Slanted (2025) Movie Script
1
I'm telling
you, my homemade beef jerky,
the ultimate Super Bowl snack.
It's protein rich.
Nah, dude,
you're screwing with me.
No, no, no, no,
if there's one snack
for Super Bowl, dude, nachos.
Nachos? Really?
Oh, my God. It's too many
carbs. Where's the protein?
Why are
you worried about carbs?
Dude, there's-there's protein
in the cheese, dude.
Put some chicken on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, so the first time
she has it, right?
I serve up some-some-some
elk meat, and it's working.
- Everything's going great.
- You catch that.
- You get that yourself, right?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Of course I do. All the time.
I bone it. It's boned.
- You do boned?
- Yeah.
Oh, man. All right,
check it out. Check it out.
Soon as she has it,
she gets violently ill,
pukes all over us, pukes
all over the kid's car seat.
We can't go anywhere
for a week!
Oh, that's sick, dude.
Oh, no, that's too bad.
That's too bad.
Anyway...
This is Joan Huang.
She came
all the way from China.
Uh, take a seat right
there next to Jeremy.
Everyone, let's rise.
Joan, you can just
listen for now.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag of
the United States of America
and to the republic
for which it stands,
one nation under God,
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
Hello.
My name is Joan.
Ew! What is that?
Let's go.
Baba!
Roger, I'm sorry, but you have
already agreed to work late.
- Do I just swallow?
- Yeah, yeah.
I actually made it.
Prom King and Queen
is more than
just a popularity contest.
Here at Clarksville High,
the Prom Queen and King
represent American values
and who we all strive to be.
So without any further ado,
this year's prom queen
is... Hannah Summers.
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Hannah! Hannah!
...definition,
and I zoomed you in here,
but I like how
I can kind of have
a little bit of room to play.
So I'm taking
that angled brush,
and I'm flicking it outward,
and as you can see,
I already have my mascara on.
I like having my mascara
done first so I really know...
Hi, my loves!
I have some exciting
news to announce.
I just booked the lead role
in a new TV show!
Ah! I can hardly believe it.
I'm still pinching myself.
I do have some
sad news, though.
I'm not gonna be able
to run for prom queen
'cause I'll be on
set, making magic.
Oh.
Hey, it's Brindha.
At the beep, hang up
and text me, you weirdo.
Coming!
-Hey, mom.
-Hey.
Speak English, mom.
The chorus
sounds good.
Mmm. Oh.
Bye, dad.
-Mm.
-Ah!
Pork floss,
my favorite!
-My bad.
-It's chill.
When are you
gonna talk to him?
He doesn't like me like that.
How do you know if you
never try to kiss him?
Okay, one, I would
never just kiss him.
That's literally
sexual harassment.
And two, I'm perfectly happy
just fantasizing
about his hairless penis.
Ew. Why hairless?
Stop trying to distract me.
Did you watch it?
Watch what?
Bro, the video.
Yes, I did. Chill.
I'm just kidding.
You know
what this means?
I could actually win.
Okay, I sound like
a broken record at this point,
but you don't need it.
You just don't think I can win.
No, I just think
it's a waste of time.
Prom queen is worth my time.
When I get back,
you better change your mind.
Hmm.
Hi, my loves.
This is Ms. Valentine.
She's my science teacher
and a fierce advocate
for climate change.
She's actually the president
of the Evergreen Committee,
a nonprofit dedicated
to fighting global warming.
Can you say hi to my followers?
Okay, so as you all know,
I started the Feel the Burn
Challenge three weeks ago
to raise awareness
for climate change,
but really to show how quickly
our skin burns
under the sun now
compared to 30 years ago.
Since then,
I've managed to raise
$1,000 to fight climate change.
Surprise!
How very thoughtful, Olivia.
Okay, I'm gonna need
more out of you.
I'm gonna need more excitement.
Can you scream?
Maybe shed a tear,
talk about how this money
is gonna change your life?
Beautiful. Okay, phone.
Three, two, one.
We love you,
Ms. Valentine!
Gag! Ugh.
I think what Olivia
is doing is altruistic.
Feel the Burn?
You think it's altruistic?
It's fucking stupid. That's
what it is. It's all for show.
Plus, it's fucking racist, too.
You think this brown skin's
gonna burn like that white girl?
All she cares about
is her followers.
So you think Olivia's
racist and stupid?
And cringe.
Very, very cringe.
So help me beat her
friends for prom queen.
You are so fucking
stubborn. You know that?
I have a whole plan.
Is Nasher Brian
a part of that plan?
Oh, he's so fucking hot.
Hmm, okay, Joan, let's get it!
Mm, yeah!
-I'd bang, bang his ass any day!
-Mmm, mmm.
-Mmm, mmm.
-Um...
Where are we?
- You must be Joan.
- Hi, Mrs. Adams.
You are so pretty.
Do you know that?
Come on in.
Your dad is almost done.
If you wait here,
I made you some tea.
We were just in Fujian.
It's where you're from, right?
Oh!
-Roger, what was that?
-Dad?
Oh, my god.
-Oh, my god.
-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Accident. A-accident.
-What did he say?
-He is very sorry.
He said it won't happen again.
Oh, God.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
Okay. I never liked
that print anyway.
But if it happens again,
he will not be able to work here
or for any of my friends
ever again.
Hmm?
So, uh,
it should close away...
Uh...
Okay, okay, okay.
And now, this year's
Stanwood Park prom queen
is Joan Huang!
Oh, my god!
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan!
Coming.
I made cookies.
-Yo, yo.
-Yo.
Sorry about your dad.
Hey, you still have
time to campaign?
I feel horrible for saying this,
but Americans don't clean.
-Hmm?
-Immigrants clean.
I don't wanna be a stereotype.
- Aw.
- What?
You look like a virgin.
-I am a virgin.
-You are.
But people don't
need to know that.
Thankfully, your bestie is
a graphic design genius.
Dude!
Hmm?
Boop!
My lady!
Skadoosh!
Oh, it's super sick.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Nice
-Hi.
Um, vote for me, Joan Hua...
Okay.
Hi. Vote for me, Joan Huang.
Hey, vote for me, please?
Ow! Oh, my gosh.
Happy Lunar New Year.
Oh, wow.
Looks so, uh, b-badass.
I've gotta get to school.
Okay, mom.
Hey! Oh, my god.
- Sorry.
- Olivia, hi!
I thought you were someone else.
Nice hair.
-It's so... wrong. Uh...
-You already said that.
I don't know what else to say.
Why didn't you tell me
you were gonna do this?
It was spontaneous.
I thought, as my friend,
-you'd support my new look.
-I do. It's just...
What?
Never mind.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Don't worry. I have
the right person this time.
Feel free to say no,
but a few of us
are getting our nails done
after school.
If you're not doing anything,
you should come.
-Yeah, I'd love to.
-Cool.
Yeah. Happy New Year.
Okay, bye.
What do you think?
I think that would
look really cute on you.
- Actually...
