Single All the Way (2021) Movie Script

Perfect. Beautiful.
Nice, guys.
get in even closer,you on the left.Nice.
Yes, guys. Nice. Beautiful.
- Get in even closer this way.
- No Santa this morning
- I guess my note got through...
- Awesome.
Oh, I love it.
- This is so great! Really nice.
- Yeah.
Kyle, let's see a smile.
All right. Good.
Mm-hmm. Yeah?
Okay. Uh, hey, Peter?
My clients are getting antsy.
Oh, it's a rough life for the Insta-gays.
- You've been on the set up for 45 minutes.
- You know my boss.
Lachlan likes to have
all the options in every possible angle.
Okay. Well, I'll just tell him
he needs to trust you.Hey, Siri!
Whoa! Hey! No, no, no.
No. No. Don't do that.
Okay, now that you've shown your clients
that their big bad agent
has done his job,please let me do mine.
Hey, I know we all wanna get
to Josh and Phillip's party,
and I promise we will get there
after we get the shots.
Thank you. Looks great.
- You going with Nick?
- Yes, and also with my boyfriend.
- Okay, how long?
- Three months and 22 days.
Okay, let me just put that into
the Guinness Book
of Peter Records.
- I hate you.
- You love me.
But I need Cupid more
Than all the presents
That I think I'm due
Ooh, ooh
You give me something I could never...
Shoot went great.
Yeah, got everything that we talked about.
Uh-huh, every shot on your list.
Yes, all the abs.
Hey, Lachlan, listen, uh, if I lose you,
it's 'cause I'm going into a tunnel.
You looking a little sad today, Linda.
I think I know what this is about.
Just because I'm finally in a relationship
doesn't mean
you're any less important to me.
You saved me when Zack broke my heart,
changed my life forever.
If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't have any of my other plants.
Ow! Ow!
Don't be jealous.
I love youtoo.
Come here. Hi, Emmett.
Yes, good boy.
Ooh, hey, boys.
- Get ready for the party.
- I'm tired.
Maybe you shouldn't have accepted
so many TaskRabbits.
I don't accept TaskRabbits.
I am the TaskRabbit.
I know how it works, Nick.
- Just get dressed.
- You're going with your new man.
No, Tim can't come until later.
I already told you this.
He has to be at the hospital until nine.
None of this matters. You're coming.
- I don't have anything plaid.
- Yes, you do because I knew you'd do this.
- You officially know me too well.
- La-la-la-la-la
I'm ordering the Uber.
I hope you have a horrible Christmas
- I hope you have a nasty New Year...
- Thank you so much.
- Peter.
- Oh, you guys!
Mwah. Mwah.
This is wow! You have really outdone
yourselves this year.
Thank you. I did everything.
And by everything, he means
micromanaging three event planners
and repeatedly threatening
to sue them on Judge Judy.
- Oh, hi, Nick.
- Hey!
- I got you a...
- Oh!
So did I.
- Wish I had a best friend like that.
- You do. You have me.
I don't see you bringing me drinks.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
Well, happy anniversary.
To eight years.
Eight years of this party,
but we've known each other nine.
Just took a year of social climbing
to get the invite.
- I think you did most of the climbing.
- I did. Thank you!
Ho-ho-hoes. Hey!
- Hey.
- Hi, Adam.
look at all this plaid perfection!
I'm glad we all made it.
I know it was a long day...
Oh, babe, stop. I mean,
it's not likeyou didn't pay us $15,000.
You got 15? Why didn't I get 15?
Oh, Max, baby, sweetie, honey,
you know that Kyle was the original.
- And, uh...
- Ugh!
- Don't worry. She'll get over it.
- So, where's the guy?
He's still at the hospital.
He'll be here soon.
Oh my God! What happened?
- No, he works at a hospital.
- Oh!
- He's a cardiologist.
- Oh.
He's, uh... right there.
What do I have to do
to be cardiac arrested?
Dashing through the snow...
Do you want one with you in it?
- No, it's for my plant account.
- Oh.
I keep my plant Instagram
and my personal Instagram separate.
Plants aren't my real job, so...
Well, I love how much you love plants.
I love how much you love hearts.
It's kinda my job to love hearts.
Well, hopefully someday
it'll be my job to love plants.
I wish
we were spending Christmas together.
So do I.
- I'm excited to go home, though.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Christmas is always
a big deal for my family.
And this year will be even better
'cause I won't be the single one.
- Who's gonna be the single one?
- No. I mean, I'm always the single one.
Every year, it's like
I'm this problemthey all have to solve.
They can't understand
why I haven't beenin a relationship
more than a few months...
Problem solved.
Come home with me.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
You said you have a bunch of time off.
...come to New Hampshire,
meet my family. They'll love you.
I... would love to come home with you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay, good.
Let's deck the halls together.
I'm sorry. One second.
Oh, crap.
The hospital needs me.I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay. It's a sign.
It's meant to be. Go.
Go make more doctor money
to pay for your plane ticket.
- Peter?
- Hi, Dad.
Yes. Yes, it's me, since it said "Peter"
on your screen when the phone rang,
and also you're looking at my face.
- I have you under "probably wants money."
- I haven't asked you for money in years.
Why is that still my name on your phone?
Well, I wanted to change it
to "the single one," but, uh...
Good one, Dad.
I'm not calling about what to get you.
- I'm calling about what to get Mom.
- Wine glasses. She broke two last night.
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, honey. Oh, I can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to see you too.
Hey, what should I get for Dad?
Nothing. He doesn't need anything.
Honey, I think he's becoming
one of those hoarders.
I swear. He won't throw anything out.
I know.
Oh, get him one of those things.
You know, those dumpster things.
What's that called?
Dumpster. It's a dumpster.
Yes! Get him one of those.
Well, you know what
Mom and Lisa would love?
- What?
- Gift sets from my new makeup line.
What new makeup line?
It's organic. It's like all from the farm,
which is what I'm calling it.
"Farm On My Face."
Oh, that sounds, um... I love it!
I want a Rolex.
It doesn't have to be real.
Unless you want it to be.
No, but seriously, don't get me anything.
Just bring you. I miss your stupid face.
I miss your stupid face.
But I'm not just bringing me,
I'm also bringing a surprise.
Is it a person?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Oh, so you aregetting me a Rolex.
We had a guy
who did our lightsfor years, Carl,
and I've been calling him
for days with no answer,
until just this morning,
his wife finally picked up
and told me he died,
hanging Christmas lights.
He fell on
someone's roof and broke his neck.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Thank God I found you.
I had no idea
TaskRabbits didChristmas lights.
Oh, they should call you TaskElves
during the holidays.
If it's okay, I'm gonna focus on this.
You know, so I don't fall off your roof.
Oh, here's my husband.
We'll leave you alone.
- Is that Carl?
- No. He's with TaskRabbit. Carl died.
But this guy is great. This is
the fourth house he's done this week.
Oh, looks great.
No! You're married!
You're a liar and a cheater.
You've been lying to me
for almost four months,
and to your wife for however many years,
and to yourself for...
No. You know what? I'm not gonna judge
whatever journey you're on.
I... It's not what I'm looking for,
and I hope that you never do it
to anybody else ever again.
- I didn't wanna tell you, but...
- You had to.
Well, Linda, here we are again.
You know
you're a Chinese money plant, right?
You're supposed to bring me luck.
Hey. How long are you going home for?
Ten days.
So maybe
you don't need that tower ofsweaters?
Maybe I'll just stay there
and never come back.
Mm, because Bridgewater, New Hampshire,
population 36,
has a huge buffet of single gay men.
The all-you-can-eat buffet in Los Angeles
has served me nothing but7 heartbreaks,
a mountain of therapy debt,
and a chipped tooth.
Chipped tooth was your fault.
I was running away from the guy
that faked that he had cancer.
Maybe it's not L.A.
Maybe you choose the wrong guys.
Fine! I'll date no one,
but I'll be close to my family,
I'll open my plant store,
I'll be a guncle,
and a plant lady forever.
