Slingshot Cops (2016) Movie Script

- All
right all right, eh.
- True Willie John, true.
What's cracking in
Woodsville Center?
- Oh business is
booming, Cashmere.
People love them some works.
- Don't call them works.
- I told you.
Sorry, Cashmere.
- The contents in this box
oughta keep business booming.
Get it to Kimmy and
Pitt right away.
They still operating the
back, 27 Foster Street?
- Right-o, boss.
- Cops?
- In Woodsville Center we sell
with impunity, them
cops don't care.
- Hey, three Brawny Beast 2000s!
- Yeah, and you better
get a good price for them.
- Snickerdoodle!
Hey Snickerdoodle!
Excuse me, sir!
You hiding behind the boxes!
Have you seen my
cat Snickerdoodle?
Hey Snickerdoodle!
Come come, Snickerdoodle!
- What do you know, a copper
actually on the
beat in this town.
- Energetic fellow.
- Later, copper!
- You just interfered
with official
police business,
by mandate of the
Woodsville Center
Criminal Concern Center
I command you to wait
here until I have
time to come back
and arrest you for
inadvertent aiding and
abetting of a crime!
- Woo!
You getting your morning
exercise, copper?
- More like
exercising my duty to
arrest illegal
fireworks traffickers.
- Mayhaps I direct your
attention to this little sign.
We're in Kisson's Crossing now.
Looks like someone's
out of his jurisdiction.
- And by someone he means you.
- Office Rusty Sinclair,
searching for a feline does
not constitute inadvertent
aiding and abetting.
Not in my jurisdiction.
- Purrrfect work, Rusty.
Looks like you meowed
up the wrong tree again.
- It used to be a man could look
for his cat in an alley all day.
Sans interference.
- Those days
haven't past, Myron.
It's just that some
of our officers
need readjusting
from time to time.
- Like I said, I wasn't
aiding any crime.
Nor abetting.
- Myron, I'm gonna release
you on your own recognizance.
You neither aided nor abetted.
- Thanks, Commissioner.
- Not so fast, Rusty.
You're an energetic
officer Rusty,
but that energy
keeps getting you
into quirky
predicaments like this.
- You haven't
exactly been hitting
it out of the park
lately, Rusty.
- I'm scheduling an
evaluation with Doctor
David Mercer to make
sure you're fit for duty.
- You'll be the guinea pig
for the town's new doctor.
- Once you're deemed
fit, you'll be
paired up with Officer Wolf.
- What?
The Slingshot Cop?
- That's right Rusty,
you've got a partner.
- Well Commissioner,
I guess we're
gonna have to play it your way.
You know, they
might make for fun
sidewalk drawings,
boys and girls,
but real life fireworks are an
explosive disaster
just waiting to happen.
- We love
fireworks, they're fun!
We love fireworks,
we love fireworks.
- Sorry for the confusion
regarding the appointment.
My assistant Eugene has
made yet another error.
- But Doctor, I was told--
- Enough!
Leave us!
Some say that shaking
hands is old fashioned,
but we doctors are
nothing if not formal.
Doctor David Mercer.
General practitioner.
- I'm Rusty Sinclair, I'm a cop.
Always have been,
always will be.
- Not if I don't find
you fit for duty.
- Oh I'm fit.
- What was that?
- I said I'm fit.
Fit as a fiddle!
- Simmer down.
Now why don't you explain
your latest incident.
- Okay Doc, we'll
play it your way.
- The commish told
me to give you this.
Now that you're on
a beat, you gotta
clock in at the checkpoints.
- This is an insult.
- Just play it their
way for a little
while, things will
work themselves out.
Why don't you take some
java to your new partner.
Maybe it'll get him going.
No promises.
- Sleeping on the job is
dereliction of duty, Officer Wolf.
- Yeah yeah, partner.
Don't hassle me so early
on the morning, or ever.
Let's keep doing the job.
- Come on.
- Little Denny, take my card.
Take my partner's card too.
- I can't believe this lethargy.
I'm punching my own card.
My Criminal Concerns
Officer's oath is to
fight crime, not to
find the easy way out.
You can abandon your duty Wolf,
but I'm gonna walk my beat.
- Here you go, kid.
- King-sized, thanks!
- Lunch time!
How was the beat, kid?
Any crimes to report?
- No, things are peaceful.
- Two hours of walking,
two hours of sleeping,
six of one, half
dozen of another.
Please bring my
partner of cupcake.
- Coming right up, Officer Wolf.
- We officers have
to relax a bit.
And stay regular.
- Thanks.
- Take it easy, kid.
All that walking must've
tuckered you out.
- I'm not looking
to cut any corners,
I just wanna be
a good cop, Wolf.
- The commissioner doesn't
care if you're a good cop.
So long as you
don't rock the boat.
- Can I get two
vanilla bean cupcakes?
- Sure.
- So how come I never see
you with your slingshot?
- Will that be all?
Sir, you need to pay for your
two vanilla bean cupcakes!
- I refuse to pay.
Nothing tastes better
than free cupcakes.
- Help, cupcake larceny!
Oh wow.
- Curse these
thrill-seeking preppies.
Thrill-seeking preppies always
return to the
scene of the crime.
I'm going out the back door.
Looks like somebody's
gonna spend
a night in the Iron Bar Hotel.
- Please officers, I'm
just a thrill-seeker.
All the preppies are doing it!
It's a right of passage!
- You've got a right of passage
to the town jail, preppy.
Let's go, Wolf.
- Here you go, Pip.
Come on and get it.
You should've seen me today Pip,
you would've been
so proud, it was
expert police work
the way Wolf and
I took down that
thrill-seeking preppy.
All right Pippy, time
for you to eat up.
You have to stay in
top physical condition
if we're ever going
to convince the
commissioner to make
you the next crime pup.
Come on, eat your food.
