Sometimes I Think About Dying (2023) Movie Script
1
- What?
- I need um, this cable.
It's an HDMI PGA, and
it's an adapter, and I-
- I don't have it.
- Okay.
I'll, I'll just ask Doug.
- Wait, I think
I need one too, if...
- What? You have two.
- Well, I just want one.
A cable.
- Okay, um...
- Doug?
- Is he here?
- Yeah.
Hey.
Yeah, let's go get coffee.
Come on, what about Rich?
I don't care.
That was the main plug.
- Will you
see the glaciers?
You can drink the melting water
- Really?
- It is the cleanest
water in the world.
- That better not be what
they mean by open bar.
- You are so bad.
- I know.
- Will you post pictures?
- Oh, yeah, #nofilter.
- Morning, Garrett.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Morning.
- See this
cruise ship out here?
- Out here?
Yes, I see that ship.
It's very large.
- Any idea how long
that's gonna be there?
- No.
I know it's been there for
at least the whole morning.
- Yeah, it was there
this morning when we got in.
You know, I've been
doing this months now.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, they, they
come over and they,
they sort of park there for,
they have an extended parking.
- Well, I don't know why they
have to leave the ship there
and just, you know, it'd be
nice if they could just stop
and then keep
going or something.
- Yeah.
- The people come off.
Can't see the mountains anymore.
- It's true.
It is a very large ship.
It is kind of.
- Yeah, it is.
- I mean, I
haven't seen anyone go on.
- I like boats,
of course, but that
there.
- Well, what
I wanna know is
who's making the decision to
allow this to just stay there.
I think they, they
- Hey, Fran.
- Sorry.
- Sorry, I, I scared you.
I'm sneaking up on people.
Oogah booga.
Um, could you, for Carol's
last day tomorrow, sign that?
We're tryin' to keep it a
surprise, so keep quiet.
There'll be a big
reveal, and yeah,
so thank you.
Oh, moved your desk a little.
That's okay.
All right.
- Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- I think
congratulations is fine.
- I'd rather
be like the cool signer.
- I know,
but you're already-
- Carol?
- Yeah.
Hi.
- Say, um...
- This is what happens
with me with computers.
I can't, it won't delete.
See?
- Let's
do.
- No, no, um, we have
to follow up with the estate.
- Okay, okay.
I can keep it in my desk.
- I don't know
if I need a battery.
- You should
actually have more folders.
- Folders?
I'll find the folder.
Which folder is it under?
- I mean, you
should create a folder.
- There you go.
- Oh, I'll
create a folder.
- If anyone is deceased.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay?
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
I said in the house.
Girls.
I need you to go into the house,
help me with these groceries.
- Six, nine.
- How ya doin', Fran?
- Not bad.
- Oh, Fran, I won't be
needing any of this anymore.
You wanna stapler?
Or, I dunno, how
'bout a calculator
I probably bought in '87?
Still works great, though.
- Is the stapler up for grabs?
- Ah, all yours.
- Thanks.
- Mm hm.
You want this?
- No.
- No?
- How about this
three-hole punch?
- Take it away.
You're welcome.
Anything else?
- Uh, no, thanks.
- You're
gonna miss him.
- I know, I know, you're right.
I'm a bitch.
- Ha.
- I'm going on a cruise!
- All right, we know.
- Ha ha ha!
- How come
I didn't get anything?
- You didn't get anything what?
- Like, you're
not giving me any crap.
- Wait, you're
giving stuff away?
- Come, yes, come over.
Whoever wants a
picture of my dead dog,
you're welcome to it.
- ] No thanks.
- M'kay.
- See that?
- Yeah.
- Is that too big?
- So good.
I don't think it's too big.
I'm just gonna eat it.
Get the rest of these
champagne glasses.
- I should probably cut that smaller.
-I don't know.
- No, I think
that's a beautiful piece.
- It's huge.
- We can leave
that one for Carol.
- Okay.
- Since she's the one
we're actually celebrating.
- We are celebrating her.
I'm gonna miss her.
Did you know she was
going on a cruise?
- I did overhear it.
- Okay, all right, all right.
Give her a hand,
give her a hand.
- Guys,
this is very sweet.
- The card,
it's at my desk.
- Wait, wait.
Isn't that whole bottle for me?
I no share.
And how about that cake?
- I know,
it looks really good.
- Sorry about that, Carol.
- Thank you, dolly.
Okay, speak amongst yourselves.
- Emma, do
you need help, or?
You're good?
- I'm good.
- Thank you.
- Where'd
you get this cake from?
- Oh, it's very sweet.
You all are very sweet,
and kind, and good.
Thank you.
- You
deserve it, Carol.
- Yeah, we love you.
- Thank you.
I love you guys.
I'm gonna miss everyone so much.
Okay, I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not going to cry.
- All right,
all right, all right.
- I'm fine.
- Okay,
clinks to Carol.
- There we go.
Perfect.
Now I'm about to cry.
- It's over.
I think I'm gonna,
I think I'm gonna miss you all,
and I think I'm gonna miss
this stupid office.
- Hey!
- I mean, this wonderful
office.
- There we go.
There we go.
- Oh, I'm unexpectedly
overwhelmed by all of this.
Someone tell me not to go.
- Don't go.
- Stay here.
- Okay.
- Stay here.
- You're not allowed to go.
You're not going anywhere.
- Oh, thank you.
All right, now I can.
- Will champagne convince
you to stay at least-
- I'll stay at least
for the rest of the day.
- Through the night.
- Rich, do you
need, what do you want?
Champagne or cake?
- I don't know.
The trouble is, it
just complete, it
doesn't work at all.
It's, it, there's a
power button thing.
Can you just come over?
- I don't wanna sound
silly, but is it plugged in?
- It, yeah,
that's the problem.
When I plug it in, it
doesn't actually do anything.
- And there's no
lights on it or anything?
- There is a light,
but the light doesn't show,
there's a light, there's
a warning sign or a signal
says "HC warning signal."
Yeah, we can just try to reboot.
- Okay, well
let's go take a look.
- Yeah, so some
friends are saying,
like, if you want to be
a true environmentalist,
you have to get a used car.
And I'm like, I had to get
something new with a warranty.
- Yeah, cause you
have to worry about the,
the life of the battery, right?
So how long are they good-
- It's not gas.
Can we just focus on the fact
that I'm not gonna be
using gas and oil anymore?
- Okay.
- Give that win.
- Okay.
- I just think if you, you
don't wanna buy yourself a car
that's gonna only
be good for a year.
- Yes, that was the only time.
- Same thing.
- She's like-
- Right?
- Then she's like-
- Watching one thing.
Game for a second.
- I'm serious.
- Back to back to gaze here.
- Let's not
do the bagels yet,
but that's a treat for later.
And uh-
- Sorry.
- Oh, not a worry.
Perfect timing.
We have one of those
for everyone, or no?
Did you print enough?
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, of course.
All right, everyone good?
Put the phones away.
Um, so let's get started.
First things first,
I would love to
introduce you all to,
is everyone settled?
I'd love to introduce you
all to the newest member
of our little team,
our little family.
- This is Robert.
- Hello.
- He's in a green sweater;
he doesn't care who knows it.
- Don't care.
- He comes from
McDougal and Charter.
All the way from Seattle.
He's a really awesome guy.
We really clicked right away.
And he'll be taking over
for Carol's position.
And we are so
excited to have you.
So thank you, Robert, for
being here with us today.
- Well, thank you for having me.
- Thank you for
having us to have you.
Thank you for having
us have you.
- Yes.
- There we go.
Now I do have to warn you that
we do have a lot of fun here.
We do things with a
little more pizzazz,
and let's just all right
now go around the room
and introduce ourselves,
and maybe we can mention
our favorite food.
I'm Isobel and I enjoy a ribeye.
A ribeye steak.
- Ooh.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- Uh, I'm Doug.
- Hello.
- I like chowder.
- Nice.
- Mmm, I
forget about chowder.
- Chowder.
- In a bread bowl.
Those bread bowls are so good.
- Yeah, I like the bread bowl.
Hi, I'm Garrett.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Spaghetti.
- And meatballs!
- No, Isobel, I'm
still vegetarian.
- Okay.
- Hi, I'm Emma.
And I guess I'd have
to say my favorite food
is martinis!
- She did not.
Didn't hear that.
- I know it's not
technically a food,
but I like to get it
with the green olives
with the blue cheese
on the inside.
- It counts, it counts.
- It does count.
- I'm Fran.
I like cottage cheese.
- I forget about
that, cottage cheese.
- Sean, nice to meet you.
I like a cobb salad
with extra bacon.
- Yum, bacon.
- Rich.
Fish.
- Which you catch yourself.
- Oh my God.
- I, I don't fish.
- I saw a picture
of you with a fish.
- Somebody fishes here.
- It's a lie.
- Don't fish.
- I just, I thought
it.
- It's okay.
- Oh, oh, I'm Sophie the intern.
As you all know.
And I really love Thai food.
