Singing Detective, The (2003) Movie Script
That the guy
That's the guy.
Does he get
to screw her first?
Sure. She can be coming
and going at the same time.
What's your poison?
Saucer of milk.
This looks like a cathouse.
Think of it as a kennel.
Consider it thunk.
So...
How much is that doggie
in the window?
Which one?
Lot of mongrels, this place.
The one with the waggedy tail.
l do hope that doggie's
for sale.
Dee dum!
lt's a crummy tune, mister.
But otherwise...
Otherwise?
l'm your fluffy little pooch.
What'd you say?
Okay, so you want to be a dog.
No, no, l just want to shit
on the sidewalk.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail.
Hey. l like Patti Page.
But does she like you?
We're in business.
Come on, l got you,
-l got you.
-What are you, new?
Yeah, l been dealing
with you for three months.
Close the blinds.
All right, l'll get
the blinds in a minute
if you'll give me a second.
Close the fucking blinds!
That fuck.
Do you know who l am?
l'm the Singing Detective.
Quote, come on, exclamation mark
come on, comma, bitch,
exclamation mark,
unquote, he panted...
Come on!
Come on, bitch!
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He panted...
as he drove his...
throbbing... into her...
What the fuck you
trying to do?
Tear me open, what?
ls the water?
What is that?
What is that?
Let go! No!
l don't want
a parrot that talks
l don't want a bowl
of little fishies
He can't take a goldfish
for a walk
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail?
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope that doggie's for sale
No...
That's wrong. That's my...
She's my...
Woman love, hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Well, l went to my doctor
not so long ago
A-walkin' in a circle
and moanin' low
He looked at me and said,
''Good Lord above, son
You need a vaccination
of a-woman love''
You are... Mr...?
Dark.
Daniel Dark.
Very inflamed.
How are you feeling today?
Extensive lesions.
Temperature through the roof.
Difficult case.
We moved him to a private
room after several
disruptive outbursts.
How long have you had
psoriatic arthropathy...?
''Ow wrong?''
Since Pearl Harbor.
26 years.
And do you have
much movement
-in your joints?
-Not very...
Hydrocortisone injections
all major joints
including the toes.
And the history?
-Oh, initially, coal tar.
-Right.
-Then gold injections.
-Mm-hmm.
Butazolodin, lndomethocine.
Not successful.
The courses Prednisone,
Prednisolone,
lengthening.
PUVA, not successful.
Then Methotrexate
after positive liver biopsies.
Oh, well, then, excuse me.
Much nausea?
Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?
Y-yeah...
lnduced neutrophenia.
Wart-like lesions.
Removed.
Withdrawn.
You're, uh...
he's hyper...
You're hyperventilating.
Um, are you experiencing some
kind of visual dislocations?
-Mind tripping?
-l think...
Oh, yesterday he said
there was a dog in the bed,
uh, chewing his ankles.
Okay, things are not good here.
Um, how do you feel about
Mr...
Dark, how would you feel about
one of the new Retinoids?
Hmm?
lt... it-it wasn't my ankles.
lt was chewing my balls.
l see.
But what l'm asking you is if
you understand the question...
No! l don't!
Because l have regressed into
the pathetic condition
of total dependency, Doc.
ln short,
and in the vernacular,
l'm a fucking kid again.
The last time l had
to endure anything
this demeaning
was in my baby-buggy.
l was drooled over
by slobbering cretins...
-Mr. Dark!
-who apparently escaped
from the local cuckoo house.
They thought they were
doctors and nurses.
What, uh...
what exactly did you, uh...
what'd you do for a-a living,
Mr., what, l forget his name...
Dark?
What did l do?
l'm an author.
Oh... oh.
l didn't realize...
Dan Dark.
Trash that doesn't sell.
Detective stories
about a gumshoe
who warbles.
Well, that sounds interesting.
Um, what... what...?
Hey, listen to me.
Please, please...
W-What is it?
Will you please listen?
l can't talk
lying flat out like this.
l need... help
to sit up, please.
Oh. Well, help him up.
You know, l-l really, um...
You understand,
l'm on a very tight schedule...
-Listen...
-There you go.
Listen... listen...
listen!
l'm no hero,
and l've reached the end.
Of what?
My tether.
Oh, come on!
F...!
l'd like...
Christ, l'd like
to get out of it, but l can't!
Listen! l can't s...
l can't stand it,
l really truly can't stand
any... more!
l can't get on top of it,
l can't think straight,
and l can't tell what is
from what isn't,
and if l don't tell someone,
if l don't admit it,
l'll never get out of it.
Oh, l'm sorry...
Oh, the shame.
The tears...
All this oozing, useless liquid,
it just hurts my... skin.
My face, and...
and when l laugh,
it hurts my jaw.
l'm a prisoner inside my...
...my own skin.
On the hop!
Librium.
Valium.
Antidepressants.
And the barbiturates,
of course.
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop
Well, you can rock it,
you can roll it
Do the stop
and even stroll it
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
When the record starts spinning
You calypso
when you chicken at the hop
Hop, hop, hop, hop
Do the dance sensation
that is sweeping the nation
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on,
let's go to the hop
Well, you can swing it,
you can groove it
You can really start
to move it at the hop
Ah, ah, ah
Where the jockey
is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest
at the hop
All the cats and chicks
can get their kicks at the hop
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on
Let's go to the hop
Let's go!
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop!
Well, there is an upside
to all this pain and...
l firmly believe that.
And...
Good morning.
Uh...
he's almost over the edge.
l think that Gibbon
should see him. Okay?
Pretty Nina was full of semen,
comma, and bath water, period.
But the pretty head...
that knew too much
was now emptied...
of its last
sad, little thought, period.
A lot of products.
Oh, lookee here.
Body cream.
Jesus.
Harem Nights.
ls it done?
This goo, you put it
under your armpits,
you beat your meat with it,
what?
-Shaddup.
-Hey.
Shaddup!
Ah.
Just like a dame.
Tough guys don't upchuck.
They half know that vomit
is a kind of sacrament.
Period.
How are we today?
Mm, l'm not too happy.
l don't... l don't
know about him.
What?
Or maybe you mean you.
What do you mean?
Well, how are we today?
See, you say, ''we.''
Who's the other guy?
lt's just
a way of speaking.
Yeah, it's a medical way.
Assume loss of health
equals loss of brain cells.
Do you think you have
a positive attitude?
Don't... don't.
You're going to crack me up.
Well, that depends on whether
we're talking donuts you dunk
or black feminist lesbians.
l'm in favor of both,
up to a point.
You know, your illness,
to a large...
Will l be able to move
on my own three feet?
Will l hold a pen
or a tit again?
Never mind the rhetoric.
l can get that from
a doctor, Doctor.
l have seen a lot of patients
who are as bad as you are,
but not one of them has reacted
with such aggression.
What they do, sing madrigals?
Well, they don't act
like they've fallen
into a sewer.
Ah, see...
l thought you were
pushing tranquilizers.
l didn't realize you
had a deodorant in mind.
You should take them,
you know, the tranquilizers.
No! No, no and no.
How long are you going
to see your plight
through a blinding hot rage,
Mr. Dark? Hmm?
What do you live by?
What? Come on.
All right,
it's an embarrassing question,
but surely
there must be something
in a time of crises...
What do you believe in?
Genocide.
What?
Genocide.
Starting in Los Angeles and
working its way eastward.
l believe in so many things.
lnfanticide, insecticide,
cy... anide, suicide,
AlDS...
Okay.
All right. Okay.
l put my faith in cholesterol,
caffeine, nicotine, alcohol,
President Bush,
carbon monoxide, masturbation,
nuclear first-strike,
the Reader's Digest and...
not properly labeling poisons.
Are you done?
But most of all,
Doc, most of all, l believe
in the one good thing
that comes hurtling
out of people's mouths.
Ralph. Vomit. Puke.
The Technicolor yawn.
Cookie dough!
There is a good man here.
-Uh-huh.
-He's new.
He's very alert
and sympathetic.
Dr. Gibbon.
Doctor... of what?
Skin, joints, zoology?
He's a psychotherapist.
Go fuck yourself!
You will never
get on top of your condition
until you deal
with your bitterness.
Start over.
Reassemble yourself.
Reassemble myself?
With what?
Many a tear has to fall
Do, do, do, do, do
-But it's all
-Do, do, do, do, do
ln the game
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
All in the wonderful game
Do, do, do, do, do
That we know as love
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
You have words with him
And your future's
looking dim...
Sorry, guys, l need five.
The words are breaking my heart.
See you gators later.
ln a while, reptile.
Dan Dark?
ls it you,
the guy l've been waiting for
ever since Sax
invented the phone?
Come on, are you the big cheese
with the fat contract
who just loves
the way l tickle a tune?
Sorry, no.
Yeah, that's right, trouble.
You're in trouble.
l'm told you can help me.
You get results.
Oh, l get the cases
the polite guys pass.
See, l get the jobs the guys
who don't sing don't get.
So, what's the story?
Who's the dame?
How do you know there's a dame?
There's always a dame.
Tell me, am l right...
or am l right?
There's always a dame.
Am l right, or am l right?
There's always a body, too.
Talking to yourself again?
l had on my best pajamas,
the ones with red stripes
and the blue forget-me-nots.
And l was powdered
under the armpits
and talculmed
between each toe
'cause a million bucks
was about to call
and l was ready for it.
l see.
High temperature again.
When she moved her lips
l felt like a tulip
in dry season
when the first raindrop
smacked into it.
l decided to open up.
Boy, was l green.
Or do l mean wet?
Come to grease me, did ya?
lf you're ready.
As ready as a back axle.
Okay, let's get these off.
l'll try not to hurt.
Okay.
You look better.
Thanks.
Oh, cock.
Cock, do not crow!
Poor cock.
Do not stir.
Think of something boring.
Something very, very boring.
Oh. Quick.
The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now brings you....
selections from
the Sound of Music.
Snoopy pictures on the wall.
Nine grain toast with...
reduced sugar marmalade. Oh!
Old baseball players.
Pia coladas!
Sorry, is it too hard?
Go. Fine.
Not... not too hard.
lt's worst of all here,
inside your thighs.
Huh.
Organic pizza.
Bumper stickers that ask you
to honk for Jesus.
Worrying about whales
and, oh, God,
oh, what about
fucking baby seals?
Fortune cookie messages,
and... and denim accessories.
Oh, muppets and puppets!
Sorry, l...
l'll have to lift your penis now
to grease around it.
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Make him the cutest
that l've ever seen
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Give him two lips
like roses and clover
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Then tell him that his
lonesome nights are over
Sandman
l'm so alone
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Don't have nobody
to call my own
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Please turn
on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman,
bring me a dream
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream
Make him the cutest
that l've ever seen
Give him the word
that l'm not a rover...
Sorry.
l'm going to have
to lift your penis
now to grease around it.
...his lonesome nights
are over
Sandman
l'm so alone
Don't have nobody
to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Ah!
l'm so sorry.
That's the one part of me
that still sort of functions.
We don't have to talk about it,
do we?
No.
They say she was with me that
night, but l swear to God...
Swear to something
you believe in, bud.
l swear on my mother's grave
Nina left me alive and unharmed.
That her name? The whore?
Why do you call her that?
Dog shit by another name
smells just as foul, pal,
and it sticks to the bottom
of your blue suede shoe
no matter what
you call it, okay?
You've stepped into
something nasty.
You want me to clean it up.
l want you to find out
what happened to her
after she left me...
and to prove nothing bad
happened to her
from my hands.
But it did.
What?
Wouldn't that be the way
her mother would see it?
Her mother,
for Christ's sakes?
You just swore on your mother's
grave, Mr. Binney.
l'm not hiring you
for a mouthful of cant
and humbug, Mr. Dark.
Maybe the cops are fixing
to fry you, Binney.
Maybe you're playing
some deeper game.
You're not a
nice guy, Dark.
Ah, but you'll pay me,
Binney...
and you'll pay me double
for the cant and the humbug.
Period.
Part of the service, period.
End paragraph.
All right, so, uh,
you're gonna wait for
him here, all right?
Yeah, all right.
Cuckoo man.
My book.
What's it doing here?
What's going on?
Your book, Mr. Dark.
Happened to pick up
a copy
the other day.
Oh, yeah? Where?
Fertilizer factory?
He said out of the side
of his mouth.
Gibbon. How are you,
Mr. Dark?
Can't... shake.
Oh, yes, of course.
l'm sorry.
And l wouldn't if l could.
l'm here under protest.
Well, l see. A kidnap.
Little men shouldn't sit
where their feet don't touch
the floor.
Makes me think
of nursery rhymes.
You don't want
to see me.
What sharpness. What perception.
And you don't like it at all
that l've got this.
lt's full of clues.
No, it's full of pages.
Oh, but clues are what
you're supposed to find
in a detective story.
Am l right, or...
am l right?
Jesus. You're good.
l know clues are
supposed to lead you
to the killer, but, uh...
what if they reveal
the victim a little
more clearly?
You think you're being
interesting, don't you?
lf this was a movie, you'd be
on the cutting room floor.
Does your book worry you?
l want to go back to my bed.
lt's vivid and exciting there.
Well, you don't
have any visitors.
How do you know?
Well, does your wife
come and visit you, or...
-l'm not married.
-or do you stop her when...?
l'm not married.
