Sorry, We're Dead (2024) Movie Script
(students chattering softly)
(subdued music)
- Hello, my name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name's Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name's Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
Science of repetition. Science of repetition.
Science of repetition. Repetition.
Repetition. Repetition.
(chaotic music)
The science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the s-
(Lana sighs) (playful electronic music)
(bell dings)
(Lana sniffs)
(Lana groans)
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- I apologize, but due to
the unusually high submission volume,
we have to delay announcing the results.
- And ladies and gentlemen,
that is how you give a lecture.
(microphone thuds) (feedback buzzes and whines)
(audience applauding)
- [PA] Please stop dropping the microphones.
- That was legit.
That Garfunkel guy really has some oral skills.
Sorry, I didn't, I didn't break it, did I?
- Done. And we only had to go through three microphones.
Think you can fix it?
- Come to papa. Tell me where it hurts.
- There's a lot of new characters here,
but you'll learn them all.
- Let's make sure that we get today's footage
backed up on the hard drive.
- Mm-hmm.
- This guy's a really big name.
We really can't risk losing it.
- There's no good way to edit out the mic drop.
- You always figure it out.
(Michael chuckles)
- That is how you give a lecture.
(static crackles)
(audience applauding)
- Anyway, kudos to a smooth event, everyone.
Michael, make sure we get
everything out there cleaned up.
- Oh, you're the boss, boss. (chuckles)
- Lana, Burd, take it easy, all right?
- Mm-hmm. - Impossible.
Hey Burd, (bell dings)
I gotta take that hard drive home to do some editing.
Can you start backing up?
- Take it now. I'll back it up tomorrow.
(hard drive clatters)
- Jeez.
- D-don't worry.
There was always a copy on the SD card. (laughs)
- All right.
(sighs) See you tomorrow.
- See ya.
Test one, two.
Testing, one, two. (beatboxes) One, two!
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(computer chimes)
(Lana sighs)
(phone dings)
- [Will] Yo, Lana. Will here.
Any chance you can get
the Wednesday lecture done by tomorrow?
They just booked all these new lectures
so we'll need all hands on deck.
And it looks like we're gonna need to double
the number of lectures you work per month.
I'm sure you can handle it. You're so dedicated.
All right, hope you get some rest.
Talk soon, Lana.
(playful electronic music)
(playful electronic music ends abruptly)
(music stops abruptly)
(Lana sniffles)
(birds chirping)
(alarm chiming) (clock ticking)
(subdued music)
(a cat yowls distantly)
(subdued music continues)
(microwave beeps)
(grim music)
(grim music continues)
- [Monica] Did you forget to
take the wrapper off as usual?
- Uh...
- [Monica] I think that kitty's stuck
under the house again.
Can you get him out?
- Can't like, a fireman do it?
- [Monica] Ha, ha. Very funny.
Okay, shower time.
(soft ethereal music)
(a cat yowling faintly)
- Come on, Hammer.
I got gushy food.
Hey.
(Hammer's bell ringing)
Why do I always have to save the cat?
(soft ethereal music continues)
- Hey.
What happens if you can't get the hard drive
to turn back on?
- I don't know.
Lose my job, maybe.
- (scoffs) I'm sure it'll all be fine.
- Mm.
- Uh, hey, have you seen my keys anywhere?
- Keys to your heart?
- Those too. (bell dings)
But also my car keys.
- As a matter of fact, (keys jingle)
I had to make sure you'd stay here long enough
to listen to me complain.
- That was effective.
But I really gotta get to class.
Hey, do you need a ride today?
- Yes, please.
I'm editing a lecture until five.
- Oh, perfect. We can go home together.
- Oh. Your place or mine?
(door thuds)
- Okay.
You ready to brave the city traffic?
(traffic droning) (sirens wailing)
(commuter laughing maniacally)
- I had to fix another lecture Burd filmed.
He was stretching the boundaries
of lecture cinematography
while I wasn't there.
He decided to quote, "'Blair Witch' this bitch."
(Monica giggles)
- Oh no. I mean, is he-
- Yeah, he thinks it makes things more dynamic
and adds tension.
If there's every supposed to be
an exciting moment in a movie,
(belligerent music) boom, shaky handheld shot.
Whoa.
- Does it also make boring
things exciting like lectures?
- Oh, what do you think?
- I think you need to forget about what Burd's doing
and just focus on yourself.
- On that note.
Can you pick me up from the park today?
I'll be there with my camera.
- Ooh, you gonna be out there living the dream?
- If work doesn't kill me first.
(understated rock music)
(understated rock music continues)
(hard drive whirring weakly)
Shit.
- Dalai Lana! Ooh, ooh.
- Don't call me that.
(hard drive whirring weakly)
(alarm beeping) Oh god, the beeping.
- I kind of like it.
It makes me feel like we're in the future.
- I can never find what's doing it.
- Just accept it. Beeping is the future, man. (chuckles)
Oh, hey, can I back that up?
- Uh, it's been acting funny.
- Oh, I bet that's from
when I accidentally pushed
it to the floor yesterday.
I can fix that. Come on.
It's probably just a loose USB port.
Loose like your mama. A-ha! (chuckles)
- You know, I was watching
that lecture you edited recently.
- Uh-huh. What's wrong?
Is it the colors again?
- Yes, it's the colors.
You really shouldn't be trying to fix them.
(bell dings)
- I'm just trying to learn.
- I gotta prep for the lecture.
- Yo, hey, Lana.
Someone came by here the other day
that wanted to talk to you about a freelance gig.
- I probably can't even do what they need.
Besides, I'm like a week behind on lectures as it is.
- I take whatever I can get, man.
Rent does not pay itself.
- I just don't have time.
Plus this lecture's about to start
in figuratively one second.
Literally in a second for all of you.
- Uh, I had to do my hair,
which was quite a challenge for me.
Do any of you have curly hair out there?
No. I guess not.
(lecturer mumbles in background)
(hard drive rattling)
Anyhow.
First act in a traditional three-act structure
is often called the setup.
This is where we get to meet our characters.
And then in the end, um,
some enticing incident occurs
that creates a problem that then needs to be solved.
This morning, for instance-
- I can use an inciting incident.
- Hey! I got an exciting incident for you.
You should try zooming in on their face
in the middle of a lecture.
- [Lecturer] And do my hair.
- Why?
- You know, to add some drama.
- Don't suggest that again.
Just keep working.
- [Burd] I tried it on a lecture yesterday.
- What? - Yeah.
Let me show you.
- You are a liar
if you don't think that sig figs are fire.
(microphone thuds)
- I was thinking of adding in a cricket sound effect.
(crickets chirping)
- Your papers are due on Monday.
- I wish I could fire you.
(fire crackling) (icon chiming)
If this is how you're doing,
I can't imagine how some of
our old classmates are doing.
- Hey, I'm doing fine.
- Like Benny, remember him?
Never turned in his thesis,
yet somehow graduated with flying colors.
- Oh, Ben.
You remember that time he was sleeping
and the teacher tried to ask him a question?
Here's a flashback. (subdued music)
So I threw a sharpie at him.
- [Lana] Wait, this is a flashback?
Doesn't even look like one.
- [Burd] Hmm.
- [Lana] Here, try this filter.
- [Burd] Whoa, good call.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
- So he was sleeping and I threw a sharpie at him.
And the sharpie just bounced off his face
and he kept sleeping like nothing happened.
- Yeah, I remember that clearly.
But I don't understand why
you had to show us the flashback
and tell us the story.
Isn't it supposed to be show, don't tell?
- Don't mess with me. I know it's called show and tell.
Anyway. I know what happened to Ben.
He's like about to make his own movie right now.
- What? (dark music)
- Yeah. Apparently he has
this big budget and everything.
Man, if I had that, I'd pay off my student loans so fast.
- Benny? How is that even possible.
- Isn't he related to that tech guy we just shot?
Garfunkel or something?
(upbeat jazzy music) - Yeah. I have connections.
That Garfunkel guy is like
my rich uncle or something.
- Garfunkel is his tech uncle?
How's that even fair?
Why am I even trying?
(Burd choking)
Hey, Burd!
- Oh.
Thank you.
(door squeaks)
- Hey Lana, can we chat outside?
- Ooh.
Lana's in trouble. (door thuds)
- You clearly got this under control.
(Burd chokes)
(door creaks and thuds)
(bell dings) (soft subdued music)
- Someone slipped this under
the booth door this morning.
- Is this why we need to chat?
- What we need to talk about
is that, "Sorry, we're dead," sticker that's on the door.
- You don't like it? - It's hilarious.
But the higher-ups probably wouldn't agree.
- I don't really care about the man.
- Well, you kind of have to.
- Kind of don't.
- Look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this,
so keep it between us.
But I might be getting promoted
and we would love for you to fill my old position.
- Does that mean more hours?
- And more stability.
You could really have a future here, Lana.
And the others in there
could really use your intuition,
you know, balance out the masculine energy.
(Burd sputtering and coughing)
- It's true that Burd might shoot
some more handheld lectures if I'm not there.
Shaky footage equals tension.
Remember?
But Burd needs the raise more than me though.
- Burd is sort of on thin ice with the higher ups.
They would trust you more.
- How long until your promotion?
- I'll give you all of the forms
so that if you decide, you can let me know.
(soft disquieting music)
(Lana sighs)
- How in the? (angelic music)
- You know how if you pull on your shoelace wrong,
the whole knot comes undone?
- Yes. That's how shoelaces work.
- That's basically what happened here.
- I'm satisfied.
No further questions.
- So what did Will want to talk about?
- I said no further questions.
- Okay.
Hey.
Hmm.
(understated rock music)
(understated rock music continues)
(bright wakeful music)
(bright wakeful music continues)
(birds chirping)
(birds continue chirping)
- Hey!
Sweet phone case.
- I like, I like chickens.
- Chickens are the shit.
- Aren't you too old to be on the swings?
- Aren't you too old to have a chicken phone case?
- Touche.
Okay. I've had enough social interaction for today.
Goodbye.
- Have a nice life.
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- [Robot] You have a secret admirer.
It's me, the one writing this letter.
Stay cool, Lana,
your secret admirer.
- This is a problem I don't need in my life.
- Hey, Lana. - Hey.
(Monica sighs)
- Have a good day?
- Mm-mm.
- I see. A regular Lana day.
Well, I didn't.
God, the old me would've needed a drink.
- Hey.
- Oh, but don't worry.
Not, not the new me.
(soft chaotic music)
- That's good.
Here's your reward.
(Monica chuckles)
- Found this today.
(Monica laughs)
- Stay cool, huh?
They think you're cool?
(both laugh)
Oh, that is some high praise.
- The Post-it praiser.
- Mm. You know who it is?
- Don't know, don't care. Ugh.
- (sighs) That's my Lana.
(soft chaotic music continues)
Film anything here at least?
(phone buzzes)
- Hello?
- Hey, Lana.
- Mm-hmm?
- I think the hard drive might be dead.
- Just copy the footage from the SD cards then.
- (chuckles nervously) Turns out Michael erased them
and then wrote over them again today.
(gentle music)
I forgot to tell him not to do that.
It's my fault. I...
- W-what are you gonna do?
- Don't worry, Lana.
It's not your fault.
I'm gonna figure something out.
Yeah, I'm gonna try some stuff.
See ya.
(Lana breathing shakily)
(gentle music continues)
(Lana sighs)
(Lana sniffs)
(phone buzzes)
- Hello, this is Pizza World.
