Sky High (1985) Movie Script
- 'How do I look, guys?'
- 'Hot!'
'Thanks.
'Uh, hi. I'm Bobby,
and I'm the guy who hates jokes
'but digs surfing and dogs
and drive-ins...'
'Especially back seats.'
'Uh, I'm going to Greece
as a foreign-exchange student
'and I just wanted to say so long
to all my friends on campus.'
'You know me.
I'm the Mick Schwartz.
'I'm the leader
of this little anthropological expedition.
'Just kiddin',
but the guys did ask me
'to make all the important decisions
over there.'
'I graciously accepted because...
I'm the only truly qualified leader.'
'Ready? It's OK? It's alright?
'Hi. I'm Les Sherwood
and I live in Encino.
'Uh, I'm going to Greece
with Bobby and Mick
'and I'm really looking forward
to the experience.
'Um...
'I got my trusty computer here
and it's all nicely programmed
'with all kinds of information
on our host country.
'Uh, I'm also in charge
of upholding an agreement that we made.
'Anybody who says a four-letter word
has to pay the others $1 on the spot.'
'So, to all our buddies
left back on campus, fuck you.'
You must have seen "Ben-Hur" lately.
He cab driver?
Welcome to Greece, guys.
Pardon me, we...
We have a reservation.
Excuse me, do you speak English?
Of course he speaks English.
Everybody in this country speaks English.
- English?
- Yeah.
- Me?
- Yeah.
No!
Uh...
Poly kala efharisto.
I love you, too.
Les, you do know how they separate
the men from the boys here, don't you?
- How?
- With a crowbar.
Alright, you guys.
Half a day is all we got in Athens.
We'll send some snapshots home
and they'll think we're doing serious work
while we're cruising the islands.
Let's do it.
Where the hell are we?
Lost, that's where.
Never fear, Les is here.
Gamo esena ki olo sou to soi?
Yes.
Yes.
- He didn't mean it. It's alright.
- Hey, it's OK. It's OK.
What the hell did you say to him?
God, who messed with my computer?
What? I don't understand.
Do you speak English?
No, no.
- A-acropolis.
- Ah, acropolis.
- Is this the last one?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
- I'm sure.
OK, let's go.
Oh, my God!
This is totally awesome.
I've gotta record
my impressions of this place.
It's too much.
Hello!
- Oh, no!
- Get us outta here, Ben. Fast!
I don't believe it!
That old guy dropped dead
the minute he got near ya.
What did you do? Fart?
It's not funny, Mick.
I think they killed him.
Why?
I don't know, but he was trying
to tell me something when he died.
He spoke some weird language.
It's on this tape.
It doesn't make sense.
You mean it's all Greek to you?
Very funny. No, it's not Greek.
It sounds similar
but definitely not Greek.
Let Mick listen.
If it's gibberish, he can translate.
Hey, no ethnic jokes, OK?
It must be Russian.
The KGB?
Yeah, it must be the KGB.
Come on. Why?
Who else would kill a guy
for a crummy tape?
Thank you, Mr. Boswell.
OK, I talked to the cultural attach.
He said if we suspect foul play,
it's better if we don't go to the embassy
in case we've been followed.
Anyway, he gave me his address.
He said he spent two years in Moscow
and he can translate Russian.
They're after me.
Please, take this tape.
Don't tell anyone.
No one must know...
...or the KGB will find out.
Your life will be in grave danger.
No matter what happens,
you must never listen to this tape.
If anything happens to me,
take the tape to...
- To...
- Who?
Take the tape to who?
All I hear now is, "Oh, shit.
He's hit. The guy is hit."
He said the magic word.
You owe us a buck.
It doesn't count,
I was under stress.
I mean,
it seems as though
the old man bought the farm
before he got to the juicy part.
I guess whatever name he was trying to say
must be on that other tape.
Yeah, the one he didn't give me.
He didn't?
No. I suppose he meant to,
but I got freaked and started running.
Then these two guys in suits ran up to him
and started looking through his pockets.
Well, I'm no wizard
and I'm no secret agent,
but the thing
seems to speak for itself.
Do you think it's KGB?
No, I think it's MTV.
Huh?
That's a joke, son.
Of course it's KGB.
Who else would kill a Russian
for a tape?
That's what I told them, sir.
Well, the way I see it,
and remember I'm no wizard
and I'm no secret agent,
I'm just a goddamn bullshit attach
one week from retirement,
some Russian secret
was sneaked out of the country,
and the KGB found out.
Maybe some fellow named Ovidoff
had something to do with it, maybe not.
But the KGB have been known
to seal mouths
as well as to make them talk.
But then, there's nothing for you
to be afraid of.
You guys don't have that other tape.
On the other hand,
if you do have it...
...let me give you a little piece of crap,
otherwise known as advise.
Don't screw around
with these clowns.
They play for keeps.
You bring me that other tape
and I'll arrange for you boys
to go home on a military plane.
Well, it's been a pleasure
meeting with you, boys.
You have my number. Call.
If anything happens,
if anything goes wrong,
if you see anything suspicious
or if you happen to find that tape, call.
I wouldn't want you guys
to meet with any ugly accidents
in such a pretty country.
If we do meet with any,
it won't be the KGB
It'll be the CAB
What's a CAB?
A cab, dummy.
Get it? CAB.
Sure. Real funny, Mick.
Boy, are you lame sometimes.
The man said, "No matter what happens,
don't listen to the tape."
Ah, famous last words.
I don't think he knew
they would kill him
before he gave you the name.
Why do we even care?
I mean, we came here to be
foreign-exchange students, not spies.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Wait a minute.
You can just sit there
like nothing happened and say,
"Well, a guy was just shot for this tape,
but I'm just gonna go on with my plans
"because I'm here
for the fun and the women."
- You can say that, Bobby?
- Sort of, yeah.
What do you think is on that tape?
Jane Fonda's workout?
Look, let's talk
about some important things
like freedom, duty, country.
- I wasn't born here, Mick.
- So what?
If the Russians want that tape this badly,
they'll use it against our country.
That's bogus and totally fascist.
- Les?
- Yeah?
Shut up.
OK.
So, I'm asking you, Bobby.
What ideals did you grow up with?
What dreams?
Sports cars.
Insatiable blondes.
Come on, what's it gonna be, creep?
Your duty to your country,
your duty to yourself as a free man,
your total and unselfish sacrifice
for the sake of probably millions
of innocent people,
or just broads?
That's a tough one, Mick.
Come on, pal, what's it gonna be?
The broads.
Me too. Just checkin'.
- But what do we do with the tape?
- Give it to Boswell.
Dump it in the ocean.
- Before we listen to it?
- After we listen to it, nerdo.
Yeah, but what if it's dangerous
and blows our minds?
Not to worry.
You don't have a mind.
OK, shoot.
Hey, guys?
Hey! Mick?
Hey, can you guys hear me?
'My dear friend
and devoted colleague,
'by now, as you to listen to this tape,
'you must be as stunned as I was
when I first came across
'the ultimate, most potent
hallucinogenic discovery in history.
'It is, of course, nothing
but a white modulated frequency.
'I have been working on this
since we last met in Oslo.
'But I am now afraid that my experiments
must come to a swift end.
'The other night I learned
that my secret is no longer a secret.
'I found a man in my apartment.
'He was listening
to the results of my discovery.
'As you know, my friend,
I am a non-violent man.
'But the very thought of someone,
'anyone with the wrong intentions
getting his hands on my invention,
'filled me with dread and panic.
'I killed the man.'
'I killed the man.'
'I killed him with my own hands.
'Yet it was unnecessary
to become violent.
'I simply changed the modulation
of the frequency,
'then boosted the volume.
'As much as I despise the KGB,
I hated watching that man die.
'This tape demonstrates
'only the bear minimums
of what my frequency is capable of doing.
'It stimulates the coalus rinatus,
'a relatively unknown area of the brain,
'and can create vivid hallucinations
of religious magnitudes.
'And, coded in music,
'it can produce spectacular images
directly into the mind.
'Unfortunately I learned too late
'that my invention can do more
than bring joy.'
' Podnbje can destroy the world.
'The frequency which is allowing you
to experience all this, my dear friend,
'may be harmless in itself
'but, when joined with
and modulated with a lower frequency,
'it is instantly transformed
into a weapon of global proportions.
'These frequencies, for example,
if combined and beamed through a satellite,
'could destroy the population
of a large city in 30 seconds.
'I separated the two frequencies.
'I am sending this tape to you
'in the care
of my loyal friend Yuri Kazanoff,
'who is sacrificing his family and home.
'I beg you to give him
shelter and protection.
'The second tape was sent
with another volunteer
'and surely must have been received
by you already.
'This tape is quite harmless.
'Its counterpart is also safe by itself.
'Don't let them have
this tool of destruction, my friend.
'Deny its existence
'and, if necessary, destroy it.'
Wow!
I can't believe it.
Yeah, how about that earthquake?
That wasn't an earthquake,
it was a nuclear explosion.
No, it wasn't. I saw it!
So did I!
Are you guys blind or what?
It was a tidal wave,
big as a friggin' mountain.
Wait a minute.
What?
We all saw different things, right?
This stuff must be like dope,
never the same for different people.
Yeah...
Yeah, like it works
on your subconscious.
I don't know about you guys
but I'm scared.
Do you still wanna
give the tape to Boswell?
No way.
You still wanna dump it
in the ocean?
No.
Too good to waste. The only problem is
we don't know where we're going.
Yes, we do.
See, when I first heard
the Russian on that tape,
the only words that I could make out
were Blair Flemming and Mykonos.
Before we went to see Boswell,
I edited the tape,
so when he heard it, it seemed like
the old man got shot
before he had a chance to tell me.
Now, I'm gonna erase
the last remaining evidence.
Nobody but us will know.
Mwah!