- Mmm.
- Hello, I'm Robert, and
I also love Thai food.
- Oh.
- Something in common
between you two.
Great, now I'm
starving.
Where's those bagels?
Where's those bagels?
No, we can't dip in yet.
Robert, did you have
anything else to say?
- Hello again.
I guess in addition
to Thai food,
I love going to the movies.
- Mmm.
- Yeah, yeah, big movies
and uncomfortable silences.
Like that.
- Robert!
Um, let's get started.
Let's look at the
agenda for the today.
Enough fun.
Time to put on my
work hat.
- Steve.
- Okay.
- Hello.
Who's on line two?
I don't have anybody.
- Emma, what is this?
- That pulls staples.
Staple puller.
- I think I knew that.
Or I was just joking.
I was probably just joking.
- You're funny.
- Yeah, I know.
- Funny.
- It'd be weird if I
didn't know what that was.
- Yeah, did you find
everything you need?
- Not yet.
- Wow,.
- Score.
On the side angle,
too, which is tough.
Stronger like this.
It was that way.
- I'll see you.
- I'll stop by.
- Please.
- Oh hey, pad Thai buddy.
- Hey, where
can I find a mug?
- Upper left.
You can choose
whichever one you like.
- Thanks.
- Oh yeah, I can never
tell if I'm in a sweet mood
or a savory mood.
- Peanut butter
crackers; a little bit of both.
- Smart.
Take one of these.
So did you go to
school in Seattle?
- No, in Montreal actually.
McGill.
- Cool, cool.
So from Canada, to Seattle,
to our little town.
It's kinda weird moves.
- Guess they are.
- Yeah.
Well, if you ever need
to be shown around,
it takes about 10 minutes, so.
- Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
- Yeah, you got it.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Fran, right?
- Yeah.
- There was something else.
Wasn't like some simple
part of something.
- When was the last
time you saw a podiatrist?
- I've never
seen a podiatrist.
My feet are perfect.
This is like the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
- Your feet are
perfect, Emma, but-
- Come on, okay.
- What's up man?
- Hey.
- I don't know.
- Are you
good with the kids?
- I'm sorry.
You know what, I can ask.
- Fair enough.
Have a good one.
- Hey, Robert.
You don't have any
band-aids, do you?
- Not in my pocket.
- Okay, fair enough.
- Hi, Rich.
- I usually
carry them in my purse.
- Oh,
it's his voicemail.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I was wondering if um, it's
really hot in my office.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
And I was wondering if
you were using this fan?
- Well, yeah, Doug.
It's my fan.
- I know...
- Do you
wanna borrow it?
- Yeah, I would
love to borrow it.
I mean, honestly,
I don't know what's going
on with the heat in there.
I can't really open my window.
So...
- Go ahead.
- Really?
- Yes, Doug.
- Thanks, Garrett.
- You're welcome.
I just need it back
like in an hour or two.
- Really?
- No.
- I appreciate it.
- I've never
used that fan.
- Are you able to-
- Do you need help?
- No, can you just move?
I just-
- Oh, I can move.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Thank you.
- No problem.
- I don't know,
it might need a battery.
Somewhere.
There you go.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
- Hey, I don't know
if there's something I'm
doing wrong, but it's,
I plugged it in, and I
couldn't get it to work.
- I don't know if
it works, Doug.
I was just telling
Sean, I'm serious,
oh, you know what?
You don't know if it works?
- I don't know 'cause
I haven't really used it.
- You
haven't ever used it?
Or when's the last time
you used it and it worked?
You know, Sean has a fan.
- Yeah, I've
never used it either.
- Well, do you
mind if I give it a try?
- Yeah, but I don't
think it's gonna work.
- Well, I'll tell you
what, can I give you this back?
- Sure.
- Okay.
You want it?
- Why don't I take
that fan, and then you...
- You mind
if he gets the fan?
- Not at all.
- This one doesn't work.
I mean, unless my
outlets aren't working,
but I don't think that's
the case 'cause other things
are working when I plug them in.
- It's this-
- It's not even plugged.
- Where is your fan?
- This one?
Right there.
- This?
- Yeah, that's the fan.
- Can I just
take this one for now,
and you can try that one?
- Why don't
you take both of them?
Here.
- Feels good.
Thank you.
- Anytime.
- Kisses; later.
- My dog
is trying to kill me.
That's fine.
I know it's not good,
but he is a little guy.
I just adopted him and you know,
dogs have accidents, right?
I'm talking about an accident.
Like, he peed on the
carpet, floor on occasion,
but he does it every time
in front of the bathroom.
So you know,
midnight, 2:00 a.m.,
you walk around your house, I
mean, like if you had a pet.
Are you like walking around
your house being like,
"Oh, I wonder if my dog peed
here so I can slip on it
"before I go take
a piss myself."
- No coffee?
- No, I
already had one.
- Okay.
- All right.
Just too much pee in
every, oh, morning Fran.
Not to mention the pee, he's
pooping like crazy, too.
I mean, I've been giving him
broccoli, a little yogurt.
I shouldn't have given him the
yogurt, but blueberries, too.
'Cause you know, dogs can
have fruits and vegetables,
but now his poop is blue.
So I'm getting blue poop in the,
I'm sorry, sorry.
Too much poop talk
on a Thursday.
I'll see you inside.
- Oh, not at all.
Blue poops; pretty wild.
- What do you call a sad coffee?
- I don't know.
What do you call a sad coffee?
- A depresso.
- You're funny.
- Are you done with
that order form yet?
- Um, no, not yet.
Do you need it today?
- Oh, no, no.
It's fine if you can't.
- It'd be a lot
cooler if you did.
That was a terrible Matthew
McConaughey impression.
Wooderson?
"Dazed and Confused?"
- A movie?
- A very good movie.
I can't believe you
haven't seen that.
- Have you been to
the Columbia yet?
- I'm actually gonna
see something there tonight.
- Oh.
- Do you want to come.
- Bobby Boy.
Sorry I'm late.
I'm ready when you are.
- Okay, great.
Be there in a sec.
- Yes.
- Huh?
- Sorry, the movie tonight.
- Oh, okay, great.
Movie at 7:00?
That all right?
- Seven.
- I should, it's
too early to get fired.
You made it.
- Am I late?
- Oh no, we're both early.
- I'll just get my ticket.
- Oh no, I...
- Oh.
- Is that all right?
I went ahead.
- I-I'll give you cash.
- Oh no, it's my treat.
Come on.
I'm gonna get a Coke.
You want anything?
- No, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Hi.
- How's it going, man?
Um, large Coke.
And a medium
popcorn with butter.
Have a nice night.
Ready?
I'm excited to see this.
It's supposed to be amazing.
Hey.
- I should-
- Are you hungry?
- What?
- Would you like
to get some food?
There you go.
The other place has pancakes.
This one probably does better.
- Robert, you're back.
Sit wherever.
I'll be over in a jiff.
- Okay.
Is there okay?
- Sure.
- This place is great.
They have pie.
- So did you like the movie?
- No.
- Um, what
didn't you like about it?
- I didn't really like
anything about that movie.
- Nothing?
Oh.
Thank you for not walking out.
- Hey,
hey. another movie?
- Yep.
- This one any good?
- You know, it
depends who you ask.
I loved it.
But Fran, this is Fran.
- Hi.
- Hey, I'm Amelia.
- She hated it.
- Oof.
- No, it's fine.
It's only my new favorite movie.
- Well,
better luck next time.
- I guess so.
- All right, I'll
give you a minute.
- Actually, what's
the pie for tonight?
- Oh, marionberry served
hot with fresh whip.
- Do you wanna share?
- And an Irish coffee, please.
- Make that two.
- All right, you got it.
Coming right up.
- Good song.
- You don't like it?
- What do you like?
- My job.
- What about it?
- I'm good at it.
- What exactly are you good at?
- Spreadsheets, mostly.
- What else do you do?
- Mailings and gifts.
- Ah.
Do you only like things
that you're good at?
- Why do you like
movies so much?
- Because I love them.
- Why?
- You get to watch, you know,
you get to look for something,
and then try to understand it.
- And you like that?
- Very much.
- Do you always find something?
- If it's any good,
and sometimes when it's bad
you can throw popcorn at it-
- All right, y'all.
Slice of marionberry
and two Drunk Joes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Do we cheers?
- Saving mine for after.
- It on my face?
What if I'd just kept
it there the whole time
we're eating pie?
- It would be
uncomfortable to watch.
- Fair enough.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I wouldn't have
been uncomfortable,
just to give you a heads up.
- I'm sure.
- Don't you walk?
Yeah, I walk head down,
like kind of like,
kind of like this.
That's how I walk.
I guess who walks like-
- Have a good night guys.
- Thank you.
We didn't agree on the movie,
but we did agree on the pie.
- Well, food's the
important thing.
Oh, speaking of, I host a little
get-together on Saturdays.
There's food, good
people, good times.
You two should come.
- Let's do it.
- Great.
I live behind the
purple house on Stewart,
right on the river.
