Sherlock Gnomes (2018) Movie Script

You're just in time
for our story.
An epic detective adventure.
Sherlock Holmes,
the greatest...
Oh, let's do
"Gnomeo and Juliet" instead!
Yeah, we've already
done that.
Hey, hey, I know!
"Game of Gnomes!"
- Or "The Gnome Ranger."
- No, we're doing this.
Sherlock Holmes, the greatest
detective of all time.
And ours
will be the best ever.
Because our Sherlock
is a...
Let's do "The Twilight Gnome."
- No, no!
- Or "Spider-Man: Gnomecoming."
Or "Indiana Gnomes."
No! Because our Sherlock
is a garden gnome!
He's a garden gnome! Okay?
Oh, well, why didn't you
just say that?
Prepare for a tale
of suspense,
intrigue, and mystery.
Ooh, mystery.
Prepare for "Sherlock Gnomes."
The final clue, Watson.
The kidnapped gnomes
are in the museum.
And seconds away
from being smashed!
We shall see about that.
- Help!
- Help.
Show yourself, Moriarty!
Help! I'm stuck!
Oh, Sherlock.
How can I resist
a request like that?
Ta-da! Here I am! Your
favorite evil pie mascot.
Though I said "evil",
I do cry at sad films.
I'm very complex.
Don't try and get me.
Could I call you that?
You are just in time to see
these gnomes go extinct.
This stops now, Moriarty.
Oh, be honest, Sherlock.
You enjoy our little game
as much as I do.
This is no game.
I am the sworn protector
of London's garden gnomes.
If you are the sworn protector
of the city's gnomes,
then I am
their sworn destroyer!
And we will keep playing
this little game, Sherlock,
until I crush
every last gnome in London.
I'll stop you
until the day I die.
Oh, lightbulb moment.
What is it?
Yeah, today's that day.
Come, Sherlock.
Come dance with me.
Fudge buckets.
No thanks needed.
It is my sworn duty
to protect you.
No hugs.
- Oh, Watson.
- Yes, Sherlock?
Yours, I believe.
It's over, Watson.
With Moriarty gone,
London is once again safe
for all garden gnomes.
Our new home in London.
Oh, doesn't it look lovely?
It's a long way
from Stratford-upon-Avon.
But a lot
closer to the grandkids.
And we'll feel better once we
get our gnomes in the garden.
A brand new
adventure for us,
and our star-crossed lovers,
Gnomeo and Juliet.
Right. Let's go out
and buy an expensive coffee.
That's what people
do around here.
Oh, yes,
I've been practicing my order.
A skinny triple shot
soy latte, extra dry.
What a dump!
Where's the new garden?
This is the new garden, Fawn.
Naw, I'm going
back in the box.
Girls! Language.
I guess it's a fixer-upper?
Well, I think
that it's the most beautiful
garden in the world
because you're standing in it.
- Oof, that was super cheesy.
- Aw, seriously?
I practiced that line in the
car for about 10 minutes.
It was, like, awful.
Oh, I bet there's a pretty
good view up there.
I'll let you know
when I get there first.
Right, come here.
You win.
Come here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Think of all the adventures
we're gonna have.
Juliet, come down this
instant, before you fall.
When is he gonna realize
you're the toughest gnome
in the garden?
Now that was a good line.
She loves me.
She loves me not.
She loves me...
Oh, hi, Nanette.
Ooh, I think someone's
got a crush on someone.
Mmm. Maybe.
Oh, well, maybe they have
a crush on you back.
- Do you really think so?
- I don't know.
- I don't know who it is, do I?
- Oh.
- Gather 'round, everyone.
- Come on, everybody.
We have an announcement.
Lord Redbrick and I
are officially retiring.
We both think a new garden
is the perfect opportunity
to name new leaders.
Gnomeo and Juliet.
Hurray for nepotism.
Gnomeo and Juliet will lead us
in preparing the garden
for winter.
As soon as the garden
blooms in the spring,
we'll have a Seedling
Ceremony to celebrate.
- Come along, dear.
- Ooh.
Look at this place.
Isn't it perfect?
It's awful.
Unbelievably awful.
But it is ours.
Yeah, it's ours.
And I'm gonna
show this garden who's boss.
Watson! Look what you've done
to the globe.
- You're the one who kicked it.
- Because you ducked.
The very reason you're wearing
padding is so I can kick you.
I am not your punching bag!
Don't be absurd.
Of course you are.
Oh, how I miss
having a proper enemy.
Well, I'm sorry
I'm not Moriarty.
Sherlock! Watson!
Just look at this mess!
How many times
have I told you?
If you want to practice
fighting, do it outside!
We're sorry, Mrs. Udderson.
Sherlock Gnomes!
Sherlock Gnomes!
And Dr. W...
Ooh! Oof!
Finally, a new case.
- What seems to be the trouble?
- It's my friends.
All my friends.
The whole garden.
They've disappeared.
They're all gone!
A whole garden?
Watson, gnomes are in danger.
To the scene of the crime.
Breaking news!
While London prepares for its
largest fireworks display ever,
something barely newsworthy
is happening
in the gardens
across the capital.
Someone is out there
stealing innocent gnomes.
Like Barry. Barry was just
sitting there, doing nothing.
Now he's gone.
And Barry is just
the tip of the iceberg.
Susan, Tim, Brad, gone.
This weird gnome
with his sparkly piano, gone!
These gnomes on a pig,
for no reason.