Mykonos on our cruise schedule, genius?
Yep.
I've got this burning itch
to talk with a certain Blair Flemming.
I can hear your voice
is calling me in the night
As I'm walking down the street
Must be only an illusion
of some kind
No one else around but me
And no matter how I'm trying
I can't get you off my mind
Lost in the night...
Forty-five minutes, you guys.
No bus.
Let's take a cab.
- I don't wanna die young.
- Don't be lame.
Not every cabbie in this country
is insane.
But most of them must be.
You boys wanna have some fun?
Who wants to know?
Me, Sally.
And my friends over there.
What sort of fun?
- We'll miss the boat...
- Quiet, Les.
Yeah, what sort of fun?
Lots of girls and you.
Anything goes.
"Never on Sunday" type of fun.
But it is Sunday.
- Les, shut up.
- OK.
How much?
First, we'll give you a free sample.
- Then we'll negotiate.
- We'll take it.
Slow down, pal.
Don't you think it's fair
to ask our opinion?
Sure. What do you think?
OK, you guys, over there.
Holy shit!
- Two bucks.
- Come on, Bobby, what is it?
It's unbelievable.
The biggest orgy I've ever seen.
You've never seen an orgy before.
Twenty bucks a head.
What does she mean by "a head"?
Twenty bucks a piece.
How's that?
No clothes allowed in there.
Take 'em off,
put 'em in your locker,
take the keys,
and we'll meet you in the grand hall.
Walk straight ahead,
you can't miss it.
Come on, guys, do it.
That is, unless
you've changed your minds.
Alright, guys, let's go get 'em.
Jeez, you're already getting excited.
Cut it out, it's the tape.
Girls, we're ready.
Shit, it's a rip-off! Let's run.
- It was too easy, I'm tellin'...
- One more word and you're dead.
It's not funny.
Going to a toga party, boys?
Mr. Boswell. We can explain this.
No need. I think I know already.
You were set up, boys.
- Why?
- Obviously for that goddamn tape.
They searched your gear,
found nothing, then dumped it.
You're lucky I was following you.
You mean they were KGB hookers?
Hookers? Come on.
No decent hooker would have left
all your money in your clothes.
'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome on board the Oceanos.
'We'll be sailing in a few minutes
'and we hope that in the meantime
'you are going to enjoy
the captain's welcome party
'now in progress on the main deck.'
It's always important to a guy to get laid
his first night in a foreign country.
- It's gonna be a piece of cake.
- I agree.
I'm gonna go crash.
That's not what he meant by "getting laid".
You need a female to do that.
See? Take your pick.
They're all hungry.
How do you know?
Single women don't take cruises
just to get seasick.
I don't care. After what happened,
I don't wanna get laid.
- That's because you're a coward.
- And a lowlife scumbag.
You know, your attitude annoys me,
but I'll attribute it
to your collective unconscious
and I won't get mad at you this time.
- Good night.
- Don't wet the bed.
I'm shooting
for the mature and experienced.
They know all the tricks.
I'm easy.
I can teach a few tricks myself.
Let's do it.
- Oh!
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
Hello, Sally.
Small world, huh?
You and me had a little arrangement,
remember?
First, I want my money's worth, and then
for you to walk the deck in your underwear.
Look, I can explain everything.
No need. Sex will do.
Let's have our little orgy
right here, shall we?
Let's start with a kiss.
I hate to get laid without a kiss.
I am not a hooker, you stupid asshole!
It was a setup.
My boyfriend and I split
and he left me without a cent.
I needed the money
to get on this goddamn boat. I...
When those girls offered me a job,
I took it.
Am I supposed to believe this?
You'd better.
Look, they said that you guys
were friends of their relatives,
that they were playing a joke,
nobody was supposed to get hurt.
I didn't know that they were gonna
steal your gear and give it to those guys.
Guys? What guys?
Give me a break.
They were waiting in a car.
It was dark, I couldn't see.
I just took my money and ran.
I'm sorry.
Alright, I tell you what.
You buy me a drink
and we'll call it even.
Alright?
You buy me a drink
and we'll call it even.
As I was saying,
the human exploitation theory
has more than one specific form.
Don't challenge me, Bruce.
I can give you strong debate on that issue.
But as you see,
there are certain aspects of human behavior
which crave to be exploited.
Excuse me, but what is the nature
of your conversation?
Existentialism in the forms
of human exploitation.
Sounds trivial to me.
Does anybody wanna talk
about Indiana Jones?
Now, what did he write?
Boy, are you lame!
This is not the children's deck,
young man.
If you want to play,
you may go to the deck below.
As a matter of fact, I would like
to talk about Indiana Jones.
Shall we stroll, my dear?
Excuse me.
What do you know
about collective unconscious?
Zip. What do you know
about Indiana Jones?
Try me.
'And coded in music,
'it can produce spectacular images
directly into the mind.'
Fix me a drink
Make it a strong one
Hey, comrade, a drink
Make it a long one
My hands are shaking
and my feet are numb
My head is aching
and the bar's going round
And I'm so down
In this foreign town
Tonight there's a band
it ain't such a bad one
Play me a song,
don't make it a sad one
I can't even talk
to these Russian girls
The beer is lousy
and the food is worse
And it's so damn cold
Yes, it's so damn cold
I know it's hard to believe
But I haven't been warm
for a week
Moonlight and vodka
Takes me away
Midnight in Moscow
ls lunchtime in LA
Ooh, play, boys, play
Espionage is a serious business
Well, I've had enough
of this serious business
That dancing girl
is making eyes at me
I'm sure she's working
for the KGB
In this paradise
Ah, cold as ice
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Moonlight and vodka
Takes me away
Midnight in Moscow...
ls lunchtime in LA
Yes, in the good old USA
Mick?
- Who are you?
- Room service.
I didn't order anything.
How about a six-foot coffin?
Argh!
Oh, my God...
- Who is it?
- Maid service, madam.
Just a minute.
Well, despite my relatively young age,
I'm a verified expert
in a lot of different fields.
- That's interesting.
- Thank you.
Take karate, for instance.
I'm a master.
Got more belts
than I can even count.
I can kill a man
with my bare hands.
See this hand?
It's a deadly weapon.
These fingers were trained
for thousands of hours,
driven in the hot sand,
hard pebbles, sharp rocks,
even soaked 'em in pickle brine
to make the skin as tough as leather.
Totally impervious to pain.
Nothing stops these hands
once they're on a mission.
So... let's talk about you.
Well, I'm obviously older.
No belts, no trained fingers.
I make my living
by solving people's problems.
I do a radio talk show.
People with problems call in
and I help them on the air.
You're a radio shrink.
I have been called worse.
Sugar?
Please.
No spoon. I'll get one.
Oh, no need.
We've got the world's deadliest fingers
right here. They can do the job.
This isn't uncomfortable, is it?
Nah. You kiddin'?
You really are tough.
Yep, that's me.
Except I do have to visit
the little boys' room.
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
Sure.
Can I come in now?
I'm not decent.
Are you OK?
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I have to make the bed now.
What are you doing?
I have to get the pillows.
Pillows? Pillows?
I hate pillows.
Can't stand pillows.
I like to sleep flat.
Good for the back.
Alright, I'll get the sheets then.
Sheets? Uh... no need.
Blankets are fine. Just blankets.
OK. I'll get them for you.
- They're in there too?
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Uh... I'll get them for you.
- I'll get them.
- No, I'll get them for you.
- I'll get them.
- I'll get them for you.
- OK!
Oh, hello.
Did your breath do this evil deed?
Look, I just wanna ask you
one quick question, then I'm gone.
- Mick...
- Don't interrupt, Einstein.
As I was trying to say, I'm having
this very intellectual conversation
with a fine female of the species.
She mentioned something about
astral projection and trans-channeling.
- You know what it means?
- She's dead, Mick.
A little old, maybe,
but definitely not dead.
I'm serious, Mick.
And there's another body in the closet.
A nerd, yes, but a necrophiliac?
Shame, shame, Lester.
Are you insane?
The maid is dead.
This guy is also dead.
DED?
Jeez, I leave you alone for 20 minutes
and you wipe out two people.
I didn't do it. They were trying to kill me.
Somebody shot this guy through the window.
And you came in and hit her on the head
when she had her pin behind her.
She was gonna stab me.
Well, the way I see it,
if they're both dead
they can't hurt anybody, right?
- Right. Now what?
- Now I leave.
Go get Bobby. This is heavy.
Don't you guys think
it's a bit much for one day?
I say it's too much.
I mean, a man is killed.
OK, you can say accidents happen.
We get ripped off by hookers
who aren't even hookers
and Boswell runs to the rescue.
Then two people die in our cabin.
This is too much.
It's not exactly what we had planned.
What do we do with them?
Call the captain.
Oh, yeah, that simple!
First thing in the morning
he'll deliver us to the cops.
Why? We didn't do it.
Caeser's wife must not only be innocent,
she must also appear innocent.
Follow me?
I think it's that friggin' tape.
Let's give it to them.
We can't, guys.
Come again?
I threw it in the ocean a while ago.
You stupid asshole...
Ass is legal. I can say ass.
Why, Les? Why?
Why?
Don't worry. I saved it all.
How?
I digitally encoded the whole frequency
into my tape.
Now what?
When we get to the island,
I'll call home,
link the TRS up
with my home computer,
and presto,
everything goes into the memory bank.
That's brilliant.
Then the KGB will know
that we don't have the tape...
...and they'll kill us.
What do we do with the stiffs?
We wait until everybody is asleep.
Then we dump 'em over the side.
In the meantime,
we mingle with a lot of people.
Right, mingle.
Mingle. Mingle, mingle.
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're touching me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, around
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're stalking me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, oh, Lord...
- Dead people can't dance.
- Huh?
- I said dead people can't dance.
- So?
So, you look pretty alive to me.
