Skagit (2022) Movie Script
(Boat horn noise)
(distorted tape noise)
(lo-fi home audio)
[young girl] I haven't said action!
(geese honking)
(wind blowing)
(music: Bells)
(female singing)
(music builds)
(drums/guitars kick in)
(music gradually fades out)
(car and wind noise)
[Christian] Yeah. Not my cup of tea.
[Elsa] I was into it.
[Colin] We gonna put on
Christian's Starbucks CD?
[Christian] "In a Rumba Mood?"
[Elsa] No. I'll put something on.
[Colin] Are you gonna
eat your chocolate covered
bean thing?
[Willa] Bean thing?
[Colin] From the espresso stand.
Hey, does anybody have any
more coffee they don't want?
[Christian] You're a fiend.
You're sleep's going to be all messed up.
[Colin] My sleep's messed up anyway.
[Willa] Great reasoning.
[Colin] Hey, you're drinking coffee.
[Willa] I sleep fine.
Exercise helps.
[Colin] Christian, I'm
sleeping in your bed, right?
[Christian] Naturally.
(hip hop music)
(characters chattering)
[Colin] What's the name of the road?
[Christian] Best road.
- [Willa] Elsa who is this?
- [Colin] What?
[Elsa] DoNormaal.
[Christian] Best Seattle
rapper. Hands down.
[Willa] She go to Beach?
[Elsa] No, she's not from here.
[Christian] Best Road.
[Willa] Seriously?
[Christian] It's called Best Road.
(tires screeching)
[Christian] Oh my god.
(Elsa laughing)
[Christian] There's another one.
And another one.
[Willa] Have you been here before?
[Elsa] No.
[Christian] What?
Yes you have.
[Elsa] Oh. Yeah. Once.
I just don't feel like I
ever got the Edwards house
experience.
- [Willa] Which is?
- [Christian] Take a guess.
[Colin] Puking on the floor.
[Willa] An orgy of death.
[Elsa] You're both right.
[Colin] What?
Like actual orgies?
[Christian] My lips are sealed.
(hip hop music continues)
(music ends)
(nighttime ambiance)
(doors slamming)
[Willa] This is tight.
[Elsa] I gotta pee hell a bad.
[Christian] Bathroom's
just inside to the left.
(muffled voices, footsteps)
[Colin] You used to go
to that one girl's place
all the time though.
[Willa] Jess's?
[Colin] Yeah. Where was that?
[Willa] Near Sultan.
[Christian] Sultan.
Those fucking Highway 2 names.
[Colin] This one time I
was driving on Highway 2
for fucking hours -
[Christian] Here we go.
The master suite for you two.
Sweet.
Cool.
This may or may not be
where I was conceived.
(laughter)
(muffled rap music)
(rap music)
You wanted wine, right?
Yeah, sure.
I wish we had some Halloween
decorations to put up.
Don't ruin your appetite.
Oh, come on.
I missed these chips so much.
Pasta water is on the stove.
That's right. You just got
back from somewhere, right?
- Yeah.
- Like four months ago.
And you still haven't
told me all the deets.
I keep telling my parents
to buy these. But they forget.
My mom brought home the Trader
Joe's brand the other day.
Don't even bother, man.
Okay. What else can I do?
Start chopping the onion.
We're gonna keep it simple.
(silverware clattering)
(music cuts off abruptly)
(new song starts)
What?
[Colin] More DoNormaal?
Sometimes I like to listen
to stuff that's not annoying.
Can I do something?
Who wants pickles?
OK, what?
[Colin] Can I do something?
Can I help?
I don't know. Ask Christian. Christian?
Just relax.
Drink more wine.
Always drink more wine.
Oh, do you have a WiFi here?
What is this? 2008?
Spring break '08!
Something I can do?
How can I help?
I don't know. Ask Elsa.
Drink more wine. Always drink more wine.
Do you have WiFi here?
What is this? 2008?
Spring break '08!
You need it now?
No, I just have to do my 2016 taxes.
You haven't done your 2016 taxes?
No, I gotta do 'em.
Homie, why did you pour so many glasses?
You all wanted wine, right?
Yeah, but there's four of us.
Okay, fuck.
Cheers!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold up.
To women, booze and alcohol.
And the last two are the same.
(all laughing)
(glasses clanging)
(muffled voices and footsteps)
[Colin] You used to go
to that one girl's place
all the time though.
[Willa] Jess's?
[Colin] Yeah. Where was that?
[Willa] Near Sultan.
[Christian] Sultan.
Those fucking Highway 2 names.
[Colin] Oh man.
This is one time I was driving
on Highway 2 for fuck in hours
Here we go.
The master suite for you two.
Sweet.
Oh.
Cool.
This may or may not be
where my grandfather died.
(laughter)
I'm gonna put on my cozy
pants. Then we should go smoke.
Right there with you.
I wanna go outside.
Yeah, yeah. We'll all smoke outside.
Els, you'll be in my room.
Oh, still afraid to sleep alone?
I'll sleep in my sister's bed.
No, I'm kidding.
I'll sleep there, I don't mind.
No.
You have to see the
buttery light in there.
It's so buttery in the daylight.
I'll have to show you in the morning.
(breeze blowing)
(wind, animal noises)
Tarp me, boo.
This is the fucking tits.
How would you like to
spend the rest of your life
out here?
No thanks.
I could be down.
I've gotta get out of Northwest.
I'm thinking New York next year.
Yeah, I don't know how much more of the
Seattle changes I can take.
People care too fucking much.
Not all the changes are bad.
Not surprising you'd say that.
Why?
He works at Vulcan.
It's not Vulcan.
It's some developer.
I feel you on getting
the fuck outta Seattle.
What?
But you like it here.
I have a good job.
Huh.
Hey, Christian, you still
planning on traveling?
Yeah.
I mean, I'd like to.
You could visit my family in Estonia.
I don't need to be the
first black person a country's
ever seen.
