Small Engine Repair (2021) Movie Script
[distant chattering]
[phone ringing]
[light acoustic guitar music]
[Man] You have a collect
call from an inmate
at Hillsborough
correctional facility.
This call may be monitored.
To accept this call,
please press zero.
If you do not..
[phone beeping]
- Frankie.
- Hey.
[Man] Frank, you're there?
[Frank] Hey, can you hear me?
[Man] Frankie, I can't
fucking hear you, be clear.
[Frank] It's just
real loud in here.
Hold on a sec.
[Man] Jesus fucking Christ.
[Frank] Can you hear me now?
[Man] Yeah.
How are you, do you
want us to come get you?
[Frank] No, listen,
I got my truck.
I wanna head straight over
to the shop at five o'clock.
[Man] Shop, all right, yeah,
now we'll meet you there.
[Frank] Yeah, okay.
How is Crystal doing?
[Man] She's good,
she made a pancake,
she's watching
cartoons with Pack.
Hey, daddy's coming home.
[light acoustic guitar music]
Stay, stay.
Hey sweetie.
How'd she do?
Yeah, she did all right.
You wanna go see daddy?
Hey, Crystal, sweetie.
Come on, come on.
[Crystal sobbing]
Okay, stay with her.
[Crystal sobbing]
I get it.
It's okay, it's okay.
Come on.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat dance music]
I'm better off now
[camera shutter clicking]
[laughing]
'Cause your love
is like a poison
I'm better off now
[knocking on door]
All right, look, this morning-
- This morning what?
I should have fed the dog?
I should have put
gas in the truck?
Because I did all that shit.
I know, I messed up.
You shit all over Saturday
morning is what you did.
You just completely destroyed
the love of the day,
you left a fucking crater, like
[imitating explosion]
sadness.
Look, I know that it's expensive
and I know that we're poor, but-
- We're not, we're
not, we're not poor.
All right, fine.
We're clinging to
the last branch
of the lower middle
class, whatever.
It's where I want to go.
It's not just the money.
Is it because the
school is closer to her?
Yeah.
All right, fine.
I'll go to UNH Manchester,
five blocks away.
But start compromising now
so it won't be such a shock
when I'm a balding 49 year
old supermarket checkout girl
with carpal fucking tunnel.
All right, good,
then it's settled.
Fuck you.
You're not funny.
All right, look.
Just fucking do it, okay?
I'll take out
loans and all that.
All right?
Just fucking do it.
You know someday I'm gonna
make a lot of money, dad.
You won't have to
work so hard, okay?
Yeah, I don't mind
working hard, but thank you.
So can you go now or?
Oh, hold on a second.
Let me ask you.
Oh definitely, no, look
at this, it's disgusting.
How did you know that's what
I was going to ask you about?
How about you can put
on the shirt I bought you.
[horn honking]
Hey, do you mind if
I borrow that jacket
if I ever get a date?
[man burping]
Fucking protein powder.
- Hey!
- Wow, so gorgeous.
Hey, it's nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Look at your hair, it's nice.
You want to give me a hit?
Of what?
Of what, of what?
Frank's not even here, you're
not going to get in trouble.
Yeah, you're good
out here I bet.
Just one hit.
Whoop whoop.
[all laughing]
Tell me where I can
get it, you know.
Don't smoke.
It's good.
What's going on out here?
- Hi Frankie.
- Nothing. Hey, Frank.
Crystal, it's way too
cold, put something warmer on.
I don't want you
out here like this.
Why are you laughing?
What'd you cook?
Hey, hey, where are you going?
[upbeat music]
Candles burning low
Lots of mistletoe
I'm not burning no
sausages, not burning.
I'm telling you right now.
That's the protein
of the fucking meal.
You don't burn the sausages.
Hey, you guys take a look
at the Christmas tree yet?
Fucking gorgeous.
Perfect, that's good,
I love these sweet sausages.
Hey, you want this fine wine?
One legged duck
swim in a circle.
- Circle.
- Crystal, I love that
Christmas tree, it
looks beautiful.
- This looks beautiful.
- Let's eat, I'm starving.
Make a room, you want more?
Yeah.
This are delicious.
That's a nice shirt, Frank.
Thanks.
They made that for men?
Hey, I bought him that.
Yeah, I like it.
Old man don't smoke anymore.
I got him to quit.
Did you?
Yeah, I posted photos of
rotten cancer infested lungs
all over the house.
Oh, maybe one night, we
don't fucking drink so much.
Come on, Frank,
It's Christmas.
You see how wound up he is,
could you maybe
like take him out,
and meet somebody or something.
Like what, for his penis?
Take it easy.
All he wants to do is
be here or at his shop.
It's true.
Because every time I
go to a bar with you too
you get wasted and
fucking start shit.
And thus, you
never meet anybody.
As far as meeting
somebody though,
you did mean like
a female, right?
Swaino, you know who you are?
You're the guy who makes
one too many gay jokes.
[all laughing]
[laughing]
You know what, I got nothing
but love for you tonight.
'Cause we're having a
beautiful dinner at Frankie's.
You're a good man, Packie.
It's good, all of
us together, right?
How's that school
search coming?
Those college essays
turned out good, right?
Yeah, thanks for your
help on those Packie.
They turned out real well.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know.
What, what's the matter?
No, nothing's wrong.
Hey, what'd you
fucking say to her?
I don't know, I'm sorry.
Packie, what's going on?
Hey, Chris.
[Crystal sobbing]
Hey, fuck this school.
I was the same way, you know,
you just kind of have to find
your own path to knowledge.
Congratulations.
It says you got in.
Did I get in, did I get in?
How's early acceptance
motherfuckers?
[all cheering]
[upbeat music]
- Oh, Crystal!
- Did you fucking know?
Of course I know,
I'm paying for it.
Hey!
Of course he fucking knew!
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey, merry
fucking Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry fucking Christmas.
UCLA
You're smart.
Los Angels could be a
dangerous place, trust me.
You got to keep your
head on a swivel.
You ain't been on
a fucking airplane.
Not the point here.
All right, you're right.
So if a guy comes
at you with a knife.
Yeah.
You just pivot
your wrist like this.
Oh.
You've got to try to stab me.
Well, an attacker is
not going to tell you
he's gonna stab you.
I'm just putting that out.
Let's do it, you're right.
You're right, I'm wrong.
So then you pivot
the wrist like that.
[grunting]
I'm not playing anymore.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
[grunting]
Dad, can I have one cigarette?
Thought you quit with me.
It's just one.
What about the cancer?
Oh, shut up, Packie.
Going to UCLA, she's
gonna cure cancer.
Frankie, give her a cigarette.
Give her one.
- No.
- Just give her one.
Fuck it.
You know you owe me
after this morning.
[Packie] What
happened this morning?
Got into an argument and he
punched a hole in the wall.
[Swaino] At least he didn't-
- Hey Swaino, can I wear brown
boots with a black jacket?
Once I get to see the boots.
Why are you asking him?
Once I start buying my clothes
from a fucking garbage can
I'll ask you.
[all laughing]
Thank you, Sensei.
Hey, so listen to me.
So Karen's coming over
tonight to bring Crystal out.
Oh my God.
Tonight?
Yeah.
She's coming here?
The fucking cunt
is back in town.
Don't use that language
in front of crystal.
What the fuck should
I call her then?
Bitch, whore?
What, I'm just trying
to help, skank?
It's the mother of my child,
can you show some
fucking respect?
[Swaino] She don't
fucking deserve respect.
So do it for Crystal then.
This is fucking
bullshit, Frankie.
You should've told us.
[upbeat rock music]
I got your hair
Why don't you see
So play it there
Hey Frank, Frank,
don't look directly
into her eyes.
Hey.
Hey.
Jesus Christ.
How are you doing?
How's things Frank?
I'm actually pretty
good, actually.
How long are you in town?
I don't know, a couple
of days, we'll see.
So, you still not drinking
and doing your push ups?
You look good too.
Oh, and I didn't
need to quit shit.
How are you faggots doing?
I'm doing good?
Really?
You act like I'm the
devil or something.
Kind of fucking worse.
[laughing]
Ma.
Oh, look at you.
Oh my God.
You're goddamn gorgeous.
Look at this hair,
oh my God, it grew.
It's been a year, Karen.
Okay, thank you.
We've got some catching
up to do, don't we?
Tonight is your night, I'm
gonna spoil you so bad.
You've got fake tits, Karen.
I know they look
good, don't they?
No, it's just this
bra that I'm wearing.
Did you want to see them?
Ma.
Okay.
Okay, well, like show
him, like you miss them,
like you want to peek.
Hey, remember when we were all
friends before I grew tits.
All right, well this was fun.
Anyway, do you want to go
shopping for Christmas?
Yeah, oh, I want to hear about
everything about the boys.
I want to hear where
you like to go.
I want to get everything,
- okay?
- Yeah.
[engine revving]
Let's get him the
fuck out of here.
Hey Frank, let's go get
a drink somewhere, huh?
- Come on, Frankie.
- Come on.
We'll have fun,
you'll have a seltzer.
Let's go.
All right, fine.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking
about Frankie, let's go.
[upbeat music]
All right, enough with
the fucking talk, okay?
[upbeat music]
To Crystal.
To Crystal.
Who knew that
accidental orgasm
in a Hampton Beach bathroom
would go to fucking college?
If you only pulled
out that night
your whole fucking
life, your whole life
would have been different.
Okay, enough.
Fucking college.
I'm so proud of us, man.
Us, the fuck you ever do?
I did a lot back in the day.
Bullshit, you ever
change a diaper?
You?
What?
I've been changing diapers
since I was nine years old.
My sisters have babies
coming out of their asses.
I love babies.
Everybody fucking
knows this about me.
Look at the blonde at the bar.
Shit, her tits are perfect.
I think it's C-cup.
She's all right.
[phone ringing]
You okay?
I'm at McGarvey's.
Of course, yeah,
okay, I'm headed out.
All right, I'll be right there.
Is she okay, Frank?
Yeah, she's fine, she
just needs something.
Hey, I tell you
my cough drop thing?
I go up to a girl and
I just start coughing.
Are you listening?
I go up to a girl
and I start coughing
and she gives me a cough drop.
Wait, we hitting on girls?
Sorry.
For what?
I was just kind of staring.
Stare all you fucking want.
I do Pilates.
Got a light?
Yeah, I do.
You're a hero.
And I don't even smoke
anymore, I just carry a lighter,
it's like a habit.
It's kind of, it's weird.
It's a great story.
Are you fucking with me?
A little bit, yeah.
I'm a Ducati guy.
My partner's a Ducati guy.
You should see my
Ducati, try to explain
to this gentleman,
I say to him, look,
Ducati is constantly fine
tuning engines for performance.
You can't compare it.
It's like a donkey
with a Jaguar, right?
Seriously, nobody got
a fucking cough drop?
This guy, you know, he's
sitting there, he's like,
you know, he's like a fucking
weekend warrior, right?
Running around like you're
Sonny fucking Barger.
Meanwhile, he's probably a
dental hygienist from Derry.
[all laughing]
That guy was
like 70 years old.
Hey look, it's a leprechaun.
Not so good at this whole
flirting thing, are you?
No.
I'm Dottie.
Oh, nice to meet you, Dottie.
I'm Frank.
- Who's this?
- It's my daughter.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Crystal] Hey, can I
borrow your credit card?
She really is your daughter.
She doesn't have a card?
She maxed it out
shopping for me.
Can I get one of those?
Thanks.
Who carries a light
if he doesn't smoke?
Real fun time this guy.
Huh, you don't
know the half of it.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Sorry.
Who the fuck are you?
Yeah, I'm just going to go
over there, wait for my Uber.
Oh, Uber, fancy.
Hey Ma, you want to
just wait in the car,
I'm talking to dad for a bit.
Hey just go stay warm.
I'm gonna go pee-pee.
She's fucking wasted.
Yeah, well, she
hasn't eaten yet.
And I'm driving so,
I already know what
you're going to say.
You're gonna tell me that
she doesn't respect me
and that I deserve better.
And you know what, you're right.
But she's still my mother
and I haven't seen
her in a long time.
I just want to
have dinner, okay?
Let me see that.
Don't let her walk away with it.
Oh, I love you, dad.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
You're gonna give my
dad your number or what?
Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah, thanks.
He takes a shot,
you know, I parry it,
I turn over a hot right
hand and pop, pop, pop.
I dropped the fucker, right?
Why do you always gotta
make shit up to sound cool,
Swaino, he didn't hit the dude.
How'd you get caught jerking
off in your cousin's panties?
Excuse us.
Point being-
- Why you sleep with a He-Man
doll until you were 13?
Why do you still live
in your granny's basement?
When we're in the fifth
grade, we had a sleep over
in Frank's backyard,
Swaino called his parents
at two in the morning
because he pissed
his fucking tightey whiteys.
[glass shattering]
[all murmuring]
So his father shows up
says he pees as always,
he called him a pussy
and slaps Swaino
across the face and Swaino,
he cried like a little bitch.
[Man] Dude, he just
bitch slapped that guy.
[all laughing]
You all right?
All right.
Packie, listen.
Packie, listen.
[whispering]
I'm sorry.
[whispering]
[all laughing]
[Man] Take it outside please.
What the fuck are
you laughing at?
Hurt your
girlfriends feelings?
Hey why don't you mind
your own fucking business?
Shut the fuck up.
Why don't you mind
your own fucking business
before you get fucking slapped,
you're next, you fucking
string bean motherfucker,
what's the problem?
What about you with
these fucking shoes.
Where the fuck did you
get these from, faggot?
That's homophobic.
Where'd I get the shoes?
[Man] Yeah.
I don't know, maybe same
place I fucked your mother,
how about that?
I'm right fucking here.
Stop fucking looking at me.
You wanna fuck me or
you wanna fight me?
I'm right the fuck here.
Don't touch me.
[all shouting]
I swear to God, I'll
knock your fucking ass out.
Hey, hey!
Stop it.
Fucking stop it,
back the fuck off.
Now my fucking boy's
here, motherfuckers.
Listen, Crystal's
here and I don't want
to get into this shit right now.
Let's go.
All right man, just settle down.
Don't fucking touch me,
bitch, that's my boyfriend.
No, that's my
fucking husband, bitch.
Fuck you, bitch.
[all shouting]
[upbeat music]
[man screaming]
[grunting]
Kick his ass
Frank, whoop his ass.
Fuck him up, hit him.
[all shouting]
Hey Frank,
Frankie enough.
Frank.
Frank, you're gonna
kill him, Frankie.
Daddy stop!
[tense music]
Crystal.
[Swaino] Come on,
Frankie, let's go.
Don't fucking touch me.
I fucking knew this
was gonna happen.
Hey, hey, hey, Frankie.
You stay away from me and
you stay away from my family.
I don't want to see again I
don't want to ever fucking
see you again.
[siren blaring]
Come on, we gotta go.
[dramatic piano music]
[phone chiming]
[phone chiming]
[light acoustic guitar music]
Times are changing, you bet
Seems the older I get
[whistling]
Come on.
