Sick Girl (2023) Movie Script

["Sugar, We're Goin' Down"
by Fall Out Boy playing]
We're always sleeping in,
and sleeping
For the wrong team
One, two, three!
We're going down, down
In an earlier round
And sugar,
we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one
with a bullet
A loaded god complex,
cock it and pull it
We're going down, down
in an earlier round
And sugar,
we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one
with a bullet
A loaded god complex,
cock it and pull it
Toss me a beer!
Beer distributor
is closed. Sorry!
- Bye!
- [man 1] Come on,
give us something!
I'll give you something!
- [Laurel] Whoo!
- [driver] Yeah!
- [man 1] Yeah!
- [driver] Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Hey!
- [Jill] Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- That was my bathing suit!
- [laughter]
I love you, bitches!
And one day,
we're taking over the world.
- Yeah, we are! Get over here.
- Whoo!
Come here, come here,
come here, come here...
[camera shutter clicking]
[kid] Your ta-ta's
look different than my mom's.
[indistinct TV chatter]
Whose are nicer?
[kid] I wanna watch Lalaloopsy,
and you're in my seat.
Shh, honey bunny.
Aunt Wren is sleeping
on the couch again,
- and I wanna watch Lalaloopsy!
- [Wren groans]
Oh, that's loud, babe.
Let's turn the volume down
to, like, a two.
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
Fix your boob. Come with me.
What? Oh, crap.
- No.
- [Wren] No?
- Mm-mm.
- I mean, shit.
- Crap.
- [shushing]
- Crap, crap, crap, crap...
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
- Crap, crap, crap, crap...
- [Cece] Rough night?
I think so.
- Maybe, yeah.
- [groans]
You know, you gotta stop
using this place
- as your crash pad.
- [moans]
I don't want my daughter
remembering this in ten years
and getting inspired
to "pull a Wren."
- [chuckles]
- God.
- [groans]
- I'd take back my spare key,
but you'd probably just start
using the doggie door again.
So, what are we
doing today? [yawns]
Mm. Probably
something with beans.
Did you just say "beans"?
Yeah, I did.
Corey's really into beans.
She likes to,
like, sort them
into little piles, you know?
Sometimes she'll make,
like, big piles.
Recently, she's been making
shapes with the beans,
which is really exciting,
so it's a big win for us.
So she's gonna sort beans
while I sit next to her
and sleep with my eyes open.
Kinda like...
like that.
You know what I mean?
Does it look like
I'm paying attention?
Oh, I was waiting
for the punchline.
That's, that's a real thing
that's happening?
I can't get her off of it.
It's all day.
[Cece exhales]
["Same Mistakes"
by The Echo Friendly playing]
Where is my phone?
You are exposing your crotch
to my child again.
- This is so great.
- Oh, no. Got it!
Thank you for the hospitality.
[Cece] Yeah, it's been
a lovely morning. Thank you.
Where's the other one?
[Wren] Yeah, you know what,
keep it.
- Okay.
- Bye!
- [sighs]
- [door closes]
I am so over her drama.
[Wren] You're exercising again.
- So fun.
- [huffing air]
So when's the big race?
It's called a marathon.
I know. I did one, remember?
- Mm. The scoliosis thing?
- Yeah.
That was a 5K,
and you didn't even finish.
- [scoffs] What's the diff?
- Like, 21 miles.
Holy shit.
You're doing 21 miles?
Twenty-six-point-two, baby!
Why? Why would you do that?
That's, that's--
- That's, like, torture. Why?
- [grunting]
You wanna jog
with me for a little while?
No, I'm a smoker.
What about later?
Dinner, drinks, maybe
a little heart-to-heart?
I'm not drinking
until after the marathon.
You know that, okay?
And I'm not eating after seven.
Intermittent... You get it.
I'll, I'll call you, okay?
Listen, I gotta go.
- You're not coming with me?
- No!
- You sure?
- No.
- I'll race you. All right.
- [laughs] No.
Bye! Love you!
[Laurel] Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
So much love.
["Same Mistakes"
continues playing]
- [swing creaking]
- [children chattering]
- Oh, hey!
- Hey!
Hey, Beau. Say hi
to your Aunt Wren.
I'm just kidding.
He can't speak.
Well, hello. I didn't know
you were coming.
No, I didn't.
I didn't know
that Mama was bringing
the little smelly felly.
Why else would I be here?
- You know I fuckin' hate grass.
- [Wren sighs]
To buy drugs off
of scabby teenagers?
[chuckles] I'm just kidding.
Unless you want to.
I could just mosey over there
and ask them.
- They look sketchy A.F.
- Mm-hmm.
Seriously. Those guys
definitely have narcotics.
Oh, you know what?
They think that
I'm his babysitter.
Yeah. I just look
too young to be a mom.
Since when do babysitters
wear power suits?
They both wanna fuck me.
Isn't that hilarious?
It's 'cause I look like
a young Elle Fanning.
It happens all the time.
Anyway, um, what's up?
- Oh, I don't know. I mean,
- [baby crying]
I just feel like you guys
are so busy all the time.
- No, not in front of the kids.
- What?
I miss you guys, you know?
- Mm.
- I miss hanging out.
- The anticipation
of the weekend--
- [phone ringing]
Oh! I gotta
take this call.
- Can you just take him?
- What? No.
- Yeah, just, just take him.
- No.
- I gotta get this.
- No. This is not safe...
- Oh, wait. Oh, my God.
- ...for me or him.
- [baby fussing]
- I forgot the bottle.
- Oh, gosh.
- You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Just sing to him or something.
[bottle popping]
[in Irish accent]
Irish car bomb, laddy!
Mm-mm. Mm.
Ooh! [coughs]
Make it two.
[gulps, exhales loudly]
- [ice clinking]
- Oh.
Shit. Oh, shit.
Freshen me up!
That's what my nana
used to say
when she wanted to order
another highball.
You've had enough.
You're cut off.
Whatever. I don't need you.
There's other bars.
[bartender] Hold up.
You still got a tab to pay.
"You got a tab to pay."
[laughs, snorts]
You're not the dad of me.
You give me the money now.
[muffled] What are you
gonna do about it? Huh?
- [clattering]
- I'm out of here, bro.
- Syke!
- Hey! Wait!
- [thudding]
- [clattering]
[Wren crying]
The last time I was here,
I was with my friends.
Now, I'm all alone.
All alone.
- All alone.
- Are they...
Are they serving
breakfast yet?
[breathing heavily]
They just moved on.
I mean, it's like
a betrayal, really.
[phone ringing]
- Double time, cappy.
- [sighs]
And march.
I mean, why does it have
to change? [sniffles]
Why does everything
have to change?
Everyone's changed,
changed, changed,
and they're just
all okay with it.
- [cell door opening]
- I'm not okay with it.
[officer] Pepper,
you made bail.
I was framed.
So, thank you.
- Dude, what the fuck?
- I know. I'm sorry.
Why would you attack
a bartender?
You love bartenders.
They control the fuckin' liquor!
Yeah, with an iron fist.
[flaps lips]
[Cece] Why are you still
wearing my Crocs?
[Wren] Fuck.
[vomits, groans]
- [Cece] Really?
- [Wren] Sorry.
What is going on with you?
I already have a kid.
I do not want another kid.
I'm not a kid.
They don't put kids
in the slammer.
That's like the one place
that's left for adults only.
Jesus, Wren. I can't
just bail you out of jail
or, or rescue you,
or be your wingman
every time you wanna go out
and get fucked up!
Okay? I have
Oh, my God. I can't believe
that you are turning
me into this person.
This person sucks!
[sighs] You know what?
Maybe we should just cancel
this birthday thing
tomorrow because...
- What? No!
- ...I have to sleep.
- [phone rings]
- Really? [sighs]
What couldn't wait?
I've been gone a half an hour.
You can't do this
by yourself?
She what?
With a cucumber?
Why was it out?
[yells] I am coming!
- [car honking]
- Jesus! God!
I'm about to abandon
all you motherfuckers!
[yells] Holy crap!
Look at me.
Look at me right now.
I am tired.
Do you understand that?
To the very marrow of my bones.
It is in my soul.
Can you even
understand that...
[yells] level of fatigue?
Get the fuck out of my car!
- Get out!
- [car door opening]
I just wanna remind you,
it's my birthday tomorrow, so...
Technically, it's right now
'cause it's after midnight,
so it's my birthday--
I'm not wishing you
a happy birthday,
- if that's what you
want right now.
- You'll do it tomorrow.
- Love you.
- [car door closing]
- [yells] Fuck!
