Sinbad: Make Me Wanna Holla (2014) Movie Script

[crowd chatter]
- Yo, Bad,
five minutes.
- Hey,
it's gonna be good, bro.
It's gonna be good, man.
- Cool.
All right, man.
- I feel it.
- Peace.
- I feel good!
Cool, man.
- [strums guitar]
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Yeah.
Who it is?
Who--look who here.
- I don't need you here!
Go!
- Memphis Red here
to save you.
- Man, you don't--
you know--
You--
[screams]
- I'm just trying to make sure
you got a good show
'cause you know how it is
when I ain't around.
You be fumbling,
trying to find yourself.
- Let me tell you something,
man.
Let me tell you something.
No, I got this.
No, I got this.
I got this, man.
You see it tripping on me, huh?
This Detroit.
I don't need no help
in Detroit.
- Quit crying
like a little baby.
That's your problem, see?
You need Memphis to go ahead
and talk to the people for you.
Let Memphis warm up.
Let my band open up.
- I don't need no music.
I don't need no--
I don't have a band.
- I hired a band
with your cheap self.
I've got
some bad Detroit boys, man.
Come on, now.
I'm called Memphis Red,
but I'm worldly.
- You know, man, I'm sick
and tired of you, man.
Every time I do something,
you show up.
- You're gonna make me
pull my knife out.
- Oh, you got a knife?
You're gonna
threaten me with a knife?
Well, look.
I got a shoehorn.
Huh?
How about that?
- You got a shoehorn?
Now, who crazy?
- I'll shoe your face.
- You got a shoehorn.
Who out they mind?
- I ain't scared of you!
You don't scare me, and you
don't tell me what to do!
- Yo, Bad!
Everything okay?
Who you talking to, man?
- Memphis!
He gonna try to tell me
what jokes
I'm supposed to do tonight.
- Memphis?
Man, you silly.
Man, I'll talk to you.
- I'm playing.
You fell for it, right?
- Yeah, right.
- Okay.
You had me get--
I'm looking crazy, man!
You got me looking crazy!
- [mocking gibberish]
- What?
- Shut up, boy!
Shut up!
- Man, you don't make no--see?
You know what?
See? All them years of drugs.
When they say drugs--
When they say marijuana
don't hurt people?
You an example of marijuana
does hurt you,
and it does affect
the brain.
- Oh, you gonna
bring that up?
You gonna bring up
the drug usage?
Look at me.
I did my--look here.
Let me tell you something.
Drugs back in the day,
when I was coming up,
drugs was like
buying cough syrup.
It was medicinal.
- I would appreciate it
if you would just leave.
- You need to go out there and
tell them people kiss your a--
- Oh, oh, oh.
We cussing now?
That's what it is?
Oh, that's what make you talk?
- I mean, what?
It's just a word.
Why you tripping on words?
- I can do that.
I could have made
a billion dollars
just being a dirty comic, man.
- Try it.
Kiss my a--
- Kiss your what?
- Kiss my a--
- Kiss your what?
- Kiss my a--[chuckles]
- I tell you what, man.
How about this?
Just one favor for me
just one time, just one time.
I just wanna go out
and do my show.
Can I do that?
- Look here, man.
You tell your little sad jokes,
and I'll do my music.
I'm gonna try to funkify
what you do.
I got to clean your mess up.
I got to go out there and get
the people all back up
after you done brought 'em down
in depression.
That's why I'm here,
to keep the party going.
I'm the partygoer.
I'm the hype man.
I hype it up.
- This is what
I'm gonna do, man.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom,
and I want you gone.
- You got
some prostate problems?
- No, I want you gone.
Gone.
I don't need you here.
I got this.
- Be careful with them doctors.
Sometimes, they hang
down there too long.
I had a doctor
check my prostate.
I think he was liking me.
- I ain't playing!
I want you gone, Memphis!
- I'm--I'll be right here.
- Go!
- Steve, is he ready?
- Uh, he's in there talking
to a hat named Memphis.
- A hat?
- A hat.
- Mark!
- Everything okay?
- Yeah, everything's okay,
but he's talking
to the hat again.
- The hat?
- The hat.
- Did you give him the zinc?
- No, I thought you
had the zinc.
- Don't worry about it!
- I gave it to you!
- Memphis is gonna handle it.
[chuckles]
Showtime, baby.
Now, you be in there.
You'll be all right.
Get your prostate checked.
What up, man?
Officer?
How you doing?
Wasn't me.
Got my hands up.
Don't shoot me.
Adios, poquito mas, uno, dos.
- Showtime.
- And you, man, don't ever
put no medication
in my food again.
I ain't playing with you.
Your grandma, mama,
whoever it is.
- Okay, all right, Memphis.
- No, Memphis!
No!
[playing Inner City Blues]
What's up, Detroit?
[cheers and applause]
Don't be scared to clap.
- [vocalizing]
- We going
through some hard times!
- [vocalizing]
- Rockets
Moon shots
- Tell 'em, Paige.
- Spend it on
The have-nots
Money, we make it
Before we see it,
you'll take it
- Here we go.
- Oh, make me wanna holla
The way they do my life,
yeah
Oh, make me wanna holla
The way they do my life, ooh
- [vocalizing]
- Danny.
Danny.
Show Detroit
what it's all about.
- Hang-ups, letdowns
Bad breaks, setbacks
- Don't say that verse.
- Natural
- Don't sing this verse.
- Fact is
- Don't sing it.
- Oh, he can't pay his...
taxes
Oh, make me wanna holla
Throw up both my hands
- Hey!
- Hey, make me wanna holla
Throw up both my hands
Living
- Hey!
- No, no, no, no
This ain't living
- That's it.
- No, no, no, no
- We can stop now.
That's it.
- This ain't living
- Yo, this ain't living.
- No, no, no, no
- That's enough.
Don't encourage them.
Don't encourage them.
- This ain't living
- That's it, though.
I said don't sing that verse.
- No, no, no, no
- I said don't sing.
I said don't play that verse,
don't sing it.
- This ain't living
- In rehearsal,
I said don't sing it!
- No, no, no, no
- Stop.
- This ain't living
- Stop!
- No, no, no, no
- No, this ain't living.
If y'all don't stop,
ain't nobody gonna be living!
- Make me wanna holla
- Oh, y'all wanna holla?
Y'all wanna holla?
- Hey!
- Make me wanna holla
- Y'all wanna holla?
You wanna holla?
- Make me wanna holla
- Ain't nobody getting paid.
Ain't nobody getting paid
You keep on playing,
you ain't making no money
You ain't making no money
You ain't making no money,
you better stop
You want some money?
Then you might want to stop
right now.
[drumming stops]
Yeah, yeah.
You ain't getting paid.
You should know better.
You came from L.A. with me.
Oh, you got a attitude?
No per diem.
That's your per diem.
That's your per diem.
You're walking home.
You're walking back to L.A.
You gonna take it from me?
[horns stop playing]
[electric guitar
continues playing]
Go on, go on.
Yo, hey!
Hey! Hey!
Jimi Hendrix!
[electric guitar stops playing]
You the slow one
in the group?
You the slow one?
You the one
they told me about?
[cheers and applause]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
See, it wasn't supposed
to end like that.
See?
I had a whole thing.
I was gonna--
I had special effects.
I was gonna morph
from me to Sinbad,
but then we ran out
of budget.
Y'all know about that.
Cash got low.
So we had to change up
how we gonna do it.
See, this must be
the Detroit union
'cause you don't even know
how tall I am.
See, that's why
y'all bankrupt.
Y'all got to get it right.
Get it right!
Get it right!
Man, I always wanted
to be like Michael Jackson.
I always wanted to do this.
Security.
[cheers and applause]
Man.
They ain't cheap.
I went to the hat shop
downtown, man.
You--Whoo!
I should've just bought
the feather
and put it behind my ear.
Man, Detroit!
Detroit!
[cheers and applause]
This is it!
This it!
Took us a little while
to get here.
Been trying to make it work.
Been trying to get here, man.
Whoo!
Do--you know, this--
I mean, I'm gonna tell y'all,
we gonna do it right now.
They talking about the city
of Detroit being bankrupt.
People don't know nothing
about Detroit.
People like,
"Man, you gonna go to Detroit?
Ain't no money."
No.
City broke.
Folks got money.
City broke.
It's a big difference
when the city broke.
See, when the city broke,
it means you don't have
no water, no police,
no firemen.
Your streets gonna stay
jacked up.
I mean,
y'all gonna be messed up.
And now you got to learn how
to fight 'cause the police
ain't gonna be able to come.
See, you just got to think
outside the box.
If I was a martial artist,
I would open up
martial arts schools
called "Protect Yourself."
Protect yourself at all times,
'cause think about it.