How may I take your order?
- Lana, did you put "alive"
over the "Sorry, we're dead" sticker?
- Uh, no?
- You know I'm gonna have to take that down, right?
- Yeah.
- How soon can you finish the Garfunkel lecture?
- Uh, Burd's still working on backing that up.
- Well, as long as we can get it done
by the end of the month, we should be all good.
Later, Lana. - Bye.
- So whenever you think there's too much going on,
just try to imagine how much harder it is
for those neurons in your brain.
Mind blown, right?
(microphone thuds)
(camera beeps)
(soft disquieting music)
- Did you see someone left you a envelope the other day?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- [Burd] What?
Some kind of secret admirer or something?
- How's the hard drive going?
- Oh, what if it's from Michael? (roars)
Speak of the devil.
What's up, Michael?
- Oh man, Burd the word.
(both imitate explosions)
And Dalai Lana.
- Don't call me that.
(bell dings) - Ooh.
Can I get one of those?
- Sure.
Dude, I'm so pumped for the lecture tonight.
They're doing a late-night lecture
on black-and-white photography.
Oh, it's gonna be so sick.
- Mm-hmm. - Oh wow.
What was this lecture about?
These people look like they're having a blast!
- Thank God this glass is blast proof.
- It was a lecture about brains.
- Oh, sick.
Brains are like the computers of our minds.
All these lecturers are so fricking amazing, man.
You just learn so much every day.
I hope we can work here forever.
Forever, forever, forever.
I'm having such deep thoughts.
- [Burd] Chicken nuggets.
(alarm beeping) - Not the bomb again.
I hope I didn't jinx it
by talking about the blast-proof glass.
Where's Monica?
- Monica?
Oh dude, I'd love to get picked up by Monica.
- She's still going to school here, right?
- Yeah. She's studying to be a nurse practitioner.
- Man, I didn't even know you could practish nursing.
You know what I mean?
(Burd and Micheal laugh)
- Wait, no.
I don't know what you mean.
(bell dings)
- (sighs) I gotta go.
- Hey dude, how's that hard drive you broke?
- Oh, it's chill. And I didn't break it.
(alarm chimes)
Are you sure you didn't do anything funny
with it recently though? (suspicious music)
- Nah, man.
I don't even know how to break a hard drive.
You sure it wasn't Lana?
- A what?
- Lana? No way.
(alarm beeping)
- Oh. It's like a lie detector.
- I always say that.
(Burd and Micheal laugh)
- Very funny, Michael. I gotta go.
- Dude.
(Monica and Lana exclaim)
- (chuckles) Great timing.
- [Lana] Uh...
- Lana Llama.
- You know I don't do hugs.
- I can't believe she tolerates names like Lana Llama.
- Tolerates is a strong word.
Let's get out of here, ASASASAP.
- Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
Are you feeling okay?
Here, say, "Ah."
(Lana sighs) (quirky electronic music)
(Lana groans)
(phone ringing faintly)
- Hey, Michael.
- [Michael] Oh hey, it's Lana Llama.
- No it's not. It's Lana.
- [Michael] Yeah. That-that's what I was-
- (sighs) I was working on
that Friday lecture you edited.
- [Michael] Oh dude. So sick.
That lecture was like-
- Why did you film it in black and white?
- Well, I saw that black and white photography lecture
and I was like, "Wow!"
"Black and white is like a lost art," you know?
- But you know it's a lecture on color theory, right?
- [Michael] Yeah. But black and white.
- I don't wanna be fixing your mistakes forever.
- [Michael] Hey dude, you know about Burd
and that hard drive thing?
(dark music) - Yeah.
- [Michael] I think Will found out today.
And he said that his boss will freak if he finds out.
I've already loaned Burd money twice this month.
He can't really afford to lose his job.
Is there anything we can do?
- Uh, I don't know.
I gotta go.
(dark music continues)
(label maker whirs)
(clock ticking)
(clock continues ticking)
(radio chattering)
- Hey Lana, can you grab me a USB 3 cable?
- Mm-hmm.
Why is this here?
- Oh, 'cause I'm still tying my shoe with the iPhone cable.
This way I can tie my shoe and charge my phone.
- I mean, why is your shoelace still here?
- Oh, the iPhone cable works
way better than my shoelace.
- That...
Nevermind. Don't care.
But your shoelace here is gross
and keeping it hanging here
is not gonna help you keep your job.
- Help me keep my job?
Oh, you mean the hard drive thing?
It's gonna be fine.
- Just take it away. Okay?
I'm putting my foot down on this and so should you.
- Which foot?
This one or the one I already have on the ground.
(Lana sighs)
- Just, I'm trying to help.
- Hmm.
- And he leaves his shoelace there.
All because he wants people
to ask him if he's wearing a wire.
- (groans) Lana, I really need a hug.
- I stopped doing hugs when the world crushed my soul.
- You need to let us in and give us another chance.
- I give Burd a chance every day.
He's gonna get fired doing stupid stuff like that.
- They wouldn't fire Burd.
- They're angry at him about breaking a hard drive.
- Wait, you guys both broke a hard drive at the same time.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
- That is some bad luck.
- [Lana] Uh-huh.
- At least you're not his boss.
You'd probably be even harder
on the poor guy than Will. (chuckles)
- Will...
...might sort of
be getting promoted
and they're considering me for his position.
- Are you gonna take it?
- I feel like my world's been flipped upside down.
(rollercoaster rattling) (children screaming)
I don't know.
- You don't have to take that job, you know?
- They already gave me paperwork to sign.
See?
I know I was originally hoping to make movies,
but that just feels so far away.
- Maybe you should try to go pro.
- GoPro?
Like, a real film job.
Too late, all I can think about are GoPros.
- What's this?
(paper hums)
- Garbage.
- Keeping secrets?
- I don't know what those even are.
(bell dings)
Uh...
Come on. Work already.
- Are you still submitting
to those screenplay contests?
- (scoffs) Who does that? Not me.
- They say the definition of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
(bell dings)
- Well, whoever says that is crazy.
- We're going on a walk.
- I'm not gonna get more work done by working less.
Work equals work. Less work equals less work.
- Uh, actually, less work
can sometimes equal more work done.
I, I know, I know. It sounds crazy.
But you know, it's been proven to be true.
- That's completely illogical.
But if I think about it,
I have the perfect example.
Remember my old classmate Benny?
- Mm. Benny, Benny?
Remind me who he was again?
- He was like this.
(upbeat jazz music) - I'm Benny
and I'm a slacker that never has to try hard
but everything works out for me
because of my social status, privilege,
and my rich tech uncle.
(Benny snores) (Sharpie thuds)
- Oh yeah, Benny.
Yeah. - Yeah.
The point is, him not doing any work
means he gets to make a movie now,
meanwhile, I work all the time
and my reward is more work.
- Oh, well maybe you should try it.
- Structuralism, Marxism,
feminism, postmodernism.
What's going on here? (subtle languid music)
Structuralism, Marxism,
feminism, postmodernism.
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
What's go-what's go-what's go-wha-
- I have no idea what to do here.
(doorbell chimes)
Distraction!
(subtle languid music continues)
(subtle languid music continues)
Isn't that supposed to be
like a wine glass or something?
Ugh.
(Lana groans)
(wine glass shatters)
What? (exhales)
Why is that even there?
(subtle languid music continues)
This probably doesn't mean anything.
(subtle languid music continues)
(subtle languid music continues)
Dear Lana, this is your mother,
and nope, she didn't write that.
I'm just saying that so you,
the audience doesn't get confused.
Would it be less confusing if
I imagined this in her voice?
Here.
- [Candace] I saw this chicken
and I knew it was perfect for you.
Use this chicken to make friends, blah, blah blah.
You start going out more and blah, blah, blah-blah.
There's this coffee shop where lots of people
wear black just like you, blah-blah, blah-blah.
You should also look at
yourself in the mirror more often
because you're really pretty.
- [Lana] Okay, I'm just gonna skip this part.
- [Candace] I'm a mom that cares too much blah, blah.
I know you've been having a bit of a hard time at work,
so I hope this chicken reminds
you to have fun, blah, blah.
- Hmm.
Use it to make friends and remember to have fun?
This chicken wears a lot of hats.
- And that's why we believe whales
might really be a type of flightless bird.
Don't let THEM try to hide the truth.
Illuminati.
(microphone thuds) Hashtag New World Order.
(feedback buzzes) (audience applauds lightly)
(Burd laughs)
- Do they just let anybody give a lecture nowadays?
- Yeah, as long as you're a guy.
- What?
- Haven't you noticed, like
every speaker is a white dude?
- You don't have to make this all about feminism.
- I'm not making it about femini...
Why am I the only woman here?
- Maybe when I get fired,
we can get another woman to take over my position.
- Fired? I thought you said you were gonna be fine.
- Yeah, well, Will's boss isn't so cool.
Seriously, you got any ideas to help me out?
Maybe some sort of flyer
to pull me outta the getting-fired deep fryer.
(oil sizzling) Ah! (chuckles softly)
I can't afford to lose this job right now.
- I don't know.
(alarm beeping)
- (chuckles) Dude, even the
lie detector knows you're lying.
- It's beeping 'cause you're lying too.
- The lie detector never lies
because that would break the FaceTime continuum
or something. (chuckles)
Oh, hey, dude, I overheard
you might be getting promoted.
- Oh. Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't know if I deserve it.
(alarm chimes) - I mean, honestly,
maybe, I don't even wanna be stuck here
doing lecture videos forever.
That's probably how people go crazy.
- I could never go crazy editing lectures.
- Kind of like Michael.
- He's safe from going crazy 'cause he's already crazy.
- You guys talking to me?
- Yes. - No.
No. - Yes.
- N-no, no. - Yes!
- No, not at all. - We're talking-
- Nah.
(alarm beeping rapidly) - horrible things-
- This lecture is so tight.
It's all about dirt.
Did you know that dirt is like alive?
You know, I always thought of something
as being like dead as dirt,
but now I'm like, no.
You know?
- Yeah.
- Crazy. (alarm beeps)
(Lana laughing reservedly)
- Do you ever just want a break from life?
- That's why I love sleep.
- But that's not really a break, you know?
You don't remember anything.
You lie down and suddenly the sun is up
and you're awake again.
I mean, isn't there a way to like, actually take a break
where I don't have to make my own decisions for a while.
(Lana sighs)
- My boss wants to know if I'm gonna take the job.
What if I get stuck editing lectures forever?
- Don't let yourself.
- Yeah, I'm too busy.
(phone buzzes)
See how busy I am?
Great.
Now my mom wants me to go to some coffee shop.
- Mm. Maybe you should go.
You haven't been anywhere
besides work and home in weeks.
- This ain't some three-act rom-com.
- If we were in a movie, I would definitely know about it.
- Mm-hmm. (static crackling)
- I could really use like a third-act turning point
right now that fixes everything.
- Imagine if the film ended right now.
(epic music)
- If this is the end,
this thing is getting like a one-star kelp review
or tomato review or whatever it's called.
Hey, I wonder who's playing me.
Sarah Lee.
This is my movie.
Why couldn't I get like Constance Wu to play me?
And who's even directing it?
Alex Zaejikacke?
Why didn't we get some director I've actually heard of?
Why is this even some low
budget indie film about my life?
Shouldn't it be some epic 10-episode miniseries?
Wait, what? (hectic music)
I, I didn't go to the coffee shop.
Why is there a credit for that?
This is a dream.
