Showdown at the Grand (2023) Movie Script
1
[]
[Narrator] Ten years after the
collapse, society has crumbled.
The future now a distant memory
of the past.
The only commodity left
is violence,
here, in Necropolis.
[]
[laughs]
Ice.
No water, no ice.
Tomato juice, though.
The best in all the land. Enjoy.
[greaser spits]
What are you,
some sort of biker gang?
Wannabe Hells Angels types?
[laughs]
More like a bunch of rejects
from Saturday morning cartoons.
Motorcycles are for poofs.
We surf radio waves.
[laughs]
Cowabunga then, hombre.
[groans]
[indistinct chatter in
background] [audience cheering]
[both laugh]
[]
[indistinct chatter
in background]
I'd like to thank you all,
for your support.
Here at the Warner Grand,
we operate 365 days a year
between the hours of 12:15 p.m.
and midnight.
We've got a little something
for everybody.
So, bring your family,
come again.
[Lucky]
Hey, George.
[Lucky laughs]
Lucky, my man!
How's life treating you today?
[Lucky] Oh. Like it caught me in
bed with its wife again.
I know the feeling.
[Lucky]
Gosh, that Hallyday.
He's like a diamond
in a sea of glass, man.
Amen.
You know, I'd pay big bucks
just to see him kick ass
and chew bubblegum again.
You know, it's funny you should
mention that, brother.
I just got off the phone
with his team, you know?
And Hallyday is going
to make an appearance
at the old Warner Grand.
Can you picture it?
The man
who saved the world thrice!
Killed Dracula twice!
Only got his heart broke
one time.
[Lucky]
Oh!
Claude Luc Hallyday.
-[George chuckles]
-All right!
[chuckles]
[door knocks]
Come on. Have a seat.
Apologies
about the air conditioning.
Popped the fuse.
Yeah,
it says here you're a doctor?
Yes, sir. A doctor of cinema.
[clears throat] And the theater
is my hospital.
I wrote my dissertation
on Western
imperialist pop culture
as a form of soft capitalism
in Taiwanese new wave.
Like Bergman, Godard,
Tsai Ming-Liang.
Those are films.
This is the movie business.
It's the nitty gritty.
You gotta make a dollar
from a nickel.
Yes. Um,
a lowly servant protecting
the audience's suspension
of disbelief at all costs,
24 frames per second.
See, you're saying
all the right things,
but there's more to it
than that.
This is-- this is a marriage,
a sacrifice, you know,
through thick and thin.
Sometimes, you gotta forego
eating dinner
just to get
the concession stand filled.
You know what I mean?
Now, how do I know
that when things get rough,
you ain't gonna just slip out
on me?
Well, 'cause I got nowhere else
to go.
Only place
I feel like I mattered
is when I walked
through those doors.
Listen, sir, when I am in,
I am all in.
You start today.
Can I ask what my pay will be?
Well, I figured I'd start you
off as an intern
and see how well you can swim
with the sharks.
Welcome to the Warner Grand.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay.
Thank you very much, Spike.
[sighs]
Welcome. I'm George Fuller.
My humblest apologies.
But let's get to it.
Let me introduce you
to the Warner Grand.
She was built in 1928
upon the Plaza's picturesque
yet infamous courthouse square.
It is to this day the longest,
continually in operation
picture house in southwestern
United States of America.
Now, she opened
her theater doors
to the showing of a German film
in 1928 called
"Metropolis"
which we recently
did a screening of
in celebration
of her 90th birthday.
Here is some
of the film industry's finest
artifacts of dismemberment
and pain.
Like this right here.
The Axe of Escoffier
from the 1984
vampire Nazi flick
Blood is for the Living,
starring the Australian
femme fatale, Loco Moco,
and the Force
From The North himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday!
Now, if y'all
are Hallyday's fans,
I got something so special,
you will never see anything
like this again
in a thousand galaxies.
Hold on to your hats.
Come over here, y'all.
Come, this way.
Okay.
The 1993 Gilera CX.
Now, underneath this plastic
is 125 two CC two-stroke engine
revving freely to 12,000 RPM
to blast you
into the stratosphere.
Ciao bella!
[George chuckles]
Now, what makes this
really special is the fact
that this is the only
hero vehicle to survive
the making
of the Stephen Berkowitz
post-apocalyptic 1993 saga
Necropolis,
driven by none other
than the star himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday.
Now, at the end of this month,
he's gonna do
a special appearance
right here.
Ain't that something?
All right, folks.
Please be kind enough
to pick up all your items
on the way out.
Don't forget to tip
old lovely Spike here,
because like the Bible says,
man don't live
on hot dogs alone.
[chuckles]
All right. This way, everyone.
Thank you all so very much.
Please come back.
Bring your families.
Popcorn's on me.
Hey, please don't touch my--
Hi. How you doing?
Oh, she told me a secret.
See she lied to you
about her age.
[scoffs]
Excuse me?
She was born in 1991.
No, no, you're mistaken.
She was 1993.
I saw it on the manifold
when I bought it.
No. It was marketed until '93.
It was only built for one year.
And that was in '91.
Wow. [chuckles]
Well, you learn something new
every day, I guess.
So, you fellas
a fan of the film?
Always thought it was overrated.
Can I take it for a spin?
No. Please don't touch my bike.
How much?
I've never planned
on selling my bike.
Not the bike.
The entire establishment.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Y'all-- y'all--
you fellas are pulling--
pulling my leg.
This a prank or something?
[sighs] We've been trying
to get a hold of you.
You never returned our calls,
emails.
Hell, we even found
an old fax line, nada.
Well, I'm pretty much
running this establishment
by myself.
So, sometimes,
things fall through the cracks.
Hey, friend.
Don't be magnanimous
with our time.
[sighs]
I don't know
what magnanimous means.
[Reed] We have
a development in the community.
Our company would like to offer
you a very generous amount
for this place.
Okay, see, the thing--
Excuse me, sir. Can we talk?
Um, yes. Excuse us for a minute.
Thank you. Come on.
Think he will throw in the ride?
I don't think
he's a gregarious type.
Well, unfortunately,
I've got some pressing matters
to attend to.
So, I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave and...
These types of offers, you know,
they don't come around
so much anymore.
Be seeing you, Hollywood.
[Reed whistling]
[pants]
[woman 1 screams]
Help!
Help!
[screaming]
[both laughing]
[Audience member 1]
Shut up, you punks!
Suck my toes, grandma!
[laughing]
[sobs]
[Woman 1]
No!
[laughing]
[male punk speaks indistinct]
I'm sorry. But I'ma have to ask
you to leave.
We don't get a warning
or something?
I don't do warnings.
Well, then we want a refund.
-I don't do refunds.
-You're a thief, bro!
Now, I'm not the snitching kind,
but if you don't leave
my house of business,
I will call the authorities.
What's your problem, man?
This isn't even yours.
This is stolen land,
you colonizer.
[inhales, exhales]
[laughs]
I don't know what to think
anymore, Spike.
It's like this whole damn
world's gotten off its axis.
You're telling me, boss.
I hate punks, man.
This place should be treated
like church.
Amen, Doc.
From your lips to God's ears.
[punks clamoring]
Excuse me.
[male punk] Full of shit.
He's full of shit!
[female punk]
Come on, man! Chill out!
-Let's go!
-[grunts]
-You're full of shit, bro!
-Come on, man! Stop!
-Hey!
-What's up, man?
-I'll fuck you up!
-Come on. Let's go!
No, no!
Go, get that refund!
Come on.
Let's get you out of here.
[male punk]
Look at this dork.
[both laugh]
[male punk]
What are you gonna do, grandpa?
[music ends]
"Terminate
with extreme prejudice."
-Shit! Get the fuck out of here!
-Come on! Let's go!
Punks.
[]
[George sighs]
Oh, hell.
Oh.
1-2-6-3-9
[man 1 over telephone]
[indistinct speech] Who is this?
[George] Hi. This is
George Fuller from the Warner.
I've been calling in regards
to Mr. Hallyday
making an appearance here.
I've sent over the request
of documents and money.
[man 1 over telephone]
Sorry, sir. He's, uh...
[indistinct speech]
[George]
Well,
when might he be available
or inclined? A week?
[man 1 over telephone]
Yeah, yeah. [indistinct speech]
[George]
So, hold your breath.
[sighs]
A man ought to do
what he thinks is best.
Hmm.
Warner. This is George.
Hello, George.
This is Lynn Schrader,
CEO of Schrader Industries.
And I wanna welcome you
to Nirvana,
an all-inclusive complex
coming straight
to a neighborhood near you.
Gym, grocery store,
retail spaces,
even a private urgent care
and surgery ward.
[water flowing]
In the case of a pandemic
or terrorist attack,
cut off from the outside world,
we would rely on our own grid.
Once you find Nirvana,
you will find yourself.
Welcome to the future.
We're gonna change the world,
George.
You could be a part of it.
All you have to do is sign
on the dotted line.
What if the world
didn't really need to change?
Isn't change the whole point
of life?
Either you evolve or you die.
If I'm honest,
I enjoy a good game
of mental gymnastics.
A few sharp barbs
between combatants,
and then everyone walks away
with what they want.
