Snow White and the Three Stooges (1961) Movie Script

[ Man Narrating ] Once upon a time,
in the far-offland of Fortunia...
there lived a noble king
and his lovely young queen...
who lacked but one blessing
to make theirjoy complete--
[ Moe ]
Not you.! Come outta there.
[ Narrator Clears Throat ]
l beg your pardon, ladies and gentlemen.
The good queen longed
for a child to love...
whose skin would be
as white as snow...
her lips as red as rubies...
and her hair as black as ebony.
- [ Moe ] Who let you in?
- My hair used to be black.
Out.! Before you get
a pair of eyes to match.
[ Narrator ]
Really.! This is most--Sorry.
The queen's prayers
were answered.
A child as delicate as a snowflake
was born to her...
and they called her
Snow White.
But the king's joy
was swiftly changed to grief...
for his frail and gentle queen
was taken from him...
and summoned back to heaven.
The king mourned her
with a broken heart...
but at last, in submission
to the pleading ofhis people...
he wed again.
But, alas, the new queen's heart
was cold and evil.
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who is fairest of them all?
[ Man's Voice From Mirror]
Only truth reflects in me.
No one lives as fair as thee.
[ Narrator ]
But she reckoned without Snow White...
who, even in childhood,
showed the promise of a beauty...
that would one day
far outshine the queen's.
Now, it so happened
that there dwelt...
in the neighboring kingdom
of Bravuria...
a fearless and handsome prince--
- [ CurlyJoe ] He said ''handsome. ''
- [ Larry ] Yeah.! Get outta there.!
- Hold on! l'm a citizen!
- [ Narrator ] Gentlemen, l must protest.!
This is Prince Charming,
the hero of our story...
destined to love Snow White
with all his heart.
[ Moe ]
Come back here,you.! That belongs to me.
- Give it to me!
- [ Narrator ] Gentlemen.! Gentlemen.!
- Not in front of royalty.!
- [ CurlyJoe ] No, ya don't.
[ Narrator Sighs ]
A thousand pardons, ladies and gentlemen.
- [ Larry ] Hey, wait for me!
- [ Narrator ] And ifby now...
you're wondering what on earth
the Three Stooges...
have to do with the fairy tale of Snow White,
it's very simple.
ln this version,
we're telling the story of...
Snow White
and the Three Stooges.
[ Choir ]
There's a place
ln the sky
Called Happiness
On the far other side
Of the moon
Where you walk
through a bright
Golden door
To whatever your heart
Wishes for
Dreams are real
ln that place
Called Happiness
There's a rainbow
To guide you each day
Though it's far off somewhere
lf you keep on believing
lt's there
Your heart will fiind
The way
Though it's far off somewhere
lf you keep on believing
lt's there
Your heart will fiind
The way
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
[ Narrator ] No child ever loved the winter
as did Snow White.
Jack Frost had but to touch the palace lake
with his white fiingers...
and she knew her greatestjoy
as she skimmed across its surface.
Only her father's love
gave her as much delight.
With the passing
of each birthday...
her beloved skates seemed
to lend her an enchantment.
As the beauty
of Snow White blossomed...
indeed her heart
could want for nothing.
Unbeknown to Snow White...
she had already incurred
the bitterjealousy ofher stepmother...
the queen.
Mirror, mirror
on the wall...
who's the fairest
of us all?
'Tis true, O Queen,
that thou art fair...
but so is Snow White.
Have a care.
[ Smacks Fist ]
- [ Sleigh Bells Jingling ]
- [ People Chattering ]
Let Snow White
have a care!
[Jingling Continues ]
Happy birthday
dear Princess
Oh, thank you!
Thank you, everyone.
They're all so beautiful.
l don't know which to open first.
Forgive me, Your Highness, but you're not
supposed to open any before your party tonight.
Oh, that's much
too long to wait.
Well, if Your Highness would like
to open just one...
l suggest that one.
Thank you, Eric. And you'd better take
the others in before l'm tempted again.
[ Bells Jingling ]
- Oh!
- Oh, how lovely and soft!
May l ask
who gave me this?
lt was l, Your Highness,
and l'm afraid l have a favor to beg of you.
For you, dear Linda,
you've only to ask.
Even if it means l leave you,
Your Highness?
- Leave me?
- To be married!
[ Crowd Murmurs ]
- To Frederick!
- l beseech you, Your Highness.
We'll be grateful to you
all our lives.
How could l refuse you?
l wish you all the happiness in the world.
Such a magic day
only comes your way
But once
in a million years
All l can say is
That this kind of day
ls something
that happens to few
And may l add that
l'll always be glad
that what made it happen
Was you
A million
Bells are ringing
There's lovely music
in my ears
Boys and girls
can't miss
Guess a day like this
comes once
ln a million years
[ Men ]
A million birds start singing
Each time the one
you love appears
[ Choir ] Such a magic day
only comes your way but once
ln a million years
The trees are dressed
in their winter best
Wearing diamonds
in their hair
The sky's so blue
that it looks brand-new
There's a Christmasy feel
in the air
So let our hearts
be merry
For Mother Nature
here's three cheers
Plus a great big kiss
for a day like this
That comes once
ln a million--
ln a trillion--
ln a zillion years
So let our hearts
be merry
For Mother Nature
here's three cheers
Plus a great big kiss
for a day like this
That comes once
ln a million--
ln a trillion--
ln a zillion years
[ Vocalizing ]
Your Highness!
- Your Highness.!
- [ Ends ]
What is it, Rolf?
What's happened?
- His Majesty-- He suffered
a sudden attack! Please come.
- [ Gasps ]
Come, Your Highness, quickly!
- Father?
- Come closer, my dear.
Oh, father, l'm afraid!
My beloved child...
the time has come
for me to leave you...
but not in sorrow...
for l leave you
in loving hands.
Yes, my dearest husband.
Swear to me that you will
protect Snow White...
and love her as l have...
until she comes of age
and ascends the throne.
l shall live only for her,
my lord. l swear it.
And, Oga?
You will be faithful also?
To my last breath,
Your Majesty.
We are pleased.
My precious child...
one day you will be queen...
and your love will belong
to all your people.
Do not weaken it
with little sorrows...
and not for my sake.
For l die content.
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, no! No, Father!
