Signed, Sealed, Delivered: One in a Million (2016) Movie Script

The following
presentation is rated pg.
This presentation deals
with mature subject matter.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Hey! Hold on!
Whoa. Just in time, huh?
Just in time.
I'm sorry, I'm just...
You know that feeling
when you're about to
drop a letter in the box,
and then you freeze,
and then that weird voice
in your head yells "wait!"
But what am I waiting for?
I don't know.
I mean, I'm not a
kid anymore, right?
And I can't wait forever.
Neither can I.
I just don't write
a lot of letters.
See, it's like ripping
off a bandage,
you just gotta do it
fast and scream, right?
Don't scream.
[Light chuckle]
What good is a letter
if you don't mail it?
Here goes!
Okay. Bye.
[Server, Graham]: Are not.
[Server, Nikki]: Are too.
Are not.
Wanna bet? Just look at them.
They dance like
they know the steps,
but they can't
find their rhythm.
Maybe they know the steps
but they've lost their rhythm?
Sometimes things
change, I guess.
But that won't happen with us.
"Nikki and Graham
forever," right?
[Chuckles as cell phone rings]
Ah, I gotta get this.
I'll do the appetizers.
Love you.
[Phone beeps on]
No. Not yet.
I need to figure out
the best way to do this.
I know. I know.
But I've got this
handled. Just trust me.
I love you, too.
[Beeps phone off]
program plays faintly]
Now, here we go!
No. No.
Ahh!'s never been the same
but I want to know...
I want to know you well
This could be good
but you can never tell
so, come on, come on
we're just getting started
Good morning, everyone.
Norman, Rita, sha...
Ms. Mcinerney.
Happy Monday, Oliver.
[Oliver]: Anything pressing?
Uh, no. Just the usual.
Except for this.
Pine tar...
And evergreen.
The Florida yew, I believe?
Oh! The Florida yew
only grows in northern Florida,
on the eastern side of
the apalachicola river.
Sadly, we will never
know that story.
Norman, will you dispatch
to the Miami branch?
You got it.
Oh! I might stop by passports.
Eleanor got a new blender
and she's making smoothies.
- Does anybody want one?
- Ooh. Yes, please.
I'm in.
I'm a Yoo-hoo man, usually,
but I might try branching out.
[Norman]: Oh...
Perhaps we should use
this time to, um, get a jump
on our "impossibly
ripped and mangled" box.
We usually do those
at the end of the month.
Unless you want to
branch out with that, too?
[Announcement blares]:
Oliver O'Toole, please report
immediately to the
office of postal security.
O'Toole to o.P.S.
We shall see.
So, what happened with
your date Saturday night?
Did you wear the pink dress?
And? what happened at
the end? Did he kiss you?
Well, something happened,
'cause he is drinking smoothies,
and he almost called you Shane.
No, he didn't.
Yes, he did. He said, ahem...
[as Oliver]: "Good
morning, uh, sh...
Ms. Mcinerney."
There was no "sh..."
I didn't hear a "sh."
[Announcement]: Shane
mcinerney to the front desk.
Shane mcinerney.
What is going on today?
Do i...?
It's Nikki. Your server
from Saturday night.
That's right. A duck.
And a can of beans!
Never seen anything like it.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Yeah. He just arrived.
Got it.
[Hangs up]
Glad to have you aboard.
We need a man who
knows the ropes...
The sails, the lay of the land,
the whole enchilada,
from stem to stern.
Could you... Elaborate?
Now, that is what I mean.
We need a smart guy around
here who knows about elaborating.
Four days ago,
an unidentified perpetrator
removed the mail
from this mailbox
and replaced it with a duck.
Uh, I believe that
may be a goose.
You're thinking already.
I like that.
[Sniffs] Three days ago,
the mail was taken from here
and replaced with two
tiny people in a tent.
So, a wedding cake topper,
a goose,
and may I assume a third mailbox
yielded a can of kidney beans?
Ah, yes, you may.
And you may also assume
that you
and that weird little
task force of yours
are going to find this guy.
I'm not quite sure
this falls under the aegis
of the dead letter office.
Perhaps the police or f.B.I...
If word gets out
before we know what
we're dealing with,
we could have rampant
hysteria running all over the place.
We need to keep this
in-house as long as we can.
Has anyone dusted the
beans for fingerprints?
That little guy in your
office, with the suitcase,
doesn't he usually do that?
Yes, but...
And the other two,
the skinny one and
that "Shane" gal.
Ms. Mcinerney.
Oh, she is a live-wire.
Nothin' gets past her, huh?
Not that I'm aware of.
So there are no other leads?
Oh, just one.
Yeah, this was found
Saturday in box 458.
It's some kind of
fancy language,
like Greek or Peruvian.
It's Latin.
Or Latin.
I'm guessing
that is a clue of
massive proportions.
Yes, it's definitely a clue.
I love this guy!
One more day.
If I had just waited
one more day
and thought it through,
but no, I had to send it.
I had to say it...
"let's get married."
Then I give it to the
mailman and, for a few hours,
I actually feel,
you know... hope.
Oh, god, if he gets it now,
I'll be utterly humiliated,
or worse... mortified.
What's worse...
Mortified or pitied?
getting a letter
back once it's mailed
is almost impossible.
Then that's it.
Fill this out,
then have them come get me.
I'll walk this onto the floor
and I'll look for it myself.
Hey! Everything okay?
Yeah. Strange, though.
It was our waitress
from montaldo's.
She needed a form 10-67e.
So tell me about that dinner!
Well, let's see.
Start from the beginning.
He was really nervous at first.
And then we started dancing
and things got better, until...
Until we stopped dancing.
[Romantic instrumental
plays as patrons quietly chat]
[Oliver]: "The water is wide,
"I cannot cross o'er,
and neither have
I the wings to fly..."
"Give us a boat
that can carry two
"and both shall row
to yonder side."
I've never heard
"to yonder side."
