Show Dogs (2018) Movie Script

[man scatting]
- [pigeon] Follow me. We're almost there.
- [pigeon 2] Where are we going?
- To help Max with his stakeout.
- Yes!
This is incredible.
Are you sure it's
going down at the docks?
Oh, yeah.
- The coolest things always go down at the docks.
- Ohh!
- And occasionally abandoned warehouses.
- [gasps]
And this place has both.
[gasps] Are you sure
it hasn't started yet?
I do not want to
miss a thing.
- There he is.
- Ooh!
Max. NYPD.
The toughest cop
on the force.
Oh, not tonight, guys.
Ooh, he's alone.
You bet he's alone,
He always works alone.
Hey, guys... [groans]
My bad.
- Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?
- Shh, shh, shh.
Max is on a stakeout.
- His badge is on the line.
- What? My badge is not on the line.
You want us to
watch your six, Maxi?
No. Do you even know
what "six" means?
Yeah, it's how many
fingers I have.
Ohh! Can you make him stop?
Quiet. Do you hear that?
[Max gasps]
Bad-guy boat.
Pigeon PD, assume
undercover identities.
- [clucking]
- [gasping]
- S-Sorry.
- What is happening?
Come to papa.
If you need backup, Max, the
Pigeon PD is ready for action.
I don't need backup.
I'm taking these smugglers down.
It's starting.
[Midge] Finally.
Yo, Samson, check the dock.
I knew I smelled bad attitude.
- Shh!
- [cell phone ringing]
[man] We've got Ling Li.
Come on in.
[Max] Ling Li, shh.
My name is Max,
and I promise you,
me and the NYPD are gonna get
you home safe to your mama.
You're going to be okay.
I promise you that.
[woman on radio] Suspected buyers
on the move. Hold your positions.
Get back in the vehicle.
The money's all here,
Lavender scented?
It's go time.
Time to play dead, cop.
I don't know that trick.
Let me teach you!
Hope you can doggy paddle.
- Oh!
- And the judges say?
- 6.0.
- Ohh!
He can flip this bird
any day.
What is Max doing? He's just
supposed to be on lookout.
- Freeze! Get your hands where I can see them!
- Not on my watch.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
I'm the good guy, you idiot.
[woman on radio]
Do not endanger the panda.
Do not endanger the panda.
Fake beard?
This is an FBI operation.
FBI? I think I would have
gotten a memo about that.
- Heading eastbound on foot.
- Stand down.
- This is my bust.
- We're blown.
- [man on radio] What happened?
- Some rogue police dog.
Yeah, I'm pretending to know
what's going on right now.
Okay, so Max,
the cop,
he pulled off the beard
of the FBI agent,
but, oh, you know,
that is not good.
[upbeat pop intro]
- [growling]
- Oh, no, no.
Nice doggy. No.
Dang feds.
- Someone ought to put a leash on you.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, let's see 'em try.
- [whistles]
- Baby, maybe you can get it
If you've got that thing
I like
You runnin' like a wiener dog.
Ha ha! Yes!
[Max laughs]
You just been recycled.
I'm gonna neuter
that mongrel.
I need a car.
- I need a... [yells]
- [crash]
Give it to me
Yes, I won.
Oh, no.
Yeah, what's the matter, buddy?
Dogs can't jump fences?
You play defense.
I play open fence.
You gotta be kidding me.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Um, good doggy,
good doggy.
Oh, I'm good, all right. Good
at taking a bite out of crime.
You and I should have a little talk.
My name's Petey.
- What's your name? Who let the dogs out?
- Where's that panda?
Literally, who let
them out?
This fool again?
Freeze! FBI!
Okay, all right. No, no, no.
Take it easy.
Spin around.
Here we go.
All right.
All right, take it easy,
Magnum PI.
I'm gonna take it easy.
This fed's been a pain
in my butt all night.
Time for a little hair
of the dog.
[man speaking
foreign language]
This is a huge... Where is our panda?
Where is our panda?
And I might have rabies,
so thank you, NYPD.
We're sorry, agent. It's not like
Max to attack a fellow officer.
That dog has anger issues.
Look at his eyes.
He needs therapy.
Dog therapy?
I don't know.
I'm not an expert in canine mental
disorders. I'm an FBI agent.
This dude is just asking
to be my next chew toy.
This panda sting was
an FBI investigation.
What was that dog doing there?
Max is part of our team.
Your team should have
been doing their job,
not interfering with
our investigation.
- [howling]
- Hey, calm down, Sarge.
Hoooow'd you
let this happen?
You know that wasn't my fault.
That panda needs to be back
at the zoo with her mother.
She's only eight weeks old.
- [howling]
- ...of a 12... of a 12...
I know-ow-ow.
Wait a second.
Now you got me doing it.
Why are there dogs
in this meeting?
They are some of
New York's finest.
What is happening
in this town?
Contraband entering
New York ports
comes under NYPD jurisdiction.
Ling Li is not mere
Her kidnapping from China and
transportation to this country
is an international crime.
I hope you have better luck
solving this international crime
than you had with the others.
Didn't you feds somehow
blow a sting operation
involving a pygmy
three-toed sloth in Panama?
And what about the Bengal tiger who was
kidnapped just last week in Singapore?
Oh, and don't forget
the albino python.
I'll have you know that that
sloth was very fleet of foot.
For a sloth.
We're done here.
It was a very fast sloth.
Sarge, you just gonna roll over
and let the FBI take our case?
Oh, that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
In this business you gotta
know your place sometimes.
Oh, thank you, Chief.
- Oh, okay. Well, enjoy.
- [Sarge panting]
But somebody's gotta do
Be right there, Maxi.
A little to the left.
A little to the left.
[phones ringing]
[Doberman] Hey, hey, Max.
How you doing?
- What's up, Rico? Bob.
- [Bob] Yo, big dog.
Hey, Sparky.
[panting] Hey, Max.
Where'd they put
my suspect?
Interrogation room 2, huh.
- You and I got a big problem.
- Do you know this song?
It's called... You got nothing
on me You got nothing on...
- Really?
- Yeah, man.
'Cause I'm pretty sure
I saw you with a stolen panda.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on.
- Who's to say it was a stolen panda?
- Come again?
I'm just saying that
in my experience,
illegal pandas look
a lot like legal pandas.
- You get them mixed up.
- Okay, smart guy.
So if the panda wasn't hot,
how come you were running?
Well, because there was a vicious
dog chasing me. Next question.
[agent] How about you and I
have a respectful conversation?
- [Max grunts] This is painful.
- How about we order in some lunch?
Huh? Is this an interrogation
or a first date?
Fine. You want to see bad cop,
I'll show you bad cop.
Well, I...
Listen, a hint.
Good cop, bad cop works
a lot better with two people.
What are you,
the spinny Lego head guy?
[deep voice]
What do you know about it?
- Oh.
- All right, look.
Oh! This is ludicrous.
- This moron is getting played.
- Here comes bad cop.
- Sparky?
- Ahh!
- Get the lights.
- You got it, Max.
...cheese-flavored nacho
- till you tell me where that panda is!
- [barking]
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't hurt me.
- Don't hurt me.
- All right.
- [growling]
- Now we're getting somewhere.
Who are you working for and
what's the location of the panda?
- [Sarge] He's shaking in his boots, Max.
- I got no names, no nothing.
But I did overhear
something about a show.
- Show him some teeth.
- What show?
A dog show.
- A dog show.
- Dog show?
They said
if the deal goes south,
they're gonna try
and sell the panda.
- It's working!
- [barking]
The Canini Invitational.
Keep it coming.
It's in Vegas. At Caesars, tomorrow night.
That is all I know.
All right.
[clears throat]
And scene.
- Good work, agent.
- What?
- Thanks, Chief.
- It makes sense.
The Canini Invitational is the
world's most prestigious dog show.
Celebrities, tech titans, huh?
Chinese billionaires.
Plenty of people with the cash
to stock their own private zoos.
So they're using the dog show
as a front for animal smuggling.
