Slice (2018) Movie Script

SADIE: I'm gonna
tell you a story
about a ghost, a werewolf,
and if we're being honest,
a pretty shitty pizza place.
It all started
when the werewolf
came back to town.
It's Perfect Pizza Base.
What the hell time is... activist Justice
40,000 protested outside
a local pizza restaurant...
MAN: Sons of bitches!
Said you'd be here.
Ah, Kingfisher!
The most American of cities!
Bustling industry,
hardworking people,
boundless opportunities.
But being home
to one of America's largest
ghost populations isn't easy.
Ghosts! (RETCHES)
But, thanks to Mayor Tracy's
beautification of
Kingfisher Project,
we've turned this city around.
Though we haven't had
a werewolf,
witch or demon in years,
the mass grave at the former
site of Halcyon Day Asylum
left us with over 40,000
ghosts here in Kingfisher.
In a masterstroke
of brilliance,
Mayor Tracy moved the ghosts
into their own neighborhood
just west of town.
Fifteen city blocks
of abandoned homes
and businesses
became Ghost Town.
While the mass grave itself
was paved over
and turned into Halcyon Square
Shopping Center.
Now that's beautification!
So this year,
when you go to the polls,
remember to vote Mayor Tracy.
Kingfisher truly is
a great place to be alive.
I'm Mayor Tracy
and I approve this message.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tragedy befell one of
our citizens last night.
With no provocation
and no warning,
one of our society's
most vulnerable members,
a pizza delivery boy,
was murdered in cold blood
while making
a routine delivery
in the Ghost Town
The young man's name
was Sean Hammerschmidt.
Now police detectives
have been working
through the night
and have collected evidence,
that they are confident
will bring the perpetrator
or perpetrators to justice.
Now this is a tragedy
not only for Kingfisher
and its various
fast food concerns,
but also for hopes
of improved relations
between the living
and the dead.
Now this may bring up for some
memories of past incidents
and to those
who are concerned,
I say, "Don't be an alarmist."
Now, if you happen to spot
the ghost
of Sean Hammerschmidt,
please contact
local police immediately
as he may be able to
shed light on who killed him.
You have all brought this
upon yourselves
by spurning the sins
of the past.
Halcyon Days
have come to an end
and penance will be paid!
This will go down
in the history books,
you mark my words! (SCREAMS)
Oh, hey, hey! Yeah, I was
just getting some exteriors.
I thought you could, you know,
probably use them
in your report.
Mmm. You just get here?
Yeah. Yeah.
Anything interesting, or...
- A pizza guy was murdered.
What... Wait, really?
Yeah. They're making
a pretty big thing of it.
Sort of implying
it was ghosts.
Man, I hate ghosts.
Jackson, your mom is a ghost.
Oh great, yeah, perfect.
Bring that up.
There was this moment in there
where this crazy lady
started shouting
about how the city was paying
a penance
and how we brought this
on ourselves.
It was so bizarre.
What the fuck does that
have to do with pizza?
I don't know.
Anyway, breakfast?
- Yeah. If you're buying.
WAITRESS: And I says to him,
"You don't change the diapers,
"the least you
can do is buy 'em."
And you know
what he said to me?
He said, "You don't change
the oil in the Chevy Cavalier,
"but I don't ask you
to buy 10W30, do I?"
And I said, "No."
But that's not the same thing.
Those two things don't even
equivocate at all, do they?
Yeah, your guy sucks.
He used to bully me
in high school
so I always knew
he would be a bad father.
You need to watch out
for those children.
Well, he always liked you.
No, he didn't. He signed
my yearbook and wrote,
"I never liked you.
Don't forget it." I never did.
Well, it's just like,
here I am
carrying the miracle
of human life,
your seed in my womanly womb,
and you can't even buy diapers
for the previous
miracle of life
that I myself ushered
into this world?
ASTRID: What's a six letter
word for impregnable?
WAITRESS: Oh, God, don't even
say the word "pregnant"
right now, Astrid.
- ASTRID: I didn't.
- And it's just like,
I'm so scared
for the babies too.
What with this awful
murder and everything.
(WHISPERING) Don't do that.
I don't... She's right here.
ASTRID: Can you all
stop whispering?
Oh, Astrid, I'm so sorry.
I can see you're just
sitting here strong.
I didn't mean
to bring anything up.
- ASTRID: Bring what up?
- Oh damn.
You know, Sean and the murder.
WAITRESS: Oh my God.
I'm such a big dumb idiot.
- Baby, it's all over the news.
- (TURNS ON TV) the killing
of 24-year-old
Sean Hammerschmidt,
murdered late last night
in the Ghost Town
Police are saying
they cannot confirm
or deny ghost involvement.
Whoa, whoa!
What was that about?
BRADLEY: Ah, he's
a pizza boy all right.
How'd you figure that?
Well, sir, I, uh,
I deduced it
on account of his uniform
and that light
on top of his car.
That's outstanding.
I'll be sure to pin that
on my refrigerator at home.
Are there any other notable
police work
you'd like to share with me?
- Well...
- Shut the fuck up.
I guarantee this junkie loser
is a pusher.
This ain't the work
of no ghost.
- The plot thickens.
- Shut the fuck up.
Murder weapon been determined?