Isn't it "and both shall
row, my love and i"?
It's, uh, an archaic tune.
Traditional lyrics
often evolve over time.
I just chose an
alternate translation.
[Diners applauding as song ends]
Shall we?
Thank you.
I see you're enjoying
the champagne?
Oh, yes, it's amazing.
The service here is excellent.
You haven't seen anything
yet. Just wait for the show.
By the way, do either of you
have any food sensitivities?
No, we don't.
We have an amuse
bouche for you this evening...
A shrimp-and-sashimi crouton,
compliments of the chef.
"Amuse bouche."
A millennial phenomenon.
A what?
Oh, he just means
that people weren't
having their...
"Bouches" amused
back in the 20th century.
[Both chuckling]
I knew it.
I'm sorry?
My boyfriend works here, too,
and he was sure you
guys were on your first date,
but I said no way.
I mean, with the champagne,
the way you dance,
and talk about each other,
the way you even know
each other's allergies,
it's got to be your
anniversary, right?
No, actually,
we're just friends.
Uh, of course,
"just" is a rather
imprecise qualifier.
Perhaps a more accurate...
Did you say something
about a show?
Ah, right! What's montaldo's
without the singing waiters?
Any requests?
Yes, uh... How soon
can you start singing?
Oh, what do know?
That's our cue!
[Crunching loudly]
He really said
that? "Just friends"?
Yep! Rolled right
off his tongue,
like he was asking
for more butter.
Oh, it gets worse.
You know, uh, ahem,
I actually do have an allergy...
A slight sensitivity
to rosehip tea,
but I don't expect
you to know that.
I'll keep that in mind.
No rosehips.
It's always good to learn
something new about a friend.
Speaking of roses,
did you ever plant that cutting
from your mother's rosebush?
Oh, you mean the one that
you so thoughtfully gave me
when we all went back east?
It never really took.
I think it died.
Oh, that's a shame.
I know. I know. I...
I tried everything
to keep it alive.
I watered it, I fed it,
I talked to it.
[Sharply]: I fertilized it.
You know they say
the best fertilizer...
Uh, some botanists have
noted that roses tend to thrive
when located near
the final resting place
of a family pet... [Trails off]
You think I should plant
a dead animal under my rosebush?
Well, only if you had one.
[Astonished chuckle]
A pet sounds pretty
good right now.
[Piano music rises]
[Host]: Ladies and gentlemen,
montaldo's supper
club proudly presents
an evening of music
with your talented servers.
Opening our show, please
welcome Nikki and Graham.
[Single note strikes]
[Audience laughs]
You're so good
you're too good
for me, you are
you're the best
darned person
I have known by far
if I could
you know I'd never
throw this curve
you're a goddess
and I'm not what you deserve
what I am saying
is our thing must end
and though it must
I want to be your friend
[audience laughing]
[Nikki, pointedly]:
"Friend." Friend!
You want to be my friend?
you want to be my friend?
Oh, that's nice!
You want to be my friend?
I've got friends I
know from college
high school
pals that I still see
I've got sisters
in sororities
cross the country
fond of me
two chums that date
from grade school
one whole family
from Saint Paul
I've got friends I know
from summer camp
who still give me a call
I've got friends from
when I lived in Paris
and my singles' cruise
I have five old boyfriends
who still call me
up to schmooze
I've got buddies
from the lab in Boston
and colleagues at the zoo
I've got an aunt in Cleveland
who I always can turn to
I've got enough friends!
I should be going now.
Have fun.
You stay right here!
You want to be my friend?
You want to be my friend?
Well, I'm touched!
You want to be my friend?
I want a lover and a husband
and a partner and a spouse
someone to split
expenses with me
on our summer house
I want a father for
my unborn children
someone who's in tune
and since I'll be
29 next month
I want him rather soon
I want someone to
buy rugs and lamps with
and someone who'll co-sign
I want a small
join bank account
in his name and in mine
I want someone
I can fight with
learn to love with
and love to feed
come to think of it
there's only one
thing that I do not need
I don't need another friend!
Wow! The whole
song was like that?
Yep. Friends, commitment,
desperation, infertility...
It was like group
therapy with seafood.
It took a little time.
Eleanor's blender
got stuck on "frappe,"
and I picked up your mail
for you from the p.O. Box.
Oh, you are so sweet.
"$50 a month can save
"the Bouvet Island
burrowing yellowtail owl"?
$50. Wow.
Oh, it's a very worthy cause.
Hey. Uh, strawberry,
mango, and blueberry?
[Yoo-hoo lid pops]
[Shane]: Oliver...
What's going on?
We have been charged
with the grim task
of investigating
the systematic and, frankly,
bizarre plundering of
the United States mail
from official receptacles
in south Denver.
Who would do
something like that?
It does happen, I'm afraid.
Not like this.
This time it's personal.
It's one of our own.
"Forsan et haec olim
meminisse juvabit"
has been engraved on
every "dark of night" award
for over a hundred years...
Yours, mine, my grandfather's.
[Rita]: What does it mean?
[Oliver]: Well, it's
from Virgil's epic poem
of love and war.
They are words of encouragement
to a shipwrecked army.
What does being shipwrecked
have to do with the post office?
Ah. Courage and
perseverance, Norman.
Hallmarks of every postal worker
who's performed his or her
duty in the face of great odds
and received one of these.
"Perhaps one day it will
be good to remember this."
[Shane]: Remember what?
Beans, wedding
cakes, and a... duck?
It's a goose.
Well, all we need
is a partial print,
and that might be enough
to run through a database.
Too bad we don't have one.
Ms. Mcinerney?
Well, it's not
impossible to break into
the FBI fingerprint system,
but it could take some time...
Like 30 years to life.
Are you sure we can't
just call the police?
Well, Lester was adamant.
He isn't easy to say no to.
This has been wiped clean.
This guy knows what he's doing.