The less I seem to fit
In a young person's world
And the higher I climb
The more I see design
How they keep
us all confined
Robbing oyster
of their pearls
I am the outsider
A horse with no rider
I am a fighter when
the darkest day is done
And I am the survivor
Not a lay down and die-er
You got another
text from Frank.
Again, fuck him.
I think it's sad, they've
been friends forever.
What's the text say?
Not a day was
missed because
Everyone's forgotten
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
I'm coming, Frankie.
He wants you to
come by tonight.
He's hiring strippers
as an apology.
Frank Romanowski is
hiring strippers, fuck him.
He's extending an
olive branch here.
[Judy] It's a fucking
sexist olive branch.
Suck a tiny dick, Judy.
If you don't know how important
this is to our baby brother-
- What if I don't want to go?
Stop being a fucking pussy.
My darkest day is done
I am a survivor
Not a lay down and die-er
A long distance driver
And I will overcome
Yes, I will
[bell ringing]
Frankie.
Frankie.
Okay, just let it out.
All right, your brain, your
lungs, what stage is it?
Does that hurt?
Does your dick still work?
I don't have cancer.
What the fuck?
So are you mad at me
for not having cancer?
I, you know my cousin Larry
died from fucking lymphoma.
Hey, where'd you get your TV?
Costco.
How much was it?
I don't remember.
It's nice.
Oh Jesus Christ, we haven't
seen each other in months
and the first thing you
do is fucking lie to me.
All right, look,
you're to promise me
you're not going to freak out.
What?
Swaino's coming over.
Here?
No, he's going to
the Stop & Shop
to buy a fucking sandwich.
Of course, here.
I don't want to
see that asshole.
Because he slapped you?
A slap is insult and
it's not the first time
in our history that
happened either.
It's like the 11th time.
Okay, come on.
No, you come on.
You should be mad
at me and not him.
No, I'm mad at the
both of you, Frank.
Three months, nobody
fucking calls me,
I'm wasting away.
Okay, so you're gonna
ride this shitty BMX by him
and give him ammunition
to bust your balls
for the next hundred
fucking years.
Is that what you want?
Hey.
Packie, hey, Packie,
that's the closet.
[Packie] No shit, I
know it's the closet
[engine revving]
How are you doing, man?
It's really good to
finally [engine revving]
good to see you.
I'm sorry, I just, I can't
quite make out what you saying.
It's good to [engine revving]
[laughing]
Fuck this.
Fuck you.
Aw, yeah.
You seem a little bit tense.
It's work shit.
- Yeah?
- How are you doing?
Got blown an hour ago.
Where's my guy?
Where's my guy?
Oh, oh, could you be here?
Could you be here?
There's my guy.
There's my baby boy.
Look at my baby boy.
Oh!
Who's my guy?
Oh yes, oh yes.
Who's my sexy man?
Did I miss you so fucking much?
God, I missed this man.
You got a new TV, huh?
I did.
Yeah, mine's bigger,
but that's good.
[metal clanging]
What the fuck was that?
[clattering]
What's that?
So you got a chihuahua?
Hardy har.
Surprised, you
spent all that money
on a designer Mexican toy breed.
If I'm a Chihuahua then
you're a fucking Corgi.
Was that a fucking
burn, Packie?
You see, you got to one
up me with a smaller dog.
A Corgi is a smaller dog.
A Corgi's practically
regular size dog.
They just got wicked short legs.
Should have said like
a Yorkshire Terrier.
A Yorkshire aint smaller than
a Chihuahua, I should know,
me and my Grammy
used to have one.
What do you mean,
fucking Falcor?
That maniac was a fucking
Maltese and it was a mix.
- He was not.
- He had white
fucking fur and Jesus, Packie.
Trading barbs with you is like
throwing rocks at a retard.
Hey, he knows my uncle Gary
has fucking down syndrome.
You're right.
Should've said
trading barbs with you
was like throwing rocks
at your uncle Gary.
Knock it off,
Swaino, knock it off.
Ain't knockin' shit off.
Fuck this fucking Leprechaun.
As an Irish American, I
fucking take offense to that.
What does that even
fucking mean I'm half Irish.
Exactly, you're
a fucking traitor
You're magically delicious.
All right, all
right, all right.
Knock it the fuck off, okay?
Come here, come here.
Can't let 30 years of history
go down the fucking toilet
over some fucking bullshit.
What the fuck are you
talking about, Frank,
you're the one that
said you were done.
Yeah, Frank.
I know, and I was wrong.
All right?
Okay.
Yeah, let's do it.
[Swaino clapping]
How are we doing this?
What time do they get here?
Who, who's getting here?
The strippers.
What strippers?
What do you mean
what strippers,
Frank fucking ordered strippers.
How are we doing this?
Frank, you ordered strippers?
There's no strippers coming.
What do you mean there's
no strippers coming?
I stopped, I got 30 fucking
dollars in singles here.
[Packie] You lied
to him too, Frank?
The hell is going
on here, Frank?
I got fucking plans tonight,
I got fucking friends.
We ain't friends?
No, I mean like adult friends,
not fucking childhood friends.
We're adults, we're adults.
You're in your 40s, Packie.
What is that?
That's like nursery school
age for leprechauns, right?
[all shouting]
[Packie grunting]
Get off me.
[Frank coughing]
When did you start
drinking again?
Today.
Why?
- [Packie] I'm sick and tired-
- 'Cause I'm just curious.
I have feelings.
I come from a long line
of proud Irish immigrants.
My people have been
oppressed by white people
for far too long to be
putting up with this
and marginalized.
But you fuckers that
I call my friends.
Made fun of and fucking
laugh, what, what?
[all laughing]
Don't fucking laugh.
Listen to you.
You're right, you're
right, you're right.
I know I'm right.
Hey, hey.
Hey,
you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay, yeah.
- You good?
- Yeah.
All right, listen.
I got steaks, I got
booze, I got beer.
The fight on Pay-Per-View,
we are hanging out tonight.
You in?
Yeah, I'll watch a fight.
Me too, I can do it.
Me too, I'll stay for the fight.
Hey, I got a surprise
for you pussies.
What the fuck, bro?
That's the holy
grail right there.
Ah!
He's right there he's
got fight, fight, fight.
Choke that motherfucker out.
I fucking can't
fucking look at it.
Hey Frank.
Hey, to friendship.
- Hey.
- Frank.
Right?
Thank you Frank.
[Packie] Aw, God
is that fucking good.
[Swaino] How's
your grandma doing?
Oh, she's amazing.
How the fuck old
is she now anyway?
99, can you believe it?
Remember the
time in third grade
when we all seen her a bush.
[laughing]
Remember that?
We come walking downstairs,
she's cooking flap
jacks, she turns around,
what do you know,
Frankie, no pants.
You know that's the
first real bush I ever saw.
Why the fuck you always
got to bring that up?
Packie, how do you
not bring that up?
Like a fucking
baby gray squirrel.
[all laughing]
To your grandma.
To baby gray squirrels.
[all laughing]
You know when I
took that picture?
Frank's Small Engine Repair
signature fucking image.
I mean rarely does an image
capture someone's personality
so good. God, is she beautiful?
Hey Frank, you know something,
I oughta get residuals
for that fucking picture.
You're drinking
your residuals.
[Packie laughing]
[Packie] What are you doing?
Wait.
Is this really for me.
That's just enough for you,
where's your daddy?
Happy birthday.
Because I'm six?
You're now six years
old, you need your own man.
Hey Swaino, hit the light.
[Swaino] Yeah, you got it.
Look at the lights,
look at the lights.
So beautiful.
[Packie] One, two,
three, dismount.
Give her like a
tool or something.
Look who's the most beautiful.
Look at you.
- Perfect.
- Make a smile.
Tell her you got a
future or something.
Oh, look at this.
[all laughing]
[camera shutter clicking]
Oh, we got it, we got
it, that's so good.
Hey come on, come
on, up, up, up.
The moment we've
been waiting for.
I think about telling
Crystal, when she goes to UCLA,
she should get a
degree in marketing
or technology or something.
The fuck do you know about it?
It's called social networking.
My ball's got
social networking.
Fuck you.
I bet your phone don't
even have apps on it.
Check this shit out.
That's the Galaxy S9, bitch.
I got everything on this
little fucking gadget.
I got the fucking Google.
I got Facebook.
I got the weather.
That's not an
S9, that's an S6.
The fuck you talking
about, its an S9,
I just fucking bought it.
Yeah, an S9 has
a bigger screen.
You're like a fucking Asian
teenager, you know that?
How many Instagram
followers you got?
How much can you
fucking bench press?
Frank bench presses
more than you.
"Frank bench presses
more than you."
Does Frank fucking bench
press more than you?
I'm just wondering
if Frank benches
more fucking weight than you.
I'm just wondering.
I hope you saved your receipt.
[groaning]
[laughing]
Hey Frank, let's fucking eat.
You know what I mean?
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
You guys want to hear
some crazy fucking shit?
You guys remember it was
like a couple of summers,
it was at Crystal's
birthday party.
Remember at the landmark.
Remember how I
brought that chick?
She's like 26 years old
from fucking Pelham.
Pakistani girl.
That fucking Pakistani.
Afnahn was her name.
That's the fucking one.
We had a great
discussion on Reza Aslan.
Hey wait, the
fucking point is,
we kind of lost touch, right?
Couple of weeks
ago, I'm going out
with a couple of
buddies from work.
We're getting fucking
hammered and unlike
you pussies, these
motherfuckers, they go.
I mean, they fucking go, right?
Old friends and new friends.
Big love to family.
Let me get a drink,
Let me get a drink.
Hey, hey, big
fucking love, right?
To family.
And who do I see across the bar?
It's fucking Afnahn, she's
there, she's making eyes at me.
So I'm like, hey, it's time
to fucking get to work, right?
I walk over, I'm like, hello?
Hello, this is unbelievable.
How are you?
And this fucking
chick, she pretends
that she doesn't remember me.
Do I know you?
Yeah.
She gives me like
this fake name.
I'm Judy.
So I'm like, fuck it,
I give her a fake name.
Fuck it I'm Eddie, right?
Hello?
Hello Judy.
- Hi Eddie.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Wow, it is nice to meet you.
And then I realize what
this tricky girl is up to,
she's playing like one of
these fucking sex games, right?
I have to be honest with you,
it's fucking turning
me on, right?
So I make up this whole
fake backstory, right?
I'm like from
fucking Connecticut.
I'm from fucking Connecticut.
I like rowing.
She's eating it up.
We hang out, we're
getting hammered.
We go back to our place
and oh my God, oh my God.
The fucking performance,
there's something about
being a character.
I'm the fucking
heavyweight champ, right?
She passes out, I fucking
pass out, great night, right?
I wake up the next
morning and I'm a mess.
I'm hung over as shit.
And I take a look at her
in the morning light.
I can get you a car, show
you where the bus stop is.
I can give you a ride,
whatever works for you.
Is that my shirt?
And I look.
It finally fucking dawns on me.
It's a different girl.
Hey, how did you know that?
Afnahn, she got engaged.
Me and her, we follow
each other on Insta.
That is some vintage
fucking Terrance Swaino shit
right there.
Ah, here we go, here we go.
You got to fucking
judge me, Frank.
When's the last time you
went on a fucking date, huh?
Matter of fact-
[phone ringing]
Oh shit, I-
- What do you mean, hold on.
Tell us the story, who is it?
It's Crystal.
Tell her we said aye.
Let me talk to her.
This could take two seconds,
keep an eye on the meat.
Keep an eye on the meat.
I've got to keep
an eye on the meat.
Hey Frank, my eye's on the meat.
[Man] It's just not worth
the amount we're talking about.
Okay, hey look, I
totally get it man.
Let's just double it.
[Man] Double it,
are you serious, okay?
I'm hanging with my man,
Packie, who looks like an owl
You know my man Packie
got a dick like a yard
[Man] I'll hit you up
when I'm on the road.
All right man, thanks.
[phone beeping]
Let me ask you something, man.
All this fucking
Instagram shit, you know.
I don't know,
maybe you can like,
show me how that shit works.
Everybody's getting
laid that way these days.
Are you?
Who, me?
Let me see your phone.
Hey, give me your phone.
You just, you take a pic.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
[camera shutter clicking]
And then you just, you
open your Instagram app.
Where's your app, you
don't have any apps.
Fucking stop with the apps.
There it is, good.
Then you pick a cool filter.
Sepia makes it
look artsy, right?
Fuck, I didn't know
you could do that.
And then you go here
and you press this.
You go there and you press that.
Is there a filter you can
use to get the tiny homo
out of the picture?
I can tell you think
it's cool, Swaino.
Then I tag the location.
So everybody knows we're at
Frank's shop together, right?
[phone ringing]
Who the fuck is this?
Karen Delgado's calling you.
Why the fuck is
Karen calling you?
[Swaino] Hey, give me
my fucking phone back.
Is Karen back in town?
Yeah, she's back in town,
just give me the phone.
[Packie] Are
you banging Karen?
Why would you fucking,
what's the matter with you?
Why would she
fucking call you?
[Swaino] Just fucking stop.
We had coffee.
- How's the meat?
- It's good.
- It's good.
- Yeah.
- Two more minutes.
- Good.
35 years old.
Divorcee from Derry, she's
got this four year old son.
So we go on this date and
still is fucking depressing.
She had wicked big tits.
Go on, sir.
[Frank] So, we end
up back at her place.
- Thanks for the dinner.
- It's like
maybe our third date.
There you are, thanks very much.
I choose to still believe
it's worth the fight
You want to come inside?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I go inside, she
pays the babysitter.
How'd he do?
You know, punched me in
the face a couple of times.
You want me to walk you home?
It's just next door.
The sitter goes home and
then we go into her bedroom.
You haven't drunk a lot, huh?
[both laughing]
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
She tells me she has
not been with a guy
since her kid was born.
So she's all over me
Stop the shaking,
I'm not there
[breathing heavily]
She takes my hand and she
pushes it into her pants.
She, I shit you not,
has got a huge, unkempt,
like 1970s Playboy bush.
[laughing]
My watch gets stuck there.
Oh, stop kidding.
- Relax, let's be careful.
- Oh.
Oh my god, it's your watch.
[grunting]
So I pulled my hand out.
She goes, "I'm really
embarrassed, Frank."
I was gonna trim.
No, it's okay, it's fine.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
We just start laughing,
fucking laughing our asses off.
Kind of fun.
We're just laughing.
But it was so loud that
we wake up the kid.
[Child] Momma, come
get me, I'm scared.
So she gets off
the bed and she says-
- I'll be back, I just
have to put him to sleep.
Totally, go.
Being a single
parent, it ain't easy.
So, she says, hey-
- Still want to fuck?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Of course I still want to fuck.
Oh, good, I'm
looking forward to it.
So then she leaves and
I'm lying there, in her bed,
for like half an hour.
My hard on is a distant
fucking memory at this point.
So I get up and I
go down the hallway
[light orchestral music]
and I see she's lying there
on this like race car bed,
asleep with her son.
So I watched for a
couple of minutes.
It was kind of a
sweet image, you know.
A mom like that
with a kid like that
is the way everything should be.
So,
I let myself out, I go home
and I watched TV.
Never heard from her again.
You ever consider
killing yourself.
That's a beautiful
story, Frank.
Tragic, but beautiful.