Actually soundsperfect.
And plants don't cheat.
I think you should come home with me.
We can pretend we fell in love
after all these years.
Wait, hold on.
Hold up. Hold up. Actually, that's good.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
- Oh, you're funny.
- It would solve everything.
I can temporarily bury
the pain of my pathetic love life,
while also showing my family
that I'm not a mental case
who has no ability
to be in a relationship.
- By lying to them the whole time.
- Yes!
It'll be so easy.
My family already asks
why we're not just together.
Oh, all straight people ask that
about gay friends.
I mean, besides I stocked up
for my first holiday staycation.
Your first solo holiday staycation.
I love a solo holiday staycation.
You've never done
a solo holiday staycation.
You've always had a boyfriend. Come on.
- Hmm.
- Come home with me.
You don't wanna spend Christmas
all by yourself.
I won't be by myself. I have Emmett,
and an endless stream of TaskRabbit jobs,
which is all about helping people,
which brings me joy.
And if that isn't the
Christmas spirit, I don't know what is.
Nick, I don't want you
to be hereall by yourself,
reminiscing about the great Christmases
you had with your mom as a kid.
I know she'll always
be in your heart, but...
you shouldn't be alone
with those feelings at Christmas.
You want me to buy a plane ticket
leaving tomorrow?
I mean,
do you know how expensive that'll be?
You have Saving Emmett money.
Yes, thank you!
And you'll have even more money
when you finish writing the sequel,
which you really have to start
before you can finish.
Well, what if it's notas good
as the first one?
Nick, it's a children's book about a dog.
Sorry, Emmett.
I didn't mean it like that.
It's a lot to live up to.
You wrote such a good book.
Because you...
...are such a good writer.
So good, that the first book you wrote
became a bestseller,
and now you haveall this money
that you're saving
for a rainy day and...
it's pouring.
- All right.
- Thank you! Thank you, thank you.
- But we're not doing the boyfriend thing.
- Yeah, we are.
It's the greatest present
I could possibly give my parents.
Change of plans, buddy.
You get to spend Christmas
at the doggy hotel.
Happy holiday
Happy holiday
While the merry bells...
It needs to be a moment
in front of the whole family.
I wanna see everyone's face
when we tell them.
And when will that be?
Everyone's coming over for dinner tonight.
I think we do it then.
- How much does your mom know?
- Nothing yet.
- You didn't tell her I'm coming?
- She knows that. She's very excited.
She didn't ask why
I'm randomly coming at the last minute?
What? No! No.
You're family. You don't need a reason.
Oh my God!
Do you think she Googled
"funny, gay Christmas signs?"
Yes, and then she made that
in her crafting room.
- What, Sleigh Queen Carole?
- You have to call her Christmas Carole.
She insists on being called
Christmas Carole for all of December.
How did I not know your mom
had a holiday-specific drag name?
Because you've never been here
for Christmas before.
Mom! Mom!
My baby! Oh!
Oh, I missed you so much.
- Welcome home, handsome.
- Aw...
Christmas Carole?
Saint Nick.
I'm so happy right now.
Do you love my antlers?
So much!
- Your dad said they were corny.
- What?
Ah, he's corny.
- They're supposed to be corny.
- Good corny.
You know what, he can freeze his ears off,
but we don't have to because...
- Oh.
- You get a pair and you get a pair.
And you get a pair and you... Who am I?
- Oprah.
- Oprah.
Oh, right, yeah.
Of course, you guys knew that.
- Come on!
- We'll get our bags.We'll get our bags.
So, Peter, my love, you told Lisa that
you were bringing home a surprise,
and we thought maybe
you were bringing a boyfriend.
But thank God you didn't,
'cause you would have totally ruined it.
- Ruined what?
- Hmm...
I think
Carole has something up her sleeve.
- Christmas Carole.
- Thank you.
my early Christmas presentfor you is...
a blind date.
His name is James.
He's reallycute. He's about your age.
I really think you're gonna like him.
No! No, I'm not going on a...
You're not going anywhere
until I get a proper hug.
Hi, Dad.
- Oh, I'm glad you're home, son.
- Aw.
- Nicholas, it's always good to see you.
- You too, Harold.
Okay, you can go. Where are you going?
- He's going on a blind date.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, he is.
- No. No, he's not.
How is there even a single,
"single" gay man in this town?
- Why wouldn't there be? You two are here.
- But why is he here?
That's a great question
for you to ask on your first date!
I love it.
- He loves it.
- You're going.
- You're going.
- Nick!
I just wanted to say,
thank you, for allowing me
to do a last-minute Christmas crash. It...
Are you kidding? I'm thrilled!
But you're gonna have to excuse me because
we have a leaky pipe in the basement,
and I can't seem to fix it,
so I'm just gonna have to call a plumber.
Well, why don't you let me try and fix it?
No... No, are you sure?
Oh gosh, I hadn't thought of that.
Of course, I thought of that,
but Carole said I shouldn't ask you
because you're our guest.
A guest.
But I hate this plumber.
He overcharges,
and he smells like roast beef.
So, screw him!
We've got our own Handy Bunny right here!
TaskRabbit, Dad.
TaskRabbit. He's a Tasker.
- Rabbit?
- Yep.
And I'm a little bit offended. How come
you didn't ask me to fix your pipe?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh well...
- Okay.
- Sweetie.
Okay, I didn't wanna fix
your stupid pipe anyway. Go. Go.
- Go help him.
- Come on, let's go.
Honey, you're very talented.
You're good at so many things...
Oh, like, like fixing my poinsettias.
Oh, look how sad they are.
Go ahead. I'm sure you'll do your magic.
I'll try, but only if you drop
this whole blind-date thing.
No, Peter, come on.
I don't even live here.
I know it,
but wouldn't it be great if you did?
Okay, so that's what this is about.
It would be a bonus.
We only get to see
your face once or twice a year.
Yes, which is exactly why I'm here,
to spend time with my family.
Well, and your family really wants you
to have a relationship.
I'm just saying.
Yes, I know!
That's very clear!
- Why do you avoid love?
- Okay, stop. I don't... I'm not...
I'm not avoiding love.
I'm just avoiding getting
set up on a blind date by...
- Your mother?
- Right.
What's w... You don't trust me?
Not with this, no.
Just because you happen
to meet a gay guy, doesn't mean
you have to set me up with them.
It doesn't mean that we'd be... You know...
You've told me that millions of times
when I've asked why you weren't with Nick,
but I understand much better now.
I'm reading this great book.
It's calledLoving Your LGBTT Child.
I think you mean LGBTQ.
Yeah. Whatever. Do I?
Yeah. Sure, that's it! Yes!
And it's great.
It talks all about gay friendships,
and it says,just what you said,
"Much like a man and a woman don't have
to have a romantic relationship,
a man and man don't have to."
- Exactly.
- Mm.
But you never know!
You know, it's not every day
that you meet a gay handyman.
How did you learn
how to do all this stuff?
On YouTube and HGTV.
Oh. What is that?
A Homosexual Gay network?
Oh. I'll check it out. HGTV.
It's not porn, is it?
Kind of.
But, honey, I really do think
this James guy is great.
He's a new trainer at my gym.
And he came in,
all the girls went crazy for him.
And then, of course,
he told us he was gay.
Audrey was devastated,
but I thought, "Gay? I know gay."
And so, I told him all about you,
I did, and I showed him your picture,
and he thought you were really cute,
and he would love to meet you.
Show me his picture.
- Really? Okay.
- Yeah.
Wait. Wait, how...
Where would I find a picture?
I don't have a picture of him.
You don't have a picture?
You showed him my picture.
Well, I know, because I have
a hundred pictures of you in my phone.
I don't have any pictures of him.
I just met...
That would be weird. That's creepy.
Oh, maybe he's on Facebook.
Honey, how do I do it?
How do I get into Facebook again?
- Oh my God, Mom.
- Oh wait, there it is. Okay.