We need someone
from law enforcement
who can give us a
psychological profile
of the sort of person
we're dealing with here.
We need, uh, well, we need...
A "friend"? Like Dale?
Oh, who's he?
Dale is a she.
Dale sings in a choir
at Oliver's church.
Dale is lovely.
Wait. You went
to Oliver's church?
Mm-hmm. Just to
drop something off.
He introduced me.
She's a soprano.
And a police officer.
Well, to be accurate,
she was a police officer.
She's now a special agent
for the state division
of investigations.
Well, she sounds perfect.
Yes, she does.
Could you pack up the
beans and the cake topper,
and that piece of paper?
And Ms. Mcinerney,
bring your computer
and the map of
violated mailboxes.
It's not much to go on, but...
Oh, my gosh.
I think we have a witness.
And you're certain you saw him
take the mail from that box?
He locked up and
started walking away,
and that's when I
caught up with him.
Would you be able
to recognize him?
Probably. He
seemed sort of... sad.
What's this about?
Well, the good news is,
the mail you're
trying to retrieve
has not yet been delivered,
because it's not yet
entered the system.
The unfortunate news is
we believe that mail
has been involved
in a series of
unauthorized transfers.
Somebody stole a bunch of mail.
Well, you've gotta
get mine back!
We are making every eff...
I have to get it back.
It's really important.
That man has stolen hundreds,
if not thousands of letters.
I assure you that every one
of them matters to someone.
They all matter to us.
Nikki, think of it like this,
if the letter's really lost,
then at least Graham
won't read it now, right?
But what if the mail guy does?
[Nikki sighs]
I should never have
mailed that letter.
And I wouldn't have,
if it weren't for him!
What do you mean?
Oh, he said something about
"what good is a letter
if you never mail it?"
[Shane]: He's got a point.
Look, you were in love
and you took a risk to say so.
You put yourself out there.
But now the
letter is out there...
I have to get it back.
I have to!
Well, seeing as you've
completed form 67e,
as soon as the
mail is recovered,
we will be certain
to return it to you.
In the meantime,
I'd like you to go with Norman
to assist in creating a
sketch of our suspect.
Do you like smoothies?
I think there's something
she's not telling us.
So do I.
Hi, Rita!
This is Nikki.
Oh! Hello!
That letter she wants back,
she thinks she may
have given it to our perp.
[Gasps] Whoa. You met the perp?
He didn't seem like a perp.
But then again, you never
really know somebody, do you?
I really know Rita.
Oh. I... I really
love your blouse.
It's a beautiful color.
Thank you.
I never used to wear blue,
but I started to because...
Blue is my boyfriend's
favorite color.
My ex-boyfriend.
Strawberry, mango, blue...
Uh ...Berry?
[Shane]: Wow.
Kidnapping, extortion,
Oh, when you said
she was a police officer,
I was thinking parking tickets.
[Awkward chuckle]
Dessert the other night
was out of this world.
You should have tried it.
Yes. It looked quite appetizing.
Trust me.
It was incredible.
Maybe next time if we... uh...
Oh, look!
Doesn't that woman look a little
like Eleanor in passports?
[Jazzy band music rises]
[Both]: Ooh!
That was Michael and
Sophia, ladies and gentlemen.
They'll be back later.
My goodness!
That was vigorous.
I thought they were great.
I always enjoy a
spirited performance,
but I guess I thought
the atmosphere here
would be a bit
more, uh, intimate.
Well, the last
time I was here...
Oh, you've been here?
Well, uh... ahem.
I think there was
a Sunday brunch
I may have attended.
Or maybe it was a late
late-afternoon tea-slash-dinner.
Yeah, the chief
of postal security,
that man Lester
in internal affairs,
he asked me out.
You came here
with Lester kimsicle?
He wanted to get
to know me better...
For security reasons, he said.
Oh, you were on
official business?
[Relieved sigh]
And, in the interest
of full disclosure,
I was here once with Steve.
Your old flame from Washington?
He was here?
This is where we
officially broke up.
[Awkward chuckle]
Right there.
That table with the
lady and the lobster.
I see.
It was when I first
moved to Denver,
and he had flown in
to change my mind,
but by then, I had
met you... guys,
I told him it was over
and he should go back to D.C.
I'm sorry
Chose a place
fraught with so many
memories for our first...
Our first...?
I wonder where the gentlemen's
convenience might be.
Oh, it's right over there.
[Nikki]: the man leaves
thank you.
And I'm on my own
I just sit and simply
watch the door
and tell myself...
Was it, uh, custard,
curd, or meringue?
I'm sorry?
The dessert.
See, I prefer a filling with
custard or a good curd.
Meringue always seems
a waste of a good egg.
It was a custard
with a curd glaze.
You remember Shane.
Yes, of course! Come on in.
- Please.
- Thank you.
[Dale]: Well, he's educated.
You don't get a lot of
ransom notes in Latin.
But you don't want to
make a formal report?
Well, for now,
I was hoping we might have
a rhetorical conversation
about the sort of person
who might do this.
well, from what I can tell,
this rhetorical person
probably works
for the post office.
Oliver figured
that out right away,
and we have a
description from someone
who handed our suspect
the letter on Saturday night.
Male, gray hair, probably
over 60 years old,
and he said something
to our witness
like, uh,
"what good is a letter
if you don't mail it?"
Well, that sounds
like a philosopher
who's tired of dreaming.
He wants something, he
knows you want the mail back,
so he's keeping it hostage.
You think he might be dangerous?
It's possible.
Oh, dear.
So we're looking
for postal carriers
that are over 60 and depressed?
[Chuckles] Well, that
should narrow it down.
You've got a little
more to go on than that.
You have a cake-topper,
some beans, and...
What is this? A goose?
Hmm. Remember,
this isn't about the mail.
He's playing a game.
He's not just sending this
to anybody at the post office.
He wants somebody in
particular to figure this out,
and he wants to prove that
he's just as smart as they are.