The fuck is so
beautiful about it?
Frank doesn't think he can
be of value in a relationship
unless they're broken
and he could fix them.
Like Karen, she's
in pieces, right?
She's humpty dumpty always
need something to be fixing.
This woman, she had
her life together,
Frank didn't know
what to do with her
so he just let himself out.
Are you done, can we eat?
Eat your food.
Frank, Karen's back in town.
How did you know that?
So you knew?
She's the mother of my
child, you don't think I'd know
she's in Manch-Vegas?
Yeah.
You seen her?
Why does it matter?
Fucking cycle begins.
Enough.
Well, I'm sorry, are
supposed to be happy
that Karen is back in town?
Gee, I can't wait to deal
with your anger issues again.
You don't got to
deal with shit anymore
because you got your new
fucking work friends, right?
God, for fuck's
sake, don't do that.
Look all I'm saying is
Karen's fucking toxic.
It's what she does.
Swoops in, she plays the
wife, she plays the mother,
she pulls you in and she
tears you the fuck apart.
And you go on a bender,
start throwing strangers
she flirts with through
plate-glass fucking windows
and I get to stay up
with Crystal all night.
Tell her her father
ain't going back to jail.
This is shit you know,
even Crystal knows it.
All right?
There are two
things in your life
that consistently fuck
you up, it's Karen,
and it's your fucking temper.
I mean, think about
it, you live your life,
you've got a daughter who
spends half the fucking time
being terrified of you.
That's just a fact.
At least I accepted
responsibility for raising my kid
instead of sticking
my diseased cock
in a bunch of half
dumb fucking girls.
What do you want to do,
Frank, you want to hit me?
You want to hit me just
because I told you the truth?
Fuck it, I love you.
And I hate what she does to
you. I hate fucking watching it.
So yeah, I fucking hate her.
All right, I hate what
she fucking does to you.
So if I fucking said
something that makes you want
to fucking bash by skull
in then just do it, Frank.
I'm just fucking
being honest with you.
So go ahead.
I'm right fucking here.
At least I know I said
my piece, I'm here.
[phone ringing]
Hey Frank, it could
be Crystal again.
Maybe you want to get that.
I can get it.
No, no, no, I'll get it.
[phone ringing]
Hey, what's up, it's Frank.
Yeah, you just, you just keep
going on 93 North for awhile
and then you you'll take
the Mammoth Road exit,
just gonna go like four miles,
you know, it'll bring you
around and you know, you'll
see my shop kind of tucked away
there on the left and
see, it's the only place
that has light on.
All right, man.
I'll see you soon.
[phone beeping]
Hey,
I'm sorry.
For what?
For calling your
cock diseased.
I'm sorry.
By the way I mean just,
with that, you know,
I did take a needle
for that situation.
So I just kind of feel
like if you are going
to make fun of my cock,
like refer to it as like
as a formerly diseased cock,
I'm just saying
you should do that.
Deal.
All right.
All right, Frank.
Let me clean this shit up.
Who's coming over, Frank?
Oh, this kid.
What kid?
He's from Northeastern,
played pickup basketball
with him a few times.
[all chattering]
He's coming by.
Why the fuck would you have
him come over here, for what?
I'm buying Molly off of him.
Nice flip phone.
That's my work phone.
See you later.
- All right.
- All right.
Since when you do Molly?
I don't.
I figured I'd try it
tonight with you guys.
And then what?
We have a fucking
dance with each other
in your lawnmower shop.
We ain't seen each
other in a long time.
I wanted tonight to be special.
Come on, what's the big deal?
Come on Swaino,
don't be a pussy.
I'm fine, fuck it,
why the fuck not?
Why the fuck not?
If we're gonna party,
I'm gonna fucking spark up.
Anybody else?
Is there still an Old
Lady in that closet?
[slow violin music]
Hey, you know what, give me
fucking hit off the Old Lady.
Hey, all right.
I like this new,
out-of-control Frank,
it's been a long time since
you let your hair down.
Let your hair down?
Yeah, it means like relax.
We know what it means,
but who without a vagina
actually says that?
I think you forgot.
[all laughing]
I think Frank
forgot how to do it.
[all laughing]
Tell you what, that's
fucking precision crafting
right there.
Oh, fuck.
My fucking secret to
youth, beyond all else,
I only fucking fuck pussy
26 years old or younger.
A woman doesn't
know how to make love
until she's 30 years old.
I can prefer a girl who
doesn't know how to fuck.
I like that.
[Frank] So she
won't be disappointed.
That's fine, look,
women have fucking
sexual issues, right?
And what they do is they
bring that with them
into the fucking bedroom.
They have bad fucking
experiences, right?
So I want to be there
in the beginning.
You want to be there badly.
What the fuck is that,
Jesus fucking Christ.
[all laughing]
Three months ago at my
cousin's bachelor party,
this stripper, she put a
pinky finger right in my ass.
[Frank laughing]
Are you laughing
at me or with me?
What?
I thought we was all sharing.
[all laughing]
Just trust us,
fucking trust us.
It's fine, we'll
clear the fire.
- You know how to land.
- No, listen to me.
Just bend your
knees, here we go.
Let's give it a good one.
One, two, come on, come on
and three.
[hip hop music]
Hey Alexa, how many bitches
can we fit in a Tesla
So our Molly's here.
Listen, listen.
I don't want him to know
that I have a daughter.
Afraid your drug dealer
won't think you're cool?
Just do me this favor, okay?
We let our hair down too?
So we like laugh at
everything you say?
[Frank] I'll leave
that up to you.
What's up, man?
Good to you see, man.
Really appreciate you
coming on all this way.
Yeah, no, it's cool.
I really do, it means a lot.
Hey, come on over here.
Meet my boys.
This is Packie and
this is Swaino.
- Hey.
- Guys, this is Chad Walker.
You should see this kid
play basketball, man.
So should we deal with the-
- Diamonds?
- Yeah. Wow.
Just like out in the
open like that, huh.
What do you mean?
It's Frank's first big
drug deal, I think he thought
there would be like code
words or some shit, you know?
I'll get your money.
Hold on to them.
How much you want to
bet Franky's got the money
like in a Manila envelope.
Like a rubber band
wrapped around it.
You guys live here?
We've got a bunk bed.
How much you
bench press, Chad?
I don't use free
weights, it slows you down.
I'm training with
plyometrics right now.
How tall are you?
Six, three, six, four.
One or the other.
- Somewhere in between.
- Got it.
You got a nice eyes.
[chuckling]
Polo, huh?
Yeah, like Ralph Lauren.
Ralph Lauren,
oh yeah, I got it.
I like how the scarf
kind of hides that, huh?
I mean, you don't wanna fuckin'
just throw it out there
for people, right?
What kind of car do you drive?
G wagon.
How much is it?
I don't know, my dad
got it for me as a gift.
Can I drive it?
No.
Oh, hey, you guys gonna
give me a hit of that thing?
Oh, you don't have
to ask us twice.
[Chad] All right.
So is that like your first
time you ever took PCP?
Hey Chad, why don't
you come on inside,
have a real man's drink.
That'll show you.
[Frank] All right, Chad,
this is some good shit,
you are in for a treat.
Oh God, that is good.
It tastes like shit.
You, my friend, are what
a doctor would refer to
as uncle Gary.
That's for you.
Manila envelope.
So why is it so important
for old dudes to like scotch?
In 10 years I'm gonna
ask you the same question,
you know what you're gonna say?
What?
You know, I started out
thinking I could come up
with something wicked funny,
but it just never liked gelled.
Hey, Frank this is only half.
Oh shit, that's
right, I'm sorry.
Let me get the
rest of your money.
[camera shutter clicking]
[Packie] Hey, what kind
of filter you got on there?
Nashville.
[Packie] I like Perpetua.
Let me ask you.
Did you tag Frank's shop?
[Chad] Yeah, I tagged him.
[Packie] We did too.
When you guys were
my age it was like
no internet.
No, it was fucking crazy.
We did this thing, was
called going outside.
How about you Mr. fucking
big time drug dealer, huh?
You you carry the cabbage?
Yeah, yeah, I got you.
What the fuck is that?
It's a fucking mason jar.
Yeah, it's called
white champagne.
Genius, let's see what
you're fucking packing, huh?
You know what, speaking
of scotch, you guys remember
the night at the game six.
This fucking story again.
The Buckner game?
That's right, 1986.
Sox gave New England
something they hadn't had
in a long time, hope.
What is this, a fucking
Ken Burns documentary?
I got it on YouTube.
Sox lead the series going in.
Me, Frank and Swaino,
we're at Frankie's basement,
watching on this shitty
little black and white
with aluminum foil
on the antenna.
[upbeat music]
[Announcer] Nearly home here.
Let's see what Clemens
comes back with.
It was our own
little club house.
Nobody ever caught
us down there.
[laughing]
Ow.
[laughing]
[crowd cheering]
Fucking old men, they're
upstairs watching the same game
on a fucking color TV.
Our fathers spent their
lives watching the Sox lose.
They used to get wicked
fucking hammered down east.
We knew we need to
leave them alone.
[distant shouting]
[laughing]
It was unbelievable
because this is the night
the curse of the fucking bambino
was about to be fucking broken.
Then something historic happens.
Hey fuckheads,
histories happening,
get your asses upstairs.
Let's go.
They never asked us up
there before, we're all like,
[gasping]
Come on, sit right here,
right next to your old man.
And we're all sitting
there, fucking just like this.
Right, we never felt love from
our fucking fathers before
in our whole fucking
lives, right?
Hey, keep your
eyes on this game,
this is fricking
history here, okay?
[Packie] This was it.
The Sox were going to
win the World Series
and we were all gonna
be in the room together.
Mookie Wilson gets a slow roller
right up the first baseline.
This is it.
Bill Buckner squares
up, drops his glove
and the fucking ball rolls
right between his goddamn legs.
One of the worst errors
in baseball history.
The Mets score.
- Fuck.
- Jesus.
[Packie] But it doesn't
end there for us.
we find ourselves in a
den of fucking lions.
The problem is we had to
walk through the kitchen
to get through the back
door and Frank's old man
was standing right there.
Now, let me tell you something.
We ain't never seen a
grown man cry before.
It was terrifying.
Frank's pop-
- [Man] What the fuck
are you doing here?
Grabs him, slams him
up against the fridge.
This ain't like your
generation of millennials.
This is when you
got fucking slapped.
[Man] I told you
to stay downstairs.
What did I say?
[Packie] So what
did Swaino do?
Stop!
Grabs Frank's pops arm,
tries to get him to stop.
Now, this type of kid-on-adult
attack was unprecedented
in our world and highly
ineffective since Swaino
was like all of a
bony 10-year-old.
Swaino's old man, he runs
in, throws Swaino off.
So I'm standing there
watching my two best friends
get demolished by their
fathers and there's my old man.
I looked at him, he looked
at me, then he shrugged,
reaches out, guess he
figured he should get
on the kid beating business too.
So I did the only
thing I could do.
[Swaino] Fled, Like a
streak of midget lightning,
he bolts like a bitch
out the front door.
But not before I grabbed
a bottle of scotch.
Except the screen
door was fucking locked.
Well finally, Packie
just burst through
the motherfucker, right?
He got the fucking screen
wrapped around his fucking head,
and everybody's just
stops to look at him
across the fucking lawn.
And me and Swaino, we use
that moment as a diversion
to get the fuck
out of the house.
And then we all met
in the fucking woods
by that big rock where we'd go.
Just a big fucking
rock in the woods.
That's all it fucking
took back then.
We passed around
that fucking bottle.
It was the first time
any of us ever had scotch.
And you want to
know something, Chad?
It tasted like shit.
[all laughing]
You motherfucker you.
So fucking beautiful.
It was so fucking beautiful.
Fucking genius.
Hey guys look, I'm going
to take this real quick.
Hey Chad, you can hang
out for a bit, right?
No, I can hang for a few.
Hey boys, entertain
our guest please.
Hey Chad, what
does your father do?
He's partners at
Landon and Wilkins.
What the fuck is that?
It's like the biggest
fucking law firm in Boston.
So what's that
like, having a father
you're not ashamed of?
Good, I guess.
Fucking call me Karen.
Fuck.
That's why you've been stuck
for three years in a row.
You don't got to be like
a shot at point guard,
you know what I mean?
I'll tell you what I
want to know about, Chad.
How about that
Northeastern pussy?
Being on the crew team
plus in the fraternity
definitely has its benefits.
You got nice eyes too,
don't discount that.
That's what I thought.
Well, you know, you don't
need any of that shit these days
to get laid.
Getting pussy man, it's
all through social media.
I've been trying
to tell him that.
How's that fucking
work, what do you do?
You send fucking pictures
of your cock and shit?
That's not a good idea.
Whatever you put out there,
that shit's gonna
haunt you, dude.
How so?
I saw like a couple of
days ago, my dad had to fire
a junior attorney
because of a pic.
I mean, the guy was at a
gay resort in Los Cabos,
wearing a Speedo, fucking tongue
kissing some Mexican dude.
Wait, a lawyer can't be gay?
What, you know my aunt
Connie is a lesbian.
She rides a trike,
grows her own weed.
Oh yeah, no dude, that's
that's nice and all.
We can be all
politically correct.
But the dudes running
this country, like my dad
and his clients, man, their
mindset is back in 1955.
My dad has a bunch of
billionaire clients
who don't want to pay some
fucking faggot in a Speedo
$2200 an hour for legal advice.
What kind of lawyer
makes $2200 an hour?
The good ones.
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
Finally, you dumb fuck.
Fucking where the fuck are you,
I'm about to call the police.
Just calm down.
Sorry, I've been busy.
- Are you fucking serious?
- Calm down, where are you?
I'm in the house.
In my house, how the
fuck did you get in?
I jimmied the fucking door,
how'd you expect me to get in?
Where the fuck is Crystal?
Crystal doesn't wanna
talk to you right now.
All right?
She's moving to
fuckin' California.
What'd you say to her?
Stop, please.
I'm working really
hard here, Frank.
I'm trying to change.
Don't fuck this up for me.
Fucking tell me...
Fuck.
Gotta be fucking careful, bro.
You can't put that stuff out.
Here we go.
Bob Keats, motherfucker.
[Chad] What, you don't
fucking believe me?
[Swaino] Boy, fucking
take him, gotta be careful.
Oh no, no, no.
I got a fucking story for you.
So a few months ago I find
this chick on Instagram.
She's really young
and really cute.
And I DM and ask her to
come to a fraternity party.
What the fuck is DM?
Direct message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she shows up, I get her
totally fucking hammered.
I'm trying to shove
my dick in her mouth
but she ends up being like
a total fucking cock tease.
She gives me one of
those like half ass
like falling asleep
hand jobs and I'm like,
wake the fuck up, you know?
Like it doesn't matter, a
waste of a goddamn night.
I totally forget about it, it
doesn't fucking matter, right?
But she's still into me
and she's sending me pics.
Naked pictures?
No, no, no.
We'll not at first,
tame at first, you know?
So I coaxed her.
I worked her and she sent them.
But that's not the
weird thing, right?
Here, hold on.
She's got this condition,
her nipples are like-
- Holy fuck.
Her nipples are
fucking gigantic.