I hope that's not ham
on that pizza.
All gone! The list goes on.
When contacted,
the police said...
We have no time for this.
Please don't contact us again.
They're clearly swamped.
Some say it's a job
for Sherlock Gnomes.
Others say
it's a slow news day.
All right, Barbara,
time for bed.
Humans are tiresomely naive.
It is an ornamental crime on a
scale we have never seen before.
This garden alone
lost 10 gnomes today.
Grass, perfectly even.
Soil, undisturbed.
Ant colony, thriving.
- Do you see it, Watson?
- Yes, there are no footprints.
Someone kidnapped all the
gnomes from this backyard
without leaving
a single footprint.
A gnome can dream.
- Benny.
- Aye?
So, have you talked
to the lucky lady yet?
Told your mystery crush
you adore her?
Funny you should say that...
- No.
- Well, why not?
Is she that scary?
Is she? I mean, is she?
She can be.
La vida buena.
Don't work too hard, Mankini.
You've only been lying there
for four days.
Sun's out, buns out!
I'm okay.
Hey, we said that we were gonna plant
these next to the shed, remember?
Yeah, but they look
better there.
Oh, all right. I suppose.
Here. Let me help you
with that.
Whoa, hey!
- I feel sick.
- Me, too.
This garden is still missing something.
Something special.
Oh, I was just thinking that.
Do you know what would
be great? Maybe...
Something that will tie
the whole garden together.
What about
a new centerpiece?
- I'm gonna throw up.
- I've got it.
We need a new centerpiece.
That's exactly
what I just said.
Never mind, great minds
thing alike. Am I right?
Oh, there's so much to do.
I better get started on it.
Don't you worry. I know her.
And she was hanging on
to your every word.
I think he bought it.
Ever since
we took over the garden,
it's like she's not
listening to me anymore.
Eh? Oh, sorry,
I wasn't listening.
But I have got an idea.
You should do
a grand romantic gesture.
Something reckless
and life-threatening.
I've got it!
Go to the zoo
and steal a lion!
Then fight the lion
in front of Juliet.
I am not fighting a lion.
It doesn't have to be a lion.
It could be a tiger.
Or an angry penguin.
I mean,
it's either that or flowers.
Flowers? That's it.
I'll get her our special
flower for the centerpiece.
Nanette, you're a genius.
Oi, Benny, can you give me
a hand with something?
Step into my office.
The previous owners
left a bunch
of amazing electronics
in here.
It was on the computer
when I found it.
Yeah, mate.
Yeah, sure it was.
Right. Image search.
All right, type in
"Cupid's Arrow Orchid".
You just have to hit it.
Just click it.
Just click the thing! You don't have
to type the whole sent... All right.
Tell me when you see it.
Tell me when you see it.
That's the one!
First time we met we was
trying to get one of those.
So, we just need to find a
flower shop that sells 'em.
Zero-point-eight miles.
And looks like there's a massive blue
line on the ground you can follow.
Isn't that handy?
Let's do this.
I'll have eyes and ears on you
at all times.
All right, mate?
Let's go liberate a flower!
Tiny Dancer,
come in, Tiny Dancer.
This is Benny 101
dash brackets the Benlord
close brackets
exclamation mark
smiley-face emoji
dollar sign dollar sign.
You have got to pick
another code name.
There's no time.
- Benny, can you...
- Benny 101 dash brackets
the Benlord close brackets
exclamation mark
smiley-face emoji dollar
sign dollar sign. Yes?
Can you pull up
the shop's blueprints
and show me
the best entry points?
Yes, I can.
No, I can't.
I see a ventilation shaft.
Will that get me inside?
I have no idea.
It might. Over.
All right. I'm in.
Nice work, Tiny Dancer.
Ooh, that must
be the burglar alarm.
What's your plan, Tiny D?
Just the usual.
Totally wing it,
risk life and limb,
escape by the skin of my teeth.
I call it
"pulling a Gnomeo."
And, uh,
don't call me Tiny D.
Gnomeo? Hey, Benny,
have you seen Gnomeo?
No! Well, maybe.
Is that Gnomeo?
He left the garden?
- Oh, no.
- Where is he? What is he doing?
Oh, fertilizer.
Next time, remember
to have an escape plan.
If there is a next time.
Eight gardens of
gnomes vanish into thin air.
No clues. Not so much
as a single footprint.
There is only one ornament evil
enough and brilliant enough
to pull off
such a diabolical scheme.
But that's impossible.
Moriarty was smashed.
We saw it.
We can't have seen
the complete picture.
He's alive.
How could he possibly
have survived?
Anyway, Moriarty
always left us a clue,
his calling card.
Yes. What am I missing?
Watson, give me your map.
The gnomes
that just moved in...
Where do they live?
I believe right here.
A-ha! Do you see, Watson?
Moriarty has left
his calling card.
Hurry, Watson! Those gnomes
are in terrible danger.
Juliet! Wait! Stop! I...
I... I can explain.
What on Earth
were you thinking?
I was getting this!
Remember this?
You risked getting smashed
for some flower?
Not some flower, our flower.
I did this for you.
You did this for me? For me?
I've got responsibilities.
I don't have time for this!
No, you just
don't have time for us.
There will be plenty
of time for us
after I get the garden ready.
What do you care more about,
the garden or me?
- Oh. You're being ridiculous!
- That is not an answer.
The garden can't wait
and you can!
Gnomeo, help!
There's something here!
