South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2 (2022) Movie Script
1
Please state your name for the record.
Stan Marsh.
And, uh, Mr. Marsh, you were involved
in the streaming wars, is that correct?
We made stuff for
streaming services, yes.
And how do you know the
defendant in this case?
She's the mother of
my f... acquaintance.
When you made your deals
for streaming services,
you sort of leveraged them
against each other, didn't you?
That is correct.
And now the streaming bubble has burst
and your own father is in
hiding, isn't that correct?
My dad is missing, that is correct.
What exactly was your
job in making these
little Popsicle stick boats
for streaming services?
Um, my job was to eat the Popsicles.
And the people who paid you
didn't care what you made?
Well, if you look at it, only
about a fourth of what's on
most streaming services
is really worth a shit,
so... Oh, sorry.
Do you know what an exclusive deal is?
Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is.
So, if you make an exclusive
deal with a streaming service,
you can't make an exclusive deal
with another streaming service, can you?
It's not our fault that
the streaming wars happened!
So, then why not just
give back the money?
- We can't!
- Why not?!
'Cause the money is all
in Cartman's fucking tits!
Ms. Cartman, you and
your son live in a hot dog,
is that correct?
Yes, Eric, you know that's correct.
And your son wanted you
to get fake tits so that the rich guy
across the street would
let you live with him
but you refused, is that right?
That's right.
So when I said, "If you
don't get fake tits I will,"
you just told me to go ahead.
Yes, because I'm sick of
you doing extreme things
to get your way.
So you refused even though tons
of women get fake breasts all the time.
Your Honor, I'd like to
introduce Exhibit D...
Tons of women with fake tits.
Tom, I'm standing outside
the courthouse where the judge
has just thrown out the
Cartman v. Cartman case.
The judge said, quote, "You're
all a bunch of shitheads.
Get out of my courtroom."
Just proof once again, Tom,
that streaming services
have made everything suck.
'Kay, Mom, well, I hope
you learned your lesson.
So, maybe now, will you get fake tits
so I can get these stupid things out?
No, Eric! No!
Can I get a Frosty?
- Oh, shit, it's Karen!
- What?
Come on. Go, kids, go.
What... what happened?
- Wow, it's the real thing.
- We gotta go!
There! You see? Karen is right there!
Okay, okay, everyone
back... Just stay back!
All right, Karen. We
don't want any trouble.
Huh?
It doesn't have to be like this,
Karen. Let us get you some help.
Can-can someone please
tell me what's going on?
Is there, like, a manager
I can speak to somew...
Karen's clear!
Move in!
Just relax.
I need to know what you remember, Karen.
I started a streaming service...
to compete with the weed
farm across the street.
And some guy died.
That's right.
Do you know where the owner
of Credigree Weed is now?
No.
The steaming wars got out of hand.
Your rival here somehow got
ManBearPig to work for him
and murder the competition.
You... went down to the Colorado
State Water Commission's office.
You asked to speak with the manager.
And then you went full nuclear Karen.
Full nuclear Karen?
You went ballistic on everybody.
Call the cops, goddamn it,
if you don't like me over here.
- Fucking call 'em!
- Okay. Karen.
Motherfucker!
- Go back to Mexico.
- Listen. I said...
I said "excuse me."
Go. Go back wherever you're from!
You traveled all over
the state and demanded to
- see everyone's managers.
- He's the one... that went off.
Oh, God...
- I don't have a right to be here?!
- Outside the State office
in Denver, you caused a 20-car pileup.
- Huh?! Call a manager now!
- Five people were severely injured.
And then you attacked the airport.
I want the manager of
the fucking airport here!
Who's tellin' me to...
I want the manager of the airport here!
And then the same thing
happened in Madrid.
Who is the manager of
this fucking shithole?!
In Bangladesh...
And in the mountains of Tibet.
And I'm sorry, Karen, but...
I'm afraid all of this has become
the most watched videos on YouTube.
No.
Tolkien...
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for something, all right?
- Looking for what?
- Anything.
I don't know! People are saying
that my dad caused all this.
That he's hiding because
he knows he's guilty.
I know that's not true.
What does that have
to do with the rich guy
who lived here moving away?
The guy who lived here didn't
move away. He was killed.
What?
I know that my dad
wouldn't just run and hide!
What if he needs me right now?
Tolkien, I wanted the guy
who lived here to be my dad.
Who would have killed him?
Okay, I'm done.
All right, then put
your plate in the sink
and march right on upstairs!
Maybe the next time you decide
to pit streaming services
against each other and cause
a drought, you'll think twice.
I want no playing, no reading
and no thinking about fun stuff.
You are being grounded.
It's not my fault streaming
services paid people more
than was sustainable
in any business model.
Butters.
Shh! Butters, stop.
Eric! You can't be
in here, I'm grounded.
We've been set up, Butters.
- What?
- The whole streaming wars!
The whole thing was a lie!
Eric, is that a real gun?
Fuck yes, it's a real
gun. Butters, listen to me.
Someone bought up all the water
and murdered anyone
who got in their way.
- No...
- Yes, Butters.
Someone worked with the
Colorado water commissioner
and cheated the system. The same person
who is now using climate
change to make a profit!
Who?
It didn't make sense to me.
Why my mom was being so stubborn.
Why she wouldn't do what I asked.
But then I saw Tolkien across the street
and I figured it out...
Tolkien is fucking my mom.
Tolkien?!
I wanted my mom to get fake tits
so she could marry the
rich guy across the street.
Now that guy is dead and
my mom is acting strange.
The only explanation is
that she's fucking Tolkien
and they don't want me to know!
But, Eric, Tolkien was making
the boats with us, he...
Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here.
Stop staring at my tits.
Oh, sorry.
There's a bad guy out there getting away
with murder, Butters.
And we have to catch him.
Good people of Denver,
we are living through a horrible time.
This drought, i-it affect everybody.
It affect me. My waterpark.
But I have a plan to not
only reopen my waterpark,
but also help all of Colorado
with their water supply problem.
So, if you don't mind, I'd
like to show you my deck.
- Oh, Christ.
- No.
This is the business proposal deck
for the Pipi streaming service!
- Oh...
- Oh, that's okay.
In just a few days I
will reopen my waterpark
which will now run on 100% pee!
And then we can collect
half of the pee every day
and send it out to the people of Denver
and all over Colorado
for their daily use.
I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi,
but I really don't think we'll
be able to get people to invest
in your streaming service.
No, no, no, it's okay!
Because I got the biggest celebrities
who made a commerci for crypto
to make the commerci for me!
We are living in a severe drought.
There simply isn't a choice anymore,
we have to find alternate
sources for water.
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
You've heard me talk
about the wonders of
cryptocurrency, and
now there's a company
who can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
Pee can be used for almost anything.
We can water our lawns with it.
We can also use urine
for our shower water.
Fortune favors the brave.
And a brave person knows
that pasta cooked in pee
water tastes just fine.
Okay, hold on.
Fortune favors the brave.
Did you know frozen pee can make
for a delicious summer treat?
Okay.
Fortune favors the brave.
And pee water actually pairs really well
with an Impossible Burger.