- Yeah, just...
Okay.
-Hi.
-Hey.
I'm so glad
you could come.
This is Greta, and this is Cat.
What makes it move?
- Cat, babe. Can you take her?
- Yeah, come sit down.
- Okay.
- Come sit.
-You speak Mandarin, right?
-Yeah.
I-I mean, I'm not
fluent or anything.
But, like, you can speak it?
-Yeah.
-Okay, cool. Come here.
Can you ask her
for the gel deluxe mani
with the full design package?
Uh...
She said it's $100.
There's, like,
a "locals" discount.
Um...
Um...
Girls, I was doing
a cam read yesterday
with this guy who was like,
a five, if I'm being generous.
We were in the middle
of this audition.
I'm sorry. He was a four.
I have to stop being so nice.
We were in the middle
of this audition.
He's doing a line about, like,
his dead mom or something.
He's looking at me.
He gets a boner.
Greg freaks the fuck out.
The director throws him outside.
I almost lose the part
because some four
with a man bun
can't control his libido.
And I think I need to
break up with Greg.
Your life is so hard.
Have you thought about endorsing
someone for prom queen?
-Why would I do that?
-You're Olivia Hammond.
Whoever you endorse will
probably end up winning.
Imagine the bribes you'll get.
You could even feature
the winner on your channel.
Completely unrelated, my parents
just got me two tickets
to go see Blackbear. Wanna come?
O-M-G, that totally reminds me.
I was cleaning out
my room the other day,
and I was totally
gonna throw this away.
Do you want it?
It's so pretty.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Speaking of those Blackbear
tix, can I have both?
Yeah.
Hi, my loves.
Okay, two things.
One, we just got
our nails done,
look at how cute they are,
at the super cute nail shop.
Support local businesses.
Two, I've decided I'm gonna
endorse one girl for prom queen.
She's gonna be gorgeous,
someone we all want to be,
irregardless of prejudice.
I'll make my decision in a week.
Let the games begin.
Thank you so much for coming.
Yeah, of course.
I can see your black roots.
Ew.
This smells so good.
I don't drink
water anymore.
Strictly green juice.
Oh, my God.
Crystals are ten percent off!
Hello?
Hello. Welcome.
Hi.
I-I don't know if I
have the right place.
Joan Huang?
You're in the right place.
Come in.
Don't be shy.
If you go through this door,
the nice ladies inside
will help you out.
What is this place?
A place where we help you
reach your true potential.
Joan Huang?
After
the surgery...
- Yes?
- Come in.
Please take a seat. Dr. Singer
will be right with you.
Before the surgery,
not one NBA player
looked my way.
After the surgery,
they're all up in my DMs.
Before the surgery,
my girlfriend's parents
did not accept my proposal
to marry their daughter.
But after the surgery,
I pretended
to be someone entirely new.
And now, the wedding's
in July.
Let's just hope we
don't have any children.
After the
surgery, I was finally promoted
to my dream job
as veterinarian.
Mm.
Even the animals
treat me different.
Joan Huang.
Mm.
After
the surgery,
they're all up in my DMs.
Mmm, I love seeing
young faces in here.
You know
what I always say,
the younger the better.
Nancy, cue up
the intro video for me.
Dim the lights.
Have a seat, Joan.
Have you ever walked
into a shoe store
only to have the shop manager
ask you to leave,
even though you make 10 times
as much a year as he does?
Have you ever had someone tell
you how impressed they are,
how well you speak
English without an accent?
Or are you just tired of
the way white folks look at you?
You know what
I'm talking about.
I'm Willie Singer.
I'm one of the founders of
Ethnos Inc., the first company
dedicated to true equality.
Now, see, I was not
always like this.
Once upon a time, I, too,
suffered the injustice
of being a person of
color in this world.
I fought for basic rights. I was
passed over for promotions.
I was spat on in the street,
and I got so tired of fighting.
But that's when I realized,
if you can't beat them,
be them.
Let me show you around.
We use cutting-edge technology
called ethnic modification
to change
your skin pigmentation.
We use advanced cell-growth
technology on your face
and your body to alter
your features quickly
and permanently.
No pain, no recovery time.
And to make sure that
the transformation is complete,
even your voice
sounds different.
Voila!
It really is that simple.
Remember, life doesn't
have to be this hard.
What you're describing
is impossible.
Oh, it's a lot, I know.
But I assure you,
it is very much possible.
How?
Come.
Nancy used to look like this.
Dexter.
I want you to show Joan
what you used to look like.
It's like a giant weight
has been lifted.
I finally feel like I belong.
Different people do it
for different reasons.
This was me ten years ago.
I was a bio engineer
with the number one
health manufacturing firm
in all of America.
I worked hard. I kissed ass.
But I knew from the second that
I was born that my success
would always be limited.
So when the tenth white turd
who only got into Harvard
because of daddy's money got
the promotion I deserved, well,
that's when I realized if
I was gonna have equality,
I was gonna have
to create it myself.
So that's when the three
of us, a bioengineer,
a molecular biologist,
and a biophysicist,
started Ethnos Inc.
And we started it
for people like us
to give us a true, fair shot.
I am so thankful that
you found us early in life.
How does it all work?
The whole procedure
takes about two hours.
You pick the features
that you want.
Everything's customizable.
Since you're a minor, we have
to have a parental signature
before we proceed.
-Okay.
-Okay, great.
We're not in it for the money.
We're in it for you.
And since we have
a promotion today,
I would be more than happy
to throw in a hair transplant
free of charge.
Now you can give it a test run.
If you don't like
it, dye it back.
But if you do, bring in
your parental signature
and your deposit.
And we will complete
the transformation.
No more black roots.
How does that sound?
Welcome.
Come, have a seat, Joan.
Are you ready?
Excellent.
You'll just get a little sleepy.
Mm.
Goodnight.
Ugh.
Okay.
Oh, look, it matches your hair.
Um, Eliza threw a little party
with all of her silly friends.
And I'm pretty sure
somebody puked in there.
Someone did puke in here.
Yeah. Oh.
Oh, how is
your father's hand doing?
Not great.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Please tell him
if he would like
to have the number
to my hand doctor,
I'm happy to give it.
Okay, he is the best.
And he's doing some
pro bono work right now
because of a DUI.
We're good.
Are you sure?
Positive.
Actually, if you would
tell your father
that next week's
clean is canceled.
We are going on
a little vacay to Peru.
There's
an incredible artist there
doing painting on cacao beans
in protest of the children
who risk their lives
during the harvest.
It's just so brave.
Cool.
Um, okay.
Field trip.
Sign there.
Hm.
Are you ready?
Okay.
All right, now, you're
just gonna count backwards
from 20 for me, okay?
Twenty, nineteen, eighteen...
seventeen...
How are you feeling?
It's good to be white.
Isn't that dream
just the best?
Hmm.
Are you ready to see yourself?
Hmm.
This is my favorite part.
Three, two, one.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Is that you?
No.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Ha, wrong.
It's me.