It's a... Whoa!
Benny! What's going on?
- Dad!
- Mom!
- Nanette!
- Benny!
Ju, they're all gone.
We're too late.
Please step back.
This is an active
crime scene.
Hey! Who are you and what are
you doing in our garden?
Your garden?
Where were the two of you
when this happened?
Oh... They were having
a lovers' quarrel.
See how she's
facing away from him?
She's angry with him.
The flower in his hand was
intended as a romantic gesture.
A desperate act
that predictably backfired.
- Oi!
- Watson.
Search the west quadrant.
If that fiend is behind this,
he will have left
his calling card.
What's this?
Let me see that.
Tell me what it is.
It's a clue.
It will lead us
to our next destination.
And if you ever want to see
your friends and family again,
you'll hand it over.
The nine.
There is a slight crack
in its leg.
Hmm. Where have I seen
this particular nine before?
Nine, nine, nine, nine...
Nine! I've got it!
To Chinatown, Watson.
The game is afoot.
you're going nowhere...
Stay here!
We're on the case.
What a complete and total...
Get up.
We're going after them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
All ahead full, Watson.
No, wait for us!
Hold on!
Forget them!
We can handle this ourselves.
Or do the exact opposite.
Your call.
Keep those tablets
coming, Watson.
The water level.
It's dropping.
Cut the engines!
Now tell us
what happened to our family.
We don't have time for this.
Will you please step aside?
Not until you tell us
what's going on.
- Oh. Too late.
- What's too late?
Oh, here they come.
And now we have a rat problem,
thanks to these
meddlesome amateurs.
If you don't
want to get trampled,
I suggest you help
Watson pull.
Come on! Give me a hand.
Oh, phew.
"Phew"? Young gnome,
what exactly do you think
those rats were running from?
Oh, no.
That's our way out!
Sherlock! Hold on!
Are you okay?
You were saying,
uh, something about
"meddlesome amateurs"?
I stand by that assessment.
But if you insist on meddling, perhaps
you could supplement Watson's efforts.
How thoughtful.
What did you say
your names were?
- We didn't. I'm Gnomeo.
- Juliet.
I'm Sherlock Gnomes, the world's
first consulting detective
and sworn protector
of London's garden gnomes.
- And I am...
- No time for that now, Watson.
To the surface!
We've not a moment to lose.
Look, now we're on the team, how
about you tell us what's going on?
Starting with this.
The "M" stands for Sherlock's
archenemy, Moriarty.
Moriarty's pies
The taste that makes you smile
Filled with goobarb syrup
Makes you eat it all the while
Some ornaments
are just manufactured evil.
And Moriarty, he was
the most evil of the lot.
For years, Moriarty terrorized
the ornamental world...
Until he met his match
in Sherlock Gnomes.
Suddenly he had
a worthy opponent.
And beating Sherlock
became his obsession.
So Moriarty began to play
his terrible game.
He would kidnap gnomes...
leave a trail of clues
as to their location...
and challenge us to find them
within 24 hours or he'd smash them.
He's gonna smash
our friends and family?
So, how do we stop him?
We play his game. For now.
We follow his trail of clues
and find the gnomes.
The 9 with
a crack in its leg.
Just as I remembered.
Curly Fu's Emporium.
Let's go 'round the back.
The next clue will be inside.
If you recall,
the last time we were here
it was a bit of a catastrophe.
Yes. I have a memory
of some slight unpleasantness.
Put these on
so we don't get spotted.
Now, just act natural.
I think that suits you.
There, you see.
We're blending in perfectly.
I'm fairly sure
we've been spotted.
Her Highness, the Grand
Empress dowager Pom-Pom!
Empress Pom-Pom remembers you,
Sherlock Gnomes.
Oh, good, good.
- Not fondly.
- Ah.
Well, that's less good,
isn't it?
I see you got the orchid I sent to
apologize for our last encounter.
A gracious gift.
But you are not the one
who offended the Empress.
Sherlock is.
As such, I'm afraid
I must ask you all to leave.
Shake it, shake it, shake it.
Out, out, out!
He's very sorry.
Tell her how sorry you are.
I'm sorry that I wasted
my time solving your case.
Now, technically,
that was an apology.
Dozens of gnomes
are in danger,
so would you kindly step aside
and let me continue
my investigation?
We just need
to take a look around.
It's very important.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me explain.
Wait. I'm warning you.
Back off!
Watson, you'll have
to fend them off.
I'm going clue hunting.
Right. Here we go again.
You help Watson,
I'll help Sherlock.
- Huh? Oh, great.
- You can handle it.
I was always more
of a dog person, anyway.
What are you looking for?
An assistant who
asks fewer questions!
Are you always
this rude?
That's a question.
That should not be here.
A clock is a terribly offensive
gift in Chinese culture.
How cryptic.
Classic Moriarty.
- A plane? Is that the clue?
- "NV."
All part of Moriarty's game.
Curious. A different pattern.
What's that supposed to mean?
Let me see that.
Miss Juliet,
you must trust me.
My methods
may be unconventional,
but I will find
your family and friends.
Um, we should go.
Other way!
Suction cups.
Paper lanterns.
That might work.
This way. Hurry up.
Watson, that lamp
across the street.
Put these on.
Follow me! Quickly now.
You may want to go faster.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the tip.
Come on!
Come on! Bring your lanterns.
Get ready
with those suction cups.
On my mark.
Wait, what are we doing?
Jumping, of course.
