Snake Outta Compton (2018) Movie Script
1
[Denz] You're about to witness
the strength of snake knowledge.
[Neville] Get this motherfuckin'
snake off this motherfuckin' plane!
[haunting music]
[hip hop music]
[Denz] Welcome
to Compton, California.
[helicopter whirring]
The Sarge partnered us up together
so I can teach you the ropes, huh?
So today is your first day
to commence the training
to become a Compton, California,
police officer.
My training day.
[laughs]
Yeah, you can call it that.
And one of the first lessons
you've gotta learn
is how to stay cool
under pressure.
[dramatic music]
Always expect the unexpected.
Expect the unexpected.
You see, I've been on the force
for 15 years, huh?
And nothing
surprises me anymore.
Holy Mother of Jesus!
Stay cool under pressure.
Stay cool under pressure.
Screw that, rookie!
It's raining snakes.
This is some biblical shit
right here!
Hmm.
It appears we have an embryo
from the reptilian
Colubridae family.
- An undamaged egg.
- Hey, homeboy.
[romantic music]
Neon.
[romantic music]
[record scratches]
- [Neon] Hey, Vurkel.
- [Vurkel] Neon...
[giggles]
Not you, Vurkel!
She's waving at me.
- Neon.
- What's up?
- What up, girl?
- Nothing. You're crazy.
[Pinball] Why are you so early
at the party?
We ain't even set up yet.
You know I gotta go
to work later.
Work? We need you here
so you can sing your verses.
We not a band without you.
Reptilian stem cells!
What you talkin' about, V?
If I can activate the reptilian stem
cells in this newly hatched snake,
the potential for growth
would be nearly unlimited.
Here he goes again.
I don't know
what he's talking about.
Why must I be cursed
with a mad scientist roommate?
[lively music]
- [Vurkel] Oh, it tickles.
- [Neon] Damn, V!
You better work
on those dance moves
if you wanna
get any play at the party.
[Vurkel] What party?
Just a little warm-up gig.
Did you ask your Grandma?
I need isolation
for my experiments.
Don't be a buzzkill, Vurkel.
Damn, Pinball,
don't be a waxed scrote!
You should hang with us
at the party, Vurkel.
Wow, Neon inviting me
to a party.
I'll go anywhere you go, my lo...
Whoa, don't get fresh, Boo.
Just bein' neighborly.
I've gotta study the specimen
in my lab.
Okay, well,
what you got in there, anyway?
- What have I got?
- Yeah.
I got a snake. A little snake.
- Wanna see him?
- How little are we talk...
Nobody wants to see
your little snake, Vurkel.
Only snake Neon wants to see
is Cam's big black mamba.
Get out of my face.
- Cam's coming tonight.
- Naturally, Vurkel.
He is the leader of the crew.
We wouldn't be
a rap crew without him.
All hail Cam.
Cam.
[hip hop music]
- [dance music]
- [people chatting]
What's up, what's up? What's up?
Party, party.
Those idiots!
[breathing heavily]
[people chatting and laughing]
There's so much more to life
than infantile partying.
I'm more concerned about you
'cause you're small.
But we'll show them
who's itsy-bitsy.
[giggles]
First the snake, then...
They'll never call me
"little man" again.
[computer] All systems ready.
Activate.
[laser crackling]
It works! It works!
[R.E.L.] So I was at this
rooftop party the other night,
I mean, it was totally bangin',
you know what I mean?
Like, the sound system
up there is baller.
See, that's what I'm
talkin' about.
Managing music and shit.
That's what I want to do.
Well, I mean, you gotta be,
like, real pro, you know?
You can't go around mixing business
and pleasure like this, you know?
When am I gonna hear those new sick
beats you were gonna spin for me?
You want me to spin it
for business?
Or pleasure?
[Neon] Well, well, well. My man.
Nice of you
to finally show up.
I ain't your man, Neon.
Damn, Cam.
I didn't mean it like that.
I meant like, my man,
like, my homeboy.
Aright, girl.
You got those pipes warmed up?
These people gonna love you once
you drop them bomb dulcet tones.
Cam, what makes you think
I want somebody's love?
Child, a girl can't
survive off that.
She needs cash flow.
That's all gonna be taken care of once
Uppercase Records sees our talent tomorrow.
[Beez Neez] Yo, Pinball!
Yo, Pinball.
Pinball, man.
When you gonna play the track
for that talent agent friend
of yours, man?
This is her.
R.E.L., meet Beez Neez.
Beez Neez! Oh, my God!
Your raps are T-I-T.
Yeah. We spared no expense
on this track.
Nothing but
high production quality.
Pinball's homegirl's
gots the hookup.
I got you all
into Uppercase Records tomorrow.
We meetin'
with the head cat himself.
They don't need
any more drama, all right?
Did you all steal the money
to produce that record?
- Steal? You calling me a thief?
- No!
- Are you saying we stole?
- No, no, no, no.
Yo, my man borrowed a grip
from Alley Jaws.
- Alley Jaws?
- Yeah.
Yo, that dude is mad shady, yo.
Ease up, Carrot Top.
- My sweet Carrot Top.
- [R.E.L. giggles]
Couldn't you just get any
Chick to sing your hooks?
[Cam] You trippin'.
Can't any chick just bust glass
with her high notes.
- Look, that only happened once.
- This crew needs you.
And what do you need, Cam?
What I need?
Is to bust a rhyme, son!
Woo!
[Beez Neez] Let's party!
[powering down]
What?
Wait. What?
Work, you infernal machine.
[hip hop music]
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Yeah
Hey, hey, hey
Cold-blooded y'all
Bad to the bone
Curse this modern music!
All this braggadocio
and fornication.
Cold-blooded
So cold-blooded
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yo, I'm so cold-blooded
My heart's barely beatin'
The doctor checked
My pulse
'Cause he thought
I was sleepin'
But these rhymes
Keep spillin'
And I'm willin'
To thrill ya
And I'm chiller
Than a chinchilla
Chillin' with Godzilla
Killin' city buildings
Near ya
With Mothra and Ghidorah
In Japan I'm the man
But I prefer Siberia
[hip hop music]
[Vurkel] Fascinating.
The reptiles seem to be aroused
by the bass frequencies.
And when the beat drops
I'm a boss like Jack Frost
Go straight outta Compton
To get your balls thawed
Watch your
Facebook comments
Or I'll box you
Like Muhammad
And knock you out so cold
It'll bust your thermometer
Let it go like Frozen
Like Tom Arnold
With Roseanne
I'm a cold-blooded show man
Like Frosty the Snowman
The temperature reads
Absolute zero degrees
Now I gotta pass the mic
To my man Beez Neez
Now let's see how big
you can get.
[computer] System overload.
Wait, what?
- [gunfire]
- [people screaming]
[glass shattering]
[ominous music]
[snake hissing]
Pinball!
Yo, it's the Alley Jaws.
Pinball, I thought you said
you were T-I-T tight.
We are tight.
Just let me talk to him.
- [Alley Jaws] Pinball!
- He likes me.
[Alley Jaws] I want my money!
Where you at?
I can hear your lame-ass beats
a mile away.
- You better have my money!
- Alley Jaws.
It's so good to see...
I thought I recognized the sound
of your AK-47.
You brought
your beautiful ladies here.
You always know how
to show up unannounced.
What can I do for you today?
- Where's my money?
- Money!
- Money.
- Money!
But you said I can pay you back
next week, remember?
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no...
- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no.
That is repayment
of the principal sum.
We are talking
about the interest.
And I ain't the patient type.
Unless you want me
to go compound on your ass.
Compound on my ass?
Compound's when
I reinvest the interest
so the interest in the next period
is earned on the principal sum
and the previously
accrued interest.
[all] That's compound interest,
bitch.
Uh-huh, way to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Previous interest
on top of interest, interest...
Where is my money!
Be careful where you
pointin' that gun, man.
What's up, Alley?
Ooh! Cam!
Why the negativity?
[snake hissing]
No!
Well, well, if it isn't Cam.
The wannabe banger
from Compton.
You know your boy
Pinball over there
is in some pretty deep
financial shit with me.
Lay off, man. Those funds were
for all of us in the group.
Got this audition
tomorrow, see...
What I see is that
you got money to have a party,
but not paying me back
the money you owe me
in accordance with the frequency
computations in our binding contract.
You made an investment,
and trust me,
it's gonna pay off in dividends.
You gonna drop
some verses on us, Cam?
Shut up, Larissa.
I used to do your algebra
homework for you, girl.
- Yeah? I got C's.
- Don't be an asshole.
Hey!
[all] Ooh!
Nobody, but nobody
disrespects my bitches but me!
- [all] Mm-hmm.
- Shut up!
Now...
You're gonna tell me exactly
what happened to my money.
Before I...
Nice snake, Cam.
[Alley Jaws]
You dirty mother...
That was a snake!
You know I hate snakes!
I be cold-blooded, yo.
You gonna be dead blooded in a
second is what you're gonna be.
- [screaming]
- [gunshots popping]
You leave that boy alone!
- Miss Jones?
- Go on! Drop your piece.
Miss Jones, you don't have to...
You know I care
about you, Cam.
Fuck you, Alley.
Get on outta here,
and take your floozies with ya.
Go on! Leave Cam be.
This isn't over, Cam.
- I'll get your money, dog.
- Yeah.
We got the hookup on a meeting
at Uppercase Records
tomorrow afternoon.
- Yeah.
- We get signed.
- Yeah.
- We be ballin'.
- Yeah!
- Keep dreaming.
'Cause that old broad?
She's not always gonna be there
to protect your fucking ass!
Watch your language, boy.
I'll always be here for him.
You know what?
I had about enough of him.
Take your ass
on back to Riverside.
Hold me back, I swear.
I already called
the police.
Get on out of here,
floozies.
Come on, bitch,
I mean... ladies.
Yeah, come compound that now.
- Chill.
- Go on!
Bitch, move it, move it.
- Floozies, go on!
- Come on.
Damn. Thusela Jones
saves the day again.
That old gal sure is something.
Thanks, Miss Jones.
Glad you got my back.
Of course, my boy.
But your shenanigans is causing
me to be late for choir practice.
You got some... yayo?
- Uh-uh.
- Crystal?
- Zoom-zoom?
- No, I ain't no dealer.
I mean, I sold Mucinex
to Vurkel one time,
but that was
in my younger, wilder days.
What an ungrateful
piece of shit.
I just fucking saved your ass,
and you can't even hook a sister up?
How about an aph?
Nah, I'm all right, Miss Jones.
All right, I love you.
I'll see you later.
I'm sure you will.
Clear the space, people.
Clear the space.
Cam, you son of a bitch!
We got a new hero in Compton.
- My man, Cam.
- Shut up, Pin.
You need to be
a better communicator.
Ease Alley Jaw's mind.
I know how you are with your phone.
My snake! My snake!
Has anyone seen my snake?
Yeah.
This G right here used it to
bust up a gun-wielding gangster
with your big-ass snake.
Yo, sorry I had to resort
to violence with your snake, V.
It's probably up
in a bush somewhere.
Yeah, yo mom's bush.
Yo, Vurkel, hey, yo mama, man,
she is a real skilled gardener!
[everyone laughs]
Yeah.
[cat meows]
[sighs]
- [ominous music]
- [snake hissing]
Back, sucker, back!
[snake hissing and snarling]
Back! Get back!
Oh, no, not today.
Thusela Jones will meet the Lord
on her own terms.
[dramatic music]
[Thusela screams]
[Denz] Okay, all right.
In order to work these streets,
you gotta be these streets, huh?
You gotta taste these streets.
You gotta know
what the dealers are selling.
- Take it.
- I don't know about this, boss.
- I said take it.
- No, I'm not gonna do it.
What are you, a Mormon, huh?
Jesus freak?
- I'm lactose intolerant, man.
- Lactose intolerant.
You think that dealers care
if you lactose intolerant, huh?
- You care if he lactose intolerant?
- No, seor.
No, seor. Huh?
You a goddamn disgrace,
rookie.
I don't want you
as my partner,
on the squad,
or on the force.
You can go back to parking
tricycles at Chuck E. Cheese.
What's so important about
your snake anyway, Vurkel?
My invention super charged it
with unstable molecules,
now it's growing
at an uncontrollable rate.
And it could get bigger.
Big enough to eat a person if
the molecules remain unstable.
So... what you sayin' is,
it's big enough
to eat this Twinkie.
Dude, that's not
a big Twinkie.
My Ding Dong is
bigger than that.
[laughs] Yeah.
All right, everybody, let's help
this kid look for his damn snake.
Fine, you want me
to do it, I'll do it.
Gimme. Give it.
[sinister music]
[Denz laughs]
My ninja.
That's how it's done, son.
Oh, betrayed by your
virgin gag reflexes.
Let me get in
on that shit.
[laughs]
That's that good shit.
Real cops don't spit.
Swallow that shit down.
Swallow it.
There.
[R.E.L.] Oh, sweet. Guys, guys!
Alley Jaws' AK.
Don't I look
just like street,
hip-hop, gangster,
OG, indica, like...
Girl, do you even know
what you're sayin'?
Yeah, I'm just trying to,
you know, like, represent.
[mocking voice] I'm just
trying to represent.
Pinche cabrn.
- Partner!
- [Denz] Hmm?
Crime in progress?
Well, I'll be.
Little white girl with an AK.
How cute.
Finish your damn ice cream.
Don't be playing.
Give me that.
It ain't a toy.
Come on, man.
Too much been goin' on today
already, aright?
Crime in progress! Crime in progress!
Get the car, rookie.
Hey! You forgot
your ice cream!
All right, drop the gun, son.
Drop the gun, son.
- Easy, easy, easy, drop the gun, son.
- It's not mine, man.
- Aright, aright.
- I understand. I understand.
Get your stupid ass
on the ground.
Down quick,
like your mama on Tuesday.
Get down. Look that way.
Look that way.
Aright, aright.
I told you, man, the gun ain't mine.
Possession
of a stolen firearm, huh?
You going down
to the booty house.
All right, go ahead
and book him, rookie.
Oh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, uh...
How does one book,
exactly?
It's your training day,
I get it.
Daddy gotta do everything.
Put your hands behind your back.
You can't arrest Cam!
We got the biggest gig
of our lives tomorrow.
You think I care
about you kids
and your crunk dub-step
Bieber-believer bullshit?