[ Sobbing Continues ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Drumroll ]
[ Drumroll ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
The king is dead.
Long live the queen.
[ Ringing Continues ]
My hour has come at last.
There was never
any doubt of it...
once l had signed the wizard's oath
to champion your cause.
[ Ringing Continues ]
l'm not exactly helpless
without you, Count Oga.
Far from it, dear lady.
lt was entirely your idea...
to have young Prince Charming
discreetly done away with.
l merely saw to it that your orders
were executed.
You needn't make it sound
as if l enjoy annihilating children.
l only do it when it's...
No, of course, Your Majesty.
Your fierce ambition conceals
the tenderest of hearts.
- [ Ringing Fades ]
- Yes. l must confess,
my conscience is always clear.
Exactly. lf their idiots of fathers...
had not betrothed Prince Charming
to Snow White in childhood...
why, the lad
would be alive today.
Don't be a fool!
He had to die.
Once he'd married Snow White,
he would've been king of two kingdoms...
and l would've been
queen of... none.
How bitter for you that Snow White will
still ascend the throne...
when she comes of age,
married or not.
lf that is allowed
to happen...
let me remind you that my defeat
is your defeat.
All l ever counsel is patience and caution,
dear lady.
- You are sometimes too impetuous--
- l am a queen!
And l intend
to remain the queen.
The world will look on
Snow White's face no more.
[ Creaking ]
[ Keys Clattering ]
Forgive me, Your Highness.
l dare not disobey the queen.
You have always been
loyal and true.
l know it's not
your fault, Rolf.
As faithfully
as l served the king...
l watch over you, Your Highness,
until you're free and happy again.
Thank you, Rolf.
Never lose hope,
Your Highness.
That day will come.
[ Door Creaks, Clatters ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Door Closes,
Keys Clattering ]
[ Narrator ]
ln a wooded glen not far away...
some wandering minstrels
have set up camp.
Oh,yes.! Oh,yes.! Oh,yes.!
Now, hear this,
all you good people.
l am Quinto the Magnificent...
Quinto the Stupendous,
Quinto the Colossal!
Just a moment.
Aren't you supposed to introduce me first?
- [ Bells Jingling ]
- Who let this over-vocal yokel in?
l like that.
lf it weren't for me, you'd be dumb!
[ Scoffs ] lf you do the talkin' for both of us,
l'll be even dumber!
However, this oaf to my left
is Quatro, folks...
my fourth Stooge.
l beg your pardon.
You're our fifth Stooge.
Hence your name, Quinto.
l knew he was sulking
about the billing.
[ Scoffs ]
These amateurs! They'll do it every time.
Unhand me, varlet.
Unhand me! l abdicate!
[ Bells Jingle ]
Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you.
And now, in response to flattering
and overwhelming requests...
l shall attempt a feat of horticultural
so complicated
that it has never--
as of this moment--
been successfully accomplished.
Observe! There is nothing
concealed beneath my cloak--
no sleeves, trap doors,
mirrors, springs or wires.
Now, l hold before you this lifeless,
withered twig...
which l shall endeavor
to bring into full blossom...
right before your very eyes.
Watch me closely.
Closely now, gentlemen.
Aye, aye--
- Presto!
- [ Bells Jingling ]
Ha, ha! To the manner born, my boy.
You're better than we ever were.
- Nah.
- Yeah, but he cheats. He's got brains!
He's got more than that.
He's got style.
Yes, and that's
what's been worrying me.
You know, you're too good
for a crummy old act like ours.
What are you talking about?
You're the best friends l have in the world.
Just the same, you have class,
and we don't.
What you need now is to study
with the big-timers, the aristocrats.
l don't need to learn anything
that you three can't teach me.
No. Like Moe says,
we're nobodies.
- Uh, not to me.
- Of course we are!
Look at all the times we go hungry.
And the times we've been incarcerated...
in durance vile!
Not to mention being
thrown in the clink!
lgnoramus! He just
got through sayin' that!
Please don't misunderstand us, Quatro.
We don't want to lose you...
but we never told you the real story
of how we found you.
Why not? ls it something
to be ashamed of?
- No, no!
- We just never seemed to get around to it.
But... there's no time
like the present.
Come over here, son.
l wanna talk to you.
Sit down.
lt happened about 1 4 years ago
in Fortunia.
They was celebratin' the betrothal of Snow White
to Prince Charming...
- of, uh, Bruva-- Brav--
- Bravuria!
Not a real marriage,
you understand.
She was only three,
and he was about seven.
But that's the way
they do it in royal circles.
That's why we were
appearing in the town.
We could just as well
have stayed home.
- Business was terrible!
- Yeah.
- So was the stuff we were selling.
- [ Both Chuckle ]
[ Moe's Voice ] We were doing the old
rabbit trick, remember?
[ Crowd Cheers ]
Thank you, good people,
one and all.
- At your pleasure, Professor.
- Your servant, Maestro.
Behold the secret of the ages!
Yuk, the recipe of which was imparted to
my illustrious partner and myself...
by an incumbentjudo expert,
in gratitude for saving his life...
when threatened by an emotionally
unstable cobra...
on the far-flung mud banks
of the flooded Hoogli.
- Now, as a river, the Hoogli is only oogly.
- [ Crowd Laughing ]
But this unique concoction
not only cures...
all the known afflictions
that confound mankind...
but it reduces weight,
kills moths...
and restores the hair!
Pardon me.
Aren't you the gentleman
that purchased a bottle of Yuk from us...
in this identical
metropolis a year ago?
Your assumption is correct, sir.
Won't you step up here,
kind sir?
You can do the world
a noble service.
Tell these good people how many bottles
of Yuk it took...
to raise that magnificent
tonsure on your bonce.
Not even one.
l just dabbed it with a moistened cork.
- Ah, you see, folks?
- Ah, you're a pack of liars!
l bought a bottle of that poison last year,
and look what it did to me!
- [ Crowd Laughs ]
- lgnore him, folks.
Look what Yuk did
for my friend here.
Hair in such abundance that the chipmunks
nest there in the mating season.
- Now then, who'll buy?
- Step right up, folks. Don't crowd.
One drabnik a bottle.
Two for a dripnik.
Become the envy of your friends.
Surprise your wife.