- [tires screeching]
[doctor on TV, in Spanish]
[woman in Spanish]
[doctor in Spanish]
[sick man in Spanish]
[sick man in Spanish]
[birds chirping]
[Wren sings] Go, Shorty
It's your birthday
We gon' party
like it's your birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi
like it's your birthday
And you know
we don't give a...
[indistinct TV chatter]
Hey, Corey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- [Cece] Happy birthday!
- Hi!
Oh, my God.
You look hot!
Thank you! You look...
- kind.
- Thanks.
- Aw.
- So, um,
- where are we going tonight?
- [door opens]
- Happy, happy!
- [Cece] Hey!
Hi. Sorry we're late.
Someone had a meltdown.
- Oh. Your kids are here.
- [grunting]
- [Jill sighs]
- Good.
Are we having food?
Let's do this.

[utensils clinking]
Sorry, our sitter canceled.
She had to go to...
The Fray concert
or something.
Well, somebody forgot
to call ours. It wasn't me.
It was Nick.
Nick is the one who forgot.
I did. Yeah.
Everything's my fault.
- [Jill] Could you act sorry?
- What is the big deal?
It's not like we're
at a restaurant or something.
[chattering indistinctly]
Another cocktail?
Wren, another cocktail?
[kids grunting]
[Jill] He had one job.
He's at home all day
writing a book.
More like stroking his balls.
I mean, there's no hair left.
[Jill] You want some...?
Not even one glass?
You're so disciplined.
Remember when you used to eat
chocolate covered pretzels
dipped in butter?
[Laurel] I do remember that.
Remember when
your asshole brother said
that I looked like a big toe...
[kids grunting]
- [overlapping chatter]
- [kids grunting continues]
Remember when we used
to spend time together
instead of alleging to be
collapsing from exhaustion
or swamped with work
or "a small child's life
depends on you"? I mean--
I think we're doing pretty good
despite those "claims" of ours.
[scoffs] Guys,
we don't see each other.
We don't even
hang out anymore.
We, we, we-- we're barely
ever together as a group.
Yeah. Well,
that's how it goes.
- I mean, that's life.
- You act like
- you have no control over it.
- Control over what?
Getting older. We don't.
We die or we age. Two options.
Fighting is an option.
Not the aging thing,
but you can fight changing.
Oh, no. You can absolutely
fight aging, and win.
What happened to us? Right?
What, what, what, what--
What happened to us?
We used to be a thing,
like a moving unit.
[chuckles lightly]
Sorry, what are we
talking about?
Bitch, drop the damn phone.
Look at us. Look at this.
What has happened here
between us?
There's nothing.
W-where's the chemistry?
Where's the, like--
It's my birthday, and you're
not even talking to me.
I mean, can we, can we just,
like, focus a little bit
and, and not just, like,
run through the motions?
I feel like we need to rebel
against this generic death march
- that the rest of society
stumbles down.
- "Generic death march."
Like the work, marry,
kids, menopause, die.
A-are we kidding?
Why am I the only one
freaking out over this?
Maybe 'cause
it's your birthday?
- What?
- Is that what it is?
- You're very single.
- And lonely?
What? No, that's not why
I'm freaking--
Okay, I'm just gonna
say it, all right?
I am just going to say it.
There is no life in our lives.
Remember, we had
all these plans?
We were gonna take over
the world, right?
Jill, I mean, you just forgot,
and now I am reminding you,
so it's all...
Jill, seriously.
[Laurel] Wren, we didn't forget.
We were just teenagers
when we said that.
- [grunting]
- Kids, can you please
just keep it quiet
over there?
Teenagers say that shit,
and then we grow up.
Are you implying
that I didn't?
No, you're putting words
in my mouth right there.
Why don't you chill
with the temper tantrum?
- Yeah, you're fine.
- I mean, maybe you just got
a little stuck
after high school.
Stuck? Stuck?
I did not peak in high school!
I am in my pri--
Goddamn it, Jill!
- [thuds]
- [gasps, cries] Mommy!
- [Jill] Jesus Christ!
- [Laurel] Oh, my God, Wren!
My God, Wren!
What are you doing?
What happened? Is he bleeding?
- [overlapping chatter]
- [Dale crying]
- Wren, what are you doing?
- Oh, my God.
- [overlapping chatter]
- [crying continues]
- [man speaking Spanish]
- [exhales]
- [Jill] Are you crazy?
- I have cancer!
- [Laurel] I'm so sorry!
- [gasping]
What? Oh, what?
- No!
- Oh, my God.
[keyboard clacking]
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Fuckity-fuck sticks!
[keyboard clacking]
[keyboard clacking]
- [clacking louder]
- [laptop thuds]
[Wren] Thanks for
coming in today. [sighs]
- Receipt is in the bag.
- [customer] Okay.
- [Wren clears throat]
- Thank you so much.
Good to...
Good to see you.
- [sighs]
- [bell jingling]
Did you see
that lady over there?
The one that
was breastfeeding?
Yes. It's disgusting.
Oh. No. [chuckles]
Yeah, that's not the--
Anyway, um,
back in high school,
she was crazy.
I'm talking sex, drugs,
shoplifting, carjacking.
She was my hero.
What were you like
in high school?
Did you run around
and tear shit up?
I had my moments. I, uh,
I enjoyed creating
comic books.
Okay, yeah.
So you get it. Sort of.
What's the-- the worst lie
that you've ever told?
I don't lie.
It's a sign of weakness.
Okay. Well, um...
Would you be mad
if somebody implied
that you peaked in high school?
- I was homeschooled.
- That makes sense.
Oh, thank you.
[chuckles lightly]
But-- but, no, no.
No, I would not be mad.
I mean, 98.9% of the people
are, are, are sheep.
Their opinions
are meaningless.
[clicks tongue]
Okay. Well,
let's just say
you did care, right?
And it caused you to do
something crazy,
some might even say
in the heat of the moment.
You couldn't be held
responsible for that, right?
Because you were
provoked, right?
I've lost interest
in this conversation.
Excuse me.
[bell jingling]
[Cece] Hey, Malcolm.
- What's up?
- [Laurel] My guy.
- Who are you?
- We're Wren's friends.
- We've met you numerous times.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- We're here to steal Wren.
Is that okay? We don't wanna
take up any of her sick days.
Why are you whispering?
Oh, um, we're trying
to be respectful...
- Yeah.
- ...because of cancer.
Oh. You guys have cancer?
- No.
- Not the three of us.
- No,
- Uh, Wren.
W-wren has cancer?
- [Jill] You-- you didn't know?
- No, I didn't... Wren?
Oh, my God. Wren.
- Oh.
- Oh. Is she cleaning
- the floors?
- Should she do that?
Wh-- Well, what are you--
- What are you doing about it?
- Me?
You, uh, her, whoever.
Oh, uh, we're taking her to a...
- a pool and spa.
- Yeah.
Well, well, will that help?
They offer a treatment
called, um...
"Healing Hands".
- I've heard of that, I think.
- Have you?
- That--
- Yeah, but... [exhales]
Wren's used up
all her personal days
- and her sick days, plus four.
- [Laurel] Plus four?
Well, I suppose
I could disregard
all the tenants of honor
and personal accountability
I hold my life to and,
- and let this slide, but--
- Mmm.
- Right.
- Okay, yes.
Go immediately
or I'll change my mind.
- Okay. [chuckles lightly]
- [Jill] Thank you so much.
- [Cece] Thank you!
- [Wren] Bye.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [coughing]
- Thank you.
- [clicks tongue]
Ah, Jesus. That sucks.
Now I'm gonna have
to train a newbie.
[Cece] She's stealing.
[upbeat music playing]
What the heck's going on
with the footwear?
I told you already.
Nobody looks at my feet, okay?
I have gorgeous feet.
So, Wren. We should--
We should talk.
Yeah, there are things
that we need to know.
Yeah, like what kind
of cancer do you have?
- Tonsil.
- What?
Yeah, um, throat.
Tonsil cancer.
Oh, from smoking.
- Oh!
- Yeah, that, that--
that would be
the most logical assumption.
That might not be so bad
because the tonsils
are actually very small.
Yeah, exactly.
They could probably
just chop it off, you know?
- [Laurel] Mmm.
- Oh.
We also need to say
that we feel incredibly shitty
about the way things
went down the other night.
About that. Uh...
Guys. I, uh... Thank you.
You guys,
look, this is
really nice, but...
Is that okay to do
- with your tonsils?
- Ooh, yeah.
There's something that I...
- really need to admit to you.
- It's fine.
You missed Dale's eye
by, like, a solid inch.
- No.
