Snowglobe (2007) Movie Script
1
DANCIN' THROUGH THE SNOW
IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH
OVER THE FIELDS WE GO
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
BELLS ON BOBTAIL RINGS
MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT
WHAT FUN IT IS
TO RIDE AND SING
A SLEIGHING SONG TONIGHT
EVERYBODY SING
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY...
JEEZ, ANG, IT'S SALAMI,
NOT A ROLEX.
HERE, MRS. FIORELLA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT YOU ORDERED:
TWO POUNDS OF SALAMI.
[scoffs, muttering]
OH, I'LL WRAP THAT,
UNCLE DONNY.
HEY--
BROWN PAPER AND TAPE,
ANG?
[scoffs]
NEVER MIND.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
WHO'S NEXT?
HI.
HELLO, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
WELL...HOW ABOUT YOUR NAME,
FOR STARTERS?
IT'S ANGELA.
HELLO, ANGELA.
HI.
MAX.
MAX.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, MAX?
JUST ONE SECOND.
I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE
OF YOUR WORLD-FAMOUS LASAGNAS.
IT'S HER MOTHER'S RECIPE.
IS THAT RIGHT?
YEAH, THEY'RE ALL INCREDIBLE
COOKS.
THE WHOLE FAMILY.
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,
YOU'LL EAT LIKE A KING.
CLAIRE!
WHAT?
WHAT DID I SAY?
PLEASE LEAVE
YOUR LASAGNA ORDER
WITH THE LADY
AT THE REGISTER.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
BUT I--
NEXT!
YOU'RE WORSE THAN MY MOTHER.
WHAT, HE'S A CATCH!
LOOK AT HIM.
A CATCH?
MY PARENTS STOCK
OUR APARTMENT BUILDING
LIKE A SINGLE-GUY
FISH POND.
SO?
THEY'RE TRYING TO HELP.
I'LL PICK MY OWN BOYFRIENDS,
THANK YOU.
YEAH?
WELL I'M GONNA DO
SOME PICKING OF MY OWN.
HEY, MAX,
I'LL TAKE YOUR ORDER.
NEXT, PLEASE.
(Claire)
YOU CAN'T EXPECT EVERY GUY
TO GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS.
OKAY, NOT EVERY GUY.
JUST ONE GUY.
FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND
THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS
AROUND HERE.
SO MAYBE I'LL MOVE.
SO MAYBE I'LL BE
MISS AMERICA.
SO MAYBE I WANT MORE
OUT OF LIFE.
LIKE SNOW MAYBE
AT CHRISTMAS.
UGH, YOU CAN HAVE IT.
OH, CLAIRE.
I HAVE THIS PICTURE
IN MY HEAD
OF THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS,
YOU KNOW?
AND THIS--
THIS AIN'T IT.
NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
THE PERFECT GUY,
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS.
I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT?
I'M NOT GROWING OLD
SLICING SALAMI.
I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.
[gasps]
DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER
HEAR YOU SAY THAT!
IT'S HER BUSINESS,
NOT MINE.
SOMETIMES I THINK I WAS BORN
INTO THE WRONG FAMILY.
I DON'T GET IT.
YOU GOT A GOOD THING HERE.
IT'S NOT ME.
WELL, WHAT ELSE
ARE YOU GONNA DO, HMM?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT IT'S GONNA BE
SOMETHING GOOD.
SOMETHING I LOVE.
WELL LET ME KNOW
HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
[laughs]
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
TOMORROW.
[sighs]
EXCUSE ME.
I'M LOOKING FOR
AN ANGELA MORENO.
WELL, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
YOU FOUND ONE.
THANKS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
UH, HI.
HI.
EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU KNOW HOW
TO GET THIS THING TO WORK?
IT'S, UH--
WELL, WHEN THEY PUT IT IN--
UH, INSTALLED IT.
WELL, THE WIRING GUY,
HE USED A CROWBAR
AND, UH, WELL, THE DOOHICKEY
GOT WAY PUSHED IN AND--
SO IT'S--
SO IT'S BROKEN.
WELL, YOU JUST CAN'T CALL I FROM THE LOBBY.
COME HERE,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
THAT PIZZA SMELLS GOOD.
I KNOW,
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I'M FAMISHED.
I THINK YOU'D BE SICK
OF IT BY NOW.
HUH?
YOU KNOW, DELIVERING THOSE
DAY AFTER DAY.
HUH, HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
WHAT FLOOR?
THREE, PLEASE.
ME TOO.
WE COULD'VE WALKED.
I'M EDDIE, BY THE WAY.
ANGELA.
[elevator dings]
OH, HERE WE ARE.
[laughs]
THE LONG RIDE IS OVER.
WE REALLY COULD'VE JUST, UH--
SO LONG, EDDIE.
ACTUALLY I'M HEADED...
OH.
HMM...
YOU KNOW, IT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS BUT, UM,
WHERE'S THAT PIZZA GOING?
UH, 304.
[scoffs]
I KNEW IT.
I BET IT'S A SINGLE GUY.
VERY LIKELY.
AN ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
VERY ELIGIBLE,
I BET.
UGH, THIS HAS GO TO STOP!
THEY'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.
I HOPE YOU DON'T LIVE
WITH YOUR FAMILY, EDDIE.
THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.
WHY?
'CAUSE 304
IS A STUDIO APARTMENT.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO--
THAT PIZZA'S--
IT'S ALL MINE.
YOU'RE NOT--
A DELIVERY BOY?
NO.
[scoffs]
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU KNOW
WHERE TO FIND SOME PIZZA.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOTTA GO.
[door slams]
[quietly]
OKAY.
[door opens]
HEY, ANG.
HEY, ANGIE.
[TV clicks on]
UM, EXCUSE ME.
OH, YEAH,
CABLE'S OUT IN THE OTHER ROOM.
[boinging sound on TV]
[grunts]
[chattering on TV]
THE OTHER ROOM YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT IS YOUR APARTMENT.
AND I'M GUESSING
THE CABLE DOESN'T WORK
BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T PAID
THE BILL.
HOT SAUCE COMIN' THROUGH!
WE NEED TO USE YOUR KITCHEN.
WHAT? NO!
I JUST GOT HOME.
OH, AND NOT A MOMEN TOO SOON.
THE SMOKE--
YOU COULDN'T--
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BREATHE
DOWNSTAIRS!
WHAT HAPPENED?
CHARRED LASAGNA.
AY AY AY,
YOUR FATHER,
GOD BLESS HIM,
I KNOW HE WAS JUST TRYING
TO SPEED THINGS UP BUT...
[scoffs]
60 MINUTES AT 350
IS NOT 35 MINUTES
AT 600 DEGREES.
IT'S A WONDER
THE FIRE DEPARTMEN DIDN'T SHOW UP AGAIN.
MAYBE YOU CAN ASK
BEFORE JUST BARGING IN.
WHAT IF I HAD PLANS?
ANGIE, WHEN DO YOU EVER
HAVE PLANS?
EXCUSE ME.
MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CHRISTMAS LASAGNA.
WE HAVE OVER 60 ORDERS.
THAT'S EVERY STOVE
WE'VE GO GOING PRETTY MUCH ALL THE TIME.
AND NOW I'M ONE OVEN DOWN
AND ONE LASAGNA SHORT.
JAMIE!
WILL YOU QUIT WATCHING TV
AND SET THE TABLE!
OKAY, HONEY.
OH, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.
THIS IS MY KITCHEN,
MY APARTMENT.
I JUST CLEANED THE STAINS
OUT OF THE CARPE FROM THE LAST TIME.
OKAY, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LUG THE FOOD
UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.
DO ME A FAVOR.
GO FIND YOUR UNCLE.
LIKE I CAN'T SMELL
THE GARLIC
WAFTING DOWN THE HALLWAY.
[laughs]
OH, MOVE OVER, BUDDY!
OH, COME ON!
AH AH AH!
I DON'T THINK SO!
OH, COME ON, ROSE.
COME HERE AND MAKE
THE SALAD.
BEEN ON MY FEET ALL DAY.
GET THE KID TO DO IT.
NO, JAMIE'S SETTING
THE TABLE.
RIGHT, JAMIE?
YES, HONEY!
ANG, GO FIND YOUR FATHER.
I'M SURE HE'LL FIND US.
(Rose)
DONNIE!
WHAT?
SALAD!
[mutters in Italian]
MOVE OVER.
THERE'S A WHOLE COUCH
OVER--
STOP IT!
OH, OOH!
IS THIS FOR ME?
NO, THAT IS FOR
THE BABY SHOWER.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO WAIT.
BELIEVE ME,
I'VE BEEN WAITING EIGHT MONTHS.
WHAT IS IT?
SURPRISE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
(Rose)
JAMES MARCUS
DIBIASI.
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO SIT AND WATCH TELEVISION
WHILE YOUR WIFE,
MY DAUGHTER,
THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD,
SLAVES OVER A HOT STOVE,
WELL, YOU GOT ANOTHER THINK
COMING!
ANG, CUT THE BREAD.
I DON'T HAVE ANY BREAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE'S BREAD RIGHT HERE.
THOSE ARE BAGELS.
WHAT, THEY'RE NOT MADE
OUT OF BREAD?
[laughs]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT?
I'M GOING TO THE TABLE.
NO, LOOK.
THE CLOTH NAPKINS
ARE IN THIS DRAWER.
THAT CANDLES ARE
IN THE SIDEBOARD
AND THE CHINA
IS IN THAT CABINET.
SALAD, DONNIE,
SALAD.
YES, SIR.
[grunts]
JAMIE, BE CAREFUL.
THOSE ARE MY CHRISTMAS PLATES.
OH!
DONNIE, TASTE THAT SALAD,
MAKE SURE GINA'S USING
ENOUGH GARLIC.
MA, I KNOW HOW TO COOK!
I BROUGHT THE SAUSAGES.
I HOPE YOU DIDN'T STAR WITHOUT ME.
(Rose)
OH, YOU ARE SO LUCKY
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE DINNER
TONIGH AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME.
WHAT--ROSE,
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
DAD, YOU DO THIS
EVERY YEAR.
NO, I DON'T.
WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER
THAN TO LET ME NEAR
THE STOVE.
[shattering sound]
[Rose gasps]
WELL, YOU CAN ONLY USE THEM
ONE MONTH A YEAR, RIGHT?
AY.
[smacking and grunting]
MA.
THANKS.
SO, DAD,
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
GOOD...I GUESS.
SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
OKAY, JAMIE.
HOW'S THE JOB SEARCH GOING?
CUT HIM SOME SLACK.
(Jamie)
COME ON,
I'M WORKING ON IT, OKAY?
WHAT'S WITH THE SECOND DEGREE?
IT'S THIRD.
THIRD DEGREE, BABY.
IT'S NOT EVEN FIRST DEGREE.
IT'S CALLED CONVERSATION.
IT'S WHAT CIVILIZED PEOPLE DO
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
LOOK, IF HE HAD HAD
HIS FIRST DEGREE,
MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.
[sputters]
MA!
DON'T YOU START ON HIM TOO.
MMM.
THE GAME!
UNCLE DONNIE.
IT'S THE GIANTS.
MOM!
[chatter on TV]
[sportscaster on TV]
IT'S A PRETTY TIGHT GAME.
TURN THE VOLUME DOWN.
OKAY.
MWAH.
MWAH.
[sighs]
SO I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE HAVE
A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS
DINNER THIS YEAR.
HUH?
(Rose)
WELL, OF COURSE WE HAVE
CHRISTMAS DINNER, ANGELA.
DON'T WE ALWAYS?
NO, I MEAN,
NOT JUST GREEN LASAGNA
AND MEATBALLS.
LIKE, SOMETHING SPECIAL.
LIKE A GOOSE
OR STUFFING
OR MAYBE EVEN PUDDING.
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH GREEN LASAGNA?
IT'S TACKY.
IT'S FESTIVE!
I LOVE THOSE LITTLE
CHOCOLATE PUDDING CUPS.
I PUT MY VOTE IN RIGHT NOW.
I COULD EAT 1,000 OF THOSE!
NOT THAT KIND OF PUDDING.
OH! THIS KID'S GONNA BE
A KUNG FU ARTIS OR SOMETHING.
THOSE ARE THE MORENO LEGS.
LITTLE ANTONIO TWO
IS GONNA BE AN ATHLETE.
DADDY, I'M NOT NAMING
MY DAUGHTER "ANTONIO."
YOU DON'T KNOW
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GIRL.
I HAD A SONOGRAM.
[scoffs]
I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW WE USED TO DO I BACK IN CUBA.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU LEFT CUBA
WHEN YOU WERE TEN.
WHAT, I REMEMBER SOME THINGS.
LOOK, YOU LAY DOWN
ON THE FLOOR, SEE?
WE TAKE AN EGG.
WE PUT IT ON YOUR BELLY.
IF IT ROLLS OFF
TO THE RIGHT--
DAD, WE ARE NOT BREAKING
ANY EGGS ON MY FLOOR.
SHE'S HAVING A GIRL.
LUCRETIA.
MM-MM.
NOT LUCRETIA.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.
IT WAS YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER'S
NAME.
SHE COULD KEEP IT.
SHUT UP!
CAN WE GET BACK
TO CHRISTMAS PLANS?
TOUCHDOWN!
HEY!
(Donnie)
YEAH!
HEY, NOW THAT IS WHA I'M TALKING ABOUT!
YES!
[men cheering]
(Donnie)
IT'S A REPLAY!
MOVE OVER!
MOVE OVER, DONNIE!
[sighs]
ARE WE DONE?
[cheering]
ANIMALS.
(Angela)
MA, DON'T.
IT'S STILL BROKEN.
YOU HAVEN'T FIXED
ANGIE'S DISPOSAL?
IT'S ON THE LIST.
OKAY, TELL ME YOU AT LEAS FIXED THE TOILE IN 304.
IT'S A LONG LIST.
HUH, SOME MANAGER.
THERE'S A NEW TENANT,
AND I THINK IT WOULD BE
REALLY NICE
IF HE COULD FLUSH HIS TOILE MORE THAN TWICE A DAY.
[TV clicks off]
I RAN INTO THE NEW GUY.
OH, TELL ME.
YOU HAVE TO STOP.
STOP WHAT?
STOP WHAT?
STOP TRYING TO FIX ME UP.
[scoffs]
YOU KNOW O'MALLEY'S BAR?
THAT NEW GUY'S REDOING
THE WHOLE PLACE.
MUSTA BOUGHT IT.
A REGULAR ENTREPRENEUR.
NOBODY'S TRYING TO FIX YOU UP.
EIGHT TENANTS IN A ROW,
ALL SINGLE GUYS.
HMM, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
(Antonio)
WELL, IT'S A STUDIO APARTMENT.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GONNA
PUT A FAMILY OF FOUR
IN THERE.
(Angela)
HOW ABOUT AN OLD WOMAN?
HOW ABOUT A PRIEST?
(Rose)
A PRIEST, ANGELA?
PLEASE, BE REASONABLE.
A PRIEST CAN'T MARRY.
I'M PERFECTLY REASONABLE.
I JUST WANT YOU GUYS
TO STOP MESSING
WITH MY LOVE LIFE.
WHAT LOVE LIFE?
[all chuckling]
(Rose)
OKAY, SHE'S GOT A POINT THERE.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER.
I'M 25!
LOOK AT YOUR SISTER.
MARRIED, PREGNANT--
YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.
FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME,
I AM NOT GONNA MARRY
A GUY JUST BECAUSE
HE MOVES INTO THE APARTMEN DOWN THE HALL.
NOW, THERE'S SOMEONE
OUT THERE FOR ME,
AND I'LL KNOW I WHEN I MEET HIM.
[laughs, snorts]
GOOD LUCK!
(Rose)
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LAY OFF YOUR SISTER.
IF SHE WANTS TO LIVE
LIKE A SPINSTER
AND DIE IN THIS APARTMEN ALONE WITH A CAT,
THAT'S HER BUSINESS.
[laughter]
OKAY, AND WE WILL
ALL RESPECT HER DECISION.
YES.
THAT'S IT!
GOOD NIGHT.
GO.
GO GO GO.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAT.
WELL, AT LEAST SOMEONE'S
GETTING THEIR SHOPPING DONE
EARLY.
WOW.
OH, MY.
NO NOTE?
NO RETURN ADDRESS?
SO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
[sighs]
[whimsical tune plays]
[whooshing sound]
PHEW.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
[joyful chattering]
[Christmas music playing]
[distant carolers
singing Jingle Bells]
OH JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS...
[chuckles]
[grunts]
OH!
HUH!
WHOA, HEADS UP!
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
UGH.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UGH.
YEAH.
OH.
WHERE AM I?
[distant carolers
singing Jingle Bells]
JINGLE ALL THE WAY
OH WHAT FUN IT IS
TO RIDE...
[sighs]
WOW.
HI.
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?
I DIDN'T HIT YOU
WITH THE SHOVEL, DID I?
I'M FINE.
I-I-I-I'M FINE.
UM, WHERE AM I?
YOU'RE HERE.
YEAH, BUT WHERE IS--
OH!
I GET IT.
IT'S A DREAM.
I DON'T THINK SO.
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE PART OF IT.
[laughs]
I MEAN WE'RE DEFINITELY
NOT IN BROOKLYN ANYMORE.
WHAT'S A BROOKLYN?
[chuckles]
IT'S A...
UH...
WELL, THERE ARE
THESE FIVE BOROUGHS.
OH.
[both laughing]
LET'S GET YOU INSIDE.
OKAY.
IT'S NICE AND COZY
AT THE INN.
MY NAME'S DOUGLAS.
I'M ANGELA.
SOME PLACE YOU GOT HERE,
DOUGLAS.
(Douglas)
IT'S HOME.
(Angela)
IT'S PERFECT.
NOW, ALL THAT'S MISSING
IS A--
[sleigh bells ringing]
AND THERE IT IS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Angela)
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I LOVE THIS DREAM.
OUCH!
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
KIND OF PUTS A KINK
IN YOUR DREAM THEORY, HUH?
HMM, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
OW!
[laughs]
I NEVER SAID
I WAS DREAMING.
WELL, WHO SAID YOU WERE?
[laughing]
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
HOW LOVELY ARE
THY BRANCHES...