Hmm. I should try to wake up.
(Hammer yowls faintly)
Mm.
Did I actually dream about credits scrolling?
Did I go to the coffee shop?
Roosty!
How'd you get in the garbage?
And how'd you get this on your head?
All right, we're gonna have
to go "Beautiful Mind" on this.
(determined music)
(determined music continues)
- [Monica] Lana! - Ah!
- [Monica] The whole fridge stinks
because you didn't throw out the chicken like I asked.
- (groans) Sorry Monica. I'll clean it out.
- [Monica] Thank you. (phone buzzes)
- Hello. You've reached Lana.
Please leave a message.
- Good morning, Lana.
Thanks for working that
double overtime shift last night.
- No problem, Will.
Morning.
- How are things?
- Chill, I guess.
- Have you been thinking about things?
- No, I'm usually brain dead.
- You know what I'm talking about, Lana.
I need an answer soon.
- Like how soon?
- Like soon, soon.
- Oh, that soon, huh?
- Like tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way, if you have any idea
on how to help save the footage Burd lost,
that would be great.
He's getting into some deep shit.
- (groans) The screen is moving too fast.
It's making me nauseous.
I gotta go. (worrisome music)
(Lana sighs)
All right, let's go cut this off.
Why is he so weird about it?
Why can't he just say what he means?
- Aw. Do you need a hug?
- No.
- When do people ever say what they mean?
I mean, do you even do that?
- What are you trying to say?
- See? Hmm?
Right there. You didn't answer my question.
You just asked your own question instead.
- Things would be a lot easier
if everyone just said what they meant all the time.
- You mean like this?
"Oh, I'm Lana and I'm sitting in the kitchen right now
drinking water and venting my frustrations out
with my roommate Monica.
And there's a persistent pestering Post-it praiser
in my life lobbing love letters liberally
"at Lana, who is me."
- "And I'm Monica.
And I'm cautiously cutting cantaloupes
on the cutting board in the kitchen
and can't stop being a sarcastic butt face
"to my best friend Lana."
- That's pretty on the nose.
- Oh yeah? What about this?
- I really hope you don't write dialogue like this
for your script contests.
- I didn't submit to any script contests.
Uh, just don't check the mail for a while, okay?
I'm not waiting on anything.
- How's work?
Did you ever end up fixing that hard drive?
- I gotta go. (subdued music)
(Monica scoffs)
(keyboard clacking)
(phone chimes)
- For the too-long-didn't-read crowd,
the second act is where the rising action happens.
All the attempts by the hero have failed
or the problem has been complicated further.
Next week we're going to break down act three.
This is where the protagonist
overcomes all obstacles
and everything is neatly tied up.
If anyone has any questions,
I'll be at the bar across the street.
Um, my office hours are the bar's happy hours.
(camera beeps)
- I wish there was something in my life
that solved all my problems
and tied everything up in a nice bow.
- You should start making your own films again.
- I'm just not inspired recently.
- Oh.
Oh, by the way, I put that note over there
to remind me to remember to tell you
that the person with the freelance gig
came by again looking for you.
They even left a business card.
- I don't even know what the hell
they think I'd be able to do for them.
- Who cares?
You should start doing more creative work again.
- Some people say that cinema died
the day the remote control was invented.
- What about streaming?
(static crackles)
(chuckles) I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
But I know you don't believe cinema's dead either.
That was Peter Greenaway who said that.
And you and I have had our talks about how we disagree.
You know, if anything, what he said
made me more excited to make movies.
I wanna create things that
make people question like,
what a movie even is.
You know?
- I forget sometimes that we met because of film.
- Oh, I took the hard drive to some professionals
and they said it's completely zapped.
On that note, is there any way you can help teach me
how you color your videos?
I feel like it's such a useful skill
that'll get me other jobs,
you know, in case I lose this one.
- But you're colorblind.
- Is there something we can do though?
(soft disquieting music)
- [Monica] Hey, did you see this package
that came from your mom?
- Another one?
- Here you go.
- What is it?
(Monica chuckles)
(magical harp music) - It's clothes.
- Oh. Wow.
- Yeah, Mom's crazy to think I'm gonna wear this.
- You should try wearing those in public.
- What is the public?
- I think it's like a junkyard or something.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(phone clicks)
(wings fluttering)
(gentle music continues)
- [Will] Today's the day, Lana.
I need to know.
(gentle dark music) (Lana groans)
- All right, I'll do it.
- [Will] Yes! That's great news.
We'll make the official switch next month.
And of course there's gonna be all the paperwork.
But you got the job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Congratulations Lana. You're reaching for the stars.
Work that girl power. (chuckles)
Talk soon, Lana. (phone beeps)
- Reach for the stars, huh?
I can't even reach the ceiling.
(Hammer yowls faintly)
(Hammer's bell jingling)
It's easy being a cat, huh?
Don't have any hard decisions to make.
The only choice you have to make
is whether you wanna go under the house today or not.
Why do you go under the house
when you always get stuck and you know it sucks?
(gentle music continues)
- Omegaverse, also known as A/B/O,
is an abbreviation for alpha/beta/omega,
is a sub genre of s-speculative fiction
and original s-s-sub-genre of erotic slash fiction
of-of-of ethnoecology.
- Are you having a seizure?
- I think I'm getting secondhand death by PowerPoint.
- This isn't healthy.
You need breaks.
- No time.
- You've been losing your spark
ever since you started editing lectures.
- Not possible. See I'm currently happily in my prime.
- Mm, wow. I'm convinced.
As prime as this prime rib.
(bell dings)
(Lana chuckles)
- Is this the wine menu?
- I'm not gonna order anything. I just wanna see.
Hmm.
(mellow jazz music)
- What if I'm stuck forever?
I went and studied film 'cause
I wanted to make cool movies,
but every time I try
I just feel like I'm not even getting close.
Is this the best it'll ever get?
(Monica sighs)
- I think you're having a quarter-life crisis.
- Hmm. Great.
So I have like three more of these to go.
- Lana, if you think doing
these lectures isn't fulfilling,
then maybe shouldn't be taking that promotion.
- But it's not the lectures, it's,
it's just, there's,
(sighs) nevermind.
It's nothing.
- Wow.
Convincing.
(phone buzzes)
- Oh crap.
I forgot I'm supposed to be working on a lecture.
Uh, Monica, sorry.
Can you get a box for me? Sorry.
(Monica sighs)
- That's act three.
All the loose ends are tied up.
- Oh, Lana, did you hear
that Benny's officially starting
to film his movie today?
(upbeat jazz music) - Hey!
We're officially starting to film my movie today.
- That's depressing.
- What? No.
That guy's just following his
dreams and making movies.
- A character, deciding to go to a coffee shop
can function as the climax of your story.
Next week we're going to be talking
about why writing subtext is for cowards.
(microphone thuds)
- Who goes to coffee shops?
- I love coffee shops.
I just wish they got your name right.
- Yeah.
So I just got a call to "come in"
on Monday.
I'm not usually scheduled on Monday,
so that's not a good sign.
- I, I think it'll be all right.
It's probably about something else.
- Yeah, you're probably right. (chuckles)
(alarm beeping)
Hey, you know what, Lana?
I just realized that your
name spelled backwards is anal.
- You're getting fired and you're just gonna play it off?
- And if you write out anal Lana,
it becomes one of those palindrome things
that reads the same way frontwards and backwards.
- Whoa dude. Anal Lana.
(Burd laughs) - I'm leaving.
- Dude. Anal Lana.
- You two can handle the rest of the shift.
- Okay.
- [Both] Geez. Anal Lana. (both laugh)
- Burd.
Your initials are BJ so suck on that. Ha!
- Whoa. - Dude.
- That's right.
- Whoa! - Oh, ho, ho.
- What does BJ mean?
- I don't know. I thought you did.
- Bubblegum jamboree.
- Baby Jesus.
- [Clapper] This is tail slate for scene 69, take two.
Marker. - It's not that. (laughs)
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
(feet scraping)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- [Robot] Roses are red, you are rad.
I know that doesn't rhyme. Sorry.
Stay cool, your secret admirer.
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(gentle music frenzies)
(frenzied music continues)
- Lana. (bell dings)
- [Lana] Hey, Mom.
- You wore the clothes.
It looks so pretty and colorful on you.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Sometimes they're so colorful
that I have to imagine everything in black and white.
(bell dings)
- Whatever works for you.
All right, let's get you outta the house.
- Okay.
- You really look like a movie
star in those clothes, Lana.
I think it's time for your closeup.
- No, I need a wide shot.
- Oh, come on.
Like a super close up.
- At least cut my head off.
- Ah, don't do that.
- All right, you caused this mom.
Now I need an extreme wide shot.
- Can we go to the coffee shop now?
- Fine.
But I'm gonna DJ.
(static buzzing)
(frantic jazz music)
Well that's not very diegetic.
(frantic jazz music continues)
(frantic jazz music continues)
(Lana inhales sharply)
- Hi, what can I get started for you?
- Uh, can I get a decaf soy latte?
- [Barista] Yes.
And for you?
- Can I get a hot chocolate?
- Like, from the kids' menu?
- Adult menu.
One adult hot chocolate.
- Is there something special in that, or...?
- Hot chocolate for an adult.
- I will see what I can do.
I have a coffee here for, I said my name is Michael.
- Lana.
(horn toots) - Oh, Michael.
- Sweet threads.
You should be like a model or something.
You ready for a closeup?
- No closeup. I gotta go.
- [Michael] Where?
- To get interviewed or something?
- Oh.
Yo, check it, Lana.
There's this lady here that looks exactly like you
except like older.
(Lana sighs)
Is your name Lana too?
- Uh, two as in T-W-O, or too as in T-O-O?
- Whichever way you spell it.
(frantic jazz music continues)
- So? (Lana groans)
You took the promotion?
(Lana groans)
- Come on. You should be happy, right?
It's a stable job.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
(Candace sighs) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I know you got some big dreams, but-
- I dream about credits scrolling.
- Is that some new slang I don't know about?
- Yeah. It means drugs.
- Here you go.
- Thank you. - Of course.
- Thank.
- But really, congratulations.
Your coworkers will really benefit
with having you in charge.
- Mom.
What if I don't deserve the promotion?
- Don't deserve it? Of course you do.
(phone buzzes)
I'm sorry, I gotta take this.
Gimme a sec.
(frantic jazz music continues)
- See ya, Lana. Good luck with your interview.
- Oh. Yeah.
Interview.
- [Interviewer] How do you feel
about running into Michael here today?
- I don't wanna be interviewed.
I was just saying that interview stuff
to get Michael to leave me alone.
Can I ask you guys something?
- [Interviewer] Sure.
- Can you make me have like a super deep voice
so I sound really epic?
- [Interviewer] What did you think
when you ran into Lana at the cafe?
- Are you like handholding the camera
so it's like more exciting
and dynamic in the interview?
'Cause Burd taught me that and I think it works.
- [Interviewer] Uh, we're just working quickly here.
- Oh, okay.
It's pretty cool though... Hey!
Are you guys making a movie?
- Yeah!
- Can I be in it? - Yeah. Dude.
Dude, come on over.
Yo, check that.
This is so cool man.
- [Interviewer] I gotta cut this.
(bright music)
- You could try talking to someone here.
- Or you could just leave.
- That's a better idea. You can just leave.
- Aren't one of you supposed
to be the angel version of me
and the other the devil version of me?
- We try not to conform.
- Um...