Wanna dance?
Oh! Uh, dance?
Uh... no, thanks.
I'm not exactly in the mood.
Oh, come on. It'll be fun!
Besides, I'm not the type
that takes no for an answer.
- You're not?
- Uh-uh.
- Why me?
- No other guys are available.
Not under 60 anyway!
Uh... gee, I'm sorry, but...
Leaving all them behind...
I'd love to dance.
Thinking about me
And the times of my life
In a second life...
Well, it's... it's really been great
talking Apple with you, Les.
I mean, I've always felt that AppleTalk
sure beats the hell outta Commodore.
- I'm glad.
- Me too.
Let's talk floppy disks tomorrow.
- Can I ask you something?
- Another joke?
No, I'm serious.
I was just wondering...
Why'd you spend time
with me tonight?
I mean, I don't know that much
about existentialism.
Well, maybe I've had
a bit too much existentialism in my life
and not enough fun.
- You had fun?
- Yeah, I did. Good night.
Aren't you gonna ask me in
for a nightcap?
No. I think I've had
enough excitement for one night.
Can we do it again sometime?
Positively.
I can handle rejection.
I've taken it before
and I can take it now.
I'm a man.
I don't have to put up with this.
I'm not gonna stand here and beg
like some pathetic starving dog.
No way, pal.
Joanna, I'm still here.
The door is an incredibly
uncomfortable place to sleep, Mick,
but if that's what you want,
sweet dreams.
Good night.
So, you wanna play, right?
Who? Me?
You're on, Deadly Fingers.
I want you, and I want you now.
I want it to be rough and I want it
to be quick, so take off your pants.
Hold it, I'm supposed to be doing this.
Not anymore, Deadly Fingers.
Women can have their share
of the fun now too.
- You'd better be good.
- No, wait!
I can explain.
Deliver now, explain later.
Go ahead, make my day.
Now I know
just how heavy death really is.
Shut up and pull.
Excuse me,
but is something wrong?
- I'm afraid so, ma'am.
- No! I mean, no, ma'am.
Nothing's wrong, he's just kiddin'.
And I say there is something wrong.
As I was trying to say,
we've got big problems.
We've been involved in a shootout.
The KGB is after us.
Two of their people
were killed in our cabin.
What we're trying to do
now everyone's asleep
is drag these two stiffs on deck,
dump 'em in the ocean.
Ooh, that's very funny, young man.
Are you a comedian?
As a matter of fact I am.
You might have seen me
in "Table For Five"?
I played the table.
Goddamn kids. Excuse me.
Submitted for your approval:
three jerks from another country,
another dimension,
sailing into a sea of mystery,
carrying stiffs along the deck
of a haunted ship.
They're about to enter the twilight zone.
Got a handful, huh?
Mr. Boswell.
Now, that's what I call a surprise.
Well, actually, fellas,
I knew you'd be in the company of wolves
on this little cruise,
so I decided to play guardian angel.
Are the comrades heavy?
Now, Mr. Boswell, how did you know?
Well, shit, son. The bullet that killed
one of 'em had my name on it.
The other body is your work, I suppose.
So much for the cultural attach crap, huh?
Listen, you guys hit the sack.
I'll take care of the two comrades.
It's nasty business
but somebody's got to do it.
But, Mr. Boswell, why don't we...?
We can't be seen on this ship together.
If they see us talking like this,
I'm a dead man.
We'll meet
when we get to the island.
I'll buy you breakfast.
We'll talk then.
Don't worry,
I'll make contact with you.
Now, get going.
So, no tape?
That's a shame alright.
At least we can enjoy our vacation now.
That's what I call optimism.
You think
they're still gonna try to kill us?
Kill you? Nah!
A little mutilation maybe, that's all.
At least until they discover
the tape's gone.
Then they'll probably get angry.
So, what do we do?
Play it by ear.
If you still have an ear left.
OK, I did it. We're all set.
Are you sure?
Piece of cake.
Uh-oh...
This is serious.
We want to have a little talk
with you.
It's alright, guys, I can handle it.
You better listen and listen good.
I'm a black belt.
My hands are trained weapons.
I don't wanna hurt you guys, OK?
Come on, Mick,
they're gonna hurt us real bad.
So, why don't you just turn around
and start walking
before I get real mad?
Show me how mad you can get,
you little prick.
Oh, he said prick.
Make him pay us a buck.
I'm warning you,
I'm death on two feet.
Leave before I hurt you,
because when I hurt someone,
it's major damage.
You got something that we want
and we want it now.
For the last time, I'm warning you.
Don't make me use force.
You're playing with live ammo here.
Horseshit.
OK.
- Unbelievable.
- Fantastic.
Don't exaggerate guys.
Piece of cake.
Walking down the street
Leaving all of them behind
Thinking about me
And the times of my life
I can't see her face
I can't see her eyes
But I can feel your breath
I can paint your smile
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're touching me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, around
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're stalking me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, oh, Lord
Hey, you wanna hear
what I figured out?
No, but you're gonna tell us anyway,
so go ahead.
Well, the tape can no longer be stolen,
lost, or destroyed, right?
Right, you saved New York. So?
So, since the frequency
can be encoded on a song,
and since it can't be decoded,
copied or analyzed,
once it's hidden in the music...
You didn't.
Yep, made a whole tape
full of far-out stuff.
If you think so much of him
Why don't you run back to him?
When I hear you call his name
Just doesn't feel the same
if you need more than I can give
if you need something
I can't deliver
Just go now before it's too late
Please don't hesitate
Had my chance, I couldn't see it
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
emotional refugee
I see your signs
In this modern world
I feel out of time
Understood in retrospect
In real time
And you know I feel alright
Baby
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
Feel my strength entwined
Real time
You know I feel alright
Make love
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
- Feel my strength entwined
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
In real time
I get to feel our love
Entwine your love with mine
In real time I get to feel our love
Entwine your love with mine
In real time
You know I feel alright
This is real
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
Feel it, feel it
Hey, something really strange
is going on here.
You can now give me an orgasm
without even touching me.
Yeah. I've been told that before.
How'd you like the little show?
You stole my tape.
Wrong, mon capitaine.
In the first place,
it's not your tape, it's ours.
In the second place,
I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it.
My TRS is gone, missing.
Gone.
My whole life is gone.
Jeez, what am I gonna do now?
I'm wiped out.
Devastated.
I understand how you must feel.
Your computer was your friend,
the one friend
who never talked back, never argued,
never said anything
you didn't wanna hear,
always listened
to whatever you had to say.
Are you into psychology or something?
No, I'm into computers and nerds.
When we get on shore,
you and I...
are going to take
a long walk on the beach.
What do you mean,
you're not sure about yourself?
You know...
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
There's nothing at all wrong with you.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I mean...
I always had doubts about my...
You know, the way I am.
What way is that?
I don't know, it's...
It's just that sometimes I think
that maybe I'm...
- ...gay or something.
- Never in a million years.
How do you know?
I've been around.
If there's one thing
you're definitely not, it's gay.
You're as straight as they come.
Look, I'm gonna tell you something, but...
you gotta promise not to laugh, OK?
Promise.
I've never slept with a girl before.
There's always a first time, Lester.
Did you say
I couldn't make a comeback
Did you say
it's too bad I had to lose track...
How do you feel?
Like Frankenstein.
But I like it.
'Cause I'd been training
through long, hard rainfall
I knew for sure
I hadn't danced my last one
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory...
Hi, Steph. Seen Les?
Haven't you?
No. You know where he is?
Maybe.
Lester?
Les Sherwood?
What hit you?
Hurricane Stephanie.
This is unbelievable.
Like the change, huh?
It sucks.
What are you talking about?
You look awful.
You look like two zillion
other blond zombies from Malibu.
What happened
to your distinctive personality,
your sophisticated outlook,
your own special Lester charisma?
Listen, jerk, I've just about had it
with all your abuse.
I'm not gonna take it anymore,
you got it?
Sure, Les, that's cool.
Sorry, Mick.
Guess I'm not very good
at this sort of stuff.
Good? You were great!
That's the only thing
to deal with an asshole like me.
Here's a buck for the word.
'The volcanic island of Santorini
'offers our passengers
a unique means of transportation:
'a picturesque donkey ride
all the way to the top,
'where the view is really marvelous.
'Have a pleasant excursion.'
Alright!
Let's go.
Oh, God, it's so beautiful up here.
It's so peaceful and quiet.
Hey, you hear that?
Yeah.
Hey, I didn't know that they can
bring people up here in choppers too.
They don't.
- I think I pissed my pants.
- Is everybody OK?
What the hell happened up here?
A chopper was trying to run us down.
They were shooting at us too.
You seem alright.
Yeah, they're lousy shots, Mr. Boswell.
Must definitely be Russian.
Alright, everybody take cover.
Move it, move it!
Move it, damn it!
Do an old man a favor, kid.
Get outta here f-fast.
They'll be back.
We can't leave you here.
You're sitting ducks.
Get out.
The police don't get involved.
He needs to get to a hospital.
Horseshit. I'm dying.
No hospital.
Don't give 'em the tape.
No matter what.
Take it where it belongs.
Oh, God...
Now this is getting real serious.
We can't leave him.
He's dead.
There's nothing we can do for him.
Let's get outta here.
- We had to take a vote.
- And?
Well, we decided two against one
that we believe your story
and we're gonna stick with you.
Who voted against?
- Do you really wanna know?
- Yeah.
It was Stephanie.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. I understand.
I'll see you on the ship, OK?
A gun?
I'm afraid I really did create
Frankenstein's monster.
What are you talking about?
You.
What's happened to you? You used
to solve problems with your mind.
Well, that was before
a bunch of creeps came along
and screwed up
an ordinary guy's dream vacation.
I'm not taking it anymore.
Oh, and you think
this is the way to handle it?