Fortune...
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
-
... for water.
- Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
- Dad?
You've heard me talk about
the wonders of cryptocurrency,
and now there's a company who
can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
- You okay?
- Pee can be used for almost anything.
- What have I become, Stan?
- We can water our lawns with it.
How did I just sit by and
let the world sink to this?
I used to be a scientist.
Do you remember that?
I was the one who warned
the town about a volcano.
I warned them about
the day after tomorrow.
And then... it all become about weed.
When did that happen, Stan?
I guess we all just got greedy, Dad.
I wanted to be a scientist because
scientists solve problems.
Do you even know what kind
of geologist I was, Stan?
No.
I was a "fluvial geomorphologist."
Someone who studies the
changes in streams and rivers.
And when the town needed me most...
I was just out bitching
because all I cared about
was getting high and rich.
I can't even remember the old me.
There was a boy I used to know
With dreams as big as
the fire in his heart
He grew to be a man
of such good will
Always so patient
Always so smart
He had so much but he threw it away
Somewhere along he got off track
But today he's making
the change for good
And now that man is coming back
Oh, we missed you, Randy
Where have you been?
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen our old friend
Everyone needs you, Randy
Where did you go?
It's like you just became a one-note
Overwrought part of the show
Here I am trying to make it right
Gonna take my life back
with my baby tonight
Oh, we missed you, Randy,
we missed you, Randy
Where have you been?
I've been acting like a fool
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen you, old friend
We've all been waiting
for this day to come
We're all so happy about
the things you've done
'Cause you're going back to Randy
I'm going back to Randy
We missed you, Randy
I missed me, Randy
It's so good to
have you back now
- Our dear friend
- We missed you, Randy
Our dear friend, Randy
- I'm Randy
- Randy
- Randy, Randy
- I'm Randy.
All right, I've got eyes on him.
Looks like he's in
the basement bathroom.
I didn't even know Tolkien
had a basement bathroom.
Yeah, neither did I. Sneaky bastard.
Seems like he's looking for something.
Oh, nope, he's turning back around.
He's pulling down his pants.
Oh, I think he's gonna take a shit.
"8:35, started taking shit."
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, shit. Go, go, go.
Hello?! Where are...
Eric, I can see you!
There's no way he can see us.
Just stay still.
I see you behind the fucking tree!
Don't come another step
closer or I shoot Butters.
What?!
Let's go. Move. Move!
Do you wanna tell me
what's going on, Tolkien?
- I have no idea!
- Sure!
We're all supposed to believe
that streaming services
were all our fault.
I remember that day at school, Tolkien.
You were the one who said
I should build the boats.
Because I felt bad for you!
You felt bad for me?
Or maybe is it that you wanted
the drought to... Butters,
will you please stop staring at my tits.
I'm sorry.
We've been doing research, Tolkien.
Somebody manipulated the system.
All the water rights, water laws,
there's a big chain of corruption
and the whole thing
stinks like your wiener
after fucking my mom.
Eric, I swear, I have no clue
what you're talking about.
Then read it.
Read about how none of the
streaming services had any
chance of lasting but paid out
thousands of dollars anyway.
Read about how the water
commissioner of Colorado
knew about it the entire time!
Eric, where did you get this?
Tolkien, my eyes are up here,
please stop staring at my titties.
I am staring you dead in the eye.
Where did you get this?
Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.
I got women everywhere excited
about investing in crypto.
And now there's something
even better to invest in.
Uh... uh... um...
Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
-
My fellow Coloradoans,
today we will try to put an end
to the drought that
has crippled our state.
It's my pleasure to announce
that the city of Denver
will be investing heavily in
the Pipi streaming service.
And we encourage you all to "Go pee."
Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver!
It is a my honor to give you
all of the pee that I can.
And so, as of today, we are all going
- to live in...
- Wait!
Hold on!
- Who is that?
- Excuse me!
Please, I have to get to the front!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please.
Please, I have an announcement.
Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh
and I am...
a scientist!
The damage that has been
done to our fresh water
due to the streaming
wars is irreversible, yes.
But I believe I have a plan.
And if you don't mind,
I'd like to show my deck to
each and every one of you.
Whip it out, bro!
The answer...
is an ocean water desalinization plant.
When all of you hear about
droughts in our country,
don't you ever think, "Wait,
the Earth is 75% water.
What the fuck? How can we
not have enough water, right?"
The only thing stopping us from not
being able to use seawater
for our daily use is the salt.
I have a plan to pipe the water
from the oceans up to
the Continental Divide.
From there, we separate
the salt from the water,
giving our entire country
enough clean water forever.
And we ship the salt off to
Arby's and KFC where it belongs.
Dr. Marsh, you have all
the funding you need.
Randy Marsh has the better deck!
She's only 17...
-
- Ever since I can remember,
I've wanted two things.
My own waterpark and to only have to pay
for one streaming service.
And what I didn't know...
was that my own employees
would try to fuck me!
And fucking ruin my life!
Who is this guy talking
about a desalinization plant?!
How did we miss him?!
He's just some scientist,
h-he came out of nowhere.
I asked you to take care of
anybody who might get in my way!
I just wanna be a lifeguard.
"I just wanna be a lifeguard."
You just wanna fuck Pipi!
You're all a bunch of
stinky poopy babies!
All of you! You little pussy bitches!
Oh, you don't like that, huh?
I told you, I told you kill anyone
in the mountains who could be a problem!
You a little ManBear-bitch,
that's what you are!
You wanna fuck with Pipi, huh?
Don't forget what I have on you.
Sit down, ManBearBitchy!
I want that desalinization plant gone
and I want the scientist dead!
There can only be one streaming service.
And it's going to be Pipi+!
It was 8:15 on Thursday night.
The people were all excited
about the possibility
of a new desalinization plant.
But I had a lingering
uneasiness in my gut.
And then, just like that,
in walked the nicest pair
of knockers I'd ever seen in my life.
Detective, we need to talk to you.
Aw, fuck, not you again.
Get out of here kid, I'm
not going to arrest your mom.
You might think differently when
you hear what we have to say.
- Go ahead, Tolkien.
- Sir,
we think the person who
killed Robert Cussler
to make the drought happen.
Your father killed Robert Cussler.
And what makes you think
he had a bigger plan?
Wait a minute. Did he
tell you his business plan?
Did he show you his deck?!
No.
My uncle Larry showed me his dick once.
My dad isn't capable of killing anyone.
Well, I'm sure that's true.
And that's why your father
had ManBearPig do it for him.
You see, your dad used
ManBearPig to get rid
of the competition
in the streaming wars.
Butters, please.
And ManBearPig will
just go right on doing
whatever Tolkien's father
says because he's afraid.
ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?
Afraid for the safety...
of its wife and child.
Not many people know about
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck,
but your father must
have threatened ManBearPig
that he would tell people they exist.
And if everyone knew that
climate change had a child,
they'd go after it.
Okay, whatever, but you have no proof
that it was my dad who did anything.
Don't I?
I happen to know for a
fact that while the rest
of the state is suffering,
your dad has been out living it up.