DAVIS: It's a blade
of some kind.
MARSH: Oh, is that right?
Come on, lay off, Marsh.
I won't know anymore until
we get him back to the morgue.
All right, let me make sure
I got this straight.
This poor son of a bitch
has been lying here dead
for the last eight hours
and so far,
this crack team of wizbangs
has been able to determine
that he is in fact a pizza boy
and that his throat was slit
with a blade of some kind.
I have ulcers, Davis.
I shit blood. Do you know
what it's like to shit blood?
Well, I did have a fissure
in my ass once...
All right, I don't want to
hear about your ass, Davis.
You started it.
BRADLEY: Detective Marsh!
MARSH: What the hell
is it, Bradley?
Davis here is telling me
a compelling story
about his asshole.
Sir, I'm very interested
by that,
but you're going
to want to see this.
MARSH: Cheese.
Nice work, Bradley.
Shut the fuck up.
All right, Jackie boy.
Here we go.
Time to separate the men
from the boys.
(STAMMERS) Hey! Hey, guys!
We think that since Sean is...
- You know.
- Dead!
Right. Since Sean is dead,
we think we should
have the day off.
Uh... Well, I appreciate
your fearless feedback there,
uh, but no can do, okay?
We gotta keep this crazy train
on the rails.
Where my boys at, right?
Where my peeps?
- Look, Jack, we're scared.
- To death!
Whoa! Heather!
That's disrespectful.
Sean is dead.
HEATHER: He's right.
Sean is dead.
And I don't think
I can deliver 'za
under these conditions.
I think you're making me do so
is a violation
of my human rights.
What about you, big man?
This your doing?
It's true that there is danger
in remaining
open for business.
When the unholy ground
upon which we stand
will doom us
to the bowels of hell.
Oh, God, come on, man!
You want me to close down?
You want me to shut up
Perfect Pizza Base?
That's not an option, guys.
It's just not.
Okay, fine. Take the day.
I won't let them
get away with this.
VERA: Ladies and gentlemen,
we stand on hallowed ground,
for it is here
that the 40,000 victims
of Halcyon Days Asylum
found their
final resting place.
It is here that
the greater part
of Kingfisher's
ghost population originated.
Souls risen
from an unjust death
and an unholy burial.
Now inhabited
by an even greater evil,
that is capitalism.
JOE: What she says is true.
Our souls are bound
to this place
by the transgressions
of the past
by the unease of
our corporeal remains.
Until these wrongs
have been righted,
we will forever be stuck
in a cycle of damnation.
I get it. The asylum,
the experimental torture,
the mass graves.
That's shitty, right?
But we've been here
for three years, okay?
We're an institution.
It's our time now.
Well, let me
tell you something.
Mayor Tracy,
- tear down this abomination.
- Yes.
Excavate and properly bury
those who died here
and perhaps you'll save
your perfect pizza boys.
Justice for the 40,000!
- DEBBIE: Yes!
That was great, Vera!
Just great.
Ms. Marcus? Sadie Sheridan,
Kingfisher Chronicle.
Can I ask you a few questions?
- You're a journalist?
- Yeah.
I don't give credence to
the corporate media machine.
Ms. Marcus,
you're simultaneously doing
philanthropy for
the ghost population
and accusing them
of conspiracy and murder.
I'm not accusing them
of anything.
You heard the mayor.
"Spectral involvement",
he said.
Yeah, but that
was speculation.
The possibility
of spectral involvement.
You seem to be very sure.
Are you talking mess about me?
Now you leave Ms. Vera alone,
little missy
and you stop talking mess.
I'm not talking mess,
I'm trying to get
to the bottom of your message.
- I'm sorry?
- (LOUDLY) Get!
Uh, hey, Sadie.
Hey, what's going on?
Just going to...
JACK: You're taking
too many cards.
Just take, like, one.
- JACK: We're closed.
Hey! Astrid.
Jack, what's going on?
It was a mutiny.
Everyone left me,
except for Joe here.
So, here we are.
Get 'em on the phone, Jacko.
We're opening up.
- JACK: Hey, guys!
What's the deal, Jack?
I was at my much older
girlfriend Shelly's house
and she's pissed.
- Astrid's back.
- That drug addict?
Oh, shit!
Astrid, my bitch!
All right, pussies.
Mourning is over,
so ya'll better suit because
we are back in business.
We're not doing this, Jack.
Shit, I am.
It'll be like old times.
Where's the solidarity, man?
We're supposed to be
doing this for Sean.
Um, Heather, I know for a fact
that you've never given
a tuppenny fuck about Sean,
or his well-being,
so why don't you
just save us all
this little moral
conundrum routine
and do your fucking job.
Yeah. Okay.
I love this team!
(LAUGHS) I love it!
Relax, Liz.
It's Perfect Pizza.
They've opened back up.
All right, Sean.
Where were you going?
Sir, I know you're upset,
okay, but...
Okay, yeah,
but "60 minutes or less,"
that's just a thing.
We don't actually mean that.
(SCOFFS) Refund? Uh, no.
Well, the joke's on you
because my mother's dead.
JACK: Son of a bitch!
Been had!
What do you mean?
By Astrid,
she came in here all gung ho
about reopening this place
and I'm getting calls
left and right.
No one's getting their pies.