So, when is a gift
no longer a gift?
Oh. See, that's where you and I
differ, George.
I'm much more altruistic.
See, I have great vision
for this part of the country.
A new frontier, so to speak.
What I'm about to say
to you pertains directly
to your business.
The first camera,
the Kinetograph,
was born from Edison's
entrepreneurialism 10 years
after the great success
of the Phonograph,
only to be replaced
with the Kinetoscope
to view the moving picture.
This art form you so revere
was never about car chases
or Oscar-worthy monologues.
It was merely an opportunity
to sell a new piece of hardware,
appliances made of plastics,
circuits, metals,
indium-tin oxide.
See, I don't run a college.
I run a business.
It's the same business
that the taco guy
down the street is in.
The same business
that the steel mill
was running around the corner.
I just happen to sell pictures,
and-- and fantasies,
and maybe 90-minute vacations
to escape
from all that madness
in the street.
Whether you see it or not,
they-- they know my value.
I'm not so sure
that your neighbors
would agree, George.
Most of them are quite eager
to sign on the dotted line,
though they won't see a dime
unless you relinquish ownership.
[chuckles]
See?
Some folks there will rob you
with six shooters
and others with a fountain pen.
[chuckles]
Life really just comes down
to the odds
of which womb one falls out of,
George.
Okay.
Thank you for your generosity.
I have a matinee to attend to.
We're doing a showing
of Moses Versus the Nazis.
It's for the convent
for the Monastery of the Angels.
You don't strike me
as the religious type.
I'm not.
But just in case I'm wrong,
I wanna buy
a couple of brownie points
with the big guy upstairs.
Who says he's a man?
[chuckles]
Mental gymnastics. I'll be.
[whistling]
So, how'd it go
with our midnight cowboy?
He fancies himself
to be a cowboy.
Take care of it.
[chuckles]
[]
[George]
Baby, this world
Has gone crazy
[chuckles]
[George]
You know something, Lucky?
I can't stand punks and bullies.
Me, too.
You know what I said to--
to that punk before I pulled
the damn trigger?
"Terminate
with extreme prejudice."
[exhales]
[grunts] All right, Colonel.
I think I might have gone
a little more Dirty Harry.
You have to ask yourself
a question.
"Do I feel Lucky?"
"Well, do ya, punk?"
[chuckles]
"You are a disease,"
"and I'm the cure."
[exhales]
"I could've been a contender,
Charlie. Oh!"
[both grunt, laugh]
You know what? Um,
do you mind if I borrow
your moral compass
-just for a minute?
-Sure.
Say somebody offered you
more money than you thought
you'd ever see in a lifetime.
But one caveat,
you gotta say goodbye
to the one thing that makes you
get up every morning.
Mm.
The one thing that makes fellas
like you and me tick, you know?
What would you do?
Not a chance in hell.
I'd rather put a knife
through the heart of men
who offered me
that kind of deal.
And this is it. Right now.
This is as good as it gets.
Thank you for that.
All right, I'm out.
Yeah, I'll catch you
in a little bit.
Wait a second.
We forgot something. Don't go.
[George]
Oh my God. What's this?
"The sword that fell
from the heavens
and created hell on earth?"
Hallyday's sword
from Necropolis.
Necropolis.
How do you find these things?
[Lucky]
These things are in the air.
You just gotta know
how to grab stuff.
It's yours.
[laughs]
If the Ten Commandments
won't stop him,
these nine
full metal jackets will.
[groans]
[man 2 over projector] How will
we explain this to the Fhrer?
-He's going to be furious.
- [laughs]
[man 3 over projector]
The Jews will pay.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[man 3 over projector]
Tell Goebbels, it's time.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[man 3 over projector]
Call Dr. Mengele.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[grunts]
[man 4 over projector]
Good idea.
[George]
Sisters, I'm so sorry.
[grunts]
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
Boss, we got a problem.
Who?
[Spike]
Health inspector.
[indistinct chatter
in background]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Sir, please calm down.
[George] What are you doing to
my stuff?
[health inspector 1] We've been
sent by the city to
inspect your premises.
-Don't touch this.
-For mold, and termites,
and bed bugs after reports of
vicious bite marks.
What the hell? You were just
here six months ago.
We didn't have a problem.
You're destroying places, man.
Just turned it into trash.
Just like ain't nothing sacred
no more.
[Lucky]
This is it. Right now .
This is as good as it gets.
I'd rather put a knife
in the heart of men
who offered me that kinda deal.
[door knocks]
You got mail, boss.
Looks important.
Never is.
Sorry about yesterday.
Um, the health inspector
was giving me
the full
Peter Sellers' Clouseau act.
Do you remember
in Pink Panther Strikes Again--
Spike, Spike, do I look like
I wanna talk
about movies right now?
My theater is being shut down,
because of bed bugs.
Every penny I got, I put
into Hallyday coming here and...
[sighs] Do you-- you have
something for me, right?
[Lynn] Did
you reconsider my proposition?
I have a deadline to hit.
George, I think it's time
you either play ball
or stay out of my way.
[indistinct radio chatter]
-[Burton] It's Hallyday.
-[Reed] Hallyday?
[Burton]
Hallyday.
Oh, there he is.
[inhales, exhales]
What are you doing?
Eating a burger.
No, no. You're chasing it down
with the smoke.
It's delicious.
[]
[bell rings]
[door buzzes]
[indistinct chatter]
Ooh.
[Reed] This place is
disgusting.
[Burton] Shh. Be nice.
Only for you.
Can I help you guys?
Yep. Looking for a ring.
Oh. Got a lot of rings right
here.
See, mine was stolen.
It's not worth a lot of money
to anybody else,
but personal sentiment.
Mm.
Well, all my stuff
is clean as glass.
Sure it is.
Yeah.
Is there any identifiable
characteristics?
Yeah. It was a 1990
Governor's Cup ring.
That's a minor-league baseball
championship.
It said, "Rochester"
on the side
and it had a red stone
in the middle.
I think it was a garnet.
Well, I can't replace
the sentimental value.
But if the shoe fits...
-Ooh, look at that.
-There-- there you go.
My first year in AAA,
I was in the Oriole
organization.
And I went 6-1 with a 1.8 ERA. I
was hot shit.
Yeah. Well, you know what?
Why don't you keep that ring?
It's on the house.
It's very generous of you.
But to make it in the show,
you need something special.
So, during the offseason,
I added a pitch to my arsenal.
Cocaine!
Got my fastball up to 95,
but my ERA tipped out
at nearly seven.
I was crazy back then.
-Yeah.
-I'm sober now.
[scoffs]
Well, congrats.
Yeah, I got seven years.
God bless.
You know what the kicker is?
I hit 32 batters in one season
and it's not even a record.
Baseball is a tough sport.
[Lucky groans] Oh, God! Oh,
fuck!
Bang!
-[grunts, groans]
-Zoom! Kaboom!
[laughs]
Consider this
an early retirement, old man.
[laughs]
Lucky, you're slipping, man.
Your door's wide--
Shit.
[indistinct lyrics]
[Lucky groaning]
Damn dingleberries, man!
There you go, Golden Boy.
[Lucky]
Where'd you learn this trick?
Courtney B. Vance,
Hamburger Hill.
You think there's a chance
that that was them punks
that came to my theater?
These weren't no punks, George.
They made me sign
my shop over for pennies.
Everything I had.
They said they were coming back
for Mr. Hollywood.
I want you to know something,
Lucky.
I'm going to avenge
what they did to you.
I swear to you,
as long as there's blood
in my veins, you've got a place
in my theater.
You know what I said
to 'em before I rocked them?
-[groans]
-What are you gonna fucking do?
"Smile, you son of a bitch!"
[Reed groans]
[]
[Loco Moco]
Tonight, the Earth is going
to be exposed as the womb
of the mother of all demons.
We are going to filter
this planet
in every wretched corner
with evil
from all other dimensions.
Come forth. Come forth, and--
Sorry to disappoint you.
Normally, I like to be wined
and dined.
[chuckles]
But tonight, dinner is on me.
-[snarls]
-And I'm on a strict diet.
[minion growls]
Steak only.
[vampires grunt, growl]
[grunts]
[Claude] There are a lot of
things to dislike in this world
Nuts, modern art, vegans.
But above all,
I despise vampires.
[]
[grunts softly]
[Reed]
All right, baby.
[chuckles, snorts]
[]
[coughs]
[car door closes]
[]
[fire crackling]
I'm out 20K
because of you.
Get on the ground.
I got bad knees, man.
See, that's the wrong appendage
to be worried about.
My friend.
Lucky. That's kind of an ironic
choice of a name.
You think you're funny, right?
Okay.
Okay, you wanna be funny.
I think you're a goon.
You're a goon.
What happened to Lucky
ain't half of what's coming
down on you.
-Pick a hand.
-No, man. You're fucking--
Pick a finger then or your neck!
Jesus Christ, man!
See, I had no idea
that you were such a fan
of his work.
Would you like for me
to make an introduction?
No, no, no, no!
[Reed grunts]
[whimpers]
You tell your boss,
stay away from my friends,
my theater, and my neighborhood.
Or next time,
you're not gonna be so Lucky.
You understand me?
Yes.