You know it?
- Uh, no.
- I know it.
- Super.
See you then.
- See you then.
- Beautiful.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- I don't have a lot
of stuff in my place.
I still gotta get furniture.
I wanna get an armchair.
But I sometimes think
of like if the armchair
was actually shaped like an arm,
like it would be
more comfortable.
Like if I just dropped my
arm on there and shaped.
- Like how?
- It's like this, you put
it, it's like your arm.
I'm putting my arm into an arm.
It's kind of like meta,
you know what I mean?
I don't like when, you know,
people have like raincoats.
I like raincoats.
Don't, don't.
But I mean, there's people
that don't bring an umbrella,
and it's raining, and
they just tell you,
they're like, "I just,
I just have a raincoat.
"I don't need the umbrella."
I'm like, this person's insane.
They must have like
killed somebody
and put 'em in a basement.
So you're gonna walk
around, no umbrella,
let rain hit you and act
like the rain's not there?
That's nuts.
You for sure are
like, you have a van,
and you're doing weird stuff.
I wouldn't tell them to their
face, but isn't that weird?
Sorry, I ramble too
much when I get nervous.
- I don't use an umbrella.
- This is me.
- It's nice and big.
- Oh, it's just this one.
Good night.
- See you in the morning.
- Hey, Emma.
Want help with that?
- Shh-yeah.
Who does this go down to?
- Doug.
- Hi, are you
doing anything for lunch?
- Yeah, Garrett and I, we're
gonna get some Italian.
- Okay,
- He's craving meatballs.
- Nice.
Right.
- Yeah, what you doing?
- Hey.
Sorry, did I surprise you?
- Yeah, no, sorry.
Did you need something?
- Um, yeah, I just
wanted to give you this.
I finally filled it out.
- Okay, thanks.
- You're welcome.
- This looks fine.
- Okay, great.
Okay.
- I needed a soda.
See this kid saved
this kid, pull him out.
He realizes when he
spits the water out once,
he goes "Father.",
because I was his dad.
- His first word.
- Yeah, he goes, "Father."
- He hasn't
spoken this whole time.
This is his-
- First word.
- Bird was his father.
- I'm glad Emma
knows the story, too.
- She knows the story.
So I go, "You're my son."
He goes, "I've been your
son, not you're my son.
"I've been living
a life without you.
"We need to find Mom.
"She's been taken to the
Middle East, captured."
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- I wouldn't-
- It's totally fine.
- I wouldn't put you
in that position.
Does it smell?
- No, it's
just a, it, Rob, it's-
- Yeah, it's not good.
- Okay, then no.
- What's the-
- They smell like
apples; they don't smell bad.
- Yeah, it's
the sugar in them.
If you put lemon on
them, they wouldn't turn.
- No, I
don't trust them.
Hey, they deal with you.
- You need to go to-
- Yes.
- You need
to go to the health,
you need to go to Whole Foods.
- That's perfect.
- Whole Foods, gym, supplements.
- Yeah.
- Supplements.
- Yes.
- Maybe a GNC.
- Yes.
- Yep.
- Work out.
- Yes, see?
- I think they must have.
- Sophie] Did they?
- Maybe.
- Good night.
Hey, have a good night.
- Oh, you too.
- Thank you.
- Drive safe.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have a good weekend.
- You too.
- Sorry, sorry.
Do you have plans tonight?
- Hey, welcome.
Come on in.
Want me to grab your jacket?
- Thanks.
- Oh, you're welcome.
I like your sweater.
- I like your pants.
- Ah, I just ironed them.
Malbec.
She likes Malbec.
I'll get us some glasses.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- I'm just gonna start cooking.
- You really do
like movies, huh?
- You think I can
boil pasta in this?
I guess we're gonna find out.
I don't really get a chance
to go to the grocery store,
but I have this sauce
from before, and
yeah, it looks great.
But yeah, I don't know
how it's gonna taste.
You wanna throw on a CD?
- Which one?
- Uh, you pick.
Not what I expected.
I know you haven't
seen that movie.
- What movie?
- Exactly.
Yeah, I know it's old.
Yeah, it's a classic.
I think you can put
like four CDs in there.
- Two, I think.
- Two?
- Oh, are they at the back?
- There.
- What's your version
of my movie obsession?
- Uh, I cook sometimes.
- What do you like to cook?
- Different things.
- Okay, uh, you want a tour?
- Sure.
- Ah, living room.
- Oh.
- Pretty spacious, I feel.
Patio.
Thought maybe I'd put a
grill out there one day.
And then here, you know,
I'll put these up eventually.
This the kitchen, which
you've already been in.
Laundry, and bathroom upstairs.
We're getting our steps in.
I think there's like nine steps.
- Nine?
- Or maybe more.
I didn't count properly.
Bathroom's at the
end of the hallway.
Dresser.
Night stand.
Bed.
- It's nice.
- Thank you.
Well, that's my home.
- It's nice.
- You said that already.
- Sorry.
- Ah no, it's not...
That was, it was good.
Great.
Great, yeah.
Shit, the water.
Sor-sorry.
I don't want the
house to burn, no?
- I mean,
I think some things
just don't grow back together.
- What time is it?
- I don't know.
- I nodded off.
- Mm hm.
- Sorry I nodded off.
- I don't mind.
- How'd you like the
rest of the movie?
- It was good.
- You hated it.
- I didn't hate this one.
- I wonder if there's
a movie you would love.
- Hmm.
- Maybe a movie about cooking.
- Tell me something about you.
- Like what?
- I don't know.
What's it like
where you grew up?
- Crowded.
Loud.
So loud it was hard to
hear yourself sometimes.
But beautiful.
- Do you like the quiet?
- I do.
- Is that why you moved here?
- In part.
- Why else?
- So many questions.
Got divorced.
- Oh.
- It was short.
- You've been married?
- Yes.
- I-I-I didn't know that.
- Yeah, twice actually.
- Oh.
- First, you know,
when I was young,
and that was for
a very long time.
But more recently, you know,
it just felt better to
move than to stay there.
I guess I can't seem
to figure it out.
- Figure what out?
- Marriage, love, partnership.
What about you?
- What about me?
- Have you ever been in love?
- Why?
- I'm just curious.
- No.
- Never?
- No.
- Wow, really?
I find that-
- It's not that interesting.
- But what do you
mean, like love, or-
- It's not, I, I'm not.
- Okay.
It's getting late.
- Yeah.
- See you Monday.
- Hey, yes, you made it.
Well, come in, come in.
Oh, sorry.
- I brought this for you.
It's white.
- That is so sweet.
Oh, this is my girl Tellulah.
Tellulah, this is Fran.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- This fella I believe
you already know.
- I like your pants.
- Thank you.
- Hey, let's crack this open.
- Okay, there's barely any left.
Robert, what the
what?
And Fran!
- Do you all know each other?
- Yes-
- We all-
- The work picnic.
I'm sorry, this is crazy.
How do you know Amelia?
- Oh, they came in for
pie after their movie
the other night.
- Pie.
- Yeah, and I insisted
that they join us.
- Oh, this is like
a coincidence?
- We just-
- Ran into each
other after work.
- The night of the storm.
- Yeah, the storm,
and then you had pie.
- Yeah, it's good.
You know that chess pie.
- This is crazy;
I work with them.
- Hey, hey!
- Hey, hi!
- All right, okay,
everyone's here.
Okay, this is Robert.
Okay, this is Bennie.
This is Pauline,
Andrew, this is Yo.
- Garrett.
- Garrett.
You know Garrett.
Okay, now we're all here.
So let's play.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Let's go, let's go.
- It's time to play.
It's time to play.
- Welcome, welcome, my family.
It is I, Handsome Aaron.
It warms my heart to
see your beautiful faces
back here at the estate,
gathered in the
great Beaumont Hall.
But alas, sisters,
brothers, others.
I have some terrible news.
I, Handsome Aaron,
have been unexpectedly,
unjustly, rudely, murdered.
- Oh no!
- No!
- Yes, yes.
Although I look
fleshy and meaty,
I am but a mere ghost
stuck in the in-between
on a quest to save the
family and our fortune
from falling into the
wrong murderous hands.
Yes, cousins, my murderer
is after our fortune,
and is here amongst
us in the great hall,
masquerading as a Beaumont.
- No!
- Go, go, go!
- Night has
befallen us, my family,
so retire to your rooms now.
Rest your sweet little heads
on your soft satin pillows.
Close your sweet
little angel eyes.
Bam!
- Oh, shit.
- Yo, you
died too young.
Much too young.
Yo, my dear.
Could you tell us
how this happened?
- It was terrible.
A garden hose hanging!
- Come
on, don't die twice.
- Horrible.
Now, who among you
could have done this?
Was it you?
- No.
- Maybe you?
- Amelia.
- No, come on.
- What
was that, Robert?
- Nothing.
- Ooh, I propose
Robert is the murderer.
- Oh, I don't know.
A little fast to
j'accuse there, Andrew.