And if I had a dime for every
Compton rapper I arrested, I...
I would have
a whole lot of dimes!
Man, come on.
Fame and fortune
are for the weak-minded.
You wanna be powerful?
You want real power, huh?
You'll be a crooked cop
like me.
- What?
- Crooked cop like me...
No, no, no, regular cop.
A regular cop...
A super, upstanding cop cop.
- Super up...
- You know what? Never mind.
[everyone exclaiming]
Y'all are really starting
to piss me off.
Now get this trash off this
little white girl's lawn.
Hey, yo, Cam is innocent.
He was protecting us.
How about you do your jobs
for a change?
Man, shut your mouth, girl,
before you get locked up too, man.
[everyone exclaiming]
- Quiet!
- Just shut up.
I decide who's innocent.
- That's good.
- Ain't that right, Poindexter?
- Me?
- Yeah.
Oh, affirmative.
Cam's guilty.
- What?
- What you?
He used my mutated snake as a
weapon, and now it's disappeared.
Ah, you see how that goes?
You got... a mutated snake?
I invented a centrifugal
field generator
that supercharged it
with unstable molecules...
[Vurkel groans]
Cam!
Yo, we're straight up
boned, Beez.
Yo, yo, yo,
why don't we just bail out Cam?
Oh, yeah? And with what money?
You used it all
at the studio
makin' those
stupid beats.
Download next time,
stupid.
Oh, my beats are stupid?
She said my beats are stupid.
- She said my beats, my beats...
- Dumb. Idiotic.
My beats, my beats are stupid?
- Retarded.
- Oh, really?
- Not understanding me?
- Well, my bad.
Sorry if I wanted to make sure
the bass frequencies were bangin'!
Why don't you just
bail out Cam?
With the little money I
make I earn the hard way
by putting in work.
So until you can prove to me
that this rap shit will work,
I'm out.
Yo, R.E.L.s,
can you drop me off at the club?
Yeah, sister,
I got your back. Yo!
I did not get you that
audition at Uppercase
just because I wanted to get
shwerp figgety on your snobelisk.
I got it for you because
you and your crew,
you got something
real special.
I sure as hell hope you got some
money left over from Alley Jaws.
At least enough to bail
Cam out by 3 p.m. tomorrow.
Yo, R.E.L.s,
I'm a be late!
Yeah, yo, I'm coming.
Get your shit together.
Menorah out.
F that noise!
We gonna bailout Cam,
and we gonna rock this audition!
All right, well, how are we gonna
come up with this cash, man?
Four, three, two, one
[funky dance music]
[gunshots ringing]
Yo, man, I don't,
I don't know about this, Pin.
Like, this is not something
that Cam would approve of, man.
Cam ain't here!
Let's go.
Damn, girl,
Your legs don't feel Like hot dogs
Hey, man.
Thanks for doing the begging today.
People are intolerant.
We gotta stick together.
Society's turned
a blind eye.
That's why we gotta keep ours
open, keep our butts safe.
You know what they say, open
eyes, open hearts, open butts.
[laughs]
Ain't that the truth?
Say, friend,
do you have any narcotics?
Of course I do.
It's why I'm homeless
in the first place.
- Yeah.
- Addiction is ruining my life.
Ha.
Oh, this is my jam!
Turn that up.
Well, I'm getting tired.
I'm gonna go hit the sack.
And I mean the literal sack
that I sleep in on the ground.
You know, and I'll do
the same in a few.
First, I gotta go defecate in public
since restrooms are for customers only.
[ominous music]
Not sure why anyone tries
to read arousing material
while attempting
a bowel movement.
It's weird.
I'm still doing it, though.
[snake hissing]
Oh, God!
[man yelling]
Get the hell out of my tent,
you homeless piece of shit.
Help me.
[man screams]
[train horn blowing]
Uppercase Records sports some of
the loudest sound systems available
in all of Los Angeles,
but the recent rooftop parties have left
some local residents less than impressed.
Sir, what are your thoughts
on the noise?
This is a stick-up, sucker!
So stay cool!
[cashier growling]
- Damn!
- Jesus!
I am staying cool.
Oh, you want to rob me?
Don't be pussies.
You better fucking rob me!
- Drop your weapon!
- Only after you shoot me.
None of the other robbers
had the balls to shoot me!
What's wrong with you, old man?
This is not how it's supposed to go.
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with you?
You didn't even ask
about the cash in the ATM!
Or the money
in the safe in back!
We're supposed to ask
those questions?
Shoot me! Shoot me!
[Pinball hollers]
[cashier] You, oh!
You wimpy girly man.
You threw your gun at me?
I didn't have any bullets,
that's the thing.
You, shoot out
the security camera.
And we can talk.
Yeah, I...
I also forgot to load my gun.
So dumb.
- He's shooting!
- [Pinball screams]
- [gunshot rings]
- [glass shatters]
Good job, my friends.
So I recently took out
a large theft insurance policy.
You will be providing my worthless
kids with a better future.
Oh, and here's a crowbar
for the ATM machine.
[gentle music]
I thought you were
takin' us downtown, yo.
Why we back here?
Because, huh?
I got a very important lesson
to teach my rookie partner
here, huh?
It's his first day
on the job.
Yeah. And it's
my training day, too.
Yeah, you told me
what today is, yo.
Could y'all hurry the hell up
and book us, or whatever?
I'm tired of breathin'
Vurkel's farts.
It's not me.
I know your scent,
Geordi La Forge.
Don't play that silent
but deadly shit with me.
Triflin', man, damn.
[Ethan] So what's
the lesson, boss?
[Denz] Shh.
There's a lot of homeless people,
hang out around this spot.
Oh, yeah, easy targets.
Oh, look at you.
I underestimated you, son.
You're not as stupid
as you look.
There still might be
some hope for you.
So here's the thing, if you want to learn
to hassle people like a real cop, huh?
You gotta start at the bottom.
So get your nightstick out.
These people will take
all kinds of abuse.
Looks like somebody
already beat us to it.
[suspenseful music]
Is this the work
of some sick psycho-killer?
- Are we going to investigate?
- Man, hell, no!
Nobody cares about a bunch
of mutilated bums.
And you can write that down.
This city ain't capable
of handling this many leeches.
How many leeches, exactly,
can the city handle, though?
I will drag your ass up and down
the street by your baby nuts.
Anyway, I say we forget
all this nonsense,
go raid one of those
Asian massage parlors,
get our almonds milked.
Almonds milked.
But first,
I need a Slurpee.
Slurpee.
[ominous music]
We going downtown yet?
I ain't got all day.
Going to
the convenience store.
It's hot.
Keep your mouth shut,
you might get a Slurpee.
- [Ethan] What was that?
- I ain't hit shit. Let's roll.
[tires squealing]
[upbeat music]
It might sting.
I'm sorry I threw my
plastic piece at you, Yoon.
From the back, you dummy.
[spits]
Do I have to do everything?
If you guys were hardcore
street motherfuckers,
you'd put an end
to my miserable life.
[ATM popping]
Then I wouldn't have to deal
with my bitch of a wife.
And shitty kids.
Can't even play
video games themselves.
They have to watch others
do it on fucking YouTube.
Look, man, you don't gotta
give us all the cash.
- Save some for yourself.
- [Beez Neez] Yeah, man.
Buy your wife
something really nice.
You don't even
know my wife.
[car engine rumbling]
Her unibrow is so thick that
her forehead looks like a...
caterpillar is
fucking her eyebrows.
This mofo right here
is gangsta.
Oh, it's on.
Quick, go out the back door.
I don't know anything!
[Yoon] Back.
- [Beez Neez] Oh, my God.
- [Pinball] Go, go, go, go!
- [Beez Neez] Run! Pick up your feet.
- [Pinball] Go, go, go, go.
- [Beez Neez] Shit.
- [Pinball] Go faster.
Sir, do you speak English?
- [Beez Neez] Run, run.
- [Pinball] Oh, shit!
[Pinball] What the fuck?
Don't worry,
I'll call the paramedics.
No, just let me bleed out.
[Denz] Drop your weapons, pooh butts, huh?
Y'all forget something?
Listen, cop,
there's somethin' out there.
There's something in here.
I'm your worst nightmare.
- But it's a giant snake, yo!
- A big snake.
I eat snakes.
They call me Mongoose Mike.
You crazy!
The snake out there, it's huge.
It wants to bite us.
It wants to bite...
I want to bite you, huh?
I'm a wolf.
In order to protect the
flock, you gotta be a wolf.
It takes a wolf
to catch a wolf.
And what I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna skin you, huh?
And I'm gonna wear you
like sheep's clothing.
I'm gonna be in disguise.
[both] What?
Come on. Get your
dumb asses over here.
Come on. Come on!
This is taking too long, man.
I'm ready to go, man.
Holy Mary J. Blige.
My big beautiful snake!
- What the hell?
- Although she does look a little bit off.
- You think?
- Yeah.
I think she remembers me.
[electric music]
I think she remembers me.
Snakes can detect scents and
odors over great distances,
and most people don't know
this, but I know...
Oh! No, no, no!
I got you.
- No! Oh, hell no!
- [Vurkel] My baby. My baby.
[Vurkel] I love you.
Oh, baby...
Well, I'll be...
A 2754-B.
There's a code for a giant
snake eating a person?
Specifies a reptile.
Not necessarily a snake.
Okay, snake, drop the nerd,
unless this anaconda wants some.
- [Vurkel] Oh, God!
- [gunshots ring]
Wee! Ow.
[laughs] Dumb animal.
[energetic music]
Oh, shit.
Fuck the police!
- [snake burps]
- [men groan]
[snake hissing]
You.
[snake hissing]
[energetic music]
Yo, I think we're free to go.
[Denz grunts]
Welcome to the booty house.
Shit.
I've gotta get in there.
Did you guys see my snake?
Get your mutagen hands off me.
That thing tried to eat you.
Slippery when wet.
You gotta help capture it
so I can run more tests.
You are Franken-crazy!
Yo, man, your lust for knowledge
has apparently driven you mad, man.
[Ethan] Aha!
Put your hands in the air
like you just don't care, now!
All right, now, get over there.
Where? This way?
No, not over there. Over there.
- Oh, no, no.
- [car tires squealing]
What you all waitin' on?
Get in, come on, let's go.
[Pinball] Go, go, go, go.
Come on, man.
- [Pinball] Get in.
- [Beez Neez] Let's get outta here, man.
Hey, hey.
[Pinball]
Fuck yeah, sucker!
[Vurkel] Oh, my snake.
My beautiful snake.
Where are you?
Damn it. They got away.
- I'll radio for help.
- No, negative, rookie, huh?
- This stays between us.
- You got it.
- All right?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm not gonna look
like some fool
who let a couple of pooh-butt
asses steal his car.
- No.
- No.
[Vurkel] Maybe...
This is what I need.
[Denz] Goddamn litterbug.
Pick that shit up.
May have gotten down
into the plumbing
after it broke one of
the toilets back there.
Yo, why we stoppin', C?
- We gotta turn around.
- Turn around for what?
Hit us with them thoughts, homie.
What are you talking about?
I'm the reason
that snake got away.
We gotta go back and stop it.
Yo, we did not
set you out of jail
to get eaten by no giant snake!
Man, first off, you didn't bust me out.
I got myself out.
And second, I'm not even gone
five minutes and y'all thuggin'?
Knockin' over
convenience stores?
We didn't even have
any real guns.
We wasn't gonna hurt nobody.
We were just playin'.
The cops, they have real guns,
and real training.
Let them deal with the snake!
See us, we rappers.
We need to get ready
for our audition tomorrow.
Look, Cam, man,
homie has a point, man.
I would prefer to not
get eaten by a giant snake.
- So, what we gonna do, Cam?
- What we gonna do, Cam?
What we gonna do?
Now?
We're gonna go
get our girl Neon.
We got an audition.
- All right?
- That's what I'm talking about, man.
- [car engine revs]
- [tires squeal]
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
Your training day turning into a
real shit show, ain't it, rookie?
Yeah, first
I lost my gun,
and then they showed
me their buttocks.
Yeah, never mind all that.
We got bigger fish to fry.
We catch this snake,
and I'll be famous, huh?
We talkin' about the cover
of Time magazine,
maybe even YouTube.
So the snake is stuck down
in the toilet hole.
So what I need you to do is take
your shrimpy little girl hands,
stick it down the drain,
and just...
pull the snake out.
- Down the drain?
- Mm-hmm.
[Ethan] But poo poo
goes down there.
And so will your job if you don't get
down there like a good little rookie
and pull out that goddamn snake!
Can you...
Get down there!
Get elbow deep
in those pipes, Mario.
[laughs]
- Okay.
- You feel anything?
No, no. I think...
- [Ethan yells]
- [Denz] So you got it?
I got it, I got it.
Whatever you do, you treat it
like your first piece of pussy,
and you never let it go.
You hold onto that snake!
[Ethan yelling]
[Denz] Come on! Come on, rook!
I think that's all of it.
Come on, man!
This shit just got personal.
Oh, God. I lost my watch!
Experiment backfired.
Infected by snake saliva.
Human DNA molecules are broken down
by unstable reptilian molecules.
Let's make an antidote.
[dance music]
Cam, I thought you were in jail.
- Early release.
- Then why'd you come in here?
Look, you know I don't like you
comin' in my place of work.
- Now, you need to...
- Neon, we need you to come with us.
You need to get out
of here right now.
- Neon.
- [Alley Jaws] Oh, hell no.
You mofos have a lot of nerve
showing your asses in here.
Your dough.
As promised.
We appreciate the loan,
but she's comin' with us.
I already paid
for my full half hour.
I ain't taking no for an answer.
She's done with you.
- Yeah, come on.
- Fuck you, Cam, this is my job.
We sign to Uppercase tomorrow,
you won't have to do this no more.
[laughs]
That's hella rich, homeboy.
Hella rich.
Well, since you killed my boner,
why don't we settle this
right here, right now.
There's nothin' to settle.
I just came to get my girl.
I'm not your girl, remember?
She's my girl, like a homegirl.
You know what I mean.
She's a key part of the crew.
If you are such
a goddamn artist,
why don't you
bust a rhyme right now?
You?
- No, you.
- You?
- You. You.
- You?
You standin' right here
in this very spot
in this strip club,
steppin' to me?
Any moron can bust
a rhyme, right?