Oh, look at that, sweetheart.
Look, it's a canary and a German Shepherd,
and they're besties.
- Look! They're doing the Macarena.
- Wow.
I can't believe Christmas Carole
took down all your Britney posters.
I can't believe you ended
our relationshipwithout consulting me.
Our relationship
hadn't officially started, so...
Yes, it had!
In our agreed-upon fictional backstory,
it absolutely had.
And then you went and endorsed the idea
of me going on a blind date,
as if we were looking for a third.
It's one date.
It's one date.
One date is not
the same thing as a relationship.
And a blind date
has almost zero chance of working out,
and I'll still be single,
and it'll somehow all be my fault,
and it's all anybody
will talk about for the entire vacation.
Do you know how excited I was
to bring Tim home to meet my family?
I'm sorry.
But look at it this way,
at least you don't have to call
your mom in a month and explain to her
that the guy that you brought home
for Christmas is, oops, married,
to a woman, with kids.
And now I don't have to lie
to your family for ten days straight.
You are the worst fake boyfriend.
Don't get too excited!
It's just me, your favorite sister.
Where are you? Get down here.
I need to see your stupid face.
Uncle Peter.
You know what?
I got one of those memory things
on my phone the other day
from that night that you guys
took me out in West Hollywood
and made me get on that bar
with all those shirtless cowboys.
"Made" you. Mm...
- Mom!
- Mom!
Am I not allowed
to have a good time?
I never get out.
- Lisa, we literally own a bar.
- We own a pub, Tony.
It's not the same thing.
I need help with the chicken!
- Hi, Nick.
- Aw...
Bring it in. It's so good to see you.
Merry Christmas.
Both of you.
- Hi.
- They were gay shirtless cowboys, right?
- Tony!
- Very.
- Super gay.
- Tony, you need to come help me...
Coming, Carole!
Oh! Hi!
Sam, Simon, you both got nine feet taller
than the last time I saw you.
Boys look who else is here!
Do you remember Nick?
Nick is your Uncle Peter's roommate,
but he also wrote your favorite book
that we used to read
every night before bed.
- Saving Emmett?
- Yes, Saving Emmett!
Is Emmett your real dog?
- Yes, he is.
- So where is he?
He wanted to come,
but he's afraid of flying
so he's home in California,
but he's very happy
because he's with
all his doggie friends at the hotel.
But what if he thinks you left him forever
like the first people did
before you saved him?
- Okay. Come on, let's say hi to Grandma.
- He's so big.
- So, how was the trip?
- It was great! Merry Christmas.
You kids don't realize
how good you have it.
The first time
Aunt Sandy directed the pageant,
it was totally bonkers.
Okay, Mom, we've heard the story
a million times.
Yeah, okay, well, Nick hasn't.
So you don't have to listen,
and you can just sit there.
Aunt Sandy had just moved back here
from New York City,
where she had an acting career.
Well, "career" is generous,
but no, no, go ahead. Go ahead.
- She was in a Broadway show.
- It was Off-Broadway.
It was Little Shop of Horrors, right?
She was Audrey.
She was the understudy to Audrey.
Oh my God, Grandma, I love you.
I cannot tell a lie.
So anyways,
Aunt Sandy made me, and Uncle Peter
and Aunt Ashleigh be in the pageant,
just like she's making you kids do,
except our script,
Aunt Sandy wrote herself.
It took place backstage at the pageant.
It was like a play within a play.
all four of you kids are in the pageant?
But we need to get out of it.
Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let earth receive her King
Oh my gosh!
I'm so sorry,
everybody, I'm so sorry, I'm late!
I was going over
tomorrow's rehearsal schedule and...
and all of sudden
I got terribly distracted because
out of nowhere Whitney Houston's
version of "Joy to the World" came on
and that's...
It's the greatest version ever.
I love that version.You bring dessert?
And then I just started singing along,
then all of a sudden, I thought,
"Oh my God, Sandy,
you're having an epiphany."
"'Joy to the World'
needs to be in your show!"
Well, yes.
Because it's so spectacular.
It's got everything in it.
It's got the King, the Savior,
the Glory, and the Born.
The Born.
I've got so much to do before this show,
but I... I had to come here because
you're my first Joseph.
- I love you, I really do. I do.
- I love youtoo.
Oh my, my, my.
Well, well...
What a handsome new boyfriend.
No. No.
Uh, no, this is my handsome roommate
and oldest friend Nick.
But he might have a boyfriend tomorrow!
- Mom, Mom, can we not do this right now?
- What? What? What's tomorrow?
Well, he's going on a date.
- Like, from Grindr?
- No.
Oh my God.
No, like from Mom.
Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to tell everybody.
I thought you'd ruin it.
He might not get on the plane.
- Oh my God!
- Okay. Wow.
Okay. Thank you.
Hey, congratulations.
- Yay!
- Okay. Okay.
- Thank you all. Thank you so much!
- I'm sorry.
- I think they should be together.
- Yes, same.
Let's discuss that later.
Okay, can we please stop clapping
for therelationship you've decided I'm in
with the person
that I have not evenmet yet.
Okay, you're all gonna jinx it!
So, who wants to see
my new Christmas tree?
- What?
- No...
Mom, a fake white tree?
Yes, I love it.
I mean,
you all can want, like, a real tree,
but I'm the one
who has to clean up the needles.
I love it. Nick loves it, don't you...
Nick, don't you love it?
It... Yes!
...where are all the family ornaments?
She probably gave them away
with Sam and Simon's toys
I did not.
I think it is so cool and so modern.
And you know what?
These gorgeous stars came with the trees,
I love them.
I do too.
You're such a thief.
- Time to get up.
- Thanks, Alexa, but I didn't set an alarm.
Your mom promised to kill me
if I didn't wake you
in time for your date.
It's not until one o'clock,
after her spin class.
Yeah, she's at the class.
It's noon. You have jet lag.
How come you're so perky?
Well, so much coffee.
I noticed your dad only finished doing
the lights on the bottom half of the house
so I wanted to get up
and finish it for him.
You don't have to impress my family.
I know I don't, but I wanted to do it.
And I'm good at it.
And I'm having fun.
But not as much fun as
you're about to have on this blind date.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay. Well, get dressed and get cute.
You're such a pusher.
- Don that gay apparel.
- Shut up.
No, no. No!
I hate you so much.
It... it flames,
flames, on the side of my face...
Well... Okay.
I don't think he's really gay.
There's no way.
You came.
You woke up.
Yes, hi. Yes, I woke up.
So, this is James who I told you about,
and this is my perfect son, Peter,
who I told you about, obviously.
So, yeah... He's an Aquarius, so...
So, what happens now?
- Great to meet you.
- You too.
I, uh, was thinking we could grab
a cup of coffee.
We don't have Starbucks here,
but there's this cute little place
owned by Mrs. Claus,
and she makes a mean peppermint latte.
Oh, well, it's about time
Mrs. Clausbranched out on her own.
Isn't he funny?
He's funny too.Very, very smart.
Yeah. And so handsome.
Your mom is the best.
Talks about you all the time.
- I'm sure she does. I'm sorry about that.
- No, no, it's all good things.
You probably thought you were going
on a datewith the hottest, smartest,
funniest, coolest,
most interesting personwho was ever born.
Maybe I am.
- Oh!
- Mm.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
No, I think that was my fault.
And now you know I'm not the coolest,
so we got that out of the way.
So, um, why are you living in this town?
- Uh, oh, uh...
- Sorry, that sounded...
No! No, that's a fair question.
Last year I got a job
as a ski instructor at Eagle Hill.
Oh, I used to ski Eagle Hill
all the timegrowing up.
I was teaching there last season and
loved it, because, you know, free skiing.
But I was shuttling back and forth
to Boston weekly for my regular gym job,
and that got old real fast.
So this year I decided to move up
for the season.
Found a sublet, got the job at the
spinning studio, and I ski a lot more.
Wow. A ski instructor and trainer of moms
in a wintry Christmas village.
