Snow Valley (2024) Movie Script

[child humming]
[pensive music playing]
[Heath] Dude, Dell fucking Evans
is gonna ride our new board
at the Freestyle competition
at Breck this weekend.
Pre-orders are gonna
go through the roof.
Can we confirm with his rep
that he'll post it on the Gram?
[Heath] Uh, Dell is my boy.
This is friendship,
not business.
Of course he knows what's up.
[man] Nicely done, bro.
And that little snafu
with the bindings?
[Heath] Uh, factory corrected
and pressure tested last week.
- We're salary.
- [man] Yes!
Looks like you're in
for some powder paradise
this weekend, man.
- [Heath] It's gonna be so epic.
- [man] Catch you on the flip.
[Heath] Aight.
[Heath] You played
such a big part in this.
I'm sorry, but I did nothing.
[Heath] No,
you've been everything.
When everyone thought
I was crazy
to design my own board,
you were there, here...
with me.
And I know you've been
swamped with your own shit,
but not once did I feel alone,
so I'm just...
- So happy?
- [Heath] Yeah.
So am I.
[Heath] What?
[Laura] I would just love to see
the look on my professor's face
if I called
my dissertation paper
"my own shit."
- [Heath] Oh, ha-ha.
- [both chuckling]
Hey, come here.
No more work.
This weekend's about us. Okay?
You good?
Of course. Why?
It's just you've been doing
your stare out the window thing
for a while now.
I'm just excited to get away
with you this weekend.
Feels like we've both been
in an endless work bubble.
[Heath] Yeah, me too.
[Laura] So beautiful.
[rousing orchestral
music playing]
- Heath, what is this?
- We're here.
- Your parents' ski cabin?
- Yeah.
Um, flows off the tongue
better than
16 bedroom ski chalet
we have all
to ourselves this weekend.
[music continues]
Not bad, huh?
In the summer we can take
the boat out in the lake.
I'm sorry if I seem overwhelmed.
I just was not expecting this.
Yeah. Most people aren't.
Forgive me if this is rude,
but I've met your parents--
And they're not
pretentious assholes like me?
- Exactly.
- [Heath laughs]
Come on. It's just a house.
Ah, mi casa es tu casa.
Come on. I'll give you the tour.
Strong bones... [knocking]
...keeps us afloat.
Chairs, if sitting's your thing.
I personally am
a standup guy myself.
If forced to sit,
I like to do it by the fire.
Family dinner time.
My personal favorite...
the couch.
Very impressive, Mr. Jacobson.
But I'm gonna need some time
to look over the fine print.
I have the contracts
here already to sign.
Come here, babe.
I can't even imagine the parties
you had here growing up.
[laughs] You have no idea.
I have a few.
So what should we do first?
I have a few ideas
in that department, too.
But I'm afraid if we get started
on those ideas,
we won't get any ski runs in.
Oh, we have time
to get over to the mountain
before it closes?
Come here.
This is the best part.
[Laura] We can ski on,
right from here?
Not to the main mountain,
but that's a private run
just for us,
for the other residents
in the development.
[Laura] Oh, my God.
[Heath] I'm gonna
call down and make sure
they keep the lift open
and have to check in
with the office real quick.
Why don't you go
pick out a room for us?
[Laura] Upstairs?
Wherever you want. Explore.
But I think
you'll find the master bedroom
overlooking the valley
doesn't suck that bad.
I'll meet you downstairs
in a bit.
[pensive music playing]
[suspenseful music playing]
- [Heath] Boo!
- [gasps] Sorry. You scared me.
Yeah, my dad nerds out hard
on all this shit.
What is all this?
Oh, mining antiquities
he collects.
The old nut
loves the Americana of it all.
I think it makes him feel
more blue-collar or something.
Oh, yeah?
And how's that
working out for him?
Hey, I think pretty well.
You said so yourself.
Why mining?
Well, Snow Valley's
an old mining town.
This whole area
is built on the old tunnels.
They went bust at
the turn of the century
and this area got developed
into a ski town.
- You think they skied?
- [Heath laughs]
You kidding me?
This dude
was the first Olympic champ
sponsored by Atomic.
Speaking of, shall we?
[soft music playing]
[both laughing]
Honestly, I don't know
why it was so cold
in that Roller Rink that night,
but when I bent over,
it was like a-- a winter storm
system shot up my ass.
I'm telling you,
when you leaned
over the tire skates,
the sound your pants made
when they ripped
was etched in my mind forever.
Hey, at least
I saved the course.
That you did.
The look on some
of those kids' faces
as your left butt cheek
hung out as you skated
was so funny.
The cost of business
of going commando
and ain't always pretty.
What about me?
What did you think?
I mean, obviously, you thought
I was the most beautiful woman
you'd ever seen.
But when I skated up to you
for the first time
and introduced myself.
Well, I know I'm supposed to say
something funny or cute, but...
I was in love with you
from the moment
I set eyes on you.
And actually, in that moment,
I-- I was pissed at myself
for being such a showboat
because I thought
you'd think I was a clown.
Oh, well, rest assured,
I still very much think that.
- [Heath chuckles]
- But--
[doorbell rings]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Laura] Who's here?
Go have a look.
Special delivery.
Oh, um, Heath, it's--
One second.
I don't have my wallet on me.
- It's on the house.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Have a nice night.
- You too.
- Wait, how--
- Surprise.
How did you--
Ah, I've made some moves
with [indistinct]
the pizza place in town.
Now you might not count
the night we shared a slice
with my ass hanging out
of my jeans our first date
but I do.
You are too much.
Heath, I've been so swamped
in my paper I haven't even--
Happy anniversary.