Yes. Things have changed.
Open your eyes, Les.
Think.
Don't react like some hyper four-year-old
in a candy store.
Now's the time to use
that genius brain of yours.
Something's going on here
and you haven't put your finger on it yet.
What are you saying?
I'm saying you should do
what Luke Skywalker did.
- Who?
- Luke Skywalker.
Use your mind, Les.
Your mind.
What's wrong with him?
I think he liked the old man.
I think it's because
he's never seen anybody die before.
Mm...
Ladies and gentlemen...
I suddenly see everything.
Whoo!
I am the miracle man.
I can tell the future.
Hi, sweetie.
Thanks for the memories.
Last night at the beach
was just really wonderful.
And you know
what she told me, Mick, huh?
She said...
She said, "You are 100% male."
She did! Honest to God,
that's what she said.
I'm losing my appetite.
Oh!
Stay for dessert, my dear.
We'll have Mick for dessert.
Or at least you will.
Come on, Les, shut up.
Ow, that tickles! Ow!
Look, they're coming to take me away.
Oh, my! They're coming to take me away.
OK, it's clear.
That was terrific, Les,
but are you sure about all this?
Positive. I don't know enough yet
but I'm working on it.
- What time is it?
- A little after midnight.
Alright. Mick, connect with Joanna.
Bobby, stay with Sally.
I'll handle the rest.
'...the tour will start
'as soon as we are safely docked.
'Before going ashore,
please make sure
'you have your landing tags
and your shore-excursion tickets.
'Buses are waiting
at the end of the pier.
'Bus number four
is for English-speaking passengers.
'We remind you
that all passengers must...'
- Alright, what about this?
- Eat your hearts out.
'It's raining, it's pouring
'My love life is boring...
'The mic is on?'
Hey, girls! Slow down.
I want to talk to you.
Listen... you like some fun?
What kind of fun?
Well, I have got a boat in the harbor,
a real big one.
You could go swimming?
Skinny-dipping, huh?
Anything.
You like hand jobs?
Absolutely.
Take one more step, and you'll get
the biggest one of your life.
Oh, God. Don't shoot, please.
Don't follow us. Got it?
I'm becoming a fucking feminist.
OK, OK, I owe you a buck.
Put it on my tab.
What's wrong, Stephanie?
I don't feel too well. I think
I'm gonna go lie down for a while.
Do you want us to wait for you?
No, it's a small island.
I'll catch up with you later.
Excuse me, do you know
where Professor Blair Flemming lives?
You go straight up here
and make a right.
Thank you.
What do you want?
Does Professor Blair Flemming live here?
I have to see him.
- Who are you?
- Lester Sherwood, a friend.
- Is he in?
- No.
Please, it's very important
that I talk to him soon.
Wait here.
Go to the Manto. Wait there.
Wait, hold on. What's the Manto?
Terrific.
Whoa!
Remember Butch and Sundance?
Go for the horses.
Ow!
It's Miller time.
Good morning.
Bonjour.
Parlez-vous franais?
Oh, shit.
As if I didn't have enough on my mind,
here comes Pep Le Pew.
What you said sounds French?
Are you amricain?
Yes.
I think
you wanted to talk to me, Lester.
Who are you?
I'm Blair Flemming.
You came to see my father, didn't you?
Jesus! Yes, I did.
I've gotta talk to him.
You can't, Lester.
He died two months ago.
- But I thought...
- I know.
News travels slow in the Soviet Union.
Ovidoff didn't know.
So you already...?
Yes. You have something for me,
don't you?
I did. Not anymore.
- KGB?
- And the CIA.
The whole world.
I had to put it in a safe place.
There isn't any safe place
for what you have, Lester.
I heard the second tape.
I understand a lot of this.
My father always let me in
on his secrets.
He was a pacifist, an idealist.
So was Ovidoff.
Unfortunately, when men like them die,
they are not replaced.
What about you?
I'm not sure.
Death scares me
and the thought of pain makes me sweat.
I don't know what I'd do
if I had both tapes.
You'd hold the world in your hands.
I don't like this world much.
Why hold on to it?
This whole island is crawling
with strange people.
I can't tell the good guys
from the bad anymore.
Any ideas?
As long as you have the one tape
and I have the other,
I see no grave danger.
Why don't we keep it that way
for a while?
You need any help?
All I can get. You drive?
Like Bobby Allison.
By the way, my name's Linda.
Where's Stephanie?
"We need to talk. I've got Stephanie,
you've got something I want.
"Let's trade."
- Like you figured?
- Yeah.
He wants to meet us at the old mine,
two miles north of Psarou.
- Stephanie?
- He says
to empty your pockets
and move slowly or he'll shoot.
OK, we don't have any weapons.
We'll do whatever he wants.
He says to raise your hands
over your head.
You can come out now, Mr. Boswell.
Good guess, kid.
It wasn't a guess.
I suppose this is where the bad guy
tells the good guys why he did it, right?
Wrong.
The good guys already know.
The KGB was never involved
in this thing.
Even the man
that Ovidoff killed in Moscow,
he wasn't KGB, he was CIA.
Bravo, kid. I'd clap
but my hands are sort of full.
Those guys who killed Yuri?
They were CIA too.
You're getting warm.
No, I'll rephrase that.
You're sizzling. Go on.
You left too many clues, Mr. Boswell.
Kids see a lot of spy movies.
If the plot sucks,
they know real fast.
You figured it all out.
That's gratifying.
After all, you're nice kids.
I like you.
You're a likeable guy yourself.
You never really killed anybody.
Those stiffs on the boat
were all makeup and fake blood.
I admit, I do have a flare for theatrics
that must have scared the shit out of you
a couple of times.
But I hope you understand I was only trying
to get both tapes without hurting anybody.
You stole Les's computer
to pressure us into breaking.
That's why he got closer to Stephanie.
And you even staged your own death
to pressure us
into giving you the cassette,
the only way
you could get both tapes.
- Excellent.
- The death stunt was too heavy.
We reversed the roles.
Les put the pressure on Stephanie
and followed her
to John Tunnoff's cabin
when she told your head honcho
she wanted out.
Oh, yeah.
My own trigger-happy John Tunnoff.
What an asshole!
Look, I'll make a long story short, kid.
I'm too old a whore
to believe that sex is fun.
I worked for the government all my life.
I've been shipped to some
of the shittiest hellholes in the world.
I've shot some people.
Some of them have shot me.
I had one stinking week to go
before retirement
when I got this last assignment.
It was a chance for a solid bonus
if I could convince the agency
that we screwed up and lost the tape.
What the hell.
I could have sold
the damn thing for big money.
Trust me, I still can.
Anybody else in your business
would have used a lot of violence.
Why didn't you?
Let's just say that I'm a sucker
for cute faces, kids.
Better yet,
let's say that killing a Russian
makes you a hero with the agency,
but three dead American kids
draw a lot of unnecessary attention.
Let's make this pleasant.
- Where is Podnbje?
- What?
It's Russian for sky-high.
Where is it?
Where it belongs.
With Professor Blair Flemming.
Nice work, kid.
Now all I need
is the one missing detail
and you can have Stephanie
and I can have the rest of the day off.
Ta-da. The envelope, please.
Alright.
It's the house by the windmills,
the one with the green shutters.
Take it easy, boys.
Just play it smart,
as you have so far,
and nobody will get hurt.
Sorry I have to take the car,
but ten miles on foot in this heat
would kill me.
Don't look so grim.
a 'est la vie.
Sorry, no more room.
You think it's gonna work, genius?
It worked before
when I zapped Boswell's men.
The cassette inside the tape deck
is already running.
The frequency will hit Boswell
in... 30 seconds.
Twenty, 19, 18, 17...
...four, three, two, one, zero.
I won't let you go
it doesn't matter what you do
I just need to have you
by my side...
It worked!
Mr. Boswell is about to retire
permanently.
With him the world's greatest invention
will also retire.
- Yeah, what's left of it.
- What do you mean?
Linda helped me make a phone call
to my home computer.
I erased all the information
of the frequency.
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
So long!
Picture this: a certain Mr. Boswell
one week before retirement
gripping the wheel of an automobile,
careering off course
into the twilight zone.
Would you mind if I decided
to stick around for a little while?
How little?
Oh, not long.
A year, maybe.
I'm gonna be real busy, you know.
I know. I promise to behave.
No sexual demands.
As long as it's not more
than three times a day.
Don't start
cutting down on me already.
Your friend has a problem?
Mick? Nah.
He can handle it.
I'm not gonna cry, you know.
Of course not.
It would be bad for your image.
Am I gonna see you again?
- No.
- Why not?
Because you'll be in this dreadful place
for another year,
and when you come back,
you'll be too old for me.
Be serious.
I've got a husband who I love
and a kid your age.
Three years old?
Three and a half.
Bye, kiddo.
Thanks for the education.
Stay insane.
- What?
- Stay insane!
Hey, you didn't even talk about it
with her, Les?
She wouldn't talk about it.
She said there's nothing to say
and just got on the ship.
Well, you can't replace a warm female
with a cold silicone chip.
Yeah, I know.
What the hell.
Once I quit, I figured
I might as well quit for good.
Did you say
I couldn't make a comeback
Did you say
it's too bad I had to lose track
I bet you bet
you won't come back this time
'Cause I'd been training
through the long, hard rainfall
I knew for sure
I haven't danced the last one
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory
Did you say
I couldn't go the distance
That silver dreams
would never stand resistance
When all your words
were washed away like sand
And I won't deal
with yesterday's confusion
I'll leave you with your last illusion
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory
Funny the way
that you can win the run
Funny that when it's right
the spirit cries, "Take her back"
And puts you on a course
already won
Oh-oh
- 'Hot!'
'Thanks.
'Uh, hi. I'm Bobby,
and I'm the guy who hates jokes
'but digs surfing and dogs
and drive-ins...'