- No one was fatally hurt.
Does he now jump when
he hears loud noises? Yeah.
Is there a twitch?
Also, yeah.
But nothing that, uh, time
and therapy won't help.
And Nick wanted Dale
to toughen up a little bit.
Uh, we wouldn't have done it
by chucking a phone at his head,
- but whatever works.
- [Laurel chuckles]
Yeah. I should've known
something was wrong
from the way you were acting.
You kinda freaked us out,
to be honest.
We were, like, what kind
of adult woman acts like that?
- [Cece] Yeah.
- But now it all makes sense.
And you were right.
We should see each other
- more often, and we will.
- [Laurel] Yeah.
- We will?
- [scoffs] Heck, yeah.
I mean, you're single,
so we're kind of all you have.
[Laurel] Oh, my God. Shut up!
- What?
- Just stop talking.
Wren, friendship
is important.
That's the point, okay?
We all need
to make time for that.
Especially now.
We're gonna be
here by your side
- through all of this.
- Right. Friends till the end.
Not that you're
gonna die soon.
Jill! Shh!
Uh, "shh" to you!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Anyway, Laurel found
a cancer support group,
so she's gonna
take you there tonight.
No. [chuckles] No, no, no, no,
no, no, no. I can't do that.
- Sure you can.
- A hundred percent.
Guys, that's not
spending time together.
That's spending time with
strangers, and you know what?
Who likes talking to strangers?
Besides, this...
this is the only support
I can handle right now.
- [horn honking]
- [car stereo blaring]
Go, fucker! You dildo-popping
son-of-a-clit mother...
Zen. I've been doing yoga,
but this is why...
I hate driving. Next time,
we'll take our bikes.
That way it's easier
to get physical when
someone pisses you off.
I don't have a bike.
Well, then,
you don't have a future.
At least not one without
insulin. Are you kidding?
You-you wanna say goodbye
to your fuckin' toes?
- No.
- I'll give you one of mine.
Bikes, not toes.
I have four, okay?
Their terrain-specific,
super grippy on the handles,
you know? Vroom, vroom.
Uh! Those bad boys
will get you to and from,
that's for sure.
How did you even find out
about this place anyway?
This chick at my gym.
Her brother has cancer,
and she says he likes
these meetings.
She says it's like a potluck,
you know? [chuckles]
BYOC. I know
you are fucking kidding me.
- Here we are!
- [sighs]
[Wren] Okay.
- I guess I'll go in now.
- Go ahead.
I'm just gonna wait here
the whole time.
I'll park and run laps.
I'm good, actually. I can--
I can Uber back later.
No, I wanna be here for you.
- I'm here for you.
- You're here right now.
- Thank you so much.
- I will be here forever.
- [chuckles]
- Wha--
Like, I'm gonna
watch you walk in,
and I'm gonna be here
when you-- when you come out.
It's like the first day
of school. Fun, right?
I'm like--
I'm like your mom.
- I just won't leave.
- Or I could Uber later.
- No.
- I'll be good.
You don't have to wait.
- I'm good.
- No, no, no. I'm your Uber.
I'm your Postmates.
I'm your Tinder.
Oh. Okay. Uh, all right.
- Have fun.
- All right. Thank you.
[hands clapping]
[clears throat] I'm just
trying to be supportive.
[light music playing]
[overlapping chatter]
[sighs, groans]
[overlapping chatter continues]
[man] You okay?
Do we have to participate?
What, you mean,
like, talk and shit?
Nah, nah, nah.
It's not like that.
- Chill.
- [exhales]
you'll be fine.
This is the easy part.
Why? What happens later?
No, I'm saying this part's
a breeze, you know what I mean,
compared to the rest of it.
- [exhales]
- Quick question.
Have you ever told,
like, a massive lie
- that you can't really--
- [door opens]
[Wren clicks tongue, exhales]
Well, aren't you fetching.
[chuckles] Well, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
You're pretty
fetching yourself. Mm.
Hello, everyone. Welcome.
Let's get started with a prayer.
Heavenly Father, we gather today
to thank you for your great love
and blessings over our lives.
[whispers] Were you hitting
on me in a cancer support group?
- [Derek] ...with our illnesses
and we ask you...
- What if I was?
[Derek] ...for your guidance
so that we might walk fully
- in your blessedness...
- Isn't that against the rules?
They did it
in Fight Club.
[Derek] hear your voice
and make us strong by your...
[wind whooshing]
[overlapping chatter]
- [Derek] Leo, what up?
- [Leo] What's up, man?
Good to see you, Derek. [grunts]
By the way, uh, this is Wren.
- She's new.
- [Derek] Hi.
Hello. Hi.
Man, you are really nailing
the whole charisma thing.
Strong, firm handshake,
super intense eyes.
You're like the Tom Cruise
of cancer.
- [chuckles]
- Tom Crancer. [laughs]
What kind of cancer
do you have?
[clears throat]
It's primarily
in the tonsil arena, and--
but it-it has wandered
into the, uh, throat-al,
um, region, as well.
Yeah, that one can be tough.
Yeah. Wait, what? As--
What do-- what do you mean?
Is there a lot of symptoms,
or, um, are they visible...
Hair loss?
I don't know any specifics.
You should talk
to your doctor about that.
It's such a pleasure
meeting you, Wren.
Oh. Oh. Okay.
[smacks lips]
Well, this was, uh, yeah.
It was very insightful,
and, uh, um, healing,
and, um, beneficial,
and just so, so wonderful.
Thank you for the, uh,
general wellness.
[car stereo blaring]
Is it weird to pick someone up
at a cancer support group?
Yeah. A hundred percent.
What about Fight Club?
Oh, I totally forgot
about Fight Club.
- We should watch that later.
- We totally should.
Advertising has us
chasing cars and clothes...
- Mm.
- ...working jobs we hate
- so we can buy shit
we don't need.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- Mmm.
- First rule of Fight Club is
- you do not talk about...
- [clattering]
- [door opening]
- [Jill] Hey!
- [clears throat]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [coughs] Ugh.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Hey.
- We're here!
What, what-- [coughs]
What are you guys doing?
We are here
to fix you, okay?
- We got sitters.
- You did?
How are you feeling?
Any better?
- Um...
- Have you, um...
Have you discharged
any vomit...
- [Cece] What is...?
- ...or anything yet?
- [Cece] Chips?
- Um, what is she doing?
What, what--
what are you doing?
I mean, "You cannot
heal your body
if you insist on fueling it
with garbage."
- You gotta read the book.
- Mm-hmm.
[Cece mumbling indistinctly]
You know what? I've got a--
a really cool idea.
So, I, um...
[clears throat, grunts]
I ran into this, uh,
doctor at the hospital
that told me about all these
natural healing techniques
that we could try, and, um,
one of them
is a healing circle.
We-we sit in a circle,
and then when we're there,
you guys think
healing thoughts, right?
You would think them, and then
you would just beam them...
- Whoa.
-, kinda, like, at me,
sort of like a little,
little love missiles.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then it turns
into healing.
It-it, like, heals.
It's the mind.
It's, like, the, the most--
- Science of the mind.
- Yeah.
- It's the most natural--
- It's very powerful stuff.
We have the ability to heal
ourselves from within.
- Sure, yeah.
- So how about... [stammers]
- Maybe you could just...
- [objects thunk]
...stop touching my stuff,
then we can call Laurel
and tell her to come over,
and, you know... [smacks lips]
We can do this, make it a--
make it a thing.
- What do you think?
- Shoot you with love?
- Mm-hmm.
- [Jill] Yeah.
I haven't read any of that
in this kind of--
It's not in that book.
It's an, um, it's a--
it's a book that they have
at the hospital.
[Cece] What's it called?
I'd like to pick it up.
- I could just order it. Amazon.
- Um...
- Yeah, right now.
- It's called
The Circle of Life.
It sounds familiar.
Circle of Life...
Uh, by Marianne Williamson?
[Jill] Was it on the Oprah list?
It might have been. Um,
but why don't
we just call Laurel
and-and get her to come
over here and try it, all right?
And are we clothed?
[all humming]
[inhales, exhales loudly]
We-- we, uh, we could do
something else.
Is there anything that,
um, that they suggested
to help the healing...
[sighs] ...along?
- Something--
- Yes.
Patients, um,
with social support
tend to feel
less anxious, depressed,
and have a better
quality of life.
So the point is,
that having you guys
around me a lot
is so important to me...
to my life... quality.
But there are other techniques.
Um, such as massages,
day drinking, maybe
a carnival, vacations.
General spirit-lifters.
- Oh.
- "Vacations"? Plural?