Sorry, uh, you have wrong house.
Uh, wrong house.
Please, leave.
Dad, dad, it's me.
-Hey, mom.
-Leave.
Hey, you have a birthmark
on your left thigh.
Uh, your favorite dessert
is the dried taro cake
from down the street.
Uh, I-I, your, your favorite CD.
You were asking me to make
dumplings with you last week.
And, uh, dad, we were writing
a song here a few days ago.
Mom, grandma took this
with me when I was five.
We were sitting right there
when-when you
sliced your hand open,
and we had to sew it up,
and you asked me to take over
your cleaning duties.
I had surgery
to look like this.
Y-y-you're...
-You're not my daughter.
-Dad! Dad! Uh...
Qiqi?
I knew that
you'd both freak out.
So I, uh, here I got you this.
Mm.
Mom signed it.
Aren't you guys at least, like,
a little bit happy for me?
I'll finally be treated the same
as everybody else...
get the same opportunities.
I mean, isn't that what
you always wanted for me?
Hey-hey-hey!
Hello?
Hello? Hi.
Mom, there's no one here.
Hi!
-Hello. How can I help you?
-Doctor?
Doctor! Now!
Uh, yes, one moment
please.
- Singer.
- Hello.
-I'm Dr. Singer. How are you?
-Doctor?
It's so good to...
Oh, how is life treating you?
Do yourself a favor.
Get tickets to
a Michael Bubl concert.
That experience as a white
person will change your life.
Change. Change her.
Change her back.
I am very sorry, um, that you're
unhappy with our services.
Unfortunately, the procedure
is quite permanent.
That's why we require
a parental signature
if they are under 18.
She tricked me. Tricked me.
Our daughter lie.
I am truly sorry
to hear that.
Unfortunately, even
if that is the case,
there's just nothing I can do.
-It's a, it's a perm--
-Ch-change her back.
Chinese daughter. I want--
-It's a permanent--
-Shh, stop it.
How do you say
permanent procedure?
Per... How do you say permanent?
It's per... It's permanent.
No, I know, but change, please.
-I cannot.
-Change and refund.
-Refund.
-Um, I am very sorry.
- Doctor.
- There's nothing you can do.
I am confident that you will
come to understand
how positive a change
that this is gonna be
for your daughter's life
and for your own lives as well.
So much so that perhaps
you and your husband
will come back and get
the surgery yourself.
We do offer family discounts.
Thank you so much
for comin' in.
- No.
- Uh, where's security?
-I really do appreciate it.
-Get doctor back.
-Get doctor back.
-Okay, mom, please!
You stop it! Doctor!
I told you, I'm tired of feeling
like I don't belong.
I'm still Joan.
I just gave myself an upgrade.
Being Chinese was
what made me weak.
And I don't wanna be judged
for somebody that I'm not.
I don't want, I don't
want people to hate me
for things that I haven't done.
Now, whenever I go to school
or I walk into a store,
I don't have to worry
about animosity
or people judging me
because of the way
that my eyes slant.
Huh?
I-I know this is
a surprise to both of you,
but I have been very unhappy
for a very long time.
And I know that you think I'm
erasing my culture or whatever,
but we live here in America.
And now is
the first time in my life
I don't have to be
Asian-American
or Chinese-American.
I can just be American.
You're wrong.
The only mistake I made
was not doing this sooner.
Uh, hey-hey-hey.
Ay.
Ah.
Everyone, this is Jo Hunt from?
California.
Why don't you go find a seat?
Okay, everybody,
let's open up our notebooks
and continue with unit three,
The American Revolution.
So California, huh?
Are you all into, you know,
juice cleanses and hot yoga?
How else am I supposed
to look like this?
Look.
I messed up.
Oh, my gosh, no way.
-You did that.
-Oh.
-Apologize.
-I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
-Yeah.
-It's cool.
That was actually humiliating.
I hate her.
Hey.
Hey, new girl.
Guys, this is Jo. She just
moved here from California.
Oh, no, shit.
-What part?
-LA.
I'm there all the time.
The sunsets are really pretty.
-What brings you here?
-My dad.
He's, like, a movie
producer or whatever.
So I guess he's shooting
a show here.
-What's his name?
-Henry...Hunt.
Henry Hunt.
I've never heard of him.
Really?
Come sit.
I'm Olivia.
-This is my boyfriend, Greg.
-Hi.
You've obviously met Nash.
-And Greta, Cat.
-Hey.
I'm actually an actress.
I mean, I'm not supposed
to share this yet,
but I did just book
the new lead
-on a superhero show.
-Congrats!
It's, like, it's, like,
so slay of you.
Thank you.
Um...
What do you guys think
of Blackbear's new album?
-You like Blackbear?
-Yeah, he's, like, fire.
Super fire.
Are you okay? I'm so sorry.
No, you-you're good.
So what are you guys
doing on Saturday?
Oh, my God, guys.
-We could go to Mickey D's.
-Mickey D's?
She said Saturday night,
not when hell freezes over.
Um, my brother's got a new
semi-automatic we could try.
What the fuck, Greta?
No, in, like, a "girl
power boom boom" kind of way.
My parents are out of town
this weekend.
Cheers!
Hey, so, I've been meaning
to talk to you, I, uh...
really like you.
You think Olivia's gonna
endorse somebody soon?
What?
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
- Olivia. Over here!
- Um...
I think I've got this.
Olivia.
Three, two, one.
- Go, go, go!
- Go, go!
What the fuck? My phone!
Olivia.
I-I have towels.
Come on.
You're so lucky you get
to borrow your mom's clothes.
Why can't you?
She's not
around anymore.
Shit. I'm sorry.
Sure your mom won't mind?
Yeah, she won't
even notice it's gone.
Is this her?
Yeah, and my dad.
You have your mom's eyes.
What are you gonna do
when this is all over?
Um...
Um...
My, uh, my dad,
he wanted to be a musician.
Uh, before he was
a movie producer, you know?
I guess I...
I guess I wouldn't mind
giving that a shot.
So you go to music school?
Yeah.
Write my own songs.
Can you write one for me?
Right now?
Yeah, I mean, actors and
musicians
have to work under pressure
all the time.
Yeah.
I know your secret.
Yeah, when you whispered
to those guys by the pool?
Bitch move, but
I appreciate your tenacity.
I like you, Jo.
Prove to me that
you're trustworthy,
you'll get my endorsement.
Um...
I knew it.
-Do I, do I know you?
-I-it's you, isn't it?
I don't know who you are,
but you need to back off.
Admit it. I saw your lunchbox.
What the fuck did you do?
-Joan? Joan?
-Shut up. Leave me alone!
Go away.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's still the same passcode.
What happened?
-How?
-I-I don't know. Science.
Now what?
You're stuck like this?
I'm not stuck.
This is what I want.
All because you want
Olivia's endorsement?
No, because life is easier.
I'm popular.
Nash wants to fuck me.
I called you like
a hundred times, dude.
I went by your house.
