cleaning.
I'm sorry.
It's very gallant!
Now I need
another drink, Mr.?
I'm Patchett,
Bob Patchett.
Mr. Patchett.
Hey, can I have some
salt and Perrier?
I just knocked my wine
on Mary Fisher.
You know, the famous author?
What is it exactly that
you do, Mr. Patchett?
- I'm a financial consultant.
- Really?
Yeah!
Oh, I'm filled with awe...
For men who know how
to handle money!
I can't even balance
my own checkbook!
Doesn't your accountant
do that for you?
Should he?
The good ones do.
Actually, Miss Fisher...
I'm moving heavily into
artists management.
I like to be around creative types.
I find it very... stimulating.
Stimulated accounting
sounds...
Very interesting!
Tell me more,
Mr. Patchett.
I refuse to divulge any more
information about myself...
Unless you call me Bob.
All right!
If you promise to call me...
Mary.
All the little families...
The mommies and daddies and...
Their little children...
Tucked away for the night!
How lucky they all are!
It's so kind of you
to take me home.
Absolutely no problem!
Now, Ruth, be careful.
I need to drive
from here, okay honey?
Shouldn't we take her
to the door, Bob?
Oh, that's all right, Miss Fisher,
we live just arond the block.
There's no sense in making
an U turn, right sweety?
No, we still have
such a long way to go.
It's another hour to Hamp...
Hamptons!
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine.
Are you sure I'm not
putting you out?
Don't be silly!
75 miles is nothing!
Bye, sweety!
It was very nice meeting you,
Ms. Fisher.
It was nice.
Bye, hon!
Drive carefully!##
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher is pretty and rich...
And thin!
And writes best selling
books about love.
Fortunately...
I can trust my husband.
My God, this is fantastic!
You should see my
electricity bills.
I'd love to!
You have a moment?
Garcia!
I waited up for you.
It wasn't necessary, grazie.
You may go to bed now.
We'll be all right.
Yes, ma'am.
Would you care for a drink?
I'd love one.
Good night.
Oh, yes! Good night!
'Buenas noches!'
You've got one hell of a
home office deduction, here!
I don't know what you mean.
Cognac?
Sure!
I just mean that
everything in this room...
From floor to ceiling...
Including that... Courvoisier...
Is a tax writeoff.
Is that...
Good?
Yeah!
It's great!
I have not your head
for money matters at all.
I just find it all so terribly, terribly...
Confusing.
You see, I try to think
only beautiful thoughts...
Because then I think that
the beauty will...
Come out in my work.
You must lead a very
glamorous life, Mary.
I suppose so, Bob...
Sometimes sitting here...
Day after day...
Banging away at my keyboard...
Writing can be so...
So lonely.
I guess you got to have a very
vivid imagination...
To write this
romance novels, don't you?
Yes, I do.
But I also do a lot of...
Research.
" She entwined her
limbs about him..."
"As ivy may wrap itself
around some massive pillar."
"When his love nectar was spent..."
"They drifted into the bliss of sleep."
Maybe he had an accident
and got amnesia.
Don't be a jerk!
If he lost his memory...
The people at the hospital
would just look in his wallet.
And what if his car
slipped off the road...
And he got smashed into
little bloody pieces?
Stop talking like that!
Andrew put that animal down!
Your father drove someone home...
And he probably just blew a tyre
on the expressway.
And it got late...
Bob!
Is that you?
Come on, Fuzzy.
Hi, honey!
Where were you?
Oh, you'll never believe
what happened.
I'm headed home on
the expressway...
And KABUM!
The rear tyre blows up!
By the time I got
the damn tyre changed...
It was so late...
I figured I'd better
check into a motel.
You know, I certainly didn't
want to fall asleep at the wheel.
How're you doing, champ?
Why don't you call me?
Oh, you want me to call at 4:30
and woke up the whole house?
Come on!
Good morning, princess!
Good morning!
Boy, am I hungry!
You are in a good mood
this morning!
By the way, I have got
some great news!
I've landed the
Mary Fisher account!
And that's just the beginning!
With Mary Fisher
as my star client...
I'm not just an
accountant, I am...
Business manager!
Daddy...
Are we going to be rich?
Right away, princess!
- All right!
- All right!
My husband is having an
affair with Mary Fisher!
Ruth, how can you say that?
I've always been totally
honest with you.
You are my best friend!
What's going on between me and Mary
is purely professional.
I would never, ever do anything
to hurt you and the kids.
Come on, honey!
Trust me!
Mary Fisher, I hope your
pink palace crumbles into the sea...
I hope your delicate white skin
breaks up in hives...
And your shiny blond hair
falls off at the roots!
But meanwhile...
I will watch...
And wait.
I will keep busy in
taking care of our home.
I will try to look attractive
for my husband.
Bob's just going into a phase...
And when it's over, I'll be here.
Ready and waiting for him.
Mary Fisher, you are just a fling.
A novelty, an infatuation.
Bob doesn't love you!
I love you!
I know my husband better
than you ever will, Mary Fisher.
And I know what to do
to win him back!
"The art of winning back
your man...
Is easy with these surefire
economical, sexy recipes.
"The secret of
Chicken Vol-au-Vent...
Is a delicate, puff pastry.
The perfect appetizer
for this dish...
Is a smooth, seductive,
mushroom soup."
Gross!
Your father loves
mushroom soup.
We don't love it!
We are eating too, aren't we?
Yes, but tonight we want
to make your father very happy.
Why?
So he'll stay at home?
Was that...
Was that for real
or the wildest dreaming?
If this is a dream...
I don't ever want
to wake up.
Wow...
I know!
What are you doing now?
Oh, what are you now...?
What are you doing?
I got to go home!
Already?
Yeah... Myr parents
are coming home for dinner.
I didn't realize that you
were so domestic.
Come on, I got
to get home sometimes!
No!
You know you don't!
You don't ever
have to go back, Bob.
We fell in love!
It's no one's fault!
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
I know when you
married Ruth you...
You did it out of
for kindness, and pity...
And I love you for that...
But Bob now, please, please...
Be kind to me!
Be with me, stay with me,
live with me!
Mary...
I want to but it's not that easy!
I've got kids!
But they have their mother!
Ruth is blessed
with those children...
They're her pride and joy.
It's not fair!
What do I have?
My all life is so empty!
Don't you say that.
You've got me!
I'm tired of sharing
you with her!
Bob...
I don't think I can stand
that much longer...
I want all of you!
I know.
Damn, if I know.
Hey, daddy is home!
Hi, daddy!
Hi, princess!
Are you sleeping here tonight?
Of course I am, sweety pie!
Your grandparents are coming over,
we're going to have a nice family night.
That ought to be unusual.
Hey, Ruth, dinner
going to be ready on time?
Yes, yes, it will.
Hey, you were supposed
to be home an hour ago.
I could have used some help.
I'm sorry.
I got stuck in a meeting.
I'm going to jump
in the shower.
Oh, Jesus!
Ruth!
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, please...
Don't start now!
My folks are going
to be here soon.
I'm not starting anything.
I'm... going to weigh myself...
Yap!
No wonder you're upset!
Nothing's ready...
And they're here!
They're early.
They're always early!
Cheese and crackers,
that's it?
The flans ought to be ready
in ten minutes.
I'm doing
the best I can, Bob.
Please don't embarrass me
in front of my folks.
What are you doing
down there, son?
- I can't find my gerbil.
- Really?
Well, let grandpa
help you look for it!
- Robin!
- Got to be 'round here somewhere!
There she is!
I've got it, hon!
- Are you okay, dear?
- What's the matter with that woman?
Herbie, are you under there?
- She's clumsy as an ox!
- Is it that time of the month?
Herbie?
I'm going to get back
in the kitchen.
Can I help you?
Relax, mom.
Ruth has got everything under
control, don't you honey?
Andy, find him yet?
Certainly these romantic novels
have universal appeal.
They sell like crazy!
Women... buy it.
Ask Ruth.
She's read everyone!
Nicolette, will you clear
the salad dish, please?
Do I have to?
You men don't understand.
It's always up to the woman...
To keep the romance
in a relationship...
I'm sure Ruth
reads these books...
For inspiration, don't you Ruth?
We don't need books.
Ruth and I have a
terrific relationship.
Always had, always will.
Sure we have our problems...
But it's a question
of give and take.
Once you understand that...
The romance takes care of itself.
Bob, that's so very sensitive
coming from you!
Ruth, I didn't know
he was so sensitive!
Oh, my God!
Herbie!
I'm going to barf!
Ruth, what the hell
is wrong with you?
I'll go get a strainer.
A strainer?
That's a dead rodent!
Take it off the table!
- Bob, calm down!
- Calm down?
The woman is a walking
disaster area!
Why don't you get Mary Fisher
to cook your dinner?
Ruth, I warn you!
She's his mistress, you know?
Shut up, Ruth!
You see what I have
to put up with?
I'll never forgive you for being
so rude to my parents!
Bob, don't be
so mean to her!
Mean? She's the one
making my life miserable.
I knew I never should've
married her!
Bob, the children!
Nicolette and Andy, go up
to your rooms, now, now, now!
Bobby, Bobby, if you didn't love her,
you shouldn't have married her.
Yeah, she was pregnant,
you made me!
Marriage is never easy!
With Ruth, it's not even possible!
Come on, Brenda!
We'll eat out.
That's a good idea, since half
your dinner is on the goddamn floor!
I had every intention
to save this marriage.
I'm tell you something, Ruth.
Life is made up
of assets and liabilies.
As a man I have
four basic assets...
1: A home, that is my castle...
2: A family, that is loving
and devoted...
3: A successful career that
I worked very hard to maintain...
And 4: The freedom to enjoy
the fruits of my labor.
But when it comes to liabillities,
I have only one.
That's you, Ruth!
And I'm not gonna let you ruin everything
I've worked so hard for!
You're a bad mother...
A lousy wife...
And a terrible cook!
In fact...
Have you looked
in a mirror recently?
I don't even think
you're a woman!
Do you know what you are?
You are a she-devil!
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher lives in a palace
by the sea.
She is pretty,
and rich and thin!
And in love with my husband,
who's her accountant.
I loved my husband...
And I hate Mary Fisher!
BOB's ASSETS
1. HOME
2. FAMILY
3. CAREER
4. FREEDOM
He is cute, that kid.
It blew up
and then fell down.
Oh, my God!
Mom, what happened?
Well...
We had a little accident.
What about our clothes?
Gone.
- What about my toys?
- Gone.
What about my tapes?
Gone, everything is gone.
Where are we going, Mom?
Mom?
Yes?
I'm Mrs. Ruth Patchett.
Children would like to see
their father.
Oh, please come in.
Why don't you just
go find your father.
There's a door on the way,
to the right.
This place is cool!
Andy!
I found him!
Hi, daddy...
Who let you in here?
Gracia?!
Ruth, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
Andy, Nicolette,
this is your new home...