Oh, and period.
Oh, oh, yes, l see.
Stop it! Stop staring at me!
You've never seen
a human pizza before?
You... you don't like women,
do you?
Which ones? Young ones, old
ones, fat ones, faithful ones?
Virgins? Whores?
Try to be specific, Doc.
Maybe, maybe you think
you like 'em...
uh, but, uh, my guess is,
well, you don't like sex.
How do you spell that?
That's not a word
you see much nowadays.
You probably think you do.
Sex.
Well, we think about it
all the time-- l know l do.
Oh, if-if-if l say ''Fuck you,''
does that mean yes?
Well, isn't it clear
that you regard
sexual intercourse
with, uh... distaste
or... perhaps even
a little fear?
What, am l trapped in here
with a fruitcake?
Here, for example,
on page 1 16...
This is against
the Geneva Convention.
Oh, l-l'm just going
to read you a passage
out of your own book.
-No!
-No?
Shove it up your ass!
Just walkin' in the rain
Getting soakin' wet
Oh, no.
Torturin' my heart
Fucking...
By tryin' to forget
Dad, what's wrong?
Just walkin' in the rain
So alone and blue...
l don't wish to upset you,
Mr. Dark.
l'm just walkin' in the rain,
Doc.
l think you know
you need help.
Now, you're too aware
of your own condition
to deny it.
Just collecting raindrops.
Most chronic skin patients
are on tranquilizers
or antidepressants.
See, the skin is
very personal.
lt's, uh, tempting
to believe that the
poisons of the mind
have somehow...
erupted onto the surface
of the skin.
''Unclean, unclean!'' you shout,
ringing your leper's bell,
warding us all off.
That'll destroy you.
Yes, l think you know that,
or at least
part of you does.
You can be helped.
Yeah, with a Mickey Finn.
Now, why mimic that stuff?
What stuff?
That out-the-side
-of-your-mouth
kind of stuff.
That down-these-mean-streets
kind of stuff.
l'm sorry.
What kind of stuff?
You know, my feeling is that,
um...
now that... after l've read
some of your prose...
Ho, ho, hee, hee.
...my feeling is
that, uh, you didn't
start out to write in this way.
What would you
have preferred
to have written?
What, if l had the talent,
you mean?
No, of course l don't mean that.
No, go ahead, be a critic.
You got the face for it.
lf you like, all right.
Uh, if you had the talent.
lf l had the talent,
one-liners for Michael Jackson,
two-liners for Helen Keller,
if it wouldn't be stretching her
too much.
Maybe traffic citations
for Ted Kennedy.
Who knows?
lt's just one word
after another.
That's where all the problems
of the world start:
the next goddamn word.
lt's not incriminating.
What isn't?
Telling me what you
would prefer to write.
l would like to have praised
a loving God
and all His Loving Creation...
Yes.
...and to have seen...
hosts of translucent angels
ascending spinning shafts
of golden light
to the deep blue caverns
of heaven.
Hell, they'd all have
these massive titties,
wouldn't they?
Well, here's one part here
that doesn't seem to... fit in
with the rest.
Here it is.
''Mouth sucking,
wet and slack at mouth,
''tongue chafing against tongue,
''limb thrusting
upon limb...
skin rubbing at skin.''
Hmm... ''Faces contort and
stretch into a helpless leer,
''organs spurt out smelly stains
and sticky betrayals.
''This is the sweaty farce
out of which we are
brought into being...''
Okay, okay, enough.
''We are implicated
without choice
''in the slippery catastrophe
''of copulations that spatter us
into existence.
Okay!
''We are spat
out of fevered loins.
Okay.
''We are the by-blows
of grunts and pantings
''in a rumpled and
creaking bed.
Shut up, you
sadistic quack!
Welcome.''
Hmm?
Yeah, the Milk of Paradise.
l can taste it now.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one
with the waggley tail
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope
that doggie's for sale
l must take a trip
to California
And leave my poor sweetheart
alone...
''The Devil was alive
in his eyes,
''hot with hate.
''l felt that ice chink
against my spine.
Hell, l was staring
straight into...''
How much is that doggie...
Mark, he's going to see us.
No, Mark...
Stand out there,
he will see you.
Come on.
lt's okay.
Let go, Betty.
l'm just scared is all.
What can he do?
Nothing.
We're partners anyway.
Says so on the sign.
Partners in peanuts.
Hmm...
Well, l'll take my piece
right now.
Don't say it like that.
Oh, now, you're just scared,
that's all.
God, l love your mouth
when you don't like
something l say.
Ain't nothin' to be scared of.
Nobody comes to this old barn
no more...
except the rats.
And you.
Hmm?
Sounds like you've
been here before.
Me? What for?
Who with?
You are no good, Mark.
What about you...
Mrs. Dark?
Oh!
Oh.
Angel.
Here.
Come on, bitch.
Tongue chafing against tongue,
limb thrusting upon limb,
skin rubbing at skin.
Faces contort and stretch
into a helpless leer.
Organs spurt out smelly stains
and...
Sticky betrayals.
Just walking in the rain
Getting soaking wet
Torturing my heart
By trying to forget
Just walking in the rain
So alone and blue
All because my heart
He's still waving.
Dad just kept waving.
-Still remembers you...
-What?
l said, how far is it?
About 200 miles.
Will we like it--
Los Angeles?
Mom?
lt'll be dark
and full of gangsters.
l'm afraid
he had to be sedated.
He's been asleep
most of the day.
The poor man.
They're trying him
on a new drug,
but you know that, of course.
Of course.
Mr. Dark?
Your wife.
You know what, l...
Maybe we shouldn't wake him.
They wanted to know if you came.
The doctors.
They'd like to speak with you.
Well, yeah, maybe
l-l should speak to somebody.
l mean, at least l won't
get my head bitten off.
Sorry?
Oh, uh, if he wakes up
and sees me here,
you'll know what l mean.
lt's... Dan Dark, Darker,
Darkest, kind of his thing.
Actually,
l'm-l'm going to go. l...
l think
l shouldn't have come.
l just...
l shouldn't even try.
Wait. Please...
Farewell, my lovely.
You bitch!
Nicola!
Come here, you disgusting tramp!
You two-bit slag bitch!
Nicola!
Who are you
spreading your legs for now?
Come back here now,
you stupid
bitch whore cunt!
Mr. Dark, what do you
think you're doing?
Where do you
think you are?
l'm so sorry.
ls there a problem?
Yes, there's
a problem.
You're the problem.
Stop the yelling.
lt's disgusting.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
You stop it at once!
l so don't want
to be disruptive.
Good.
l was just sort of singing.
You were what?
Many a tear has to fall
But it's all in the game.
Ah, there are mysteries,
puzzles.
There are always things
that bewilder us
as children, Mr. Dark.
Mmm.
Accept it. Yes?
Mmm.
Accept the sky,
accept the birds.
Accept bird shit.
Has your wife been
to visit you yet?
God, the way you walk
up and down behind me.
l mean, are you pretending
to be an oddball,
or are you actually nuts?
Ah, there you are.
You're looking better.
Uh-huh. Am l?
Yeah. Your posture, too.
-Great.
-Less pain?
Yeah, maybe.
Well, you know, you-you ought
to let those neck muscles
...relax a little.
Oh, l'm sorry.
Forgive me. l, uh...
God.
Well, that's why l...
Well, look, l just...
lf you could just
turn your head.
Uh, you'd-you'd get
fewer headaches that way.
Who says l get headaches?
Oh, you do,
don't you?
Severe ones, hmm?
And no doubt, as a result,
your perceptions are probably
somewhat distorted, hmm?
Yeah. l can see around corners
and right up
your hairy little self.
Not to mention that
ugly temper, yeah.
Minute by minute,
we make the world, Doc.
Our own world.
Hmm.
Well, what do you think?
You think it's time maybe
you went back to work again?
Tell me how, Dr. Donothing.
Well, l never write
anything down myself.
l dictate.
Never tried it.
With whom?
Question mark.
Well, there are people.
Agencies.
Has somebody been getting
to you?
What do you mean?
Has a certain whore
of my former acquaintance been
pushing her hard little nose
into my affairs?
Mr. Dark,
do you plan
to get better?
Hmm?
Chronic illness
is a shelter. Yeah.
A cave in the rocks
into which a wounded
spirit can safely crawl.
Some cave.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not very comfortable,
not at all.
No. There are bats in it. Mmm.
Squeaking rodents
with wings of skin and fur,
that hang upside down,
crunching beetles
in their teeth.
But you know all about that.
You know about bats.
Shut up, shrimp.
You turned, you turned!
l did.
l did.
Not now. No. Go.
Who was that?
Huh?
What's that?
That's progress, Mr. Dark.
Progress.
Who knows how far it can go.
Oh, from the neck down,
you mean.
Hmm?
lf you're thinking
the other way around,
if you want to
get inside my head,
you better forget it.
Hmm. Good.
Wait. You...
He's asleep.
-Who is?
-My boy.
You mean you got a kid in here?
Jesus.
Shh, shh, shh.
Not so loud.
Listen, doll, when l fuck,
l like to make a noise, okay?
All right, all right.
Come on.
This way. lt's okay.
Here we go.
What a disgusting disease.
Gee, thanks.
Dan. l don't...
No, no, no. Sit down,
sit down. Why not?
Keep the laughs coming.
Who's laughing?
You are beyond the
shadow of a doubt
an exceptionally
beautiful woman.
At your peak.
That sounds like
a death sentence.
lt is a death sentence.
Dan, listen...
Three months l've been
in this fucking bed.
You know that?
Where you been?
Who are you? What are you?
l don't know.
l hallucinate now and then.
Ain't that a laugh?
The past, the present--
they're all in that
cheap old book of mine,
and l didn't even know it.
So are you, honey.
-Me?
-Uh-huh.
Nicola.
Yeah.
You are a filthy,
predatory, totally wanton bitch
who is always in heat,
and l don't want you near me.
l don't.
l don't. Not now.
l don't. Not ever.
What if l said
l still loved you?
Liar.
l have some things
to discuss with you.
There's a film company
that wants to buy the rights
to that first book.
What?
the Singing Detective.
The one set in the '50s.
ls that the book
you've been talking about?
They want it
for Roger Rabbit, right?
No.
They seem, um...
keen.
Keen?
Hey, what's this got to do
with you?
You're broke,
and you haven't written a word
for over a year.
l mean, Danny,
l just want you to be able
to support yourself.
Oh, God, l see.
Baby, Baby-- still thinks
l owe her money.
No.
You could work
it out at, say,
$500 a screw.
lsn't that top rate for hookers?
ls it?
l wouldn't know.
Who are you sleeping with
at the moment?
Myself, mostly.
Mostly?
Mostly.
Mostly means not always.
Right, if you want
to be precise.
Dan...
you need to function.
You just...
you need to get your hand
on that old book...
What happened to the screenplay?
Where is it?
What screenplay?
The one in my head.
What are you talking about?
That is the
worst thing
about a detective
story is the plot.
lt's the best thing, too.
l mean, hell,
isn't it really... ?
lt's just... it's
the only thing.
You got to work it out
like a rat in a maze.
That's what l'm trying to do
right now.
Yeah, but with a story
you've already written?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
lt grows.
How... when you already know
what's going to happen?
Where is it?!
Where is what?
The fucking screenplay--
the Singing Detective.
l wrote it years ago;
l put in shoe boxes.
Shoe boxes?
Yes! Fucking shoe boxes!
Danny...
l know.
Boy, do l know.
Dan...
You need to write
something new.
Something real.
Like what?
Like this, like everything
that's happening right now.
Not a silly detective story.
Something real.
Ah, solutions.
What?
All solutions
and no clues, right?
'Cause that's
what the dumbheads want.
They want the serious novel,
right?
Plus descriptions
of the goddamn sky.
l want it
the other way around.
All clues, no solutions,
'cause that's the way...
things are.
Now...
Why do you know about this?
Why do you know?
Tell me.
Were you a party to the offer
in the first place?
Tell me what's going on.
Tell me.
Tell me!
Paranoia. l don't...
Or theft.
Danny, stop.
Do you want my help or not?
Do l want your help?
Do l want you to help me?
Well, you think on it.
Okay. You go fuck yourself.
Okay. l love you too, Danny.
Hey, Binney.
Quote, no luck, period.
No good, period.
He was getting very suspicious,
exclamation mark.
No luck. No good.
He's getting very suspicious.
But you'll try again, right?
l-l don't know.
But we could be sued
for misrepresentation
if he doesn't sign.
l'll deliver.
l said l would.
He still looks awful.
Don't start feeling
sorry for him.
l don't. l hope
it goes right into
his fucking bones.
You look terrific
when you're mad.
Just like a hornet...
drowning in the Tabasco.
That's something
Dan Dark would say.
You sound like Dan.
Sorry, Charlie.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail
How much is that doggie
in the window...?
She comes on like a rose
But everybody knows
She'll get you in Dutch
You can look,
but you better not touch
Poison ivy...
There are songs to sing.
There are feelings to feel.
There are thoughts to think.
That makes three things.
You can't do three things
at the same time.
...creepin' around...
The singing is easy--
sugar on the tongue.
The thinking
comes with the tune.
So, that
leaves only the feelings,
and you're not going
to catch me
feeling the feeling.
No, sir.