Looks like we'd better
close it up.
No, we're not
closing it up, okay?
- We have Scooter.
We're gonna be fine.
- Do you know how to drive?
Hey, speak of the devil.
My man!
- And he shall appear!
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
Hey, Shooter,
let me ask you a question.
You see Astrid out there?
Because, uh, she left
about an hour and a half ago
and hasn't delivered
a single pie.
You don't think...
No. No.
I'm sure she's good.
She's a street broad,
tempered and raw shit.
Yeah. Just like me.
From the streets.
I eat concrete
and I piss steel. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Listen, Jack, uh,
this last pie gets dropped off
pretty close to my much older
girlfriend Shelley's house.
Think I can wrap it up after?
Because you know it won't
wrap it up during! (LAUGHS)
- JACK: Yeah!
Hey, you shouldn't talk
about ladies like that.
But yeah, totally,
call it a night.
SCOOTER: All right!
Peace, bitches!
JOE: Scooter.
You must beware of the evils
that live in the hearts
of men.
Evils as old as time.
Evils that can steal
from our essence.
Making us weak,
reckless, and negligent.
Uh, listen, Joe,
I was just playing.
I always wear a rubber.
No, Scooter.
It is you who must listen.
You forgot this order
of Dave's Dangerously
Delicious Dipping Sticks.
Thanks, Joe.
I almost lost my essence
for a second there.
MAN: Yo! I haven't seen you
around here in a minute.
Listen, Astrid,
things have changed
since you've been around.
This dude's really dangerous.
ASTRID: He's dangerous, how?
MAN: You short him,
you're dead.
You blow the count,
you're dead.
You look at him cross ways,
you're dead.
So which one did Sean do?
Come and get it, low lives!
What's it gonna be,
beauty queen?
ASTRID: Sean Hammerschmidt.
(LOUDLY) Sean Hammerschmidt!
The fuck you say to me?
- ASTRID: You heard me.
I don't know who the fuck
you think you are,
or who you imagine
yourself to be talking to,
but, um, this ain't that.
But you killed him.
Listen, I ain't in the junkie,
lowlife disposal business,
no matter what you've been
lead to believe, okay?
That's just not my bag.
Fuck you, doll. (AIR KISSES)
- Cops! Scatter.
Drop the weapon.
Hey, not so fast, Mr. Cheese.
Hey, hey, hey!
Cheese-eating son
of a bitch, how you been?
Met a friend of yours.
What is everyone's fetish
with this fucking guy, man?
Let's talk.
How long had Hammerschmidt
been pushing for you?
are you going to do anything
about that little filly
who just tried
to decapitate me?
This guy had your stuff
in his car when he died.
Lots of people have my stuff.
That's the point.
If I was the only asshole
with my stuff,
then I'd be
some kind of a asshole.
(CHUCKLES) That's right.
And you're not just
some kind of asshole,
are you, Cheese?
I mean, you're a pretty
exceptional asshole.
A preternatural asshole.
Mmm. This is abusive.
I know all about
you're little scheme.
You got your delivery mules
under your thumb,
pushing smack for you
and it is a good racket.
Hey, you know, I don't give
two squirts of piss
what goes on over there
in Ghost Town.
A lot of booing and hooing,
fuck all,
but I gotta a boy
from Kingfisher whacked
because of your bullshit.
And, um, Mayor Tracy
giving press conferences
saying he's going to hand down
justice, so... (SIGHS)
We got a problem.
You and me.
Come on, Cheese.
- I know the dude.
- That's the spirit.
But I swear, I had nothin'
to do with the killing.
Tell me who did.
Shelly, it's the Shooter.
I'm making some deliveries
in your neighborhood.
Can I swing by after
for some of that sweet sauce?
A few years ago,
some similar shit happened
to a, uh, series of
Chinese food guys.
They'd take out their delivery
and when they reached
their destination,
they'd wind up dead.
Yeah, you mean, Yummy Yummy.
Ah, so you know it.
Then you know
about the werewolf.
I know he's long gone.
Might want to check up
on that, Detective.
Some say he's back.
I'd say that's pretty
funny timing, wouldn't you?
MARSH: Yeah, pretty funny.
What the hell is he doing
back here now?
Folks ran him off years ago
for doing the same thing.
Maybe he's on a mission.
Maybe he didn't like
being ran out.
Maybe he wants vengeance.
Relax, it's Perfect Pizza!
BIG CHEESE: Find the wolf,
you'll find your killer.
Steve, we've got a fresh one.
Another pizza boy.
Ghost lady says that she saw
a moped fleeing the scene.
So, am I free to go?
We got you at a drug dealer
play date with an as-of-yet
undetermined amount of
narcotics. So...
No chance.
We have 187 in Ghost Town.
Victim is a pizza boy.
Issuing an APB
for a possible suspect,
Dax Lycander,
armed and, well...
He's a, uh, werewolf.
OFFICER: (ON RADIO) Copy that,
we're about two blocks away
heading over now. Over.
Yo, guys, I'm sorry.
The whip was on the fritz.
I couldn't make
the deliveries.
This is unacceptable.
You are wrecking
the reputation of this place!
You're a real asshole, Astrid!
Yeah, whatever. My bad.
I gotta charge you
for those pies.