You, lady, grow a beard
and surprise your husband!
- You? How 'bout you?
- How 'bout you, madam?
What's the matter? You're gonna take
that old hayseed's word against ours?
Why, before l started using Yuk,
l was balder than he is!
What's more, l can prove it.
- [ Crowd Gasps ]
- l told you they were fakers!
- Yeah, the liars!
- Let's tar and feather them!
- Hang them up by the heels!
- Yeah, come on. Let's get 'em!
[ Moe's Voice ]
They chased us all the way to the river...
but we fiinally managed
to give 'em the slip.
[ CurlyJoe's Voice ]
By the skin of our teeth.
[ Moe's Voice ]
And that's when we fiirst saw you.
Bite me, would ya?
l'll fix you, you--
[ Grunting ]
[ Larry ]
[ Thuds, Grunts ]
[ All Screaming ]
[ Grunts ]
Hey, look!
What happened?
ls he dead?
No, he's alive, but look at that lump
on his head.
He must've tripped
and hit it on that rock.
We'd better get him away from here quick.
Give me a hand.
- Take it easy, Curl. Easy.
- Okay, okay.
Go ahead.
That's it.
[ Grunts ]
[ Moe's Voice ]
All things considered...
we felt it was best
to get out of town...
and as soon as possible.
He's been unconscious an awful long while.
l'm worried.
He's gonna be all right.
Aren't ya, sonny?
[ Moans Softly ]
He's opening his eyes.
- [ Gasps ]
- Don't let our faces scare ya, sonny.
We're your friends.
What happened?
- You hurt your head.
- On a rock.
Tell us where you live, sonny.
We'll take you home.
You wanna go home,
don't you?
l-- l don't know.
Tell us your name,
- Uh--
- What's your name?
Uh, l don't know.
Who was that big man
trying to hurt ya?
Never mind.
lt's not important.
You just rest.
We'll look out for ya.
[ CurlyJoe ]
Till you remember who you are.
We are, please.
Poor kid's so confused, he--
he thinks there's more than one of him.
You'd lost your memory,
you see?
We couldn't leave you there.
You were in danger.
We tried to find
your family and couldn't.
So we adopted you.
And you've never given us
a moment's regret.
And l don't intend to
in the future either.
The future, my boy,
is what we're talking about.
Supposing you suddenly remember
your real name, who your people are?
Well, suppose l do?
But to whom
is your first duty?
To ''youm,'' that's whom!
And our first duty is to see that you
take your rightful place in the world.
l'm sorry, various
and assorted fathers...
but you won't get rid
of me that easily...
even if l turn out to be
the emperor of China.
So let's stop all this nonsense about
my belonging somewhere better.
One day l'll prove to you how grateful
l am for all you've done for me.
What're ya-- What are ya sitting around for,
ya soft-boiled egghead?
Get to work.
And you-- get those bottles filled,
you mangy floor mop!
[ Narrator ]
So it was that Snow White vanished...
from the eyes
of those who loved her.
And to silence all inquiry...
her stepmother made it known that she
and the bereaved princess...
had retired into pious mourning...
for the space
of one long year.
Lonely, lonely
little star
How you twinkle
from afar
All alone
yet still you glow
Ever bright
To let me know
There's a place
ln the sky
Called Happiness
On the far other side
Of the moon
Where you walk
through a bright
Golden door
To whatever your heart
Wishes for
Dreams are real
ln that place
Called Happiness
There's a rainbow
To guide you
Each day
Though it's far off
lf you keep on believing
lt's there
Your heart
Will find
The way
How l've hated
wearing black.
A whole year of it!
One more day and my widow's weeds
would've strangled me!
[ Giggles ]
Free at last.
And the all-powerful queen of not one,
but both kingdoms--
yours and Prince Charming's.
No woman ever
possessed such power.
You will arrange a national celebration
to be held in my honor.
And it must be the most extravagant
in history.
Ah, we now touch upon a delicate subject,
Your Majesty.
Your tastes could hardly
be called frugal...
and the exchequer is,
in fact, empty.
That's strange.
l don't seem to recall abolishing taxation.
On the contrary, you doubled the taxes
in both kingdoms only a month ago.
- Well, then what could be simpler?
- [ Clinks ]
Double them again.
Now, the guests of honor
for my celebration--
Whom, after myself,
will my subjects be most anxious to see?
l'm afraid,
the princess, Snow White.
- Never.
- lt would be wise.
The people are asking
why she's never seen in public.
The people! The people!
l command you to use
your magic Sword of Power...
to blot Snow White
from their memories forever.
Madam, so powerful
is the magic of this ancient sword...
that l dare not use its last three wishes,
save in dire extremity.
Are you defying me,
Count Oga?
Never, Your Majesty.
We must not waste the wishes of the sword.
But she must be destroyed!
You are forgetting, my dear lady,
l can only invoke...
the magic of the sword
for good deeds.
[ Scoffs ]
That assassin,
the one who rid us of Prince Charming--
- Do you still trust him?
- Hordred the Huntsman.
He wouldn't be alive
if l didn't.
Then send for him again.
And this time,
l want proof the deed is done.
What kind of proof?
[ Clattering ]
Bring back Snow White's heart...
in this.
l'm on the queen's business.
Open the door!
[ Keys Clattering ]
[ Squeaking ]
Your Highness.
Hordred, what is it?
Forgive me, but Linda...
that maiden-in-waiting
you permitted to marry...
is very, very sick.
She's been calling for you.
Oh, no. But l can't go to her.
l'm a prisoner here.
The queen has granted you
permission to visit her.
- l'm to take you there.
- When? When can we go?
As soon as you go
to your quarters and change.
l'll-- l'll hurry.
But Linda lives
in the middle of a village.
She's moved. Her house lies hidden
just beyond those trees.
[ Gasps ]
Don't! Please don't!
l can't-- l can't do it.
Forgive me, Your Highness.
Forgive me.
But why?
Why should you want to kill me?
The queen-- She's jealous
of your beauty!
You must never return to the palace.
Understand, Princess?
Now run.
Run for your life! Run!
Run, princess, run!
Never come back!
[ Animal Squeaking ]
[ Bird Screeching ]
[ Hooting ]
[ Bird Cawing ]
[ Animal Whining ]
[ Whining Continues ]
[ Monkey Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]
- [ Gasps ]
[ Screeching Continues ]
[ Screeching Continues ]
Help! Help me!