All right. Well, get me on
the next flight to Vegas.
- I'll take care of the rest.
- Whoa.
You can't let this idiot
take my case.
They should send me.
Tell 'em, Sarge.
I'm on it, Max.
You know what? I'm gonna
need a new identity though
- if I wanna get access to that show.
- Who needs some "wuv" there?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, Max.
I tried.
[FBI director]
What if you were a contestant?
- A contestant?
- Oh, yeah, baby.
- [FBI director] Yeah.
- What are you thinking, Max?
Watch this. The chief is
about to have a great idea.
With a dog?
I just had a great idea.
You could enter Max
in the show.
What about droopy over here?
No, no, sorry.
The sergeant...
Are you nuts, Max?
You're a street dog
with a temper.
What do you know
about dog shows?
I made a promise to a scared little
panda, and I aim to keep it.
Who knows where this dog's
gonna bite me next?
- [FBI director] Deal with it.
- Besides, how hard can dog shows be?
I'll just google it.
[rock and roll intro]
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
How I wish that
There were more than
Twenty-four hours in the day
And even if there were
40 more
- I wouldn't sleep a minute
- I give props to hip-hop So hip-hop hooray
- Ho
- Viva Las Vegas
Hey, ho
Are you doing this
on purpose?
After five hours
in a travel crate,
we're listening
to my music.
Will you stop?
Max, stop it.
- That... No, no.
- [station changing]
- Ho
- Viva
What kind of dog
likes hip-hop?
I give props to hip-hop
Boy, this guy really
doesn't like hip-hop.
Look, clearly we got off
on the wrong foot, okay?
We should be friends.
We should be best friends.
You're a dog. I'm a man.
Go on.
Go fetch.
Fetch? Fetch?
You gotta learn
something about me, okay?
I don't play
the dog-and-master bull.
You want a best friend,
get a labradoodle.
'Cause I ain't interested.
- Where are you going?
- I'm sorry.
- But I got real police work to do.
- [sighs]
Bad dog.
Heel yourself, chump.
Stupid human.
Stupid dog.
[dogs barking]
[female announcer]
Welcome, Canini competitors.
The opening night gala
begins poolside at 7:30.
Dress to impress.
- Late entry registration is available...
- Agent Nichols.
Come on in.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- I'm Mattie Smith.
- Oh, wow.
You're the Bureau's
canine consultant?
[scoffs] I-I was expecting more
of a cat lady type, you know.
Oh, sorry to disappoint.
No, I... [chuckles]
No dog smell, huh?
I mean, no,
it's-it's impressive,
you know, with the fluffing
and the folding and...
So did you wanna
just bring him in?
- Him?
- The dog. The rottweiler.
Am I not speaking English?
- Am I barking or something?
- Oh!
Yeah, no, um...
Yeah, the thing is with that,
he, um... kind of ran off.
He ran off?
- Is he lost? Is he okay?
- No, he's not like...
Not like that. He's
dysfunctional, all right.
Anyway, I was kind of
hoping that maybe you have,
like, an extra dog
that I could borrow or...
Oh, uh, I misunderstood.
So you actually came here...
- You wanna borrow a dog?
- That'd be great.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Did you want that fluffed or folded?
'Cause I have
both in the back.
Right. Look, it would
just be for a couple of days.
Maybe you could point me towards
sort of, like, a rent-a-dog service?
Look, Agent Nichols,
I really just don't think
you're cut out for working with
animals, so there's the door.
- Look, I'm really in a bind here.
- Good luck on your case.
- Thank you for your time.
- Good luck.
Rent-a-dog? Nope.
- What's happening, Luther?
- Hey, Max.
So, hey.
H-Hey, Max.
Hey, hey.
- You find me the guy?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Like I said. First, I, uh...
I'll take that catnip
you promised.
Cell 614.
He's the real deal, Max.
He told me hisself.
But the dude is a wash-up.
He's useless.
Hey, this ain't catnip.
[toy squealing]
Nah, it's better for you.
Now, get out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's showtime.
[Max howls]
Hey, buddy.
- [whimpering continues]
- Hey.
Aw, look.
That paw looks hurt
pretty bad.
We'll take good care of you.
Come on, buddy.
All right,
there you go, boy.
Now, look, you just rest up,
and we'll get that paw looked at first
thing in the morning, all right?
And hopefully
we'll find you a new home.
[whimpering stops]
[dog singing in French]
- [singing continues]
- Yo.
I'm looking for a famous show dog.
You Philippe de Fabulous?
[French accent] Who do I have
the pleasure of smelling?
Max. NYPD.
I'm entering
the Canini Invitational,
and I need an expert like you
to teach me the ropes.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Look into my eyes.
You do not have
what it takes.
- Sorry.
- What?
Cut the attitude.
I know all about you.
Champion show dog at the top of
your game until one day you...
Got disqualified,
because my breeder used plumpers
and fillers on my growl lines.
- Yeah, and then you went...
- Crazy and attacked the judges. Hmm?
And now, I suppose you think you
can manipulate me into helping you
in a desperate bid
for revenge and redemption.
Oh, actually,
I was just...
You are as cunning as you
are persuasive, Maxwell.
Perhaps you have
what it takes after all.
I shall turn you
into the show dog.
You made the right
choice, gramps.
We shall see.
I cannot polish the turd,
but perhaps we can roll it
in glitter. [laughs]
I'm-a let that slide.
All right, coach,
so what's our first move?
[Philippe] The opening
night party, of course.
[male announcer] Welcome to the Canini
Invitational opening night gala.
Through these portals pass the
most elite canines in the world.
Here we meet, greet,
and size up the competition.
Yeah, okay,
you do that.
I'll be nosing around
for anything suspicious.
Well, of course, nobody makes
talking dog movies anymore,
so I've been focusing
on my lifestyle brands.
- It's right there. Wellington Upstill.
- Your name is on the list,
but it says you have
a rottweiler.
- So?
- There ain't no dog, no party.
[Frank] What? Hey! [whistles]
- Max! Max! Buddy.
- Oh!
Max. That's... That's my dog.
Right there. Hey.
- Something you haven't told me?
- Look, it's me!
Uh, yeah.
I'm an undercover cop.
And Hooch over there is the
idiot human they stuck me with.
Hey, rottweiler.
Is this guy with you?
Hey, why don't you use
that leash on your dog?
Okay, thank you
for the advice.
What is your deal, man?
Where'd you disappear to?
You're jeopardizing my case.
- Just ignore him.
- Wait, you got a dog?
Do dogs have their own dogs?
Is that a thing?
[Mattie] It's all gonna be
about Daisy this year.
[man] Hey, Mattie.
Go, Daisy.
You got it?
Hey, great shoes.
[shutter clicking]
[shutter clicking]
By the way,
Hooch was the dog.
The what now?
Turner and Hooch.
Turner was the cop
and Hooch was the dog.
Poor Beasley.
After playing Hooch,
he was forever typecast
as a slobbering imbecile.
Oh, my God,
you're... you're...
Back from the dead, yes.
I'm your biggest fan.
Oh, well...
And you are?
My name is Buncha Rainbow
Sprinkles Junior III,
but everyone calls me
Sprinkles for short.
Oh, my God.
Who's your friend
with the amazing aroma?
Excuse me. I gotta
check something out.
It's like a kennel mixed
with grease mixed with pizza.
Oh! I figured it out.
- You're from New York, aren't you?
- Hey.
Me too. Oh, man!
- Dang.
- We are homeys.
Big game hunting mostly,
although, lately I've become
weary of the hunt.
Looking for someone to do the hunt for me.
You know what I mean?
Small exotic bears
from the Middle Kingdom?
Pretty black and white,
if you catch my drift.
Suspicious? Heck, ya!
Someone raided the minibar last
night and I swear it wasn't me.
Philippe, is that you?
Mon Dieu, Daisy.
You look ravishing.
There were two doggy chocolates
on my pillow instead of three.
- Yo.
- ...the circuit for five years.
Oh. This is my student, Maxwell.
- Hey.