So, he knows them?
Oh, yes. And he hates them.
So, if we don't
figure out the game,
he's just gonna
keep stealing mail
and leaving weird stuff behind?
I don't think so.
You see, the Latin
quotation is different
from the other clues.
This literally says
"remember this," but...
There's an
alternate translation.
"Perhaps someday it will be good
to remember these things."
These things!
Does the post
office keep a record
of the people that have
won the dark of night award?
I ran a search of the list
on the way over here,
and I filtered for
ducks, geese, cake decorations,
kidney beans, beans,
you name it, and all I got
was a hundred years
of recipients and dates.
Oh, and a very nice
article about us here, Oliver,
when we got ours.
You never mentioned that.
Oh, well, it was a bit
of a miracle, frankly.
[Oliver and Dale chuckle]
What did your grandfather
receive his dark
of night award for?
He gave up Christmas
Eve with his family
to stay in the terminal annex
to help a damaged shipment of...
Of goose eggs hatch overnight!
And the kidney beans?
Why kidney beans,
why not pinto or Lima?
Because you and I
and Norman and Rita
helped a girl who needed...
[overlapping]: A
kidney transplant!
what did your
father get his for?
Oh, he never received one.
Well, yes, he did.
I mean, it's right here...
"Joseph Henry O'Toole".
That's him, right?
Yes, but...
That's it. He's
targeting o'tooles.
I need to find my father.
I think his eyes
were further apart.
What about the sh...
That's her fourth
blueberry smoothie.
I thought blue made her sad.
[Rita]: Yeah, well...
That's what we do
when we're grieving a
relationship, Norman.
We reread all the
old love letters,
we revisit all the old places.
We see something
like the color blue
or we hear a certain song and...
We cry.
Did you break up with
somebody before me?
Yeah. Yeah.
You dated a guy named Bob?
Why didn't you
tell me this before?
'Cause I'm telling
you now! [Chuckles]
I dated a guy named Bob.
Uh, he used to work at the zoo,
and then he got a job offer
at the Bouvet Island
animal reserve,
and he said that
Antarctica wasn't a
place for a girl like me,
and... and that we
should break up, yeah.
Oh, so, you went out,
uh, a couple of times?
Well, he liked to talk.
Uh, he had a lot to say.
Well, how long did he talk for?
A month? A year?
Forget it.
He's old news anyways, right?
Pretty much.
He's the guy that I send
money to every month,
to help save the Bouvet
Island burrowing yellowtail owl.
You send your old
boyfriend $50 a month?
I don't look at it
like that anymore,
but he's doing good work,
and you know how
I feel about owls.
Yes, but...
Did you need another smoothie?
There aren't enough
smoothies in the world.
Would you like to talk about it?
We were closing up and
he said he wanted to talk.
Are you okay?
Nikki, I, uh...
What is it?
You are the best
friend I've ever had.
And when we sing together,
it's like we were
born to be a team.
I know.
Now we've been
dating for, I don't know...
A year next Tuesday. But?
There's a "but"
coming, I can feel it.
It's just that...
Things have changed.
Oh, god.
You're gonna break
my heart, aren't you?
Let me explain.
I couldn't stand
there and listen
to another guy tell me
"it's all moving too fast,"
or he's met somebody else...
Or he needs to be free.
So I ran away.
And he didn't even follow me.
So I just kept going.
[Sighing heavily]
We're supposed to follow?
Like in the movies.
I've been watching
the wrong movies.
- [Door opens] Yeah.
- [Shane]: We're back!
How did it go with your friend?
It was very enlightening.
Yes, it was.
Norman, how goes the sketch?
Oh! Well...
It's taking longer
than I thought.
Whatever you do,
don't mention the color blue.
Uh, miss bergens.
Uh, I hear you're dealing
with a broken heart today.
Sorry that you're hurting.
I do know how that feels.
[phone rings]
Oliver O'Toole.
It's him!
[Gasping collectively]
You figured it out yet, Sonny?
Sir, whoever you are,
you are in violation of...
You'd better get on the
ball and wise up, junior,
or you're never gonna
see that mail again!
Now, see here. You...
No, you see! If you can.
I'll be waiting for you. [Click]
I didn't hear it all.
He called him "junior".
[Rita gasps]
He said that if we
didn't keep up with him,
we'd never see the mail again.
No! You can't let
him have those letters!
You've got to get mine back.
You have to.
Miss bergens, I understand
the personal
nature of your letter,
but it's unlikely that he's
read every letter he's purloined.
Fact is, he's much more
likely to destroy them, I'm afraid.
It's not just what I said,
it's what's in it.
What's in the letter?
[Oliver]: Forgive me.
You said the card you
mailed to your boyfriend
contained $50,000?
Oh, ex-boyfriend.
But I mailed it
six hours before
he turned into my ex.
Well, it's a nice
way to say goodbye.
Can't you just
stop payment on the check?
It's not a check.
Our one-year
anniversary was coming up
and he loves getting mail,
so I made him a
card and I wrote,
"when I met you, it was
like winning the lottery."
And on the inside I put...
Yeah. A lottery ticket.
Then we broke up, and I
was walking home and...
You know the weatherman
who does the lottery numbers?
Ramon Rodriguez!
We know Ramon.
[Ramon]: That's right,
Sarah, there may be rain,
but it could still
be a beautiful day
for one lucky megapower
sweepstakes player!
[Shrieking]: Ahh!
The numbers on the ticket
were the day, year,
and time we met.
It won five out of six.
And now it's worth $50,000.
My goodness.
I wore blue for him.
I learned to cook trout for him.
He really likes trout.
We were both saving
up to move to New York
to audition for clubs
and cabarets together.
We had all these plans
and I thought, maybe this time,
I'd found somebody different.
But he's just like
all the rest, except...
If he gets that letter now,
he'll be rich, too.
And he'll go to New York
and I'll just be here...
Cooking trout.