I'm sure you'll be
very happy here.
Ruth, you are really
depraved!
Someone get this strange
woman out of here!
Garcia!
You take care, kids.
And remember,
no matter what...
I love you both...
Very much.
Ruth!
Ruth...
If this is your idea
of a joke...
It's not funny!
Do you have
a satellite dish?
Ruth!
Ruth, take the children home!
I can't.
If you want to talk,
we'll meet for lunch...
But the children belong
at home with their mother!
You don't understand Bob.
There is no home.
What are you talking about?
The house is gone.
Burned down.
- There's nothing left but ashes.
- I don't believe you.
Well, call the insurance adjuster,
he'll tell you!
Ruth!
Ruth!
Okay...
Okay, Ruth!
I'll give you a few days...
Then you got to
come back for the kids.
Where can I reach you?
I'm not coming back, Bob.
They'll have a much
better life here with you.
Wait a minute, Ruth.
Where are you going?
I don't know, Bob.
Into my future, I guess.
Ruth!
Ruth!
Ruth!
Goddammit! Ruth!
Stop it!
I will have to get used
to being alone now.
It's not easy for a mother...
To be separated
from her children.
I'll bet Mary Fisher's mother
feels the same way.
Maybe I can help
old Mrs. Fisher...
Get reacquainted
with her daughter.
Buy a rose?
A beautiful rose
for a beautiful lady.
But first...
I will need a new name.
The old are all the same.
Allow them nothing!
Take a firm line!
Remember, they're
no different than children.
Are you used to
children, Miss Rose?
Yes.
Good, then you'll feel
right at home here.
Oh, let me stress one thing
above all else.
You must report any damp or
smelling beds immediately.
- Do you mean...
- Incontinence!
Bed wetters have no place...
In the Golden Twilight Home!
Walk this way, please.
Are they sedated?
Our angels would rather sleep
then be awake wondering why...
Their families have
thrown them away...
You can understand that,
can't you, Miss. Rose?
Of course!
Good afternoon,
Mrs. Trumper...
Oh, Mrs. Hooper,
this is Vesta Rose...
She's the new orderly.
Hello!
It's time for their medications.
Nurse Hooper may be short,
but she's very devouted.
Been with me for years!
You'll take your orders
from her.
Now go help her!
Yes, Mrs. Trumper.
That's it!
Good girl.
Not good?
Here we go.
Open up...
Right!
Okay, Mrs. Fisher...
Open wide...
- There we go.
- How are you, Mrs. Fisher?
You look
very pretty today!
All right now, Mrs Palmer...
SEDATIVE
MaxiLIFE
Mary Fisher's mother has been enjoying
a long untroubled sleep...
It was time to wake her up!
Come on!
Give me the ball!
Yeah!
Go!
Come on, Ms. Wolinski!
Vesta, what is going on here?
Oh, is it not wonderful?
I know what you been doing!
The vitamins!
The workouts!
It's against the rules!
I'm going to
report you to Ms. Trumper...
And then you'll be sorry!
Oh, I don't think so!
I have been sorry
my whole life...
And by the looks of it,
so have you!
So you do
whatever you want.
But it's a shame now, Hooper...
I always thought
that women like us...
Should stick together.
Let's go!
Catch that ball!
She knew her body as
if she'd had it for a millennium...
And with an ease neither of them
had ever, ever, known...
He reached for her...
Come Juliet, Fuzzy!
Nub...
No.
Love...
Button...
Nicolette!
Nicolette...
Nicolette!
Nicolette!!
Nicolette!
Nicolette!
I'll call you back later.
You don't have to scream!
I asked you...
10 or 15 times not to...
Play that thing... so loudly.
And you damn know I don't approve
that you're talking on that party line!
There's nothing else
to do around here.
Hello!
Mary, hi!
What's going on out there?
I just spoked to your publisher
she's been trying to reach you.
I know...
The little Nicolette...
Has been on the phone
all day long!
Paula is very upset!
She says the new manuscript
is two months overdue.
You have no idea what
I have to put up with around here!
The noise, the bickering,
the constant interruptions.
I can barely even...
concentrate!
And let alone create!
Mary, Mary, the kids have been
through a very emotional experience...
They need time to adjust
to the new environement.
You're the stepmother, you got
to make them feel at home, Mary!
Help them!
Yes, I know!
Andrew!
Andrew, what are you doing?
Andrew!
Andrew, you leave
little Juliet alone!
Mary, what's on?
Your child and that mongrel
are molesting my dog.
Andrew, did you hear me?
Andrew...
Throw that stick away
right now!
Right now!
Mary...
Mary!
Mary!
It's time for your medication,
Mrs. Fisher..
This is the stupidest piece of trash
I have ever read!
How are you today, dear?
How the hell do I look?
- Better, dear, much better.
- Well, I'm bored to death!
Folk can go crazy
in a place like this!
Well, how about some nice
hearthy beef barley?
Oh, you know
I hate this slop!
You think you can
slip me a beer?
Mary Fisher, any relation?
My daughter!
- Oh how nice!
- She's a slut!
Bitch keeps me
in this dogpound...
While she lives the
life of a princess...
In her goddamn mansion!
Why, that doesn't seem fair!
Yeah I ought to drop in
on her one day...
That'd scare the shit
out of her.
You have rights.
If you wanted to go see your daughter
nobody could stop you.
I'm too old!
You are a mature and
vibrant woman...
And don't you let anybody
tell you anything different.
Yeah?
I suppose I could go
on Sunday afternoon!
I'll put you
on the train myself.
And I'll even call ahead to make sure
the butler knows you're coming.
Butler?
I'll bet there's
hanky panky there!
Well there's only
one way to find out!
- All right?
- Come with me.
All right!
- Here we go!
- Okay.
- Coming your way!
Lift it up!
Kill her!
Allright!
Trash her!
Come on!
Yes!
Kill her again!
Crush her!
Go! Yes!
What a pigsty!
Andrew!
Nicolette!
In this house we do not eat
in the living room!
That's my blouse!
You're wearing my blouse!
I have no clean clothes!
Do the laundry, then!
I'm sure your little brother
will be happy to help you.
I don't know how.
- Oh, yeah!
- Andrew, don't...
Ever kick me again!
- Come back here!
- That's it!
Now, go upstairs and
clean your rooms.
Tell the maid to do it!
You shit!
- Shit!
- Ute! Ute!
- Shit!
- Ute!
Ute, the children...
Don't seem to have
any clean clothes!
Do you think
that you could pos...
Fuzzy has just shit
all over the carpet!
Or perhaps Miss Fisher
would like to clean that up?
And Ute will do the laundry?
No, no, no, that's all right!
Where is Garcia?
In the swimming pool,
where else?
Garca!
Garca!
Garca, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
I'm not really sure.
Lately I haven't been able
to perform my...
Usual services.
Well!
You are still the butler...
So get in there
and get to work!
I may be the butler...
But I'm not the maid!
Would somebody please
get the door?
Would somebody please
get the goddamn door?
Scuzzy...
Fuzzy.
Get away! Get away!
- Mother?
- Hello, Your Royal Highness!
You better pay for the taxi.
What are you doing here?
Fancy schmancy!
He's cute!
How much
do you pay him?
I'll bet she makes you
earn every penny, huh?
Where are the children?
They're getting ready
Hey, kids!
Dinner is ready!
Bob, we don't shout
at the dinner table.
Here they are!
Oh, don't you look...
What's the matter
with your clothes?
You did the laundry!
I...
Think something's wrong
with that machine.
Here she is!
Where the hell
is the chow line?
Good evening, Mrs. Fisher...
Andy, wont you get out of...
sit in another chair.
Thanks, Gomez!
It's Bob!
Wathever! Why the hell didn't
anyone call me for dinner?
Well, we thought that you
were having a little nap, mother.
We didn't want to disturb you.
Nap? I was in the toilet
the last half hour...
I've got...
turboconstipation!
She's great!
Yeah...
Well...
Here we're all together...
Having a nice family dinner.
We certainly are!
Pretty fancy, eh kids?
What is it?
It's Potage Crme de Cresson.
What's that?
It's French for dog puke.
Actually it's cream...
Of watercress.
Well, it's delicious.
You know Mrs. Fisher...
I haven't told you what a
wonderful daughter you've got.
You did a terrific job
in raising her.
You'd never know
with the way she treets me...
The 'famous writer' over there...
You'd think a 41 year old woman...
Would have learnt
to appreciate her mother!
You'd think that her
mother would appreciate...
The very expensive nursing
home her daughter...
Pays for!
Mary, I...
I thought you were 34!
Ah, she's 41....
I got the birth certificate
to prove it!
Don't listen to her!
She's getting senile...
Bullshit!
I remember everything!
I remember when you were
just a teenager!
I'm not interested in
what you remember!
Will you shut up!
You may clear
the first course, Garca.
How's your lunch, Hooper?
Adequate, thank you.
Try one!
Tell me something, Hooper.
How long have
you been here?
- Twenty-two years.
- Really?
You must like it here.
Well, I...
Can't say that I do, but...
I guess it's what I'm used to.
Yeah, well, you can get used
to anything, if you have to.
But I'm not going
to stay here...
Forever.
Hooper, there's
over 55.000 dollars here!
Well...
I don't really have
any expenses...
Almost everything I make
goes into the bank!
What are you going to do
with all this money?
I haven't given that
much thought!
Hooper, money has no value
if you don't put it to good use!
What would you do
with this much money?
Oh, I could think of something!
Hooper! Vesta!
This, is long-term leaking!
How long has this
been going on?
I didn't want to tell you...
Poor Mrs. Fisher, she...
No excuses!
You're fired!
Hooper, get some disinfectant
and clean down this bed!
Now!
Where is Mrs. Fisher?
Mother, your train leaves at 3,
shouldn't you be packing?
Can't wait to get rid
of me, huh?
Let's...
Not get paranoid, shall we?
How do you do?
I'm... so thrilled...
that People Magazine...
Wants to do
an article about me.
Oh, it's long
overdue, Miss Fisher...
Mary. Please!
Thank you!
Chris would like
to take some pictures...
Of your beautiful palace.
By all means.
Garca, what is this?
Tea time as usual, ma'm.
No...
No, No, No...
Let me start
with a real tuffy!
Some critics charge
that your books...
Are nothing more than
soft core porn...
For bored housewifes.
Well, those critics
are usually men.
It's silly! My...
Books reflect
my own experiences...
Of lovemaking
as sacred and beautiful.
Something...
Special...
To be shared and treasured.
You!
Phone call!
- Would you excuse me?
- Sure!
The issue, here,
is bladder control.
Look, I said I'll pay extra
for the inconvenience.
Incontinence is more than
an inconvenience.
Your mother is
no longer welcome here.
Well, what am I
supposed to do with her?
What I've done with her
for the past 10 years!
Put up with her!
But I'm not...
A nurse!