[breathes shakily]
[]
[Loco Moco]
With the blood of the betrothed,
we shall enter the space
between reality
and the demon's lair.
With one swift hand,
the spirits of evil
will cleanse this vile planet.
The only thing being cleansed
here is you, madame.
And I am the rain.
Honey, I don't mind
getting a little wet.
You are not going to stop us.
Au contraire, mi amiga.
That was quick.
Never bring a gun
to a knife fight.
In death,
I will live a thousand lives.
-[snarls]
-Bon voyage.
[Burton]
What kind of sword was it?
[Reed]
Got no clue.
Was it a broadsword?
-Was it a claymore? A jian?
-[snorts]
How the fuck would I know?
Was it the kind a knight
would use, Reed?
[scoffs] No.
That was some Jackie Chan shit,
Burton.
[scoffs]
A katana like this one
right here?
Invented by the smith Amakuni
in 700 A.D.
Mainly used by the samurai
during Japan's Edo period,
33,000 sheets of steel
forge-welded together.
What did George say
he was gonna do to you?
If anyone understands
fiscal responsibility, it's me.
All things considered.
So, I will ask you
one more time.
What did George say
he was going to do to you?
[]
All right.
If it's a war you want,
you get war now.
You wanna mess
with the Warner Grand,
I got something for you!
Hello, George.
I'm so sorry.
[Claude over telephone]
First class on the Queen Mary.
Yes. First class is the only
class in my book.
[Claude]
No paparazzi, no handshaking.
No problems.
Yes, sir. Here at the Warner,
we strive for excellence.
[Claude] Time to put
Hallyday back on the map.
It is my honor.
[Claude]
Okay. I trust you, George.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Hotline to L.A.
Hotline to the music town
If I need music,
I know this is my way
I'll drive
and I'll try to dance...
[indistinct lyrics]
[siren wails]
What the...
Damn.
Where the fuck is my wallet?
[Cop 1]
You George Fuller?
Yes.
[Cop 1]
Ms. Schrader sends her regards.
[groans]
[breathes shakily, laughs]
No change, eh, Pete?
Still jumpy.
[Tim & George]
That was a sucker move,
burning down your boss.
You had him all wrong.
He never crossed you.
But you're a guy who shoots
first and thinks afterwards.
In your spot,
I'd almost choose the cops,
even if it is a first-degree
murder rap.
It's Lucky I spotted you.
[Robber & George] What's so
Lucky about being dead?
[George]
Truth is, it's never really been
about the movies to me .
This place is home.
Growing up here
when I was a kid,
I would run up and down
these aisles.
And in between the shows,
I would hide
behind the curtains.
With this theater,
it used
to be my great uncle's place.
And then when he died,
uh,
it fell into the wrong hands
and subsequent dilapidation.
That's when my daddy
spent every penny we had
trying to buy it back,
so it could be in our family.
Don't get stuck here, man.
[]
Hello, your highness.
Hey. What you got for me, Doc?
Everything you asked for.
Uh, fliers, pens,
whatever other junk.
Junk?
You shouldn't use
that particular pejorative
regarding
these delicate artifacts.
-[Spike] Yeah.
-This is the original
Japanese Jurassic poster
for Blood is for the Living.
Now, if we can get Claude
to sign this, we can auction it.
[George chuckles]
Oh. By the way, uh, we sold out.
Don't you play with me, Doc.
I got the notification
this morning.
We sold out?
Hell, we ain't had one of those
since Q Introduced a
cut of Love Birds in Bondage.
Warner lives
to fight another day.
[]
Hey, welcome!
[George]
Welcome to the Warner Grand.
[indistinct chatter
in background]
[Claude sighs]
[George clears throat]
Mr. Hallyday,
we got about 15 minutes
before curtain goes up.
So, I didn't know if you wanted
a brief introduction,
and then we could go
into the signing and the film.
How do I look?
Like you're ready
for your close-ups.
You're-- you're Hallyday.
May I be completely frank
for a moment?
I'm really quite nervous.
I haven't been around a crowd
this size for quite some time.
Not since
the croisette in '97 actually.
Oh, Mr. Hallyday,
you need to know
those people in that audience,
they're your fans,
and um, you're family to us.
I had quite the hard
relationship
with my family, though.
[sighs]
Yeah.
But this is the biggest thing
that's happened to any of us in
our entire lives.
I swear to you,
you are in-- in--
in good hands, sir.
Uh, okay. I trust you, George.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
I'll be back in um--
with a five-minute warning.
[Claude]
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay.
Hello, everyone.
My name is George Fuller.
I'm the proprietor
of this, uh, this picture house.
Well, before we get started,
um...
...I'd like to share
with you all a quote.
It's from the trailblazing
godfather
of independent cinema himself,
Mr. Orson Welles.
He stated that,
"If you want a happy ending,
it all depends
upon where you stop your story."
I tell you we could stop
the story right now and
I'd be as happy as a clam
at high tide.
But enough of my jibber jabber.
For the main event,
now, you have seen him
single-handedly
foil Nazi plots,
delivered a pair
of conjoined twins
in the Sahara Desert.
He sent hordes of vampires
to their perilous demise.
And he is the very first
actor to copulate
with a robot on film.
The film Crude Circuitry
and the coming of an atomic age
was one of the
most ground-breaking films
ever put together.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's welcome the Force
From The North himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday!
[audience cheering]
Hell, yeah!
Hello.
[groans softly, sighs]
Apologies. I--
I don't really get out
much anymore.
So, I'm a little rusty.
I try to stay in locales
with air indexes below 10.
Estonia mostly these days.
Well, not just for
the affordable
high level of oxygen,
but for the plethora of saunas.
Many people feel the sauna
was invented
in neighboring Finland.
No, it was actually in Estonia,
where that word was first used.
Well, roughly around 2,000 B.C.
[breathes deeply]
-[grunts]
-[audience cheering]
[grunts, groans]
-[audience boos, laughs]
-[laughs]
I told you
he wasn't a tough guy.
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday,
everybody!
He's still got it.
-[audience cheers]
-[laughs]
Ciao bella!
[]
[car door closes]
You're late.
You should get yourself
a decent watch next time.
[Cyberella]
Play nice.
[Well-dressed man]
Nice, why?
He ain't nothing but a bunch
of scrap metal put together.
I'm here for the 100 gig.
RAM upgrade.
What am I running here? A zoo?
How do I know
you ain't a cop, boy?
Oink. Oink.
Well...
...check it out.
Look at that.
Ooh.
[woman laughing]
[Well-dressed man]
Damn!
You got yourself a deal, chico.
Enjoy your upgrade.
[]
Wait.
Where did you find this?
[sighs] I found that at an
estate sale
from the armorer himself.
Oh. Tristano.
Yeah.
One of the few men
I called a friend.
Supposedly, he found
this fossilized
in the cave of Altamira.
Wait.
The Axe of Escoffier
was found in a-- a cave?
-It's real?
-Correction.
It's not an axe.
This is a halberd.
See the inscription here?
"I naur -o I coe,
Im tur- feel ha in nin loins."
It means the fire of the earth,
I feel it in my loins.
My God!
Wow. Is this...
Damn right, it is. Iraqnophobia.
I lost all the hairs on my ass
when that flame thrower stunt
went south in that picture.
[laughs]
Straight through my pants.
[chuckles]
We didn't fake war on that one.
Huh?
Gaspar threw us smack dab
in the middle
of the Indonesian Revolution
against Sukarno,
and yelled, "Action!"
[]
[George]
I-- I memorized your, um--
the opening monologue you gave
to the-- to the infantry.
Oh, yeah. To the infantry.
[George]
Yes!
[chuckles]
Well, let's see.
[clears throat, exhales]
"We sit here,
each someone's child,
asked by masters of war
to play protectors of the realm.
Asked to act as if we love
the smell of blood
and embrace death
like our own mother's bosom.
But the house
is betting against us,
that we will die here
in this prison of sand and oil.
Not today, I say.
Not today.
We will live to see
the sunrise over Baghdad.
And this time next year,
I shall be back
for the harvest, Mom.
I can't wait to see your face.
As the silk tassels of corn
go from green to brown."
Mr. Hallyday, um,
I swear you were robbed
of the Academy Award that year.
[sighs]
Yeah.
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. It was the only time
I was nominated.
Shit. Now, that's a shame in
itself.
Do you mind if I take it?
Oh, man! Mi casa, su casa.
[laughs]
Take it for a spin.
Take it for a spin.
You didn't think we'd really let
you leave alive
with our product in your head.
I didn't think you would,
Cyberella.
But I will.
[gun shots]
[explosion]
[gun shots]
For some reason,
I want to let you live.
I've been known
to have that effect on women.
And even some men.
I think today
might be your Lucky day.
[gun shots]
[groans]
It takes more than flesh
and blood to be human, Alex.
[laughs]
You got nowhere to run, boy!
Wrong.
[gun shot]
[]
[George]
Oh.
[George groans]
[Burton] I wanna thank you
for the excellent curation.
[Burton chuckles]
[Burton] That brought back
some fond memories
of the summer it came out.
I got to third base
with a cutie, James Claudio,
at a matinee showing.
of Walter Hill's the Driver.