WOW!
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
HOW LOVELY ARE
THY BRANCHES...
NOW THIS IS CHRISTMAS!
MERRY--
CHRIS--
HI, EVERYONE!
THIS IS ANGELA.
UH, HI.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM,
DEAR.
WE HARDLY EVER GET STRANGERS
HERE.
I'M JOY.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T MEAN TO INTRUDE.
I DON'T--
NONSENSE!
EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE.
WE HAVE A CHRISTMAS VISITOR,
EVERYONE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
WOW!
EVENING, EVERYONE!
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
SORRY I'M LATE.
THE BAKERY'S JUS SO BUSY TODAY.
WELL, ISN'T IT ALWAYS?
SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.
[both laughing]
WHO'S THAT?
SHE JUST ARRIVED.
OH.
(Douglas)
MARIE!
THIS IS ANGELA.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS.
EVERYONE HERE'S
SO TERRIFIC.
OH, AREN'T YOU SWEET?
YEAH, AND SO INTO CHRISTMAS.
WELL...
WHAT ELSE WOULD WE BE?
ANGELA, WOULD YOU GIVE ME
A HAND IN THE KITCHEN?
SURE.
THIS IS AN AMAZING KITCHEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS
TO GET THE JOB DONE.
IS THAT A CHRISTMAS GOOSE?
OF COURSE, DEAR.
I FORGOT THE YAMS.
WOULD YOU MIND?
UM, NO.
BUT WHERE ARE...
THEY'RE IN THE STOVE,
DEAR.
THE STOVE?
IT'S EMPTY.
HOW DID THIS--UH...
HMM.
OH, MY GOSH!
UM, JOY?
OH!
OH, I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D BE SO HUNGRY.
LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU,
DEAR.
AH.
[stove door clangs shut]
UM, YOU THINK WE'LL NEED
SOME EXTRA YAMS AS WELL?
UH, NO,
I THINK WE'LL BE OKAY.
SO MARY RODE ON A DONKEY,
AND JOSEPH WALKED ALONGSIDE.
AND WHEN THEY GOT TO BETHLEHEM,
THEY WERE VERY, VERY TIRED.
BUT THERE WAS NO ROOM
FOR THEM AT THE INN.
THAT MUST'VE BEEN
DISCOURAGING.
THEY SHOULD'VE COME HERE,
ANGELA.
WE CERTAINLY WOULD'VE
PUT THEM UP FOR A NIGHT OR TWO.
WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
[laughs]
IT ALL WORKED OUT.
[all laugh]
THAT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL STORY
I'VE EVER HEARD.
TELL IT AGAIN.
[all agreeing]
(Douglas)
YEAH, TELL IT ONE MORE TIME!
I'M SURE WE DON'T WAN TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
ONE OF YOU MUST HAVE A STORY.
UH.
HMM.
WELL, BETTER HI THE OLD SHOVEL AGAIN.
[all laugh]
GOOD NIGHT, ALL.
ANGELA, IT'S REALLY GREA HAVING YOU HERE.
BYE.
BYE, DOUGLAS!
(all)
GOOD-BYE, DOUGLAS!
UH, YOU KNOW, UM,
DOUGLAS WAS SO NICE TO ME
I REALLY SHOULD SAY
GOODNIGHT.
BUT WE ALREADY DID.
WELL...
AGAIN, YOU KNOW?
IN PERSON.
TO HIS FACE.
THANKS AGAIN, EVERYONE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA!
BYE!
WELL, THAT WAS PLEASANT.
HMM.
MM, GOOD CAKE.
(all)
MM-HMM.
DOUGLAS?
COME ON, THIS PLACE
ISN'T THAT BIG.
AH!
OH, SORRY, FROSTY!
OH.
DOUGLAS?
DOUGLAS?
UGH.
UH.
HELLO?
ANYONE?
OH, NO!
NO NO NO NO!
THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DREAM.
[sighs]
PLEASE, PLEASE,
GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES.
[sighs]
[whimsical music]
[street noise]
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, ANG.
YOU OKAY?
WHAT?
HOW MUCH ARE YOU
PLANNING ON SLICING?
OH.
SORRY.
CRAZY DREAM LAST NIGHT.
I DIDN'T GET ANY SLEEP.
GOOD CRAZY
OR BAD CRAZY.
I DREAMED I WAS IN THIS PERFEC LITTLE CHRISTMAS VILLAGE.
ALL SERENE AND MAGICAL.
ONE OF THOSE DREAMS
WHERE YOU REGRET WAKING UP.
SO THERE WAS A GUY?
NO.
WELL, YEAH.
YEAH?
HE WASN'T LIKE THE GUYS
FROM AROUND HERE.
THIS GUY WAS, I DON'T KNOW.
CLASSY.
A GENTLEMAN.
PERFECT.
FANTASTIC!
YOU FINALLY FOUND
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
OH, WAIT, NOT REAL.
HMM.
BUT IF FELT SO REAL.
(man)
...TO THE HOUSE.
YEAH, WHOLE FAMILY.
IT SHOULD BE GREAT.
[dog barking]
GOING UP?
I'LL TAKE THE STAIRS,
THANK YOU.
I SAW YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW.
I FIGURED YOU COULD USE
A LIFT.
COME ON, YOU LOOK BEAT.
THANK YOU.
HOW WAS THE PIZZA?
DELICIOUS.
[elevator dings]
ALL OUT FOR THE THIRD FLOOR.
THANK YOU.
LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THOSE.
I GOT IT.
LOTTA GROCERIES
FOR ONE PERSON.
I'M JUST SAYING
IF YOU DON'T FEEL
LIKE COOKING DINNER,
I GOT HALF A LEFTOVER PIZZA
AT MY PLACE.
LOOK--
IT'S GOOD COLD.
I'M SURE IT IS.
AND YOU CAN EAT AROUND
THE PINEAPPLE CHUNKS.
EDDIE--
ANGELA--
YOU SEEM LIKE
A REALLY...
NICE...
GUY.
YEAH, I AM.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S NOTHING
PERSONAL.
AND IT'S NOT YOU,
IT'S...
IT'S YOUR ADDRESS.
HUH.
[measuring tape clunking]
(Angela)
AHEM.
OH, ANGIE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I LIVE HERE.
WHAT'S THAT BEHIND
YOUR BACK?
NOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU MEASURING?
IT'S A SURPRISE.
SO I SHOULD JUST PUT THESE--
BOY, GIRL...
FRANKLY, THE BLUE
JUST LOOKS BETTER.
WHOA, I SEE SHE'S GOT YOU
CARRYING THE GROCERIES NOW!
MOM, WHAT'S WITH
THE COLORS?
WHAT, THESE?
NOTHING, I WAS JUS THINKING SOME THINGS THROUGH.
SO THE KITCHEN,
JUST RIGHT THROUGH--
(Angela)
WHAT THINGS?
(Jamie)
LOOK OUT.
(Angela)
A CRIB?
HE'S JUST CARRYING
MY GROCERIES!
(Gina)
ANGIE!
THE CRIB IS FOR THIS BABY
RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, USE SOME SENSE.
WHAT IS IT DOING HERE?
WHAT ARE ANY OF YOU DOING
IN MY APARTMENT?
OH, WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER?
[woman on TV]
IN BUSINESS NEWS TONIGHT,
STOCKS ARE SURGING--
TELL ME WHAT?
[TV clicks on]
TELL ME WHAT, MA.
WELL, WE WERE TALKING,
AND GINA'S GONNA HAVE
THE BABY SOON AND--
WE'VE OUTGROWN
OUR PLACE.
IT'S SO CRAMPED.
I'M GONNA PUT THESE DOWN
OVER THERE.
THEN WE'RE GONNA MOVE
UP HERE.
[on TV]
OKAY, WELL, IT'S JUST BEFORE--
WHAT?
NO!
THE THREE OF YOU WOULDN' EVEN FI IN HERE WITH ME.
RIGHT, YOU'D MOVE IN
TO GINA AND JAMIE'S
APARTMENT.
UGH.
OKAY, EVEN IF I WAS WILLING
TO MOVE,
WHICH I AM NOT,
YOU CAN'T AFFORD MY APARTMENT.
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S WHY
WE FIGURED
YOU COULD COVER
THE DIFFERENCE.
(Jamie)
YEAH, JUST UNTIL
I GET A, UH...
YOU KNOW, A JOB.
[scoffs]
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
OKAY, OUT!
OUT!
OUT!
OKAY, ALL RIGHT!
OKAY, I'LL--
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
IF YOU GET A FREE MOMEN AND YOU WANT TO ASSEMBLE--
OUT!
UGH.
[scowls]
[screams]
SO I--
I SHOULD PROBABLY--
[laughs]
THANKS.
YEAH.
[chain lock clicking]
BYE.
BYE.
[sighs]
JUST GREAT.
[screams]
[sighs]
I AM JUST GONNA FORGE THIS DAY EVER HAPPENED.
ALL I NEED IS SOME SLEEP.
[whooshing sound]
YES!
YES! YES! YES! YES!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED.
OH!
[laughing]
WHOA.
(Marie)
OOP, DON'T FALL,
DOUGLAS.
HEY, ANGELA!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HEY!
MARIE AND I WERE JUST SKATING.
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO JOIN US?
OH, NO.
I'D BE TERRIBLE.
I'VE NEVER BEEN.
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SKATING?
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
WE WON'T TAKE NO
FOR AN ANSWER.
EXACTLY.
HERE--
OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THAT.
OH, IT'S FINE,
ANGELA.
I HAVE TO GET BACK
TO THE BAKERY ANYWAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
OF COURSE!
COME ON!
[nervous laugh]
OH.
(Marie)
DON'T BE AFRAID,
ANGELA.
IT'S EASY.
THERE, YOU'LL BE GREAT.
HAVE FUN!
SO, UH...
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH YOU TWO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'RE FRIENDS.
YEAH, FRIENDS FRIENDS
OR FRIENDS?
HA!
YOU'RE FUNNY.
COME ON, LET'S GET YOU
OUT ON THE ICE.
OKAY.
STEADY, STEADY, OH--
EASY NOW.
HEY, THIS ISN'T THAT HARD.
WHOA!
OKAY, SPOKE TOO SOON.
YOU JUST HAVE TO RELAX
AND GLIDE, OKAY?
SO YOU GO...
PUSH AND GLIDE.
RIGHT, PUSH AND GLIDE.
[Angela squeals]
(Douglas)
THERE YOU GO.
LOOK AT ME!
[laughing]
(Douglas)
THERE YOU GO.
GOOD JOB.
NOW JUST ONE IN FRON OF THE OTHER.
[Douglas laughs]
OH, HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GUYS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, WAIT--
WAIT RIGHT HERE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(man)
HI!
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[gasps]
OH, DOUGLAS!
THANK YOU, BUT, UM...
I DIDN'T GET YOU
ANYTHING.
WELL, THE STORE'S STILL OPEN.
[laughs]
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
THANKS!
OH, EAR MUFFS!
GREAT!
MITTENS!
DOUGLAS, THEY'RE LOVELY.
THEY FIT!
THESE DO TOO!
[Douglas and Angela laughing]
OH, GERALD IS DOING
A REALLY GREAT JOB ON THE TREE.
MM-HMM.
WELL...
WELL...
SNOW'S PILING UP.
BETTER GET BACK TO WORK.
BYE-BYE.
HUH?
BYE.
[Angela humming]
OH, MY GOSH!
OH, MY GOSH!
AND THE PEOPLE ARE POLITE
AND FRIENDLY
AND DON'T INTERRUPT YOU
AND GET SNARKY EVER.
AND THE SNOW...
THE SNOW IS JUS WHITE AND FLUFFY
AND NEVER GETS HARD AND DIRTY
AND NASTY
LIKE IT DOES OVER HERE.
AND THEN--THEN DOUGLAS
GIVES ME
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MITTENS.
AND I'M THINKING,
"OH, MY GOD,
I MUST BE DREAMING,
RIGHT?"
WELL, WHEN I WOKE UP,
I STILL HAD THE MITTENS ON!
ISN'T THAT THE CRAZIEST THING
YOU'VE EVER HEARD?
ANGELA--
ANG--
YOU ARE MY GOOD,
GOOD FRIEND.
AND I CARE SO MUCH
FOR YOU.
AND THE HOLIDAYS,
THEY CAN REALLY JUST TAKE
A TOLL ON A PERSON.
BUT I SWEAR TO YOU,
WHEN THEY'RE OVER
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU
TO THAT NICE RELAXING SPA
WE FOUND ONLINE.
WHO NEEDS A SPA?
I'VE STILL GOT THE MITTENS.
[Christmas music]
MITTENS.
[Britney Spear's
Santa, Can You Hear Me?]
LAST NIGHT I TOOK A WALK
IN THE SNOW
WHOO-HOO!
COUPLES HOLDING HANDS
PLACES TO GO
SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE
BUT ME IS IN LOVE
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I SIGNED MY LETTER
THAT I SEALED WITH A KISS
I SENT IT OFF
AND JUST SAID THIS
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT I WANT THIS YEAR
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I WANT MY BABY BABY
I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME
SOMEONE TO HOLD
MAYBE MAYBE
HE'LL BE ALL MY OWN
IN A BIG RED BOW
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD
THIS YEAR
AND ALL I WANT IS ONE THING
TELL ME MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE
HE'S ALL I WANT
JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA, THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
I HOPE MY LETTER
REACHES YOU IN TIME
OH YEAH
BRING ME A LOVE
I CAN CALL ALL MINE
OH YEAH
'CAUSE I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD
SO GOOD THIS YEAR
IT'S EASY.
YOU TRY.
CAN'T BE ALONE
UNDER THE MISTLETOE
HE'S ALL I WAN IN A BIG RED BOW
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I HAVE BEEN
SO GOOD THIS YEAR
AND ALL I WANT IS ONE THING
TELL ME MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE
HE'S ALL I WAN JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA, THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
[laughs]
WHOA SANTA
WELL, HE'S ALL I WANT
JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
OH, WAIT, THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE.
LOOK AT THE MATERIAL!
(woman)
SO SOFT.
(Gina)
I WISH ANGELA COULD SEE THIS.
SHE'D LOVE IT.
(woman)
OH, LOOK AT THAT!
(Gina)
AND THIS ONE IS FROM...
[joyful chattering]
SO, DOUGLAS.
WE'VE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER
AND, UH...
WHAT?
UH...
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
UM, YEAH.
HEH.
[giggles]
[chuckles]
WHOA.
(man)
SURE ENOUGH, IT ALL CAME OU AS PLANNED.
HELLO.
HI!
[both laughing]
OH, NO!
NO!
I'M HERE!
I'M HERE.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
SO NICE OF YOU
TO JOIN US.
SORRY.
LOST TRACK OF TIME.
BEEN DOING THAT A LOT LATELY,
HAVEN'T YOU?
MA, PLEASE.
"MA, PLEASE"?
PLEASE WHAT?
YOU MISSED YOUR SISTER'S
BABY SHOWER.
OH, COME ON.
LIKE SHE EVEN NOTICED.
THERE WERE WHAT--
HALF A DOZEN AUNTS
AND COUSINS
PLUS HER FRIENDS.
YES.
BUT YOU ARE HER ONLY SISTER,
AREN'T YOU?
WHAT'S GOING ON,
ANGELA?
YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK.
YOU--YOU DON'T SHOW UP
FOR DINNER.
BEEN BUSY.
THAT'S ALL.
IT'S CHRISTMAS.
GOT THINGS TO DO.
[sighs]
MA, LET ME HELP.
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
MA.
JUST GO.
[door closes]
OH, HEY.
OH, LET ME.
NO, I GOT, UH--
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
UH, SOME PLANS.
DRAWINGS FOR THIS BAR
THAT I'M--
OH, YEAH.
MY UNCLE TOLD ME ABOU O'MALLEY'S, YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK IT OU WHEN IT'S OPEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO THANK
YOUR UNCLE FOR THE PROMOTION.
ACTUALLY I'M JUST KIND OF--
SORT OF REJIGGERING
THE SPACE.
YOU A CONTRACTOR?
FRUSTRATED ARCHITECT.
WOW.
GO TO SCHOOL FOR THAT?
EH, MORE SELF-TAUGHT, REALLY.
HOW ABOUT--
HOW ABOUT YOU?
ME?
OH, I'M JUST PLAIN FRUSTRATED.
OH, YOU'RE MODEST.
I GOT YOU PEGGED FOR SOMEBODY
WITH BIG PLANS.
YOU'RE GOING PLACES.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
NOT TO YOUR SISTER'S PLACE
I HOPE.
NO.
THAT'S GOOD.
YOUR FAMILY SEEMS NICE AND ALL,
BUT...
UH, YEAH, THEY'RE ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
[elevator dings]
WELL, UH, IF YOU EVER NEED
A HIDEOUT,
THEY'LL NEVER THINK
TO LOOK FOR YOU AT THE BAR.
THANKS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.
YEAH, SURE, SURE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
(man)
THERE YOU GO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
THANK YOU.
HERE, I CAN GRAB THAT.
I GOT IT,
I GOT IT.
YOU'RE WORKING FOR TWO PEOPLE.
I GOT IT.
PHEW.
HEY, CLAIRE.
DONNIE.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
YOU AND ANGIE HANG OUT.
WHERE'S SHE ALWAYS
DISAPPEARING TO LATELY?
NO PLACE.
I MEAN, LIKE,
NO PLACE CRAZY OR STRANGE.
YOU KNOW...
NEXT!
[crowd gasps in awe]
[applause and joyful chattering]
ANGELA, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DON'T YOU SEE THE TREE?
YEAH, I SEE IT.
I'M JUST--
I'M HAVING FAMILY PROBLEMS.
OH, YOU WANT THEM
TO SEE THE TREE.
NO, I WANT THEM TO JUS LET ME BREATHE.
SO YOU CAN ENJOY THE TREE.
DOUGLAS, THIS IS NO TREE-RELATED IN ANY WAY.
WANNA GO SKATING?
NO.
I GOTTA GET HOME SOON.
MY FAMILY'S EXPECTING ME
FOR DINNER.
BUT YOU SAID YOU WANTED--
I DO, IT'S JUST...