Were, were you talking to me (bell dings)
or were you talking to yourself?
Is everything okay?
- I have a condition.
Do you have any conditioner
to help with my condition?
- No. I am so sorry.
And I have, I have customers I have to speak with.
- That was embarrassing AF. Time to leave.
(funky music)
(funky music continues)
- Nice chicken.
- Chickens symbolize strength and heroism.
(subtle jazz music)
Weren't you at the park the other day?
- Anyone sitting here?
- Just a ghost.
But he was boring, so...
- Cool.
(chair scrapes)
- Just a warning.
I'm only here because my dad
said I needed to get out more.
- Not to brag, but my mom half forced me to come here.
- It's like, "Geez, parent, get your own life."
- Mm-hmm.
I'm Lana.
- I'm Bertha. (bell dings)
Why do you talk so, like, monotone?
- Me?
You're the one who sounds
like a dementor sucked the life outta you.
- I wish. That sounds a lot easier than life.
- Real life is like one big dementor
sucking up your soul real slowly.
Then it accidentally lets some happiness in,
but then it realizes its mistake
and starts sucking again,
twice as hard, to make up for it.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
This girl is really speaking my language, you know?
But she could do with a little bit more energy.
Why are you guys interviewing me in the bathroom?
We could do a vlog in here.
We'll call it "Giving Bertha in the Bathroom."
- Let's just cut. - Wait-
They basically kicked me out.
- Lana, Lana, I'm so sorry.
I got a work emergency. Can you get yourself home?
- I think I'll hang out here with Bertha.
- Hi, Lana's mom.
- Hi, I'm Candace.
It's so nice to see Lana making new friends.
- Yeah, just like when I was eight.
All right, I gotta go.
- I hope you two ladies enjoy
the rest of your afternoon.
- Bye. - Okay, bye mom.
- Nice meeting you.
- So I was gonna talk to my mom about this,
but since she's gone, I'll tell you instead?
- I'm not your mom.
- That's probably better anyway.
(subtle jazz music continues)
Okay, (sighs) so I got this coworker Burd
and he's getting fired
because he didn't back up a hard drive
because I'm such a chicken.
No offense.
- She's not offended.
Chickens represent heroism.
- Okay.
Then I've been too much of a human.
Anyways, it's actually my fault the drive is broken.
I'm getting promoted and he's losing his job.
And I pretty much decided
that I'm the scum of the earth.
(door thuds)
Monica.
- Ahem, hey. Hey, Lana.
- This was it.
This was my third-act moment.
So I went to the coffee shop and met this girl Bertha.
She's super cool.
And I poured my heart out to her
about how I broke that hard drive
and how Burd is getting fired over it.
And now I just..
- You never told me all that.
- I know, but I, I just didn't know what to do.
- So, so you decided
to tell some random girl you just met instead?
- It sounds bad when you say it like that.
- What's the way to say it so it doesn't sound bad?
- I-is that wine?
- (scoffs) Wh-
Why should I tell you anything
if you don't tell me anything?
You know, it not like you ever ask me
about what's going on in my life.
- I have no idea what I'm doing.
- You know.
You know exactly what you're doing.
I'm going to bed, Lana.
(glass shatters)
Oh, and the mail came, but don't worry, I didn't check it.
(footsteps thud softly)
(subdued music)
(Lana sniffles)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music darkens)
(static buzzing)
(dark music continues)
(cereal squelching)
(dark music continues)
(door clicks) - Monica?
(distressed music)
- [Robot] I'll pick my stuff up later.
Stay cool, Monica.
- Shit.
(distressed music fades)
(phone clicks)
(phone buzzes)
- So this is your place?
- Yeah.
Thanks for coming over.
- What's that?
(silly music) - Oh,
I used to make little
stop-motion animations with that
when I was a kid.
That's kind of how I got into movies.
- You mean the thing where you move something,
take a picture, move it again, take another picture,
and then play it and it looks like it's moving?
- Yep.
I used to animate that chicken.
(chicken clucks)
(chicken chirps)
- That's pretty cool.
Why'd you stop?
- I don't know.
Got too busy, I guess.
Real life just sort of took over.
(mellow music)
- Would you wanna make more films again?
Like when you were a kid?
- I want to.
Just don't have time.
- I don't know. My girlfriend always says,
"You gotta crack some eggs to make an omelet."
What's that one's name?
- Oh, she's Roosty.
(Roosty clucks)
My mom gave her to me.
- To remind you to be more creative?
- No.
At least I don't think so.
- I've always wanted to try that stop-motion stuff.
Maybe, could you show me how to do it sometime?
- Okay. (chuckles)
(mellow music continues)
(egg plops)
(egg sizzles)
Sound's set.
- Sick.
- Hey guys.
So I just got fired.
- W-what?
- Dubs-T-F, man?
And and you're like, what?
The cops walking him out or something?
(scoffs) Not chill, Will. Not chill.
- Look, they wanted me to make sure he doesn't,
I don't know, ruin the place.
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music continues)
- Thank you for being here for me, Lana.
Michael, you too buddy.
I'm gonna call you after this
'cause I'm gonna need some help.
- They can't fire you for something you didn't do.
- I'll be fine, Lana, pshh.
(alarm beeping)
- Let's go.
- Bye, guys.
(alarm continues beeping)
(booming sounds)
(dog barking) (cat shrieking)
(sirens wailing)
- Finally, the apocalypse.
(ice cream truck chimes)
At least the apocalypse will have ice cream.
(phone chimes)
Ugh.
(groans)
Can't focus.
(Hammer meowing)
Hm? Hammer?
(Hammer's bell jingling)
All right.
You're better than that. Go.
(birds chirping)
(phone keyboard clicking)
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music continues)
(uncomfortable music)
- (laughs) After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
All right, well let's get to the point.
(laughs) After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
R- r-r-r-right?
P- P-P-P-PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh, god.
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. - Stop!
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Not even the volume?
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh God. Oh God.
- PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh god.
Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- God. Oh, god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Lana? - Oh, god!
- Ah, I'm back. - Ah...
- What in the hell are you doing?
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - I don't even know.
It froze and it won't shut the hell up
and now I'm gonna die. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- That's it. We're going outside.
- PowerPoint. PowerPoint. (Lana groans)
- I edited a lecture about the outdoors once.
- Lana, you almost went crazy.
Okay. You, you can't do that.
You're not allowed.
- Oh my god, it's still gonna be playing
when we get back home.
It's just gonna... My god. No.
- be playing. - No, it's not. Okay?
I, I paused it and it's just gonna tire itself out
until it finally goes to sleep.
- I didn't hit save.
- Lana, forget about work.
Just enjoy being in the sun for a little while.
(mellow music)
(Monica sighs)
- It's so depressing here.
It's all gonna be dead by summer.
- It doesn't die.
What do you mean?
- I mean, that's what all the grass in California does.
It doesn't die. It's just dormant.
The roots are still alive and when it rains,
they'll sprout back up again.
- I'm sorry, Monica for being distant
and not keeping up with what's happening
in your life and for being-
- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I, I shouldn't have started drinking.
And I'm really sorry for what I said.
(mellow music continues)
Hey, you wanna take a nap in the grass?
- (chuckles) Yes.
- Okay.
- Uh, I need to make, make a phone call first though.
Is that okay? - Yeah, sure. Yeah.
I'll, I'll just lay this out.
Okay? - Okay.
(Lana exhales shakily)
Hey Burd, it's...
(frantic music)
(frantic music continues)
(frantic music softens)
(soft frantic music continues)
(soft frantic music continues)
(wind rustling softly)
Whoa.
(patrons chattering)
- Hey.
Hi. - Hi.
(mellow music) Come on, let's sit.
This is Rayna.
- [Lana] Hi. I'm Lana.
- [Rayna] Hi, Lana.
- Hi, I'm Monica. - Hi, Monica.
(Hammer's bell ringing gently)
Hey. (laughs)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- And I'll just leave you with one final note.
A-sharp.
(microphone thuds) (feedback whines)
(audience applauds lightly)
(soft disquieting music)
(camera beeps)
- Hey, thanks for helping me
film that stuff on the weekends.
- Thank you for hiring me. That was a good time.
When do you think we could see it?
You should do like a rough cut screening
for me, Michael, and Will.
- That's a good idea.
- Oh, and speaking of films,
did you hear about Benny's movie?
- (sighs) What about it?
- So apparently they're having
a troubled time shooting it
because he keeps coming to set
like three hours late, completely baked. (laughs)
(upbeat jazz music) - Yeah. I'm Benny.
And I couldn't make my movie
because I kept coming to set completely baked.
I'm a deadbeat slacker.
Sorry Mom.
(Sharpies thudding)
(bell dings)
I deserved that.
(clock thuds)
- So this is like a flash
forward instead of a flashback?
- Show, don't tell, right? (clicks tongue) (laughs)
(alarm beeping)
But the lie detector does not believe you.
- I feel like it's coming from right here.
The hell is this?
- Oh yeah. That was under all the cables I cleaned up.
So a long time ago,
Michael and I tried to make
this automatic motion-triggered
recording lecture system
for all the times we were
late because of horrible traffic.
(traffic droning) (horns honking)
(car crash solo)
But I'm glad we're clearing up some loose plot threads.
(snaps) Wait, there's one more.
- Mm. - Now we're done. (laughs)
- Wait, so this recording device didn't actually work?
(upbeat music) - Oh. Not at all.
Michael and I hid it because we used
a whole bunch of school's
equipment without permission
and we didn't want them to find out and fire us.
- So then I got you fired instead.
- You did, didn't you? (laughs)
- I'm glad you're back.
Is there anything that I can do to make it up to you?
- Hmm.
What about, you close up shop today?
- Sure, I can do that.
- Great.
Also, I finished editing a lecture
if you could look at it when you get the chance.
- All right. (both chuckle)
- Oh, and sorry you lost your promotion,
but at least you gotta keep
your job. (imitates explosion)
- It's fine. I didn't really want it anyway.
- And Michael's probably the best guy for the job.
The guy is stoked.
- Yeah. (both laugh)
Hey, the colors look pretty good on this.
Did you actually stop trying to fix them for once?
- No, I still fixed the colors.
- What? - Took your advice.
Okay. Gotta go.
See you later Dalai Lana.
The Burd has left the building. (chirps)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- Hello, this is Lana from the video department at...
Yeah, I'm looking for Charlie.
- [Director] Beautiful. Cut.
(lively rock music) Sunday morning when I'm
Hiding in my sheets Hiding in my sheets
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets through
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets
Wonder how the light gets
All its color from you
All its color from you
All its color from you-hoo
(lively rock music continues)
I try to stay up late
Counting candles for your birthday cake
But I never make it to two
No, I never make it to two
I try to go out nights
Drive around and look for other pilot lights
But I end up looking for you
I end up looking for you
Oh, I end up looking for you
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets
Wonder how the light gets
All its color from you
All its color from
(lively rock music continues)
You
(eccentric electronic music)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
- [Assistant Director] Roll sound.
- [Production Mixer] 115, take two.
- Speeds.
- [Clapper] 115, take two, mark.
- [Director] Action.
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(Lana sighs)
- We just shot this for the trailer.
This scene's not even in the movie.
(eccentric electronic music continues)
- [Director] Cut.
(subdued music)
- Hello, my name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name's Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name's Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
Science of repetition. Science of repetition.
Science of repetition. Repetition.
Repetition. Repetition.
(chaotic music)
The science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the science of repetition.