[ Panting ]
- Please help me! Please!
- [ Creaking ]
ls anyone here?
Anyone home?
- [ Creaks ]
- [ Panting ]
[ Whimpers ]
[ Sobbing ]
The sun's up.
Are we in Fortunia yet?
Almost. l was just
asking Quatro...
if any of the landmarks
look familiar.
- No, afraid not.
- Of course not.
He was too young for it
to register on his cogitative faculties.
- How's that again?
- None of the landmarks look familiar.
- Oh.
- But now we return triumphant.
- A command performance.
- That's right. Your big chance, Quatro.
Yes. And if the queen likes ya,
all the crowned feet of Europe...
will be at your head!
Whoa, Thunder!
Whoa, Lightning!
- Well, we've arrived.
- Arrived where?
- At our summer residence.
- That doll's house?
Doll's house? That, my son,
is the cottage of the Seven Dwarves.
Just a few miles from the queen's palace,
and ours-- all ours!
Wait a minute. l thought you just said
it belonged to the Seven Dwarves.
- And so it does.
- But they're never here at this time of the year.
And the last time we saw them,
they gave us a standing invitation.
All out. Get the stuff.
We might want to rehearse.
And the reason it's
a standing invitation is because...
the beds are too short
for us to lie down in.
Anything is better than
sleeping in the wagon.
l'm all right. l sleep
curled up in a ball.
That's why you keep
rolling out of bed.
- l can sleep on my head.
- Why not? lt's full of feathers.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Aw, a note.
''Prospecting in King Solomon's mines.
Back by Christmas.
Make yourselves to home.
Signed, The Dwarves.''
- [ Creaks ]
- Look! They didn't even lock the doors.
- [ Creaking ]
- After you.
l still feel we're trespassing.
- After you.
- No, no.
Apres vous, mon brave.
l insist.
- How do you like it?
- Oh, it's fine...
as long as l...
remember to keep ducking.
There's another
little room in here.
[ Whispering ]
One of the dwarves is still here!
lt must be a burglar.
When l grab him,
you three help me overpower him.
[ Stuttering ]
Well, why wake him? Maybe he needs his sleep.
Aw, stay here.
- lt's a girl.
- What's she doin' here?
The dwarves must lend
this place to everybody.
Shh! Don't wake her.
She's beautiful.
Forgive us, miss.
We didn't mean to wake you.
Where am l?
How did l get here?
You're in the cottage
of the Seven Dwarves.
But we don't know how you got here.
We've only just arrived.
Oh, l remember now.
The queen--
She tried to have me killed!
Please help me.
l'm in terrible danger.
Well, of course
we'll help you, miss.
- But first, please tell us who you are.
- Snow White.
- Not the princess Snow White?
- Yes.
A real princess!
Who are you?
Well, we'rejust strolling
players, Your Highness.
But from now on,
we're your bodyguards.
That's right.
You can count on us!
- Come what may!
- Ad infinitum!
What brought you
to our kingdom?
We were sent for
to give a performance at the palace.
They're holding a big
celebration tonight.
But as soon as it's over,
we'll take you wherever you want to go...
where you'll be safe.
Oh, thank you.
Meanwhile, how about some breakfast?
l'm famished.
- And l'm sure Your Queenship must be.
- l believe l am.
Good! We stole
a couple of--
That is, we're minding some eggs for
an absent-minded duck we ran into.
- l'll get 'em!
- l'll make the fire!
- l'll get some wood.
- l'll set the table!
l can make bread
if there's any flour.
- Flour?
- Flour?
There's a whole barrel of it.!
- Yeah.
- After you.
- Oh, don't start that. Go on. Get it.
- Okay.
- Be careful.
- All right.
Watch yourself. Here, here, here.
l'll help you.
- l'm sorry.
- [ Spits ]
Here they are.
One for each!
[ Crashes, Thuds ]
- Sire.
- ls it done?
Here is her heart.
- Guard this carefully until l return from my ride.
- Yes, my lord.
Also, the mountebanks who are to perform
before the queen tonight are here.
Will you see them?
[ Snaps Fingers ]
You are the vagabonds
that are supposed to make us laugh?
- Yes, Your Honor. lf it pleases Your Honor.
- Long live Your Honor.
You are hardly what l would call
prepossessing to the eye.
Thank you, Your Honor.
What do you do?
These gentlemen are magicians, sire.
Very fine artists.
Uh, Quatro here sings
and entertains, Your Honor.
Well, it's too late
to hire anybody else.
You'll appear before the queen
at 8:00 tonight.
- We're flattered, Your Honor.
- You will eat in the kitchen
with the royal servants.
l hope l do not have to tell you to avoid
all jokes in bad taste.
- Of course.
- The royal butler will compensate you...
at the close
of your entertainment.
l trust it won't be
money down the drain.
That is all.
[ Cracks Whip ]
- Thank you, Your Worship.
- You're very kind, Your Worship.
- Happy birthday, uh, Your Worship.
- [ Whispers ] Come on!
- Hello!
- [ Whistles ]
[ Snow White ]
ln here.!
- Well, we're back!
- l'm so glad.
- l was beginning to get a little worried.
- Why?
- Has anyone been near the cottage?
- Not a soul.
- But l missed you.
- Hey!
l wouldn't know
the old place!
- l've never seen so much flour in my life.
- [ All Chuckle ]
- ls everything arranged for your performance?
- lt certainly is.
- Tonight's the night.
- And Count Oga's crazy about us already!
- l wish l could be there to watch you.
- So do we.
Why don't we stage a performance right now
for Her Highness's own special benefit?
Oh, please do.
l'd love that.
No sooner said than done.Jump to it, boys.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
- A chair for Her Highness.
- A chair, a chair.
- lnstruments?
- lnstruments.
- Your Highness.
- Curtain going up!
Maestro, if you please.
Your Highness, lords,
ladies and jellyspoons...
it is a privilege to bring
to you in person...
the one and only renowned
and entrepreneur
par excellence...
Quatro the Great.
- [ Bells Jingling ]
- l thank you. l thank you. l thank you.