I love it up here.
But what about...
Ah, yeah, the, uh... dating app radius is kind of a joke,
especially when it snows.
- It snows all the time.
- All the time.
And magically here you are.
Here I am.
Oh! Oh!
- Let me... Let me get you a clean one.
- Oh, thank you.
Real Christmas trees.
- Flip it around.
- Yeah.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I got it.
Getting these branches here.
- Okay. That's fine.
- Yeah.
- Did we do it?
- I think we did.
Except you won't be able to drive.
Can't we just pull it back towards us?
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
- Oh! Okay.
- Yeah.
- Hey!
- Okay.
Well, should we ask Mrs. Claus?
Ah, she's busy, and you did tell me
you know what you're doing.
I said that to impress you.
You got me a down vest.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Aren't y'all breaking the rules?
I thought the whole point of this
was to keep presents a secret.
Rules are meant to be broken,
especially when it comes to insane rules
that make zero sense.
Why are we all in separate rooms
wrapping our gifts
at the same time at our mother's house?
Because that's what we did
when we were kids.
But now we're grown-ups
with our own houses,
so you're wondering,
"Why do they still
have to wrap them here?"
Great question, Nick.
And the non-answer answer
to that is because
this is the"Annual Harrison Family
Secret Wrapping Party,"
courtesy of Christmas Carole.
Do we need wine?
- Yes, wine.
- We definitely do.
Oh, Nick! Nick!
Could you find out
what my mother is getting me?
And if it's another one
of her stupid signs,
tell her I'd like cash instead.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, Christmas Carole...
Oh, I think I just peed a little bit.
I thought you were Peter.
I'm wrapping his gift!
- Can I see what you're giving him?
- Yeah, you promise not to tell?
"Bloom where you are planted."
Oh, I love that.
I know! I love it too.
Oh, do you wanna see
the one I made for Lisa?
- Yes.
- Ready?
You know, she actually, um...
- What, honey?
- She sent me to get wine.
Oh, uh, we're out. I'll go get more.
I got you. I just need your car.
Well, I think we did it.
Can I give you a ride home?
You think I'm getting in that death trap?
I live a block away. I can walk.
But, uh...
I had fun.
So did I.
Bye. Careful.
- Oh!
- It's icy.
Sh... Mm.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh-oh. Is my family
already driving you that crazy?
Not at all. We're having a blast.
We ran out of wine midway through
your nutty present-wrapping thing.
For which wine is definitely required.
And you? Was the date that bad?
No. No, uh, I just thought that
if I showed up with wine for my mom
it'd soften the blow of the real
Christmas tree I'malso showing up with.
- You got a Christmas tree on your date?
- On the second half of the date.
On the second half of your date?
- That sounds promising.
- It's not promising.
- It's not promising?
- It's not, not promising. Shut up!
Well, if you didn't like him,
you'd be telling me right now.
- But we both know I like the wrong guys.
- So you do like him.
I didn't
have a bad time.
- Why are you being weird?
- I'm not being weird. You're being weird.
I just...
I didn't think that
this is what I'd be doing this week.
Yeah, neither did I.
And as your fake boyfriend,
I'm not surehow I feelabout you
going on dates withother people.
You asked for it!
Christmas Carole will be veryexcited.
Shh! I got a new Christmas tree.
- Yay!
- Shh!
Nick's gonna ask dad if we still have
the old Christmas tree stand.
Tony, I need your muscles.
Got a big tree to move.
Leese, distract mom
until we can make the switch.
Mom, I hope you're sitting down.
I have the craziest story to tell you.
Remember in grade seven
when Troy M. farted on me?
Yeah, it is.
What's going on?
I had to pee! Sorry.
What is happening?
This is all me.
I think that Christmas trees
should smell like Christmas trees
and be, you know, green.
I'll take care of everything,
change the water, clean up the needles,
and you should know that I got the tree
on my date with James,
and the date went well.
And... And actually,
James picked the tree out himself.
Oh, I'm so happy! That is so great!
I can't tell you how happy that makes me!
I think you're making that pretty clear.
And then maybe...
maybe you'll move home!
All right. Okay. It was one date.
What? It's a text.
Uh, maybe it's him.
It could be anyone. It's probably work.
Pick it up.
Well, check.
All right.
James wants to know
if I wanna go skiing tomorrow.
All right! Yeah.
Okay, okay. All right.
How about we let them celebrate
and you and I will take
this fake treeto the garage, huh?
Yeah. Sure. Let's do it.
So, what do you think
of this whole blind-date thing?
If Peter's happy, I'm happy.
I always thought that
you and Peter should be together.
I think you're angling
for a full-time handyman.
Well, I wouldn't mind.
But, no.
You were the first person Peter introduced
us to that meant anything to him.
You're the only one.
And over the years, I can see that
he's happiest when he's with you.
But you've never seen him
with any of his boyfriends.
No, I haven't.
Probably because none of them
ever lasted that long.
You lasted.
Well, I'm his best friend.
Well, my wife is my best friend
in the whole world. So?
We agree with Grandpa.
We think you and Peter should be together.
I can't wear this.
- Bro.
- Exactly.
From when you went skiing
with your girlfriend in high school?
Last time I wore this,
I was... 17 years old.
So, yes, it's a sign. I'm not going.
I don't need to leave you alone again
all day with my family, anyway.
Why not? I love being with your family.
I told your sister I'd take all the kids
to the pageant rehearsal.
You did?
I love my family too, and you've spent
more time with them than I have.
You'll have plenty of time with them.
Plus, you like this guy.
Plus, you already said yes.
I'm not opposed to ghosting.
I know. Maybe that's part of your problem.
Maybe you're part of my problem.
You know what, I actually dig the outfit.
It's a good story.
If he doesn't like you because of
a throwback fashion moment,
then he isn't for you anyway.
And, you don't have to go out
with him again.
"Mary worried what the angel meant
by the greeting."
"Seeing she was scared, the angel said..."
"Don't be afraid, Mary. God is..."
Wait. Wait.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I don't know what you're doing here,
but I need to see you scared.
And see, that way, he can see your fear
and then his line works.
Aunt Sandy, I don't know what to do.
So, why don't you just show me?
Try that.All right, now take note.
Can you believe this insanity?
Looks like Aunt Sandy needs some help.
No one's listening!
I didn't wanna mention punishment,
but I'm telling you,
I can be really scary.
Can you write me a doctor's note?
I'm not a doctor.
So? You just have to write the note,
and you and I can go rescue Peter
from his date.
How do you know he wants to be rescued?
He doesn't realize it yet,
but once you show up,
he'll realize that you're the one
he wanted to be with all along.
No, no. I can't. I'll lose it!
Do you all wanna see me lose it?
- What are you getting him for Christmas?
- Don't you have to be up there?
- I'm after this.
- We're gonna take it from the top.
I'm the donkey.
"Our story begins
with a young woman in her home...
"Unless you look deeper,
there's nothing
particularly remarkable about Mary."
That's my favorite part.
So, my best friend, Nick,
came home with me,
and the whole plan was that we were
going to pretend we finally fell in love.
- Why?
- Because... family is terrified
that I'll be alone forever,
and I didn't want to hear about it.
But that's really cool
of your friend,though,
I mean, to play along
with the whole charade.
That kind of thing comes easily to us.
It's how we met, actually.
- How'd you meet?
- Nine years ago, I had just moved to L.A.
Uh, it was literally my second day in tow,
and I was doing what every gay guy does
on his second day in a new city.
- Joining a gym.
- Correct.
And Nick was also there
doing the exact same thing.
He had also just moved to L.A.,
but we didn't know any of this yet.
And then I heard that the couple
ahead of us was getting a family discount.
- Wow.
- We didn't have to say a word.
When it was our turn,
we improvised the whole thing.
We were from Chicago.
We'd been together for three years.
We were engaged,
but we didn't have the rings yet.
We'd just driven all the way to L.A.
with Chelsea, our African gray parrot.