It takes the police
in Detroit, what?
38 minutes to get there?
You dead.
They just picking the body up.
There he is, we found him.
Still got the cell phone
in his hand.
Help.
But you got to be careful.
The "stand your ground."
[audience groans]
Yeah, we gonna talk
about that right now.
See, I wish he had been in
Detroit and followed somebody.
I just--
[cheers and applause]
I just wish.
I just wish.
We could have
a whole nother court case.
See, if that had
been Detroit
and you chase a brother?
Oh, really?
He'd have come
around the corner.
There'd been seven of 'em.
So what's up?
You got a gun?
Everybody got a gun.
You need more than one.
See, we laughing, man,
but that, you know that--
- I love you, Sinbad!
- Thank you, baby.
Thank you so much.
You got to be careful
when people say, "Love you,"
'cause there's payments.
- [shouts]
- I know.
'Cause think about it,
you know?
I don't--
see, we was talking about--
See, with Trayvon's case,
what makes me so angry, man,
I mean,
I know the people here,
nobody said take away your gun.
Nobody trying to take your gun.
Can't nobody take your gun,
Detroit, no way.
Who gonna come get your gun?
Nobody.
I'm just saying you can't
follow people with a gun
and then not expect
to get beat down.
Think about it.
That's what happens.
He got caught in a fight.
You can tell he don't fight.
He never fought.
He never fought.
Plus, everybody know
that if a police officer fire,
he got to at least say,
"Hey, I'm the police,"
somewhere either after he shoots
you or before he shoots you.
But somewhere,
they got to have it on tape.
Stop!
I'm the police.
[imitates gunshot]
My bad.
We can edit that
for the press later on.
He had that gun behind him
and never said anything
'cause he couldn't wait
to use it.
Even--look, I'm saying
he couldn't wait to use it.
Even gangsters
give you a chance.
Everybody knows
the international symbol
for "I got a gun."
What's up?
Now you can change
your attitude.
Oh, hey.
You want some soda?
[laughs]
And my man said,
"Yeah, everybody know that."
[laughs]
See, my thing is this.
He got beat up,
and he got thrown off
because the--
stand your ground.
So stand your ground is:
If you chase me,
I'm standing my ground.
But if I start winning,
now you stand your ground?
So it's like fight and quit.
Fight and win.
Pow!
Okay, okay, it's your turn.
I was winning.
Now it's your turn.
Pow!
Okay, you winning.
Okay, my turn.
My turn.
Once a fight start, when you
get beat down, you go home.
Okay, I can't fight people
like that no more.
And you learn something
from it like,
I'm not a good fighter.
I need to stay in the car.
He's around the corner.
And then you'll have
no issue.
See, black neighborhood watch
is totally different.
You don't get in no car.
You stay in your house.
Yo, family!
Get away from the window!
Get away from the window!
Did they see you?
Don't call the police!
Did they see you?
Don't call the police!
You got to be careful
how you tell on people.
My thing is this.
I believe--I mean,
I'm like this.
I'm against crazy.
I'm against crime.
I mean, black on black,
black on white.
See, they done made this
a black/white issue.
This--man, right now,
black and white people,
we're caught--we're
in a strange place right now.
It's not like
the '60s and the '50s.
See, '60s and '50s,
we knew what was coming.
We knew what was coming.
Now white kids are black,
so...
[cheers and applause]
Was that black-on-black crime?
Was that white on--
was that black on black?
Was that white on black,
black on black?
Was that black
on black/white?
Was it a white being black?
Was that white
being black on black?
White being black on black?
See, what's happening is
the white kids
been watching hip-hop,
and we've been
run out the neighborhood,
sending our kids to, like,
suburban schools.
So our kids
are in private school,
and white kids are hard-core,
so the black kids are like this,
"Hey! Hey!
That's enough!"
And the white kids,
"I got something for you!"
I'll tell you,
the Jay Z concert was happening
in Detroit this week,
and I was watching it.
I love how people just walk.
They just come down
and walk to Jay Z.
Jay Z and Justin Timberlake.
Think about it.
Did we ever think we'd see a day
Jay Z and Justin Timberlake
and all the white suburban kids
was going
and they were singing lyrics?
[mock vocalizing]
And the black kids,
"What song was--what song is--
We're gonna see John Mayer.
We're gonna see John Mayer."
And now--and now
it's got to be hard.
See, I think
for all this racism to end,
my generation has to die out.
We have--we've seen too much.
We're jacked up.
I'm 57.
My generation and above,
we are racist, sexist, ageist.
We--we're the last dinosaur.
We try not to be racist,
but it's right here.
It's right--it's right here.
We try to talk like, "Man,
these two...people not like me."
We try not to describe race,
but we were raised in
a racial situation in America.
Now our kids are like this.
My kids--
kids will freak you out.
Oh, come on, Dad.
There's no more racism.
Okay.
Drive your car
80 miles an hour.
And when they stop you, get out
and say, "What's up, officer?"
Just get out and say,
"What's up, officer?"
And find out.
That's why
I've trained children--
I don't want y'all
to get this wrong.
I think there's money,
'cause right now in America,
there's no jobs.
I tell young white cats,
"You can make money
as a designated white friend
who rides with us."
Think about it.
If you ain't got
no money right now,
you're the white guy
that sits in the car.
You sit in the passenger side.
Police, "Who you with?"
"We're with Todd."
"Y'all be careful."
'Cause when you ride with us,
police are confused.
When you--when brothers
are driving and there's
a white dude in the car,
like this.
"Can you get out?
Get out. Get out.
Just run home.
Run home, damn it."
"But these my boys."
"Are you black?"
"No, sir."
Because, you know,
we've got so caught up in race
in this country, we forget now
it's class, it's money.
It's gone beyond race 'cause
rich people hate poor people,
whatever color they are.
Rich black people don't like
poor black people either.
You think I'm playing?
You think I'm playing?
When brothers and sisters
move to the suburbs
and then another black person
move in, oh, hell!
Oh, hell!
They gonna mess up everything!
Go! Just go!
This is a strange time
in America because now
we got all kinds of races
intermingled.
You got Asian, you got black,
you got Spanish, you got white.
And they're having children.
And they're having babies.
You know, you used to could tell
a mixed baby.
That little sandy hair.
That little sandy hair.
Look at the mother.
[chuckles] Yeah.
"He half black, right?"
"Yeah."
But now I've seen some stuff.
What the hell?
That's a other.
That's a true other.
I never knew
what an other was.
That's that.
That's that.
What the hell is that?
He is Korean black Spanish.
Korean black Spanish?
And the kid was like this,
"I know.
I got good hair, though."
The hair is always
gonna be our situation.
Hair. Hair.
Black hair is always
gonna be a situation with us.
I'm glad we wearing afros.
I'm seeing sisters and brothers
wearing afros again,
rocking that natural hair,
you know?
[cheers and applause]
Now, trust me.
Black, natural hair
takes work.
See, not like--
see, when white--
y'all sometimes...
"I'm not doing anything."
Black people, "I got to get
some of this stuff out."
You can't go two days
without combing
'cause that will be--
that's where dreads came from.
Somebody said, "Forget it.
"I'm done. I'm done.
I'm gonna let it do what it do.
I'm gonna let it do what it do."
Then they dread it up.
His friends,
"Man, what'd you do?"
"Nothing.
I didn't do nothing.
That's how you get this."
How many of y'all
went to the beauty salon
within the last two days?
Where my people went
to a beauty salon
getting ready for the show?
Look. Look.
Have a look at y'all.
Got your hair done.
'Cause, Detroit,
y'all some hair getting done.
You getting your hair done,
getting your nails done.
Y'all would give away
a free ticket.
"Girl, I can't go
to the concert.
Look at this."
"I got you front-row seats."
"And what I'm gonna do?
Sit like this?
I'm gonna sit like this?"
And it's not because of men.
'Cause we don't care
what you do with your hair.
We don't even see it sometimes.
Like, "Oh!"
We so busy looking
at everything else,
you could've been
bald-headed.
We don't--
Women get their hair done
because women dog women.
Women dress up
because women are hard.
Women are like, "Girl, ooh.
"She must be going
through something.
"Hey, girl, hey.
We were just
talking about you."
Men don't care.
Men don't care.
Women, y'all got
so much attitude.
Dude could be
a doctor, lawyer.
He's got the wrong shoes.
Got the wrong shoes.
Just wear the wrong shoes.
Walk in the club.
"Oh, my--oh, God.
I was gonna get with him,
but did you see his feet?"
"I know, girl.
I had to let it go too.
I had to let it"--
"I heard he's a doctor.
He got his own jet."
"Well, he need to buy
some shoes."
Men don't care
if you got six toes.
We'll walk up,
"Look at that last one.