- We have to act fast.
There's a fox in the henhouse.
- Him?
- I'm no fox.
- That's exactly
what a fox would say.
- No, I wouldn't murder anyone.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't kill you.
- Thanks.
- I'm a very nice guy.
And I almost adopted
an orphan once.
And besides, I was in the
closet the whole time, right?
- Well, you were in the
closet at the start,
but when I closed my eyes, I
did hear the floorboard squeak.
- What the what?
- Robert, our new newest
Beaumont, you have been accused.
Do we hear any others?
- I accuse Andrew.
- I'm gonna
second that motion.
He was questionably alone.
- All right, we have two
accused, Robert and Andrew.
Now we vote.
- Okay.
- In 3, 2, 1.
- Boom.
- Sorry.
- Oh, wow.
- He must
remove in preparation.
- The moment before.
Chainsaw?
That's what I thought.
Chainsaw, oh, but it's
ready, oh, but it's...
Two words.
- It's a cap.
It's a cap, two words.
Oh, no!
Oh, I can't watch.
I can't watch.
- Oh, I see
what you're doing.
Tied to the stake
- Oh, God!
- Ladies and gentlemen.
- Oh, my God, rigor mortis.
- Oh!
- He's gone.
- How was that?
- Nice, nice, nice.
- Truly spectacular.
- I thought
he was starting a car.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, goddamn it!
- Thanks for almost throwing
me under the bus back there.
- I was just being honest.
You're good at this.
- The murderer is
about to silence their kill.
- Uh oh.
- Fran.
Fran.
Fran's dead and I didn't do it.
- Dearest Fran, the
other newest member
of the Beaumont family
has been found dead
in the guest bathroom.
Tell us, Fran, how did
this abomination happen?
- Um, it was acid in my stomach.
- Hmm.
Acid in the stomach.
That old chestnut, huh?
- It was put in my glass
of water before bed,
coursed down my throat and
singed my stomach lining.
It felt nice.
Like hand sanitizer scrubbing
my insides.
- All right.
What an exceptionally creative
killer we have this evening.
- This guy's lost
her little claws.
- Thank you.
- This is so good.
- Oh, this is beautiful.
- And I will hold one for
the very sneaky murderer.
- Seriously, Garrett,
that was inspired.
- Yeah, maybe a
little too inspired.
- That was all part of
the plan, my pretty.
- Right, so I
can't get that low.
- Saudi people, though.
- All right, shall we?
- Whoa, look at that go.
There we go.
- Yes, yes, yeah.
- Perfect.
- You know I have
everyone convinced at work
that I'm a vegetarian.
Yeah, I don't know why-
- They're gonna sell you out.
- You know how when you say
one thing, and everything,
and what-
- Put your thumb
in and then pull up.
- Look at
this guy right here.
- You're my little.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Robert, I'm so sorry.
Is that your, is this your
first time cracking crab?
- Is it?
- It's been a while.
- You're not from here.
- Nope.
- Well, it's violent.
I like it.
- It's
definitely very violent.
- What about you, Fran?
Are you from away?
- I grew up around here.
- Really?
I had no idea.
Whereabouts?
- The quiet side.
- Wow.
Oh, did you see that?
- Is the quiet side very quiet?
- Very.
- Must've been kinda
lonely out there, Fran.
- It was great, actually.
You can just do this.
- Better prepare.
- Yeah.
- Claw?
- Mm hm.
- We're getting
better and better, right?
- Then you smash
the shit out of it.
- No, no, come on.
That's a rookie mistake.
Don't do it.
- No, you're just
gonna give it a little wack.
- Yeah, don't crush it.
- I was gonna be gentle.
Just a little hello.
So I can't really, I mean,
I can't get a hook over.
- Yeah,
it's all in the wrist.
- You don't wanna
waste any, so just...
- Just?
- Gentle.
- You're secretly good
at a lot of things.
But you are, you just
don't let anyone know.
Like, "The acid
coursed down my throat.
"It singed my insides."
What the hell is, where
did that come from?
- I was just playing the game.
- Come on, that was amazing.
I had no idea it's in you-
- It's not that interesting.
- Oh, like how movies
aren't that interesting?
Wow, your love life's
not that interesting?
Okay, so?
- What?
- Just curious about you.
- What do you want from me?
- I don't know.
Do you have a family?
- Yes.
- Okay, and?
- There's not much else to know.
- Why is this so hard with you?
- You're prying.
- No, I'm asking questions,
Fran, because I like you.
I want to get to know you,
but you just won't let me.
And I don't know what to do.
It's confusing.
Like, do you even wanna be here?
Do you even want to do this?
Do you even like me?
Like, tell me what you
want me to do, then.
'Cause obviously this
isn't, this isn't working.
Me asking you things.
- You're exhausting.
No wonder you
can't stay married.
- Please go.
- Fran?
- Carol.
- Well, what a small world.
- Small town, more like.
- You have a morning
sweet tooth, too?
- I was thinking about
getting some for the office.
- Glazed is a good
place to start.
Everyone likes glazed.
- Thanks.
- Nice of you to do that.
I miss everyone.
How, how are they?
- The same.
Aren't you supposed to
be on a cruise right now?
- Uh, well,
Ted had a stroke.
- I had no idea-
- Well, I didn't
say anything, so.
- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
- Is he,
will he?
- I don't know.
You know, we planned,
and saved, and waited,
and everything you're
supposed to do, you know,
before you go live it
up and savor things.
And we waited together for that.
And now, gosh,
imagine him in the garden,
just some lazy Sunday,
that was all of those little,
those were the precious things,
and I, I just hope...
But you know,
every day I get up,
and I see the day out there,
and I get my coffee, and
I sit here and I think,
"All right, you know, all right.
"This is what I have right now."
And no matter how much better,
whatever I imagine in my head,
it's, it's not as real
as what I do have.
So it's hard, isn't it?
Being a person.
- Mm hm, I appreciate it.
Yeah, so I've got you
on the 24th, 2:00 p.m.
Yeah, pier three north.
Great.
Yeah, you're gonna be
in slips four and seven.
Okay.
Yeah, thank you, Steve.
Appreciate it.
- Are those donuts?
- Oh my gosh.
Fran.
- Oh my God, Fran.
That is so sweet.
- So something.
- I'm gonna get a knife.
- Oh, you know what?
I'll grab plates, and
napkins, and all that jazz.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Fran brought donuts.
- Wow.
Happy Monday to you.
- Whoa, those look pretty good.
- What's going on-
- Rich, don't
eat them all, please.
- Fran brought donuts.
- I'm waiting for the
plates and the napkins.
- Oh,
Sophie's getting them.
- She's getting them.
- Sure, sure.
- I could use a napkin, though.
- Wow.
- It was really
fun the other night.
- Yeah, it was.
- Yeah.
You know, I've never seen
anyone play that game
quite like you.
Oh, and everyone said you
have to come back next time.
- Okay.
- Good.
- I'm gonna leave this.
- This is better.
- Well, you know folks,
I heard that we were supposed
to get a new coffee machine,
but Isobel axed it
from the budget.
- Is that true?
- Yeah, it's true.
- Well, bless her
little, uh oh, here she comes.
Here she comes.
- Do you want some?
- Uh oh, what's going on?
What do we have here?
- I'm cutting.
- Sweet treats.
Let me have, let me have,
no, I'm kidding.
That's really nice, Garrett.
- Oh, Isobel, thank you.
But actually it was Fran.
- She is.
- She is?
- Yeah, she's got a concert
coming up this weekend.
- Oh, and I have
that meeting later
if you wanna get the
report on my desk.
Yeah?
- Totally.
- Virtuoso, is that
what they call them?
- Guys, try not to crash today.
Try not to crash like last week.
- Okay.
- I was totally useless.
- Donuts
win over cake.
- This one's great.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I dunno, a good
German chocolate cake.
- Okay, Doug.
Or a carrot cake.
- Underrated.
- Yeah, I just finished.
- Absolutely.
- It was delicious.
- The whole thing.
- My cousin had
donuts at her wedding
instead of cake.
- Everyone's
eating carrot cake.
- Why are
you holding the plate?
- Plate
down, plate down.
- Hey, Robert?
If you'd like to follow
me to the copy room,
I have the supplies you ordered.
Hey.
- Hey.
- How was the rest
of your weekend?
- It was all right.
I watched a couple movies.
Unpacked a box.
You?
- Just lied around.
I'm sorry for what I said.
I shouldn't have said that.
It wasn't my place to say that.
- Thank you.
You know, I shouldn't have,
I could tell I upset you, so.
- Okay.
You know, the more I thought
about that movie we saw,
the more I think I liked it.
- Yeah?
I haven't really
thought about it much.
- Do you wish you
could unknow me?
- I don't know you.
- There's a crane I can
see from my cubicle,
and sometimes I think
about hanging from it.
Not cause I want to, but because
I wonder how it could feel.
It's just something I think
about from time to time.
- I really
feel quite happy now.
I'm sure I'll get along somehow.