Surveillance camera caught him enjoying
his time at a waterpark.
The waterpark.
Hello, I'm Larry David.
When I made my Superbowl
commercial for crypto,
I didn't even really know what it was!
But thanks to the money
I made, I now can enjoy
my favorite beverage every day!
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
Hello?
Where the fuck am I?
Hello?!
Well, I don't know, but
it needs to be a-fixed, okay?
Maybe we have some
kind of intruder, huh,
that's doing the sabotage, you know!
We looked everywhere, sir.
We didn't find anything.
Well, look harder, you stupid fuck!
Something going on down here!
Who are you? Did you bandage me up?
Chuck Chuck!
Come on! Something's happened
to the outtake valves again!
Okay, that's great, guys.
Keep the pipe on the downward slope.
- How's it all going?
- Oh, thanks, honey.
It's good. Fast.
I think we can have
this thing up and running
- for tests in a week.
- That's amazing.
You're not so bad yourself, babe.
Oh, and hey, Sharon?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
It's okay, Randy.
All right, Nelson, I've
updated the engineering.
I've accounted for the elevation
but I still can't
figure out the pipeline.
The problem is actually
getting enough pressure
to get the saltwater
up here to the plant.
It almost seems impossible.
I don't know how you get saltwater
up here without a tremendous
amount of energy.
Yeah, well, let's just keep working.
There has to be an answer.
Science always has an answer.
Randy, it's good to have you back
at the U.S. Geological Survey.
Thanks, Nelson.
Oh, and hey, Nelson?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
That's okay, Randy.
Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka.
And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy
fresh piss on my organic greens.
Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
She's a summertime girl
Welcome to Pipi's Waterpark!
Where the thrills and
fun are all 100% urine.
We hope you have a magical
day and if you need to
use the restroom, just let it
go in one of our many pools.
Your pee will be collected and harvested
for Denver's water
supply. Go pee, Colorado.
Boy, oh boy, what a
great day for a swim!
Can't wait to hit that fresh pool!
Blackhawk, this is
Browneye. I am in position.
Copy, Butters. Do you see
the slide we're looking for?
That's a negative,
Blackhawk. Got nothin' here.
What about over by
the funnel cakes, Eric?
She's a summertime girl...
I don't see the slide that matches
the one in the picture, Tolkien.
I'm afraid this could
be a dead end, guys.
- Wait. Oh, my God.
- What?
There's a guy here who's just
totally staring at my tits.
Hey, do you mind, sir?
My eyes are up here.
Eric, we're trying not to
draw attention to oursel...
Stop looking at my tits!
- Yes, you are!
- Eric, do you...
These people are all
staring at my fucking tits!
They're such perverts!
Little boy, we're just a
bit shocked to see that.
Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty
bitty titty committee, bitch!
Just focus on the fucking plan, Eric!
Hey, fellas, I think I got it!
I found the slide where
the photo was taken!
And there's some kind of bunker
entrance right next to it.
Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry
but I need to speak with
you about your husband.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
But he will be as soon as I
can find him. Can I come in?
Your husband is a very dangerous man.
We now believe that he caused
the whole drought to happen.
- Do you mind?
- Yes.
Great.
Now, obviously, your
husband had some kind
of bigger business plan.
He might have it all
explained somewhere.
Does your husband have a deck?
Of course my husband has a dick.
Well, I'd like to see it,
if that's okay with you.
How am I supposed to show
you when I don't even know
- where he is?
- All right. If you want to
be difficult, ma'am, that's fine.
But you know where your husband is
and so does your little boy.
I'm sure that you've both seen his deck
and I'm sure it's pretty massive.
Detective, my husband is a good man.
Well, I'm sure he was at one point.
But then he started a streaming service
and became the monster that he is today.
Okay, well, I think
you should leave now.
All right, fine.
But just so you know,
when I find your husband...
And I will find him...
I'm gonna shoot him.
And then I'll check out his deck later.
This must be where all the pee
is collected for Pipi's
streaming service.
Sure is a lot of pee!
This place is massive. They had to have
been working on this place for years!
Yeah, looks like
someone has been planning
on fucking my mom for a long time!
Everyone spread out and
see what you can find.
What exactly are we looking for?
Documents, contracts,
condoms, whatever you can find.
Get a picture of anything unusual.
People would be very interested to see
how far along this all is.
Hey, there's some little
brown chocolates on the floor.
Chunk!
Whoa!
It's okay. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.
Chuck Chuck?
The fuck is that?
What are you doing down here?
Are you lost?
Chuck Chuck.
You guys, seriously, the fuck is that?
It's like a little bear pig...
They don't know you're
down here, do they?
Chuck Chuck.
Hey, stop right there!
Yeah, we did it! We did it!
Tell the boss we caught 'em!
We finally caught the little buggers
that've been messing with
the equipment down here.
I'm Reese Witherspoon.
I think crypto is a great idea
but there's one investment
that's even smarter.
That's why when my family is
enjoying festive party games,
we do it in pee.
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
Oh, hey, honey.
- Any luck?
- No.
The plant is almost ready to
go and I still can't figure out
how to get the saltwater to it.
The elevations are just too extreme.
Hey, what are the kids doing?
Mm, they're just in
their rooms, hanging out.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
How about we round them
up and go take a nice walk
- or something.
- You sure?
Yeah, I need a break and
they need a dad. Come on.
Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson.
Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there?
Randy! Randy!
The plant!
It's all wrecked!
What are you talking about?
It was climate change, Randy!
It ripped apart the watershed and took
a huge shit in the conversion tanks!
No.
It just started tearing through people.
But, Randy, it seemed like
it was looking for something.
I'm scared it might have
been looking for you.
Randy, what's going on?
What's going on, Dad?
Take the kids to the
basement and lock the door.
Randy, what are we...
Just do it, baby, please!
Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.
What the fuck are you doing here?!
I need your help, Randy.
I can't go to the police.
Yeah, no shit, 'cause you're a murderer!
I didn't kill anyone!
Look, I know we've had our differences.
But I need you to trust me right now.
I don't care about
Credigree Weed anymore.
I just want to fix the drought.
You're not going to fix it because
Pipi controls everything!
Pipi?
He used the water commissioner to get us
to start our streaming
war against each other.
No.
He used us, Randy.
Pipi tried to have me killed
but some little beaver thing
saved me. Please.
My wife said Tolkien and his friends
went to look for me at the waterpark.
Credigree and Tegridy
have to work together.
Tegridy took over my life
and completely ruined my character.
Don't you get it?
We aren't the ones who are
ever gonna help anything.
We're the ones who
make everything worse.
It's no use, we can't hack
through the bars.
Hey. Hey there.
Chuck Chuck.
Hey.
Are you down here looking for your dad?
I'm looking for my dad, too.
Oh, God, that's so cheesy.
You don't have to be afraid of people.
I can tell you why.
Chuck Chuck.
Yes. Good, Tolkien, I
think you're starting
to reason with it.
So!
You're the little "sabotagis"
that's been messing with my stuff, huh?
Uh, no, we actually just
got here recently, sir.
- Where is my dad?
- Your dad?
Oh...