(WHISPERS) Are you serious?
- I have six bucks.
- What else?
(SIGHS) A gelato card.
Needs more punches.
JACK: Okay, yeah.
I'll take that.
SADIE: And so it appears
that the horrors visited upon
a Chinese restaurant years ago
in Halcyon Square
Commerce Center
have returned to menace
a new generation
of fast food employees.
But what beyond geography
is the connection between
the two series of murders?
To what do they owe
their fates?
And what of
the emerging suspects?
The city's ghosts
and an accused werewolf
long forgotten.
- How do they fit?
Only time
will bring the answer,
and unfortunately,
time is so far been unkind
to Halcyon Square
and its legacy.
MAYOR TRACY: Got to get
your areoles just right.
- Hey! Hey!
- Son of a bitch!
Jesus, Vera. What the hell
are you doing here?
I'm sorry, Mayor.
They just barged in.
I'm here to talk about
Halcyon Square, Tracy,
like always.
One of the damned ghosts
killed another
pizza boy last night.
I'm aware.
If we don't demolish
that place soon,
who knows what the ghosts
are liable to do.
DEBBIE: They'll kill again!
And that is blood
on your hands, Tracy!
(SIGHS) Can you excuse us,
please, Felicia?
Of course.
That was pretty good, Vera.
Not so bad yourself.
Whoa! Yes!
Support for Justice 40,000
is at an all-time high.
Ah! These pizza boys
getting murdered
is bringing it
to a fever pitch.
Oh, this is good, Vera.
This is very good. (CHUCKLES)
So, uh... So what's next?
What's the play?
More TV.
We need people to keep
thinking about these murders,
to keep building support
for demolition.
Ah, well, now Vera,
my public position
is anti-demolition.
You know, I can't be too hot
in favor of the cause
or I could lose constituents.
I mean, Halcyon Square
is huge potential development
for the chamber of commerce.
VERA: What are you saying?
You like that money, Tracy?
Oh, you know I do, Vera.
Get on the god-damned tube
and play the violin
for these pizza boys.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I regret to inform you
that the tragedy
that befell pizza boy
Sean Hammerschmidt,
befell another of his brethren
during the wee hours
of the morning.
Thomas "Scooter" Martinez
was making a delivery
in the Ghost Town neighborhood
when he was slain
in a similar fashion
to the previous killing.
I have no choice,
but to place certain sanctions
upon Ghost Town
and the ghosts of Kingfisher
until someone
is brought to justice.
I am banning hauntings
all together.
I'm sorry, but my hand
has been forced.
They didn't even say
why they think it's ghosts.
- ASTRID: So fucking lost.
- Maybe I can help.
- JACK: We're closed.
On account of all of
our people being murdered.
Who the fuck are you?
Sadie Sheridan, I'm with
the Kingfisher Chronicle.
Oh, hell no. No motherfucking
journalist up in here.
Actually, cool it.
We could use the press.
Hi, um, I think I probably
overstated things.
I said, "All of our people
are getting murdered."
It's just two.
I'd really like
to talk to you guys
for a piece I'm working on
about these crimes
and maybe in exchange,
I can show you what I've got.
GHOST: I just can't tell you
what it means
to all of us over there.
Across the big divide
to have living people
standing up for us all.
We're not so different.
We've all got to die
sometime, right?
Well, thank you
for stopping by.
Before long,
no one in the community
will be able to
reasonably support
that damned strip mall.
Our latest inductee.
Welcome. Do you have
good news for us?
So I plugged in the address
and was blown away
when it showed this store
is in the exact same place.
What did I tell you?
I always knew this place had
an exotic foreign feel to it.
So it's not just
a coincidence.
Detectives aren't allowed
to believe in coincidence.
journalists either.
So anyway,
I kept reading about,
assuming that
unless it's a copycat,
we might have
the same perpetrator.
And as it turns out,
the police never got their man
in the last case.
Oh! So it is a coincidence.
So then who was it?
Well, in this case,
they suspected an employee.
SADIE: A delivery driver
who kept getting spotted
at the murder scenes.
What's more is
he was a werewolf.
What happened to him?
No one knows. Disappeared.
No one ever saw him again.
Until last night.
At the, uh, Scooter Martinez
murder scene.
A suspect fitting
the description
of one Dax Lycander was
spotted fleeing the scene.
I caught it
on the police scanner.
Son of a bitch!
My biggest question
in regards to him is,
- why?
- Well, he's a werewolf.
Right? Aren't...
Like, werewolves,
they're, like, vicious.
They eat people.
JACK: I cannot believe
what I'm hearing.
Astrid, that is
a stereotype, okay?
So you gotta put a dollar
in the stereotype jar.
ASTRID: Honestly,
I don't even care why.
Because if he killed Scooter,
then I can guaran-damn-tee
that he killed Sean.
Looks like I'm going
on a wolf hunt tonight.
This blasphemous ground
is the source
of much malignity.
Yeah, Bradley, I should have
seen this coming.
You know, I worked that
Yummy Yummy thing years back
and the damned wolf
was our best suspect.
God, I hate werewolves.
Scum of the earth.
Why werewolves?
Because they're so scary?
A werewolf killed my...
My dad.
Yeah. I was just...
I was just a boy.