It seems like you did pretty
well for four years at Bush.
I like this staircase.
I like these long staircases.
What staircase?
(laughter)
It looks like there are 25
steps, but there are really 26.
Like the Maltby cemetery.
- No, I'm cool.
- What's that?
Christian?
A banana slug!
What?
Oh shit!
Don't hurt it!
There's a cemetery in
fucking Duvall or something.
You know if you lick these
things, your tongue'll go numb.
There's like a
staircase at the bottom
of the grave with a.
Willa. Lick it.
Weird step amount.
If you stand at the bottom,
you see hell.
(dark drone music fades in)
Why would you lick it?
When I was in fourth grade,
I put a slug in my mouth.
Did it go numb?
No, no, it wasn't a banana slug.
Why would you put it in your mouth?
Because it was fucking cool.
The fuck you talking about?
Willa, come on. Try it.
Don't die.
Hey, hey, say something.
[Christian] My setting
the mood playlist.
(eerie music & Halloween SFX on stereo)
[Colin] Yes!
[Voices] 10,
nine,
eight,
seven,
six,
five,
four,
three,
two,
one.
Ready or not, here we come!
(distant howling)
(organ music)
(wolf howling)
(bats screeching)
(distant moaning)
(old crackly speech on stereo)
Finally.
Where were you?
Where is everyone?
I feel like I've been looking for hours.
I think Christian's messing with us.
I was messing with Colin.
Jesus. Messing around.
He may never find us.
What's that?
From the bin.
I was a dead Orkila counselor one year.
I drowned in the Sound.
Nice.
[Christian] I drowned in the Sound.
Drowned in the Sound.
What song is that from?
[Willa] My butt's wet.
[Christian] What time is it?
[Elsa] 12:30.
[Christian] Oh shit.
We're usually in bed by 11:00.
That's what time the
servants go back to town.
[Willa] How far is town?
[Christian] Miles.
You really don't wanna
take that off, do you?
I can't take it off.
I'm a little Skagit pioneer girl.
I went walking in the cemetery
to pick these dandelions
and I was never heard from again.
So,
by saying I want to address you right now,
means I'm confessing my
attraction to ghosts.
I gotta brush my teeth.
You know, to tell the truth,
I really like Ghost
Fucker's first EP way more
than the shit album
I got to pee.
Okay, fine, I don't
have to keep talking.
I got to do more than just pee.
Oh.
Okay.
(eerie music)
(whimpering)
(faucet running)
Dude.
Willa.
(British accent) What it is, Colin?
What do you want?
Geez.
I just saw some creepy ass shit.
Just thought you'd want to know.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, what is it then?
There was this light
in the stairway and
It's just a stairway.
It's just a stairway.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like...
I saw.
Christian's shadow
in the light
or.
I don't know, like a ghost.
I guess.
I don't know.
It was making these weird things.
Hey, why were you talking like that?
Hey.
We okay?
(both breathing heavily)
I wanna try something. I wanna...
Hold on.
What?
What?
Oh.
- Here.
- What?
On my face?
(bed creaking)
(Colin moaning)
I can't see.
(eerie music)
(distant thumping)
(Elsa puking)
(Elsa puking)
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
It just felt so good.
It's okay.
You don't have to apologize.
God dammit.
(distant waves)
(waves roaring)
Yo!
Trynna smoke?
(reggae music)
(speaking gibberish)
(scary loud SFX)
(ambient sound)
(flies buzzing)
[Narrator] The Moss Dog
is known with certainty
to inhabit only one small
corner of the Pacific Northwest:
Hood Head.
A peninsula on the Northwestern
tip of the Hood Canal.
Largely undeveloped except
for a few rundown cabins,
the peninsula is host to
thick forest and cliffs
at its northern tip where the
Moss Dog is said to reside.
Every day when tides rise,
the peninsula is surrounded
by water on all sides for up to 15 hours
and is only reachable by boat.
The Moss Dog has only
been spotted at night.
It is said to be about seven
feet long and walks on four
or possibly more legs, and is
covered in long, coarse fur
witnesses say looks exactly like moss.
LOL.
Some even say the fur is moss.
Some even say the fur is moss.
Hence the name Moss Dog.
He he.
He he.
There have been numerous
disappearances attributed
to the Moss Dog dating back
to even before the first
white dudes arrived.
Some say the moss is fur.
You know what I'm saying?
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha.
The Moss Dog is said to be
blind.
(male scream)
And it like, fucking blinds its victims.
(loud roaring)
Cause it's fucking jealous or something.
It blinds them.
It blinds them.
(birds and lapping waves)
(loud speaker pop)
[Colin] Fuck!
(speaker pop)
(pop punk music)
(muffled music continues)
(pop song fades out)
(ethereal music fades in)
How long have y'all been together?
You seem like this.
Yeah, man, it's been great.
It is great (dialogue overlaps)
I must have been asleep for a long time.
You were dead up there.
Christian, what was
the name of that one girl.
Who would sneeze so
fucking loud it was insane.
At Bush?
Yeah.
I think her name was Peaches?
That can't be her name.
How would you know?
(crosstalk)
[Colin] She was actually in my freshman
year bio class...
No. Peaches was the other girl.
Oh, the sneezing girl was Kat.
No. That cannot be her name.
It wasn't Kat.
Cause Kat was the girl at
Garfield that got killed.
(crosstalk)
Gang crossfire. Happened...
[Elsa] I actually
didn't have classes with
very many black people
after freshman year.
[Colin] That's kinda
just the way it was.
[Willa] Why?
[Colin] She was actually
in my freshman year bio class
with that dipstick Mr. Roberts.
[Christian] That's fucked up.
[Colin] You're right, you're right.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
[Christian] Right,
like white people aren't
doing that shit. You gotta be kidding me.
[Willa] Are you retarded?
[Elsa] Should we get going soon?
Yep.
- Wait, what, like now?