Have you solved the clue?
Where are we going next?
I'll explain later.
Right now, just hold on.
We'll have to jump
onto that tree!
The Natural History Museum.
The site of our last
showdown with Moriarty.
Of course! That's where
the clue is leading us.
Oh, don't be absurd.
Moriarty would never choose
such an obvious location.
All right, smart guy.
What's your plan?
Well, if you must know,
we are going to the
De Jong Modern Art Gallery.
I haven't cracked
the latest clue yet,
and the art helps me ruminate.
That's your plan?
Art and thinking?
The museum's right there.
Let's just go check it out.
Mate, think about it. You beat
this guy in the museum, right?
And now he wants revenge.
Don't you get it?
He's waiting for you
at the museum,
he wants a rematch.
Plus, we can get in
right there.
Are you...? Is he even
listening to me?
He's not listening. Look.
Oh, good, you stopped talking.
Now we can go to the gallery.
You know what?
Good luck with that.
We're going to the museum.
Let's just go to the gallery.
Are you serious?
You're seriously
choosing him over me?
I'm not choosing anyone.
Sherlock knows this
Moriarty guy and you don't.
We're supposed to be a team.
Gnomeo and Juliet, remember?
We are a team.
Well, it doesn't
feel like it.
It hasn't felt like it
since we moved here.
Oh, Gnomeo.
Are you with me or not?
Don't do this.
And there it is.
Good. Now we can go
to the gallery.
- Should we go after him?
- No! No, we should not.
But you may.
Oh, Sherlock Gnomes.
Don't worry.
I'll get him back.
Oh, don't make me say it.
Wherefore art thou, Gnomeo?
- You all right, mate?
- Oh! Cheese and crackers!
Oh, it's just you, then.
We were hoping
you'd join us at the gallery.
Not gonna happen, mate.
We are right about the museum.
Let's show 'em.
Why do you keep looking back?
He just severed
your partnership.
We didn't break up.
It was just a fight.
- Hmm.
- What exactly does "Hmm" mean?
It means you were
young and in love,
but your new garden duties were too
much for a young couple to handle.
Likelihood of a breakup, 99%.
Ninety-nine percent?
I rounded down.
Look, you just focus
on finding my friends
and family.
Gnomeo and I will be fine.
- Did you see that?
- No footprints. Of course.
Oh, no. Quickly.
I know you're angry.
How would you feel?
It's like she doesn't
even care about me!
A partner who takes you
for granted.
Can't think
of what that's like.
I don't know how you put up
with that gnome.
And if we had six months,
I'd list all his faults.
But despite them,
he is a brilliant detective.
We all have our good
and bad sides.
Sherlock, Miss Juliet...
Do you know what, mate?
You're right.
I shouldn't have left her.
I need to go back.
I need to make this right.
What is that?
I'm a gargoyle, mate!
Also, your worst nightmare!
Come here!
Go on. Run.
You're never gonna get away
on those stubby little legs!
Up there!
Oi, ugly! Over here!
Ugly, am I?
Do you know up close
you're actually quite handsome?
Now. Let's go.
Come along, Miss Juliet.
We must keep going.
All those gnomes
are depending on us.
I don't know what to say.
I can't imagine
what you're feeling.
This is the darkest day
of my career.
I cannot believe that Moriarty
is working with gargoyles!
Wait, what?
As soon as this case is over,
I must retrieve Watson's map.
That's what you care about?
Gargoyles and some stupid map?
It's one of a kind.
In the wrong hands...
Gnomeo got taken.
He is gone!
And Watson just got smashed.
Why aren't you sad or angry?
Sadness and anger will not
help me save one single gnome.
is the enemy of logic.
That is not an answer.
The case can't wait.
You can.
Oh, Gnomeo.
Oi! Ronnie!
This one's a handful.
What, I got to babysit?
And you get to do
all the creeping
and the kidnapping
and fun stuff?
Two words, Reggie:
un... fair.
The boss likes me
more than he likes you.
I can't help that.
Let me out, you big...
- Gnomeo.
- Mum!
Oh, thank goodness.
Did those awful monsters
hurt you?
Mum, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Juliet's not with you.
Where is she? Is she okay?
I don't know.
She's still out there.
We split up and I need
to get back to her.
She dumped you.
I knew it!
I don't know why you thought
you could fix things
with a grand
romantic gesture.
That is just dumb.
Talk about pulling a Gnomeo!
Well, she didn't dump me,
no thanks to you.
And wait. "Pulling a Gnomeo"
means doing something cool.
Oh, yeah. Right.
That's totally
how we all use that phrase.
What's going on here?
gnomes were going missing.
These guys got a bit
worried about us.
So they brought us here
for safekeeping.
And they're gonna take us home
after this
Fireworks Night thingy.
Yeah, they even promised us
a "big surprise".
And they did that
when they said it,
which I thought seemed
a bit ominous.
Like we weren't gonna get
a big surprise...
or if we do, it's gonna be
something unspeakably horrific.
But it might just be balloons.
Oh, that's great, guys.
You go have fun.
Hola, Gnomeo.
We're in trouble.
We know, dear. We didn't
want to worry the others.
How bad is it?
This guy Moriarty, he's gonna
smash us all tomorrow night.
We're going to be smashed?
This guy said we're all going
to be smashed tomorrow!
Well, that's not
a very good surprise.
Quiet down, now.
You're giving me a headache.
And I'm not very nice
with a headache.