Everything is going
to be all right.
- What?
- I need um, this cable.
It's an HDMI PGA, and
it's an adapter, and I-
- I don't have it.
- Okay.
I'll, I'll just ask Doug.
- Wait, I think
I need one too, if...
- What? You have two.
- Well, I just want one.
A cable.
- Okay, um...
- Doug?
- Is he here?
- Yeah.
Hey.
Yeah, let's go get coffee.
Come on, what about Rich?
I don't care.
That was the main plug.
- Will you
see the glaciers?
You can drink the melting water
- Really?
- It is the cleanest
water in the world.
- That better not be what
they mean by open bar.
- You are so bad.
- I know.
- Will you post pictures?
- Oh, yeah, #nofilter.
- Morning, Garrett.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Morning.
- See this
cruise ship out here?
- Out here?
Yes, I see that ship.
It's very large.
- Any idea how long
that's gonna be there?
- No.
I know it's been there for
at least the whole morning.
- Yeah, it was there
this morning when we got in.
You know, I've been
doing this months now.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, they, they
come over and they,
they sort of park there for,
they have an extended parking.
- Well, I don't know why they
have to leave the ship there
and just, you know, it'd be
nice if they could just stop
and then keep
going or something.
- Yeah.
- The people come off.
Can't see the mountains anymore.
- It's true.
It is a very large ship.
It is kind of.
- Yeah, it is.
- I mean, I
haven't seen anyone go on.
- I like boats,
of course, but that
there.
- Well, what
I wanna know is
who's making the decision to
allow this to just stay there.
I think they, they
- Hey, Fran.
- Sorry.
- Sorry, I, I scared you.
I'm sneaking up on people.
Oogah booga.
Um, could you, for Carol's
last day tomorrow, sign that?
We're tryin' to keep it a
surprise, so keep quiet.
There'll be a big
reveal, and yeah,
so thank you.
Oh, moved your desk a little.
That's okay.
All right.
- Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- I think
congratulations is fine.
- I'd rather
be like the cool signer.
- I know,
but you're already-
- Carol?
- Yeah.
Hi.
- Say, um...
- This is what happens
with me with computers.
I can't, it won't delete.
See?
- Let's
do.
- No, no, um, we have
to follow up with the estate.
- Okay, okay.
I can keep it in my desk.
- I don't know
if I need a battery.
- You should
actually have more folders.
- Folders?
I'll find the folder.
Which folder is it under?
- I mean, you
should create a folder.
- There you go.
- Oh, I'll
create a folder.
- If anyone is deceased.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay?
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
I said in the house.
Girls.
I need you to go into the house,
help me with these groceries.
- Six, nine.
- How ya doin', Fran?
- Not bad.
- Oh, Fran, I won't be
needing any of this anymore.
You wanna stapler?
Or, I dunno, how
'bout a calculator
I probably bought in '87?
Still works great, though.
- Is the stapler up for grabs?
- Ah, all yours.
- Thanks.
- Mm hm.
You want this?
- No.
- No?
- How about this
three-hole punch?
- Take it away.
You're welcome.
Anything else?
- Uh, no, thanks.
- You're
gonna miss him.
- I know, I know, you're right.
I'm a bitch.
- Ha.
- I'm going on a cruise!
- All right, we know.
- Ha ha ha!
- How come
I didn't get anything?
- You didn't get anything what?
- Like, you're
not giving me any crap.
- Wait, you're
giving stuff away?
- Come, yes, come over.
Whoever wants a
picture of my dead dog,
you're welcome to it.
- ] No thanks.
- M'kay.
- See that?
- Yeah.
- Is that too big?
- So good.
I don't think it's too big.
I'm just gonna eat it.
Get the rest of these
champagne glasses.
- I should probably cut that smaller.
-I don't know.
- No, I think
that's a beautiful piece.
- It's huge.
- We can leave
that one for Carol.
- Okay.
- Since she's the one
we're actually celebrating.
- We are celebrating her.
I'm gonna miss her.
Did you know she was
going on a cruise?
- I did overhear it.
- Okay, all right, all right.
Give her a hand,
give her a hand.
- Guys,
this is very sweet.
- The card,
it's at my desk.
- Wait, wait.
Isn't that whole bottle for me?
I no share.
And how about that cake?
- I know,
it looks really good.
- Sorry about that, Carol.
- Thank you, dolly.
Okay, speak amongst yourselves.
- Emma, do
you need help, or?
You're good?
- I'm good.
- Thank you.
- Where'd
you get this cake from?
- Oh, it's very sweet.
You all are very sweet,
and kind, and good.
Thank you.
- You
deserve it, Carol.
- Yeah, we love you.
- Thank you.
I love you guys.
I'm gonna miss everyone so much.
Okay, I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not going to cry.
- All right,
all right, all right.
- I'm fine.
- Okay,
clinks to Carol.
- There we go.
Perfect.
Now I'm about to cry.
- It's over.
I think I'm gonna,
I think I'm gonna miss you all,
and I think I'm gonna miss
this stupid office.
- Hey!
- I mean, this wonderful
office.
- There we go.
There we go.
- Oh, I'm unexpectedly
overwhelmed by all of this.
Someone tell me not to go.
- Don't go.
- Stay here.
- Okay.
- Stay here.
- You're not allowed to go.
You're not going anywhere.
- Oh, thank you.
All right, now I can.
- Will champagne convince
you to stay at least-
- I'll stay at least
for the rest of the day.
- Through the night.
- Rich, do you
need, what do you want?
Champagne or cake?
- I don't know.
The trouble is, it
just complete, it
doesn't work at all.
It's, it, there's a
power button thing.
Can you just come over?
- I don't wanna sound
silly, but is it plugged in?
- It, yeah,
that's the problem.
When I plug it in, it
doesn't actually do anything.
- And there's no
lights on it or anything?
- There is a light,
but the light doesn't show,
there's a light, there's
a warning sign or a signal
says "HC warning signal."
Yeah, we can just try to reboot.
- Okay, well
let's go take a look.
- Yeah, so some
friends are saying,
like, if you want to be
a true environmentalist,
you have to get a used car.
And I'm like, I had to get
something new with a warranty.
- Yeah, cause you
have to worry about the,
the life of the battery, right?
So how long are they good-
- It's not gas.
Can we just focus on the fact
that I'm not gonna be
using gas and oil anymore?
- Okay.
- Give that win.
- Okay.
- I just think if you, you
don't wanna buy yourself a car
that's gonna only
be good for a year.
- Yes, that was the only time.
- Same thing.
- She's like-
- Right?
- Then she's like-
- Watching one thing.
Game for a second.
- I'm serious.
- Back to back to gaze here.
- Let's not
do the bagels yet,
but that's a treat for later.
And uh-
- Sorry.
- Oh, not a worry.
Perfect timing.
We have one of those
for everyone, or no?
Did you print enough?
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, of course.
All right, everyone good?
Put the phones away.
Um, so let's get started.
First things first,
I would love to
introduce you all to,
is everyone settled?
I'd love to introduce you
all to the newest member
of our little team,
our little family.
- This is Robert.
- Hello.
- He's in a green sweater;
he doesn't care who knows it.
- Don't care.
- He comes from
McDougal and Charter.
All the way from Seattle.
He's a really awesome guy.
We really clicked right away.
And he'll be taking over
for Carol's position.
And we are so
excited to have you.
So thank you, Robert, for
being here with us today.
- Well, thank you for having me.
- Thank you for
having us to have you.
Thank you for having
us have you.
- Yes.
- There we go.
Now I do have to warn you that
we do have a lot of fun here.
We do things with a
little more pizzazz,
and let's just all right
now go around the room
and introduce ourselves,
and maybe we can mention
our favorite food.
I'm Isobel and I enjoy a ribeye.
A ribeye steak.
- Ooh.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- Uh, I'm Doug.
- Hello.
- I like chowder.
- Nice.
- Mmm, I
forget about chowder.
- Chowder.
- In a bread bowl.
Those bread bowls are so good.
- Yeah, I like the bread bowl.
Hi, I'm Garrett.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Spaghetti.
- And meatballs!
- No, Isobel, I'm
still vegetarian.
- Okay.
- Hi, I'm Emma.
And I guess I'd have
to say my favorite food
is martinis!
- She did not.
Didn't hear that.
- I know it's not
technically a food,
but I like to get it
with the green olives
with the blue cheese
on the inside.
- It counts, it counts.
- It does count.
- I'm Fran.
I like cottage cheese.
- I forget about
that, cottage cheese.
- Sean, nice to meet you.
I like a cobb salad
with extra bacon.
- Yum, bacon.
- Rich.
Fish.
- Which you catch yourself.
- Oh my God.
- I, I don't fish.
- I saw a picture
of you with a fish.
- Somebody fishes here.
- It's a lie.
- Don't fish.
- I just, I thought
it.
- It's okay.
- Oh, oh, I'm Sophie the intern.
As you all know.
And I really love Thai food.
- Mmm.
