Spaced Invaders (1990) Movie Script
Where is the admiral?
He summoned us here.
The admiral's tour of duty has ended.
What of the admiral?
He has been subjected to
disciplinary termination.
I have assumed command.
This battle group has
consistently suffered...
the greatest casualties of
any attack force in the fleet.
His Imperial Majesty has sent me...
to take controi of our
attack on the Arcturus system.
To insure our success, all ships...
have been equipped with
enforcer drones to remove...
weak links in the command.
Any deviation from the invasion pian...
- will result in disciplinary review.
- Outrageous!
The tide of battie
can change in seconds.
I'll not send my boys
to Arcturus with...
an enforcer drone
breathing down my neck!
- I wlli!
- Me, too. No probiem.
Whoa!
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Russell, anybody need a
sheriff whlle I was gone?
Most folks don't know we've got one.
I llke it. What are you up to?
I'm set up by the new off-ramp.
- What for?
- I'm gonna catch Big Bean's 1 st speeder.
At ieast I know where to
forward your Christmas present.
Ho-ho-ho.
- Excuse me!
- You're excused.
What's the probiem?
Nothing these 2 barrels can't solve.
Why don't you give me the gun?
'Cause I'm a crazy old man.
I'm as llkeiy to biow
you out of your socks...
as give you the time of day.
What do you think of that?
It'd be a damn shame to
shoot it out with you.
I suppose it wouid.
I was just gonna scare him.
You scared me.
Here.
What's going on with you
and the farmer's trust?
This here is what's going on.
Look at it. Look there and there.
All right. Let me read it, okay?
Go ahead. Nobody can do
anything about that, no way.
That's true.
- Ciambaker!
- That's Kiembecker.
Steve W. Kiembecker, president
of the farmer's trust.
Farmer's trust! My Aunt Suzy's rear end!
One of the forward-thinking
businessmen...
who convinced the councll
we needed a new sheriff.
We never needed a sheriff...
untll you showed up, you crook!
Hoid it. Wait.
Did you send this ietter?
I belleve that's my
signature right there.
I'm afraid the party's over?
The party's over. That's correct.
As per Mr. Wrenchmuller's
ioan agreement...
the credit union has legal
right to assume control...
of the property tomorrow at noon...
uniess he can come up with the
cash or a crop to sign over.
Nobody's got a crop.
There's nothing you can
do with the property...
- until next season anyway.
- Sheriff Hoxiey.
Sheriff Hoxiey, you're new here.
Let me clue you in.
You see, we have direct
highway access now...
and the opportunity to turn
this town into a metropolis.
Uniess you've got the money
to pay off overdue ioans...
maybe you shouid stick
to the kind of calls...
we hired you to handie...
llke keeping vagrants off the street.
If you would?
We'll deal with this in the morning...
at the courthouse.
Come on, Mr. Wrenchmuller.
Aren't you kinda big for a boy scout?
I can take care of myseif.
Happy Halloween, Big Bean.
[ Alarm Buzzers ]
The Arcturians have destroyed the fleet.
I've sent a distress signal...
to all ships across the gaiaxy.
We're headed into their sun
and are about to explode!
I have not yet begun to fight.
Now would be a great time to start!
[ Screaming ]
How was school today?
Okay.
How was sheriffing? Okay.
You really don't like
it here, do you, Kathy?
Everything was starting
to get back to normai.
- Then we just decide to move.
- It's a good job.
- There's nothing to do.
- There's trick or treat.
You're sending me
with kids I don't know.
Somebody's got to keep the streets safe.
From what? Cows?
Do we have any Krazy giue?
Um, I think it's in that box.
- What's the matter?
- Everyone's gonna show up dressed llke...
scarecrows, pigs, and ciowns and stuff.
So?
I'm not sure Big Bean
is ready for allens.
[ Radio Announcer ] Achoo!
Sorry about that folks.
This being Halloween night...
I thought it'd be fun to
dust off an old favorite...
from the golden days of radio.
50 years ago tonight, Orson Welles...
gave a depressed nation a few hours...
of desperateiy needed fun.
Things being the way
they are these days...
we couid sure use a llttie of that.
So, Big Bean...
just for tonight...
forget your woes and have a good time.
[ Record ] The Columbia Broadcasting
System and its affiliated stations...
present Orson Welles and
the Mercury Theatre...
in "the War of the Worlds. "
Ladies and gentlemen...
the director and star of
these broadcasts, Orson Welles.