I thought you left
without saying goodbye.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
What are you
doing here?
We're here for the party.
This is
a private party.
Says who?
Me.
- Is this your house?
- No.
But this is my party. You wanna
know whose house it is?
Jo, how about you kindly tell
these party crashers to leave?
Hey, you're being
real rude to my friend.
And last time I checked,
the person who owns this house
is the host of the party.
Your friend, Jo,
personally invited us here.
Jo?
You have to leave.
Excuse me?
This is a private party.
And I'm asking
you guys to leave.
You're really doing this?
Let's go, guys.
Fucking waste of time.
Everyone, I have
an announcement to make.
I've finally decided who
I'm endorsing for prom queen.
I'm endorsing...
Jo Hunt.
All I do is clean
and do school.
How do you translate,
I am miserable?
Just, just-just at
a friend's house.
It's not...
I don't smell anything.
No.
It's mine.
I didn't--
No, dad. Dad!
I didn't do anything!
Dad! I didn't. Dad!
Please!
Uh...
Good afternoon.
I will now announce
the students
who were voted
into the prom court.
You will choose your
final Prom King and Queen
from these names.
Cat Fisher.
Bianca Peterman.
Bianca!
Millie Wolf.
- Is it in alphabetical order?
- I can't believe it!
And last
but not least...
Jo Hunt.
- Oh, my gosh!
- Ah! You're so lucky.
Hey, my loves,
I just took Jo thrifting,
and I found her
the perfect prom dress.
The big reveal will be
in Friday's video.
And more importantly,
I just found out
I got time off set to make
a special appearance at prom
to cheer my girl on.
Are you going
to the party on Friday?
Hey, Olivia,
I was wondering
if we could go thrifting...
Hey. Hey.
Hey, can we talk?
Please?
Look at what you've
done to yourself.
How do you think
that makes me feel?
I don't understand.
Okay.
You thought you were ugly. Hmm?
You think I'm ugly, too?
What? No, I, of course not.
Sure. Yeah.
-Good luck at prom.
-You're not goin'?
It'll just be
another clone winning.
As a white woman, the amount
of things you can get away with
is absurd.
The other day, I claimed my
waiter was a threat to my life.
I received a free meal and a
personal apology from the chef.
How may I help you,
ma'am?
My name is Joan Huang,
and I need to see Dr. Singer.
Of course, dear.
Do you have an appointment?
No, but it's an emergency.
Yes, of course.
Let me just see here.
Dr. Singer's first available
appointment is February 20.
- Great. That's tomorrow.
- Of next year.
- Of next year?
- Yes, ma'am.
Would you like for me
to schedule you in?
No, I, I need to see him now.
Oh, this is a common
side effect. Please hold.
Please spread a thin layer of
cream over the affected areas.
What is this?
When things start to droop,
use one of these little suckers
to pick back up.
-What?
-It's like getting a facelift.
Thank you. Next!
I'm busy!
Hey-hey!
I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy!
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Yes, what?
Yeah, but she was a bitch.
I know you're better off working
for somebody else, anyways.
What do you mean?
No.
No, I...
Of course not.
Now you're accusing
me of trashing her house?
No, I can't believe
you would even accuse me
of something like this.
You know, m-maybe you should
take this as a blessing.
Now you can finally learn
English and get a real job.
That's not what I meant.
Dad, I'm sorry.
What are we celebrating?
Jo, you look stunning!
-Shut up!
-Oh, my God, you.
It's seriously so boorish.
I'm having so much fun.
I heard you were in a limo.
Yeah, was that, like,
the worst experience ever?
I'm so jealous.
Oh, I love this song.
Come dance.
Are you okay?
Your face is...
Uh...
Fuck!
Okay. Fuck!
- Hey, gorgeous girl.
- Ah!
We're about to
announce the winners.
Okay.
-Jo, are you okay?
-Yeah. Yeah.
I'm, I'll meet you
right out there.
It's fine.
-Jo. Jo.
-Hey.
Jo.
Hey.
Your old face fights
back at first.
But it gets better.
Settle down, everyone.
Now to announce
the prom queen and king
is Vice Principal Owens.
Welcome to
Stanwood Park High's prom night!
I have in my hand this year's
winner of prom king and queen.
Just to recap, these are
the nominations for Prom Queen.
Cat Fisher...
Bianca Peterman...
Millie Wolf, and Jo Hunt.
And this year's prom queen is...
Jo Hunt.
With that, Jo, come on up here.
Come on up, Jo.
Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo!
Hey, you're awake.
What happened?
You fainted. Hey, don't worry.
Only a few people in the front
got clear videos.
I'll make sure
they get buried.
My face.
Jo.
It'll heal.
It always does.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay. I know, I know.
Oh.
It's not very often we meet
a fellow Ethnos Inc. enthusiast.
Why don't you stay
for dinner, Jo?
I insist.
Here, Jo.
You can have the leg.
-It's really okay.
-Uh, no need to be polite here.
Here you go, sweetheart.
-Thank you.
-Here you go. Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
So, Jo...
how wonderful
is it to be white?
Um...
what race were you guys
before the surgery?
Uh, we don't use
that word here.
What word?
Race.
Daddy says true equality
knows no race.
Yeah. Yeah.
Go ahead.
We used to be Cuban.
But when we moved
here from Miami,
Dad thought it would be a
great idea to start a new life.
When I learned
of Dr. Singer's work,
I immediately demanded to be
one of his first customers.
I just think that he's doing
something that everyone else
is too scared to do.
He's erasing color to
achieve true equality.
I think
that's worthy of a Nobel Prize.
We've referred
five families already.
So, uh, did your parents
have it done as well?
No.
Oh.
Oh, that's a shame.
Um, well, you know,
eventually people who don't
share the same ideologies,
uh, they fade away.
Um...
What do you mean?
Well...
you, Olivia, and I,
we believe in equality.
True equality.
We were even willing
to change our, uh,
y-y-you know what,
to achieve it.
People who don't feel the same
way, well, eventually they, uh,
well, they're
no longer in your life.
And good riddance, I say.
I haven't spoken
to my mom in years
because she refused to change.
I mean, it's sad, really.
She could have had all of this.
You never miss your old life?
Never.
Oh.
Being American...
not the goal.
The goal is opposite.
I stop follow other people,
and I become my own American.
And you will find
your own American, too.
I have to try.
Welcome to Ethnos Inc.,
your one-stop shop to
the life you've always wanted.
Be sure to check out
our new locations in Richmond,
Pittsburgh, and Spokane.
And remember,
if you can't beat them,
be them.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I wanna be white!
I-I need to see Dr. Singer.
I-I need to see Dr. Singer.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, get off of me!
Hey! Get off! Ah!
Hey!
Let me in!
Please.
- Let me!
- It's okay.
It's okay.
I wanna change back.
You read the contract.
It's impossible.
Please, please.
You have been blessed.
There are thousands that would
kill to have what you have.
I am a monster.
Uh, how do I put it?
For a new plant to grow...
and flourish,
the seed has to die.