- Oh, my God. I love you.
- I love you, too.
And on top of this being
our first anniversary...
I not only wanna celebrate that,
but kickstart another.
[emotional music playing]
- Heath. Stop.
- Open it.
It was my grandmother's.
Now I-- I'm not gonna try
and top the pizza
from the Roller Rink
with anything too clever
because I'm just gonna
sound like a cheese stick.
Come here.
I fucking love you.
And this has been
the best year of my life.
And actually,
there's a really bad storm
coming in tomorrow,
so if you say no,
it could get awkward between us
if we're stuck here.
I can't lie.
I liked the sound
of Laura Jacobson better
than Laura Pell
the first night I met you.
So I guess the answer's yes.
Come here.
[suspenseful music playing]
[dismembered whispering]
[kid whispering]
Are you here to save me?
Are you here to save me?
[suspenseful music playing]
[wind howling]
[parquet floor creaking]
- [door slams open]
- [Laura gasps]
[door creaking]
[blender whirring]
Well, what are you waiting for?
Show me the fucking rock, bitch.
Seriously, show me the ring.
It's his grandmother's,
you douchebag.
[Kiko laughs] I'm kidding!
I know. I love it.
And I love how traditional
and romantic he is.
Shut up, Kiko.
You know you live for the bling.
You're right.
But for you, I love it.
Did he tell you what he did?
Oh, my God! It was so adorable.
He came to see me
and asked for my permission
just like he would've done
if mom and dad were still alive.
Okay. What is wrong?
Nothing is wrong.
You have that Laura look.
Everyone and their looks I have.
Can I not just have
a resting facial expression
without people
demanding an explanation?
I'm your sister. What's up?
You should just see this place.
Uh, bitch,
I better see it a lot.
It's just their ski house
and it's like a mansion.
And you're complaining?
Is it weird that I didn't know
his family was this wealthy?
[Kiko] Of course not!
It means he's classy.
And you might be
the first woman in history
to be bugging
because her husband is loaded.
Well, I'm not saying I'm mad
and I get it.
I just didn't know.
- You always do this.
- What?
You talk yourself off a ledge
whenever you're happy.
I am so not on a ledge.
Well, then this isn't me
talking you off of one then.
You work and study so hard.
And the one night
that I convince you
to come out and get laid,
you bag a unicorn
because you fucking deserve it.
You are the best,
most caring person I know.
But this is
your much wiser older sister
telling you that everything
is fine and then some.
And that I'll always be
jealous of you
because everything
about you is perfect
because that's what
you put out in the universe.
- Thanks, Oprah.
- Fuck you.
Fuck you too.
[suspenseful music playing]
[doorbell rings]
I'll call you later.
Someone's at the door.
[Kiko] Okay. Bye.

[doorbell rings]
One sec. I'm coming.
Um, can I help you?
[Ellen sighs]
It's you.
Excuse me?
How rude of me. I--
I was looking for Heath.
[Ellen scoffs]
But now I'm reminded.
He did tell me he was
having guests this weekend.
Oh, it's just me.
I'm the only guest.
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm Ellen.
I work for the Jacobsons.
- Oh.
- [Ellen] Apologies.
You must think
I'm quite the fool.
But you see,
I stepped out for some groceries
and I left my keys in my room.
[Laura] Oh, you're--
you're staying here?
I live here, darling.
You were here last night?
No, I slept outside.
[Ellen laughs]
Of course I was here.
Where else would I have been?
Not to worry, I won't
interrupt your little love nest.
You'll likely
never see me again.
[Heath] Dude, that's sick.
All right, my brother,
I'll hit you up manana.
Dell posted on his socials
about riding my board tomorrow
and pre-orders
are already rolling in.
Did you ever think
life could be this dope?
I just met Ellen.
Oh, don't worry about her.
She's just the help.
Been with us for years.
"Just the help." Got it.
Forgive me, I didn't grow up
in a 16-bedroom ski chalet.
Neither did I.
This is just
where I come skiing sometimes.
- Come on, let's--
- No, this isn't okay,
because I didn't know
someone else was here last night
and we weren't exactly
being discreet out here.
And even if we were,
it might've been kinda nice
to know someone else
was at the house.
Wait, sorry.
That totally came out wrong.
I-- I'm just excited and--
I didn't think to say anything
because I called and told her
to take the weekend off.
And-- and she said she had
plans to go see her sister.
Now clearly that did not happen.
But Ellen has her own
apartment above the garage
with its own entrance
and everything.
And I'm gonna go
tear her a new one
for coming in through
that front door.
No, I-- I'm sorry.
She forgot her keys.
I was just caught off guard.
That's all.
You certainly don't need
to tear her a new one.
I was kidding about the new one
and the tearing of it.
Yeah, I know you were.
[chuckles softly]
But I think she made our bed.
So maybe you could tell her
she doesn't have to do that.
[clicks tongue]
No, I think I did.
I've seen you make a bed, Heath.
She definitely did.
She's a housekeeper.
It's in her DNA.
I'm just gonna send her a text
to tell her that she, uh--
Oh, she beat me to it.
She, uh, profusely apologizes.
She said she was gonna go
to her sister's this weekend,
but with this storm coming,
she's going to stay put
and hunker down.
- Heath, I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
I should have said something.
- I'm just happy and excited.
- So am I.
And even more so
because I have an entire weekend
of the best skiing in the world
with the best fiance
in the world.
Should we invite Ellen?
Yeah, Ellen's more of a sledder.
[Laura chuckles]
["Okay" by Nick Rossi playing]
Come on,
let's go hit the slopes.