Make it move, make it move,
make it move."
You just need
a bigger flip-flop.
That's all you need.
Men don't walk away
from nothing.
Men do not walk away
from any woman.
You know how crazy a woman
got to be for us to let her go?
You know how bad
you got to be?
Especially
if ain't nobody around.
Now, in the club,
we'll play it off.
"Man, did you see her?"
"Yeah, let me throw
this number away.
Yeah. Yeah."
We by ourselves?
"Look at you with that one eye."
"We gonna play
hide-and-go-seek tonight."
Where my teachers at?
Where all my teachers?
[cheering]
Why y'all dating children?
Is it that bad?
Has time got so bad
that you got
your little
junior high class,
"There it is.
"There's my man.
There's my man.
Look at you, all mature."
[child's voice]
"I know. I know."
What did--
Do you have any teachers?
Do you know of any teachers
that dated their students?
You don't--look.
I like women.
"Oh, God, oh, no.
That's crazy!
None of my friends would."
Look at men.
You know any men?
"Oh, yeah.
"I don't hang out
with them no more,
but they good people."
See, I don't understand
what it is about a teacher
who's in their 20s, 30s
dating some dude 15.
My question is, where were you
when I was in school?
[cheers and applause]
I mean, think about it.
How many mothers,
if a teacher date your son,
you, like--
you would call the police?
[scattered applause]
Why?
Why, huh?
- Too old.
- She too old?
But think about it.
In ten more years,
she won't be.
Think about it.
For a girl, yeah, he's sick.
But think about it.
For a boy, it's like, you know,
he gonna get an "A."
Say he's not good in math.
Say--
Okay, let's do a scenario.
Say your son's
not good in math
and the math teacher
like him.
Let it go.
See, it doesn't destroy
a boy's life.
When a boy is dating
a teacher,
all of his friends,
"Man, I heard about you."
"Yeah, you know me."
Think about it.
Say, who would call--
So you would call
the police?
- Yes.
- Why?
You know what
your son would do?
"Mom, you messed up everything!
"I don't even have
a prom date!
God!"
And the father, "Come on,
let me talk to the boy first."
[laughs]
People think I'm crazy,
but look.
All these men--see all the men
with their wives.
"No, I think that's sick."
[laughs]
Look at the wife.
"Would you?"
"No!
"No, I wouldn't, no.
"That's sick.
That's crazy.
Which teacher was it?"
[laughs]
We starting too early
in relationships.
We got any teenagers here?
Teenagers?
None?
I know.
You got teenagers 'cause, see,
your parents made you go.
"Go see Sinbad!
You need to see Sin--"
He's like, "Who's Sinbad?"
"Different World!
He was on Different World!"
"Which one?"
He didn't wanna go.
"Oh, I wanna see Kevin Hart.
I don't wanna see Sinbad."
He said it, didn't he?
You don't wanna see nobody
your mama like.
That don't make no sense,
do it?
"Who is Sinbad?
He old! He's old!
How's he gonna relate to me?"
How old are you?
- 15.
- See, 15.
You right at the age
where you don't know jack.
You don't know nothing!
I know you think--
You don't know nothing.
You ain't got
no driver's license.
You can't go get nothing.
You can't go to the store.
You don't pay no rent.
You a homeless man
living in a house.
[cheers and applause]
You just--you just don't
see it that way.
But that's how
she looks at it.
See, we love you.
As parents, we love you.
We want you to--
what's your first name?
- Cory.
- Cory?
See, your parents love you,
but at 15, it's a love-hate.
Up to about 13, "I love you.
I love you, my son.
You my seed."
At 15, "I don't know
where the hell you from.
"I don't know what side
of the family this came from,
"but it didn't come from me.
"You're about to lose
your life.
That's what
you're about to lose."
If she ever says to you,
"Get out my face,"
don't play with it.
See, y'all young.
Y'all don't understand.
Y'all stand
a couple extra minutes.
[mimics punch]
Well, where'd that come from?
See, in the '70s,
when your mother did this,
when she went
to the left, go!
Just go!
Go!
Stay with your grandma
for a week, come back later.
Y'all stand there.
[mocking gibberish]
[mimics punch]
Knocked out.
See, at 15, think about it.
15, you really
can't do nothing.
What's your job?
Clean your room.
Ain't no job.
That's where you live.
Do homework.
Know why she make you
do homework?
So you don't have to work
at McDonald's
the rest of your life.
That's why she does that.
Your mother wants you
to do homework,
so you can get out
of her house.
That's why.
We don't care
about your education.
We don't want you
living here.
You can't live here.
You wanna be a doctor?
Fine.
You wanna be a lawyer?
Fine.
Get out my house!
And if you become a doctor,
she ain't never gonna let you
operate on her 'cause she know
what you like in real life.
If your mother go
to the emergency room,
when you come in,
"Mom, it's you."
"Let me die! Let me die!
Let me die!
"This boy can't even
clean his room.
"He ain't gonna put
his hands on me.
"I'm gonna get a disease.
I'm gonna get an infection.
I'm gonna die
on this thing."
Cory, you got a girlfriend?
- Yeah.
- 15? You ain't ready.
You ain't got no job.
Why you got a girlfriend?
You ain't ready.
You 15.
Do you love her?
No!
You're 15.
You can't love a woman.
No!
Love hurts.
You know when you love?
Look at these women,
40 and 50.
Look how they sit
with their man.
That's a love face.
There's a lot of pain coming up
through that situation.
"Where you get
these tickets from?"
That's love.
You just holding hands.
"You look so good."
"No, you look so good."
You in heat.
Your little hormones
jumping off.
Relationships are so hard.
Relationships are so hard.
I think we got marriage--
I think
we should redo marriage.
Let's redo marriage.
Let's redo marriage.
Let's make it difficult
to get married,
easy to be divorced.
Let's make it difficult.
You got to pay money up front.
You got to pay a fine.
You got to pay money.
How much you love her?
It's gonna cost you 20,000.
Whoa.
Wait.
Oh, heh heh.
I don't know about that!
Think about it.
The more money your parents
spend on your wedding,
the longer you guys
stay married.
If your parents spend 20,000,
we ain't working out.
You got four more years
to stay.
You gonna make this work.
We done put 20,000 in.
I don't care
if y'all hate each other.
You stand
for four more years.
That's what
the contract says.
Think about if you had
all those fines.
Think about if you had
to go to lawyers,
just like you do
with divorce.
You have to sit
with a lawyer.
"So what do you think?
How much stuff is yours?"
"I brought most of it."
"Oh, did you?"
"Yeah, most of it.
Most of it.
I still love you,
but this is my stuff."
You'll see the real side
come out.
See, divorce should be easy.
After you done spent 75,000,
divorce should be like this.
"You wanna hang in there?"
"No, I'm done."
"Okay."
"You keep one kid,
I'll keep the other.
Which one you want?
I'll take that one."
Look at how she looked at me.
But you know I'm right.
You know I'm wrong,
but I'm right.
You know I'm wrong,
but I'm right.
Some things
are wrong/right.
Some things are wrong/right.
Like being in the mall.
Your kids can't find you,
you should be able to leave.
If they can't find you,
legally, you should be able
to go to the police.
He was not with me.
When I got to the car,
I told him.
And he is old enough to know
I was leaving.
He's old enough.
So he can't sue me.
I told him.
I don't know why y'all
brought him back here.
I had one for a second.
Ain't easy, man.
Ain't easy being
in a relationship.
It ain't easy being a parent.
Think about it,
the last easy time.
Right, Cory, this is
the easiest time of your life.
15 years old,
it's easy.
You got nothing to do.
Go play some sports.
Mama come pick you up
because you can't walk home.
It's only, like, half a block.
Oh, I can't walk.
I can't walk home
from practice.
How many times
you call your mom?
You can see her.
Mom, you gonna come get me?
I'm looking right at you.
I'm looking right at you.
Just walk.
Follow my voice.
Follow my voice.
So hard!
Don't make no sense, man.
It don't make no sense.
That's why I say
could anybody--
See, in Detroit, this might--
I'm from Benton Harbor,
Michigan.
That's my home.
My home is
Benton Harbor, Michigan.
You know, see, it's funny.
When you're young, Benton Harbor
is far from Detroit.
It's far.
Kalamazoo is 47 miles away.
The older you get, you start
claiming the whole state.
See, when, I was young,
nah, I'm from Benton Harbor.
The older you get:
No, I'm from Michigan.
And then the older you get,
I'm from the Midwest.
And then, the older you get,
I'm from America.
We all related.
We all from America.
Now, Detroit is
a very unique city.
You can't just come here
and walk around,
'cause the way Detroit
is built,
it's like
a hub and spokes that go out.