[flushes]
[Burton] You're a real freak,
you know that?
A real freak.
Yeah. See, what I think
is I think that this theater
is like your deep,
dark, Freudian kink.
I think you need help.
[toilet flushes]
[Burton]
What?
Please remember
to silence your phone
before you re-enter the theater.
[water running]
[Burton]
I'm sorry about that.
Here at the Warner Grand,
we have a strict
no refund policy. No warnings.
Westworld, 1973.
Now, that's the first time
a human being
fornicated with a robot.
[exclaims]
Enjoy the show.
[sucks teeth, whistles]
[]
[George] I know it must bring
back memories, man.
I didn't know there was an
interactive aspect
to tonight's festivities.
You sure those are firing right?
We might need a new battery
in them or something.
Those men dressed
in camouflage
carry deadly weapons
down the hall.
Can I see those?
Where were they?
Down the hall.
[]
You know, the theater
was my first love.
As a young man, I starred
in a production of Arcadia
on the west end.
Dingleberries.
[Claude]
Care to elaborate?
It's this psycho developer chick
who's just determined
to take my establishment.
So, sell it to her.
This is my home, man!
But we should call
the authorities.
She's in cahoots
with the authorities.
Hence, my face.
I gotta get my people
from out of that damn theater.
This popsicle stand
is about to blow.
You-- you got real
combat training, right?
Those black belts,
that's real, right?
George, George, George.
[George]
Look, you'll be fine.
[sighs, groans]
I knew I should have stayed
in Estonia.
[]
[Man 6]
It's intermission.
Rise and stretch time.
Time to refresh yourself
and visit our snack bar.
Got a yen for hot popcorn?
Your favorites.
[speaking indistinctly]
[Man 6] Showtime will be
announce d loud and clear .
[speaking indistinctly]
Come to the snack bar now.
[grunts]
[groans]
[gun shots]
[screams, groans]
I've come undone,
I have no words left to say
I gave you my heart
But you turned your back
and you walked away
But I'm still
in love with you
Though I tried...
[grunts]
[mercenary grunts]
[audience cheering]
[groans]
[whimpers]
[alarm wailing]
[audience clamoring]
[grunting]
[Claude]
It wasn't nuclear bombs ,
artificial intelligence,
or aliens
that brought the end of times.
[pants]
[Claude]
But simply, man's greed .
Humans were a plague
unto themselves.
I had only one enemy
left to defeat.
The sands of time.
Not bad actually.
[]
[groans]
[Claude retches]
[George] Hallyday,
you gonna be all right?
I think you Ichabod Craned
his ass.
[Claude groans, retches]
I ain't never killed a man
before.
I thought
it would be a lot harder, dude.
I hate blood.
[breathes heavily]
You think he might
have had a family or something?
I don't know. I don't care.
[groans]
[Man 7]
Omega, what's your 20?
Copy? What's your 20?
Oh, hell.
Let's get you out of here.
If anybody gotta go down
with this ship,
it's gonna be me now.
Wait.
You know what the tabloids
will say about me
if I left you here
all by yourself?
Hell, let's do it.
[grunts]
[George] I see you found the
smoke bombs from Live Today,
Die Tomorrow.
I got your rifle
from Death In The West.
[chuckles] What-- what good
is this toy gun?
Suspension of disbelief.
[chuckles softly]
I always liked that ending.
It was so full of subtext.
Well, now, we get to make
our own director's cut,
don't we?
Um, here's the keys.
Lock the door
after you get out of here.
Guard those with your life, man.
That's everything that matters
to me.
Understood, George.
[gun shot]
[grunts]
[George]
Oh, shit.
[door creaks]
I got you.
George, it's me.
Spike. You all right?
I'm fine.
Put it down.
Put it down,
or I'ma blow you away.
I swear to God I will.
George, watch out!
[George groans]
[]
[]
[gun shots]
Looks like we're gonna have to
fight our way out of this one.
You got a light?
[gun shots]
You can't help me on this one.
I'll have to do it myself.
Gonna get you!
I'll get you!
[gun shots]
[groans]
[grunts]
[grunts, groans]
[grunting]
[grunts, pants]
[Lucky]
Wake up.
[groans]
Now, I see
why they call you "Lucky".
[Lucky]
You know,
I've done some things I regret
in my life.
But not this time.
-Here.
-[George] Yeah.
Anybody see Hallyday?
[]
[exhales]
[]
[breaths sharply]
-[Spike gasps]
-Whoa!
[grunts]
Look!
How about you and I make a deal?
You let my friends walk
out that front door,
and I'll sign
whatever piece of paper you got.
Deal?
-Yes.
-Okay. I'm coming up.
Doc, when you get to that door,
I need you to get outside.
You made me lose a finger.
I got a middle one
you can borrow.
Slide that over.
That wasn't part of our deal.
I need you to sign
this gift deed.
When is a gift no longer a gift?
My father gave me this pen.
He said it would come in handy
one day.
[Reed groans]
[grunts]
[George groans]
[groans, pants]
Uh-uh.
[both panting]
You feelin' Lucky?
You're shooting blanks.
Ride the rainbow,
you son of a bitch.
[]
Hallyday, man.
I see you had to go
full Predator on these people.
-[breathes heavily]
-[George] Hey. Hey, man.
You-- you okay, dude?
[groans]
Hey, man. Hey!
Hey, hey! Hey, bro.
[groans, breathes shakily]
"A few-- a few die well
that die in a battle."
Mr. Hallyday. Hallyday, man.
[Burton whistles]
[Burton]
What we have here is
failure to communicate.
I'm sorry about your boy,
but you brought this
on yourself.
Uh-oh.
Cue the chav face.
[pants]
Okay. [grunts, pants]
[Burton whistling]
[Burton]
Oh, Georgie boy!
Come get one in your booth.
If you're good,
it'll be your booth!
[Burton laughs]
We're not children, are we,
Georgie boy?
-[indistinct speech]
-[]
Okay. You win.
The horror.
The horror.
[grunts]
[Burton groans]
[]
-[Burton grunts]
-[George groans]
No!
[George groans]
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls--
[George groans]
Dying time's here.
Oh, God.
[Burton]
Johnny.
-[George groans]
-[Burton] Johnny Favorite.
[George]
Okay.
[Burton]
Johnny.
[groans]
[George]
Oh my God.
Okay? Ready?
[grunting]
[groans]
[Burton grunting]
[Burton groaning]
[George groans]
[George groans]
[George] I don't think I'm
gonna make it this close, Spike.
[groans, grunts]
Okay.
[screams, groans]
[screams]
[]
-[water flowing]
-[groans, breathes heavily]
[George]
Lynn Schrader.
You look like somebody
just walked over your grave.
You started a negotiation
that we didn't get a chance
to finish.
You want the Warner Grand.
Come and get it.
Do you know
when Oppenheimer was asked
what ran through his mind
as he witnessed
the first successful detonation
of the atomic bomb?
He quoted a Hindu scripture.
"Now, I am become Death...
...destroyer of worlds."
[]
Hey. Wait, wait! I'm not ready!
How about now?
Looks like one of us
is about to be out of Sundays.
You come up with that one
all by yourself?
Actually, I did.
[Lynn groans]
[pants]
[wind blowing]
[]
[George breathes deeply]
You think we'll meet again?
I sure as hell hope so.
This has been one
for the record books.
Amen.
Hey!
I'm so glad
y'all made it to the final act.
Me, too. [grunts]
[chuckles]
You know, this is my favorite
film of all time.
[chuckles softly]
Hey, Doc.
It's a gift.
You can't open it
until the morning.
[horse neigh]
Mm, watch this.
It's the best ending.
[]
Oh, yeah.
So, which way you thinking
of heading?
You know, it's funny.
I heard this little story
about a crazy place
called the "Pacific Ocean".
Thought I might go
and watch the sunset.
Um...
thank you
for being the best damn hero
anybody could ever want.
[sighs]
[]
Blue is the night
and the hills all around
Seem to be still
not a sigh,
not a sound
Yeah, you can feel
like a ring
in the air
Something is waiting
to happen out there
Nightmare,
I dream someone is dying
Somewhere
my dream is coming true
Somewhere
I hear a soundless crying
Listen,
and you will hear it,
too
Blood river
Blood river
Blue is the night
and the hills all around
Seem to be still
not a sigh, not a sound
Yeah, you can feel
like a ring
in the air
Something is waiting
to happen out there
Nightmare
I dream someone is dying
Somewhere
my dream is coming true
Somewhere
I hear a soundless crying
Listen
and you will hear it, too
Blood river
Blood river
Blood
Blood
Blood, blood, blood,
blood river
[]
Baby, this world
has gone crazy
Everybody's losing
their minds
People you meet
seem so shady
Even your friends are fake
sometimes
Everybody loves you
when you rise
But nobody ever warns you
that
it's a big surprise, hey
And everybody wants you
when you're at the top
You got nothing
to come home to
And it's a hell of a drought
Baby, this world
has gone crazy
Everybody's losing
their minds
People you meet
seem so shady
Even your friends are fake
sometimes
Maybe it's me
who's going crazy
A terrible thing
to lose one's mind
The people you meet seem
so shady
[]
[Narrator] Ten years after the
collapse, society has crumbled.