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no, no,
you're right, you're right, I don't know
what I'm talking about.
We could sit and read for bit.
Read?
You do you, but I'm gonna move.
I gotta finish my coffee.
Just take it with you.
(music gets louder)
[Willa] Is there a
Ride the Ducks out here?
[Christian] Oh god no.
But there's this path by the river.
[Willa] Let's go to the magic cliff.
[Christian] We'll make it there.
[Willa] Did you walk to
town along the river as a kid?
Carry one of those polka dot satchels.
Beg for Buffalo nickels
to buy some fucking...
Oh, I don't know I was going with that.
(laughter)
Man, I think I heard that
one of the people in Slapoo
is from around here.
[Colin] Slapoo?
[Willa] They rock.
[Elsa] Hope it's that
guitarist I'm trynna smash.
[Willa] I think I know know
who you're talking about.
[Christian] I think
that Phil Elfin guy is
from Anacortes.
So good.
[Elsa] I've been trying
to get in touch with them
to do some cover art for
their album or something.
[Colin] Oh yeah. Have you
done that for other bands?
[Christian] She's tried.
[Elsa] Most people
don't want to pay for it.
[Colin] Ah, yeah, shit.
Maybe you have to do it for free first.
Start a portfolio.
Yeah. I mean, what kind
of art would you be doing
for them?
I don't know. Anything would be tight.
I just can't get a hold of them.
Did you try sending them
You could send them
just something quick,
put their name on it
and see what they think.
- Yeah.
- I mean,
I don't even know if
they need anything, but.
Could be worth it.
Hey, those are my neighbors.
Hi Mr. And Mrs. Johannsen!
Oh, man.
(Mr Johannsen starts cackling)
(suspenseful music)
Hey, did you notice that?
No. What?
What?
Dude, they were hell a weird.
It's your fucking Skagit people, man.
Like I could put them in
a college
drop sage.
And like and they'd be in it, you know?
I don't know what you're
saying, they were fine.
[Christian] You still
talk to that guy in Olympia?
Didn't he move to Olympia?
No.
He was always planning on moving.
We'd see each other every
few weeks and then he was
just done.
He was done?
He seemed really into it, I
mean, more than me sometimes.
Got me the most amazing birthday presents.
[Christian] And then he dumped you?
[Elsa] I basically had
to break up with myself
by like, asking him questions.
That's pathetic.
(suspensful music grows)
(llamas grunt)
[Colin] Do you ever still talk to him?
No.
He and Pat both liked the same Facebook
thing that I posted and I
was like, okay, so there's
one person who refuses to talk to me
Hey Elsa.
This guy eat good pussy?
Yeah!
Ay, really though.
Actually, yeah.
Did he have you dick-matized?
What the fuck did you just say?
Actually, you don't eat
pussy with your dick, so.
Common misconception
among men. Explains a lot.
Doesn't even work.
Where'd you get that fucking word?
Hey, give me a drag.
Once I was with this guy in college,
he gave me head and he just
like, licked this little spot
in my thigh the entire time.
Oh what?
(Christian laughs)
Oh god, man, I hate
these fucking houses.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't get why you'd want to live here
and then live in that.
I mean, I do.
Hey Willa.
Willa.
Did he at least occasionally
nuzzle your other thigh?
I was like, "Come up
and put it in already,"
and he was just like, "It's
okay, I know it takes longer
than for guys."
That is so fucking ridiculous.
I feel so lucky I don't
have to deal with that.
Willa, you see this fucking house, man?
Man, I'm really trying to
get those beers right now.
(window shatters)
What the fuck?
Fuck!
Oh shit.
(horn honking)
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Fucking give me some.
(forest ambience, breathing)
(giggling)
What the fuck?
Hey!
Wait for Colin!
(calm, insects buzzing)
(heavy breathing)
(geese honking)
Hey, Christian, what are those birds?
Geese. Really?
Not just any geese.
They're snow geese that
migrate here from Siberia.
50,000 of them every year.
Right here to Fir Island.
This is the only place in North America
where they come to from the old country.
And trumpeter swans too.
Are those like regular swans?
We talking like Swan Lake here?
Basically.
I'm not sure.
Fuck trumpeter swans.
I'm all about the snow geese.
This is an island?
It's bordered by the
north and south fork
of the Skagit River.
And then you have your
sloughs and your tributaries.
And then right in the
thicket of those trees
is where they founded Skagit City.
[Colin] The outlet mall?
[Willa] It's a ghost town, right?
It's actually one of the
first places that jump started
the settlement of the valley.
Killing all the natives,
stealing everything from 'em?
Yep.
The north fork was impassable
due to log jams.
And then they just built
it right in the confluence
with the south fork.
Boats would come through and stop by
on their way to and from Seattle.
And then in
the 1870s they developed some
log jam removal technology
or some shit and took it out.
The north fork became passable
and it allowed Mount Vernon to flourish
and spelled the demise for Skagit City.
Yeah, cause Mount Vernon
really became a metropolis.
But then how did they
get back to Level Three?
I mean, World Two, Level Three.
I mean, it seems like it's
probably gonna be hard enough
for us-
Well, it was actually
the first sight
of the first recorded
murder in the region.
[Colin] Oh shit.
Yeah.
Someone robbed a store
of a man named Barker
and killed him.
Then they arrested a native and hung him.
Then they found out it
was just some white dude.
Jesus.
They realized that the
items a native would've taken
were still there
and the items a white dude
would've taken were gone.
Tailor of Panama DVD,
pair of water sandals.
They never found him.
He disappeared on a canoe
trip up river at night
and they didn't find him till later,
in the woods,
screaming,
naked,
in his own shit and blood.
He was shrieking Ted-auh-an.
One of the natives that had been executed.
He pulled out his teeth so
they couldn't make it out.
What the fuck?
They said it was a case
of religious dementia.
What does that mean?
Later, they found his
teeth aligned in a trail
towards a dead end
in an apple orchard.
They didn't know why.