- Hey Rusty, I heard
about your arrest today.
Nice work.
- I suppose you're here for your
tuning fork and
your sheet music.
You can come in.
- Rusty, why do you
have to be so cold?
- Here it is.
Tuning fork's right here.
- Come on Rusty,
keep your head up.
- Yeah Rusty.
Hey maybe this
will cheer you up.
Vance here's running for mayor.
Every vote's very important.
I should know, being his
campaign manager and all.
- Oh Pippy, what a good girl.
How I missed you.
- Well she hasn't missed you.
Pippy, stay with me.
- Sure looks like she missed me.
- Rusty, I know
you're probably not
very pleased with me
right now what with
my current situation
dating your ex and all,
but I'd still really
like to give you a hug.
- I don't think so, man.
- Hugs are the key component
of Vance's campaign, Rusty.
- All polls indicate the
importance of the personal touch.
- Yeah, my goal is to
get votes with hugs.
I'll get you next time, pal.
- What are you doing hanging out
with a sleazy politician, Keira?
- He's not sleazy, he's
genuine and he has time for me.
You never had time for
anything but criminal concerns.
- I'm a Criminal
Concerns Officer, Keira.
You can't just turn that off.
- I need someone
who values spending
time with me, and
Vance is that someone.
I hope we can still be friends.
- Hey Rusty, how about
being a contributing
constituent and allowing us to
display this sign in your lawn?
- Yeah, the power of hugs, man!
Some slogan, huh Rusty?
- Not now, Vance.
- Okie dokie!
- Greetings, vagabond man.
- I find your
accent incongruous.
- I am from Eastern Europe.
I believe your
people would use the
vocabulary term
vigilante to describe me.
- Ah, say, I have a
fierce hunger in my gut.
- Some cheese?
- I'm an American, I
don't eat stinky cheese.
- Say vagabond man, which way to
the town called
Woodsville Center?
- Follow the path,
Eastern European.
Off to the left.
- Then I must bid you adieu,
my dear fellow of the woods.
- My hearing!
My hearing!
Where did it go?
Where did it go?
- Hey Wolf, nice
arrest yesterday.
- We put that
preppy in his place.
- Preppies.
- Woodsville Center,
Criminal Concerns Department.
- Hello,
I'm little Billy.
I'm just seven years old.
- Well hello, little Billy.
How can we help you today?
- I need the phone
number to call my great grandpa.
- Okay sweetie,
where does he live?
- He lives in
Heaven with the angels.
- Awww, that means
he's an angel too.
Angels don't use phones.
Just fold your hands and say I
believe in you,
great grandfather.
Then maybe Saint Peter
will allow him to visit.
Thanks for calling.
That preppy should've
known better
than to try to rip
off that cupcake shop.
Your home away from home.
- You know, we might have done a
better job stopping
that preppy if
you still carried
your slingshot.
- Let me tell you a story.
About a Criminal
Concern Officer.
Hard working.
Good with a slingshot.
Then he stuck his
neck out and then
he got beat up something fierce.
- Are you this officer?
- After that day, I
put my slingshot in
this drawer and it
hasn't come out since.
- But you're the
original Slingshot Cop.
The lone wolf of
law enforcement.
- Long wolf, slingshots, those
days are behind me, Rusty.
Come on, there's a park
bench with my name on it.
- You can nap Wolf, I got an
address I gotta check out.
27 Foster Street.
- Hello, Doctor David's office.
- Please put me through
to Doctor David.
- One moment please.
Doctor David, it's for you.
- Who is it?
- I didn't ask.
- You didn't ask,
you nincompoop?
Remind me why I pay you, Eugene.
Doctor David Mercer,
may I help you?
- Doctor David, this is
Commissioner Adabato.
I just wanna thank
you for getting
Rust back on the
straight and narrow.
- Just doing my
job, Commissioner.
- Can I tempt you to join the
undersheriff and me
for lunch at Debby's.
- I wish I could, but I'm
sure I have an appointment.
Bye now.
Eugene, if I'm
wearing my eye mask,
it means that I do not
want to be disturbed.
My rest periods are of the
utmost importance to me.
- I'm sorry, Doctor David.
- And these crackers.
What have I told you about my
intense dislike for parmesan?
- But sir, these
are the French onion
flavored crackers you requested.
I can show you the box.
- Never mind.
Leave me be.
- Over three
continents I've roamed
under golden suns
and inky black night!
All in the name of
stopping the great,
eternal, evil entity
known as Sensefoot!
Thank you, good citizen!
I am on a mission
seeking justice!
Hello good sir, officer
of the law I take it.
Over three continents
I've roamed,
under golden suns and
inky black nights,
traveling the world
in search of the
great and eternal evil
is the Sensefoot entity.
- Entity?
Is that an Eastern
European word?
- Sir, take this pamphlet!
Read, read about Sensefoot!
- Good luck, buddy.
- You madam, you
madam, you must...
- Gotcha!
The jig is up, punks!
Hands where I can see them!
- We're just carrying
a box here, copper.
You wanna catch us, you
go get yourself a warrant.
Until then, get out of our hair.
- I got news for you
bud, I don't need
a warrant when I got certainty.
You got fireworks in there!
- Don't touch him, we'll press
charges and you'll
be off the force.
- I got news for
you honey, some of
my best work's been
done off the force.
- Gentlemen, lady,
what do we have here?
- Caught these two
lowlifes trying
to sell some fireworks, Wolf.
- Wolf, come on, how long
have we known each other?
- A while.
- Right, a long while.
Now you know Kimmy and me would
never go against the
laws of our fine town.
- That's a technicality.
- Pitt and Kimmy know exactly
what they can get away with.
Rusty, let's get going.
- You heard your boss,
flatfoot, get moving.
- You two are nothing
more than a couple of
low rent circus grifters
playing all the angles!