...lf you let her
get under your skin
Poison ivy...
Watch the light, dickhead.
...Late at night
while you're sleepin'
Poison ivy
comes a-creepin' around
Measles make you bumpy,
and mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll
make you jump and twitch...
The guy's a sitting duck.
But why here?
What's the sense?
J. Edgar H. prefers a
different kind of tune.
What does it matter?
Well, l don't like it.
Stick to Patti Page, eh?
Up there with the lights--
it's the goons.
Watch yourself! Watch!
...The minute
you start to mess around...
How's it going?
Halfway there.
Halfway to a million bucks.
With disdain.
Period.
l have some nice things,
if that's what you mean.
Nice, no.
Expensive, l said.
Tastes differ.
You're more at home in... bars
and sleazy dance halls.
Oh, l...
do the occasional
Rotary dinner,
state prison dance...
where l don't leave my hat.
What?
That's how the cops
got onto you, Binney.
You left your fedora on the bar
when you picked up that whore.
Money.
Money, money, money.
What about it?
You got a lot.
l do all right.
What at, l'm wondering.
l buy, l sell.
Uh-huh. So does
Second Hand Rose.
What do you buy?
What do you sell?
That's my business.
Naked flesh?
What?
Oh, yeah, that's
what you buy,
that's what you sell.
That's ridiculous.
l deal in antiques,
if you must know.
The only antiques are some of
the distinguished gentlemen
you service with
young girls, Binney.
Are you calling me a...?
A pimp? Why, yes, you
don't mind, do you?
You're a fantasist,
Dark.
Get out.
Don't let me see you again.
What about my fee?
Fee? What fee?
lt took me five days
between my syncopations
to figure out that you set up
that poor girl, Nina.
Why? l said to myself, ''Why?''
Just get out.
You know what l think?
l think she was
killed right here
in this museum.
You're crazy.
But it's not the cops
you're scared of, Binney.
They can be bought and sold,
too.
Put it back in the drawer,
will you?
-What?
-Put it back in the drawer,
unless you want a hole
between your eyes
that the wind from your ass
can whistle through.
You really are crazy.
Out of your cheap little mind.
Sure. But do it.
l've been shot at once tonight,
and that's once too often.
Okay, okay.
This Nina-- she wasn't
one of your commodities.
-But her friend was.
-What friend?
That girl they scraped up
under the Hollywood sign.
The cops say she jumped.
But your pals...
What pals?
Your pals thought
she might have passed
something on to Nina,
and they were taking no chances.
Not with her, not with you.
Am l right, or am l right?
And now they want me, too,
you slimy slug.
Go on.
Go on.
l enjoy cheap fiction.
Me? Nah.
l'm no longer in your employ.
Fee? What fee?
You hired me
to find out
what happened to Nina
when you already knew.
Why? l'll figure it out. And...
And?
l sing for people
who dance, Binney.
Name your tune,
l'll warble it for you,
but when you dance...
your feet
won't be touching the floor.
Oh, you're cheap, Dark.
Ten cents a dance.
Mr. Dark?
That's my handle.
l was born at daybreak.
Please, l want to talk.
You followed me
to make sure l wasn't followed,
but l was.
Stay back. Keep
out of sight.
Meet me at The Laguna
in a half an hour.
Little fool.
l warned you.
l told you, baby.
Ah, gee.
Silly... poor little thing.
Parlow.
What?
You mean,
the Parlow Atomic Laboratory...
here in L.A.?
Binney...
Mark Binney.
He's providing all the girls.
Right? Girls like you...
like Nina.
The Reds.
They're getting
to the atomic scientists...
Yes?
At Parlow?
Using sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
l'll get ya.
Bastards.
Whoever you are,
and whatever you are...
wherever you are.
You're buffeted by this...
by that, and it's nothing
to do with you.
You know,
someone you love dies or leaves.
Then you get ill,
or you get better,
and the whole time, everywhere,
there's just this canopy
stretching out over you...
What canopy?
Fate--things as they are.
lt's irrational,
impersonal.
The rain falls,
the sun shines, the wind blows,
and if you're out there in it,
that's it.
Things.
Accident.
Call it what you like.
There's damn all
you can do about it.
Well, physically,
you're on the up.
Well...
Now we have a firm
grasp of the obvious.
Why do you still feel
so disappointed
in things as they are?
Things as they are...
no concern of mine.
You object to the use
of the word ''things''?
Oh, there's a lot of words
l don't like.
Such as?
Decaffeinated.
Hmm.
Another?
Oh, good, good, good.
lndoor games.
Yeah.
-Word games?
-Yeah, sure.
l throw you a word, you...
l come back with
another word.
Yeah, that you associate
with the word that l...
Okay, wait-wait-wait-wait, yeah,
but we got to... agree...
in advance
that it's meaningless.
Please, there's no diagnostic
value for any of it.
Fine.
Judge.
Oh, skin.
Scales.
Weight.
Tables.
Restaurant.
Gastroenteritis.
Honey.
Comb.
Blonde.
Honey.
Money.
Shit.
You.
Me?
Me.
Tarzan.
Jungle.
Manhattan.
-Mugger.
-Baghdad.
Arms.
-Hands.
-Clap.
Promiscuity.
-Free.
-Gift.
Giver.
-Sucker.
-Mouth.
Fangs.
Wolf.
Whistle.
-Scream.
-Silence.
Young.
Green.
Old.
Mm... Mick Jagger.
Rock.
Cradle.
-Crash.
-Dream.
Wake.
Sleep.
Lie.
Tale.
-Writer.
-Liar.
Sentence.
Prison.
Cage.
Barn.
Mother.
M... murder.
Love.
Fraud.
Passion.
Pretense.
Woman.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Dirt!
Dirt.
Death!
Start.
Stop!
Oh, nice game.
lt's just words, right?
That's what we agreed.
No diagnostic value.
Just words.
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
That mean a lot
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...
They say... say
l love you
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
That's all l've got
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...
They say, say
l love you...
l'll do whatever you want...
okay?
You just have
to tell me.
The days, the nights
The hours
We spent makin' plans...
-Love.
-Fraud.
-Passion.
-Pretense.
-Woman.
-Fuck!
-Fuck.
-Dirt!
-Dirt.
-Death.
Since we first held hands
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
They say l love you
Mom?
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
Go back to bed.
They say, say
Go.
l do
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...
Why, Mom, why?
Why what?
Why are we here?
No place else to go.
Did Dad make you go?
-No, Danny.
-Did he?
lt wasn't...
it was no good there.
And l...
l did something wrong.
lt's no good here.
l didn't think it would
be like this, but...
We gotta go back.
No.
Why not?
Why not?
lt won't always be like this.
-Mom...
-No, l want you to listen.
l couldn't get a job...
but l will, okay?
Mom, you're lying!
Mom...
-l promise, l will!
-l want to go home!
You stop it!
You stop it!
You stop it!
Don't pinch me there.
That's my sore.
Your what?
What?
Let me see.
How did you do that?
You hurt yourself or what?
l don't know.
l'm so sorry.
Okay, it's not very legible,
and it hurts, but...
First time l actually
have to think
about the value
of every little word,
and it's just so...
Ah, it's dangerous.
There's one.
Well, it cuts
most of the jobs
a writer would get
if you have to think
about the value
of the words.
Hollywood re-writes...
National Enquirer...
Dan Rather's teleprompter.
Let's see how you're doing.
Can you read it?
''Memory...
upward strokes
and downward slopes...''
Mm-hmm.
And what's this?
''...Comma curls
making me hold...''
Yeah, l can read it.
-Oh.
-Making you hold what?
My breath.
Words make me hold my breath.
Do they now?
Who knows what
they're going to say?
But...
Who knows where they've been?
We're getting
a little heavy here, aren't we?
Well, what made you say that,
Brenda?
What do you mean?
lf we wrote that down.
Quote, getting a little
heavy, comma,
aren't we, question mark,
unquote.
lf l did...
No, it doesn't matter.
Ah, well, um...
keep at it!
Quote, ah, well, dash,
keep at it, exclamation mark.
She smiled, comma,
turned away, dot-dot... dot.
Ooh, going off the page.
Stop... finished, period.
He's dead,
period.
Out of it, period.
That's it.
All done.
Great.
Mmm...
l like that.
Now Dan Dark's whole script
is in the machine...
Minus his name.
...we can run off
as many copies as we need,
and they can tinker with it
if they want.
So now
we deliver.
And we could.
But you must get Dark
to sign the rights
to my company.
That's essential.
Okay. Move forward a little.
That better?
Yeah.
Oh... that's fine.
Okay. One...
he signs with me.
Two...
...l sell it on...
l-l mean we sell it on
to Mail Pouch Films,
and three...
net profit...
one million.
Plus points.
Plus points.
But he's gotta sign.
Don't worry.
l can get him...
to do... anything!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh... Good girl... Oh...
Hello.
Hey.
Hey. l was just
thinking about you.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What were you
thinking about me?
l was thinking
you look terrific.
Hmm.
So do you.
You look better.
Don't, Dan.
Don't what?
Look at me like that.
Like what?
Like l'm your enemy.
Oh, you are definitely
up to something.
You are so definitely involved
in some kind
of fucking scam.
Good old Danny.
And it probably has something
to do with money-- my money.
You haven't got any money.
No. Not in cash, maybe.
Not in good, old-fashioned,
foldable, chewable lettuce.
No. Nor in coins, come to that.
Nothing to go
chink-chink in my pocket,
but l have assets.
Like what?
My four detective stories.
Yeah...
Three of which
are out of print.
And the screenplay.
What screenplay?
Bingo!
Fucking bingo.
Danny, please,
you gotta fill me in.
What are you talking about?
With my own two hands.
With these dead,
buckled, chicken feet!
l wrote it six,
seven years ago.
Danny.
What screenplay is this?
''What screenplay?''
the Singing Detective,
that's what.
Danny.
l put it...
l put it in the thing.
l put it up
in the shoe boxes,
and l put it in the closet.
Oh, that.
''Oh, that.''
Oh, my God.
Yes, that.
Well, wait a minute.
lf it's the pages
l think you mean,
you threw them out. Ages ago.
-No.
-Yes.
No. l threw them out.
-l threw them out.
-Dan, yes, you did.
You threw them out.
You said it was garbage.
What are you doing?
Oh, well.
Easy come. Easy go.
Was it the only copy?
Of course.
Did l squeeze it?
Did that hurt?
My heart, you mean?
You are improving, though,
you know?
You really...
Except l'm going crazy.
Hey, now.
l'm going crazy.
l lie here and make
these connections
between my cheap
little detective story
and my own cheap little...
Oh, to hell with it.
Sex.
Yeah, l know the word.
Yeah, but that's what
the whole thing is about.
My book. My life.
lt's about sex.
Sex and lies.
Oh... l want to sleep
with you again.
Dan.
l do. With a big
mirror alongside.
Oh, stop.
That's so l can look
over at myself
while l'm fucking
and just leer.
And right as it's coming up
in me, the ol' joy juice,
l flip it over to one side
and come off your gleaming
loins, honey, and just
spit right in my own face.
Oh, my God.
Well. lt's improvement.
What is?
Spitting at myself.
A couple of days ago my idea of
true bliss would have been...
...spitting into your face.
-Dan.
-Huh?
What are you going
to do about this?
-What?
-This rage,
this thing you have,
this hatred?
What are you going
to do about it?
Well, l'll probably just
write serious literature.
Just piss in the wind
like poets and priests do.
Who are they?
Who are those two?
Who are you?!
Who is who?
Go, go, go and look,
go and look.
No. l don't see anything.
What is the matter?
Paranoia.
Thank you.
Baby, l'm so paranoid.
Then you've got
everything going
for you, haven't you?
Mm-hmm.
l'm telling you, people
are beginning to notice us.
You see, they're looking at us.
Who cares? They're all
sick in here, anyway.
Are you sure that's
him, with the...?
The nurse said so.
Maybe we should've brought
flowers... or grapes.
What for?
Less conspicuous.
Oh, yeah.
What are we going to do?
We going to waste
him, whack him, what?
Well, not when
that dame's there.
We gotta make him sing first.
Another fuckin' song?
-Shut up.
-Hey.
Talk. l mean.
Tell us what
we're doing here.
l-l'm sick of standing around
like a dummy.
Are we Feds
or aren't we?
No. We're just
a couple of hoods.
-Shut up.
-Hey.
Do you need any help?
Uh, do we?
Uh, thank you, miss. No.
Um, we have seen all
that we wish to see,
and our report, uh,
will be a-arriving...
Let's go.
Hey!
What are you doing here?
Now, when l get the blues,
l get me a rocking chair
When l get the blues,
l get me a rocking chair
Well, the blues overtake me
Gonna rock
right away from here
Now flip, flop and fly
l don't care if l die
Now flip, flop and fly
Don't care if l die...
Where are you?
l'm lost.
Lost?
Sorry. l'm lost.
Huh?
l have a confession to make.
Uh-huh.
l know more about
that movie offer
than l implied.
Oh, shit. Come clean.
Okay, l... l went, um...
to your apartment,
just to check it out
'cause you've been
in here so long.
Mm-hmm.
Um...
First of all, Dan...
Mmm? Mmm.
...the way that you live
is unbelievable.
The plants?
They're all dead.
Good. l hope they suffered.
There is mold on every
single living thing.