You caught me
on the edge of suffering
And showed me how to breathe

Don't tell me
it was all for nothing
There's so much left to see
The world outside is waiting

And all I wanna see is green

I feel your heartbeat
next to me
I just want you to know
Just know that you're okay
Just know that you're okay
you think the worst
And you can't get
out of your head
You're wishing
to be someone else
In another king-sized bed
And I know
I know it's hard
to look the other way
When it's all
that's on your mind
It's a compromise
where we draw the line
When you don't know
where to go
And now
you're just forgetting
All of those things
that have brought you down
Let's take
a ride in summertime
And I'll be right there
by your side
Just letting it
all go now you're okay
Just know that you're okay
[music playing on radio]
[Laura] Aw, that's sweet.
John and Sarah
sent us a cute note.
Oh, they're the best.
[suspenseful music playing]
I recognize that guy.
Don't worry about him.
Works for the development.
I keep telling him
the driveway is heated.
Hey, pal. Uh, we're good.
The driveway is heated,
but-- but thanks.
Storm's coming in.
Uh, yeah, we heard.
The driveway is heated,
like I've said
about five times now.
- [knock on window]
- [Heath gasps]
- What the fuck!
- Storm's coming in! [cackles]
Yeah, we got the memo, fucktard!
And get off my property.
I'm telling you,
I recognize those guys.
Yeah, so do I.
They work for the development.
Nice guys usually.
Probably just--
I'm fucking crying today.
No, they're--
[Heath] What?
Laura, wait!
[suspenseful music playing]
[Heath] Laura.
What's your deal?
I swear I thought
those guys were from the photo.
Sorry. I--
- I'm crazy.
- No, it's fine.
It's probably just the altitude.
- It messes with me too.
- It must be.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be. Are you kidding?
Come on.
You know what you need?
The hot tub.
- Yes.
- Let's go.
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
[Heath] Thought I'd, uh, invite
a few friends to help celebrate.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, girl,
I knew this day was coming.
I've been manifesting
so hard for you and Heath.
Thank you so much.
So happy you guys could make it.
- Congrats, my dude.
- Thanks, B.
Interesting, you wanna
walk me through the pieces?
Oh, yeah. Issey Miyake.
Get on the level, bro.
If you say so.
Best man right here.
- Brannon, so great to see you.
- Oh, likewise, my lady.
Miracle we've made it
with Crash Bandicoot driving.
Yeah, once we made it
through the storm
it was fine,
but it was on our tails.
They think access
to the mountain's
gonna be shut down
by nine tonight.
You know what that means?
- Unfortunately, I do.
- Hmm.
- Powder paradise.
- Powder paradise.
They're such tools.
Let me see it.
- [gasps] Are you so happy?
- So much.
And I'm so happy
you guys are here.
Now I know why you wanted
to get so much food.
Oh, sushi chef Laura is gonna
light it the fuck up tonight.
You're putting her
to work in the kitchen
on her engagement weekend?
Um, no,
I'm putting all of you to work
because I'm teaching you all
how to make sushi.
- Fun.
- Oh, dude.
You know Dell Evans?
Not, uh, personally. No.
He's riding
my new board tomorrow
at the freestyle competition
at Breckenridge.
Look at that. Oh, yeah.
Guys, can we not bring
business vibes into this?
I think we're here to celebrate.
- Sure thing, boss.
- [Anna chuckles]
- I'll get glasses.
- I'll roll with.
And then we will all
roll with to the hot tub.
Oh, my God.
How amazing is this place?
Still trying
to wrap my mind around it.
So much abundance...
and a lot of room
for kids to run around.
- [bottle pops]
- [Brannon] Don't worry, G.
My toast is gonna murder
at the wedding.
But, uh, tonight let's just
get our motherfucking drink on.
So to the best couple I know.
Soon to be the best
married couple I know.
New moon blessings.
- [Laura] Everything okay?
- Yeah. What's up?
- Tastes fine.
- I wish it was the Champers.
[Laura] Whatever it is,
Brannon, you can tell us.
Yeah, I mean, come on.
We're in a jacuzzi, dog.
We've got powder days
in the forecast
and enough sushi
to feed an army.
I mean,
what could possibly be wrong?
Ed knows about this weekend.
And Ed being Ed,
he's, um, on his way
here right now.
Why didn't you tell me this?
I just found out, I just got
a text when we were driving up.
Of course, like I can't think
and drive
at the same time, right.
That's not what I meant.
I just know
how you feel about Ed
and the storm was really bad
and I didn't want you to
crash the car and kill us both.
[Laura] Wait, what?
- Who's Ed?
- I haven't told you about Ed?
Uh, no.
Uh, my mom
tells his mom everything
and somehow he found out.
Well, if it's a friend of yours,
I'm sure we can--
like you said,
we have plenty of food.
Food is not the solution.
No, it is not.
What's his deal?
Nobody really knows,
to be honest.
He comes from
a perfectly good family.
My money is, he got dropped
on the head as a baby
and then picked up
and then dropped
on his head again.
And then again.
[Heath] His brother
did say something once
about his temporal lobe,
whatever that is.
- It's part of his brain.
- Right.
Uh, Ed doesn't
really have a normal, uh--
Operating system.
That's why he just
assumes he's invited.
Well, the dude has a--
His heart is strangely
in the right place, I will say.
[clicks tongue]
What place is that?
I-- I don't know, he does, like,
disaster relief
and shit like that.
I don't know.
The Sean Penn shit.
[whispers] Sean Penn shit.
Will Ed be invited
to the wedding?
[sighs] Our families are close.
It's one of those bridges
we would have
to cross sooner or later.
Is he bringing
a girlfriend or wife?