Come on Wolf, get your blood up.
You and me, we can take down
this fireworks syndicate.
- Cool your jets, kid.
You don't know how high
the syndicate goes.
- Boils me blood to see you on
good terms with
Kimmy and Pitt, Wolf.
They're fireworks dealers,
the lowest of the low.
- I'm done trying.
You've seen that
photo of my face.
I'm finished with the
Criminal Concerns racket.
- You can't be.
I wanna see you go out
on top Wolf, on top!
- I don't know.
- But you were the
lone wolf back then.
Now you got a
partner, we're a team.
Together we can bring
down any challengers.
What do you say, Wolf?
You with me?
- You know what?
A little action might be
fun before I hang it up.
- That's right!
- I'm in!
Not today, little Denny.
The Wolf is back in the game!
- We got the goods
on all the principles
in this fireworks
racket, Commissioner.
Requesting permission
for a search and seizure.
- Now Rusty, let's not
get carried away here.
- Code 604-A of the
town constitution
clearly bans all personal
explosives designed
for amusement and/or
atmospheric aesthetics.
- Rusty, we're not
going down this road.
Like the mayor says,
discretion is the
foundation of a good
Criminal Concerns officer.
- What did I tell you?
They never wanna get their
hands dirty around here, Rusty.
- So Mayor Dobson is the
puppet master in this
high stakes game of
personal explosives?
I'm disgusted.
I don't care of it's a sparkler,
a popper, or a bottle
rocket, fireworks bring
an unnecessary
danger into our town.
Sure, hooligans
might like the light
and the noise, but it
terrifies babies and dogs.
I'll fight for the rights of
babies and dogs
'till my dying day.
Every Fourth of July I
have to swaddle poor Pippy
just to prevent her from having
another fireworks-induced
panic attack.
- Looks like you
boys have too much
free time on your current beat.
Robbie, any cases
that'll keep them busy?
- Vagabond Man McMurtry.
Says he woke up from a little
nap, couldn't hear anymore.
- Sounds like a job
for The Slingshot Cops.
- Commissioner, we've
got an urgent call from
the mayor, he's got a
prowler at his house.
- A prowler at the mayor's?
Slingshot Cops, go check it out.
Robbie, you can go check
on Vagabond Man McMurtry.
That fella's been
going deaf for years.
- Vacate my
premises, you crazy man!
- But I have given
the, how you say,
runaround from your
horde of underlings.
And now I have no choice but to
bombard your homestead in this--
In the interest of the public,
Sensefoot must be stopped!
- Finally.
Now you officers,
you do something to
get this Eastern
European out of my hair.
- What seems to be
the problem, sir?
- Don't waste your time getting
his side of the
story, Officer Wolf.
Bring him to the
station in chains.
- All right, all right,
you're coming with us.
- No!
I will stay and
have my point heard!
- Sir, you are trespassing
on private property.
- "Private property."
Ha, in my country, birds, sheep,
man, woman, baby
all share the land.
- Well you're in
America now, buddy.
- Just come with us,
we'll sort it out.
- I'll go away this time.
- I'll be coming down
to the station to talk
to the commissioner and
read your full report.
- You're a lot more pushy
than the average
pamphlet pusher.
- I take umbrage at
that moniker, Detective.
- You Eastern Europeans
are all the same
with your big words
and your loud ways.
- My Judeo-Christian
values do not permit
me to make the same
generalizations about you.
- Don't you know you're
in big trouble, pal?
Disturbance of the
peace, trespassing.
- I was taught as a
child that Americans
celebrated acts of
civil disobedience.
- What's gotten you so fired up?
- I was but a young lad when
Sensefoot struck my village.
He stole my sister's
friend's sense
of touch just before
the homecoming ball.
She was unable to
feel the touch of
her betrothed embrace
as they danced.
- Shame.
- And then the cantor,
Edwin the Good,
had his sense of
hearing taken away.
The village was under siege!
- Just like Vagabond
Man McMurtry.
- I've tracked him ever since.
- And you think this man is
here in Woodsville Center?
- Oh he's here.
But he's far from a mere mortal.
Sans intervention,
he'll continue
to use his powers to rob senses.
- You talk all fancy,
just like Doctor David.
- Who is this gentleman?
- Eh, new police shrink.
Don't get me started, fancy guy.
Before I even
walked in his office
he made me take off
my shoes and socks.
- Eastern European,
there's no way
the commish will
let us help you.
- But I am free to
continue my pursuits?
- All right pal,
we're gonna let you
go on your own
personal recognizance.
Don't make us regret it.
We're in America, pal!
We don't eat stinky
cheese around here.
We eat cupcakes.
- Cupcakes are okay,
but we in Eastern
Europe have a more
sophisticated palette.
Citizens, protect your senses!
My research indicates
that Sensefoot
has taken route in your town!
He knows no mercy!
- That Eastern European
sure has a proclivity
for justice.
- You bet
his does, Wolf.
- See you
tomorrow, partner.
- It's okay, it's okay.
Calm yourself, Pippy.
These noisy hooligans.
I've had enough of them.
Pippy, it's time for you to
earn your crime pup badge.
Howdy, what's shaking lady?
Just getting back
from booting with
the fellas and haven't been on
the fireworks
scene for a minute,
but my little pup here wants to
see some bright lights tonight.
Don't you, Chomps?
So is the super secret
codeword still "boom boom?"
- You look like you wanna
do business, good sir.
Let me get my associate,
wait right here.
- I can dig it, lady.
- Well the demand is way
up on Woodsville Center.
Why don't you consult with your
piggy bank and get
back to me later.
- That cop Rusty
Sinclair is here.
- Come on, this guy
just doesn't give up.
- This is our newest
customer, Pitt.
He's ready to do some
big time business.
- You betcha.