Uh-huh. Give me
some yogurt, please.
First of all, who goes away
and leaves Camembert
on the table?
You opened my mail.
Yes. l did,
but just the bills...
You opened my mail.
...and this one letter.
Don't worry about the bills.
That's where l grow the mold.
-Anyway.
-From who?
...this production company.
lt's about Singing Detective.
Well, yes, it's from
this producer, Finney.
Okay.
Binney?
Finney.
-Finney with an ''F''?
-Yes.
Finney with an ''F,'' not a ''B''?
-Right. Finney.
-Finney. Not a ''B.''
-'Cause you know him.
-What are you...? What?
You know him.
l've never heard of him.
ln what context have
you never heard of him?
-Danny.
-What?
-Why are you so... ?
-Where's the letter?
-Where's the letter?
-l'll get it.
Where's the letter?
lt checks out?
Well, for what it's worth.
But would l get
some dough up front?
So it says.
How much?
40 grand.
Ugh. Shit.
-But that's for the rights?
-Right.
Well, who's going to do
the screenplay?
Maybe l can get a shot at it.
Well, the producer,
Finney, apparently.
The producer.
Why? Why? All these...
guys, they think
they can write,
every busy little schmuck
who can hold a pen
the right way up.
l know, so we just take
the money and run.
Oh, l... l...
Okay.
lt's a good story, though.
Mm-hmm.
lf it'd stay on the page.
Mm-hmm.
lt's all connections.
Connections.
Connections.
Oh, God.
Oh... oh,
we shouldn't have run.
No choice.
Where the fuck is this?
Why here?
What are we doing here?
Geez. Look at that sun.
That is the sun, right?
lt's a big fucking moon
if it isn't.
What is going on?
What's going on?
What are we gonna do?
Hey.
There's a building over
there... way over there.
''Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco.''
Oh, no, l hate that stuff.
lt gets in my throat and my...
Maybe what we're looking
for is in that building.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What are we looking for?
l don't know.
Nor me...
Nor me.
People see us everywhere
They think you really care
But myself l can't deceive
l know it's
only make believe
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bah, oh...
My one and only prayer
is that some day you'll care
My hopes,
my dreams come true
My one and only you
No one will ever know
how much l love you so
My only prayer will be
someday you'll care for me
But it's only make-believe...
Hey, son.
Tough guys don't cry.
l know that, sir.
l can't now separate in my mind
the bus that took my mom and me
to L.A.
from the one
which brought us back.
Brought me back.
l dream about it.
l still dream about it.
But l'm getting there.
My head's getting there.
Well...
What happened to your mother?
She killed herself.
How?
ln the river.
ln the river.
Uh... is-is that really
what happened?
What?
Well, now, now, l...
''Now, now''? Wait, wait.
No. Excuse me. What?
You have a young woman
drowned in a bathtub
and thrown in the river
in your story.
So, what about it?
So, what about it?
Sometimes a cigar
is just a cigar.
Uh-huh.
Well, l'm a bit surprised
that you would duplicate
such a traumatic event
in your own life in the pages...
ln what? Oh, oh, in a
commercial piece of trash?
l didn't say that.
No, you didn't say that.
Mm-hmm.
No, Dan, l read you
part of your book
to illustrate a point to you.
Book. l'll tell you,
that book... that book...
There are things
in that book, Doc,
that are reaching out
to grab me by the throat.
Why don't you let them?
Why? What?
Let 'em.
Me, l'm in that book,
and l didn't even know it.
Yes.
l didn't kill my mother.
l can't imagine that anyone
would ever suggest that you did.
You know, l... when
l was a... a... boy...
Long ago and far away.
No. Here and now.
l saw my mother
with the greaseball
who worked with my father...
like, a partner...
...in this service station
in the desert
that was never really viable.
Dark and Binney.
Shit, they were screwing,
you know?
The noises,
him on top of her, l guess.
Kiss, bang, bang--
all that stuff.
l don't know.
Maybe she would have
gotten away with it.
Maybe it was just...
My dad was a hard
sort of guy to talk to.
You know, he was good,
you know, but, as a kid,
l couldn't seem to get close.
He was good with engines,
you know?
Anything under the hood,
and he was just...
He was so quiet. He was just...
he was just too quiet.
And l wanted to get closer,
you know?
l mean, maybe l wasn't the kind
of kid he would have wanted,
you know?
Reading,
and off on my own and...
...locked in.
That pain-in-the-ass kid stuff,
but...
l wanted to get closer,
and l... l...
So you told him about her.
Well, l traded her in.
l traded her in
for a pat on the head.
No. No.
l got beat instead,
and so did she.
He just hit her from one side
of the room to the other.
And we went...
to L.A.
You know, but by then
l think my pa's rage
had-had-had cooled down.
l don't think
he wanted us to go,
'cause l remember him waving.
l remember him waving to us
as the bus went away.
Away.
And l...
And my mom couldn't get a job.
lt was just, you know...
She started
bringing men home and...
Oh, the poor bitch.
l remember these cracks.
There were these cracks
on the ceiling.
l remember these cracks.
All right.
Stand up.
What?
You can. You can do it.
Oh, you think so?
lt's now or never.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
How many steps to heaven, Doc?
Ah, metaphysics.
Music.
Try again. Take your time.
l'm sorry. How many steps?
-Now, there
-Three steps to heaven
-Are three steps to heaven
-Three steps to heaven
-Just listen
-Three steps to heaven
-And you will plainly see
-Three steps to heaven
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
-Just follow
-Three steps to heaven
-Steps one, two and three
-Three steps to heaven
Step one
You find a girl you love
Step two
She falls in love with you
Step three, you kiss
And hold her tightly
-Yeah, that sure
-Three steps to heaven
-Seems like heaven to me
-Three steps to heaven
-The formula for heaven's
-Three steps to heaven
-Very simple
-Three steps to heaven
Ooh, wa-wa, ooh
Just follow the rules
Three steps to heaven,
Three steps to heaven
-And you will see
-Ooh
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
-Just follow
-Three steps to heaven
-Steps one, two and three
-Three steps to heaven
Step one
-You find a girl you love
-Ah, ah-ah
-Step two...
-No, no.
She falls in love with you...
Ah, yes.
Huh?
Hey, that's great, man.
Hey, can l get an amen, brother?
Yeah, amen, whatever.
One, two, three.
No, no, no. Leave me, leave me.
l got it, l got it.
Yee-hah!
Geronimo.
That book. There were things
in that book, Doc,
that are reaching out
to grab me by the throat.
Why don't you let them?
Sorry you got put on hold,
Mr. Binney.
Don't sweat the bill.
So now we wait.
We wait, and we see.
You had it coming, baby.
They should have
cut your dick off first.
lt's led you into
one hell of a fix, eh?
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
They got to him first.
Yeah.
One step ahead all the time.
But l didn't think the Feds
would waste one of their own,
but there you go.
No morality these days, eh?
l know, but l wanted
to waste him on my own.
Well, why not?
l'd like to wash
all the men off my skin.
No, we'll give these klutzes
one more chance
to eliminate the warbler.
He's a sitting duck.
l'd like to see the bullet
splatter his larynx.
Dan Dark is the real killer.
He poisons other people's lives.
He thinks he's smart...
but, really,
he's very, very sad.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry.
Can you see?
Can you see, Mr. Dark?
You like?
This is what you want
from a woman, Dan.
Believe her to be a whore.
Make her one.
You like?
You want?
You're so sad.
Sad... and sick.
Using your childhood
to foul up the lives of those
who really care for you.
Using your illness as a weapon
against anything clean,
and honest and loving.
You disgust me.
You sick little creep.
You poisonous, malformed,
cynical heap of shit.
No!
No...
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Okay, sure.
Why not?
Why aren't you in the bed?
l'm not in the bed
because l
stood up all by myself.
Fantastic.
Yeah, see what l can do.
l'll be walking out of here
next week.
Well, don't overdo it.
You look...
Are you hot?
Mm-mm.
Okay, 'cause that's how
people get disappointed,
you know?
You got to take it easy.
No, l'm fine.
Day by day, in every way,
l'm getting better
and better.
All right, well,
l'll let you stand up
while l lubricate you.
l think l can,
but l just... my knees...
No, no.
l was just kidding.
No, l don't expect you to...
l'm just so glad
that you're being...
lt's a real
improvement.
You know, you're one of
the nicest people
l've met in a long time.
Well, you haven't been anywhere
in a long time.
One of the prettiest, too.
Oh, your eyes.
What about them?
Your mouth.
The way your head
joins your neck,
as though
it's hesitating...
No, no, no, it's reluctant to...
Boy, when l get out of here
l'm just really going to write.
The way it, though...
No.
Oh, you're the girl
in all the songs.
Hey, pull the Caddy around,
and let's blow out of here.
Stop it, Mr. Dark.
Oh... oh, l see.
Enough of these intimacies, huh?
Hell, we hardly know each other.
Christ, the only contact
we had so far is
you lift up my penis
and just grease around it.
Oh, what, what's the matter?
Whew. Boy, is it hot in here?
Lie down, um...
You're burning up.
Sweet, sweet, sweetness,
l want to see Nicola...
-No, no. No, Mr. Dark.
-l want to see...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You got to lay down.
l'll find her.
She's probably
straight out in the hall.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, Mr. Dark, just stay.
Come on, come on.
Nicola?!
Come on, let's just
go back into the bed.
Nicola!
l told you, come on.
Can l get some help here?!
l told you.
lt's okay, nurse.
lt's okay.
Gentle.
Yeah, too heavy for you, angel.
Come on, back in the bed.
l'm sorry. l am.
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
Slide your feet, gumshoe.
Beddy bye-byes.
One small step
for man,
one giant leap...
for a cripple!
Who are you,
and what are you doing here?
Hey, that's
a good question.
Right on the nose,
as l think they say nowadays.
Yeah, whenever that is.
Am l hot?
ls this because l'm hot?
l don't know you.
l don't know who you are,
or what you want.
Disowning us, are you?
Nurse?
Nurse... where'd she go?
She was just here a second ago.
-Where are you going?
-Where you going?
Home.
That's off
the fucking page, creepo.
You are going nowhere.
What...
We get all the shit
and no explanations.
Just one fuck-up
after another.
And you're the scumbag
that wrote it!
Wait, wait, wait, no, no!
Many a tear has to fall
Where-where are we going?
Shaddup!
But it's all...
Where is everybody?
Help!
-All in the wonderful game
-Where are we going?!
That we know as love...
Well, you can rock it,
you can roll it
Do the stop
and even stroll it
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
When the record starts...
Rewrite!
Ooh, long way down, fella.
Right, it's a good last page,
bucklehand.
Splash!
Yeah, it's pooper scooper time
now.
Yeah, so spill.
Who are we?
What are we?
When, when you smile
When you smile at me
Well, well, l know
Our love will always be...
When, when you kiss
When you kiss me right
l, l don't want
To ever say good night
When will you be mine?
Oh, baby, l need you
l want you near me
l love you
Yes, l do,
and l hope you hear me!
You know, personally,
l don't want to walk down
no mean corridors.
No, sir.
But there's just no pay-off
in picking bluebells.
Am l right, or am l right?
God, listen to that, would you?
Can you hear the guy?
Anybody'd think his arm
was being twisted.
Hell, we've all been in pain,
one time or another.
What l say is, when you're
dealing with the devil,
praise the Lord...
and pass the ammunition.
l am not wrong.
Neither am l wrong.
Oh, geez, the warbler!
No fair.
Shoot this prick,
will you?!
Shut up!
Don't, please.
Please, don't.
Shut your pie hole.
No, wait. That's murder.
You get a load of that?
Murder, he says.
l call it...
pruning.
Only one of us is going
to walk out of here.
Sweeter than the roses.
What, are you kidding me
with this?
Ah, shucks.
You could say we'd been
partners, him and me.
Like Laurel and Hardy
or Donald and lvana.
But, heck, this was
one sick pup, from way back.
And l reckon l'm man enough
to tie my own shoelaces now.
Hey.
You got my hat?
Have l got your hat?
l think l've cracked this case.
Yeah, l think you have, but...
No buts.
Watch my lips.
What?
ln my dreams you told me
You really, really care
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love
you want to share
So hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go
Wah-wah-wah-wah
ln my dreams you told me
Our love was here to stay
ln my dreams you told me
Forever and a day
That you'll love me,
love me, love me
And never, ever let me go
Wah-wah-wah-wah
lt seems that dreams
are sometimes make believe
But now l know
that they are true
For in my dreams
you said you loved me
And in reality,
you love me, love me, too
Well, my dreams
have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't
take this love from me...
ln my dreams you told me
That you really, really cared
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love that can't compare
So hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love that can't compare
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love you want to share
So hold me, hold me, hold me
Never, ever let me go
lt seems that dreams
Are sometimes make-believe
But now l know
that they are real
For in my dreams
you said you loved me
And in reality, you love,
love me, too
Now my dreams have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't take this love
from me
Hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go,
oh, oh, oh
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo-doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
lt seems that dreams
Are sometimes make-believe
But now l know
that they are real
For in my dreams
You said you loved me
And in reality, you love,
love me, too
Now my dreams have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't take this love from me
So hold me, hold me, hold me
Never, ever let me go,
whoa, hoo.
That's the guy.
Does he get
to screw her first?