Look at that.
I've seen bigger.
I'm kind of worried this
chick has a medical condition,
so I'm showing some of my buds.
Sure, you gotta
get their opinion.
Exactly, yeah, yeah.
These big nip pics, I mean,
they're like, oh my God,
they're striking a
chord with the boys
and so I'm getting
her to send me more.
Like send all kinds of
fucking pictures to me, man.
And I'm sending them like
to everyone in the house
and they're sending
them to everyone.
So we call that going viral.
Thank you for the
clarification, Professor Cuntface.
So Pancake shows
up to another one
of our fraternity parties.
Pancake, who's Pancake?
Pancake, that's
what I nicknamed her.
[laughing]
'Cause of the size
of, you get it.
That is so fucking fucked up.
I know, I know.
Yeah, so she shows up and
she's like famous now, right?
Like she's a fucking star.
We all know her, here she comes.
Yeah, yeah.
And these drunk dudes, they
start chanting, "Pancake,
Pancake, Pancake."
Oh fuck.
Everyone joins in, everyone.
Like fuck, she joined in.
She didn't know
what was going on.
She's like, "Pancake,
Pancake, Pancake.
Pancake, Pancake."
It was fucking terrible.
But she finds out why and
she fucking storms out
of the house, just
devastated man.
Young girls, everything's
the end of the fucking world.
Everything's the end of
the fucking world, yeah.
She goes back to her home,
takes a bottle of pills,
tries to fucking kill herself.
Jesus.
That fucking took
a turn for the dark.
I mean, she okay or-
- I don't know, my dad told
me not to get involved.
I can't get caught
up in that shit.
I mean, I feel bad, but
it's like my dad says,
you can't...
she shouldn't have sent
the pics to begin with.
[Frank] Hey guys, it's
fucking cold out there.
Come on in.
That's my whole fucking point.
Gotta be fucking careful.
Internet's forever, bro.
I got to split.
Oh no, come on,
do one shot with me.
Listen, I'm late, I'm late.
One shot, you'll
be on your merry way.
A little baby shot.
All right.
One shot, one for the road.
Actually I'm done partying.
[all laughing]
Frank almost had
a heart attack.
For you.
Oh, a big one.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey
Hey,
what were you talking
about out there?
[both laughing]
Maybe joking about something.
What is like funny?
You was laughing.
Hey, give me my keys back.
You're not getting
these until you tell me
what you guys were laughing at.
Maybe just show him the
pancake pic, I don't know.
A picture?
It was a stupid story, Frank.
Frank, give the fucking
kid his keys back.
I want to see his picture.
Frank, it's a stupid
fucking story.
I know, just-
- Hey Frank, take it easy, man.
You take it fucking easy.
Show me the fucking picture.
What do I do here?
Hey Frank, what are
you fucking doing?
Show me the fucking
picture right now.
[tense music]
Swaino and Karen had coffee.
Oh, for Christ's
sake, fucking idiot.
My Karen?
- Yeah.
- And-
- What do you mean and,
yeah, we fucking had coffee.
Did you fuck her?
How could you
fucking ask me that?
No, fuck you for asking me that.
Fuck you, Frank.
Okay then, why did you meet?
She took a redeye, all right?
She couldn't fucking find you
in your shop or in your house.
So she came to my
work, she freaked out
because she's fucking Karen.
What did you tell her?
I told her that I
could fucking care less
if she's fucking sober now.
And that she said
that all she wanted
was to see her daughter.
It's her fucking daughter.
Oh, by the way,
Frank's got a daughter.
You still think he's cool.
Fuck, I'm looking out
for you and Crystal.
That's all I'm doing, that's
all I'm ever fucking doing.
Crystal?
[tense music]
[grunting]
Whoa, whoa.
Jeez, you just killed Chad
Walker with a wrench, Frank.
What the fuck did
you do that for?
He's not dead.
Hey Frankie, I'm
gonna ask you again.
What the fuck are you doing?
That story that he
was telling you about?
It's Crystal.
[somber music]
[camera shutter clicking]
That fucking picture
that he showed us,
that was Crystal?
She'll be okay, Frank.
It's been two weeks
and she hasn't woken up yet.
We don't know the extent
of the brain damage.
It's different every day.
[somber orchestral music]
When she came to me,
when she needed me the most...
[sobbing]
What the fuck were you thinking?
He said they
were just for him.
You're supposed to be
smarter than that, Crystal.
[Crystal sobbing]
Dad, please.
You are gonna turn out
to be just like
your fucking mother.
Fuck.
I didn't know.
I don't fuckin' understand
this, picture's were online.
Everybody in her high school
passing them around.
Everybody making fun of her.
Even her best
friends, relentless.
So she had enough.
[knocking on door]
Hey hun, I'm coming in.
Crystal,
Crystal, Crystal!
What did you do?
His fucking father.
His fucking father is connected.
He made it all go away.
And Crystal is just the
poor girl from Manch-Vegas.
Nobody fucking cares.
Nobody but us.
So what are we gonna do?
I'm gonna kill him.
[tense music]
I'll pull the trigger.
That's on me.
But I needed you
two here with me.
There's a lot of work
with the disposal.
The disposal?
Yeah, I planned it all out.
I prepped the room.
[chair scraping]
[tense music]
[muffled screaming]
[gun fires]
[dramatic music]
[saw whirring]
[grunting]
That's your fucking plan?
Yes.
What about the G-wagon?
We drive it to Hyde
Park, smash the window,
put some of his blood
on the front seat.
Come on.
[Frank] It's not the first
time that a drug deal went bad
and not fucking found.
The kid's fucking
he, he's 19 years old.
people ain't gonna
fuckin' give up on a kid.
He's a fucking drug dealer.
Come on, he's a very
casual fucking drug dealer.
The kid ain't fucking
Scarface here.
I mean just you called
him on your phone, right?
- It was a burner.
- What the fuck is a burner?
You don't watch "The Wire?"
You took the fucking
Molly, didn't you?
Frank, Frankie, I think
that we need to think here.
I think that we're just,
we're going too fucking fast.
He ruined Crystal's
life over a fucking joke.
Okay, our Crystal.
That's all that we should
be thinking about right now.
When you're
right, you're right.
I'm in, Frank.
I'm in.
Yeah, all right, I'm in.
[tense music]
[grunting]
Fuck, this is
fucking crazy, Frank.
This is fucking crazy, could
you guys just fucking stop
for one fucking second?
Frankie, how are we gonna
fuckin' get out of this?
You didn't fucking
think about it.
Wait, where are you, Pack?
Fuck!
You're fucking out of your mind.
Swaino, if you want to
go, now's the time to go.
You know, like you said,
it's fucking easy, Frankie.
I never fucking
said it was easy.
What am I supposed to do,
I'm an accomplice, I'm here.
What am I supposed to do?
Guys, Chad Walker is awake.
You wannna say something?
[muffled grunting]
Please, please don't do this.
Your ass is definitely not
talking out of this shit, Chad.
Swaino, help me please.
No, I'm not a part of this,
okay, I'm not a part of it.
Wait, just let me
say something please.
What?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I made
a mistake, I'm just a kid.
My parents, and the internet,
the fucking internet.
I know I hurt her.
I didn't mean it.
I've been working in
the shop almost every day
for over 10 fucking years,
trying to give my
daughter a future.
But then you came along
and you treat her like a,
you treated her like
a piece of garbage.
I didn't know she
was in high school.
Was it funny passing
around that picture
of my little baby girl, huh?
Bet you all got a big
fucking laugh, right?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
No, no, no, please no.
[Chad sobbing]
No, please, please, no.
No, please, please.
No, no.
No, please, no, come on.
Let me say goodbye
to my mom and dad.
Please, let me say
goodbye to them.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[gun cocking]
No, no!
[Chad sobbing]
[Frank breathing heavily]
Wait, Instagram!
Instagram, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
What the fuck?
He posted on Instagram,
we all did, Frankie.
He posted on the internet.
Going out in the fucking world.
[Packie] We all did.
Oh, this is unbelievable.
All the cops
gotta do, just look
at his fucking Instagram
and knows that he's here.
Swaino's right.
And we are all fucked.
I have 2,854 followers.
Hey, you shut the fuck up.
You're so fucked.
Oh my God, I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.
- You're gonna untie me-
- Shut up.
And we're gonna call the cops.
[Swaino] Shut up!
Attempted murder.
[laughing]
Shut up!
Oh my father's gonna
sue the shit out of you.
You guys are gonna get your
fucking ass raped in jail.
Get ready, boys.
Start stretching those
fucking assholes.
Shut the fuck up!
You should've taught your
whore fucking daughter not to-
- Frankie, no, Frankie, no.
[Chad gagging]
No, don't no.
No, Frankie.
[grunting]
Fuck.
[dog barking]
Frankie, listen to me carefully.
Hey, fucking help.
[dog barking]
Yeah, I'll go, I'll go.
[dog barking]
[banging on door]
[Karen] I can see
you over there, Swaino,
you fuckin' chimpanzee,
open the fucking door.
Karen, you better get
the fuck outta here.
[Karen] What the fuck
is going on, Frank?
I swear I'll throw my fist
through the fucking window.
- Karen just go-
- All right, I'm kicking.
All right, all right, get in.
What the fuck is going on?
Jeez, why the blood all
of you, what is this,
a fight club or something,
you guys finally
fucking each other?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I went on Instagram, I saw
this jackass checked in here.
If you think you can keep
my daughter away from me,
I swear to God I'll get a lawyer,
I'll get a fucking lawyer.
Calm the fuck down.
Okay, you told him that we
talked this morning, right?
And you asked if
we fucked, right?
Do you think I would do that?
Do you think I'm that
kind of a fucking person.
Would you please just
stop fucking talking?
Shut the fuck up, Swaino.
Okay.
- Karen.
- Where the fuck is my kid?
Where the fuck is
my fucking kid?
Something happened to Crystal.
What?
What, what the fuck happened?
I need you to calm-
- Tell me what fucking
happened, Frank.
Sit the fuck down, please.
[somber orchestral music]
[muffled chattering]
I need you to get in your car
and get the fuck out of here.
Just go away,
right now.
Where the fuck is he?
[somber orchestral music]
[tense music]
[Karen grunting]
[muffled sobbing]
[whispering]
[Karen grunting]
[Karen sobbing]
So what are we gonna do?
I'm gonna cop a plea
and turn myself in.
Tell them you guys have
nothing to do with this.
What?
Hey listen, give me
a half hour head start
before you let him go.
Okay?
I got to say goodbye to her,
before I turn myself in.
[Packie] You can
count on us, Frankie.
I'm sorry.
All right.
You got to take care
of her now, Karen.
[Swaino] Wait what?
Hang on Frank.
She's her mother.
She's her mother.
It doesn't matter.
What's she gonna do?
She's gonna run off.
You gotta trust me.
You got to fucking trust me.
[Swaino] Fuck her and the
fucking horse she walked in on.
It's not about
growing the fuck up.
I've been there for Christ sake.
All right, just
stop it, just stop it,
God damn it, enough.
You're just gonna give up?
The fuck we
supposed to do, Karen?
I don't know, I don't know.
But on top of everything else
that piece of shit did to her
he's gonna take her
father away from her too.
Crystal needs her father.
She needs you.
Karen, if they stay,
you're all going to jail.
You're saying
we can't outsmart
some soft fucking pretty boy?
You don't understand
who his father is.
Fuck his fucking father.
Fuck his entire fucking family.
He ain't gonna win
this time, not today.
Guys, we've gotta be smart.
We're gonna use
our fucking heads.
We just gotta think.
Now we just got
to work together.
Packie, you're smart.
You're the smartest guy I know.
He ruined her
life with a picture.
So what?
Hey guys,
I think I got an idea.
Packie,
you want to keep
Frankie out of jail?
Yeah.
[tense orchestral music]
[muffled grunting]
[Packie] I don't
know about this.
Hey, hey, Pack, you
can fucking do this.
[Packie] Why me?
[Swaino] Because yours is
by far the most photogenic.
- Packie.
- You got it
You can do it, Packie.
You can do it.
That a boy.
- You got it.
- That a boy, Packie.
[muffled grunting]
I don't know guys, it
seems a little homophobic.
It's a lot fucking homophobic
but that's kind of the
fucking point, all right?
Am I right?
[Frank] You got it, Pack.
Karen, can you
turn around please?
Okay Pack, take it off.
Not your shirt, the pillowcase.
That's it.
What the fuck is this?
- Holy shit, Packie.
- Open your mouth.
No way, no fucking way.
Open your mouth.
No fucking way.
Open your fucking mouth.
[saw buzzing]
[muffled grunting]
Ata boy.
What's the passcode?
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
I think I'm on
the wrong screen.
Get the fucking picture.
Okay, okay, okay, I got
it, I got it, I got it.
Right there.
[Chad coughing]
Show him.
Can you tell it's me?
Only if someone's
seen your cock, Pack,
I think you're safe.
Yeah, and what the fuck are
you going to do with that?
Okay Chad, now the way we
see it, there's two options
in how we move forward.
Option one, you go, you run
like the little bitch you are,
you run to your father,
run to the cops.
You're all fucked.
Excuse me, young man.
Excuse me, you interrupted me.
Now you can go to the
cops, but I'm gonna tell you
right now, my friend right
there, he's a social networking
fucking genius.
And he will post this
picture it'll go everywhere.
I mean everywhere.
It'll do that thing.
What's that thing called, Pack?
Going viral.
It'll go fucking viral.
It'll go fucking viral.
No, I'll tell the truth.
And when that comes
out, they'll believe me.
It won't make a fucking
difference, Chad, and you know it.
The truth will make them
share it even more probably.
Probably.
So Chad, no one's gonna
pay you that $2,200 an hour.
Shit, you'll be unhirable, Chad.
Your father, those bullshit
billionaire clients of his
they're gonna laugh at you.
Every single time you
walk out of a room
they're gonna laugh.
Maybe your friends will
come up with a nickname
for you this time.
Yeah, like Captain Dicksucker.
Yeah, hopefully a little
more creative than that
but yes, something
along those lines.
Option two.
You want to hear option two?
You walk out of here and you
never ever mention this night
to anyone anywhere, and it'll
be like this whole night
including this very
provocative photo
never fucking happened.
What's it gonna be, Chad?
Option two.
Goddamn right.
Cut him free.
Get the fuck out of my shop.
[light orchestral music]
Your family's here.
[light rock music]
Spent the last year
Going out of my mind
Looking for reasons
I could never find
Until I put my finger on it
And saw every sign
Take all you can get
Keep your fingers
off of mine
Sitting in the tower
Without a clue or care
And goodbye opportunities
hanging off of my head
Handing several items out
To anyone who dares
Climb my own way up
to the top
Just to get kicked
down the stairs
Bein' pulled a million ways
All at the same time
It's enough to make
anyone go insane
When you find yourself
forgetting all your own rhymes
Givin' up on dreams floating
'round inside your brain
Bein' pulled a million
ways all at the same time
It's enough to make
anyone go insane
When you find yourself
forgetting all your own rhymes
Givin' up on dreams floating
'round inside your brain
Keep staring at the pages,
going over the same lines
It's all been said and done
by now, two or three times
[light orchestral music]
[phone ringing]
[light acoustic guitar music]
[Man] You have a collect
call from an inmate
at Hillsborough
correctional facility.