Today was payday
and I'm itching to
spend some bread, if
you know what I mean.
- I know what you
mean, but I don't
do business with just anybody.
I need to know that
I can trust you.
- Your lady friend can
attest, I am a cool cat.
- I don't know you from Adam.
- I am Pebo Jenkins, and
there here is my pup Chomps.
We are in the mood
for some boomsticks.
Extra loud, if you
know what I mean.
- Yeah yeah, I know
what you mean, but I
need you share a swig
of this moonshine
with me just so I
know I can trust you.
- Oh, moonshine.
Well oooh, that's strong stuff.
I'm more of a milk
drinker myself,
gotta stay in shape
for the ladies.
I'm all set.
- No one turns down
Pitt's moonshine.
- Well of course
there was a time in
my younger years
where I did imbibe
in the devil's juice, so why not
another swig of it
for good ol' Pebo?
- That's more like it, Pebo.
You know what, I'm starting to
actually take a shine to you.
- Yeah, you're a
genuine tough guy.
- Woo!
Little stronger
than what grandpa
used to make for me,
but thanks so much.
Now I'm ready to
do some business.
- Not just yet, Pebo.
Pitt may trust you now,
but I don't trust a man
until I've seen him do
the southside shuffle.
- The southside shuffle?
Oh yeah, yeah, the
southside shuffle.
Goes by a different
name depending on
the turf, but I know what
you're talking about.
And a one.
It's the southside shuffle
It's the southside shuffle
- Sweet moves.
It's the southside shuffle
It's the southside shuffle
Pebo, Pebo, Pebo won't you
do that southside shuffle
Pebo, Pebo, Pebo won't you
do that southside shuffle
It's the southside shuffle
- Guys?
Perhaps I confused the southside
shuffle with the
northside shuffle.
I didn't bring my compass.
Could you come back, I
wanna buy some boomsticks.
Forget it, Pippy.
- For all I know, that
Eastern European could've
been hired by Vance Scanlin
to get some dirt on me.
Thankfully there's
no dirt to be found.
- Rusty, Wolf, it's
an election year.
The mayor can't have undesirables
derailing his campaign.
- Undesirables?
What about the
fireworks dealers?
They run around town with carte
blanche to peddle their wares!
- You're off that case, Rusty.
- Let the people
have their fireworks.
- If a mob of concerned citizens
expressed their concern
about fireworks,
we'd have a
different story here.
- What is it, Annabelle?
- Sorry to interrupt.
The courier said
this was urgent.
- Tsh, nice dance moves, Rusty.
- Why has a concerned
citizen sent in these photos
of you on an undercover,
unauthorized mission?
- What I do on my time
is my business, Mayor.
- I'll let you deal
with this, Commissioner.
I have to take care of, what do
they say, "pressing business."
- Our job is to keep the peace,
not to get things riled up.
Now get out of my sight.
- Ah, preppy, glad to see you're
back to being a law abider.
- That's right
officer, I neither
commit nor abid crime anymore.
- Yeah, he's one of our
best customers now, Rusty.
- Preppy.
- I'm gonna get a
vanilla bean and Wolf
here's gonna go with
the double caramel.
- I can't smell anything.
Not a scent!
- What's he doing here?
- Apparently our cupcake
lady summoned him.
She's had trouble
tasting things lately.
- Amelia, where are your
crime fighting friends?
If you have a problem
you should just call us.
- Her concerns are within
my jurisdiction, Rusty.
This is a medical matter.
- I thought you
were a counselor.
- I have multiple
doctorates from
several prestigious
institutions, Rusty.
Now go on, Amelia.
- Like I said, I woke
up from sunning myself,
took a sip of my ice coffee,
and couldn't taste it.
I haven't been able to
taste anything since.
Tasting things, doctor,
that's my raison d'etre.
My dishwasher, Ethel,
has been working
double duty as cupcake taster.
- It's true, I both
wash and taste.
- I'll write you a prescription.
Eugene, which one of
these is my prescription?
- It's this one, Doctor David.
- Thank you.
And this little
appointment will be free of
charge for an exchange
of one of your cupcakes.
- Sounds fair.
- Madagascar vanilla, clove.
A soupcon of nutmeg...
And a hint of of cardamom.
- Amazing, what a nose.
- I am somewhat
of a connoisseur.
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
- Criminal Concern Center
of Woodsville Center.
- Emergency!
A dark figure!
In Keira's yard, the singer!
- Okay, pull yourself together
man, we're on the way.
Sheesh, what a nervous ninny.
Rusty, you better
get over to your
old girlfriend's house pronto.
I just got a tip on the Criminal
Concerns line about a prowler.
- I'm on it, Annabelle.
- Who's there?
Get your evil foot away from me!
- Evil foot, Officer Rusty.
That's a clue.
- Get her some water, man!
- Rusty, it's you.
Why can't I see you?
- Keira, did I hear you say
something about an evil foot?
- Used to be a
person could live in
Woodsville Center and not
get his senses stolen.
Time for me to
rally the citizens.
- Keira, I'm Doctor
David Mercer.
- Doctor, please come in.
- The doctors down
at the hospital
have asked that I come check up
on you after last
night's ordeal.
- Oh that's so
thoughtful of you.
- People ask me how
can this immortal
Sensefoot creature be stopped.
There is only one way.
All of his senses must be
inundated simultaneously.
- Okay, okay, show's over.
- Nothing to see here.
- Go, move.
- Gentlemen, why have you
interrupted my pontification?
- We need a Sensefoot expert.
- Well sign me up.
- Yeah!
- This way.
- Keira, you must keep up your
nourishment during
this healing process.
Speaking of, any
dinner plans tonight?
- Doctor David, don't
you know I'm spoken for?
- Yes, of course, Vance Scanlin.
An acceptable mayoral candidate.
But does he really know
how to treat a woman?