Sure. She can be coming
and going at the same time.
What's your poison?
Saucer of milk.
This looks like a cathouse.
Think of it as a kennel.
Consider it thunk.
So...
How much is that doggie
in the window?
Which one?
Lot of mongrels, this place.
The one with the waggedy tail.
l do hope that doggie's
for sale.
Dee dum!
lt's a crummy tune, mister.
But otherwise...
Otherwise?
l'm your fluffy little pooch.
What'd you say?
Okay, so you want to be a dog.
No, no, l just want to shit
on the sidewalk.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail.
Hey. l like Patti Page.
But does she like you?
We're in business.
Come on, l got you,
-l got you.
-What are you, new?
Yeah, l been dealing
with you for three months.
Close the blinds.
All right, l'll get
the blinds in a minute
if you'll give me a second.
Close the fucking blinds!
That fuck.
Do you know who l am?
l'm the Singing Detective.
Quote, come on, exclamation mark
come on, comma, bitch,
exclamation mark,
unquote, he panted...
Come on!
Come on, bitch!
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He panted...
as he drove his...
throbbing... into her...
What the fuck you
trying to do?
Tear me open, what?
ls the water?
What is that?
What is that?
Let go! No!
l don't want
a parrot that talks
l don't want a bowl
of little fishies
He can't take a goldfish
for a walk
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail?
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope that doggie's for sale
No...
That's wrong. That's my...
She's my...
Woman love, hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Well, l went to my doctor
not so long ago
A-walkin' in a circle
and moanin' low
He looked at me and said,
''Good Lord above, son
You need a vaccination
of a-woman love''
You are... Mr...?
Dark.
Daniel Dark.
Very inflamed.
How are you feeling today?
Extensive lesions.
Temperature through the roof.
Difficult case.
We moved him to a private
room after several
disruptive outbursts.
How long have you had
psoriatic arthropathy...?
''Ow wrong?''
Since Pearl Harbor.
26 years.
And do you have
much movement
-in your joints?
-Not very...
Hydrocortisone injections
all major joints
including the toes.
And the history?
-Oh, initially, coal tar.
-Right.
-Then gold injections.
-Mm-hmm.
Butazolodin, lndomethocine.
Not successful.
The courses Prednisone,
Prednisolone,
lengthening.
PUVA, not successful.
Then Methotrexate
after positive liver biopsies.
Oh, well, then, excuse me.
Much nausea?
Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?
Y-yeah...
lnduced neutrophenia.
Wart-like lesions.
Removed.
Withdrawn.
You're, uh...
he's hyper...
You're hyperventilating.
Um, are you experiencing some
kind of visual dislocations?
-Mind tripping?
-l think...
Oh, yesterday he said
there was a dog in the bed,
uh, chewing his ankles.
Okay, things are not good here.
Um, how do you feel about
Mr...
Dark, how would you feel about
one of the new Retinoids?
Hmm?
lt... it-it wasn't my ankles.
lt was chewing my balls.
l see.
But what l'm asking you is if
you understand the question...
No! l don't!
Because l have regressed into
the pathetic condition
of total dependency, Doc.
ln short,
and in the vernacular,
l'm a fucking kid again.
The last time l had
to endure anything
this demeaning
was in my baby-buggy.
l was drooled over
by slobbering cretins...
-Mr. Dark!
-who apparently escaped
from the local cuckoo house.
They thought they were
doctors and nurses.
What, uh...
what exactly did you, uh...
what'd you do for a-a living,
Mr., what, l forget his name...
Dark?
What did l do?
l'm an author.
Oh... oh.
l didn't realize...
Dan Dark.
Trash that doesn't sell.
Detective stories
about a gumshoe
who warbles.
Well, that sounds interesting.
Um, what... what...?
Hey, listen to me.
Please, please...
W-What is it?
Will you please listen?
l can't talk
lying flat out like this.
l need... help
to sit up, please.
Oh. Well, help him up.
You know, l-l really, um...
You understand,
l'm on a very tight schedule...
-Listen...
-There you go.
Listen... listen...
listen!
l'm no hero,
and l've reached the end.
Of what?
My tether.
Oh, come on!
F...!
l'd like...
Christ, l'd like
to get out of it, but l can't!
Listen! l can't s...
l can't stand it,
l really truly can't stand
any... more!
l can't get on top of it,
l can't think straight,
and l can't tell what is
from what isn't,
and if l don't tell someone,
if l don't admit it,
l'll never get out of it.
Oh, l'm sorry...
Oh, the shame.
The tears...
All this oozing, useless liquid,
it just hurts my... skin.
My face, and...
and when l laugh,
it hurts my jaw.
l'm a prisoner inside my...
...my own skin.
On the hop!
Librium.
Valium.
Antidepressants.
And the barbiturates,
of course.
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop
Well, you can rock it,
you can roll it
Do the stop
and even stroll it
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
When the record starts spinning
You calypso
when you chicken at the hop
Hop, hop, hop, hop
Do the dance sensation
that is sweeping the nation
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on,
let's go to the hop
Well, you can swing it,
you can groove it
You can really start
to move it at the hop
Ah, ah, ah
Where the jockey
is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest
at the hop
All the cats and chicks
can get their kicks at the hop
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on
Let's go to the hop
Let's go!
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop!
Well, there is an upside
to all this pain and...
l firmly believe that.
And...
Good morning.
Uh...
he's almost over the edge.
l think that Gibbon
should see him. Okay?
Pretty Nina was full of semen,
comma, and bath water, period.
But the pretty head...
that knew too much
was now emptied...
of its last
sad, little thought, period.
A lot of products.
Oh, lookee here.
Body cream.
Jesus.
Harem Nights.
ls it done?
This goo, you put it
under your armpits,
you beat your meat with it,
what?
-Shaddup.
-Hey.
Shaddup!
Ah.
Just like a dame.
Tough guys don't upchuck.
They half know that vomit
is a kind of sacrament.
Period.
How are we today?
Mm, l'm not too happy.
l don't... l don't
know about him.
What?
Or maybe you mean you.
What do you mean?
Well, how are we today?
See, you say, ''we.''
Who's the other guy?
lt's just
a way of speaking.
Yeah, it's a medical way.
Assume loss of health
equals loss of brain cells.
Do you think you have
a positive attitude?
Don't... don't.
You're going to crack me up.
Well, that depends on whether
we're talking donuts you dunk
or black feminist lesbians.
l'm in favor of both,
up to a point.
You know, your illness,
to a large...
Will l be able to move
on my own three feet?
Will l hold a pen
or a tit again?
Never mind the rhetoric.
l can get that from
a doctor, Doctor.
l have seen a lot of patients
who are as bad as you are,
but not one of them has reacted
with such aggression.
What they do, sing madrigals?
Well, they don't act
like they've fallen
into a sewer.
Ah, see...
l thought you were
pushing tranquilizers.
l didn't realize you
had a deodorant in mind.
You should take them,
you know, the tranquilizers.
No! No, no and no.
How long are you going
to see your plight
through a blinding hot rage,
Mr. Dark? Hmm?
What do you live by?
What? Come on.
All right,
it's an embarrassing question,
but surely
there must be something
in a time of crises...
What do you believe in?
Genocide.
What?
Genocide.
Starting in Los Angeles and
working its way eastward.
l believe in so many things.
lnfanticide, insecticide,
cy... anide, suicide,
AlDS...
Okay.
All right. Okay.
l put my faith in cholesterol,
caffeine, nicotine, alcohol,
President Bush,
carbon monoxide, masturbation,
nuclear first-strike,
the Reader's Digest and...
not properly labeling poisons.
Are you done?
But most of all,
Doc, most of all, l believe
in the one good thing
that comes hurtling
out of people's mouths.
Ralph. Vomit. Puke.
The Technicolor yawn.
Cookie dough!
There is a good man here.
-Uh-huh.
-He's new.
He's very alert
and sympathetic.
Dr. Gibbon.
Doctor... of what?
Skin, joints, zoology?
He's a psychotherapist.
Go fuck yourself!
You will never
get on top of your condition
until you deal
with your bitterness.
Start over.
Reassemble yourself.
Reassemble myself?
With what?
Many a tear has to fall
Do, do, do, do, do
-But it's all
-Do, do, do, do, do
ln the game
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
All in the wonderful game
Do, do, do, do, do
That we know as love
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
You have words with him
And your future's
looking dim...
Sorry, guys, l need five.
The words are breaking my heart.
See you gators later.
ln a while, reptile.
Dan Dark?
ls it you,
the guy l've been waiting for
ever since Sax
invented the phone?
Come on, are you the big cheese
with the fat contract
who just loves
the way l tickle a tune?
Sorry, no.
Yeah, that's right, trouble.
You're in trouble.
l'm told you can help me.
You get results.
Oh, l get the cases
the polite guys pass.
See, l get the jobs the guys
who don't sing don't get.
So, what's the story?
Who's the dame?
How do you know there's a dame?
There's always a dame.
Tell me, am l right...
or am l right?
There's always a dame.
Am l right, or am l right?
There's always a body, too.
Talking to yourself again?
l had on my best pajamas,
the ones with red stripes
and the blue forget-me-nots.
And l was powdered
under the armpits
and talculmed
between each toe
'cause a million bucks
was about to call
and l was ready for it.
l see.
High temperature again.
When she moved her lips
l felt like a tulip
in dry season
when the first raindrop
smacked into it.
l decided to open up.
Boy, was l green.
Or do l mean wet?
Come to grease me, did ya?
lf you're ready.
As ready as a back axle.
Okay, let's get these off.
l'll try not to hurt.
Okay.
You look better.
Thanks.
Oh, cock.
Cock, do not crow!
Poor cock.
Do not stir.
Think of something boring.
Something very, very boring.
Oh. Quick.
The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
now brings you....
selections from
the Sound of Music.
Snoopy pictures on the wall.
Nine grain toast with...
reduced sugar marmalade. Oh!
Old baseball players.
Pia coladas!
Sorry, is it too hard?
Go. Fine.
Not... not too hard.
lt's worst of all here,
inside your thighs.
Huh.
Organic pizza.
Bumper stickers that ask you
to honk for Jesus.
Worrying about whales
and, oh, God,
oh, what about
fucking baby seals?
Fortune cookie messages,
and... and denim accessories.
Oh, muppets and puppets!
Sorry, l...
l'll have to lift your penis now
to grease around it.
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Make him the cutest
that l've ever seen
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Give him two lips
like roses and clover
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Then tell him that his
lonesome nights are over
Sandman
l'm so alone
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Don't have nobody
to call my own
Bum, bum, bum, bum
Please turn
on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman,
bring me a dream
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum
Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream
Make him the cutest
that l've ever seen
Give him the word
that l'm not a rover...
Sorry.
l'm going to have
to lift your penis
now to grease around it.
...his lonesome nights
are over
Sandman
l'm so alone
Don't have nobody
to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Ah!
l'm so sorry.
That's the one part of me
that still sort of functions.
We don't have to talk about it,
do we?
No.
They say she was with me that
night, but l swear to God...
Swear to something
you believe in, bud.
l swear on my mother's grave
Nina left me alive and unharmed.
That her name? The whore?
Why do you call her that?
Dog shit by another name
smells just as foul, pal,
and it sticks to the bottom
of your blue suede shoe
no matter what
you call it, okay?
You've stepped into
something nasty.
You want me to clean it up.
l want you to find out
what happened to her
after she left me...
and to prove nothing bad
happened to her
from my hands.
But it did.
What?
Wouldn't that be the way
her mother would see it?
Her mother,
for Christ's sakes?
You just swore on your mother's
grave, Mr. Binney.
l'm not hiring you
for a mouthful of cant
and humbug, Mr. Dark.
Maybe the cops are fixing
to fry you, Binney.
Maybe you're playing
some deeper game.
You're not a
nice guy, Dark.
Ah, but you'll pay me,
Binney...
and you'll pay me double
for the cant and the humbug.
Period.
Part of the service, period.
End paragraph.
All right, so, uh,
you're gonna wait for
him here, all right?
Yeah, all right.
Cuckoo man.
My book.
What's it doing here?
What's going on?
Your book, Mr. Dark.
Happened to pick up
a copy
the other day.
Oh, yeah? Where?
Fertilizer factory?
He said out of the side
of his mouth.
Gibbon. How are you,
Mr. Dark?
Can't... shake.
Oh, yes, of course.
l'm sorry.
And l wouldn't if l could.
l'm here under protest.
Well, l see. A kidnap.
Little men shouldn't sit
where their feet don't touch
the floor.
Makes me think
of nursery rhymes.
You don't want
to see me.
What sharpness. What perception.
And you don't like it at all
that l've got this.
lt's full of clues.
No, it's full of pages.
Oh, but clues are what
you're supposed to find
in a detective story.
Am l right, or...
am l right?
Jesus. You're good.
l know clues are
supposed to lead you
to the killer, but, uh...
what if they reveal
the victim a little
more clearly?
You think you're being
interesting, don't you?
lf this was a movie, you'd be
on the cutting room floor.
Does your book worry you?
l want to go back to my bed.
lt's vivid and exciting there.
Well, you don't
have any visitors.
How do you know?
Well, does your wife
come and visit you, or...
-l'm not married.
-or do you stop her when...?
l'm not married.
Oh, and period.
Oh, oh, yes, l see.
Stop it! Stop staring at me!