She doesn't need nursing!
She needs T.L.C.
What is that?
A new drug?
Tender, Loving, Care!
Something that I'm sure you,
as her daughter...
Can provide.
Goodday, Miss Fisher!
Are you saying that
she was promiscuous?
Promiscuous?
She was a teen-aged tramp!
She couldn't get enough!
She would do it anywhere,
anytime, and with anyone!
She got knocked up
when she was sixteen!
Really?
Couldn't keep it though.
She had to put that cute little
baby boy up for adoption!
A boy?
Chris!
Come here!
Are you saying,
there's a missing heir...
To the Fisher family
Royal Dynasty?
Royal my ass!
Her father was a kosher butcher
from Hoboken.
A lovely man!
Now, where were we?
So!
Tell me about your son!
Miss Fisher...
Smile!
My work at the
Golden Twilight was over...
So I appointed Mrs. Wolinski
captain of the soccer team...
And wished them all good luck.
It was now time to move on
to the next stage of my plan....
Rose!
Stop!
Vesta!
Stop, stop!
Stop, please!
Thank you!
What are you doing?
I don't know!
I thought...
You might have a plan.
Oh, I had plan all right...
And I was glad to have
Hooper as a partner.
She was hard-working,
loyal, honest...
And eager to invest her money...
Where it would do
the most good.
Come on, you got to use
a little imagination here!
Look at this!
It got westerly exposure,
beautiful views...
I could get
a fortune for it!
The neighborhood is very hot!
But, you seem like
a nice couple of girls....
The place could use
a woman's touch, so...
I'll give you a good deal!
What do you think?
WHOLE BUILDING FOR SALE OR LEASE
I was starting an employment agency
for the unloved and the unwanted...
Women like Hooper whom
the world had thrown away.
And I knew just where
to find them.
GET THE JOB YOU DESERVE!
COME TO VESTA ROSE - TODAY -
All these women needed was
a little support...
And encouragement
to turn their lives around.
They would become my own
personal army.
Ready for action
when I needed them.
You see, my husband
just left me...
And I got three kids.
I've never had
a real job before.
Well, taking care of three kids
sounds like a real job to me!
Yeah...
I'm sure you don't have anything
for someone like me, but...
I had nowhere else to go....
So I figured...
What the heck!
Well, do you have any
office skills?
No...
But I did do all my husband's
bookkeeping at home!
See?
Now, I'm sure we can find
something for you.
You be here tomorrow
morning at 8:30 sharp.
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Welcome to Vesta Rose!
Feeling useless?
Think you have
nothing to offer?
Were you voted
"Less likely to Success?"
Then you're just
the person we're looking for!
Wether you're returning
to the workforce...
Or just starying out...
Unhappy with your present job...
Or just looking for
a change of pace...
Vesta Rose is the place for you!
Because at Vesta Rose...
We believe...
People are more
than just their jobs!
Come bloom with us!
Some things never change.
Bob was certainly
moving up in the world...
But like any man
who runs a growing business...
He always had an eye up for
qualified personnel.
Well, Bob...
Feast your eyes on this!
Hi! I'm looking for
a personal assistant/bookkeeper...
Someone with a good head
on their shoulders...
Someone who's a working knowledge
of profit and loss statements...
Someone who knows
her way around a computer.
I'm not opposed
to working with someone...
Extremely attractive.
What do you prefer,
a man or a woman?
A man...
A woman, of course!
Okie dokie...
If you just give me your name and
the name of your company...
Yeah! Robert Patchett,
the Patchett Organization.
Yes, thank you!
In order to run
a successful agency...
It's important to match
the right employer...
With the right employee.
Men go crazy
when I tell them my name.
It's... Olivia Honey.
They think it's so cute!
But it is, isn't it?
As you can see
from my resume...
I'm an expert bookkeeper
and data processor...
And my goal...
My goal is to work for a
powerful, successful man...
Who makes lots of money...
And marry him!
Olivia was too good to be true.
She'd give Mary Fisher
a taste of her own medicin!
Hello, there!
Hello!
I'm Olivia...
The agency sent me over to interview
for the bookkeeping position?
You're hired!
Oh oh, Paula!
- Darling!
- Mary...
How are you?
I'm sorry I'm late!
I was stuck in the traffic.
- It's crazy time out there.
- Relax!
The usual please, Henri.
What?
- What's wrong?
- In your hair!
A gummy bear!
So!
Tell me... how much you love
my new novel...
And how much money
we're going to make!
I don't know
what to say, Mary.
We extended
deadline after deadline...
Waiting patiently
for yor manuscript.
Then you give us something called
"Love In The Rinse Cycle"?
You mean you don't love it?
Mary, the love scenes
are wanderful...
But your heroine
has two children...
And has a husband
named... Bob!
- I don't understand at all!
- Darling!
What is this all chapter
on laundry?
It's a metaphor, Paula.
A what?
A metaphor!
Women always get stuck
with the laundry!
My readers will identify.
Mary, in the romance business...
You're only as good
as your last novel.
Fans are fickle!
Disappoint them once
and they will feel betrayed.
You will lose them!
Don't lecture me
about my readers!
Are you going
to publish it, or not?
Not as is!
Fine!
- You see, Mary, we're only doing this...
- Fine!
- For your own...
- Fine!
I'm exercising my option...
I'm going to take it to
another publisher, Paula.
Mary...
Why don't you take a day
to think about this?
You look tired!
Go get a facial!
Is there something wrong?
How...
Dare you...
To patronize me?
And by the way...
I think that...
Bob...
Is a beautiful name!
Taxi!
Taxi!
ROMANCE QUEEN UNSAVOURY SECRETS
- MOM TELLS ALL -
Please, Please, Taxi!
DETHRONING
THE QUEEN OF ROMANCE
HOW TO HAVE A BABY
WHEN YOU WANT TO
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher lives in a palace
by the sea.
But her life is no longer
a fairy tale.
Now that Prince Charming
works late every night.
Bob?
Bob...
This is...
Bob, are you there?
Can't you pick up?
Honey, please, please, please,
pick up!
Bob?
Bob?
Is that you, just...?
Darling?
I was calling, and calling,
and calling...
Where were you?
Sorry, honey...
That freaking Jag
blew a fan belt on the way in...
Oh, I'm so pissed!
You know
what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking...
That ride from the city
is so long...
It might be safer if I spent...
A few nights...
In the office.
What do you think?
I think that you
should take a look at this!
Jesus Christ!
We're going to sue
the bastards!
Hold on, Mary, who are
you going to sue?
Your mother?
No.
I'll wring her
scaly little neck.
Okay, okay,
we'll just look at the bright side...
Even bad publicity
is good publicity.
We're going to need
all the help we can get...
When "Love In The Rinse Cycle"
comes out.
What...
May I ask...
Do you mean by that?
I read the manuscript,
frankly Mary, I'm worried.
Why?
Why?
Why is everyone turning
against me now?
First Paula refuses
to publish it!
Now you tell me
you hate it!
I don't hate it...
I just don't know why you
strayed from the formula!
Because I...
If you don't know it, Bob...
Am an artist!
And ever since
you came to my house...
With the children
my life has changed...
And I must reflect that
in my... writing.
Mary...
Let's, let's not exaggerate
the significance of you writing, okay...
We're not talking about art here.
We're talking about a product!
- A product?!
- Yeah!
When did I mention you know
about literature, art, or creativity?
After all you are merely...
An accountant!
Yes, but accounting
can be very creative!
Yeah, that's what our friends
are telling me!
Yeah!
If I didn't keep my eye
on the bottom line...
You and all your artist friends
wouldn't have a pot to piss in!
You are so vulgar!
So gross!
How dare you insult my...
Beautiful friends?
Because that
is the real world, Mary...
So wake up
and smell the cappuccino!
No!
- No!
- Goodnight!
Where are you going, darling?
No! No!
No, no, no, no!
Sad Mary Fisher!
She's learning that men
who burn so hot for a mistress...
Cool out fast when the mistress
starts acting like a wife.
Oh, Bob!
Oh, darling!
Aw, yes!
Oh, yes!
I love you!
I think you really...
Yes, I do!
Oh, God!
He is such
an incredible lover!
I mean, it's more
than just sex!
You have no idea
how nice he is!
Sounds like love.
I don't know!
Is he married?
So he was, but...
She ran off and left him
with the kids!
I mean,
can you imagine it?
Sounds a bit like she was
a real nut, huh?
Oh, that must have been
tough on him!
Yeah!
He lives with someone now,
but that's on the rocks!
You know, it's just for showing you
how he felt about me.
What have you told him?
This what's his name?
Bobby.
Have you told Bobby
how you feel?
Oh, I can't!
I mean, it's not like that.
He's so...
I don't know...
Important!
But Olivia, so are you!
You should tell him
how you feel!
Do you really think so?
Why, you don't want him
to think that you do...
This sort of things
all the time!
No!
But, I mean,
I can't come right out and say...
'I love you, Bobby.'
I mean...
What if I scare him off
or something?
Oh, now you
listen to me, Olivia!
How could tell your man
that you love him...
Possibly scare him off?
Oh, Bobby!
Catch me if you can!
Wait, where are you going?
Come here!
Come on,
come on up on the desk!
Up on the desk.
I have an idea!
We go for a ride!
It's picture time!
Goody!
Say cheese!
Oh, Bobby!
It's so funny!
And sweet, you know?
This isn't just a fling for me,
you know?
What's that?
I love you Bobby, I do!
I really, truly, love you.
I told him I loved him,
and fired me!
He accused me of...
Of trying
to sleep my way to the top.
Aw, it sounds like he really
took advantage of you!
Yeah!
You know, it's like
you give men what they want...
And then they don't
want it anymore!
I can't believe
I trusted him!
Well, maybe you were
a little naive, but...
He certainly seemed like a nice guy,
an honest businessman...
Honest?
You got to be kidding me!
He cheats his own clients!
He does?
How?
Oh, he skims the interest
off their accounts...
And wires it
to a bank in Switzerland.
Ah, what a slime ball!
It's not fair.
Men get away
with murder, you know!
It seems like if you are a woman
there's just no justice in the world.
Well, I always found that...
Justice serves those who
serve themselves.
Poor Olivia!
She had learned something
about life and love.
But more importantly...
She had learned the secret access code
to Bob client's acconts...
People who trusted Bob...
Beyond the shadow of a doubt.
How much shall I transfer,
20,000 dollars?
More!
40,000?
More!
100,000?
Okay!
Let's take out...
200,000 dollars!
And transfer that to Robert
Patchett, Banque Suisse...
Zurich, Switzerland.
It's not exactly
like we were framing Bob...
We were just making his thievery
a little more obvious...
You know, sometimes you just
have to exaggerate things...
In order to make
people see the truth!
Dreadful, embarrassing...
Terrible, horriyfingly bad, bad, bad.
Even those words
don't adequately describe...
Mary Fisher's new novel.