Come on.
Miss Juliet, I've got it!
I've cracked...
Ah. Hmm.
...cracked the clue. I believe
I've cracked the clue.
Oh, right up
the back of my nose.
The circle on the toy plane
is a symbol used
by the Royal Air Force.
And the squadron code "NV"
said quickly
form the word "envy,"
as in "green with envy."
Which gives us
"royal" and "green".
The plane itself is the
last piece of the puzzle...
for the planatus tree,
or "plane tree",
is the most common tree
in Royal Green Park!
It's nearly 9:00.
We're running out of time
to save those gnomes.
it's broad daylight.
How are we supposed to get around
a park without anyone seeing us?
Ah, fear not. I am not just
a master of deduction.
I am also
a master of disguise.
Come on, let's go.
Left, right. Left, right.
Now scurry.
- Stop!
- Ooh.
Now wag your tail.
Go on, wag it. Quickly.
Wag it!
Just when I think
you couldn't get more annoying.
Oh, that is the least
realistic tail-wagging I have ever seen.
Oh, forgive me.
I've never been
the back end
of a squirrel before.
You should have told me that before
I took you on as my assistant.
I'm not your...
Do you hear that?
That's not a bird.
That's the call of
the Peruvian snapping turtle.
Hmm. Where is it?
The Peruvian snapping turtle
is famous for burying its eggs.
He must have buried the clue.
Oh. It's been dug up by...
Don't move.
It's just a dog.
That is no mere dog.
That, my dear, is the hound
owned by the Baskervilles.
And, in this very park,
that very hound bit me!
And I'm siding
with the dog here.
First Chinatown,
now this fleabag.
This is no coincidence.
Careful. The clue
is stuck to a squeaky toy.
Easy does it.
Got it.
Quietly now.
And whatever you do, don't...
Good doggy!
Good doggy!
- This way!
- No, this way.
Now hold on tight.
Ooh! Let go!
Who's a good doggy?
Just grab the clue!
Got it! Uh-oh.
That wasn't so...
Miss Juliet,
for future reference,
that's not how a squirrel
wags its tail.
This is.
Do you see what I'm doing?
See? Do you see?
Yes, you're acting
like a rear end.
Can we check out the clue?
Of course
this would be next.
Moriarty, you monster!
Forcing me
to face my greatest fears!
A button? Really?
Very well.
If he wants to dance,
then dance we shall.
Right. He's asleep.
There must be
a way out of here.
The door is locked, so the
only way out is the skylight.
But there's no way
to get up there.
There has to be.
I'm gonna do whatever
it takes to get us out
and back to Juliet.
I've got an idea.
I just need a...
Oh, good boy, Shroom.
All right.
I could
scale those bricks,
use the Goons
to swing to the beam,
tightrope walk across it,
reach the skylight,
get around the door,
open it from the other side
and lead everyone to...
Yeah, thanks, Nanette.
If you're going to escape,
we'll create a distraction.
What's going on?
He looks like
a fairy-tale princess.
I like fairy tales.
Don't tell Reggie.
I believe we've just found our distraction.
The button belongs
to my most formidable rival,
the boss of the scariest
dive in London.
The Doll Museum?
The Doll Museum!
You sure
you want to come in here?
I need to speak to your boss.
Your funeral.
Yikes! Is that the boss?
Not him.
Nope, not him.
Sherlock Gnomes.
Oh, my favorite arm.
You got a lot of nerve
showing your face around here.
Hello, Irene.
you're looking... well.
A letter! You ended
our engagement in a letter.
You two were engaged?
And now,
after months of silence,
you show up with this
cheap porcelain thing?
I beg your pardon!
She's just my assistant.
Oh, I am not your assistant.
Better get
your stories straight.
Irene, this is important.
This is one of yours,
isn't it?
I don't know, Sherlock.
There's an awful lot
of buttons in this city.
Irene, please,
just hand over the clue.
Of course.
You're only here on work.
But your case can wait.
It's showtime.
See if you can deduce
who this song is about. Hmm.
Do I look like I need you?
I'm super deluxe
New improved
Better shape, better off
Stronger than I ever was
Whispers tell a lie
Starts a rumor, makes you cry
It's out there poster size
It's no secret
You're no prize
I'd never, ever
Take you back
I'd walk on fire
and broken glass
It's sister time
I'm here to say
I never really liked you
I never really
Liked you anyway!
You know you're not
Messing with me
You know, you know
You're not messing with me
You know you're not
Messing with me
You know, you know
You're not messing with me
Get on out
It's no man's land
Gonna set you straight
Gotta understand
I'm the queen bee because
I'm stronger than I ever...
Stronger than I ever was!
You know you're
Not messing with me
- You know you know You're not messing with me
- No, no
You know you're not
Messing with me
You know you know
you're not messing with me
I'd never, ever
Take you back
I'd walk on fire
and broken glass
It's sister time
I'm here to say
I never really liked you
I never really
liked you anyway!
Well, that was
rather unpleasant.
Really? I thought she
made some good points.
Irene will need at least
one hour to cool down.
We don't have an hour.
Gnomeo is still out there.
Listen up, doll!
You've got something I need,
and I'm not leaving here
without it.
Are you insane? You cannot
provoke Irene like that.
There's no telling
what she'll... Ooh!
You can come in.
You can't.
Oh, hello.
I thought garden gnomes were
all overweight and bearded.
But you're actually...
...cute. Hardly any
facial hair at all.