- Doctor David,
don't you know that's
extremely unprofessional of you?
Please show yourself out.
I need to get to the Criminal
Concern Center to
give my statement.
- Doctor David is pleased,
she's beginning to
identify shapes.
- That's a good sign.
- After being
stricken by Sensefoot,
a victim will regain
his or her senses
within approximately
a fortnight.
- You hear that, Keira?
You'll be 20/20
again in no time.
- Can you describe the
foot in anymore detail?
- An ugly foot.
I know it sounds crazy, but it
seemed to have a purple aura.
- Commissioner, there's
a mob of concerned
citizens making its way
towards the station!
The citizens are really
concerned about this foot menace!
- Sounds like the public's
ready for some change.
- When you say change you mean
a new mayor, don't you Elden?
- Sure do.
- Rusty, you and
the Easter European
have to hold down the fort here.
The lone wolf is breaking
away from the pack.
- Citizens, citizens,
I understand
your concern, but
let's wait to see what
the commissioner has to
say about this, all right?
- Passing the buck, eh Mayor?
- Polls indicate that
the public has low
confidence in a mayor
who passes the buck.
- We abide no menace in our
town, foot or otherwise.
The Slingshot Cops
are on the case.
- Slingshots are no match
for this Sensefoot being.
- Yes, she's right.
- Yeah, what she said, Mayor!
- I can't see anything.
- She has been blinded.
- What are you gonna do?
- Yeah, come on!
- My vote depends on how
this foot menace is handled.
- I agree with what
everybody's saying!
I should be the mayor!
- I can live in a state
of terror no more.
- I also can't live in a
state of terror anymore.
- Citizens, trust in
your local leaders.
- We demand satisfaction.
- Fix this.
- Petty.
Petty, like some
villagers squabbling
with the barrister over
the potato tariffs.
This is an eternal
menace that has come to
roost in your precious
little American town.
What is it?
- Woodsville Center.
- Ah yes, how quaint.
But so much less quaint
when your town is
under siege from
the greatest thief
of senses the world
has ever known!
You, if your eyesight
was taken, what would
you care for the beauty
of the business district?
And you, the bluebird's
song will not
delight you if you
cannot hear it.
And what good is a cupcake shop
if one cannot taste
its delicacies?
Not to mention Sensefoot
can even steal your
very life by placing his
bare foot on your own.
- The Eastern European
speaks the truth!
- Yeah he does!
- Yeah, he does!
- The Eastern European
speaks the truth!
- He's not lying,
he's honest and true!
- Darn right he does.
Mayor, Commissioner,
I hereby request
that you grant us
permission to set up
a three men task force to bring
down Sensefoot once and for all.
- Yes, we need a task force.
- I agree, we need a task force.
- If that's what the people
want, let's give it a go.
- I can't wait to tell Wolf.
- Doctor David, an
officer approaches.
- Code red, Eugene.
- What the heck?
Get back here, you shoe thief!
- You know not the forces
with which you meddle.
- Why don't you come
over here and fight
like a man, you
supernatural charlatan.
- I'm no charlatan, officer.
100% pure and honest evil.
- The people of
this town trust you,
and you have the nerve
to steal their senses?
The lone wolf's
still got the touch.
- I'll give you the touch.
- Doctor David!
- Eugene, drag his
carcass into the woods.
Then call the Criminal
Concern Center.
Tell them Detective
Wolf attempted
to attack you with
his bare foot,
but you were able to fight him
off and he died in the struggle.
- Doctor David,
no one would think
I'm strong enough to
fight anybody off.
- Of course you are, Eugene.
You have great strength.
And even though you annoy me
at times, I am grateful for you.
- You have no earthly right
to run me out of town, Mayor.
- Go stir up trouble
somewhere else, hooligan.
I have my annual
free throw shooting
competition to worry about.
- I am no hooligan!
Rather, a seeker of justice.
- Justice has been served.
Officer Wolf is dead,
he can no longer
run rampant around
this town stealing
the senses from my constituents.
- I am a Sensefoot expert.
Detective Wolf never displayed
any of the telltale signs.
- He had us all fooled.
Now get out of town and
peddle your hokum elsewhere!
- But he'd been a crime
fighter for so many years,
how could Wolf lead a
double life as Sensefoot?
- Well he sure had you fooled.
- Think about it Rusty, he
left the station claiming
to have "lone wolf"
activities to accomplish.
- Just because he
called himself a
lone wolf doesn't
mean he's Sensefoot!
- Well we received a
report that Doctor David's
assistant Eugene was
assaulted in the woods.
Luckily Eugene was
able to fend Wolf
off until his life
force expired.
- It's an open and shut case.
There's no arguing the
scientific evidence.
Isn't that right,
Doctors Uski and Bowana?
- True, the radioactive
burns were clearly found
in the epidermal pad
region of the metatarsals.
That's the bottom of
the foot, officers.
These findings clearly
match those on the victim.
- Do you mean to tell
me you have indisputable
scientific evidence
that Wolf was Sensefoot?
- That's exactly
what we're saying.
- Well doctors, I guess we'll
have to play this your way.
I wander over land and sea
Near and far over the country
No place that I'd rather be
Than home with the rising sun
Under a clear blue sunny sky
Valleys low and mountains high
Then too many years gone by
Away from the rising sun
- Rusty.
Good news, Rusty.
Annabelle here is gonna
be your new partner.
- Excited to start solving
crime with you, Rusty.
- I knew you'd saddle me with
a partner before long, Commish.
- Oh Rusty.
- No need for preamble, Commish.
Don't worry, I'll
play things your way.
Come on.
- This is so
great, walking a beat.
- Wolf used to have a
contact who'd punch
his card for him.
Wish I could get a hold of that
kid, then I could
take a nice nap.
- No way, silly.
Let's look for some
action on Canal Street.