One must never regret an
act of love, miss bergens.
Norman, Rita, will you please
complete the sketch
with miss bergens?
If I'm needed,
I'll be in the mailbox
grille. Excuse me.
[Shane sighs]
His nose was kind
of big and pointy.
It's okay.
Uh, you can put that
over there in the "out" box.
To "Bob."
You look good.
Oh. Thanks. Please.
Been a while.
Yes, well, I called.
You've been busy.
Yeah, I've taken
up hiking again.
Live in Colorado,
you gotta get out
there and hike, right?
You do?
Well, I do.
You should come some time.
Oh. I have a great
love of nature.
I wouldn't mind
expanding it to the...
In the meantime,
sounds like you've
got a problem.
Yes. Someone's been
stealing mail from the
boxes in the Bonnie brae area,
I was hoping you
might help us out.
Well, I don't know.
I'm not sure they've ever
forgiven me over there
for defecting
to fedex.
I'm not even sure you have.
Oh, of course, I have.
You had your reasons.
Someday, you'll tell
me what they were.
Maybe on a hike.
Perhaps you might tell me
about that dark of night
award you won, too.
Well, it was a while ago.
I can't believe I
never knew about that.
I didn't spread it around,
and it happened
after you left home.
It was nothing like
what you guys did.
I just delivered
a misrouted wedding
dress in time for a wedding.
A wedding?
It's finished.
Uh, Nikki says
it's really close,
but we can bring her
back in if we need to.
Do you know who this could be?
Yeah. I do.
Dudley curly.
He resembles the
sketch we had made
with the help of a witness,
and he matches the profile.
Good work.
So, it's Dudley, huh?
Never heard of him.
He was a mail carrier
for the postal service
for 45 years.
And it's probably no coincidence
that he retires today.
This isn't like taking
home paper clips
and staplers from the office.
This is the U.S. mail, darn it!
I want this man fired.
He's retiring.
What's this got to
do with you, anyway?
Didn't you muster out
and sign up for the enemy?
I asked my father to help us
because every clue
the suspect left so far
has something to do with us...
My grandfather, my father, and I
all won dark of night awards.
I knew curly.
We were friends once.
Thought it was Dudley.
We called him curly.
He doesn't like Dudley.
Neither do I.
Go on.
Curly and I, uh,
hung out and watched
the big game on sundays,
we were in the bowling league,
and then I won that award
and got a nice promotion
and he just stopped
coming around.
What does he want?
We don't know.
He says he's going
to hold the mail ransom
until we meet his demands...
That have not
yet been set forth.
I'm thinking maybe I should
just go over there and talk...
Forget it, O'Toole!
You don't quit
the postal service
then waltz back in here
just because we need you.
Are we clear?
We are moving out!
Disperse! Deploy!
Lock that down!
What on earth...?
Set up a perimeter and...
Good to have you onboard.
Fedex! Stay in the truck.
This is government business.
[Radio crackles]
Heads up, men!
Keep your nose
to the grindstone.
[Radios crackling]
Here we come, Dudley.
squeals]: Curly Dudley!
This is Lester kimsicle,
chief of postal security.
We have your house surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
Uh, Mr. Kimsicle,
uh, we believe...
Stand down, O'Toole.
You're in my wheelhouse now.
Curly Dudley!
Can... you... hear me?
It's "Dudley curly".
Curly Dudley, Dudley curly,
I'm gonna call ya "dud," okay?
No! It's not okay.
[Megaphone squeals]
We're gonna need
some proof of life here.
[Dudley]: What?
Proof of life.
Well, I'm talking
to you, aren't I?
Ya moron.
Well, we know you're alive.
We need to know the mail's okay.
Just show us you got it.
[Radios crackling]
Stealing the mail
is a federal offense!
Yeah, well, I'm still
employed until 5:00!
Hold on a minute.
What's he talking about?
Uh, technically,
the mail is still
in the possession
of an authorized postal carrier.
Unauthorized removal
is, um, a violation of...
Employee regulation 67k.
[Oliver]: But it is not a crime.
Well, at least,
not until 5:00, when
he officially retires.
[Grumbling sigh] Fine.
We'll wait until 5:00,
and then we're coming in!
[Dudley]: I wouldn't
do that, if I were you.
I get what I want or else.
Or else, what?
Dud! Or else what?
Oliver. Look.
[Rita]: Oh, no!
He's started a fire.
Uh, dud?
Now's not the time to
have a weenie-roast.
I don't think he's making
lunch, Mr. Kimsicle.
He's going to burn them all.
He says he'll burn the letters if
he doesn't get what he wants,
but what is that?
He got what he
wanted... Attention.
Now he doesn't
know what to do with it.
He was always putting
the cart before the horse.
He got that stick-shift before
he learned to drive because...
Oh, wow.
Because I had one.
What do you see, Norman?
Doesn't look like he's
burned anything yet.
But he's thinking about it.
So what do you think?
I think Lester could
escalate this into a disaster
if we don't do something.
Ms. Mcinerney,
it may be time
to give her a call.
I know. I already called her.
Dale is on her way.
Dale should be here
in about 20 minutes.
I don't know about you,
but I am getting hungry.
That's a good idea.
I bet Dudley's
getting hungry, too.
You've changed your hair.
You know, after
this is all over,
we should...
May I have that, please?
Mr. Curly!
I'm going out for sandwiches.
Can I get you anything?
Corned beef and
chicken salad on white.
My god, the man's a savage.
Do you want anything on that?
Just Mayo. Oh!
And some coleslaw.
Got it.
Now, please...
Try not to burn anything
until I get back, okay?
If I give this back to you,
do you promise not to
use it before I get back?
Will you let me take
you to dinner again?
So far the only one here
breaking a federal law is you.
Okay! Okay.
[Footsteps receding]
Hey. I've got
everybody's lunch order,
and there's a diner
around the corner.
I'll take ham on rye.
Okay. I'll get you your usual.