Oh!
- Okay, we doing it?
- Mm-hmm.
- We doin' it right.
- We're doing it now.
- Let's get it.
- Get the fuck out of my way.
All right, you people.
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Excuse me while I interrupt
your regularly scheduled tittays
to call out this wannabe,
poser rapper Cam.
[girls cheer]
Give me a beat!
[hip hop music]
Yo, my name is Alley Jaws
Yes, that is my name
I bust a mad rhyme
That is never the same
'Cause I run this club
Like rub-a-dub dub
Three men in a tub
Full of bub, yeah
Yeah!
I rhyme like a butterfly
Sting like a bug
With a stinger
Yeah, yo,
Here's my middle finger
Daddy, I can really rhyme
No matter what you say
I really like girls
Daddy, I'm not gay
Cam and his crew,
They been frontin'
No, you leave now
Or I'll put
Your dick in my mouth
- Show me what you got.
- Yo, man, give me that.
[Alley Jaws grunts]
Yo, Alley Jaws up in here
Yo, Alley Jaws
All of your plots
This beat is stupid,
it's sabotage.
Yo, Pin, this dude's whacked.
- Tell him.
- No, it's the beat.
Hey, cop prostitute, yo.
Take this to DJ Spliff,
he fancies you sexually, girl.
I'm gonna break him in two
like a motherfucker.
- Snap him in half. You go, girl!
- Yeah!
The timing's wrong,
so all of y'all know my flow.
Hey, can I give you a blowjob
in the bathroom?
Please!
It's just the beat, you know?
It's the beat, it's not me.
[crowd boos]
[upbeat hip hop music]
Yo, Alley Jaws up in here
You're callin' me a faker
Think you got sick burns
But I'm about to cremate ya
Whipped you once already
With my snake haymaker
You're Alley Jaws
But I'm a Wonka jawbreaker
[crowd cheers]
[snake snarling]
[electric music]
[upbeat hip hop music]
You say that I'm frontin'
Say any whack sucker
Can rhyme
But you're living a lie
I'm about to tell you why
While you loitering
Acting like
You enjoy staring at tits
Your boy's getting annoyed
With your Freudian slips
And while there's no shame
In suckin' my dick
I wouldn't have it
If the galaxy depended on it
Yeah, I wanted to deal,
But it came to this
I wanted to deal,
But you had to dis
Your pride could have
Been spared
But you tried
To match wits
So Mr. Alley Jaws,
Sit on your thumb and twist
[crowd cheers]
Yo, Beez, finish it.
- [woman screams]
- [Cam] What is that?
[woman screams]
Keep that ho behind that door!
Ho door. Ho door. Ho door.
Ho door. Ho door. Ho door.
[snake snarls]
[crowd screams and clamors]
[Cam] Holy shit!
[Pinball] Go, go, go, go!
[crowd screams]
[man yells]
What do we do, boss?
Uh... I'll run that way,
you bitches run that way.
- But we should stick together!
- No, no, no, no.
That's exactly what the snake
wants you to do.
Ready? Run in a zig-zag.
Go! Go! Go!
I love you! Go!
[energetic music]
Show me what you got, snake.
- [woman screaming]
- Yo, I need to borrow this.
Very nice boobs, by the way.
You won the DNA lottery.
That's all you got?
I've had penny rides at the grocery
store that are better than this.
[energetic music]
[snake hisses]
Back up. Back!
Cam, wake up, man.
You think I'm scared of you?
I done sucked dicks
bigger than you,
and they went crying home
to their mama, too. Back up.
[electricity crackling]
Let off some steam, snake.
- Girl!
- [Neon] Cam?
- [Neon] Baby, wake up.
- [Pinball] Cam? Come on, Cam.
- [Pinball] Time to wake up!
- [Beez Neez] Come on, man.
- [Neon] Cam.
- [Pinball] Wake up, wake up, wake up.
- [Beez Neez] Wake up.
- [Neon] Cam!
[ethereal music]
Oh, shit, Tupac.
Greetings and salutations,
Cameron.
Biggie Smalls,
the Notorious B.I.G.
- What up, playa?
- Affirmative.
And the same to you,
my good chap.
Oh, man, I know what this is.
I'm dead, ain't I?
Nah, you got pranked.
It's a dream sequence, man.
So what are y'all saying?
I prefer my dream sequences
to involve flying.
Or banging my old babysitter,
Stephanie, on the couch,
floatin' in a giant bowl
of macaroni and cheese.
You must persevere,
my son.
Go to the audition.
Let the world see your talent.
That's what I did.
Look where it got me.
I sold more albums
than anybody while I was dead.
I mean, I'm still alive.
Easy for you to say, Pac.
You're not the one that's got some
dumbass snake messin' up your every move.
Forget that snake.
It's not your problem.
Rutherford B.
Hayes, 19th President of the United States?
Man, this doesn't
make any sense.
What are y'all telling me to do?
You're gonna have
to make a choice.
Your fate is intertwined
with the snake.
Like two snakes.
Your mind is struggling
with choices, Cam.
You've got another mission
to fulfill with your rap crew.
Come on, Cam.
Go to the audition!
Aright, this shit
doesn't make any sense.
It was all a dream.
Charlotte Bronte,
author of Jane Eyre.
- Cam, come on, Cam.
- Rutherford B. Hayes!
- He's come to.
- [Neon] Cam!
What... what happened?
Dude... you got knocked
the friggity jiggity out!
- What?
- Come on, let's get you inside.
- Can you stand up?
- Of course I can stand up.
- Come on.
- We got you.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
[Vurkel] Not thessse people.
They're so unsssivilized.
[Pinball] Tonight has been
caca goo-goo!
There is a snake
terrorizing Compton!
Swallowing up people!
And it squeezed titty juice
on my face.
Titty juice!
How are we gonna take care
of this snake?
[Vurkel]
Perhaps I can stop it.
Vurkel?
What the hell happened to you?
I was infected by the snake.
I created an antidote
that neutralizes the
unstable reptilian molecules,
but I only could synthesize
enough for one large dose.
I could use it to cure myself,
or I can use it
to destroy the snake.
Then make some more, Brainiac!
You're not lissstening to me.
The specific set of circumstances that
caused this mutation in the first place
were so random that recreating the
same concoction could take months.
You gotta make this right.
You made the snake,
it's your responsibility
to get rid of it.
Nah, man, we gotta help.
And you are in no
position to do anything.
- I'm good, man, I'm good.
- Just relax.
I'm cool.
We're tore up, honey.
Can't you just bring it to the cops?
The copsss, yes.
Just be careful, Vurkel.
You're really...
special to me.
Don't worry about me, Neon.
I know exsssactly who
to take it to.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to turn himself in.
I know how to
ssstop the sssnake.
If you inject the serum
directly into the snake's heart,
it should neutralize the unstable
molecules that made it grow.
Okay, son, calm down.
Go ahead and pat yourself
on the scales, Egon Spengler,
because you made
the right decision coming here.
And I'll always, always reward
those who make the right decision.
[gunshot pops]
- Holy shit!
- [Denz] Shut up, rookie.
He was a violent offender
that already
escaped custody once.
We gotta do this together.
You know the department
would just bone this up.
So grab that
syringe of mutagen.
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna get
that snake outta Compton.
[suspenseful music]
Okay, let's roll.
Hey, clean up that shit
in the interrogation room.
I had to ice
a violent suspect back there.
Pow! We out, bitches! Huh?
Gotta go solve a particular
ongoin' investigation.
Don't we have a lot
of paperwork to do?
I mean, he was unarmed and all,
and you kind
of discharged your weapon.
Rookie, if we had
to fill out paperwork
every time we shot
an unarmed black man,
we would never get to
have any fun around here.
Right, guys?
But, what about the security camera
footage in the interrogation room?
I mean,
it clearly shows you...
Goddamn rookies, huh?
Am I right?
Listen up, fellas.
You might see
some video evidence, huh?
But don't believe
the camera.
He went for my gun.
Wow. Being a cop is awesome!
[Denz] Come on, dumbass.
We got a snake to go get got.
I can't wait for the day
cops start cleaning up
after their own fucking murders.
Betrayed!
Nope.
- [Vurkel growls]
- [people screaming]
[Neon] But you're a hero to me.
You're really... special.
[Vurkel] Neon.
What an asshole.
[snoring]
- [Neon] Hold on.
- [Cam] Really?
All right, there we go,
there we go.
Look, put your hat on
and nobody will even notice.
Thanks, girl.
I'm feeling better, but...
I don't need you
to be there for me.
I know you don't,
but I like to.
Makes me feel all motherly
or somethin'.
Those boys might need
mothering, but not me.
I'm a grown-ass man.
Why you gotta act so hard
all the time, Cam?
Growing up in
these streets,
there... there ain't
no time to be soft.
When things get tough,
a man's gotta walk hard.
Hmm.
Well... I'm about to
make things real tough.
So I can see just
how hard you can get.
But there's
a snake outside.
Oh, and there's
a snake in here.
And we got that audition tomorrow.
We should rehearse.
Oh, I'm done rehearsin'.
I'm surrounded
By these people
But I feel like I'm alone
What there is
All that is stylin'
If I never let it show
Betrayed.
Betrayed!
[Vurkel howls]
[snake growling]
- [Cam] What was that?
- [Neon] I don't hear anything.
Girl, you deaf?
Most def.
[snake hisses]
[romantic music]
[sensual music]
Oh, yes, bitch! Oh!
[Pinball groans]
[Vurkel moaning]
Get your stinkin' friggity
diggity ass off of my couch!
[Vurkel moaning]
Damn!
Everybody gettin'
their freak on but me!
[Vurkel] Lie to me.
- [Vurkel grunting]
- [snake hissing]
What in the name of ODB?
[Vurkel growling]
Vurkel, what the hell
are you doing?
[Vurkel screams]
Goddamn it, Vurkel.
For Christ's sake,
use a condom.
You said I was a hero.
That I was special.
Vurkel, you are special to me,
but this is getting out of hand!
I'll show you
what is out of hand.
Let her go, you freak!
What, you think
you can take me?
Cam, it's the snake.
My snake would never
harm me.
Let's hope you right.
Now, what did you do
with your mutagen?
Those crooked cops.
They stole my serum.
[Denz] Okay.
So here's the plan.
We know the snake is
attracted to bass, huh?
And we know that
Uppercase Records
has the biggest sound
system in Los Angeles
for their private
rooftop demos.
So what we're gonna do is
draw that big black bitch
on top of the roof,
and blow her big ass up.
And then, I'm gonna get
all the press,
I'm talking about all of it,
and all the promotions.
[Ethan] Uh, shouldn't we call
for backup, though?
[Denz] Ain't nothing but shit
between your ears, son, huh?
- Get in there.
- Let's go.
Come on, man.
- Stay here and shut up.
- What?
- Damn.
- [Cam] Stop hissin'.
We gotta get
to the police station.
Bus driver, put this thing on
OJ Simpson white Bronco speed
and get us
the hell outta here!
Now, why, I...
Oh, holy shit.
What the fuck?
All right,
time to get out of here.
Pedal to the metal,
let's go.
[tires squealing]
[energetic music]
- [Cam] Man, just stay here.
- [Vurkel] Shut up.
- I'll get my revenge.
- That's enough.
- Hey, tie him up.
- Tie him up?
Tie him up with what?
Use Beez Neez's belt.
Yo, Cam, my trousers gonna
drop if you use my belt.
[Neon] Come on, man,
can't this stupid bus go any faster?
[Cam] Don't wanna touch him.
Why don't you be the first
bus that doesn't cause traffic
and get
this bitch moving!
This is the power
of Christ compels you.
The power of Christ
compels you.
You know what?
The LADOT doesn't pay me
nearly enough for this shit!
You deal with
the giant fucking snake,
how about that?
[Neon] Fine.
[driver screams]
Finally.
[driver] Oh, my God!
Hit the gas, Neon.
Oh, shit.
[people screaming]
[people screaming]
Sorry!
[energetic music]
Oh, dude, it's on us!
It's on top of us,
what are we gonna do?
Faster, Neon, come on!
Punch that shit!
Cam, Cam,
the bridge is out!
What are we gonna do, Cam?
- I got some plans, yo.
- What's the plan?
We jumpin' the gap.
That's the plan?
[both] Oh, shit!
[Neon] We can do this.
Trousers be damned!
[lively music]
Vurkel, come on!
He don't wanna go. Let's go.
[everyone yelling]
[everyone screaming]
- [Pinball] Go.
- [Cam] Come on!
[Beez Neez] Shit.
Oh, my God, we made it.
Yes!
- I still have my legs.
- Yeah, baby!
- Oh, yeah.
- We did that.
Yeah! Yeah!
Suck on these balls, snake.
- Yeah.
- [Pinball] Yeah!
Oh, Beez Neez,
nice underwear, man.
- Oh, shit.
- [Neon] Yo, yo, yo.
Yo, we left Vurkel
on the bus.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause his face turned into a snake.
[glass shattering]
[funky music]
[R.E.L.] Yo. Yo! Yo!
Y'all can't be comin' up here
without a warrant.
Boss! These assholes,
they be trippin'!
Cut the hood act, white girl.
We got business.
Okay, all right.
Anybody not looking to get
tossed off the roof head first
best exit directly.
Excuse me.
Who the hell
do you think you are?
This is my building.
I'll have you arrested.
I know all the cops.
- I know the best cops.
- Yeah.
- I am the best cop.
- Oh, yeah?
- Dumbass.
- Dumbass.
Now, I don't have time
for your shit,
so you best exit directly,
or get dumped on your head.
- Yeah, yeah!
- No?
Oh, God! What do I pay you for?
What are you, nuts?
I'm not gonna hit a cop.
Get this piece of shit
out of here.
On yo head!
- Okay, rookie.
- Yeah?
- Get on the turntables, all right?
- Okay.
Then what we gotta do is
we gotta get
that giant snake up here
so I can inject this into
his dumbass heart, all right?
Now, here's
the whole plan.
Get your ass
back over here.
Here's the whole plan
in detail.
[Vurkel yelling]
- Now, feast, my pet.
- [Cam] Get your damn snake, Vurkel.
- [Cam] What the...
- Oh, my God.
- No way.
- Oh, okay.
Now what do we do,
Cam?
Now you'll all bow down
to my superior genes!