Let's go see if Vance and Elden
have the proper
permits for this rally.
Come on.
- Maybe if more of us
took the time to give
the poor guy a hug, he
wouldn't have felt the
need to terrorize our
town with his evil foot!
- Vance Scanlin for mayor.
- As your next mayor, I promise
to hug each and
every one of you!
And hugs stop crime!
- Vance Scanlin for mayor!
- Hello gentlemen.
May we please see your permit?
- We're new age
campaigners, officers.
Once Vance Scanlin's
elected to office
he's gonna rid city
hall of red tape.
- Well he's not in office
yet and rules are rules.
- We finished spreading
our love here, officers.
No need for a citation.
We're on our way.
Like I always say,
live in the now.
Let's adjourn to the
swing set, shall we?
Now now Rusty, don't
be so glum, man.
Who here wants me to cheer up
this sad officer with a hug?
- Ladies and gentlemen,
please witness the
power of Vance
Scanlin as he hugs the
sadness out of this
Criminal Concerns Officer
who's still mourning his
partner's bitter betrayal.
- Yeah, for those of
you who don't know,
Officer Rusty here,
his former partner
Officer Wolf was
in fact the evil
Sensefoot of which I just spoke!
Let's hear it for Rusty
Sinclair everybody!
- Rusty!
- Eh, new police shrink, don't
get me started, fancy guy.
Before I even
walked in his office
he made me take off
my shoes and socks.
- They're selling fireworks.
How brazen.
Come on Rusty, let's bust them.
- Who cares, Annabelle?
The people like their
fireworks, let them have them.
- Hey yo, Rusty, Annabelle,
you guys wanna buy
some fireworks?
- We heard the commissioner
told you to get off our backs.
Beat it, chumps!
- Que sera, sera.
- I believed you.
I believed you were
a wise veteran with
one last lone wolf
mission left in you.
I bought into the
way of the slingshot,
played things your
way, and you were
just playing me all
along, weren't you Wolf?
Why would you do it?
Why would you
steal the senses of
the people of Woodsville Center?
Why, Wolf, why?
- There there, Rusty.
You've reached your nadir.
Now let's go get a cupcake.
- I recognize that
stinky cheese.
Eastern European, how
goes your vigilante quest?
- Greetings, vagabond man.
The mayor ran me out of
town, but I had an epiphany.
- I love epiphanies!
- Hello folks, this
is MC Michelle coming
to you live from the
mayor's backyard courts.
I'll be your host at
the event today which
will also be
simulcasted on AM 1370,
facts, fun and folk
for Woodsville Center.
Today's the day, dear listeners.
Yes, that's right,
we've waited all
year and it's finally arrived.
It's the mayor's annual
free throw contest.
Now let's hand things
over to Mayor Dobson.
- Welcome.
Welcome, people, to my annual
free throw shooting contest!
Let the basketball commence!
- Eastern European?
I thought they ran you
out of town on a rail.
- Yes, they did such a thing.
But I have returned.
Too much to tell right now.
You get back to the
athletic competition.
Meet me tomorrow at
Robot City Games.
I hear they have fine
amusements there.
- With 16 out of
25, it looks like
Doctor David will be challenging
Sure Shot in the
finals, how exciting.
- Now before we proceed
with our final round
between Doctor
David and Sure Shot,
I have a very
special announcement.
We have our very own singing
sensation Keira Steadley!
Now she recently
suffered a violent
Sensefoot attack to
the eyes, but her
voice remains as
pure as an angel.
So please rise,
and take off your
hats, as we sing
our town anthem.
Woodsville Center
How do I love you
I'll never tell
You'll always have
good friends here
And you'll never
have anything to fear
Woodsville Center
How do I love you
I'll never tell
Woodsville Center
- Sorry, Sure Shot.
I didn't see you there.
- Bingo!
Nice, a superb 22 out of 25
for our very own Doctor David.
Now let's see what the three
time champ Sure Shot can do.
He's as cold as ice, folks.
- Got no touch.
- Ladies and gentlemen, your
champion, Doctor David Mercer!
- Hello?
- Was that an angel singing
the town anthem this afternoon?
Or was that you?
- Doctor David?
- That's free throw
champion Doctor David.
Were you impressed by
my performance today?
- If this isn't pertaining to my
medical condition, I'll
have to say goodnight.
- I did that for you, Keira.
- Well I never asked you to win
an athletic competition for me.
I have to go.
- Psst, Eastern European.
- Can't you see I was only 3,500
points away from the high score?
- But Eastern European, you
told me to meet you here.
You said you had important news.
- Detective Wolf is no
more a Sensefoot creature
than you, or I, or
Undersheriff Robbie Funt.
- Believe me, more than anything
on Earth I wanna believe that.
- Well quit wanting
and start believing!
This town has a major Sensefoot
problem and its name
is Doctor David.
- But the town scientists,
Doctor Uski and Doctor
Bowana, found traces of
radiation on Wolf's foot.
That's empirical evidence.
Something you can
see, hear, or touch.
- Well touch this.
Gently, gently, and look,
look at the photograph.
- Doctor David is Sensefoot.
That explains why Sure
Shot lost his touch.
- Correct, he used
his evil foot to
kill Wolf, leaving those
traces of radiation.
- Why did Wolf die
but not Sure Shot?
Or any of his other victims?
- Oh you Sensefoot novice.
Sensefoot can only kill
with direct foot to foot
contact, his most
concentrated form of attack!
Otherwise, he's
just stealing the
sense of the body
part he touches.
Mouth for taste, nose
for smell, and so
forth with other
similar associations.
- Looks like I was wrong
to doubt Detective Wolf.
- Oh yes, you were
completely and utterly wrong.
- Well now I believe in
Detective Wolf again.
- It's about time you
believed in your old partner.
- I also have belief
in you, Detective Wolf.