I mean... We got the family discount.
- That's an amazing story.
- We've been best friends ever since.
Have, uh, you and Nick ever...
Danny's right.
You can't just not get
Uncle Peter a present for Christmas.
He's not my boyfriend.
So? He's not my boyfriend either.
I'm still getting him a gift.
Wait, you are? What are you getting him?
Mom's just putting our name on something.
But, Nick, you have to get him something.
Look, I appreciate what you're...
whatever you're trying to do,
but Peter and I have a long history.
We've never gotten each other
Christmas presents. We've never...
actually done Christmas together.
- Aw.
- Aw.
- Let's get a photo.
- Yeah.
I want to see all of your acting...
Can you do a funny one?
Oh! My nieces with Nick right now.
You have FOMO.
I do.
I'm a FOMO-sexual.
I mean, obviously,
I wanna be here with you...
but I don't get to see
my familyvery often.
- Oh, I hope I'm not causing any drama.
- No. Quite the opposite.
Everyone... Everyone's very happy I'm here.
Part of it is that
they want me to move back home.
Oh! Do you ever think about that?
All the time.
But then...
Work-wise, New Hampshire is not exactly
the social media capital of the world.
Oh well, I wouldn't miss my job that much.
Because your real passion is plants?
How'd you know about that?
You don't think I found you on Instagram
@MrHausPlant? H-A-U-S?
That's not fair.
My mom didn't have any pictures of you.
I couldn't find you anywhere on Instagram.
@SkisTheLimit. S-K-I-S.
Oh. Uh-huh.
Ski's the limit. Yeah.
I get it. I like it.
"It was Emmett's third day
in the shelter."
"He was trying to sleep
so he didn't have to
think about being sad,
but he was so sad."
"Then, all the other dogs started barking,
which meant a human was
there to save one lucky dog."
"But, Emmett didn't bark.
He just wanted to sleep."
Am I right or am I right, huh?
Uncle Peter insists on a real tree.
He says he's gonna deal with it.
And here we are, hanging ornaments
for the second time and cleaning up.
Well, he would be here if he wasn't with
the guy you set him up with.
Yeah, you're right, honey.
I just wanted to complain.
I get that.
Why isn't he back yet?
I'm just gonna text him at this point.
No. No, no, no. No, no, don't text him.
- Leave him alone.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
"So, Emmett sat
in the trucknext to the man,
and they drove
and drove and drove."
"Now, when they walked
into the man's apartment,
the man said, 'We're home!'"
- Is that your real apartment?
- It's a drawing of it, yeah.
Where you live with Uncle Peter?
Then why isn't Uncle Peter in the book?
It's a good question.
When did you and Uncle Peter get married?
We're not married, no.
What are you, then?
Hey, you should totally write a sequel.
Well, have you been talking
to my publisher?
- You wrote it already?
- No.
- Oh.
- But I will.
- Mm-hmm.
- As soon as I figure out a good story.
I know. It should be
about Emmett at the hotel.
During Christmas like he is right now.
It should be sad at first
because you're leaving him,
but then it's happy
when you come and pick him up.
Right. And Uncle Peter
would pick him up with you.
- Do you guys wanna write the book?
- Oh no, I don't.
Okay, look, come on.
Bring it in. Bring it in.
- That was great.
- You killed that last run.
Only after you showed me
what I was doing wrong.
Well, it is kind of my job.
Don't think I didn't realize
I got a free private lesson.
I just hope you don't feel like
you were working all day.
Not at all.
Should we, uh,aprs-ski?
We should aprs-ski.
Sorry. Sorry. I...
Am I that bad a kisser?
I wasn't gonna say anything.
- Thanks for understanding.
- Of course. Family comes first.
And, uh, you can just, uh,
Venmo me for the private lesson.
- I had a really great time today.
- Me too.
- Hey!
- Damn! Wow! You scared me.
So? How'd it go?
It was...
kind of great.
Uh, details?
It's so obvious.
How come only Grandpa seeswhat we see?
All you gotta do is look at their faces.
It's pure love.
I know, but why don't even they see it,
is the question.
Love is blind.
No. No, that's when you fall in love
with someone who's ugly.
Why are you looking out of the window?
Just two people who look at each other
like that are not just friends.
You're totally right.
Oh, you're all insane.
Peter just went skiing with James.
He's just probably
telling Nick how great it was.
- What's happening?
- No, no, no, no!
Aw. Is one of them proposing?
Maybe Nicholas actually listened to me.
What do you mean?
What did you tell him?
Sounds like a solid, amazing date.
Except I was gone all day.
Well, you were skiing.
It's kind of an all-day thing.
- Yeah, but it's already dark out.
- It's dark because it's winter.
I know.
I just wanted to be here too.
- Because you were feeling FOMO-sexual?
- Yes! I was.
I only have so much time here and...
I don't like that.
I wanna be able to go on a date
and be in a relationship,
and also go to Lisa's house for dinner
at the drop of a hat,
or go to a movie with my dad,
or take the girls shopping or...
I don't know,
Coach Simon's Little League team.
Right. I'm obviously
never coachinga Little League team.
But I don't want it to be
this one-or-the-other thing
for the rest of my life.
Well, it doesn't have to be,
but you'd have to move back here.
That's what I'm saying.
I think I do wanna move back here.
So, you really must like this guy
if he's got you thinking about all this.
Yeah, I don't know.
It is two dates.
I think he's just the straw
that broke the camel's back.
Please, just listen to me.
Mom, you're just pushing this James guy
because you set them up.
You have to look
at what's really happening here.
No, you do.
Listen, I totally get it.
For years I've been pressuring Peter
to be with Nick.
They're so close and so great together,
but that doesn't mean
they have romantic chemistry.
This is a common misconception
we straight people have about gay people.
But then I read my book called
Loving Your LGBTTT Child.
Okay, I'm not buying it.
Nick and Peter wanna make out.
They should make out.
Nick is hot. Nick is a ten.
And Peter's a ten in New Hampshire.
We just have to make sure Peter doesn't go
on any more dates with this James guy.
- Yes!
- You can't just decide what Peter does.
sometimes people need a little shove.
It's true. It's true.
Jim and I wouldn't be married
unless Lisa had forced me
to reply to his message on Match.
What? You weren't gonna reply?
You're welcome.
And that's exactly what we need to do,
is force them to spend more time together.
They're roommatesand best friends.
How much more time
should they spend together?
Okay, but time here, in a new environment.
It's Christmas. It's romantic.
You know,
it's not their normal day-to-day.
And when I think about it,
what do I actually have in L.A.?
A... A... A job I don't love,
an overpriced apartment,
an overpriced car.
There are people that I like in L.A.,
but you're the only person I love.
Well, I would, uh...
really miss you.
Thanks, Trish!
Aunt Sandy? You okay?
Oh, whoa. Here, let me... I... got you. Okay.
Aunt Sandy, what's wrong?
"All the world's a stage."
"And most of us are desperately
- Mm.
- Who said that?
It wasn't Shakespeare.
- I can't remember. That's why I asked.
- Oh.
It could've beenCaptain Kangaroo.
He was smart.
I don't think
we should all meddle like this.
From the Queen of Meddling!
No! I don't want any part of it.
Whatever makes my Peter happy, right?
- That's it. You're right.
- Amazing! Us too.
Meddle, meddle, meddle, meddle.
King of meddle.
Well, I'm glad you're all
having so much fun,
but I just thought everyone should know
that the pageant is
a giant load of crap on a stick.
And not in a good way,
if you know what I mean.
What's the good way?
I don't know. It's worse
than crap on the floor.
Okay, seriously, Nick and Peter need
to help Aunt Sandy with the pageant.
- Yes!
- Wait!
Are you insinuating
that just because Nick and Peter are gay,
that they know theater?
Because that's another misconception
I read about in my book.
No, Mom. What I'm saying is
Peter is really creative
and he puts together, like,
productions and photo shoots all the time.