SOMETIMES I--
I THINK I'M SO CLOSE TO--
TO SEEING WHAT IT IS
I WANT TO BE.
WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH MY LIFE,
AND THEN POOF!
IT'S GONE.
DON'T YOU EVER FEEL
THAT HORRIBLE FRUSTRATION
LIKE YOU CAN'T QUITE
FIGURE IT ALL OUT?
SOMETIMES I TRY TO COUN ALL THE LIGHTS ON THE TREE.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO SEE EVERY SINGLE BULB.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
I WALK AROUND TO THE OTHER SIDE
AND I COUNT THE REST.
WHAT?
THAT'S HOW MANY LIGHTS.
HUH.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO--
TO LOOK AT MY LIFE
FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE, DON'T I.
SURE.
YOU ARE SO SMART!
WELL.
YOU WAIT HERE.
WAIT--
WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M JUST GONNA TELL THEM
THAT I WON'T BE HOME FOR DINNER.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, THERE SHE IS!
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS?
THIS IS FAMILY DINNER,
ANGELA.
PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THEM?
IN MY APARTMENT?
OH, NOT FOR LONG.
YEAH, TAKING A TEST DRIVE.
HEY, SHE WAS IN THE BEDROOM
THE WHOLE TIME?
I TOLD YOU TO CHECK.
I DID!
WHAT AM I, COLUMBO?
WELL, SHE'S HERE NOW.
ANGIE, BABY, COME ON.
TAKE A SEAT.
I CAN'T.
I'M NOT STAYING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NO STAYING?
ANGIE, BABY,
THIS IS COMPANY.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
I'D HARDLY CALL YOU GUYS
COMPANY.
OH, DADDY'S NOT TALKING
ABOUT US.
[knocking on door]
(Rose)
I'LL GET IT.
HI!
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD, THANK YOU.
HI, EVERYONE!
(all)
HEY! HEY!
(Rose)
COME ON IN.
HI.
MOM, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND.
AFTER WE EAT.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT?
BUT I, UH--
SIT.
EDDIE, I BELIEVE YOU KNOW
MY HUSBAND.
YES.
AH!
OH!
[laughing]
(Rose)
AND THIS IS
DONNIE, GINA, AND JAMIE.
HEY.
OH.
AND OF COURSE ANGELA.
YES.
[chuckles]
(Donnie)
ROSE,
ARE WE GONNA EAT OR WHAT?
YES, I'LL GET THE FOOD.
YOU KNOW,
I SHOULD HELP.
[laughs]
EXCUSE ME.
OKAY.
JUST, UH...
(Antonio)
SO, ED,
HAVE SOME GARLIC BREAD.
OH, YES,
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
NO NO NO NO, DADDY.
NOT THE GARLIC BREAD.
THE KISSING.
YEAH, HEY.
MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU CAN'T JUST BE INVITING GUYS
OVER HERE.
WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO LOOK OU FOR YOUR FUTURE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAD
AT ME.
I AM MAD AT YOU,
BUT I'M YOUR MOTHER.
NOW GET OUT THERE!
HMM.
HE SEEMS LIKE
SUCH A NICE YOUNG MAN.
(Angela)
DOESN'T MEAN I WAN TO GO OUT WITH HIM.
(Rose)
WHY ARE YOU SO PESSIMISTIC?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED HIM
YET.
(Angela)
MOM!
NICE PLATES.
NICE, UH, WINE, ED.
OH, THANKS.
(Angela)
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE
I MIGHT HAVE PLANS?
I--I LIKE YOUR, UM,
YOUR BEER COZIES.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH,
GINA MADE 'EM.
HA HA, I'M NESTING.
BASTA! SHH!
IT'S JUST A LITTLE
FAMILY DINNER.
BRING THE SALAD!
HERE WE GO.
OH, I ALMOST DROPPED IT.
SO, EDDIE, HOW DO YOU LIKE
THAT BIG NEW APARTMEN OF YOURS?
SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF SPACE
FOR JUST ONE PERSON.
YEAH, YOU COULD FI A WHOLE FAMILY IN THERE.
MOM, PLEASE.
WHAT?
(Eddie)
IT'S VERY NICE, THANK YOU.
I HOPE YOU PU NEW LOCKS ON THE DOOR.
UH, TWO, ACTUALLY.
MIGHT WANT TO PICK UP
TWO MORE.
[distant carolers singing
DECK THE HALLS]
LA LA LA LA
[somber music]
EDDIE, UM, I REALLY HATE
TO SAY THIS TO YOU,
AND IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FAMILY.
I MEAN, I JUST MET YOU
AND EVERYTHING.
JUST--JUST SAY IT.
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.
[cheering]
GO AHEAD!
GO AHEAD,
TAKE YOUR TURN!
DON'T RUSH ME!
PUT THE MONEY
WHERE THE MOUTH IS.
COME ON!
ALL RIGHT.
(Donnie)
OOH, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, ANGIE.
YOU COULD DO IT.
HEY, LOSER DOES THE DISHES.
THAT'D BE YOU.
YOU WERE FIRST OUT.
LET HER CONCENTRATE.
(Donnie)
COME ON, ANGIE.
(all)
OH!
JENGA!
[laughs]
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION.
ALL RIGHT,
NEW GAME RIGHT NOW.
WE SET UP A NEW GAME
AND THAT ONE DOES
THE DISHES.
GET YOUR APRON ON
AND DO THE DISHES.
OH, NO-NO-NO.
I DON'T WANT HIM
NEAR MY NEW CHINA.
SEE, SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT ME
TO DO THE DISHES.
BUT YOU CAN DO THE POTS.
I CAN'T DO THEM.
I GOT DELICATE HANDS.
DO THE POTS!
(Antonio)
STAY?
(Rose and Donnie)
STAY.
YOU KNOW, IN THREE MINUTES,
YOU'LL HAVE BROKEN THE RECORD.
MOST GUYS DON'T MAKE I THE FIRST HOUR.
REALLY?
YEAH!
YEAH!
WELL, I'M HAVING
A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
[laughs]
YOU KNOW, UH,
ME TOO.
NOW, YOU REALIZE WE GO A PRETTY BIG PROBLEM HERE.
WHAT'S THAT?
WELL...
YOUR FAMILY IS THE ONE
THAT SET THIS LITTLE...
THING UP TONIGHT.
SO UNLESS WE'RE CAREFUL,
THEY WILL INVITE ME BACK.
[gasps]
THAT'S A PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT.
[laughs]
OR MAYBE NOT.
[chattering on TV]
[giggling]
[whooshing sound]
ANGELA?
(Douglas)
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DOUGLAS?
I THOUGHT YOU CHECKED
THE BEDROOM.
WHO'S DOUGLAS?
HI, I'M ANGELA'S BOYFRIEND.
KEEPING SECRETS
FROM YOUR MOTHER?
IS HE FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
(Gina)
WHEN DID YOU GE A BOYFRIEND?
YOU WAS IN THIS BEDROOM
THE WHOLE TIME?
ALL RIGHT, NOW, UH,
CAN YOU GUYS GIVE US
A MINUTE?
[door closes]
OH, THIS MUST BE TERRIBLY
AWKWARD FOR YOU.
SO WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD MOVE OUT?
HOW DID YOU GET OUT?
WELL, YOU DIDN'T COME BACK,
SO I JUST KEPT WALKING...
AND THEN I WAS HERE.
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY NOT?
YOU COME AND GO
ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, BUT I'M REAL...
REAL HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE.
OH, ME TOO.
I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING--
YOUR BAKERY,
YOUR INN,
YOUR POND--THE WHOLE THING.
AND I WANT TO MEET YOUR FAMILY.
WAS THAT THEM?
I HOPE THEY HAVEN'T GONE FAR.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
[all stuttering]
OH!
WHOA!
HI.
I'M DOUGLAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HMM?
UH, WHERE'S EDDIE?
HE HAD SOME THINGS
HE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF.
WHERE DID ANGELA
FIND YOU?
OH, WE MET WHEN ANGELA
CAME TO VISIT.
WHEN DID YOU GO ANYWHERE?
UH...
DOUGLAS IS FROM...
VERMONT.
WHEN DID YOU EVER GO
TO VERMONT?
OH...THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT.
HE'S HERE NOW.
TRY TO BE NICE.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
YOU JUST BRING HOME
SOME GUY WE'VE NEVER MET?
MA, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO MEET THEM
IF I DON'T BRING THEM HOME?
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOU THIS MR. EAR MUFFS.
RIGHT, BECAUSE UNLIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE,
THIS GUY DIDN'T HAVE TO FILL OU A FOUR-PAGE QUESTIONNAIRE
TO GET INTO THE BUILDING.
THOSE ARE RENTAL APPLICATIONS.
HOW MANY BUILDING MANAGERS
REQUIRE A COMPLETE
DATING HISTORY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LIKE A STEAM SHOVEL?
LIKE IN CONSTRUCTION?
A STEAM SHOVEL?
WHAT IS THIS,
THE ROARING '20S?
NO, IT'S JUST A REGULAR SHOVEL.
AND SO YOU WHAT--
YOU--YOU DIG DITCHES?
(Antonio)
THAT PAY WELL?
YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING
AT THAT?
(Douglas)
NOT DITCHES.
SNOW.
BUT I DON'T GET PAID--
HEY!
COME ON,
GIVE HIM SOME ROOM!
DOUGLAS, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.
YOU'RE MY GUEST.
OH, I DON'T MIND--
OH, NO ANSWERS.
UH, NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,
DOUGLAS AND I ARE GOING TO...
GO FOR A WALK.
TIME TO SHOW HIM
AROUND THE BIG CITY.
OH, GOOD!
(Angela)
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST THE TWO OF US.
(Douglas)
HOLY COW!
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
IT'S ALMOST LIKE
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
WE ARE OUTSIDE.
THEN WHERE'S THE SNOW?
RIGHT?
WHAT IS THAT?
THAT'S A FIRE HYDRANT.
WOW.
[bike bell dings]
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S A MAILBOX.
LOOK OUT!
AH!
[car horn wailing]
AND THAT WOULD BE A CAR.
[whistles]
TAXI!
[Sleigh Ride playing]
JUST HEAR THOSE
SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING
RING TING A-LING
A-LING TING
LIGHTS!
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER
WITH YOU
OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS FALLING
OH, LOOK UP THERE!
RING A-LING A-LING
A-LING TING TING
WHOA, JEEZ!
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
OH, LOOK AT THE CHRISTMAS TREES!
OUR CHEEKS ARE NICE AND ROSY
AND COMFY AND COZY ARE WE
LET'S SNUGGLE UP TOGETHER
LIKE BIRDS OF A FEATHER
WOULD BE
LET'S TAKE THE ROAD
BEFORE US
AND SING A CHORUS OR TWO
COME ON IT'S LOVELY WEATHER
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER
WITH YOU
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
(Douglas)
WHO'S THAT?
I DON'T KNOW HIM.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I'M DOUGLAS.
THIS IS ANGELA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
UH, DOUGLAS.
I'M DOUGLAS.
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS,
GUYS.
DO YOU KNOW ANGELA?
UH, DOUGLAS.
YEAH, WHATEVER.
PLEASE, THIS IS NO THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT?
UH, NEVER MIND.
COMIN' THROUGH!
JUST DON'T TALK
TO STRANGERS, OKAY?
OKAY.
YEAH.
[laughs]
PUT YOUR FOOT HERE.
OH, I--
OH, COME ON.
NO, IT'S FUN.
IT'S FUN.
YEAH, PUT YOUR FOOT HERE.
UGH.
NO NO NO NO.
NO, I CAN'T.
COME ON.
DON'T BE AFRAID.
ONE TIME.
READY?
THIS IS FUN.
THERE YOU GO.
UH...
UM, STAND UP.
YEAH.
AH.
OKAY, SEE THAT?
STAND UP.
STAND UP.
HERE, NOW PICK UP
YOUR FOOT.
UH...
YEP.
THERE YOU GO!
[Christmas music playing]
CLAIRE!
HEY!
I WANT YOU TO MEET DOUGLAS.
DOUGLAS?
YOU KNOW, DOUGLAS.
UH...UH...
MERRY CHRISTMAS, CLAIRE.
UH, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WE GOTTA GO.
BYE!
BYE!
EXCUSE ME,
DO YOU CARRY SNOW GLOBES?
OH, NO.
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
AH!
SEE?
YEAH.
(Douglas)
LOOK AT ALL THOSE PRESENTS.
(Angela)
YEAH, IT'S NICE.
OH, SHOES.
UH-UH.
[grunts]
SORRY.
I'LL JUST--
I'LL GO AROUND
THAT WAY.
HEY!
STOP!
GET BACK HERE!
[huffing]
DOUGLAS!
DOUGLAS!
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
COME ON.
[Christmas music playing]
AAH!
HEY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(Douglas)
BUT WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S JUS NOT HOW IT'S DONE HERE, OKAY?
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
CHANGE?
OH, THANKS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HEY!
SORRY.
WOW, THAT WAS GREAT.
MUST BE KIND OF OVERWHELMED.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MEAN WHEN I FIRST CAME
TO VISIT YOU,
IT BLEW MY MIND.
AND YOUR VILLAGE IS, WELL,
TINY.
YOU--YOU JUST DISCOVERED
THIS WHOLE OTHER WORLD.
YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU GUESS?
AREN'T YOU HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL
CRISIS OR SOMETHING?
UH, YEAH,
I'M HAVING ONE OF THOSE.
AND I LOVED THAT HOT DOG.
WELL, GO ON AND MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME
WHILE I, UH,
CHANGE INTO SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE.
IS IT ALMOST BEDTIME?
YES.
I GUESS IT IS.
OH, GOODY!
[sighs]
ALL RIGHT,
SO THINGS AREN'T GOING
AS WELL AS YOU'D HOPED.
BUT HE'S PERFEC IN SO MANY WAYS.
WELL, SOME--
SOME WAYS.
YOU CAN STILL MAKE THIS WORK.
DOUGLAS?
[snores]
DOUGLAS.
[snores, grumbles]
[sighs]
HOT DOGS.
[distant car horn honks]
[birds chirping]
GOOD MORNING.
SLEEP WELL?
YEAH.
LIKE A...A LOG.
I'LL SAY.
SO...
WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?
WELL, I'VE GOT TO GE TO WORK.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO KEEP YOURSELF ENTERTAINED
FOR A WHILE.
OKAY.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR SHOVEL?
OKAY, THIS CONTROLS
THE TV.
POWER, CHANNEL, VOLUME.
THIS IS THE PHONE.
NOW WORK IS ON SPEED DIAL.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS HIT THREE.
THIS CONTROLS
THE DVD.
NOW IF YOU WANT TO USE IT,
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE TV
ON CHANNEL 3, OKAY?
[TV clicks on]
[roaring on TV]
[screams]
AAH!
UH, BETTER FORGE ABOUT THE TV.
THERE'S THE MICROWAVE
OVER THERE IF YOU GET HUNGRY.
YOU COULD USE I TO WARM THINGS UP.
JUST DON'T PUT ANY METAL
IN IT.
OH, AND NO JARS
AND NO EGGS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
BETTER JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.
UH, THERE ARE TAKE-OUT MENUS
IN THE DRAWER
NEXT TO THE STOVE.
JUST PICK UP THE PHONE.
CALL 'EM, TELL 'EM
WHAT YOU WANT.
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DO YOU?
[giggles]
HEY.
OH, HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
EDDIE, THIS IS GONNA SOUND
REALLY, UM...
WELL, REALLY WEIRD.
BUT, UM, YOU'VE MET DOUGLAS,
RIGHT?
YEAH.
HEY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(Angela)
I SHOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU THIS.
I KNOW.
BUT EVERYONE'S OU AND I GOTTA BE AT WORK,
LIKE, 10 MINUTES AGO.
I REALLY NEED YOU...
TO WATCH DOUGLAS.
WATCH?
HE'S NEW TO, WELL,
EVERYTHING.
I WOULDN'T ASK BUT I'M AFRAID
TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.
YOU WANT ME TO BABY-SI YOUR BOYFRIEND.
NO--NO...
YES.
MORE LIKE HANG OUT.
CAN YOU?
AT LEAST UNTIL
I CAN TRACK DOWN JAMIE.
PLEASE?
IF HE TRIES TO USE THE TOASTER,
THE WHOLE BUILDING COULD GO UP.
WHAT--WHAT IS HE?
IS HE, LIKE, CHALLENGED,
OR SOMETHING?
EDDIE, DON'T MAKE ME BEG.
OH, WHAT THE HELL.
OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.
SURE.
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE, ANGELA.
(Eddie)
SO HOW DID YOU AND ANGELA MEET?
(Douglas)
OH, SHE CAME TO MY VILLAGE.
(Eddie)
VILLAGE?
SO YOU'RE NOT MUCH
OF A CITY BOY THEN?
WHAT ARE THESE BIG GUYS CALLED?
HIPPOPOTAMUSES--
SES--
HIPP--
HIPPOTAMA--
HIPPOS.
[silently]
HIPPO.
YOU AND ANGELA HAVE
A LOT IN COMMON, I GUESS.
OH, YEAH.
WE LOVE CAROLING
AND DECORATING TREES
AND BUILDING SNOWMEN.
ALL THE USUAL STUFF.
YOU KNOW...
SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE SKATING,
I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER.
SO ARE YOU, LIKE,
REALLY RICH OR SOMETHING?
FRUSDORFER!
ONE VEGGIE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THANK YOU,
MR. FRUSDORFER.
KING, ONE MEAT LASAGNA.
TARANTINO,
TWO MEAT LASAGNAS.
HERE YOU ARE.
ENJOY.
WILL DO.
ISABELLA, HERE YOU GO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
STRASPORT, TWO MEAT.
[sighs]
THIS TICKLES MY NOSE.
PUT THAT BACK, PLEASE.
"SCOTCH."
THAT'S RIGHT.
GLEN LEE 15-YEAR-OLD
SINGLE MALT SCOTCH.
LIKE BUTTERSCOTCH.
NO, NO, IT'S...
A LITTLE DIFFEREN FROM BUTTERSCOTCH.
WHERE ARE YOUR FROM?
OH, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU.
THE VILLAGE.
OH, THAT VILLAGE.