Uh, vacations
meaning sunshine.
- Right?
- [Cece] Okay.
- Because, uh...
- Yeah.
The sun has Vitamin D, right?
And, um, the exposure of D
has several benefits, like,
it synthesizes
the white blood cells...
- Mm-hmm. Right.
- ...which is good
because it also prevents...
[clicks tongue]
What... what is ricket?
I think it's a bug.
- It's--
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, this is good.
Laughing is holistic.
Mmm. 'Cause they do say that
laughter is the best medicine.
["Push It"
by Salt-N-Pepa playing]
[Cece] Gene Simmons?
- Richard Simmons?
- No. Who is this?
- J.K. Simmons?
- It's a very famous movie.
It was a huge hit.
[Laurel] Who is
the little boy behind her?
If that's Shane West...
that is...?
Shane West, Mandy Moore,
A Walk to Remember...
- What is this?
- [laughs]
- "My only hope!"
- [laughter]
[Laurel] Stop the lip quiver,
Mandy Moore.
- [laughs] Oh!
- [laughs] Oh!
[Cece] I mean,
it's just a game.
- It's just a game.
- Yeah, no. It's a,
"Ha-ha, I love it.
Ha-ha. I'm so much fun."
- Whoa, yeah, smoke.
- [laughter]
- I'm doing it.
- [Cece] Do the thing
you used to do
- with your nose.
- Oh, yeah.
["Push It" continues playing]
[overlapping chatter]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [phone shutter clicks]
- Oh, smoke...
- [laughter]
Hey, Jake?
It's Jill. [laughs]
Yeah, you remember me
from high school. [laughs]
- Me.
- I wanna suck your hairy balls.
I do. What do you mean
I sound exactly the same?
Oh, my God.
His wife. His wife.
- Oh. Oh.
- Uh... oh, my God.
I might kiss you.
["Only Hope" by Mandy Moore
plays over TV]
[Jill] You're lucky, okay?
We've got nice toys.
Sit down there.
Just sit down and play.
Very good. Thank you.
- [exhales]
- [kids chattering]
[breathes deeply]
[Wren] Um, guys.
Come on. Come on.
- Let's-- let's go.
- [Cece] What?
All right? Let's just--
Let's just...
[clicks tongue] Let's go.
Wren, I signed you in.
Why don't you just sit?
- We're staying. We're staying.
- I know, but I, I can sign out.
I can come back another day.
[Laurel] We should discuss
maybe getting a second opinion.
You know, we've all
been asking around
- for referrals.
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Cece] I say,
the more, the better.
What kind of insurance
do you have?
I'd like to call them
and find out exactly
what's covered
- so we can stay
on top of your doctors.
- [Jill] Right.
- Mm-hmm.
- [elevator dings]
[clears throat]
Okay, you know what? That's it.
I-I, I'm-I'm-I'm--
This has gone on far too long.
I'm gonna just say it.
I don't have cancer, okay?
It was a misdiagnosis,
and the doctors thought
that I did have cancer,
but it turns out
that they were wrong.
They checked again,
and it looks like
it was just a goiter.
- You don't have to lie
to mask your fear.
- Yeah.
I'm not lying.
- Fibbing?
- This is-- I'm telling you,
this is textbook behavior.
I just marked this page
in my book.
[Laurel] Another self-help book.
Are you kidding me?
[Cece] Whoa. Why are you
attacking me right now?
Why do you read this stuff?
It's a pyramid scheme.
[Cece] Do you know
what a pyramid scheme is?
- [Laurel] No.
- [Cece] It's not buying a book.
- Wren Pepper?
- [Laurel] Let's go!
- Oh. Okay.
- All right.
- [Laurel] I'll hold your hand.
- Okay, we're gonna
pack up, guys.
- Real quick, okay?
- You know what?
- We're gonna come
with you, okay?
- Guys, guys, you know what?
I think I have to go
on this journey alone.
- Yeah.
- [Laurel] Mm.
[door opens, closes]
- What did you find?
- Nothing.
Okay, well, um,
that's not possible.
Did you even read
my medical history?
The part that asks
how many cigarettes
and drinks I have
in one week?
There's definitely
something liquefying,
or hardening,
or exploding in there.
It's probably cancer.
No, you're perfectly healthy.
Maybe you need to do
a little bit more
of a thorough investigation?
Like, run some tests?
The real hardcore shit,
like, really get up in there
and, and, and take
a good look around.
Wren, you don't have cancer.
I could have cancer.
The body's a mystery.
You could, but you don't.
I really do think I do. I do.
I'm sorry, do you want cancer?
Of course not.
But since when
does the universe
care what we want? Hmm?
This is an idiotic conversation.
Have you considered
seeing a therapist?
Wow. Yes, I have.
[toy whirring]
[Laurel grunting]
Hey, do I have
something in my teeth?
- No.
- You do.
What the--
- Where?
- Spot me, Dale.
- Spot me, brother.
- Where? Where?
- I didn't even eat any food.
- Dale, just sit down.
- Spot me.
- Thank you.

Leo! Hey, are you okay?
Um, I've been better.
Do you need a ride home?
Oh, my gosh.
I cannot find my glasses.
Will you-- will you make sure
they're strapped in?
I-I have so many bags
- and so many zippers--
- Ugh. Damn it. What is it?
Is it cross-cross
or bunny loops?
- Don't look at me.
I don't have a kid.
- I don't know how to--
- [Cece] What the heck?
- [grunts] I got it.
- Uh, really? I--
- [Cece] Okay,
I'm just gonna drive
- without glasses.
- [Jill] I really don't
agree with this.
- [Laurel] I can walk.
- If anybody from work
saw me doing this...
It's so embarrassing.
- [Cece] Okay, I got it,
I got it.
- It's not closing!
- It's gonna close. I got it!
- I don't know how to do--
Oh, there it is. There it is.
We're good. We're good.
[Cece] We're good. We are...
- This is so embarrassing.
- Everybody strapped in?
- Are you in?
- I hope you're all
- We are on the move.
- [Jill] Dale! Dale!
[Wren] Ooh, I wanna wear that.
Can I try that on?
- [Jill] No, don't teach Dale.
- [Wren laughs]
You know I can't really see
out of the rearview mirror.
- That's good.
- No, she's-- That's fine.
Wait! I'm not in the car!
This isn't funny!
Jill! Cece!
[light music playing]
[indistinct TV chatter]
[Leo chuckles]
[Wren grunts]
There you go.
Wait, what-what are--
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What, what are you doing?
Wait, whoa.
I've seen a lot of people
wear hats like these
in cancer movies and stuff.
Oh, is it-- [tutting]
That's because they're bald.
- That makes sense.
- Stop watching movies.
You're fucking up my hair.
- [chuckles]
- Jeez!
[Wren sighs]
So, I see you had your whole
little crew in there today, huh?
You're not afraid they're gonna
start treating you differently?
I was actually more afraid
that they wouldn't.
Huh. [chuckles]
Okay, well...
I guess I'll just...
[clicks tongue] head out.
My friends,
they don't know what to say,
or how to act.
It's like, have you ever had
to move neighborhoods
and switch sports teams
as a kid,
and your new team has a game
playing your old team,
and you see them, you just
wanna be back on their side,
when you was all the same,
but you can't.
They just keep playing
like nothing's changed.
Maybe even start
hating them a little.
And then you're like,
"Fuck, I already got cancer."
I don't wanna be all...
filled with hate.
So you just let 'em go,
you know?
[clicks tongue]
You can't play sports
with your friends forever.

[club music playing]
Ugh, I cannot believe
we used to do this all the time.
I feel sorry
for every one of us.
- Hey!
- No, I mean, I get it.
It's like, you know,
big night out,
nostalgia for the good old days,
et cetera, et cetera,
but it doesn't mean
I have to be cool
with this waiting-in-line crap.
Um, hey. Do you even feel well
enough to be doing this?
I mean, it just seems
like a weird thing
for that holistic doctor
to suggest.
Is he even really a doctor?
Actually, um, it's--
it's not weird because, uh,
there are several relevant
scientific medical studies
that state that normal behavior
is super crucial
for an effective and speedy,
healthy recovery.
And dancing
is great exercise, huh?
- Engages the core.
- There is nothing normal
about this,
Gosh, we look like we could be
these girls' older sisters.
I don't.
- Yeah, we know.
- [scoffs]
[indistinct chatter]
What, is something wrong?
I mean, not with me.
Except that I look thirsty
by association
standing next to you.
- What did she just say?
- No, no, no. It's okay.
It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool. Shh. I got this.