You got the city here, and if
you get off in the wrong hub,
you don't get back
to the city.
You can't just be going
in a circle saying,
"Baby, let's just go somewhere."
No, no, no.
You see them buildings?
And see, most cities,
you can look,
oh, if the buildings are vacant,
you don't go there.
But since most
of the buildings...
[laughter]
Y'all, the reason I say this--
I was in a hotel up
on the seventh floor,
and I looked out,
and I saw where they're
building stuff over here.
And over here was just like,
let's blow some stuff up.
Let's do Transformers
and just blow this up,
let's just...
Most cities, you got
to build stuff to blow up.
No, no, come here.
Come here.
We gonna burn all of
this stuff up and blow this up.
I'll get that dude out.
Jump out your house!
Get out your window!
We're gonna blow that up!
You the only one in there.
Get out! Get out!
People come here to make movies
'cause you don't have
to make up nothing.
And the reason I say that,
I heard them talking.
Look, man.
We need to build this village
that you blow up.
You ain't got to build it.
Get in the car.
We don't even need
no permit.
Let's just start
setting fires.
It'll take 38 minutes
for the police to get here.
We can shoot this scene.
But people found out,
as Detroit go,
so does
the rest of the state.
Remember everybody was
running to the rich suburbs,
and now the suburbs
ain't rich no more?
See, y'all just had
your election.
You just had your election
for your mayor.
So, you know,
we'll see what happens.
See how this
work out for you.
I mean, this is--
this is the thing.
This is what I heard people--
I actually heard people--
I heard black people say.
Man, I'm tired
of black folks.
Let's let a white man
try it for a while.
I said,
"That's not the way you do it."
Man, we've been doing it
for a while.
Let them do it.
Let's see what they do.
I said, "Well, if they
had been President,
we would have never got
our guy up in there."
We just--and now,
we're here with Barack now.
Look, the last time
I did my special,
he had just got in.
I can tell on his face,
he's ready.
He's ready to go home.
He's ready to go
back to Chicago,
have some pizza.
Being the President,
I would not ever want that job.
You can't make anybody--
nobody happy.
Nobody's happy.
We need this.
Well, if you get this,
we don't know where you--
What about us?
What we gonna get?
No, no.
Don't give it.
I wouldn't get up.
I'd be in my bed.
Mr. President?
I'm sick.
We got stuff to do.
Go ahead and do it.
Do your thing.
Do what you got to do.
Michelle, do it.
Michelle, go ahead.
Michelle got it.
Think about it.
Who would want that job?
Who here would run
for President?
Who?
Who here run for President?
Who even wanna be the president
of the class?
Oh, you would run
for President?
Have you run
for anything before?
What'd you run for?
Huh?
The school board's different.
The school board president:
"We need books!
"Where we gonna
get the books at?
We'll table that
to next week."
School board is crazy too.
I've seen some
of your stuff on YouTube.
Y'all need
to quit taping Detroit.
I ain't trying
to say nothing.
I mean, that was cool before
there was YouTube and Facebook.
But that's why people
think Detroit crazy.
Y'all be like this.
"Say something else!
Saysomething else!"
And that's
the school board president.
I'll kill
everybody up in here!
Quit taping it!
Quit taping them, man!
It's craz--
okay, what's the hardest part?
Being school board president,
what's the hardest part?
What's the hardest part
of that job?
Hard parents?
Why do you let them come?
See, that's how
you solve problems.
Let me be a consultant.
See, the consultant means
I don't have to know
what I'm doing,
you just pay me anyway.
and I give you suggestions.
See, a consultant's
a great job.
I think you should just
go ahead and spend the money.
It didn't work.
My bad.
I'm just a consultant.
You shouldn't have done
what I said.
I'm just--and parents--
I like when parents defend
their little, crazy child.
That's why I think
the first day of school--
Who got kids in school?
Who got kids in school?
Got kids in school?
Got kids in school?
This is what you
should do first day.
Don't even let the kids come.
Let the parents come.
Oh, his son gonna be crazy.
You can look at the parents.
Uh-oh!
What's your last name?
Oh, damn.
If you just look
at the parents,
you know which kids.
I got to get him out of my class
before the first day.
'Cause his mom was there.
May I say something?
May I...say something?
See?
I can't be a school teacher
because I'm too honest.
That's why
I can't keep many jobs.
See, people say
they want honesty.
Everybody say,
"Oh, I want honesty."
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
I can't be a teacher.
Sitting there.
Why my son flunk?
'Cause he's the dumbest one
in the class.
I'm surprised he got
to fifth grade.
I don't know how.
He should be in kindergarten.
That's where he need to be.
You know what
I'm saying, right?
People need to be able
to tell the truth.
Like, all my teachers, y'all
got to be sitting there--okay.
What do you do when you got--
do you teach in public school
or, like, private school?
- Private.
- Oh, so the biggest thing
with you is,
"We had a bake sale, and all
the money didn't come in."
"Who has the bake sale money?
"We are locking these doors.
"We're using our honesty caps.
Everybody put on
their honesty cap."
"Johnny took the money!"
"And what do we do
when we lie, Johnny?
We say we're sorry."
So don't you ever say
it's so hard being a teacher.
I want you to be
a substitute teacher
in the Detroit Public School
system.
Not for a week.
Not for a week.
One day.
Just going through
the metal detector.
[imitates metal detector
going off]
It was crazy, right?
That's why you went
to public--
went to private school, right?
So what's the worst thing
that happened in private school?
- Crazy parents.
- Crazy parents?
What's a crazy parent?
I will take all my money.
I swear to God!
There will be no trip
to New York.
There will be
no trip to New York.
I will shut it down!
I will take the hot dog stand
away from the games.
There won't be
a hot dog stand.
- They think they own us.
- Oh, they think they own you
'cause they do.
They do.
If I spend $40,000 a year,
oh, he gonna pass,
'cause the check cleared.
Oh, you ain't flunking him!
Not for $40,000!
That's an automatic ride
to the next class.
For $40,000, how you
gonna flunk this child?
See, these black parents
and my white parents
from inner-city Detroit,
you send your kid to school
for 40 grand,
have that parent meeting.
He did what?
I'll be right back.
He'll come in:
I just wanna apologize.
[cries]
Say it. Say it.
Say what I said.
I'd like to volunteer.
$40,000, you act like a fool.
We could have gone somewhere
with your money.
Who's a parent here got
a kid in school having
a hard time,
can't figure out what to do?
I'll help you out.
Anybody?
What's wrong? Shout it out.
What they doing?
What won't he do?
- Homework.
- He won't do homework?
That's easy.
He ain't doing homework,
take him
to one of the vacant buildings.
This is where you gonna live.
You came here to write.
This is where you live.
I'll see you tomorrow.
But you hang in there.
You can't go home no way.
You can't read
the street signs.
Mom!
Tough love.
Sometimes,
you got to do tough love.
We forgot.
Tough love don't mean
beating a child.
I ain't talking
about beating.
Every time you talk
about whupping a child...
Isn't that wrong?
It's wrong to whup a child.
Look.
You ain't never been whupped.
The whupping
is psychological.
The whupping don't
even hurt that much
as my father:
"Oh, boy!"
He do all that noise.
[grunts]
Okay! Okay!
That's why I can tell a
young man doesn't have a father.
You ain't never
feared nobody.
See, when you don't
ever fear a man,
you can tell a dude,
"Yeah, right.
You disrespect me.
You disrespect me."
Oh, I've been disrespected
most of my life.
I had a father.
He had no respect.
Get up!
I ain't dressed yet.
Get!
[cheers and applause]
You tired?
No, sir!
No, sir!
You acting like you tired.
No, I'm just having some issues.
See, as a man, if you ain't
never backed down away
from a man, you don't know what
it's like to back off a man.
You got to know
when to back up.
That's why these kids
getting shot.
You got to know when someone's
more dangerous than you.
And that's what
fathers teach you.
Oh.
Oh, you standing up to me?
No. Sometimes, I stand up
'cause my back...
You can't fight everybody.
There are certain people--
and we all know.
Every man here knows,
there's always one dude.
What's that cat?
The most dangerous.
There is
a most dangerous man/woman
in every neighborhood
that everybody goes like this.
Man, he stole my bike.
Just let the man--
let that--
And, see,
when the dangerous dude steal
your bike, he ride by you.
Get on.
You want a ride?
That's my bike.
What?
That's my bike.
This is your bike?
Well, hold on.
Let me look at it.
Oh, no,
my handlebar's different.
You have to know
when to back up off people, man.
See, every--crazy people
don't say they're crazy
before they hurt you.
People say, "Man, I'm crazy.
Man, I'll kill you.
I'm crazy."
Crazy people stand there.