Hey, maybe he's gonna bang that
snake again and not eat us, right?
You all made fun of me.
And you,
you played with my heart.
- Me? What?
- You shall suffer most of all.
[bass music playing distantly]
[bass music]
[bass music playing distantly]
Hey, wait, hey, snake.
No.
Hey, snake, no!
Listen to me!
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Well, I mean,
the situation is improving.
Albeit by
convenient means.
[romantic music]
Oh, it is me.
- Oh, excuse me one second.
- You gonna answer it?
- Yeah, excuse me.
- Who could you possibly...
Hello?
Is it me you're looking for?
Listen, there are
those crooked 5-0 up here.
Yeah, you know,
the ones that arrested Cam?
Yeah, they're yellin'
about some snake or something.
The roof?
They're on the roof?
- Who's up on the roof?
- The crooked cops.
They on the roof
of the record company.
Ask if they got that vial
of anti-mutagen with them.
All right, baby, do they have
the big syringe?
Yeah, no, I see it.
It's got like
glowin' blue shit in there.
All of it? All right, tell her to
lay low and wait for the cavalry.
We en route.
All right, look, baby,
I don't want you
to get hurt.
Lay low, as low
as you can go.
Man, just tell her what
I said and let's go.
Just be careful,
we're on our way.
Aright, we goin',
come on.
Bitch, didn't I tell you
to get off the roof?
Oh, you running now,
huh?
I thought you was street, baby.
This is how we play.
[imitates karate yell]
Huh? I'm a wolf!
[howls]
Keep playing the music, rookie.
Oh, uh, sorry.
I'm gonna deal with little
Miss Anne Funk over here.
- Anne Funk?
- Yeah, it's like a Jewish...
you know,
like Anne Frank, right?
Except like some urban shit,
like a urban twist to it.
Like, you know, is it too soon?
You know what?
You just keep playing the music,
and I'm gonna deal
with her, all right?
Your hood rat ass really gonna make
me climb this damn ladder and shit?
No, no, I'm not a hood rat.
I'm a phony.
See? I'm a scared white girl.
I'm very confused.
[rumbling]
Hey, partner?
I think something's happening
down on the street.
[rumbling]
[Vurkel] I got it.
Snake, this is fucking crazy!
Don't mind me.
What are you doing?
You don't need
that sound anymore.
You've got me!
[Vurkel sobbing]
All right, rookie.
Get ready to see some shit.
[dramatic music]
[Denz howling]
Oh, my God!
Game over, man. Game over!
Once I inject this syringe
into this snake's dumbass heart,
- then it's game over.
- Maybe she's right!
You know,
about the game being over?
No, negative, rookie.
It's time to pump up the jam.
Th-That's this one.
[hip hop music]
Oh, wait, wait, listen, kid.
Just leave your mix tape
with me.
- Carl, send backup!
- [Vurkel] Thank your mama.
[hip hop music]
[pilot 1] HQ, there are some fucking
civilians on the rooftop, over.
[pilot 2] I didn't see
anything, over.
[pilot 1] All right, fuck it.
No! Hey, this is my snake!
I have the power!
[pilot 1] Fire everything.
Fox one, fox two, fox three,
bring the fucking heat, over.
We're out, over.
We're having fun
[pilot 1] Mayday! Mayday!
Holy shit. Oh, no,
we're gonna fucking die!
Aw, shit.
Like this day
couldn't get any worse.
What the hell are you
pussies doin' here?
Pussies? Man,
we're here to stop this snake.
You whack goosebump!
You sent your girls to the back
while you snuck in the back!
You watch, I'll kill you!
I will kill you!
- I'll kill you!
- [Pinball] Hey, Jaws.
Say it to my face.
Say that to my face.
I'm sorry
about your girls,
but Pinball didn't mean
any disrespect.
Peace to your girls.
They really had what it took.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God,
I appreciate that so much.
You have no idea
what I go through.
I'm just a shadow of myself.
I'm a lie!
My daddy,
you don't know my daddy.
I'd love to hear more about
it, but we don't have the time.
- We got to roll.
- But I...
But hey, to be
continued, though.
Tell you what, Cam.
Show us what you can do, dog.
- Show us what you can do.
- All right y'all, come on, man.
Let's go.
- Hey, stop, freeze right there!
- Oh, hey.
Yeah! He said to
freeze right there.
- I'm not even...
- Freeze there! You too, nobody move!
Hey, hey, you pigs!
[gunshots ringing]
- Hey!
- Hey, Cam, go get them!
- I got the bacon!
- Hey!
- [people screaming]
- [gunshots ringing]
[crowd exclaiming]
What the...
Ugh. Are they dead?
I feel real bad for the dead.
This ain't gonna happen
to us, is it?
[elevator dings]
Go... fuck off.
- [ominous music]
- [man growling]
Man, up the stairs.
Take the stairs.
[men growling]
[everyone screaming]
No, don't shoot, no.
- No!
- [Ethan] Get him, partner.
Okay, snake, come on.
Come get some, huh?
Your powers are weak,
old snake, huh?
Come on, sister.
Okay, hey, hey, hey!
Cross this line,
and I'm gonna tax that ass.
I guarantee you that, huh?
Taxation without representation.
Come on, snake, come on.
Come get some.
Will you quit playing
with yourself
and shank that snake!
Yeah, all right, I got you.
[hip hop music]
[shrieking]
[lively music]
[snake growling]
[heavenly music]
[moaning]
[Denz groaning]
Godzilla ain't got shit on me.
Oh, God.
[energetic music]
- [Cam] Oh, hell no.
- [Neon] Vurkel?
That's a lot
of teenage mutant ninja ugly.
- Neon, you gotta appeal to his humanity.
- What?
- [Neon] Me?
- Yeah, talk to him, girl.
Okay... hi.
I'm sorry that you saw
Cam and I gettin' it on,
and I got
a lot of respect
for your love
for science.
And um...
I know that deep down inside
all of this snaky body there's,
there's a great person.
I think she's charming
the snake.
Well, love is universal.
Schmooze it in thick,
girl, go on.
Okay, I... I love you?
I really do,
and um...
I hope you can feel...
feel the love.
Love will set you free.
Just be the hero I
always knew you could be.
[romantic music]
- [slurping]
- [everyone groaning]
Stay back.
[hissing and snarling]
It's a hiss off.
Giant snake! Giant snake!
Take cover.
Choking, he's choking.
I hope he's fucking choking.
[energetic music]
[snake growling]
Okay.
Nice snake. Nice snake.
No, okay, okay.
Hey! Hey, guys! Guys, help!
Help, I'm up here!
[dramatic music]
It's time
to lay down the boogie.
[hip hop music]
Reporting live
for Channel 12 news,
where some truly bizarre shit
is going down.
[reporter] A large crowd is
gathered outside Uppercase Records.
[reporter] It appears to be
a giant snake.
Yeah, so we got y'all up
[hip hop music]
Yeah
Here we go
We can see
The whole damn town
This snake crawled up
Now your ass is goin' down
Your jaws can't harm us
These beats are our armor
My rhymes hypnotize
'Cause I'm
A snake charmer, yo
We on top,
We ain't scared of you
We got bigger things
To prove
We're comin' through
So you better move
Or get down
To this nasty groove
Sick beats, guys.
Hell's yeah, yeah!
Yeah, give it
to that snake, Cam!
Do it! Ooh, ooh.
That's kinda nice.
Ooh! Little tighter.
A little tighter.
Yo, snake,
You better listen
'Cause we'll make you
Shed your skin again
While we're
Making millions
I'm the illest rapper
You're a vanilla reptilian
Soft like Laffy Taffy
My crew's snake savvy
We'll tear your ass up
Like Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
Spray your face with Binaca
Run home to your papa
Whip out my woody
And split your cloaca
Snake in my boot
Tryin' to step to my crew
Beez Neez is gonna prove
We're more cold-blooded
Than you
Comin' through
We ain't scared of you
We got bigger things
To prove
We comin' through
So you better move
Or get down
To that nasty groove
Let me spit slick diction
That resists constriction
While you're spillin'
Ill venom
Like a reptilian villain
This vermin's squirmin'
Like a worm
With a Jheri curl perm
While my crew stands firm
Against germ-ridden
Ectotherms
Weed you out
If you're sleepin'
We write prose
Like Joss Whedon
This is for that ho Eve
In the Garden of Eden
My boy Pinball
Rocks the beat
And Neon rocks the chorus
Cam is for us,
He kicks more ass
Than my man Chuck Norris
Like a box of chocolates
From Forrest
Goldilocks
And her porridge
We'll make you eat
Your own tail
Like a giant ouroboros
Stop your jaws
From chompin'
While you're crawlin'
We be stompin'
We ain't phased either way
By no snake outta Compton
[snake groaning]
Cam!
[hip hop music]
[rhythmic music]
Jam it in its dumbass heart!
Come on, Cam, you can do this.
I know you can.
- Come on.
- [Cam yelling]
Oh, my God!
Neon, you have to sing
your hook!
It's our only hope!
My man, my man
Nobody eats my man
So I'm gonna fucking sing
As high as I can
[liquid rushing]
Welcome to Compton, bitch.
[snake growling]
[screaming]
[crowd exclaiming]
[R.E.L.] Oh, help me!
Somebody fucking help me!
Somebody fucking help me!
Carrot Top,
I'm gonna save you.
Don't worry,
grab my hand.
I've got you.
I got you, I got you.
All right,
this is awkward, man.
This is fucking awkward.
[suspenseful music]
Oh, my God.
[Cam] Yee-haw!
[snake exploding]
Lovely. That's it.
Oh, my angels, you've been redeemed.
I love you, Cam!
But not in that way.
[Cam yelling]
What's up?
- Yo, I love you, Cam.
- I love you.
I think we've been fightin'
this for too long.
I was so focused on my music
and my image, but...
You're the real muse
I have.
You're my missing piece.
I've learned somethin' today.
I've changed. I learned that...
[Pinball] Cam!
Nobody cares
about your moral values.
Let's make that money.
Get it!
You liked when I jumped
up and down on that thing?
And R.E.L. was,
like, hangin' on?
I love you very much.
So R.E.L. this is the hip-hop group
you've been raving about, huh?
Yeah, these be...
This is Cam's crew.
Gentlemen, I listened
to the whole thing.
And it was Grade-A stuff.
Needless to say,
this was the best audition I've ever seen.
- What!
- [Beez Neez] Fuck, yeah.
The sound, the performances,
it was very, very powerful.
What you need is to be
signed by a label like ours.
[everyone cheering]
This is the energy
we've been looking for.
Let's make this label
great again. [laughs]
Contracts.
[R.E.L.]
We getting contracts.
Do you have
representation?
[R.E.L.] Yeah.
Yeah. Me.
Hell, yeah,
she's our manager.
All right.
Oh, whoa.
[Pinball] Cam.
Cam, do you know
what you're do... Cam?
Cam! She was just kissing
that reptile snake-man thing.
Yo, yo, Pin, Pin!
Love is blind, homie.
Love is blind.
- Let's get the hell out of here.
- Word to your mother.
[R.E.L.] Yeah,
let's give them some privacy.
Um, I would like to discuss
the terms of this contract.
We're going to need
a no-interest up-front loan,
let's just call it
a grant, shall we,
to make sure the debut album's
costs are completely covered.
[sensual music]
[Neon moaning]
[hip hop music]
[Alley Jaws' dad] You
take out all that trash.
Shut up, bitch.
[Alley Jaws' dad]
What was that?
I mean, yeah, I heard you.
Whatever you want, Daddy.
Whatever you want.
Stop right there
and give us your wallet.
Hey, I don't want
any trouble, guys.
I...
My God, are you guys ninjas?
- Goddamn right we're ninjas.
- Ninjas with attitude.
No, wait, wait, wait.
You back off.
You back off
or I'll call the police.
- Fuck the police!
- Yeah!
[Alley Jaws]
No, no, sorry.
[crashes and thuds]
[uplifting music]
You guys just took out
two ninjas.
You guys must have huge balls!
Yesss.
With great power
comes great balls.
Come, sssidekick.
Now that we've erased
the ninja menace from this city,
it is time for us to continue
our crusade elsssewhere.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's not every day that I get
to meet two mutant superheroes.
- Where are you gonna go?
- [gasps]
Wait, yeah,
where are we going?
Ssstraight outta Compton.
I get that. That's funny.
[hissing]
That's crazy.
[ninjas laughing]
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Yeah, slidin' through
Your city like
About 7 p.m. when I slide
On the block
Keep the paint looking slick
In a chain full of rocks
Never tame with the teachers
Never keen to the cops
Sub-zero to the core
Feel the temperature drop
Nah
Just another victim
No conflictin'
Have my chips
For venom sticks
They pass in minutes
I meet 'em at their crib
Disguise my wig
Within a lemon
Let the chopper ring
While I recline
With beautiful women
Better calm
All that hissin'
Dissin' undercover
Till their
Hoffa wind up missing
Chavez Ravine,
You dig, gone fishin'
Yeah, they run their mouth
Till they winded
[man] Check out this guy.
Check out this guy.
This freaky guy.
Get in here. I gotta get this.
[Denz] Hey!
Hey, give me
the phone, dumbass!
You can't kill me.
That's right.
I'm back YouTube.
Cover of Time magazine,
huh?
And if you like
this video,
like, share,
and subscribe at the link below.
Right there.
Yeah. My ninja.
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
Lay 'em down like a textile
Killer Croc
Boy, you fuckin'
With a reptile
My profile's straight out
Of X-Files
Next I'll rip your ribcage
Till your heart
Is in your neck, pal
Very graphic
Far from average
I'll cool a cactus
In 11 sweats
I can get 11
That's telepathic
A clever segue
But since it was on X play
Out of boredom
I was churnin' out
Universes with Demogorgons
Now Cam is Mighty Morphin
They're tryin'
To rattle my cage
I just see vital organs
Funny that I give you Cain
Like I'm reversin' Moses
Hold it,
I thread out more than poses
Their posture showin'
They can't contain composure
I got the reach
Of a warlock
The tongue of a demon
See AB rappin' like Auerbach
You rude boy tell me
Wide right
Round your dreadlocks
Your arms lock
Venom seeps in
Till your heart stops
Goodnight, boy
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah,
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
[gunshot]
[Denz] You're about to witness
the strength of snake knowledge.