But allow me to correct an unpardonable
boo-boo on the part of Maestro Moe.
l am the only real brains here.
l am Quinto the Mind Reader.
l shall now proceed to tell Your Highness
exactly what you're thinking.
Quinto, you're appearing
before royalty.
Do you want your head
chopped off?
Why not?
You've lost yours already.
- [Jingling Continues ]
- [ Quatro ] That will do.
Please excuse him, Your Highness.
He's not his usual self.
How can l be my usual self
when you're not your usual self?
At least l know
how to mind my manners.
Hmm. l'll tell you what he's thinking,
Your Highness.
- He thinks you're-- [ Muffled ]
- No, you don't.
Unless you want this to be
your farewell performance.
l'm not allowed to say one tiny harmless word
to Her Highness?
Definitely not!
May l sing to her?
That can't do any harm.
- May he sing to Your Highness?
- [ Laughs ] l'd love him to.
Gentlemen, a chord, please.
Why am l
dancing and singing
Because l'm in love
Why is my heart
Because l'm in love
Why do l walk
when it's raining
As though it were
sunny and dry
Must l explain
all over again
l'm in love, l'm in love
l'm in love
So in love
l'm in love
l'm in love
That's why
Everybody wants
to be a comedian.
ls that what you call minding your manners,
stealing my thunder?
l beg your pardon, Quinto.
Apologize to the princess,
not to me.
Forgive me,
Your Highness.
lt won't happen again.
l'll see to that.
- Gypsies!
- [ Mumbles ]
- Play!
- Please, gypsies. Together!
A one, a two--
Must l explain
all over again
l'm in love, l'm in love
l'm in love
So in love
l'm in love
l'm in love
That's why
[ Applauding ]
l don't care
what they say.
l love you, dear princess.
l love you.
Fare thee well.
Good-bye, dear Quinto.
l love you too.
- Mmm--
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
Now don't worry, folks.
lt'll only be an April shower.
Next, a concertina solo
by Professor CurlyJoe.
What's with you?
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
Traitor! You shall be hanged,
drawn and quartered!
l, Your Majesty?
What have l done?
- Snow White is still alive!
- lmpossible.!
My mirror has just told me,
and my mirror never lies!
But you have her heart
to prove it!
This? This is
the heart of a pig!
- [ Crashes ]
- [ Whimpers ]
[ Screaming ]
Snow White is still alive!
Then Hordred has
betrayed us both.
Guard! Guard!
Seize Hordred the Huntsman
and take him to the torture chamber...
at once!
No, no!
[ Panting ]
[ Grunts ]
Stop! Stop! l can't bear it!
Then tell us,
why didn't you kill Snow White?
[ Gasping ]
l tried. l couldn't.
l told her to flee
for her life.
- Where is she now?
- l don't know.
- [ Creaks ]
- [ Screams ] l don't know. l swear it!
How many other times
have you deceived us?
What happened to the little prince
you were supposed to kill?
- l suppose you let him escape too!
- No! No!
He was rescued
by three mountebanks.
Then he's still alive?
Are you sure, man?
Tell the truth.
l am telling the truth.
l did what you told me.
l dressed him as a peasant
so no one would know him.
l was about to finish him
and throw him into the river...
when l was attacked
by these three mountebanks.
What three mountebanks?
What proof do we have
they ever existed? None.
[ Groans ]
Yes, my lord.
They are the same three
you talked to this morning.
Those clodhoppers?
You must be mad.
[ Gasping ]
No. No! l swear! By my mother's name l swear!
But there were
four of them.
That youth-- l thought
there was something...
far too arrogant about his manner
for a peasant.
And he and the prince
would be of an age.
Your Majesty,
fantastic as it may sound...
l believe that fate has played the missing prince
back into our hands.
- Captain--
- Aye.
Search the countryside
for those mountebanks...
and don't come back here
without all four!
Yes, Your Majesty.
And you--
you, Count Oga!
l hold you responsible
for the escape of Snow White.
See that she is found
before the day is out...
or you'll join your friend
here on the rack!
- [ Grunts ]
- Bungler! l'll finish you off personally.
Those floors--
l don't think they've been scrubbed for years.
[ Chuckles ]
That's because the Seven Dwarves are bachelors.
[ Exhales ]
lf anyone had told me yesterday...
that l'd be here
with you today--
l'm very glad you are.
[ Clears Throat ]
Quinto can think of nothing except you,
since he sang his heart out to you.
You mean he really meant
the things he said?
Every word.
He's a very sentimental
fellow, Quinto.
And he's fallen in love
for the first time in his life.
- The very first time?
- The first and only time.
l'm glad l took him
seriously then.
Oh, l hope you didn't do that,
Your Highness.
Why not?
Because you and he
belong in different worlds.
lf only--
lf only what?
lf only you were
a commoner like he is.
But l am.
Just for the moment.
You're the rightful queen of your country.
Nothing can ever change that.
And Quinto-- he doesn't even know who
his mother and father were.
l'm sure l would've loved them too,
whoever they were.
l'll tell Quinto
you said that.
lt'll make him very happy.
Couldn't l tell him myself?
l think it would be wiser
not to, don't you?
lf you say so.
But if you had told him,
l know what he would've answered.
Tell me, please.
l said it then
As l say it now
l love you
l said it then
And l say again
l do
Though the words are old
Each time they're told
We make this moment
A thrill
l said it then
l say it now
And l always
Though the words are old
Each time they're told
[ Together]
We make this moment
A thrill
l said it then
l say it now
And l always
[ Moe ]
Quatro, where are you?
Oh! We were waiting
for that water.
Yeah, we got the furniture
all stacked up.
l'm sorry.
l must've been off on a cloud somewhere.
l'll take that, son.
You two can stay out here on that ''cloud.''
- Hark! ''Hooses' hoffs''!
- [ Galloping ]
l mean, horses' hooves!
lt's the queen's soldiers.
Quick,you three.! Hide the princess.!
- ln the house. Come on!
- No! That's the first place they'll look.
Behind here.
- What about you?
- l'll stay and misdirect.
lt's you they're looking for, not me.
- This way, Your Highness.
- Come on.
You there! Halt!
Halt in the queen's name or you'll be slain!
- May l be of help, good sirs?
- You and your three confederates
are under arrest.
- Where are they?
- Arrest?