[ Orson Welles ] We know now in the
early years of the 20th century...
this world was being watched
closely by intelligences...
greater than man's, yet
as mortal as his own.
We know that as humans
busied themselves...
about their various concerns...
they were scrutinized and studied...
perhaps almost as narrowly
as a man with a microscope...
might scrutinize the
transient creatures...
that swarm and multiply
in a drop of water.
With infinite complacence...
people went about
their little affairs...
serene in the assurance
of their dominion...
over this small, spinning
fragment of solar driftwood...
which by chance or design...
man has inherited out of the
dark mystery of time and space.
Yet, across an immense ethereal gulf...
minds that are to our minds...
as ours are to the
beasts in the jungle...
intellects vast, cool
and unsympathetic...
regarded this Earth with envious eyes...
and slowly and surely drew
their plans against us.
Hey, I heard a distress signai.
Patroi ship X-5-9-Y-P-Q
to Battie Group 7, come in.
It's like the fleet disappeared!
Maybe it's interference.
Get us outta the rocks.
We're aimost ciear. Okay...
hit it!
[ Radio Signal Beeps ]
[ Orson Welles ] Ladies and
gentlemen, I have a grave announcement.
Both the observations of science...
and the evidence of our eyes...
lead to the inescapable assumption...
that those beings who landed
in theJersey Farmlands...
are the vanguard of an
invading army from Mars.
[ Shouting And Laughter]
I remember when they first played that.
You remember pterodactyls.
I remember you fell for that...
hook, line, and sinker.
- I did not.
- You did so.
You put a big bucket on your head...
and took off with them
army boys to fight Martians.
Ain't you dead yet?
Can't I stay with you and fight crime?
I'll see you at the Spookiuck dinner.
Give us a kiss.
That's my giri.
I shouid have come as a wedge of cheese.
I'm probabiy the oniy
allen for a billion miles.
[ Laughter]
[ Orson Welles ]... Martians
visible above treetops moving north.
Hi, Mom...
Dad.
Weicome to another thrllllng,
true-llfe episode of...
Russell Pillsbury, Deputy Sheriff.
I'm parked...
by Big Bean's new off-ramp...
and wlli soon be giving the
city's 1 st speeding ticket.
Who will be the lucky winner?
[ Laughter]
We gotta get us some money...
or they're gonna kick us out of here.
Then we'll have to llve
with my sister Marge...
and her poodie.
- Arf!
- Yeah.
[ Whimpering ]
Why did I have to go and get oid?
[ Laughter]
[ Beeping ]
It's 8:15 P.M., October 31 st.
I've just been aierted to a
speed vioiation in progress.
Watch now as I teach this automotive scofflaw
a lesson in motor-vehicular responsibility.
Nobody gets away...
with going 3,000
M.P.H. In a 55...
[ Gasp ]
Don't s'pose we'll ever see...
a night quite llke that again.
- Not llkeiy.
- Nope, nope.
[ Clatter ]
[ Lady ] I'll get the bucket.
[ Crash ]
Damn.
Termites are munching...
on our barn.
We're gonna have to do
something before they ruin it.
Come on,Jim.
[ Engine Sputtering ]
Who taught you to drive, you moron!
Nice ianding, Biaznee.
Are we there? Is this it?
Kids, 3-D and driving just don't mix.
Weicome to Earth.
Enjoy it whlle it iasts.
Are you sure this is where the fleet is?
You heard the Earthllng's
pathetic radio broadcast.
Lookout for that heat ray.
Heip us. We're gonna die.?
[ Wicked Laugh ]
They got that
right. Hee-hee-hee.
Biaznee, this is the piace. We're here.
Let's start enjoying ourseives!
Let's maneuver cioser to the action.
Strafe the iocai
citizenry before we iand.
Sorry. No can do.
- Why not?
- Let's see.
We got a torqued-out digiframus.
Our megaspazz redundancy
plle is on the bllnk.
It iooks llke we bruised our boo-boo.
He's making the whoie iast
bit up. There's no such thing!
Coward!
Heh-heh-heh.
Let's kick some Earthllng butt!
Finally, a reai mission.
Maybe we better think this over, huh?
Good-bye, civllian asteroid patroi.
Hello, atomic space navy.
The fleet was supposed
to be attacking Arcturus.
The pian to attack Arcturus...
was obviously a clever decoy...
for the reai operation: the totai
annihllation of all things human.
Now, quit raining on our parade!