This book simply chokes
the reader's brain...
Before he has
even finished chapter one.
Clearly this novel
is but a waist...
Of time, paper, ink
and shelf space.
This reviewer
wouldn't shed a tear...
To find his copy of
"Love In The Rinse Cycle"...
Lost in the garbage disposal.
I hate to say
"I told you so..."
But...
You just did, didn't you?
Hello!
Bills, bills, bills!
Oh, here's a little something
that should cheer you up!
Like a fan letter!
You know what I'm thinking?
I think we should go on a
little vacation, just you and me.
Have some fun,
go to the islands...
I don't know...
Have some Coco Loco
some Pias Coladas...
Just relax, recharge your batteries...
God, I 'd love that!
- What do you think, Mary?
- You bastard!
Mary!
Mary!
Mary... come back here!
Please!
You know you're the only woman
I've ever been faithful to?
Ute, where are you going?
I took this job because I only
had to cook and clean...
For one person
and one dog!
Then I get the
mother, the lover...
His kids, their dog!
Miss Fisher!
Up with this bullshit
I will not put!
I quit!
Oh no, no, no, no, no!
Stop that!
Stop it!
Stop it, now!
Take your filthy hands
off her, Garcia!
You're fired!
Get out!
Out of my house!
I hate you!
You go upstairs, young lady
and take off my dress!
You're not my mother!
I said move!
And you, young man...
Mother, go sit down!
To your room!
And stay there!
You're grounded!
What's going on here?
Bob!
I'm taking back
control of my life, Bob!
As long as you're all
under my roof...
Things will be done my way...
Starting now!
Mary Fisher had decided
to lay down the law!
That's not a bad idea!
Yes, I'd like the number for the
Internal Revenue Service, please.
Thank you.
But I think some matters
ought to be handled...
By the proper authorities.
- Mark.
- Mary!
- Great party!
- Thank you!
- I knew you would come!
- Glad to see you!
Mary!
You look wonderful!
Thank you!
Mary...
I'm glad to see you.
What a success, my dear,
everybody is having fun!
I just want you to know that
as far as I am concerned...
You are still on probation.
So, you should be nice...
To my friends!
- Hey!
- Why, see there!
- Can I bring you a fresh one?
- No thanks!
I'm enjoying your party,
Your Highness!
Going well!
Attention, everybody!
Everybody, quiet down!
I would like
to propose a toast...
To the wonderful woman...
Who put this fabulous
party together...
She doesn't know how
much I appreciate her...
And that's probably my fault...
Because I don't tell her
often enough.
And so I'm going
to tell her right now!
In front of all of you
good people.
Mary, come on up here!
- Come on!
- Music guys!
Come on everybody,
give her a big hand!
Mary...
You are the abosolute best!
And I'm the luckiest guy
this room!
It's a great life...
And things are only
going to get better.
Toast to you, honey!
Robert Patchett,
I have warrant for your arrest!
For what?
For fraud and embezzlement.
I can't imagine!
But this is a private party!
You can't just come...
You have to leave!
There must be some mistake!
There's no mistake, Mr. Patchett.
Will you please come with me?
Sorry to spoil your party!
Bye-bye, Bobby!
Call Larry!
Watch your head, sir.
Be brave, darling!
This would make
a bestseller.
How serious is it, Larry?
26 counts of fraud
and embezzlement...
We are looking at 200,000
to 300,000 dollars in fines...
That's a lot of money!
- I think we can handle it.
- Plus...
Two to five years in prison.
That's crazy, Larry!
You got to do something!
Mary!
Bob!
The solution to your problem
lies in two words...
Pay off?
No, Bob!
Judge Phillips!
Judge Phillips?
I have learned that Judge Phillips
will be hearing your case...
And that is
very good news!
For not only is he my father's
old golf partner...
Judge Phillips tends to be very...
Considerate towards
white-collar criminals.
Criminals?
Who's talking about criminals?
Larry, I'm no criminal!
Of course you're not, Bob!
Just relax, Bob!
We know that...
A considerable amount
of your client's money was...
Somehow transferred into your...
Personal bank account
in Switzerland.
- Yes!
- Our defense will claim...
That a virus somehow
crept into your computer...
Causing a mistaken transfer
of money.
The idea is to chalk the all thing up
to a software glitch!
I love it!
Plus, to ram home the idea
that the whole thing was an accident...
We can show that the largest
transfer of money...
Came from Mary's
own account...
We all know that
was a mistake, right?
Absolutely!
Don't worry about a thing!
Then I'm going to play two
rounds with the judge...
So we can all start doing
the ground work.
Are you sure this'll work,
this computer virus affair?
Bob, I don't get paid 350 dollars
an hour to give bad advice!
Okay!
Mary, you've been great!
How the hell did
a bum like me...
End up with a wonderful
woman like you?
Don't you dare touch me!
You think
I was born yesterday?
Hey, hey!
What is the matter?
It's bad enough to steal
from your own clients...
But to steal from the
very hand that feeds you!
You heard what Larry said,
it was the computer.
Computers don't have
Swiss bank accounts, Bob!
Mary!
I'm glad this has happened!
Because now I can
see the real you....
You greedy son of a bitch!
I want you out of my life!
Oh, and... you're fired!
Patchett... Patchett..Patchett.
It's judge Phillips.
I sure can!
Oh, it's no problem!
For you, anything!
Yes!
The job is working out
very well!
It's just wonderful!
I can't begin to thank you!
Oh. I'm so glad
to hear that, dear!
Goodbye!
This judge is a very expensive guy,
look he loves to...
Let me ask you, is there
a conflict of interest...
I'm asking you
as a lawyer...
Can we take him out
to dinner after, go to Ruban D'Or?
Well, better be Peter Luger.
Fine!
I'm buying...
Absolutely brilliant!
All rise!
How do I look?
You look great!
How do you feel?
Fine!
Please be seated.
Case number 64-84,
People vs. Patchett.
Honorable Judge Brown presides.
It is true that the defendant
has no criminal record...
And is a well respected member
of the community...
But the fact remains
that the defendant stole...
Large sums of money
from his clients.
In doing so
Mr. Patchett has...
Not only broken
a sacred trust...
He has shaken the public's faith...
In accountants, everywhere.
This Court therefore will fine
Robert Patchett...
250,000 dollars...
And orders him to serve
a prison term of...
18 months.
She's... she's kidding, right?
You promised me
all would be okay!
I'm really sorry, Bob.
If we had Judge Phillips...
No problem!
Hey, why don't you
hear to have judge...
And all us together for
a round of golf...
I'll be free in, say, 18 months!
Come on!
Come on!
Easy!
- Easy!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ruth!
Ruth! Is that you?
Ruth!
It's my wife!
Ruth!
Where have you been?
- All right, come on, let's go!
- You got to help me!
That's Ruth!
Ruth!
Help me!
Poor Bob!
I almost felt sorry for him!
Almost!
Mary Fisher no longer
wants her palace by the sea.
She doesn't love
my husband anymore either...
And these days...
Bob is growing accustomed
to a very different lifestyle.
Hey, what's burning?
My lasagna!
Oh, shit!
What the hell are you doing
now, Patchett?
I don't understand.
I've only had it in for 20 minutes!
You jerk!
You put it in at 5,25 minutes
when it's supposed to be at 3,50.
Hey, I'm really sorry!
You Patchett, you go a visitor!
Get out of here!
Hey, daddy!
It's daddy!
Nicolette, Andy, come here!
I've missed you!
I've missed you both!
How are you doing?
I count the days!
Hello, Ruth!
Hello, Bob!
Thanks for bringing the kids.
How are you doing?
You look great!
Thanks, you look good too.
I'm all right, I guess!
I got a lot of time
on my hands.
Look, I realize you and the kids
have to have a lot to talk about...
So I'll leave you alone.
So long, Ruth, thanks again!
Sure, Bob!
Hey, Ruth!
I get out
in a couple of months.
Maybe I can come visit,
cook you all dinner!
That'd be nice.
Hey!
Here you got,
I made you some cookies.
Give them a try!
Be honest, tell me exactly
what you think.
- They're good, Dad!
- Are you serious?
- Yes...
- Do you mean it?
I was worried,
I thought you may not like them!
People can change.
That's why
you can't give up on them.
Even Mary Fisher.
We are here with...
Mary Fisher.
And she is the former
romance novelist.
Now, Mary has just
written a new book...
And this is something
that is very different.
It's called:
'Trust and Betrayal'
And it's subtitled...
A docunovel of love,
money and skepticism.
Thank you very much
for joining us this morning!
Thank you, Sally.
It's very nice to be here.
Now, let's see,
this was about...
A year and a half ago...
That your last novel
was published...
- And it was...
- A complete and utter flop!
Yes!
We may as well be blunt!
But the new book
has gotten...
Fabulous reviews....
Yes, it's has, yes.
Anf from the serious...
Critics.
And this is a real
departure for you...
From anything that
you ever...
Yes, people can change.
Of course you
can't expect miracles!
- Thank you, Miss. Fisher.
- A pleasure.
Could you make it out
to Douglas?
To Douglas...
With thanks...
Mary Fisher.
How shall I inscribe it?
Would you sign it...
To Ruth?
To Ruth...
With thanks...
Mary...
Fisher.
Thank you!
Could you inscribe it
to Alain, please?
Bien sur!
Your grasp of the
post-modern metaphors...
Is wonderful, Mrs. Fisher...
Oh, no, no, no...
Miss. Fisher!
Please...
Call me... Mary.
Some women
are born beautiful.
They make it look easy!
But most women have to put
a little time and effort...
Into their appearance.
And then, there are those of us...
Who need all the help
we can get.
Like me.
Tonight my husband
is taking me...
To a very fancy affair...
So I'm going to do
whatever it takes to look great.
Sometimes you just have
to pull out all the staff.
Yet another magnificent
miniseries...
Based on the
passionate prose of...
The reigning Royal Highness
of romance...
Her Majesty Mary Fisher.
At the tender age of 34...
She has already penned
over 30 novels!
These steamy stories
have sold in the millions...
Affording Mary a lifestyle...
Even her wealthiest heroine
would envy.
Here, in her lavish
Long Island Palace...
Mary lives in the lap of luxury.
Passion!
Excitement!
I think that's important
in a long term relationship.
And that's what I think women
find from my novels, a...
They find ways to...
Make their men feel...
Important and comfortable...
So that he knows
that he is...
The man...
You know, so
there's no confusion.
Ever the faithful daughter...
Mary is never too busy
to visit with her mother.
Who convalesces in style...
At the Golden Twilight
rest home.
Mrs. Francine Fisher
is the proud matriarch...
Of the Fisher clan.
Champagne, caviar
and dashing men.
Sit down!
Mary Fisher...
Takes a moment to reflect on
her writing philosophy...
Mr. Patchett...
I got your wife
on line three.
Hello, Ruth!
Hi, honey!