You know what? I am thirsty.
But tonight, I'm gonna feed
on the blood of someone
way less basic than me.
So I'm gonna look for you
on the inside
so I can infuse
your coolness into my soul.
You're so beautiful.
They're letting you in.
You wanna go?
Bye, guys. Thanks for listening
to me on that one.
Have fun in there.
- Silly little cunt.
- [laughs]
Did you like that?
I was like the Grim Reaper.
This place is popping
off the chain.
What are you drinking?
- Water.
- No!
- [glass breaks]
- [man] Hey!
No. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, ladies.
We are having fun tonight, okay?
No pussy-ing out.
["Best Friend"
by Sofi Tukker playing]
[whooping, cheering]
Whoo! [laughs]
- [glass breaks]
- [laughs]

Fucking finally!
Can we get, um--
Three Aperol fross, please.
- Mm. Are you serious?
- [gasps]
Guys, guys! It's our song.
Let's go dance!
- [grunts]
- Whoa!
- [screaming]
- [gasping]
- [grunting]
- [screaming]
- Hey! Hey!
- Ah!
[screaming and grunting]
[grunting continues]
[indistinct chatter]
[phone ringing]
A'ight. Let's go,
you bunch of hot messes.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, go, go, go, yeah.
[Jill] Could we just go to--
Could we just go...
- Yeah, all right.
- an Apple store?
I need a new iPhone.
[engine stops]
Well, um...
Thank you for bailing us
out of jail
and for driving us home.
Cece normally does that,
but this time she was with us,
so... [sucks teeth]
- Hey, um...
- Mm?
Not to sound all, like,
parental or whatever,
but you really
gotta watch yourself
drinking on them chemo drugs.
I mean, what do they
have you on, anyway?
Uh, pills
and IVs, sometimes.
What kind of IV?
I don't, I don't--
I don't know. [stammers]
Chemotherapy drugs, probably.
Same, same shit as you.
I'm not on chemo.
But that day
at the hospital--
I was getting
a tumor ablation
to hold me over until I can
find a liver transplant.
Oh. Uh, well...
all those cancer terms,
they just go in one ear,
and then out the other.
I don't want the, um,
negativity to, uh, fester
and kinda stick
to my brain, so...
but I can drink on them.
- That, I know for sure.
- Mm-hmm.
- Because I asked. So...
- Oh.
- Okay.
- [clicks tongue] All good.
- Okay.
- But thank you
for your concern.
[country music playing
on car stereo]
Where are we going?
Uh, the park by Jill's.
Wren, I think we're
getting off track here.
Yeah, I think the park
by Jill's is that way.
No, no. Off track
with the, the--
the healing tactics
for the-- for the cancer.
I know that the holistic doctor
is encouraging social stuff,
but I doubt he meant, you know,
getting high, getting wasted,
getting in bar fights,
and getting arrested.
- Yeah, well--
- I get that it's easier
to pretend that
this isn't happening,
but it is,
and all these distractions
are not gonna make
the cancer go away.
- [horns honking]
- Whoa!
You're not glancing at the road,
like, not even a little bit.
I was. [sniffles]
Our lives are just
getting so different,
and you judged my lifestyle,
and I did too, and I'm so sorry.
And then this happened,
and suddenly, it's, like, shoot,
none of that stuff matters,
and, and I realize,
like, I had stopped seeing
all of your amazing qualities.
Like, you're brave
and you're such a good friend,
and you're so loyal.
I'm so sorry that I forgot,
- and I'm not-- [crying]
- [tires screeching]
[horn honking]
I'm sorry. [sobbing]
Okay, Ce. That's it. That's it.
I need you to pull over.
I have to tell you something.
I know. I love you too.
- No, it's not that.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, everybody came!
- What?
[Cece] Oh, this is so good.
- [Wren] What?
- [Cece] You're gonna like this.
"Ish." You might be mad, though.
[indistinct chatter]
[Cece grunts, sniffles]
- [car door shuts]
- What is this?
Oh, my God.
[tense music buildup]
- No.
- [Jill] Oh, she's here!
[Laurel] Get out there,
you little fucker!
- No, no. [mumbles indistinctly]
- Come on.
We did a good thing.
I'm actually
not feeling good.
- [Jill] Oh, no...
- What-- Did you have
cold brew again?
So, a quick heads up,
this is all for you. Surprise!
It's a little fundraiser
for the, you know,
your medical bills
and all that stuff.
- You guys, this is not necess--
- No, too, too late! Ooh!
Your parents! Ah! [stammers]
Your parents are coming.
- Your parents are coming.
- Oh, yeah.
- What?
- We thought that they knew.
- Sorry.
- No. No, no, no, no.
They do not know.
I told them that I was
out of the country.
Yeah, that caused
some confusion.
- [Fred] Hello, Jill.
- [Carol] Wren,
you didn't even tell us!
Do you realize
how that looks?
Tongues start to wag.
People talk. They judge!
- You should be ashamed. No.
- Uh...
I feel disappointed...
Not so much as a word
to your parents?
I know I wasn't
Mother of the Year, Wrenny,
- but was I that awful?
- Carol, knock it off!
Christ, it's been like this
the whole damn car ride!
Bad mother, this.
Bad father, that.
I'm losing
my goddamn mind here!
We had to hear it from Cece.
Why? What are you
trying to tell us
by not telling us
anything about your life?
I-I know there's
a message in there,
and I don't know
what it is, but I hear it.
I hear something,
and it is loud and clear.
So... So,
this is going well.
[chuckles lightly]
Cece! Why? Why?
I'm gonna get something
to eat. Where's the beef?
- Just... To the left--
- I got it.
- No, the other way. Yeah.
- I-I got it.
Watch out for the...
Wrenny, this cancer,
did the doctor say
it was from me?
We didn't know not to smoke
when we were pregnant.
It was a different time.
Everybody did it.
Everybody did it.
At least a pack a day.
I never should've taken
hallucinogenics though,
'cause I've never been the same.
That's on me.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh.
- My God.
- Mom?
- [sobbing]
- Mom, please don't cry.
Should we leave?
Don't you even dare.
Your whole piggy bank?
You're going to heaven.
[Miss O'Brian] You were such
a good student. So motivated.
I'd really like it if you would
come talk to my students
- about your ordeal.
- Hmm.
I-I'd really rather not.
No, she'll do it.
- What do you mean? Come on.
- You would love to.
She would love to.
- [Fred] Mm-hmm.
- [Carol] George Kenny!
- Wrenny's former soulmate!
- Mmm.
Oh, and you're having
a baby with another woman.
- Mmm.
- This is my wife, Linda.
Oh, I know.
Wren told me all about you.
No. No, I didn't.
I didn't, Mom.
Hm-hmm! She looked
you up on Instagram.
Cyberstalking, she called it.
- Mm-hmm.
- As a joke!
- [chuckles nervously]
- And I did chuckle.
Well, Linda is a doctor,
and she has
some connections, so...
- If there's anything
we can do...
- Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
That's so nice, but I--
Ah, give us your number.
I don't have a pen.
- I'll DM you. Isn't that nice?
- Mm-hmm.
- That is so sweet.
- So sweet. So sweet.
[Leo] Ah, you must be
Mr. Pepper.
Who are you?
Dad, I-I, I met him
in a support group.
[clears throat]
I got cancer.
- Oh!
- Oh.
- Testicular.
- Oh!
- Stop it.
- [groans]
- He was just kidding, Dad.
- [Cece] Hey, guys.
I hope you don't mind
if I say a quick something.
Uh, I'm Cece, Wren's best friend
since the age of five.
- One of her best friends.
- We are also.
But I was definitely the first.
Um, recently, as you know,
Wren found out
that she was sick.
But just a smidge. Just a...
Just a touch of cancer.
[chuckles nervously]
And your generosity
will go a long way
towards helping her get well.
Oh, this is bad.
This is very bad.
And Wren is really lucky
to have all of you guys
rallying around her today.
- [Wren] No, no, no, no.
- [Cece] And, um, all of us
who love Wren are really,
really grateful.
Um, sorry. Okay, um, I'm done.
Uh, I'll let you guys
get back to it.
Uh, but first, we'll hear
a few words from our girl, Wren.
- Whoo! Yeah!
- [applause]

Wren, get up there.
Everybody's looking.
She's always been
a late starter.
Come on, kiddo.
They're waiting for ya.
Wren, get up there.
People are waiting.
- [chuckles lightly]
- Yeah.
[Wren clears throat]
- Dad...
- My little girl.
- [Carol] Go, Wren.
- [people chuckling]
- [clears throat] Oh, whoa.