You've never seen
a human pizza before?
You... you don't like women,
do you?
Which ones? Young ones, old
ones, fat ones, faithful ones?
Virgins? Whores?
Try to be specific, Doc.
Maybe, maybe you think
you like 'em...
uh, but, uh, my guess is,
well, you don't like sex.
How do you spell that?
That's not a word
you see much nowadays.
You probably think you do.
Sex.
Well, we think about it
all the time-- l know l do.
Oh, if-if-if l say ''Fuck you,''
does that mean yes?
Well, isn't it clear
that you regard
sexual intercourse
with, uh... distaste
or... perhaps even
a little fear?
What, am l trapped in here
with a fruitcake?
Here, for example,
on page 1 16...
This is against
the Geneva Convention.
Oh, l-l'm just going
to read you a passage
out of your own book.
-No!
-No?
Shove it up your ass!
Just walkin' in the rain
Getting soakin' wet
Oh, no.
Torturin' my heart
Fucking...
By tryin' to forget
Dad, what's wrong?
Just walkin' in the rain
So alone and blue...
l don't wish to upset you,
Mr. Dark.
l'm just walkin' in the rain,
Doc.
l think you know
you need help.
Now, you're too aware
of your own condition
to deny it.
Just collecting raindrops.
Most chronic skin patients
are on tranquilizers
or antidepressants.
See, the skin is
very personal.
lt's, uh, tempting
to believe that the
poisons of the mind
have somehow...
erupted onto the surface
of the skin.
''Unclean, unclean!'' you shout,
ringing your leper's bell,
warding us all off.
That'll destroy you.
Yes, l think you know that,
or at least
part of you does.
You can be helped.
Yeah, with a Mickey Finn.
Now, why mimic that stuff?
What stuff?
That out-the-side
-of-your-mouth
kind of stuff.
That down-these-mean-streets
kind of stuff.
l'm sorry.
What kind of stuff?
You know, my feeling is that,
um...
now that... after l've read
some of your prose...
Ho, ho, hee, hee.
...my feeling is
that, uh, you didn't
start out to write in this way.
What would you
have preferred
to have written?
What, if l had the talent,
you mean?
No, of course l don't mean that.
No, go ahead, be a critic.
You got the face for it.
lf you like, all right.
Uh, if you had the talent.
lf l had the talent,
one-liners for Michael Jackson,
two-liners for Helen Keller,
if it wouldn't be stretching her
too much.
Maybe traffic citations
for Ted Kennedy.
Who knows?
lt's just one word
after another.
That's where all the problems
of the world start:
the next goddamn word.
lt's not incriminating.
What isn't?
Telling me what you
would prefer to write.
l would like to have praised
a loving God
and all His Loving Creation...
Yes.
...and to have seen...
hosts of translucent angels
ascending spinning shafts
of golden light
to the deep blue caverns
of heaven.
Hell, they'd all have
these massive titties,
wouldn't they?
Well, here's one part here
that doesn't seem to... fit in
with the rest.
Here it is.
''Mouth sucking,
wet and slack at mouth,
''tongue chafing against tongue,
''limb thrusting
upon limb...
skin rubbing at skin.''
Hmm... ''Faces contort and
stretch into a helpless leer,
''organs spurt out smelly stains
and sticky betrayals.
''This is the sweaty farce
out of which we are
brought into being...''
Okay, okay, enough.
''We are implicated
without choice
''in the slippery catastrophe
''of copulations that spatter us
into existence.
Okay!
''We are spat
out of fevered loins.
Okay.
''We are the by-blows
of grunts and pantings
''in a rumpled and
creaking bed.
Shut up, you
sadistic quack!
Welcome.''
Hmm?
Yeah, the Milk of Paradise.
l can taste it now.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one
with the waggley tail
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope
that doggie's for sale
l must take a trip
to California
And leave my poor sweetheart
alone...
''The Devil was alive
in his eyes,
''hot with hate.
''l felt that ice chink
against my spine.
Hell, l was staring
straight into...''
How much is that doggie...
Mark, he's going to see us.
No, Mark...
Stand out there,
he will see you.
Come on.
lt's okay.
Let go, Betty.
l'm just scared is all.
What can he do?
Nothing.
We're partners anyway.
Says so on the sign.
Partners in peanuts.
Hmm...
Well, l'll take my piece
right now.
Don't say it like that.
Oh, now, you're just scared,
that's all.
God, l love your mouth
when you don't like
something l say.
Ain't nothin' to be scared of.
Nobody comes to this old barn
no more...
except the rats.
And you.
Hmm?
Sounds like you've
been here before.
Me? What for?
Who with?
You are no good, Mark.
What about you...
Mrs. Dark?
Oh!
Oh.
Angel.
Here.
Come on, bitch.
Tongue chafing against tongue,
limb thrusting upon limb,
skin rubbing at skin.
Faces contort and stretch
into a helpless leer.
Organs spurt out smelly stains
and...
Sticky betrayals.
Just walking in the rain
Getting soaking wet
Torturing my heart
By trying to forget
Just walking in the rain
So alone and blue
All because my heart
He's still waving.
Dad just kept waving.
-Still remembers you...
-What?
l said, how far is it?
About 200 miles.
Will we like it--
Los Angeles?
Mom?
lt'll be dark
and full of gangsters.
l'm afraid
he had to be sedated.
He's been asleep
most of the day.
The poor man.
They're trying him
on a new drug,
but you know that, of course.
Of course.
Mr. Dark?
Your wife.
You know what, l...
Maybe we shouldn't wake him.
They wanted to know if you came.
The doctors.
They'd like to speak with you.
Well, yeah, maybe
l-l should speak to somebody.
l mean, at least l won't
get my head bitten off.
Sorry?
Oh, uh, if he wakes up
and sees me here,
you'll know what l mean.
lt's... Dan Dark, Darker,
Darkest, kind of his thing.
Actually,
l'm-l'm going to go. l...
l think
l shouldn't have come.
l just...
l shouldn't even try.
Wait. Please...
Farewell, my lovely.
You bitch!
Nicola!
Come here, you disgusting tramp!
You two-bit slag bitch!
Nicola!
Who are you
spreading your legs for now?
Come back here now,
you stupid
bitch whore cunt!
Mr. Dark, what do you
think you're doing?
Where do you
think you are?
l'm so sorry.
ls there a problem?
Yes, there's
a problem.
You're the problem.
Stop the yelling.
lt's disgusting.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
You stop it at once!
l so don't want
to be disruptive.
Good.
l was just sort of singing.
You were what?
Many a tear has to fall
But it's all in the game.
Ah, there are mysteries,
puzzles.
There are always things
that bewilder us
as children, Mr. Dark.
Mmm.
Accept it. Yes?
Mmm.
Accept the sky,
accept the birds.
Accept bird shit.
Has your wife been
to visit you yet?
God, the way you walk
up and down behind me.
l mean, are you pretending
to be an oddball,
or are you actually nuts?
Ah, there you are.
You're looking better.
Uh-huh. Am l?
Yeah. Your posture, too.
-Great.
-Less pain?
Yeah, maybe.
Well, you know, you-you ought
to let those neck muscles
...relax a little.
Oh, l'm sorry.
Forgive me. l, uh...
God.
Well, that's why l...
Well, look, l just...
lf you could just
turn your head.
Uh, you'd-you'd get
fewer headaches that way.
Who says l get headaches?
Oh, you do,
don't you?
Severe ones, hmm?
And no doubt, as a result,
your perceptions are probably
somewhat distorted, hmm?
Yeah. l can see around corners
and right up
your hairy little self.
Not to mention that
ugly temper, yeah.
Minute by minute,
we make the world, Doc.
Our own world.
Hmm.
Well, what do you think?
You think it's time maybe
you went back to work again?
Tell me how, Dr. Donothing.
Well, l never write
anything down myself.
l dictate.
Never tried it.
With whom?
Question mark.
Well, there are people.
Agencies.
Has somebody been getting
to you?
What do you mean?
Has a certain whore
of my former acquaintance been
pushing her hard little nose
into my affairs?
Mr. Dark,
do you plan
to get better?
Hmm?
Chronic illness
is a shelter. Yeah.
A cave in the rocks
into which a wounded
spirit can safely crawl.
Some cave.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not very comfortable,
not at all.
No. There are bats in it. Mmm.
Squeaking rodents
with wings of skin and fur,
that hang upside down,
crunching beetles
in their teeth.
But you know all about that.
You know about bats.
Shut up, shrimp.
You turned, you turned!
l did.
l did.
Not now. No. Go.
Who was that?
Huh?
What's that?
That's progress, Mr. Dark.
Progress.
Who knows how far it can go.
Oh, from the neck down,
you mean.
Hmm?
lf you're thinking
the other way around,
if you want to
get inside my head,
you better forget it.
Hmm. Good.
Wait. You...
He's asleep.
-Who is?
-My boy.
You mean you got a kid in here?
Jesus.
Shh, shh, shh.
Not so loud.
Listen, doll, when l fuck,
l like to make a noise, okay?
All right, all right.
Come on.
This way. lt's okay.
Here we go.
What a disgusting disease.
Gee, thanks.
Dan. l don't...
No, no, no. Sit down,
sit down. Why not?
Keep the laughs coming.
Who's laughing?
You are beyond the
shadow of a doubt
an exceptionally
beautiful woman.
At your peak.
That sounds like
a death sentence.
lt is a death sentence.
Dan, listen...
Three months l've been
in this fucking bed.
You know that?
Where you been?
Who are you? What are you?
l don't know.
l hallucinate now and then.
Ain't that a laugh?
The past, the present--
they're all in that
cheap old book of mine,
and l didn't even know it.
So are you, honey.
-Me?
-Uh-huh.
Nicola.
Yeah.
You are a filthy,
predatory, totally wanton bitch
who is always in heat,
and l don't want you near me.
l don't.
l don't. Not now.
l don't. Not ever.
What if l said
l still loved you?
Liar.
l have some things
to discuss with you.
There's a film company
that wants to buy the rights
to that first book.
What?
the Singing Detective.
The one set in the '50s.
ls that the book
you've been talking about?
They want it
for Roger Rabbit, right?
No.
They seem, um...
keen.
Keen?
Hey, what's this got to do
with you?
You're broke,
and you haven't written a word
for over a year.
l mean, Danny,
l just want you to be able
to support yourself.
Oh, God, l see.
Baby, Baby-- still thinks
l owe her money.
No.
You could work
it out at, say,
$500 a screw.
lsn't that top rate for hookers?
ls it?
l wouldn't know.
Who are you sleeping with
at the moment?
Myself, mostly.
Mostly?
Mostly.
Mostly means not always.
Right, if you want
to be precise.
Dan...
you need to function.
You just...
you need to get your hand
on that old book...
What happened to the screenplay?
Where is it?
What screenplay?
The one in my head.
What are you talking about?
That is the
worst thing
about a detective
story is the plot.
lt's the best thing, too.
l mean, hell,
isn't it really... ?
lt's just... it's
the only thing.
You got to work it out
like a rat in a maze.
That's what l'm trying to do
right now.
Yeah, but with a story
you've already written?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
lt grows.
How... when you already know
what's going to happen?
Where is it?!
Where is what?
The fucking screenplay--
the Singing Detective.
l wrote it years ago;
l put in shoe boxes.
Shoe boxes?
Yes! Fucking shoe boxes!
Danny...
l know.
Boy, do l know.
Dan...
You need to write
something new.
Something real.
Like what?
Like this, like everything
that's happening right now.
Not a silly detective story.
Something real.
Ah, solutions.
What?
All solutions
and no clues, right?
'Cause that's
what the dumbheads want.
They want the serious novel,
right?
Plus descriptions
of the goddamn sky.
l want it
the other way around.
All clues, no solutions,
'cause that's the way...
things are.
Now...
Why do you know about this?
Why do you know?
Tell me.
Were you a party to the offer
in the first place?
Tell me what's going on.
Tell me.
Tell me!
Paranoia. l don't...
Or theft.
Danny, stop.
Do you want my help or not?
Do l want your help?
Do l want you to help me?
Well, you think on it.
Okay. You go fuck yourself.
Okay. l love you too, Danny.
Hey, Binney.
Quote, no luck, period.
No good, period.
He was getting very suspicious,
exclamation mark.
No luck. No good.
He's getting very suspicious.
But you'll try again, right?
l-l don't know.
But we could be sued
for misrepresentation
if he doesn't sign.
l'll deliver.
l said l would.
He still looks awful.
Don't start feeling
sorry for him.
l don't. l hope
it goes right into
his fucking bones.
You look terrific
when you're mad.
Just like a hornet...
drowning in the Tabasco.
That's something
Dan Dark would say.
You sound like Dan.
Sorry, Charlie.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail
How much is that doggie
in the window...?
She comes on like a rose
But everybody knows
She'll get you in Dutch
You can look,
but you better not touch
Poison ivy...
There are songs to sing.
There are feelings to feel.
There are thoughts to think.
That makes three things.
You can't do three things
at the same time.
...creepin' around...
The singing is easy--
sugar on the tongue.
The thinking
comes with the tune.
So, that
leaves only the feelings,
and you're not going
to catch me
feeling the feeling.
No, sir.
...lf you let her
get under your skin
Poison ivy...
Watch the light, dickhead.