Would you like some tea?
Uh, no, thank you.
I just want...
I've often wondered
what it's like to be a gnome.
I mean, wearing the same
red dress every day
would be like
a fashion prison for me.
And living outdoors
must be awful!
Standing outside in the rain
and the freezing cold.
Like a dog.
Uh, I don't really
have time for this.
My family are in danger.
Please just
hand over the clue.
Work, work, work.
Now I see why
Sherlock chose you.
Sherlock didn't "choose" me.
And he never will.
With Sherlock,
work always comes first.
There's always
another case to crack,
another mystery to solve,
another backyard
of gnomes to rescue.
- You don't understand.
- Oh, I understand perfectly.
I don't care about Sherlock!
He is the single most
annoying gnome I've ever met.
I wouldn't date Sherlock if he
were the last gnome on earth.
I already have a partner,
and he's nothing like Sherlock.
Gnomeo is reckless
and emotional.
And he doesn't treat me
like an assistant.
He treats me like I'm...
the toughest gnome
in the garden.
He believes in me.
He loves me
with all his heart.
And if you asked him
to choose between me and work,
or anything really...
he'd choose me.
Every time.
A man doesn't make you strong.
You're right,
a man doesn't make you strong.
But the right partner
can make you stronger.
But I've let mine down.
And now I need
to make it right.
All right.
I'll give you what you want.
But only on two conditions.
First, you tell Sherlock this had
absolutely nothing to do with him.
- And second?
- After you save the day,
you come back
and tell me all about it.
Well, you got a deal.
"You already know
it's all about you.
So what is the pattern
in the final clue?"
The patterns.
Where are they leading us?
I've got it!
Traitors' Gate
at the Tower of London,
where Watson and I
solved our first case.
But it's on the other side
of the city,
and we're running out of time!
Let's go!
Ladies and gentle-monsters.
What's going on?
What are you guys doing?
What's happening?
All right, let's do this.
The Royal Gnome
Theater Company
proudly presents
The Princess and the Frog.
Move out of the way.
Let me see.
Princess Benny is here!
I love fairy tales.
Written and directed by me.
- Stage design by me. Lighting by...
- Keep going.
Once upon a time,
a beautiful princess
tiptoed through the forest,
when she came across a prince who
had been cursed by an evil witch.
Oh, alas! Cursed am I!
Transformed into a frog.
Wait a second. What is
wrong with being a frog?
Oi, Meryl Streep,
just read the lines.
This is so frogist.
What can lift
this terrible spell?
You can tell
a frog didn't write this.
Actors. Honestly.
The only way to break
the curse was with a kiss.
Ooh, great,
they're gonna kiss.
Oh, no, I can't.
Kiss the frog!
Kiss the frog!
Why can't you kiss me?
if you love someone,
you only want to kiss them
if they want to kiss you back.
But this isn't
the girl you love.
It's just me! Me!
Go on! Kiss the frog!
It's just me. Me!
Me, me, me!
Me! Wait. Oh!
Kiss the frog!
What was that?
Just then, a very
handsome suitor arrived.
Who are you?
I am Captain Love,
AKA The Love Machine,
AKA Baron Von Kissy-Kissy.
Bunnies, give me a beat.
Watch these moves! Whoo!
Come on, bunnies!
Let's party!
Dance with me!
All right.
And whatever you
do, don't look behind you.
Oh, no!
Whoo! Party time!
Ronnie, what is going on?
They're putting on a show.
Showtime's over. Bag them up!
Boss says it's time
for their big surprise.
We're too late.
Where are the gnomes?
Show yourself, Moriarty!
No, Sherlock. Not Moriarty.
But that's impossible.
Not impossible.
Merely improbable.
It wasn't an M.
It was a W, for Watson.
But I knew
you'd miss that.
Because it had to do
with me.
This was my game.
But we saw you fall!
We saw you get smashed!
No. You heard me
get smashed.
I caught myself
before I landed.
As for the sound
you heard...
just a flowerpot.
What have you done
with the gnomes?
What have you done
with Gnomeo?
They're all fine. They're
right behind that door.
Miss Juliet, I am sorry
I had to involve your garden.
But this was the only way
to get through to Sherlock.
You did all this?
But why?
Because we used to be a team.
Sherlock and Watson, friends,
partners in crime-solving.
But over time,
you stopped respecting me.
The only ornament
you respected was Moriarty.
There was only one way
I could prove myself to you.
I had to pretend
to be Moriarty.
I orchestrated this game.
I challenged you
to a battle of wits.
And you won. You beat me.
That's all I wanted to hear.
And now
you and I are finished.
Maybe you'll treat your next
partner a little better.
Yeah, when you two
have quite finished,
can we please
free the gnomes now?
Of course.
With my apologies.
Since my friends
live here at Traitors' Gate,
this was the best place to
ensure the gnomes would be safe.
I designed the room to be
as pleasant as possible.
They've even got mini-golf.
Gnomeo! Dad! Nanette!
Where are they?
Not here. Never were.
What do you mean?
What's going on?
Why don't you
enlighten our small friend?
Here's the thing, mate.
We, we don't actually
work for you.
What are you talking about?
Get off me.
Sherlock! Do something!
Look at you.
What a loser.
No. No! You can't do this.
What's happening?
Where are they taking us?
I don't know. The gnomes, they
were supposed to be there!
Sherlock. Sherlock!
For goodness sake, will you
please just say something?
He meant
say something useful.