How's my favorite
accountant doing today?
Oh, I'm swamped,
my secretary quit...
I'm going out of my mind...
I'm trying to break
in a new girl...
Oh, well, I just called
to tell you...
How excited I'm
about the party tonight!
Ruth, I'm warning you!
It's going to be very boring.
A bunch of people
I don't really even know.
I just want to do
some networking...
Trying to round up
some new clients...
I don't think it's...
Worth your time to drive
all the way into the city.
Oh, I don't mind!
We haven't been out
together for so long!
Okay, Ruth.
Don't say I didn't warn you!
I got to run, okay sweety?
Bye, bye!
Bye, Bob!
How did you get here?
Oh, I took the Concorde.
It was a little cramped.
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Oh, my God!
It's you!
I don't believe it!
- Oh, I'm so sorry!
- You've ruined my...
Ruth, what are you doing?
Bob, I just spilled
my wine...
On the famous
author Mary Fisher!
I have read
all of your books!
- That's very nice!
- Ruth, why don't you go get...
Some salt and some Perrier
to remove the stain?
Hurry, honey, hurry!
Salt and Perrier!
A man...
Familiar with a woman's domain...
I like that!
It's just that my wife is
always toppling things.
- She's a bit clumsy.
- That's your wife?
- Too bad!
- Yeah...
It's too late!
That stain has already set.
Why don't we just cover it up?
I insist that you send
the bill for the dry cleaning.
I'm sorry.
It's very gallant!
Now I need
another drink, Mr.?
I'm Patchett,
Bob Patchett.
Mr. Patchett.
Hey, can I have some
salt and Perrier?
I just knocked my wine
on Mary Fisher.
You know, the famous author?
What is it exactly that
you do, Mr. Patchett?
- I'm a financial consultant.
- Really?
Yeah!
Oh, I'm filled with awe...
For men who know how
to handle money!
I can't even balance
my own checkbook!
Doesn't your accountant
do that for you?
Should he?
The good ones do.
Actually, Miss Fisher...
I'm moving heavily into
artists management.
I like to be around creative types.
I find it very... stimulating.
Stimulated accounting
sounds...
Very interesting!
Tell me more,
Mr. Patchett.
I refuse to divulge any more
information about myself...
Unless you call me Bob.
All right!
If you promise to call me...
Mary.
All the little families...
The mommies and daddies and...
Their little children...
Tucked away for the night!
How lucky they all are!
It's so kind of you
to take me home.
Absolutely no problem!
Now, Ruth, be careful.
I need to drive
from here, okay honey?
Shouldn't we take her
to the door, Bob?
Oh, that's all right, Miss Fisher,
we live just arond the block.
There's no sense in making
an U turn, right sweety?
No, we still have
such a long way to go.
It's another hour to Hamp...
Hamptons!
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine.
Are you sure I'm not
putting you out?
Don't be silly!
75 miles is nothing!
Bye, sweety!
It was very nice meeting you,
Ms. Fisher.
It was nice.
Bye, hon!
Drive carefully!##
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher is pretty and rich...
And thin!
And writes best selling
books about love.
Fortunately...
I can trust my husband.
My God, this is fantastic!
You should see my
electricity bills.
I'd love to!
You have a moment?
Garcia!
I waited up for you.
It wasn't necessary, grazie.
You may go to bed now.
We'll be all right.
Yes, ma'am.
Would you care for a drink?
I'd love one.
Good night.
Oh, yes! Good night!
'Buenas noches!'
You've got one hell of a
home office deduction, here!
I don't know what you mean.
Cognac?
Sure!
I just mean that
everything in this room...
From floor to ceiling...
Including that... Courvoisier...
Is a tax writeoff.
Is that...
Good?
Yeah!
It's great!
I have not your head
for money matters at all.
I just find it all so terribly, terribly...
Confusing.
You see, I try to think
only beautiful thoughts...
Because then I think that
the beauty will...
Come out in my work.
You must lead a very
glamorous life, Mary.
I suppose so, Bob...
Sometimes sitting here...
Day after day...
Banging away at my keyboard...
Writing can be so...
So lonely.
I guess you got to have a very
vivid imagination...
To write this
romance novels, don't you?
Yes, I do.
But I also do a lot of...
Research.
" She entwined her
limbs about him..."
"As ivy may wrap itself
around some massive pillar."
"When his love nectar was spent..."
"They drifted into the bliss of sleep."
Maybe he had an accident
and got amnesia.
Don't be a jerk!
If he lost his memory...
The people at the hospital
would just look in his wallet.
And what if his car
slipped off the road...
And he got smashed into
little bloody pieces?
Stop talking like that!
Andrew put that animal down!
Your father drove someone home...
And he probably just blew a tyre
on the expressway.
And it got late...
Bob!
Is that you?
Come on, Fuzzy.
Hi, honey!
Where were you?
Oh, you'll never believe
what happened.
I'm headed home on
the expressway...
And KABUM!
The rear tyre blows up!
By the time I got
the damn tyre changed...
It was so late...
I figured I'd better
check into a motel.
You know, I certainly didn't
want to fall asleep at the wheel.
How're you doing, champ?
Why don't you call me?
Oh, you want me to call at 4:30
and woke up the whole house?
Come on!
Good morning, princess!
Good morning!
Boy, am I hungry!
You are in a good mood
this morning!
By the way, I have got
some great news!
I've landed the
Mary Fisher account!
And that's just the beginning!
With Mary Fisher
as my star client...
I'm not just an
accountant, I am...
Business manager!
Daddy...
Are we going to be rich?
Right away, princess!
- All right!
- All right!
My husband is having an
affair with Mary Fisher!
Ruth, how can you say that?
I've always been totally
honest with you.
You are my best friend!
What's going on between me and Mary
is purely professional.
I would never, ever do anything
to hurt you and the kids.
Come on, honey!
Trust me!
Mary Fisher, I hope your
pink palace crumbles into the sea...
I hope your delicate white skin
breaks up in hives...
And your shiny blond hair
falls off at the roots!
But meanwhile...
I will watch...
And wait.
I will keep busy in
taking care of our home.
I will try to look attractive
for my husband.
Bob's just going into a phase...
And when it's over, I'll be here.
Ready and waiting for him.
Mary Fisher, you are just a fling.
A novelty, an infatuation.
Bob doesn't love you!
I love you!
I know my husband better
than you ever will, Mary Fisher.
And I know what to do
to win him back!
"The art of winning back
your man...
Is easy with these surefire
economical, sexy recipes.
"The secret of
Chicken Vol-au-Vent...
Is a delicate, puff pastry.
The perfect appetizer
for this dish...
Is a smooth, seductive,
mushroom soup."
Gross!
Your father loves
mushroom soup.
We don't love it!
We are eating too, aren't we?
Yes, but tonight we want
to make your father very happy.
Why?
So he'll stay at home?
Was that...
Was that for real
or the wildest dreaming?
If this is a dream...
I don't ever want
to wake up.
Wow...
I know!
What are you doing now?
Oh, what are you now...?
What are you doing?
I got to go home!
Already?
Yeah... Myr parents
are coming home for dinner.
I didn't realize that you
were so domestic.
Come on, I got
to get home sometimes!
No!
You know you don't!
You don't ever
have to go back, Bob.
We fell in love!
It's no one's fault!
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
I know when you
married Ruth you...
You did it out of
for kindness, and pity...
And I love you for that...
But Bob now, please, please...
Be kind to me!
Be with me, stay with me,
live with me!
Mary...
I want to but it's not that easy!
I've got kids!
But they have their mother!
Ruth is blessed
with those children...
They're her pride and joy.
It's not fair!
What do I have?
My all life is so empty!
Don't you say that.
You've got me!
I'm tired of sharing
you with her!
Bob...
I don't think I can stand
that much longer...
I want all of you!
I know.
Damn, if I know.
Hey, daddy is home!
Hi, daddy!
Hi, princess!
Are you sleeping here tonight?
Of course I am, sweety pie!
Your grandparents are coming over,
we're going to have a nice family night.
That ought to be unusual.
Hey, Ruth, dinner
going to be ready on time?
Yes, yes, it will.
Hey, you were supposed
to be home an hour ago.
I could have used some help.
I'm sorry.
I got stuck in a meeting.
I'm going to jump
in the shower.
Oh, Jesus!
Ruth!
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, please...
Don't start now!
My folks are going
to be here soon.
I'm not starting anything.
I'm... going to weigh myself...
Yap!
No wonder you're upset!
Nothing's ready...
And they're here!
They're early.
They're always early!
Cheese and crackers,
that's it?
The flans ought to be ready
in ten minutes.
I'm doing
the best I can, Bob.
Please don't embarrass me
in front of my folks.
What are you doing
down there, son?
- I can't find my gerbil.
- Really?
Well, let grandpa
help you look for it!
- Robin!
- Got to be 'round here somewhere!
There she is!
I've got it, hon!
- Are you okay, dear?
- What's the matter with that woman?
Herbie, are you under there?
- She's clumsy as an ox!
- Is it that time of the month?
Herbie?
I'm going to get back
in the kitchen.
Can I help you?
Relax, mom.
Ruth has got everything under
control, don't you honey?
Andy, find him yet?
Certainly these romantic novels
have universal appeal.
They sell like crazy!
Women... buy it.
Ask Ruth.
She's read everyone!
Nicolette, will you clear
the salad dish, please?
Do I have to?
You men don't understand.
It's always up to the woman...
To keep the romance
in a relationship...
I'm sure Ruth
reads these books...
For inspiration, don't you Ruth?
We don't need books.
Ruth and I have a
terrific relationship.
Always had, always will.
Sure we have our problems...
But it's a question
of give and take.
Once you understand that...
The romance takes care of itself.
Bob, that's so very sensitive
coming from you!
Ruth, I didn't know
he was so sensitive!
Oh, my God!
Herbie!
I'm going to barf!
Ruth, what the hell
is wrong with you?
I'll go get a strainer.
A strainer?
That's a dead rodent!
Take it off the table!
- Bob, calm down!
- Calm down?
The woman is a walking
disaster area!
Why don't you get Mary Fisher
to cook your dinner?
Ruth, I warn you!
She's his mistress, you know?
Shut up, Ruth!
You see what I have
to put up with?
I'll never forgive you for being
so rude to my parents!
Bob, don't be
so mean to her!
Mean? She's the one
making my life miserable.
I knew I never should've
married her!
Bob, the children!
Nicolette and Andy, go up
to your rooms, now, now, now!
Bobby, Bobby, if you didn't love her,
you shouldn't have married her.
Yeah, she was pregnant,
you made me!
Marriage is never easy!
With Ruth, it's not even possible!
Come on, Brenda!
We'll eat out.
That's a good idea, since half
your dinner is on the goddamn floor!
I had every intention
to save this marriage.
I'm tell you something, Ruth.
Life is made up
of assets and liabilies.
As a man I have
four basic assets...