[Neville] Get this motherfuckin'
snake off this motherfuckin' plane!
[haunting music]
[hip hop music]
[Denz] Welcome
to Compton, California.
[helicopter whirring]
The Sarge partnered us up together
so I can teach you the ropes, huh?
So today is your first day
to commence the training
to become a Compton, California,
police officer.
My training day.
[laughs]
Yeah, you can call it that.
And one of the first lessons
you've gotta learn
is how to stay cool
under pressure.
[dramatic music]
Always expect the unexpected.
Expect the unexpected.
You see, I've been on the force
for 15 years, huh?
And nothing
surprises me anymore.
Holy Mother of Jesus!
Stay cool under pressure.
Stay cool under pressure.
Screw that, rookie!
It's raining snakes.
This is some biblical shit
right here!
Hmm.
It appears we have an embryo
from the reptilian
Colubridae family.
- An undamaged egg.
- Hey, homeboy.
[romantic music]
Neon.
[romantic music]
[record scratches]
- [Neon] Hey, Vurkel.
- [Vurkel] Neon...
[giggles]
Not you, Vurkel!
She's waving at me.
- Neon.
- What's up?
- What up, girl?
- Nothing. You're crazy.
[Pinball] Why are you so early
at the party?
We ain't even set up yet.
You know I gotta go
to work later.
Work? We need you here
so you can sing your verses.
We not a band without you.
Reptilian stem cells!
What you talkin' about, V?
If I can activate the reptilian stem
cells in this newly hatched snake,
the potential for growth
would be nearly unlimited.
Here he goes again.
I don't know
what he's talking about.
Why must I be cursed
with a mad scientist roommate?
[lively music]
- [Vurkel] Oh, it tickles.
- [Neon] Damn, V!
You better work
on those dance moves
if you wanna
get any play at the party.
[Vurkel] What party?
Just a little warm-up gig.
Did you ask your Grandma?
I need isolation
for my experiments.
Don't be a buzzkill, Vurkel.
Damn, Pinball,
don't be a waxed scrote!
You should hang with us
at the party, Vurkel.
Wow, Neon inviting me
to a party.
I'll go anywhere you go, my lo...
Whoa, don't get fresh, Boo.
Just bein' neighborly.
I've gotta study the specimen
in my lab.
Okay, well,
what you got in there, anyway?
- What have I got?
- Yeah.
I got a snake. A little snake.
- Wanna see him?
- How little are we talk...
Nobody wants to see
your little snake, Vurkel.
Only snake Neon wants to see
is Cam's big black mamba.
Get out of my face.
- Cam's coming tonight.
- Naturally, Vurkel.
He is the leader of the crew.
We wouldn't be
a rap crew without him.
All hail Cam.
Cam.
[hip hop music]
- [dance music]
- [people chatting]
What's up, what's up? What's up?
Party, party.
Those idiots!
[breathing heavily]
[people chatting and laughing]
There's so much more to life
than infantile partying.
I'm more concerned about you
'cause you're small.
But we'll show them
who's itsy-bitsy.
[giggles]
First the snake, then...
They'll never call me
"little man" again.
[computer] All systems ready.
Activate.
[laser crackling]
It works! It works!
[R.E.L.] So I was at this
rooftop party the other night,
I mean, it was totally bangin',
you know what I mean?
Like, the sound system
up there is baller.
See, that's what I'm
talkin' about.
Managing music and shit.
That's what I want to do.
Well, I mean, you gotta be,
like, real pro, you know?
You can't go around mixing business
and pleasure like this, you know?
When am I gonna hear those new sick
beats you were gonna spin for me?
You want me to spin it
for business?
Or pleasure?
[Neon] Well, well, well. My man.
Nice of you
to finally show up.
I ain't your man, Neon.
Damn, Cam.
I didn't mean it like that.
I meant like, my man,
like, my homeboy.
Aright, girl.
You got those pipes warmed up?
These people gonna love you once
you drop them bomb dulcet tones.
Cam, what makes you think
I want somebody's love?
Child, a girl can't
survive off that.
She needs cash flow.
That's all gonna be taken care of once
Uppercase Records sees our talent tomorrow.
[Beez Neez] Yo, Pinball!
Yo, Pinball.
Pinball, man.
When you gonna play the track
for that talent agent friend
of yours, man?
This is her.
R.E.L., meet Beez Neez.
Beez Neez! Oh, my God!
Your raps are T-I-T.
Yeah. We spared no expense
on this track.
Nothing but
high production quality.
Pinball's homegirl's
gots the hookup.
I got you all
into Uppercase Records tomorrow.
We meetin'
with the head cat himself.
They don't need
any more drama, all right?
Did you all steal the money
to produce that record?
- Steal? You calling me a thief?
- No!
- Are you saying we stole?
- No, no, no, no.
Yo, my man borrowed a grip
from Alley Jaws.
- Alley Jaws?
- Yeah.
Yo, that dude is mad shady, yo.
Ease up, Carrot Top.
- My sweet Carrot Top.
- [R.E.L. giggles]
Couldn't you just get any
Chick to sing your hooks?
[Cam] You trippin'.
Can't any chick just bust glass
with her high notes.
- Look, that only happened once.
- This crew needs you.
And what do you need, Cam?
What I need?
Is to bust a rhyme, son!
Woo!
[Beez Neez] Let's party!
[powering down]
What?
Wait. What?
Work, you infernal machine.
[hip hop music]
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Yeah
Hey, hey, hey
Cold-blooded y'all
Bad to the bone
Curse this modern music!
All this braggadocio
and fornication.
Cold-blooded
So cold-blooded
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yo, I'm so cold-blooded
My heart's barely beatin'
The doctor checked
My pulse
'Cause he thought
I was sleepin'
But these rhymes
Keep spillin'
And I'm willin'
To thrill ya
And I'm chiller
Than a chinchilla
Chillin' with Godzilla
Killin' city buildings
Near ya
With Mothra and Ghidorah
In Japan I'm the man
But I prefer Siberia
[hip hop music]
[Vurkel] Fascinating.
The reptiles seem to be aroused
by the bass frequencies.
And when the beat drops
I'm a boss like Jack Frost
Go straight outta Compton
To get your balls thawed
Watch your
Facebook comments
Or I'll box you
Like Muhammad
And knock you out so cold
It'll bust your thermometer
Let it go like Frozen
Like Tom Arnold
With Roseanne
I'm a cold-blooded show man
Like Frosty the Snowman
The temperature reads
Absolute zero degrees
Now I gotta pass the mic
To my man Beez Neez
Now let's see how big
you can get.
[computer] System overload.
Wait, what?
- [gunfire]
- [people screaming]
[glass shattering]
[ominous music]
[snake hissing]
Pinball!
Yo, it's the Alley Jaws.
Pinball, I thought you said
you were T-I-T tight.
We are tight.
Just let me talk to him.
- [Alley Jaws] Pinball!
- He likes me.
[Alley Jaws] I want my money!
Where you at?
I can hear your lame-ass beats
a mile away.
- You better have my money!
- Alley Jaws.
It's so good to see...
I thought I recognized the sound
of your AK-47.
You brought
your beautiful ladies here.
You always know how
to show up unannounced.
What can I do for you today?
- Where's my money?
- Money!
- Money.
- Money!
But you said I can pay you back
next week, remember?
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no...
- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no.
That is repayment
of the principal sum.
We are talking
about the interest.
And I ain't the patient type.
Unless you want me
to go compound on your ass.
Compound on my ass?
Compound's when
I reinvest the interest
so the interest in the next period
is earned on the principal sum
and the previously
accrued interest.
[all] That's compound interest,
bitch.
Uh-huh, way to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Previous interest
on top of interest, interest...
Where is my money!
Be careful where you
pointin' that gun, man.
What's up, Alley?
Ooh! Cam!
Why the negativity?
[snake hissing]
No!
Well, well, if it isn't Cam.
The wannabe banger
from Compton.
You know your boy
Pinball over there
is in some pretty deep
financial shit with me.
Lay off, man. Those funds were
for all of us in the group.
Got this audition
tomorrow, see...
What I see is that
you got money to have a party,
but not paying me back
the money you owe me
in accordance with the frequency
computations in our binding contract.
You made an investment,
and trust me,
it's gonna pay off in dividends.
You gonna drop
some verses on us, Cam?
Shut up, Larissa.
I used to do your algebra
homework for you, girl.
- Yeah? I got C's.
- Don't be an asshole.
Hey!
[all] Ooh!
Nobody, but nobody
disrespects my bitches but me!
- [all] Mm-hmm.
- Shut up!
Now...
You're gonna tell me exactly
what happened to my money.
Before I...
Nice snake, Cam.
[Alley Jaws]
You dirty mother...
That was a snake!
You know I hate snakes!
I be cold-blooded, yo.
You gonna be dead blooded in a
second is what you're gonna be.
- [screaming]
- [gunshots popping]
You leave that boy alone!
- Miss Jones?
- Go on! Drop your piece.
Miss Jones, you don't have to...
You know I care
about you, Cam.
Fuck you, Alley.
Get on outta here,
and take your floozies with ya.
Go on! Leave Cam be.
This isn't over, Cam.
- I'll get your money, dog.
- Yeah.
We got the hookup on a meeting
at Uppercase Records
tomorrow afternoon.
- Yeah.
- We get signed.
- Yeah.
- We be ballin'.
- Yeah!
- Keep dreaming.
'Cause that old broad?
She's not always gonna be there
to protect your fucking ass!
Watch your language, boy.
I'll always be here for him.
You know what?
I had about enough of him.
Take your ass
on back to Riverside.
Hold me back, I swear.
I already called
the police.
Get on out of here,
floozies.
Come on, bitch,
I mean... ladies.
Yeah, come compound that now.
- Chill.
- Go on!
Bitch, move it, move it.
- Floozies, go on!
- Come on.
Damn. Thusela Jones
saves the day again.
That old gal sure is something.
Thanks, Miss Jones.
Glad you got my back.
Of course, my boy.
But your shenanigans is causing
me to be late for choir practice.
You got some... yayo?
- Uh-uh.
- Crystal?
- Zoom-zoom?
- No, I ain't no dealer.
I mean, I sold Mucinex
to Vurkel one time,
but that was
in my younger, wilder days.
What an ungrateful
piece of shit.
I just fucking saved your ass,
and you can't even hook a sister up?
How about an aph?
Nah, I'm all right, Miss Jones.
All right, I love you.
I'll see you later.
I'm sure you will.
Clear the space, people.
Clear the space.
Cam, you son of a bitch!
We got a new hero in Compton.
- My man, Cam.
- Shut up, Pin.
You need to be
a better communicator.
Ease Alley Jaw's mind.
I know how you are with your phone.
My snake! My snake!
Has anyone seen my snake?
Yeah.
This G right here used it to
bust up a gun-wielding gangster
with your big-ass snake.
Yo, sorry I had to resort
to violence with your snake, V.
It's probably up
in a bush somewhere.
Yeah, yo mom's bush.
Yo, Vurkel, hey, yo mama, man,
she is a real skilled gardener!
[everyone laughs]
Yeah.
[cat meows]
[sighs]
- [ominous music]
- [snake hissing]
Back, sucker, back!
[snake hissing and snarling]
Back! Get back!
Oh, no, not today.
Thusela Jones will meet the Lord
on her own terms.
[dramatic music]
[Thusela screams]
[Denz] Okay, all right.
In order to work these streets,
you gotta be these streets, huh?
You gotta taste these streets.
You gotta know
what the dealers are selling.
- Take it.
- I don't know about this, boss.
- I said take it.
- No, I'm not gonna do it.
What are you, a Mormon, huh?
Jesus freak?
- I'm lactose intolerant, man.
- Lactose intolerant.
You think that dealers care
if you lactose intolerant, huh?
- You care if he lactose intolerant?
- No, seor.
No, seor. Huh?
You a goddamn disgrace,
rookie.
I don't want you
as my partner,
on the squad,
or on the force.
You can go back to parking
tricycles at Chuck E. Cheese.
What's so important about
your snake anyway, Vurkel?
My invention super charged it
with unstable molecules,
now it's growing
at an uncontrollable rate.
And it could get bigger.
Big enough to eat a person if
the molecules remain unstable.
So... what you sayin' is,
it's big enough
to eat this Twinkie.
Dude, that's not
a big Twinkie.
My Ding Dong is
bigger than that.
[laughs] Yeah.
All right, everybody, let's help
this kid look for his damn snake.
Fine, you want me
to do it, I'll do it.
Gimme. Give it.
[sinister music]
[Denz laughs]
My ninja.
That's how it's done, son.
Oh, betrayed by your
virgin gag reflexes.
Let me get in
on that shit.
[laughs]
That's that good shit.
Real cops don't spit.
Swallow that shit down.
Swallow it.
There.
[R.E.L.] Oh, sweet. Guys, guys!
Alley Jaws' AK.
Don't I look
just like street,
hip-hop, gangster,
OG, indica, like...
Girl, do you even know
what you're sayin'?
Yeah, I'm just trying to,
you know, like, represent.
[mocking voice] I'm just
trying to represent.
Pinche cabrn.
- Partner!
- [Denz] Hmm?
Crime in progress?
Well, I'll be.
Little white girl with an AK.
How cute.
Finish your damn ice cream.
Don't be playing.
Give me that.
It ain't a toy.
Come on, man.
Too much been goin' on today
already, aright?
Crime in progress! Crime in progress!
Get the car, rookie.
Hey! You forgot
your ice cream!
All right, drop the gun, son.
Drop the gun, son.
- Easy, easy, easy, drop the gun, son.
- It's not mine, man.
- Aright, aright.
- I understand. I understand.
Get your stupid ass
on the ground.
Down quick,
like your mama on Tuesday.
Get down. Look that way.
Look that way.
Aright, aright.
I told you, man, the gun ain't mine.
Possession
of a stolen firearm, huh?
You going down
to the booty house.
All right, go ahead
and book him, rookie.
Oh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, uh...
How does one book,
exactly?
It's your training day,
I get it.
Daddy gotta do everything.
Put your hands behind your back.
You can't arrest Cam!
We got the biggest gig
of our lives tomorrow.
You think I care
about you kids
and your crunk dub-step
Bieber-believer bullshit?
And if I had a dime for every
Compton rapper I arrested, I...
I would have
a whole lot of dimes!
Man, come on.