How'd he do it?
Was it with his fangs
and his claws and all that?
Hit him with a car.
BRADLEY: Oh, my God.
No, no... (MUTTERS)
It was an accident.
My father was a crossing guard
with a taste for booze.
That was his downfall.
BRADLEY: Sir, that's him.
Don't just sit there.
Let's catch
that son of a bitch!
Dax, what are you doing?
Bradley! Get back here!
He's a wolf!
MARSH: What are we
thinking on, uh, on motive?
LENNOX: Well, he's
a thousand years old, Steve.
He's probably very bored.
MARSH: We've got a witness
that places you
at the Scooter Martinez
murder scene.
And there ain't nothing
you can do about that.
Think you're smart, don't you?
No, um, I'm attractive.
I'm very muscular.
Muscles for days, boss.
Shut the fuck up, Bradley.
How many of your guys
died at Yummy Yummy?
- Six.
- MARSH: Six.
They were my friends.
I looked after them.
Got a funny way
of showing it.
I looked after you, too.
That is rich.
You hear that, Bradley?
MARSH: He's a hero.
Listen, Steve...
Can I call you Steve?
Detective Marsh.
All right. Listen, Steven,
all you have a grudge
and grudges
don't hold up in court.
Whatever you think,
truth is,
the cat you're looking for
is still out there somewhere
murdering people.
And as long
as you keep your eyes
squarely off the fucking ball
and on me,
more people are gonna
continue to die.
And I don't think you're
gonna feel good about that.
I don't think your boss is
going to feel good about that.
I don't think the good people
of Kingfisher will either.
Fact still remains,
I may have let them down,
but I didn't kill them.
I'm not a hero.
I'm a fucking rascal.
You know, you like to
sit there and be a wise-ass.
Cracking foxy.
What kind of werewolf
are you?
Why don't you just grow fangs
and murder your way
out of here, huh?
Come on, man.
There ain't no full moon.
What's wrong with you guys?
ASTRID: If I was a werewolf,
where would I be?
Why would you do it, wolf man?
SEAN: Psst! Astrid.
Oh, my God, come here.
I was looking
for your killer, babe.
I was going
to avenge your ass.
Oh, how's that been going?
Hey, what's going on?
What are you doing
with these creeps?
Mmm. Mainlining dopey stuff.
(SNORTS) Chilling!
want to jump to conclusions,
but I've heard rumors
that one of the Yummy Yummy
is a werewolf.
You're still doing this shit?
I thought you were done
with that?
Come on, babe. Let's get
the fuck out of here.
I'm going to take
a hard pass on that.
I'm good. And, uh...
You can't always
try and save me.
You can't save me from this.
Jackson, I need anything
you have
from that day at the rally,
the weirdos.
Should have
fucking known, right?
Not gonna change, Sean.
Know what?
You're better off dead!
Astrid, uh... Look out.
Holy shit.
Did I die?
Yeah, I think you did.
Ah, shit! That fucking sucks!
The deed is done.
Well, I guess
now we know it's him.
What do you mean "now"?
Hasn't it been obvious?
You meat-headed shit sack.
You know what,
Detective Marsh?
I have put up with a lot,
but you are not going
to talk to me like that again.
I am an officer of the law
and I deserve some respect!
Bradley, when we
get back to precinct,
you're going to be on desk.
Fugitive escaped
under your watch
and it's protocol
until IA can figure out
what really happened.
I'm sorry.
I suppose you noticed
he broke the pattern.
There's no delivery
being made here.
We've lost
another young person
to senseless violence.
A young woman no less.
No way.
To be the bearer
of bad news is one thing,
but to feel as though one is
the Grim Reaper
- is quite another.
Having spoken with police
about the matter,
it is no longer reasonable
to conclude
that this is the work
of a ghost conspiracy.
I apologize
for having made
that mistake in early days
and I will take care
to not do so again.
Thank you.
(SIGHS) Steve,
someone here to see you
about the pizza thing.
Yeah, who is it?
Somebody from the Chronicle.
- A journalist?
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah, sure.
Yeah. Yeah, send him in.
SADIE: Hi, Detective.
I'm Sadie Sheridan
with the Kingfisher Chronicle.
I have some information about
the pizza delivery murders
that I thought might be
helpful to your case.
So you've solved the crimes?
Yeah, sort of.
We need to stop them,
right now.
Who done it?
Well, I assume you're looking
at the wolf man,
Dax Lycander,
but it's not him.
- Wrong.
- Well, just listen.
No, you listen.
That wolf escaped
Central Holding.
An hour later,
we had another body.
You had him?
And he escaped?
Well, how did he escape?
It's neither here
nor there. It's, um...
It's impertinent to the facts.
I have good reason
to suspect
this is a lot bigger than
one motive-less werewolf.
He's got a motive.
Oh, there's a motive,
all right.
- What's that?
- Well...
(MUTTERS) He's very bored,
for starters.
This is motive.
They've been trying to get
Halcyon Square demolished
for years.
Scaring the shit out of people
and giving them
something to rally around
is a brilliant method
of getting...
That's Vera Marcus.
SADIE: Yeah.
That's Debra Saluski.
I haven't looked at
the whole roster, but yeah.
That's five card-carrying
cat ladies in need of a hobby.