My name is Jeremy Canard, and tonight,
we're gonna talk about the s-
(Lana sighs) (playful electronic music)
(bell dings)
(Lana sniffs)
(Lana groans)
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- I apologize, but due to
the unusually high submission volume,
we have to delay announcing the results.
- And ladies and gentlemen,
that is how you give a lecture.
(microphone thuds) (feedback buzzes and whines)
(audience applauding)
- [PA] Please stop dropping the microphones.
- That was legit.
That Garfunkel guy really has some oral skills.
Sorry, I didn't, I didn't break it, did I?
- Done. And we only had to go through three microphones.
Think you can fix it?
- Come to papa. Tell me where it hurts.
- There's a lot of new characters here,
but you'll learn them all.
- Let's make sure that we get today's footage
backed up on the hard drive.
- Mm-hmm.
- This guy's a really big name.
We really can't risk losing it.
- There's no good way to edit out the mic drop.
- You always figure it out.
(Michael chuckles)
- That is how you give a lecture.
(static crackles)
(audience applauding)
- Anyway, kudos to a smooth event, everyone.
Michael, make sure we get
everything out there cleaned up.
- Oh, you're the boss, boss. (chuckles)
- Lana, Burd, take it easy, all right?
- Mm-hmm. - Impossible.
Hey Burd, (bell dings)
I gotta take that hard drive home to do some editing.
Can you start backing up?
- Take it now. I'll back it up tomorrow.
(hard drive clatters)
- Jeez.
- D-don't worry.
There was always a copy on the SD card. (laughs)
- All right.
(sighs) See you tomorrow.
- See ya.
Test one, two.
Testing, one, two. (beatboxes) One, two!
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(computer chimes)
(Lana sighs)
(phone dings)
- [Will] Yo, Lana. Will here.
Any chance you can get
the Wednesday lecture done by tomorrow?
They just booked all these new lectures
so we'll need all hands on deck.
And it looks like we're gonna need to double
the number of lectures you work per month.
I'm sure you can handle it. You're so dedicated.
All right, hope you get some rest.
Talk soon, Lana.
(playful electronic music)
(playful electronic music ends abruptly)
(music stops abruptly)
(Lana sniffles)
(birds chirping)
(alarm chiming) (clock ticking)
(subdued music)
(a cat yowls distantly)
(subdued music continues)
(microwave beeps)
(grim music)
(grim music continues)
- [Monica] Did you forget to
take the wrapper off as usual?
- Uh...
- [Monica] I think that kitty's stuck
under the house again.
Can you get him out?
- Can't like, a fireman do it?
- [Monica] Ha, ha. Very funny.
Okay, shower time.
(soft ethereal music)
(a cat yowling faintly)
- Come on, Hammer.
I got gushy food.
Hey.
(Hammer's bell ringing)
Why do I always have to save the cat?
(soft ethereal music continues)
- Hey.
What happens if you can't get the hard drive
to turn back on?
- I don't know.
Lose my job, maybe.
- (scoffs) I'm sure it'll all be fine.
- Mm.
- Uh, hey, have you seen my keys anywhere?
- Keys to your heart?
- Those too. (bell dings)
But also my car keys.
- As a matter of fact, (keys jingle)
I had to make sure you'd stay here long enough
to listen to me complain.
- That was effective.
But I really gotta get to class.
Hey, do you need a ride today?
- Yes, please.
I'm editing a lecture until five.
- Oh, perfect. We can go home together.
- Oh. Your place or mine?
(door thuds)
- Okay.
You ready to brave the city traffic?
(traffic droning) (sirens wailing)
(commuter laughing maniacally)
- I had to fix another lecture Burd filmed.
He was stretching the boundaries
of lecture cinematography
while I wasn't there.
He decided to quote, "'Blair Witch' this bitch."
(Monica giggles)
- Oh no. I mean, is he-
- Yeah, he thinks it makes things more dynamic
and adds tension.
If there's every supposed to be
an exciting moment in a movie,
(belligerent music) boom, shaky handheld shot.
Whoa.
- Does it also make boring
things exciting like lectures?
- Oh, what do you think?
- I think you need to forget about what Burd's doing
and just focus on yourself.
- On that note.
Can you pick me up from the park today?
I'll be there with my camera.
- Ooh, you gonna be out there living the dream?
- If work doesn't kill me first.
(understated rock music)
(understated rock music continues)
(hard drive whirring weakly)
Shit.
- Dalai Lana! Ooh, ooh.
- Don't call me that.
(hard drive whirring weakly)
(alarm beeping) Oh god, the beeping.
- I kind of like it.
It makes me feel like we're in the future.
- I can never find what's doing it.
- Just accept it. Beeping is the future, man. (chuckles)
Oh, hey, can I back that up?
- Uh, it's been acting funny.
- Oh, I bet that's from
when I accidentally pushed
it to the floor yesterday.
I can fix that. Come on.
It's probably just a loose USB port.
Loose like your mama. A-ha! (chuckles)
- You know, I was watching
that lecture you edited recently.
- Uh-huh. What's wrong?
Is it the colors again?
- Yes, it's the colors.
You really shouldn't be trying to fix them.
(bell dings)
- I'm just trying to learn.
- I gotta prep for the lecture.
- Yo, hey, Lana.
Someone came by here the other day
that wanted to talk to you about a freelance gig.
- I probably can't even do what they need.
Besides, I'm like a week behind on lectures as it is.
- I take whatever I can get, man.
Rent does not pay itself.
- I just don't have time.
Plus this lecture's about to start
in figuratively one second.
Literally in a second for all of you.
- Uh, I had to do my hair,
which was quite a challenge for me.
Do any of you have curly hair out there?
No. I guess not.
(lecturer mumbles in background)
(hard drive rattling)
Anyhow.
First act in a traditional three-act structure
is often called the setup.
This is where we get to meet our characters.
And then in the end, um,
some enticing incident occurs
that creates a problem that then needs to be solved.
This morning, for instance-
- I can use an inciting incident.
- Hey! I got an exciting incident for you.
You should try zooming in on their face
in the middle of a lecture.
- [Lecturer] And do my hair.
- Why?
- You know, to add some drama.
- Don't suggest that again.
Just keep working.
- [Burd] I tried it on a lecture yesterday.
- What? - Yeah.
Let me show you.
- You are a liar
if you don't think that sig figs are fire.
(microphone thuds)
- I was thinking of adding in a cricket sound effect.
(crickets chirping)
- Your papers are due on Monday.
- I wish I could fire you.
(fire crackling) (icon chiming)
If this is how you're doing,
I can't imagine how some of
our old classmates are doing.
- Hey, I'm doing fine.
- Like Benny, remember him?
Never turned in his thesis,
yet somehow graduated with flying colors.
- Oh, Ben.
You remember that time he was sleeping
and the teacher tried to ask him a question?
Here's a flashback. (subdued music)
So I threw a sharpie at him.
- [Lana] Wait, this is a flashback?
Doesn't even look like one.
- [Burd] Hmm.
- [Lana] Here, try this filter.
- [Burd] Whoa, good call.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
- So he was sleeping and I threw a sharpie at him.
And the sharpie just bounced off his face
and he kept sleeping like nothing happened.
- Yeah, I remember that clearly.
But I don't understand why
you had to show us the flashback
and tell us the story.
Isn't it supposed to be show, don't tell?
- Don't mess with me. I know it's called show and tell.
Anyway. I know what happened to Ben.
He's like about to make his own movie right now.
- What? (dark music)
- Yeah. Apparently he has
this big budget and everything.
Man, if I had that, I'd pay off my student loans so fast.
- Benny? How is that even possible.
- Isn't he related to that tech guy we just shot?
Garfunkel or something?
(upbeat jazzy music) - Yeah. I have connections.
That Garfunkel guy is like
my rich uncle or something.
- Garfunkel is his tech uncle?
How's that even fair?
Why am I even trying?
(Burd choking)
Hey, Burd!
- Oh.
Thank you.
(door squeaks)
- Hey Lana, can we chat outside?
- Ooh.
Lana's in trouble. (door thuds)
- You clearly got this under control.
(Burd chokes)
(door creaks and thuds)
(bell dings) (soft subdued music)
- Someone slipped this under
the booth door this morning.
- Is this why we need to chat?
- What we need to talk about
is that, "Sorry, we're dead," sticker that's on the door.
- You don't like it? - It's hilarious.
But the higher-ups probably wouldn't agree.
- I don't really care about the man.
- Well, you kind of have to.
- Kind of don't.
- Look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this,
so keep it between us.
But I might be getting promoted
and we would love for you to fill my old position.
- Does that mean more hours?
- And more stability.
You could really have a future here, Lana.
And the others in there
could really use your intuition,
you know, balance out the masculine energy.
(Burd sputtering and coughing)
- It's true that Burd might shoot
some more handheld lectures if I'm not there.
Shaky footage equals tension.
Remember?
But Burd needs the raise more than me though.
- Burd is sort of on thin ice with the higher ups.
They would trust you more.
- How long until your promotion?
- I'll give you all of the forms
so that if you decide, you can let me know.
(soft disquieting music)
(Lana sighs)
- How in the? (angelic music)
- You know how if you pull on your shoelace wrong,
the whole knot comes undone?
- Yes. That's how shoelaces work.
- That's basically what happened here.
- I'm satisfied.
No further questions.
- So what did Will want to talk about?
- I said no further questions.
- Okay.
Hey.
Hmm.
(understated rock music)
(understated rock music continues)
(bright wakeful music)
(bright wakeful music continues)
(birds chirping)
(birds continue chirping)
- Hey!
Sweet phone case.
- I like, I like chickens.
- Chickens are the shit.
- Aren't you too old to be on the swings?
- Aren't you too old to have a chicken phone case?
- Touche.
Okay. I've had enough social interaction for today.
Goodbye.
- Have a nice life.
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- [Robot] You have a secret admirer.
It's me, the one writing this letter.
Stay cool, Lana,
your secret admirer.
- This is a problem I don't need in my life.
- Hey, Lana. - Hey.
(Monica sighs)
- Have a good day?
- Mm-mm.
- I see. A regular Lana day.
Well, I didn't.
God, the old me would've needed a drink.
- Hey.
- Oh, but don't worry.
Not, not the new me.
(soft chaotic music)
- That's good.
Here's your reward.
(Monica chuckles)
- Found this today.
(Monica laughs)
- Stay cool, huh?
They think you're cool?
(both laugh)
Oh, that is some high praise.
- The Post-it praiser.
- Mm. You know who it is?
- Don't know, don't care. Ugh.
- (sighs) That's my Lana.
(soft chaotic music continues)
Film anything here at least?
(phone buzzes)
- Hello?
- Hey, Lana.
- Mm-hmm?
- I think the hard drive might be dead.
- Just copy the footage from the SD cards then.
- (chuckles nervously) Turns out Michael erased them
and then wrote over them again today.
(gentle music)
I forgot to tell him not to do that.
It's my fault. I...
- W-what are you gonna do?
- Don't worry, Lana.
It's not your fault.
I'm gonna figure something out.
Yeah, I'm gonna try some stuff.
See ya.
(Lana breathing shakily)
(gentle music continues)
(Lana sighs)
(Lana sniffs)
(phone buzzes)
- Hello, this is Pizza World.
How may I take your order?
- Lana, did you put "alive"
over the "Sorry, we're dead" sticker?
- Uh, no?
- You know I'm gonna have to take that down, right?
- Yeah.