We've done no harm.
There must be some mistake.
Count Oga does not
make mistakes.
He has found out that you are the pretender
to the throne of Bravuria.
[ Gasps ]
Prince Charming.
[ Captain ]
Bind him.!
Why, l-- l'm very
flattered, sire...
but l'm of humble birth
and never made any secret of it.
You can tell all that
to the proper authorities.
Take him to the palace
while we search for the other three.
- What will they do to him?
- Shh.
You two search the cottage.
lf they offer any resistance, cut their heads off.
l'll look out here.
[ Water Splashing ]
- They're not in the house.
- They're not in the wagon either.
- Must've got wind of our coming and fled.
- Remount! After them!
What can we do?
She'll kill him like
she tried to kill me.
Don't worry, Your Highness.
We won't let the queen harm a hair of his head.
- How will we stop her?
- We'll think of a way.
lt better be good.
She's after our scalps too.
First we have to look after the princess.
We can't help Quatro...
until we know
Her Highness is safe.
[ Oga ]
We know that you are the prince.
l am not the prince.
l'm nothing but a strolling player,
Your Majesty...
and my friends are innocent.
- That man mistook them.
- Not me.
l know they're the men who attacked me.
We'll get to the truth
soon enough.
Old woman, you were nurse to the young
Prince Charming before his disappearance.
l was, Your Majesty,
for all of his seven years.
- lf he still lived, would you recognize him?
- Oh, at once, Your Majesty.
He had a birthmark like a crescent
right here on his chest.
The very mark.!
He is the prince.!
[ Gasps ]
Your Highness! Your Highness!
l think that removes all doubt,
Your Majesty.
To the dungeon with him!
The rightful king.
[ Keys Clattering ]
[ Footsteps Departing ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Whistling ]
[ Mouths Words ]
[ Knocking ]
- About time you got here!
- Fresh vegetables for the queen's table!
Picked fresh this morning.
What happened to
the regular man?
Oh, a crate of onions
upset him.
You mean he ate
a whole crate full?
No, it fell on him.
Good. The last lot of onions
he sent me even a pig wouldn't eat.
- Maybe you just weren't hungry.
- [ Scoffs ]
- Ready to unload?
- Unload?
l leave that sort of thing
to my underlings.
Hans! Fritz!
Unload the vegetables!
[ Whistles ]
A few holes and this would make
a very fine flute.
[ Scoffs ]
You get the pumpkins.
What's going on there?
Oh! l'll make goulash
out of you varlets!
Where are you?
Come here and stand--
Stand and fight!
Aaah! Come here!
- At ease, my man!
- Salutations.
Ad infinitum.
[ Vocalizing ]
- Food for the prisoner.
- You've come to the wrong cell.
This man is
to be executed.
On an empty stomach?
Don't be so unpatriotic.
Ah, l don't hold with
all this mollycoddling.
Hey. How come a whole loaf of bread
for just one man?
Because it's his last meal.
Now, if it was me,
l'd start off with oysters and white wine--
- Ah!
- What is this obnoxious concoction?
- That's, uh, sandwich surprise.
- Yeah, for the man who's eaten everything.
Well, what are you trying
to do, poison him?
- Poison him?
- That's the finest food in the queen's kitchen.
- Oh.
- Hey, that's not for the help.
- Ah!
- W-- Wait--
- [ Metal Crunches ]
- [ Screams ]
- A file! Guards!
- [ Whimpering ]
Get him in.
Get him in here.
Nice work, boys.
Quick, follow me!
- Run! Go back!
- After them! After them!
[ Grunts ]
[ Gasps ]
- [ Exclaims ]
- Quatro. Where's Quatro?
- Ooh! Back we go. Come on!
- Oh!
Come on.
What is the meaning
of this uproar?
Those three blaggards tried to rescue
the prince. But they'll never get away alive.
The prince?
Has he escaped?
Oh, no, not him, Your Majesty.
He's dead as mutton.
[ Oga ]
Dead? The prince? Are you sure?
[ Captain ] Yes, my lord.
l was about to cleave him with my sword...
when one of my archers
felled him with an arrow.
[ Queen ]
Bravely done. l shall reward you all.
Now, bring me Snow White.
l want her found before nightfall.
Do you understand, Captain? Before nightfall.
Yes, Your Majesty.
- Quatro.
- Yeah. He was just holding 'em
off so we could get away.
We better go back
and see.
No! We gotta get to Snow White
before they do. Come on.
Slide down this.
- [ Groaning ]
- Take this.
Ho, guards!
Here are your villains!
[ Groans ]
- Guards! Guards, stop them!
- Whoa!
My sword!
My magic sword!
The prince.!
Thank God his heart still beats.
We must hide him.
That tunnel--
it leads to the other side of the moat.
Help me with him.
Be careful.
Whoa! Stop!
- Your Highness!
- Where's Quatro? What happened?
lt's you that's in danger. We're just one jump
ahead of the queen's soldiers.
- Quick. Come with us.
- l'll get your cape so they won't know
you were here.
lnside, Your Highness,
and keep well out of sight.
You, get in there and hide her.
And keep these doors locked.
Hyah! Okay, boys!
Come on now!
There they go.
l knew it!
Here they come!
Thunder! Lightning!
Give it all ya got!
- Even if you haven't got it!
- Hyah! Go, boys!
They're gaining on us!
[ Moe Yelling ]
Keep going, boys.! Come on.!
Hurry up! Hey!
Come on! Hyah!
Oh, boys!
[ Moe ]
- They didn't see us.
- Turn around. Go back. Quick.
- Take the ocean road.
- Hyah, Thunder.
Turn. Turn!
They've tricked us!
- They saw us turn. They're still after us!
- How far back are they?
They're way back, but they're coming fast.
- Hyah!
- Whoo, boy! Oh!
[ Shouting ]
- [ Neighing ]
- Whoa!
Down, boys! Down!
Here. Here.
- What are we stopping for?
- Unhitch the horses, quick.
- What's the idea?
-Just do it, will you?
We gotta get rid of this wagon.
- Are they loose?
- All set.
Sorry, old-timers.
lt's every man for himself. Go!
- Hurry up! Heave!
- [ Grunting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Captain ]
See any sign oflife?
After a fall like that?
There's not a chance.