'Especially back seats.'
'Uh, I'm going to Greece
as a foreign-exchange student
'and I just wanted to say so long
to all my friends on campus.'
'You know me.
I'm the Mick Schwartz.
'I'm the leader
of this little anthropological expedition.
'Just kiddin',
but the guys did ask me
'to make all the important decisions
over there.'
'I graciously accepted because...
I'm the only truly qualified leader.'
'Ready? It's OK? It's alright?
'Hi. I'm Les Sherwood
and I live in Encino.
'Uh, I'm going to Greece
with Bobby and Mick
'and I'm really looking forward
to the experience.
'Um...
'I got my trusty computer here
and it's all nicely programmed
'with all kinds of information
on our host country.
'Uh, I'm also in charge
of upholding an agreement that we made.
'Anybody who says a four-letter word
has to pay the others $1 on the spot.'
'So, to all our buddies
left back on campus, fuck you.'
You must have seen "Ben-Hur" lately.
He cab driver?
Welcome to Greece, guys.
Pardon me, we...
We have a reservation.
Excuse me, do you speak English?
Of course he speaks English.
Everybody in this country speaks English.
- English?
- Yeah.
- Me?
- Yeah.
No!
Uh...
Poly kala efharisto.
I love you, too.
Les, you do know how they separate
the men from the boys here, don't you?
- How?
- With a crowbar.
Alright, you guys.
Half a day is all we got in Athens.
We'll send some snapshots home
and they'll think we're doing serious work
while we're cruising the islands.
Let's do it.
Where the hell are we?
Lost, that's where.
Never fear, Les is here.
Gamo esena ki olo sou to soi?
Yes.
Yes.
- He didn't mean it. It's alright.
- Hey, it's OK. It's OK.
What the hell did you say to him?
God, who messed with my computer?
What? I don't understand.
Do you speak English?
No, no.
- A-acropolis.
- Ah, acropolis.
- Is this the last one?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
- I'm sure.
OK, let's go.
Oh, my God!
This is totally awesome.
I've gotta record
my impressions of this place.
It's too much.
Hello!
- Oh, no!
- Get us outta here, Ben. Fast!
I don't believe it!
That old guy dropped dead
the minute he got near ya.
What did you do? Fart?
It's not funny, Mick.
I think they killed him.
Why?
I don't know, but he was trying
to tell me something when he died.
He spoke some weird language.
It's on this tape.
It doesn't make sense.
You mean it's all Greek to you?
Very funny. No, it's not Greek.
It sounds similar
but definitely not Greek.
Let Mick listen.
If it's gibberish, he can translate.
Hey, no ethnic jokes, OK?
It must be Russian.
The KGB?
Yeah, it must be the KGB.
Come on. Why?
Who else would kill a guy
for a crummy tape?
Thank you, Mr. Boswell.
OK, I talked to the cultural attach.
He said if we suspect foul play,
it's better if we don't go to the embassy
in case we've been followed.
Anyway, he gave me his address.
He said he spent two years in Moscow
and he can translate Russian.
They're after me.
Please, take this tape.
Don't tell anyone.
No one must know...
...or the KGB will find out.
Your life will be in grave danger.
No matter what happens,
you must never listen to this tape.
If anything happens to me,
take the tape to...
- To...
- Who?
Take the tape to who?
All I hear now is, "Oh, shit.
He's hit. The guy is hit."
He said the magic word.
You owe us a buck.
It doesn't count,
I was under stress.
I mean,
it seems as though
the old man bought the farm
before he got to the juicy part.
I guess whatever name he was trying to say
must be on that other tape.
Yeah, the one he didn't give me.
He didn't?
No. I suppose he meant to,
but I got freaked and started running.
Then these two guys in suits ran up to him
and started looking through his pockets.
Well, I'm no wizard
and I'm no secret agent,
but the thing
seems to speak for itself.
Do you think it's KGB?
No, I think it's MTV.
Huh?
That's a joke, son.
Of course it's KGB.
Who else would kill a Russian
for a tape?
That's what I told them, sir.
Well, the way I see it,
and remember I'm no wizard
and I'm no secret agent,
I'm just a goddamn bullshit attach
one week from retirement,
some Russian secret
was sneaked out of the country,
and the KGB found out.
Maybe some fellow named Ovidoff
had something to do with it, maybe not.
But the KGB have been known
to seal mouths
as well as to make them talk.
But then, there's nothing for you
to be afraid of.
You guys don't have that other tape.
On the other hand,
if you do have it...
...let me give you a little piece of crap,
otherwise known as advise.
Don't screw around
with these clowns.
They play for keeps.
You bring me that other tape
and I'll arrange for you boys
to go home on a military plane.
Well, it's been a pleasure
meeting with you, boys.
You have my number. Call.
If anything happens,
if anything goes wrong,
if you see anything suspicious
or if you happen to find that tape, call.
I wouldn't want you guys
to meet with any ugly accidents
in such a pretty country.
If we do meet with any,
it won't be the KGB
It'll be the CAB
What's a CAB?
A cab, dummy.
Get it? CAB.
Sure. Real funny, Mick.
Boy, are you lame sometimes.
The man said, "No matter what happens,
don't listen to the tape."
Ah, famous last words.
I don't think he knew
they would kill him
before he gave you the name.
Why do we even care?
I mean, we came here to be
foreign-exchange students, not spies.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Wait a minute.
You can just sit there
like nothing happened and say,
"Well, a guy was just shot for this tape,
but I'm just gonna go on with my plans
"because I'm here
for the fun and the women."
- You can say that, Bobby?
- Sort of, yeah.
What do you think is on that tape?
Jane Fonda's workout?
Look, let's talk
about some important things
like freedom, duty, country.
- I wasn't born here, Mick.
- So what?
If the Russians want that tape this badly,
they'll use it against our country.
That's bogus and totally fascist.
- Les?
- Yeah?
Shut up.
OK.
So, I'm asking you, Bobby.
What ideals did you grow up with?
What dreams?
Sports cars.
Insatiable blondes.
Come on, what's it gonna be, creep?
Your duty to your country,
your duty to yourself as a free man,
your total and unselfish sacrifice
for the sake of probably millions
of innocent people,
or just broads?
That's a tough one, Mick.
Come on, pal, what's it gonna be?
The broads.
Me too. Just checkin'.
- But what do we do with the tape?
- Give it to Boswell.
Dump it in the ocean.
- Before we listen to it?
- After we listen to it, nerdo.
Yeah, but what if it's dangerous
and blows our minds?
Not to worry.
You don't have a mind.
OK, shoot.
Hey, guys?
Hey! Mick?
Hey, can you guys hear me?
'My dear friend
and devoted colleague,
'by now, as you to listen to this tape,
'you must be as stunned as I was
when I first came across
'the ultimate, most potent
hallucinogenic discovery in history.
'It is, of course, nothing
but a white modulated frequency.
'I have been working on this
since we last met in Oslo.
'But I am now afraid that my experiments
must come to a swift end.
'The other night I learned
that my secret is no longer a secret.
'I found a man in my apartment.
'He was listening
to the results of my discovery.
'As you know, my friend,
I am a non-violent man.
'But the very thought of someone,
'anyone with the wrong intentions
getting his hands on my invention,
'filled me with dread and panic.
'I killed the man.'
'I killed the man.'
'I killed him with my own hands.
'Yet it was unnecessary
to become violent.
'I simply changed the modulation
of the frequency,
'then boosted the volume.
'As much as I despise the KGB,
I hated watching that man die.
'This tape demonstrates
'only the bear minimums
of what my frequency is capable of doing.
'It stimulates the coalus rinatus,
'a relatively unknown area of the brain,
'and can create vivid hallucinations
of religious magnitudes.
'And, coded in music,
'it can produce spectacular images
directly into the mind.
'Unfortunately I learned too late
'that my invention can do more
than bring joy.'
' Podnbje can destroy the world.
'The frequency which is allowing you
to experience all this, my dear friend,
'may be harmless in itself
'but, when joined with
and modulated with a lower frequency,
'it is instantly transformed
into a weapon of global proportions.
'These frequencies, for example,
if combined and beamed through a satellite,
'could destroy the population
of a large city in 30 seconds.
'I separated the two frequencies.
'I am sending this tape to you
'in the care
of my loyal friend Yuri Kazanoff,
'who is sacrificing his family and home.
'I beg you to give him
shelter and protection.
'The second tape was sent
with another volunteer
'and surely must have been received
by you already.
'This tape is quite harmless.
'Its counterpart is also safe by itself.
'Don't let them have
this tool of destruction, my friend.
'Deny its existence
'and, if necessary, destroy it.'
Wow!
I can't believe it.
Yeah, how about that earthquake?
That wasn't an earthquake,
it was a nuclear explosion.
No, it wasn't. I saw it!
So did I!
Are you guys blind or what?
It was a tidal wave,
big as a friggin' mountain.
Wait a minute.
What?
We all saw different things, right?
This stuff must be like dope,
never the same for different people.
Yeah...
Yeah, like it works
on your subconscious.
I don't know about you guys
but I'm scared.
Do you still wanna
give the tape to Boswell?
No way.
You still wanna dump it
in the ocean?
No.
Too good to waste. The only problem is
we don't know where we're going.
Yes, we do.
See, when I first heard
the Russian on that tape,
the only words that I could make out
were Blair Flemming and Mykonos.
Before we went to see Boswell,
I edited the tape,
so when he heard it, it seemed like
the old man got shot
before he had a chance to tell me.
Now, I'm gonna erase
the last remaining evidence.
Nobody but us will know.
Mwah!
Mykonos on our cruise schedule, genius?
Yep.
I've got this burning itch
to talk with a certain Blair Flemming.