[chuckles]
[laughter]
And when you have money,
you go to a different kind
of drug treatment center.
When you have money,
you go camping,
and you hike,
and you swim it out.
You swim the crack out.
You swim it out.
You sit in circles.
What'd you do today?
We went on the mountain.
I don't need drugs.
I went on the mountain
and saw birds.
That's enough for me.
That's enough for me.
You ever been
to the inner city?
Drug rehab?
What you got to say, John?
I ain't got nothing to say!
I ain't supposed
to be here in the first place!
This is court ordered!
You know what?
Before reality shows,
crazy folks in your family
used to hide.
Remember?
Since reality shows?
You need to put me on!
You need to put me on!
'Cause the craziest one
get a spin-off show.
See, if I had gone to NBC--
I have this idea
of a crazy kid
named Honey Boo Boo.
Honey Boo Boo child.
They're going,
that ain't real.
I think it is.
I think there's some kid
somewhere
that's a fat model
that likes to play
in the mud.
Her name is
Honey Boo Boo child.
And her uncle loses a leg
to diabetes,
and they bring him candy
in the hospital.
Did y'all see that episode?
He lost his leg to diabetes,
and he's gonna want
some candy now.
That's how he lost his leg
the first time.
See, we're at that age now too.
Diabetes, high blood pressure.
That stuff is real.
See, diabetes didn't just
hit you.
It doesn't hit you at 50.
Diabetes been building up
since candy,
candy, Snickers,
Snickers, candy,
licorice, atomic, candy,
candy, candy, candy,
Kool-Aid with this much sugar
at the bottom.
It's like quicksand.
So by the time
you get to the doctor,
you're, like, 45 years old.
What?
I'm diabetic?
But I walk.
I walk every day
to the candy store.
How many of y'all go to get
your blood pressure checked,
and you fear it,
so you try to walk real slow
and breathe real slow?
Wait.
Wait.
You know you got
high blood pressure
'cause they keep pumping.
That's the active arm.
Do the other arm.
And you have
them crazy numbers.
You 300 over 280.
Oh, it went down some
since last week.
I cut out bacon.
I cut out bacon.
And, see, there are people--
anybody here, like,
like, a vegetarian
against killing animals?
I mean, like, yeah,
'cause I know this is Michigan.
You don't probably have
but one or two.
See, California...
The poor animal's important.
You can't kill the animal!
You need to eat vegetables.
God made it
so if you can't run fast,
you'll get killed.
It's in the Bible.
2 Corinthians, "Thou shall run
as fast as you can.
And when caught,
you shall be eaten."
Anybody here a vegetarian?
My daughter's a vegetarian.
You vegetarian?
Why you a vegetarian?
You don't even know why,
do you?
It sounded cool.
I don't eat meat anymore.
And I'm so hungry right now.
You're hungry right now,
ain't you?
You hungry right--
your blood sugar's so low.
Look at all
these meat eaters!
[laughs]
I feel bad for you.
How long is he gonna talk?
I thought
this was a half-hour show.
How long is this show?
I need a carrot.
So why'd you
become vegetarian?
When you became a vegetarian?
Yeah, because it
ain't natural.
It's not natural.
Look, okay?
I'm gonna help you out.
Look at life.
Look at the jungle.
Who's the one running
after everybody?
Lions and tigers eat meat.
Look at the little vegetarians.
Trying to get to a hole.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
We lost Jimmy!
We lost Jimmy!
Watch Animal Planet.
You'll start eating sandwiches.
[laughs]
And now, if you watch
HBO and Showtime and stuff,
everything--it's so
uncomfortable to watch it
with your kids
and your wife--
if you watch Game of Thrones,
and I watch, you know,
True Blood,
they don't need the sex.
Dude, yeah, you watch--
Yeah, oh, True Blood?
Yeah!
See, they don't know.
They don't know True Blood's
about vampires.
Vampires live
among us in Louisiana.
They live in Louisiana.
It's vampires, and it's real.
It's real.
You can't make that up.
You can't make that up.
There are vampires.
You need to know.
You think I'm playing tonight?
Go home tomorrow and see who
you don't see during the day.
Right around 9:00,
what's up, neighbor?
I'm serious.
True Bloodis real.
But they got
so much nudity,
I'm like, just--
"You, vampire, kill somebody.
"I--kill someone.
"Kill somebody.
That's all I want.
Kill somebody."
Game of Thrones,now,
Game of Thronesis it.
[cheers and applause]
Game of Thrones.
The rest of y'all--y'all don't
even know what y'all missing.
How you gonna learn?
It's history.
And when a naked scene come up
or a love scene come up
and you're sitting
with your wife,
you got to play it off.
Oh, this is sick.
I don't even know why they--
Now women,
they can sit there.
That's not even needed.
He's in good shape.
So you think
you can say something.
Yeah, she's got
some big breasts.
What?
What'd you say?
You said--you said he was--
you said--you said--
you said he was in--
you said he was in good shape.
What's that got to do
what you said?
I was just saying something.
I ain't really watching.
I was just saying.
I was trying
to have a conversation.
Let me look again.
They're not that big.
They're not that big.
I was trippin'.
Women are able to be more free
in their speech.
Think of women, women--
Oh, it was hard--
Y'all are able to say anything
you want to your man
and stand there
and look us in the eye.
You need to get yourself
together is what you need to do.
You need to grow up.
You feeling
frisky tonight, men?
Walk on your wife.
Let me tell you what you need
to do about yourself!
You know what she'll say?
Say it.
'Cause I wanna be better.
There's no man here that dumb
that still got a woman.
No man here that dumb
that still got a woman.
Look--look at these men.
Look around, look around.
Look around
at the married men.
Look at these men.
Look at this.
Look how my man sitting.
See, if you didn't have
a woman--
no man sit like this and look
at a woman.
He don't even know what to do.
He's holding his leg.
He's so scared she's gonna
be mad at something he does.
He just wanna make it
through the night.
You wanna make it
through the night?
Scared.
Scared is what--
Are you scared of her?
Watch this.
Young men, watch this.
Watch this, watch this.
Look at her.
You don't run me!
- You don't run me.
- No, say it like this,
look at her.
Do your finger like this.
You don't run me!
[cheers and applause]
Watch this.
Look at him.
I run this.
[cheers and applause]
Look at him.
Come on, Sinbad.
God, man--
[laughs]
Ladies, ladies, help us tonight.
What is it--
What is it--
What is it about you?
What is it that makes you
so mad?
You so mad.
You just mad!
See, you don't understand.
You 15.
You ain't seen anger yet.
You ain't seen anger.
Your girlfriend get mad,
what she do?
We're breaking up!
Save me money.
That's all you got to say.
See, when you ain't married,
you can say cool comebacks.
You got to work on comebacks.
You got to practice comebacks
when you young.
I'm through with you.
Been done, been gone.
That's what you got to do.
'Cause she can't take
your house.
That's a big relief.
When a woman can't take
your house,
you can say
all kinds of stuff.
I want out!
You need a ride?
Say that.
You need a ride?
Say that!
'Cause the day
will come, Cory,
when you'll sit there
and she'll say,
"I'm sick of this!"
Come on, what can I do
to make it better?
It's gonna come out your mouth.
You don't wanna say it.
You don't even know
where it came from.
I can be better.
And women like the dude
that's--that's--
They don't want the uncool,
faithful--think about it.
When you grow up,
Cory, they want gangster.
Even if you're not a gangster,
man, just act gangster.
You don't have
to be gangster.
Women like that.
Just look at a girl.
Man, I'll take your book bag
and throw it in the street.
What's his name?
What's his name?
Oh, that's big Steve.
That's big Cory over there.
Oh, I love shoes.
You know what?
These shoes look good,
but my toe hurt so bad.
I violated every rule.
I put on some new shoes tonight,
and I look good.
Every time I walk, the little
toe, "Stop! Stop! Stop!"
That's why
you see me do this.
The little toe just hanging
on this one, it's just on top.
The little toe is piggybacking
on the other toe.
Let me ride, let me ride,
let me ride, let me ride.
I'm making a shoe
for people over 50.
It's got a flap--
you open it up
and let that little toe come out
and get some air.
Let that corn get hard
and put it on back in there.
Ooh. Man.
I had something happen to me,
freaked me out,
freaked me out.
I didn't know--
they said it was in my family.
I'd never heard of it.
Anybody have
a toe hurt so bad?
I was walking.
My toe--
I thought I broke my toe.
I was walking--
I was walking, and I pushed
on it for two weeks.
Then, I got to the point
I had on flip-flops,
and the wind would blow.
Whoo! Whoo!
And the wind--
So I went to the doctor.
Man, I broke my foot.
He touched it.
You got gout.
I said, "What the hell?
Gout?
"I can't have gout!