And Nick is super handy,
and he can build things like sets,
and the whole point of this is
to force them to do more things together.
Oh, Aunt Sand. Aunt Sand.
Let Peter and Nick help you.
You shouldn't have to do this
all by yourself. You know?
Jesus H. Christ.
I know. I know.
No, that's the title of my play.
It's just such a huge undertaking.
If Peter and Nick would like
to give me some help, that would be great.
It's not because the gays know theater.
It's because the gays just know
how to do stuff, you know?
I mean, they're survivors.
And for some reason,
they're always obsessed with me.
I don't know why...
but I like it.
I'm not saying it's definite.
I'm just feeling...
A lot of things.
All right.
Oh, well...
Now you'll be cold.
We can go inside.
I'm done.
Done with what?
Come here.
Thank you...
for this,
for being so great with my family...
Help. My wife is about to have a baby.
My rooms are full.
All I can offer is my stable
where we keep our animals.
At last, I can have... I can have...
Stop! Stop!
You're reading from your scripts!
I was very clear about this.
I said, "Everybody needs to be off book,
or I'm gonna be doing their dialogue."
And I'm gonna have to do just that.
None of you have any lines.
None of you. None of you.
None of you. None of you.
"Joseph and Mary knocked on every door
in Bethlehem looking for a place to stay."
"They nearly gave up
and then they tried one last place."
Help! Help, please.
My wife, she's having a baby.
"Are you kidding me? My rooms are full."
"All I have is my stable
where we keep my animals."
Thank you so much, sir,
we... we really thank you. We'll take it.
Oh my God!
I have to have this baby.
Please, give me some privacy!
That's how it's done.
Aunt Sandy.
Can I have a word with you?
Just a quick word?
I just want you to know that,
you calling me over here
and I'm in the middle
of directing a scene,
it makes me look like
I don't know what I'm doing.
Sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean to do that.
I just thought that maybe, I had, um,
maybe Nick and I could help you here.
Oh, yeah? What do you got?
- Let earth
- Let earth
- Receive
- Receive
- Her King
- Her King
Let every heart
Prepare Him room
- And heaven and nature sing
- Heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
- Go tell it
- Go tell it His glory
Shout out a new story
Go shout a new story
- That the savior is born
- Heaven
- Heaven, heaven
- Heaven, heaven
- And nature
- Sing joy
- Joy
- Joy
- Sing joy to the world
- Sing joy, oh
- Sing joy to the world
- Sing joy
- Sing joy to the world
- Sing joy
- Everybody sing
- Sing joy to the world
- Sing joy
- Sing joy to the world
Sing joy to the world
- Everybody sing joy
- Sing joy to the world
Sing joy
- Joy to the world
- Joy to the world
"Mary didn't understand
why the angel had come to see her."
"And she was worried
what the angel meant by the greeting."
"Seeing she was scared, the angel said..."
Sam, the show is tomorrow.
Exactly, and none of you are getting any
of these amazing, yummy Christmas treats
until you know all your lines by heart.
This isn't fair.
- You've got a job to do.
- Yeah, but we aren't getting paid.
Yes, you are, in cookies.
If you'll excuse me, this is my boss,
who does not pay me in cookies.
Lachlan, hey.
Are we still going liveon Christmas Eve?
Ha! LOL.
Wait, are you serious?
They can't just... No.
Tell them that...
Offices are closed.
Everyone's away, including me.
I'm in New Hampshire.
Even if I was in L.A.,
there's absolutely no...
Three months of work and they want me
to deliver a new campaign in one day.
Huh, what was wrong with the first one?
Nothing! But suddenly the CEO decided
he doesn't want to use influencers.
He wants to use "real" people.
Which still means models, by the way.
All the agencies are closed.
My photographers aren't available.
Just tell them that it's not possible.
- Thanks, Mom. I did. They don't care.
- Would you like for me to call them?
Why don't you take some pictures
of Nicholas?
Oh, you're very funny.
No, you're real. You could be a model.
You're a ten! He's a ten!
No! I mean, I'm sorry.
I have something
to do that needs to be done.
So I'm gonna go do it.So it's done. Okay.
Thanks, Dad. Great idea.
One of your best.
"Thanks, Dad.
Good idea. One of your best."
I know who you are,
and I see what you're doing.
You're pretending like you're helping
your son solve a work problem,
but really, you're manufacturing some sort
of a romantic thing between them?
I was doing both.
I was helping and manufacturing.
Highly sophisticated.
- Good! Oh, that's good.
- I can't believe you're making me do this.
Okay, this will work.
Can you look... Can you look at me though?
Oh! Very good.
I think that's your new author photo.
- Now you just have to write a book.
- Oh, you're funny.
Can you up look at me?
Okay, one more.
- Oh.
- Oh, that feels wrong.
Turn, one, two, three, turn.
Oh. Oh, smolder.
Okay, take off the jacket
and the gloves and the... and the shirt.
Pick up a piece of wood.
Not that one. Here. Like a round one.
You're horrible.
You need a little bit more...
Hold this for me.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
Oh my God!
I'm sorry.
Oh yes!
Come on, give me a big smile.
- Okay. Here. It's stupid.
- Okay.
- I shouldn't even be in this campaign.
- No, I like this, but you know what?
Oh, you just look so cute.
Yes, yes, do you wanna lean
your head up against the tree?
Oh, there we go.
Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Now put it on.
- Make sure you don't get any...
- There you are. This is really cute.
- I have an idea I wanna do.
- Like what?
- I want you to look right into the camera.
- Mm-hmm.
On three, breathe out
so I can see the fog on your breath.
Okay. Ready?
- Oh.
- What? Work? Let me guess.
They've changed their mindsagain,
and now they want girls.
But real girls. With their boyfriends.
It's James. He wants to grab a drink.
But I'm not going.
I, ugh, have all this work drama
and I don't need to spend
any more time away from my family.
Well, you have been
with the family all day.
And we might have just solved
your work problem.
So... I think you should probably go.
- You should come with.
- No. I don't need to be a third wheel.
- You wouldn't be.
- I literally would be.
- Why do you want me to go?
- Because I think you wanna go.
- I think you want me to wanna go.
- I think you're overthinking it.
Just go.
Okay. I'll go.
All right.
I'm going.
Black and gray doesn't scream
very donkey to me.
- Well, I just...
- No.
Where are you going? We need help.
I have to figure out my Mary makeup.
I need to show you the newdonkey costume.
I'm on the fence about it.
I'm actually off to do a TaskRabbit gig.
Peter left to grab a drink with James.
- No, he didn't. What?
- Where? Mom and Dad's bar?
No idea.
Well, it's the only bar in town.
Nick, you need to stop this.
Lisa's Crisis.
It's us. Is Peter there
with that guygrandma set him up with?
They're here. And it's not good.
James is super-hot.
Oh my God, I hate James so much.
Mom, you and Dad need to ruin this date.
Just spill their drinks on them.
Oh, tell lies about Peter.
Just do whatever you need
to get rid of this guy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- On it.
Give me a burger!
We need to find Nick and make him do
something about his feelings.
He went to that TaskRabbit gig.
We have no idea where he is.
He was walking. He can't be that far.
Nick's basically been on his own
since he was 17, so...
he just had to do everything.
He basically built the whole set
for the pageant in a day and a half.
You know, you talk about Nick a lot.
Oh, well, you know...
He's my best friend.
No, it's sweet. If I had a best friend
who could fix anything,
I'd be bragging about him too.
You're lucky.
I guess I am lucky.
- Oh! Oh my God!
- Oh!
- Wh... What? How is that my fault?
- Oh, you weren't looking.
I am so sorry.
I mean, this is typical Peter, you know,
in his own world,
just thinking about himself,
not about anyone or anything around him.
Here's a napkin.
Seriously, when I was 11 years old,
he ran over my science project
with his remote-control
Barbie Baywatch Rescue Cruiser.
Oh my God! And the worst part was that
I had actually figured out how to stop
the polar ice caps from melting,
but I couldn't remember
how I figured it out.