OKAY.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO KNOW
FOR A FAC THEY GOT SCOTCH OVER THERE.
SO, UH, WHERE IN THE VILLAGE?
EAST, WEST?
THESE QUESTIONS
AREN'T THAT HARD, DOUG.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
GOOD NIGHT.
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.
CAN'T WE CLOSE EARLY?
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
BESIDES, YOU GOT A MAN
WAITING FOR YOU.
MM, YOU'RE THE BEST!
I KNOW.
GOOD NIGHT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU.
THANKS, CLAIRE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[door opens]
HEY!
HI.
WHERE'S DOUGLAS?
I THOUGHT--
JAMIE CAME FINALLY
AND TOOK HIM HOME
A WHILE AGO.
OH.
WELL...
THANKS FOR, UH,
YOU KNOW.
WE WENT TO THE ZOO.
[laughs]
I BET THAT WAS DIFFERENT.
YEAH.
PLACE LOOKS GREAT.
THANKS.
WE, UH, OPEN NEW YEAR'S EVE.
WOW.
BET YOU'RE EXCITED.
I AM.
WELL...
I SHOULD BE GOING.
CHRISTMAS EVE.
BIG NIGHT WITH THE FAMILY.
AND DOUGLAS.
AND DOUGLAS, YEAH.
CAN'T LET YOU GO
WITHOUT TRYING THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
HMM.
GIVE IT A TASTE.
[laughs]
FRUSTRATED BARTENDER, TOO?
YOU COULD SAY THAT.
MMM.
AH, IT'S LIKE
A CHRISTMAS TREE...
ON FIRE.
EGG NOG AND CINNAMON SCHNAPPS.
I FIGURED IT WOULD BE
RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.
FEELING MERRIER ALREADY.
YOU LIKE CHRISTMAS.
LOVE IT.
SEE, TO ME,
IT'S JUST STRESS.
LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT TREE,
THE PERFECT PRESENTS,
TRYING FOR SOME IDEAL
YOU COULD NEVER REACH.
THERE IS A PERFECT CHRISTMAS.
I'VE SEEN IT.
I HOPE NOT.
WHY?
'CAUSE THEN WHAT?
END OF THE ROAD,
NO MORE STRUGGLE?
YOU LIKE TO STRUGGLE.
I'M GOOD AT IT.
YOU'RE GOOD AT EGG NOG.
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.
TRY THIS VARIATION
ON THE THEME.
WHAT, DID YOU CHANGE
YOUR RECIPE?
WHY, IT WAS--
PERFECT?
I KNOW.
THIS ONE'S PERFECT TOO.
IMPOSSIBLE.
MM, OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THAT?
CHERRY BRANDY.
CHERRY BRANDY.
PERFECTION, ANGELA,
COMES IN MANY FLAVORS.
[sportscaster on TV]
AND SO HERE WE ARE
SETTING UP.
THERE HE GOES
WITH A FAKE HAND-OFF.
I STILL DON'T GET IT.
IT'S FOOTBALL.
WHAT'S NOT TO GET?
WELL, WHERE IS HE RUNNING?
HE'S TRYING TO GET A--
A TOUCHDOWN.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW FOOTBALL?
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
THEN THE OTHER TEAM TRIES.
WHEN DO WE GET TO TRY?
WE DON'T.
THEY PLAY, WE WATCH.
THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
[on TV]
AND IT'S 2ND AND 10.
AND HE CUTS BACK
TO PASS,
THROWS TO DWIGHT.
OH, AND HE'S SACKED.
LOSES THE BALL.
[Douglas starts humming
Jingle Bells]
THIS IS BORING.
LET'S GO ICE SKATING.
AH, NO.
YOU WANT TO DECORATE
A TREE?
NO.
YOU WANT TO--
NO.
HEH.
[cracks knuckles]
DO YOU HAVE A SHOVEL?
[grumbling]
WHEN'S ANGELA COMING HOME?
NOT SOON ENOUGH.
[whooshing sound]
WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
[on TV]
WITH A--OH, WITH A GOOD BLOCK
BY NUMBER 14.
MARIE!
JEEZ.
HOW MANY PEOPLE SHE GO BACK THERE?
(Angela)
SING WE JOYOUS
ALL TOGETHER
FA LA LA
LA LA LA
LA LA LA
THOSE AREN'T EVEN WORDS.
SING
I THINK YOU GO THE SINGING COVERED.
[laughs]
FA LA LA LA LA
ALL RIGHT, RUDOLPH.
LET'S BRING IT IN
FOR A LANDING, SHALL WE?
[sighs]
I HAD A LOT OF FUN.
YEAH, ME TOO.
ME TOO.
THANKS...
FOR EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE SHIVERING.
ARE YOU COLD?
NO, NO--
I FEEL NICE AND TOASTY.
[giggles]
IT'S JUST, UM,
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU MAKE ME A LITTLE...
A LITTLE?
[door opens]
ANGELA, WH--
OKAY, UH,
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU INVITE
YOUR BOYFRIEND INSIDE
TO MEET YOUR OTHER BOYFRIEND
AND HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND.
(Marie)
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOREVER
AND YOU JUST UP AND LEAVE
WITHOUT SO MUCH
AS A GOOD-BYE?
NO, NO, MARIE,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK WHO IT IS,
LITTLE MISS "COME TO MY TOWN
"AND STEAL MY BOYFRIEND
WHILE WE'RE ICE SKATING
AND THEN LEAVE AND HAVE HIM
FOLLOW YOU HOME."
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU AND MARIE WERE JUST FRIENDS.
OF COURSE MARIE'S MY FRIEND.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
EDDIE HERE IS MY FRIEND.
YEAH, ME, NOT SO MUCH.
UGH, DOUGLAS,
I WAS YOUR ONLY GIRLFRIEND
UNTIL SHE CAME AND TOOK YOU.
I DIDN'T TAKE HIM.
HE JUST ESCAPED ON HIS OWN.
UH, HA--
MARIE, WHY DON'T WE
GO SOME PLACE
WHERE YOU AND I CAN
GO TALK.
JAMIE, CAN YOU KEEP DOUGLAS
COMPANY?
NO.
JAMIE IS HELPING ME
WITH DINNER.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU HEARD THE LADY.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF DICING
AND CHOPPING.
'CAUSE, DOUG,
YOU AND ME OTHERWISE--
YEAH!
MARIE.
LET ME GUESS.
SHE'S FROM THE VILLAGE TOO.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
[scoffs]
[door shuts]
MARIE, I NEED
TO EXPLAIN.
OH, I DON'T NEED
AN EXPLANATION.
OF COURSE DOUGLAS
WANTS TO BE WITH YOU.
YOU HAVE ALL THIS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE
WITH THIS?
WITH MY CLOCK RADIO?
[whimpers]
IT'S A RADIO TOO?
LOOK...
I MADE A MISTAKE.
YOU AND DOUGLAS
BELONG TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW THAT.
DOUGLAS AND I DON'T BELONG
TOGETHER.
AND DEEP DOWN,
ALL THINGS BEING RELATIVE,
DOUGLAS KNOWS THAT TOO.
I'M SORRY.
NOW, WE NEED TO GET YOU BOTH
BACK IN THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BACK IN THE SNOW GLOBE?
SEE?
OH.
IS THAT MY BAKERY?
AND THE INN.
ARE YOU SOME KIND OF--
UH...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
SO...
HOW ABOUT THEM GIANTS?
GIANTS?
NO WAY!
MARIE, BE REASONABLE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
S-S-S-SHE WANTS US
TO GO BACK IN THERE!
YOU CAN DO THAT?
SEND US BACK HOME?
YES!
I THINK SO.
DOUGLAS, I DON'T WAN TO GO BACK IN THERE.
AND NEITHER DO YOU.
OH, YES, I DO.
THERE'S GIANTS.
WHAT--WHAT THE HECK
ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?
JUST TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LOOK AT I FOR A SEC.
DOUG--DOUGLAS--DOUGLAS--
DON'T--
DON'T, DOUGLAS!
DON'T!
[whooshing sound]
[grunting and groaning]
AAH!
OH!
[crushing sound]
OH! WHOA!
UHN!
[Angela screams]
AH!
OH!
OH, MY GOSH!
[crunching and snapping]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
UGH...WHAT?
[man moans]
(Angela)
UGH, OH...
WH-WH-WHAT HAPPENED?
WHOA, UH...
AH!
OH NO!
NO NO!
NO, THIS CAN'T BE!
NO!
UHN!
HEY!
HEY!
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?
UH-OH.
(man)
I LOVE THIS SCULPTURE.
IT'S DIFFERENT.
VERY CHRISTMASSY.
[grunts]
[spring jangles]
[sighs]
THIS IS SO NOT GOOD.
(Eddie)
WHERE DID ANGELA GO?
YOU SEE, UM...
I TOLD HER
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO BACK
IN THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT DO YOU--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BACK IN--
IN THE SNOW GLOBE?
I THINK IT'S BROKEN.
YEAH, YOU THINK?
ALL RIGHT, HURRY UP ALREADY!
CHRISTMAS PARTY DOWNSTAIRS.
WHERE'S ANGELA?
OH, SHE'S, UM--
SHE LEFT.
IN THE BEDROOM.
SHE LEFT FROM THE BEDROOM.
[scoffs]
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
OKAY, MOM SENT ME UP HERE
TO GET PEOPLE.
YOU'RE PEOPLE.
LET'S GO.
ANGELA?
[Donnie and Jamie talking]
GET YOUR FEET OFF THE TABLE.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
(Antonio)
THANK YOU, ROSIE, BABY.
THAT LOOKS GREAT.
WHERE'S ANGELA?
OH, MISSING AS USUAL.
BUT HER BOYFRIEND'S STILL HERE.
AND GET THIS.
HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
OH.
OOF.
HEY!
HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'VE GOT PROBLEMS.
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OH, BROTHER.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
OH, GREAT.
LET ME GUESS.
MITTENS? EAR MUFFS?
HEY, WHOO!
MITTENS!
SHELDON, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
AND LET'S SEE WHAT YOU HAVE.
EAR MUFFS, WOW!
MITTENS! EAR MUFFS!
MITTENS!
OH, AND LET'S SEE THIS.
MITTENS AND EAR MUFFS!
HA!
WOW, WHAT A LUCKY GIRL
YOU ARE!
DON'T YOU EVER GET SICK
OF IT?
WELL, IT'S THE THOUGH THAT COUNTS.
WHAT THOUGHT?
IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME!
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY NEED
TO SHOUT.
SHOUT?
OF COURSE THERE IS,
IT'S CHRISTMAS!
HOW COULD YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS
WITHOUT ANY SHOUTING?
[scoffs loudly]
[distant carolers singing]
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS...
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
ANGELA!
JOY, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
OH, ANGELA, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
BE THE PROBLEM?
I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE.
DOUGLAS AND MARIE
FOLLOWED ME HOME.
WELL, TECHNICALLY
SHE FOLLOWED HIM.
BUT THEY BOTH ENDED UP
AT MY PLACE
AND I TRIED TO GET THEM
TO COME BACK
BUT SOMEHOW SOMETHING HAPPENED
AND THEY ENDED UP THERE
AND I'M STUCK HERE.
STUCK.
ANGELA, I THOUGH YOU LIKED IT HERE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD
THE EXPRESSION,
"IT'S NICE PLACE TO VISI BUT I'M TRAPPED
IN A FREAKING SNOW GLOBE!"
TRAPPED?
OH, ANGELA, HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY FEEL TRAPPED HERE?
EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
BUT NOTHING'S REAL!
HERE.
OH, GOOD!
I THINK EVERYBODY'S
JUST ABOUT READY TO EAT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS SO VERY HUNGRY.
ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
I THINK YOU'VE MADE
YOUR POINT.
AHH!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OH, BROTHER!
ALL RIGHT,
I'VE GOT ONE.
UH...
TWO WORDS.
CHRISTMAS TREE.
WOW, YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.
YOU DID THAT THE LAST TIME.
YOU GOTTA PICK SOMETHING
OTHER THAN CHRISTMAS TREE.
OH!
OH...ALL RIGHT.
UH...
OKAY.
OKAY, I'VE GOT ONE.
UH...
TWO WORDS.
FIRST WORD.
UGH.
ALL RIGHT, MY TURN.
[grunts]
ROSE, WHEN ARE WE GONNA EAT?
WHEN ANGELA GETS HERE.
IT'S CHRISTMAS DINNER.
AND WE ARE NOT EATING
UNTIL WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
OKAY.
IS IT A CHRISTMAS TREE?
NO, IT'S NOT A CHRISTMAS TREE!
ANGELA.
ANGELA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HUH.
WHAT AM I DOING?
COME--
ON--
YOU STUPID--
SNOW--
GLOBE!
[whimpers]
SOMETHING WRONG?
OH, JOY, HEY.
SORRY ABOUT MAKING A SCENE
BEFORE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
EVERYONE'S ALREADY FORGOTTEN.
I JUST WANTED TO COME OU AND MAKE SURE
THAT YOU WERE OKAY.
YEAH, SURE.
I GUESS THINGS JUST AREN' THE SAME
WITHOUT DOUGLAS HERE.
IT'S NOT JUST DOUGLAS.
IT'S EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND.
IT'S EVERYTHING I DREAMED
CHRISTMAS COULD BE.
BUT...
BUT IT'S TOO MUCH.
PERFECTION'S OVERRATED.
I MEAN I MAY JUST HAVE
JUST ONE CHRISTMAS,
AND YEAH, MY FAMILY'S
GONNA SCREW IT UP.
THEY ALWAYS DO.
BUT IT'S MINE.
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE I ANY OTHER WAY.
ARE YOU CERTAIN?
SURE.
I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS
NEXT YEAR, RIGHT?
I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
EXCUSE ME.
I'M LOOKING FOR
AN ANGELA MORENO.
I'M--
THANKS.
I THINK.
GO ON, OPEN IT.
HOW DID YOU--
(Joy)
EVERYONE'S LOOKING FOR
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS,
ANGELA.
WE HAVE OURS.
GO FIND YOURS.
OH.
OH, JOY.
HAVE A NICE...
WELL, YOU KNOW.
WE ALWAYS DO.
SAME TO YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
[whimsical tune plays]
[whooshing sound]
I'M GONNA GET YOU
OUT OF THERE, ANGELA.
I PROMISE.
(Angela)
I'D RATHER YOU DIDN' MAKE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN.
SO, I HEAR THE NEIGHBORS
ARE HAVING
THIS LITTLE CHRISTMAS PARTY.
WANNA CRASH IT?
I WOULDN'T MISS I FOR THE WORLD.
[laughs]
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
HEY!
(Donnie)
NOW WE CAN EAT!
HEY, EDDIE!
YOU'RE BACK!
(Antonio)
SIT DOWN.
YOU COME HERE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Rose)
THANK GOODNESS!
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
SIT DOWN, BUDDY.
(Gina)
I'LL GET AN EXTRA PLATE.
ANGELA.
THE SNOW GLOBE--
I THINK IT BROKE.
YEAH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
YOU GUYS READY TO GO HOME?
YES.
GOOD.
ANG.
THE SOONER YOU SI THE SOONER WE EAT.
OH, I CAN'T WAIT.
I BEEN LOOKING FORWARD
TO THIS.
COME ON.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WANTING
A TRADITIONAL
CHRISTMAS DINNER,
SO I FIGURED THIS YEAR
WE MIGHT AS WELL
HAVE IT THE WAY YOU WANT IT!
UH, OH.
A GOOSE.
I WAS KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD
TO CHRISTMAS LASAGNA.
I PUT IT IN THE STUFFING.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT!
[all laugh]
SHE'S SO CREATIVE.
HE'S NEVER SEEN JELL-O.
(Angela)
HE NEEDS TO TAKE SOME HOME.
(Gina)
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
[joyful chattering]
[Christmas music playing]
(Angela)
WE'LL REPLACE THE BROKEN STUFF.
(Eddie)
THAT'S GREAT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MARIE.
THANK YOU, ANGELA.
DOUGLAS.
THANKS.
[giggles]
GOOD BYE, ANGELA.
[sighs]
(Angela)
CONCENTRATE.
[whimsical tune plays]
HERE WE GO.
[whooshing sound]
[Marie grunts]
OOH.
HOME, SWEET HOME.
OH!
OH, IT'S WONDERFUL.
THAT'S NOTHING.
LOOK AT THIS!
WOW!
LET'S GO TO THE INN
AND SHOW EVERYBODY!
WELL...
ACTUALLY I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE COULD GO
TO THE BAKERY.
THERE'S NO ONE AT THE BAKERY
RIGHT NOW.
EXACTLY.
WOW!
THAT WAS BETTER THAN SKATING.
[Christmas music playing]
MA?
MA, PLEASE.
I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
NO, WE'RE NOT TRYING
TO AVOID THE FAMILY.
[chuckles]
OF COURSE WE'LL BE THERE
FOR CHRISTMAS.
ANYTHING YOU WANT IS FINE.
OKAY, GREAT.
OKAY, WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW.
OKAY, MOM.
I LOVE YOU TOO.
EVERYTHING OKAY?
UGH, SHE'S SO MELODRAMATIC.
EVER SINCE I MOVED OU SHE'S JUST TERRIFIED
WE'LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
AND THAT WE'RE GONNA MISS
THE BIG FAMILY CHRISTMAS.
WE'RE NOT GONNA MISS IT,
ARE WE?
NO SUCH LUCK.
I'M TERRIFIED TO SEE
WHAT GINA WHIPPED UP.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE MAKING
DESSERT, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, I TOTALLY FORGO TO TELL HER.
HANG ON.
HEY, MA!
WHAT?
DON'T FORGET TO TELL GINA
THAT I'M BRINGING DESSERT.
ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[grunts]
COME HERE.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
OH, DAMN.
KNOW WHAT,
I GOTTA GET GOING.
I'M GONNA BE LATE
FOR WORK.
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
SHALL WE?
LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GETTING
PRETTY RESTLESS OUT THERE.
(Claire)
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WELCOME.
[excited chattering]
[Christmas music playing]
DANCIN' THROUGH THE SNOW
IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH
OVER THE FIELDS WE GO
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
BELLS ON BOBTAIL RINGS
MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT
WHAT FUN IT IS
TO RIDE AND SING
A SLEIGHING SONG TONIGHT
EVERYBODY SING
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY...