Are we near the cliff?
It's just a little further.
Are there any Indian
burial grounds around here?
[Willa] Who needs burial grounds?
It's all stolen.
What is that, Christian?
An old school?
(droning spare guitar)
I wanna go to the cliff now.
[Colin] Yeah, we all
know Willa wants things.
It's getting late, dude.
Christian, is it near here?
Hella close.
(droning music continues)
(Christian mumbling)
(engine revving)
[Willa] You coming?
Yeah.
Be back soon.
Jeez, calm down.
Hey, are you guys gonna
Christian, stop!
Geez.
Hey, what's going on, dude?
(Christian mumbling with echo)
(wind and waves)
Man.
This is cool.
Just shut up.
What, no, no, I'm serious, this is...
It's like you can see
all the years at once up here.
I don't know why you
didn't wanna come here.
I told you I wanted to.
Drop dead.
Why are you doing this to me?
What?
I can't even talk to you anymore?
Maybe you're an idiot.
I'm trying to talk to you right now.
Fine.
I don't know. Gimme
some words then, man.
I just wish that you would
do more little things with me.
I mean other people too -
I wanna,
I wanna do with you all the,
the, the stuff, but like.
I mean, we're not even here together.
Are we?
Are we?
Fuck, this place is weird.
I mean, are we?
(Christian humming)
I don't know where Colin is. I don't...
Look.
Wait.
Where'd Elsa go?
She wanted to go inside.
Look. Here.
Feel the soil.
It's wet.
That'll get 'em.
Like way before Yoshi.
When it was just about the birds.
At Seward?
That's what Ava said when I saw her.
What did Ava say?
She said the witches
weren't here before us,
but they were in the ground.
Homez's true herbs and spices.
I learned it when I was a kid.
- No.
- I was just a kid.
Here, take some soil.
(both moaning)
(tense music)
(phone vibrating)
(louder moaning)
(music builds)
Christian.
You have to take it.
Christian.
Take it!
(Willa screams)
No, please!
Christian, stop!
It's me, it's Willa, it's your friend!
(music gets quieter)
(strange howl)
(eerie music)
Mwah!
Mwah!
(soft music)
(wind blowing)
(voices whispering)
(ringing gradually gets louder)
(strange distant screams)
(screaming & roaring)
Where are we?
Oh, I thought.
Where did it go?
I don't...
I don't know.
I don't know.
Where are we?
I'm Willa. I'm Willa!
Do you know where Christian is?
Colin's in the forest.
That fucking asshole!
Something's wrong.
Something's wrong.
Mwaahh!
(Colin howls)
Mwah.
The trees
They are a-growing
And the grass is getting green
And many a day and night has passed
As you and I have seen
Oh, the winter nights are coming
And I must lie alone
For, my bonny boy, he's young
But he's growing
(suspenseful drone builds)
(distant singing)
Is that Colin?
(Willa gasps)
And all around his middle
We'll tie a ribbon blue
[Willa] We have to go out and get him.
What?
He's not okay by himself.
Elsa?
What are you saying?
Where are you?
Elsa?
Don't leave me alone.
(eerie singing)
(dark eerie music)
(sticking skin)
(complete silence - no soundtrack)
(silence continues)
(speaking gibberish)
(eerie wind fades back in)
(stabbing)
(Willa gasps)
(ripping)
(eerie music)
(echoed screaming crowd)
(Colin whimpering)
(Colin screams)
(geese flapping)
(VCR starting up)
(sound from TV)
(soft wind)
(fire crackling)
(lo-fi punk ballad on radio)
Cook yourself some geoduck.
That's the best salmon
I've seen in weeks.
Let's put it on the fire. I'm starved.
(fire crackling)
(distant rumbling)
(loud boom)
(wood dropping)
(soft music continues)
(Christian giggling)
Hey, let's go.
Action.
(voices echoing)
(soft medieval music)
- [TV Voices] Cut!
- Elsa!
(Christian groans)
What are you doing?
They're all dead.
They've come here for peace and quiet.
And now of course
we're here too.
We didn't die.
Els,
come on,
this is the land of ghosts, see?
Shut up.
Let's get the fuck back to Seattle.
(children speaking on TV)
Get away from me.
I've got a doll and I'm afraid to use it!
(child groaning)
(eerie drone enters)
(TV sound cuts to other voices)
[TV Speaker 1] It's good, isn't it?
[Speaker 2] Yeah.
[Speaker 1] No, it's yours.
[Speaker 2] Where are all the campers?
[Speaker 1] Oh, they're here somewhere.
(melancholy drone)
(light rain)
(distant booms and roars)
There's not much time.
Let's go.
Go where?
What are you thinking?
I got the best canoes they have.
They're wonderful.
Come on.
Elsa, now.
It'll be here any minute.
You'll sink.
You heard what he said.
These canoes are ffff-fucking great.
No, stupid dead people,
you're gonna drown.
You're dead.
There's nothing wrong with the canoes.
Get in the canoe, it's the only way.
Fuck off.
This canoe is the canoe for you.
Stop.
This canoe is the canoe for you.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop. Stop it. Stop. Stop.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
(roars and growls grow louder)
Stop.
(music fades down, wind and rain pick up)
(Elsa panting)
(Elsa crying and laughing)
(mud sloshing)
[Young boy] Elsa, zoom in.
Elsa!
(melancholy music)
(Christian crying)
(music fades away)
Chr...
(shouting in gibberish)
(hoarse breathing)
(bright ringing)
(tree cracking)
(gusts of wind)
(slow, atmospheric indie rock)
(ethereal, angsty female vocals)
(music builds and gets faster)
(heavy breathing)
(music stops)
(birds chirping)
(water lapping)
(leaves rustling in wind)
(speaker clicks on, guitar begins)
(wistful indie rock music)
(female vocals)
(music builds)
(drums & distorted guitar come in)
A river will run
A river will
A river will
(music continues until end)
(song ends)
(rushing river)
(distorted tape noise)
(lo-fi home audio)
[young girl] I haven't said action!