- Maxwell, huh?
I don't think
I've seen you before.
Are you new to dog shows?
Are you kidding?
I mean, I been around the block,
you know, and not on a leash,
if you catch my drift.
I mean, if you were comparing me
with the other dogs,
I wouldn't come up lacking,
let's just say that.
That's an impressive rsum.
[clears throat]
Good luck, Philippe.
I'm really glad you're back.
She's gorgeous. I bet she
cleans up at this thing.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Canini Invitational's
reigning Best in Show winners,
Chauncey Middleton and Dante.
- Hello, hello.
- [Max] Who's that?
That is, uh...
Oh, that's Dante.
He's really cool.
He's won every show since...
basically since
Philippe went crazy.
Oh, man, that was hilarious.
Y-You know,
Shouldn't you be locked up?
Thank you.
Is that my
little Philippe?
You traitor!
Get off, you mutt.
That is so Philippe.
- [clears throat]
- [barking]
Hey, grandpa,
you do not bite my person.
Your person stole my dreams
and ruined my life.
You abandoned me!
- You abandoned me.
- Come, Dante.
This dog is in desperate need
of some training.
Or better yet to be
"put to sleep."
What did you
say to him?
Let it go.
This competition is of
no consequence
in the grand
scheme of existence.
"You only lose what you
cling to." Aristotle.
Deep. Hey, why does that
dog need a bodyguard?
Karma is worth more
than a million dollars.
There have been
disappearances in the past.
Maybe it's not only
the panda they're after.
I'm just looking for a panda.
I need a panda.
Gosh, is it hot in here
or is it me?
Is it hot? Are you hot? I'm hot.
A lot more where that came from.
Not a lot, I mean, but some.
You seem untrustworthy.
Do you have any idea
where I might find something
in a bear, Chinese?
The cure for cancer
lies within them.
Oh. [chuckles] Good.
Just got in a new shipment
of unmarked bills.
You sound like you know
the true value of...
rare animals,
Mr. Upstill, is it?
Yes, well,
like I always say,
if you can't kill
and mount it,
might as well
collect and breed it.
Yes, yes.
Would you like to come to a
little party tomorrow night?
It's in a warehouse
on the outskirts of town.
I think you'll find exactly
what you are looking for.
I have a phone call to make.
[cell phone ringing]
Tomorrow night,
is it?
Well, now you've got me
panda-sitting in a damp warehouse.
I mean, we are in Vegas, and I was
hoping that we could be doing...
Oi, fluffy.
You and me are expecting some company
at the party tomorrow night.
Some posh buyers are coming over to
take a look at the fancy merchandise.
Meanwhile, I'm stuck here
eating cold pizza
while the boss is hobnobbing
at the bleeding Caesars' pool.
[Frank] There you are.
You missed it. I did some pretty
good police work over there, so...
Well, good. I see you found your dog.
That's something.
Hi. How's it going? Hi.
Yeah, well, you know,
I am an FBI agent, so...
- Is that papillon with you?
- Enchant.
Did you borrow it
or something?
No, no, no. He just kind of
came with Max. I don't...
Okay, well, if I'm not mistaken, that
dog is a three-time world champion.
- [barks]
- [Frank] That dog?
You don't know anything
about that dog?
No. What do I know
from dogs?
Okay, look, they told me about this whole
situation with the stolen baby panda,
and I don't know why they'd be trying to
sell her here, but I am happy to help.
Great. Thank you.
But if we're gonna
pull this off,
you need to follow
everything I say.
Okay. I'm kind of
the lead agent on this...
I'm sorry, are you arguing
with me already?
If you wanna look like a real dog handler,
you have to follow everything I say.
Tomorrow morning.
Don't be late.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
This is weird.
Yes. You about to
get trained, boy.
[door opens]
Can you believe all this
luxury and excess
just because of
a stupid dog show?
Isn't this wonderful?
The beautiful view,
the Snausage and cheese platter,
the toilette
filled with champagne.
- [toilet flushing]
- Maybe not champagne.
No, no, no, no.
I don't do animals on the bed.
Come on, get out.
Were you always
wearing that robe?
What are you doing?
I am a dog.
He is human.
This is what nature intended.
Not for me.
Are you sure
you will not join us?
Plenty of room for trois.
No, thanks.
I'm fine on the floor.
Always have been
and always will be.
[sighing] Oh.
[announcer] Welcome to
the Canini Invitational,
where we celebrate
these noble creatures.
Only the top 50 dogs
in the world
are invited to compete
in the Canini...
making it the world's most
exclusive canine competition.
And only one will
leave this weekend
as the Canini Invitational's
Best in Show!
Number one!
Yeah, that's right.
Bow to the king.
Did you hear that
Misty got fixed last week?
Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Wait. Butt implants?
Golden retriever?
Not a real golden.
Turns out
he wasn't neutered after all.
Toy boat.
Stay focused, Janice.
Stay focused, Janice.
Are you sure
we in the right place?
[Philippe] Pourquoi?
'Cause seeing all these clowns,
I could have swore we were
backstage at a Cirque du Soleil.
With those jokes,
you will not make many friends.
Excuse me.
I'm not here to make friends.
I'm here to find enemies, okay?
I got 72 hours to make good
on a promise I made.
- Welcome to the Canini, Mr. Upstill.
- Come on, guys.
- So how does this work?
- There are three rounds.
In the first, the dogs compete
against their own breed.
Then, in round two,
all the Best of Breed winners
compete against each other
for Best of Group.
- [Frank] So what group is he?
- Working.
But he's not going
to win in any group
because he's bow-legged,
and he smells like
he hasn't been washed in months.
[scoffs] She says that
like it's a bad thing.
Only if you
want to win.
Oh, hi, Philippe.
Uh, Max.
Wait, Mattie's
your owner?
No, no. She's my handler.
Though since we're on the road
40 weeks a year together,
she feels like my big sister.
But most important is the
relationship between handler and dog.
- Is he your handler?
- No. More of an assistant.
- [clicks]
- Ow. Ow.
Make that a rescue.
So where do we start?
Square one.
- [men] Big girls don't cry
- Whoa.
Watch it, French fry.
- Yeah, okay.
- [Frank] Open.
- He got you, huh?
- Yeah, he got me.
Scrub it in there.
- I got this, yeah.
- Keep coming.
- I'm gonna get you clean yet.
- Three, two...
- You waited for me to get back here for that, didn't you?
- [laughs]
Ooh. My eyes, they burn.
Gotta say,
can't improve on perfection.
What's that?
It's, uh,
bikini wax.
When the judges look under the tail,
it's important they have a clean view.
Well, in that case,
allow me.
- Hey, what's that?
- Oh.
- It looks kind of sticky.
- Um...
- [Philippe] Uh-oh.
- It's payback time.
Hey, wait.
What's he doing back there?
- The pain passes...
- Philippe!
but the beauty, she remains.
Wait. What?
[high-pitched screaming]
[screaming continues]
Sorry, pal.
Although you are ready
for beach season.
Laugh it up, Frank,
but you best sleep
with one eye open tonight.
All right, Philippe,
let's show them how it's done.
Get your books, Maxwell.
You are about to go to school.
When you're in competition, it's all
about details. Going the extra mile.
Oui. You do not win
by blending in.
You win by being the star.
Max and Frank,
you wanna try?
[Frank] All right.
[clears throat]
Okay, so you don't
wanna mount the dog.
I'm not gonna mount the dog.
I'm gonna put the thing on.
- Okay, be careful.
- I got it.
You and your dog have to be
in sync at all times.
Not in this lifetime.
- [Mattie] Trust each other and move as one.
- All right.
Hey, hey, hey,
Max, hold up.
Hold up.
Just be cool.
Ugh. Whoever bred you needs
to have their license revoked.
What's that, Dante? I know you ain't
talking about my mom and dad.
Hey, everyone. Max thinks
his mom and dad are breeders.
Okay, that's it.
- [barking]
- Max.
- Heel. Heel.
- You want me to heel?
- Fine, I'll show you heel.