JEEZ, ANG, IT'S SALAMI,
NOT A ROLEX.
HERE, MRS. FIORELLA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT YOU ORDERED:
TWO POUNDS OF SALAMI.
[scoffs, muttering]
OH, I'LL WRAP THAT,
UNCLE DONNY.
HEY--
BROWN PAPER AND TAPE,
ANG?
[scoffs]
NEVER MIND.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
WHO'S NEXT?
HI.
HELLO, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
WELL...HOW ABOUT YOUR NAME,
FOR STARTERS?
IT'S ANGELA.
HELLO, ANGELA.
HI.
MAX.
MAX.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, MAX?
JUST ONE SECOND.
I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE
OF YOUR WORLD-FAMOUS LASAGNAS.
IT'S HER MOTHER'S RECIPE.
IS THAT RIGHT?
YEAH, THEY'RE ALL INCREDIBLE
COOKS.
THE WHOLE FAMILY.
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,
YOU'LL EAT LIKE A KING.
CLAIRE!
WHAT?
WHAT DID I SAY?
PLEASE LEAVE
YOUR LASAGNA ORDER
WITH THE LADY
AT THE REGISTER.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
BUT I--
NEXT!
YOU'RE WORSE THAN MY MOTHER.
WHAT, HE'S A CATCH!
LOOK AT HIM.
A CATCH?
MY PARENTS STOCK
OUR APARTMENT BUILDING
LIKE A SINGLE-GUY
FISH POND.
SO?
THEY'RE TRYING TO HELP.
I'LL PICK MY OWN BOYFRIENDS,
THANK YOU.
YEAH?
WELL I'M GONNA DO
SOME PICKING OF MY OWN.
HEY, MAX,
I'LL TAKE YOUR ORDER.
NEXT, PLEASE.
(Claire)
YOU CAN'T EXPECT EVERY GUY
TO GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS.
OKAY, NOT EVERY GUY.
JUST ONE GUY.
FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND
THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS
AROUND HERE.
SO MAYBE I'LL MOVE.
SO MAYBE I'LL BE
MISS AMERICA.
SO MAYBE I WANT MORE
OUT OF LIFE.
LIKE SNOW MAYBE
AT CHRISTMAS.
UGH, YOU CAN HAVE IT.
OH, CLAIRE.
I HAVE THIS PICTURE
IN MY HEAD
OF THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS,
YOU KNOW?
AND THIS--
THIS AIN'T IT.
NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
THE PERFECT GUY,
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS.
I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT?
I'M NOT GROWING OLD
SLICING SALAMI.
I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.
[gasps]
DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER
HEAR YOU SAY THAT!
IT'S HER BUSINESS,
NOT MINE.
SOMETIMES I THINK I WAS BORN
INTO THE WRONG FAMILY.
I DON'T GET IT.
YOU GOT A GOOD THING HERE.
IT'S NOT ME.
WELL, WHAT ELSE
ARE YOU GONNA DO, HMM?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT IT'S GONNA BE
SOMETHING GOOD.
SOMETHING I LOVE.
WELL LET ME KNOW
HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
[laughs]
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
TOMORROW.
[sighs]
EXCUSE ME.
I'M LOOKING FOR
AN ANGELA MORENO.
WELL, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
YOU FOUND ONE.
THANKS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
UH, HI.
HI.
EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU KNOW HOW
TO GET THIS THING TO WORK?
IT'S, UH--
WELL, WHEN THEY PUT IT IN--
UH, INSTALLED IT.
WELL, THE WIRING GUY,
HE USED A CROWBAR
AND, UH, WELL, THE DOOHICKEY
GOT WAY PUSHED IN AND--
SO IT'S--
SO IT'S BROKEN.
WELL, YOU JUST CAN'T CALL I FROM THE LOBBY.
COME HERE,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
THAT PIZZA SMELLS GOOD.
I KNOW,
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I'M FAMISHED.
I THINK YOU'D BE SICK
OF IT BY NOW.
HUH?
YOU KNOW, DELIVERING THOSE
DAY AFTER DAY.
HUH, HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
WHAT FLOOR?
THREE, PLEASE.
ME TOO.
WE COULD'VE WALKED.
I'M EDDIE, BY THE WAY.
ANGELA.
[elevator dings]
OH, HERE WE ARE.
[laughs]
THE LONG RIDE IS OVER.
WE REALLY COULD'VE JUST, UH--
SO LONG, EDDIE.
ACTUALLY I'M HEADED...
OH.
HMM...
YOU KNOW, IT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS BUT, UM,
WHERE'S THAT PIZZA GOING?
UH, 304.
[scoffs]
I KNEW IT.
I BET IT'S A SINGLE GUY.
VERY LIKELY.
AN ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
VERY ELIGIBLE,
I BET.
UGH, THIS HAS GO TO STOP!
THEY'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.
I HOPE YOU DON'T LIVE
WITH YOUR FAMILY, EDDIE.
THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.
WHY?
'CAUSE 304
IS A STUDIO APARTMENT.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO--
THAT PIZZA'S--
IT'S ALL MINE.
YOU'RE NOT--
A DELIVERY BOY?
NO.
[scoffs]
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU KNOW
WHERE TO FIND SOME PIZZA.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOTTA GO.
[door slams]
[quietly]
OKAY.
[door opens]
HEY, ANG.
HEY, ANGIE.
[TV clicks on]
UM, EXCUSE ME.
OH, YEAH,
CABLE'S OUT IN THE OTHER ROOM.
[boinging sound on TV]
[grunts]
[chattering on TV]
THE OTHER ROOM YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT IS YOUR APARTMENT.
AND I'M GUESSING
THE CABLE DOESN'T WORK
BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T PAID
THE BILL.
HOT SAUCE COMIN' THROUGH!
WE NEED TO USE YOUR KITCHEN.
WHAT? NO!
I JUST GOT HOME.
OH, AND NOT A MOMEN TOO SOON.
THE SMOKE--
YOU COULDN'T--
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BREATHE
DOWNSTAIRS!
WHAT HAPPENED?
CHARRED LASAGNA.
AY AY AY,
YOUR FATHER,
GOD BLESS HIM,
I KNOW HE WAS JUST TRYING
TO SPEED THINGS UP BUT...
[scoffs]
60 MINUTES AT 350
IS NOT 35 MINUTES
AT 600 DEGREES.
IT'S A WONDER
THE FIRE DEPARTMEN DIDN'T SHOW UP AGAIN.
MAYBE YOU CAN ASK
BEFORE JUST BARGING IN.
WHAT IF I HAD PLANS?
ANGIE, WHEN DO YOU EVER
HAVE PLANS?
EXCUSE ME.
MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CHRISTMAS LASAGNA.
WE HAVE OVER 60 ORDERS.
THAT'S EVERY STOVE
WE'VE GO GOING PRETTY MUCH ALL THE TIME.
AND NOW I'M ONE OVEN DOWN
AND ONE LASAGNA SHORT.
JAMIE!
WILL YOU QUIT WATCHING TV
AND SET THE TABLE!
OKAY, HONEY.
OH, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.
THIS IS MY KITCHEN,
MY APARTMENT.
I JUST CLEANED THE STAINS
OUT OF THE CARPE FROM THE LAST TIME.
OKAY, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LUG THE FOOD
UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.
DO ME A FAVOR.
GO FIND YOUR UNCLE.
LIKE I CAN'T SMELL
THE GARLIC
WAFTING DOWN THE HALLWAY.
[laughs]
OH, MOVE OVER, BUDDY!
OH, COME ON!
AH AH AH!
I DON'T THINK SO!
OH, COME ON, ROSE.
COME HERE AND MAKE
THE SALAD.
BEEN ON MY FEET ALL DAY.
GET THE KID TO DO IT.
NO, JAMIE'S SETTING
THE TABLE.
RIGHT, JAMIE?
YES, HONEY!
ANG, GO FIND YOUR FATHER.
I'M SURE HE'LL FIND US.
(Rose)
DONNIE!
WHAT?
SALAD!
[mutters in Italian]
MOVE OVER.
THERE'S A WHOLE COUCH
OVER--
STOP IT!
OH, OOH!
IS THIS FOR ME?
NO, THAT IS FOR
THE BABY SHOWER.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO WAIT.
BELIEVE ME,
I'VE BEEN WAITING EIGHT MONTHS.
WHAT IS IT?
SURPRISE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
(Rose)
JAMES MARCUS
DIBIASI.
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO SIT AND WATCH TELEVISION
WHILE YOUR WIFE,
MY DAUGHTER,
THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD,
SLAVES OVER A HOT STOVE,
WELL, YOU GOT ANOTHER THINK
COMING!
ANG, CUT THE BREAD.
I DON'T HAVE ANY BREAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE'S BREAD RIGHT HERE.
THOSE ARE BAGELS.
WHAT, THEY'RE NOT MADE
OUT OF BREAD?
[laughs]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT?
I'M GOING TO THE TABLE.
NO, LOOK.
THE CLOTH NAPKINS
ARE IN THIS DRAWER.
THAT CANDLES ARE
IN THE SIDEBOARD
AND THE CHINA
IS IN THAT CABINET.
SALAD, DONNIE,
SALAD.
YES, SIR.
[grunts]
JAMIE, BE CAREFUL.
THOSE ARE MY CHRISTMAS PLATES.
OH!
DONNIE, TASTE THAT SALAD,
MAKE SURE GINA'S USING
ENOUGH GARLIC.
MA, I KNOW HOW TO COOK!
I BROUGHT THE SAUSAGES.
I HOPE YOU DIDN'T STAR WITHOUT ME.
(Rose)
OH, YOU ARE SO LUCKY
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE DINNER
TONIGH AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME.
WHAT--ROSE,
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
DAD, YOU DO THIS
EVERY YEAR.
NO, I DON'T.
WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER
THAN TO LET ME NEAR
THE STOVE.
[shattering sound]
[Rose gasps]
WELL, YOU CAN ONLY USE THEM
ONE MONTH A YEAR, RIGHT?
AY.
[smacking and grunting]
MA.
THANKS.
SO, DAD,
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
GOOD...I GUESS.
SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
OKAY, JAMIE.
HOW'S THE JOB SEARCH GOING?
CUT HIM SOME SLACK.
(Jamie)
COME ON,
I'M WORKING ON IT, OKAY?
WHAT'S WITH THE SECOND DEGREE?
IT'S THIRD.
THIRD DEGREE, BABY.
IT'S NOT EVEN FIRST DEGREE.
IT'S CALLED CONVERSATION.
IT'S WHAT CIVILIZED PEOPLE DO
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
LOOK, IF HE HAD HAD
HIS FIRST DEGREE,
MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.
[sputters]
MA!
DON'T YOU START ON HIM TOO.
MMM.
THE GAME!
UNCLE DONNIE.
IT'S THE GIANTS.
MOM!
[chatter on TV]
[sportscaster on TV]
IT'S A PRETTY TIGHT GAME.
TURN THE VOLUME DOWN.
OKAY.
MWAH.
MWAH.
[sighs]
SO I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE HAVE
A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS
DINNER THIS YEAR.
HUH?
(Rose)
WELL, OF COURSE WE HAVE
CHRISTMAS DINNER, ANGELA.
DON'T WE ALWAYS?
NO, I MEAN,
NOT JUST GREEN LASAGNA
AND MEATBALLS.
LIKE, SOMETHING SPECIAL.
LIKE A GOOSE
OR STUFFING
OR MAYBE EVEN PUDDING.
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH GREEN LASAGNA?
IT'S TACKY.
IT'S FESTIVE!
I LOVE THOSE LITTLE
CHOCOLATE PUDDING CUPS.
I PUT MY VOTE IN RIGHT NOW.
I COULD EAT 1,000 OF THOSE!
NOT THAT KIND OF PUDDING.
OH! THIS KID'S GONNA BE
A KUNG FU ARTIS OR SOMETHING.
THOSE ARE THE MORENO LEGS.
LITTLE ANTONIO TWO
IS GONNA BE AN ATHLETE.
DADDY, I'M NOT NAMING
MY DAUGHTER "ANTONIO."
YOU DON'T KNOW
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GIRL.
I HAD A SONOGRAM.
[scoffs]
I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW WE USED TO DO I BACK IN CUBA.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU LEFT CUBA
WHEN YOU WERE TEN.
WHAT, I REMEMBER SOME THINGS.
LOOK, YOU LAY DOWN
ON THE FLOOR, SEE?
WE TAKE AN EGG.
WE PUT IT ON YOUR BELLY.
IF IT ROLLS OFF
TO THE RIGHT--
DAD, WE ARE NOT BREAKING
ANY EGGS ON MY FLOOR.
SHE'S HAVING A GIRL.
LUCRETIA.
MM-MM.
NOT LUCRETIA.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME.
IT WAS YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER'S
NAME.
SHE COULD KEEP IT.
SHUT UP!
CAN WE GET BACK
TO CHRISTMAS PLANS?
TOUCHDOWN!
HEY!
(Donnie)
YEAH!
HEY, NOW THAT IS WHA I'M TALKING ABOUT!
YES!
[men cheering]
(Donnie)
IT'S A REPLAY!
MOVE OVER!
MOVE OVER, DONNIE!
[sighs]
ARE WE DONE?
[cheering]
ANIMALS.
(Angela)
MA, DON'T.
IT'S STILL BROKEN.
YOU HAVEN'T FIXED
ANGIE'S DISPOSAL?
IT'S ON THE LIST.
OKAY, TELL ME YOU AT LEAS FIXED THE TOILE IN 304.
IT'S A LONG LIST.
HUH, SOME MANAGER.
THERE'S A NEW TENANT,
AND I THINK IT WOULD BE
REALLY NICE
IF HE COULD FLUSH HIS TOILE MORE THAN TWICE A DAY.
[TV clicks off]
I RAN INTO THE NEW GUY.
OH, TELL ME.
YOU HAVE TO STOP.
STOP WHAT?
STOP WHAT?
STOP TRYING TO FIX ME UP.
[scoffs]
YOU KNOW O'MALLEY'S BAR?
THAT NEW GUY'S REDOING
THE WHOLE PLACE.
MUSTA BOUGHT IT.
A REGULAR ENTREPRENEUR.
NOBODY'S TRYING TO FIX YOU UP.
EIGHT TENANTS IN A ROW,
ALL SINGLE GUYS.
HMM, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
(Antonio)
WELL, IT'S A STUDIO APARTMENT.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GONNA
PUT A FAMILY OF FOUR
IN THERE.
(Angela)
HOW ABOUT AN OLD WOMAN?
HOW ABOUT A PRIEST?
(Rose)
A PRIEST, ANGELA?
PLEASE, BE REASONABLE.
A PRIEST CAN'T MARRY.
I'M PERFECTLY REASONABLE.
I JUST WANT YOU GUYS
TO STOP MESSING
WITH MY LOVE LIFE.
WHAT LOVE LIFE?
[all chuckling]
(Rose)
OKAY, SHE'S GOT A POINT THERE.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER.
I'M 25!
LOOK AT YOUR SISTER.
MARRIED, PREGNANT--
YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.
FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME,
I AM NOT GONNA MARRY
A GUY JUST BECAUSE
HE MOVES INTO THE APARTMEN DOWN THE HALL.
NOW, THERE'S SOMEONE
OUT THERE FOR ME,
AND I'LL KNOW I WHEN I MEET HIM.
[laughs, snorts]
GOOD LUCK!
(Rose)
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LAY OFF YOUR SISTER.
IF SHE WANTS TO LIVE
LIKE A SPINSTER
AND DIE IN THIS APARTMEN ALONE WITH A CAT,
THAT'S HER BUSINESS.
[laughter]
OKAY, AND WE WILL
ALL RESPECT HER DECISION.
YES.
THAT'S IT!
GOOD NIGHT.
GO.
GO GO GO.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAT.
WELL, AT LEAST SOMEONE'S
GETTING THEIR SHOPPING DONE
EARLY.
WOW.
OH, MY.
NO NOTE?
NO RETURN ADDRESS?
SO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
[sighs]
[whimsical tune plays]
[whooshing sound]
PHEW.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
[joyful chattering]
[Christmas music playing]
[distant carolers
singing Jingle Bells]
OH JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS...
[chuckles]
[grunts]
OH!
HUH!
WHOA, HEADS UP!
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
UGH.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UGH.
YEAH.
OH.
WHERE AM I?
[distant carolers
singing Jingle Bells]
JINGLE ALL THE WAY
OH WHAT FUN IT IS
TO RIDE...
[sighs]
WOW.
HI.
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?
I DIDN'T HIT YOU
WITH THE SHOVEL, DID I?
I'M FINE.
I-I-I-I'M FINE.
UM, WHERE AM I?
YOU'RE HERE.
YEAH, BUT WHERE IS--
OH!
I GET IT.
IT'S A DREAM.
I DON'T THINK SO.
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE PART OF IT.
[laughs]
I MEAN WE'RE DEFINITELY
NOT IN BROOKLYN ANYMORE.
WHAT'S A BROOKLYN?
[chuckles]
IT'S A...
UH...
WELL, THERE ARE
THESE FIVE BOROUGHS.
OH.
[both laughing]
LET'S GET YOU INSIDE.
OKAY.
IT'S NICE AND COZY
AT THE INN.
MY NAME'S DOUGLAS.
I'M ANGELA.
SOME PLACE YOU GOT HERE,
DOUGLAS.
(Douglas)
IT'S HOME.
(Angela)
IT'S PERFECT.
NOW, ALL THAT'S MISSING
IS A--
[sleigh bells ringing]
AND THERE IT IS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Angela)
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I LOVE THIS DREAM.
OUCH!
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
KIND OF PUTS A KINK
IN YOUR DREAM THEORY, HUH?
HMM, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
OW!
[laughs]
I NEVER SAID
I WAS DREAMING.
WELL, WHO SAID YOU WERE?
[laughing]
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
HOW LOVELY ARE
THY BRANCHES...
WOW!
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
HOW LOVELY ARE
THY BRANCHES...
NOW THIS IS CHRISTMAS!
MERRY--
CHRIS--
HI, EVERYONE!