Uh, perhaps a cup of herbal tea.
No rosehips.
I'll grab something
for Dale, too.
Any idea what she'd like?
Uh, no.
[Radios crackling]
I'm sorry?
You and Shane.
Something happened.
I mean, you guys aren't...
I don't know.
You're not clicking,
like you usually do.
Oh, well, I'd like to think
we clicked a few times there.
Did you ever take her
out, like I told you to?
But not because
you suggested it.
It was something I wanted to do.
We actually went to dinner
at montaldo's on Saturday.
Two days ago?
Gee, it took you long enough!
Well, I'd like to
think I've learned to...
Well, not to...
Rush into things.
Of course. I get it.
So, how'd it go?
[Radios crackling]
I ordered you a
double-pastrami on rye.
Thank you for
telling me that, Rita.
You're welcome. Of course.
[Radio chatter]
[Radio chatter]
You're kidding.
You actually said
"we're just friends"?
Well, no wonder she mentioned
all those other guys
she'd been there with.
It was self-defense.
So? How did it all end?
Well, I actually
left, for awhile.
I actually almost called you.
[Nikki]: ...Watch the door
and tell myself...
I'm fine alone
oh, yes
I've been here before
What are you doing here?
Well, I am dining with the
most remarkable woman.
A mesmerizing meteorologist.
I see that you and
the lovely Shane
are getting... Well,
deep in conversation.
Yes, well, we are
deep into something.
Ahh! I always knew you
two would get together.
Oh, no, we're not dating,
we're just on a d...
Stop thinking.
You stare into
each other's eyes,
you drink champagne,
you dance...
Dance is like love, my friend...
Don't look down.
Don't you mean
"love is like dancing,
don't look down."
Mm, yes.
But in the end, what
is the difference, hmm?
Now, I must get back to work.
It's lottery night!
Now, be bold, go out,
face the music.
And stop thinking.
I see you. Stop it.
Ma cherie!
[Nikki]: why
should I rush to prove
that I can break
my heart all over?
[Joe]: So how did the night end?
Not well.
You know, I was
never prouder of you
than the day that I
heard about what you did
to get your dark of night award.
You actually saved
someone's life.
Well, I-I had a lot of help.
"Perhaps someday
it will be good to
remember these things."
Smart man, Virgil.
Your grandfather was
always quoting him,
or Shakespeare or the Bible.
What was that one about
love and power and...?
"God hasn't given
us a spirit of fear,
but of power and love
and a sound mind."
After what you've been through,
I don't blame you
for being afraid, son.
But... at your core,
that's not who you are.
You don't get an award like that
without love, power,
and sound mind,
and you don't get much
else that matters in life
without that, either.
I know, you've
been hurt in the past.
And I'm guessing,
somebody's hurt Shane, too.
But it seems to me
that you've each got
what it takes to try again
if you'll just... try again.
There you are! Hey, you.
Well, hello!
Hi. Special agent Dale Travers.
State division
of investigations.
[Megaphone squeals]
This is Lester kimsicle,
chief of postal security.
[Door opens] I know that!
You don't have to
say it every time.
And stop calling me "dud".
Dud, there is a
good-lookin' filly here
from the Colorado state
division of investigations
of... Colorado.
If you don't give
up before 5:00,
she's gonna take you in,
and we would hate to see that.
Then give me what I want!
I don't care what you want!
Please. We're
running out of time.
[Lester sighs]
Darn it.
Okay, what do ya want?
Give me some demands.
I want my lunch!
It's here. It's here.
We got your
god-awful corned beef
and chicken salad right here.
Well, bring it to the door,
nice and slow,
and I'll give you
my list of demands.
And come alone!
[Dale]: "Find Joseph
O'Toole and bring him here.
"And tell him to bring
his dark of night award.
It belongs to me."
[Oliver]: I don't like this.
I don't like you
going in there alone,
I don't like you going
without your award.
It's back home, packed
away in a moving box.
It's an hour there
and an hour back.
There's not enough
time to get it before 5:00.
I can't hold the feds once
Dudley's officially retired.
I've got an idea.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Name it.
Let's go.
You sure about this?
Once upon a time,
a lot of letters never
made it to their destination
because I didn't do my job.
I never want to
feel that way again.
It's still a lot to give up.
That's what I love
about you, Oliver.
Thank you.
It's time to go.
[Radio crackling]
Is Norman ever going
to come out of the tree?
I don't know! I think he's mad
because I didn't
tell him about Bob.
Bob? You didn't
tell me about Bob.
- Who's Bob?
- Oh...
[horn honking]
[Brakes screech]
[Lester]: Heads up, men!
Okay, Dudley, you
got your O'Toole.
I'll take it.
I'm not letting you go in alone.
You get into any trouble,
you say the magic
word and we'll hear you.
What is the magic word?
I don't know. How about, uh...
It's open!
Hey, Joe.
Long time, no see.
How you doin', curly?
I'll be doing better
when I get what I want.
Toss it over
and the mail's yours.
[Joe]: Not yet. I want to know
what all this had
to do with my family.
You still don't get it.
But I want to hear you say it.
Well, Joe,
when I started
at the post office,
I was the youngest person ever
to be nominated
for one of those,
and then they
gave it to your dad
for babysitting some ducks.
Actually, they were...
And my last chance
at getting one
went to you and your bunch.
Yeah, sure, you got
some girl a kidney,
but you've got
other chances to win,
and this was my last.
And what about me?
That one cut the deepest.
I was this close to the
deadline for nominations.
I mean, nobody was gonna
top me dropping
that kid's prom dress
at her high school
at the last minute
during the platte river flood.
I even threw in a corsage.
But my pal, Joe,
delivers some
gal's wedding dress.
Um, there was
more to it than that.
Rita did
some research.
My father drove his truck
50 miles through a blizzard.
It broke down.
He walked five more miles.
Uphill. On ice.