1: A home, that is my castle...
2: A family, that is loving
and devoted...
3: A successful career that
I worked very hard to maintain...
And 4: The freedom to enjoy
the fruits of my labor.
But when it comes to liabillities,
I have only one.
That's you, Ruth!
And I'm not gonna let you ruin everything
I've worked so hard for!
You're a bad mother...
A lousy wife...
And a terrible cook!
In fact...
Have you looked
in a mirror recently?
I don't even think
you're a woman!
Do you know what you are?
You are a she-devil!
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher lives in a palace
by the sea.
She is pretty,
and rich and thin!
And in love with my husband,
who's her accountant.
I loved my husband...
And I hate Mary Fisher!
BOB's ASSETS
1. HOME
2. FAMILY
3. CAREER
4. FREEDOM
He is cute, that kid.
It blew up
and then fell down.
Oh, my God!
Mom, what happened?
Well...
We had a little accident.
What about our clothes?
Gone.
- What about my toys?
- Gone.
What about my tapes?
Gone, everything is gone.
Where are we going, Mom?
Mom?
Yes?
I'm Mrs. Ruth Patchett.
Children would like to see
their father.
Oh, please come in.
Why don't you just
go find your father.
There's a door on the way,
to the right.
This place is cool!
Andy!
I found him!
Hi, daddy...
Who let you in here?
Gracia?!
Ruth, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
Andy, Nicolette,
this is your new home...
I'm sure you'll be
very happy here.
Ruth, you are really
depraved!
Someone get this strange
woman out of here!
Garcia!
You take care, kids.
And remember,
no matter what...
I love you both...
Very much.
Ruth!
Ruth...
If this is your idea
of a joke...
It's not funny!
Do you have
a satellite dish?
Ruth!
Ruth, take the children home!
I can't.
If you want to talk,
we'll meet for lunch...
But the children belong
at home with their mother!
You don't understand Bob.
There is no home.
What are you talking about?
The house is gone.
Burned down.
- There's nothing left but ashes.
- I don't believe you.
Well, call the insurance adjuster,
he'll tell you!
Ruth!
Ruth!
Okay...
Okay, Ruth!
I'll give you a few days...
Then you got to
come back for the kids.
Where can I reach you?
I'm not coming back, Bob.
They'll have a much
better life here with you.
Wait a minute, Ruth.
Where are you going?
I don't know, Bob.
Into my future, I guess.
Ruth!
Ruth!
Ruth!
Goddammit! Ruth!
Stop it!
I will have to get used
to being alone now.
It's not easy for a mother...
To be separated
from her children.
I'll bet Mary Fisher's mother
feels the same way.
Maybe I can help
old Mrs. Fisher...
Get reacquainted
with her daughter.
Buy a rose?
A beautiful rose
for a beautiful lady.
But first...
I will need a new name.
The old are all the same.
Allow them nothing!
Take a firm line!
Remember, they're
no different than children.
Are you used to
children, Miss Rose?
Yes.
Good, then you'll feel
right at home here.
Oh, let me stress one thing
above all else.
You must report any damp or
smelling beds immediately.
- Do you mean...
- Incontinence!
Bed wetters have no place...
In the Golden Twilight Home!
Walk this way, please.
Are they sedated?
Our angels would rather sleep
then be awake wondering why...
Their families have
thrown them away...
You can understand that,
can't you, Miss. Rose?
Of course!
Good afternoon,
Mrs. Trumper...
Oh, Mrs. Hooper,
this is Vesta Rose...
She's the new orderly.
Hello!
It's time for their medications.
Nurse Hooper may be short,
but she's very devouted.
Been with me for years!
You'll take your orders
from her.
Now go help her!
Yes, Mrs. Trumper.
That's it!
Good girl.
Not good?
Here we go.
Open up...
Right!
Okay, Mrs. Fisher...
Open wide...
- There we go.
- How are you, Mrs. Fisher?
You look
very pretty today!
All right now, Mrs Palmer...
SEDATIVE
MaxiLIFE
Mary Fisher's mother has been enjoying
a long untroubled sleep...
It was time to wake her up!
Come on!
Give me the ball!
Yeah!
Go!
Come on, Ms. Wolinski!
Vesta, what is going on here?
Oh, is it not wonderful?
I know what you been doing!
The vitamins!
The workouts!
It's against the rules!
I'm going to
report you to Ms. Trumper...
And then you'll be sorry!
Oh, I don't think so!
I have been sorry
my whole life...
And by the looks of it,
so have you!
So you do
whatever you want.
But it's a shame now, Hooper...
I always thought
that women like us...
Should stick together.
Let's go!
Catch that ball!
She knew her body as
if she'd had it for a millennium...
And with an ease neither of them
had ever, ever, known...
He reached for her...
Come Juliet, Fuzzy!
Nub...
No.
Love...
Button...
Nicolette!
Nicolette...
Nicolette!
Nicolette!!
Nicolette!
Nicolette!
I'll call you back later.
You don't have to scream!
I asked you...
10 or 15 times not to...
Play that thing... so loudly.
And you damn know I don't approve
that you're talking on that party line!
There's nothing else
to do around here.
Hello!
Mary, hi!
What's going on out there?
I just spoked to your publisher
she's been trying to reach you.
I know...
The little Nicolette...
Has been on the phone
all day long!
Paula is very upset!
She says the new manuscript
is two months overdue.
You have no idea what
I have to put up with around here!
The noise, the bickering,
the constant interruptions.
I can barely even...
concentrate!
And let alone create!
Mary, Mary, the kids have been
through a very emotional experience...
They need time to adjust
to the new environement.
You're the stepmother, you got
to make them feel at home, Mary!
Help them!
Yes, I know!
Andrew!
Andrew, what are you doing?
Andrew!
Andrew, you leave
little Juliet alone!
Mary, what's on?
Your child and that mongrel
are molesting my dog.
Andrew, did you hear me?
Andrew...
Throw that stick away
right now!
Right now!
Mary...
Mary!
Mary!
It's time for your medication,
Mrs. Fisher..
This is the stupidest piece of trash
I have ever read!
How are you today, dear?
How the hell do I look?
- Better, dear, much better.
- Well, I'm bored to death!
Folk can go crazy
in a place like this!
Well, how about some nice
hearthy beef barley?
Oh, you know
I hate this slop!
You think you can
slip me a beer?
Mary Fisher, any relation?
My daughter!
- Oh how nice!
- She's a slut!
Bitch keeps me
in this dogpound...
While she lives the
life of a princess...
In her goddamn mansion!
Why, that doesn't seem fair!
Yeah I ought to drop in
on her one day...
That'd scare the shit
out of her.
You have rights.
If you wanted to go see your daughter
nobody could stop you.
I'm too old!
You are a mature and
vibrant woman...
And don't you let anybody
tell you anything different.
Yeah?
I suppose I could go
on Sunday afternoon!
I'll put you
on the train myself.
And I'll even call ahead to make sure
the butler knows you're coming.
Butler?
I'll bet there's
hanky panky there!
Well there's only
one way to find out!
- All right?
- Come with me.
All right!
- Here we go!
- Okay.
- Coming your way!
Lift it up!
Kill her!
Allright!
Trash her!
Come on!
Yes!
Kill her again!
Crush her!
Go! Yes!
What a pigsty!
Andrew!
Nicolette!
In this house we do not eat
in the living room!
That's my blouse!
You're wearing my blouse!
I have no clean clothes!
Do the laundry, then!
I'm sure your little brother
will be happy to help you.
I don't know how.
- Oh, yeah!
- Andrew, don't...
Ever kick me again!
- Come back here!
- That's it!
Now, go upstairs and
clean your rooms.
Tell the maid to do it!
You shit!
- Shit!
- Ute! Ute!
- Shit!
- Ute!
Ute, the children...
Don't seem to have
any clean clothes!
Do you think
that you could pos...
Fuzzy has just shit
all over the carpet!
Or perhaps Miss Fisher
would like to clean that up?
And Ute will do the laundry?
No, no, no, that's all right!
Where is Garcia?
In the swimming pool,
where else?
Garca!
Garca!
Garca, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
I'm not really sure.
Lately I haven't been able
to perform my...
Usual services.
Well!
You are still the butler...
So get in there
and get to work!
I may be the butler...
But I'm not the maid!
Would somebody please
get the door?
Would somebody please
get the goddamn door?
Scuzzy...
Fuzzy.
Get away! Get away!
- Mother?
- Hello, Your Royal Highness!
You better pay for the taxi.
What are you doing here?
Fancy schmancy!
He's cute!
How much
do you pay him?
I'll bet she makes you
earn every penny, huh?
Where are the children?
They're getting ready
Hey, kids!
Dinner is ready!
Bob, we don't shout
at the dinner table.
Here they are!
Oh, don't you look...
What's the matter
with your clothes?
You did the laundry!
I...
Think something's wrong
with that machine.
Here she is!
Where the hell
is the chow line?
Good evening, Mrs. Fisher...
Andy, wont you get out of...
sit in another chair.
Thanks, Gomez!
It's Bob!
Wathever! Why the hell didn't
anyone call me for dinner?
Well, we thought that you
were having a little nap, mother.
We didn't want to disturb you.
Nap? I was in the toilet
the last half hour...
I've got...
turboconstipation!
She's great!
Yeah...
Well...
Here we're all together...
Having a nice family dinner.
We certainly are!
Pretty fancy, eh kids?
What is it?
It's Potage Crme de Cresson.
What's that?
It's French for dog puke.
Actually it's cream...
Of watercress.
Well, it's delicious.
You know Mrs. Fisher...
I haven't told you what a
wonderful daughter you've got.
You did a terrific job
in raising her.
You'd never know
with the way she treets me...
The 'famous writer' over there...
You'd think a 41 year old woman...
Would have learnt
to appreciate her mother!
You'd think that her
mother would appreciate...
The very expensive nursing
home her daughter...
Pays for!
Mary, I...
I thought you were 34!
Ah, she's 41....
I got the birth certificate
to prove it!
Don't listen to her!
She's getting senile...
Bullshit!
I remember everything!
I remember when you were
just a teenager!
I'm not interested in
what you remember!
Will you shut up!
You may clear
the first course, Garca.
How's your lunch, Hooper?
Adequate, thank you.
Try one!
Tell me something, Hooper.
How long have
you been here?
- Twenty-two years.
- Really?
You must like it here.
Well, I...
Can't say that I do, but...
I guess it's what I'm used to.
Yeah, well, you can get used
to anything, if you have to.
But I'm not going
to stay here...
Forever.
Hooper, there's
over 55.000 dollars here!
Well...
I don't really have
any expenses...
Almost everything I make
goes into the bank!
What are you going to do
with all this money?
I haven't given that
much thought!
Hooper, money has no value
if you don't put it to good use!
What would you do
with this much money?
Oh, I could think of something!
Hooper! Vesta!