Fame and fortune
are for the weak-minded.
You wanna be powerful?
You want real power, huh?
You'll be a crooked cop
like me.
- What?
- Crooked cop like me...
No, no, no, regular cop.
A regular cop...
A super, upstanding cop cop.
- Super up...
- You know what? Never mind.
[everyone exclaiming]
Y'all are really starting
to piss me off.
Now get this trash off this
little white girl's lawn.
Hey, yo, Cam is innocent.
He was protecting us.
How about you do your jobs
for a change?
Man, shut your mouth, girl,
before you get locked up too, man.
[everyone exclaiming]
- Quiet!
- Just shut up.
I decide who's innocent.
- That's good.
- Ain't that right, Poindexter?
- Me?
- Yeah.
Oh, affirmative.
Cam's guilty.
- What?
- What you?
He used my mutated snake as a
weapon, and now it's disappeared.
Ah, you see how that goes?
You got... a mutated snake?
I invented a centrifugal
field generator
that supercharged it
with unstable molecules...
[Vurkel groans]
Cam!
Yo, we're straight up
boned, Beez.
Yo, yo, yo,
why don't we just bail out Cam?
Oh, yeah? And with what money?
You used it all
at the studio
makin' those
stupid beats.
Download next time,
stupid.
Oh, my beats are stupid?
She said my beats are stupid.
- She said my beats, my beats...
- Dumb. Idiotic.
My beats, my beats are stupid?
- Retarded.
- Oh, really?
- Not understanding me?
- Well, my bad.
Sorry if I wanted to make sure
the bass frequencies were bangin'!
Why don't you just
bail out Cam?
With the little money I
make I earn the hard way
by putting in work.
So until you can prove to me
that this rap shit will work,
I'm out.
Yo, R.E.L.s,
can you drop me off at the club?
Yeah, sister,
I got your back. Yo!
I did not get you that
audition at Uppercase
just because I wanted to get
shwerp figgety on your snobelisk.
I got it for you because
you and your crew,
you got something
real special.
I sure as hell hope you got some
money left over from Alley Jaws.
At least enough to bail
Cam out by 3 p.m. tomorrow.
Yo, R.E.L.s,
I'm a be late!
Yeah, yo, I'm coming.
Get your shit together.
Menorah out.
F that noise!
We gonna bailout Cam,
and we gonna rock this audition!
All right, well, how are we gonna
come up with this cash, man?
Four, three, two, one
[funky dance music]
[gunshots ringing]
Yo, man, I don't,
I don't know about this, Pin.
Like, this is not something
that Cam would approve of, man.
Cam ain't here!
Let's go.
Damn, girl,
Your legs don't feel Like hot dogs
Hey, man.
Thanks for doing the begging today.
People are intolerant.
We gotta stick together.
Society's turned
a blind eye.
That's why we gotta keep ours
open, keep our butts safe.
You know what they say, open
eyes, open hearts, open butts.
[laughs]
Ain't that the truth?
Say, friend,
do you have any narcotics?
Of course I do.
It's why I'm homeless
in the first place.
- Yeah.
- Addiction is ruining my life.
Ha.
Oh, this is my jam!
Turn that up.
Well, I'm getting tired.
I'm gonna go hit the sack.
And I mean the literal sack
that I sleep in on the ground.
You know, and I'll do
the same in a few.
First, I gotta go defecate in public
since restrooms are for customers only.
[ominous music]
Not sure why anyone tries
to read arousing material
while attempting
a bowel movement.
It's weird.
I'm still doing it, though.
[snake hissing]
Oh, God!
[man yelling]
Get the hell out of my tent,
you homeless piece of shit.
Help me.
[man screams]
[train horn blowing]
Uppercase Records sports some of
the loudest sound systems available
in all of Los Angeles,
but the recent rooftop parties have left
some local residents less than impressed.
Sir, what are your thoughts
on the noise?
This is a stick-up, sucker!
So stay cool!
[cashier growling]
- Damn!
- Jesus!
I am staying cool.
Oh, you want to rob me?
Don't be pussies.
You better fucking rob me!
- Drop your weapon!
- Only after you shoot me.
None of the other robbers
had the balls to shoot me!
What's wrong with you, old man?
This is not how it's supposed to go.
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with you?
You didn't even ask
about the cash in the ATM!
Or the money
in the safe in back!
We're supposed to ask
those questions?
Shoot me! Shoot me!
[Pinball hollers]
[cashier] You, oh!
You wimpy girly man.
You threw your gun at me?
I didn't have any bullets,
that's the thing.
You, shoot out
the security camera.
And we can talk.
Yeah, I...
I also forgot to load my gun.
So dumb.
- He's shooting!
- [Pinball screams]
- [gunshot rings]
- [glass shatters]
Good job, my friends.
So I recently took out
a large theft insurance policy.
You will be providing my worthless
kids with a better future.
Oh, and here's a crowbar
for the ATM machine.
[gentle music]
I thought you were
takin' us downtown, yo.
Why we back here?
Because, huh?
I got a very important lesson
to teach my rookie partner
here, huh?
It's his first day
on the job.
Yeah. And it's
my training day, too.
Yeah, you told me
what today is, yo.
Could y'all hurry the hell up
and book us, or whatever?
I'm tired of breathin'
Vurkel's farts.
It's not me.
I know your scent,
Geordi La Forge.
Don't play that silent
but deadly shit with me.
Triflin', man, damn.
[Ethan] So what's
the lesson, boss?
[Denz] Shh.
There's a lot of homeless people,
hang out around this spot.
Oh, yeah, easy targets.
Oh, look at you.
I underestimated you, son.
You're not as stupid
as you look.
There still might be
some hope for you.
So here's the thing, if you want to learn
to hassle people like a real cop, huh?
You gotta start at the bottom.
So get your nightstick out.
These people will take
all kinds of abuse.
Looks like somebody
already beat us to it.
[suspenseful music]
Is this the work
of some sick psycho-killer?
- Are we going to investigate?
- Man, hell, no!
Nobody cares about a bunch
of mutilated bums.
And you can write that down.
This city ain't capable
of handling this many leeches.
How many leeches, exactly,
can the city handle, though?
I will drag your ass up and down
the street by your baby nuts.
Anyway, I say we forget
all this nonsense,
go raid one of those
Asian massage parlors,
get our almonds milked.
Almonds milked.
But first,
I need a Slurpee.
Slurpee.
[ominous music]
We going downtown yet?
I ain't got all day.
Going to
the convenience store.
It's hot.
Keep your mouth shut,
you might get a Slurpee.
- [Ethan] What was that?
- I ain't hit shit. Let's roll.
[tires squealing]
[upbeat music]
It might sting.
I'm sorry I threw my
plastic piece at you, Yoon.
From the back, you dummy.
[spits]
Do I have to do everything?
If you guys were hardcore
street motherfuckers,
you'd put an end
to my miserable life.
[ATM popping]
Then I wouldn't have to deal
with my bitch of a wife.
And shitty kids.
Can't even play
video games themselves.
They have to watch others
do it on fucking YouTube.
Look, man, you don't gotta
give us all the cash.
- Save some for yourself.
- [Beez Neez] Yeah, man.
Buy your wife
something really nice.
You don't even
know my wife.
[car engine rumbling]
Her unibrow is so thick that
her forehead looks like a...
caterpillar is
fucking her eyebrows.
This mofo right here
is gangsta.
Oh, it's on.
Quick, go out the back door.
I don't know anything!
[Yoon] Back.
- [Beez Neez] Oh, my God.
- [Pinball] Go, go, go, go!
- [Beez Neez] Run! Pick up your feet.
- [Pinball] Go, go, go, go.
- [Beez Neez] Shit.
- [Pinball] Go faster.
Sir, do you speak English?
- [Beez Neez] Run, run.
- [Pinball] Oh, shit!
[Pinball] What the fuck?
Don't worry,
I'll call the paramedics.
No, just let me bleed out.
[Denz] Drop your weapons, pooh butts, huh?
Y'all forget something?
Listen, cop,
there's somethin' out there.
There's something in here.
I'm your worst nightmare.
- But it's a giant snake, yo!
- A big snake.
I eat snakes.
They call me Mongoose Mike.
You crazy!
The snake out there, it's huge.
It wants to bite us.
It wants to bite...
I want to bite you, huh?
I'm a wolf.
In order to protect the
flock, you gotta be a wolf.
It takes a wolf
to catch a wolf.
And what I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna skin you, huh?
And I'm gonna wear you
like sheep's clothing.
I'm gonna be in disguise.
[both] What?
Come on. Get your
dumb asses over here.
Come on. Come on!
This is taking too long, man.
I'm ready to go, man.
Holy Mary J. Blige.
My big beautiful snake!
- What the hell?
- Although she does look a little bit off.
- You think?
- Yeah.
I think she remembers me.
[electric music]
I think she remembers me.
Snakes can detect scents and
odors over great distances,
and most people don't know
this, but I know...
Oh! No, no, no!
I got you.
- No! Oh, hell no!
- [Vurkel] My baby. My baby.
[Vurkel] I love you.
Oh, baby...
Well, I'll be...
A 2754-B.
There's a code for a giant
snake eating a person?
Specifies a reptile.
Not necessarily a snake.
Okay, snake, drop the nerd,
unless this anaconda wants some.
- [Vurkel] Oh, God!
- [gunshots ring]
Wee! Ow.
[laughs] Dumb animal.
[energetic music]
Oh, shit.
Fuck the police!
- [snake burps]
- [men groan]
[snake hissing]
You.
[snake hissing]
[energetic music]
Yo, I think we're free to go.
[Denz grunts]
Welcome to the booty house.
Shit.
I've gotta get in there.
Did you guys see my snake?
Get your mutagen hands off me.
That thing tried to eat you.
Slippery when wet.
You gotta help capture it
so I can run more tests.
You are Franken-crazy!
Yo, man, your lust for knowledge
has apparently driven you mad, man.
[Ethan] Aha!
Put your hands in the air
like you just don't care, now!
All right, now, get over there.
Where? This way?
No, not over there. Over there.
- Oh, no, no.
- [car tires squealing]
What you all waitin' on?
Get in, come on, let's go.
[Pinball] Go, go, go, go.
Come on, man.
- [Pinball] Get in.
- [Beez Neez] Let's get outta here, man.
Hey, hey.
[Pinball]
Fuck yeah, sucker!
[Vurkel] Oh, my snake.
My beautiful snake.
Where are you?
Damn it. They got away.
- I'll radio for help.
- No, negative, rookie, huh?
- This stays between us.
- You got it.
- All right?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm not gonna look
like some fool
who let a couple of pooh-butt
asses steal his car.
- No.
- No.
[Vurkel] Maybe...
This is what I need.
[Denz] Goddamn litterbug.
Pick that shit up.
May have gotten down
into the plumbing
after it broke one of
the toilets back there.
Yo, why we stoppin', C?
- We gotta turn around.
- Turn around for what?
Hit us with them thoughts, homie.
What are you talking about?
I'm the reason
that snake got away.
We gotta go back and stop it.
Yo, we did not
set you out of jail
to get eaten by no giant snake!
Man, first off, you didn't bust me out.
I got myself out.
And second, I'm not even gone
five minutes and y'all thuggin'?
Knockin' over
convenience stores?
We didn't even have
any real guns.
We wasn't gonna hurt nobody.
We were just playin'.
The cops, they have real guns,
and real training.
Let them deal with the snake!
See us, we rappers.
We need to get ready
for our audition tomorrow.
Look, Cam, man,
homie has a point, man.
I would prefer to not
get eaten by a giant snake.
- So, what we gonna do, Cam?
- What we gonna do, Cam?
What we gonna do?
Now?
We're gonna go
get our girl Neon.
We got an audition.
- All right?
- That's what I'm talking about, man.
- [car engine revs]
- [tires squeal]
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
Your training day turning into a
real shit show, ain't it, rookie?
Yeah, first
I lost my gun,
and then they showed
me their buttocks.
Yeah, never mind all that.
We got bigger fish to fry.
We catch this snake,
and I'll be famous, huh?
We talkin' about the cover
of Time magazine,
maybe even YouTube.
So the snake is stuck down
in the toilet hole.
So what I need you to do is take
your shrimpy little girl hands,
stick it down the drain,
and just...
pull the snake out.
- Down the drain?
- Mm-hmm.
[Ethan] But poo poo
goes down there.
And so will your job if you don't get
down there like a good little rookie
and pull out that goddamn snake!
Can you...
Get down there!
Get elbow deep
in those pipes, Mario.
[laughs]
- Okay.
- You feel anything?
No, no. I think...
- [Ethan yells]
- [Denz] So you got it?
I got it, I got it.
Whatever you do, you treat it
like your first piece of pussy,
and you never let it go.
You hold onto that snake!
[Ethan yelling]
[Denz] Come on! Come on, rook!
I think that's all of it.
Come on, man!
This shit just got personal.
Oh, God. I lost my watch!
Experiment backfired.
Infected by snake saliva.
Human DNA molecules are broken down
by unstable reptilian molecules.
Let's make an antidote.
[dance music]
Cam, I thought you were in jail.
- Early release.
- Then why'd you come in here?
Look, you know I don't like you
comin' in my place of work.
- Now, you need to...
- Neon, we need you to come with us.
You need to get out
of here right now.
- Neon.
- [Alley Jaws] Oh, hell no.
You mofos have a lot of nerve
showing your asses in here.
Your dough.
As promised.
We appreciate the loan,
but she's comin' with us.
I already paid
for my full half hour.
I ain't taking no for an answer.
She's done with you.
- Yeah, come on.
- Fuck you, Cam, this is my job.
We sign to Uppercase tomorrow,
you won't have to do this no more.
[laughs]
That's hella rich, homeboy.
Hella rich.
Well, since you killed my boner,
why don't we settle this
right here, right now.
There's nothin' to settle.
I just came to get my girl.
I'm not your girl, remember?
She's my girl, like a homegirl.
You know what I mean.
She's a key part of the crew.
If you are such
a goddamn artist,
why don't you
bust a rhyme right now?
You?
- No, you.
- You?
- You. You.
- You?
You standin' right here
in this very spot
in this strip club,
steppin' to me?
Any moron can bust
a rhyme, right?
Oh!
- Okay, we doing it?
- Mm-hmm.
- We doin' it right.
- We're doing it now.