The future now a distant memory
of the past.
The only commodity left
is violence,
here, in Necropolis.
[]
[laughs]
Ice.
No water, no ice.
Tomato juice, though.
The best in all the land. Enjoy.
[greaser spits]
What are you,
some sort of biker gang?
Wannabe Hells Angels types?
[laughs]
More like a bunch of rejects
from Saturday morning cartoons.
Motorcycles are for poofs.
We surf radio waves.
[laughs]
Cowabunga then, hombre.
[groans]
[indistinct chatter in
background] [audience cheering]
[both laugh]
[]
[indistinct chatter
in background]
I'd like to thank you all,
for your support.
Here at the Warner Grand,
we operate 365 days a year
between the hours of 12:15 p.m.
and midnight.
We've got a little something
for everybody.
So, bring your family,
come again.
[Lucky]
Hey, George.
[Lucky laughs]
Lucky, my man!
How's life treating you today?
[Lucky] Oh. Like it caught me in
bed with its wife again.
I know the feeling.
[Lucky]
Gosh, that Hallyday.
He's like a diamond
in a sea of glass, man.
Amen.
You know, I'd pay big bucks
just to see him kick ass
and chew bubblegum again.
You know, it's funny you should
mention that, brother.
I just got off the phone
with his team, you know?
And Hallyday is going
to make an appearance
at the old Warner Grand.
Can you picture it?
The man
who saved the world thrice!
Killed Dracula twice!
Only got his heart broke
one time.
[Lucky]
Oh!
Claude Luc Hallyday.
-[George chuckles]
-All right!
[chuckles]
[door knocks]
Come on. Have a seat.
Apologies
about the air conditioning.
Popped the fuse.
Yeah,
it says here you're a doctor?
Yes, sir. A doctor of cinema.
[clears throat] And the theater
is my hospital.
I wrote my dissertation
on Western
imperialist pop culture
as a form of soft capitalism
in Taiwanese new wave.
Like Bergman, Godard,
Tsai Ming-Liang.
Those are films.
This is the movie business.
It's the nitty gritty.
You gotta make a dollar
from a nickel.
Yes. Um,
a lowly servant protecting
the audience's suspension
of disbelief at all costs,
24 frames per second.
See, you're saying
all the right things,
but there's more to it
than that.
This is-- this is a marriage,
a sacrifice, you know,
through thick and thin.
Sometimes, you gotta forego
eating dinner
just to get
the concession stand filled.
You know what I mean?
Now, how do I know
that when things get rough,
you ain't gonna just slip out
on me?
Well, 'cause I got nowhere else
to go.
Only place
I feel like I mattered
is when I walked
through those doors.
Listen, sir, when I am in,
I am all in.
You start today.
Can I ask what my pay will be?
Well, I figured I'd start you
off as an intern
and see how well you can swim
with the sharks.
Welcome to the Warner Grand.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay.
Thank you very much, Spike.
[sighs]
Welcome. I'm George Fuller.
My humblest apologies.
But let's get to it.
Let me introduce you
to the Warner Grand.
She was built in 1928
upon the Plaza's picturesque
yet infamous courthouse square.
It is to this day the longest,
continually in operation
picture house in southwestern
United States of America.
Now, she opened
her theater doors
to the showing of a German film
in 1928 called
"Metropolis"
which we recently
did a screening of
in celebration
of her 90th birthday.
Here is some
of the film industry's finest
artifacts of dismemberment
and pain.
Like this right here.
The Axe of Escoffier
from the 1984
vampire Nazi flick
Blood is for the Living,
starring the Australian
femme fatale, Loco Moco,
and the Force
From The North himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday!
Now, if y'all
are Hallyday's fans,
I got something so special,
you will never see anything
like this again
in a thousand galaxies.
Hold on to your hats.
Come over here, y'all.
Come, this way.
Okay.
The 1993 Gilera CX.
Now, underneath this plastic
is 125 two CC two-stroke engine
revving freely to 12,000 RPM
to blast you
into the stratosphere.
Ciao bella!
[George chuckles]
Now, what makes this
really special is the fact
that this is the only
hero vehicle to survive
the making
of the Stephen Berkowitz
post-apocalyptic 1993 saga
Necropolis,
driven by none other
than the star himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday.
Now, at the end of this month,
he's gonna do
a special appearance
right here.
Ain't that something?
All right, folks.
Please be kind enough
to pick up all your items
on the way out.
Don't forget to tip
old lovely Spike here,
because like the Bible says,
man don't live
on hot dogs alone.
[chuckles]
All right. This way, everyone.
Thank you all so very much.
Please come back.
Bring your families.
Popcorn's on me.
Hey, please don't touch my--
Hi. How you doing?
Oh, she told me a secret.
See she lied to you
about her age.
[scoffs]
Excuse me?
She was born in 1991.
No, no, you're mistaken.
She was 1993.
I saw it on the manifold
when I bought it.
No. It was marketed until '93.
It was only built for one year.
And that was in '91.
Wow. [chuckles]
Well, you learn something new
every day, I guess.
So, you fellas
a fan of the film?
Always thought it was overrated.
Can I take it for a spin?
No. Please don't touch my bike.
How much?
I've never planned
on selling my bike.
Not the bike.
The entire establishment.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Y'all-- y'all--
you fellas are pulling--
pulling my leg.
This a prank or something?
[sighs] We've been trying
to get a hold of you.
You never returned our calls,
emails.
Hell, we even found
an old fax line, nada.
Well, I'm pretty much
running this establishment
by myself.
So, sometimes,
things fall through the cracks.
Hey, friend.
Don't be magnanimous
with our time.
[sighs]
I don't know
what magnanimous means.
[Reed] We have
a development in the community.
Our company would like to offer
you a very generous amount
for this place.
Okay, see, the thing--
Excuse me, sir. Can we talk?
Um, yes. Excuse us for a minute.
Thank you. Come on.
Think he will throw in the ride?
I don't think
he's a gregarious type.
Well, unfortunately,
I've got some pressing matters
to attend to.
So, I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave and...
These types of offers, you know,
they don't come around
so much anymore.
Be seeing you, Hollywood.
[Reed whistling]
[pants]
[woman 1 screams]
Help!
Help!
[screaming]
[both laughing]
[Audience member 1]
Shut up, you punks!
Suck my toes, grandma!
[laughing]
[sobs]
[Woman 1]
No!
[laughing]
[male punk speaks indistinct]
I'm sorry. But I'ma have to ask
you to leave.
We don't get a warning
or something?
I don't do warnings.
Well, then we want a refund.
-I don't do refunds.
-You're a thief, bro!
Now, I'm not the snitching kind,
but if you don't leave
my house of business,
I will call the authorities.
What's your problem, man?
This isn't even yours.
This is stolen land,
you colonizer.
[inhales, exhales]
[laughs]
I don't know what to think
anymore, Spike.
It's like this whole damn
world's gotten off its axis.
You're telling me, boss.
I hate punks, man.
This place should be treated
like church.
Amen, Doc.
From your lips to God's ears.
[punks clamoring]
Excuse me.
[male punk] Full of shit.
He's full of shit!
[female punk]
Come on, man! Chill out!
-Let's go!
-[grunts]
-You're full of shit, bro!
-Come on, man! Stop!
-Hey!
-What's up, man?
-I'll fuck you up!
-Come on. Let's go!
No, no!
Go, get that refund!
Come on.
Let's get you out of here.
[male punk]
Look at this dork.
[both laugh]
[male punk]
What are you gonna do, grandpa?
[music ends]
"Terminate
with extreme prejudice."
-Shit! Get the fuck out of here!
-Come on! Let's go!
Punks.
[]
[George sighs]
Oh, hell.
Oh.
1-2-6-3-9
[man 1 over telephone]
[indistinct speech] Who is this?
[George] Hi. This is
George Fuller from the Warner.
I've been calling in regards
to Mr. Hallyday
making an appearance here.
I've sent over the request
of documents and money.
[man 1 over telephone]
Sorry, sir. He's, uh...
[indistinct speech]
[George]
Well,
when might he be available
or inclined? A week?
[man 1 over telephone]
Yeah, yeah. [indistinct speech]
[George]
So, hold your breath.
[sighs]
A man ought to do
what he thinks is best.
Hmm.
Warner. This is George.
Hello, George.
This is Lynn Schrader,
CEO of Schrader Industries.
And I wanna welcome you
to Nirvana,
an all-inclusive complex
coming straight
to a neighborhood near you.
Gym, grocery store,
retail spaces,
even a private urgent care
and surgery ward.
[water flowing]
In the case of a pandemic
or terrorist attack,
cut off from the outside world,
we would rely on our own grid.
Once you find Nirvana,
you will find yourself.
Welcome to the future.
We're gonna change the world,
George.
You could be a part of it.
All you have to do is sign
on the dotted line.
What if the world
didn't really need to change?
Isn't change the whole point
of life?
Either you evolve or you die.
If I'm honest,
I enjoy a good game
of mental gymnastics.
A few sharp barbs
between combatants,
and then everyone walks away
with what they want.
So, when is a gift
no longer a gift?
Oh. See, that's where you and I
differ, George.