It's not
a criminal conspiracy.
I think that's
incredibly reductive
and not very helpful at all.
Well... Thank you
for dropping by, Miss, uh...
- Sheridan.
- Ms. Sheridan, but, uh...
As you can see,
I'm actually quite busy
trying to catch
a serial killing werewolf.
- So if you would excuse me.
- Yeah.
Thanks for your time. I guess.
Oh, and Ms. Sheridan...
All of this was
off the record.
I better not see any of it
in some paper somewhere.
Yeah. I'm getting
that a lot lately.
Jack! What...
What going on?
Uh... Hey, Heather.
Just hanging loose.
Prostrated by the agonies
of the damned.
Why is the store closed?
You don't know?
God, you really don't know.
Hate to be the one
to break this to you
because I know that
you and Astrid were so tight.
But, uh, she's dead.
Yeah, just like
the Shooter and Shawny.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe it.
Well, you'd better
believe it, sister.
Looks like your best
course of action
is to head right out that door
and never come back.
And old Jackie boy
and this pizza place
are totally cursed.
Joe can stay because
he's as dead as a door nail.
- No one cares about you.
You're probably right.
Oh, um...
I was gonna say,
since I'm here, I think...
I think I left something
in the basement.
JACK: The spooky basement?
What the hell were you
doing down there, you idiot?
(STUTTERS) Um, it was
a circuit... Caught fire.
Yeah, so anyway,
I think I left something.
Do you mind if I go get it?
- Be my guest.
- Okay.
SADIE: What the hell is this?
It's a classic kidnapping.
Okay, I gathered that.
Uh, do you know who I am?
- Yeah.
- And you're not scared?
Bummer, but cool.
So you're a reporter, right?
Cut the shit, man.
What do you want?
- Just chill.
I suppose you know
the police think
that I'm the one going around
doing all this
murdering business.
- Truth is...
- You're not.
But what they want to do
is connect me
to the murders with the...
Yummy Yummy Chinese Cuisine.
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
Crazy thing,
a little information for you.
I know who's doing it
and they're working with...
Vera Marcus
and Justice 40,000!
God damn it! Can I speak?
I've just...
- Why do you even know that?
- It's my job.
Vera Marcus stirs up
a fear machine
to rally people against ghosts
in an attempt
to look benevolent,
when really,
she wants to destroy
the strip mall
for her own motives,
as yet undetermined.
- Yes. I know that.
- Mmm-hmm.
I know that as well.
So technically,
we're both right,
right now about that.
So what the hell
am I here for?
Because I need you to put
that stuff in the newspaper,
so that the police
can get off my nuts
so that I can go back
to living a normal life.
I'm working on it, man.
But kidnapping me
isn't exactly conducive
to me getting work done.
It's dramatic though.
Yeah. I'm gonna go,
if you don't mind.
Wait, uh... Uh,
are you going to help me?
No offense here, but you are
a werewolf, right?
Why don't you, I don't know,
take care of Vera?
You want me
to murder someone.
Yeah. I guess I do.
I'm not that kind of werewolf.
Right. What kind of
werewolf are you?
The kind of werewolf that
wants to deliver
quality Chinese food
at affordable prices.
That's quality Chinese food.
Affordable prices.
I just want to be
like everyone else.
I love how proud
you are of your body.
MAYOR TRACY: Jesus, Vera!
Why are you here?
Okay, it's late
and I am very busy.
Vera, what's with killing
a girl?
I thought we said
enough was enough.
I've had it, okay?
You can have your money back.
Partnership terminated.
The rest of the money's
already deposited though,
so that's... You'll just
have to let that go.
I don't want the damn money.
It was your loyalty
that was important.
Your utility.
And now you're neither loyal
nor useful.
Well, sorry,
but there's political savvy
and then there's just madness,
and you are clearly
moving toward the latter.
And what am I to do now?
My biggest political ally
has tossed me to the wind.
This is detrimental
to the divine plan of things.
Well, I don't know
what to tell you,
but the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
- Is that so?
It is what they say, now could
you just get out of my office?
Is it the Lord working in
mysterious ways, Tracy,
Is it the Devil
working in obvious ways?
Think about it.
Santa and God? Same person.
'Cause once you get older,
they both fuck you.
- Big time.
Oh, no, no, no!
Not you again, okay?
Last time you came in here,
you asked a million questions
and you didn't order
a damn thing.
Let me take a moment
to educate you
about the Perfect Pizza
Base menu.
I appreciate that
but I actually have some
pressing questions that
don't pertain to your menu.
Oh, really? Well,
I got a scoop for you.
Put pineapple
on the Papa Pepperoni
and you get a Mrs. Jones!
Jack, a killer has been
targeting your store.
What the secret
of our jumbo slice?
It's just two slices.
They've been
targeting it for years.
It's this place.
We need to investigate this.
JACK: I run a legitimate
business, okay?
There's nothing evil
about this place.
It is this place
that is the source
of the evil we face!
The legacy of terror
beyond Perfect Pizza,
or Yummy Yummy
or even Halcyon Days.
The time mourned in enduring
bequest of bloodshed
that has emanated
from beneath the floorboards,
or the footings or the gnome.
These have
not been coincidences,
but the birthright
of every institution
that would make such
malevolent dregs its home.