I'm telling
you, my homemade beef jerky,
the ultimate Super Bowl snack.
It's protein rich.
Nah, dude,
you're screwing with me.
No, no, no, no,
if there's one snack
for Super Bowl, dude, nachos.
Nachos? Really?
Oh, my God. It's too many
carbs. Where's the protein?
Why are
you worried about carbs?
Dude, there's-there's protein
in the cheese, dude.
Put some chicken on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, so the first time
she has it, right?
I serve up some-some-some
elk meat, and it's working.
- Everything's going great.
- You catch that.
- You get that yourself, right?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Of course I do. All the time.
I bone it. It's boned.
- You do boned?
- Yeah.
Oh, man. All right,
check it out. Check it out.
Soon as she has it,
she gets violently ill,
pukes all over us, pukes
all over the kid's car seat.
We can't go anywhere
for a week!
Oh, that's sick, dude.
Oh, no, that's too bad.
That's too bad.
Anyway...
This is Joan Huang.
She came
all the way from China.
Uh, take a seat right
there next to Jeremy.
Everyone, let's rise.
Joan, you can just
listen for now.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag of
the United States of America
and to the republic
for which it stands,
one nation under God,
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
Hello.
My name is Joan.
Ew! What is that?
Let's go.
Baba!
Roger, I'm sorry, but you have
already agreed to work late.
- Do I just swallow?
- Yeah, yeah.
I actually made it.
Prom King and Queen
is more than
just a popularity contest.
Here at Clarksville High,
the Prom Queen and King
represent American values
and who we all strive to be.
So without any further ado,
this year's prom queen
is... Hannah Summers.
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Hannah! Hannah!
...definition,
and I zoomed you in here,
but I like how
I can kind of have
a little bit of room to play.
So I'm taking
that angled brush,
and I'm flicking it outward,
and as you can see,
I already have my mascara on.
I like having my mascara
done first so I really know...
Hi, my loves!
I have some exciting
news to announce.
I just booked the lead role
in a new TV show!
Ah! I can hardly believe it.
I'm still pinching myself.
I do have some
sad news, though.
I'm not gonna be able
to run for prom queen
'cause I'll be on
set, making magic.
Oh.
Hey, it's Brindha.
At the beep, hang up
and text me, you weirdo.
Coming!
-Hey, mom.
-Hey.
Speak English, mom.
The chorus
sounds good.
Mmm. Oh.
Bye, dad.
-Mm.
-Ah!
Pork floss,
my favorite!
-My bad.
-It's chill.
When are you
gonna talk to him?
He doesn't like me like that.
How do you know if you
never try to kiss him?
Okay, one, I would
never just kiss him.
That's literally
sexual harassment.
And two, I'm perfectly happy
just fantasizing
about his hairless penis.
Ew. Why hairless?
Stop trying to distract me.
Did you watch it?
Watch what?
Bro, the video.
Yes, I did. Chill.
I'm just kidding.
You know
what this means?
I could actually win.
Okay, I sound like
a broken record at this point,
but you don't need it.
You just don't think I can win.
No, I just think
it's a waste of time.
Prom queen is worth my time.
When I get back,
you better change your mind.
Hmm.
Hi, my loves.
This is Ms. Valentine.
She's my science teacher
and a fierce advocate
for climate change.
She's actually the president
of the Evergreen Committee,
a nonprofit dedicated
to fighting global warming.
Can you say hi to my followers?
Okay, so as you all know,
I started the Feel the Burn
Challenge three weeks ago
to raise awareness
for climate change,
but really to show how quickly
our skin burns
under the sun now
compared to 30 years ago.
Since then,
I've managed to raise
$1,000 to fight climate change.
Surprise!
How very thoughtful, Olivia.
Okay, I'm gonna need
more out of you.
I'm gonna need more excitement.
Can you scream?
Maybe shed a tear,
talk about how this money
is gonna change your life?
Beautiful. Okay, phone.
Three, two, one.
We love you,
Ms. Valentine!
Gag! Ugh.
I think what Olivia
is doing is altruistic.
Feel the Burn?
You think it's altruistic?
It's fucking stupid. That's
what it is. It's all for show.
Plus, it's fucking racist, too.
You think this brown skin's
gonna burn like that white girl?
All she cares about
is her followers.
So you think Olivia's
racist and stupid?
And cringe.
Very, very cringe.
So help me beat her
friends for prom queen.
You are so fucking
stubborn. You know that?
I have a whole plan.
Is Nasher Brian
a part of that plan?
Oh, he's so fucking hot.
Hmm, okay, Joan, let's get it!
Mm, yeah!
-I'd bang, bang his ass any day!
-Mmm, mmm.
-Mmm, mmm.
-Um...
Where are we?
- You must be Joan.
- Hi, Mrs. Adams.
You are so pretty.
Do you know that?
Come on in.
Your dad is almost done.
If you wait here,
I made you some tea.
We were just in Fujian.
It's where you're from, right?
Oh!
-Roger, what was that?
-Dad?
Oh, my god.
-Oh, my god.
-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Accident. A-accident.
-What did he say?
-He is very sorry.
He said it won't happen again.
Oh, God.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
Okay. I never liked
that print anyway.
But if it happens again,
he will not be able to work here
or for any of my friends
ever again.
Hmm?
So, uh,
it should close away...
Uh...
Okay, okay, okay.
And now, this year's
Stanwood Park prom queen
is Joan Huang!
Oh, my god!
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan!
Coming.
I made cookies.
-Yo, yo.
-Yo.
Sorry about your dad.
Hey, you still have
time to campaign?
I feel horrible for saying this,
but Americans don't clean.
-Hmm?
-Immigrants clean.
I don't wanna be a stereotype.
- Aw.
- What?
You look like a virgin.
-I am a virgin.
-You are.
But people don't
need to know that.
Thankfully, your bestie is
a graphic design genius.
Dude!
Hmm?
Boop!
My lady!
Skadoosh!
Oh, it's super sick.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Nice
-Hi.
Um, vote for me, Joan Hua...
Okay.
Hi. Vote for me, Joan Huang.
Hey, vote for me, please?
Ow! Oh, my gosh.
Happy Lunar New Year.
Oh, wow.
Looks so, uh, b-badass.
I've gotta get to school.
Okay, mom.
Hey! Oh, my god.
- Sorry.
- Olivia, hi!
I thought you were someone else.
Nice hair.
-It's so... wrong. Uh...
-You already said that.
I don't know what else to say.
Why didn't you tell me
you were gonna do this?
It was spontaneous.
I thought, as my friend,
-you'd support my new look.
-I do. It's just...
What?
Never mind.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Don't worry. I have
the right person this time.
Feel free to say no,
but a few of us
are getting our nails done
after school.
If you're not doing anything,
you should come.
-Yeah, I'd love to.
-Cool.
Yeah. Happy New Year.
Okay, bye.
What do you think?
I think that would
look really cute on you.
- Actually...
- Yeah, just...