We have faithfully served our queen.
Back to the palace.
[ Man ]
To the palace.!
- [ Sighs ]
- Are we safe now?
No, Your Highness. You won't be safe until
you get out of this country for good.
- And there's no time like the present.
- Let's go.
- Without Quatro?
- Please, Your Highness.
We're trying to do what he'd want.
Don't make it too hard for us.
l can't run away
while he's still in danger.
But he'd want you to.
Don't you see that?
We'd die for you, miss--
l-l mean, Your Highness. Please trust us.
l'm sorry, but l can't go anywhere
until l know he's--
- Hark!
- [ Galloping ]
- Another search party.
- And now we're really done for.
- What'll we do?
- l wish we could say ''Allesabai''...
and be on top of the highest mountain
in the whole world.
- [ Thunderclap ]
- [ Wind Roaring ]
- Are we still alive?
- Of course we're still alive.
Otherwise, we wouldn't
be freezing to death.
lt was CurlyJoe. The highest mountain
in the world, he said, and we're on it.
- You had to say the highest!
- What?
[ Wind Howling ]
[ Moe Screams ]
[ Scream Echoes ]
All right, lamebrain, you got us up here.
Now get us down!
That sword,
where did you get it?
Souvenir from Count Oga.
Count Oga?
Then it must be the Sword of Power.
- [ Moe, Larry Together] The what?
- The magic Sword of Power.
Whoever holds it in his hand and wishes,
his wish is instantly granted.
Do tell.
Now it's mine.
l'm a hero!
l saved us all.
You may touch my sleeve.
l'll touch your nose with my fist if
you don't wish us off this mountain.
Keep your distance, peasant.
l am valuable.
O mighty Sword!
l wish us to be in a nice warm house...
with a great big
blazing fire.
- [ Thunderclap ]
- [ Wind Roaring ]
l never thought l'd ever be warm again.
l'm a genius, that's all.
A genius!
There's nothing
l can't do.
Then please, CurlyJoe,
wish for Quatro to be here too.
l'm afraid we can't do that,
Your Highness.
Why not? l thought
you were his friends.
We are, but, uh--
You tell her, Moe.
Well, it's like this. Quatro wouldn't want us
to wish him here.
Of course he would.
lt's no good, Your Highness.
We just can't lie to you anymore--
not even to make things
a bit easier for you.
Tell me the whole truth, please.
None of us will be seeing
Quatro anymore.
The queen killed him?
Ought we go after her?
What could we do?
She wants to be alone.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Quatro Singing, Faint ]
As l say it now
l love
l said it then
And l say again
l do
Though the words are old
Each time they're told
We make this moment
A thrill
[ Together]
l said it then
l say it now
And l always
[ Continues ]
[ Sleigh Bells Jingling ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Continues ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Crying ]
This time
she must be dead.
Yet my fears and doubts
still gnaw at me like rats.
Oh. l--
l must be calm.
l must restrain my passions
and keep my head.
Keep my head.
Mirror, now that
Snow White's life is done...
am l not the fairest one?
Far away though
Snow White be...
she lives
and is more fair than thee.
[ Sighs ]
lt's l who've been at fault.
l underestimated the magic powers
that protect Snow White's beauty.
lf she's far away,
Your Majesty...
she no longer constitutes
a serious threat to your throne.
Why not forget her beauty?
[ Sighs ]
How little you understand a woman's pride.
My heart has no revenge,
l vow.
Show me where
to find her now.
[ Mirror]
Here she lies, as you can see...
with broken heart
because of thee.
How to get my hands
on her?
- Count Oga?
- Your Majesty?
You will use your black arts
to transform me into a witch...
with power to find Snow White
and to destroy her.
No. No, l dare not.
The risk to you is far too great.
lt is a command.
Then on your own head be it.
But the potion will take
some time to prepare.
All the more reason
to get started!
When the king was alive,
you were free men.
Look at you now--
Slaves to a queen so infamous
the whole land cries out against her crimes!
Remember what
she did to me?
What she is doing to
our beloved Snow White?
lt's time to rid our country
of this tyrant!
l give you my heart,
my arm, my sword!
Will you follow me?
- Aye, and to the death!
- Freedom from the queen!
[ All Cheering ]
- Then rouse all who are loyal!
- And see that they are armed!
- Follow me!
- [ All Cheering ]
Come on.
Let's go!
Fang of snake,
tail of rat...
eye of toad
and claw of cat.
Deadly nightshade,
hippo fat...
spider's eyebrow,
wing of bat.
Just right.
Drain it.
Drain it to
the diabolic dregs.
[ Sighs ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Gagging, Retching ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Coughing Continues ]
Superb. Superb!
lt's working like a charm.
- Aahba!
- [ Explosion ]
[ Cackling ]
[ Gasps ]
Beautiful. Beautiful.
Perfect. Perfect!
At least you didn't bungle this one.
Bungle it?
l surpassed myself.
Now, a poison strong enough
to dissolve her very bones!
Ah. l have
the very thing.
Here. Tempting, is it not?
Yet one small bite of this,
the merest nibble...
and she will sleep for
40 moons and 40 suns...
then die forever!
[ Laughs ]
Pretty, pretty pippin.
Oh! l could kiss you!
And Snow White so loves apples.
[ Laughs ]
Red fire to aid you
in disguises.
[ Giggles ]
Yes, l will need this.
[ Snorts ]
And last but not least, your broomstick.
[ Gasps, Cackles ]
Prepare, Snow White, to meet your doom!
Now track her down,
avenging broom.
[ Kisses, Cackles ]
Good hunting.
Away. Tallyho!
[ Cackling ]
With your last grain of sand
she dies forever.
[ Shouting ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
[ Quatro ]
Come on now, men! Let's get behind it now!
- [ Quatro ] Heave.!
- [ Booming ]
All right now, men.
Come on! Come on!
- [ Footsteps Approaching ]
- [ Booming ]
Heave! Heave!
[ Explosion ]
The oil!
Empty it on them!
Burn them alive!
Fry them!
[ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ]
- But you're dead!
- Where's the princess Snow White?
You will never find her
this side of the grave.
She is still alive!
l know it!
She's as good as dead!
And so are you, sweet Prince.