(geese honking)
(wind blowing)
(music: Bells)
(female singing)
(music builds)
(drums/guitars kick in)
(music gradually fades out)
(car and wind noise)
[Christian] Yeah. Not my cup of tea.
[Elsa] I was into it.
[Colin] We gonna put on
Christian's Starbucks CD?
[Christian] "In a Rumba Mood?"
[Elsa] No. I'll put something on.
[Colin] Are you gonna
eat your chocolate covered
bean thing?
[Willa] Bean thing?
[Colin] From the espresso stand.
Hey, does anybody have any
more coffee they don't want?
[Christian] You're a fiend.
You're sleep's going to be all messed up.
[Colin] My sleep's messed up anyway.
[Willa] Great reasoning.
[Colin] Hey, you're drinking coffee.
[Willa] I sleep fine.
Exercise helps.
[Colin] Christian, I'm
sleeping in your bed, right?
[Christian] Naturally.
(hip hop music)
(characters chattering)
[Colin] What's the name of the road?
[Christian] Best road.
- [Willa] Elsa who is this?
- [Colin] What?
[Elsa] DoNormaal.
[Christian] Best Seattle
rapper. Hands down.
[Willa] She go to Beach?
[Elsa] No, she's not from here.
[Christian] Best Road.
[Willa] Seriously?
[Christian] It's called Best Road.
(tires screeching)
[Christian] Oh my god.
(Elsa laughing)
[Christian] There's another one.
And another one.
[Willa] Have you been here before?
[Elsa] No.
[Christian] What?
Yes you have.
[Elsa] Oh. Yeah. Once.
I just don't feel like I
ever got the Edwards house
experience.
- [Willa] Which is?
- [Christian] Take a guess.
[Colin] Puking on the floor.
[Willa] An orgy of death.
[Elsa] You're both right.
[Colin] What?
Like actual orgies?
[Christian] My lips are sealed.
(hip hop music continues)
(music ends)
(nighttime ambiance)
(doors slamming)
[Willa] This is tight.
[Elsa] I gotta pee hell a bad.
[Christian] Bathroom's
just inside to the left.
(muffled voices, footsteps)
[Colin] You used to go
to that one girl's place
all the time though.
[Willa] Jess's?
[Colin] Yeah. Where was that?
[Willa] Near Sultan.
[Christian] Sultan.
Those fucking Highway 2 names.
[Colin] This one time I
was driving on Highway 2
for fucking hours -
[Christian] Here we go.
The master suite for you two.
Sweet.
Cool.
This may or may not be
where I was conceived.
(laughter)
(muffled rap music)
(rap music)
You wanted wine, right?
Yeah, sure.
I wish we had some Halloween
decorations to put up.
Don't ruin your appetite.
Oh, come on.
I missed these chips so much.
Pasta water is on the stove.
That's right. You just got
back from somewhere, right?
- Yeah.
- Like four months ago.
And you still haven't
told me all the deets.
I keep telling my parents
to buy these. But they forget.
My mom brought home the Trader
Joe's brand the other day.
Don't even bother, man.
Okay. What else can I do?
Start chopping the onion.
We're gonna keep it simple.
(silverware clattering)
(music cuts off abruptly)
(new song starts)
What?
[Colin] More DoNormaal?
Sometimes I like to listen
to stuff that's not annoying.
Can I do something?
Who wants pickles?
OK, what?
[Colin] Can I do something?
Can I help?
I don't know. Ask Christian. Christian?
Just relax.
Drink more wine.
Always drink more wine.
Oh, do you have a WiFi here?
What is this? 2008?
Spring break '08!
Something I can do?
How can I help?
I don't know. Ask Elsa.
Drink more wine. Always drink more wine.
Do you have WiFi here?
What is this? 2008?
Spring break '08!
You need it now?
No, I just have to do my 2016 taxes.
You haven't done your 2016 taxes?
No, I gotta do 'em.
Homie, why did you pour so many glasses?
You all wanted wine, right?
Yeah, but there's four of us.
Okay, fuck.
Cheers!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold up.
To women, booze and alcohol.
And the last two are the same.
(all laughing)
(glasses clanging)
(muffled voices and footsteps)
[Colin] You used to go
to that one girl's place
all the time though.
[Willa] Jess's?
[Colin] Yeah. Where was that?
[Willa] Near Sultan.
[Christian] Sultan.
Those fucking Highway 2 names.
[Colin] Oh man.
This is one time I was driving
on Highway 2 for fuck in hours
Here we go.
The master suite for you two.
Sweet.
Oh.
Cool.
This may or may not be
where my grandfather died.
(laughter)
I'm gonna put on my cozy
pants. Then we should go smoke.
Right there with you.
I wanna go outside.
Yeah, yeah. We'll all smoke outside.
Els, you'll be in my room.
Oh, still afraid to sleep alone?
I'll sleep in my sister's bed.
No, I'm kidding.
I'll sleep there, I don't mind.
No.
You have to see the
buttery light in there.
It's so buttery in the daylight.
I'll have to show you in the morning.
(breeze blowing)
(wind, animal noises)
Tarp me, boo.
This is the fucking tits.
How would you like to
spend the rest of your life
out here?
No thanks.
I could be down.
I've gotta get out of Northwest.
I'm thinking New York next year.
Yeah, I don't know how much more of the
Seattle changes I can take.
People care too fucking much.
Not all the changes are bad.
Not surprising you'd say that.
Why?
He works at Vulcan.
It's not Vulcan.
It's some developer.
I feel you on getting
the fuck outta Seattle.
What?
But you like it here.
I have a good job.
Huh.
Hey, Christian, you still
planning on traveling?
Yeah.
I mean, I'd like to.
You could visit my family in Estonia.
I don't need to be the
first black person a country's
ever seen.
It seems like you did pretty
well for four years at Bush.