- Max, quit goofing around.
Hey, let go.
Let go. Whoa!
[crowd murmuring, laughing]
Down! Stand down, Officer.
Officer, stand down.
...main stage, please.
This is gonna be hilarious.
- Thank you.
- [laughing]
- [Frank] This is how we play.
- Yeah.
Cameras, focus on the new guy.
It's gonna be a top ten.
Thank you.
Congratulations, ma'am.
up this way, please.
- Miss Smith, thank you so much for joining us.
- Hi, Larry. Thanks.
New guy.
Mr., uh...
- Upstill.
- You've been put down here where it's safe.
Yeah, sorry about before. We
were just trying a new trick.
Come on, Philippe.
Cassius is a five-time
world champion.
I'm not saying that to scare you or
anything. Guys, good luck, okay?
Do you hear that?
Five-time champion.
If we get knocked out, we'll lose our
access and maybe never find Ling Li.
Hey, man. Can somebody please tell
me why they all look the same?
[Philippe] Most likely because they are
all from the same champion bloodline.
Like one big family?
Yes, in a sense,
I suppose. Yes.
- Hmm.
- Very good. Mr. Upstill.
Mr. Upstill.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the arena
that noble breed,
those fearless loyal protectors
the rottweilers.
[host] Returning champion Cassius is
clearly the top dog in this category.
But Hans made a strong showing
last year
and is looking to take the crown
this time around.
All eyes are on the judge as he
calls up the first contestant,
veteran competitor Sadie,
to begin the examination.
Hey. Hey.
You guys notice anything
unusual going on?
Hans had some
work done... again,
but there's nothing
unusual about that.
I noticed how unusually hot
Daisy looks this year.
I smell a playdate.
Daisy don't go rotty, and she
certainly don't go for losers.
Has anyone ever told you guys
that you have a real resemblance?
You guys aren't related,
are you?
Course not.
I'm from Tennessee.
And I'm from Chicago.
Well, no.
Originally I was adopted.
- Hey, same. Me too.
- You don't say. From where?
- Hopkinsville, Kentucky.
- Hopkinsville, Kentucky.
Hey, I'm from
Hopkinsville too.
Me too, before I moved
to Deutschland.
- Well, when are your birthdays?
- April 19.
April 19.
That means you're...
[all gasp] Brothers!
I once had a litter
in Hopkinsville.
Oh, my God.
Could it be?
[all] Mama!
My puppies!
- What did I miss?
- [rottweilers exclaiming]
[host] Clearly
a disqualifiable offense.
Let's see
what the judges decide.
You're number one.
Oh, yeah.
- [announcer] And newcomer Max wins.
- What?
Whoo-hoo! Max!
That's my best friend.
- Number one.
- [announcer] This is unprecedented
in Canini Invitational history
as the entire field forfeits.
Okay, that was incredible.
How did he do that?
Max? I was the one
holding the leash.
- [Mattie] Yeah, but...
- Max, that was very unsportsmanlike.
Tell that to Ling Li.
Besides, it was a good thing
I did out there today.
Warms my heart to see
that family reunited.
Huh. You're different than
other show dogs, aren't you?
I'm a mutt of many mysteries.
- Right-hand drive?
- Straight from London, baby.
This is so exciting.
My first stakeout.
This don't smell right.
What kind of party is
in an abandoned warehouse, huh?
A very exclusive one,
of course.
[dance pop playing]
This is your heart
It's alive
Definitely a party.
Oh, I love it.
The glamour, the fashion.
The toilet water.
All right,
here's the plan.
I'm gonna see who tries to
sell me that panda.
- Try not to blow my cover.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, while you're off chasing your
tail, I'll be cracking this case.
Why am I talking to dogs?
[camera shutter clicking]
Ooh-ho-ho. I've got
you this time.
What is all this talk
about the panda?
That is on
a need-to-know basis.
Ooh! Silly me.
I forgot I was stuck with a
hard-bitten cop who trusts no one.
Oh, there you are.
Thought this was VIP. What,
do you know the bouncer?
Wellington Upstill.
Uh, I wanted to introduce
you to a client of mine.
This is Seor Gabriel
and his dog Karma.
What's up, boy-boy?
Well, that's some dog.
He's my best friend.
The only one who loves me
Well, that's great that
you two have that connection.
[speaking Spanish]
I'm sorry, Gabe. Where did
you say you were from?
Here and there.
[camera shutter clicking]
Dang, that
photographer's slippery.
- [gasps] Where did he go?
- [Sprinkles] Whoo-hoo! Max!
Whoo! Buddy, you were
incredible today.
How did you get to be so alpha?
Um, by not caring.
- Not caring? Seriously?
- Hmm?
Now, what do we have here?
Bodyguard by the door.
I gotta get me
in that room.
I need some kind of
Maxwell, are you
listening to me?
- Hey, how come there's no dogs in the pool?
- The night before a competition?
The mats.
The tangles.
The pH balance.
That's all I needed to hear.
Maxwell, what are you doing?
I'm getting this party started!
That feels good.
- Huh?
- Outrageous.
- Can he do that?
- Gee, I-I don't know.
- Oh, boy.
- Daisy, isn't that your boy in the swimming pool?
- No. You know I don't go for bad boys.
- Mm-hmm.
Are you crazy?
Do you want us all to be
replaced by CGI?
- Oh!
- [Sprinkles] Oh, man.
Well, this event's becoming
dreadfully common.
- Wanna do it?
- Oh, yeah, sure. You betcha.
- [Max] Come on, everybody.
- [Philippe] This is not Canini. This is chaos.
[dog] It's a pool party!
- Yeah!
- [Max] What are you waiting for, Sprinkles?
Oh, pugs don't float.
Oh! Oh, watch out.
Oh, gosh.
Hurry, hurry!
[chanting] Party! Party!
Party! Party! Party!
Mm-hmm! That is
some fine canine.
- Get the dog out of the pool!
- Good. Now to get in that room.
Impressive, but maybe you should save your
big splash for the final competition.
Huh. Got any more insider
tips you could share?
If the price is right.
Let me see
what I can do.
Tell you what, meet me outside the
hotel after Mattie goes to sleep.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I got
some business to take care of.
[men chuckling]
Congratulations, gentlemen.
You will soon be in possession
of this year's Best in Show.
Best in Show?
Think of something, Max.
- Inbreeding.
- [guffaws]
- [cell phone ringing]
- There's that ringtone.
Oh, I got you now.
- [ringing continues]
- Come on. Come on, come on, come on.
The deal's closed.
Three million.
You're gonna love it. It's one of the
most beautiful creatures I've ever seen.
- Let's see.
- We got it. I'll be there.
- Yeah, got the money.
- We have spoken at length.
Which one of you has my panda?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [sputters]
- Don't worry.
I'll have the panda all prettied up
by the time them buyers get here.
What's that?
Ten minutes, is it?
We'll be ready.
No problem.
There you are.
I quit.
I am finished being
your teacher, Maxwell.
You are cynical,
You have no friends.
You cannot work with partners.
- You trust no one. You...
- You done?
Tell me what is going on!
All right, all right.
I'm working a kidnapping case.
- [gasps]
- A baby panda was stolen from her mother,
and the people who did it
are somewhere at this party.
Best in Show, eh?
Okay, an extra cage?
Talk later.
Oi, Fluffy.
- [snickering]
- No.
Ling Li, I'm talking to you.
Wait there, you little moppet.
Ling Li?
No, Fluffy.
- No, Fluffy. No, no.
- Wee!
I shall help you, Maxwell.
Uh, okay. Great.
And I shall
help you too.
Maybe it's not the worst idea
to get some help.
- Yes.
- Okay, then.
- I'm deputizing both of you.
- Really?
So freaking alpha!
Spread out. You see anything suspicious,
report immediately to your CO.
- Yes, sir.
- I accept.
But I get to be the bad cop.
- Fluffy. Fluffy.
- [Ling Li giggling]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Get out of my way.
Ling Li, where you gone?
Where are you?
Ling Li.
Okay, one second.