- Doubtful.
- Boyfriend?
I actually think
he banged a ladyboy in Thailand.
Oh. Woo. Dude. Ed gets girls.
Fucks them on bathroom sinks
like he did with
the caterer at our wedding
while my grandmother
was still using the toilet,
like, terrified.
Dude killed it on
the dance floor that night.
Oh, yes he did. I remember that.
Are you guys serious right now?
you're the manifestation coach.
Why don't you just will it away?
Wait, you're what?
A new project I'm working on
that Brannon
doesn't take seriously.
Babe, I gave you
the seed funding
to get your app started,
I was making a joke.
Thank you
for letting the whole world know
that I can't do
anything without your help.
Guys, it's my weekend.
I mean, it's our weekend.
But we're here to ski,
eat, drink, and have fun.
If Ed is what you say he is...
we'll drink more.
We're gonna need heroin.
Yeah, like a lot of it.
[pensive music playing]
[Laura] So once you put
your rice and fish in,
you just sort of
wet the seaweed like this.
Then you roll it,
push it down...
roll it again...
and voil.
[Heath] Guys.
This storm is getting bad.
They just, uh,
closed the highway.
Maybe Ed will have to turn back.
[Ed whistling]
Who's gonna have to turn back?
Where the fuck is everybody?
I thought this was
supposed to be a party.
Just us, Ed.
[Ed] B-man.
I wasn't expecting to see you.
[Ed] Yeah, that storm
is no fucking joke, though.
Thank God airport security
didn't find
my little baby blow bullet.
This shit was my North Star
throughout that storm.
Pun intendo.
Ed, just...
spectacular outfit as always.
- Hey, look good?
- Feel good.
- Yes, sir.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, my brother.
- [Ed laughs]
Cut these threads
at the Salt Lake City airport.
Pick some chump's pocket while
we were deboarding the plane.
I'm sorry,
but who the fuck stands up
as soon as the plane lands?
Um, do I fucking know you?
Oh, I fucking know you.
[both] You motherfucker!
[laughs] Come here.
Gimme hug. Gimme hug.
No, don't give me hug.
Don't give me--
- [Ed laughs]
- Fuck you.
Where's this
honey of yours, huh?
Oh, my days.
[Ed snorts, barks]
Well done, doggy. Well done.
it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Anna, Brannon's wife.
We've met.
Yeah, right.
Right. My bad. My bad.
4th of July. [chuckles]
Our wedding. Yeah.
[gasps] How's your grandma?
She has some
great memories with you.
She's still taking a shit?
You still
fucking girls on sinks?
It's still
more sanitary than floors.
- It's really good to see you.
- Likewise.
[Laura] Ed. I'm Laura.
- I've heard so much about you.
- Oh.
Oh, now you...
you are a keeper.
Oh, yes, beautiful
and intelligent.
So lovely to meet you.
Ooh, what are y'all making?
That is revolting.
So I guess we can't interest you
in "Make your own sushi" night.
Not unless Nobu Matsuhisa
is the instructor, love.
Hey. [speaking Japanese]
Yeah, I'm gonna need
some room for prep.
I brought meats for days.
You brought meats for days,
like, on a plane?
Well, you can put human remains
in a checked bag these days.
They're only looking for bombs.
And cocaine,
right through security.
Cocaine. Hello, cocaine.
Oh, speaking of...
the bachelor party's
all handled.
Yeah. [laughs]
Me and Mitch
locked down a guest house
at one of Pablo Escobar's
old ranches
just outside of Medelln.
Yeah, I guess you just
tip these handlers
a few Colombian pesos,
they can get you anything
from a live panther
to a traffic team--
Sorry to break up this
riveting guys weekend chit-chat.
But doesn't the best man
usually handle that?
I didn't make the plans
because I'm some basic groomsman
with nothing better
to do with his life.
[Ed chuckles]
[Anna] Oh, my God!
Seriously, you need
to go on Lexapro again.
[Anna] He has a fucking gun!
Dude, what the fuck?
What? I'm in Utah.
I can open carry
as long as it's not loaded.
You're in Snow Valley, Ed, you
didn't need to come strapped.
Hey, this is not
the time in American history
to be Second Amendment
shaming anyone, Heath.
Okay, copy that.
But, uh,
why did you feel the need
to bring, like, a gat to,
you know, a nice safe house?
Why don't you tell us
what you love most
about the United States
And then I'll go. Ready?
No, not ready.
This-- this is a ski weekend.
We're not discussing
our favorite amendments.
Ed, I love you, but the gun
is going in the safe.
I wanna leave.
You're not gonna get
anywhere on those roads
without a snowcat, honey.
Well, then we'll ski to a hotel.
- Come on.
- No, no relax. We're not going.
Oh, my lord. Bless this house.
If I'd have known I'd be here
with all these snowflakes
I would've
concealed carry my. 38.
- Fine. Fine.
- Hey, hey. Come on.
I put it in the fucking safe.
[sniffles, scoffs]
Fucking pussies.
[Ed chuckles]
Lead the way.
[hisses] Wow.
[Ed sniffs, sighs]
Why do you have a safe?
Cash in hand
in case anyone gets kidnapped.
Who knows in these times?
These times.
Where you're worried
about getting kidnapped,
and I get shamed
for packing a little heat.
Ed, it's going in the safe.
Hand it over.
And the clips.
Really cooking my grits, Heath.
And the holster.
I want no memory of this.
Well, good luck forgetting me.
I'm unforgettable.
I'm unforgettable, bitch.
[wind whispering]
[safe clicks]
So, it's called a sip and see.
You know, you sip champagne
and everyone meets
my sister's baby.