- Let's get it.
- Get the fuck out of my way.
All right, you people.
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Excuse me while I interrupt
your regularly scheduled tittays
to call out this wannabe,
poser rapper Cam.
[girls cheer]
Give me a beat!
[hip hop music]
Yo, my name is Alley Jaws
Yes, that is my name
I bust a mad rhyme
That is never the same
'Cause I run this club
Like rub-a-dub dub
Three men in a tub
Full of bub, yeah
Yeah!
I rhyme like a butterfly
Sting like a bug
With a stinger
Yeah, yo,
Here's my middle finger
Daddy, I can really rhyme
No matter what you say
I really like girls
Daddy, I'm not gay
Cam and his crew,
They been frontin'
No, you leave now
Or I'll put
Your dick in my mouth
- Show me what you got.
- Yo, man, give me that.
[Alley Jaws grunts]
Yo, Alley Jaws up in here
Yo, Alley Jaws
All of your plots
This beat is stupid,
it's sabotage.
Yo, Pin, this dude's whacked.
- Tell him.
- No, it's the beat.
Hey, cop prostitute, yo.
Take this to DJ Spliff,
he fancies you sexually, girl.
I'm gonna break him in two
like a motherfucker.
- Snap him in half. You go, girl!
- Yeah!
The timing's wrong,
so all of y'all know my flow.
Hey, can I give you a blowjob
in the bathroom?
Please!
It's just the beat, you know?
It's the beat, it's not me.
[crowd boos]
[upbeat hip hop music]
Yo, Alley Jaws up in here
You're callin' me a faker
Think you got sick burns
But I'm about to cremate ya
Whipped you once already
With my snake haymaker
You're Alley Jaws
But I'm a Wonka jawbreaker
[crowd cheers]
[snake snarling]
[electric music]
[upbeat hip hop music]
You say that I'm frontin'
Say any whack sucker
Can rhyme
But you're living a lie
I'm about to tell you why
While you loitering
Acting like
You enjoy staring at tits
Your boy's getting annoyed
With your Freudian slips
And while there's no shame
In suckin' my dick
I wouldn't have it
If the galaxy depended on it
Yeah, I wanted to deal,
But it came to this
I wanted to deal,
But you had to dis
Your pride could have
Been spared
But you tried
To match wits
So Mr. Alley Jaws,
Sit on your thumb and twist
[crowd cheers]
Yo, Beez, finish it.
- [woman screams]
- [Cam] What is that?
[woman screams]
Keep that ho behind that door!
Ho door. Ho door. Ho door.
Ho door. Ho door. Ho door.
[snake snarls]
[crowd screams and clamors]
[Cam] Holy shit!
[Pinball] Go, go, go, go!
[crowd screams]
[man yells]
What do we do, boss?
Uh... I'll run that way,
you bitches run that way.
- But we should stick together!
- No, no, no, no.
That's exactly what the snake
wants you to do.
Ready? Run in a zig-zag.
Go! Go! Go!
I love you! Go!
[energetic music]
Show me what you got, snake.
- [woman screaming]
- Yo, I need to borrow this.
Very nice boobs, by the way.
You won the DNA lottery.
That's all you got?
I've had penny rides at the grocery
store that are better than this.
[energetic music]
[snake hisses]
Back up. Back!
Cam, wake up, man.
You think I'm scared of you?
I done sucked dicks
bigger than you,
and they went crying home
to their mama, too. Back up.
[electricity crackling]
Let off some steam, snake.
- Girl!
- [Neon] Cam?
- [Neon] Baby, wake up.
- [Pinball] Cam? Come on, Cam.
- [Pinball] Time to wake up!
- [Beez Neez] Come on, man.
- [Neon] Cam.
- [Pinball] Wake up, wake up, wake up.
- [Beez Neez] Wake up.
- [Neon] Cam!
[ethereal music]
Oh, shit, Tupac.
Greetings and salutations,
Cameron.
Biggie Smalls,
the Notorious B.I.G.
- What up, playa?
- Affirmative.
And the same to you,
my good chap.
Oh, man, I know what this is.
I'm dead, ain't I?
Nah, you got pranked.
It's a dream sequence, man.
So what are y'all saying?
I prefer my dream sequences
to involve flying.
Or banging my old babysitter,
Stephanie, on the couch,
floatin' in a giant bowl
of macaroni and cheese.
You must persevere,
my son.
Go to the audition.
Let the world see your talent.
That's what I did.
Look where it got me.
I sold more albums
than anybody while I was dead.
I mean, I'm still alive.
Easy for you to say, Pac.
You're not the one that's got some
dumbass snake messin' up your every move.
Forget that snake.
It's not your problem.
Rutherford B.
Hayes, 19th President of the United States?
Man, this doesn't
make any sense.
What are y'all telling me to do?
You're gonna have
to make a choice.
Your fate is intertwined
with the snake.
Like two snakes.
Your mind is struggling
with choices, Cam.
You've got another mission
to fulfill with your rap crew.
Come on, Cam.
Go to the audition!
Aright, this shit
doesn't make any sense.
It was all a dream.
Charlotte Bronte,
author of Jane Eyre.
- Cam, come on, Cam.
- Rutherford B. Hayes!
- He's come to.
- [Neon] Cam!
What... what happened?
Dude... you got knocked
the friggity jiggity out!
- What?
- Come on, let's get you inside.
- Can you stand up?
- Of course I can stand up.
- Come on.
- We got you.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
[Vurkel] Not thessse people.
They're so unsssivilized.
[Pinball] Tonight has been
caca goo-goo!
There is a snake
terrorizing Compton!
Swallowing up people!
And it squeezed titty juice
on my face.
Titty juice!
How are we gonna take care
of this snake?
[Vurkel]
Perhaps I can stop it.
Vurkel?
What the hell happened to you?
I was infected by the snake.
I created an antidote
that neutralizes the
unstable reptilian molecules,
but I only could synthesize
enough for one large dose.
I could use it to cure myself,
or I can use it
to destroy the snake.
Then make some more, Brainiac!
You're not lissstening to me.
The specific set of circumstances that
caused this mutation in the first place
were so random that recreating the
same concoction could take months.
You gotta make this right.
You made the snake,
it's your responsibility
to get rid of it.
Nah, man, we gotta help.
And you are in no
position to do anything.
- I'm good, man, I'm good.
- Just relax.
I'm cool.
We're tore up, honey.
Can't you just bring it to the cops?
The copsss, yes.
Just be careful, Vurkel.
You're really...
special to me.
Don't worry about me, Neon.
I know exsssactly who
to take it to.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to turn himself in.
I know how to
ssstop the sssnake.
If you inject the serum
directly into the snake's heart,
it should neutralize the unstable
molecules that made it grow.
Okay, son, calm down.
Go ahead and pat yourself
on the scales, Egon Spengler,
because you made
the right decision coming here.
And I'll always, always reward
those who make the right decision.
[gunshot pops]
- Holy shit!
- [Denz] Shut up, rookie.
He was a violent offender
that already
escaped custody once.
We gotta do this together.
You know the department
would just bone this up.
So grab that
syringe of mutagen.
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna get
that snake outta Compton.
[suspenseful music]
Okay, let's roll.
Hey, clean up that shit
in the interrogation room.
I had to ice
a violent suspect back there.
Pow! We out, bitches! Huh?
Gotta go solve a particular
ongoin' investigation.
Don't we have a lot
of paperwork to do?
I mean, he was unarmed and all,
and you kind
of discharged your weapon.
Rookie, if we had
to fill out paperwork
every time we shot
an unarmed black man,
we would never get to
have any fun around here.
Right, guys?
But, what about the security camera
footage in the interrogation room?
I mean,
it clearly shows you...
Goddamn rookies, huh?
Am I right?
Listen up, fellas.
You might see
some video evidence, huh?
But don't believe
the camera.
He went for my gun.
Wow. Being a cop is awesome!
[Denz] Come on, dumbass.
We got a snake to go get got.
I can't wait for the day
cops start cleaning up
after their own fucking murders.
Betrayed!
Nope.
- [Vurkel growls]
- [people screaming]
[Neon] But you're a hero to me.
You're really... special.
[Vurkel] Neon.
What an asshole.
[snoring]
- [Neon] Hold on.
- [Cam] Really?
All right, there we go,
there we go.
Look, put your hat on
and nobody will even notice.
Thanks, girl.
I'm feeling better, but...
I don't need you
to be there for me.
I know you don't,
but I like to.
Makes me feel all motherly
or somethin'.
Those boys might need
mothering, but not me.
I'm a grown-ass man.
Why you gotta act so hard
all the time, Cam?
Growing up in
these streets,
there... there ain't
no time to be soft.
When things get tough,
a man's gotta walk hard.
Hmm.
Well... I'm about to
make things real tough.
So I can see just
how hard you can get.
But there's
a snake outside.
Oh, and there's
a snake in here.
And we got that audition tomorrow.
We should rehearse.
Oh, I'm done rehearsin'.
I'm surrounded
By these people
But I feel like I'm alone
What there is
All that is stylin'
If I never let it show
Betrayed.
Betrayed!
[Vurkel howls]
[snake growling]
- [Cam] What was that?
- [Neon] I don't hear anything.
Girl, you deaf?
Most def.
[snake hisses]
[romantic music]
[sensual music]
Oh, yes, bitch! Oh!
[Pinball groans]
[Vurkel moaning]
Get your stinkin' friggity
diggity ass off of my couch!
[Vurkel moaning]
Damn!
Everybody gettin'
their freak on but me!
[Vurkel] Lie to me.
- [Vurkel grunting]
- [snake hissing]
What in the name of ODB?
[Vurkel growling]
Vurkel, what the hell
are you doing?
[Vurkel screams]
Goddamn it, Vurkel.
For Christ's sake,
use a condom.
You said I was a hero.
That I was special.
Vurkel, you are special to me,
but this is getting out of hand!
I'll show you
what is out of hand.
Let her go, you freak!
What, you think
you can take me?
Cam, it's the snake.
My snake would never
harm me.
Let's hope you right.
Now, what did you do
with your mutagen?
Those crooked cops.
They stole my serum.
[Denz] Okay.
So here's the plan.
We know the snake is
attracted to bass, huh?
And we know that
Uppercase Records
has the biggest sound
system in Los Angeles
for their private
rooftop demos.
So what we're gonna do is
draw that big black bitch
on top of the roof,
and blow her big ass up.
And then, I'm gonna get
all the press,
I'm talking about all of it,
and all the promotions.
[Ethan] Uh, shouldn't we call
for backup, though?
[Denz] Ain't nothing but shit
between your ears, son, huh?
- Get in there.
- Let's go.
Come on, man.
- Stay here and shut up.
- What?
- Damn.
- [Cam] Stop hissin'.
We gotta get
to the police station.
Bus driver, put this thing on
OJ Simpson white Bronco speed
and get us
the hell outta here!
Now, why, I...
Oh, holy shit.
What the fuck?
All right,
time to get out of here.
Pedal to the metal,
let's go.
[tires squealing]
[energetic music]
- [Cam] Man, just stay here.
- [Vurkel] Shut up.
- I'll get my revenge.
- That's enough.
- Hey, tie him up.
- Tie him up?
Tie him up with what?
Use Beez Neez's belt.
Yo, Cam, my trousers gonna
drop if you use my belt.
[Neon] Come on, man,
can't this stupid bus go any faster?
[Cam] Don't wanna touch him.
Why don't you be the first
bus that doesn't cause traffic
and get
this bitch moving!
This is the power
of Christ compels you.
The power of Christ
compels you.
You know what?
The LADOT doesn't pay me
nearly enough for this shit!
You deal with
the giant fucking snake,
how about that?
[Neon] Fine.
[driver screams]
Finally.
[driver] Oh, my God!
Hit the gas, Neon.
Oh, shit.
[people screaming]
[people screaming]
Sorry!
[energetic music]
Oh, dude, it's on us!
It's on top of us,
what are we gonna do?
Faster, Neon, come on!
Punch that shit!
Cam, Cam,
the bridge is out!
What are we gonna do, Cam?
- I got some plans, yo.
- What's the plan?
We jumpin' the gap.
That's the plan?
[both] Oh, shit!
[Neon] We can do this.
Trousers be damned!
[lively music]
Vurkel, come on!
He don't wanna go. Let's go.
[everyone yelling]
[everyone screaming]
- [Pinball] Go.
- [Cam] Come on!
[Beez Neez] Shit.
Oh, my God, we made it.
Yes!
- I still have my legs.
- Yeah, baby!
- Oh, yeah.
- We did that.
Yeah! Yeah!
Suck on these balls, snake.
- Yeah.
- [Pinball] Yeah!
Oh, Beez Neez,
nice underwear, man.
- Oh, shit.
- [Neon] Yo, yo, yo.
Yo, we left Vurkel
on the bus.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause his face turned into a snake.
[glass shattering]
[funky music]
[R.E.L.] Yo. Yo! Yo!
Y'all can't be comin' up here
without a warrant.
Boss! These assholes,
they be trippin'!
Cut the hood act, white girl.
We got business.
Okay, all right.
Anybody not looking to get
tossed off the roof head first
best exit directly.
Excuse me.
Who the hell
do you think you are?
This is my building.
I'll have you arrested.
I know all the cops.
- I know the best cops.
- Yeah.
- I am the best cop.
- Oh, yeah?
- Dumbass.
- Dumbass.
Now, I don't have time
for your shit,
so you best exit directly,
or get dumped on your head.
- Yeah, yeah!
- No?
Oh, God! What do I pay you for?
What are you, nuts?
I'm not gonna hit a cop.
Get this piece of shit
out of here.
On yo head!
- Okay, rookie.
- Yeah?
- Get on the turntables, all right?
- Okay.
Then what we gotta do is
we gotta get
that giant snake up here
so I can inject this into
his dumbass heart, all right?
Now, here's
the whole plan.
Get your ass
back over here.
Here's the whole plan
in detail.
[Vurkel yelling]
- Now, feast, my pet.
- [Cam] Get your damn snake, Vurkel.
- [Cam] What the...
- Oh, my God.
- No way.
- Oh, okay.
Now what do we do,
Cam?
Now you'll all bow down
to my superior genes!
Hey, maybe he's gonna bang that
snake again and not eat us, right?
You all made fun of me.
And you,
you played with my heart.
- Me? What?