Joe! I'm trying to make
a sale over here, okay?
Zip it with all that
mystic voodoo shit.
SADIE: That's exactly
what I'm talking about!
That's why we have
to investigate this place.
I didn't even hear
a word he said.
SADIE: That shit is real!
It's beneath the floorboards.
Okay, you want to go
beneath the floorboards,
- it's gonna cost you.
- SADIE: Yes.
JACK: Yeah, uh...
I don't know, guys.
It's, uh, pretty spooky
down there.
Like, very spooky.
SADIE: Ugh! What's that smell?
JOE: Sulfur.
SADIE: Gross.
Oh. T-shirts! I told you
they were down here.
What? No.
You go.
JOE: Fine.
All right.
What's the big idea?
Who the hell are you?
And what are you doing
in my basement?
Your basement?
Who do you think you are?
Uh, I'm the guy
who pays rent on this place
and I don't remember
hiring a creepy old dude
to hang out
next to my furnace.
Well, I'm Carl,
asylum janitor
and gatekeeper to Hell.
Oh, asylum janitor.
He's a ghost.
Wait. Gatekeeper to what?
Hell. Gatekeeper to Hell.
And what do you mean
"ghost"? I...
Oh! Oh!
Son of a bitch! I am a ghost.
Can we divert our attention
back to the fact
that this is
a gateway to Hell?
Wait, so you're telling me
that my pizza place
is built on a gateway to Hell?
I've been saying that.
What? Never.
You never said that.
Well, if it's on this lot,
then yeah,
your pizza place
is a gateway to Hell.
Congrats! You know,
there really aren't that many
here, Arizona.
There are a bunch of them
in Florida.
Heather. What about Heather?
Heather? Oh!
Yeah, I know Heather.
She, uh, she dropped by,
you know,
said she was
trying to access Hell
and I says, uh,
"Come by the next full moon."
"I'm your man.
Why is she
trying to go to Hell?
Oh, I don't know.
Something about making
a slave army of ghosts.
Spooky business, you know,
run of the mill, Hell stuff.
World damnation. End times.
Good God.
No, no, no. Just Satan.
Okay, Tracy. Look alive!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope this message
finds you well.
- Today I have no news
of a young person's death
to share.
(LAUGHS) For that
we can all be grateful.
Today, I do need
to share with you though
the truth about
my own wrongdoing.
Now, for the past month or so,
I have been in cahoots
with a certain
- local organization...
Ladies and gentlemen,
- this man is a fraud!
Justice 40,000 is the group
to which I am referring.
For years this man has
stood on this very stage
and spouted
anti-ghost rhetoric,
sanctioning Ghost Town,
and most recently,
accusing the ghosts
of a murderous conspiracy.
Now I apologized for that.
But you may notice
something strange.
Something different.
about your anti-ghost mayor.
Can anyone venture to guess?
- He's a ghost!
MAN: Tracy is a ghost!
Okay, ladies and gentleman,
can we please
just all move past
the fact that I'm a ghost.
The punishment
has only just begun, Tracy.
But she killed me!
- Also, she's a witch!
SADIE: Mayhem
sweeps through Kingfisher.
The news of Mayor Tracy
and Vera Marcus'
dirty dealings
has set off a haunting spree.
The likes of which
the city has never seen.
The city's ghosts, victims of
the ongoing media conspiracy
have taken to the streets,
terrorizing the living as they
go about their business.
a vigilante assassin
has taken up the banner
of killing witches,
managing to eliminate
half of the Justice 40,000
coven in a single night.
The remaining witches
have gone underground.
As law enforcement prepared,
should Vera Marcus access
the portal to Hell
she so covets?
Who knows what horrors
may be unleashed.
As the full moon nears,
we wonder if the now
exonerated pacifist werewolf,
will use his
supernatural talents
against the evil forces
at work.
Only one thing is certain,
Kingfisher needs a hero.
- Boo!
- Shit! God damn!
- What's wrong with you?
- Calm down.
I'm just trying out
a new thing.
You don't like it?
No, I don't like it.
Who are you?
I'm one of your victims.
You don't remember me?
No, I don't remember you
'cause I don't have
any victims.
- What are you doing here?
- I know.
It was the fucking witches,
I'm well aware.
- Right.
- Yeah, so,
what's the story, bro?
I mean, this is something
you could have ended
a long time ago.
Honestly, this is something
you should have ended
a long time ago.
No one else was doing it.
The implication
is that it's me.
'Cause it's my job. Right...
Maybe I'm not so fast
and loose with my morality.
Did you ever think about that?
And by morality, you mean
letting people get killed
while you ride around
on your fucking tricycle?
High performance machine,
This isn't about us
finding some fucking minions
and slaying them
at their tea party
This is Vera.
And she's into massive shit
and we need to stop her.
Yes, we. Who the fuck else?
Me and you.
Mmm, no thank you.
What the fuck kind of
werewolf are you?
The kind of werewolf
that knows how to quit
when he's ahead.
I deliver
fucking Chinese food.
Look, the point is,
I spent my whole life...
People trying to make me
a hero or a villain.
And I've realized
at this point, I'm neither.
And as far as I'm concerned,
my name is cleared.
So, if this is your mission,
do you.