I like this staircase.
I like these long staircases.
What staircase?
(laughter)
It looks like there are 25
steps, but there are really 26.
Like the Maltby cemetery.
- No, I'm cool.
- What's that?
Christian?
A banana slug!
What?
Oh shit!
Don't hurt it!
There's a cemetery in
fucking Duvall or something.
You know if you lick these
things, your tongue'll go numb.
There's like a
staircase at the bottom
of the grave with a.
Willa. Lick it.
Weird step amount.
If you stand at the bottom,
you see hell.
(dark drone music fades in)
Why would you lick it?
When I was in fourth grade,
I put a slug in my mouth.
Did it go numb?
No, no, it wasn't a banana slug.
Why would you put it in your mouth?
Because it was fucking cool.
The fuck you talking about?
Willa, come on. Try it.
Don't die.
Hey, hey, say something.
[Christian] My setting
the mood playlist.
(eerie music & Halloween SFX on stereo)
[Colin] Yes!
[Voices] 10,
nine,
eight,
seven,
six,
five,
four,
three,
two,
one.
Ready or not, here we come!
(distant howling)
(organ music)
(wolf howling)
(bats screeching)
(distant moaning)
(old crackly speech on stereo)
Finally.
Where were you?
Where is everyone?
I feel like I've been looking for hours.
I think Christian's messing with us.
I was messing with Colin.
Jesus. Messing around.
He may never find us.
What's that?
From the bin.
I was a dead Orkila counselor one year.
I drowned in the Sound.
Nice.
[Christian] I drowned in the Sound.
Drowned in the Sound.
What song is that from?
[Willa] My butt's wet.
[Christian] What time is it?
[Elsa] 12:30.
[Christian] Oh shit.
We're usually in bed by 11:00.
That's what time the
servants go back to town.
[Willa] How far is town?
[Christian] Miles.
You really don't wanna
take that off, do you?
I can't take it off.
I'm a little Skagit pioneer girl.
I went walking in the cemetery
to pick these dandelions
and I was never heard from again.
So,
by saying I want to address you right now,
means I'm confessing my
attraction to ghosts.
I gotta brush my teeth.
You know, to tell the truth,
I really like Ghost
Fucker's first EP way more
than the shit album
I got to pee.
Okay, fine, I don't
have to keep talking.
I got to do more than just pee.
Oh.
Okay.
(eerie music)
(whimpering)
(faucet running)
Dude.
Willa.
(British accent) What it is, Colin?
What do you want?
Geez.
I just saw some creepy ass shit.
Just thought you'd want to know.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, what is it then?
There was this light
in the stairway and
It's just a stairway.
It's just a stairway.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like...
I saw.
Christian's shadow
in the light
or.
I don't know, like a ghost.
I guess.
I don't know.
It was making these weird things.
Hey, why were you talking like that?
Hey.
We okay?
(both breathing heavily)
I wanna try something. I wanna...
Hold on.
What?
What?
Oh.
- Here.
- What?
On my face?
(bed creaking)
(Colin moaning)
I can't see.
(eerie music)
(distant thumping)
(Elsa puking)
(Elsa puking)
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
It just felt so good.
It's okay.
You don't have to apologize.
God dammit.
(distant waves)
(waves roaring)
Yo!
Trynna smoke?
(reggae music)
(speaking gibberish)
(scary loud SFX)
(ambient sound)
(flies buzzing)
[Narrator] The Moss Dog
is known with certainty
to inhabit only one small
corner of the Pacific Northwest:
Hood Head.
A peninsula on the Northwestern
tip of the Hood Canal.
Largely undeveloped except
for a few rundown cabins,
the peninsula is host to
thick forest and cliffs
at its northern tip where the
Moss Dog is said to reside.
Every day when tides rise,
the peninsula is surrounded
by water on all sides for up to 15 hours
and is only reachable by boat.
The Moss Dog has only
been spotted at night.
It is said to be about seven
feet long and walks on four
or possibly more legs, and is
covered in long, coarse fur
witnesses say looks exactly like moss.
LOL.
Some even say the fur is moss.
Some even say the fur is moss.
Hence the name Moss Dog.
He he.
He he.
There have been numerous
disappearances attributed
to the Moss Dog dating back
to even before the first
white dudes arrived.
Some say the moss is fur.
You know what I'm saying?
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha.
The Moss Dog is said to be
blind.
(male scream)
And it like, fucking blinds its victims.
(loud roaring)
Cause it's fucking jealous or something.
It blinds them.
It blinds them.
(birds and lapping waves)
(loud speaker pop)
[Colin] Fuck!
(speaker pop)
(pop punk music)
(muffled music continues)
(pop song fades out)
(ethereal music fades in)
How long have y'all been together?
You seem like this.
Yeah, man, it's been great.
It is great (dialogue overlaps)
I must have been asleep for a long time.
You were dead up there.
Christian, what was
the name of that one girl.
Who would sneeze so
fucking loud it was insane.
At Bush?
Yeah.
I think her name was Peaches?
That can't be her name.
How would you know?
(crosstalk)
[Colin] She was actually in my freshman
year bio class...
No. Peaches was the other girl.
Oh, the sneezing girl was Kat.
No. That cannot be her name.
It wasn't Kat.
Cause Kat was the girl at
Garfield that got killed.
(crosstalk)
Gang crossfire. Happened...
[Elsa] I actually
didn't have classes with
very many black people
after freshman year.
[Colin] That's kinda
just the way it was.
[Willa] Why?
[Colin] She was actually
in my freshman year bio class
with that dipstick Mr. Roberts.
[Christian] That's fucked up.
[Colin] You're right, you're right.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
[Christian] Right,
like white people aren't
doing that shit. You gotta be kidding me.
[Willa] Are you retarded?
[Elsa] Should we get going soon?
Yep.
- Wait, what, like now?
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no, no,
you're right, you're right, I don't know
what I'm talking about.