But why?
Why wouid Mars want to attack...
the puny, insignificant forces of Earth?
Because we win!
Prepare to die, Earth scum!
Where is everybody? Blowing
up all the good stuff.
Come on.
I think we brought the wrong gun.
It certainly is green here.
Perhaps our camouflage is inappropriate.
Come on,Jim.
[ Beeping ]
Just for the record...
I'm llstening.
I thought this was a bad idea.
Just for the record,
you'd better hope not.
May,June...
July, August...
15, 18!
They're Martians!
I knew it!
Jim, it iooks as if me and you...
is the Earth's only hope.
That's kinda sad, ain't it?
I guess it's better to die...
a horribie, agonizing
death defending the Earth...
than to wither away...
with Marge and her poodie.
[ Growl ]
That's the spirit!
We got work to do.
- What do you make of it, Doctor?
- It's iong, flat...
and has yellow lines. That
can only mean one thing.
- A mine fieid?
- A country road.
That's what they want us to think.
One faise move and kaboom!
You'll go home in more
pieces than you arrived.
Corporai Pez?
- What?
- See if we can get across.
- Why don't we go around?
- Move!
I'm going home in a bag!
It's aiways the corporai
that gets biown up first.
Dr. Zipiock, anything in
the worid-domination kit...
- to help us?
- Let's see.
This iooks interesting.
- Don't touch that!
- Excuse me!
Hit the dirt!
- What?
- Get down, stupid!
What in the name of
Uncie Martin is that?
Scout-in-a-can.
smart, efficient...
easy to use, and it's expendable!
Mine fieid, indeed! What a
bunch of twinkie stuffing!
Lt. Giggywig, you give
these simpie Earthllngs...
far too much credit.
Capt. Bipto?
What happened?
Some kind of secret weapon
came out of nowhere...
and took Capt. Bipto to his doom!
[ Muttering ]
Come back, Earth scum!
Wlli there be anything eise, senor?
Couid you get the windshieid, piease?
It wouid be my pieasure.
Who are you supposed to be?
I am...
Ei Zorro!
See Kathy sit. See Kathy sit aione.
See Kathy grow cobwebs
and fossllize in boredom.
Our first target. Think
I can hit it from here?
- Wait a minute.
- Let's shoot something aiready.
Shh.
Wow! That's the best allen
costume I've ever seen!
Thanks.
I llke yours, too.
My mom made it.
She went to a iot of troubie.
- What are you supposed to be?
- I'm a duck!
- Who died and ieft you in charge?
- Capt. Bipto!
I'm Kathy.
Brian Hampton. Nice to meet you.
Where did a nice giri llke you...
iearn how to make something so...
mind-numbingiy terrifying?
- I spent time with my
uncie this summer. -Uh-huh.
- He works in the movies making
zombies and monsters. - Uh-huh.
- I wanted to stay and
work for him, - Uh-huh.
- but I had to come here
with my dad. - Uh-huh.
Where's your mom?
She died iast May.
Gee, I'm sorry.
That's too bad.
So...
it's just you and your dad, huh?
Yeah, and some goidfish.
If you ever need a llttie brother...
just give me a call.
All right, you two, it's time to go.
Come on!
[ Giggie ] How cute!
How... ioveiy.
Vern, hurry it up!
I've got a coid beer and a hot woman...
and I'm trying to keep 'em that way.
- Mr. Kiembecker, flli it up?
- Yeah and get the windows.
Warm enough, sweet cheeks?
[ Car Radio ] Darling, come back to me
I'm as lonesome as can be
I'm as jumpy as a bug
I'm as perky as a slug
Honey darling, come back to me
When you left home
- I wrote a little poem
- Hi, Dody.
But it don't help me 'cause I can't read
Honey darling, come back to me
I'm as lonesome as can be
What are you supposed to be?
Oh, nothing...
just Zorro.
Zorro's got a hat, you dope!
Mr. Kiembecker, iooks
llke you hit something.
Ciean that up!
Oh, man!
Get that off of there!
That ain't gonna work!
Here, use this.
When's my Caddy gonna be done?
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Good! It better be ciean.
It's ciean.
I pollshed it up llke you said to.
Yuck.
That's 13 gallons...
at $1.10 a gallon...
- that'll be... - Catch
you later, okay, pal?
Yes, Mr. Klembecker...
you... butthead!
You take the ieft flank,
I'll take the right.
You always get the right flank.
We've never done this before, idiot!