This, is long-term leaking!
How long has this
been going on?
I didn't want to tell you...
Poor Mrs. Fisher, she...
No excuses!
You're fired!
Hooper, get some disinfectant
and clean down this bed!
Now!
Where is Mrs. Fisher?
Mother, your train leaves at 3,
shouldn't you be packing?
Can't wait to get rid
of me, huh?
Let's...
Not get paranoid, shall we?
How do you do?
I'm... so thrilled...
that People Magazine...
Wants to do
an article about me.
Oh, it's long
overdue, Miss Fisher...
Mary. Please!
Thank you!
Chris would like
to take some pictures...
Of your beautiful palace.
By all means.
Garca, what is this?
Tea time as usual, ma'm.
No...
No, No, No...
Let me start
with a real tuffy!
Some critics charge
that your books...
Are nothing more than
soft core porn...
For bored housewifes.
Well, those critics
are usually men.
It's silly! My...
Books reflect
my own experiences...
Of lovemaking
as sacred and beautiful.
Something...
Special...
To be shared and treasured.
You!
Phone call!
- Would you excuse me?
- Sure!
The issue, here,
is bladder control.
Look, I said I'll pay extra
for the inconvenience.
Incontinence is more than
an inconvenience.
Your mother is
no longer welcome here.
Well, what am I
supposed to do with her?
What I've done with her
for the past 10 years!
Put up with her!
But I'm not...
A nurse!
She doesn't need nursing!
She needs T.L.C.
What is that?
A new drug?
Tender, Loving, Care!
Something that I'm sure you,
as her daughter...
Can provide.
Goodday, Miss Fisher!
Are you saying that
she was promiscuous?
Promiscuous?
She was a teen-aged tramp!
She couldn't get enough!
She would do it anywhere,
anytime, and with anyone!
She got knocked up
when she was sixteen!
Really?
Couldn't keep it though.
She had to put that cute little
baby boy up for adoption!
A boy?
Chris!
Come here!
Are you saying,
there's a missing heir...
To the Fisher family
Royal Dynasty?
Royal my ass!
Her father was a kosher butcher
from Hoboken.
A lovely man!
Now, where were we?
So!
Tell me about your son!
Miss Fisher...
Smile!
My work at the
Golden Twilight was over...
So I appointed Mrs. Wolinski
captain of the soccer team...
And wished them all good luck.
It was now time to move on
to the next stage of my plan....
Rose!
Stop!
Vesta!
Stop, stop!
Stop, please!
Thank you!
What are you doing?
I don't know!
I thought...
You might have a plan.
Oh, I had plan all right...
And I was glad to have
Hooper as a partner.
She was hard-working,
loyal, honest...
And eager to invest her money...
Where it would do
the most good.
Come on, you got to use
a little imagination here!
Look at this!
It got westerly exposure,
beautiful views...
I could get
a fortune for it!
The neighborhood is very hot!
But, you seem like
a nice couple of girls....
The place could use
a woman's touch, so...
I'll give you a good deal!
What do you think?
WHOLE BUILDING FOR SALE OR LEASE
I was starting an employment agency
for the unloved and the unwanted...
Women like Hooper whom
the world had thrown away.
And I knew just where
to find them.
GET THE JOB YOU DESERVE!
COME TO VESTA ROSE - TODAY -
All these women needed was
a little support...
And encouragement
to turn their lives around.
They would become my own
personal army.
Ready for action
when I needed them.
You see, my husband
just left me...
And I got three kids.
I've never had
a real job before.
Well, taking care of three kids
sounds like a real job to me!
Yeah...
I'm sure you don't have anything
for someone like me, but...
I had nowhere else to go....
So I figured...
What the heck!
Well, do you have any
office skills?
No...
But I did do all my husband's
bookkeeping at home!
See?
Now, I'm sure we can find
something for you.
You be here tomorrow
morning at 8:30 sharp.
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Welcome to Vesta Rose!
Feeling useless?
Think you have
nothing to offer?
Were you voted
"Less likely to Success?"
Then you're just
the person we're looking for!
Wether you're returning
to the workforce...
Or just starying out...
Unhappy with your present job...
Or just looking for
a change of pace...
Vesta Rose is the place for you!
Because at Vesta Rose...
We believe...
People are more
than just their jobs!
Come bloom with us!
Some things never change.
Bob was certainly
moving up in the world...
But like any man
who runs a growing business...
He always had an eye up for
qualified personnel.
Well, Bob...
Feast your eyes on this!
Hi! I'm looking for
a personal assistant/bookkeeper...
Someone with a good head
on their shoulders...
Someone who's a working knowledge
of profit and loss statements...
Someone who knows
her way around a computer.
I'm not opposed
to working with someone...
Extremely attractive.
What do you prefer,
a man or a woman?
A man...
A woman, of course!
Okie dokie...
If you just give me your name and
the name of your company...
Yeah! Robert Patchett,
the Patchett Organization.
Yes, thank you!
In order to run
a successful agency...
It's important to match
the right employer...
With the right employee.
Men go crazy
when I tell them my name.
It's... Olivia Honey.
They think it's so cute!
But it is, isn't it?
As you can see
from my resume...
I'm an expert bookkeeper
and data processor...
And my goal...
My goal is to work for a
powerful, successful man...
Who makes lots of money...
And marry him!
Olivia was too good to be true.
She'd give Mary Fisher
a taste of her own medicin!
Hello, there!
Hello!
I'm Olivia...
The agency sent me over to interview
for the bookkeeping position?
You're hired!
Oh oh, Paula!
- Darling!
- Mary...
How are you?
I'm sorry I'm late!
I was stuck in the traffic.
- It's crazy time out there.
- Relax!
The usual please, Henri.
What?
- What's wrong?
- In your hair!
A gummy bear!
So!
Tell me... how much you love
my new novel...
And how much money
we're going to make!
I don't know
what to say, Mary.
We extended
deadline after deadline...
Waiting patiently
for yor manuscript.
Then you give us something called
"Love In The Rinse Cycle"?
You mean you don't love it?
Mary, the love scenes
are wanderful...
But your heroine
has two children...
And has a husband
named... Bob!
- I don't understand at all!
- Darling!
What is this all chapter
on laundry?
It's a metaphor, Paula.
A what?
A metaphor!
Women always get stuck
with the laundry!
My readers will identify.
Mary, in the romance business...
You're only as good
as your last novel.
Fans are fickle!
Disappoint them once
and they will feel betrayed.
You will lose them!
Don't lecture me
about my readers!
Are you going
to publish it, or not?
Not as is!
Fine!
- You see, Mary, we're only doing this...
- Fine!
- For your own...
- Fine!
I'm exercising my option...
I'm going to take it to
another publisher, Paula.
Mary...
Why don't you take a day
to think about this?
You look tired!
Go get a facial!
Is there something wrong?
How...
Dare you...
To patronize me?
And by the way...
I think that...
Bob...
Is a beautiful name!
Taxi!
Taxi!
ROMANCE QUEEN UNSAVOURY SECRETS
- MOM TELLS ALL -
Please, Please, Taxi!
DETHRONING
THE QUEEN OF ROMANCE
HOW TO HAVE A BABY
WHEN YOU WANT TO
Mary Fisher.
Mary Fisher lives in a palace
by the sea.
But her life is no longer
a fairy tale.
Now that Prince Charming
works late every night.
Bob?
Bob...
This is...
Bob, are you there?
Can't you pick up?
Honey, please, please, please,
pick up!
Bob?
Bob?
Is that you, just...?
Darling?
I was calling, and calling,
and calling...
Where were you?
Sorry, honey...
That freaking Jag
blew a fan belt on the way in...
Oh, I'm so pissed!
You know
what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking...
That ride from the city
is so long...
It might be safer if I spent...
A few nights...
In the office.
What do you think?
I think that you
should take a look at this!
Jesus Christ!
We're going to sue
the bastards!
Hold on, Mary, who are
you going to sue?
Your mother?
No.
I'll wring her
scaly little neck.
Okay, okay,
we'll just look at the bright side...
Even bad publicity
is good publicity.
We're going to need
all the help we can get...
When "Love In The Rinse Cycle"
comes out.
What...
May I ask...
Do you mean by that?
I read the manuscript,
frankly Mary, I'm worried.
Why?
Why?
Why is everyone turning
against me now?
First Paula refuses
to publish it!
Now you tell me
you hate it!
I don't hate it...
I just don't know why you
strayed from the formula!
Because I...
If you don't know it, Bob...
Am an artist!
And ever since
you came to my house...
With the children
my life has changed...
And I must reflect that
in my... writing.
Mary...
Let's, let's not exaggerate
the significance of you writing, okay...
We're not talking about art here.
We're talking about a product!
- A product?!
- Yeah!
When did I mention you know
about literature, art, or creativity?
After all you are merely...
An accountant!
Yes, but accounting
can be very creative!
Yeah, that's what our friends
are telling me!
Yeah!
If I didn't keep my eye
on the bottom line...
You and all your artist friends
wouldn't have a pot to piss in!
You are so vulgar!
So gross!
How dare you insult my...
Beautiful friends?
Because that
is the real world, Mary...
So wake up
and smell the cappuccino!
No!
- No!
- Goodnight!
Where are you going, darling?
No! No!
No, no, no, no!
Sad Mary Fisher!
She's learning that men
who burn so hot for a mistress...
Cool out fast when the mistress
starts acting like a wife.
Oh, Bob!
Oh, darling!
Aw, yes!
Oh, yes!
I love you!
I think you really...
Yes, I do!
Oh, God!
He is such
an incredible lover!
I mean, it's more
than just sex!
You have no idea
how nice he is!
Sounds like love.
I don't know!
Is he married?
So he was, but...
She ran off and left him
with the kids!
I mean,
can you imagine it?
Sounds a bit like she was
a real nut, huh?
Oh, that must have been
tough on him!
Yeah!
He lives with someone now,
but that's on the rocks!
You know, it's just for showing you
how he felt about me.
What have you told him?
This what's his name?
Bobby.
Have you told Bobby
how you feel?
Oh, I can't!
I mean, it's not like that.
He's so...
I don't know...
Important!
But Olivia, so are you!
You should tell him
how you feel!
Do you really think so?
Why, you don't want him
to think that you do...
This sort of things
all the time!
No!
But, I mean,
I can't come right out and say...
'I love you, Bobby.'
I mean...
What if I scare him off
or something?
Oh, now you
listen to me, Olivia!
How could tell your man
that you love him...
Possibly scare him off?
Oh, Bobby!
Catch me if you can!
Wait, where are you going?
Come here!
Come on,
come on up on the desk!
Up on the desk.
I have an idea!
We go for a ride!
It's picture time!
Goody!
Say cheese!
Oh, Bobby!
It's so funny!
And sweet, you know?
This isn't just a fling for me,
you know?
What's that?
I love you Bobby, I do!
I really, truly, love you.
I told him I loved him,
and fired me!