Well, I drove
through hail and sleet.
The lodge caught on fire.
My father put it out.
Well, my prom girl
married the prom boy, okay?
And they had six kids.
Sir, my father...
What are we doing here?
What does it matter?
You can go ahead
and keep the cup.
We don't need it to
know what we did.
And neither do you!
And some day,
when you look back
on how you got this cup,
it's gonna look pretty empty.
Come on. Come on!
This says "Oliver O'Toole."
I didn't have enough
time to get my dad's.
You gave this up for your dad?
You know, when a man retires,
he looks back across the
years and he asks himself
what does he got
to show for his life?
I gave my heart and
soul to the post office,
but nobody knows my name.
Dudley, curly... nobody cares!
I just want to feel like
I mattered in this world
before it's all over.
But nobody's even gonna miss me.
I missed you... For 13 years.
What good...
is a letter,
if we don't mail it?
Somewhere in these
bags is a love letter
a lady named Nikki
mailed last Saturday
because of these
words you spoke to her,
you understood
that writing a letter
and putting it in a mailbox
is like handing your
heart over to a stranger.
Just like...
Asking for love is a risk,
or asking for attention
or forgiveness...
You have to mail the letter
and risk whatever happens next,
otherwise nothing happens.
So whether anyone
ever appreciates us or
knows who we are, Mr. Curly,
they will know
what we stand for...
And that matters
to every single person
who wrote every
one of these letters.
My goodness.
There's one here for you.
Thank you.
"Dear Mr. Curly..."
well, at least
somebody got it right.
"My mommy says you're
going to stop working
"and you aren't going to
bring any mail to us anymore."
[Breath trembling]
"That is...
That... that is very sad."
[Breath shaking]
"I will miss you.
"You bring all my birthday cards
and letters from grandma."
[Page crinkles]
"And you always smile
when I give you cookies.
"I wish we could
give you a party,
"but our place
is too small."
"But you already know that."
One of those...
is worth one thousand of these.
I feel like a fool.
Don't bother.
We've already got
one of those outside.
That letter is property
of the U.S. postal service.
Oh, well, she filled out a
10-67e at the d.L.O., Lester.
Well, then she gets
it from the d.L.O.
Oh, for heaven's sake. Really?
Regulations are like
the lifejackets on the
gangplank of life, missy.
Great work today, though.
Keep that up, I'll
buy you dinner.
Oh. Please... don't.
Happy to do it.
[Forced chuckle]
[Sighs heavily]
[Joe]: I'll see
you at the party?
Should be interesting.
[Chuckles] Curly's a good guy.
He just lost his
way for a while.
Things could've turned
out terribly for him
if you hadn't
handled it so well.
Thank you.
Dudley invited me
to his retirement party.
You should come.
Maybe I will.
Are you coming to
choir practice tomorrow?
I wouldn't miss it.
It's blue with a
big heart sticker.
You know that
"burrowing yellowtail owl"
that Rita sends money to?
Well, before I started
singing, I worked at the zoo.
Wow. That is a
complete career 180.
Well, I learned a lot.
And there's something
you should know about Bob.
What do they say?
Cast your dark of night award
upon the waters
and it shall be
returned unto you?
Look at you, quoting scripture.
I know how hard it was
for you to give that up.
Well, it was easier than
I thought it would be.
It's actually just
a symbol, like a...
Like the Rose cutting
that you gave me.
You know, just
because it didn't take,
it doesn't diminish the
thought that was behind it.
"Never regret an act of..."
[Norman]: Oh! Found it!
I can't believe
I'm holding $50,000 in my hands.
So... why am I so sad?
Because no matter
how much you've won,
it can't fix what you've lost.
Uh, Saturday night
at the restaurant,
I was singing this
love song, remember?
And I'd sung it a million
times, but, for some reason,
that night it felt like I was
singing it just for Graham.
And then it hit me,
being some Broadway
star really isn't my dream.
Being with Graham...
Being together, anywhere,
that's the dream.
That wasthe dream.
At least, it was mine.
You know, when I
broke up with Bob,
I was so sad.
I thought I would never
find the right man for me.
[Quietly]: "Bob"?
But then my mom said
"Rita, don't be in such a hurry.
"The perfect man is out there,
"but he's still in
the oven, baking.
"And if you keep
running into the kitchen
"and opening the door,
he'll never be ready."
So, I waited, and
it wasn't easy,
but then all of a sudden, I
smelled something really good,
and when I opened the door...
There was Norman.
All done!
He was worth the wait.
[Nikki]: I thought
Graham was, too.
He seemed like
such a good guy, but...
Wrong oven, I guess.
Look at it this way.
Now you can
live a trout-free life
and you don't have
to wear blue anymore.
Good point.
Miss bergens, there's
a vast difference
between choosing a good man
and finding the right man.
I hope you don't give
up until you find both.
Well... Thanks for everything.
Our pleasure.
Back to work!
Or I could just quit.
Don't think about it.
Go back to work, face the music.
You'll know what to do.
[Oliver]: Miss bergens,
we'll see you out.
We have to talk.
Norman, I know what
you're going to say.
I should have told
you before about Bob,
but I don't feel about him
the way I feel about you,
and I never did.
You're just going
to have to trust me.
Oh, I trust you completely.
But I don't trust Bob.
I know you wanted
to believe it, but...
Bouvet Island
doesn't have any owls.
And there's no such thing
as the burrowing yellowtail.
Bob scammed you.
I'm sorry.
Poor Bob.
He must have really
needed the money.
You're amazing.
But I'm not giving
him any more money!
Hey! Do you wanna go get dinner?
I've got an extra 50 bucks!
I'm starving.
Please hold on. I need
to tell you something.
I tried calling you
after you ran off,
but your voicemail was full
and you didn't pick up.
We don't have to
pretend anymore, Graham.
We don't have to talk,
we just have to sing
and serve better-
than-average food
at inflated prices
to people who think
going to a romantic restaurant
actually has anything
to do with love.