This call may be monitored.
To accept this call,
please press zero.
If you do not..
[phone beeping]
- Frankie.
- Hey.
[Man] Frank, you're there?
[Frank] Hey, can you hear me?
[Man] Frankie, I can't
fucking hear you, be clear.
[Frank] It's just
real loud in here.
Hold on a sec.
[Man] Jesus fucking Christ.
[Frank] Can you hear me now?
[Man] Yeah.
How are you, do you
want us to come get you?
[Frank] No, listen,
I got my truck.
I wanna head straight over
to the shop at five o'clock.
[Man] Shop, all right, yeah,
now we'll meet you there.
[Frank] Yeah, okay.
How is Crystal doing?
[Man] She's good,
she made a pancake,
she's watching
cartoons with Pack.
Hey, daddy's coming home.
[light acoustic guitar music]
Stay, stay.
Hey sweetie.
How'd she do?
Yeah, she did all right.
You wanna go see daddy?
Hey, Crystal, sweetie.
Come on, come on.
[Crystal sobbing]
Okay, stay with her.
[Crystal sobbing]
I get it.
It's okay, it's okay.
Come on.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat dance music]
I'm better off now
[camera shutter clicking]
[laughing]
'Cause your love
is like a poison
I'm better off now
[knocking on door]
All right, look, this morning-
- This morning what?
I should have fed the dog?
I should have put
gas in the truck?
Because I did all that shit.
I know, I messed up.
You shit all over Saturday
morning is what you did.
You just completely destroyed
the love of the day,
you left a fucking crater, like
[imitating explosion]
sadness.
Look, I know that it's expensive
and I know that we're poor, but-
- We're not, we're
not, we're not poor.
All right, fine.
We're clinging to
the last branch
of the lower middle
class, whatever.
It's where I want to go.
It's not just the money.
Is it because the
school is closer to her?
Yeah.
All right, fine.
I'll go to UNH Manchester,
five blocks away.
But start compromising now
so it won't be such a shock
when I'm a balding 49 year
old supermarket checkout girl
with carpal fucking tunnel.
All right, good,
then it's settled.
Fuck you.
You're not funny.
All right, look.
Just fucking do it, okay?
I'll take out
loans and all that.
All right?
Just fucking do it.
You know someday I'm gonna
make a lot of money, dad.
You won't have to
work so hard, okay?
Yeah, I don't mind
working hard, but thank you.
So can you go now or?
Oh, hold on a second.
Let me ask you.
Oh definitely, no, look
at this, it's disgusting.
How did you know that's what
I was going to ask you about?
How about you can put
on the shirt I bought you.
[horn honking]
Hey, do you mind if
I borrow that jacket
if I ever get a date?
[man burping]
Fucking protein powder.
- Hey!
- Wow, so gorgeous.
Hey, it's nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Look at your hair, it's nice.
You want to give me a hit?
Of what?
Of what, of what?
Frank's not even here, you're
not going to get in trouble.
Yeah, you're good
out here I bet.
Just one hit.
Whoop whoop.
[all laughing]
Tell me where I can
get it, you know.
Don't smoke.
It's good.
What's going on out here?
- Hi Frankie.
- Nothing. Hey, Frank.
Crystal, it's way too
cold, put something warmer on.
I don't want you
out here like this.
Why are you laughing?
What'd you cook?
Hey, hey, where are you going?
[upbeat music]
Candles burning low
Lots of mistletoe
I'm not burning no
sausages, not burning.
I'm telling you right now.
That's the protein
of the fucking meal.
You don't burn the sausages.
Hey, you guys take a look
at the Christmas tree yet?
Fucking gorgeous.
Perfect, that's good,
I love these sweet sausages.
Hey, you want this fine wine?
One legged duck
swim in a circle.
- Circle.
- Crystal, I love that
Christmas tree, it
looks beautiful.
- This looks beautiful.
- Let's eat, I'm starving.
Make a room, you want more?
Yeah.
This are delicious.
That's a nice shirt, Frank.
Thanks.
They made that for men?
Hey, I bought him that.
Yeah, I like it.
Old man don't smoke anymore.
I got him to quit.
Did you?
Yeah, I posted photos of
rotten cancer infested lungs
all over the house.
Oh, maybe one night, we
don't fucking drink so much.
Come on, Frank,
It's Christmas.
You see how wound up he is,
could you maybe
like take him out,
and meet somebody or something.
Like what, for his penis?
Take it easy.
All he wants to do is
be here or at his shop.
It's true.
Because every time I
go to a bar with you too
you get wasted and
fucking start shit.
And thus, you
never meet anybody.
As far as meeting
somebody though,
you did mean like
a female, right?
Swaino, you know who you are?
You're the guy who makes
one too many gay jokes.
[all laughing]
[laughing]
You know what, I got nothing
but love for you tonight.
'Cause we're having a
beautiful dinner at Frankie's.
You're a good man, Packie.
It's good, all of
us together, right?
How's that school
search coming?
Those college essays
turned out good, right?
Yeah, thanks for your
help on those Packie.
They turned out real well.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know.
What, what's the matter?
No, nothing's wrong.
Hey, what'd you
fucking say to her?
I don't know, I'm sorry.
Packie, what's going on?
Hey, Chris.
[Crystal sobbing]
Hey, fuck this school.
I was the same way, you know,
you just kind of have to find
your own path to knowledge.
Congratulations.
It says you got in.
Did I get in, did I get in?
How's early acceptance
motherfuckers?
[all cheering]
[upbeat music]
- Oh, Crystal!
- Did you fucking know?
Of course I know,
I'm paying for it.
Hey!
Of course he fucking knew!
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey, merry
fucking Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry fucking Christmas.
UCLA
You're smart.
Los Angels could be a
dangerous place, trust me.
You got to keep your
head on a swivel.
You ain't been on
a fucking airplane.
Not the point here.
All right, you're right.
So if a guy comes
at you with a knife.
Yeah.
You just pivot
your wrist like this.
Oh.
You've got to try to stab me.
Well, an attacker is
not going to tell you
he's gonna stab you.
I'm just putting that out.
Let's do it, you're right.
You're right, I'm wrong.
So then you pivot
the wrist like that.
[grunting]
I'm not playing anymore.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
[grunting]
Dad, can I have one cigarette?
Thought you quit with me.
It's just one.
What about the cancer?
Oh, shut up, Packie.
Going to UCLA, she's
gonna cure cancer.
Frankie, give her a cigarette.
Give her one.
- No.
- Just give her one.
Fuck it.
You know you owe me
after this morning.
[Packie] What
happened this morning?
Got into an argument and he
punched a hole in the wall.
[Swaino] At least he didn't-
- Hey Swaino, can I wear brown
boots with a black jacket?
Once I get to see the boots.
Why are you asking him?
Once I start buying my clothes
from a fucking garbage can
I'll ask you.
[all laughing]
Thank you, Sensei.
Hey, so listen to me.
So Karen's coming over
tonight to bring Crystal out.
Oh my God.
Tonight?
Yeah.
She's coming here?
The fucking cunt
is back in town.
Don't use that language
in front of crystal.
What the fuck should
I call her then?
Bitch, whore?
What, I'm just trying
to help, skank?
It's the mother of my child,
can you show some
fucking respect?
[Swaino] She don't
fucking deserve respect.
So do it for Crystal then.
This is fucking
bullshit, Frankie.
You should've told us.
[upbeat rock music]
I got your hair
Why don't you see
So play it there
Hey Frank, Frank,
don't look directly
into her eyes.
Hey.
Hey.
Jesus Christ.
How are you doing?
How's things Frank?
I'm actually pretty
good, actually.
How long are you in town?
I don't know, a couple
of days, we'll see.
So, you still not drinking
and doing your push ups?
You look good too.
Oh, and I didn't
need to quit shit.
How are you faggots doing?
I'm doing good?
Really?
You act like I'm the
devil or something.
Kind of fucking worse.
[laughing]
Ma.
Oh, look at you.
Oh my God.
You're goddamn gorgeous.
Look at this hair,
oh my God, it grew.
It's been a year, Karen.
Okay, thank you.
We've got some catching
up to do, don't we?
Tonight is your night, I'm
gonna spoil you so bad.
You've got fake tits, Karen.
I know they look
good, don't they?
No, it's just this
bra that I'm wearing.
Did you want to see them?
Ma.
Okay.
Okay, well, like show
him, like you miss them,
like you want to peek.
Hey, remember when we were all
friends before I grew tits.
All right, well this was fun.
Anyway, do you want to go
shopping for Christmas?
Yeah, oh, I want to hear about
everything about the boys.
I want to hear where
you like to go.
I want to get everything,
- okay?
- Yeah.
[engine revving]
Let's get him the
fuck out of here.
Hey Frank, let's go get
a drink somewhere, huh?
- Come on, Frankie.
- Come on.
We'll have fun,
you'll have a seltzer.
Let's go.
All right, fine.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking
about Frankie, let's go.
[upbeat music]
All right, enough with
the fucking talk, okay?
[upbeat music]
To Crystal.
To Crystal.
Who knew that
accidental orgasm
in a Hampton Beach bathroom
would go to fucking college?
If you only pulled
out that night
your whole fucking
life, your whole life
would have been different.
Okay, enough.
Fucking college.
I'm so proud of us, man.
Us, the fuck you ever do?
I did a lot back in the day.
Bullshit, you ever
change a diaper?
You?
What?
I've been changing diapers
since I was nine years old.
My sisters have babies
coming out of their asses.
I love babies.
Everybody fucking
knows this about me.
Look at the blonde at the bar.
Shit, her tits are perfect.
I think it's C-cup.
She's all right.
[phone ringing]
You okay?
I'm at McGarvey's.
Of course, yeah,
okay, I'm headed out.
All right, I'll be right there.
Is she okay, Frank?
Yeah, she's fine, she
just needs something.
Hey, I tell you
my cough drop thing?
I go up to a girl and
I just start coughing.
Are you listening?
I go up to a girl
and I start coughing
and she gives me a cough drop.
Wait, we hitting on girls?
Sorry.
For what?
I was just kind of staring.
Stare all you fucking want.
I do Pilates.
Got a light?
Yeah, I do.
You're a hero.
And I don't even smoke
anymore, I just carry a lighter,
it's like a habit.
It's kind of, it's weird.
It's a great story.
Are you fucking with me?
A little bit, yeah.
I'm a Ducati guy.
My partner's a Ducati guy.
You should see my
Ducati, try to explain
to this gentleman,
I say to him, look,
Ducati is constantly fine
tuning engines for performance.
You can't compare it.
It's like a donkey
with a Jaguar, right?
Seriously, nobody got
a fucking cough drop?
This guy, you know, he's
sitting there, he's like,
you know, he's like a fucking
weekend warrior, right?
Running around like you're
Sonny fucking Barger.
Meanwhile, he's probably a
dental hygienist from Derry.
[all laughing]
That guy was
like 70 years old.
Hey look, it's a leprechaun.
Not so good at this whole
flirting thing, are you?
No.
I'm Dottie.
Oh, nice to meet you, Dottie.
I'm Frank.
- Who's this?
- It's my daughter.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Crystal] Hey, can I
borrow your credit card?
She really is your daughter.
She doesn't have a card?
She maxed it out
shopping for me.
Can I get one of those?
Thanks.
Who carries a light
if he doesn't smoke?
Real fun time this guy.
Huh, you don't
know the half of it.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Sorry.
Who the fuck are you?
Yeah, I'm just going to go
over there, wait for my Uber.
Oh, Uber, fancy.
Hey Ma, you want to
just wait in the car,
I'm talking to dad for a bit.
Hey just go stay warm.
I'm gonna go pee-pee.
She's fucking wasted.
Yeah, well, she
hasn't eaten yet.
And I'm driving so,
I already know what
you're going to say.
You're gonna tell me that
she doesn't respect me
and that I deserve better.
And you know what, you're right.
But she's still my mother
and I haven't seen
her in a long time.
I just want to
have dinner, okay?
Let me see that.
Don't let her walk away with it.
Oh, I love you, dad.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
You're gonna give my
dad your number or what?
Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah, thanks.
He takes a shot,
you know, I parry it,
I turn over a hot right
hand and pop, pop, pop.
I dropped the fucker, right?
Why do you always gotta
make shit up to sound cool,
Swaino, he didn't hit the dude.
How'd you get caught jerking
off in your cousin's panties?
Excuse us.
Point being-
- Why you sleep with a He-Man
doll until you were 13?
Why do you still live
in your granny's basement?
When we're in the fifth
grade, we had a sleep over
in Frank's backyard,
Swaino called his parents
at two in the morning
because he pissed
his fucking tightey whiteys.
[glass shattering]
[all murmuring]
So his father shows up
says he pees as always,
he called him a pussy
and slaps Swaino
across the face and Swaino,
he cried like a little bitch.
[Man] Dude, he just
bitch slapped that guy.
[all laughing]
You all right?
All right.
Packie, listen.
Packie, listen.
[whispering]
I'm sorry.
[whispering]
[all laughing]
[Man] Take it outside please.
What the fuck are
you laughing at?
Hurt your
girlfriends feelings?
Hey why don't you mind
your own fucking business?
Shut the fuck up.
Why don't you mind
your own fucking business
before you get fucking slapped,
you're next, you fucking
string bean motherfucker,
what's the problem?
What about you with
these fucking shoes.
Where the fuck did you
get these from, faggot?
That's homophobic.
Where'd I get the shoes?
[Man] Yeah.
I don't know, maybe same
place I fucked your mother,
how about that?
I'm right fucking here.
Stop fucking looking at me.
You wanna fuck me or
you wanna fight me?
I'm right the fuck here.
Don't touch me.
[all shouting]
I swear to God, I'll
knock your fucking ass out.
Hey, hey!
Stop it.
Fucking stop it,
back the fuck off.
Now my fucking boy's
here, motherfuckers.
Listen, Crystal's
here and I don't want
to get into this shit right now.
Let's go.
All right man, just settle down.
Don't fucking touch me,
bitch, that's my boyfriend.
No, that's my
fucking husband, bitch.
Fuck you, bitch.
[all shouting]
[upbeat music]
[man screaming]
[grunting]
Kick his ass
Frank, whoop his ass.
Fuck him up, hit him.
[all shouting]
Hey Frank,
Frankie enough.
Frank.
Frank, you're gonna
kill him, Frankie.
Daddy stop!
[tense music]
Crystal.
[Swaino] Come on,
Frankie, let's go.
Don't fucking touch me.
I fucking knew this
was gonna happen.
Hey, hey, hey, Frankie.
You stay away from me and
you stay away from my family.
I don't want to see again I
don't want to ever fucking
see you again.
[siren blaring]
Come on, we gotta go.
[dramatic piano music]
[phone chiming]
[phone chiming]
[light acoustic guitar music]
Times are changing, you bet
Seems the older I get
[whistling]
Come on.
The less I seem to fit
In a young person's world
And the higher I climb
The more I see design
How they keep
us all confined
Robbing oyster
of their pearls
I am the outsider
A horse with no rider
I am a fighter when
the darkest day is done
And I am the survivor
Not a lay down and die-er
You got another
text from Frank.