What's gout?"
It sound ugly.
It sound--
ugly people get gout!
[cries]
I'm the ugly people!
He said,
"Severe arthritis."
Have you ever had it?
But you've heard about it.
[laughs]
Anybody here got gout?
- Yeah!
- See?
See, everybody look
at the rest of them.
You can tell who got gout
watching people leave tonight.
That foot will not bend.
That foot...
And the only medication they
got for gout kills your liver.
So they tell you,
"Take it for a day,
but not more than a day, 'cause
your liver will shut down."
I'm like--I said,
"I ain't taking this!"
My foot said,
"You'd better try it!"
The liver said, "I'm strong,
I'm strong, take it."
Whoo, God.
That was the worst.
So now, man,
I got these shoes on.
All I can think about--
When this show is over,
I'm putting my flip-flops
back on 'cause my feet--
I understand women.
I understand wom--
I'm gonna tell you something.
I'm gonna tell you.
When you got--
when your shoes hurt,
you look at women differently.
Girl, I feel you.
You got some of them sandals
in your purse that I can wear?
You got the little
walk-around sandals?
I'm gonna make 'em for men,
the walk-around sandals,
so when you get
to the place, the club,
take your shoe off,
'cause I'm gonna tell you,
whenever you see Sinbad
sitting in a restaurant,
my shoes are off.
If you see me dressed up,
the first thing I do is
I kick my shoes off.
So if there's a fire,
I'm gonna slip out.
I'm gonna get out.
But I'm gonna slip
and slide on the way out.
I'd rather have my foot on
some grease and have it be free,
'cause feet have
their own brain.
Goes like this.
Oh, you ain't
paying attention?
You ain't paying attention?
You ain't paying attention?
You ain't paying attention?
Walk.
Walk to the bathroom.
See how you look.
You can't bend.
You got to place it.
Oh.
It's crazy, man.
I look at this world.
I got a friend of mine, man,
has a young daughter, man.
She just graduated
from kindergarten.
They had a celebration.
They had a gra--
They had
a kindergarten graduation.
I'm like,
when I was coming up,
you just went on to first grade.
Wasn't nobody talking
about it.
Matter of fact,
you were supposed to go.
Who flunked kindergarten?
Who doesn't make it?
Who gets--we're gonna
have to hold Timmy back.
Oh, damn!
Again!
How can you not get
out of kindergarten?
All you do is coloring--
you're coloring.
You know your name.
Unless you sit there--
Timmy!
That's you, man.
Oh!
It was a pop quiz.
That was a pop quiz.
What grade do you teach
right here?
What grade do you teach?
Fifth grade?
Have you ever seen
a kid flunk kindergarten?
How?
Huh?
What's the requirements?
What is on the syllabus?
Today, we're gonna
get some crayons out.
For the more advanced,
the AP kindergartners,
you will get 32 box crayons.
For the other kids,
we're going with 8 and 16.
How do you flunk kindergarten?
- They can't read!
- Can't read?
[indistinct shouting]
Look at these teachers.
Look at her, she mad!
You got to be able to read
to get out of kindergarten!
I'm 57.
We're the greatest generation.
We're the baby boomer
generation.
We couldn't read
in kindergarten.
All these great inventions
because of us.
We couldn't read jack
till third grade.
You had that big pencil.
That big pencil
with them lines,
and all you had to do
was write in the lines.
You go on to third grade.
Look at you!
We turned out all right.
Think about it.
Some kids develop late.
Some kids develop late,
and some kids develop early
and dumb the rest
of their life.
Oh, in kindergarten,
he was a beast!
He could out-read everybody.
Now, you see him out there
on the corner.
Baby, whoo, ha
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I
That's where
his brain shut down.
Flunking kindergarten.
What grade do you teach?
- Kindergarten.
- Kindergarten.
Look, she got attitude.
She's a kindergarten teacher.
Okay,
I'm in your kindergarten class.
I'm in your kindergarten class.
Give me one question.
I'm in your kindergarten class.
What's your name?
- Miss Jackson.
- Miss Jackson,
I'm a grown man.
See, you can tell
she's a kindergarten teacher.
My name Miss Jackson.
You can call me nasty
if you want to.
What have you done
for me lately?
Cory like,
"What the hell was that?"
See, you missed
about 15 years of life.
You don't even know
what I'm talking about.
You do know TV
used to go off, right?
What?
What?
Midnight.
Done.
Go to bed!
Go to bed!
If we go past midnight,
we gonna have to charge you.
Yeah, oh, TV was free.
It was free, and it was
shut off at midnight.
I mean, shut off, not, like--
not, like, turned off.
Shh!
White noise.
[hums The Star-Spangled Banner]
This station has completed
its programming for the day.
That's why people got plenty
of sleep back in the day.
Now, you sitting, and you got
900 channels,
3:00 in the morning.
Baby, what you watching?
I don't even know
what this is.
[laughs]
I know this much--
I'm paying $400 a month.
I ain't never
turning my TV off.
They gonna find me dead,
flipping channels.
The neighbors:
We thought he was alive
'cause the channels
kept changing.
You wanna have
some fun with your kids?
Unscrew the cable
'cause they can't fix it.
They can't fix it.
They can't fix nothing.
They can build websites.
They can go Instagram.
Oh, they can Instagram.
Say, "I want you to go
to the fuse box."
What website's that?
No, no.
It's not the fusebox.com.
It's not the fusebox.com.
Look, he done said,
"What's a fuse box?"
Look at him!
That's your fault.
That's your fault.
That's your fault.
That's not his fault.
That's your fault.
You got to show him where
it's at before you need it.
You can't wait
till it's needed.
You got to show him
where the gas shutoff is.
You got to show him
where the fuse box is.
You got to show him
where the water main is at,
and the electrical panel--
you got to show him that stuff.
So one day, when he walks
through the house,
"It smells funny in here."
Baby, that's the gas.
I don't have no gas.
No, baby.
That's the gas in the house.
Why would there be gas
in the house?
You know how Mommy cook
your breakfast--[blows]--
and them things
come on like that?
It's not magic, baby.
It's gas.
Except when the man
cut it off.
Then there's no magic.
See, we used to know stuff
like that 'cause how
our parents talked to you
when you had the door open.
Don't--all the air conditioning
gonna get out the house!
Don't leave that door open!
All the air conditioning
gonna get out the house!
Like the air conditioning
was waiting to run out.
My father, "You got 1.5 seconds
to get out this house."
[screeches]
Gone! Gone!
You stand in the doorway.
Oh, you Mr. Money Man!
You don't even know what
that conversation is, do you?
Mama, it's just
air conditioning.
Why you trippin'?
It's just air conditioning.
Everybody had--Cory, everybody
didn't have air conditioning.
I'm gonna tell you how crazy
this was in the '70s.
People who get air conditioning
call you.
"Come by the house.
We got central air."
We're gonna get in the car!
Go get some central air!
Ooh, this is nice.
But we were still saving money
'cause it was set on 78.
'Cause we can take it to 78.
We can take this.
It don't kick on.
It'll only kick on
for three seconds.
Voop!
Let me ask you: What's
the hardest thing in your life?
What drives you crazy?
What's so hard to do
as a kid at 15?
Why is your life
so miserable?
My God.
[whines]
What's so miserable
that make you mad?
- Can't go nowhere.
- Can't go nowhere.
Where you gonna go?
You 15.
Where you supposed to go?
You won't go outside
and play,
so why should you
go anywhere?
The reason you can't go nowhere
'cause she got to take you.
Walk there.
She'll let you go.
He's like this.
I don't wanna
go that bad, just--
See, it's not
that you can't go nowhere.
It means you won't go nowhere
'cause you won't walk there.
It's like,
"Mom, could you take me?
Mom, could you drop me?
Mom, it's only--it's only--"
Once you use that word,
it means do it yourself.
"Mom, it's only four blocks."
There you go.
Do you walk?
No.
You don't walk nowhere,
do you?
If you walked out your house,
you'd be like a lost man.
I have no signal!
Where's my house?
Baby, come on back.
Back up, baby.
I'm right behind you.
Back up.
I was so scared, Mom.
I was so scared.
Oh, man.
Crazy, dude.
That's crazy, man.
It's insane,
but that's just how it is.
And that's not your fault.
You just wasn't born
during that time.
You just can't be cool
like us.
You'll never be cool like us.
You ain't never
gonna be cool like us.
We was cool just with jeans.
They had no name.
Jeans!
Wear my blue jeans
'cause they blue.
And then,
you tie-dyed 'em.
You take some bleach, and you
put bleach on your new jeans.
And your mama, "I know
you didn't put no bleach
"on your--oh, Jesus!
"Oh, Jesus!
This boy done put bleach on
these new rummage sale jeans!"