- How soon can you finish the Garfunkel lecture?
- Uh, Burd's still working on backing that up.
- Well, as long as we can get it done
by the end of the month, we should be all good.
Later, Lana. - Bye.
- So whenever you think there's too much going on,
just try to imagine how much harder it is
for those neurons in your brain.
Mind blown, right?
(microphone thuds)
(camera beeps)
(soft disquieting music)
- Did you see someone left you a envelope the other day?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- [Burd] What?
Some kind of secret admirer or something?
- How's the hard drive going?
- Oh, what if it's from Michael? (roars)
Speak of the devil.
What's up, Michael?
- Oh man, Burd the word.
(both imitate explosions)
And Dalai Lana.
- Don't call me that.
(bell dings) - Ooh.
Can I get one of those?
- Sure.
Dude, I'm so pumped for the lecture tonight.
They're doing a late-night lecture
on black-and-white photography.
Oh, it's gonna be so sick.
- Mm-hmm. - Oh wow.
What was this lecture about?
These people look like they're having a blast!
- Thank God this glass is blast proof.
- It was a lecture about brains.
- Oh, sick.
Brains are like the computers of our minds.
All these lecturers are so fricking amazing, man.
You just learn so much every day.
I hope we can work here forever.
Forever, forever, forever.
I'm having such deep thoughts.
- [Burd] Chicken nuggets.
(alarm beeping) - Not the bomb again.
I hope I didn't jinx it
by talking about the blast-proof glass.
Where's Monica?
- Monica?
Oh dude, I'd love to get picked up by Monica.
- She's still going to school here, right?
- Yeah. She's studying to be a nurse practitioner.
- Man, I didn't even know you could practish nursing.
You know what I mean?
(Burd and Micheal laugh)
- Wait, no.
I don't know what you mean.
(bell dings)
- (sighs) I gotta go.
- Hey dude, how's that hard drive you broke?
- Oh, it's chill. And I didn't break it.
(alarm chimes)
Are you sure you didn't do anything funny
with it recently though? (suspicious music)
- Nah, man.
I don't even know how to break a hard drive.
You sure it wasn't Lana?
- A what?
- Lana? No way.
(alarm beeping)
- Oh. It's like a lie detector.
- I always say that.
(Burd and Micheal laugh)
- Very funny, Michael. I gotta go.
- Dude.
(Monica and Lana exclaim)
- (chuckles) Great timing.
- [Lana] Uh...
- Lana Llama.
- You know I don't do hugs.
- I can't believe she tolerates names like Lana Llama.
- Tolerates is a strong word.
Let's get out of here, ASASASAP.
- Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
Are you feeling okay?
Here, say, "Ah."
(Lana sighs) (quirky electronic music)
(Lana groans)
(phone ringing faintly)
- Hey, Michael.
- [Michael] Oh hey, it's Lana Llama.
- No it's not. It's Lana.
- [Michael] Yeah. That-that's what I was-
- (sighs) I was working on
that Friday lecture you edited.
- [Michael] Oh dude. So sick.
That lecture was like-
- Why did you film it in black and white?
- Well, I saw that black and white photography lecture
and I was like, "Wow!"
"Black and white is like a lost art," you know?
- But you know it's a lecture on color theory, right?
- [Michael] Yeah. But black and white.
- I don't wanna be fixing your mistakes forever.
- [Michael] Hey dude, you know about Burd
and that hard drive thing?
(dark music) - Yeah.
- [Michael] I think Will found out today.
And he said that his boss will freak if he finds out.
I've already loaned Burd money twice this month.
He can't really afford to lose his job.
Is there anything we can do?
- Uh, I don't know.
I gotta go.
(dark music continues)
(label maker whirs)
(clock ticking)
(clock continues ticking)
(radio chattering)
- Hey Lana, can you grab me a USB 3 cable?
- Mm-hmm.
Why is this here?
- Oh, 'cause I'm still tying my shoe with the iPhone cable.
This way I can tie my shoe and charge my phone.
- I mean, why is your shoelace still here?
- Oh, the iPhone cable works
way better than my shoelace.
- That...
Nevermind. Don't care.
But your shoelace here is gross
and keeping it hanging here
is not gonna help you keep your job.
- Help me keep my job?
Oh, you mean the hard drive thing?
It's gonna be fine.
- Just take it away. Okay?
I'm putting my foot down on this and so should you.
- Which foot?
This one or the one I already have on the ground.
(Lana sighs)
- Just, I'm trying to help.
- Hmm.
- And he leaves his shoelace there.
All because he wants people
to ask him if he's wearing a wire.
- (groans) Lana, I really need a hug.
- I stopped doing hugs when the world crushed my soul.
- You need to let us in and give us another chance.
- I give Burd a chance every day.
He's gonna get fired doing stupid stuff like that.
- They wouldn't fire Burd.
- They're angry at him about breaking a hard drive.
- Wait, you guys both broke a hard drive at the same time.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
- That is some bad luck.
- [Lana] Uh-huh.
- At least you're not his boss.
You'd probably be even harder
on the poor guy than Will. (chuckles)
- Will...
...might sort of
be getting promoted
and they're considering me for his position.
- Are you gonna take it?
- I feel like my world's been flipped upside down.
(rollercoaster rattling) (children screaming)
I don't know.
- You don't have to take that job, you know?
- They already gave me paperwork to sign.
See?
I know I was originally hoping to make movies,
but that just feels so far away.
- Maybe you should try to go pro.
- GoPro?
Like, a real film job.
Too late, all I can think about are GoPros.
- What's this?
(paper hums)
- Garbage.
- Keeping secrets?
- I don't know what those even are.
(bell dings)
Uh...
Come on. Work already.
- Are you still submitting
to those screenplay contests?
- (scoffs) Who does that? Not me.
- They say the definition of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
(bell dings)
- Well, whoever says that is crazy.
- We're going on a walk.
- I'm not gonna get more work done by working less.
Work equals work. Less work equals less work.
- Uh, actually, less work
can sometimes equal more work done.
I, I know, I know. It sounds crazy.
But you know, it's been proven to be true.
- That's completely illogical.
But if I think about it,
I have the perfect example.
Remember my old classmate Benny?
- Mm. Benny, Benny?
Remind me who he was again?
- He was like this.
(upbeat jazz music) - I'm Benny
and I'm a slacker that never has to try hard
but everything works out for me
because of my social status, privilege,
and my rich tech uncle.
(Benny snores) (Sharpie thuds)
- Oh yeah, Benny.
Yeah. - Yeah.
The point is, him not doing any work
means he gets to make a movie now,
meanwhile, I work all the time
and my reward is more work.
- Oh, well maybe you should try it.
- Structuralism, Marxism,
feminism, postmodernism.
What's going on here? (subtle languid music)
Structuralism, Marxism,
feminism, postmodernism.
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
What's going on here?
What's go-what's go-what's go-wha-
- I have no idea what to do here.
(doorbell chimes)
Distraction!
(subtle languid music continues)
(subtle languid music continues)
Isn't that supposed to be
like a wine glass or something?
Ugh.
(Lana groans)
(wine glass shatters)
What? (exhales)
Why is that even there?
(subtle languid music continues)
This probably doesn't mean anything.
(subtle languid music continues)
(subtle languid music continues)
Dear Lana, this is your mother,
and nope, she didn't write that.
I'm just saying that so you,
the audience doesn't get confused.
Would it be less confusing if
I imagined this in her voice?
Here.
- [Candace] I saw this chicken
and I knew it was perfect for you.
Use this chicken to make friends, blah, blah blah.
You start going out more and blah, blah, blah-blah.
There's this coffee shop where lots of people
wear black just like you, blah-blah, blah-blah.
You should also look at
yourself in the mirror more often
because you're really pretty.
- [Lana] Okay, I'm just gonna skip this part.
- [Candace] I'm a mom that cares too much blah, blah.
I know you've been having a bit of a hard time at work,
so I hope this chicken reminds
you to have fun, blah, blah.
- Hmm.
Use it to make friends and remember to have fun?
This chicken wears a lot of hats.
- And that's why we believe whales
might really be a type of flightless bird.
Don't let THEM try to hide the truth.
Illuminati.
(microphone thuds) Hashtag New World Order.
(feedback buzzes) (audience applauds lightly)
(Burd laughs)
- Do they just let anybody give a lecture nowadays?
- Yeah, as long as you're a guy.
- What?
- Haven't you noticed, like
every speaker is a white dude?
- You don't have to make this all about feminism.
- I'm not making it about femini...
Why am I the only woman here?
- Maybe when I get fired,
we can get another woman to take over my position.
- Fired? I thought you said you were gonna be fine.
- Yeah, well, Will's boss isn't so cool.
Seriously, you got any ideas to help me out?
Maybe some sort of flyer
to pull me outta the getting-fired deep fryer.
(oil sizzling) Ah! (chuckles softly)
I can't afford to lose this job right now.
- I don't know.
(alarm beeping)
- (chuckles) Dude, even the
lie detector knows you're lying.
- It's beeping 'cause you're lying too.
- The lie detector never lies
because that would break the FaceTime continuum
or something. (chuckles)
Oh, hey, dude, I overheard
you might be getting promoted.
- Oh. Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't know if I deserve it.
(alarm chimes) - I mean, honestly,
maybe, I don't even wanna be stuck here
doing lecture videos forever.
That's probably how people go crazy.
- I could never go crazy editing lectures.
- Kind of like Michael.
- He's safe from going crazy 'cause he's already crazy.
- You guys talking to me?
- Yes. - No.
No. - Yes.
- N-no, no. - Yes!
- No, not at all. - We're talking-
- Nah.
(alarm beeping rapidly) - horrible things-
- This lecture is so tight.
It's all about dirt.
Did you know that dirt is like alive?
You know, I always thought of something
as being like dead as dirt,
but now I'm like, no.
You know?
- Yeah.
- Crazy. (alarm beeps)
(Lana laughing reservedly)
- Do you ever just want a break from life?
- That's why I love sleep.
- But that's not really a break, you know?
You don't remember anything.
You lie down and suddenly the sun is up
and you're awake again.
I mean, isn't there a way to like, actually take a break
where I don't have to make my own decisions for a while.
(Lana sighs)
- My boss wants to know if I'm gonna take the job.
What if I get stuck editing lectures forever?
- Don't let yourself.
- Yeah, I'm too busy.
(phone buzzes)
See how busy I am?
Great.
Now my mom wants me to go to some coffee shop.
- Mm. Maybe you should go.
You haven't been anywhere
besides work and home in weeks.
- This ain't some three-act rom-com.
- If we were in a movie, I would definitely know about it.
- Mm-hmm. (static crackling)
- I could really use like a third-act turning point
right now that fixes everything.
- Imagine if the film ended right now.
(epic music)
- If this is the end,
this thing is getting like a one-star kelp review
or tomato review or whatever it's called.
Hey, I wonder who's playing me.
Sarah Lee.
This is my movie.
Why couldn't I get like Constance Wu to play me?
And who's even directing it?
Alex Zaejikacke?
Why didn't we get some director I've actually heard of?
Why is this even some low
budget indie film about my life?
Shouldn't it be some epic 10-episode miniseries?
Wait, what? (hectic music)
I, I didn't go to the coffee shop.
Why is there a credit for that?
This is a dream.
Hmm. I should try to wake up.
(Hammer yowls faintly)
Mm.
Did I actually dream about credits scrolling?
Did I go to the coffee shop?
Roosty!
How'd you get in the garbage?