I think my favorite thing
about crypto
is I literally just made 58K
in the last 20 seconds.
- [Ed exclaims]
- [screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
Bon apptit.
I gotta hand it to you, Ed.
This looks and smells amazing.
Just a heads up,
javelina's a gamey swine.
[Heath] You hunted this?
Shot it rummaging
through the trash
in my dumpster.
Oh, but be careful.
I wasn't able to find the slug.
Baby bites.
Dumpster pig. Hmm.
First time for everything.
Tell me about yourself.
You don't look like
one of Heath's
trust fund digger bitches.
I appreciate your honesty,
but the jury's still out
on cutting a living.
- I'm a graduate student.
- [Ed] Oh.
- Getting my doctorate.
- Oh! See?
Didn't I tell you
I could tell she was smart?
Oh, yeah, how's your--
You're working on some
crazy research paper, right?
[Ed] I'm sorry, Anna.
We were talking.
And where I'm from,
when people are talking,
you don't interrupt them.
Oh, yeah? Where's that Ed? Hell?
Let's dial back
the hostility, please.
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm so sorry about her.
As you were.
So, I study
abnormal child psychology.
That must come in handy
living with Heath. [laughs]
Fuck you. [laughs]
Oh, um, uh,
her paper just got published.
Ooh, that is tight.
Can I get it on Audible?
No, and you wouldn't want to.
It's a scholarly paper.
Mostly circulates
with professors and students.
Try me. I love books.
Romance, thriller, cottage core.
You name it, I have read it.
You know, it has got
some elements of a mystery.
[Anna] What is it?
I study extrasensory perception
in case studies of children
with extreme
developmental disabilities.
Sounds trippy.
Believe me, I know.
It's a lot to chew on.
Extrasensory like psychic?
To put it plainly, yes.
Especially in extreme cases
of autism and schizophrenia,
the subjects I study are able
to read symbols on cards
without even seeing them.
Telepathic communication
isn't uncommon.
And their ability
to create images
of people they've never even met
that we've linked
to actual people...
it's pretty wild.
It's like The Shining?
- [sniffs]
- [Laura] Kind of. Yeah.
It's still pretty fringe,
and I'm not going on Joe Rogan
anytime soon, but--
Wait, this is
what your paper's about?
[Brannon] I fucking love Rogan.
I've told you this
like a hundred times.
Are you kidding?
Can they see dead people?
[whispers] All the time.
- [wind whispering]
- [lights buzzing]
You should have your patients
come to this place.
- Has he told you about it?
- Here we go.
Dude, we do not need
to go there.
- Go where?
- [Heath] Nothing.
Just the old mining history
I was telling you about.
Oh, then he definitely
hasn't told you. [laughs]
Well, this weekend
is just full of surprises.
Ed, come on.
We're here to celebrate
our engagement.
If he hasn't told you,
then you definitely
don't wanna Google
"Snow Valley..."
[sniffles] "...insane asylum."
Please don't.
- I don't have my phone on me.
- Oh, my God.
You know, you-- you--
you could've listened
to the part
where he's politely asked you
to not Google this.
- This is so fucked up.
- [Laura] What?
An old mine shaft
that they used as, like,
a makeshift sanitarium
for the mentally ill.
There was an explosion,
and they all burned to death.
Yeah. Great dinner talk.
Anything's better
than listening to Ed.
[Heath] Look,
it was a long time ago.
People did
a lot of fucked up shit.
Fortunately, the state of Utah
Department of Mental Health
and Science
has come a long way since then.
Yeah, but that story is true.
And that nuthouse
was a part
of the East McGovern shaft
that ran right beneath our feet.
Our buddy Clay...
heard some...
screams and shit
down in the basement...
when we were in high school.
Cries that could only be...
tortured souls of the...
mentally ill patients
that were incinerated...
while trapped.
[slurps loudly]
Burned to death...
right beneath this house.
All right, dude, we-- we get it.
- [lights buzzing]
- [Ed] Do you though?
[somber music playing]
Most horrific part...
...they all
could have been saved.
All the other miners
were rescued
and from much deeper tunnels.
- They purposely let them burn.
- Hmm.
That kinda energy
never rests peacefully.
How could anyone just dump
their kids in a mineshaft?
[Laura] It happens more
than you think.
I mean, not in mineshafts,
but we've supervised cases
of mentally ill kids
being abandoned all the time.
If it feeds your intrigue,
I thought I heard
something strange last night.
[Heath] The altitude.
We talked about this.
Uh, the anniversary
of the explosion is...
Tonight. January 14th.
- Did you know this?
- Of course, I didn't.
And even if I did,
why... [laughs]
...why would it matter?
Don't you remember how batshit
everyone started acting
the last time we partied here
on the anniversary?
Everyone was on shrooms.
Even still,
I thought it was grim
you picked the anniversary
of the incineration
to have your engagement weekend,
but it was a surprise, so...
A surprise
that you weren't invited to.
Not invited?
- Not invited.
- [Brannon] Anna.
No one else wants
to stand up to you.
You weren't invited.
Is this true?
Yeah, it's true.
- Ed...
- [Ed] Was I not invited?'re always welcome.
You know that.
But, I mean, yeah,
this was supposed to be
a couples' weekend.
I would've brought a date
had I known, but...
[sniffles] Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm... [sniffles]
...I'm just gonna--
I'm just gonna go.
Dude, you're not driving
in this weather.
I don't care
how much cocaine you brought.
No, I'm just gonna turn in.
- [sobs, sniffles]
- [Anna] Great.
Leave us to clean up
your pig slaughter.
Don't worry about that.
Ellen will do it tomorrow.