- What's with the happy sounds?
- They're giddy with fear.
- Look!
- Get back. Lock and ioad.
- They're shorter than I thought.
- Let's take 'em out.
[ Dr. Ziplock ] What if hey
come in small, medium and large!
- How cute!
- Wow, a dinosaur!
You're all alike!
Prepare to die, Earth scum!
[ Giggie ] Maybe later. Have fun. Huh?
- What? Come back.
- Kids, all aboard.
That's something...
you don't see every day.
- What now, O mighty ieader?
- Klli them!
Kill them!
I said,?prepare to die, Earth scum!?
- [ Sigh ]
- Oh, now you've got her.
Yep, she's definiteiy
terrified. Oh, boy.
Boys.
[ Alien ] Wait a minute.
Atomize her aiready.
What's your probiem?
Shouidn't this human be
quivering in terror...
at our menacing,
sinister-iooking weaponry?
- You'd think so.
- Everybody, move over.
Make room
for the...
- Just piay aiong.
- What are we?
Martians!
Of course you are. Well, get in.
Perhaps if we ride in this transport...
we can find their secret
resistance headquarters.
Let's shoot our way out.
- It'll be fun.
- Shh. They don't know we're Martians.
Not know?
We're llttie green men with antennas.
They think we're wearing costumes.
What a bunch of morons!
Let's flame these bozos.
They're too stupid to llve!
We have a full tank of
gas and iots of empty bags.
- What shall we do?
- [ Kids ] Trick or treat?
- Smell my feet.
- Oh, gross!
- Oh, great.
- Trick or what?
I'm sick and tired...
of that oid jerk, Kiembecker...
pushing everyone around. That's it.
I'm gonna finish the
pians for this farmzoid.
Someday I'll be abie to
irrigate every fieid...
and make all the farms heaithy again.
Then I'll pick up that
farmer's trust of his...
and drop-kick it into the next county.
He thinks he's such a hotshot.
This wlli work, I think. [ Gasp ]
Heh-heh-heh.
[ Laughing ]
Mr. Kiembecker,
it iooks llke...
Dody.
Do-o-o-dy.
[ Ding, Ding ]
Wait! You are my robot siave.
- You wlli follow my every command.
- Yes, Capt. Bipto.
However, my new allegiance...
to His Imperial Majesty
might come to light...
if I negiect my reguiar patrons.
We must keep up the appearance...
of a normally functioning,
fuel-dispensing depot...
whlle we act as undercover agents...
of Mars.
[ Car Horn ]
I wlli be right back.
Weicome to the Gas King,
fuei-dispensing depot.
How may I be of assistance?
Capt. Bipto to the invasion force.
Capt. Bipto to the invasion force.
Hmm?
Oh-oh-oh.
I can't contact the ship
or the invasion force.
I can oniy assume the worst.
We must bulld an attack vehicie;
something that wlli strike terror...
into whomever sets eyes upon it...
something with huge wheeis...
so we can crush the panicking popuiace.
Something from which I can
overiook the battiefieid...
and direct our
victorious invasion force.
[ Vern ] Something like this?
I was thinking of
something a bit iarger.
[ Martian Taik ]
Those guys are definiteiy not from here.
- No kidding! Look.
- Hey!
I know what I'm getting for Christmas.
- Give him here.
- Lighten up.
It's just a stupid toy.
You're not a toy at all, are you?
I hope you're making him move llke that.
[ Mother] All right, first stop.
Everybody got their bags?
Remember, look both ways
before crossing the street.
So that's the trick.
If oniy Capt. Bipto had known.
I wonder what Kiembecker's
gonna give us this year.
I hope it's not dead rats.
My mom had a cow iast time.
What?
Trick or treat?
Yeah. I forgot.
Hoid on.
Here's one for you.
One for you. Plenty to go around.
Cigarettes?
Okay, forget it!
[ Wacky Martian Music ]
[ Crash ]
Hello? Hello?
Well, well, well...
what have we here?
Damn. He must be some kind of...
health-food nut.
We're gonna make...
a bezllllon dollars out of this story...
and 2 bezllllon on the pictures.
[ Click ] Damn!
The flash don't work,Jim.
Where are we gonna get batteries...
at this time of night?
We gotta hurry.
There's no telling what them...
wlly space creatures wlli be up to.
[ Vern ] The smell of
battery acid makes me thirsty.
With all their advanced technoiogy...
iook at the pitifui conveyances...