- You shall suffer most of all.
[bass music playing distantly]
[bass music]
[bass music playing distantly]
Hey, wait, hey, snake.
No.
Hey, snake, no!
Listen to me!
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Well, I mean,
the situation is improving.
Albeit by
convenient means.
[romantic music]
Oh, it is me.
- Oh, excuse me one second.
- You gonna answer it?
- Yeah, excuse me.
- Who could you possibly...
Hello?
Is it me you're looking for?
Listen, there are
those crooked 5-0 up here.
Yeah, you know,
the ones that arrested Cam?
Yeah, they're yellin'
about some snake or something.
The roof?
They're on the roof?
- Who's up on the roof?
- The crooked cops.
They on the roof
of the record company.
Ask if they got that vial
of anti-mutagen with them.
All right, baby, do they have
the big syringe?
Yeah, no, I see it.
It's got like
glowin' blue shit in there.
All of it? All right, tell her to
lay low and wait for the cavalry.
We en route.
All right, look, baby,
I don't want you
to get hurt.
Lay low, as low
as you can go.
Man, just tell her what
I said and let's go.
Just be careful,
we're on our way.
Aright, we goin',
come on.
Bitch, didn't I tell you
to get off the roof?
Oh, you running now,
huh?
I thought you was street, baby.
This is how we play.
[imitates karate yell]
Huh? I'm a wolf!
[howls]
Keep playing the music, rookie.
Oh, uh, sorry.
I'm gonna deal with little
Miss Anne Funk over here.
- Anne Funk?
- Yeah, it's like a Jewish...
you know,
like Anne Frank, right?
Except like some urban shit,
like a urban twist to it.
Like, you know, is it too soon?
You know what?
You just keep playing the music,
and I'm gonna deal
with her, all right?
Your hood rat ass really gonna make
me climb this damn ladder and shit?
No, no, I'm not a hood rat.
I'm a phony.
See? I'm a scared white girl.
I'm very confused.
[rumbling]
Hey, partner?
I think something's happening
down on the street.
[rumbling]
[Vurkel] I got it.
Snake, this is fucking crazy!
Don't mind me.
What are you doing?
You don't need
that sound anymore.
You've got me!
[Vurkel sobbing]
All right, rookie.
Get ready to see some shit.
[dramatic music]
[Denz howling]
Oh, my God!
Game over, man. Game over!
Once I inject this syringe
into this snake's dumbass heart,
- then it's game over.
- Maybe she's right!
You know,
about the game being over?
No, negative, rookie.
It's time to pump up the jam.
Th-That's this one.
[hip hop music]
Oh, wait, wait, listen, kid.
Just leave your mix tape
with me.
- Carl, send backup!
- [Vurkel] Thank your mama.
[hip hop music]
[pilot 1] HQ, there are some fucking
civilians on the rooftop, over.
[pilot 2] I didn't see
anything, over.
[pilot 1] All right, fuck it.
No! Hey, this is my snake!
I have the power!
[pilot 1] Fire everything.
Fox one, fox two, fox three,
bring the fucking heat, over.
We're out, over.
We're having fun
[pilot 1] Mayday! Mayday!
Holy shit. Oh, no,
we're gonna fucking die!
Aw, shit.
Like this day
couldn't get any worse.
What the hell are you
pussies doin' here?
Pussies? Man,
we're here to stop this snake.
You whack goosebump!
You sent your girls to the back
while you snuck in the back!
You watch, I'll kill you!
I will kill you!
- I'll kill you!
- [Pinball] Hey, Jaws.
Say it to my face.
Say that to my face.
I'm sorry
about your girls,
but Pinball didn't mean
any disrespect.
Peace to your girls.
They really had what it took.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God,
I appreciate that so much.
You have no idea
what I go through.
I'm just a shadow of myself.
I'm a lie!
My daddy,
you don't know my daddy.
I'd love to hear more about
it, but we don't have the time.
- We got to roll.
- But I...
But hey, to be
continued, though.
Tell you what, Cam.
Show us what you can do, dog.
- Show us what you can do.
- All right y'all, come on, man.
Let's go.
- Hey, stop, freeze right there!
- Oh, hey.
Yeah! He said to
freeze right there.
- I'm not even...
- Freeze there! You too, nobody move!
Hey, hey, you pigs!
[gunshots ringing]
- Hey!
- Hey, Cam, go get them!
- I got the bacon!
- Hey!
- [people screaming]
- [gunshots ringing]
[crowd exclaiming]
What the...
Ugh. Are they dead?
I feel real bad for the dead.
This ain't gonna happen
to us, is it?
[elevator dings]
Go... fuck off.
- [ominous music]
- [man growling]
Man, up the stairs.
Take the stairs.
[men growling]
[everyone screaming]
No, don't shoot, no.
- No!
- [Ethan] Get him, partner.
Okay, snake, come on.
Come get some, huh?
Your powers are weak,
old snake, huh?
Come on, sister.
Okay, hey, hey, hey!
Cross this line,
and I'm gonna tax that ass.
I guarantee you that, huh?
Taxation without representation.
Come on, snake, come on.
Come get some.
Will you quit playing
with yourself
and shank that snake!
Yeah, all right, I got you.
[hip hop music]
[shrieking]
[lively music]
[snake growling]
[heavenly music]
[moaning]
[Denz groaning]
Godzilla ain't got shit on me.
Oh, God.
[energetic music]
- [Cam] Oh, hell no.
- [Neon] Vurkel?
That's a lot
of teenage mutant ninja ugly.
- Neon, you gotta appeal to his humanity.
- What?
- [Neon] Me?
- Yeah, talk to him, girl.
Okay... hi.
I'm sorry that you saw
Cam and I gettin' it on,
and I got
a lot of respect
for your love
for science.
And um...
I know that deep down inside
all of this snaky body there's,
there's a great person.
I think she's charming
the snake.
Well, love is universal.
Schmooze it in thick,
girl, go on.
Okay, I... I love you?
I really do,
and um...
I hope you can feel...
feel the love.
Love will set you free.
Just be the hero I
always knew you could be.
[romantic music]
- [slurping]
- [everyone groaning]
Stay back.
[hissing and snarling]
It's a hiss off.
Giant snake! Giant snake!
Take cover.
Choking, he's choking.
I hope he's fucking choking.
[energetic music]
[snake growling]
Okay.
Nice snake. Nice snake.
No, okay, okay.
Hey! Hey, guys! Guys, help!
Help, I'm up here!
[dramatic music]
It's time
to lay down the boogie.
[hip hop music]
Reporting live
for Channel 12 news,
where some truly bizarre shit
is going down.
[reporter] A large crowd is
gathered outside Uppercase Records.
[reporter] It appears to be
a giant snake.
Yeah, so we got y'all up
[hip hop music]
Yeah
Here we go
We can see
The whole damn town
This snake crawled up
Now your ass is goin' down
Your jaws can't harm us
These beats are our armor
My rhymes hypnotize
'Cause I'm
A snake charmer, yo
We on top,
We ain't scared of you
We got bigger things
To prove
We're comin' through
So you better move
Or get down
To this nasty groove
Sick beats, guys.
Hell's yeah, yeah!
Yeah, give it
to that snake, Cam!
Do it! Ooh, ooh.
That's kinda nice.
Ooh! Little tighter.
A little tighter.
Yo, snake,
You better listen
'Cause we'll make you
Shed your skin again
While we're
Making millions
I'm the illest rapper
You're a vanilla reptilian
Soft like Laffy Taffy
My crew's snake savvy
We'll tear your ass up
Like Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
Spray your face with Binaca
Run home to your papa
Whip out my woody
And split your cloaca
Snake in my boot
Tryin' to step to my crew
Beez Neez is gonna prove
We're more cold-blooded
Than you
Comin' through
We ain't scared of you
We got bigger things
To prove
We comin' through
So you better move
Or get down
To that nasty groove
Let me spit slick diction
That resists constriction
While you're spillin'
Ill venom
Like a reptilian villain
This vermin's squirmin'
Like a worm
With a Jheri curl perm
While my crew stands firm
Against germ-ridden
Ectotherms
Weed you out
If you're sleepin'
We write prose
Like Joss Whedon
This is for that ho Eve
In the Garden of Eden
My boy Pinball
Rocks the beat
And Neon rocks the chorus
Cam is for us,
He kicks more ass
Than my man Chuck Norris
Like a box of chocolates
From Forrest
Goldilocks
And her porridge
We'll make you eat
Your own tail
Like a giant ouroboros
Stop your jaws
From chompin'
While you're crawlin'
We be stompin'
We ain't phased either way
By no snake outta Compton
[snake groaning]
Cam!
[hip hop music]
[rhythmic music]
Jam it in its dumbass heart!
Come on, Cam, you can do this.
I know you can.
- Come on.
- [Cam yelling]
Oh, my God!
Neon, you have to sing
your hook!
It's our only hope!
My man, my man
Nobody eats my man
So I'm gonna fucking sing
As high as I can
[liquid rushing]
Welcome to Compton, bitch.
[snake growling]
[screaming]
[crowd exclaiming]
[R.E.L.] Oh, help me!
Somebody fucking help me!
Somebody fucking help me!
Carrot Top,
I'm gonna save you.
Don't worry,
grab my hand.
I've got you.
I got you, I got you.
All right,
this is awkward, man.
This is fucking awkward.
[suspenseful music]
Oh, my God.
[Cam] Yee-haw!
[snake exploding]
Lovely. That's it.
Oh, my angels, you've been redeemed.
I love you, Cam!
But not in that way.
[Cam yelling]
What's up?
- Yo, I love you, Cam.
- I love you.
I think we've been fightin'
this for too long.
I was so focused on my music
and my image, but...
You're the real muse
I have.
You're my missing piece.
I've learned somethin' today.
I've changed. I learned that...
[Pinball] Cam!
Nobody cares
about your moral values.
Let's make that money.
Get it!
You liked when I jumped
up and down on that thing?
And R.E.L. was,
like, hangin' on?
I love you very much.
So R.E.L. this is the hip-hop group
you've been raving about, huh?
Yeah, these be...
This is Cam's crew.
Gentlemen, I listened
to the whole thing.
And it was Grade-A stuff.
Needless to say,
this was the best audition I've ever seen.
- What!
- [Beez Neez] Fuck, yeah.
The sound, the performances,
it was very, very powerful.
What you need is to be
signed by a label like ours.
[everyone cheering]
This is the energy
we've been looking for.
Let's make this label
great again. [laughs]
Contracts.
[R.E.L.]
We getting contracts.
Do you have
representation?
[R.E.L.] Yeah.
Yeah. Me.
Hell, yeah,
she's our manager.
All right.
Oh, whoa.
[Pinball] Cam.
Cam, do you know
what you're do... Cam?
Cam! She was just kissing
that reptile snake-man thing.
Yo, yo, Pin, Pin!
Love is blind, homie.
Love is blind.
- Let's get the hell out of here.
- Word to your mother.
[R.E.L.] Yeah,
let's give them some privacy.
Um, I would like to discuss
the terms of this contract.
We're going to need
a no-interest up-front loan,
let's just call it
a grant, shall we,
to make sure the debut album's
costs are completely covered.
[sensual music]
[Neon moaning]
[hip hop music]
[Alley Jaws' dad] You
take out all that trash.
Shut up, bitch.
[Alley Jaws' dad]
What was that?
I mean, yeah, I heard you.
Whatever you want, Daddy.
Whatever you want.
Stop right there
and give us your wallet.
Hey, I don't want
any trouble, guys.
I...
My God, are you guys ninjas?
- Goddamn right we're ninjas.
- Ninjas with attitude.
No, wait, wait, wait.
You back off.
You back off
or I'll call the police.
- Fuck the police!
- Yeah!
[Alley Jaws]
No, no, sorry.
[crashes and thuds]
[uplifting music]
You guys just took out
two ninjas.
You guys must have huge balls!
Yesss.
With great power
comes great balls.
Come, sssidekick.
Now that we've erased
the ninja menace from this city,
it is time for us to continue
our crusade elsssewhere.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's not every day that I get
to meet two mutant superheroes.
- Where are you gonna go?
- [gasps]
Wait, yeah,
where are we going?
Ssstraight outta Compton.
I get that. That's funny.
[hissing]
That's crazy.
[ninjas laughing]
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Yeah, slidin' through
Your city like
About 7 p.m. when I slide
On the block
Keep the paint looking slick
In a chain full of rocks
Never tame with the teachers
Never keen to the cops
Sub-zero to the core
Feel the temperature drop
Nah
Just another victim
No conflictin'
Have my chips
For venom sticks
They pass in minutes
I meet 'em at their crib
Disguise my wig
Within a lemon
Let the chopper ring
While I recline
With beautiful women
Better calm
All that hissin'
Dissin' undercover
Till their
Hoffa wind up missing
Chavez Ravine,
You dig, gone fishin'
Yeah, they run their mouth
Till they winded
[man] Check out this guy.
Check out this guy.
This freaky guy.
Get in here. I gotta get this.
[Denz] Hey!
Hey, give me
the phone, dumbass!
You can't kill me.
That's right.
I'm back YouTube.
Cover of Time magazine,
huh?
And if you like
this video,
like, share,
and subscribe at the link below.
Right there.
Yeah. My ninja.
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
Lay 'em down like a textile
Killer Croc
Boy, you fuckin'
With a reptile
My profile's straight out
Of X-Files
Next I'll rip your ribcage
Till your heart
Is in your neck, pal
Very graphic
Far from average
I'll cool a cactus
In 11 sweats
I can get 11
That's telepathic
A clever segue
But since it was on X play
Out of boredom
I was churnin' out
Universes with Demogorgons
Now Cam is Mighty Morphin
They're tryin'
To rattle my cage
I just see vital organs
Funny that I give you Cain
Like I'm reversin' Moses
Hold it,
I thread out more than poses
Their posture showin'
They can't contain composure
I got the reach
Of a warlock
The tongue of a demon
See AB rappin' like Auerbach
You rude boy tell me
Wide right
Round your dreadlocks
Your arms lock
Venom seeps in
Till your heart stops
Goodnight, boy
Venom flowin' for days
Froze to the touch
Ice floodin' my veins
West, west is the side
We claim
1989, yeah,
Year of the snake
I'm cold-blooded
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
I be slidin'
Through your city like
Slidin' through
Your city like
[gunshot]