I'm much more altruistic.
See, I have great vision
for this part of the country.
A new frontier, so to speak.
What I'm about to say
to you pertains directly
to your business.
The first camera,
the Kinetograph,
was born from Edison's
entrepreneurialism 10 years
after the great success
of the Phonograph,
only to be replaced
with the Kinetoscope
to view the moving picture.
This art form you so revere
was never about car chases
or Oscar-worthy monologues.
It was merely an opportunity
to sell a new piece of hardware,
appliances made of plastics,
circuits, metals,
indium-tin oxide.
See, I don't run a college.
I run a business.
It's the same business
that the taco guy
down the street is in.
The same business
that the steel mill
was running around the corner.
I just happen to sell pictures,
and-- and fantasies,
and maybe 90-minute vacations
to escape
from all that madness
in the street.
Whether you see it or not,
they-- they know my value.
I'm not so sure
that your neighbors
would agree, George.
Most of them are quite eager
to sign on the dotted line,
though they won't see a dime
unless you relinquish ownership.
[chuckles]
See?
Some folks there will rob you
with six shooters
and others with a fountain pen.
[chuckles]
Life really just comes down
to the odds
of which womb one falls out of,
George.
Okay.
Thank you for your generosity.
I have a matinee to attend to.
We're doing a showing
of Moses Versus the Nazis.
It's for the convent
for the Monastery of the Angels.
You don't strike me
as the religious type.
I'm not.
But just in case I'm wrong,
I wanna buy
a couple of brownie points
with the big guy upstairs.
Who says he's a man?
[chuckles]
Mental gymnastics. I'll be.
[whistling]
So, how'd it go
with our midnight cowboy?
He fancies himself
to be a cowboy.
Take care of it.
[chuckles]
[]
[George]
Baby, this world
Has gone crazy
[chuckles]
[George]
You know something, Lucky?
I can't stand punks and bullies.
Me, too.
You know what I said to--
to that punk before I pulled
the damn trigger?
"Terminate
with extreme prejudice."
[exhales]
[grunts] All right, Colonel.
I think I might have gone
a little more Dirty Harry.
You have to ask yourself
a question.
"Do I feel Lucky?"
"Well, do ya, punk?"
[chuckles]
"You are a disease,"
"and I'm the cure."
[exhales]
"I could've been a contender,
Charlie. Oh!"
[both grunt, laugh]
You know what? Um,
do you mind if I borrow
your moral compass
-just for a minute?
-Sure.
Say somebody offered you
more money than you thought
you'd ever see in a lifetime.
But one caveat,
you gotta say goodbye
to the one thing that makes you
get up every morning.
Mm.
The one thing that makes fellas
like you and me tick, you know?
What would you do?
Not a chance in hell.
I'd rather put a knife
through the heart of men
who offered me
that kind of deal.
And this is it. Right now.
This is as good as it gets.
Thank you for that.
All right, I'm out.
Yeah, I'll catch you
in a little bit.
Wait a second.
We forgot something. Don't go.
[George]
Oh my God. What's this?
"The sword that fell
from the heavens
and created hell on earth?"
Hallyday's sword
from Necropolis.
Necropolis.
How do you find these things?
[Lucky]
These things are in the air.
You just gotta know
how to grab stuff.
It's yours.
[laughs]
If the Ten Commandments
won't stop him,
these nine
full metal jackets will.
[groans]
[man 2 over projector] How will
we explain this to the Fhrer?
-He's going to be furious.
- [laughs]
[man 3 over projector]
The Jews will pay.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[man 3 over projector]
Tell Goebbels, it's time.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[man 3 over projector]
Call Dr. Mengele.
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
[grunts]
[man 4 over projector]
Good idea.
[George]
Sisters, I'm so sorry.
[grunts]
[man 4 over projector]
[speaks German]
Boss, we got a problem.
Who?
[Spike]
Health inspector.
[indistinct chatter
in background]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Sir, please calm down.
[George] What are you doing to
my stuff?
[health inspector 1] We've been
sent by the city to
inspect your premises.
-Don't touch this.
-For mold, and termites,
and bed bugs after reports of
vicious bite marks.
What the hell? You were just
here six months ago.
We didn't have a problem.
You're destroying places, man.
Just turned it into trash.
Just like ain't nothing sacred
no more.
[Lucky]
This is it. Right now .
This is as good as it gets.
I'd rather put a knife
in the heart of men
who offered me that kinda deal.
[door knocks]
You got mail, boss.
Looks important.
Never is.
Sorry about yesterday.
Um, the health inspector
was giving me
the full
Peter Sellers' Clouseau act.
Do you remember
in Pink Panther Strikes Again--
Spike, Spike, do I look like
I wanna talk
about movies right now?
My theater is being shut down,
because of bed bugs.
Every penny I got, I put
into Hallyday coming here and...
[sighs] Do you-- you have
something for me, right?
[Lynn] Did
you reconsider my proposition?
I have a deadline to hit.
George, I think it's time
you either play ball
or stay out of my way.
[indistinct radio chatter]
-[Burton] It's Hallyday.
-[Reed] Hallyday?
[Burton]
Hallyday.
Oh, there he is.
[inhales, exhales]
What are you doing?
Eating a burger.
No, no. You're chasing it down
with the smoke.
It's delicious.
[]
[bell rings]
[door buzzes]
[indistinct chatter]
Ooh.
[Reed] This place is
disgusting.
[Burton] Shh. Be nice.
Only for you.
Can I help you guys?
Yep. Looking for a ring.
Oh. Got a lot of rings right
here.
See, mine was stolen.
It's not worth a lot of money
to anybody else,
but personal sentiment.
Mm.
Well, all my stuff
is clean as glass.
Sure it is.
Yeah.
Is there any identifiable
characteristics?
Yeah. It was a 1990
Governor's Cup ring.
That's a minor-league baseball
championship.
It said, "Rochester"
on the side
and it had a red stone
in the middle.
I think it was a garnet.
Well, I can't replace
the sentimental value.
But if the shoe fits...
-Ooh, look at that.
-There-- there you go.
My first year in AAA,
I was in the Oriole
organization.
And I went 6-1 with a 1.8 ERA. I
was hot shit.
Yeah. Well, you know what?
Why don't you keep that ring?
It's on the house.
It's very generous of you.
But to make it in the show,
you need something special.
So, during the offseason,
I added a pitch to my arsenal.
Cocaine!
Got my fastball up to 95,
but my ERA tipped out
at nearly seven.
I was crazy back then.
-Yeah.
-I'm sober now.
[scoffs]
Well, congrats.
Yeah, I got seven years.
God bless.
You know what the kicker is?
I hit 32 batters in one season
and it's not even a record.
Baseball is a tough sport.
[Lucky groans] Oh, God! Oh,
fuck!
Bang!
-[grunts, groans]
-Zoom! Kaboom!
[laughs]
Consider this
an early retirement, old man.
[laughs]
Lucky, you're slipping, man.
Your door's wide--
Shit.
[indistinct lyrics]
[Lucky groaning]
Damn dingleberries, man!
There you go, Golden Boy.
[Lucky]
Where'd you learn this trick?
Courtney B. Vance,
Hamburger Hill.
You think there's a chance
that that was them punks
that came to my theater?
These weren't no punks, George.
They made me sign
my shop over for pennies.
Everything I had.
They said they were coming back
for Mr. Hollywood.
I want you to know something,
Lucky.
I'm going to avenge
what they did to you.
I swear to you,
as long as there's blood
in my veins, you've got a place
in my theater.
You know what I said
to 'em before I rocked them?
-[groans]
-What are you gonna fucking do?
"Smile, you son of a bitch!"
[Reed groans]
[]
[Loco Moco]
Tonight, the Earth is going
to be exposed as the womb
of the mother of all demons.
We are going to filter
this planet
in every wretched corner
with evil
from all other dimensions.
Come forth. Come forth, and--
Sorry to disappoint you.
Normally, I like to be wined
and dined.
[chuckles]
But tonight, dinner is on me.
-[snarls]
-And I'm on a strict diet.
[minion growls]
Steak only.
[vampires grunt, growl]
[grunts]
[Claude] There are a lot of
things to dislike in this world
Nuts, modern art, vegans.
But above all,
I despise vampires.
[]
[grunts softly]
[Reed]
All right, baby.
[chuckles, snorts]
[]
[coughs]
[car door closes]
[]
[fire crackling]
I'm out 20K
because of you.
Get on the ground.
I got bad knees, man.
See, that's the wrong appendage
to be worried about.
My friend.
Lucky. That's kind of an ironic
choice of a name.
You think you're funny, right?
Okay.
Okay, you wanna be funny.
I think you're a goon.
You're a goon.
What happened to Lucky
ain't half of what's coming
down on you.
-Pick a hand.
-No, man. You're fucking--
Pick a finger then or your neck!
Jesus Christ, man!
See, I had no idea
that you were such a fan
of his work.
Would you like for me
to make an introduction?
No, no, no, no!
[Reed grunts]
[whimpers]
You tell your boss,
stay away from my friends,
my theater, and my neighborhood.
Or next time,
you're not gonna be so Lucky.
You understand me?
Yes.