"I spent a $1.25
for these jeans
that almost fit you right."
So you think
you're ashamed.
You know how much money
it costs for clothes now?
And you still growing.
Your mama should buy you clothes
that fit you at 18 right now.
Grow into them.
Impress me.
Grow into these clothes.
Think about it.
You keep growing.
Know why we--
Look, we don't grow no more.
We get fatter.
We wear elastic.
We have elastic.
Our pants have room.
We've got room.
And see, some stores
ain't made for us.
There's a store called Bebes.
See, they have Bebes
in the black neighborhood
where they, like,
put a size 6 on a size 27.
'Cause see Bebes--
sisters go into Bebes,
and the salespeople,
"Oh, Jesus.
"They gonna
stretch all this out.
They gonna--"
'Cause black women be in denial.
Do you have an 8?
For who?
Who you buying?
What you trying to say?
What you trying to say?
[cheers and applause]
That's my people.
That's my people, man.
That's my people, man.
But see--but walk
around Detroit.
See, this is the thing
about Detroit.
Detroit, everybody crazy.
Everybody crazy--black, white,
Greek, Spanish.
Everybody in Detroit
got attitude.
And see, brothers come
to Detroit from other cities
and walk up on white people.
They're oh, no, no. No, no.
They got crazy white people.
And he's not even white.
Look at his nose.
He's Greek.
And they'll fight you
just like a brother.
You do not want to fight
a Greek family,
'cause all of them come out.
They're like black people.
Cousin, cousin, uncle,
they all come out.
Hoo-ha!
[screams]
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I thought it was just one.
Oom-pah!
I don't know what it mean,
but I'll go with it.
Getting jacked up
out here, man.
And see, that's why
I look at it--at some point--
at some point,
like Martin Luther King said,
we got to live together
as brothers or perish as fools.
You know, at some point,
we got to figure this out.
At some point,
it has to stop.
[applause]
I think we should have
once a week, just use slurs.
Use racial slurs,
so we can just get through it.
I think if we just
could use it,
once a week, it'll get old.
What's up, honkey?
What's up, nigger?
What's up, wop?
What's up, spic?
Hey, nigger, let's wop.
You wop.
You honkey, honkety,
honkey, honkey!
What's up, nigger?
Wops.
Nigger, spic, spic, nigger.
After three weeks:
What's up, man?
Just get it all out.
Just get it all out.
So we forget
which one is what.
Which one were you?
I forgot what I was.
What was I?
Oh.
Oh.
Huh?
What's that?
They use--Paula Deen.
Oh, Paula--you know what?
I'm so angry
'cause I like the chicken.
I am so mad at Paula Deen.
I'm so mad at Paula Deen.
I almost--I was gonna let
her have a pass on the "N" word.
It goes like this.
She probably used it.
She probably didn't mean it.
Then I kept reading
about everything she did.
I said,
"Oh, let me spit this out."
I'm so mad at Paula Deen.
What's my man
from Philadelphia?
The football player?
Huh?
Riley Cooper.
You know,
the NFL didn't fine him.
You know why?
They said,
"Just let him catch a pass.
Let him go on out
and catch a pass."
The brother be like this.
"Go on, throw it to him.
He open."
But you know
what I liked about it?
Nobody stood with him,
white or black.
Nobody stood with him.
You'd see him in practice,
he'd be by himself
in his little helmet.
What was he thinking?
He was at
a Kenny Chesney concert,
talking about,
"I'm gonna jump over this fence
and kick every N's butt."
And I mean, you at
a Kenny Chesney concert.
Ain't no way--
Who did you see?
Was you drinking?
You saw a dark white man.
You saw a dark white man
and lost your mind.
This is Kenny Chesney.
I mean, I like Kenny Chesney.
I-I ain't going to the concert.
I can't be by myself.
Whoo, Kenny!
I believe in racial harmony,
but I ain't pushing the system.
Sometimes, you got to know
where not to go.
There's black 'hoods,
and there's white 'hoods.
Everybody got a 'hood.
Even black people scared
of the black 'hood
once you been out of it.
Okay, how many
white people here
have driven around, by accident,
end up in
the black neighborhood,
and had about five seconds?
Okay, wait.
Okay, okay, wait. Okay, wait.
Everybody wait.
We're just cool.
Yo, don't look.
Don't back up.
Don't look, don't back up.
You have that moment
'cause when you're black,
you know you're in the 'hood.
If you've been away
for a while,
and you're riding through:
Oh, hell.
Lock the doors slow.
Everybody at the same time.
Now, everybody
at the same time.
And you know you in the 'hood
'cause black people know
everybody that live
in the neighborhood.
As soon as a car come in
that they don't know...
That's the international sign,
you need to back up.
I'm gonna back up now
'cause I fear you.
I love you,
but I am backing up.
[screech]
And get up out of there.
It's crazy, man.
But, you know,
I come from, like--
the reason I try not--
I try to be--
my father is a preacher.
See, my father passed away
in 20--
This is my first show that
my father's not gonna be here.
2011, he passed away
in November.
And this is my first show
I'm doing, 'cause my dad--
see, my dad gave me
everything I needed.
My dad was a preacher,
but tough.
My dad--not tough like me.
My dad was like--
you don't play with him.
He's one of the preachers
that God called.
He didn't start off
as a preacher.
He started off as a kid.
Mother, father, gave him away.
Grew up in Chicago.
Tough.
He was the kind of man
that took me to Detroit,
the National Baptist Convention.
But, you know--
we got--
we got some
Convention people here?
[cheers and applause]
Now, which one?
Which Convention?
Which one is it?
Which one is it?
Progressive Baptists.
See this--see, black folks,
we have Baptists,
Progressive Baptists,
Sanctified Baptists,
Holy Sanctified
of the Holiness.
White people: Baptists.
We are the Baptists
of the other ilk.
We are the Baptists
who don't speak in tongues.
We just hum.
Ma-mammm!
So when my father, man,
he would come to Detroit,
but he still had that--
he had that other side.
See, he had what
all women want.
You want to catch a good man,
but got gangster.
You want a good man that
got gangster in him, y'all--
see, the sisters know
what I'm talking about.
You want that man
that he a good man,
drives, takes care of you,
but if something goes down,
he'll flip.
I call it the flip.
He goes dark.
[cheers and applause]
See, you don't want
that man that you walking with,
and some brothers walk up.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Give 'em your purse.
Give 'em your purse!
Give 'em your purse!
You gonna get us killed
with your mouth.
You want that brother, like,
you want that brother,
he wears a suit,
but it ain't right.
What?
Get in the car.
What?
Well, then.
Well, then.
Well, then.
And your woman:
You crazy.
[cheers and applause]
[laughs]
But see, my father was
one of those people,
you know, everything
came to my house--
doctors, lawyers, pimps,
hustlers, everything--
'cause he said everybody trying
to go to heaven.
Everybody trying
to go to heaven,
so he trying to save everybody.
He don't judge nobody.
So--and then, the people--
some people don't believe
in God.
I don't jump on people
who don't believe in God
because sooner or later,
you gonna find out.
So--
I'm just trying to be
on the right team one time.
I'm tired of being the minority.
Think about it.
If there is no heaven,
there is no hell--
say, think about it,
if there's no heaven or hell,
the worst you did was be
a good person.
The worst you did
was be a good person.
So say at the end
of the day, we die,
we all end up
at this place.
Aw, man.
Ain't no heaven or hell.
I could've robbed
some people.
But say there is
a heaven and hell,
and you go to get
on the bus.
Now, you in the van.
No!
I believe in God!
Too late.
Get in the van.
See, 'cause I can't take
humidity.
I can't go to hell.
I can't even take
Detroit humidity.
If hell is hotter than this,
I can't go there.
It ain't for me.
It ain't for me.
So I'm like--
plus, Christians ain't--
we--people talking about,
"Oh, you Christians."
Did you watch
The Bibleat Easter?
Did you watch The Bible?
Every chapter:
Kill, cut, slice, boom, smote.
I smote you.
I smite thee.
I cut thee.
I burn thee.
I drown thee.
I chop your hair off.
I chop your ear.
I kill you.
I kill you.
I kill you.
In the name of God,
I kill you.
[cheers and applause]
Christians don't do nothing
but fight.
You ever been
in a gospel choir?
That's the biggest gang
there is.
[cheers and applause]
Altos!
Sopranos!
Oh, it's about to be on now!
Dorothy think
she gonna sing my solo.
Oh, that ain't gonna happen
this Sunday.
But what I like about
the new Biblethat--
y'all got to see
the miniseries--
they had black people,
Spanish people, Asian.
They said, "We're gonna
open the Bible up for real."
It almost freaked me out to see
black people in the Bible.