- [amplifier feedback]
[Carol] Speak from
your heart, Wren.

Um, hey, y'all. Uh...
Looks like our girl Wren is
a little overcome with emotion.
So, uh, I'm gonna tap in.
Um, I'm Leo. I got cancer.
- Ah.
- [Leo] And, uh...
Me and Wren, we just met
a couple of weeks ago,
so I know you might be thinking
it's a little soon for me
to speak on her behalf,
but cancer really brings
people together, you know?
It bonds you.
It's like being stuck
in a foxhole together,
you know what I mean? [chuckles]
I really like him.
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, trust is crucial and...
and she trusts me enough
to thank all of you
on her behalf, so thank you.
A big round of applause
for you guys.
- [whooping]
- [Leo] Seriously.
[cheering and applause]
[Leo] You know, we really
appreciate all your support.
It-- it means a lot, and, um,
I figured I'd wrap this up
with a little call
and response, all right?
So when I say,
"I got cancer,"
y'all say,
"But it don't got me!"
- Okay? Y'all ready?
- Ready!
There we go! I got cancer...
- [all] But it don't got me!
- I need it a little louder.
Give me some energy,
y'all! Come on!
I'm the one with the cancer.
I need to hear y'all!
I got cancer...
- [all] But it don't got me!
- [Leo] Yeah!
Thank you, guys.
Round of applause
for yourselves, seriously.
[cheering and applause continue]
We need to talk.
- What a nice young man. Mm-hmm.
- He's... He really is.
That, I mean--
- Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Why are you lying
- about having cancer?
- What?
[stammers] I'm-- I'm not.
I... [chuckles nervously]
What? I, no-- I-I do have cancer
of the throat
and of the tonsil.
We can do this all day.
I know you don't.
I mean, seriously. Who the fuck
lies about having cancer?
Well, since I'm not lying, I... lying.
I don't have cancer.
Okay, but you do got a serious
problem on your hands.
Are you gonna tell everyone?
I didn't say that.
So you're not gonna
tell everyone?
- I didn't say that either.
- [sighs]
This is fuckin' serious, Wren.
I'm still trying to figure out
how I'm supposed
to deal with this.
Well, maybe you don't
have to deal with this.
Nice try. Explain yourself.
Have you ever done something
that you can't actually explain?
I don't know.
I-I'm a fucked up, bad person
who does fucked up bad shit!
No. Try again.
[groans] Leo,
I don't know, okay?
It just, it, it--
it happened, all right?
My friends were sleepwalking
through their lives,
and they were
forgetting about me.
And there it is.
The dirty truth.
Leo, these girls
are my family.
they matter on a level
that blood never could
because you pick your friends.
You choose each other, and you
keep choosing each other.
You think this person...
this person's worth
the investment.
I want them in my life,
and I will do the work
to keep them there,
and every time you think that,
or your friends
think that about you,
they prove something.
They prove that...
someone thinks
that you are worth it.
Someone thinks
that you matter.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but I wasn't
ready to give that up.
And I doubt
that I ever will be.
[breathes deeply]
My friends were so busy
that they were making
that choice less and less,
that scared the shit out of me.
If you're looking for sympathy,
you're not gonna find it here...
because I actually
have cancer, Wren.
And it fucking sucks.
I'm sorry.
I don't think you are.
Leo... [sighs]
[whispers] Goddamn it.
[mellow music playing]
[indistinct background chatter]
[breathes deeply]
[Malcolm] We're having
a sale on greeting cards.
- [bell jingling]
- You should really stock up.
Hey. Hey, Wren? Wren?
Your, uh, your cancer crony
showed up for a visit.
[Wren inhales] Okay, look.
I'm gonna confess.
You might wanna
rethink that, Wren.
- Why?
- [sighs]
After we had our talk,
I had a conversation
with your girls the other day,
and they were telling me
how they banked a hefty amount
for your treatment.
Now, you know that taking money
for a fake disease
is punishable by imprisonment?
It's considered fraud.
What do you want me to do?
You had me thinking
we were in the same boat,
and you ain't even near
the fucking water.
- I know. I'm so sorry.
- That's some cold shit.
Now, I don't think
you're some sort of
Machiavellian douchebag
or whatever,
but I am of the opinion
that people should think
a little more before they act.
I'm gonna show you
how to do that.
- [liquid whooshes]
- What is that?
This is what it feels like
to have cancer.
Bottom's up. Go ahead.
[liquid whooshes]
- Swallow.
- [gulps, exhales]
[vomits, breathes heavily]
- Damn, that worked fast.
- Jesus, what was that?
Oh, you know, just a little
concoction I found online.
[woman] Ew!
- What?
- [Wren groans]
Why are you giving us
the stank eye?
We got cancer!
[vomits, coughs]
- [breathing heavily]
- [car horn honking]
Ah. Here they are now.
Right on time.
Wren, get in the car.
Me and Daddy are gonna
take care of you.
Cancer! It's real.
[Leo] Now, let me tell you
how this is gonna go down.
- [vomits, coughs]
- That puke cocktail
was the start of a little
crash course you're gonna take.
I'm calling it
"Intro to Empathy 101."
Here are some of the things
you're gonna learn.
[clock ticking]
When you're sick, the people
in your life show up.
- [alarm blaring]
- [gasps] Oh, goddamn it! What?
- Why? Why?
- [Fred] Come on, honey.
- Rise and shine. Here we go!
- Why are you here?
- Why? What's going on?
- Leo printed out
the instructions
from your doctor.
- He what?
- So here you go.
- [Leo] They're worried.
- Here's your medicine.
- What is that?
- Come on, take this. Take this.
[Leo] And they gotta
feel like they're doing
something to help.
- I don't think I need this.
- And we're not leaving
- until you take
the damn pills, okay?
- Okay, fine, fine.
- Come on.
- Same time every day,
we gotta take the pills.
- [singsongy] Gotta open up
and take your pills.
- God.
Put 'em into
your tummy hills.
- [laughter]
- Come on, you got it.
[Leo] No big deal,
right? Wrong.
It's gonna suck
for all of you.
Shake it up, Mama.
[Leo] They're uptight,
you're uptight.
- [alarm blaring]
- [gasps, breathing heavily]
[Leo] Nobody's getting
any private time.
Come on, baby.
Bottom's up.
[Leo] Ain't nobody dying
on their watch.
- [Fred] You have to.
- You know, Wren...
- There we go.
- ...eight out of ten people
don't get enough protein.
- [groaning]
- [knock on door]
- [Carol] Wrenny, you okay?
- [groans] Mom, go away!
- Are you stopped up?
- [Wren groans]
- [Leo] At this point...
- [snoring]
- [alarm blaring]
- [gasps]
[Leo]'ll probably start
feeling a little desperate.
- Thinking about confessing.
- [exhales]
- [phone clacks, dings]
- [sighs]
- [Carol] Do you want me
to leave you alone?
- Yeah.
- [alarm blaring]
- [gasps, groans]
- Mom?
- You're already weak.
What the...?
[Leo] But you won't.
[Carol] Can I tell you a secret?
Because you know
I can't poop on vacation.
[Leo] 'Cause you'll remember...
[Carol] Do a low-pitched
guttural moan.
[guttural moaning]
[Leo] ...if you wanna
be forgiven for having
- an anorexic conscience...
- [guttural moaning]
"Oh, I got throat cancer."
- "I know what I'll do."
- "I'll... I'll vape."
- [alarm blaring]
- [sighs, groans]
- Ride the horsey.
Ride the horsey.
- Hey.
- [Leo] You...
- It's not gonna drink itself.
- ...gotta do some atoning.
- [alarm blaring]
- You have to eat.
- Mm-hmm.
No, I have, uh,
that whole case
- of Ensure in my bag.
- Okay.
I better not find one tiny
little footprint in my garden,
or so help me,
there will be hell to pay!
[kid] Bite me, Grandpa!
Feral little savages!
- [smooches]
- Love you, sweetie.
[Leo] And when your poor parents
have reached their limit...
We're here if you need us.
[Leo] ...I'll get
your girls to sub in,
and I'll just let those wackos
do their thing.
- Baby girl!
- [screaming]
Leo called me. He told me
you were on the way home.
Okay? We're going out.
- I have a surprise.
- What?
[Laurel] This doctor
is super legit.
It's like spiritual therapy
with crystals,
so she massages your aura.
My God. We gotta
clean this bitch up.
[baby crying]
- I can't... [sighs]
- There's Jill.
Do you know you had
a bunch of loose pretzels
underneath your bed?
Like, what are you doing,
feeding a stray cat?