I can hear your voice
is calling me in the night
As I'm walking down the street
Must be only an illusion
of some kind
No one else around but me
And no matter how I'm trying
I can't get you off my mind
Lost in the night...
Forty-five minutes, you guys.
No bus.
Let's take a cab.
- I don't wanna die young.
- Don't be lame.
Not every cabbie in this country
is insane.
But most of them must be.
You boys wanna have some fun?
Who wants to know?
Me, Sally.
And my friends over there.
What sort of fun?
- We'll miss the boat...
- Quiet, Les.
Yeah, what sort of fun?
Lots of girls and you.
Anything goes.
"Never on Sunday" type of fun.
But it is Sunday.
- Les, shut up.
- OK.
How much?
First, we'll give you a free sample.
- Then we'll negotiate.
- We'll take it.
Slow down, pal.
Don't you think it's fair
to ask our opinion?
Sure. What do you think?
OK, you guys, over there.
Holy shit!
- Two bucks.
- Come on, Bobby, what is it?
It's unbelievable.
The biggest orgy I've ever seen.
You've never seen an orgy before.
Twenty bucks a head.
What does she mean by "a head"?
Twenty bucks a piece.
How's that?
No clothes allowed in there.
Take 'em off,
put 'em in your locker,
take the keys,
and we'll meet you in the grand hall.
Walk straight ahead,
you can't miss it.
Come on, guys, do it.
That is, unless
you've changed your minds.
Alright, guys, let's go get 'em.
Jeez, you're already getting excited.
Cut it out, it's the tape.
Girls, we're ready.
Shit, it's a rip-off! Let's run.
- It was too easy, I'm tellin'...
- One more word and you're dead.
It's not funny.
Going to a toga party, boys?
Mr. Boswell. We can explain this.
No need. I think I know already.
You were set up, boys.
- Why?
- Obviously for that goddamn tape.
They searched your gear,
found nothing, then dumped it.
You're lucky I was following you.
You mean they were KGB hookers?
Hookers? Come on.
No decent hooker would have left
all your money in your clothes.
'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome on board the Oceanos.
'We'll be sailing in a few minutes
'and we hope that in the meantime
'you are going to enjoy
the captain's welcome party
'now in progress on the main deck.'
It's always important to a guy to get laid
his first night in a foreign country.
- It's gonna be a piece of cake.
- I agree.
I'm gonna go crash.
That's not what he meant by "getting laid".
You need a female to do that.
See? Take your pick.
They're all hungry.
How do you know?
Single women don't take cruises
just to get seasick.
I don't care. After what happened,
I don't wanna get laid.
- That's because you're a coward.
- And a lowlife scumbag.
You know, your attitude annoys me,
but I'll attribute it
to your collective unconscious
and I won't get mad at you this time.
- Good night.
- Don't wet the bed.
I'm shooting
for the mature and experienced.
They know all the tricks.
I'm easy.
I can teach a few tricks myself.
Let's do it.
- Oh!
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
Hello, Sally.
Small world, huh?
You and me had a little arrangement,
remember?
First, I want my money's worth, and then
for you to walk the deck in your underwear.
Look, I can explain everything.
No need. Sex will do.
Let's have our little orgy
right here, shall we?
Let's start with a kiss.
I hate to get laid without a kiss.
I am not a hooker, you stupid asshole!
It was a setup.
My boyfriend and I split
and he left me without a cent.
I needed the money
to get on this goddamn boat. I...
When those girls offered me a job,
I took it.
Am I supposed to believe this?
You'd better.
Look, they said that you guys
were friends of their relatives,
that they were playing a joke,
nobody was supposed to get hurt.
I didn't know that they were gonna
steal your gear and give it to those guys.
Guys? What guys?
Give me a break.
They were waiting in a car.
It was dark, I couldn't see.
I just took my money and ran.
I'm sorry.
Alright, I tell you what.
You buy me a drink
and we'll call it even.
Alright?
You buy me a drink
and we'll call it even.
As I was saying,
the human exploitation theory
has more than one specific form.
Don't challenge me, Bruce.
I can give you strong debate on that issue.
But as you see,
there are certain aspects of human behavior
which crave to be exploited.
Excuse me, but what is the nature
of your conversation?
Existentialism in the forms
of human exploitation.
Sounds trivial to me.
Does anybody wanna talk
about Indiana Jones?
Now, what did he write?
Boy, are you lame!
This is not the children's deck,
young man.
If you want to play,
you may go to the deck below.
As a matter of fact, I would like
to talk about Indiana Jones.
Shall we stroll, my dear?
Excuse me.
What do you know
about collective unconscious?
Zip. What do you know
about Indiana Jones?
Try me.
'And coded in music,
'it can produce spectacular images
directly into the mind.'
Fix me a drink
Make it a strong one
Hey, comrade, a drink
Make it a long one
My hands are shaking
and my feet are numb
My head is aching
and the bar's going round
And I'm so down
In this foreign town
Tonight there's a band
it ain't such a bad one
Play me a song,
don't make it a sad one
I can't even talk
to these Russian girls
The beer is lousy
and the food is worse
And it's so damn cold
Yes, it's so damn cold
I know it's hard to believe
But I haven't been warm
for a week
Moonlight and vodka
Takes me away
Midnight in Moscow
ls lunchtime in LA
Ooh, play, boys, play
Espionage is a serious business
Well, I've had enough
of this serious business
That dancing girl
is making eyes at me
I'm sure she's working
for the KGB
In this paradise
Ah, cold as ice
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Moonlight and vodka
Takes me away
Midnight in Moscow...
ls lunchtime in LA
Yes, in the good old USA
Mick?
- Who are you?
- Room service.
I didn't order anything.
How about a six-foot coffin?
Argh!
Oh, my God...
- Who is it?
- Maid service, madam.
Just a minute.
Well, despite my relatively young age,
I'm a verified expert
in a lot of different fields.
- That's interesting.
- Thank you.
Take karate, for instance.
I'm a master.
Got more belts
than I can even count.
I can kill a man
with my bare hands.
See this hand?
It's a deadly weapon.
These fingers were trained
for thousands of hours,
driven in the hot sand,
hard pebbles, sharp rocks,
even soaked 'em in pickle brine
to make the skin as tough as leather.
Totally impervious to pain.
Nothing stops these hands
once they're on a mission.
So... let's talk about you.
Well, I'm obviously older.
No belts, no trained fingers.
I make my living
by solving people's problems.
I do a radio talk show.
People with problems call in
and I help them on the air.
You're a radio shrink.
I have been called worse.
Sugar?
Please.
No spoon. I'll get one.
Oh, no need.
We've got the world's deadliest fingers
right here. They can do the job.
This isn't uncomfortable, is it?
Nah. You kiddin'?
You really are tough.
Yep, that's me.
Except I do have to visit
the little boys' room.
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
Sure.
Can I come in now?
I'm not decent.
Are you OK?
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I have to make the bed now.
What are you doing?
I have to get the pillows.
Pillows? Pillows?
I hate pillows.
Can't stand pillows.
I like to sleep flat.
Good for the back.
Alright, I'll get the sheets then.
Sheets? Uh... no need.
Blankets are fine. Just blankets.
OK. I'll get them for you.
- They're in there too?
- Oh, yes, sir.
- Uh... I'll get them for you.
- I'll get them.
- No, I'll get them for you.
- I'll get them.
- I'll get them for you.
- OK!
Oh, hello.
Did your breath do this evil deed?
Look, I just wanna ask you
one quick question, then I'm gone.
- Mick...
- Don't interrupt, Einstein.
As I was trying to say, I'm having
this very intellectual conversation
with a fine female of the species.
She mentioned something about
astral projection and trans-channeling.
- You know what it means?
- She's dead, Mick.
A little old, maybe,
but definitely not dead.
I'm serious, Mick.
And there's another body in the closet.
A nerd, yes, but a necrophiliac?
Shame, shame, Lester.
Are you insane?
The maid is dead.
This guy is also dead.
DED?
Jeez, I leave you alone for 20 minutes
and you wipe out two people.
I didn't do it. They were trying to kill me.
Somebody shot this guy through the window.
And you came in and hit her on the head
when she had her pin behind her.
She was gonna stab me.
Well, the way I see it,
if they're both dead
they can't hurt anybody, right?
- Right. Now what?
- Now I leave.
Go get Bobby. This is heavy.
Don't you guys think
it's a bit much for one day?
I say it's too much.
I mean, a man is killed.
OK, you can say accidents happen.
We get ripped off by hookers
who aren't even hookers
and Boswell runs to the rescue.
Then two people die in our cabin.
This is too much.
It's not exactly what we had planned.
What do we do with them?
Call the captain.
Oh, yeah, that simple!
First thing in the morning
he'll deliver us to the cops.
Why? We didn't do it.
Caeser's wife must not only be innocent,
she must also appear innocent.
Follow me?
I think it's that friggin' tape.
Let's give it to them.
We can't, guys.
Come again?
I threw it in the ocean a while ago.
You stupid asshole...
Ass is legal. I can say ass.
Why, Les? Why?
Why?
Don't worry. I saved it all.
How?
I digitally encoded the whole frequency
into my tape.
Now what?
When we get to the island,
I'll call home,
link the TRS up
with my home computer,
and presto,
everything goes into the memory bank.
That's brilliant.
Then the KGB will know
that we don't have the tape...
...and they'll kill us.
What do we do with the stiffs?
We wait until everybody is asleep.
Then we dump 'em over the side.
In the meantime,
we mingle with a lot of people.
Right, mingle.
Mingle. Mingle, mingle.
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're touching me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, around
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're stalking me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, oh, Lord...
- Dead people can't dance.
- Huh?
- I said dead people can't dance.
- So?
So, you look pretty alive to me.
Wanna dance?
Oh! Uh, dance?
Uh... no, thanks.
I'm not exactly in the mood.
Oh, come on. It'll be fun!