- Saint Peter just
granted me three
earthly hours to help you guys.
- I missed you, Wolf.
I'm sorry I didn't declare
my belief in you sooner.
- That doctor and his lackey did
a pretty good job of framing me.
Eastern European, how
can we kill Sensefoot?
- Complete inundation of all his
senses should do the job.
- Well inundate him we will.
But first I'm gonna see
what Sensefoot is up to.
- Cancel my afternoon
appointments, Eugene.
- But Doctor David, the
senior center at 3 PM.
- Surely they can
wait 'till tomorrow.
- You got a whole group of
seniors ready for their checkup.
- I'd rather make a
surprised house call
to the lovely Keira Steadley.
- But Doctor David,
considering your
feelings for her, that's
highly unprofessional.
- You dare question
my professionalism?
I will make that
house call, and she
will reciprocate my
feelings of love.
Otherwise she'll suffer the
same fate as you, Eugene.
- Keira's in danger.
I gotta go warn the others.
- We'll be back.
- Rusty, what's that Eastern
European doing in my station?
- No dogs in the station, Rusty.
- I told you to leave town,
you Eastern European you!
- This Eastern European is
here to save your skin, Mayor.
- His status as a
temporary officer ended
when the mayor ran
him out of town.
- Yeah, send him on his way or
we'll send you on
your way, Rusty.
- You have no idea what kind
of trouble your town is in.
- Listen up, Wolf
wasn't Sensefoot,
Doctor David is Sensefoot.
He killed Wolf and he's
still a threat to our town!
- And now we're going
to take him down.
- That case is closed!
- Sure, you don't
care about it anymore
'cause you've quieted
your concerned citizens
and you used our best
cop as a scapegoat!
- Like the mayor said,
this case is closed, Rusty.
Now you either escort
your Eastern European
friend out of the
station, or you
turn in your badge
and your slingshot.
- It used to be my life's
dream to carry this badge.
But if it means serving
bureaucrats, then I'm out!
- This is insulting!
- I've towed the
line for too long.
It's time to play things my way.
You can keep the badge, but
the slingshot stays with me.
- You're off the force, Rusty.
- Right on.
- You talk tough
Robbie, but let's
see if you can
fight tough, Robbie!
I no longer work for the town.
I work for justice, pro bono.
Let's go, Eastern European.
Thanks man, let's go, Pippy.
Let's solve a crime.
- I wanna fight for
justice too, Rusty.
How can I help?
- You wanna fight for
justice, Annabelle?
Well here's how, go
to the cupcake shop
and pick up a chocolate
salted caramel cupcake.
- But I thought my days
of providing you guys
with coffee and baked
goods were in the past.
- Trust us, we've got a plan
and that cupcake
is a vital part.
- Don't speak to him Annabelle,
he's no longer on the force.
- Annabelle, we don't want
you to lose your job for us.
- Eh, it's not like these two
are ever gonna get reelected.
I'm out too.
- Bring the cupcake to Keira
Steadley's house, let's go.
- Fireworks proprietors, I need
your most brilliant explosives!
- Yo who do you think you are
running up here like that?
- I am a champion of justice
on my way to dispatch one
of the most vial scourges
to ever stalk the Earth!
- We've seen you
around town with that
knucklehead cop Rusty,
we're not falling for this.
- Rusty, what are
you doing here?
- Keira, you're in grave danger.
Doctor David's on
his way to get you.
- What do you mean?
- The ghost of
Officer Wolf told me
that Doctor David
is Sensefoot and
he's on his way to
your house right now!
- Rusty!
Hey, do I have to, yeah,
okay, no, okay bye.
Sorry, I was on the phone.
You're in quite a state.
Sounds like you need one of
Vance's trademark bear hugs.
Vance, get in here!
- Come on, get in
here Rusty, man.
- Hug, touch.
Vance, we're gonna need
you on this mission too.
Keira, time to start warming up
your vocal cords,
to the kitchen now!
- You folks might
not want to help me,
but would you help your
old friend Detective Wolf?
- I guess so, but
the point is moot.
Detective Wolf is gone.
- Not if you declare
your belief in him.
- Oh come on, that's just an
old tale told in schoolyards.
- Just declare
your belief in him.
- Okay, I believe
in Detective Wolf.
Do it, Pitt!
- All right, I believe
in Detective Wolf.
- Hey guys.
- Whoa, unreal!
- Grab your brightest, loudest
explosive and come with us.
- It's time to pull out
the Brawny Beast 2000.
- I know it sounds crazy,
but you gotta believe me.
- Heck Rusty, if Doctor David
shows up I'll give
the guy a hug.
Probably would've
hugged him anyway.
- Excellent, Vance.
- Rusty, what if I
contributed to your
plan by simultaneously
hugging Doctor David?
- That's the spirit, Elden.
Keira, will you
be able to get him
onto the deck and sing to him?
- This plan is ridiculous.
- Come on honey,
you broke the poor
guy's heart, the least you could
do is lower your doctor onto the
deck and sing a
few notes to him.
- Okay, I'll do
it for you, Rusty.
- The scourge is upon us.
Quick, Vance, Elden,
come with me outside.
Keira, lure him to the deck.
Let's go.
- Hello there, Miss Steadley.
- Oh man, we're putting Keira
in a lot of danger here, Rusty.
- Yeah, good point, Vance.
- With Sensefoot loose, all of
Woodsville Center is in danger.
- Also a good point, Rusty.
- I was concerned
about the results
of your retina test today.
Hence the unexpected visit.
By the way, you are
looking quite lovely today.
- Okay, well I have
noticed that in
bright sunlight my eyes
have trouble focusing.
- Yes, yes, let me examine you.
- How about you
take a look at me
on the deck in the sunlight?
- With a patient as
lovely as you I'd
prefer a candlelight
over a gourmet dinner.