[ Grunting ]
Ah. Don't--
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Groans ]
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Groans, Screams ]
[ Hits Ground ]
- [ Shouts ]
- [ Groans ]
[ Screams ]
Your Majesty.!
The palace has fallen.
The queen has fled.
- You are rightful king at last.
- We await your first command, Your Majesty.
Half my fortune to the man who finds
the princess Snow White.
A-hunting we will go
A-hunting we will go
Moe, Larry, CurlyJoe!
- Wait. You forgot your lunch.
- Oh, so we did.
We'd be lost without you,
Your Highness.
And l'd be lost
without you.
l wish we were more of us...
and prettier.
l wouldn't want you
to be any different.
l love you just as you are,
all three of you.
Gee. Only our mother ever said that
without laughing in our faces.
Well, l mean
every word of it.
Now promise me you'll take good care
of yourselves.
l've made all the things
you like best.
When it's lunchtime,
l'll ring a bell.
lnside, Your Highness.
We don't want you catching a chill.
- Be good now, and don't be late.
- Cross our hearts. Good-bye, Your Highness.
Keep the stove hot. We'll be home with enough
fresh meat to last all winter.
Aren't you going
to kiss my hand?
l always say it
with flowers.
Only one?
l get tongue-tied.
[ Sighs ] High ho, the merry-o
A-hunting we will go
To poison her l'll go
To poison her l'll go
Snow White l'll bury-o
To poison her l'll go
[ Cackles ]
[ Cackles ]
[ Cackles ]
lt's only old gypsy
Matilda, deary.
Ribbons and fancies
fit for a queen.
Buy from poor old
freezing Matilda.
Oh.Just a moment.
Bless your kind heart,
you lovely sweet deary.
You're my first customer today.
Doors slammed in poor old
gypsy Matilda's face.
Chased by dogs.
[ Voice Quaking ]
l'm freezing.
Oh, what a shame. Come in and warm yourself
by the fire for a while.
You're an angel of mercy.
That's what you are--
An angel of mercy!
What a lovely fire.
Let me thaw out
my poor old chilblains.
Sit down and make yourself comfortable.
[ Gasps ]
Thank you.
Thank you, you precious child!
Sit there by me.
Now, what does
your heart fancy, huh?
Ribbons, laces?
Choose anything you want
to suit your pocket.
l'm afraid l haven't
any money.
Oh, deary, deary me.
That's a how-do-you-do.
But to reward you for your kindness
to a poor old lady...
l'm going to give you
a nice little present.
Did you ever see such a rosy red apple
in these mountains before?
lt's beautiful.
But l couldn't take it from you.
But you must take it...
to please poor old Matilda.
lt's every bit as tasty
and juicy as it looks.
Take it. Take it.
Just a teeny little bite.
There's a good, good girl.
Good girl.
A-hunting we have went
We followed every scent
We even scared a polar bear
A-hunting we have went
A-hunting we have went
We followed every scent
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Cackling ]
Egad! A witch in stitches!
You fools! You thought you could outwit me,
didn't you?
- We don't even know you!
- And what's more, we don't want to!
[ Cackling ]
- You know what?
- What?
l got a nasty feeling that old witch is mixed up
with the queen in some way.
The queen. l wish the queen would go
to Hades and stay there!
[ Wind Roaring ]
That was the queen.
We gotta get back to Snow White.
Oh, no.
Snow White, what happened?
This wasn't here
when we left.
The queen must have
given it to her.
She's been poisoned.
And it's all our fault.
We left her here all alone.
Please, Princess, forgive us.
We thought you'd
be safe here.
O mighty Sword, don't let Snow White die.
We love her.
Please, Sword.
Please save her.
We'll only ask this one last wish.
We promise.
Please help us, Sword.
We don't know what to do.
[ Sniffles ]
We must've used up all the wishes.
[ Crying ]
What news?
What news of Princess Snow White?
- Alas, none, Your Majesty.
- Then go back and search again.
Your Majesty, we have scoured the land
as far as man can travel.
The princess has vanished
as completely as if she had never been.
Go back. Keep searching
until you find her.
Your Majesty, you would be kinder
to yourself to give up hope.
Never while l live.
Forgive me, Your Majesty.
There's one source you've not consulted.
What is that?
While the queen was still
in power, it was said...
she learnt her secrets from
a magic mirror in her chamber.
That mirror is accursed!
Merely to look on it is death.
l beg Your Majesty, don't go near it.
l swore to leave no stone
unturned until l find her.
Show me the mirror!
There, Your Majesty.
Mirror, l beseech your help,
no matter what the cost.
ln the name
of love eternal...
show me where l can find
my beloved Snow White.
Where is she?
Tell me where.
On mountain high,
beyond the blue...
thy faithful heart
will guide thee true.
l thank you
with all my heart.
[ Galloping ]
- Can we help you, sir?
- Don't you recognize me?
lt can't be.
lt is! lt's Quatro!
[ Stooges ]
[ Laughs ]
But we heard 'em say they killed you.
- You're not a ghost?
- No, l'm alive. A fall brought back my memory.
l'm the king now, but it means nothing
until l find Snow White.
ls she here?
Then take me to her.
- Quatro, we--
- We weren't able to protect her from the queen.
She was so beautiful,
we didn't have the heart to bury her.
She's in here.
Oh, my beloved.
lf you leave me,
l have nothing more to live for.
Tell me you only sleep.
Wake, my love.
Please wake.
Come back to me, Snow White.
Come back, l beg you.
Please come back.
[ Exhales ]
She lives!
- Snow White's alive.
- lt's a miracle.
My love. My love, l knew l hadn't lost you.
l knew it. l knew it!
The queen--
- l thought she killed you.
- No, my love.
You don't have to worry
about the queen anymore.
- We took care of her.
- You're the only queen there is now.
lt's true, beloved.
Our lives have just begun.
[ Choir ]
There's a place in the sky
[ Choir ]
There's a place in the sky
Called Happiness
On the far other side
Of the moon
[ Together]
Where you walk through
A bright golden door
[ Stooges ]
To whatever your heart
Wishes for
[ Voice Cracking, Muffled ]
[ Choir ]
Dreams are real in that place
Called Happiness
There's a rainbow
To guide you each day
Though it's far off somewhere
lf you keep on believing
lt's there
Your heart will fiind
The way