Besides, I'm not the type
that takes no for an answer.
- You're not?
- Uh-uh.
- Why me?
- No other guys are available.
Not under 60 anyway!
Uh... gee, I'm sorry, but...
Leaving all them behind...
I'd love to dance.
Thinking about me
And the times of my life
In a second life...
Well, it's... it's really been great
talking Apple with you, Les.
I mean, I've always felt that AppleTalk
sure beats the hell outta Commodore.
- I'm glad.
- Me too.
Let's talk floppy disks tomorrow.
- Can I ask you something?
- Another joke?
No, I'm serious.
I was just wondering...
Why'd you spend time
with me tonight?
I mean, I don't know that much
about existentialism.
Well, maybe I've had
a bit too much existentialism in my life
and not enough fun.
- You had fun?
- Yeah, I did. Good night.
Aren't you gonna ask me in
for a nightcap?
No. I think I've had
enough excitement for one night.
Can we do it again sometime?
Positively.
I can handle rejection.
I've taken it before
and I can take it now.
I'm a man.
I don't have to put up with this.
I'm not gonna stand here and beg
like some pathetic starving dog.
No way, pal.
Joanna, I'm still here.
The door is an incredibly
uncomfortable place to sleep, Mick,
but if that's what you want,
sweet dreams.
Good night.
So, you wanna play, right?
Who? Me?
You're on, Deadly Fingers.
I want you, and I want you now.
I want it to be rough and I want it
to be quick, so take off your pants.
Hold it, I'm supposed to be doing this.
Not anymore, Deadly Fingers.
Women can have their share
of the fun now too.
- You'd better be good.
- No, wait!
I can explain.
Deliver now, explain later.
Go ahead, make my day.
Now I know
just how heavy death really is.
Shut up and pull.
Excuse me,
but is something wrong?
- I'm afraid so, ma'am.
- No! I mean, no, ma'am.
Nothing's wrong, he's just kiddin'.
And I say there is something wrong.
As I was trying to say,
we've got big problems.
We've been involved in a shootout.
The KGB is after us.
Two of their people
were killed in our cabin.
What we're trying to do
now everyone's asleep
is drag these two stiffs on deck,
dump 'em in the ocean.
Ooh, that's very funny, young man.
Are you a comedian?
As a matter of fact I am.
You might have seen me
in "Table For Five"?
I played the table.
Goddamn kids. Excuse me.
Submitted for your approval:
three jerks from another country,
another dimension,
sailing into a sea of mystery,
carrying stiffs along the deck
of a haunted ship.
They're about to enter the twilight zone.
Got a handful, huh?
Mr. Boswell.
Now, that's what I call a surprise.
Well, actually, fellas,
I knew you'd be in the company of wolves
on this little cruise,
so I decided to play guardian angel.
Are the comrades heavy?
Now, Mr. Boswell, how did you know?
Well, shit, son. The bullet that killed
one of 'em had my name on it.
The other body is your work, I suppose.
So much for the cultural attach crap, huh?
Listen, you guys hit the sack.
I'll take care of the two comrades.
It's nasty business
but somebody's got to do it.
But, Mr. Boswell, why don't we...?
We can't be seen on this ship together.
If they see us talking like this,
I'm a dead man.
We'll meet
when we get to the island.
I'll buy you breakfast.
We'll talk then.
Don't worry,
I'll make contact with you.
Now, get going.
So, no tape?
That's a shame alright.
At least we can enjoy our vacation now.
That's what I call optimism.
You think
they're still gonna try to kill us?
Kill you? Nah!
A little mutilation maybe, that's all.
At least until they discover
the tape's gone.
Then they'll probably get angry.
So, what do we do?
Play it by ear.
If you still have an ear left.
OK, I did it. We're all set.
Are you sure?
Piece of cake.
Uh-oh...
This is serious.
We want to have a little talk
with you.
It's alright, guys, I can handle it.
You better listen and listen good.
I'm a black belt.
My hands are trained weapons.
I don't wanna hurt you guys, OK?
Come on, Mick,
they're gonna hurt us real bad.
So, why don't you just turn around
and start walking
before I get real mad?
Show me how mad you can get,
you little prick.
Oh, he said prick.
Make him pay us a buck.
I'm warning you,
I'm death on two feet.
Leave before I hurt you,
because when I hurt someone,
it's major damage.
You got something that we want
and we want it now.
For the last time, I'm warning you.
Don't make me use force.
You're playing with live ammo here.
Horseshit.
OK.
- Unbelievable.
- Fantastic.
Don't exaggerate guys.
Piece of cake.
Walking down the street
Leaving all of them behind
Thinking about me
And the times of my life
I can't see her face
I can't see her eyes
But I can feel your breath
I can paint your smile
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're touching me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, around
Sandrina, Sandrina,
you're stalking me now
Sandrina, Sandrina, oh, Lord
Hey, you wanna hear
what I figured out?
No, but you're gonna tell us anyway,
so go ahead.
Well, the tape can no longer be stolen,
lost, or destroyed, right?
Right, you saved New York. So?
So, since the frequency
can be encoded on a song,
and since it can't be decoded,
copied or analyzed,
once it's hidden in the music...
You didn't.
Yep, made a whole tape
full of far-out stuff.
If you think so much of him
Why don't you run back to him?
When I hear you call his name
Just doesn't feel the same
if you need more than I can give
if you need something
I can't deliver
Just go now before it's too late
Please don't hesitate
Had my chance, I couldn't see it
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
emotional refugee
I see your signs
In this modern world
I feel out of time
Understood in retrospect
In real time
And you know I feel alright
Baby
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
Feel my strength entwined
Real time
You know I feel alright
Make love
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
- Feel my strength entwined
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
In real time
I get to feel our love
Entwine your love with mine
In real time I get to feel our love
Entwine your love with mine
In real time
You know I feel alright
This is real
So take what's mine
Go and feel it
Feel it, feel it
Hey, something really strange
is going on here.
You can now give me an orgasm
without even touching me.
Yeah. I've been told that before.
How'd you like the little show?
You stole my tape.
Wrong, mon capitaine.
In the first place,
it's not your tape, it's ours.
In the second place,
I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it.
My TRS is gone, missing.
Gone.
My whole life is gone.
Jeez, what am I gonna do now?
I'm wiped out.
Devastated.
I understand how you must feel.
Your computer was your friend,
the one friend
who never talked back, never argued,
never said anything
you didn't wanna hear,
always listened
to whatever you had to say.
Are you into psychology or something?
No, I'm into computers and nerds.
When we get on shore,
you and I...
are going to take
a long walk on the beach.
What do you mean,
you're not sure about yourself?
You know...
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
There's nothing at all wrong with you.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I mean...
I always had doubts about my...
You know, the way I am.
What way is that?
I don't know, it's...
It's just that sometimes I think
that maybe I'm...
- ...gay or something.
- Never in a million years.
How do you know?
I've been around.
If there's one thing
you're definitely not, it's gay.
You're as straight as they come.
Look, I'm gonna tell you something, but...
you gotta promise not to laugh, OK?
Promise.
I've never slept with a girl before.
There's always a first time, Lester.
Did you say
I couldn't make a comeback
Did you say
it's too bad I had to lose track...
How do you feel?
Like Frankenstein.
But I like it.
'Cause I'd been training
through long, hard rainfall
I knew for sure
I hadn't danced my last one
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory...
Hi, Steph. Seen Les?
Haven't you?
No. You know where he is?
Maybe.
Lester?
Les Sherwood?
What hit you?
Hurricane Stephanie.
This is unbelievable.
Like the change, huh?
It sucks.
What are you talking about?
You look awful.
You look like two zillion
other blond zombies from Malibu.
What happened
to your distinctive personality,
your sophisticated outlook,
your own special Lester charisma?
Listen, jerk, I've just about had it
with all your abuse.
I'm not gonna take it anymore,
you got it?
Sure, Les, that's cool.
Sorry, Mick.
Guess I'm not very good
at this sort of stuff.
Good? You were great!
That's the only thing
to deal with an asshole like me.
Here's a buck for the word.
'The volcanic island of Santorini
'offers our passengers
a unique means of transportation:
'a picturesque donkey ride
all the way to the top,
'where the view is really marvelous.
'Have a pleasant excursion.'
Alright!
Let's go.
Oh, God, it's so beautiful up here.
It's so peaceful and quiet.
Hey, you hear that?
Yeah.
Hey, I didn't know that they can
bring people up here in choppers too.
They don't.
- I think I pissed my pants.
- Is everybody OK?
What the hell happened up here?
A chopper was trying to run us down.
They were shooting at us too.
You seem alright.
Yeah, they're lousy shots, Mr. Boswell.
Must definitely be Russian.
Alright, everybody take cover.
Move it, move it!
Move it, damn it!
Do an old man a favor, kid.
Get outta here f-fast.
They'll be back.
We can't leave you here.
You're sitting ducks.
Get out.
The police don't get involved.
He needs to get to a hospital.
Horseshit. I'm dying.
No hospital.
Don't give 'em the tape.
No matter what.
Take it where it belongs.
Oh, God...
Now this is getting real serious.
We can't leave him.
He's dead.
There's nothing we can do for him.
Let's get outta here.
- We had to take a vote.
- And?
Well, we decided two against one
that we believe your story
and we're gonna stick with you.
Who voted against?
- Do you really wanna know?
- Yeah.
It was Stephanie.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. I understand.
I'll see you on the ship, OK?
A gun?
I'm afraid I really did create
Frankenstein's monster.
What are you talking about?
You.
What's happened to you? You used
to solve problems with your mind.
Well, that was before
a bunch of creeps came along
and screwed up
an ordinary guy's dream vacation.
I'm not taking it anymore.
Oh, and you think
this is the way to handle it?
Yes. Things have changed.
Open your eyes, Les.