I need you to guarantee
we can deliver Best in Show.
Whose life are you
ruining now, Chauncey?
- Can we get a selfie with you?
- Oh, well, if you insist.
- [camera shutter clicks]
- Cute.
Mon Dieu. I look like the crazed ferret.
The world can never see.
- [woman] Get back here!
- Ling Li.
I'm on your tail,
suspicious dude.
- Oh!
- Sorry, love. Excuse me.
Whoo! Wow!
Whoa! I didn't know dogs
could climb trees.
Let me just... [gasps]
Is this cupcake frosting? It is!
[gasps, groans]
[laughs] You gonna lead me
straight to that panda, right?
I'm not done.
Oh, hey, guys.
You investigating
frosting too?
You got some behind your ear. I
can get that for you if you like.
- It'd be my pleasure.
- [squeals]
[shutter clicks]
I got you now.
- [barking]
- Ow! Hey!
Get off me.
What are you doing?
Hi there. Sorry.
I knew I should have left
you tied up outside.
Yeah, well, I should have
tied you up in New York.
I am so glad you could make it, Mr.
Yeah, sorry.
We were just, you know...
We were...
And then she was...
But, anyway,
thank you for, you know...
I'm just really looking forward to
getting a private moment that we...
As am I.
Yes, 'cause we can discuss
that matter that we wanted to...
Yes, indeed.
The rare animals.
You know, I have researched
all of the competitors,
and I could not help but notice the
supremely striking specimen you possess.
I am giving you the opportunity
to breed your dog
with my Old English
Your what, now?
Persephone, get out! Come.
- [man giggling]
- Hey.
- The only one in the world.
- Uh-huh.
- Isn't she a beauty?
- Can I get an amen up in here?
- Oh, boy.
- [giggles]
- Whoa.
- Yeah, you cute.
But I have to work
with you first, honey.
You definitely gonna
have to lose that tail.
- What? Okay.
- And that breath.
You're a toilet drinker,
am I right?
Oh, all the time. I mean, I'm
completely gross, trust me.
Wait. Hold up.
Is that a bald spot?
- Yes. Yes, it is.
- You need some Rogaine, honey.
There you are.
Come on, Poopsie.
Oh, Mama's tired.
Let's go home
and have some choco-drops, okay?
Persephones do not date baldies,
no fools, no long...
Girl, is it hot in here
or is it you?
Oh! I'm not touching that.
Check, please.
[laughs] Everything's better
with Sprinkles.
Due to the fact that you are
too pugly, good-bye.
Look, they are bonding already.
Can you imagine how glorious
their puppies will be?
[laughs] I...
No, I don't think so.
- What's that?
- My dog doesn't wanna do it.
[laughs] What do you care
what your dog wants?
I think everyone deserves
to choose love for themselves,
even if they are a dog.
- Huh. What do you know.
- Will you excuse me?
Persephone, come.
Yes, honey.
Sashay away.
We never got a chance to...
talk about the...
Crisis averted.
For you and me both.
- So you found the panda?
- No.
I destroyed a terrible
photo of myself.
Did you learn anything?
Well, I don't know
if they're connected,
but something's going down
involving the Best in Show winner.
I'm gonna see if I can gain
some more insight tonight.
All right, come on.
Hopefully, for Ling Li's sake,
tomorrow's a better day.
[gasps] Whoa!
Hey! Hey!
Come back with my Poopsie!
- [barks]
- [gasps]
Oh, Poopsie,
there you are.
Come on, Poopsie.
Terribly sorry I'm late,
ladies and gentlemen.
The bidding starts
at a mere ten million
for this exquisite,
and most beautiful creature.
Can I get ten million?
Ten million from the man
in the suit.
You look amazing.
Thank you.
So, the mutt of many mysteries
wants some insider show tips.
Yes, I do.
You gotta give me
something first.
L-Like what?
Show me what it's like
on the outside.
You've never been
leash-less, have you?
Don't make fun of me.
So, what do you do when you
aren't tied to someone?
Ha! Come on.
[dance music intro]
- On three. Ready?
- Oh, gosh.
- One...
- Okay.
- Two...
- Oh, I'm going to faint.
Three! Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
- [laughs]
Waiting for the moment
We can touch
This is amazing, Max.
- What?
- I said this is amazing.
- [howls]
- Whoo! Vegas!
- Sean! Sean, wait!
- [Daisy, Max] Ta-da!
- [Max] Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- [Daisy] Sorry!
Another one. Two.
Another one. Another one.
One, two. In the hat.
There you go.
Oh. This is some dinner.
And these are just
the appetizers.
For the main course I have
something really special.
I'm staying up for love
This is so beautiful.
All right.
Dinner is served.
Oh, my gosh. Garbage.
- My favorite.
- Garbage? No.
This is the finest New York style
hot dog this city has to offer.
Oh, really?
In that case, I can't wait.
- Ooh.
- Oh, whoops.
[both laugh]
This is so romantic.
He's a-lady-
and-the-tramping her.
You gotta be kidding me.
You guys flew
all the way out here?
Of course. Hello!
We follow all your cases.
And your kisses.
- Knock it off.
- Max, who are these guys?
Remember that time you went undercover
as an emotional support dog?
So sensitive. So vulnerable.
So dreamy.
- He cried.
- That was acting.
Just an undercover cop
doing his job.
- Get out of here. Scram.
- Wait.
So you're, what, a cop?
Yes, I am.
I'm working undercover.
As a show dog?
Can you believe it?
Prancing around
in stupid little circles,
looking pretty,
pretending I'm one...
- One of us?
- I know, right?
Can you imagine me acting
all fake and phony?
Wait. That's what you think
being a show dog is?
Well, yeah. I mean, dogs like me
are out there in the streets,
in the real world, doing
the real work, you know?
Yeah, I do know.
I know you think this thing that
I've devoted my entire life to
is fake and stupid
and shallow.
And you ask me out here why?
'Cause you like me?
Well, yeah, Daisy,
but I also...
But you don't respect me
or who I am or what I do.
Come on, Daisy,
it's not like that.
- Good luck on your case, Max.
- What? I...
Daisy, what about
the inside infor... Ah.
You, uh, need
a wingman, Max?
Oh, be strong, Max.
- I won't leave you, ever.
- [sighs]
We've got no suspects,
and if we get eliminated, we're
gonna lose all our access.
So no pressure then, huh?
Maybe that perp in New York
gave us bad information.
- Maybe the panda was never even here.
- [growling]
Your eyebrows
always been this uneven?
Competitors to the main stage
in five minutes, please.
- Five minutes.
- Oh, this is not good.
- Not good at all.
- Calm down.
You are about to go into
your biggest challenge yet,
and you have not
prepared at all.
You will be humiliated.
Making me nervous isn't
gonna make it any better.
- There we go.
- You missed a spot, Frank.
You know what?
I think I missed a spot.
- Beautiful.
- [announcer] Daisy wins the herding group agility round!
Hey, Mr. Upstill.
[announcer] Please stand by while we
reset the stage for the working...
"Agility round."
Ho ho. I got this.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Canini
Invitational disc competition.
- Go, Karma!
- Each dog must catch
and return discs
to the judges.
The first dog to return three
discs wins the competition.
Max, come on!
- [audience gasps]
- What?
- Whoa.
- Nice vertical.
[announcer] Dog number two, the
rottweiler, has returned all the discs.
He cannot do that.
Can he do that?
I can't believe my eyes.
- Let's see what the judges think.
- Number one.
That's right.
- [announcer] The rottweiler wins the round.
- Yes!
- [announcer] It's incredible.
- [Gabriel speaking Spanish]
- You blind or what?
- Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Well... Well-played.
Thank you.
[announcer] Round two.
The high jump competition.
[audience gasps]
[announcer] What's this?
The rottweiler wants the bars
set at a new record height.
- [audience cheers]
- Aha!
[announcer] I can't believe it.
The rottweiler does it again.
We are witnessing
history, folks.
He's a good jumper.
- [announcer] Round three.