You the boys that make-a
the little boats-a. No?
Oh, you help Pipi so much!
You probably made a lot of money, huh?
We didn't know what we were doing.
Yeah, well, who does, huh?
That's doing business in America.
You just get in,
fuck everything up, pay
people money you don't have,
and try to get a big
market evaluation, yes?
So you sped up climate change
and then you fucked my mom, is that it?
Scusi?
No, see, what he did was
he paid people too much money
while actually devaluing the artists,
creating a streaming business
that was driving content
instead of content driving the business.
So now he's got a huge company
but all he's delivering is piss.
And now I'm about to have
the only streaming service
in the world.
You see, I have all
the celebrities here.
Everybody to be in one big
final commerci together!
And when that commerci goes out,
everybody gonna want to invest in Pipi.
And you boys, well... I'm
afraid you might meet up
with a little accidente, eh?
The pee-pee gonna come down
and it gonna wash you
boys away down a drain-ee.
Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci!
I'm sorry, guys. I got played.
We all got played, Dad.
The whole state.
I really thought I could
make a difference this time.
Well, you can't, Randy.
But there is someone who can.
Somebody who can go
down to that waterpark
and demand to be heard.
We need Karen back, Dad.
What?
No. No!
You have to, Dad.
Karen is the only one
that can get past security
and insist to see the management.
Karen is gone. Okay?
I'm never going back.
Then Pipi does win.
And we all go without fresh
water for the rest of our lives.
Come on, Karen, please.
My friends are down there.
It doesn't work like that.
I didn't just become Karen overnight.
First I smoked weed.
Then I smoked too much weed.
Then I started a weed farm
and then I got entitled
and did everything I
could to protect it!
But the weed is all gone now.
Not all of it.
The Thanksgiving Day
Special? You saved this?
I-I made this, like, three years ago.
Yeah. I think it's the
best special you ever made.
If I smoke this... I
won't remember any of you.
It will be like none of the
past few days ever happened.
We have to have water, Karen.
What the hell is he doing?
He looks ridiculous.
Just-just let him do it, kids.
We missed you, Karen
Where have you been?
Someone's been fucking with my Tegridy!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!
Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, for coming
to be a part of filming my new commerci.
This is gonna be the best
commerci we ever make-a!
Okay, now everyone look
like you're having fun!
Background action! And
action, Matt Damon-a!
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
Me and all my Hollywood friends
have a little secret to share.
We love being in pee.
Are you in?
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Now you all play in
the pee a little bit.
You laughing, you having fun.
You splash-a the pee on each other.
Good, good. You love the pee.
Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee
on Reesie Witherspoon.
And then, Reesie, the
pee... The pee make you
so happy that-that you cry.
I cry?
Yes, Reesie, you so happy
in the pee, it make you cry.
And when you cry... you cry the pee.
I can't cry pee.
Oh, come on, Reesie.
You slut yourself out for crypto,
now just be a slut for Pipi.
Go on, cry, Reesie. You're
all a bunch of sellouts.
Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry.
I'm sorry, folks, the
waterpark is closed
for a commercial shoot.
We'll let you know as soon as
we get things back open again.
It's Karen!
I want in your waterpark right now!
The park's closed, they're
filming a commercial.
I wanna speak to your...
Manager!
Good. Good.
And now, Larry David, you come
up with the pee in your mouth.
And then you just, you just
spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow.
There you are! What's going on?
You wanna tell me what
the fuck is going on?!
Scusi, who let you in?
I let myself in because
it's a free country
and I'll stand where I fucking want!
Get him out of here!
Don't you fucking touch me!
Don't any of you fucking touch me!
Okay, we obviously have a bit
of a Karen here, let's, uh...
You can call me Karen
all you fucking want!
Motherfucker!
Why don't you tell everyone
what you've been doing?!
I want to speak to someone
in charge! No!
No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge!
- What's going on up there?
- You don't even know
what the fuck you're doing!
Do you?!
Hello? Who's there?
Who's there? Goddamn it,
I-I'm the fuckin' lifeguard.
Whoa.
No, you-you all need to get a life!
I'm not wasted, you're wasted!
Okay, fine, if you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the police.
Fuckin' do it!
Fucking call the police!
Bring 'em right here!
Why don't you go back
to your own fucking country?!
- Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, whoa.
Tom, it looks like after
several days of nothing,
a new Karen video has finally
appeared on the Internet.
A livestream caught
Karen spewing the usual
entitled hateful bullshit,
and more and more viewers are tuning in!
You probably don't even have
a fucking green card, do you?!
Okay. Please leave, okay?
No! You leave! I'm an American!
I pay taxes!
- Okay, please-please leave.
- No! You're a piece of shit
who started the
streaming wars on purpose
to-to cause the drought!
Okay-okay, that's it.
Everybody, we're sorry
for the disturbance.
Yeah, and then you pay
celebrities to get people
to invest in your dumb shit
'cause you know it's fucking dumb!
Somebody get this
Karen out of my face-y!
Oh, you fucked now, Karen.
Oh, look out! ManBearPig!
Dad? Dad!
Dad, you're okay!
Tolkien? Tolkien!
Where did you come from?!
We were busted out by our new friend.
It's okay, you can come out.
Chuck Chuck.
What the fuck is that thing?
I think I can explain it all.
You see, for Pipi's plan to work,
he needed to control climate change.
And the only way to control
anything, is by fucking its mom.
But what Pipi didn't count on,
was that a child will stop at nothing
to find out who is fucking their mom.
Chuck Chuck.
See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh.
Whoa, whoa. Hold on a
minute, ManBearBitchie.
We have a great team, no?
You no wanna hurt Pipi. Look
at everything we've done!
I give you half of the company, huh?!
What do you say, ManBearBitchie?!
We can own the only streaming
service in the world together!
- It's over. We did it!
- We did it, Dad!
Randy. Thank you so much.
Randy? What are you staring at?
Oh, here we go again.
No, wait.
Mr... Mr. Marsh?
My eyes are up... Dude!
How to get saltwater to
the desalinization plant.
Saltwater... saline.
Saline in the plant.
Saline implant! Holy fuck!
Today we try for a new beginning.
You know, in police work,
we don't always get it right.
I wanted a deck in my hands
so bad that I didn't care
whose deck it was.
But I'm happy to be standing here now
with our new test subject.
Thank you. I just want
to say to my mom...
Mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't always
be the son that you need.
Because right now you need
a son that can stay firm
and teach you a lesson.
But unfortunately,
duty calls. I'm ready.
Okay, hit it.
Okay, it works. Bring in the rest!
We got Matt Damon to tell every woman
with fake tits to be brave!
Look at all of them.
It's working!
Hey, everybody! Look!
ManBearPig is leaving with
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.
Chuck Chuck!
Hey, wait.
If that little thing
is gonna be climate change someday,
shouldn't we, like... kill it?
I think what we should do
is try to reach out to it,
see what it needs and see if it can
be different from its father.
Yeah, but that all sounds really hard.
We have enough water for
the summer now. Fuck it.
Let's smoke some weed!
Please state your name for the record.