[whispers] Whisper "cancer"
into it. It'll reverse.
- [whispers] Cancer.
- Do you feel that
- leaving your body?
- [Jill] Here, hold this.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not again. Not again.
I know I should've done this
the last time I was here.
I mean, the things
you put in your body
can be just as impactful
as any drugs, you know?
I restocked your kitchen.
Meth and sugar, same thing.
[Leo] At this point,
you might start feeling
a little sorry for yourself.
- [Laurel] Is that for Goodwill?
- [Jill] I mean, it smells like
it's from Goodwill.
Louder. From deep down, okay?
You want the cancer
to leave or not?
- Ahh!
- [screams]
- Uh, yeah.
- I think we should
take those out.
- Sure, yeah. Put 'em in here.
- Yeah.
[Leo] And think you've
suffered enough,
but you'd be wrong.
Truth is, all this stuff
is fun and games
compared to what
cancer's actually like.
[Wren] John. Frances.
- [chewing]
- Give it to me.
[Leo] You can't even begin
to understand how that feels.
But that's the point
of Empathy 101, to teach you.
We'll call this
your final exam.
[razor buzzing]
You're out of your
fucking mind. [scoffs]
[cellphone ringing]
- [sighs]
- Hello, it's Leo.
- Oh. Hi, Leo. It's Cece.
- Oh. Hey, Cece.
Where's-- where's Wren?
Well, to be real with you,
- she's losing her hair.
- Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck!
- I should come get her.
- Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
- I got everything handled.
- Are you sure? 'Cause I--
She'll hit you up
later, all right?
- Okay. I'm thinking of giving--
- Uh-huh. Bye.
Come on, now. It's just hair.
It will grow back.
Yeah, it's gonna take
a really long time.
- [razor buzzing]
- [Wren sighs]
You've got nothing
but time, okay?
Unlike most people.
[buzzing stops]
[softly] Okay. Okay.
- [sighs]
- [razor buzzing]
I'm sorry, but I can't do it.
I'm sorry. I just...
I just-- I can't do it.
- [buzzer thuds]
- Okay?
[birds chirping]
[doorknob rattling]
- [Cece] Who's there?
- It's me.
Why is the door locked?
Oh, I have a key.
[Cece] No, wait.
Don't come in yet.
Why? What's--
What's going on?
[Cece] Just-just wait a second.
Can-can you-- Can you
come back in, like, an hour?
- [Jill] Two!
- [Cece] Two hours?
What's going on in there?
[Laurel] Nothing!
Laurel? Okay, that-- [exhales]
- That's it. I'm coming in.
- [keys jingling]
[Laurel] No, Wren. Don't!
[intense music playing]
Look! Laurel and I
are twinsies!
We're "two balls"!
Get it? It's like cue balls.
Is she okay?
She's drunk.
- Yeah.
- Really, really drunk.
Yeah. [slurring]
So she--
It was the only way
that she was gonna do it.
And I'm drunk too,
so... [chuckles]
- [thuds]
- Oh, my God.
- [chuckles lightly]
- Okay. Come here, baby.
Oh, God.
You guys,
why did you do this?
- I don't know.
- I like it. Badass.
Because we're in this together.
If you are bald, we are bald.
Why aren't you bald?
I thought I saw, um,
a clump of hair on the ground,
but it was just one
of Leo's hamsters.
Huh. Well, that
kinda sucks for us.
Ooh, I can just shave yours
right after I'm done
with Cece's.
Yeah. I mean, your hair's gonna
fall out eventually, right?
Let me do yours
before you pass out.
Am I still bald?
- Yeah.
- [sniffles]
I'm gonna scare my baby.
Oh, okay. I'm ready.
No. You-you don't
have to, really.
Ah, I can feel my brain.
No, you can't.
- It's not big enough.
- I can.
All right. Let's go.
- No!
- I really hope I don't have
one of those
lumpy heads, like--
- [razor buzzes, stops]
- Ah! Flashback.
Stop it. You're
freaking Cece out.
I can't help it! I look scary!
[Laurel] You look
sensational, okay?
It was my crowning beauty.
Can we do this, please?
- [razor buzzing]
- No!
No, stop!
I don't have cancer!
- [buzzing stops]
- Ugh, not this again.
I swear. I don't!
[breathing shakily]
I lied.
I'm perfectly healthy.
I always have been.
I ne-- I never had cancer.
I lied to you guys.
Are you fucking kidding me?
[breathing shakily]
I didn't mean to. It just--
It just sort of happened.
I blurted it out
because I could-- I could feel
that we were growing apart,
and I just...
I got so sad...
and I didn't wanna
lose you, guys. [sniffles]
And I, I told you
I had cancer, but I...
I was just...
I lied,
and I've been lying
this whole time.
I'm so-- [breathing shakily]
I'm so sorry.
- [Cece] Get out.
- [breathing shakily]
- Cece, I'm--
- Get out.
[Cece yells] Get out!
[mellow music playing]
[birds chirping]
Hello. How about some orange?
You want orange fur?
You're such
a pretty bunny.
I love you.
- [grunts softly]
- [bell jingling]
Hey there, Pepper.
You look homeless.
What-what are you trying to do,
scare the cancer away?
[chuckles lightly]
- I don't have cancer.
- [keyboard clacking]
That's astonishing.
You were cured that quickly?
I never had cancer.
- I made it up.
- [bell jingling]
I lied.
Are you serious, Pepper?
[customers chatting
[Malcolm] What the shit?
What, what, what,
what kind of bitch-ass punk
lies about having cancer?
What the--
What is wrong with you?
Malcolm, the kids.
The kids think you suck,
you freakin' hypocrite!
Just-- just get the hell out!
[mellow music playing]
For what it's worth,
I am sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right. You are sorry.
You're a sorry ass
little fucker!
Get the fuck out of here,
and don't come back
until you're fucking terminal!
- [dogs barking]
- [Leo] I have a treat
for you today.
Now, these bad boys
are the top-of-the-line, baby.
I'm bringing you top-of-the-line
rodents, all right?
These bad boys
are groomed every day.
They only eat organic,
and they only drink
fresh spring Evian water.
[birds chirping]
So, jobless and friendless.
Now what?
What, you're mad
at me now too?
Why, because I didn't
shave my head?
You-- you don't get it.
You think you're being a good
friend by helping your friends
not sleep through
their life or whatever,
but the only person
you care about is you.
Well, that's not true.
It's not. I love my friends.
Oh, you love them so much
you couldn't even shave
some fucking hair?
Charlize Theron
did it for a movie.
I don't have
her bone structure!
Dude, whatever.
You wanna be 17 again
and hang out with all your pals?
Well, you can't.
Get over it.
I wanna be healthy.
We all got our own shit,
all right?
You wanna be a good friend,
think about someone else
for once.
Okay, you know what?
That's enough, all right?
I-- I don't need this.
- [ambulance wailing]
- [indistinct]
- [indistinct TV chatter]
- [machine beeping]
You know you ain't
gotta sit here, right?
My fam's on the way.
Are you gonna be okay?
Look, I probably got
as much of a chance
of living a normal life
as you do.
[chuckles lightly]
- I screwed up.
- Hey--
I lied about having cancer.
What's wrong with me?
I mean, there's definitely
some good shit
going on in there,
I mean, you're not evil.
Just, your moral compass
is a little fucked.
- [chuckles lightly]
- [chuckles] You know?
I mean, but you, you care
about your friends, right?
- [whispers] Yeah. Mm.
- To a psychotic degree.
Actually, now that
I think about it,
ever since we became pals,
I can't get rid of your ass.
[laughs, sniffles]
I mean, seriously.
I've never seen someone
go to those kind of extremes
to reconnect with buddies.
- You're definitely crazy.
- [chuckles]
But it's more like
kooky crazy.
You're not, like,
psycho freaky crazy.
[both laugh]
I'm sorry.
I know.
[doorknob rattles]
[keys jingle]
[dog barking distantly]
[groans, sighs deeply]
Hey! Don't freak out.
I just wanna talk to you.
- I just-- I wanna apologize.
- We're gonna go in the kitchen,
and we're gonna eat
whatever you want.
Wait, don't go!
No, no, no. Wait.
I-- I just wanna say...
Ce, I'm sorry!
- Laurel!
- Ah! [grunts]
[stammers] Walk it off.
You can keep knocking me down
until you feel better.
I'm atoning!
[Jill] All I care about is,
are we gonna get paid?
Jill, I'm sorry.
Did you hear me?
I love your wig!
I'm bald!
I shaved my head for you!
When have you ever done
anything like that for anyone?