[breathes shakily]
[]
[Loco Moco]
With the blood of the betrothed,
we shall enter the space
between reality
and the demon's lair.
With one swift hand,
the spirits of evil
will cleanse this vile planet.
The only thing being cleansed
here is you, madame.
And I am the rain.
Honey, I don't mind
getting a little wet.
You are not going to stop us.
Au contraire, mi amiga.
That was quick.
Never bring a gun
to a knife fight.
In death,
I will live a thousand lives.
-[snarls]
-Bon voyage.
[Burton]
What kind of sword was it?
[Reed]
Got no clue.
Was it a broadsword?
-Was it a claymore? A jian?
-[snorts]
How the fuck would I know?
Was it the kind a knight
would use, Reed?
[scoffs] No.
That was some Jackie Chan shit,
Burton.
[scoffs]
A katana like this one
right here?
Invented by the smith Amakuni
in 700 A.D.
Mainly used by the samurai
during Japan's Edo period,
33,000 sheets of steel
forge-welded together.
What did George say
he was gonna do to you?
If anyone understands
fiscal responsibility, it's me.
All things considered.
So, I will ask you
one more time.
What did George say
he was going to do to you?
[]
All right.
If it's a war you want,
you get war now.
You wanna mess
with the Warner Grand,
I got something for you!
Hello, George.
I'm so sorry.
[Claude over telephone]
First class on the Queen Mary.
Yes. First class is the only
class in my book.
[Claude]
No paparazzi, no handshaking.
No problems.
Yes, sir. Here at the Warner,
we strive for excellence.
[Claude] Time to put
Hallyday back on the map.
It is my honor.
[Claude]
Okay. I trust you, George.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Hotline to L.A.
Hotline to the music town
If I need music,
I know this is my way
I'll drive
and I'll try to dance...
[indistinct lyrics]
[siren wails]
What the...
Damn.
Where the fuck is my wallet?
[Cop 1]
You George Fuller?
Yes.
[Cop 1]
Ms. Schrader sends her regards.
[groans]
[breathes shakily, laughs]
No change, eh, Pete?
Still jumpy.
[Tim & George]
That was a sucker move,
burning down your boss.
You had him all wrong.
He never crossed you.
But you're a guy who shoots
first and thinks afterwards.
In your spot,
I'd almost choose the cops,
even if it is a first-degree
murder rap.
It's Lucky I spotted you.
[Robber & George] What's so
Lucky about being dead?
[George]
Truth is, it's never really been
about the movies to me .
This place is home.
Growing up here
when I was a kid,
I would run up and down
these aisles.
And in between the shows,
I would hide
behind the curtains.
With this theater,
it used
to be my great uncle's place.
And then when he died,
uh,
it fell into the wrong hands
and subsequent dilapidation.
That's when my daddy
spent every penny we had
trying to buy it back,
so it could be in our family.
Don't get stuck here, man.
[]
Hello, your highness.
Hey. What you got for me, Doc?
Everything you asked for.
Uh, fliers, pens,
whatever other junk.
Junk?
You shouldn't use
that particular pejorative
regarding
these delicate artifacts.
-[Spike] Yeah.
-This is the original
Japanese Jurassic poster
for Blood is for the Living.
Now, if we can get Claude
to sign this, we can auction it.
[George chuckles]
Oh. By the way, uh, we sold out.
Don't you play with me, Doc.
I got the notification
this morning.
We sold out?
Hell, we ain't had one of those
since Q Introduced a
cut of Love Birds in Bondage.
Warner lives
to fight another day.
[]
Hey, welcome!
[George]
Welcome to the Warner Grand.
[indistinct chatter
in background]
[Claude sighs]
[George clears throat]
Mr. Hallyday,
we got about 15 minutes
before curtain goes up.
So, I didn't know if you wanted
a brief introduction,
and then we could go
into the signing and the film.
How do I look?
Like you're ready
for your close-ups.
You're-- you're Hallyday.
May I be completely frank
for a moment?
I'm really quite nervous.
I haven't been around a crowd
this size for quite some time.
Not since
the croisette in '97 actually.
Oh, Mr. Hallyday,
you need to know
those people in that audience,
they're your fans,
and um, you're family to us.
I had quite the hard
relationship
with my family, though.
[sighs]
Yeah.
But this is the biggest thing
that's happened to any of us in
our entire lives.
I swear to you,
you are in-- in--
in good hands, sir.
Uh, okay. I trust you, George.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
I'll be back in um--
with a five-minute warning.
[Claude]
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay.
Hello, everyone.
My name is George Fuller.
I'm the proprietor
of this, uh, this picture house.
Well, before we get started,
um...
...I'd like to share
with you all a quote.
It's from the trailblazing
godfather
of independent cinema himself,
Mr. Orson Welles.
He stated that,
"If you want a happy ending,
it all depends
upon where you stop your story."
I tell you we could stop
the story right now and
I'd be as happy as a clam
at high tide.
But enough of my jibber jabber.
For the main event,
now, you have seen him
single-handedly
foil Nazi plots,
delivered a pair
of conjoined twins
in the Sahara Desert.
He sent hordes of vampires
to their perilous demise.
And he is the very first
actor to copulate
with a robot on film.
The film Crude Circuitry
and the coming of an atomic age
was one of the
most ground-breaking films
ever put together.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's welcome the Force
From The North himself,
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday!
[audience cheering]
Hell, yeah!
Hello.
[groans softly, sighs]
Apologies. I--
I don't really get out
much anymore.
So, I'm a little rusty.
I try to stay in locales
with air indexes below 10.
Estonia mostly these days.
Well, not just for
the affordable
high level of oxygen,
but for the plethora of saunas.
Many people feel the sauna
was invented
in neighboring Finland.
No, it was actually in Estonia,
where that word was first used.
Well, roughly around 2,000 B.C.
[breathes deeply]
-[grunts]
-[audience cheering]
[grunts, groans]
-[audience boos, laughs]
-[laughs]
I told you
he wasn't a tough guy.
Mr. Claude Luc Hallyday,
everybody!
He's still got it.
-[audience cheers]
-[laughs]
Ciao bella!
[]
[car door closes]
You're late.
You should get yourself
a decent watch next time.
[Cyberella]
Play nice.
[Well-dressed man]
Nice, why?
He ain't nothing but a bunch
of scrap metal put together.
I'm here for the 100 gig.
RAM upgrade.
What am I running here? A zoo?
How do I know
you ain't a cop, boy?
Oink. Oink.
Well...
...check it out.
Look at that.
Ooh.
[woman laughing]
[Well-dressed man]
Damn!
You got yourself a deal, chico.
Enjoy your upgrade.
[]
Wait.
Where did you find this?
[sighs] I found that at an
estate sale
from the armorer himself.
Oh. Tristano.
Yeah.
One of the few men
I called a friend.
Supposedly, he found
this fossilized
in the cave of Altamira.
Wait.
The Axe of Escoffier
was found in a-- a cave?
-It's real?
-Correction.
It's not an axe.
This is a halberd.
See the inscription here?
"I naur -o I coe,
Im tur- feel ha in nin loins."
It means the fire of the earth,
I feel it in my loins.
My God!
Wow. Is this...
Damn right, it is. Iraqnophobia.
I lost all the hairs on my ass
when that flame thrower stunt
went south in that picture.
[laughs]
Straight through my pants.
[chuckles]
We didn't fake war on that one.
Huh?
Gaspar threw us smack dab
in the middle
of the Indonesian Revolution
against Sukarno,
and yelled, "Action!"
[]
[George]
I-- I memorized your, um--
the opening monologue you gave
to the-- to the infantry.
Oh, yeah. To the infantry.
[George]
Yes!
[chuckles]
Well, let's see.
[clears throat, exhales]
"We sit here,
each someone's child,
asked by masters of war
to play protectors of the realm.
Asked to act as if we love
the smell of blood
and embrace death
like our own mother's bosom.
But the house
is betting against us,
that we will die here
in this prison of sand and oil.
Not today, I say.
Not today.
We will live to see
the sunrise over Baghdad.
And this time next year,
I shall be back
for the harvest, Mom.
I can't wait to see your face.
As the silk tassels of corn
go from green to brown."
Mr. Hallyday, um,
I swear you were robbed
of the Academy Award that year.
[sighs]
Yeah.
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. It was the only time
I was nominated.
Shit. Now, that's a shame in
itself.
Do you mind if I take it?
Oh, man! Mi casa, su casa.
[laughs]
Take it for a spin.
Take it for a spin.
You didn't think we'd really let
you leave alive
with our product in your head.
I didn't think you would,
Cyberella.
But I will.
[gun shots]
[explosion]
[gun shots]
For some reason,
I want to let you live.
I've been known
to have that effect on women.
And even some men.
I think today
might be your Lucky day.
[gun shots]
[groans]
It takes more than flesh
and blood to be human, Alex.
[laughs]
You got nowhere to run, boy!
Wrong.
[gun shot]
[]
[George]
Oh.
[George groans]
[Burton] I wanna thank you
for the excellent curation.
[Burton chuckles]
[Burton] That brought back
some fond memories
of the summer it came out.
I got to third base
with a cutie, James Claudio,
at a matinee showing.
of Walter Hill's the Driver.