Stan Marsh.
And, uh, Mr. Marsh, you were involved
in the streaming wars, is that correct?
We made stuff for
streaming services, yes.
And how do you know the
defendant in this case?
She's the mother of
my f... acquaintance.
When you made your deals
for streaming services,
you sort of leveraged them
against each other, didn't you?
That is correct.
And now the streaming bubble has burst
and your own father is in
hiding, isn't that correct?
My dad is missing, that is correct.
What exactly was your
job in making these
little Popsicle stick boats
for streaming services?
Um, my job was to eat the Popsicles.
And the people who paid you
didn't care what you made?
Well, if you look at it, only
about a fourth of what's on
most streaming services
is really worth a shit,
so... Oh, sorry.
Do you know what an exclusive deal is?
Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is.
So, if you make an exclusive
deal with a streaming service,
you can't make an exclusive deal
with another streaming service, can you?
It's not our fault that
the streaming wars happened!
So, then why not just
give back the money?
- We can't!
- Why not?!
'Cause the money is all
in Cartman's fucking tits!
Ms. Cartman, you and
your son live in a hot dog,
is that correct?
Yes, Eric, you know that's correct.
And your son wanted you
to get fake tits so that the rich guy
across the street would
let you live with him
but you refused, is that right?
That's right.
So when I said, "If you
don't get fake tits I will,"
you just told me to go ahead.
Yes, because I'm sick of
you doing extreme things
to get your way.
So you refused even though tons
of women get fake breasts all the time.
Your Honor, I'd like to
introduce Exhibit D...
Tons of women with fake tits.
Tom, I'm standing outside
the courthouse where the judge
has just thrown out the
Cartman v. Cartman case.
The judge said, quote, "You're
all a bunch of shitheads.
Get out of my courtroom."
Just proof once again, Tom,
that streaming services
have made everything suck.
'Kay, Mom, well, I hope
you learned your lesson.
So, maybe now, will you get fake tits
so I can get these stupid things out?
No, Eric! No!
Can I get a Frosty?
- Oh, shit, it's Karen!
- What?
Come on. Go, kids, go.
What... what happened?
- Wow, it's the real thing.
- We gotta go!
There! You see? Karen is right there!
Okay, okay, everyone
back... Just stay back!
All right, Karen. We
don't want any trouble.
Huh?
It doesn't have to be like this,
Karen. Let us get you some help.
Can-can someone please
tell me what's going on?
Is there, like, a manager
I can speak to somew...
Karen's clear!
Move in!
Just relax.
I need to know what you remember, Karen.
I started a streaming service...
to compete with the weed
farm across the street.
And some guy died.
That's right.
Do you know where the owner
of Credigree Weed is now?
No.
The steaming wars got out of hand.
Your rival here somehow got
ManBearPig to work for him
and murder the competition.
You... went down to the Colorado
State Water Commission's office.
You asked to speak with the manager.
And then you went full nuclear Karen.
Full nuclear Karen?
You went ballistic on everybody.
Call the cops, goddamn it,
if you don't like me over here.
- Fucking call 'em!
- Okay. Karen.
Motherfucker!
- Go back to Mexico.
- Listen. I said...
I said "excuse me."
Go. Go back wherever you're from!
You traveled all over
the state and demanded to
- see everyone's managers.
- He's the one... that went off.
Oh, God...
- I don't have a right to be here?!
- Outside the State office
in Denver, you caused a 20-car pileup.
- Huh?! Call a manager now!
- Five people were severely injured.
And then you attacked the airport.
I want the manager of
the fucking airport here!
Who's tellin' me to...
I want the manager of the airport here!
And then the same thing
happened in Madrid.
Who is the manager of
this fucking shithole?!
In Bangladesh...
And in the mountains of Tibet.
And I'm sorry, Karen, but...
I'm afraid all of this has become
the most watched videos on YouTube.
No.
Tolkien...
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for something, all right?
- Looking for what?
- Anything.
I don't know! People are saying
that my dad caused all this.
That he's hiding because
he knows he's guilty.
I know that's not true.
What does that have
to do with the rich guy
who lived here moving away?
The guy who lived here didn't
move away. He was killed.
What?
I know that my dad
wouldn't just run and hide!
What if he needs me right now?
Tolkien, I wanted the guy
who lived here to be my dad.
Who would have killed him?
Okay, I'm done.
All right, then put
your plate in the sink
and march right on upstairs!
Maybe the next time you decide
to pit streaming services
against each other and cause
a drought, you'll think twice.
I want no playing, no reading
and no thinking about fun stuff.
You are being grounded.
It's not my fault streaming
services paid people more
than was sustainable
in any business model.
Butters.
Shh! Butters, stop.
Eric! You can't be
in here, I'm grounded.
We've been set up, Butters.
- What?
- The whole streaming wars!
The whole thing was a lie!
Eric, is that a real gun?
Fuck yes, it's a real
gun. Butters, listen to me.
Someone bought up all the water
and murdered anyone
who got in their way.
- No...
- Yes, Butters.
Someone worked with the
Colorado water commissioner
and cheated the system. The same person
who is now using climate
change to make a profit!
Who?
It didn't make sense to me.
Why my mom was being so stubborn.
Why she wouldn't do what I asked.
But then I saw Tolkien across the street
and I figured it out...
Tolkien is fucking my mom.
Tolkien?!
I wanted my mom to get fake tits
so she could marry the
rich guy across the street.
Now that guy is dead and
my mom is acting strange.
The only explanation is
that she's fucking Tolkien
and they don't want me to know!
But, Eric, Tolkien was making
the boats with us, he...
Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here.
Stop staring at my tits.
Oh, sorry.
There's a bad guy out there getting away
with murder, Butters.
And we have to catch him.
Good people of Denver,
we are living through a horrible time.
This drought, i-it affect everybody.
It affect me. My waterpark.
But I have a plan to not
only reopen my waterpark,
but also help all of Colorado
with their water supply problem.
So, if you don't mind, I'd
like to show you my deck.
- Oh, Christ.
- No.
This is the business proposal deck
for the Pipi streaming service!
- Oh...
- Oh, that's okay.
In just a few days I
will reopen my waterpark
which will now run on 100% pee!
And then we can collect
half of the pee every day
and send it out to the people of Denver
and all over Colorado
for their daily use.
I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi,
but I really don't think we'll
be able to get people to invest
in your streaming service.
No, no, no, it's okay!
Because I got the biggest celebrities
who made a commerci for crypto
to make the commerci for me!
We are living in a severe drought.
There simply isn't a choice anymore,
we have to find alternate
sources for water.
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
You've heard me talk
about the wonders of
cryptocurrency, and
now there's a company
who can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
Pee can be used for almost anything.
We can water our lawns with it.
We can also use urine
for our shower water.
Fortune favors the brave.
And a brave person knows
that pasta cooked in pee
water tastes just fine.
Okay, hold on.
Fortune favors the brave.
Did you know frozen pee can make
for a delicious summer treat?
Okay.
Fortune favors the brave.
And pee water actually pairs really well
with an Impossible Burger.
Fortune...
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
-
... for water.
- Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
- Dad?
You've heard me talk about
the wonders of cryptocurrency,
and now there's a company who
can give us that new source.
Pipi water.
- You okay?
- Pee can be used for almost anything.
- What have I become, Stan?
- We can water our lawns with it.
How did I just sit by and
let the world sink to this?
I used to be a scientist.
Do you remember that?
I was the one who warned
the town about a volcano.
I warned them about
the day after tomorrow.
And then... it all become about weed.
When did that happen, Stan?
I guess we all just got greedy, Dad.
I wanted to be a scientist because
scientists solve problems.
Do you even know what kind
of geologist I was, Stan?
No.
I was a "fluvial geomorphologist."
Someone who studies the
changes in streams and rivers.
And when the town needed me most...
I was just out bitching
because all I cared about
was getting high and rich.
I can't even remember the old me.
There was a boy I used to know
With dreams as big as
the fire in his heart
He grew to be a man
of such good will
Always so patient
Always so smart
He had so much but he threw it away
Somewhere along he got off track
But today he's making
the change for good
And now that man is coming back
Oh, we missed you, Randy
Where have you been?
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen our old friend
Everyone needs you, Randy
Where did you go?
It's like you just became a one-note
Overwrought part of the show
Here I am trying to make it right
Gonna take my life back
with my baby tonight
Oh, we missed you, Randy,
we missed you, Randy
Where have you been?
I've been acting like a fool
It seems such a long time
Since we've seen you, old friend
We've all been waiting
for this day to come
We're all so happy about
the things you've done
'Cause you're going back to Randy
I'm going back to Randy
We missed you, Randy
I missed me, Randy
It's so good to
have you back now
- Our dear friend
- We missed you, Randy
Our dear friend, Randy
- I'm Randy
- Randy
- Randy, Randy
- I'm Randy.
All right, I've got eyes on him.
Looks like he's in
the basement bathroom.
I didn't even know Tolkien
had a basement bathroom.
Yeah, neither did I. Sneaky bastard.
Seems like he's looking for something.
Oh, nope, he's turning back around.
He's pulling down his pants.
Oh, I think he's gonna take a shit.
"8:35, started taking shit."
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, shit. Go, go, go.
Hello?! Where are...
Eric, I can see you!
There's no way he can see us.
Just stay still.
I see you behind the fucking tree!
Don't come another step
closer or I shoot Butters.
What?!
Let's go. Move. Move!
Do you wanna tell me
what's going on, Tolkien?
- I have no idea!
- Sure!
We're all supposed to believe
that streaming services
were all our fault.
I remember that day at school, Tolkien.
You were the one who said
I should build the boats.
Because I felt bad for you!
You felt bad for me?
Or maybe is it that you wanted
the drought to... Butters,
will you please stop staring at my tits.
I'm sorry.
We've been doing research, Tolkien.
Somebody manipulated the system.
All the water rights, water laws,
there's a big chain of corruption
and the whole thing
stinks like your wiener
after fucking my mom.
Eric, I swear, I have no clue
what you're talking about.
Then read it.
Read about how none of the
streaming services had any
chance of lasting but paid out
thousands of dollars anyway.
Read about how the water
commissioner of Colorado
knew about it the entire time!
Eric, where did you get this?
Tolkien, my eyes are up here,
please stop staring at my titties.
I am staring you dead in the eye.
Where did you get this?
Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.
I got women everywhere excited
about investing in crypto.
And now there's something
even better to invest in.
Uh... uh... um...
Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
- With Pipi+.
-
My fellow Coloradoans,
today we will try to put an end
to the drought that
has crippled our state.
It's my pleasure to announce
that the city of Denver
will be investing heavily in
the Pipi streaming service.
And we encourage you all to "Go pee."
Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver!
It is a my honor to give you
all of the pee that I can.
And so, as of today, we are all going
- to live in...
- Wait!
Hold on!
- Who is that?
- Excuse me!
Please, I have to get to the front!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please.
Please, I have an announcement.
Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh
and I am...
a scientist!
The damage that has been
done to our fresh water
due to the streaming
wars is irreversible, yes.
But I believe I have a plan.
And if you don't mind,
I'd like to show my deck to
each and every one of you.
Whip it out, bro!
The answer...
is an ocean water desalinization plant.
When all of you hear about
droughts in our country,
don't you ever think, "Wait,
the Earth is 75% water.
What the fuck? How can we
not have enough water, right?"
The only thing stopping us from not
being able to use seawater
for our daily use is the salt.
I have a plan to pipe the water
from the oceans up to
the Continental Divide.
From there, we separate
the salt from the water,
giving our entire country
enough clean water forever.
And we ship the salt off to
Arby's and KFC where it belongs.
Dr. Marsh, you have all
the funding you need.
Randy Marsh has the better deck!
She's only 17...
-
- Ever since I can remember,
I've wanted two things.
My own waterpark and to only have to pay
for one streaming service.
And what I didn't know...
was that my own employees
would try to fuck me!
And fucking ruin my life!
Who is this guy talking
about a desalinization plant?!
How did we miss him?!
He's just some scientist,
h-he came out of nowhere.
I asked you to take care of
anybody who might get in my way!
I just wanna be a lifeguard.
"I just wanna be a lifeguard."
You just wanna fuck Pipi!
You're all a bunch of
stinky poopy babies!
All of you! You little pussy bitches!
Oh, you don't like that, huh?
I told you, I told you kill anyone
in the mountains who could be a problem!
You a little ManBear-bitch,
that's what you are!
You wanna fuck with Pipi, huh?
Don't forget what I have on you.
Sit down, ManBearBitchy!
I want that desalinization plant gone
and I want the scientist dead!
There can only be one streaming service.
And it's going to be Pipi+!
It was 8:15 on Thursday night.
The people were all excited
about the possibility
of a new desalinization plant.
But I had a lingering
uneasiness in my gut.
And then, just like that,
in walked the nicest pair
of knockers I'd ever seen in my life.
Detective, we need to talk to you.
Aw, fuck, not you again.
Get out of here kid, I'm
not going to arrest your mom.
You might think differently when
you hear what we have to say.
- Go ahead, Tolkien.
- Sir,
we think the person who
killed Robert Cussler
to make the drought happen.
Your father killed Robert Cussler.
And what makes you think
he had a bigger plan?
Wait a minute. Did he
tell you his business plan?
Did he show you his deck?!
No.
My uncle Larry showed me his dick once.
My dad isn't capable of killing anyone.
Well, I'm sure that's true.
And that's why your father
had ManBearPig do it for him.
You see, your dad used
ManBearPig to get rid
of the competition
in the streaming wars.
Butters, please.
And ManBearPig will
just go right on doing
whatever Tolkien's father
says because he's afraid.
ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?
Afraid for the safety...
of its wife and child.
Not many people know about
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck,
but your father must
have threatened ManBearPig
that he would tell people they exist.
And if everyone knew that
climate change had a child,
they'd go after it.
Okay, whatever, but you have no proof
that it was my dad who did anything.
Don't I?
I happen to know for a
fact that while the rest
of the state is suffering,
your dad has been out living it up.