And how'd you get this on your head?
All right, we're gonna have
to go "Beautiful Mind" on this.
(determined music)
(determined music continues)
- [Monica] Lana! - Ah!
- [Monica] The whole fridge stinks
because you didn't throw out the chicken like I asked.
- (groans) Sorry Monica. I'll clean it out.
- [Monica] Thank you. (phone buzzes)
- Hello. You've reached Lana.
Please leave a message.
- Good morning, Lana.
Thanks for working that
double overtime shift last night.
- No problem, Will.
Morning.
- How are things?
- Chill, I guess.
- Have you been thinking about things?
- No, I'm usually brain dead.
- You know what I'm talking about, Lana.
I need an answer soon.
- Like how soon?
- Like soon, soon.
- Oh, that soon, huh?
- Like tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way, if you have any idea
on how to help save the footage Burd lost,
that would be great.
He's getting into some deep shit.
- (groans) The screen is moving too fast.
It's making me nauseous.
I gotta go. (worrisome music)
(Lana sighs)
All right, let's go cut this off.
Why is he so weird about it?
Why can't he just say what he means?
- Aw. Do you need a hug?
- No.
- When do people ever say what they mean?
I mean, do you even do that?
- What are you trying to say?
- See? Hmm?
Right there. You didn't answer my question.
You just asked your own question instead.
- Things would be a lot easier
if everyone just said what they meant all the time.
- You mean like this?
"Oh, I'm Lana and I'm sitting in the kitchen right now
drinking water and venting my frustrations out
with my roommate Monica.
And there's a persistent pestering Post-it praiser
in my life lobbing love letters liberally
"at Lana, who is me."
- "And I'm Monica.
And I'm cautiously cutting cantaloupes
on the cutting board in the kitchen
and can't stop being a sarcastic butt face
"to my best friend Lana."
- That's pretty on the nose.
- Oh yeah? What about this?
- I really hope you don't write dialogue like this
for your script contests.
- I didn't submit to any script contests.
Uh, just don't check the mail for a while, okay?
I'm not waiting on anything.
- How's work?
Did you ever end up fixing that hard drive?
- I gotta go. (subdued music)
(Monica scoffs)
(keyboard clacking)
(phone chimes)
- For the too-long-didn't-read crowd,
the second act is where the rising action happens.
All the attempts by the hero have failed
or the problem has been complicated further.
Next week we're going to break down act three.
This is where the protagonist
overcomes all obstacles
and everything is neatly tied up.
If anyone has any questions,
I'll be at the bar across the street.
Um, my office hours are the bar's happy hours.
(camera beeps)
- I wish there was something in my life
that solved all my problems
and tied everything up in a nice bow.
- You should start making your own films again.
- I'm just not inspired recently.
- Oh.
Oh, by the way, I put that note over there
to remind me to remember to tell you
that the person with the freelance gig
came by again looking for you.
They even left a business card.
- I don't even know what the hell
they think I'd be able to do for them.
- Who cares?
You should start doing more creative work again.
- Some people say that cinema died
the day the remote control was invented.
- What about streaming?
(static crackles)
(chuckles) I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
But I know you don't believe cinema's dead either.
That was Peter Greenaway who said that.
And you and I have had our talks about how we disagree.
You know, if anything, what he said
made me more excited to make movies.
I wanna create things that
make people question like,
what a movie even is.
You know?
- I forget sometimes that we met because of film.
- Oh, I took the hard drive to some professionals
and they said it's completely zapped.
On that note, is there any way you can help teach me
how you color your videos?
I feel like it's such a useful skill
that'll get me other jobs,
you know, in case I lose this one.
- But you're colorblind.
- Is there something we can do though?
(soft disquieting music)
- [Monica] Hey, did you see this package
that came from your mom?
- Another one?
- Here you go.
- What is it?
(Monica chuckles)
(magical harp music) - It's clothes.
- Oh. Wow.
- Yeah, Mom's crazy to think I'm gonna wear this.
- You should try wearing those in public.
- What is the public?
- I think it's like a junkyard or something.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(phone clicks)
(wings fluttering)
(gentle music continues)
- [Will] Today's the day, Lana.
I need to know.
(gentle dark music) (Lana groans)
- All right, I'll do it.
- [Will] Yes! That's great news.
We'll make the official switch next month.
And of course there's gonna be all the paperwork.
But you got the job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Congratulations Lana. You're reaching for the stars.
Work that girl power. (chuckles)
Talk soon, Lana. (phone beeps)
- Reach for the stars, huh?
I can't even reach the ceiling.
(Hammer yowls faintly)
(Hammer's bell jingling)
It's easy being a cat, huh?
Don't have any hard decisions to make.
The only choice you have to make
is whether you wanna go under the house today or not.
Why do you go under the house
when you always get stuck and you know it sucks?
(gentle music continues)
- Omegaverse, also known as A/B/O,
is an abbreviation for alpha/beta/omega,
is a sub genre of s-speculative fiction
and original s-s-sub-genre of erotic slash fiction
of-of-of ethnoecology.
- Are you having a seizure?
- I think I'm getting secondhand death by PowerPoint.
- This isn't healthy.
You need breaks.
- No time.
- You've been losing your spark
ever since you started editing lectures.
- Not possible. See I'm currently happily in my prime.
- Mm, wow. I'm convinced.
As prime as this prime rib.
(bell dings)
(Lana chuckles)
- Is this the wine menu?
- I'm not gonna order anything. I just wanna see.
Hmm.
(mellow jazz music)
- What if I'm stuck forever?
I went and studied film 'cause
I wanted to make cool movies,
but every time I try
I just feel like I'm not even getting close.
Is this the best it'll ever get?
(Monica sighs)
- I think you're having a quarter-life crisis.
- Hmm. Great.
So I have like three more of these to go.
- Lana, if you think doing
these lectures isn't fulfilling,
then maybe shouldn't be taking that promotion.
- But it's not the lectures, it's,
it's just, there's,
(sighs) nevermind.
It's nothing.
- Wow.
Convincing.
(phone buzzes)
- Oh crap.
I forgot I'm supposed to be working on a lecture.
Uh, Monica, sorry.
Can you get a box for me? Sorry.
(Monica sighs)
- That's act three.
All the loose ends are tied up.
- Oh, Lana, did you hear
that Benny's officially starting
to film his movie today?
(upbeat jazz music) - Hey!
We're officially starting to film my movie today.
- That's depressing.
- What? No.
That guy's just following his
dreams and making movies.
- A character, deciding to go to a coffee shop
can function as the climax of your story.
Next week we're going to be talking
about why writing subtext is for cowards.
(microphone thuds)
- Who goes to coffee shops?
- I love coffee shops.
I just wish they got your name right.
- Yeah.
So I just got a call to "come in"
on Monday.
I'm not usually scheduled on Monday,
so that's not a good sign.
- I, I think it'll be all right.
It's probably about something else.
- Yeah, you're probably right. (chuckles)
(alarm beeping)
Hey, you know what, Lana?
I just realized that your
name spelled backwards is anal.
- You're getting fired and you're just gonna play it off?
- And if you write out anal Lana,
it becomes one of those palindrome things
that reads the same way frontwards and backwards.
- Whoa dude. Anal Lana.
(Burd laughs) - I'm leaving.
- Dude. Anal Lana.
- You two can handle the rest of the shift.
- Okay.
- [Both] Geez. Anal Lana. (both laugh)
- Burd.
Your initials are BJ so suck on that. Ha!
- Whoa. - Dude.
- That's right.
- Whoa! - Oh, ho, ho.
- What does BJ mean?
- I don't know. I thought you did.
- Bubblegum jamboree.
- Baby Jesus.
- [Clapper] This is tail slate for scene 69, take two.
Marker. - It's not that. (laughs)
(birds chirping)
(gentle music)
(feet scraping)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- [Robot] Roses are red, you are rad.
I know that doesn't rhyme. Sorry.
Stay cool, your secret admirer.
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(gentle music frenzies)
(frenzied music continues)
- Lana. (bell dings)
- [Lana] Hey, Mom.
- You wore the clothes.
It looks so pretty and colorful on you.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Sometimes they're so colorful
that I have to imagine everything in black and white.
(bell dings)
- Whatever works for you.
All right, let's get you outta the house.
- Okay.
- You really look like a movie
star in those clothes, Lana.
I think it's time for your closeup.
- No, I need a wide shot.
- Oh, come on.
Like a super close up.
- At least cut my head off.
- Ah, don't do that.
- All right, you caused this mom.
Now I need an extreme wide shot.
- Can we go to the coffee shop now?
- Fine.
But I'm gonna DJ.
(static buzzing)
(frantic jazz music)
Well that's not very diegetic.
(frantic jazz music continues)
(frantic jazz music continues)
(Lana inhales sharply)
- Hi, what can I get started for you?
- Uh, can I get a decaf soy latte?
- [Barista] Yes.
And for you?
- Can I get a hot chocolate?
- Like, from the kids' menu?
- Adult menu.
One adult hot chocolate.
- Is there something special in that, or...?
- Hot chocolate for an adult.
- I will see what I can do.
I have a coffee here for, I said my name is Michael.
- Lana.
(horn toots) - Oh, Michael.
- Sweet threads.
You should be like a model or something.
You ready for a closeup?
- No closeup. I gotta go.
- [Michael] Where?
- To get interviewed or something?
- Oh.
Yo, check it, Lana.
There's this lady here that looks exactly like you
except like older.
(Lana sighs)
Is your name Lana too?
- Uh, two as in T-W-O, or too as in T-O-O?
- Whichever way you spell it.
(frantic jazz music continues)
- So? (Lana groans)
You took the promotion?
(Lana groans)
- Come on. You should be happy, right?
It's a stable job.
- [Lana] Mm-hmm.
(Candace sighs) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I know you got some big dreams, but-
- I dream about credits scrolling.
- Is that some new slang I don't know about?
- Yeah. It means drugs.
- Here you go.
- Thank you. - Of course.
- Thank.
- But really, congratulations.
Your coworkers will really benefit
with having you in charge.
- Mom.
What if I don't deserve the promotion?
- Don't deserve it? Of course you do.
(phone buzzes)
I'm sorry, I gotta take this.
Gimme a sec.
(frantic jazz music continues)
- See ya, Lana. Good luck with your interview.
- Oh. Yeah.
Interview.
- [Interviewer] How do you feel
about running into Michael here today?
- I don't wanna be interviewed.
I was just saying that interview stuff
to get Michael to leave me alone.
Can I ask you guys something?
- [Interviewer] Sure.
- Can you make me have like a super deep voice
so I sound really epic?
- [Interviewer] What did you think
when you ran into Lana at the cafe?
- Are you like handholding the camera
so it's like more exciting
and dynamic in the interview?
'Cause Burd taught me that and I think it works.
- [Interviewer] Uh, we're just working quickly here.
- Oh, okay.
It's pretty cool though... Hey!
Are you guys making a movie?
- Yeah!
- Can I be in it? - Yeah. Dude.
Dude, come on over.
Yo, check that.
This is so cool man.
- [Interviewer] I gotta cut this.
(bright music)
- You could try talking to someone here.
- Or you could just leave.
- That's a better idea. You can just leave.
- Aren't one of you supposed
to be the angel version of me
and the other the devil version of me?
- We try not to conform.
- Um...
Were, were you talking to me (bell dings)
or were you talking to yourself?
Is everything okay?
- I have a condition.
Do you have any conditioner
to help with my condition?