- Hello, I'm Robert, and
I also love Thai food.
- Oh.
- Something in common
between you two.
Great, now I'm
starving.
Where's those bagels?
Where's those bagels?
No, we can't dip in yet.
Robert, did you have
anything else to say?
- Hello again.
I guess in addition
to Thai food,
I love going to the movies.
- Mmm.
- Yeah, yeah, big movies
and uncomfortable silences.
Like that.
- Robert!
Um, let's get started.
Let's look at the
agenda for the today.
Enough fun.
Time to put on my
work hat.
- Steve.
- Okay.
- Hello.
Who's on line two?
I don't have anybody.
- Emma, what is this?
- That pulls staples.
Staple puller.
- I think I knew that.
Or I was just joking.
I was probably just joking.
- You're funny.
- Yeah, I know.
- Funny.
- It'd be weird if I
didn't know what that was.
- Yeah, did you find
everything you need?
- Not yet.
- Wow,.
- Score.
On the side angle,
too, which is tough.
Stronger like this.
It was that way.
- I'll see you.
- I'll stop by.
- Please.
- Oh hey, pad Thai buddy.
- Hey, where
can I find a mug?
- Upper left.
You can choose
whichever one you like.
- Thanks.
- Oh yeah, I can never
tell if I'm in a sweet mood
or a savory mood.
- Peanut butter
crackers; a little bit of both.
- Smart.
Take one of these.
So did you go to
school in Seattle?
- No, in Montreal actually.
McGill.
- Cool, cool.
So from Canada, to Seattle,
to our little town.
It's kinda weird moves.
- Guess they are.
- Yeah.
Well, if you ever need
to be shown around,
it takes about 10 minutes, so.
- Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
- Yeah, you got it.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Fran, right?
- Yeah.
- There was something else.
Wasn't like some simple
part of something.
- When was the last
time you saw a podiatrist?
- I've never
seen a podiatrist.
My feet are perfect.
This is like the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
- Your feet are
perfect, Emma, but-
- Come on, okay.
- What's up man?
- Hey.
- I don't know.
- Are you
good with the kids?
- I'm sorry.
You know what, I can ask.
- Fair enough.
Have a good one.
- Hey, Robert.
You don't have any
band-aids, do you?
- Not in my pocket.
- Okay, fair enough.
- Hi, Rich.
- I usually
carry them in my purse.
- Oh,
it's his voicemail.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I was wondering if um, it's
really hot in my office.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
And I was wondering if
you were using this fan?
- Well, yeah, Doug.
It's my fan.
- I know...
- Do you
wanna borrow it?
- Yeah, I would
love to borrow it.
I mean, honestly,
I don't know what's going
on with the heat in there.
I can't really open my window.
So...
- Go ahead.
- Really?
- Yes, Doug.
- Thanks, Garrett.
- You're welcome.
I just need it back
like in an hour or two.
- Really?
- No.
- I appreciate it.
- I've never
used that fan.
- Are you able to-
- Do you need help?
- No, can you just move?
I just-
- Oh, I can move.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Thank you.
- No problem.
- I don't know,
it might need a battery.
Somewhere.
There you go.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
- Hey, I don't know
if there's something I'm
doing wrong, but it's,
I plugged it in, and I
couldn't get it to work.
- I don't know if
it works, Doug.
I was just telling
Sean, I'm serious,
oh, you know what?
You don't know if it works?
- I don't know 'cause
I haven't really used it.
- You
haven't ever used it?
Or when's the last time
you used it and it worked?
You know, Sean has a fan.
- Yeah, I've
never used it either.
- Well, do you
mind if I give it a try?
- Yeah, but I don't
think it's gonna work.
- Well, I'll tell you
what, can I give you this back?
- Sure.
- Okay.
You want it?
- Why don't I take
that fan, and then you...
- You mind
if he gets the fan?
- Not at all.
- This one doesn't work.
I mean, unless my
outlets aren't working,
but I don't think that's
the case 'cause other things
are working when I plug them in.
- It's this-
- It's not even plugged.
- Where is your fan?
- This one?
Right there.
- This?
- Yeah, that's the fan.
- Can I just
take this one for now,
and you can try that one?
- Why don't
you take both of them?
Here.
- Feels good.
Thank you.
- Anytime.
- Kisses; later.
- My dog
is trying to kill me.
That's fine.
I know it's not good,
but he is a little guy.
I just adopted him and you know,
dogs have accidents, right?
I'm talking about an accident.
Like, he peed on the
carpet, floor on occasion,
but he does it every time
in front of the bathroom.
So you know,
midnight, 2:00 a.m.,
you walk around your house, I
mean, like if you had a pet.
Are you like walking around
your house being like,
"Oh, I wonder if my dog peed
here so I can slip on it
"before I go take
a piss myself."
- No coffee?
- No, I
already had one.
- Okay.
- All right.
Just too much pee in
every, oh, morning Fran.
Not to mention the pee, he's
pooping like crazy, too.
I mean, I've been giving him
broccoli, a little yogurt.
I shouldn't have given him the
yogurt, but blueberries, too.
'Cause you know, dogs can
have fruits and vegetables,
but now his poop is blue.
So I'm getting blue poop in the,
I'm sorry, sorry.
Too much poop talk
on a Thursday.
I'll see you inside.
- Oh, not at all.
Blue poops; pretty wild.
- What do you call a sad coffee?
- I don't know.
What do you call a sad coffee?
- A depresso.
- You're funny.
- Are you done with
that order form yet?
- Um, no, not yet.
Do you need it today?
- Oh, no, no.
It's fine if you can't.
- It'd be a lot
cooler if you did.
That was a terrible Matthew
McConaughey impression.
Wooderson?
"Dazed and Confused?"
- A movie?
- A very good movie.
I can't believe you
haven't seen that.
- Have you been to
the Columbia yet?
- I'm actually gonna
see something there tonight.
- Oh.
- Do you want to come.
- Bobby Boy.
Sorry I'm late.
I'm ready when you are.
- Okay, great.
Be there in a sec.
- Yes.
- Huh?
- Sorry, the movie tonight.
- Oh, okay, great.
Movie at 7:00?
That all right?
- Seven.
- I should, it's
too early to get fired.
You made it.
- Am I late?
- Oh no, we're both early.
- I'll just get my ticket.
- Oh no, I...
- Oh.
- Is that all right?
I went ahead.
- I-I'll give you cash.
- Oh no, it's my treat.
Come on.
I'm gonna get a Coke.
You want anything?
- No, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Hi.
- How's it going, man?
Um, large Coke.
And a medium
popcorn with butter.
Have a nice night.
Ready?
I'm excited to see this.
It's supposed to be amazing.
Hey.
- I should-
- Are you hungry?
- What?
- Would you like
to get some food?
There you go.
The other place has pancakes.
This one probably does better.
- Robert, you're back.
Sit wherever.
I'll be over in a jiff.
- Okay.
Is there okay?
- Sure.
- This place is great.
They have pie.
- So did you like the movie?
- No.
- Um, what
didn't you like about it?
- I didn't really like
anything about that movie.
- Nothing?
Oh.
Thank you for not walking out.
- Hey,
hey. another movie?
- Yep.
- This one any good?
- You know, it
depends who you ask.
I loved it.
But Fran, this is Fran.
- Hi.
- Hey, I'm Amelia.
- She hated it.
- Oof.
- No, it's fine.
It's only my new favorite movie.
- Well,
better luck next time.
- I guess so.
- All right, I'll
give you a minute.
- Actually, what's
the pie for tonight?
- Oh, marionberry served
hot with fresh whip.
- Do you wanna share?
- And an Irish coffee, please.
- Make that two.
- All right, you got it.
Coming right up.
- Good song.
- You don't like it?
- What do you like?
- My job.
- What about it?
- I'm good at it.
- What exactly are you good at?
- Spreadsheets, mostly.
- What else do you do?
- Mailings and gifts.
- Ah.
Do you only like things
that you're good at?
- Why do you like
movies so much?
- Because I love them.
- Why?
- You get to watch, you know,
you get to look for something,
and then try to understand it.
- And you like that?
- Very much.
- Do you always find something?
- If it's any good,
and sometimes when it's bad
you can throw popcorn at it-
- All right, y'all.
Slice of marionberry
and two Drunk Joes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Do we cheers?
- Saving mine for after.
- It on my face?
What if I'd just kept
it there the whole time
we're eating pie?
- It would be
uncomfortable to watch.
- Fair enough.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I wouldn't have
been uncomfortable,
just to give you a heads up.
- I'm sure.
- Don't you walk?
Yeah, I walk head down,
like kind of like,
kind of like this.
That's how I walk.
I guess who walks like-
- Have a good night guys.
- Thank you.
We didn't agree on the movie,
but we did agree on the pie.
- Well, food's the
important thing.
Oh, speaking of, I host a little
get-together on Saturdays.
There's food, good
people, good times.
You two should come.
- Let's do it.
- Great.
I live behind the
purple house on Stewart,
right on the river.
You know it?