- Go, Karma. Come on, come on.
- You can't push the river. It flows on its own.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
[announcer] And the komondor has a very
good run, putting him in first place.
Let's see
what the rottweiler can do.
And the rottweiler has
an amazing run of 17 seconds.
Ladies and gentlemen,
a new Canini record.
The final round.
An assault course combining
speed, agility, and intelligence.
The first dog to get their colored bag
back to the judges wins maximum points.
- [whistle blows]
- Hey!
You like the view?
Fresh bikini wax.
[announcer] The rottweiler goes
up to another competitor's tube.
Over and out.
[announcer] I'm not even sure
if that's legal.
- Step off my tower.
- Yes. Sorry.
[announcer] And the boxer
has taken the lead.
Dang, how did
he get ahead of me?
Here goes nothing.
And the rottweiler,
he's jumping and he's...
- What just happened?
- Max, with the buzzer beater from half court.
[announcer] This is unprecedented,
ladies and gentlemen.
And the judges are checking
the rule books.
- Number one.
- [cheering]
An unknown rottweiler
is rewriting what it means to be
a show dog before our very eyes.
Good job, buddy!
Game, set, Max.
- [woman] Congratulations, Mr. Upstill.
- Thank you.
Whew! We did it, buddy.
You did a great job.
All right, guys.
I'm proud of you.
- Sorry, Karma. Can't win 'em all.
- No worries.
My happiness is
not dependent on outcomes.
Plus, I have four rings,
three finals MVP's,
15 All-Star appearances,
and, yes,
I'm a Hall of Famer.
- Namaste.
- Okay.
Mr. Upstill,
- That is one incredible dog.
- He is. Thank you.
- Reset the stage for the toy group, please.
- Bravo.
- What's wrong?
- I can't help but to feel pity for these champions.
Because they lost?
Because they were denied
their glory
by your unorthodox
Oh, come on.
It's just a dog show.
Non, this is more.
This is the one place you
can be proud to be yourself,
no matter if you
are big or fat,
furry or bald,
or a tiny papillon
from a pig farm in Belgium.
This is
the Canini Invitational.
It is not just
a dog show, monsieur.
What? What did I say?
Whoa! That not caring thing
is so alpha.
Oh, man, let me try it. Let me try.
[clears throat]
"Hey, I'm Max.
You know, dog shows
are so stupid.
I'll probably forget all your
names after this weekend,
except Sprinkles.
I wish he was
my best friend."
[sighs] I wish
the same thing too, Max.
Hey, congratulations. It's good.
Winning bought you some time.
Which is a good thing. When
it comes to kidnappings,
- one wrong move could...
- [together] ...jeopardize the victim's safety.
You really know
your stuff.
I never did ask you how you
got involved with the FBI.
A few years ago, um,
a border collie
that I was handling was stolen.
Yeah. Uh, his name
was Jasper.
He was, like, the sweetest
thing you ever saw.
Jasper's a cute name.
He would run in these little
circles around all the kids,
and I don't know if it's 'cause
he thought they were sheep
or maybe he just thought
they were vulnerable, but...
I think that he just wanted
to protect everybody.
But I couldn't
protect him, you know.
I'm... so sorry.
Jasper was worth
a lot of money, right?
He's a world champion,
so he's worth millions.
You see, I think
this is all connected.
See, I think these people, they didn't
just come here to sell a panda.
They came here
to steal a dog.
- Okay, but which one?
- I don't know. Which one's the most valuable?
- Whoever wins Best in Show.
- [Max] Oh, yeah.
Now we are cooking
with gas, people.
Hola, hola.
Ah, Gabriel.
I'm so sorry
about Karma.
Ah. It's what
the universe wanted, I suppose.
- Congratulations, Mr. Upstill.
- Thank you.
Nothing could change
how I feel about this guy.
I don't dwell on the past. The
present is its own present.
[Gabriel] I just came
to thank you. Really.
We'll be leaving tomorrow,
but we wanna reserve your
services again for next year.
[Mattie] Of course.
It'd be my pleasure.
- [Gabriel] Thank you, as always, Mattie.
- Wet-Naps, lavender scented.
- [Mattie] Have a good trip.
- My friend.
Let's go.
[speaks Spanish]
- Deputies, on my six.
- Yes, sir.
Ooh. Code. I like it.
Because I know exactly
what I'm doing. Yeah.
They will have to triple that
for a Best in Show.
Why are we doing this?
Gabriel is a pillar
of the community.
We're doing this
because it's fun. Ha ha!
Yeah, right.
I'm being crazy.
Half the world
uses Wet-Naps, right?
[Sprinkles] Hey, I recognize that
guy from the warehouse party.
He smelled funny then too.
What is that peculiar scent?
That scent is bear.
Panda bear.
Gabriel is the smuggler.
- Whoa.
- Go get Frank.
Philippe and I'll
corner him, okay?
Yes, sir.
On the count of three,
we jump out and growl.
The plastic surgery makes
only the smiling possible.
Oh, grow some balls.
I'll do it alone.
[Gabriel] I'm gonna have
the Best in Show.
- [barking]
- Hey, hey, hey.
- You are under arrest.
- [speaking Spanish]
Is this violence and anger
really what's in your heart?
Step aside.
Let us meditate
on the situation.
Yama, yama, yama, yama.
I don't see you guys meditating.
I'm not kidding, Doggy Lama.
Step aside.
[Karma] Future me forgives
past you for present us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on?
It's Gabriel. He's the smuggler.
He has the panda.
- Max, what's wrong with you?
- The panda.
The cute little fuzzy thing
about this size.
- What? What? What?
- Ah, come on, Frank. Don't you get it?
- Hey!
- Easy, boy.
- What's going on?
- This dog attacked a man
and is being remanded to
city custody for 24 hours.
- Max doesn't attack people.
- I'm sorry, sir.
He attacked
a Mr. Gabriel Esteban.
Is Gabriel all right?
He's fine, but he's alerted us
to this public safety threat.
- This is bs.
- Max.
Gabriel's got the panda and
he's trying to get rid of me.
- Hey, take it easy on him.
- Max! Max!
- No, leave him!
- Max.
No! I'm not the one
you should be arresting.
- Max!
- Why can't people understand what dogs say?
- [Philippe] No! No!
- Philippe, tell them.
- He is innocent!
- Frank!
Max! Max!
- Why would Max go after Gabriel?
- I don't know.
- What do you know about him?
- He's been a client for years.
I've been to events
in three continents with him.
He must have done something. I
mean, Max is a trained police dog.
Look, you said it
yourself, right?
He's got
anger issues sometimes.
[sighs] Something here
just doesn't add up.
Fool me once, shame on you.
You fool me twice,
shame on me.
Hey there, bud.
You're a good
little dude, huh?
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, that's okay.
Down, boy.
Oh. My apologies.
He just has so much energy from being
pent up all day clearing customs.
Such a dreadful amount of paperwork
to bring a dog into the country.
I know. Me too.
Sloth. Python.
Bengal tiger.
Dozens more.
Gabriel was at all
the animal kidnappings,
each one coinciding
with an international dog show.
Max was right.
He is a very bad man.
You would know this already if you
bothered to learn our language.
Lazy American.
Max must have known.
[door opens]
Come on.
We've got a panda to save.
I don't understand.
Why doesn't he just
arrest Gabriel?
Because that would alert the
other members of his syndicate.
We need to have Gabriel
lead us to her.
And how do you
propose to do that?
By becoming the most
valuable dog in the show.
You mean you...
I'm gonna have Gabriel
steal me.
Max, what if you actually
won the whole show?
Then you'd be able to lead us right
to Ling Li. What do you say, partner?
Well, it's official.
[singsongy] Max has a partner.
He so has a partner.
Hey, you do remember
I bite, right?
You will need more than sharp
teeth to win this competition.
And the finals are tonight.
[gasps] Mon Dieu.
Cue the montage.
[man] Super bad.
Super bad.
Max, you're
gonna love it.
Uh, no.
Super bad
[Philippe] Work together.
Move as one.