- Sadie.
- Yeah. What? Uh, hey.
You okay?
Yeah. I just had
fucking ghosts
haunting my apartment
all night.
What's going on?
No doubt, yeah. Um...
Well, listen. You know, Uh...
You know
the sports guys Donald?
Well, um, he was murdered.
And they just
wanted me to ask you
if you wouldn't mind
covering sports beat
until we, uh, find a new guy.
- Sports?
- Mmm-hmm.
A whole city in chaos,
which by the way is the very
reason the sports guys is dead
and you want me to cover,
what, a football game?
Well, hey, okay, listen, don't
shoot the messenger, okay?
It's just, it's
a big readership thing.
And plus, I think
it's a basketball game.
I have more important things
to write about.
Living-dead relations,
witchcraft, werewolfery.
Oh, we got the pros up here.
They're handling that.
Sadie. Sadie.
(SIGHS) Well,
wave your goodbyes, Joe.
We barely knew ye,
Perfect Pizza Base.
We had some good times,
didn't we?
Before the staff murders
and before we found out
you were a direct line
- to the Dark Lord Satan.
- Jack,
we must not leave
the portal unattended.
We must be watchful guardians
of this terrible place.
I can't afford it, Joe.
Okay, look, you know,
us living people gotta do
a little thing called
paying taxes, okay?
So, let's pack up our shit
and get out of here.
Plus, doesn't Carl
the janitor do that?
Jack, you must believe me.
We are the only hope
for the community
and the world at large!
Congratulations. You got me.
You did it,
you got the big bad wolf.
Relax, Dax, I'm...
I'm not gonna arrest you.
No, I, um,
I never got to thank you
for what you did
the other night in Ghost Town.
You know, my boss
has had it out for you
since the beginning.
I can't change his mind.
Once some people
get an idea in their head,
they just can't shake it.
Frankly, I still believe
cats can speak English.
They just choose not to.
Clever sons of bitches.
The point I'm trying to make
is sometimes
seeing is believing.
You've got power
in this situation.
You can change this whole
town's perception of you.
Or you can leave.
Either way,
it's no skin off my cat.
- What did you say?
- I think you heard me.
Trust you'll do
the right thing.
The time is neigh, sisters.
We shall summon
the Dark Lord Satan
back to the Earth
from whence he fell.
I can feel it.
Can you feel it?
- Feel what...
- I can.
Debbie, go check it out.
- Why me?
- Damn it, Debbie, Do it.
Do this, Debbie.
Do that, Debbie.
I'm the best witch, Debbie.
- (MUTTERING) ...Debbie.
Wear more than two shirts
a week, Debbie.
Who in the hell are you?
I'm Jack and I'm the owner
of this establishment.
You're not taking me alive.
Jack, you must not do this.
My mind's made up.
No witches are going
to access Hell on my watch.
Jack, you don't understand.
You've been
a good friend, Joe.
But damn you.
Damn you, witches!
Damn you for taking
delicious pizza
from the fine people
of this town!
Well, that's one way to do it.
JACK: I don't get it.
Why isn't it gone?
Damn you, Jack!
What did I do?
Someone's done us
a favor, Heather!
You imbecile!
We're on the same side!
Can't you see?
We're both agents of evil.
- Oh no, sister.
I'm just
a brokenhearted broad
on a mission for justice.
And you think you can handle
the malevolence of Hell
all by yourself?
Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned.
Heather? Oh, you bitch!
Now, let's do away
with this woman scorned.
So, you are real.
Where you been?
I've been dying to kill you.
Every dog has its day,
but not today.
Yeah, Jackson. This is Sadie.
I've got a scoop and I want
a fucking promotion.
HEATHER: Oh, thank God!
I was being held hostage
by these crazy people,
- these witches, and...
- Nice try.
- Yeah.
Godspeed, you Chinese food
SADIE: Sometimes
villains hide in plain sight.
And sometimes
our heroes are unlikely.
The events of the full moon
brought out the best
and worst of Kingfisher.
A city brought to its knees
by arbitrary divisions
and wayward ambition.
Ultimately saved
from annihilation
by a ghost and a werewolf.
MALE ANCHOR: And a journalist.
I was just doing my job.
For Kingfisher Channel 4 News,
I'm Sadie Sheridan.
We'll be back in a moment.
From the ignominious
end of Perfect Pizza Base,
comes Jack's Perfect Pizza.
Hey! I'm Jack
and I want you
to come on down... Mmm.
And eat a slice
of Jack's Perfect Pizza.
That's right. We've got
ourselves a brand-new place
and this time,
it's not on the site
of an illegal burial ground.
Not to mention, a portal
to the abyss! (CHUCKLES)
That's right, we've
moved from our old location,
which I definitely didn't
burn down for tax purposes.
I'll tell you this right now,
I wouldn't want
any other pizza
to be sliding out of this
gaping wound in my neck,
except for
Jack's Perfect Pizza.
The pies are hot,
the workers are friendly,
and so far,
zero employee murders.
- It's clean as a whistle!
And we never allow witches in.
Excuse me? I'm a witch.
Get out of here, witch!
- See?
So come on down
to Jack's Perfect Pizza,
Kingfisher's new 'za!
Our pizza is to die for...
ALL: But we hope you won't!