Nikki, please, just
listen to me for once.
Actually what I tried to say,
but you wouldn't let me is i...
I love you.
And more than that,
I am in love you, and
more than that, even.
What's more than that?
I don't know,
"I love you forever" love?
If there's a "but" coming,
I'm gonna kill you.
I was going to break
up, but only because i...
I have no business
giving you hope
that I can go with
you to New York.
But you've been
saving up for so long.
I was, but my mom...
My mom lost her job
and fell behind on her
mortgage payments.
She didn't want me
to find out, but I did,
and I had to help her out
because she's my mom
and nobody else believes
in me like she does.
Except you.
Why didn't you tell me?
I couldn't let you put
your dreams on hold
while you waited for me.
But after you ran off, I
knew I'd made a mistake.
I just don't know how to fix it.
First of all...
I "love you forever"
love you, too.
And second,
I'm sorry...
Really sorry... that I ran off.
You were obviously in the oven
and I didn't realize
you were done...
Don't ask.
But third...
You are so stupid!
Thank you.
I mean, you're my
dream, not New York!
And what makes you
happy makes me happy,
and I love your mom,
and if we're gonna
be together forever,
then we can't let
her lose her house,
otherwise where will
we go for Christmas,
which brings me
to... What are we on?
Will you marry me?
In a minute!
Good. Um...
By the way, we won the lottery.
I know, that's exactly
what it feels like.
No, we won the lottery.
Oh. [Chuckles]
Don't open it.
Just kiss me.
[Staff applauding]
My heart is on fire
I'm running out of time
gotta find out if
you're still mine
[Football game
plays on television]
Play any sports in
high school, norm?
I was a foster kid, so
I moved around a lot.
Sports are the
foundation of war.
Like playing checkers
with real people,
only you don't get hurt.
What position did you play?
I was a foster kid. I
moved around a lot.
I didn't...
Good for you.
Oh, yeah, I love to dance.
It's very hard work, though.
Well, at least the way
that I do it, anyways.
How about you?
Oh, I haven't danced in years.
Shane and Oliver took
dance lessons once.
Where is Shane?
I don't know.
[Speaking quietly]
I've heard of cop bars and
I've heard of sports bars,
but I've never heard of...
Would you excuse me?
Well, everyone
needs a place to...
Have some cake.
Oh, thank you.
Shane had it special-ordered.
From montaldo's.
Dale, could you help me
mix some more punch?
Are so delicious
distract me all my wishes
and make this
day in my heart...
[Nikki]: ...Before
[Diners applauding]
I, uh,
took the Liberty
of ordering dessert.
Oh, thank you.
Was that Ramon
that I saw leaving?
He sends his regards.
That guy always shows
up at the weirdest times.
You think this is weird?
Are you going to
try your dessert?
Um, I'm not quite ready yet.
Forgive me.
Uh, it gets a bit hot in here.
But, um, I suppose
you know that,
being so familiar
with the place.
Oliver, Lester is an idiot.
And Steve...
I have been over him
for a very long time.
You owe me no
explanations, Ms. Mcinerney.
Because you and
I are just... friends?
That was an unfortunate
turn of phrase, I'm afraid.
So... [sighs]
So what was tonight?
Was it a date?
Or was it just our
"long-promised dinner"?
I don't know.
It was supposed
to be a quiet dinner
with good company
and good conversation,
and I did want it to be
someplace special...
And I wanted to dance.
I never danced with
any of the others here.
I only...
I only dance with you.
We could use more practice.
I-I know.
If we we're gonna
get any good at it.
I imagine we could be very good.
I imagine we would be.
If we practiced every week.
Every week?
Oh, I only meant if
you were serious...
I-I mean...
[Piano begins to play]
[Host]: And now,
returning to the stage
with a very special
goodnight from montaldo's...
Please welcome
Michael and Sophia.
If I loved you
time and again
I would try to say
all I'd want you to know
if I loved you
words wouldn't
come in an easy way
round in circles I'd go
longing to tell you
but afraid and shy
I'd let my golden chances
pass me by
soon you'd leave me
off you would go
in the mist of day
never, never to know
how I loved you
if I loved you
Soon you'd leave me
off you would go
in the mist of day
never, never to know
how I loved you
[silence falls]
I loved you
[Diners applauding]
[Pop dance music plays]
Oliver, are we dancing?
No, Ms. Mcinerney. We are not.
[Oliver]: I need to
ask you something.
I liked that dessert.
It was very good.
I'm glad to hear it.
It's hard to find a
good curd these days.
Yes. Times have changed.
And I'm very
old-fashioned, you know.
I'm aware of that.
And when life
becomes complicated,
one finds oneself falling back
upon the traditional
and familiar.
One takes one's time to avoid
the risk of precipitousness.
Does one get to the question?
And yet...
What good
is a letter if one
never mails it?
Is that the question?
No. Why did you order
lemon cake for the party today?
I thought you should have
a second chance to try it.
And you couldn't wait
until the next time we
went to montaldo's?
Or did you assume there
would be no "next time"?
Well, I...
It may surprise you,
but I believe in
second chances, too.
Shall I should put it
on the calendar, then,
for sometime this year?
Yes. How does next
Saturday sound?
It's a date.
I mean, it's a...
It is a date.
Speaking of second chances...
How do you like my hair?
Do you like my hair?
It's fine. Uh, it's, uh, very...
I like the flower.
It's the first Rose of summer.
It took after all.
And no animals were harmed
in the blooming of this Rose.
And... and you'd given up.
I know.
Oh, me of little faith.
All it takes is a little.
Come on!
It's all good
it gets even better
up in the sky
there's always sunny weather
it's a perfect day
ain't nothing wrong
'cause everything's all right
it's all good when
we get together
well, now it gets better
when you got what matters
it's all good
it gets even better
doo, doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
doo, doo-doo
doo, doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
it's all good