We could sit and read for bit.
Read?
You do you, but I'm gonna move.
I gotta finish my coffee.
Just take it with you.
(music gets louder)
[Willa] Is there a
Ride the Ducks out here?
[Christian] Oh god no.
But there's this path by the river.
[Willa] Let's go to the magic cliff.
[Christian] We'll make it there.
[Willa] Did you walk to
town along the river as a kid?
Carry one of those polka dot satchels.
Beg for Buffalo nickels
to buy some fucking...
Oh, I don't know I was going with that.
(laughter)
Man, I think I heard that
one of the people in Slapoo
is from around here.
[Colin] Slapoo?
[Willa] They rock.
[Elsa] Hope it's that
guitarist I'm trynna smash.
[Willa] I think I know know
who you're talking about.
[Christian] I think
that Phil Elfin guy is
from Anacortes.
So good.
[Elsa] I've been trying
to get in touch with them
to do some cover art for
their album or something.
[Colin] Oh yeah. Have you
done that for other bands?
[Christian] She's tried.
[Elsa] Most people
don't want to pay for it.
[Colin] Ah, yeah, shit.
Maybe you have to do it for free first.
Start a portfolio.
Yeah. I mean, what kind
of art would you be doing
for them?
I don't know. Anything would be tight.
I just can't get a hold of them.
Did you try sending them
You could send them
just something quick,
put their name on it
and see what they think.
- Yeah.
- I mean,
I don't even know if
they need anything, but.
Could be worth it.
Hey, those are my neighbors.
Hi Mr. And Mrs. Johannsen!
Oh, man.
(Mr Johannsen starts cackling)
(suspenseful music)
Hey, did you notice that?
No. What?
What?
Dude, they were hell a weird.
It's your fucking Skagit people, man.
Like I could put them in
a college
drop sage.
And like and they'd be in it, you know?
I don't know what you're
saying, they were fine.
[Christian] You still
talk to that guy in Olympia?
Didn't he move to Olympia?
No.
He was always planning on moving.
We'd see each other every
few weeks and then he was
just done.
He was done?
He seemed really into it, I
mean, more than me sometimes.
Got me the most amazing birthday presents.
[Christian] And then he dumped you?
[Elsa] I basically had
to break up with myself
by like, asking him questions.
That's pathetic.
(suspensful music grows)
(llamas grunt)
[Colin] Do you ever still talk to him?
No.
He and Pat both liked the same Facebook
thing that I posted and I
was like, okay, so there's
one person who refuses to talk to me
Hey Elsa.
This guy eat good pussy?
Yeah!
Ay, really though.
Actually, yeah.
Did he have you dick-matized?
What the fuck did you just say?
Actually, you don't eat
pussy with your dick, so.
Common misconception
among men. Explains a lot.
Doesn't even work.
Where'd you get that fucking word?
Hey, give me a drag.
Once I was with this guy in college,
he gave me head and he just
like, licked this little spot
in my thigh the entire time.
Oh what?
(Christian laughs)
Oh god, man, I hate
these fucking houses.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't get why you'd want to live here
and then live in that.
I mean, I do.
Hey Willa.
Willa.
Did he at least occasionally
nuzzle your other thigh?
I was like, "Come up
and put it in already,"
and he was just like, "It's
okay, I know it takes longer
than for guys."
That is so fucking ridiculous.
I feel so lucky I don't
have to deal with that.
Willa, you see this fucking house, man?
Man, I'm really trying to
get those beers right now.
(window shatters)
What the fuck?
Fuck!
Oh shit.
(horn honking)
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Fucking give me some.
(forest ambience, breathing)
(giggling)
What the fuck?
Hey!
Wait for Colin!
(calm, insects buzzing)
(heavy breathing)
(geese honking)
Hey, Christian, what are those birds?
Geese. Really?
Not just any geese.
They're snow geese that
migrate here from Siberia.
50,000 of them every year.
Right here to Fir Island.
This is the only place in North America
where they come to from the old country.
And trumpeter swans too.
Are those like regular swans?
We talking like Swan Lake here?
Basically.
I'm not sure.
Fuck trumpeter swans.
I'm all about the snow geese.
This is an island?
It's bordered by the
north and south fork
of the Skagit River.
And then you have your
sloughs and your tributaries.
And then right in the
thicket of those trees
is where they founded Skagit City.
[Colin] The outlet mall?
[Willa] It's a ghost town, right?
It's actually one of the
first places that jump started
the settlement of the valley.
Killing all the natives,
stealing everything from 'em?
Yep.
The north fork was impassable
due to log jams.
And then they just built
it right in the confluence
with the south fork.
Boats would come through and stop by
on their way to and from Seattle.
And then in
the 1870s they developed some
log jam removal technology
or some shit and took it out.
The north fork became passable
and it allowed Mount Vernon to flourish
and spelled the demise for Skagit City.
Yeah, cause Mount Vernon
really became a metropolis.
But then how did they
get back to Level Three?
I mean, World Two, Level Three.
I mean, it seems like it's
probably gonna be hard enough
for us-
Well, it was actually
the first sight
of the first recorded
murder in the region.
[Colin] Oh shit.
Yeah.
Someone robbed a store
of a man named Barker
and killed him.
Then they arrested a native and hung him.
Then they found out it
was just some white dude.
Jesus.
They realized that the
items a native would've taken
were still there
and the items a white dude
would've taken were gone.
Tailor of Panama DVD,
pair of water sandals.
They never found him.
He disappeared on a canoe
trip up river at night
and they didn't find him till later,
in the woods,
screaming,
naked,
in his own shit and blood.
He was shrieking Ted-auh-an.
One of the natives that had been executed.
He pulled out his teeth so
they couldn't make it out.
What the fuck?
They said it was a case
of religious dementia.
What does that mean?
Later, they found his
teeth aligned in a trail
towards a dead end
in an apple orchard.
They didn't know why.
Are we near the cliff?