- Uh, no.
- I know it.
- Super.
See you then.
- See you then.
- Beautiful.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- I don't have a lot
of stuff in my place.
I still gotta get furniture.
I wanna get an armchair.
But I sometimes think
of like if the armchair
was actually shaped like an arm,
like it would be
more comfortable.
Like if I just dropped my
arm on there and shaped.
- Like how?
- It's like this, you put
it, it's like your arm.
I'm putting my arm into an arm.
It's kind of like meta,
you know what I mean?
I don't like when, you know,
people have like raincoats.
I like raincoats.
Don't, don't.
But I mean, there's people
that don't bring an umbrella,
and it's raining, and
they just tell you,
they're like, "I just,
I just have a raincoat.
"I don't need the umbrella."
I'm like, this person's insane.
They must have like
killed somebody
and put 'em in a basement.
So you're gonna walk
around, no umbrella,
let rain hit you and act
like the rain's not there?
That's nuts.
You for sure are
like, you have a van,
and you're doing weird stuff.
I wouldn't tell them to their
face, but isn't that weird?
Sorry, I ramble too
much when I get nervous.
- I don't use an umbrella.
- This is me.
- It's nice and big.
- Oh, it's just this one.
Good night.
- See you in the morning.
- Hey, Emma.
Want help with that?
- Shh-yeah.
Who does this go down to?
- Doug.
- Hi, are you
doing anything for lunch?
- Yeah, Garrett and I, we're
gonna get some Italian.
- Okay,
- He's craving meatballs.
- Nice.
Right.
- Yeah, what you doing?
- Hey.
Sorry, did I surprise you?
- Yeah, no, sorry.
Did you need something?
- Um, yeah, I just
wanted to give you this.
I finally filled it out.
- Okay, thanks.
- You're welcome.
- This looks fine.
- Okay, great.
Okay.
- I needed a soda.
See this kid saved
this kid, pull him out.
He realizes when he
spits the water out once,
he goes "Father.",
because I was his dad.
- His first word.
- Yeah, he goes, "Father."
- He hasn't
spoken this whole time.
This is his-
- First word.
- Bird was his father.
- I'm glad Emma
knows the story, too.
- She knows the story.
So I go, "You're my son."
He goes, "I've been your
son, not you're my son.
"I've been living
a life without you.
"We need to find Mom.
"She's been taken to the
Middle East, captured."
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- I wouldn't-
- It's totally fine.
- I wouldn't put you
in that position.
Does it smell?
- No, it's
just a, it, Rob, it's-
- Yeah, it's not good.
- Okay, then no.
- What's the-
- They smell like
apples; they don't smell bad.
- Yeah, it's
the sugar in them.
If you put lemon on
them, they wouldn't turn.
- No, I
don't trust them.
Hey, they deal with you.
- You need to go to-
- Yes.
- You need
to go to the health,
you need to go to Whole Foods.
- That's perfect.
- Whole Foods, gym, supplements.
- Yeah.
- Supplements.
- Yes.
- Maybe a GNC.
- Yes.
- Yep.
- Work out.
- Yes, see?
- I think they must have.
- Sophie] Did they?
- Maybe.
- Good night.
Hey, have a good night.
- Oh, you too.
- Thank you.
- Drive safe.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have a good weekend.
- You too.
- Sorry, sorry.
Do you have plans tonight?
- Hey, welcome.
Come on in.
Want me to grab your jacket?
- Thanks.
- Oh, you're welcome.
I like your sweater.
- I like your pants.
- Ah, I just ironed them.
Malbec.
She likes Malbec.
I'll get us some glasses.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- I'm just gonna start cooking.
- You really do
like movies, huh?
- You think I can
boil pasta in this?
I guess we're gonna find out.
I don't really get a chance
to go to the grocery store,
but I have this sauce
from before, and
yeah, it looks great.
But yeah, I don't know
how it's gonna taste.
You wanna throw on a CD?
- Which one?
- Uh, you pick.
Not what I expected.
I know you haven't
seen that movie.
- What movie?
- Exactly.
Yeah, I know it's old.
Yeah, it's a classic.
I think you can put
like four CDs in there.
- Two, I think.
- Two?
- Oh, are they at the back?
- There.
- What's your version
of my movie obsession?
- Uh, I cook sometimes.
- What do you like to cook?
- Different things.
- Okay, uh, you want a tour?
- Sure.
- Ah, living room.
- Oh.
- Pretty spacious, I feel.
Patio.
Thought maybe I'd put a
grill out there one day.
And then here, you know,
I'll put these up eventually.
This the kitchen, which
you've already been in.
Laundry, and bathroom upstairs.
We're getting our steps in.
I think there's like nine steps.
- Nine?
- Or maybe more.
I didn't count properly.
Bathroom's at the
end of the hallway.
Dresser.
Night stand.
Bed.
- It's nice.
- Thank you.
Well, that's my home.
- It's nice.
- You said that already.
- Sorry.
- Ah no, it's not...
That was, it was good.
Great.
Great, yeah.
Shit, the water.
Sor-sorry.
I don't want the
house to burn, no?
- I mean,
I think some things
just don't grow back together.
- What time is it?
- I don't know.
- I nodded off.
- Mm hm.
- Sorry I nodded off.
- I don't mind.
- How'd you like the
rest of the movie?
- It was good.
- You hated it.
- I didn't hate this one.
- I wonder if there's
a movie you would love.
- Hmm.
- Maybe a movie about cooking.
- Tell me something about you.
- Like what?
- I don't know.
What's it like
where you grew up?
- Crowded.
Loud.
So loud it was hard to
hear yourself sometimes.
But beautiful.
- Do you like the quiet?
- I do.
- Is that why you moved here?
- In part.
- Why else?
- So many questions.
Got divorced.
- Oh.
- It was short.
- You've been married?
- Yes.
- I-I-I didn't know that.
- Yeah, twice actually.
- Oh.
- First, you know,
when I was young,
and that was for
a very long time.
But more recently, you know,
it just felt better to
move than to stay there.
I guess I can't seem
to figure it out.
- Figure what out?
- Marriage, love, partnership.
What about you?
- What about me?
- Have you ever been in love?
- Why?
- I'm just curious.
- No.
- Never?
- No.
- Wow, really?
I find that-
- It's not that interesting.
- But what do you
mean, like love, or-
- It's not, I, I'm not.
- Okay.
It's getting late.
- Yeah.
- See you Monday.
- Hey, yes, you made it.
Well, come in, come in.
Oh, sorry.
- I brought this for you.
It's white.
- That is so sweet.
Oh, this is my girl Tellulah.
Tellulah, this is Fran.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- This fella I believe
you already know.
- I like your pants.
- Thank you.
- Hey, let's crack this open.
- Okay, there's barely any left.
Robert, what the
what?
And Fran!
- Do you all know each other?
- Yes-
- We all-
- The work picnic.
I'm sorry, this is crazy.
How do you know Amelia?
- Oh, they came in for
pie after their movie
the other night.
- Pie.
- Yeah, and I insisted
that they join us.
- Oh, this is like
a coincidence?
- We just-
- Ran into each
other after work.
- The night of the storm.
- Yeah, the storm,
and then you had pie.
- Yeah, it's good.
You know that chess pie.
- This is crazy;
I work with them.
- Hey, hey!
- Hey, hi!
- All right, okay,
everyone's here.
Okay, this is Robert.
Okay, this is Bennie.
This is Pauline,
Andrew, this is Yo.
- Garrett.
- Garrett.
You know Garrett.
Okay, now we're all here.
So let's play.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Let's go, let's go.
- It's time to play.
It's time to play.
- Welcome, welcome, my family.
It is I, Handsome Aaron.
It warms my heart to
see your beautiful faces
back here at the estate,
gathered in the
great Beaumont Hall.
But alas, sisters,
brothers, others.
I have some terrible news.
I, Handsome Aaron,
have been unexpectedly,
unjustly, rudely, murdered.
- Oh no!
- No!
- Yes, yes.
Although I look
fleshy and meaty,
I am but a mere ghost
stuck in the in-between
on a quest to save the
family and our fortune
from falling into the
wrong murderous hands.
Yes, cousins, my murderer
is after our fortune,
and is here amongst
us in the great hall,
masquerading as a Beaumont.
- No!
- Go, go, go!
- Night has
befallen us, my family,
so retire to your rooms now.
Rest your sweet little heads
on your soft satin pillows.
Close your sweet
little angel eyes.
Bam!
- Oh, shit.
- Yo, you
died too young.
Much too young.
Yo, my dear.
Could you tell us
how this happened?
- It was terrible.
A garden hose hanging!
- Come
on, don't die twice.
- Horrible.
Now, who among you
could have done this?
Was it you?
- No.
- Maybe you?
- Amelia.
- No, come on.
- What
was that, Robert?
- Nothing.
- Ooh, I propose
Robert is the murderer.
- Oh, I don't know.
A little fast to
j'accuse there, Andrew.
- We have to act fast.