Again, fuck him.
I think it's sad, they've
been friends forever.
What's the text say?
Not a day was
missed because
Everyone's forgotten
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
I'm coming, Frankie.
He wants you to
come by tonight.
He's hiring strippers
as an apology.
Frank Romanowski is
hiring strippers, fuck him.
He's extending an
olive branch here.
[Judy] It's a fucking
sexist olive branch.
Suck a tiny dick, Judy.
If you don't know how important
this is to our baby brother-
- What if I don't want to go?
Stop being a fucking pussy.
My darkest day is done
I am a survivor
Not a lay down and die-er
A long distance driver
And I will overcome
Yes, I will
[bell ringing]
Frankie.
Frankie.
Okay, just let it out.
All right, your brain, your
lungs, what stage is it?
Does that hurt?
Does your dick still work?
I don't have cancer.
What the fuck?
So are you mad at me
for not having cancer?
I, you know my cousin Larry
died from fucking lymphoma.
Hey, where'd you get your TV?
Costco.
How much was it?
I don't remember.
It's nice.
Oh Jesus Christ, we haven't
seen each other in months
and the first thing you
do is fucking lie to me.
All right, look,
you're to promise me
you're not going to freak out.
What?
Swaino's coming over.
Here?
No, he's going to
the Stop & Shop
to buy a fucking sandwich.
Of course, here.
I don't want to
see that asshole.
Because he slapped you?
A slap is insult and
it's not the first time
in our history that
happened either.
It's like the 11th time.
Okay, come on.
No, you come on.
You should be mad
at me and not him.
No, I'm mad at the
both of you, Frank.
Three months, nobody
fucking calls me,
I'm wasting away.
Okay, so you're gonna
ride this shitty BMX by him
and give him ammunition
to bust your balls
for the next hundred
fucking years.
Is that what you want?
Hey.
Packie, hey, Packie,
that's the closet.
[Packie] No shit, I
know it's the closet
[engine revving]
How are you doing, man?
It's really good to
finally [engine revving]
good to see you.
I'm sorry, I just, I can't
quite make out what you saying.
It's good to [engine revving]
[laughing]
Fuck this.
Fuck you.
Aw, yeah.
You seem a little bit tense.
It's work shit.
- Yeah?
- How are you doing?
Got blown an hour ago.
Where's my guy?
Where's my guy?
Oh, oh, could you be here?
Could you be here?
There's my guy.
There's my baby boy.
Look at my baby boy.
Oh!
Who's my guy?
Oh yes, oh yes.
Who's my sexy man?
Did I miss you so fucking much?
God, I missed this man.
You got a new TV, huh?
I did.
Yeah, mine's bigger,
but that's good.
[metal clanging]
What the fuck was that?
[clattering]
What's that?
So you got a chihuahua?
Hardy har.
Surprised, you
spent all that money
on a designer Mexican toy breed.
If I'm a Chihuahua then
you're a fucking Corgi.
Was that a fucking
burn, Packie?
You see, you got to one
up me with a smaller dog.
A Corgi is a smaller dog.
A Corgi's practically
regular size dog.
They just got wicked short legs.
Should have said like
a Yorkshire Terrier.
A Yorkshire aint smaller than
a Chihuahua, I should know,
me and my Grammy
used to have one.
What do you mean,
fucking Falcor?
That maniac was a fucking
Maltese and it was a mix.
- He was not.
- He had white
fucking fur and Jesus, Packie.
Trading barbs with you is like
throwing rocks at a retard.
Hey, he knows my uncle Gary
has fucking down syndrome.
You're right.
Should've said
trading barbs with you
was like throwing rocks
at your uncle Gary.
Knock it off,
Swaino, knock it off.
Ain't knockin' shit off.
Fuck this fucking Leprechaun.
As an Irish American, I
fucking take offense to that.
What does that even
fucking mean I'm half Irish.
Exactly, you're
a fucking traitor
You're magically delicious.
All right, all
right, all right.
Knock it the fuck off, okay?
Come here, come here.
Can't let 30 years of history
go down the fucking toilet
over some fucking bullshit.
What the fuck are you
talking about, Frank,
you're the one that
said you were done.
Yeah, Frank.
I know, and I was wrong.
All right?
Okay.
Yeah, let's do it.
[Swaino clapping]
How are we doing this?
What time do they get here?
Who, who's getting here?
The strippers.
What strippers?
What do you mean
what strippers,
Frank fucking ordered strippers.
How are we doing this?
Frank, you ordered strippers?
There's no strippers coming.
What do you mean there's
no strippers coming?
I stopped, I got 30 fucking
dollars in singles here.
[Packie] You lied
to him too, Frank?
The hell is going
on here, Frank?
I got fucking plans tonight,
I got fucking friends.
We ain't friends?
No, I mean like adult friends,
not fucking childhood friends.
We're adults, we're adults.
You're in your 40s, Packie.
What is that?
That's like nursery school
age for leprechauns, right?
[all shouting]
[Packie grunting]
Get off me.
[Frank coughing]
When did you start
drinking again?
Today.
Why?
- [Packie] I'm sick and tired-
- 'Cause I'm just curious.
I have feelings.
I come from a long line
of proud Irish immigrants.
My people have been
oppressed by white people
for far too long to be
putting up with this
and marginalized.
But you fuckers that
I call my friends.
Made fun of and fucking
laugh, what, what?
[all laughing]
Don't fucking laugh.
Listen to you.
You're right, you're
right, you're right.
I know I'm right.
Hey, hey.
Hey,
you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay, yeah.
- You good?
- Yeah.
All right, listen.
I got steaks, I got
booze, I got beer.
The fight on Pay-Per-View,
we are hanging out tonight.
You in?
Yeah, I'll watch a fight.
Me too, I can do it.
Me too, I'll stay for the fight.
Hey, I got a surprise
for you pussies.
What the fuck, bro?
That's the holy
grail right there.
Ah!
He's right there he's
got fight, fight, fight.
Choke that motherfucker out.
I fucking can't
fucking look at it.
Hey Frank.
Hey, to friendship.
- Hey.
- Frank.
Right?
Thank you Frank.
[Packie] Aw, God
is that fucking good.
[Swaino] How's
your grandma doing?
Oh, she's amazing.
How the fuck old
is she now anyway?
99, can you believe it?
Remember the
time in third grade
when we all seen her a bush.
[laughing]
Remember that?
We come walking downstairs,
she's cooking flap
jacks, she turns around,
what do you know,
Frankie, no pants.
You know that's the
first real bush I ever saw.
Why the fuck you always
got to bring that up?
Packie, how do you
not bring that up?
Like a fucking
baby gray squirrel.
[all laughing]
To your grandma.
To baby gray squirrels.
[all laughing]
You know when I
took that picture?
Frank's Small Engine Repair
signature fucking image.
I mean rarely does an image
capture someone's personality
so good. God, is she beautiful?
Hey Frank, you know something,
I oughta get residuals
for that fucking picture.
You're drinking
your residuals.
[Packie laughing]
[Packie] What are you doing?
Wait.
Is this really for me.
That's just enough for you,
where's your daddy?
Happy birthday.
Because I'm six?
You're now six years
old, you need your own man.
Hey Swaino, hit the light.
[Swaino] Yeah, you got it.
Look at the lights,
look at the lights.
So beautiful.
[Packie] One, two,
three, dismount.
Give her like a
tool or something.
Look who's the most beautiful.
Look at you.
- Perfect.
- Make a smile.
Tell her you got a
future or something.
Oh, look at this.
[all laughing]
[camera shutter clicking]
Oh, we got it, we got
it, that's so good.
Hey come on, come
on, up, up, up.
The moment we've
been waiting for.
I think about telling
Crystal, when she goes to UCLA,
she should get a
degree in marketing
or technology or something.
The fuck do you know about it?
It's called social networking.
My ball's got
social networking.
Fuck you.
I bet your phone don't
even have apps on it.
Check this shit out.
That's the Galaxy S9, bitch.
I got everything on this
little fucking gadget.
I got the fucking Google.
I got Facebook.
I got the weather.
That's not an
S9, that's an S6.
The fuck you talking
about, its an S9,
I just fucking bought it.
Yeah, an S9 has
a bigger screen.
You're like a fucking Asian
teenager, you know that?
How many Instagram
followers you got?
How much can you
fucking bench press?
Frank bench presses
more than you.
"Frank bench presses
more than you."
Does Frank fucking bench
press more than you?
I'm just wondering
if Frank benches
more fucking weight than you.
I'm just wondering.
I hope you saved your receipt.
[groaning]
[laughing]
Hey Frank, let's fucking eat.
You know what I mean?
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
You guys want to hear
some crazy fucking shit?
You guys remember it was
like a couple of summers,
it was at Crystal's
birthday party.
Remember at the landmark.
Remember how I
brought that chick?
She's like 26 years old
from fucking Pelham.
Pakistani girl.
That fucking Pakistani.
Afnahn was her name.
That's the fucking one.
We had a great
discussion on Reza Aslan.
Hey wait, the
fucking point is,
we kind of lost touch, right?
Couple of weeks
ago, I'm going out
with a couple of
buddies from work.
We're getting fucking
hammered and unlike
you pussies, these
motherfuckers, they go.
I mean, they fucking go, right?
Old friends and new friends.
Big love to family.
Let me get a drink,
Let me get a drink.
Hey, hey, big
fucking love, right?
To family.
And who do I see across the bar?
It's fucking Afnahn, she's
there, she's making eyes at me.
So I'm like, hey, it's time
to fucking get to work, right?
I walk over, I'm like, hello?
Hello, this is unbelievable.
How are you?
And this fucking
chick, she pretends
that she doesn't remember me.
Do I know you?
Yeah.
She gives me like
this fake name.
I'm Judy.
So I'm like, fuck it,
I give her a fake name.
Fuck it I'm Eddie, right?
Hello?
Hello Judy.
- Hi Eddie.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Wow, it is nice to meet you.
And then I realize what
this tricky girl is up to,
she's playing like one of
these fucking sex games, right?
I have to be honest with you,
it's fucking turning
me on, right?
So I make up this whole
fake backstory, right?
I'm like from
fucking Connecticut.
I'm from fucking Connecticut.
I like rowing.
She's eating it up.
We hang out, we're
getting hammered.
We go back to our place
and oh my God, oh my God.
The fucking performance,
there's something about
being a character.
I'm the fucking
heavyweight champ, right?
She passes out, I fucking
pass out, great night, right?
I wake up the next
morning and I'm a mess.
I'm hung over as shit.
And I take a look at her
in the morning light.
I can get you a car, show
you where the bus stop is.
I can give you a ride,
whatever works for you.
Is that my shirt?
And I look.
It finally fucking dawns on me.
It's a different girl.
Hey, how did you know that?
Afnahn, she got engaged.
Me and her, we follow
each other on Insta.
That is some vintage
fucking Terrance Swaino shit
right there.
Ah, here we go, here we go.
You got to fucking
judge me, Frank.
When's the last time you
went on a fucking date, huh?
Matter of fact-
[phone ringing]
Oh shit, I-
- What do you mean, hold on.
Tell us the story, who is it?
It's Crystal.
Tell her we said aye.
Let me talk to her.
This could take two seconds,
keep an eye on the meat.
Keep an eye on the meat.
I've got to keep
an eye on the meat.
Hey Frank, my eye's on the meat.
[Man] It's just not worth
the amount we're talking about.
Okay, hey look, I
totally get it man.
Let's just double it.
[Man] Double it,
are you serious, okay?
I'm hanging with my man,
Packie, who looks like an owl
You know my man Packie
got a dick like a yard
[Man] I'll hit you up
when I'm on the road.
All right man, thanks.
[phone beeping]
Let me ask you something, man.
All this fucking
Instagram shit, you know.
I don't know,
maybe you can like,
show me how that shit works.
Everybody's getting
laid that way these days.
Are you?
Who, me?
Let me see your phone.
Hey, give me your phone.
You just, you take a pic.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
[camera shutter clicking]
And then you just, you
open your Instagram app.
Where's your app, you
don't have any apps.
Fucking stop with the apps.
There it is, good.
Then you pick a cool filter.
Sepia makes it
look artsy, right?
Fuck, I didn't know
you could do that.
And then you go here
and you press this.
You go there and you press that.
Is there a filter you can
use to get the tiny homo
out of the picture?
I can tell you think
it's cool, Swaino.
Then I tag the location.
So everybody knows we're at
Frank's shop together, right?
[phone ringing]
Who the fuck is this?
Karen Delgado's calling you.
Why the fuck is
Karen calling you?
[Swaino] Hey, give me
my fucking phone back.
Is Karen back in town?
Yeah, she's back in town,
just give me the phone.
[Packie] Are
you banging Karen?
Why would you fucking,
what's the matter with you?
Why would she
fucking call you?
[Swaino] Just fucking stop.
We had coffee.
- How's the meat?
- It's good.
- It's good.
- Yeah.
- Two more minutes.
- Good.
35 years old.
Divorcee from Derry, she's
got this four year old son.
So we go on this date and
still is fucking depressing.
She had wicked big tits.
Go on, sir.
[Frank] So, we end
up back at her place.
- Thanks for the dinner.
- It's like
maybe our third date.
There you are, thanks very much.
I choose to still believe
it's worth the fight
You want to come inside?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I go inside, she
pays the babysitter.
How'd he do?
You know, punched me in
the face a couple of times.
You want me to walk you home?
It's just next door.
The sitter goes home and
then we go into her bedroom.
You haven't drunk a lot, huh?
[both laughing]
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
She tells me she has
not been with a guy
since her kid was born.
So she's all over me
Stop the shaking,
I'm not there
[breathing heavily]
She takes my hand and she
pushes it into her pants.
She, I shit you not,
has got a huge, unkempt,
like 1970s Playboy bush.
[laughing]
My watch gets stuck there.
Oh, stop kidding.
- Relax, let's be careful.
- Oh.
Oh my god, it's your watch.
[grunting]
So I pulled my hand out.
She goes, "I'm really
embarrassed, Frank."
I was gonna trim.
No, it's okay, it's fine.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
We just start laughing,
fucking laughing our asses off.
Kind of fun.
We're just laughing.
But it was so loud that
we wake up the kid.
[Child] Momma, come
get me, I'm scared.
So she gets off
the bed and she says-
- I'll be back, I just
have to put him to sleep.
Totally, go.
Being a single
parent, it ain't easy.
So, she says, hey-
- Still want to fuck?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Of course I still want to fuck.
Oh, good, I'm
looking forward to it.
So then she leaves and
I'm lying there, in her bed,
for like half an hour.
My hard on is a distant
fucking memory at this point.
So I get up and I
go down the hallway
[light orchestral music]
and I see she's lying there
on this like race car bed,
asleep with her son.
So I watched for a
couple of minutes.
It was kind of a
sweet image, you know.
A mom like that
with a kid like that
is the way everything should be.
So,
I let myself out, I go home
and I watched TV.
Never heard from her again.
You ever consider
killing yourself.
That's a beautiful
story, Frank.
Tragic, but beautiful.
The fuck is so
beautiful about it?