[sobbing] I'm just gonna
go to bed.
Ed, wait, come on.
We're gonna finish
this amazing dinner
and then go have a tournament
on the golf simulator.
[sobbing] You all go play.
I won't be able to focus
on my game.
I know when
I'm not wanted. [sobbing]
Clearly, you don't.
You've gotta stop.
Ow, Brannon!
You're hurting my arm.
I'm sorry, but this is bad.
What do you mean?
When he gets emotional like this
about not feeling wanted,
it-- it's third-grade
birthday shit,
but it's his kryptonite.
Hence why he would always
just assume he's invited.
I should have said
something earlier
but bad things can happen.
And why'd you have to be
so harsh?
We're-- we're talking about
an uninvited guest
who brought a gun
to a ski weekend.
Yeah, I-- I know. I know that.
But he's here,
and you just made it worse.
Okay. How bad are we talking?
- Bad. Yeah.
- [Brannon] Bad.
You have to apologize, Anna.
[Heath] To keep the vibe good.
- When was it good?
- Level.
Look, it'll mean a lot
if you do.
We've seen this before.
An apology goes a long way
with Ed.
In the interest of "the vibe,"
I will go apologize
to your psychotic friend.
["Sad Boi Songs"
by Christopher Pappas]
Sad boy songs
[indistinct lyrics]
Golf simulator. Now.
For too long
Put me down for birdie.
Put you down for bogey.
Put me down for hole-in-one.
I'm telling you, dude,
she could be on the tour.
Here's $8,000 in golf lessons
for free.
[indistinct lyrics]
'Cause you could get it
- [phone ringing]
- Fuck!
That better be a call
from the Pope.
- [phone ringing]
- Even better.
Dell Evans.
Deli boy,
qu pasa mi primo amigo?
[Dell] No bueno amigo.
Uh, what do you mean
"no bueno," mi amigo?
- What happened?
- Like I said, no bueno.
All right,
stop speaking Spanish.
- What the fuck happened?
- Heath!
So you can't ride
my board tomorrow.
I can't ride any board
for like six months
[indistinct] years.
I just called
'cause you're my bro,
and I think
there's something wrong
- with the bindings.
- No, no, no, no.
Nothing's wrong
with the bindings.
The factory checked them
and gave them the thumbs up.
Something's clearly wrong
with your ability
to ride a snowboard.
You have any idea
how hard you just fucked me?
Whoa, dude. Chill.
Oh, no. Fuck you!
Let's pretend
I never said it
It never rains in LA
So The Sad Boi song
hits different
What is wrong with you?
You can't say
This is so bad.
...too long, come on
Yeah, for Dell.
- He can't walk.
- What about me, Laura?
This is the first thing
I've ever done
that anybody's ever taken me
seriously for.
You have any idea
how much I've put into this?
Well, of course, I do.
And I'm sure he does as well.
So, maybe if you just
took a sec,
you could call him back
and apologize.
Whoa, oh, oh
You told me
that you loved my voice
[Heath] No, you're right.
He does know.
I'm gonna go get my iPad
and make it
crystal fucking clear
that he needs to ride
my board tomorrow.
Did you not...
It never rains in LA
- Heath?
- [Heath] What?
The mining ax
that was on the wall.
Yeah. That's weird.
Collecting axes
is definitely fucking weird.
[Laura] It's missing.
And please don't tell me
it's the altitude
playing tricks on me.
No, you're right.
Don't worry,
this is just Ed messing with us.
- [Brannon] Ed 101.
- Oh, great.
The guy who brought the gun
now has an ax.
Where are they anyway?
- Which room did Ed take?
- Did he take one?
- I didn't see.
- Me neither.
I haven't seen him
since he brought in the pig.
Okay. You guys go find them.
I'm gonna go get the iPad.
Oh, shit!
Wow. Great leadership.
That's not funny.
- [tense music playing]
- Ah, fuck! Ah!
You okay? What happened?
I don't know, it's like
someone just ran past
and whacked me
with a lacrosse stick.
It's probably
just a draft from the window.
It was not a draft.
But it probably was.
Come on.
There's some flashlights
and shit in the storage closet.
Let's go.
[Brannon] Fuck!
Ed, if you're playing games
this isn't funny.
Something tells me
that if Ed was playing a game,
it wouldn't be one
we would think is funny.
- Quick study.
- [child giggling]
- [eerie music playing]
- Did you hear that?
Um, no?
It was like
a little boy laughing.
Like I heard the other night.
- [imitates ghost moaning]
- [Brannon laughs]
It's just the wind, babe.
You really need to learn
to differentiate the two.

[child giggles]
Let's just get upstairs
so I can get my iPad
and FaceTime with Dell.
[Laura] Shouldn't we find
Ed and Anna?
In theory, yes.
I just need to get
this binding issue
out of this stoner fuck's head
before he tells someone
with a brain
that could sue me.
Heath, Jesus!
No, I-- I'm sorry,
but this could be bad
for the both of us, okay?
Guys, it's gonna be fine.
If I get sued off
my first snowboard,
it's not gonna be fine.
Was that a gun?
Sure sounded like it.
I thought you locked it
in the safe.
I did,
but not every gun in existence.
Should we call the police?
- [Brannon] I've got no bars.
- Don't sweat it.
This is just Ed being Ed.
I'm starting to think
Ed belongs in jail.
[Anna moaning]
That was Anna. Anna?

What are you gonna do
with that, Tiger?
Your golf bro
teach you how to spar too?
I have a black belt in aikido.
[Anna moaning]
- Anna?
- [Anna and Ed moaning]
[Ed] Yes. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
- Now clench the anus.