Surveillance camera caught him enjoying
his time at a waterpark.
The waterpark.
Hello, I'm Larry David.
When I made my Superbowl
commercial for crypto,
I didn't even really know what it was!
But thanks to the money
I made, I now can enjoy
my favorite beverage every day!
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
Hello?
Where the fuck am I?
Hello?!
Well, I don't know, but
it needs to be a-fixed, okay?
Maybe we have some
kind of intruder, huh,
that's doing the sabotage, you know!
We looked everywhere, sir.
We didn't find anything.
Well, look harder, you stupid fuck!
Something going on down here!
Who are you? Did you bandage me up?
Chuck Chuck!
Come on! Something's happened
to the outtake valves again!
Okay, that's great, guys.
Keep the pipe on the downward slope.
- How's it all going?
- Oh, thanks, honey.
It's good. Fast.
I think we can have
this thing up and running
- for tests in a week.
- That's amazing.
You're not so bad yourself, babe.
Oh, and hey, Sharon?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
It's okay, Randy.
All right, Nelson, I've
updated the engineering.
I've accounted for the elevation
but I still can't
figure out the pipeline.
The problem is actually
getting enough pressure
to get the saltwater
up here to the plant.
It almost seems impossible.
I don't know how you get saltwater
up here without a tremendous
amount of energy.
Yeah, well, let's just keep working.
There has to be an answer.
Science always has an answer.
Randy, it's good to have you back
at the U.S. Geological Survey.
Thanks, Nelson.
Oh, and hey, Nelson?
Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
That's okay, Randy.
Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka.
And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy
fresh piss on my organic greens.
Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
She's a summertime girl
Welcome to Pipi's Waterpark!
Where the thrills and
fun are all 100% urine.
We hope you have a magical
day and if you need to
use the restroom, just let it
go in one of our many pools.
Your pee will be collected and harvested
for Denver's water
supply. Go pee, Colorado.
Boy, oh boy, what a
great day for a swim!
Can't wait to hit that fresh pool!
Blackhawk, this is
Browneye. I am in position.
Copy, Butters. Do you see
the slide we're looking for?
That's a negative,
Blackhawk. Got nothin' here.
What about over by
the funnel cakes, Eric?
She's a summertime girl...
I don't see the slide that matches
the one in the picture, Tolkien.
I'm afraid this could
be a dead end, guys.
- Wait. Oh, my God.
- What?
There's a guy here who's just
totally staring at my tits.
Hey, do you mind, sir?
My eyes are up here.
Eric, we're trying not to
draw attention to oursel...
Stop looking at my tits!
- Yes, you are!
- Eric, do you...
These people are all
staring at my fucking tits!
They're such perverts!
Little boy, we're just a
bit shocked to see that.
Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty
bitty titty committee, bitch!
Just focus on the fucking plan, Eric!
Hey, fellas, I think I got it!
I found the slide where
the photo was taken!
And there's some kind of bunker
entrance right next to it.
Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry
but I need to speak with
you about your husband.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
But he will be as soon as I
can find him. Can I come in?
Your husband is a very dangerous man.
We now believe that he caused
the whole drought to happen.
- Do you mind?
- Yes.
Great.
Now, obviously, your
husband had some kind
of bigger business plan.
He might have it all
explained somewhere.
Does your husband have a deck?
Of course my husband has a dick.
Well, I'd like to see it,
if that's okay with you.
How am I supposed to show
you when I don't even know
- where he is?
- All right. If you want to
be difficult, ma'am, that's fine.
But you know where your husband is
and so does your little boy.
I'm sure that you've both seen his deck
and I'm sure it's pretty massive.
Detective, my husband is a good man.
Well, I'm sure he was at one point.
But then he started a streaming service
and became the monster that he is today.
Okay, well, I think
you should leave now.
All right, fine.
But just so you know,
when I find your husband...
And I will find him...
I'm gonna shoot him.
And then I'll check out his deck later.
This must be where all the pee
is collected for Pipi's
streaming service.
Sure is a lot of pee!
This place is massive. They had to have
been working on this place for years!
Yeah, looks like
someone has been planning
on fucking my mom for a long time!
Everyone spread out and
see what you can find.
What exactly are we looking for?
Documents, contracts,
condoms, whatever you can find.
Get a picture of anything unusual.
People would be very interested to see
how far along this all is.
Hey, there's some little
brown chocolates on the floor.
Chunk!
Whoa!
It's okay. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.
Chuck Chuck?
The fuck is that?
What are you doing down here?
Are you lost?
Chuck Chuck.
You guys, seriously, the fuck is that?
It's like a little bear pig...
They don't know you're
down here, do they?
Chuck Chuck.
Hey, stop right there!
Yeah, we did it! We did it!
Tell the boss we caught 'em!
We finally caught the little buggers
that've been messing with
the equipment down here.
I'm Reese Witherspoon.
I think crypto is a great idea
but there's one investment
that's even smarter.
That's why when my family is
enjoying festive party games,
we do it in pee.
Go pee!
With Pipi+.
Oh, hey, honey.
- Any luck?
- No.
The plant is almost ready to
go and I still can't figure out
how to get the saltwater to it.
The elevations are just too extreme.
Hey, what are the kids doing?
Mm, they're just in
their rooms, hanging out.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
How about we round them
up and go take a nice walk
- or something.
- You sure?
Yeah, I need a break and
they need a dad. Come on.
Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson.
Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there?
Randy! Randy!
The plant!
It's all wrecked!
What are you talking about?
It was climate change, Randy!
It ripped apart the watershed and took
a huge shit in the conversion tanks!
No.
It just started tearing through people.
But, Randy, it seemed like
it was looking for something.
I'm scared it might have
been looking for you.
Randy, what's going on?
What's going on, Dad?
Take the kids to the
basement and lock the door.
Randy, what are we...
Just do it, baby, please!
Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.
What the fuck are you doing here?!
I need your help, Randy.
I can't go to the police.
Yeah, no shit, 'cause you're a murderer!
I didn't kill anyone!
Look, I know we've had our differences.
But I need you to trust me right now.
I don't care about
Credigree Weed anymore.
I just want to fix the drought.
You're not going to fix it because
Pipi controls everything!
Pipi?
He used the water commissioner to get us
to start our streaming
war against each other.
No.
He used us, Randy.
Pipi tried to have me killed
but some little beaver thing
saved me. Please.
My wife said Tolkien and his friends
went to look for me at the waterpark.
Credigree and Tegridy
have to work together.
Tegridy took over my life
and completely ruined my character.
Don't you get it?
We aren't the ones who are
ever gonna help anything.
We're the ones who
make everything worse.
It's no use, we can't hack
through the bars.
Hey. Hey there.
Chuck Chuck.
Hey.
Are you down here looking for your dad?
I'm looking for my dad, too.
Oh, God, that's so cheesy.
You don't have to be afraid of people.
I can tell you why.
Chuck Chuck.
Yes. Good, Tolkien, I
think you're starting
to reason with it.
So!
You're the little "sabotagis"
that's been messing with my stuff, huh?
Uh, no, we actually just
got here recently, sir.