Perhaps with smooth jazz.
- Oh Doctor David, the
deck's right over here.
- Ugh, what's that smell?
- That would be this hunk
of stinkin' bishop cheese.
A delicacy in my
homeland, it's sure
to overwhelm Sensefoot's
olfactory system.
- Well Kimmy, Pitt,
I never thought I'd
say this, but at this
moment, in our desperate
hour, Woodsville Center
needs your fireworks.
- And we brought just what you
need, the Brawny Beast 2000.
- Nice.
- Now what, Rusty?
We'll play your way.
- Now Keira, why don't
you recline in this chair.
I'll have a look at those
beautiful blue eyes.
- All right Vance, Elden, time
for you two to do your part.
Now if only Annabelle could
get here with that cupcake.
- Doctor David!
Get over here, buddy!
Let me give you one of
my patented bear hugs.
- Say guys, can I get
in on that bear hug?
- Sure, buddy!
- By the way,
congratulations on the
free throw shooting
contest, Doctor David.
- Oh that was the day Keira
delighted everyone
with her singing.
Hey why don't you sing
some more of us, honey?
Woodsville Center
How do I love you
I'll never tell
You'll always have
good friends here
And you'll never
have anything to fear
- Sounds even better than
the angels in Heaven.
Woodsville Center
How do I love you
I'll never tell
Woodsville Center
- Enough of that singing.
It's too much for my senses.
And what's that wretched odor?
- I just don't know
which one I wanna get.
They all just look so good.
Apple pie is good.
It's like an apple pie,
but in cupcake form.
- Just pick a cupcake, Myron.
- Fireworks ready guys?
- You betcha.
- The plan's working,
I'm so happy.
- Aw man, look what you did,
you broke the Brawny Beast 2000.
- Don't panic, it'll
still explode right?
- Well yeah, it'll
explode, but we can't
aim it at anything, it's
not gonna go straight.
- We don't have any time.
This explosive needs
to explode right away.
You're a brave girl, Pippy.
You know what to do.
- It's all too much.
- Time is short, if
we don't overwhelm
his tastes soon this
is all for naught!
- Rusty!
Sorry I'm late, there was a
long line at the cupcake shop.
- With cupcakes that delicious
of course there was a
long line, Annabelle.
- Well also they were out
of chocolate salted caramel.
Had to get vanilla.
- Vanilla's just as good.
We're gonna do this, Annabelle.
- We did it!
- Oh man, that cheese
stunk to high heaven, man.
- You Eastern Europeans.
- Nice singing, Keira.
You really belted it out.
- It was my pleasure.
- You know, Vance
isn't such a bad guy.
He's got my vote in November.
- That's my time, folks.
Saint Peter's summoning
me back to Heaven.
- Goodbye, Wolf.
I wish you could
stay longer on Earth.
- You got Annabelle now, Rusty.
Teach her everything I taught
you about being a slingshot cop.
Pippy, what are you
doing in Heaven?
You died in the line
of duty, just like me.
Those darn fireworks.
Rusty's right,
they're dangerous.
It's not your time, Pippy.
This may be out of
my jurisdiction,
but I order you back to Earth.
Rusty needs you.
Go, Pippy, go to Rusty!
- Pippy!
Pippy, you did such
a good job, Pippy.
- Pippy.
- A cop and his pup.
- And their partner.
- I wish.
Remember Rusty,
we're off the force.
- That's true.
- Hey what are you
gonna do next, Rusty?
- What am I gonna do next?
I'm gonna campaign like heck for
this guy, Vance Scanlin,
to be our new mayor!
He is gonna sweep city
hall clean of corruption!
- You bet he is, Rusty.
- I sure am.
- Once Vance takes
office, one of his first
initiatives is to get you
guys back on the force.
- Yeah, that's right, man.
And I'll start a work program.
Something to get
miscreants like you two off
the streets and into
productive roles in society.
And you, Eastern
European, you're
gonna be my new commissioner.
- Excellent!
In fact I have already obtained
all the proper working papers.
- Yeah, man.
- Hey Vance, you know
what I'm thinking?
- No, what's that Rusty?
- The Woodsville Center's
Ladies Club is having
their annual get-together
over at Braswell Park.
- A wealth of potential votes.
- You guys wanna head over there
and give those ladies some hugs?
- Only after this task force
gets together for a group hug.
- Bring it in, everybody!
- All right, now let's
go hug some ladies.
- I love this town.
Little Pippy's in a fright
when the sound goes pop
And you know they're on the
case when the trail goes hot
Stop in the name
of the law boys
You wanna run the other way
When you run into
the slingshot cops
Chase those boys through
town to the county line
And the world's a bit brighter
Just to know that
they're out there
Not your average men in blue
But they don't really care
They're the slingshot cops
They're always
there to lend a hand
To protect and
serve their fellow man
And they're never gonna
quit, gonna pull all the stops
Never ever gonna die,
gonna give it all they got
Stop in the name
of the law boys
They're coming for you
Are you ready for
the slingshot cops
Chase those boys all
night to the county line
And the world's a bit brighter
Just to know that
they're out there
Not your average men in blue
But they don't really care
They're the slingshot cops
They're always
there to lend a hand
To protect and
serve their fellow man
On patrol far and wide until
they cross the great divide
They got soul to make up
for heat they don't pack
So join our refrain,
all you people everywhere
All hail the slingshots
cops, they got your back
The don't taste much
Sure Shot lost touch
Now the world will be brighter
And true justice
will be served
Sponsored by the Center
for all Criminal Concerns
They're the slingshot cops
And they'll live
to fight another day
They won't let the
Sensefoot get away
Shake and move with
the slingshot cops
Dig that groove 'till
the crime wave stops
Slingshot cops, yeah they're
always there to lend a hand
To protect and
serve their fellow man