THIS IS ANGELA.
UH, HI.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM,
DEAR.
WE HARDLY EVER GET STRANGERS
HERE.
I'M JOY.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T MEAN TO INTRUDE.
I DON'T--
NONSENSE!
EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE.
WE HAVE A CHRISTMAS VISITOR,
EVERYONE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
WOW!
EVENING, EVERYONE!
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
SORRY I'M LATE.
THE BAKERY'S JUS SO BUSY TODAY.
WELL, ISN'T IT ALWAYS?
SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.
[both laughing]
WHO'S THAT?
SHE JUST ARRIVED.
OH.
(Douglas)
MARIE!
THIS IS ANGELA.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS.
EVERYONE HERE'S
SO TERRIFIC.
OH, AREN'T YOU SWEET?
YEAH, AND SO INTO CHRISTMAS.
WELL...
WHAT ELSE WOULD WE BE?
ANGELA, WOULD YOU GIVE ME
A HAND IN THE KITCHEN?
SURE.
THIS IS AN AMAZING KITCHEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS
TO GET THE JOB DONE.
IS THAT A CHRISTMAS GOOSE?
OF COURSE, DEAR.
I FORGOT THE YAMS.
WOULD YOU MIND?
UM, NO.
BUT WHERE ARE...
THEY'RE IN THE STOVE,
DEAR.
THE STOVE?
IT'S EMPTY.
HOW DID THIS--UH...
HMM.
OH, MY GOSH!
UM, JOY?
OH!
OH, I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D BE SO HUNGRY.
LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU,
DEAR.
AH.
[stove door clangs shut]
UM, YOU THINK WE'LL NEED
SOME EXTRA YAMS AS WELL?
UH, NO,
I THINK WE'LL BE OKAY.
SO MARY RODE ON A DONKEY,
AND JOSEPH WALKED ALONGSIDE.
AND WHEN THEY GOT TO BETHLEHEM,
THEY WERE VERY, VERY TIRED.
BUT THERE WAS NO ROOM
FOR THEM AT THE INN.
THAT MUST'VE BEEN
DISCOURAGING.
THEY SHOULD'VE COME HERE,
ANGELA.
WE CERTAINLY WOULD'VE
PUT THEM UP FOR A NIGHT OR TWO.
WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
[laughs]
IT ALL WORKED OUT.
[all laugh]
THAT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL STORY
I'VE EVER HEARD.
TELL IT AGAIN.
[all agreeing]
(Douglas)
YEAH, TELL IT ONE MORE TIME!
I'M SURE WE DON'T WAN TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
ONE OF YOU MUST HAVE A STORY.
UH.
HMM.
WELL, BETTER HI THE OLD SHOVEL AGAIN.
[all laugh]
GOOD NIGHT, ALL.
ANGELA, IT'S REALLY GREA HAVING YOU HERE.
BYE.
BYE, DOUGLAS!
(all)
GOOD-BYE, DOUGLAS!
UH, YOU KNOW, UM,
DOUGLAS WAS SO NICE TO ME
I REALLY SHOULD SAY
GOODNIGHT.
BUT WE ALREADY DID.
WELL...
AGAIN, YOU KNOW?
IN PERSON.
TO HIS FACE.
THANKS AGAIN, EVERYONE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA!
BYE!
WELL, THAT WAS PLEASANT.
HMM.
MM, GOOD CAKE.
(all)
MM-HMM.
DOUGLAS?
COME ON, THIS PLACE
ISN'T THAT BIG.
AH!
OH, SORRY, FROSTY!
OH.
DOUGLAS?
DOUGLAS?
UGH.
UH.
HELLO?
ANYONE?
OH, NO!
NO NO NO NO!
THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DREAM.
[sighs]
PLEASE, PLEASE,
GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES.
[sighs]
[whimsical music]
[street noise]
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, ANG.
YOU OKAY?
WHAT?
HOW MUCH ARE YOU
PLANNING ON SLICING?
OH.
SORRY.
CRAZY DREAM LAST NIGHT.
I DIDN'T GET ANY SLEEP.
GOOD CRAZY
OR BAD CRAZY.
I DREAMED I WAS IN THIS PERFEC LITTLE CHRISTMAS VILLAGE.
ALL SERENE AND MAGICAL.
ONE OF THOSE DREAMS
WHERE YOU REGRET WAKING UP.
SO THERE WAS A GUY?
NO.
WELL, YEAH.
YEAH?
HE WASN'T LIKE THE GUYS
FROM AROUND HERE.
THIS GUY WAS, I DON'T KNOW.
CLASSY.
A GENTLEMAN.
PERFECT.
FANTASTIC!
YOU FINALLY FOUND
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
OH, WAIT, NOT REAL.
HMM.
BUT IF FELT SO REAL.
(man)
...TO THE HOUSE.
YEAH, WHOLE FAMILY.
IT SHOULD BE GREAT.
[dog barking]
GOING UP?
I'LL TAKE THE STAIRS,
THANK YOU.
I SAW YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW.
I FIGURED YOU COULD USE
A LIFT.
COME ON, YOU LOOK BEAT.
THANK YOU.
HOW WAS THE PIZZA?
DELICIOUS.
[elevator dings]
ALL OUT FOR THE THIRD FLOOR.
THANK YOU.
LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THOSE.
I GOT IT.
LOTTA GROCERIES
FOR ONE PERSON.
I'M JUST SAYING
IF YOU DON'T FEEL
LIKE COOKING DINNER,
I GOT HALF A LEFTOVER PIZZA
AT MY PLACE.
LOOK--
IT'S GOOD COLD.
I'M SURE IT IS.
AND YOU CAN EAT AROUND
THE PINEAPPLE CHUNKS.
EDDIE--
ANGELA--
YOU SEEM LIKE
A REALLY...
NICE...
GUY.
YEAH, I AM.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S NOTHING
PERSONAL.
AND IT'S NOT YOU,
IT'S...
IT'S YOUR ADDRESS.
HUH.
[measuring tape clunking]
(Angela)
AHEM.
OH, ANGIE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I LIVE HERE.
WHAT'S THAT BEHIND
YOUR BACK?
NOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU MEASURING?
IT'S A SURPRISE.
SO I SHOULD JUST PUT THESE--
BOY, GIRL...
FRANKLY, THE BLUE
JUST LOOKS BETTER.
WHOA, I SEE SHE'S GOT YOU
CARRYING THE GROCERIES NOW!
MOM, WHAT'S WITH
THE COLORS?
WHAT, THESE?
NOTHING, I WAS JUS THINKING SOME THINGS THROUGH.
SO THE KITCHEN,
JUST RIGHT THROUGH--
(Angela)
WHAT THINGS?
(Jamie)
LOOK OUT.
(Angela)
A CRIB?
HE'S JUST CARRYING
MY GROCERIES!
(Gina)
ANGIE!
THE CRIB IS FOR THIS BABY
RIGHT HERE.
YEAH, USE SOME SENSE.
WHAT IS IT DOING HERE?
WHAT ARE ANY OF YOU DOING
IN MY APARTMENT?
OH, WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER?
[woman on TV]
IN BUSINESS NEWS TONIGHT,
STOCKS ARE SURGING--
TELL ME WHAT?
[TV clicks on]
TELL ME WHAT, MA.
WELL, WE WERE TALKING,
AND GINA'S GONNA HAVE
THE BABY SOON AND--
WE'VE OUTGROWN
OUR PLACE.
IT'S SO CRAMPED.
I'M GONNA PUT THESE DOWN
OVER THERE.
THEN WE'RE GONNA MOVE
UP HERE.
[on TV]
OKAY, WELL, IT'S JUST BEFORE--
WHAT?
NO!
THE THREE OF YOU WOULDN' EVEN FI IN HERE WITH ME.
RIGHT, YOU'D MOVE IN
TO GINA AND JAMIE'S
APARTMENT.
UGH.
OKAY, EVEN IF I WAS WILLING
TO MOVE,
WHICH I AM NOT,
YOU CAN'T AFFORD MY APARTMENT.
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S WHY
WE FIGURED
YOU COULD COVER
THE DIFFERENCE.
(Jamie)
YEAH, JUST UNTIL
I GET A, UH...
YOU KNOW, A JOB.
[scoffs]
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
OKAY, OUT!
OUT!
OUT!
OKAY, ALL RIGHT!
OKAY, I'LL--
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
IF YOU GET A FREE MOMEN AND YOU WANT TO ASSEMBLE--
OUT!
UGH.
[scowls]
[screams]
SO I--
I SHOULD PROBABLY--
[laughs]
THANKS.
YEAH.
[chain lock clicking]
BYE.
BYE.
[sighs]
JUST GREAT.
[screams]
[sighs]
I AM JUST GONNA FORGE THIS DAY EVER HAPPENED.
ALL I NEED IS SOME SLEEP.
[whooshing sound]
YES!
YES! YES! YES! YES!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED.
OH!
[laughing]
WHOA.
(Marie)
OOP, DON'T FALL,
DOUGLAS.
HEY, ANGELA!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HEY!
MARIE AND I WERE JUST SKATING.
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO JOIN US?
OH, NO.
I'D BE TERRIBLE.
I'VE NEVER BEEN.
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SKATING?
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
WE WON'T TAKE NO
FOR AN ANSWER.
EXACTLY.
HERE--
OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THAT.
OH, IT'S FINE,
ANGELA.
I HAVE TO GET BACK
TO THE BAKERY ANYWAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
OF COURSE!
COME ON!
[nervous laugh]
OH.
(Marie)
DON'T BE AFRAID,
ANGELA.
IT'S EASY.
THERE, YOU'LL BE GREAT.
HAVE FUN!
SO, UH...
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH YOU TWO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'RE FRIENDS.
YEAH, FRIENDS FRIENDS
OR FRIENDS?
HA!
YOU'RE FUNNY.
COME ON, LET'S GET YOU
OUT ON THE ICE.
OKAY.
STEADY, STEADY, OH--
EASY NOW.
HEY, THIS ISN'T THAT HARD.
WHOA!
OKAY, SPOKE TOO SOON.
YOU JUST HAVE TO RELAX
AND GLIDE, OKAY?
SO YOU GO...
PUSH AND GLIDE.
RIGHT, PUSH AND GLIDE.
[Angela squeals]
(Douglas)
THERE YOU GO.
LOOK AT ME!
[laughing]
(Douglas)
THERE YOU GO.
GOOD JOB.
NOW JUST ONE IN FRON OF THE OTHER.
[Douglas laughs]
OH, HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GUYS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, WAIT--
WAIT RIGHT HERE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(man)
HI!
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[gasps]
OH, DOUGLAS!
THANK YOU, BUT, UM...
I DIDN'T GET YOU
ANYTHING.
WELL, THE STORE'S STILL OPEN.
[laughs]
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
THANKS!
OH, EAR MUFFS!
GREAT!
MITTENS!
DOUGLAS, THEY'RE LOVELY.
THEY FIT!
THESE DO TOO!
[Douglas and Angela laughing]
OH, GERALD IS DOING
A REALLY GREAT JOB ON THE TREE.
MM-HMM.
WELL...
WELL...
SNOW'S PILING UP.
BETTER GET BACK TO WORK.
BYE-BYE.
HUH?
BYE.
[Angela humming]
OH, MY GOSH!
OH, MY GOSH!
AND THE PEOPLE ARE POLITE
AND FRIENDLY
AND DON'T INTERRUPT YOU
AND GET SNARKY EVER.
AND THE SNOW...
THE SNOW IS JUS WHITE AND FLUFFY
AND NEVER GETS HARD AND DIRTY
AND NASTY
LIKE IT DOES OVER HERE.
AND THEN--THEN DOUGLAS
GIVES ME
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MITTENS.
AND I'M THINKING,
"OH, MY GOD,
I MUST BE DREAMING,
RIGHT?"
WELL, WHEN I WOKE UP,
I STILL HAD THE MITTENS ON!
ISN'T THAT THE CRAZIEST THING
YOU'VE EVER HEARD?
ANGELA--
ANG--
YOU ARE MY GOOD,
GOOD FRIEND.
AND I CARE SO MUCH
FOR YOU.
AND THE HOLIDAYS,
THEY CAN REALLY JUST TAKE
A TOLL ON A PERSON.
BUT I SWEAR TO YOU,
WHEN THEY'RE OVER
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU
TO THAT NICE RELAXING SPA
WE FOUND ONLINE.
WHO NEEDS A SPA?
I'VE STILL GOT THE MITTENS.
[Christmas music]
MITTENS.
[Britney Spear's
Santa, Can You Hear Me?]
LAST NIGHT I TOOK A WALK
IN THE SNOW
WHOO-HOO!
COUPLES HOLDING HANDS
PLACES TO GO
SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE
BUT ME IS IN LOVE
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I SIGNED MY LETTER
THAT I SEALED WITH A KISS
I SENT IT OFF
AND JUST SAID THIS
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT I WANT THIS YEAR
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I WANT MY BABY BABY
I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME
SOMEONE TO HOLD
MAYBE MAYBE
HE'LL BE ALL MY OWN
IN A BIG RED BOW
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD
THIS YEAR
AND ALL I WANT IS ONE THING
TELL ME MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE
HE'S ALL I WANT
JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA, THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
I HOPE MY LETTER
REACHES YOU IN TIME
OH YEAH
BRING ME A LOVE
I CAN CALL ALL MINE
OH YEAH
'CAUSE I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD
SO GOOD THIS YEAR
IT'S EASY.
YOU TRY.
CAN'T BE ALONE
UNDER THE MISTLETOE
HE'S ALL I WAN IN A BIG RED BOW
SANTA, CAN YOU HEAR ME
I HAVE BEEN
SO GOOD THIS YEAR
AND ALL I WANT IS ONE THING
TELL ME MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE
HE'S ALL I WAN JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA, THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
[laughs]
WHOA SANTA
WELL, HE'S ALL I WANT
JUST FOR ME
UNDERNEATH MY CHRISTMAS TREE
I'LL BE WAITING HERE
SANTA THAT'S MY ONLY WISH
THIS YEAR
OH, WAIT, THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE.
LOOK AT THE MATERIAL!
(woman)
SO SOFT.
(Gina)
I WISH ANGELA COULD SEE THIS.
SHE'D LOVE IT.
(woman)
OH, LOOK AT THAT!
(Gina)
AND THIS ONE IS FROM...
[joyful chattering]
SO, DOUGLAS.
WE'VE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER
AND, UH...
WHAT?
UH...
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
UM, YEAH.
HEH.
[giggles]
[chuckles]
WHOA.
(man)
SURE ENOUGH, IT ALL CAME OU AS PLANNED.
HELLO.
HI!
[both laughing]
OH, NO!
NO!
I'M HERE!
I'M HERE.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
SO NICE OF YOU
TO JOIN US.
SORRY.
LOST TRACK OF TIME.
BEEN DOING THAT A LOT LATELY,
HAVEN'T YOU?
MA, PLEASE.
"MA, PLEASE"?
PLEASE WHAT?
YOU MISSED YOUR SISTER'S
BABY SHOWER.
OH, COME ON.
LIKE SHE EVEN NOTICED.
THERE WERE WHAT--
HALF A DOZEN AUNTS
AND COUSINS
PLUS HER FRIENDS.
YES.
BUT YOU ARE HER ONLY SISTER,
AREN'T YOU?
WHAT'S GOING ON,
ANGELA?
YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK.
YOU--YOU DON'T SHOW UP
FOR DINNER.
BEEN BUSY.
THAT'S ALL.
IT'S CHRISTMAS.
GOT THINGS TO DO.
[sighs]
MA, LET ME HELP.
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
MA.
JUST GO.
[door closes]
OH, HEY.
OH, LET ME.
NO, I GOT, UH--
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
UH, SOME PLANS.
DRAWINGS FOR THIS BAR
THAT I'M--
OH, YEAH.
MY UNCLE TOLD ME ABOU O'MALLEY'S, YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK IT OU WHEN IT'S OPEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO THANK
YOUR UNCLE FOR THE PROMOTION.
ACTUALLY I'M JUST KIND OF--
SORT OF REJIGGERING
THE SPACE.
YOU A CONTRACTOR?
FRUSTRATED ARCHITECT.
WOW.
GO TO SCHOOL FOR THAT?
EH, MORE SELF-TAUGHT, REALLY.
HOW ABOUT--
HOW ABOUT YOU?
ME?
OH, I'M JUST PLAIN FRUSTRATED.
OH, YOU'RE MODEST.
I GOT YOU PEGGED FOR SOMEBODY
WITH BIG PLANS.
YOU'RE GOING PLACES.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
NOT TO YOUR SISTER'S PLACE
I HOPE.
NO.
THAT'S GOOD.
YOUR FAMILY SEEMS NICE AND ALL,
BUT...
UH, YEAH, THEY'RE ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
[elevator dings]
WELL, UH, IF YOU EVER NEED
A HIDEOUT,
THEY'LL NEVER THINK
TO LOOK FOR YOU AT THE BAR.
THANKS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.
YEAH, SURE, SURE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
(man)
THERE YOU GO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
THANK YOU.
HERE, I CAN GRAB THAT.
I GOT IT,
I GOT IT.
YOU'RE WORKING FOR TWO PEOPLE.
I GOT IT.
PHEW.
HEY, CLAIRE.
DONNIE.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
YOU AND ANGIE HANG OUT.
WHERE'S SHE ALWAYS
DISAPPEARING TO LATELY?
NO PLACE.
I MEAN, LIKE,
NO PLACE CRAZY OR STRANGE.
YOU KNOW...
NEXT!
[crowd gasps in awe]
[applause and joyful chattering]
ANGELA, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DON'T YOU SEE THE TREE?
YEAH, I SEE IT.
I'M JUST--
I'M HAVING FAMILY PROBLEMS.
OH, YOU WANT THEM
TO SEE THE TREE.
NO, I WANT THEM TO JUS LET ME BREATHE.
SO YOU CAN ENJOY THE TREE.
DOUGLAS, THIS IS NO TREE-RELATED IN ANY WAY.
WANNA GO SKATING?
NO.
I GOTTA GET HOME SOON.
MY FAMILY'S EXPECTING ME
FOR DINNER.
BUT YOU SAID YOU WANTED--
I DO, IT'S JUST...