There's a fox in the henhouse.
- Him?
- I'm no fox.
- That's exactly
what a fox would say.
- No, I wouldn't murder anyone.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't kill you.
- Thanks.
- I'm a very nice guy.
And I almost adopted
an orphan once.
And besides, I was in the
closet the whole time, right?
- Well, you were in the
closet at the start,
but when I closed my eyes, I
did hear the floorboard squeak.
- What the what?
- Robert, our new newest
Beaumont, you have been accused.
Do we hear any others?
- I accuse Andrew.
- I'm gonna
second that motion.
He was questionably alone.
- All right, we have two
accused, Robert and Andrew.
Now we vote.
- Okay.
- In 3, 2, 1.
- Boom.
- Sorry.
- Oh, wow.
- He must
remove in preparation.
- The moment before.
Chainsaw?
That's what I thought.
Chainsaw, oh, but it's
ready, oh, but it's...
Two words.
- It's a cap.
It's a cap, two words.
Oh, no!
Oh, I can't watch.
I can't watch.
- Oh, I see
what you're doing.
Tied to the stake
- Oh, God!
- Ladies and gentlemen.
- Oh, my God, rigor mortis.
- Oh!
- He's gone.
- How was that?
- Nice, nice, nice.
- Truly spectacular.
- I thought
he was starting a car.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, goddamn it!
- Thanks for almost throwing
me under the bus back there.
- I was just being honest.
You're good at this.
- The murderer is
about to silence their kill.
- Uh oh.
- Fran.
Fran.
Fran's dead and I didn't do it.
- Dearest Fran, the
other newest member
of the Beaumont family
has been found dead
in the guest bathroom.
Tell us, Fran, how did
this abomination happen?
- Um, it was acid in my stomach.
- Hmm.
Acid in the stomach.
That old chestnut, huh?
- It was put in my glass
of water before bed,
coursed down my throat and
singed my stomach lining.
It felt nice.
Like hand sanitizer scrubbing
my insides.
- All right.
What an exceptionally creative
killer we have this evening.
- This guy's lost
her little claws.
- Thank you.
- This is so good.
- Oh, this is beautiful.
- And I will hold one for
the very sneaky murderer.
- Seriously, Garrett,
that was inspired.
- Yeah, maybe a
little too inspired.
- That was all part of
the plan, my pretty.
- Right, so I
can't get that low.
- Saudi people, though.
- All right, shall we?
- Whoa, look at that go.
There we go.
- Yes, yes, yeah.
- Perfect.
- You know I have
everyone convinced at work
that I'm a vegetarian.
Yeah, I don't know why-
- They're gonna sell you out.
- You know how when you say
one thing, and everything,
and what-
- Put your thumb
in and then pull up.
- Look at
this guy right here.
- You're my little.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Robert, I'm so sorry.
Is that your, is this your
first time cracking crab?
- Is it?
- It's been a while.
- You're not from here.
- Nope.
- Well, it's violent.
I like it.
- It's
definitely very violent.
- What about you, Fran?
Are you from away?
- I grew up around here.
- Really?
I had no idea.
Whereabouts?
- The quiet side.
- Wow.
Oh, did you see that?
- Is the quiet side very quiet?
- Very.
- Must've been kinda
lonely out there, Fran.
- It was great, actually.
You can just do this.
- Better prepare.
- Yeah.
- Claw?
- Mm hm.
- We're getting
better and better, right?
- Then you smash
the shit out of it.
- No, no, come on.
That's a rookie mistake.
Don't do it.
- No, you're just
gonna give it a little wack.
- Yeah, don't crush it.
- I was gonna be gentle.
Just a little hello.
So I can't really, I mean,
I can't get a hook over.
- Yeah,
it's all in the wrist.
- You don't wanna
waste any, so just...
- Just?
- Gentle.
- You're secretly good
at a lot of things.
But you are, you just
don't let anyone know.
Like, "The acid
coursed down my throat.
"It singed my insides."
What the hell is, where
did that come from?
- I was just playing the game.
- Come on, that was amazing.
I had no idea it's in you-
- It's not that interesting.
- Oh, like how movies
aren't that interesting?
Wow, your love life's
not that interesting?
Okay, so?
- What?
- Just curious about you.
- What do you want from me?
- I don't know.
Do you have a family?
- Yes.
- Okay, and?
- There's not much else to know.
- Why is this so hard with you?
- You're prying.
- No, I'm asking questions,
Fran, because I like you.
I want to get to know you,
but you just won't let me.
And I don't know what to do.
It's confusing.
Like, do you even wanna be here?
Do you even want to do this?
Do you even like me?
Like, tell me what you
want me to do, then.
'Cause obviously this
isn't, this isn't working.
Me asking you things.
- You're exhausting.
No wonder you
can't stay married.
- Please go.
- Fran?
- Carol.
- Well, what a small world.
- Small town, more like.
- You have a morning
sweet tooth, too?
- I was thinking about
getting some for the office.
- Glazed is a good
place to start.
Everyone likes glazed.
- Thanks.
- Nice of you to do that.
I miss everyone.
How, how are they?
- The same.
Aren't you supposed to
be on a cruise right now?
- Uh, well,
Ted had a stroke.
- I had no idea-
- Well, I didn't
say anything, so.
- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
- Is he,
will he?
- I don't know.
You know, we planned,
and saved, and waited,
and everything you're
supposed to do, you know,
before you go live it
up and savor things.
And we waited together for that.
And now, gosh,
imagine him in the garden,
just some lazy Sunday,
that was all of those little,
those were the precious things,
and I, I just hope...
But you know,
every day I get up,
and I see the day out there,
and I get my coffee, and
I sit here and I think,
"All right, you know, all right.
"This is what I have right now."
And no matter how much better,
whatever I imagine in my head,
it's, it's not as real
as what I do have.
So it's hard, isn't it?
Being a person.
- Mm hm, I appreciate it.
Yeah, so I've got you
on the 24th, 2:00 p.m.
Yeah, pier three north.
Great.
Yeah, you're gonna be
in slips four and seven.
Okay.
Yeah, thank you, Steve.
Appreciate it.
- Are those donuts?
- Oh my gosh.
Fran.
- Oh my God, Fran.
That is so sweet.
- So something.
- I'm gonna get a knife.
- Oh, you know what?
I'll grab plates, and
napkins, and all that jazz.
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Fran brought donuts.
- Wow.
Happy Monday to you.
- Whoa, those look pretty good.
- What's going on-
- Rich, don't
eat them all, please.
- Fran brought donuts.
- I'm waiting for the
plates and the napkins.
- Oh,
Sophie's getting them.
- She's getting them.
- Sure, sure.
- I could use a napkin, though.
- Wow.
- It was really
fun the other night.
- Yeah, it was.
- Yeah.
You know, I've never seen
anyone play that game
quite like you.
Oh, and everyone said you
have to come back next time.
- Okay.
- Good.
- I'm gonna leave this.
- This is better.
- Well, you know folks,
I heard that we were supposed
to get a new coffee machine,
but Isobel axed it
from the budget.
- Is that true?
- Yeah, it's true.
- Well, bless her
little, uh oh, here she comes.
Here she comes.
- Do you want some?
- Uh oh, what's going on?
What do we have here?
- I'm cutting.
- Sweet treats.
Let me have, let me have,
no, I'm kidding.
That's really nice, Garrett.
- Oh, Isobel, thank you.
But actually it was Fran.
- She is.
- She is?
- Yeah, she's got a concert
coming up this weekend.
- Oh, and I have
that meeting later
if you wanna get the
report on my desk.
Yeah?
- Totally.
- Virtuoso, is that
what they call them?
- Guys, try not to crash today.
Try not to crash like last week.
- Okay.
- I was totally useless.
- Donuts
win over cake.
- This one's great.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I dunno, a good
German chocolate cake.
- Okay, Doug.
Or a carrot cake.
- Underrated.
- Yeah, I just finished.
- Absolutely.
- It was delicious.
- The whole thing.
- My cousin had
donuts at her wedding
instead of cake.
- Everyone's
eating carrot cake.
- Why are
you holding the plate?
- Plate
down, plate down.
- Hey, Robert?
If you'd like to follow
me to the copy room,
I have the supplies you ordered.
Hey.
- Hey.
- How was the rest
of your weekend?
- It was all right.
I watched a couple movies.
Unpacked a box.
You?
- Just lied around.
I'm sorry for what I said.
I shouldn't have said that.
It wasn't my place to say that.
- Thank you.
You know, I shouldn't have,
I could tell I upset you, so.
- Okay.
You know, the more I thought
about that movie we saw,
the more I think I liked it.
- Yeah?
I haven't really
thought about it much.
- Do you wish you
could unknow me?
- I don't know you.
- There's a crane I can
see from my cubicle,
and sometimes I think
about hanging from it.
Not cause I want to, but because
I wonder how it could feel.
It's just something I think
about from time to time.
- I really
feel quite happy now.
I'm sure I'll get along somehow.
Everything is going
to be all right.