Trust your partner
and look happy.
- Oh, I got your happy.
- Merde!
[Philippe] Think as one.
His thoughts are your thoughts.
Super bad
[man] Damn.
- Super bad
- Yes, gentlemen.
Good, man. Good.
Good job.
[Philippe] Bravo!
Super bad
Good job.
Super bad
I think
I got an eyeball.
All aboard
the nappy-time express!
Hey, Max.
Great job today,
I'm proud of you.
Oh, what the heck. Ha.
Just this once.
[sighs] Hey, boy.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Canini Invitational
welcomes you
to the final round
of this elite competition.
Tonight we will determine...
Tracking on. Good.
Here we go, buddy.
[announcer] Best in Show.
No, you cannot wear that
hideous fashion faux pas.
This collar has a GPS in it.
- Good luck, Mr. Upstill.
- Thank you very much.
After I win,
I let Gabriel steal me.
Then Frank will
track me to Ling Li.
So your life may depend
on you wearing that collar?
Not worth it.
- [beeping]
- Oh, there we go. Okay.
Here we go.
- Showtime.
- [Philippe] Dear Lord,
please forgive my student's ignorance
and guide him towards victory.
Ladies and gentlemen,
will the Best in Show contenders
please proceed backstage.
Hey, so I, uh...
Not now, Max. I've got a
dumb dog show to focus on.
Wait. Daisy, wait.
in 60 seconds, Chauncey.
Fully aware, my good man.
Mr. Upstill, good luck.
- [announcer] Two-time national champion...
- You're sixth.
Okay. Thank you.
[announcer]...long-haired group,
Afghan number three, Sebastian!
[announcer] A Nevada local,
infamous for her hashtag
"chow power,"
the winner
of the exotic group, chow...
Don't bite me.
Listen, Chauncey.
Time, she gives us
the perspective.
Still, this must be said.
What happened between us
was not all your fault.
Perhaps had I more confidence,
I would have stopped
the madness.
But, alas, I was not able.
Now life has taken us
on separate paths,
and I accept it.
I am done living
with the resentments.
I wish you bon chance,
my friend.
Philippe, you are
the finest competitor
I ever had the honor
of working with.
What are you doing? Get my
masters hand off you right now.
Yap, yap, yap.
- [announcer] And next...
- Should have stuck with papillons.
...five-time winner
of Best in Show,
your champion...
Chauncey Middleton.
And the winner
of the toy group,
Yorkshire terrier
numero uno, Dante!
Yes, thank you. Thank you.
It's me.
Paparazzi, this way.
You know, I was watching
you and Max at practice today.
- You guys have both come a really long way.
- Thanks.
Look, Mattie, I figured out
who the smuggler is.
- And I need you to keep an open mind.
- Okay.
[announcer] And the winner
of the working group...
We can talk
about it after.
...first-time competitor...
[exhales] Come on, buddy.
Let's win this thing.
[announcer] ...a fan favorite
here at the Canini.
What will he do next?
The rottweiler Max!
[announcer] And the winner
of the herding group,
a delight
with a pep in her step,
the Australian Shepherd, Daisy,
and her handler,
three-time winner,
Mattie Smith!
And there you have it.
These are the most successful
show dogs in the world.
- Canine crme de la crme.
- [female judge] Thank you.
So before the announcement
of this year's
Canini Supreme Champion,
there's just one more hurdle.
The judge's inspection.
When I walk on by
Girls be looking
Like, "Damn, he fly"
I pimp to the beat
Good to see you, Alex.
Have you lost weight?
Fabulous condition.
Girl, look at that body
[Dante] Thank you.
I work out
When I walk in the spot
This is what I see
Everybody stops
And they're staring at me
I got passion in my pants And
I ain't afraid To show it
Show it, show it, show it
Show it, show it, show it
Show it
[heartbeat thumping, faint]
[song begins]
I'm sexy and I know it
[electro hip-hop playing]
I'm sexy and I know it
- You did it, buddy!
- Bravo!
- I'm sexy and I know it
- You did it!
[announcer] This is it,
the moment of truth.
Which dog will be crowned
this year's Canini Invitational
Champion of Champions?
[judge] The winner,
Best in Show, number one.
[announcer] This year's Canini
Invitational champion, Daisy!
- Yeah!
- I did it!
She won.
She really did it.
Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Unbelievable.
You just cost me
three million pounds.
What? You were
going to sell me?
Chauncey, wait!
It was all her.
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, no.
All right, buddy.
We'd better warn Mattie
that Daisy's in danger.
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Come on.
[man] Miss Smith, would you
and your dog kindly allow me
to escort you
to the press room?
Of course. Come on, baby.
- [man] Follow me.
- [Mattie] Come on.
- [man] Excuse us.
- [Max] Here we go.
Excuse me. Mattie?
- Where'd they go?
- Mattie!
- Mattie!
- Sure. Thank you.
Excuse me. Mattie!
Let me go!
- [tires squealing]
- Daisy.
Mattie. Are you okay?
What happened?
Where's Daisy?
- Come on.
- Where is she?
Max, come on.
- [Midge] Oh, this is tragic.
- Wait. What?
The love of his life
ripped out of his paws.
- Thrown in a van. Hey!
- Oh!
- Is the big chase about to start?
- Wait. What did you just say?
Hey, is the...
- No, about the van.
- Sorry.
- Where did they go?
- [pigeons] That way.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I need backup.
Sure thing, Maxi.
Should we, uh, call someone?
No, you.
I need eyes in the sky.
- Yes!
- [pigeons] Pigeon PD on the case!
- Ooh!
- [pigeons] Regroup!
Here, take my collar. Find
the van and drop it on top.
- [pigeons] Yeah!
- Our first case.
Oh! It feels
like we're real cops.
Oh, yes. We finally get
to use our catchphrase.
[clears throat]
Birds of a feather...
...fight crime together!
- Max, what are you waiting for?
- [Mattie] Max, get in.
- Hey, what happened to your collar?
- [beeping]
It's Max's GPS.
It's moving.
- But how?
- No idea.
Shall we follow it?
Get in.
[engine revs]
[Sprinkles] Bye, Max!
Bon chance,
my friends!
I'm gonna miss him so much.
We was home dogs,
you know? Tight.
He was my worst student,
you know.
Yet I have never
been more proud.
I'm proud to be
a deputy to a real cop.
Speaking of,
we must continue our duties.
Perhaps by investigating
the after-party?
Ah, heck, yeah.
I'm gonna solve the case
of the blue frosting.
Oh, how are we supposed to find an
unmarked van in all of Las Vegas?
Simple, Midge.
We'll just...
[pigeons] Whoa!
Okay, now it's going that way.
No, no, no, wait.
It's all over the place.
- This is nuts.
- Yeah, I know.
- But this is...
- [together] ...our only chance to save Daisy.
Hey, hey.
There it is.
Pigeon PD, dive.
Eagle's Claw, go in.
Roger, roger,
Captain Condor.
I thought
I was Eagle's Claw.
No. You're Falcon.
I can't be Falcon. Falcons
ate my entire family.
- Oh, right.
- Moment of silence.
And we're back.
You can be Greg.
I like that.
Ooh! I'm getting
pigeon bumps.
Okay, Greg. It's time for you to watch
Midge drop the collar on the van.
- Wait. What?
- Go, Midge, go.
Roger that, Captain Condor.
Take that, bad guy.
[pigeons] Birds of a feather
fight crime together!
It locked in.
Three blocks over.
- [barks]
- Yeah, I can't.
- [barks]
- I can't, Max.
- Left. Turn left.
- He's on Fremont.
- Turn left. Frank.
- I can't, Max.
- I said hang a Louie.
- He's on Fremont.
- Do you not see the buildings over there?
- What is going on?
- Hang a Louie!
- Frank!
He wants me to turn left!
Whoa! Whoa!
[dance music playing]
- [Frank] No, Max!
- You had your chance. Now I'm driving.
Huh? Huh?
- [Mattie] Frank!
- [yelling]
- Sorry, ma'am!