He accused me of...
Of trying
to sleep my way to the top.
Aw, it sounds like he really
took advantage of you!
Yeah!
You know, it's like
you give men what they want...
And then they don't
want it anymore!
I can't believe
I trusted him!
Well, maybe you were
a little naive, but...
He certainly seemed like a nice guy,
an honest businessman...
Honest?
You got to be kidding me!
He cheats his own clients!
He does?
How?
Oh, he skims the interest
off their accounts...
And wires it
to a bank in Switzerland.
Ah, what a slime ball!
It's not fair.
Men get away
with murder, you know!
It seems like if you are a woman
there's just no justice in the world.
Well, I always found that...
Justice serves those who
serve themselves.
Poor Olivia!
She had learned something
about life and love.
But more importantly...
She had learned the secret access code
to Bob client's acconts...
People who trusted Bob...
Beyond the shadow of a doubt.
How much shall I transfer,
20,000 dollars?
More!
40,000?
More!
100,000?
Okay!
Let's take out...
200,000 dollars!
And transfer that to Robert
Patchett, Banque Suisse...
Zurich, Switzerland.
It's not exactly
like we were framing Bob...
We were just making his thievery
a little more obvious...
You know, sometimes you just
have to exaggerate things...
In order to make
people see the truth!
Dreadful, embarrassing...
Terrible, horriyfingly bad, bad, bad.
Even those words
don't adequately describe...
Mary Fisher's new novel.
This book simply chokes
the reader's brain...
Before he has
even finished chapter one.
Clearly this novel
is but a waist...
Of time, paper, ink
and shelf space.
This reviewer
wouldn't shed a tear...
To find his copy of
"Love In The Rinse Cycle"...
Lost in the garbage disposal.
I hate to say
"I told you so..."
But...
You just did, didn't you?
Hello!
Bills, bills, bills!
Oh, here's a little something
that should cheer you up!
Like a fan letter!
You know what I'm thinking?
I think we should go on a
little vacation, just you and me.
Have some fun,
go to the islands...
I don't know...
Have some Coco Loco
some Pias Coladas...
Just relax, recharge your batteries...
God, I 'd love that!
- What do you think, Mary?
- You bastard!
Mary!
Mary!
Mary... come back here!
Please!
You know you're the only woman
I've ever been faithful to?
Ute, where are you going?
I took this job because I only
had to cook and clean...
For one person
and one dog!
Then I get the
mother, the lover...
His kids, their dog!
Miss Fisher!
Up with this bullshit
I will not put!
I quit!
Oh no, no, no, no, no!
Stop that!
Stop it!
Stop it, now!
Take your filthy hands
off her, Garcia!
You're fired!
Get out!
Out of my house!
I hate you!
You go upstairs, young lady
and take off my dress!
You're not my mother!
I said move!
And you, young man...
Mother, go sit down!
To your room!
And stay there!
You're grounded!
What's going on here?
Bob!
I'm taking back
control of my life, Bob!
As long as you're all
under my roof...
Things will be done my way...
Starting now!
Mary Fisher had decided
to lay down the law!
That's not a bad idea!
Yes, I'd like the number for the
Internal Revenue Service, please.
Thank you.
But I think some matters
ought to be handled...
By the proper authorities.
- Mark.
- Mary!
- Great party!
- Thank you!
- I knew you would come!
- Glad to see you!
Mary!
You look wonderful!
Thank you!
Mary...
I'm glad to see you.
What a success, my dear,
everybody is having fun!
I just want you to know that
as far as I am concerned...
You are still on probation.
So, you should be nice...
To my friends!
- Hey!
- Why, see there!
- Can I bring you a fresh one?
- No thanks!
I'm enjoying your party,
Your Highness!
Going well!
Attention, everybody!
Everybody, quiet down!
I would like
to propose a toast...
To the wonderful woman...
Who put this fabulous
party together...
She doesn't know how
much I appreciate her...
And that's probably my fault...
Because I don't tell her
often enough.
And so I'm going
to tell her right now!
In front of all of you
good people.
Mary, come on up here!
- Come on!
- Music guys!
Come on everybody,
give her a big hand!
Mary...
You are the abosolute best!
And I'm the luckiest guy
this room!
It's a great life...
And things are only
going to get better.
Toast to you, honey!
Robert Patchett,
I have warrant for your arrest!
For what?
For fraud and embezzlement.
I can't imagine!
But this is a private party!
You can't just come...
You have to leave!
There must be some mistake!
There's no mistake, Mr. Patchett.
Will you please come with me?
Sorry to spoil your party!
Bye-bye, Bobby!
Call Larry!
Watch your head, sir.
Be brave, darling!
This would make
a bestseller.
How serious is it, Larry?
26 counts of fraud
and embezzlement...
We are looking at 200,000
to 300,000 dollars in fines...
That's a lot of money!
- I think we can handle it.
- Plus...
Two to five years in prison.
That's crazy, Larry!
You got to do something!
Mary!
Bob!
The solution to your problem
lies in two words...
Pay off?
No, Bob!
Judge Phillips!
Judge Phillips?
I have learned that Judge Phillips
will be hearing your case...
And that is
very good news!
For not only is he my father's
old golf partner...
Judge Phillips tends to be very...
Considerate towards
white-collar criminals.
Criminals?
Who's talking about criminals?
Larry, I'm no criminal!
Of course you're not, Bob!
Just relax, Bob!
We know that...
A considerable amount
of your client's money was...
Somehow transferred into your...
Personal bank account
in Switzerland.
- Yes!
- Our defense will claim...
That a virus somehow
crept into your computer...
Causing a mistaken transfer
of money.
The idea is to chalk the all thing up
to a software glitch!
I love it!
Plus, to ram home the idea
that the whole thing was an accident...
We can show that the largest
transfer of money...
Came from Mary's
own account...
We all know that
was a mistake, right?
Absolutely!
Don't worry about a thing!
Then I'm going to play two
rounds with the judge...
So we can all start doing
the ground work.
Are you sure this'll work,
this computer virus affair?
Bob, I don't get paid 350 dollars
an hour to give bad advice!
Okay!
Mary, you've been great!
How the hell did
a bum like me...
End up with a wonderful
woman like you?
Don't you dare touch me!
You think
I was born yesterday?
Hey, hey!
What is the matter?
It's bad enough to steal
from your own clients...
But to steal from the
very hand that feeds you!
You heard what Larry said,
it was the computer.
Computers don't have
Swiss bank accounts, Bob!
Mary!
I'm glad this has happened!
Because now I can
see the real you....
You greedy son of a bitch!
I want you out of my life!
Oh, and... you're fired!
Patchett... Patchett..Patchett.
It's judge Phillips.
I sure can!
Oh, it's no problem!
For you, anything!
Yes!
The job is working out
very well!
It's just wonderful!
I can't begin to thank you!
Oh. I'm so glad
to hear that, dear!
Goodbye!
This judge is a very expensive guy,
look he loves to...
Let me ask you, is there
a conflict of interest...
I'm asking you
as a lawyer...
Can we take him out
to dinner after, go to Ruban D'Or?
Well, better be Peter Luger.
Fine!
I'm buying...
Absolutely brilliant!
All rise!
How do I look?
You look great!
How do you feel?
Fine!
Please be seated.
Case number 64-84,
People vs. Patchett.
Honorable Judge Brown presides.
It is true that the defendant
has no criminal record...
And is a well respected member
of the community...
But the fact remains
that the defendant stole...
Large sums of money
from his clients.
In doing so
Mr. Patchett has...
Not only broken
a sacred trust...
He has shaken the public's faith...
In accountants, everywhere.
This Court therefore will fine
Robert Patchett...
250,000 dollars...
And orders him to serve
a prison term of...
18 months.
She's... she's kidding, right?
You promised me
all would be okay!
I'm really sorry, Bob.
If we had Judge Phillips...
No problem!
Hey, why don't you
hear to have judge...
And all us together for
a round of golf...
I'll be free in, say, 18 months!
Come on!
Come on!
Easy!
- Easy!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ruth!
Ruth! Is that you?
Ruth!
It's my wife!
Ruth!
Where have you been?
- All right, come on, let's go!
- You got to help me!
That's Ruth!
Ruth!
Help me!
Poor Bob!
I almost felt sorry for him!
Almost!
Mary Fisher no longer
wants her palace by the sea.
She doesn't love
my husband anymore either...
And these days...
Bob is growing accustomed
to a very different lifestyle.
Hey, what's burning?
My lasagna!
Oh, shit!
What the hell are you doing
now, Patchett?
I don't understand.
I've only had it in for 20 minutes!
You jerk!
You put it in at 5,25 minutes
when it's supposed to be at 3,50.
Hey, I'm really sorry!
You Patchett, you go a visitor!
Get out of here!
Hey, daddy!
It's daddy!
Nicolette, Andy, come here!
I've missed you!
I've missed you both!
How are you doing?
I count the days!
Hello, Ruth!
Hello, Bob!
Thanks for bringing the kids.
How are you doing?
You look great!
Thanks, you look good too.
I'm all right, I guess!
I got a lot of time
on my hands.
Look, I realize you and the kids
have to have a lot to talk about...
So I'll leave you alone.
So long, Ruth, thanks again!
Sure, Bob!
Hey, Ruth!
I get out
in a couple of months.
Maybe I can come visit,
cook you all dinner!
That'd be nice.
Hey!
Here you got,
I made you some cookies.
Give them a try!
Be honest, tell me exactly
what you think.
- They're good, Dad!
- Are you serious?
- Yes...
- Do you mean it?
I was worried,
I thought you may not like them!
People can change.
That's why
you can't give up on them.
Even Mary Fisher.
We are here with...
Mary Fisher.
And she is the former
romance novelist.
Now, Mary has just
written a new book...
And this is something
that is very different.
It's called:
'Trust and Betrayal'
And it's subtitled...
A docunovel of love,
money and skepticism.
Thank you very much
for joining us this morning!
Thank you, Sally.
It's very nice to be here.
Now, let's see,
this was about...
A year and a half ago...
That your last novel
was published...
- And it was...
- A complete and utter flop!
Yes!
We may as well be blunt!
But the new book
has gotten...
Fabulous reviews....
Yes, it's has, yes.
Anf from the serious...
Critics.
And this is a real
departure for you...
From anything that
you ever...
Yes, people can change.
Of course you
can't expect miracles!
- Thank you, Miss. Fisher.
- A pleasure.
Could you make it out
to Douglas?
To Douglas...
With thanks...
Mary Fisher.
How shall I inscribe it?
Would you sign it...
To Ruth?
To Ruth...
With thanks...
Mary...
Fisher.
Thank you!
Could you inscribe it
to Alain, please?
Bien sur!
Your grasp of the
post-modern metaphors...
Is wonderful, Mrs. Fisher...
Oh, no, no, no...
Miss. Fisher!
Please...
Call me... Mary.