SOMETIMES I--
I THINK I'M SO CLOSE TO--
TO SEEING WHAT IT IS
I WANT TO BE.
WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH MY LIFE,
AND THEN POOF!
IT'S GONE.
DON'T YOU EVER FEEL
THAT HORRIBLE FRUSTRATION
LIKE YOU CAN'T QUITE
FIGURE IT ALL OUT?
SOMETIMES I TRY TO COUN ALL THE LIGHTS ON THE TREE.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO SEE EVERY SINGLE BULB.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
I WALK AROUND TO THE OTHER SIDE
AND I COUNT THE REST.
WHAT?
THAT'S HOW MANY LIGHTS.
HUH.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO--
TO LOOK AT MY LIFE
FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE, DON'T I.
SURE.
YOU ARE SO SMART!
WELL.
YOU WAIT HERE.
WAIT--
WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M JUST GONNA TELL THEM
THAT I WON'T BE HOME FOR DINNER.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, THERE SHE IS!
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS?
THIS IS FAMILY DINNER,
ANGELA.
PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THEM?
IN MY APARTMENT?
OH, NOT FOR LONG.
YEAH, TAKING A TEST DRIVE.
HEY, SHE WAS IN THE BEDROOM
THE WHOLE TIME?
I TOLD YOU TO CHECK.
I DID!
WHAT AM I, COLUMBO?
WELL, SHE'S HERE NOW.
ANGIE, BABY, COME ON.
TAKE A SEAT.
I CAN'T.
I'M NOT STAYING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NO STAYING?
ANGIE, BABY,
THIS IS COMPANY.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
I'D HARDLY CALL YOU GUYS
COMPANY.
OH, DADDY'S NOT TALKING
ABOUT US.
[knocking on door]
(Rose)
I'LL GET IT.
HI!
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD, THANK YOU.
HI, EVERYONE!
(all)
HEY! HEY!
(Rose)
COME ON IN.
HI.
MOM, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND.
AFTER WE EAT.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT?
BUT I, UH--
SIT.
EDDIE, I BELIEVE YOU KNOW
MY HUSBAND.
YES.
AH!
OH!
[laughing]
(Rose)
AND THIS IS
DONNIE, GINA, AND JAMIE.
HEY.
OH.
AND OF COURSE ANGELA.
YES.
[chuckles]
(Donnie)
ROSE,
ARE WE GONNA EAT OR WHAT?
YES, I'LL GET THE FOOD.
YOU KNOW,
I SHOULD HELP.
[laughs]
EXCUSE ME.
OKAY.
JUST, UH...
(Antonio)
SO, ED,
HAVE SOME GARLIC BREAD.
OH, YES,
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
NO NO NO NO, DADDY.
NOT THE GARLIC BREAD.
THE KISSING.
YEAH, HEY.
MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU CAN'T JUST BE INVITING GUYS
OVER HERE.
WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO LOOK OU FOR YOUR FUTURE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAD
AT ME.
I AM MAD AT YOU,
BUT I'M YOUR MOTHER.
NOW GET OUT THERE!
HMM.
HE SEEMS LIKE
SUCH A NICE YOUNG MAN.
(Angela)
DOESN'T MEAN I WAN TO GO OUT WITH HIM.
(Rose)
WHY ARE YOU SO PESSIMISTIC?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED HIM
YET.
(Angela)
MOM!
NICE PLATES.
NICE, UH, WINE, ED.
OH, THANKS.
(Angela)
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE
I MIGHT HAVE PLANS?
I--I LIKE YOUR, UM,
YOUR BEER COZIES.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH,
GINA MADE 'EM.
HA HA, I'M NESTING.
BASTA! SHH!
IT'S JUST A LITTLE
FAMILY DINNER.
BRING THE SALAD!
HERE WE GO.
OH, I ALMOST DROPPED IT.
SO, EDDIE, HOW DO YOU LIKE
THAT BIG NEW APARTMEN OF YOURS?
SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF SPACE
FOR JUST ONE PERSON.
YEAH, YOU COULD FI A WHOLE FAMILY IN THERE.
MOM, PLEASE.
WHAT?
(Eddie)
IT'S VERY NICE, THANK YOU.
I HOPE YOU PU NEW LOCKS ON THE DOOR.
UH, TWO, ACTUALLY.
MIGHT WANT TO PICK UP
TWO MORE.
[distant carolers singing
DECK THE HALLS]
LA LA LA LA
[somber music]
EDDIE, UM, I REALLY HATE
TO SAY THIS TO YOU,
AND IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FAMILY.
I MEAN, I JUST MET YOU
AND EVERYTHING.
JUST--JUST SAY IT.
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.
[cheering]
GO AHEAD!
GO AHEAD,
TAKE YOUR TURN!
DON'T RUSH ME!
PUT THE MONEY
WHERE THE MOUTH IS.
COME ON!
ALL RIGHT.
(Donnie)
OOH, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, ANGIE.
YOU COULD DO IT.
HEY, LOSER DOES THE DISHES.
THAT'D BE YOU.
YOU WERE FIRST OUT.
LET HER CONCENTRATE.
(Donnie)
COME ON, ANGIE.
(all)
OH!
JENGA!
[laughs]
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION.
ALL RIGHT,
NEW GAME RIGHT NOW.
WE SET UP A NEW GAME
AND THAT ONE DOES
THE DISHES.
GET YOUR APRON ON
AND DO THE DISHES.
OH, NO-NO-NO.
I DON'T WANT HIM
NEAR MY NEW CHINA.
SEE, SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT ME
TO DO THE DISHES.
BUT YOU CAN DO THE POTS.
I CAN'T DO THEM.
I GOT DELICATE HANDS.
DO THE POTS!
(Antonio)
STAY?
(Rose and Donnie)
STAY.
YOU KNOW, IN THREE MINUTES,
YOU'LL HAVE BROKEN THE RECORD.
MOST GUYS DON'T MAKE I THE FIRST HOUR.
REALLY?
YEAH!
YEAH!
WELL, I'M HAVING
A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
[laughs]
YOU KNOW, UH,
ME TOO.
NOW, YOU REALIZE WE GO A PRETTY BIG PROBLEM HERE.
WHAT'S THAT?
WELL...
YOUR FAMILY IS THE ONE
THAT SET THIS LITTLE...
THING UP TONIGHT.
SO UNLESS WE'RE CAREFUL,
THEY WILL INVITE ME BACK.
[gasps]
THAT'S A PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT.
[laughs]
OR MAYBE NOT.
[chattering on TV]
[giggling]
[whooshing sound]
ANGELA?
(Douglas)
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DOUGLAS?
I THOUGHT YOU CHECKED
THE BEDROOM.
WHO'S DOUGLAS?
HI, I'M ANGELA'S BOYFRIEND.
KEEPING SECRETS
FROM YOUR MOTHER?
IS HE FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
(Gina)
WHEN DID YOU GE A BOYFRIEND?
YOU WAS IN THIS BEDROOM
THE WHOLE TIME?
ALL RIGHT, NOW, UH,
CAN YOU GUYS GIVE US
A MINUTE?
[door closes]
OH, THIS MUST BE TERRIBLY
AWKWARD FOR YOU.
SO WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD MOVE OUT?
HOW DID YOU GET OUT?
WELL, YOU DIDN'T COME BACK,
SO I JUST KEPT WALKING...
AND THEN I WAS HERE.
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY NOT?
YOU COME AND GO
ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, BUT I'M REAL...
REAL HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE.
OH, ME TOO.
I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING--
YOUR BAKERY,
YOUR INN,
YOUR POND--THE WHOLE THING.
AND I WANT TO MEET YOUR FAMILY.
WAS THAT THEM?
I HOPE THEY HAVEN'T GONE FAR.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
[all stuttering]
OH!
WHOA!
HI.
I'M DOUGLAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HMM?
UH, WHERE'S EDDIE?
HE HAD SOME THINGS
HE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF.
WHERE DID ANGELA
FIND YOU?
OH, WE MET WHEN ANGELA
CAME TO VISIT.
WHEN DID YOU GO ANYWHERE?
UH...
DOUGLAS IS FROM...
VERMONT.
WHEN DID YOU EVER GO
TO VERMONT?
OH...THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT.
HE'S HERE NOW.
TRY TO BE NICE.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
YOU JUST BRING HOME
SOME GUY WE'VE NEVER MET?
MA, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO MEET THEM
IF I DON'T BRING THEM HOME?
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOU THIS MR. EAR MUFFS.
RIGHT, BECAUSE UNLIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE,
THIS GUY DIDN'T HAVE TO FILL OU A FOUR-PAGE QUESTIONNAIRE
TO GET INTO THE BUILDING.
THOSE ARE RENTAL APPLICATIONS.
HOW MANY BUILDING MANAGERS
REQUIRE A COMPLETE
DATING HISTORY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LIKE A STEAM SHOVEL?
LIKE IN CONSTRUCTION?
A STEAM SHOVEL?
WHAT IS THIS,
THE ROARING '20S?
NO, IT'S JUST A REGULAR SHOVEL.
AND SO YOU WHAT--
YOU--YOU DIG DITCHES?
(Antonio)
THAT PAY WELL?
YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING
AT THAT?
(Douglas)
NOT DITCHES.
SNOW.
BUT I DON'T GET PAID--
HEY!
COME ON,
GIVE HIM SOME ROOM!
DOUGLAS, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.
YOU'RE MY GUEST.
OH, I DON'T MIND--
OH, NO ANSWERS.
UH, NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,
DOUGLAS AND I ARE GOING TO...
GO FOR A WALK.
TIME TO SHOW HIM
AROUND THE BIG CITY.
OH, GOOD!
(Angela)
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST THE TWO OF US.
(Douglas)
HOLY COW!
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
IT'S ALMOST LIKE
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
WE ARE OUTSIDE.
THEN WHERE'S THE SNOW?
RIGHT?
WHAT IS THAT?
THAT'S A FIRE HYDRANT.
WOW.
[bike bell dings]
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S A MAILBOX.
LOOK OUT!
AH!
[car horn wailing]
AND THAT WOULD BE A CAR.
[whistles]
TAXI!
[Sleigh Ride playing]
JUST HEAR THOSE
SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING
RING TING A-LING
A-LING TING
LIGHTS!
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER
WITH YOU
OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS FALLING
OH, LOOK UP THERE!
RING A-LING A-LING
A-LING TING TING
WHOA, JEEZ!
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
OH, LOOK AT THE CHRISTMAS TREES!
OUR CHEEKS ARE NICE AND ROSY
AND COMFY AND COZY ARE WE
LET'S SNUGGLE UP TOGETHER
LIKE BIRDS OF A FEATHER
WOULD BE
LET'S TAKE THE ROAD
BEFORE US
AND SING A CHORUS OR TWO
COME ON IT'S LOVELY WEATHER
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER
WITH YOU
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
RING A-LING A-LING
A-DING DONG DING
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
(Douglas)
WHO'S THAT?
I DON'T KNOW HIM.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I'M DOUGLAS.
THIS IS ANGELA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
UH, DOUGLAS.
I'M DOUGLAS.
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS,
GUYS.
DO YOU KNOW ANGELA?
UH, DOUGLAS.
YEAH, WHATEVER.
PLEASE, THIS IS NO THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT?
UH, NEVER MIND.
COMIN' THROUGH!
JUST DON'T TALK
TO STRANGERS, OKAY?
OKAY.
YEAH.
[laughs]
PUT YOUR FOOT HERE.
OH, I--
OH, COME ON.
NO, IT'S FUN.
IT'S FUN.
YEAH, PUT YOUR FOOT HERE.
UGH.
NO NO NO NO.
NO, I CAN'T.
COME ON.
DON'T BE AFRAID.
ONE TIME.
READY?
THIS IS FUN.
THERE YOU GO.
UH...
UM, STAND UP.
YEAH.
AH.
OKAY, SEE THAT?
STAND UP.
STAND UP.
HERE, NOW PICK UP
YOUR FOOT.
UH...
YEP.
THERE YOU GO!
[Christmas music playing]
CLAIRE!
HEY!
I WANT YOU TO MEET DOUGLAS.
DOUGLAS?
YOU KNOW, DOUGLAS.
UH...UH...
MERRY CHRISTMAS, CLAIRE.
UH, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WE GOTTA GO.
BYE!
BYE!
EXCUSE ME,
DO YOU CARRY SNOW GLOBES?
OH, NO.
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
AH!
SEE?
YEAH.
(Douglas)
LOOK AT ALL THOSE PRESENTS.
(Angela)
YEAH, IT'S NICE.
OH, SHOES.
UH-UH.
[grunts]
SORRY.
I'LL JUST--
I'LL GO AROUND
THAT WAY.
HEY!
STOP!
GET BACK HERE!
[huffing]
DOUGLAS!
DOUGLAS!
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
COME ON.
[Christmas music playing]
AAH!
HEY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(Douglas)
BUT WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S JUS NOT HOW IT'S DONE HERE, OKAY?
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
CHANGE?
OH, THANKS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HEY!
SORRY.
WOW, THAT WAS GREAT.
MUST BE KIND OF OVERWHELMED.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MEAN WHEN I FIRST CAME
TO VISIT YOU,
IT BLEW MY MIND.
AND YOUR VILLAGE IS, WELL,
TINY.
YOU--YOU JUST DISCOVERED
THIS WHOLE OTHER WORLD.
YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU GUESS?
AREN'T YOU HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL
CRISIS OR SOMETHING?
UH, YEAH,
I'M HAVING ONE OF THOSE.
AND I LOVED THAT HOT DOG.
WELL, GO ON AND MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME
WHILE I, UH,
CHANGE INTO SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE.
IS IT ALMOST BEDTIME?
YES.
I GUESS IT IS.
OH, GOODY!
[sighs]
ALL RIGHT,
SO THINGS AREN'T GOING
AS WELL AS YOU'D HOPED.
BUT HE'S PERFEC IN SO MANY WAYS.
WELL, SOME--
SOME WAYS.
YOU CAN STILL MAKE THIS WORK.
DOUGLAS?
[snores]
DOUGLAS.
[snores, grumbles]
[sighs]
HOT DOGS.
[distant car horn honks]
[birds chirping]
GOOD MORNING.
SLEEP WELL?
YEAH.
LIKE A...A LOG.
I'LL SAY.
SO...
WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?
WELL, I'VE GOT TO GE TO WORK.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO KEEP YOURSELF ENTERTAINED
FOR A WHILE.
OKAY.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR SHOVEL?
OKAY, THIS CONTROLS
THE TV.
POWER, CHANNEL, VOLUME.
THIS IS THE PHONE.
NOW WORK IS ON SPEED DIAL.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS HIT THREE.
THIS CONTROLS
THE DVD.
NOW IF YOU WANT TO USE IT,
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE TV
ON CHANNEL 3, OKAY?
[TV clicks on]
[roaring on TV]
[screams]
AAH!
UH, BETTER FORGE ABOUT THE TV.
THERE'S THE MICROWAVE
OVER THERE IF YOU GET HUNGRY.
YOU COULD USE I TO WARM THINGS UP.
JUST DON'T PUT ANY METAL
IN IT.
OH, AND NO JARS
AND NO EGGS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
BETTER JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.
UH, THERE ARE TAKE-OUT MENUS
IN THE DRAWER
NEXT TO THE STOVE.
JUST PICK UP THE PHONE.
CALL 'EM, TELL 'EM
WHAT YOU WANT.
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DO YOU?
[giggles]
HEY.
OH, HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
EDDIE, THIS IS GONNA SOUND
REALLY, UM...
WELL, REALLY WEIRD.
BUT, UM, YOU'VE MET DOUGLAS,
RIGHT?
YEAH.
HEY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(Angela)
I SHOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU THIS.
I KNOW.
BUT EVERYONE'S OU AND I GOTTA BE AT WORK,
LIKE, 10 MINUTES AGO.
I REALLY NEED YOU...
TO WATCH DOUGLAS.
WATCH?
HE'S NEW TO, WELL,
EVERYTHING.
I WOULDN'T ASK BUT I'M AFRAID
TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.
YOU WANT ME TO BABY-SI YOUR BOYFRIEND.
NO--NO...
YES.
MORE LIKE HANG OUT.
CAN YOU?
AT LEAST UNTIL
I CAN TRACK DOWN JAMIE.
PLEASE?
IF HE TRIES TO USE THE TOASTER,
THE WHOLE BUILDING COULD GO UP.
WHAT--WHAT IS HE?
IS HE, LIKE, CHALLENGED,
OR SOMETHING?
EDDIE, DON'T MAKE ME BEG.
OH, WHAT THE HELL.
OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.
SURE.
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE, ANGELA.
(Eddie)
SO HOW DID YOU AND ANGELA MEET?
(Douglas)
OH, SHE CAME TO MY VILLAGE.
(Eddie)
VILLAGE?
SO YOU'RE NOT MUCH
OF A CITY BOY THEN?
WHAT ARE THESE BIG GUYS CALLED?
HIPPOPOTAMUSES--
SES--
HIPP--
HIPPOTAMA--
HIPPOS.
[silently]
HIPPO.
YOU AND ANGELA HAVE
A LOT IN COMMON, I GUESS.
OH, YEAH.
WE LOVE CAROLING
AND DECORATING TREES
AND BUILDING SNOWMEN.
ALL THE USUAL STUFF.
YOU KNOW...
SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE SKATING,
I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER.
SO ARE YOU, LIKE,
REALLY RICH OR SOMETHING?
FRUSDORFER!
ONE VEGGIE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THANK YOU,
MR. FRUSDORFER.
KING, ONE MEAT LASAGNA.
TARANTINO,
TWO MEAT LASAGNAS.
HERE YOU ARE.
ENJOY.
WILL DO.
ISABELLA, HERE YOU GO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
STRASPORT, TWO MEAT.
[sighs]
THIS TICKLES MY NOSE.
PUT THAT BACK, PLEASE.
"SCOTCH."
THAT'S RIGHT.
GLEN LEE 15-YEAR-OLD
SINGLE MALT SCOTCH.
LIKE BUTTERSCOTCH.
NO, NO, IT'S...
A LITTLE DIFFEREN FROM BUTTERSCOTCH.