Frank doesn't think he can
be of value in a relationship
unless they're broken
and he could fix them.
Like Karen, she's
in pieces, right?
She's humpty dumpty always
need something to be fixing.
This woman, she had
her life together,
Frank didn't know
what to do with her
so he just let himself out.
Are you done, can we eat?
Eat your food.
Frank, Karen's back in town.
How did you know that?
So you knew?
She's the mother of my
child, you don't think I'd know
she's in Manch-Vegas?
Yeah.
You seen her?
Why does it matter?
Fucking cycle begins.
Enough.
Well, I'm sorry, are
supposed to be happy
that Karen is back in town?
Gee, I can't wait to deal
with your anger issues again.
You don't got to
deal with shit anymore
because you got your new
fucking work friends, right?
God, for fuck's
sake, don't do that.
Look all I'm saying is
Karen's fucking toxic.
It's what she does.
Swoops in, she plays the
wife, she plays the mother,
she pulls you in and she
tears you the fuck apart.
And you go on a bender,
start throwing strangers
she flirts with through
plate-glass fucking windows
and I get to stay up
with Crystal all night.
Tell her her father
ain't going back to jail.
This is shit you know,
even Crystal knows it.
All right?
There are two
things in your life
that consistently fuck
you up, it's Karen,
and it's your fucking temper.
I mean, think about
it, you live your life,
you've got a daughter who
spends half the fucking time
being terrified of you.
That's just a fact.
At least I accepted
responsibility for raising my kid
instead of sticking
my diseased cock
in a bunch of half
dumb fucking girls.
What do you want to do,
Frank, you want to hit me?
You want to hit me just
because I told you the truth?
Fuck it, I love you.
And I hate what she does to
you. I hate fucking watching it.
So yeah, I fucking hate her.
All right, I hate what
she fucking does to you.
So if I fucking said
something that makes you want
to fucking bash by skull
in then just do it, Frank.
I'm just fucking
being honest with you.
So go ahead.
I'm right fucking here.
At least I know I said
my piece, I'm here.
[phone ringing]
Hey Frank, it could
be Crystal again.
Maybe you want to get that.
I can get it.
No, no, no, I'll get it.
[phone ringing]
Hey, what's up, it's Frank.
Yeah, you just, you just keep
going on 93 North for awhile
and then you you'll take
the Mammoth Road exit,
just gonna go like four miles,
you know, it'll bring you
around and you know, you'll
see my shop kind of tucked away
there on the left and
see, it's the only place
that has light on.
All right, man.
I'll see you soon.
[phone beeping]
Hey,
I'm sorry.
For what?
For calling your
cock diseased.
I'm sorry.
By the way I mean just,
with that, you know,
I did take a needle
for that situation.
So I just kind of feel
like if you are going
to make fun of my cock,
like refer to it as like
as a formerly diseased cock,
I'm just saying
you should do that.
Deal.
All right.
All right, Frank.
Let me clean this shit up.
Who's coming over, Frank?
Oh, this kid.
What kid?
He's from Northeastern,
played pickup basketball
with him a few times.
[all chattering]
He's coming by.
Why the fuck would you have
him come over here, for what?
I'm buying Molly off of him.
Nice flip phone.
That's my work phone.
See you later.
- All right.
- All right.
Since when you do Molly?
I don't.
I figured I'd try it
tonight with you guys.
And then what?
We have a fucking
dance with each other
in your lawnmower shop.
We ain't seen each
other in a long time.
I wanted tonight to be special.
Come on, what's the big deal?
Come on Swaino,
don't be a pussy.
I'm fine, fuck it,
why the fuck not?
Why the fuck not?
If we're gonna party,
I'm gonna fucking spark up.
Anybody else?
Is there still an Old
Lady in that closet?
[slow violin music]
Hey, you know what, give me
fucking hit off the Old Lady.
Hey, all right.
I like this new,
out-of-control Frank,
it's been a long time since
you let your hair down.
Let your hair down?
Yeah, it means like relax.
We know what it means,
but who without a vagina
actually says that?
I think you forgot.
[all laughing]
I think Frank
forgot how to do it.
[all laughing]
Tell you what, that's
fucking precision crafting
right there.
Oh, fuck.
My fucking secret to
youth, beyond all else,
I only fucking fuck pussy
26 years old or younger.
A woman doesn't
know how to make love
until she's 30 years old.
I can prefer a girl who
doesn't know how to fuck.
I like that.
[Frank] So she
won't be disappointed.
That's fine, look,
women have fucking
sexual issues, right?
And what they do is they
bring that with them
into the fucking bedroom.
They have bad fucking
experiences, right?
So I want to be there
in the beginning.
You want to be there badly.
What the fuck is that,
Jesus fucking Christ.
[all laughing]
Three months ago at my
cousin's bachelor party,
this stripper, she put a
pinky finger right in my ass.
[Frank laughing]
Are you laughing
at me or with me?
What?
I thought we was all sharing.
[all laughing]
Just trust us,
fucking trust us.
It's fine, we'll
clear the fire.
- You know how to land.
- No, listen to me.
Just bend your
knees, here we go.
Let's give it a good one.
One, two, come on, come on
and three.
[hip hop music]
Hey Alexa, how many bitches
can we fit in a Tesla
So our Molly's here.
Listen, listen.
I don't want him to know
that I have a daughter.
Afraid your drug dealer
won't think you're cool?
Just do me this favor, okay?
We let our hair down too?
So we like laugh at
everything you say?
[Frank] I'll leave
that up to you.
What's up, man?
Good to you see, man.
Really appreciate you
coming on all this way.
Yeah, no, it's cool.
I really do, it means a lot.
Hey, come on over here.
Meet my boys.
This is Packie and
this is Swaino.
- Hey.
- Guys, this is Chad Walker.
You should see this kid
play basketball, man.
So should we deal with the-
- Diamonds?
- Yeah. Wow.
Just like out in the
open like that, huh.
What do you mean?
It's Frank's first big
drug deal, I think he thought
there would be like code
words or some shit, you know?
I'll get your money.
Hold on to them.
How much you want to
bet Franky's got the money
like in a Manila envelope.
Like a rubber band
wrapped around it.
You guys live here?
We've got a bunk bed.
How much you
bench press, Chad?
I don't use free
weights, it slows you down.
I'm training with
plyometrics right now.
How tall are you?
Six, three, six, four.
One or the other.
- Somewhere in between.
- Got it.
You got a nice eyes.
[chuckling]
Polo, huh?
Yeah, like Ralph Lauren.
Ralph Lauren,
oh yeah, I got it.
I like how the scarf
kind of hides that, huh?
I mean, you don't wanna fuckin'
just throw it out there
for people, right?
What kind of car do you drive?
G wagon.
How much is it?
I don't know, my dad
got it for me as a gift.
Can I drive it?
No.
Oh, hey, you guys gonna
give me a hit of that thing?
Oh, you don't have
to ask us twice.
[Chad] All right.
So is that like your first
time you ever took PCP?
Hey Chad, why don't
you come on inside,
have a real man's drink.
That'll show you.
[Frank] All right, Chad,
this is some good shit,
you are in for a treat.
Oh God, that is good.
It tastes like shit.
You, my friend, are what
a doctor would refer to
as uncle Gary.
That's for you.
Manila envelope.
So why is it so important
for old dudes to like scotch?
In 10 years I'm gonna
ask you the same question,
you know what you're gonna say?
What?
You know, I started out
thinking I could come up
with something wicked funny,
but it just never liked gelled.
Hey, Frank this is only half.
Oh shit, that's
right, I'm sorry.
Let me get the
rest of your money.
[camera shutter clicking]
[Packie] Hey, what kind
of filter you got on there?
Nashville.
[Packie] I like Perpetua.
Let me ask you.
Did you tag Frank's shop?
[Chad] Yeah, I tagged him.
[Packie] We did too.
When you guys were
my age it was like
no internet.
No, it was fucking crazy.
We did this thing, was
called going outside.
How about you Mr. fucking
big time drug dealer, huh?
You you carry the cabbage?
Yeah, yeah, I got you.
What the fuck is that?
It's a fucking mason jar.
Yeah, it's called
white champagne.
Genius, let's see what
you're fucking packing, huh?
You know what, speaking
of scotch, you guys remember
the night at the game six.
This fucking story again.
The Buckner game?
That's right, 1986.
Sox gave New England
something they hadn't had
in a long time, hope.
What is this, a fucking
Ken Burns documentary?
I got it on YouTube.
Sox lead the series going in.
Me, Frank and Swaino,
we're at Frankie's basement,
watching on this shitty
little black and white
with aluminum foil
on the antenna.
[upbeat music]
[Announcer] Nearly home here.
Let's see what Clemens
comes back with.
It was our own
little club house.
Nobody ever caught
us down there.
[laughing]
Ow.
[laughing]
[crowd cheering]
Fucking old men, they're
upstairs watching the same game
on a fucking color TV.
Our fathers spent their
lives watching the Sox lose.
They used to get wicked
fucking hammered down east.
We knew we need to
leave them alone.
[distant shouting]
[laughing]
It was unbelievable
because this is the night
the curse of the fucking bambino
was about to be fucking broken.
Then something historic happens.
Hey fuckheads,
histories happening,
get your asses upstairs.
Let's go.
They never asked us up
there before, we're all like,
[gasping]
Come on, sit right here,
right next to your old man.
And we're all sitting
there, fucking just like this.
Right, we never felt love from
our fucking fathers before
in our whole fucking
lives, right?
Hey, keep your
eyes on this game,
this is fricking
history here, okay?
[Packie] This was it.
The Sox were going to
win the World Series
and we were all gonna
be in the room together.
Mookie Wilson gets a slow roller
right up the first baseline.
This is it.
Bill Buckner squares
up, drops his glove
and the fucking ball rolls
right between his goddamn legs.
One of the worst errors
in baseball history.
The Mets score.
- Fuck.
- Jesus.
[Packie] But it doesn't
end there for us.
we find ourselves in a
den of fucking lions.
The problem is we had to
walk through the kitchen
to get through the back
door and Frank's old man
was standing right there.
Now, let me tell you something.
We ain't never seen a
grown man cry before.
It was terrifying.
Frank's pop-
- [Man] What the fuck
are you doing here?
Grabs him, slams him
up against the fridge.
This ain't like your
generation of millennials.
This is when you
got fucking slapped.
[Man] I told you
to stay downstairs.
What did I say?
[Packie] So what
did Swaino do?
Stop!
Grabs Frank's pops arm,
tries to get him to stop.
Now, this type of kid-on-adult
attack was unprecedented
in our world and highly
ineffective since Swaino
was like all of a
bony 10-year-old.
Swaino's old man, he runs
in, throws Swaino off.
So I'm standing there
watching my two best friends
get demolished by their
fathers and there's my old man.
I looked at him, he looked
at me, then he shrugged,
reaches out, guess he
figured he should get
on the kid beating business too.
So I did the only
thing I could do.
[Swaino] Fled, Like a
streak of midget lightning,
he bolts like a bitch
out the front door.
But not before I grabbed
a bottle of scotch.
Except the screen
door was fucking locked.
Well finally, Packie
just burst through
the motherfucker, right?
He got the fucking screen
wrapped around his fucking head,
and everybody's just
stops to look at him
across the fucking lawn.
And me and Swaino, we use
that moment as a diversion
to get the fuck
out of the house.
And then we all met
in the fucking woods
by that big rock where we'd go.
Just a big fucking
rock in the woods.
That's all it fucking
took back then.
We passed around
that fucking bottle.
It was the first time
any of us ever had scotch.
And you want to
know something, Chad?
It tasted like shit.
[all laughing]
You motherfucker you.
So fucking beautiful.
It was so fucking beautiful.
Fucking genius.
Hey guys look, I'm going
to take this real quick.
Hey Chad, you can hang
out for a bit, right?
No, I can hang for a few.
Hey boys, entertain
our guest please.
Hey Chad, what
does your father do?
He's partners at
Landon and Wilkins.
What the fuck is that?
It's like the biggest
fucking law firm in Boston.
So what's that
like, having a father
you're not ashamed of?
Good, I guess.
Fucking call me Karen.
Fuck.
That's why you've been stuck
for three years in a row.
You don't got to be like
a shot at point guard,
you know what I mean?
I'll tell you what I
want to know about, Chad.
How about that
Northeastern pussy?
Being on the crew team
plus in the fraternity
definitely has its benefits.
You got nice eyes too,
don't discount that.
That's what I thought.
Well, you know, you don't
need any of that shit these days
to get laid.
Getting pussy man, it's
all through social media.
I've been trying
to tell him that.
How's that fucking
work, what do you do?
You send fucking pictures
of your cock and shit?
That's not a good idea.
Whatever you put out there,
that shit's gonna
haunt you, dude.
How so?
I saw like a couple of
days ago, my dad had to fire
a junior attorney
because of a pic.
I mean, the guy was at a
gay resort in Los Cabos,
wearing a Speedo, fucking tongue
kissing some Mexican dude.
Wait, a lawyer can't be gay?
What, you know my aunt
Connie is a lesbian.
She rides a trike,
grows her own weed.
Oh yeah, no dude, that's
that's nice and all.
We can be all
politically correct.
But the dudes running
this country, like my dad
and his clients, man, their
mindset is back in 1955.
My dad has a bunch of
billionaire clients
who don't want to pay some
fucking faggot in a Speedo
$2200 an hour for legal advice.
What kind of lawyer
makes $2200 an hour?
The good ones.
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
Finally, you dumb fuck.
Fucking where the fuck are you,
I'm about to call the police.
Just calm down.
Sorry, I've been busy.
- Are you fucking serious?
- Calm down, where are you?
I'm in the house.
In my house, how the
fuck did you get in?
I jimmied the fucking door,
how'd you expect me to get in?
Where the fuck is Crystal?
Crystal doesn't wanna
talk to you right now.
All right?
She's moving to
fuckin' California.
What'd you say to her?
Stop, please.
I'm working really
hard here, Frank.
I'm trying to change.
Don't fuck this up for me.
Fucking tell me...
Fuck.
Gotta be fucking careful, bro.
You can't put that stuff out.
Here we go.
Bob Keats, motherfucker.
[Chad] What, you don't
fucking believe me?
[Swaino] Boy, fucking
take him, gotta be careful.
Oh no, no, no.
I got a fucking story for you.
So a few months ago I find
this chick on Instagram.
She's really young
and really cute.
And I DM and ask her to
come to a fraternity party.
What the fuck is DM?
Direct message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she shows up, I get her
totally fucking hammered.
I'm trying to shove
my dick in her mouth
but she ends up being like
a total fucking cock tease.
She gives me one of
those like half ass
like falling asleep
hand jobs and I'm like,
wake the fuck up, you know?
Like it doesn't matter, a
waste of a goddamn night.
I totally forget about it, it
doesn't fucking matter, right?
But she's still into me
and she's sending me pics.
Naked pictures?
No, no, no.
We'll not at first,
tame at first, you know?
So I coaxed her.
I worked her and she sent them.
But that's not the
weird thing, right?
Here, hold on.
She's got this condition,
her nipples are like-
- Holy fuck.
Her nipples are
fucking gigantic.
Look at that.