...Late at night
while you're sleepin'
Poison ivy
comes a-creepin' around
Measles make you bumpy,
and mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll
make you jump and twitch...
The guy's a sitting duck.
But why here?
What's the sense?
J. Edgar H. prefers a
different kind of tune.
What does it matter?
Well, l don't like it.
Stick to Patti Page, eh?
Up there with the lights--
it's the goons.
Watch yourself! Watch!
...The minute
you start to mess around...
How's it going?
Halfway there.
Halfway to a million bucks.
With disdain.
Period.
l have some nice things,
if that's what you mean.
Nice, no.
Expensive, l said.
Tastes differ.
You're more at home in... bars
and sleazy dance halls.
Oh, l...
do the occasional
Rotary dinner,
state prison dance...
where l don't leave my hat.
What?
That's how the cops
got onto you, Binney.
You left your fedora on the bar
when you picked up that whore.
Money.
Money, money, money.
What about it?
You got a lot.
l do all right.
What at, l'm wondering.
l buy, l sell.
Uh-huh. So does
Second Hand Rose.
What do you buy?
What do you sell?
That's my business.
Naked flesh?
What?
Oh, yeah, that's
what you buy,
that's what you sell.
That's ridiculous.
l deal in antiques,
if you must know.
The only antiques are some of
the distinguished gentlemen
you service with
young girls, Binney.
Are you calling me a...?
A pimp? Why, yes, you
don't mind, do you?
You're a fantasist,
Dark.
Get out.
Don't let me see you again.
What about my fee?
Fee? What fee?
lt took me five days
between my syncopations
to figure out that you set up
that poor girl, Nina.
Why? l said to myself, ''Why?''
Just get out.
You know what l think?
l think she was
killed right here
in this museum.
You're crazy.
But it's not the cops
you're scared of, Binney.
They can be bought and sold,
too.
Put it back in the drawer,
will you?
-What?
-Put it back in the drawer,
unless you want a hole
between your eyes
that the wind from your ass
can whistle through.
You really are crazy.
Out of your cheap little mind.
Sure. But do it.
l've been shot at once tonight,
and that's once too often.
Okay, okay.
This Nina-- she wasn't
one of your commodities.
-But her friend was.
-What friend?
That girl they scraped up
under the Hollywood sign.
The cops say she jumped.
But your pals...
What pals?
Your pals thought
she might have passed
something on to Nina,
and they were taking no chances.
Not with her, not with you.
Am l right, or am l right?
And now they want me, too,
you slimy slug.
Go on.
Go on.
l enjoy cheap fiction.
Me? Nah.
l'm no longer in your employ.
Fee? What fee?
You hired me
to find out
what happened to Nina
when you already knew.
Why? l'll figure it out. And...
And?
l sing for people
who dance, Binney.
Name your tune,
l'll warble it for you,
but when you dance...
your feet
won't be touching the floor.
Oh, you're cheap, Dark.
Ten cents a dance.
Mr. Dark?
That's my handle.
l was born at daybreak.
Please, l want to talk.
You followed me
to make sure l wasn't followed,
but l was.
Stay back. Keep
out of sight.
Meet me at The Laguna
in a half an hour.
Little fool.
l warned you.
l told you, baby.
Ah, gee.
Silly... poor little thing.
Parlow.
What?
You mean,
the Parlow Atomic Laboratory...
here in L.A.?
Binney...
Mark Binney.
He's providing all the girls.
Right? Girls like you...
like Nina.
The Reds.
They're getting
to the atomic scientists...
Yes?
At Parlow?
Using sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
l'll get ya.
Bastards.
Whoever you are,
and whatever you are...
wherever you are.
You're buffeted by this...
by that, and it's nothing
to do with you.
You know,
someone you love dies or leaves.
Then you get ill,
or you get better,
and the whole time, everywhere,
there's just this canopy
stretching out over you...
What canopy?
Fate--things as they are.
lt's irrational,
impersonal.
The rain falls,
the sun shines, the wind blows,
and if you're out there in it,
that's it.
Things.
Accident.
Call it what you like.
There's damn all
you can do about it.
Well, physically,
you're on the up.
Well...
Now we have a firm
grasp of the obvious.
Why do you still feel
so disappointed
in things as they are?
Things as they are...
no concern of mine.
You object to the use
of the word ''things''?
Oh, there's a lot of words
l don't like.
Such as?
Decaffeinated.
Hmm.
Another?
Oh, good, good, good.
lndoor games.
Yeah.
-Word games?
-Yeah, sure.
l throw you a word, you...
l come back with
another word.
Yeah, that you associate
with the word that l...
Okay, wait-wait-wait-wait, yeah,
but we got to... agree...
in advance
that it's meaningless.
Please, there's no diagnostic
value for any of it.
Fine.
Judge.
Oh, skin.
Scales.
Weight.
Tables.
Restaurant.
Gastroenteritis.
Honey.
Comb.
Blonde.
Honey.
Money.
Shit.
You.
Me?
Me.
Tarzan.
Jungle.
Manhattan.
-Mugger.
-Baghdad.
Arms.
-Hands.
-Clap.
Promiscuity.
-Free.
-Gift.
Giver.
-Sucker.
-Mouth.
Fangs.
Wolf.
Whistle.
-Scream.
-Silence.
Young.
Green.
Old.
Mm... Mick Jagger.
Rock.
Cradle.
-Crash.
-Dream.
Wake.
Sleep.
Lie.
Tale.
-Writer.
-Liar.
Sentence.
Prison.
Cage.
Barn.
Mother.
M... murder.
Love.
Fraud.
Passion.
Pretense.
Woman.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Dirt!
Dirt.
Death!
Start.
Stop!
Oh, nice game.
lt's just words, right?
That's what we agreed.
No diagnostic value.
Just words.
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
That mean a lot
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...
They say... say
l love you
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
That's all l've got
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...
They say, say
l love you...
l'll do whatever you want...
okay?
You just have
to tell me.
The days, the nights
The hours
We spent makin' plans...
-Love.
-Fraud.
-Passion.
-Pretense.
-Woman.
-Fuck!
-Fuck.
-Dirt!
-Dirt.
-Death.
Since we first held hands
lmportant words
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
They say l love you
Mom?
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
Go back to bed.
They say, say
Go.
l do
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...
Why, Mom, why?
Why what?
Why are we here?
No place else to go.
Did Dad make you go?
-No, Danny.
-Did he?
lt wasn't...
it was no good there.
And l...
l did something wrong.
lt's no good here.
l didn't think it would
be like this, but...
We gotta go back.
No.
Why not?
Why not?
lt won't always be like this.
-Mom...
-No, l want you to listen.
l couldn't get a job...
but l will, okay?
Mom, you're lying!
Mom...
-l promise, l will!
-l want to go home!
You stop it!
You stop it!
You stop it!
Don't pinch me there.
That's my sore.
Your what?
What?
Let me see.
How did you do that?
You hurt yourself or what?
l don't know.
l'm so sorry.
Okay, it's not very legible,
and it hurts, but...
First time l actually
have to think
about the value
of every little word,
and it's just so...
Ah, it's dangerous.
There's one.
Well, it cuts
most of the jobs
a writer would get
if you have to think
about the value
of the words.
Hollywood re-writes...
National Enquirer...
Dan Rather's teleprompter.
Let's see how you're doing.
Can you read it?
''Memory...
upward strokes
and downward slopes...''
Mm-hmm.
And what's this?
''...Comma curls
making me hold...''
Yeah, l can read it.
-Oh.
-Making you hold what?
My breath.
Words make me hold my breath.
Do they now?
Who knows what
they're going to say?
But...
Who knows where they've been?
We're getting
a little heavy here, aren't we?
Well, what made you say that,
Brenda?
What do you mean?
lf we wrote that down.
Quote, getting a little
heavy, comma,
aren't we, question mark,
unquote.
lf l did...
No, it doesn't matter.
Ah, well, um...
keep at it!
Quote, ah, well, dash,
keep at it, exclamation mark.
She smiled, comma,
turned away, dot-dot... dot.
Ooh, going off the page.
Stop... finished, period.
He's dead,
period.
Out of it, period.
That's it.
All done.
Great.
Mmm...
l like that.
Now Dan Dark's whole script
is in the machine...
Minus his name.
...we can run off
as many copies as we need,
and they can tinker with it
if they want.
So now
we deliver.
And we could.
But you must get Dark
to sign the rights
to my company.
That's essential.
Okay. Move forward a little.
That better?
Yeah.
Oh... that's fine.
Okay. One...
he signs with me.
Two...
...l sell it on...
l-l mean we sell it on
to Mail Pouch Films,
and three...
net profit...
one million.
Plus points.
Plus points.
But he's gotta sign.
Don't worry.
l can get him...
to do... anything!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh... Good girl... Oh...
Hello.
Hey.
Hey. l was just
thinking about you.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What were you
thinking about me?
l was thinking
you look terrific.
Hmm.
So do you.
You look better.
Don't, Dan.
Don't what?
Look at me like that.
Like what?
Like l'm your enemy.
Oh, you are definitely
up to something.
You are so definitely involved
in some kind
of fucking scam.
Good old Danny.
And it probably has something
to do with money-- my money.
You haven't got any money.
No. Not in cash, maybe.
Not in good, old-fashioned,
foldable, chewable lettuce.
No. Nor in coins, come to that.
Nothing to go
chink-chink in my pocket,
but l have assets.
Like what?
My four detective stories.
Yeah...
Three of which
are out of print.
And the screenplay.
What screenplay?
Bingo!
Fucking bingo.
Danny, please,
you gotta fill me in.
What are you talking about?
With my own two hands.
With these dead,
buckled, chicken feet!
l wrote it six,
seven years ago.
Danny.
What screenplay is this?
''What screenplay?''
the Singing Detective,
that's what.
Danny.
l put it...
l put it in the thing.
l put it up
in the shoe boxes,
and l put it in the closet.
Oh, that.
''Oh, that.''
Oh, my God.
Yes, that.
Well, wait a minute.
lf it's the pages
l think you mean,
you threw them out. Ages ago.
-No.
-Yes.
No. l threw them out.
-l threw them out.
-Dan, yes, you did.
You threw them out.
You said it was garbage.
What are you doing?
Oh, well.
Easy come. Easy go.
Was it the only copy?
Of course.
Did l squeeze it?
Did that hurt?
My heart, you mean?
You are improving, though,
you know?
You really...
Except l'm going crazy.
Hey, now.
l'm going crazy.
l lie here and make
these connections
between my cheap
little detective story
and my own cheap little...
Oh, to hell with it.
Sex.
Yeah, l know the word.
Yeah, but that's what
the whole thing is about.
My book. My life.
lt's about sex.
Sex and lies.
Oh... l want to sleep
with you again.
Dan.
l do. With a big
mirror alongside.
Oh, stop.
That's so l can look
over at myself
while l'm fucking
and just leer.
And right as it's coming up
in me, the ol' joy juice,
l flip it over to one side
and come off your gleaming
loins, honey, and just
spit right in my own face.
Oh, my God.
Well. lt's improvement.
What is?
Spitting at myself.
A couple of days ago my idea of
true bliss would have been...
...spitting into your face.
-Dan.
-Huh?
What are you going
to do about this?
-What?
-This rage,
this thing you have,
this hatred?
What are you going
to do about it?
Well, l'll probably just
write serious literature.
Just piss in the wind
like poets and priests do.
Who are they?
Who are those two?
Who are you?!
Who is who?
Go, go, go and look,
go and look.
No. l don't see anything.
What is the matter?
Paranoia.
Thank you.
Baby, l'm so paranoid.
Then you've got
everything going
for you, haven't you?
Mm-hmm.
l'm telling you, people
are beginning to notice us.
You see, they're looking at us.
Who cares? They're all
sick in here, anyway.
Are you sure that's
him, with the...?
The nurse said so.
Maybe we should've brought
flowers... or grapes.
What for?
Less conspicuous.
Oh, yeah.
What are we going to do?
We going to waste
him, whack him, what?
Well, not when
that dame's there.
We gotta make him sing first.
Another fuckin' song?
-Shut up.
-Hey.
Talk. l mean.
Tell us what
we're doing here.
l-l'm sick of standing around
like a dummy.
Are we Feds
or aren't we?
No. We're just
a couple of hoods.
-Shut up.
-Hey.
Do you need any help?
Uh, do we?
Uh, thank you, miss. No.
Um, we have seen all
that we wish to see,
and our report, uh,
will be a-arriving...
Let's go.
Hey!
What are you doing here?
Now, when l get the blues,
l get me a rocking chair
When l get the blues,
l get me a rocking chair
Well, the blues overtake me
Gonna rock
right away from here
Now flip, flop and fly
l don't care if l die
Now flip, flop and fly
Don't care if l die...
Where are you?
l'm lost.
Lost?
Sorry. l'm lost.
Huh?
l have a confession to make.
Uh-huh.
l know more about
that movie offer
than l implied.
Oh, shit. Come clean.
Okay, l... l went, um...
to your apartment,
just to check it out
'cause you've been
in here so long.
Mm-hmm.
Um...
First of all, Dan...
Mmm? Mmm.
...the way that you live
is unbelievable.
The plants?
They're all dead.
Good. l hope they suffered.
There is mold on every
single living thing.
Uh-huh. Give me
some yogurt, please.