- [Max] Sorry!
Okay, all right, it looks like
they're headed to an airport.
Come on, Max.
to the champion.
I hope you enjoy your new
breeding mill in the Ukraine.
Put her with the other merchandise
while I get the plane ready.
I owe you one, Daisy.
The package is ready.
I told you to trust me.
Yeah, I'll be there.
Okay, it's in there.
Wait, wait. Mattie, maybe you should
stay in here where it's safer,
and you can call
the cops, all right?
My partner and I
are going in.
Bad boys for life.
- You, stay there.
- [whines]
I'll deal with you later.
Hello, fellow captive.
My name is Deepak.
- How long have you been here?
- Too long, bitiya.
Too long.
[barks, growls]
All right.
Huh. What are you
waiting for, Hooch?
Hey, Deepak.
Got you a little appetizer.
Enjoy. [laughs]
- Hello, my little furry friend.
- [Ling Li] Oh.
[Deepak] Oh.
What is this now?
What are you doing?
Well, this just
got interesting.
- Start loading the animals.
- Yes, boss. I'm on it.
Oh. Too easy.
Hey, Berne.
[static crackling]
[cocks gun]
[Ling Li] Oh.
No. Daisy.
Wellington Upstill.
Or should I say
Agent Nicholas, FBI?
[Ling Li whines]
I'll take my panda back.
[scoffs] This is great.
Really? How's that?
The justice system rarely does
anything to people who harm animals,
but shoot a fed and you're
gonna get what you deserve.
[Ling Li whines]
For the $10 million
I'm gonna get for the panda,
I think I'm gonna
take my chances.
[Ling Li whimpers]
Who's driving the plane?
- Do you know how to fly this thing?
- No.
But I am friends
with three pigeons.
Whoa! Look out!
- Ruh-roh.
- Turn!
Stop it.
Just stop it.
- [Berne] Come back here.
- [Max] Welcome to Max Air, amigo.
Prepare for takedown. Hey,
grab the stick while I just...
Not a chance. Me and sardine breath
have some unfinished business.
I'm coming for you now.
- Daisy, be careful.
- What, not to break a nail?
Here's the kibbles.
And here's the bits.
- Whoa. You're pretty good.
- For a lame show dog?
Yeah, I got skills.
Airline food
has really gone to the dogs.
We got trouble on our tail.
Max, you've gotta
stop this thing.
I didn't exactly have time
to study the owners' manual.
- [whirring stops]
- Mattie!
Karma! Help me!
Would that I could, but, you know,
the whole nonviolent thing.
Pups for peace.
Do you really think
that you can...
- [groans]
- [body thuds]
You're welcome.
- I had him right where I wanted him.
- [whimpers]
- Frank.
- [Ling Li whimpers]
- Ling Li?
- [cries out]
Max, fetch!
Okay, but just this once.
Hang on, kid! I'm coming!
- [whimpering]
- Gotcha.
- [Ling Li] Uh-oh.
- [Max] Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
- Aah!
- Nice throw, Hooch.
- You did it.
You did it, buddy. You saved Ling Li.
You are amazing.
- Next time, you fetch.
- Good job.
- You guys were all amazing.
- Are you kidding?
Everyone's amazing!
Oh. Oh, buddy.
Bear tongue, scratchy.
- [whirring]
- Oh, no.
Son of a...
You know what?
We can call the Bureau and they'll
track the plane. Thanks, buddy.
Hey, that's
what partners are for.
This is Agent Nichols
I'm impressed,
Mr. NYPD Officer.
You weren't bad yourself,
Miss Best in Show.
Thanks, Max.
Look, about what I said
on the rooftop...
- It's okay, Max.
- No. No, it's not.
Truth is I've been disrespecting everybody
and everything since I got here.
You, Philippe,
Frank most of all.
But everything works out
a whole lot better
when you can learn
to trust people
who see the world
in a different way.
Sorry it took me so long
to figure that out.
Wow. Okay, who are you,
and what did you do with Max?
Oh, I'm sure he'll be back
before you know it.
[laughs] Hey, what happened
to that tiger?
Tiger? What tiger?
[laughs] He thought he
was gonna catch me.
- [growling]
- How you doing?
I suggest you fasten
your seat belt.
- [whimpering]
- [roars]
[female news anchor]
And now for some happy news.
It was panda-monium
at the Beijing Zoo today
as baby Ling Li was reunited with her
mother after a terrifying ordeal.
After the arrest
of Gabriel Esteban,
other recently recovered animal
include a very happy
border collie named Jasper
who was stolen
over two years ago,
- a pygmy three-toed sloth...
- Good idea. Thank you, Max.
...and an albino python.
All right,
let's eat.
- What is it?
- It's my specialty.
It's actually the only thing I
know how to make. It's kebabs.
All right,
that's fair.
Look at us now.
Top birds
on the force.
That's right, Midge. We pretty much
taught Max everything he knows.
I kind of feel
like a father to him.
One day future generations of
pigeons will poop on statues of us.
- Aw!
- Awesome.
You know, Daisy is safe
because of us.
The panda is safe
because of us.
The tiger is safe
because of...
Whatever happened
to that tiger?
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Now, this
really is the life of Pi!
Yeah, Chief.
Okay, got it.
Come on. Let's go, Max.
I'm sorry.
- Exotic animal sighting, 5th and Garfield.
- Okay.
Look, I'm trying
to run a business here.
I went in there with the towels.
I don't know what I saw.
- I better go first. You watch my six.
- [barks]
- I got seniority.
- [barks]
- Fine, but I'm older than you.
- [barks]
Don't give me a bunch of stuff
about dog years.
- [Sprinkles] Max.
- [Philippe] Maxwell!
It turns out you were not the
only undercover cop at the show.
Hello, Max.
Special Agent Persephone.
Homeland Security.
I knew my little charade
would bring you here.
[Sprinkles] Plot twist.
The Jacuzzi was my idea.
Totally random, right?
You and Frank
were impressive in Vegas,
but are you prepared
to take it to the next level?
A team of crime fighters.
With license to bite.
I may just have your
next assignment, darlings.
[Sprinkles] Yes!
Here we go again.
[woman] Give it to me!
[dance music intro]
- Scott, I hate to do this to you.
- It's all right.
I know it's your favorite jacket, man.
I'm so sorry about that.
Did you just wipe dog slobber on that guy?
Really, Will Arnett?
I have forgotten my line.
Pug life!
[director] And action.
- [glass shatters]
- [Philippe] I am okay.
Woof, woof, woof!
Woof, woof, woof!
Will, stick
to the script, please.
That is not in the script.
- What's a script?
- I don't know.
I'm not an expert in canine mental
disorders. I'm an FBI agent.
If this guy's an FBI agent,
then I'm Lego Batman.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Just play that song I know
Whoa. Sorry. Sorry.
That's funny.
Give him a quick wipe-down, Mike.
He's got a...
Aw, come on, Mike.
I don't... [babbling]
Okay, I'll take one too.
Am I in this? Ready.
Not bad for a papillon
from Oklahoma. Hmm?
Now, this is what being
a movie star is all about.
Lean back
Play one-on-one
- [clattering]
- [Max] My bad.
Who dares to make noise?
- [Max] I'm gonna pay for that.
- [man] We got him.
Max, NYPD.
- I'm entering the Panini Instagrammable.
- [director] Cut.
- I'm entering the Goatini Unshaveable.
- Cut.
I'm entering
the Cannoli Inspirational.
I cannot work like this.
Do I have a line?
Pug life!
Thanks, pal.
[woman] If you wanna hear me
sing You'd better play that sax
You'd better play that sax
You'd better play that sax
Get loose, get right
Get a grip
And rock me all night
Hold tight, lean back
- Play one-on-one With that sax
- You'd better play that sax
Get loose, get right
Get a grip
And rock me all night
Hold tight, lean back
- Play one-on-one With that sax
- You'd better play that sax
Get loose, get right
Get a grip
And rock me all night
Hold tight, lean back
Play one-on-one
With that sax