Okay.
-Hi.
-Hey.
I'm so glad
you could come.
This is Greta, and this is Cat.
What makes it move?
- Cat, babe. Can you take her?
- Yeah, come sit down.
- Okay.
- Come sit.
-You speak Mandarin, right?
-Yeah.
I-I mean, I'm not
fluent or anything.
But, like, you can speak it?
-Yeah.
-Okay, cool. Come here.
Can you ask her
for the gel deluxe mani
with the full design package?
Uh...
She said it's $100.
There's, like,
a "locals" discount.
Um...
Um...
Girls, I was doing
a cam read yesterday
with this guy who was like,
a five, if I'm being generous.
We were in the middle
of this audition.
I'm sorry. He was a four.
I have to stop being so nice.
We were in the middle
of this audition.
He's doing a line about, like,
his dead mom or something.
He's looking at me.
He gets a boner.
Greg freaks the fuck out.
The director throws him outside.
I almost lose the part
because some four
with a man bun
can't control his libido.
And I think I need to
break up with Greg.
Your life is so hard.
Have you thought about endorsing
someone for prom queen?
-Why would I do that?
-You're Olivia Hammond.
Whoever you endorse will
probably end up winning.
Imagine the bribes you'll get.
You could even feature
the winner on your channel.
Completely unrelated, my parents
just got me two tickets
to go see Blackbear. Wanna come?
O-M-G, that totally reminds me.
I was cleaning out
my room the other day,
and I was totally
gonna throw this away.
Do you want it?
It's so pretty.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Speaking of those Blackbear
tix, can I have both?
Yeah.
Hi, my loves.
Okay, two things.
One, we just got
our nails done,
look at how cute they are,
at the super cute nail shop.
Support local businesses.
Two, I've decided I'm gonna
endorse one girl for prom queen.
She's gonna be gorgeous,
someone we all want to be,
irregardless of prejudice.
I'll make my decision in a week.
Let the games begin.
Thank you so much for coming.
Yeah, of course.
I can see your black roots.
Ew.
This smells so good.
I don't drink
water anymore.
Strictly green juice.
Oh, my God.
Crystals are ten percent off!
Hello?
Hello. Welcome.
Hi.
I-I don't know if I
have the right place.
Joan Huang?
You're in the right place.
Come in.
Don't be shy.
If you go through this door,
the nice ladies inside
will help you out.
What is this place?
A place where we help you
reach your true potential.
Joan Huang?
After
the surgery...
- Yes?
- Come in.
Please take a seat. Dr. Singer
will be right with you.
Before the surgery,
not one NBA player
looked my way.
After the surgery,
they're all up in my DMs.
Before the surgery,
my girlfriend's parents
did not accept my proposal
to marry their daughter.
But after the surgery,
I pretended
to be someone entirely new.
And now, the wedding's
in July.
Let's just hope we
don't have any children.
After the
surgery, I was finally promoted
to my dream job
as veterinarian.
Mm.
Even the animals
treat me different.
Joan Huang.
Mm.
After
the surgery,
they're all up in my DMs.
Mmm, I love seeing
young faces in here.
You know
what I always say,
the younger the better.
Nancy, cue up
the intro video for me.
Dim the lights.
Have a seat, Joan.
Have you ever walked
into a shoe store
only to have the shop manager
ask you to leave,
even though you make 10 times
as much a year as he does?
Have you ever had someone tell
you how impressed they are,
how well you speak
English without an accent?
Or are you just tired of
the way white folks look at you?
You know what
I'm talking about.
I'm Willie Singer.
I'm one of the founders of
Ethnos Inc., the first company
dedicated to true equality.
Now, see, I was not
always like this.
Once upon a time, I, too,
suffered the injustice
of being a person of
color in this world.
I fought for basic rights. I was
passed over for promotions.
I was spat on in the street,
and I got so tired of fighting.
But that's when I realized,
if you can't beat them,
be them.
Let me show you around.
We use cutting-edge technology
called ethnic modification
to change
your skin pigmentation.
We use advanced cell-growth
technology on your face
and your body to alter
your features quickly
and permanently.
No pain, no recovery time.
And to make sure that
the transformation is complete,
even your voice
sounds different.
Voila!
It really is that simple.
Remember, life doesn't
have to be this hard.
What you're describing
is impossible.
Oh, it's a lot, I know.
But I assure you,
it is very much possible.
How?
Come.
Nancy used to look like this.
Dexter.
I want you to show Joan
what you used to look like.
It's like a giant weight
has been lifted.
I finally feel like I belong.
Different people do it
for different reasons.
This was me ten years ago.
I was a bio engineer
with the number one
health manufacturing firm
in all of America.
I worked hard. I kissed ass.
But I knew from the second that
I was born that my success
would always be limited.
So when the tenth white turd
who only got into Harvard
because of daddy's money got
the promotion I deserved, well,
that's when I realized if
I was gonna have equality,
I was gonna have
to create it myself.
So that's when the three
of us, a bioengineer,
a molecular biologist,
and a biophysicist,
started Ethnos Inc.
And we started it
for people like us
to give us a true, fair shot.
I am so thankful that
you found us early in life.
How does it all work?
The whole procedure
takes about two hours.
You pick the features
that you want.
Everything's customizable.
Since you're a minor, we have
to have a parental signature
before we proceed.
-Okay.
-Okay, great.
We're not in it for the money.
We're in it for you.
And since we have
a promotion today,
I would be more than happy
to throw in a hair transplant
free of charge.
Now you can give it a test run.
If you don't like
it, dye it back.
But if you do, bring in
your parental signature
and your deposit.
And we will complete
the transformation.
No more black roots.
How does that sound?
Welcome.
Come, have a seat, Joan.
Are you ready?
Excellent.
You'll just get a little sleepy.
Mm.
Goodnight.
Ugh.
Okay.
Oh, look, it matches your hair.
Um, Eliza threw a little party
with all of her silly friends.
And I'm pretty sure
somebody puked in there.
Someone did puke in here.
Yeah. Oh.
Oh, how is
your father's hand doing?
Not great.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Please tell him
if he would like
to have the number
to my hand doctor,
I'm happy to give it.
Okay, he is the best.
And he's doing some
pro bono work right now
because of a DUI.
We're good.
Are you sure?
Positive.
Actually, if you would
tell your father
that next week's
clean is canceled.
We are going on
a little vacay to Peru.
There's
an incredible artist there
doing painting on cacao beans
in protest of the children
who risk their lives
during the harvest.
It's just so brave.
Cool.
Um, okay.
Field trip.
Sign there.
Hm.
Are you ready?
Okay.
All right, now, you're
just gonna count backwards
from 20 for me, okay?
Twenty, nineteen, eighteen...
seventeen...
How are you feeling?
It's good to be white.
Isn't that dream
just the best?
Hmm.
Are you ready to see yourself?
Hmm.
This is my favorite part.
Three, two, one.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Is that you?
No.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Ha, wrong.
It's me.
Sorry, uh, you have wrong house.