I just did.
The substance on my shoe,
it's limestone.
The gargoyles lied.
They are not
from Traitors' Gate.
So, if we can deduce
where they're really from...
We'll find the gnomes.
That's why I kicked him.
To see quite literally
what he was made of.
The gargoyles
also reeked of salt.
Here, taste my shoe.
No. Just keep going.
So the gargoyles
must live close to water.
Now, place your hands on this wall.
Do you feel that?
That is the steady thrum
of a marine
propulsion engine, meaning...
We're on a ship.
The HMS Nimrod,
to be precise.
We've just set sail,
headed east,
directly towards a structure
which is both on the water
and protected
by limestone gargoyles.
Tower Bridge! The gnomes
must be hidden inside.
Oh, no. Now I understand
why he put us on this ship.
Wait. What?
Who put us on this ship?
That's impossible.
He was smashed. I saw it.
Surprise, Sherlock!
Sorry to not be in touch.
I was pretending to be dead.
Oh, also, I hate you.
how awful to see you.
So how have I been?
I've been just peachy!
Took up fishing. Gave up fishing.
It's really boring.
But I did plot
your destruction
with the help
of my friends here.
Of course, they were
actually working for me!
I mean, I came up with the
Sistine Chapel of evil plans.
It's got a double-cross,
it's got a triple-cross,
I was smashed, he was smashed.
I mean, to be fair,
it is needlessly complicated,
but that's what
supervillains do!
I know you like it when you
think I don't understand,
but this time
I really don't understand.
What happened at
the Natural History Museum?
Well, now,
that's a funny story.
You thought I was deaded.
But I've always been
a lucky pie,
and that was
my luckiest day ever.
Not only did I
not get squished,
in that moment I saw how I could
finally bring you down, Sherlock.
- Yours, I believe.
- I saw how you treated Watson.
Poor old miserabubble Watson.
He looked so sad.
So I thought, I'll use that.
I sent the gargoyles
to you, Watson,
and they let you think
you were in charge.
As if!
You know what
your problem is, Watson?
You're too nice, too trusting.
Too... ugh.
Never trust a gargoyle or
prunes past their sell-by date.
While you were playing
at supervillains,
I saw your map.
And then I could carry out
the real plan, my plan!
Capturing every single gnome
in London.
Selfie time!
Oh, no.
Oh, yes!
They didn't have to be
glued down in a giant M,
but it's the little touches that
make a plan really evil, you know?
He's not there.
Can you guess what happens
next? Here, I'll show you.
Screen share, screen share.
How do I screen...
This is where we stored
the kidnapped gnomes
on the bridge.
Then we brought them
to this room here,
for the main event.
And when
your warship arrives,
the bridge will rise up
and the 500-ton
counterweight will fall,
crushing the gnomes,
making you
the very instrument
of their demise.
Yes, you, Sherlock,
will be the unwitting
of every single gnome
in London.
So, how do I get out
of screen share?
How do I get out of...
Oh, a-ha!
Oh, Sherlock, I can see
all the cogs turning in there,
trying to work out
how to stop me.
But it's too late.
Your pretty boat
is nearly here.
The bridge will open
Smashing all the gnomes
And what will you do, Sherlock
When all the gnomes are gone?
I don't know. You tell me.
So the game is not afoot,
or a hand, or a leg.
It's just over.
And you lose.
So, Watson,
on a scale of 1 to 10,
how well do you think
this is going?
I never meant for any gnome
to get hurt. You know that.
Hey, knock it off,
both of you.
Watson screwed up,
but you did, too.
- What did I do?
- The same thing I did.
We took our best friends for
granted, we stopped listening.
We stopped giving them
the respect they deserve.
They were the last thing
we were thinking about,
and they should
have been the first.
I suppose somewhere within that
haystack of emotional twaddle
there may lie
a thin needle of truth.
One last case.
One last case.
Now let's get off this ship
and save those gnomes.
Let's go.
It's all clear.
Follow me.
We need that soap.
Of course, to unstick
the gnomes from the pie filling.
Perfect deduction, Watson.
Now we need to find a way
to get to Tower Bridge.
I'll drive.
Uh, Miss Juliet,
maybe we should slow down!
What are we doing up here?
Shouldn't we be
saving the gnomes?
The only way
to save the gnomes
is to find a way to stop
the bridge from opening.
Clear the bridge.
Clear the bridge.
All pedestrians
behind the barriers.
HMS Nimrod,
this is Tower Bridge.
Commencing your
20:43 bridge lift.
We got to make them think there's
still people on the bridge.
Now, can you guys handle that?
Oh, absolutely, definitely.
Positively. Piece of cake.
Yes! I'm off to go
and help the others.
- So, uh, what are we doing?
- I don't know.
We got to do something.
Well, we are on a river.
Five, six, seven, eight!
Bloomin' heck! There's
still people on the bridge.
stop your approach.
There are some people
on the bridge... Riverdancing!
And this is why you don't
make the gloating phone call
until after all the gnomes
are smashed.
Can you be a lamb
and get me a weapon?
Something lethal
but... oh, oh, fun!
Look! Someone must have
stopped the bridge!
"Move to the city," they said.
"It'll be fun," they said.
Surely you didn't think
it would be that easy...
Who the heck are you?
- I'm the gnome that's gonna...
- No!
This is my show!
I do the one-liners.
You don't get one-liners.
It seems we have
a party crasher.
Would you two
show him the door?