- Where is my dad?
- Your dad?
Oh...
You the boys that make-a
the little boats-a. No?
Oh, you help Pipi so much!
You probably made a lot of money, huh?
We didn't know what we were doing.
Yeah, well, who does, huh?
That's doing business in America.
You just get in,
fuck everything up, pay
people money you don't have,
and try to get a big
market evaluation, yes?
So you sped up climate change
and then you fucked my mom, is that it?
Scusi?
No, see, what he did was
he paid people too much money
while actually devaluing the artists,
creating a streaming business
that was driving content
instead of content driving the business.
So now he's got a huge company
but all he's delivering is piss.
And now I'm about to have
the only streaming service
in the world.
You see, I have all
the celebrities here.
Everybody to be in one big
final commerci together!
And when that commerci goes out,
everybody gonna want to invest in Pipi.
And you boys, well... I'm
afraid you might meet up
with a little accidente, eh?
The pee-pee gonna come down
and it gonna wash you
boys away down a drain-ee.
Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci!
I'm sorry, guys. I got played.
We all got played, Dad.
The whole state.
I really thought I could
make a difference this time.
Well, you can't, Randy.
But there is someone who can.
Somebody who can go
down to that waterpark
and demand to be heard.
We need Karen back, Dad.
What?
No. No!
You have to, Dad.
Karen is the only one
that can get past security
and insist to see the management.
Karen is gone. Okay?
I'm never going back.
Then Pipi does win.
And we all go without fresh
water for the rest of our lives.
Come on, Karen, please.
My friends are down there.
It doesn't work like that.
I didn't just become Karen overnight.
First I smoked weed.
Then I smoked too much weed.
Then I started a weed farm
and then I got entitled
and did everything I
could to protect it!
But the weed is all gone now.
Not all of it.
The Thanksgiving Day
Special? You saved this?
I-I made this, like, three years ago.
Yeah. I think it's the
best special you ever made.
If I smoke this... I
won't remember any of you.
It will be like none of the
past few days ever happened.
We have to have water, Karen.
What the hell is he doing?
He looks ridiculous.
Just-just let him do it, kids.
We missed you, Karen
Where have you been?
Someone's been fucking with my Tegridy!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!
Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, for coming
to be a part of filming my new commerci.
This is gonna be the best
commerci we ever make-a!
Okay, now everyone look
like you're having fun!
Background action! And
action, Matt Damon-a!
Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
Me and all my Hollywood friends
have a little secret to share.
We love being in pee.
Are you in?
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Now you all play in
the pee a little bit.
You laughing, you having fun.
You splash-a the pee on each other.
Good, good. You love the pee.
Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee
on Reesie Witherspoon.
And then, Reesie, the
pee... The pee make you
so happy that-that you cry.
I cry?
Yes, Reesie, you so happy
in the pee, it make you cry.
And when you cry... you cry the pee.
I can't cry pee.
Oh, come on, Reesie.
You slut yourself out for crypto,
now just be a slut for Pipi.
Go on, cry, Reesie. You're
all a bunch of sellouts.
Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry.
I'm sorry, folks, the
waterpark is closed
for a commercial shoot.
We'll let you know as soon as
we get things back open again.
It's Karen!
I want in your waterpark right now!
The park's closed, they're
filming a commercial.
I wanna speak to your...
Manager!
Good. Good.
And now, Larry David, you come
up with the pee in your mouth.
And then you just, you just
spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow.
There you are! What's going on?
You wanna tell me what
the fuck is going on?!
Scusi, who let you in?
I let myself in because
it's a free country
and I'll stand where I fucking want!
Get him out of here!
Don't you fucking touch me!
Don't any of you fucking touch me!
Okay, we obviously have a bit
of a Karen here, let's, uh...
You can call me Karen
all you fucking want!
Motherfucker!
Why don't you tell everyone
what you've been doing?!
I want to speak to someone
in charge! No!
No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge!
- What's going on up there?
- You don't even know
what the fuck you're doing!
Do you?!
Hello? Who's there?
Who's there? Goddamn it,
I-I'm the fuckin' lifeguard.
Whoa.
No, you-you all need to get a life!
I'm not wasted, you're wasted!
Okay, fine, if you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the police.
Fuckin' do it!
Fucking call the police!
Bring 'em right here!
Why don't you go back
to your own fucking country?!
- Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, whoa.
Tom, it looks like after
several days of nothing,
a new Karen video has finally
appeared on the Internet.
A livestream caught
Karen spewing the usual
entitled hateful bullshit,
and more and more viewers are tuning in!
You probably don't even have
a fucking green card, do you?!
Okay. Please leave, okay?
No! You leave! I'm an American!
I pay taxes!
- Okay, please-please leave.
- No! You're a piece of shit
who started the
streaming wars on purpose
to-to cause the drought!
Okay-okay, that's it.
Everybody, we're sorry
for the disturbance.
Yeah, and then you pay
celebrities to get people
to invest in your dumb shit
'cause you know it's fucking dumb!
Somebody get this
Karen out of my face-y!
Oh, you fucked now, Karen.
Oh, look out! ManBearPig!
Dad? Dad!
Dad, you're okay!
Tolkien? Tolkien!
Where did you come from?!
We were busted out by our new friend.
It's okay, you can come out.
Chuck Chuck.
What the fuck is that thing?
I think I can explain it all.
You see, for Pipi's plan to work,
he needed to control climate change.
And the only way to control
anything, is by fucking its mom.
But what Pipi didn't count on,
was that a child will stop at nothing
to find out who is fucking their mom.
Chuck Chuck.
See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh.
Whoa, whoa. Hold on a
minute, ManBearBitchie.
We have a great team, no?
You no wanna hurt Pipi. Look
at everything we've done!
I give you half of the company, huh?!
What do you say, ManBearBitchie?!
We can own the only streaming
service in the world together!
- It's over. We did it!
- We did it, Dad!
Randy. Thank you so much.
Randy? What are you staring at?
Oh, here we go again.
No, wait.
Mr... Mr. Marsh?
My eyes are up... Dude!
How to get saltwater to
the desalinization plant.
Saltwater... saline.
Saline in the plant.
Saline implant! Holy fuck!
Today we try for a new beginning.
You know, in police work,
we don't always get it right.
I wanted a deck in my hands
so bad that I didn't care
whose deck it was.
But I'm happy to be standing here now
with our new test subject.
Thank you. I just want
to say to my mom...
Mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't always
be the son that you need.
Because right now you need
a son that can stay firm
and teach you a lesson.
But unfortunately,
duty calls. I'm ready.
Okay, hit it.
Okay, it works. Bring in the rest!
We got Matt Damon to tell every woman
with fake tits to be brave!
Look at all of them.
It's working!
Hey, everybody! Look!
ManBearPig is leaving with
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.
Chuck Chuck!
Hey, wait.
If that little thing
is gonna be climate change someday,
shouldn't we, like... kill it?
I think what we should do
is try to reach out to it,
see what it needs and see if it can
be different from its father.
Yeah, but that all sounds really hard.
We have enough water for
the summer now. Fuck it.
Let's smoke some weed!