[flushes]
[Burton] You're a real freak,
you know that?
A real freak.
Yeah. See, what I think
is I think that this theater
is like your deep,
dark, Freudian kink.
I think you need help.
[toilet flushes]
[Burton]
What?
Please remember
to silence your phone
before you re-enter the theater.
[water running]
[Burton]
I'm sorry about that.
Here at the Warner Grand,
we have a strict
no refund policy. No warnings.
Westworld, 1973.
Now, that's the first time
a human being
fornicated with a robot.
[exclaims]
Enjoy the show.
[sucks teeth, whistles]
[]
[George] I know it must bring
back memories, man.
I didn't know there was an
interactive aspect
to tonight's festivities.
You sure those are firing right?
We might need a new battery
in them or something.
Those men dressed
in camouflage
carry deadly weapons
down the hall.
Can I see those?
Where were they?
Down the hall.
[]
You know, the theater
was my first love.
As a young man, I starred
in a production of Arcadia
on the west end.
Dingleberries.
[Claude]
Care to elaborate?
It's this psycho developer chick
who's just determined
to take my establishment.
So, sell it to her.
This is my home, man!
But we should call
the authorities.
She's in cahoots
with the authorities.
Hence, my face.
I gotta get my people
from out of that damn theater.
This popsicle stand
is about to blow.
You-- you got real
combat training, right?
Those black belts,
that's real, right?
George, George, George.
[George]
Look, you'll be fine.
[sighs, groans]
I knew I should have stayed
in Estonia.
[]
[Man 6]
It's intermission.
Rise and stretch time.
Time to refresh yourself
and visit our snack bar.
Got a yen for hot popcorn?
Your favorites.
[speaking indistinctly]
[Man 6] Showtime will be
announce d loud and clear .
[speaking indistinctly]
Come to the snack bar now.
[grunts]
[groans]
[gun shots]
[screams, groans]
I've come undone,
I have no words left to say
I gave you my heart
But you turned your back
and you walked away
But I'm still
in love with you
Though I tried...
[grunts]
[mercenary grunts]
[audience cheering]
[groans]
[whimpers]
[alarm wailing]
[audience clamoring]
[grunting]
[Claude]
It wasn't nuclear bombs ,
artificial intelligence,
or aliens
that brought the end of times.
[pants]
[Claude]
But simply, man's greed .
Humans were a plague
unto themselves.
I had only one enemy
left to defeat.
The sands of time.
Not bad actually.
[]
[groans]
[Claude retches]
[George] Hallyday,
you gonna be all right?
I think you Ichabod Craned
his ass.
[Claude groans, retches]
I ain't never killed a man
before.
I thought
it would be a lot harder, dude.
I hate blood.
[breathes heavily]
You think he might
have had a family or something?
I don't know. I don't care.
[groans]
[Man 7]
Omega, what's your 20?
Copy? What's your 20?
Oh, hell.
Let's get you out of here.
If anybody gotta go down
with this ship,
it's gonna be me now.
Wait.
You know what the tabloids
will say about me
if I left you here
all by yourself?
Hell, let's do it.
[grunts]
[George] I see you found the
smoke bombs from Live Today,
Die Tomorrow.
I got your rifle
from Death In The West.
[chuckles] What-- what good
is this toy gun?
Suspension of disbelief.
[chuckles softly]
I always liked that ending.
It was so full of subtext.
Well, now, we get to make
our own director's cut,
don't we?
Um, here's the keys.
Lock the door
after you get out of here.
Guard those with your life, man.
That's everything that matters
to me.
Understood, George.
[gun shot]
[grunts]
[George]
Oh, shit.
[door creaks]
I got you.
George, it's me.
Spike. You all right?
I'm fine.
Put it down.
Put it down,
or I'ma blow you away.
I swear to God I will.
George, watch out!
[George groans]
[]
[]
[gun shots]
Looks like we're gonna have to
fight our way out of this one.
You got a light?
[gun shots]
You can't help me on this one.
I'll have to do it myself.
Gonna get you!
I'll get you!
[gun shots]
[groans]
[grunts]
[grunts, groans]
[grunting]
[grunts, pants]
[Lucky]
Wake up.
[groans]
Now, I see
why they call you "Lucky".
[Lucky]
You know,
I've done some things I regret
in my life.
But not this time.
-Here.
-[George] Yeah.
Anybody see Hallyday?
[]
[exhales]
[]
[breaths sharply]
-[Spike gasps]
-Whoa!
[grunts]
Look!
How about you and I make a deal?
You let my friends walk
out that front door,
and I'll sign
whatever piece of paper you got.
Deal?
-Yes.
-Okay. I'm coming up.
Doc, when you get to that door,
I need you to get outside.
You made me lose a finger.
I got a middle one
you can borrow.
Slide that over.
That wasn't part of our deal.
I need you to sign
this gift deed.
When is a gift no longer a gift?
My father gave me this pen.
He said it would come in handy
one day.
[Reed groans]
[grunts]
[George groans]
[groans, pants]
Uh-uh.
[both panting]
You feelin' Lucky?
You're shooting blanks.
Ride the rainbow,
you son of a bitch.
[]
Hallyday, man.
I see you had to go
full Predator on these people.
-[breathes heavily]
-[George] Hey. Hey, man.
You-- you okay, dude?
[groans]
Hey, man. Hey!
Hey, hey! Hey, bro.
[groans, breathes shakily]
"A few-- a few die well
that die in a battle."
Mr. Hallyday. Hallyday, man.
[Burton whistles]
[Burton]
What we have here is
failure to communicate.
I'm sorry about your boy,
but you brought this
on yourself.
Uh-oh.
Cue the chav face.
[pants]
Okay. [grunts, pants]
[Burton whistling]
[Burton]
Oh, Georgie boy!
Come get one in your booth.
If you're good,
it'll be your booth!
[Burton laughs]
We're not children, are we,
Georgie boy?
-[indistinct speech]
-[]
Okay. You win.
The horror.
The horror.
[grunts]
[Burton groans]
[]
-[Burton grunts]
-[George groans]
No!
[George groans]
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls--
[George groans]
Dying time's here.
Oh, God.
[Burton]
Johnny.
-[George groans]
-[Burton] Johnny Favorite.
[George]
Okay.
[Burton]
Johnny.
[groans]
[George]
Oh my God.
Okay? Ready?
[grunting]
[groans]
[Burton grunting]
[Burton groaning]
[George groans]
[George groans]
[George] I don't think I'm
gonna make it this close, Spike.
[groans, grunts]
Okay.
[screams, groans]
[screams]
[]
-[water flowing]
-[groans, breathes heavily]
[George]
Lynn Schrader.
You look like somebody
just walked over your grave.
You started a negotiation
that we didn't get a chance
to finish.
You want the Warner Grand.
Come and get it.
Do you know
when Oppenheimer was asked
what ran through his mind
as he witnessed
the first successful detonation
of the atomic bomb?
He quoted a Hindu scripture.
"Now, I am become Death...
...destroyer of worlds."
[]
Hey. Wait, wait! I'm not ready!
How about now?
Looks like one of us
is about to be out of Sundays.
You come up with that one
all by yourself?
Actually, I did.
[Lynn groans]
[pants]
[wind blowing]
[]
[George breathes deeply]
You think we'll meet again?
I sure as hell hope so.
This has been one
for the record books.
Amen.
Hey!
I'm so glad
y'all made it to the final act.
Me, too. [grunts]
[chuckles]
You know, this is my favorite
film of all time.
[chuckles softly]
Hey, Doc.
It's a gift.
You can't open it
until the morning.
[horse neigh]
Mm, watch this.
It's the best ending.
[]
Oh, yeah.
So, which way you thinking
of heading?
You know, it's funny.
I heard this little story
about a crazy place
called the "Pacific Ocean".
Thought I might go
and watch the sunset.
Um...
thank you
for being the best damn hero
anybody could ever want.
[sighs]
[]
Blue is the night
and the hills all around
Seem to be still
not a sigh,
not a sound
Yeah, you can feel
like a ring
in the air
Something is waiting
to happen out there
Nightmare,
I dream someone is dying
Somewhere
my dream is coming true
Somewhere
I hear a soundless crying
Listen,
and you will hear it,
too
Blood river
Blood river
Blue is the night
and the hills all around
Seem to be still
not a sigh, not a sound
Yeah, you can feel
like a ring
in the air
Something is waiting
to happen out there
Nightmare
I dream someone is dying
Somewhere
my dream is coming true
Somewhere
I hear a soundless crying
Listen
and you will hear it, too
Blood river
Blood river
Blood
Blood
Blood, blood, blood,
blood river
[]
Baby, this world
has gone crazy
Everybody's losing
their minds
People you meet
seem so shady
Even your friends are fake
sometimes
Everybody loves you
when you rise
But nobody ever warns you
that
it's a big surprise, hey
And everybody wants you
when you're at the top
You got nothing
to come home to
And it's a hell of a drought
Baby, this world
has gone crazy
Everybody's losing
their minds
People you meet
seem so shady
Even your friends are fake
sometimes
Maybe it's me
who's going crazy
A terrible thing
to lose one's mind
The people you meet seem
so shady