Think.
Don't react like some hyper four-year-old
in a candy store.
Now's the time to use
that genius brain of yours.
Something's going on here
and you haven't put your finger on it yet.
What are you saying?
I'm saying you should do
what Luke Skywalker did.
- Who?
- Luke Skywalker.
Use your mind, Les.
Your mind.
What's wrong with him?
I think he liked the old man.
I think it's because
he's never seen anybody die before.
Mm...
Ladies and gentlemen...
I suddenly see everything.
Whoo!
I am the miracle man.
I can tell the future.
Hi, sweetie.
Thanks for the memories.
Last night at the beach
was just really wonderful.
And you know
what she told me, Mick, huh?
She said...
She said, "You are 100% male."
She did! Honest to God,
that's what she said.
I'm losing my appetite.
Oh!
Stay for dessert, my dear.
We'll have Mick for dessert.
Or at least you will.
Come on, Les, shut up.
Ow, that tickles! Ow!
Look, they're coming to take me away.
Oh, my! They're coming to take me away.
OK, it's clear.
That was terrific, Les,
but are you sure about all this?
Positive. I don't know enough yet
but I'm working on it.
- What time is it?
- A little after midnight.
Alright. Mick, connect with Joanna.
Bobby, stay with Sally.
I'll handle the rest.
'...the tour will start
'as soon as we are safely docked.
'Before going ashore,
please make sure
'you have your landing tags
and your shore-excursion tickets.
'Buses are waiting
at the end of the pier.
'Bus number four
is for English-speaking passengers.
'We remind you
that all passengers must...'
- Alright, what about this?
- Eat your hearts out.
'It's raining, it's pouring
'My love life is boring...
'The mic is on?'
Hey, girls! Slow down.
I want to talk to you.
Listen... you like some fun?
What kind of fun?
Well, I have got a boat in the harbor,
a real big one.
You could go swimming?
Skinny-dipping, huh?
Anything.
You like hand jobs?
Absolutely.
Take one more step, and you'll get
the biggest one of your life.
Oh, God. Don't shoot, please.
Don't follow us. Got it?
I'm becoming a fucking feminist.
OK, OK, I owe you a buck.
Put it on my tab.
What's wrong, Stephanie?
I don't feel too well. I think
I'm gonna go lie down for a while.
Do you want us to wait for you?
No, it's a small island.
I'll catch up with you later.
Excuse me, do you know
where Professor Blair Flemming lives?
You go straight up here
and make a right.
Thank you.
What do you want?
Does Professor Blair Flemming live here?
I have to see him.
- Who are you?
- Lester Sherwood, a friend.
- Is he in?
- No.
Please, it's very important
that I talk to him soon.
Wait here.
Go to the Manto. Wait there.
Wait, hold on. What's the Manto?
Terrific.
Whoa!
Remember Butch and Sundance?
Go for the horses.
Ow!
It's Miller time.
Good morning.
Bonjour.
Parlez-vous franais?
Oh, shit.
As if I didn't have enough on my mind,
here comes Pep Le Pew.
What you said sounds French?
Are you amricain?
Yes.
I think
you wanted to talk to me, Lester.
Who are you?
I'm Blair Flemming.
You came to see my father, didn't you?
Jesus! Yes, I did.
I've gotta talk to him.
You can't, Lester.
He died two months ago.
- But I thought...
- I know.
News travels slow in the Soviet Union.
Ovidoff didn't know.
So you already...?
Yes. You have something for me,
don't you?
I did. Not anymore.
- KGB?
- And the CIA.
The whole world.
I had to put it in a safe place.
There isn't any safe place
for what you have, Lester.
I heard the second tape.
I understand a lot of this.
My father always let me in
on his secrets.
He was a pacifist, an idealist.
So was Ovidoff.
Unfortunately, when men like them die,
they are not replaced.
What about you?
I'm not sure.
Death scares me
and the thought of pain makes me sweat.
I don't know what I'd do
if I had both tapes.
You'd hold the world in your hands.
I don't like this world much.
Why hold on to it?
This whole island is crawling
with strange people.
I can't tell the good guys
from the bad anymore.
Any ideas?
As long as you have the one tape
and I have the other,
I see no grave danger.
Why don't we keep it that way
for a while?
You need any help?
All I can get. You drive?
Like Bobby Allison.
By the way, my name's Linda.
Where's Stephanie?
"We need to talk. I've got Stephanie,
you've got something I want.
"Let's trade."
- Like you figured?
- Yeah.
He wants to meet us at the old mine,
two miles north of Psarou.
- Stephanie?
- He says
to empty your pockets
and move slowly or he'll shoot.
OK, we don't have any weapons.
We'll do whatever he wants.
He says to raise your hands
over your head.
You can come out now, Mr. Boswell.
Good guess, kid.
It wasn't a guess.
I suppose this is where the bad guy
tells the good guys why he did it, right?
Wrong.
The good guys already know.
The KGB was never involved
in this thing.
Even the man
that Ovidoff killed in Moscow,
he wasn't KGB, he was CIA.
Bravo, kid. I'd clap
but my hands are sort of full.
Those guys who killed Yuri?
They were CIA too.
You're getting warm.
No, I'll rephrase that.
You're sizzling. Go on.
You left too many clues, Mr. Boswell.
Kids see a lot of spy movies.
If the plot sucks,
they know real fast.
You figured it all out.
That's gratifying.
After all, you're nice kids.
I like you.
You're a likeable guy yourself.
You never really killed anybody.
Those stiffs on the boat
were all makeup and fake blood.
I admit, I do have a flare for theatrics
that must have scared the shit out of you
a couple of times.
But I hope you understand I was only trying
to get both tapes without hurting anybody.
You stole Les's computer
to pressure us into breaking.
That's why he got closer to Stephanie.
And you even staged your own death
to pressure us
into giving you the cassette,
the only way
you could get both tapes.
- Excellent.
- The death stunt was too heavy.
We reversed the roles.
Les put the pressure on Stephanie
and followed her
to John Tunnoff's cabin
when she told your head honcho
she wanted out.
Oh, yeah.
My own trigger-happy John Tunnoff.
What an asshole!
Look, I'll make a long story short, kid.
I'm too old a whore
to believe that sex is fun.
I worked for the government all my life.
I've been shipped to some
of the shittiest hellholes in the world.
I've shot some people.
Some of them have shot me.
I had one stinking week to go
before retirement
when I got this last assignment.
It was a chance for a solid bonus
if I could convince the agency
that we screwed up and lost the tape.
What the hell.
I could have sold
the damn thing for big money.
Trust me, I still can.
Anybody else in your business
would have used a lot of violence.
Why didn't you?
Let's just say that I'm a sucker
for cute faces, kids.
Better yet,
let's say that killing a Russian
makes you a hero with the agency,
but three dead American kids
draw a lot of unnecessary attention.
Let's make this pleasant.
- Where is Podnbje?
- What?
It's Russian for sky-high.
Where is it?
Where it belongs.
With Professor Blair Flemming.
Nice work, kid.
Now all I need
is the one missing detail
and you can have Stephanie
and I can have the rest of the day off.
Ta-da. The envelope, please.
Alright.
It's the house by the windmills,
the one with the green shutters.
Take it easy, boys.
Just play it smart,
as you have so far,
and nobody will get hurt.
Sorry I have to take the car,
but ten miles on foot in this heat
would kill me.
Don't look so grim.
a 'est la vie.
Sorry, no more room.
You think it's gonna work, genius?
It worked before
when I zapped Boswell's men.
The cassette inside the tape deck
is already running.
The frequency will hit Boswell
in... 30 seconds.
Twenty, 19, 18, 17...
...four, three, two, one, zero.
I won't let you go
it doesn't matter what you do
I just need to have you
by my side...
It worked!
Mr. Boswell is about to retire
permanently.
With him the world's greatest invention
will also retire.
- Yeah, what's left of it.
- What do you mean?
Linda helped me make a phone call
to my home computer.
I erased all the information
of the frequency.
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
Love me like I do
You can love me too
Falling, falling for your love
So long!
Picture this: a certain Mr. Boswell
one week before retirement
gripping the wheel of an automobile,
careering off course
into the twilight zone.
Would you mind if I decided
to stick around for a little while?
How little?
Oh, not long.
A year, maybe.
I'm gonna be real busy, you know.
I know. I promise to behave.
No sexual demands.
As long as it's not more
than three times a day.
Don't start
cutting down on me already.
Your friend has a problem?
Mick? Nah.
He can handle it.
I'm not gonna cry, you know.
Of course not.
It would be bad for your image.
Am I gonna see you again?
- No.
- Why not?
Because you'll be in this dreadful place
for another year,
and when you come back,
you'll be too old for me.
Be serious.
I've got a husband who I love
and a kid your age.
Three years old?
Three and a half.
Bye, kiddo.
Thanks for the education.
Stay insane.
- What?
- Stay insane!
Hey, you didn't even talk about it
with her, Les?
She wouldn't talk about it.
She said there's nothing to say
and just got on the ship.
Well, you can't replace a warm female
with a cold silicone chip.
Yeah, I know.
What the hell.
Once I quit, I figured
I might as well quit for good.
Did you say
I couldn't make a comeback
Did you say
it's too bad I had to lose track
I bet you bet
you won't come back this time
'Cause I'd been training
through the long, hard rainfall
I knew for sure
I haven't danced the last one
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory
Did you say
I couldn't go the distance
That silver dreams
would never stand resistance
When all your words
were washed away like sand
And I won't deal
with yesterday's confusion
I'll leave you with your last illusion
Feel the wings of victory
It's like, come on
I'm breaking free
What can you say or offer me
Feel the wings of victory
Feel the wings of victory
Funny the way
that you can win the run
Funny that when it's right
the spirit cries, "Take her back"
And puts you on a course
already won
Oh-oh