Uh, wrong house.
Please, leave.
Dad, dad, it's me.
-Hey, mom.
-Leave.
Hey, you have a birthmark
on your left thigh.
Uh, your favorite dessert
is the dried taro cake
from down the street.
Uh, I-I, your, your favorite CD.
You were asking me to make
dumplings with you last week.
And, uh, dad, we were writing
a song here a few days ago.
Mom, grandma took this
with me when I was five.
We were sitting right there
when-when you
sliced your hand open,
and we had to sew it up,
and you asked me to take over
your cleaning duties.
I had surgery
to look like this.
Y-y-you're...
-You're not my daughter.
-Dad! Dad! Uh...
Qiqi?
I knew that
you'd both freak out.
So I, uh, here I got you this.
Mm.
Mom signed it.
Aren't you guys at least, like,
a little bit happy for me?
I'll finally be treated the same
as everybody else...
get the same opportunities.
I mean, isn't that what
you always wanted for me?
Hey-hey-hey!
Hello?
Hello? Hi.
Mom, there's no one here.
Hi!
-Hello. How can I help you?
-Doctor?
Doctor! Now!
Uh, yes, one moment
please.
- Singer.
- Hello.
-I'm Dr. Singer. How are you?
-Doctor?
It's so good to...
Oh, how is life treating you?
Do yourself a favor.
Get tickets to
a Michael Bubl concert.
That experience as a white
person will change your life.
Change. Change her.
Change her back.
I am very sorry, um, that you're
unhappy with our services.
Unfortunately, the procedure
is quite permanent.
That's why we require
a parental signature
if they are under 18.
She tricked me. Tricked me.
Our daughter lie.
I am truly sorry
to hear that.
Unfortunately, even
if that is the case,
there's just nothing I can do.
-It's a, it's a perm--
-Ch-change her back.
Chinese daughter. I want--
-It's a permanent--
-Shh, stop it.
How do you say
permanent procedure?
Per... How do you say permanent?
It's per... It's permanent.
No, I know, but change, please.
-I cannot.
-Change and refund.
-Refund.
-Um, I am very sorry.
- Doctor.
- There's nothing you can do.
I am confident that you will
come to understand
how positive a change
that this is gonna be
for your daughter's life
and for your own lives as well.
So much so that perhaps
you and your husband
will come back and get
the surgery yourself.
We do offer family discounts.
Thank you so much
for comin' in.
- No.
- Uh, where's security?
-I really do appreciate it.
-Get doctor back.
-Get doctor back.
-Okay, mom, please!
You stop it! Doctor!
I told you, I'm tired of feeling
like I don't belong.
I'm still Joan.
I just gave myself an upgrade.
Being Chinese was
what made me weak.
And I don't wanna be judged
for somebody that I'm not.
I don't want, I don't
want people to hate me
for things that I haven't done.
Now, whenever I go to school
or I walk into a store,
I don't have to worry
about animosity
or people judging me
because of the way
that my eyes slant.
Huh?
I-I know this is
a surprise to both of you,
but I have been very unhappy
for a very long time.
And I know that you think I'm
erasing my culture or whatever,
but we live here in America.
And now is
the first time in my life
I don't have to be
Asian-American
or Chinese-American.
I can just be American.
You're wrong.
The only mistake I made
was not doing this sooner.
Uh, hey-hey-hey.
Ay.
Ah.
Everyone, this is Jo Hunt from?
California.
Why don't you go find a seat?
Okay, everybody,
let's open up our notebooks
and continue with unit three,
The American Revolution.
So California, huh?
Are you all into, you know,
juice cleanses and hot yoga?
How else am I supposed
to look like this?
Look.
I messed up.
Oh, my gosh, no way.
-You did that.
-Oh.
-Apologize.
-I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
-Yeah.
-It's cool.
That was actually humiliating.
I hate her.
Hey.
Hey, new girl.
Guys, this is Jo. She just
moved here from California.
Oh, no, shit.
-What part?
-LA.
I'm there all the time.
The sunsets are really pretty.
-What brings you here?
-My dad.
He's, like, a movie
producer or whatever.
So I guess he's shooting
a show here.
-What's his name?
-Henry...Hunt.
Henry Hunt.
I've never heard of him.
Really?
Come sit.
I'm Olivia.
-This is my boyfriend, Greg.
-Hi.
You've obviously met Nash.
-And Greta, Cat.
-Hey.
I'm actually an actress.
I mean, I'm not supposed
to share this yet,
but I did just book
the new lead
-on a superhero show.
-Congrats!
It's, like, it's, like,
so slay of you.
Thank you.
Um...
What do you guys think
of Blackbear's new album?
-You like Blackbear?
-Yeah, he's, like, fire.
Super fire.
Are you okay? I'm so sorry.
No, you-you're good.
So what are you guys
doing on Saturday?
Oh, my God, guys.
-We could go to Mickey D's.
-Mickey D's?
She said Saturday night,
not when hell freezes over.
Um, my brother's got a new
semi-automatic we could try.
What the fuck, Greta?
No, in, like, a "girl
power boom boom" kind of way.
My parents are out of town
this weekend.
Cheers!
Hey, so, I've been meaning
to talk to you, I, uh...
really like you.
You think Olivia's gonna
endorse somebody soon?
What?
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
- Olivia. Over here!
- Um...
I think I've got this.
Olivia.
Three, two, one.
- Go, go, go!
- Go, go!
What the fuck? My phone!
Olivia.
I-I have towels.
Come on.
You're so lucky you get
to borrow your mom's clothes.
Why can't you?
She's not
around anymore.
Shit. I'm sorry.
Sure your mom won't mind?
Yeah, she won't
even notice it's gone.
Is this her?
Yeah, and my dad.
You have your mom's eyes.
What are you gonna do
when this is all over?
Um...
Um...
My, uh, my dad,
he wanted to be a musician.
Uh, before he was
a movie producer, you know?
I guess I...
I guess I wouldn't mind
giving that a shot.
So you go to music school?
Yeah.
Write my own songs.
Can you write one for me?
Right now?
Yeah, I mean, actors and
musicians
have to work under pressure
all the time.
Yeah.
I know your secret.
Yeah, when you whispered
to those guys by the pool?
Bitch move, but
I appreciate your tenacity.
I like you, Jo.
Prove to me that
you're trustworthy,
you'll get my endorsement.
Um...
I knew it.
-Do I, do I know you?
-I-it's you, isn't it?
I don't know who you are,
but you need to back off.
Admit it. I saw your lunchbox.
What the fuck did you do?
-Joan? Joan?
-Shut up. Leave me alone!
Go away.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's still the same passcode.
What happened?
-How?
-I-I don't know. Science.
Now what?
You're stuck like this?
I'm not stuck.
This is what I want.
All because you want
Olivia's endorsement?
No, because life is easier.
I'm popular.
Nash wants to fuck me.
I called you like
a hundred times, dude.
I went by your house.
I thought you left
without saying goodbye.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
What are you
doing here?