And now we have climate change
because of Peter. Honestly, just... Oh!
I can't even with you.
It's just... He's so selfish.
Admit you're in love with Peter
or we're not putting the ladder back.
- You've gotta be kidding me.
- Does it look like we're kidding you?
We've talked about this.
Peter and I are just friends.
You guys are more!
And we think you know it,
but you're not doing anything about it.
I know you care,
but this not the... Okay, wait!
I do love Peter.
You're right.
You mean you're in love with Peter.
Right. Yes.
- I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.
- So you're gonna do something about it?
I would if the feeling was mutual,
which I don't think it is,
considering Peter is currently
on a third date with someone else.
Um, ladies...
...I would liketo keep
my five-star rating, please.
Your family obviously cares
a great deal about you.
- Sometimes too much so.
- What do you mean?
Well, this may be weird to tell you, but,
um, my family has always had this thing
where they think that Nick and I
are supposed to be together,
which is weird because here I am
on an actual date, a third date with you.
Maybe they're onto something.
What if you and Nick have
an undeniable connection
that everybody can see but you?
Don't you have one of those friends
everyone assumes is your boyfriend?
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
It's my boss.
This is random, but you wouldn't be
interested in being in a Raazr ad
for Instagram if they pick you, would you?
- Are you kidding me?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, that's...
- Yes!
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Okay!
It will be fun. Um, um, I just need...
- Yeah, so... I need something from...
- Yeah.
- Great!
- Yeah.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
This is great.
I wanna do one more.
Look right into the camera
and on three breathe out,
so I can see your breath. Okay?
- Okay.
- Ready? Here we go.
One, two, three.
It's great.
Really good.
Well, you're a lifesaver.
It was a lot of fun.
- Well, this is me.
- Oh.
Do you wanna come up?
Uh, sure.
I should probably go home.
The girls need me for the pageant and...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
I look forward to seeing it.
That is, if I'm invited?
Yeah. Yeah, of course you're invited.
- I'll make sure there's a ticket for you.
- Great.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
What the?
Don't snore.
- Hey.
- Hey, sorry.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The girls are in my bed.
Of course, they are.
Of course, they are.
- Absolutely not.
- You don't know what looks good.
Well, I know what looks bad!
You know what? Let me... Let me just say,
it's... it's a little bit too sexy.
And sexy is a great thing.
It is a great thing
when you're my age. Not now.
Peter and Nick said
we look amazing.
No, we didn't.
Ho, ho, ho!
Can you do something about this?
Okay. Yes.
All right!
Are we late for the final rehearsal?
Okay! Let's go! Let's go.
- I wanna stay.
- I know.
- Why can't we stay in the kitchen?
- Mommy says so.
- Use your words, honey.
- I have no words. There are no words.
You should've had boys.
Why couldn't we stay in the kitchen?
Oh, you know, because it's Christmas Eve,
which means that someone
needs to change Grandma's sign.
Me! Me!
Okay! Well, up we go!
One more day to go.
Hey, Ash, uh, can we use
some of your farm makeup for the show?
To make the girls look like,
you know, not terrifying.
Of course. Yeah, and would you maybe
take some pics and post them?
- Absolutely.
- #FarmOnMyFace.
Ha... Yeah.
Yes! Yes, ladies.
Oh, such an improvement.
Take it from your guncle.
Okay, here we go. #FarmOnMyFace.
Sorry we said you like
our trashy costumes.
That was like, super shady of us.
Um, no, Sofia. We weren't shady.
- You were shady.
- It's okay.
Come to L.A. for Halloween
and you can wear whatever you want.
So you're not moving back here for James?
Because you have feelings for Nick?
Don't pretend like you don't know
what we're talking about.
Uh, it sounds like you don't want me
to move back here.
No, no, no! That's not what we're saying.
Of course, we want you to move back here,
with Nick.
...Nick wouldn't wanna move here.
What would be here for him?
- You.
- And us.
Admit it. You have feelings for him.
Have I had feelings
for Nick in the past? Yes.
And maybe even now? I... maybe.
But the risk is too...
If Nick and I ever went there
and it didn't work out...
I would lose him.
And I don't want that to happen.
But what if it did work out?
Well, then I'd...
be really happy.
And I wouldn't have
to be single at Christmas.
Santa? Can you hear me?
- Oh my God.
- Britney!
Our song. I wasn't even thinking that.
I was just... It...
It lives in your soul.
I'm finding it. I'm finding it. Let's go!
Do we remember the choreography?
You've only made us do it
ever since we could walk.
Space. Space. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Ready! Okay.
Last night I took a walk in the snow
Couples holdin' hands, places to go
- Seems like everyone but me is in love
- Looking. Looking.
- Heartbeat.
- Santa, can you hear me?
I signed my letter
That I sealed with a kiss
I sent it off and just said this
I know exactly what I want this year
Santa can you hear me?
I want my baby, baby
I want someone to love me
Someone to hold
- Baby!
- Maybe, maybe
Maybe, maybe
He'll be all my own in a big red bow
Santa, can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
- Santa, that's my only wish this year...
- This year
- Nice!
- Yeah!
Okay, robot.
Christmas robot!
- No, I don't...
- Christmas Eve
- We talked to Uncle Peter.
- I just can't sleep
- The feeling is mutual.
- Would I be wrong for takin' a peek
'Cause I heard
That you're coming to town
Santa, can you hear me?
I really hope that you're on your way
With something special for me...
"I just want us all to go out there
and take the people
in the audienceto another place."
"And inspire them to be better versions
of the people that they are already."
"I thank you all,
each and every one of youfor being part
of this experience with me."
"I feel so grateful."
"I feel so excited."
"I feel so honored."
"Let's go out there
and have the best time ever tonight."
"Be safe and let's shine
like the brightest lights."
Word for word Madonna's pre-show prayer
from Truth or Dare.
- Hi.
- HI. Good to see you.
Merry Christmas, Carole.
Imagine all the stars in the sky...
the countless constellations...
the sprawling solar system.
And among it...
a tiny little planet called Earth.
Our story begins
with a young woman in her home.
Unless you look deeper,
there was nothing
particularly remarkable about Mary.
And the Holy Spirit will come
and bring his power
and bring us a baby.
But I am not yet married.
How could I have a son?
The Holy Spirit will come,
and his power will give you a baby.
To save her aching legs,
Mary rode a donkey.
Mary liked camels and donkeys.
And rode them both.
- The shepherds were just ordinary...
- Look.
Can't argue with that.
Do you hear me arguing?
I don't hear me arguing.
...when another angel spoke to them.
I bring news of great joy.
Today inBethlehem,
our Savior's been born.
Joy to the world
The Lord has come
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
- They really pulled it off.
- With the help of two fairy God-daddies.
Seriously, though, thank you
for all your help here.
And for coming home with me.
You really just make everything better.
Aw! Look at you being all sweet.
- You just first named me.
- Um...
I have something to tell you.
And it has spun around
in my heada lot lately.
I'm just gonna say it.
I love you.
I love you too.
I know, but...
I'm in love with you.
You've been pushing me
to go out with James.
Why are you suddenly...
It was when you said
you wanted to move back here.
When you said that, it... it hit me and
I realized if my feelings
were purely platonic,
then I wouldn't be that devastated.
I mean, I'd be bummed, but I'd be fine.
But I wasn't.
I was heartbroken.
I can't lose you as a friend.
What if it didn't work out?
Isn't that what would happen?
Would that happen?
Are you saying you do wanna try
or are you saying you don't want to try?
I don't know.I don't know.
I just know that... I...
I wanna move back home. Here.
I get it. I...
But... But...
- Hey! There you are.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- The show was so great.
Thank you. Thank you.
You must be Nick.
Oh, sorry, yeah. Nick, James. James, Nick.
I've heard so much about you.
We should get to know each other better
because we are all blowing up
on Instagram.
Wait, what?