It's just a little further.
Are there any Indian
burial grounds around here?
[Willa] Who needs burial grounds?
It's all stolen.
What is that, Christian?
An old school?
(droning spare guitar)
I wanna go to the cliff now.
[Colin] Yeah, we all
know Willa wants things.
It's getting late, dude.
Christian, is it near here?
Hella close.
(droning music continues)
(Christian mumbling)
(engine revving)
[Willa] You coming?
Yeah.
Be back soon.
Jeez, calm down.
Hey, are you guys gonna
Christian, stop!
Geez.
Hey, what's going on, dude?
(Christian mumbling with echo)
(wind and waves)
Man.
This is cool.
Just shut up.
What, no, no, I'm serious, this is...
It's like you can see
all the years at once up here.
I don't know why you
didn't wanna come here.
I told you I wanted to.
Drop dead.
Why are you doing this to me?
What?
I can't even talk to you anymore?
Maybe you're an idiot.
I'm trying to talk to you right now.
Fine.
I don't know. Gimme
some words then, man.
I just wish that you would
do more little things with me.
I mean other people too -
I wanna,
I wanna do with you all the,
the, the stuff, but like.
I mean, we're not even here together.
Are we?
Are we?
Fuck, this place is weird.
I mean, are we?
(Christian humming)
I don't know where Colin is. I don't...
Look.
Wait.
Where'd Elsa go?
She wanted to go inside.
Look. Here.
Feel the soil.
It's wet.
That'll get 'em.
Like way before Yoshi.
When it was just about the birds.
At Seward?
That's what Ava said when I saw her.
What did Ava say?
She said the witches
weren't here before us,
but they were in the ground.
Homez's true herbs and spices.
I learned it when I was a kid.
- No.
- I was just a kid.
Here, take some soil.
(both moaning)
(tense music)
(phone vibrating)
(louder moaning)
(music builds)
Christian.
You have to take it.
Christian.
Take it!
(Willa screams)
No, please!
Christian, stop!
It's me, it's Willa, it's your friend!
(music gets quieter)
(strange howl)
(eerie music)
Mwah!
Mwah!
(soft music)
(wind blowing)
(voices whispering)
(ringing gradually gets louder)
(strange distant screams)
(screaming & roaring)
Where are we?
Oh, I thought.
Where did it go?
I don't...
I don't know.
I don't know.
Where are we?
I'm Willa. I'm Willa!
Do you know where Christian is?
Colin's in the forest.
That fucking asshole!
Something's wrong.
Something's wrong.
Mwaahh!
(Colin howls)
Mwah.
The trees
They are a-growing
And the grass is getting green
And many a day and night has passed
As you and I have seen
Oh, the winter nights are coming
And I must lie alone
For, my bonny boy, he's young
But he's growing
(suspenseful drone builds)
(distant singing)
Is that Colin?
(Willa gasps)
And all around his middle
We'll tie a ribbon blue
[Willa] We have to go out and get him.
What?
He's not okay by himself.
Elsa?
What are you saying?
Where are you?
Elsa?
Don't leave me alone.
(eerie singing)
(dark eerie music)
(sticking skin)
(complete silence - no soundtrack)
(silence continues)
(speaking gibberish)
(eerie wind fades back in)
(stabbing)
(Willa gasps)
(ripping)
(eerie music)
(echoed screaming crowd)
(Colin whimpering)
(Colin screams)
(geese flapping)
(VCR starting up)
(sound from TV)
(soft wind)
(fire crackling)
(lo-fi punk ballad on radio)
Cook yourself some geoduck.
That's the best salmon
I've seen in weeks.
Let's put it on the fire. I'm starved.
(fire crackling)
(distant rumbling)
(loud boom)
(wood dropping)
(soft music continues)
(Christian giggling)
Hey, let's go.
Action.
(voices echoing)
(soft medieval music)
- [TV Voices] Cut!
- Elsa!
(Christian groans)
What are you doing?
They're all dead.
They've come here for peace and quiet.
And now of course
we're here too.
We didn't die.
Els,
come on,
this is the land of ghosts, see?
Shut up.
Let's get the fuck back to Seattle.
(children speaking on TV)
Get away from me.
I've got a doll and I'm afraid to use it!
(child groaning)
(eerie drone enters)
(TV sound cuts to other voices)
[TV Speaker 1] It's good, isn't it?
[Speaker 2] Yeah.
[Speaker 1] No, it's yours.
[Speaker 2] Where are all the campers?
[Speaker 1] Oh, they're here somewhere.
(melancholy drone)
(light rain)
(distant booms and roars)
There's not much time.
Let's go.
Go where?
What are you thinking?
I got the best canoes they have.
They're wonderful.
Come on.
Elsa, now.
It'll be here any minute.
You'll sink.
You heard what he said.
These canoes are ffff-fucking great.
No, stupid dead people,
you're gonna drown.
You're dead.
There's nothing wrong with the canoes.
Get in the canoe, it's the only way.
Fuck off.
This canoe is the canoe for you.
Stop.
This canoe is the canoe for you.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop. Stop it. Stop. Stop.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
(roars and growls grow louder)
Stop.
(music fades down, wind and rain pick up)
(Elsa panting)
(Elsa crying and laughing)
(mud sloshing)
[Young boy] Elsa, zoom in.
Elsa!
(melancholy music)
(Christian crying)
(music fades away)
Chr...
(shouting in gibberish)
(hoarse breathing)
(bright ringing)
(tree cracking)
(gusts of wind)
(slow, atmospheric indie rock)
(ethereal, angsty female vocals)
(music builds and gets faster)
(heavy breathing)
(music stops)
(birds chirping)
(water lapping)
(leaves rustling in wind)
(speaker clicks on, guitar begins)
(wistful indie rock music)
(female vocals)
(music builds)
(drums & distorted guitar come in)
A river will run
A river will
A river will
(music continues until end)
(song ends)
(rushing river)