WHERE ARE YOUR FROM?
OH, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU.
THE VILLAGE.
OH, THAT VILLAGE.
OKAY.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO KNOW
FOR A FAC THEY GOT SCOTCH OVER THERE.
SO, UH, WHERE IN THE VILLAGE?
EAST, WEST?
THESE QUESTIONS
AREN'T THAT HARD, DOUG.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
GOOD NIGHT.
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.
CAN'T WE CLOSE EARLY?
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
BESIDES, YOU GOT A MAN
WAITING FOR YOU.
MM, YOU'RE THE BEST!
I KNOW.
GOOD NIGHT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU.
THANKS, CLAIRE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[door opens]
HEY!
HI.
WHERE'S DOUGLAS?
I THOUGHT--
JAMIE CAME FINALLY
AND TOOK HIM HOME
A WHILE AGO.
OH.
WELL...
THANKS FOR, UH,
YOU KNOW.
WE WENT TO THE ZOO.
[laughs]
I BET THAT WAS DIFFERENT.
YEAH.
PLACE LOOKS GREAT.
THANKS.
WE, UH, OPEN NEW YEAR'S EVE.
WOW.
BET YOU'RE EXCITED.
I AM.
WELL...
I SHOULD BE GOING.
CHRISTMAS EVE.
BIG NIGHT WITH THE FAMILY.
AND DOUGLAS.
AND DOUGLAS, YEAH.
CAN'T LET YOU GO
WITHOUT TRYING THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
HMM.
GIVE IT A TASTE.
[laughs]
FRUSTRATED BARTENDER, TOO?
YOU COULD SAY THAT.
MMM.
AH, IT'S LIKE
A CHRISTMAS TREE...
ON FIRE.
EGG NOG AND CINNAMON SCHNAPPS.
I FIGURED IT WOULD BE
RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.
FEELING MERRIER ALREADY.
YOU LIKE CHRISTMAS.
LOVE IT.
SEE, TO ME,
IT'S JUST STRESS.
LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT TREE,
THE PERFECT PRESENTS,
TRYING FOR SOME IDEAL
YOU COULD NEVER REACH.
THERE IS A PERFECT CHRISTMAS.
I'VE SEEN IT.
I HOPE NOT.
WHY?
'CAUSE THEN WHAT?
END OF THE ROAD,
NO MORE STRUGGLE?
YOU LIKE TO STRUGGLE.
I'M GOOD AT IT.
YOU'RE GOOD AT EGG NOG.
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.
TRY THIS VARIATION
ON THE THEME.
WHAT, DID YOU CHANGE
YOUR RECIPE?
WHY, IT WAS--
PERFECT?
I KNOW.
THIS ONE'S PERFECT TOO.
IMPOSSIBLE.
MM, OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THAT?
CHERRY BRANDY.
CHERRY BRANDY.
PERFECTION, ANGELA,
COMES IN MANY FLAVORS.
[sportscaster on TV]
AND SO HERE WE ARE
SETTING UP.
THERE HE GOES
WITH A FAKE HAND-OFF.
I STILL DON'T GET IT.
IT'S FOOTBALL.
WHAT'S NOT TO GET?
WELL, WHERE IS HE RUNNING?
HE'S TRYING TO GET A--
A TOUCHDOWN.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW FOOTBALL?
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
THEN THE OTHER TEAM TRIES.
WHEN DO WE GET TO TRY?
WE DON'T.
THEY PLAY, WE WATCH.
THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
[on TV]
AND IT'S 2ND AND 10.
AND HE CUTS BACK
TO PASS,
THROWS TO DWIGHT.
OH, AND HE'S SACKED.
LOSES THE BALL.
[Douglas starts humming
Jingle Bells]
THIS IS BORING.
LET'S GO ICE SKATING.
AH, NO.
YOU WANT TO DECORATE
A TREE?
NO.
YOU WANT TO--
NO.
HEH.
[cracks knuckles]
DO YOU HAVE A SHOVEL?
[grumbling]
WHEN'S ANGELA COMING HOME?
NOT SOON ENOUGH.
[whooshing sound]
WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
[on TV]
WITH A--OH, WITH A GOOD BLOCK
BY NUMBER 14.
MARIE!
JEEZ.
HOW MANY PEOPLE SHE GO BACK THERE?
(Angela)
SING WE JOYOUS
ALL TOGETHER
FA LA LA
LA LA LA
LA LA LA
THOSE AREN'T EVEN WORDS.
SING
I THINK YOU GO THE SINGING COVERED.
[laughs]
FA LA LA LA LA
ALL RIGHT, RUDOLPH.
LET'S BRING IT IN
FOR A LANDING, SHALL WE?
[sighs]
I HAD A LOT OF FUN.
YEAH, ME TOO.
ME TOO.
THANKS...
FOR EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE SHIVERING.
ARE YOU COLD?
NO, NO--
I FEEL NICE AND TOASTY.
[giggles]
IT'S JUST, UM,
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU MAKE ME A LITTLE...
A LITTLE?
[door opens]
ANGELA, WH--
OKAY, UH,
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU INVITE
YOUR BOYFRIEND INSIDE
TO MEET YOUR OTHER BOYFRIEND
AND HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND.
(Marie)
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOREVER
AND YOU JUST UP AND LEAVE
WITHOUT SO MUCH
AS A GOOD-BYE?
NO, NO, MARIE,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK WHO IT IS,
LITTLE MISS "COME TO MY TOWN
"AND STEAL MY BOYFRIEND
WHILE WE'RE ICE SKATING
AND THEN LEAVE AND HAVE HIM
FOLLOW YOU HOME."
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU AND MARIE WERE JUST FRIENDS.
OF COURSE MARIE'S MY FRIEND.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
EDDIE HERE IS MY FRIEND.
YEAH, ME, NOT SO MUCH.
UGH, DOUGLAS,
I WAS YOUR ONLY GIRLFRIEND
UNTIL SHE CAME AND TOOK YOU.
I DIDN'T TAKE HIM.
HE JUST ESCAPED ON HIS OWN.
UH, HA--
MARIE, WHY DON'T WE
GO SOME PLACE
WHERE YOU AND I CAN
GO TALK.
JAMIE, CAN YOU KEEP DOUGLAS
COMPANY?
NO.
JAMIE IS HELPING ME
WITH DINNER.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU HEARD THE LADY.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF DICING
AND CHOPPING.
'CAUSE, DOUG,
YOU AND ME OTHERWISE--
YEAH!
MARIE.
LET ME GUESS.
SHE'S FROM THE VILLAGE TOO.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
[scoffs]
[door shuts]
MARIE, I NEED
TO EXPLAIN.
OH, I DON'T NEED
AN EXPLANATION.
OF COURSE DOUGLAS
WANTS TO BE WITH YOU.
YOU HAVE ALL THIS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE
WITH THIS?
WITH MY CLOCK RADIO?
[whimpers]
IT'S A RADIO TOO?
LOOK...
I MADE A MISTAKE.
YOU AND DOUGLAS
BELONG TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW THAT.
DOUGLAS AND I DON'T BELONG
TOGETHER.
AND DEEP DOWN,
ALL THINGS BEING RELATIVE,
DOUGLAS KNOWS THAT TOO.
I'M SORRY.
NOW, WE NEED TO GET YOU BOTH
BACK IN THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BACK IN THE SNOW GLOBE?
SEE?
OH.
IS THAT MY BAKERY?
AND THE INN.
ARE YOU SOME KIND OF--
UH...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
SO...
HOW ABOUT THEM GIANTS?
GIANTS?
NO WAY!
MARIE, BE REASONABLE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
S-S-S-SHE WANTS US
TO GO BACK IN THERE!
YOU CAN DO THAT?
SEND US BACK HOME?
YES!
I THINK SO.
DOUGLAS, I DON'T WAN TO GO BACK IN THERE.
AND NEITHER DO YOU.
OH, YES, I DO.
THERE'S GIANTS.
WHAT--WHAT THE HECK
ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?
JUST TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, JUST LOOK AT I FOR A SEC.
DOUG--DOUGLAS--DOUGLAS--
DON'T--
DON'T, DOUGLAS!
DON'T!
[whooshing sound]
[grunting and groaning]
AAH!
OH!
[crushing sound]
OH! WHOA!
UHN!
[Angela screams]
AH!
OH!
OH, MY GOSH!
[crunching and snapping]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
UGH...WHAT?
[man moans]
(Angela)
UGH, OH...
WH-WH-WHAT HAPPENED?
WHOA, UH...
AH!
OH NO!
NO NO!
NO, THIS CAN'T BE!
NO!
UHN!
HEY!
HEY!
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?
UH-OH.
(man)
I LOVE THIS SCULPTURE.
IT'S DIFFERENT.
VERY CHRISTMASSY.
[grunts]
[spring jangles]
[sighs]
THIS IS SO NOT GOOD.
(Eddie)
WHERE DID ANGELA GO?
YOU SEE, UM...
I TOLD HER
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO BACK
IN THE SNOW GLOBE.
WHAT DO YOU--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BACK IN--
IN THE SNOW GLOBE?
I THINK IT'S BROKEN.
YEAH, YOU THINK?
ALL RIGHT, HURRY UP ALREADY!
CHRISTMAS PARTY DOWNSTAIRS.
WHERE'S ANGELA?
OH, SHE'S, UM--
SHE LEFT.
IN THE BEDROOM.
SHE LEFT FROM THE BEDROOM.
[scoffs]
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
OKAY, MOM SENT ME UP HERE
TO GET PEOPLE.
YOU'RE PEOPLE.
LET'S GO.
ANGELA?
[Donnie and Jamie talking]
GET YOUR FEET OFF THE TABLE.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
(Antonio)
THANK YOU, ROSIE, BABY.
THAT LOOKS GREAT.
WHERE'S ANGELA?
OH, MISSING AS USUAL.
BUT HER BOYFRIEND'S STILL HERE.
AND GET THIS.
HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
OH.
OOF.
HEY!
HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'VE GOT PROBLEMS.
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OH, BROTHER.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
OH, GREAT.
LET ME GUESS.
MITTENS? EAR MUFFS?
HEY, WHOO!
MITTENS!
SHELDON, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
AND LET'S SEE WHAT YOU HAVE.
EAR MUFFS, WOW!
MITTENS! EAR MUFFS!
MITTENS!
OH, AND LET'S SEE THIS.
MITTENS AND EAR MUFFS!
HA!
WOW, WHAT A LUCKY GIRL
YOU ARE!
DON'T YOU EVER GET SICK
OF IT?
WELL, IT'S THE THOUGH THAT COUNTS.
WHAT THOUGHT?
IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME!
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY NEED
TO SHOUT.
SHOUT?
OF COURSE THERE IS,
IT'S CHRISTMAS!
HOW COULD YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS
WITHOUT ANY SHOUTING?
[scoffs loudly]
[distant carolers singing]
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS...
(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
ANGELA!
JOY, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
OH, ANGELA, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
BE THE PROBLEM?
I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE.
DOUGLAS AND MARIE
FOLLOWED ME HOME.
WELL, TECHNICALLY
SHE FOLLOWED HIM.
BUT THEY BOTH ENDED UP
AT MY PLACE
AND I TRIED TO GET THEM
TO COME BACK
BUT SOMEHOW SOMETHING HAPPENED
AND THEY ENDED UP THERE
AND I'M STUCK HERE.
STUCK.
ANGELA, I THOUGH YOU LIKED IT HERE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD
THE EXPRESSION,
"IT'S NICE PLACE TO VISI BUT I'M TRAPPED
IN A FREAKING SNOW GLOBE!"
TRAPPED?
OH, ANGELA, HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY FEEL TRAPPED HERE?
EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
BUT NOTHING'S REAL!
HERE.
OH, GOOD!
I THINK EVERYBODY'S
JUST ABOUT READY TO EAT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS SO VERY HUNGRY.
ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
I THINK YOU'VE MADE
YOUR POINT.
AHH!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OH, BROTHER!
ALL RIGHT,
I'VE GOT ONE.
UH...
TWO WORDS.
CHRISTMAS TREE.
WOW, YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.
YOU DID THAT THE LAST TIME.
YOU GOTTA PICK SOMETHING
OTHER THAN CHRISTMAS TREE.
OH!
OH...ALL RIGHT.
UH...
OKAY.
OKAY, I'VE GOT ONE.
UH...
TWO WORDS.
FIRST WORD.
UGH.
ALL RIGHT, MY TURN.
[grunts]
ROSE, WHEN ARE WE GONNA EAT?
WHEN ANGELA GETS HERE.
IT'S CHRISTMAS DINNER.
AND WE ARE NOT EATING
UNTIL WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
OKAY.
IS IT A CHRISTMAS TREE?
NO, IT'S NOT A CHRISTMAS TREE!
ANGELA.
ANGELA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HUH.
WHAT AM I DOING?
COME--
ON--
YOU STUPID--
SNOW--
GLOBE!
[whimpers]
SOMETHING WRONG?
OH, JOY, HEY.
SORRY ABOUT MAKING A SCENE
BEFORE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
EVERYONE'S ALREADY FORGOTTEN.
I JUST WANTED TO COME OU AND MAKE SURE
THAT YOU WERE OKAY.
YEAH, SURE.
I GUESS THINGS JUST AREN' THE SAME
WITHOUT DOUGLAS HERE.
IT'S NOT JUST DOUGLAS.
IT'S EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND.
IT'S EVERYTHING I DREAMED
CHRISTMAS COULD BE.
BUT...
BUT IT'S TOO MUCH.
PERFECTION'S OVERRATED.
I MEAN I MAY JUST HAVE
JUST ONE CHRISTMAS,
AND YEAH, MY FAMILY'S
GONNA SCREW IT UP.
THEY ALWAYS DO.
BUT IT'S MINE.
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE I ANY OTHER WAY.
ARE YOU CERTAIN?
SURE.
I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS
NEXT YEAR, RIGHT?
I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
EXCUSE ME.
I'M LOOKING FOR
AN ANGELA MORENO.
I'M--
THANKS.
I THINK.
GO ON, OPEN IT.
HOW DID YOU--
(Joy)
EVERYONE'S LOOKING FOR
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS,
ANGELA.
WE HAVE OURS.
GO FIND YOURS.
OH.
OH, JOY.
HAVE A NICE...
WELL, YOU KNOW.
WE ALWAYS DO.
SAME TO YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELA.
[whimsical tune plays]
[whooshing sound]
I'M GONNA GET YOU
OUT OF THERE, ANGELA.
I PROMISE.
(Angela)
I'D RATHER YOU DIDN' MAKE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN.
SO, I HEAR THE NEIGHBORS
ARE HAVING
THIS LITTLE CHRISTMAS PARTY.
WANNA CRASH IT?
I WOULDN'T MISS I FOR THE WORLD.
[laughs]
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!
HEY!
(Donnie)
NOW WE CAN EAT!
HEY, EDDIE!
YOU'RE BACK!
(Antonio)
SIT DOWN.
YOU COME HERE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Rose)
THANK GOODNESS!
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
SIT DOWN, BUDDY.
(Gina)
I'LL GET AN EXTRA PLATE.
ANGELA.
THE SNOW GLOBE--
I THINK IT BROKE.
YEAH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
YOU GUYS READY TO GO HOME?
YES.
GOOD.
ANG.
THE SOONER YOU SI THE SOONER WE EAT.
OH, I CAN'T WAIT.
I BEEN LOOKING FORWARD
TO THIS.
COME ON.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WANTING
A TRADITIONAL
CHRISTMAS DINNER,
SO I FIGURED THIS YEAR
WE MIGHT AS WELL
HAVE IT THE WAY YOU WANT IT!
UH, OH.
A GOOSE.
I WAS KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD
TO CHRISTMAS LASAGNA.
I PUT IT IN THE STUFFING.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT!
[all laugh]
SHE'S SO CREATIVE.
HE'S NEVER SEEN JELL-O.
(Angela)
HE NEEDS TO TAKE SOME HOME.
(Gina)
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
[joyful chattering]
[Christmas music playing]
(Angela)
WE'LL REPLACE THE BROKEN STUFF.
(Eddie)
THAT'S GREAT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MARIE.
THANK YOU, ANGELA.
DOUGLAS.
THANKS.
[giggles]
GOOD BYE, ANGELA.
[sighs]
(Angela)
CONCENTRATE.
[whimsical tune plays]
HERE WE GO.
[whooshing sound]
[Marie grunts]
OOH.
HOME, SWEET HOME.
OH!
OH, IT'S WONDERFUL.
THAT'S NOTHING.
LOOK AT THIS!
WOW!
LET'S GO TO THE INN
AND SHOW EVERYBODY!
WELL...
ACTUALLY I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE COULD GO
TO THE BAKERY.
THERE'S NO ONE AT THE BAKERY
RIGHT NOW.
EXACTLY.
WOW!
THAT WAS BETTER THAN SKATING.
[Christmas music playing]
MA?
MA, PLEASE.
I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
NO, WE'RE NOT TRYING
TO AVOID THE FAMILY.
[chuckles]
OF COURSE WE'LL BE THERE
FOR CHRISTMAS.
ANYTHING YOU WANT IS FINE.
OKAY, GREAT.
OKAY, WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW.
OKAY, MOM.
I LOVE YOU TOO.
EVERYTHING OKAY?
UGH, SHE'S SO MELODRAMATIC.
EVER SINCE I MOVED OU SHE'S JUST TERRIFIED
WE'LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
AND THAT WE'RE GONNA MISS
THE BIG FAMILY CHRISTMAS.
WE'RE NOT GONNA MISS IT,
ARE WE?
NO SUCH LUCK.
I'M TERRIFIED TO SEE
WHAT GINA WHIPPED UP.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE MAKING
DESSERT, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, I TOTALLY FORGO TO TELL HER.
HANG ON.
HEY, MA!
WHAT?
DON'T FORGET TO TELL GINA
THAT I'M BRINGING DESSERT.
ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[grunts]
COME HERE.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
OH, DAMN.
KNOW WHAT,
I GOTTA GET GOING.
I'M GONNA BE LATE
FOR WORK.
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
SHALL WE?
LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GETTING
PRETTY RESTLESS OUT THERE.
(Claire)
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WELCOME.
[excited chattering]
[Christmas music playing]