Sodom and Gomorrah,
did you see?
They had the Asian angel
and the black one,
and they jumped.
I said, "Get him!
Kill him!"
Whoo!
That was good 'cause we--
I mean, Christians, man,
think about it.
And Jesus wasn't weak.
- No!
- All that walking he was doing.
We're walking to Galilee.
We're walking--
we're gonna--disciples--
'cause they started
with 35 disciples.
Some of 'em said,
"You go ahead,
Yeah, I'll hang here."
See, that's where the term
came from Jesus Christ,
because you were sitting.
We're gonna go back
to Jerusalem.
Jesus Christ!
That's the third
time this month, Jesus!
They don't want us there!
See, there's faith,
and then there's faith.
There are people that say,
"I have faith. I have faith."
And then there's people like--
see, people like
our grandmothers,
they got that crazy faith.
- Yeah!
- Sit in the car with no gas.
We gonna get killed!
No we're not.
My God's an awesome God!
[cheers and applause]
So it's crazy
how it is right now.
But so, like, my dad
just taught me, man,
you try to be right
and try to do the good things.
So now what's happening,
you see even churches combine.
Used to be, white churches,
they would always call us like--
that was
the First Baptist Church.
Second Baptist Church
was black.
First Baptist Church--
I don't know why.
We always second
'cause we late.
But, dude,
what happened to us--
So First Baptist Church,
we would have these
like when I was young,
you'd go to the white church.
You know, the black choir,
we go to white church.
We call it community,
trying to have rights.
But see, we had an advantage.
If you go to white church, they
only have 15-minute service.
You out.
You can go watch the game.
You can hang out.
Your friends don't get out
till 5:00.
They only do one verse
of every song.
They don't even need
the book.
Just one verse.
Black church: Verse 4.
So when white churches
would come to our church,
they wouldn't get home
until 5:00, 6:00.
They was worn out.
They see you in the parking lot.
Y'all do this every Sunday?
Oh, be back
in half an hour.
The usher boy has a program,
the usher boy meeting.
So now, they got a new name,
"Non-denominational,"
which means,
"everyone can come."
And the kids--do you know
why black people
have been leaving
black churches?
'Cause it's
a 20-minute service.
'Cause they do
97 services a Sunday,
and they're out by 1:00.
They do 97 services
and they're still out by 1:00.
Black church still taking up
offering at 1:00.
So if we can do--I'd like to--
if we could do my non--
I'd like to show you
the difference.
The only thing is, when you join
a non-denominational church,
you have to learn
the non-denominational songs,
which are like,
slower songs of the black songs.
And you have
to learn the moves.
I will teach you
the non-denominational moves.
You always point
to where Jesus is.
You point.
That's all you got to learn.
Now, also,
they always have an interpreter.
Non-denominational, do we have--
do I have an interpreter?
You have to have
an interpreter
for non-denominational churches.
Do we have one?
Do I have my interpreter?
Kristine?
Are you here?
There you are.
We're non-denominational,
so everyone can speak to us.
Because in
non-denominational churches,
they talk slow.
And black churches:
Hallelujah! God! Jesus!
[talks fast]
In black churches,
they have five of them.
It's a tag team.
So what we're gonna
do is,
we're gonna do our
non-denominational.
Can we get
our non-denominational?
We'll do this.
Let me get this out of here.
Let me get this out of here.
And we'll do the non--
yes, yes.
[angelic music begins]
Can we get the bench?
Can we move the bench?
Can somebody get this?
Thank you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
I wanted to--
the choir just got from
the Climbing Mountains
for Christ.
Took some children
from the inner city
mountain climbing
for the first time,
and, boy,
they were ecstatic.
How was it, Sister Bryan?
How was it?
- It was great.
Brother Thomas here finally
got up to the top of the rock.
- Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
- Three feet.
Hallelujah.
[applause]
- You know,
we don't judge here.
We don't judge here.
You know, we have people
from all walks of life.
Sister Karla, she was
not twerking for the Lord.
Now, we've got her
with us now,
and we have to kind of
control her sometimes.
It's still inside of her.
So control yourself, there.
Okay, all right.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Yes.
- He's awesome, you know?
- Is he awesome?
all: He's awesome.
- Is he awesome?
all: He's awesome.
- Is God awesome?
Where's he at?
Where's God?
Where's he at?
Where's he at?
Where's the Holy Spirit?
All around us.
Okay.
I'd like to--we sing
this song every Sunday.
We put words usually up
on videotape,
so you don't have to
memorize anything.
So if you know this song--
we sing it every Sunday--
just join in.
We don't care
if you can't sing.
We're not mad.
Just sing with us.
It's called Awesome God.
- Our God is an
awesome God, he reigns...
- Yes!
Yes he does!
- From heaven above with
wisdom, power, and love
Our God is
an awesome God
- You can hold it!
You can hold it!
You can hold it!
Stop her! Stop her!
Stop her!
- Our God is an awesome God
- You can hold it!
God's awesome.
God's awesome!
He'll stop that!
- He reigns
from heaven above
He'll stop the water
from flowing
if you just trust him.
If you just trust him!
- With wisdom power and love,
our God is an awesome God
[cheers and applause]
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
This is Odis.
We found--Odis was homeless.
Odis was homeless and alcoholic,
troubled.
And we saw--and we didn't want
this black man robbing
our people
in the parking lot.
So we brought Odis
into the church.
And God bless you, Odis.
No judgment here.
No judgment here.
Should we wait for the woman
who had to pee?
If she had just trusted God.
If she had had faith.
If she had had faith.
The faith of a mustard seed.
How many of you have
ever seen a mustard seed?
Neither have I.
Neither have I.
Neither have I.
Have any of you seen
a mustard seed?
No, we haven't.
That's how much we trust God.
A mustard seed
could be non-existent,
'cause I use mustard.
I don't think it came
from a seed.
I'm not sure.
Oh, it's time
for the black church.
Yes!
[gospel music begins]
Now, see!
Oh, yeah!
[laughs]
Ain't God good?
[screams]
Ain't God good?
He woke me up this morning!
Did he wake you up
this morning?
Whoo!
Whoo!
Ah, Sister Karla!
Sister Karla.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Yes!
Ain't God good?
Whoo!
I know what y'all thinking!
We've been here
for four hours already.
When's this gonna end?
But where you gonna be
when God comes back?
Where you gonna be?
In the club?
You gonna be
at the basketball game?
I don't think so!
I don't think so!
Yeah!
Say yeah!
Say yeah!
all: Yeah!
- Say yeah!
all: Yeah!
- Take it home!
Don't be scared
to sing with us!
- Come on, Church!
- Tell 'em the truth!
- He's enough
Let me tell everybody
About my God who reigns
- Oh, yeah, boy!
- Hah!
Can I boast just
a little bit
about His holy name?
- Whoo!
- He controls
the whole universe
Hah!
But cares enough
to feel my touch
So shout to the Lord
Sing along with me
And let the praises ring
- Tell 'em, now!
- You say...
all: Glory to God,
his word is gonna save
- Come on, now!
all: And what
makes me feel this way?
- What is it?
What?
all: He's an awesome
God, God, God, God, God, God
- Can we sing again?
- Thank you, Lord.
all: He's an awesome
God, God, God, God, God, God
- What he is?
What he is?
Come on, church!
all: God, God, God, God!
[cheers and applause]
- Whoo, you're going now!
I want to introduce
these people, you all.
You all, I want to thank Detroit
for coming out.
I want to introduce
my folks here.
Swoop Brown.
Paige Bryan.
From Detroit--
this is my choir
from Detroit.
- Kiko Hardison!
- Aubrey Swann!
- Kendrick Jackson.
- Joe Pore.
- Doty Alexander.
- Karla Pace!
- From L.A. with me,
this is Rachel Escalara.
This is Shandra Dixon.
This is a Detroit band
I found here in Detroit.
They play
with Charlie Wilson.
[cheers and applause]
On bass guitar,
you got Shep on bass.
On drums, there's Rain Man,
right here, you all.
On guitar, Joe Flavor.
On keyboards,
music director, C-dell.
C-dell.
On horn, on trumpet,
you've got Chris, the Professor.
And from L.A.--he came with
me--this man's history--
Who knows about Rick James?
Who know who Rick James is?
[cheers and applause]
Who knows about
the Stone City Band?
When you hear
Rick James say,
"Blow, Danny, blow,"
that's that man right there.
That's Danny LeMelle
that play Rick James, y'all.
I want to give
you all a hand.
I want to thank you all
for coming out.
This is Kristine.
We just found her
tonight, y'all.
Thank you so much
for coming out.
Detroit, you all stay strong.
[cheers and applause]
You all stay positive.
Peace, y'all.
Thank you so much.
[cheering and applause]