We're here for the party.
This is
a private party.
Says who?
Me.
- Is this your house?
- No.
But this is my party. You wanna
know whose house it is?
Jo, how about you kindly tell
these party crashers to leave?
Hey, you're being
real rude to my friend.
And last time I checked,
the person who owns this house
is the host of the party.
Your friend, Jo,
personally invited us here.
Jo?
You have to leave.
Excuse me?
This is a private party.
And I'm asking
you guys to leave.
You're really doing this?
Let's go, guys.
Fucking waste of time.
Everyone, I have
an announcement to make.
I've finally decided who
I'm endorsing for prom queen.
I'm endorsing...
Jo Hunt.
All I do is clean
and do school.
How do you translate,
I am miserable?
Just, just-just at
a friend's house.
It's not...
I don't smell anything.
No.
It's mine.
I didn't--
No, dad. Dad!
I didn't do anything!
Dad! I didn't. Dad!
Please!
Uh...
Good afternoon.
I will now announce
the students
who were voted
into the prom court.
You will choose your
final Prom King and Queen
from these names.
Cat Fisher.
Bianca Peterman.
Bianca!
Millie Wolf.
- Is it in alphabetical order?
- I can't believe it!
And last
but not least...
Jo Hunt.
- Oh, my gosh!
- Ah! You're so lucky.
Hey, my loves,
I just took Jo thrifting,
and I found her
the perfect prom dress.
The big reveal will be
in Friday's video.
And more importantly,
I just found out
I got time off set to make
a special appearance at prom
to cheer my girl on.
Are you going
to the party on Friday?
Hey, Olivia,
I was wondering
if we could go thrifting...
Hey. Hey.
Hey, can we talk?
Please?
Look at what you've
done to yourself.
How do you think
that makes me feel?
I don't understand.
Okay.
You thought you were ugly. Hmm?
You think I'm ugly, too?
What? No, I, of course not.
Sure. Yeah.
-Good luck at prom.
-You're not goin'?
It'll just be
another clone winning.
As a white woman, the amount
of things you can get away with
is absurd.
The other day, I claimed my
waiter was a threat to my life.
I received a free meal and a
personal apology from the chef.
How may I help you,
ma'am?
My name is Joan Huang,
and I need to see Dr. Singer.
Of course, dear.
Do you have an appointment?
No, but it's an emergency.
Yes, of course.
Let me just see here.
Dr. Singer's first available
appointment is February 20.
- Great. That's tomorrow.
- Of next year.
- Of next year?
- Yes, ma'am.
Would you like for me
to schedule you in?
No, I, I need to see him now.
Oh, this is a common
side effect. Please hold.
Please spread a thin layer of
cream over the affected areas.
What is this?
When things start to droop,
use one of these little suckers
to pick back up.
-What?
-It's like getting a facelift.
Thank you. Next!
I'm busy!
Hey-hey!
I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy!
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Yes, what?
Yeah, but she was a bitch.
I know you're better off working
for somebody else, anyways.
What do you mean?
No.
No, I...
Of course not.
Now you're accusing
me of trashing her house?
No, I can't believe
you would even accuse me
of something like this.
You know, m-maybe you should
take this as a blessing.
Now you can finally learn
English and get a real job.
That's not what I meant.
Dad, I'm sorry.
What are we celebrating?
Jo, you look stunning!
-Shut up!
-Oh, my God, you.
It's seriously so boorish.
I'm having so much fun.
I heard you were in a limo.
Yeah, was that, like,
the worst experience ever?
I'm so jealous.
Oh, I love this song.
Come dance.
Are you okay?
Your face is...
Uh...
Fuck!
Okay. Fuck!
- Hey, gorgeous girl.
- Ah!
We're about to
announce the winners.
Okay.
-Jo, are you okay?
-Yeah. Yeah.
I'm, I'll meet you
right out there.
It's fine.
-Jo. Jo.
-Hey.
Jo.
Hey.
Your old face fights
back at first.
But it gets better.
Settle down, everyone.
Now to announce
the prom queen and king
is Vice Principal Owens.
Welcome to
Stanwood Park High's prom night!
I have in my hand this year's
winner of prom king and queen.
Just to recap, these are
the nominations for Prom Queen.
Cat Fisher...
Bianca Peterman...
Millie Wolf, and Jo Hunt.
And this year's prom queen is...
Jo Hunt.
With that, Jo, come on up here.
Come on up, Jo.
Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo!
Hey, you're awake.
What happened?
You fainted. Hey, don't worry.
Only a few people in the front
got clear videos.
I'll make sure
they get buried.
My face.
Jo.
It'll heal.
It always does.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay. I know, I know.
Oh.
It's not very often we meet
a fellow Ethnos Inc. enthusiast.
Why don't you stay
for dinner, Jo?
I insist.
Here, Jo.
You can have the leg.
-It's really okay.
-Uh, no need to be polite here.
Here you go, sweetheart.
-Thank you.
-Here you go. Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
So, Jo...
how wonderful
is it to be white?
Um...
what race were you guys
before the surgery?
Uh, we don't use
that word here.
What word?
Race.
Daddy says true equality
knows no race.
Yeah. Yeah.
Go ahead.
We used to be Cuban.
But when we moved
here from Miami,
Dad thought it would be a
great idea to start a new life.
When I learned
of Dr. Singer's work,
I immediately demanded to be
one of his first customers.
I just think that he's doing
something that everyone else
is too scared to do.
He's erasing color to
achieve true equality.
I think
that's worthy of a Nobel Prize.
We've referred
five families already.
So, uh, did your parents
have it done as well?
No.
Oh.
Oh, that's a shame.
Um, well, you know,
eventually people who don't
share the same ideologies,
uh, they fade away.
Um...
What do you mean?
Well...
you, Olivia, and I,
we believe in equality.
True equality.
We were even willing
to change our, uh,
y-y-you know what,
to achieve it.
People who don't feel the same
way, well, eventually they, uh,
well, they're
no longer in your life.
And good riddance, I say.
I haven't spoken
to my mom in years
because she refused to change.
I mean, it's sad, really.
She could have had all of this.
You never miss your old life?
Never.
Oh.
Being American...
not the goal.
The goal is opposite.
I stop follow other people,
and I become my own American.
And you will find
your own American, too.
I have to try.
Welcome to Ethnos Inc.,
your one-stop shop to
the life you've always wanted.
Be sure to check out
our new locations in Richmond,
Pittsburgh, and Spokane.
And remember,
if you can't beat them,
be them.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I wanna be white!
I-I need to see Dr. Singer.
I-I need to see Dr. Singer.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, get off of me!
Hey! Get off! Ah!
Hey!
Let me in!
Please.
- Let me!
- It's okay.
It's okay.
I wanna change back.
You read the contract.
It's impossible.
Please, please.
You have been blessed.
There are thousands that would
kill to have what you have.
I am a monster.
Uh, how do I put it?
For a new plant to grow...
and flourish,
the seed has to die.