It'll be our pleasure,
This is too easy.
- He's mine.
- No, he's mine.
What are you doing?
Jumping, of course.
Oh, Gnomeo, I'm so sorry.
I thought I'd lost you.
That's never gonna happen.
Ah, yes. Not good.
Would you mind taking care of
them so we can save the gnomes?
Leave it with us.
Good luck.
Fertilizer face!
Remember me?
Come here, pipsqueak!
Wait till I get hold of you!
My name is Moriarty
You like to eat my pies
I'll draw his fire,
you rescue the gnomes.
You trust me
to save the gnomes?
Well, of course.
You're Watson.
Ah! Oh, Sherlock!
Surely you didn't think
it would be that easy to...
You know what? It
doesn't feel organic anymore.
Look, I'm just
gonna smash you.
Ha! A miss!
The first of many.
Oh, it's my favorite bit.
The chase.
Ready or not, here I come!
Cheese and crackers!
Look! It's that guy that
hangs around with Sherlock.
Yes, I'm the guy that
hangs around with Sherlock.
And I'm here to get you out.
Here we go.
Oi! Why is he
pouring soap on us?
I don't know.
Still, we'll smell nice.
He's trying to get us loose.
get ready to move.
Everyone link arms and pull!
Foam party!
It pains me to do this,
No one is forcing you,
You're the only one
who gets me.
And I know you feel
The same way about me
- Not true!
- Ow!
I know you, Sherlock.
Because I know me.
We are the same.
You are the sun
And I am the moon
Those aren't the same.
They're both
round things that...
You know what I mean.
They've got to be
'round here somewhere.
Don't just stand there!
Get her!
She's trapped.
Oh, dear. You've got nowhere
else to go, twinkletoes.
What was that?
Stevenson, point
the searchlight at the bridge.
The humans!
They've seen us! Freeze!
This is your fault.
No, it's your fault!
Two garden gnomes versus
two giant stone gargoyles.
Hey, we're Gnomeo and Juliet.
They didn't stand a chance.
Oh, you've got
to be kidding me.
False alarm, Nimrod. Someone had
stuck three garden gnomes on the...
Looked like they were dancing.
It doesn't matter.
Stand by for bridge reopening.
Oh, no.
Yeah, we didn't even
get to do our big finale.
recommencing bridge opening now.
Don't worry,
I'll get you out of here.
Oh, my hero.
Be brave, my love.
Be brave!
This way! The door's here!
Come on, quickly now!
Help! Help! I'm stuck!
Well, of course
it would be that guy.
Whoa! Keep me level!
Come on, this way.
Out, everybody.
Thank you, Dr. Watson.
- Thank you, Dr. Watson.
- You're my hero, Dr. Watson.
I don't need you, Sherlock.
I've got lots of people
who want me as an archenemy.
They're queuing up!
I'm popular
and bubbly.
I'm a pie about town.
You know, you're
very needy for a villain.
The bridge is up.
The gnomes are smashed.
And I guess this is the end of
our little story, Sherlock.
Come now, Moriarty.
I think there's
one more twist in the tale.
You're past your
sell-by date, Moriarty.
You saved them?
My life's work ruined!
The Sistine Chapel
of evil plans
and you just spray-painted
a cartoon cat all over it!
Well, then, sir,
my hat's off to you.
Brace yourselves!
Oh, Sherlock.
You look tired.
Why don't you have
a little lie-down
while I go chat
to your friends.
Yeah. Back in a sec.
And lift!
Watson, behind you!
Poor old miserabubble Watson.
- Okay, bye-bye!
- No, Moriarty. Please.
Oh, give it up, Sherlock.
What you gonna do?
Depress me to death?
This is where our story ends.
Come, Moriarty.
Come dance with me.
Oh, big hairy bums!
Sherlock Gnomes, I shall...
This water is disgusting.
Oh, it's going in my mouth!
It's going in my mouth!
Oh, no, my phone!
You'd give your life for me?
Of course.
Because you're the sworn protector
of London's garden gnomes.
Because we are
the sworn protectors
of London's garden gnomes.
Watson and Sherlock,
partners and friends.
And I promise to treat
my partner a lot better.
That is, of course,
if you'll have me back.
Watson and Sherlock.
I rather like
the sound of that.
So, Benny,
you know how you said
you only want to kiss someone
if they want to kiss you back?
Well, now is that time.
Where did you learn
to kiss like that?
The Internet.
Not bad for our
first week in London.
Well, you're the one
who wanted an adventure.
Yeah, with you.
Always with you.
What a perfect spring day.
The garden looks
absolutely glorious.
It truly does.
Juliet, I am so proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, Sherlock.
I didn't even see you there.
I suppose I deserve that.
On this day,
the first day of spring,
we are here to celebrate
our new leaders,
Gnomeo and Juliet.
Is this what I think it is?
A Cupid's Arrow Orchid.
Our flower.
So I guess this is
officially our garden now.
It is. And I'll never forget the most
important thing in this garden is you.
Ooh, that was super cheesy.
No, it was
extremely romantic.
- Grade-A cheddar.
- Will you shut up and kiss me?
Yay! Yay!
Watson, do you see how
they look at one another?
Recalculating likelihood
of breakup at zero percent.
Could that possibly
be right?
Elementary, my dear Sherlock.
Moriarty's Pies
The taste that makes you smile
Filled with goobarb syrup
Makes you eat it all the while
I hate you, Sherlock Gnomes.