I've seen bigger.
I'm kind of worried this
chick has a medical condition,
so I'm showing some of my buds.
Sure, you gotta
get their opinion.
Exactly, yeah, yeah.
These big nip pics, I mean,
they're like, oh my God,
they're striking a
chord with the boys
and so I'm getting
her to send me more.
Like send all kinds of
fucking pictures to me, man.
And I'm sending them like
to everyone in the house
and they're sending
them to everyone.
So we call that going viral.
Thank you for the
clarification, Professor Cuntface.
So Pancake shows
up to another one
of our fraternity parties.
Pancake, who's Pancake?
Pancake, that's
what I nicknamed her.
[laughing]
'Cause of the size
of, you get it.
That is so fucking fucked up.
I know, I know.
Yeah, so she shows up and
she's like famous now, right?
Like she's a fucking star.
We all know her, here she comes.
Yeah, yeah.
And these drunk dudes, they
start chanting, "Pancake,
Pancake, Pancake."
Oh fuck.
Everyone joins in, everyone.
Like fuck, she joined in.
She didn't know
what was going on.
She's like, "Pancake,
Pancake, Pancake.
Pancake, Pancake."
It was fucking terrible.
But she finds out why and
she fucking storms out
of the house, just
devastated man.
Young girls, everything's
the end of the fucking world.
Everything's the end of
the fucking world, yeah.
She goes back to her home,
takes a bottle of pills,
tries to fucking kill herself.
Jesus.
That fucking took
a turn for the dark.
I mean, she okay or-
- I don't know, my dad told
me not to get involved.
I can't get caught
up in that shit.
I mean, I feel bad, but
it's like my dad says,
you can't...
she shouldn't have sent
the pics to begin with.
[Frank] Hey guys, it's
fucking cold out there.
Come on in.
That's my whole fucking point.
Gotta be fucking careful.
Internet's forever, bro.
I got to split.
Oh no, come on,
do one shot with me.
Listen, I'm late, I'm late.
One shot, you'll
be on your merry way.
A little baby shot.
All right.
One shot, one for the road.
Actually I'm done partying.
[all laughing]
Frank almost had
a heart attack.
For you.
Oh, a big one.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey
Hey,
what were you talking
about out there?
[both laughing]
Maybe joking about something.
What is like funny?
You was laughing.
Hey, give me my keys back.
You're not getting
these until you tell me
what you guys were laughing at.
Maybe just show him the
pancake pic, I don't know.
A picture?
It was a stupid story, Frank.
Frank, give the fucking
kid his keys back.
I want to see his picture.
Frank, it's a stupid
fucking story.
I know, just-
- Hey Frank, take it easy, man.
You take it fucking easy.
Show me the fucking picture.
What do I do here?
Hey Frank, what are
you fucking doing?
Show me the fucking
picture right now.
[tense music]
Swaino and Karen had coffee.
Oh, for Christ's
sake, fucking idiot.
My Karen?
- Yeah.
- And-
- What do you mean and,
yeah, we fucking had coffee.
Did you fuck her?
How could you
fucking ask me that?
No, fuck you for asking me that.
Fuck you, Frank.
Okay then, why did you meet?
She took a redeye, all right?
She couldn't fucking find you
in your shop or in your house.
So she came to my
work, she freaked out
because she's fucking Karen.
What did you tell her?
I told her that I
could fucking care less
if she's fucking sober now.
And that she said
that all she wanted
was to see her daughter.
It's her fucking daughter.
Oh, by the way,
Frank's got a daughter.
You still think he's cool.
Fuck, I'm looking out
for you and Crystal.
That's all I'm doing, that's
all I'm ever fucking doing.
Crystal?
[tense music]
[grunting]
Whoa, whoa.
Jeez, you just killed Chad
Walker with a wrench, Frank.
What the fuck did
you do that for?
He's not dead.
Hey Frankie, I'm
gonna ask you again.
What the fuck are you doing?
That story that he
was telling you about?
It's Crystal.
[somber music]
[camera shutter clicking]
That fucking picture
that he showed us,
that was Crystal?
She'll be okay, Frank.
It's been two weeks
and she hasn't woken up yet.
We don't know the extent
of the brain damage.
It's different every day.
[somber orchestral music]
When she came to me,
when she needed me the most...
[sobbing]
What the fuck were you thinking?
He said they
were just for him.
You're supposed to be
smarter than that, Crystal.
[Crystal sobbing]
Dad, please.
You are gonna turn out
to be just like
your fucking mother.
Fuck.
I didn't know.
I don't fuckin' understand
this, picture's were online.
Everybody in her high school
passing them around.
Everybody making fun of her.
Even her best
friends, relentless.
So she had enough.
[knocking on door]
Hey hun, I'm coming in.
Crystal,
Crystal, Crystal!
What did you do?
His fucking father.
His fucking father is connected.
He made it all go away.
And Crystal is just the
poor girl from Manch-Vegas.
Nobody fucking cares.
Nobody but us.
So what are we gonna do?
I'm gonna kill him.
[tense music]
I'll pull the trigger.
That's on me.
But I needed you
two here with me.
There's a lot of work
with the disposal.
The disposal?
Yeah, I planned it all out.
I prepped the room.
[chair scraping]
[tense music]
[muffled screaming]
[gun fires]
[dramatic music]
[saw whirring]
[grunting]
That's your fucking plan?
Yes.
What about the G-wagon?
We drive it to Hyde
Park, smash the window,
put some of his blood
on the front seat.
Come on.
[Frank] It's not the first
time that a drug deal went bad
and not fucking found.
The kid's fucking
he, he's 19 years old.
people ain't gonna
fuckin' give up on a kid.
He's a fucking drug dealer.
Come on, he's a very
casual fucking drug dealer.
The kid ain't fucking
Scarface here.
I mean just you called
him on your phone, right?
- It was a burner.
- What the fuck is a burner?
You don't watch "The Wire?"
You took the fucking
Molly, didn't you?
Frank, Frankie, I think
that we need to think here.
I think that we're just,
we're going too fucking fast.
He ruined Crystal's
life over a fucking joke.
Okay, our Crystal.
That's all that we should
be thinking about right now.
When you're
right, you're right.
I'm in, Frank.
I'm in.
Yeah, all right, I'm in.
[tense music]
[grunting]
Fuck, this is
fucking crazy, Frank.
This is fucking crazy, could
you guys just fucking stop
for one fucking second?
Frankie, how are we gonna
fuckin' get out of this?
You didn't fucking
think about it.
Wait, where are you, Pack?
Fuck!
You're fucking out of your mind.
Swaino, if you want to
go, now's the time to go.
You know, like you said,
it's fucking easy, Frankie.
I never fucking
said it was easy.
What am I supposed to do,
I'm an accomplice, I'm here.
What am I supposed to do?
Guys, Chad Walker is awake.
You wannna say something?
[muffled grunting]
Please, please don't do this.
Your ass is definitely not
talking out of this shit, Chad.
Swaino, help me please.
No, I'm not a part of this,
okay, I'm not a part of it.
Wait, just let me
say something please.
What?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I made
a mistake, I'm just a kid.
My parents, and the internet,
the fucking internet.
I know I hurt her.
I didn't mean it.
I've been working in
the shop almost every day
for over 10 fucking years,
trying to give my
daughter a future.
But then you came along
and you treat her like a,
you treated her like
a piece of garbage.
I didn't know she
was in high school.
Was it funny passing
around that picture
of my little baby girl, huh?
Bet you all got a big
fucking laugh, right?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
No, no, no, please no.
[Chad sobbing]
No, please, please, no.
No, please, please.
No, no.
No, please, no, come on.
Let me say goodbye
to my mom and dad.
Please, let me say
goodbye to them.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[gun cocking]
No, no!
[Chad sobbing]
[Frank breathing heavily]
Wait, Instagram!
Instagram, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
What the fuck?
He posted on Instagram,
we all did, Frankie.
He posted on the internet.
Going out in the fucking world.
[Packie] We all did.
Oh, this is unbelievable.
All the cops
gotta do, just look
at his fucking Instagram
and knows that he's here.
Swaino's right.
And we are all fucked.
I have 2,854 followers.
Hey, you shut the fuck up.
You're so fucked.
Oh my God, I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.
- You're gonna untie me-
- Shut up.
And we're gonna call the cops.
[Swaino] Shut up!
Attempted murder.
[laughing]
Shut up!
Oh my father's gonna
sue the shit out of you.
You guys are gonna get your
fucking ass raped in jail.
Get ready, boys.
Start stretching those
fucking assholes.
Shut the fuck up!
You should've taught your
whore fucking daughter not to-
- Frankie, no, Frankie, no.
[Chad gagging]
No, don't no.
No, Frankie.
[grunting]
Fuck.
[dog barking]
Frankie, listen to me carefully.
Hey, fucking help.
[dog barking]
Yeah, I'll go, I'll go.
[dog barking]
[banging on door]
[Karen] I can see
you over there, Swaino,
you fuckin' chimpanzee,
open the fucking door.
Karen, you better get
the fuck outta here.
[Karen] What the fuck
is going on, Frank?
I swear I'll throw my fist
through the fucking window.
- Karen just go-
- All right, I'm kicking.
All right, all right, get in.
What the fuck is going on?
Jeez, why the blood all
of you, what is this,
a fight club or something,
you guys finally
fucking each other?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I went on Instagram, I saw
this jackass checked in here.
If you think you can keep
my daughter away from me,
I swear to God I'll get a lawyer,
I'll get a fucking lawyer.
Calm the fuck down.
Okay, you told him that we
talked this morning, right?
And you asked if
we fucked, right?
Do you think I would do that?
Do you think I'm that
kind of a fucking person.
Would you please just
stop fucking talking?
Shut the fuck up, Swaino.
Okay.
- Karen.
- Where the fuck is my kid?
Where the fuck is
my fucking kid?
Something happened to Crystal.
What?
What, what the fuck happened?
I need you to calm-
- Tell me what fucking
happened, Frank.
Sit the fuck down, please.
[somber orchestral music]
[muffled chattering]
I need you to get in your car
and get the fuck out of here.
Just go away,
right now.
Where the fuck is he?
[somber orchestral music]
[tense music]
[Karen grunting]
[muffled sobbing]
[whispering]
[Karen grunting]
[Karen sobbing]
So what are we gonna do?
I'm gonna cop a plea
and turn myself in.
Tell them you guys have
nothing to do with this.
What?
Hey listen, give me
a half hour head start
before you let him go.
Okay?
I got to say goodbye to her,
before I turn myself in.
[Packie] You can
count on us, Frankie.
I'm sorry.
All right.
You got to take care
of her now, Karen.
[Swaino] Wait what?
Hang on Frank.
She's her mother.
She's her mother.
It doesn't matter.
What's she gonna do?
She's gonna run off.
You gotta trust me.
You got to fucking trust me.
[Swaino] Fuck her and the
fucking horse she walked in on.
It's not about
growing the fuck up.
I've been there for Christ sake.
All right, just
stop it, just stop it,
God damn it, enough.
You're just gonna give up?
The fuck we
supposed to do, Karen?
I don't know, I don't know.
But on top of everything else
that piece of shit did to her
he's gonna take her
father away from her too.
Crystal needs her father.
She needs you.
Karen, if they stay,
you're all going to jail.
You're saying
we can't outsmart
some soft fucking pretty boy?
You don't understand
who his father is.
Fuck his fucking father.
Fuck his entire fucking family.
He ain't gonna win
this time, not today.
Guys, we've gotta be smart.
We're gonna use
our fucking heads.
We just gotta think.
Now we just got
to work together.
Packie, you're smart.
You're the smartest guy I know.
He ruined her
life with a picture.
So what?
Hey guys,
I think I got an idea.
Packie,
you want to keep
Frankie out of jail?
Yeah.
[tense orchestral music]
[muffled grunting]
[Packie] I don't
know about this.
Hey, hey, Pack, you
can fucking do this.
[Packie] Why me?
[Swaino] Because yours is
by far the most photogenic.
- Packie.
- You got it
You can do it, Packie.
You can do it.
That a boy.
- You got it.
- That a boy, Packie.
[muffled grunting]
I don't know guys, it
seems a little homophobic.
It's a lot fucking homophobic
but that's kind of the
fucking point, all right?
Am I right?
[Frank] You got it, Pack.
Karen, can you
turn around please?
Okay Pack, take it off.
Not your shirt, the pillowcase.
That's it.
What the fuck is this?
- Holy shit, Packie.
- Open your mouth.
No way, no fucking way.
Open your mouth.
No fucking way.
Open your fucking mouth.
[saw buzzing]
[muffled grunting]
Ata boy.
What's the passcode?
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
I think I'm on
the wrong screen.
Get the fucking picture.
Okay, okay, okay, I got
it, I got it, I got it.
Right there.
[Chad coughing]
Show him.
Can you tell it's me?
Only if someone's
seen your cock, Pack,
I think you're safe.
Yeah, and what the fuck are
you going to do with that?
Okay Chad, now the way we
see it, there's two options
in how we move forward.
Option one, you go, you run
like the little bitch you are,
you run to your father,
run to the cops.
You're all fucked.
Excuse me, young man.
Excuse me, you interrupted me.
Now you can go to the
cops, but I'm gonna tell you
right now, my friend right
there, he's a social networking
fucking genius.
And he will post this
picture it'll go everywhere.
I mean everywhere.
It'll do that thing.
What's that thing called, Pack?
Going viral.
It'll go fucking viral.
It'll go fucking viral.
No, I'll tell the truth.
And when that comes
out, they'll believe me.
It won't make a fucking
difference, Chad, and you know it.
The truth will make them
share it even more probably.
Probably.
So Chad, no one's gonna
pay you that $2,200 an hour.
Shit, you'll be unhirable, Chad.
Your father, those bullshit
billionaire clients of his
they're gonna laugh at you.
Every single time you
walk out of a room
they're gonna laugh.
Maybe your friends will
come up with a nickname
for you this time.
Yeah, like Captain Dicksucker.
Yeah, hopefully a little
more creative than that
but yes, something
along those lines.
Option two.
You want to hear option two?
You walk out of here and you
never ever mention this night
to anyone anywhere, and it'll
be like this whole night
including this very
provocative photo
never fucking happened.
What's it gonna be, Chad?
Option two.
Goddamn right.
Cut him free.
Get the fuck out of my shop.
[light orchestral music]
Your family's here.
[light rock music]
Spent the last year
Going out of my mind
Looking for reasons
I could never find
Until I put my finger on it
And saw every sign
Take all you can get
Keep your fingers
off of mine
Sitting in the tower
Without a clue or care
And goodbye opportunities
hanging off of my head
Handing several items out
To anyone who dares
Climb my own way up
to the top
Just to get kicked
down the stairs
Bein' pulled a million ways
All at the same time
It's enough to make
anyone go insane
When you find yourself
forgetting all your own rhymes
Givin' up on dreams floating
'round inside your brain
Bein' pulled a million
ways all at the same time
It's enough to make
anyone go insane
When you find yourself
forgetting all your own rhymes
Givin' up on dreams floating
'round inside your brain
Keep staring at the pages,
going over the same lines
It's all been said and done
by now, two or three times
[light orchestral music]