- [soft music playing]
Squeeze. Ooh!
Feel that energy just blast up
the base of the spine...
- What the fuck!
- your third eye.
Oh. A little privacy, please.
- Oh.
- What the fuck!
- What's your problem, Ace?
- What's my problem?
This isn't what it looks like.
Well, sure as fuck
doesn't look like an apology.
I'm doing you a solid, chief.
Anna's chakras
are all clogged up
from the negative aspects
of your relationship.
He's right, Brannon.
Our relationship has issues.
I know, baby. But this?
This is a powerful release,
And until you learn
how to support this beautiful,
beautiful woman
in her manifestation
coaching business,
without it triggering your need
for belittlement
or control,
your relationship will remain
in stagnation, my friend.
But baby you-- you hate Ed.
I mean, upstairs...
- How?
- I don't know.
We just-- we connected.
I don't know how to explain it.
You know I walked in,
and there was sage burning,
and we started talking
about energy and--
I took you on five dates
before we slept together,
20 before we did any butt stuff.
A little sage
and some energy talk
and Ed's walking
through the back door?
No. No, no, no.
you have this all wrong.
Dude, there was
no meat-on-bun contact, bro.
I walked in on you
laid down doggy on my wife
telling her to clench her anus.
Dude, it's a breathing technique
to move the kundalini
up the spine.
Fucking what?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
If you took any interest
in my yoga practice, you'd know.
- But you don't.
- Case in point.
When you clench the muscles
around the genital,
sphincter, and sit bone.
Leave my wife's shit bone
outta this!
- Sit bone.
- The perineum, bro.
It's where the serpent's coiled
at the base of the spine.
If you wanna continue
pleasing a woman like this,
you really need to study
on this stuff, champ.
I'll show you
where the serpent's coiled
you sick fuck!
And I'm done paying
for your yoga.
[Brannon grunts]
Is he okay?
Is he breathing?
- Yeah.
- Good.
He'll be fine.
He'll wake up
in about 20 minutes
in a state of calm,
much more open to receiving.
Hey, you have nothing
to be ashamed of, love.
- He'll understand.
- Ed, where is your gun?
What are you talking about?
You were not just firing
your gun?
During a healing?
I would never pervert
such a sacred act
with an instrument
of violence, Heath.
Did you bring another gun?
I'm on a ski trip.
Why would I need two guns?
- [gunshot]
- Yep.
That was a Glock 19.
Same as mine.
It's a pretty popular pistol,
but my bet
is that someone
broke into your safe, Heath.
Could it be Ellen?
Ellen's not much
of a gunslinger.
Who is Ellen?
Oh, don't worry about Ellen.
She's just the help.
To overcome the beast
we must become the beast!
- [gunshot]
- [gasps]
[Heath] All right,
let's just get out of here.
- What about Brannon?
- What about him?
We can't just leave him here
with his head
dangling off the bed.
I got a bad back,
so unless Heath here
wants to hoist him
over his shoulder,
and carry him
out Vietnam casualty style,
we're just gonna
have to dump him, and run.
- [gunshot pops]
- Okay, yeah.
We might be surrounded.
We gotta check
the safe for my piece.
You guys go ahead, I'm just
gonna stay here with Brannon.
I would've loved
to have finished our session.
I know we have
our issues, but...
as soon as I saw
his reaction,
I knew that he really loved me.
So this is our journey now.
Well, if you ever
find yourself in Miami,
- don't be a stranger.
- Wrap it up, let's go.
Let's move out.
Who else has the combo?
[Heath] Only my dad.
You saw that I locked it.
- I saw that you closed it.
- No, I definitely locked it.
Well, maybe
the individual who lit
this glorious roaring fire
could clue us in.
Guys, let's just get out.
Get to a neighbor.
So maybe someone has a phone,
we can call the police.
Fuck! Fucking Dad!
- [gunshot pops]
- [Laura screams]
Ah! Ow!
Oh, shit.
[child giggles]
Yeah, I definitely just heard
that little fucker too.
I'm telling you, I think
there's a little boy here.
And don't tell me it's the wind.
You're both crazy.
- [gunshot pops]
- [Ed gasps]
Are we though?
Okay, that was further away.
Come on. Let's go.
[suspenseful music playing]
[whispering] Come on.
- [gun cocks]
- [gunshots popping]
[Ed] I like this kid.
Damn. Come on, come on.
[Heath] Get down. Get down.
Did you lock the door?
[Ed] Of course
I locked the door,
I'm being pursued by
a psychopath with a gun.
[lights click]
Oh, dope. Movie night.
It's the guys from the photo,
from the driveway.
Can't say I've seen that one.
Good flick?
[eerie sigh]
[Heath] Ellen,
what the fuck is going on?
Your brother has escaped.
[Laura] What?
This doesn't concern you.
[Laura] You just said
that someone escaped.
And you have a brother?
It's Ellen's runt she had
with my dad.
- It's not like a real brother.
- Oh, word,
I didn't know Big Mike
had a Schwarzenegger baby.
How could you let this happen?
He must have gotten out
when I went
to check the fuse box.
And where is it exactly
that you've been keeping him?
Laura, it's for his own good.
Don't overthink this.
No, Heath,
I think underthinking
- has officially ended.
- He's a total train wreck, babe.
He hasn't spoken a word
since he was born.
- He has violent tendencies and--
- [gunshot pops]
And might have a gun.
And I'm sorry, "train wreck"?
Look, I know you have
a soft spot for these types,
but I'm telling you,
this is different.
I work with kids like this.
How could you not tell me?
For this exact reason.
Because I knew you'd overreact.