- No. I am so sorry.
And I have, I have customers I have to speak with.
- That was embarrassing AF. Time to leave.
(funky music)
(funky music continues)
- Nice chicken.
- Chickens symbolize strength and heroism.
(subtle jazz music)
Weren't you at the park the other day?
- Anyone sitting here?
- Just a ghost.
But he was boring, so...
- Cool.
(chair scrapes)
- Just a warning.
I'm only here because my dad
said I needed to get out more.
- Not to brag, but my mom half forced me to come here.
- It's like, "Geez, parent, get your own life."
- Mm-hmm.
I'm Lana.
- I'm Bertha. (bell dings)
Why do you talk so, like, monotone?
- Me?
You're the one who sounds
like a dementor sucked the life outta you.
- I wish. That sounds a lot easier than life.
- Real life is like one big dementor
sucking up your soul real slowly.
Then it accidentally lets some happiness in,
but then it realizes its mistake
and starts sucking again,
twice as hard, to make up for it.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
This girl is really speaking my language, you know?
But she could do with a little bit more energy.
Why are you guys interviewing me in the bathroom?
We could do a vlog in here.
We'll call it "Giving Bertha in the Bathroom."
- Let's just cut. - Wait-
They basically kicked me out.
- Lana, Lana, I'm so sorry.
I got a work emergency. Can you get yourself home?
- I think I'll hang out here with Bertha.
- Hi, Lana's mom.
- Hi, I'm Candace.
It's so nice to see Lana making new friends.
- Yeah, just like when I was eight.
All right, I gotta go.
- I hope you two ladies enjoy
the rest of your afternoon.
- Bye. - Okay, bye mom.
- Nice meeting you.
- So I was gonna talk to my mom about this,
but since she's gone, I'll tell you instead?
- I'm not your mom.
- That's probably better anyway.
(subtle jazz music continues)
Okay, (sighs) so I got this coworker Burd
and he's getting fired
because he didn't back up a hard drive
because I'm such a chicken.
No offense.
- She's not offended.
Chickens represent heroism.
- Okay.
Then I've been too much of a human.
Anyways, it's actually my fault the drive is broken.
I'm getting promoted and he's losing his job.
And I pretty much decided
that I'm the scum of the earth.
(door thuds)
Monica.
- Ahem, hey. Hey, Lana.
- This was it.
This was my third-act moment.
So I went to the coffee shop and met this girl Bertha.
She's super cool.
And I poured my heart out to her
about how I broke that hard drive
and how Burd is getting fired over it.
And now I just..
- You never told me all that.
- I know, but I, I just didn't know what to do.
- So, so you decided
to tell some random girl you just met instead?
- It sounds bad when you say it like that.
- What's the way to say it so it doesn't sound bad?
- I-is that wine?
- (scoffs) Wh-
Why should I tell you anything
if you don't tell me anything?
You know, it not like you ever ask me
about what's going on in my life.
- I have no idea what I'm doing.
- You know.
You know exactly what you're doing.
I'm going to bed, Lana.
(glass shatters)
Oh, and the mail came, but don't worry, I didn't check it.
(footsteps thud softly)
(subdued music)
(Lana sniffles)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music darkens)
(static buzzing)
(dark music continues)
(cereal squelching)
(dark music continues)
(door clicks) - Monica?
(distressed music)
- [Robot] I'll pick my stuff up later.
Stay cool, Monica.
- Shit.
(distressed music fades)
(phone clicks)
(phone buzzes)
- So this is your place?
- Yeah.
Thanks for coming over.
- What's that?
(silly music) - Oh,
I used to make little
stop-motion animations with that
when I was a kid.
That's kind of how I got into movies.
- You mean the thing where you move something,
take a picture, move it again, take another picture,
and then play it and it looks like it's moving?
- Yep.
I used to animate that chicken.
(chicken clucks)
(chicken chirps)
- That's pretty cool.
Why'd you stop?
- I don't know.
Got too busy, I guess.
Real life just sort of took over.
(mellow music)
- Would you wanna make more films again?
Like when you were a kid?
- I want to.
Just don't have time.
- I don't know. My girlfriend always says,
"You gotta crack some eggs to make an omelet."
What's that one's name?
- Oh, she's Roosty.
(Roosty clucks)
My mom gave her to me.
- To remind you to be more creative?
- No.
At least I don't think so.
- I've always wanted to try that stop-motion stuff.
Maybe, could you show me how to do it sometime?
- Okay. (chuckles)
(mellow music continues)
(egg plops)
(egg sizzles)
Sound's set.
- Sick.
- Hey guys.
So I just got fired.
- W-what?
- Dubs-T-F, man?
And and you're like, what?
The cops walking him out or something?
(scoffs) Not chill, Will. Not chill.
- Look, they wanted me to make sure he doesn't,
I don't know, ruin the place.
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music continues)
- Thank you for being here for me, Lana.
Michael, you too buddy.
I'm gonna call you after this
'cause I'm gonna need some help.
- They can't fire you for something you didn't do.
- I'll be fine, Lana, pshh.
(alarm beeping)
- Let's go.
- Bye, guys.
(alarm continues beeping)
(booming sounds)
(dog barking) (cat shrieking)
(sirens wailing)
- Finally, the apocalypse.
(ice cream truck chimes)
At least the apocalypse will have ice cream.
(phone chimes)
Ugh.
(groans)
Can't focus.
(Hammer meowing)
Hm? Hammer?
(Hammer's bell jingling)
All right.
You're better than that. Go.
(birds chirping)
(phone keyboard clicking)
(subdued music)
(subdued music continues)
(subdued music continues)
(uncomfortable music)
- (laughs) After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
All right, well let's get to the point.
(laughs) After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
After all, this is a, a PowerPoint, right?
R- r-r-r-right?
P- P-P-P-PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh, god.
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. - Stop!
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Not even the volume?
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh God. Oh God.
- PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - Oh god.
Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- God. Oh, god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Oh god. Oh god. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- Lana? - Oh, god!
- Ah, I'm back. - Ah...
- What in the hell are you doing?
- [Lecturer] PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint. PowerPoint. - I don't even know.
It froze and it won't shut the hell up
and now I'm gonna die. - PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
- That's it. We're going outside.
- PowerPoint. PowerPoint. (Lana groans)
- I edited a lecture about the outdoors once.
- Lana, you almost went crazy.
Okay. You, you can't do that.
You're not allowed.
- Oh my god, it's still gonna be playing
when we get back home.
It's just gonna... My god. No.
- be playing. - No, it's not. Okay?
I, I paused it and it's just gonna tire itself out
until it finally goes to sleep.
- I didn't hit save.
- Lana, forget about work.
Just enjoy being in the sun for a little while.
(mellow music)
(Monica sighs)
- It's so depressing here.
It's all gonna be dead by summer.
- It doesn't die.
What do you mean?
- I mean, that's what all the grass in California does.
It doesn't die. It's just dormant.
The roots are still alive and when it rains,
they'll sprout back up again.
- I'm sorry, Monica for being distant
and not keeping up with what's happening
in your life and for being-
- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I, I shouldn't have started drinking.
And I'm really sorry for what I said.
(mellow music continues)
Hey, you wanna take a nap in the grass?
- (chuckles) Yes.
- Okay.
- Uh, I need to make, make a phone call first though.
Is that okay? - Yeah, sure. Yeah.
I'll, I'll just lay this out.
Okay? - Okay.
(Lana exhales shakily)
Hey Burd, it's...
(frantic music)
(frantic music continues)
(frantic music softens)
(soft frantic music continues)
(soft frantic music continues)
(wind rustling softly)
Whoa.
(patrons chattering)
- Hey.
Hi. - Hi.
(mellow music) Come on, let's sit.
This is Rayna.
- [Lana] Hi. I'm Lana.
- [Rayna] Hi, Lana.
- Hi, I'm Monica. - Hi, Monica.
(Hammer's bell ringing gently)
Hey. (laughs)
(mellow music continues)
(mellow music continues)
- And I'll just leave you with one final note.
A-sharp.
(microphone thuds) (feedback whines)
(audience applauds lightly)
(soft disquieting music)
(camera beeps)
- Hey, thanks for helping me
film that stuff on the weekends.
- Thank you for hiring me. That was a good time.
When do you think we could see it?
You should do like a rough cut screening
for me, Michael, and Will.
- That's a good idea.
- Oh, and speaking of films,
did you hear about Benny's movie?
- (sighs) What about it?
- So apparently they're having
a troubled time shooting it
because he keeps coming to set
like three hours late, completely baked. (laughs)
(upbeat jazz music) - Yeah. I'm Benny.
And I couldn't make my movie
because I kept coming to set completely baked.
I'm a deadbeat slacker.
Sorry Mom.
(Sharpies thudding)
(bell dings)
I deserved that.
(clock thuds)
- So this is like a flash
forward instead of a flashback?
- Show, don't tell, right? (clicks tongue) (laughs)
(alarm beeping)
But the lie detector does not believe you.
- I feel like it's coming from right here.
The hell is this?
- Oh yeah. That was under all the cables I cleaned up.
So a long time ago,
Michael and I tried to make
this automatic motion-triggered
recording lecture system
for all the times we were
late because of horrible traffic.
(traffic droning) (horns honking)
(car crash solo)
But I'm glad we're clearing up some loose plot threads.
(snaps) Wait, there's one more.
- Mm. - Now we're done. (laughs)
- Wait, so this recording device didn't actually work?
(upbeat music) - Oh. Not at all.
Michael and I hid it because we used
a whole bunch of school's
equipment without permission
and we didn't want them to find out and fire us.
- So then I got you fired instead.
- You did, didn't you? (laughs)
- I'm glad you're back.
Is there anything that I can do to make it up to you?
- Hmm.
What about, you close up shop today?
- Sure, I can do that.
- Great.
Also, I finished editing a lecture
if you could look at it when you get the chance.
- All right. (both chuckle)
- Oh, and sorry you lost your promotion,
but at least you gotta keep
your job. (imitates explosion)
- It's fine. I didn't really want it anyway.
- And Michael's probably the best guy for the job.
The guy is stoked.
- Yeah. (both laugh)
Hey, the colors look pretty good on this.
Did you actually stop trying to fix them for once?
- No, I still fixed the colors.
- What? - Took your advice.
Okay. Gotta go.
See you later Dalai Lana.
The Burd has left the building. (chirps)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- Hello, this is Lana from the video department at...
Yeah, I'm looking for Charlie.
- [Director] Beautiful. Cut.
(lively rock music) Sunday morning when I'm
Hiding in my sheets Hiding in my sheets
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets through
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets
Wonder how the light gets
All its color from you
All its color from you
All its color from you-hoo
(lively rock music continues)
I try to stay up late
Counting candles for your birthday cake
But I never make it to two
No, I never make it to two
I try to go out nights
Drive around and look for other pilot lights
But I end up looking for you
I end up looking for you
Oh, I end up looking for you
I wonder how the light gets through
Wonder how the light gets
Wonder how the light gets
All its color from you
All its color from
(lively rock music continues)
You
(eccentric electronic music)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(eccentric electronic music continues)
- [Assistant Director] Roll sound.
- [Production Mixer] 115, take two.
- Speeds.
- [Clapper] 115, take two, mark.
- [Director] Action.
(eccentric electronic music continues)
(Lana sighs)
- We just shot this for the trailer.
This scene's not even in the movie.
(eccentric electronic music continues)
- [Director] Cut.