First of all, who goes away
and leaves Camembert
on the table?
You opened my mail.
Yes. l did,
but just the bills...
You opened my mail.
...and this one letter.
Don't worry about the bills.
That's where l grow the mold.
-Anyway.
-From who?
...this production company.
lt's about Singing Detective.
Well, yes, it's from
this producer, Finney.
Okay.
Binney?
Finney.
-Finney with an ''F''?
-Yes.
Finney with an ''F,'' not a ''B''?
-Right. Finney.
-Finney. Not a ''B.''
-'Cause you know him.
-What are you...? What?
You know him.
l've never heard of him.
ln what context have
you never heard of him?
-Danny.
-What?
-Why are you so... ?
-Where's the letter?
-Where's the letter?
-l'll get it.
Where's the letter?
lt checks out?
Well, for what it's worth.
But would l get
some dough up front?
So it says.
How much?
40 grand.
Ugh. Shit.
-But that's for the rights?
-Right.
Well, who's going to do
the screenplay?
Maybe l can get a shot at it.
Well, the producer,
Finney, apparently.
The producer.
Why? Why? All these...
guys, they think
they can write,
every busy little schmuck
who can hold a pen
the right way up.
l know, so we just take
the money and run.
Oh, l... l...
Okay.
lt's a good story, though.
Mm-hmm.
lf it'd stay on the page.
Mm-hmm.
lt's all connections.
Connections.
Connections.
Oh, God.
Oh... oh,
we shouldn't have run.
No choice.
Where the fuck is this?
Why here?
What are we doing here?
Geez. Look at that sun.
That is the sun, right?
lt's a big fucking moon
if it isn't.
What is going on?
What's going on?
What are we gonna do?
Hey.
There's a building over
there... way over there.
''Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco.''
Oh, no, l hate that stuff.
lt gets in my throat and my...
Maybe what we're looking
for is in that building.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What are we looking for?
l don't know.
Nor me...
Nor me.
People see us everywhere
They think you really care
But myself l can't deceive
l know it's
only make believe
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bah, oh...
My one and only prayer
is that some day you'll care
My hopes,
my dreams come true
My one and only you
No one will ever know
how much l love you so
My only prayer will be
someday you'll care for me
But it's only make-believe...
Hey, son.
Tough guys don't cry.
l know that, sir.
l can't now separate in my mind
the bus that took my mom and me
to L.A.
from the one
which brought us back.
Brought me back.
l dream about it.
l still dream about it.
But l'm getting there.
My head's getting there.
Well...
What happened to your mother?
She killed herself.
How?
ln the river.
ln the river.
Uh... is-is that really
what happened?
What?
Well, now, now, l...
''Now, now''? Wait, wait.
No. Excuse me. What?
You have a young woman
drowned in a bathtub
and thrown in the river
in your story.
So, what about it?
So, what about it?
Sometimes a cigar
is just a cigar.
Uh-huh.
Well, l'm a bit surprised
that you would duplicate
such a traumatic event
in your own life in the pages...
ln what? Oh, oh, in a
commercial piece of trash?
l didn't say that.
No, you didn't say that.
Mm-hmm.
No, Dan, l read you
part of your book
to illustrate a point to you.
Book. l'll tell you,
that book... that book...
There are things
in that book, Doc,
that are reaching out
to grab me by the throat.
Why don't you let them?
Why? What?
Let 'em.
Me, l'm in that book,
and l didn't even know it.
Yes.
l didn't kill my mother.
l can't imagine that anyone
would ever suggest that you did.
You know, l... when
l was a... a... boy...
Long ago and far away.
No. Here and now.
l saw my mother
with the greaseball
who worked with my father...
like, a partner...
...in this service station
in the desert
that was never really viable.
Dark and Binney.
Shit, they were screwing,
you know?
The noises,
him on top of her, l guess.
Kiss, bang, bang--
all that stuff.
l don't know.
Maybe she would have
gotten away with it.
Maybe it was just...
My dad was a hard
sort of guy to talk to.
You know, he was good,
you know, but, as a kid,
l couldn't seem to get close.
He was good with engines,
you know?
Anything under the hood,
and he was just...
He was so quiet. He was just...
he was just too quiet.
And l wanted to get closer,
you know?
l mean, maybe l wasn't the kind
of kid he would have wanted,
you know?
Reading,
and off on my own and...
...locked in.
That pain-in-the-ass kid stuff,
but...
l wanted to get closer,
and l... l...
So you told him about her.
Well, l traded her in.
l traded her in
for a pat on the head.
No. No.
l got beat instead,
and so did she.
He just hit her from one side
of the room to the other.
And we went...
to L.A.
You know, but by then
l think my pa's rage
had-had-had cooled down.
l don't think
he wanted us to go,
'cause l remember him waving.
l remember him waving to us
as the bus went away.
Away.
And l...
And my mom couldn't get a job.
lt was just, you know...
She started
bringing men home and...
Oh, the poor bitch.
l remember these cracks.
There were these cracks
on the ceiling.
l remember these cracks.
All right.
Stand up.
What?
You can. You can do it.
Oh, you think so?
lt's now or never.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
How many steps to heaven, Doc?
Ah, metaphysics.
Music.
Try again. Take your time.
l'm sorry. How many steps?
-Now, there
-Three steps to heaven
-Are three steps to heaven
-Three steps to heaven
-Just listen
-Three steps to heaven
-And you will plainly see
-Three steps to heaven
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
-Just follow
-Three steps to heaven
-Steps one, two and three
-Three steps to heaven
Step one
You find a girl you love
Step two
She falls in love with you
Step three, you kiss
And hold her tightly
-Yeah, that sure
-Three steps to heaven
-Seems like heaven to me
-Three steps to heaven
-The formula for heaven's
-Three steps to heaven
-Very simple
-Three steps to heaven
Ooh, wa-wa, ooh
Just follow the rules
Three steps to heaven,
Three steps to heaven
-And you will see
-Ooh
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
-Just follow
-Three steps to heaven
-Steps one, two and three
-Three steps to heaven
Step one
-You find a girl you love
-Ah, ah-ah
-Step two...
-No, no.
She falls in love with you...
Ah, yes.
Huh?
Hey, that's great, man.
Hey, can l get an amen, brother?
Yeah, amen, whatever.
One, two, three.
No, no, no. Leave me, leave me.
l got it, l got it.
Yee-hah!
Geronimo.
That book. There were things
in that book, Doc,
that are reaching out
to grab me by the throat.
Why don't you let them?
Sorry you got put on hold,
Mr. Binney.
Don't sweat the bill.
So now we wait.
We wait, and we see.
You had it coming, baby.
They should have
cut your dick off first.
lt's led you into
one hell of a fix, eh?
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
They got to him first.
Yeah.
One step ahead all the time.
But l didn't think the Feds
would waste one of their own,
but there you go.
No morality these days, eh?
l know, but l wanted
to waste him on my own.
Well, why not?
l'd like to wash
all the men off my skin.
No, we'll give these klutzes
one more chance
to eliminate the warbler.
He's a sitting duck.
l'd like to see the bullet
splatter his larynx.
Dan Dark is the real killer.
He poisons other people's lives.
He thinks he's smart...
but, really,
he's very, very sad.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry.
Can you see?
Can you see, Mr. Dark?
You like?
This is what you want
from a woman, Dan.
Believe her to be a whore.
Make her one.
You like?
You want?
You're so sad.
Sad... and sick.
Using your childhood
to foul up the lives of those
who really care for you.
Using your illness as a weapon
against anything clean,
and honest and loving.
You disgust me.
You sick little creep.
You poisonous, malformed,
cynical heap of shit.
No!
No...
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Okay, sure.
Why not?
Why aren't you in the bed?
l'm not in the bed
because l
stood up all by myself.
Fantastic.
Yeah, see what l can do.
l'll be walking out of here
next week.
Well, don't overdo it.
You look...
Are you hot?
Mm-mm.
Okay, 'cause that's how
people get disappointed,
you know?
You got to take it easy.
No, l'm fine.
Day by day, in every way,
l'm getting better
and better.
All right, well,
l'll let you stand up
while l lubricate you.
l think l can,
but l just... my knees...
No, no.
l was just kidding.
No, l don't expect you to...
l'm just so glad
that you're being...
lt's a real
improvement.
You know, you're one of
the nicest people
l've met in a long time.
Well, you haven't been anywhere
in a long time.
One of the prettiest, too.
Oh, your eyes.
What about them?
Your mouth.
The way your head
joins your neck,
as though
it's hesitating...
No, no, no, it's reluctant to...
Boy, when l get out of here
l'm just really going to write.
The way it, though...
No.
Oh, you're the girl
in all the songs.
Hey, pull the Caddy around,
and let's blow out of here.
Stop it, Mr. Dark.
Oh... oh, l see.
Enough of these intimacies, huh?
Hell, we hardly know each other.
Christ, the only contact
we had so far is
you lift up my penis
and just grease around it.
Oh, what, what's the matter?
Whew. Boy, is it hot in here?
Lie down, um...
You're burning up.
Sweet, sweet, sweetness,
l want to see Nicola...
-No, no. No, Mr. Dark.
-l want to see...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You got to lay down.
l'll find her.
She's probably
straight out in the hall.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, Mr. Dark, just stay.
Come on, come on.
Nicola?!
Come on, let's just
go back into the bed.
Nicola!
l told you, come on.
Can l get some help here?!
l told you.
lt's okay, nurse.
lt's okay.
Gentle.
Yeah, too heavy for you, angel.
Come on, back in the bed.
l'm sorry. l am.
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
Slide your feet, gumshoe.
Beddy bye-byes.
One small step
for man,
one giant leap...
for a cripple!
Who are you,
and what are you doing here?
Hey, that's
a good question.
Right on the nose,
as l think they say nowadays.
Yeah, whenever that is.
Am l hot?
ls this because l'm hot?
l don't know you.
l don't know who you are,
or what you want.
Disowning us, are you?
Nurse?
Nurse... where'd she go?
She was just here a second ago.
-Where are you going?
-Where you going?
Home.
That's off
the fucking page, creepo.
You are going nowhere.
What...
We get all the shit
and no explanations.
Just one fuck-up
after another.
And you're the scumbag
that wrote it!
Wait, wait, wait, no, no!
Many a tear has to fall
Where-where are we going?
Shaddup!
But it's all...
Where is everybody?
Help!
-All in the wonderful game
-Where are we going?!
That we know as love...
Well, you can rock it,
you can roll it
Do the stop
and even stroll it
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
When the record starts...
Rewrite!
Ooh, long way down, fella.
Right, it's a good last page,
bucklehand.
Splash!
Yeah, it's pooper scooper time
now.
Yeah, so spill.
Who are we?
What are we?
When, when you smile
When you smile at me
Well, well, l know
Our love will always be...
When, when you kiss
When you kiss me right
l, l don't want
To ever say good night
When will you be mine?
Oh, baby, l need you
l want you near me
l love you
Yes, l do,
and l hope you hear me!
You know, personally,
l don't want to walk down
no mean corridors.
No, sir.
But there's just no pay-off
in picking bluebells.
Am l right, or am l right?
God, listen to that, would you?
Can you hear the guy?
Anybody'd think his arm
was being twisted.
Hell, we've all been in pain,
one time or another.
What l say is, when you're
dealing with the devil,
praise the Lord...
and pass the ammunition.
l am not wrong.
Neither am l wrong.
Oh, geez, the warbler!
No fair.
Shoot this prick,
will you?!
Shut up!
Don't, please.
Please, don't.
Shut your pie hole.
No, wait. That's murder.
You get a load of that?
Murder, he says.
l call it...
pruning.
Only one of us is going
to walk out of here.
Sweeter than the roses.
What, are you kidding me
with this?
Ah, shucks.
You could say we'd been
partners, him and me.
Like Laurel and Hardy
or Donald and lvana.
But, heck, this was
one sick pup, from way back.
And l reckon l'm man enough
to tie my own shoelaces now.
Hey.
You got my hat?
Have l got your hat?
l think l've cracked this case.
Yeah, l think you have, but...
No buts.
Watch my lips.
What?
ln my dreams you told me
You really, really care
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love
you want to share
So hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go
Wah-wah-wah-wah
ln my dreams you told me
Our love was here to stay
ln my dreams you told me
Forever and a day
That you'll love me,
love me, love me
And never, ever let me go
Wah-wah-wah-wah
lt seems that dreams
are sometimes make believe
But now l know
that they are true
For in my dreams
you said you loved me
And in reality,
you love me, love me, too
Well, my dreams
have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't
take this love from me...
ln my dreams you told me
That you really, really cared
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love that can't compare
So hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love that can't compare
ln my dreams you told me
lt's a love you want to share
So hold me, hold me, hold me
Never, ever let me go
lt seems that dreams
Are sometimes make-believe
But now l know
that they are real
For in my dreams
you said you loved me
And in reality, you love,
love me, too
Now my dreams have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't take this love
from me
Hold me, hold me, hold me
And never, ever let me go,
oh, oh, oh
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo-doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
lt seems that dreams
Are sometimes make-believe
But now l know
that they are real
For in my dreams
You said you loved me
And in reality, you love,
love me, too
Now my dreams have come true
l'm as happy as can be
For l know in my heart
You won't take this love from me
So hold me, hold me, hold me
Never, ever let me go,
whoa, hoo.