And if any of this ever got out,
my dad's reputation
would be ruined.
Fuck your dad,
we need to help him
before he hurts himself
or one of us.
- Or both.
- Yes.
Finally, Ed, you've said
something I can get behind.
Oh, you can get behind my dad
locking me in a shed for a week
and feeding me dog food?
You see,
best not to meddle in affairs
that are none
of your fucking business!
I hear you loud and clear,
but right now,
a mentally disabled child
is loose in a house with a gun.
It's my fucking business.
Ellen, I study
abnormal child psychology.
What is his condition?
His condition
is in perfectly good hands
with his mother!
[Ed] Mother knows best.
[child giggles]
Don't be afraid.
I'm sorry.
These people have upset you.
But your mother is here...
to make everything better.
[gunshot pops]
- How could you?
- Ah!
Leave a loaded gun
out in the open.
Ah, I put it
in the safe, and locked it.
Nobody else has
the combination, Ellen.
[eerie instrumental playing]
Well, then.
Well, then what?
I believe those beneath...
may be having
a bit of fun with us.
[inhales] Y'all really gotta
plan your ski weekends
around this one
from now on, buddy.
Shut up, Ed.
I think I heard him
the other night.
[Brian whispering]
Are you here to save me?
Ellen, I know
this will sound crazy,
but I study this phenomenon,
and I think your son
was trying to contact me.
- I can help you.
- [Heath] Oh, my God.
This is not the time
to start spinning your wheels
on your psychic retard theories.
We just gotta find this kid,
and get him back to his room.
[gasps] Yeah.
It's all making sense now.
You've come here
to take my boy, haven't you?
What? Of course, not.
I just wanna help.
- [Ellen grunts]
- [Laura] Ellen stop!
Laura, run!
Laura, chill.
We've gotta set her straight
before she gets away.
Ellen, you hurt my face.
[alarm blaring]
[Ellen] Oh, Laura.
[Ellen laughing,
groaning maniacally]
[Laura breathing heavily]
[Ellen] Heath,
where the fuck is she?
[alarm blaring]
[tense music playing]
[Heath] Ellen and I
just wanna talk to you.
[tense music intensifying]
- [door slams shut]
- [music ends]
[breathing heavily]
Damn it!
[Laura breathing heavily]
- [man shouting]
- [Laura screaming]
[Brian whispering]
Are you here to save me?
[eerie instrumental playing]
Are you here to save me?
[somber instrumental playing]
Yes. Brian?
If that's you...
I can hear you.
I can help you.
I can save you.
If you'll let me.
[lock clicks]
[door creaks open]
[alarm blaring]

You can trust me, Brian.
I think you know that.
I heard you
the other night as well.
When you asked
if I was here to save you.
And I wasn't sure
what was happening.
But now I do.
And I believe
you have great powers.
Just please use them
to let me help you.
You don't have to hurt anyone.
[quick footsteps tapping]
Brian, I can hear you
if you speak to me.
Where are you?
And I'll come to you.
I'll help get you to a place
where people understand you.
And can help care for you.
[Brian] Would you like
to come play with me in my room?
Yes, yes, Brian.
I'll meet you in your room.
[door grinding]
[ominous instrumental playing]
I am coming in, Brian.
Please put the gun down.
And we'll leave here together.
[door grinding]

[electricity buzzing]

[eerie instrumental playing]
[Brian] Mama, no!
[Ellen] Brian.
You think she's gonna help you.
But she's only gonna
take you away from me.
[whispering] I'm the only one...
who truly understands...
what's best for you.
[gun cocks]
- [gun clicks]
- [Ellen gasps]
[gun cocks]
Chin up, little man.
I got two on this bitch as well.

Hands up fuckstick.
Get down on your fucking knees.
You too, ax lady.
I thought you said
you only brought one gun.
I lied.
You always keep two in the coat.
You people are going away
for a very, very long time.
And you can give this
back to grandma.
[emotional violin
instrumental playing]
- [wind whooshing]
- [Laura gasps]

Are you seriously
this emotionally invested
in this stupid puzzle?
Do you ever remember things
about our childhood?
I remember being children.
No, like, weird things
that you can't explain.
I don't remember
being able to explain
a lot of things as a kid
because I was a kid.
[Laura] Forget it, I just--
I'm involved
in this study at school,
and ever since I started,
I've been having like, dj vu,
and I can't tell
if I'm uncovering
repressed memories,
or I'm just convincing myself
that I'm experiencing
what I'm studying.
I don't mean
to freak you out, but...
do you ever remember
hearing Mom and Dad
talking to us after they died?
Or you and I communicating
without using words?
Okay, you need to catch
some dick harder than any woman
in the history
of Friday night. [laughs]
There's this guy, Heath,
that I'm dying for you to meet.
He's single,
and ready to mingle.
I know you wanted
to just get away,
and have a chill weekend,
but my girl is having
a Boogie Nights birthday bash
down at the roller skating rink
tonight, and you and I
are fucking going,
and that's final.
[suspenseful music playing]
[pencil scratching]
How's he doing?

["Long Way Down"
by Dia Frampton playing]
Run from the woes
To escape
Dangerous games that we play

I got it over my head
And until the devil
knows I'm dead
Selling your soul
Never pays
Way too late
To turn this train around
And it's a long way down
And it's way down
And no we can't stop now
'Cause it's long way down
I'm like a ghost
in this skin
What twisted dreams
I live in
I look for rivers deep
To clean my soul
of what it bleeds
I can't wake from this sin
Way too late
To turn this train around
And it's a long way down
And it's way down
And no, we can't stop now
'Cause it's long way down
[music stops]