Ugh! They told me they were gonna tell me
before they... And they did. Wow, okay.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
Hey, we should celebrate.
Yes, we should.
We should.We should go, um, get a drink.
Uh, some people are going
to my sister's bar, actually.
- Perfect.
- Actually, I'm... I'm gonna meet you there.
- Why?
- I got a missed call from the doggy hotel.
I'm just gonna check in on Emmett
and make sure everything's okay.
- I'll be five, ten minutes behind you.
- Okay.
- Should we get a drink?
- Yeah.
I could definitely use a drink right away.
- A few drinks.
- Yes!
- That show was really great.
- Oh, thank you.
I know. Great idea.
I'm so stupid.
Mrs. Claus, I write this letter to you
'Cause nobody else seems
To understand you like I do
I know what's underneath the spectacles
And the long red dress...
Why does that guy looks so familiar?
- Oh, that's Kevin, the snow-plow guy.
- Oh yeah.
His real claim to fame is,
he spends all year writing a song
to perform here on Christmas Eve.
He's been doing it every year
since this place opened.
He's also a notary, and an animal psychic.
His brand's all over the place.
I'm just sitting here
Making up my Christmas list
And I wrote one down for you
Stand tall, baby
Don't play small no more
Stop giving up credit
When credit's yours...
What is happening? Where is Nick?
I don't know, but this is your fault.
You are so mean.
But you're handsome, and you're right.
...your prospers, Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus...
This is crazy. I have gotten 10,000
new followers in the last two hours.
You should move to L.A.
Strike while the iron's hot.
Yeah, I mean, well,
that's where the social-media action is.
When there's a surge,
you kinda, gotta grab it.
Jump in, no fear.
You can be
a top celebrity trainer in months.
Even though you wanna move back here.
Oh, s... sorry. I didn't even realize
how that sounded like.
It's okay. I actually think
you needed to hear yourself say that.
Say what?
That we're not a match.
- Oh my gosh!
- What?
Nancy Michaelson,
she just came up to me, and she said,
"Your show was so damn good.
It needs to go on tour."
Oh, congratulations.
It really was a great show, Sand.
Oh no. You always say it just like that.
I do, but this time I actually mean it.
You agree that it should go on tour? What?
- I don't know what to...
- Oh my God.
And you know what?
I thinkit should be a national tour.
And this time,
Ellen Greene can be my understudy.
Oh, be right back. Or not.
For I've been making eyes
with a very handsome man
and now it's time to land the plane.
Hi! The pageant was great.
Thank you, yeah.
I've been getting that a lot.
I'm Sandy.
And I think you're very handsome.
Oh no, no. No, no.
Oh, thank you.
Sorry. Sandy, no.
Honey, honey, wrong team. No, no.
This is James. He's my trainer at the gym,
and he's who I set up with Peter.
They're here together. So, wrong team and...
So what? I mean, people are into
all sorts of things. Right?
Yeah, you said that.
Look over here. Oh, look!
Wow! Your family is... interesting.
Yeah, yeah,
that kind of thing tends to happen.
So, um, sorry, what we were saying before...
I've had a great time with you.
But you and Nick...
Remember when I asked you,
if maybe you two
have an undeniable connection
that everyone can see but you?
Well, you do.
It was obvious
every single time you'd talk about him.
You get this adorable twinkle in your eye.
It's even more adorable
than the one you get
when you're talking about plants.
And it was very obvious
seeing you two together today.
But, I... I really...
You like me and I... I like you.
I think part of the reason
you've been trying to convince yourself
there's something between us is...
you wanna move back here, and I get it.
But I don't wanna be that guy,
and you don't need me to be that guy
because everything you want is right here.
Your family and Nick.
That's really scary.
"Jump in. No fear."
This was my hardware store for 38 years.
I'm sure it's not easy
seeing it empty like this.
Uh, it's all right.
I'm ready to retire.
All it needs is a paint job,
and it will be ready to go.
Come on! Oh, come on!
Is that our rental car?
Why aren't you responding to my texts
or called me back?
I texted you back.
Oh. What took you so long?
I didn't see it.
I mean, I've been painting and you...
You first texted me
eight minutes ago.
- Well, I thought you were leaving.
- I was. I am.
I just needed to kill time.
Good, 'cause I, uh...
...because, um, I gotta...
Okay, take a moment.
Catch your breath.
And while you do that, uh...
I have something to give you,
your Christmas present.
We don't do Christmas presents.
This year is different,
'cause you're moving back here.
this is your present.
I negotiated a good deal on the rent,
and I'm paying the first six months.
So you can open up the plant store
you've always wanted.
I... uh...
With what money?
- The book money.
- But you're saving that for a rainy day.
I was saving it for something important.
you're important.
And guess what?
It's not a rainy day.
It's a snowy day.
I'm in love with you too.
I always have been. I just needed...
Uh, it took a little, like,
some help to kinda... realize it.
I don't understand.
That wasn't clear?
When I said I was in love with you before,
you said you wanted to move back home
and didn't include me in those plans.
Then you invited me to go out
with you and James
and I didn't get,
"I'm in love with you too" from that.
You said you wouldn't leave L.A.
I never said that.
I said I'd miss you if you moved here.
- That implies that you're not moving here.
- You never asked.
I know. I was scared.
I was scaredtoo.
I can't believe this.
I got you an entire store,
and you haven't even said thank you.
I love it. It's perfect.
I hope you'll help me start it.
'Cause let's face it,
I might be good with plants,
but I don't know how
to build a shelf or, like...
You need your Tasker.
I need you.
You really okay to move here?
Why not?
I mean, I can work from anywhere.
In fact, it wasn't until I got here
that I started writing the new book.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I can help you start this place,
but I'm gonna be busy with my own thing,
especially with all the notes
Simon and Sam are gonna give me.
You ready to be around
my family all the time?
I've been ready for a family
for a long time.
I can't wait to tell them.
That's what we came here to do
in the first place, right?
- Yeah, and now we're not liars.
- Mm.
It's that time of year
When the world falls in love
Every song you hear seems to say
Merry Christmas
May your New Year dreams
Come true
And this song of mine
In three-quarter time...
Simon, Sam, you guys got
one more present to open.
The new Emmett book?
It's the first draft,
but I wanna know what you guys think
before I send it to my publisher.
"Emmett at the Christmas Hotel."
Is it happy at the end like I said?
You gotta read it.
"And Peter and Nick and Emmett
moved to New Hampshire."
And Peter and Nick and Emmett
move to New Hampshire.
Together together.
This is... this the best Christmas present,
well, ever.
- This is the best Christmas present ever.
- Mm.
That's nice!
Can you believe I'm single
I know.
Neither can I
Thank you.
I walk up and down
Every block in this town
Astounded people pass me by
'Cause even though Kris Kringle
Would probably agree
You'd be so happy to unwrap me
Underneath your Christmas tree
But, hey, it's okay
'Cause, oh, what fun it is to stay
Riding solo, single all the way
True story.
You can take me to a Christmas party
Oh, I can trim your mama's tree
I can plow your daddy's driveway
If that's what you ask of me
And people tell me
I'm a good French kisser
Ah, something I just thought
You should know
If that piques your interest
Yeah, well, I whip out my mistletoe
But, hey, it's okay
Oh, what fun it is to stay
Riding solo, single all the way
Happy Holidays!
Yeah, I'm all right, I'll be fine
Honey, it's your loss, not mine
Happy Holidays, I'll show you the way
That's wonderful. Love this lady.
Sometimes what you're searching for
Was right there all along
And all it takes is
The voice of an angel like me
Singing you some Christmas song
That's sexy!
And suddenly you realize
All this time right before your eyes
Was the one thing
You've been blind to see
And yes, that thing was me
Oh yes, that thing is me
Okay, so I lied
I want someone by my side
Wakin' me up on Christmas Day
And rolling their eyes
At the things I say
Netflixing and chilling with me
And watching the credits
No one ever will see
Together forever, probably
Just a couple of people who used to be
Single all the way
I love you.