You're so selfish.
And I'm bald!
What was I saying?
Remind me, Amanda!
[Amanda stammers] You--
Pay. Pay--
- You're worth more.
- [Jill] Obviously.
["Song For A Friend"
by Jayson Belt playing]
[knock on door]
[paper rustling]
- [yawns]
- [Wren] Psst! Leo.
I'm giving you some liver.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
I don't want
your crazy-ass liver.
- [smacks lips]
- No. Wait, wait. What--
Did you know livers
could grow back?
How screwy is that?
They're gonna give you
a slice of mine
because yours
is all tumored up,
but it's cool because
it'll just grow back.
I hope that I can't
feel it growing back.
- That would be screwy.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, I do not want
your crazy-ass liver.
Relax. It's not like they're
giving you a slice of my brain.
Besides, it's too late.
I already signed the paperwork,
so if you don't take it,
they'll just give it
to somebody else.
And if you thought that
I was annoying before,
wait till you see what
I'm like when I find out
that you didn't accept
my liver slice.
- Stop saying that.
- Liver slice.
- Stop. Stop calling it that.
- Liver slice. Liver slice.
- Wait.
- Mm.
Why are you doing this?
Leo, I just really, really
did not want to shave my head.
So I guess this means
that I'm stuck
with your ass forever, huh?
Yep. LTF, motherfucker!
Liver Twins for Life!
[Carol sighs]
All right. Honey, I don't mean
to be insensitive here,
but I wish he could've gotten
someone disease-free
to give him a--
- [smooches]
- Oh, that's nice.
A liver.
- Or whatever you gave him.
- A slice.
- Liver slice. [grunts]
- [groans]
Yeah. Okay.
[sighs] It's disgusting in here.
I hope you don't
bring boys back here.
Oh, yeah, Mom.
Looking forward to crushing
a lot of D right now.
Oh, great.
Just lean back.
- Just lean back.
- [groaning]
- Just lean back. All right.
- Mm-hmm.
- Easy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Easy!
- [groans]
Uh-huh. All right, now
I'm gonna get your feet.
- I got your feeties.
- [screams]
I remember having
an episiotomy
and those stitches
weren't fun either, honey.
- I know. I know.
- [groaning]
But they're sturdier than
you think they're gonna be.
All right,
on the count of three.
- [moans]
- One, two...
- [screams]
- Three! Shit.
- [groans]
- All right.
- Shit. Sorry!
- [screams]
- Okay.
- [objects clattering]
I stepped on your chips,
and I'm sorry.
All right, you want me
to Postmates some chili?
[digital voice] At the tone,
please record your message.
- Press one for more options.
- [phone beeps]
[Wren] Ce, hey. It's me.
I guess I just needed
to hear your voice.
["Same Mistakes"
by The Echo Friendly playing]
I forgot that you have
an automated message,
so that's a bummer.
[inhales, sighs deeply]
[on phone recording]
Jill speaking.
Just kidding.
Leave a message. I'm busy.
- [phone beeps]
- Jill... [chuckles lightly]
I know that you're looking
at your phone right now
as I call you from my phone.
And that makes me feel
connected to you.
You know,
- through our phones.
- [phone beeps]
[on phone recording]
Message deleted.
To record, please press...
- [phone beeping]
- [sighs]
[on phone recording]
Laurel here. Leave a message,
or just text me
like a normal person.
[phone beeps]
I just, um...
I just, uh...
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
[sighs deeply]
[Leo] Hey, what's up?
I have to do
something about this.
Yeah. You got any ideas?
[Wren] I do, actually.
[groans, spits]
[birds chirping]
[inhales, exhales deeply]
[Carol] Wren?
Oh. Fresh.
Um, you ready?
Daddy's waiting.
Wren, move your ass,
for Christ's sake.
- Late as usual.
- Fred, she just had surgery.
Was it on her legs?
No. It was not.
Okay, um, you guys go ahead.
I'm just gonna take a minute.
You better reign in
your anger, Mr. Pepper.
[indistinct chatter]
Were you smoking pot in there?
- Damn right, I was.
- [laughs]
It's the only way I'm gonna
get through this crazy mess.
- [exhales]
- [sighs]
- How's your liver?
- Good.
- Yours?
- Good.
I'm pretty sure I can feel it
regenerating as we speak.
For fuck's sake.
Um, thank you
everyone for coming.
You're probably wondering
why you're here.
I'm actually surprised
at how many of you showed up.
I figured most of you
wouldn't come,
but luckily for me,
you're here,
and I was wrong. Yay.
I did something wrong.
Very wrong. I, um...
So wrong that I'm actually
embarrassed to say it out loud.
Rambling. Rambling.
But I will say it. I, um...
Hey, speak up.
We can't hear ya.
[tense music buildup]
I don't have cancer.
[indistinct chatter]
[Wren] I never did. I...
I lied.
I never meant for it
to get so out of hand.
- Oh!
- [people murmuring]
I also didn't do anything
to stop it.
I, I-- I can sense that
you're all starting
to get a little agitated,
which is completely
understandable. I...
never should've done that.
[whistles] Sorry to--
Sorry to interrupt,
but, uh, we--
we have something to say.
[clicks tongue] Um...
Uh, we've known Wren
for most of our lives.
You know, when you bank
that many years with someone,
you kind of figure
that you got 'em all figured out
and there are
no big surprises left,
so if you guys are pissed,
imagine how we feel.
- You know?
- I shaved my head. No reason.
- [Cece] We're super pissed.
- [mouths] She's bald?
And disappointed,
and hurt,
but you know what we realized?
It's not all that bad
because you know
what the good news is
when you find out that
someone can still surprise you?
It's that they can
still surprise you.
Like, in a good way.
Like if somebody
can surprise you negatively,
then they also can probably
surprise you positively.
Jill, shh. Shh.
I'm sorry. These people
have faces that tell me
they don't comprehend...
- They don't comprehend much.
- Okay. Okay.
So the point is,
y-you should be mad at Wren
because she deserves it.
And honestly,
the damage she's done
is probably gonna take
decades to repair.
But the point is,
she does wanna repair it,
so why don't we just
let her try?
Okay. Um...
Uh, where was I?
You just finished telling us
that, uh, you lied
about having a fatal disease
that kills millions every year
and devastates millions more,
but that you didn't intend to.
Thank you, Dad.
Love you, sweetie.
I would also really
like to return
all of your incredibly
generous donations.
I'll be honest with you,
I wanted to just Venmo you guys
or write a bunch of checks
from the safety of my apartment
where I didn't have
to look at anyone
and see them staring at me
the way that you guys
are all staring at me right now.
[chuckles nervously]
I made a mistake,
and I'm trying to atone.
I stand here before you today
extremely apologetic
- and embarrassed--
- [Malcolm] Just shut up
and give us the dough, yo!
Got it. Thank you for your time.
[Fred] Tell Jill I think
she looks great bald.
Come on, honey.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you.
Again, I am sorry.
- How's it going?
- [Wren clears throat]
Well, someone just told me
that I'm the world's
most accomplished jackass,
but that was my dad,
and I'm pretty sure he
was just blowing off some steam.
Thanks for coming.
You're not off the hook, Wren.
We're still really mad,
but it's possible you weren't
wrong about everything.
You know, spending
all that time together was nice.
I forgot how much I missed us,
even if one of us
is a big asshole.
You're the asshole.
Just give us a minute.
I can do that.
[chuckles lightly]
How did you guys know to come?
Oh, Leo.
He told us what you did
with the, uh, the liver slice.
He also said
all that stuff about
friends choosing each other,
and that was pretty convincing.
[chuckling lightly]
- [footsteps receding]
- [smacks lips]
- Bye.
- [Jill] Still angry.
["I'll Be There For You"
by Ocean Roses playing]
- [grunts]
- [laughter]
[music ends]
["Sugar, We're Goin' Down"
by Fall Out Boy playing]
[Laurel] I love this look.
I'm so much faster now.
[all laughing]
Remember when we used
to drag race your car
down the street
in high school?
I don't know, man.
This is a minivan.
[horn honking]
- Whoo! Yeah!
- Yeah!
Oh, come on. That was,
like, an invitation.
[Laurel chuckles]
- Whoo!
- [all laughing]
[Laurel] Hey, Wren,
there is one more thing
- you can do to atone.
- [Wren] What?
- [razor buzzing]
- [Wren] Oh, God.
[Jill] What's the big deal,
Wren? It's just hair.
[Wren] Okay, here we go.
["Sugar, We're Goin' Down"
continues playing]
["Say (Instrumental)" playing]
[music ends]