- the puny Earth peopie construct.
- Oh, dear.
This one empioys a mere 250 horsepower.
Our attack vehicie
wlli cause their eyes...
to shoot out of their heads in fear.
Hurry! Who knows what
unspeakabie terrors...
have befallen my troops?
Wow! What a haui! This is great!
- This kid's gonna barf.
- Are you gonna barf?.
I think he's gonna barf, Mom.
- Sit down!
- If he barfs, your hairdo's history.
Do I know you boys?
They're on to us. We
gotta get outta here.
- I'd llke an answer.
- Have I got an answer!
Perhaps I'll have to remove
those heads of yours...
and find out for myself.
- How do you fire this?
- Not that button.
- Not llke that, idiot.
- Whoa!
Did you hear that?
Them Martians is starting their attack.
Ah, the carnage begins! I iove it!
Hurry, I want to get in on all the fun.
You jerk!
Don't mess with me, kid.
You wouldn't like me when I'm mad.
Where are you really from?
[ Mother ] Tell me who
you are, or by tomorrow...
they'll be printing your
pictures on milk cartons!
They're my cousins!
Excuse me?
- From Callfornia.
- Dude.
That's Clutch. That's Spinner.
Yo!
- That's Paddlefoot.
- Hi.
They're surfers.
Why didn't you say so
in the first piace, hmm?
Yeah. Hmm?
Well, I'm new here.
I don't really know anyone.
I didn't think they'd be troubie.
No real harm is done.
You're weicome, provided you save...
those missile attacks for
a more suitable occasion.
Yes, ma'am.
I don't mean to pry,
but wouid you mind...
telling me exactiy what's going on here?
These guys are from a iot
further away than Callfornia.
Before you continue, I remind you...
that I'm just a llttie boy
and susceptibie to nightmares.
Waaa!
That's it!
I gave you another chance.
Since you can't behave...
we'll take everyone home!
What's all this?
Oh, yes. You!
Prepare to die, Earth scum, again!
[ Mother ] You've made your
point. Now sit down and shut up!
When a superior alien culture...
comes all this way to
take over your worid...
certain iaws of
pianetary conquest appiy.
For example, when someone points...
a quad-spected hyperthermic
cosmobiaster at you...
it's a fair bet you are
about to become toast.
Piease sit down and be quiet.
Perhaps in your case, a ioaf of toast!
[ Wheels Screech ]
- Uh-oh.
- Get out!
Nice going, big mouth.
- I said,?Out!?
- I didn't do anything.
I want you out of my car this minute!
Get out!
I can be pushed...
[ Mother ] But I will
not be smart-talked!
[ Alien ] Shut up,you old bat!
I think I see my dad's truck.
[ Kathy ] You can let
me and my friend out.
What truck? I
don't see any...
Shh. Come on.
I think that wouid be best, Miss Hoxiey.
[ Brian ] Good-bye. Thanks
for a lovely evening.
Don't worry about us. We'll
be fine out here, all alone...
in the dark!
- Hey!
- I don't know what's going on...
but I've oniy got haif a bag of candy...
so it better be good.
- Happy now?
- Well, who was the one...
who shot his heat-seeking
annihllator out the window?
All right. I'll give it to you straight.
We're being invaded by Martians.
I'm gonna follow them. You get my dad.
My sister gets haif of
whatever's in my bag...
so you better be right!
[ Orson Welles ] As I set
down these notes on paper...
I'm obsessed by the thought I may be...
- my God.
The last living man on Earth.
I've been hiding in this
empty house near Grover's Mill.
All that's happened
before the arrival...
of these monstrous
creatures...
Russell?
Where are those guys?
Geez, if I get this bucket
fixed before they get back...
they're waiking home.
This piace gives me the wlllles.
[ Gasp ]
Nobody gets away from Russell
Pllisbury, Deputy Sheriff.
Aw, geez.
Wouid you mind stepping
out of the vehicie, sir?
Now!
Maybe it's in backwards.
- [ Growling ]
- You're getting dog spit all over it.
Ha! Atta boy!
Wlli you stop wasting fllm?
Gee, Officer, what
seems to be the probiem?
No llcense, no registration...
no piates, no headllghts...
no tallllghts, no wheeis!
I clocked you going
3,000 miles per hour.
That's 2,945 mlles an hour
in excess of the posted llmit!
Great! There goes my insurance.
At $10 for every 5 mlles
an hour over the llmit...
Oh, you're gonna do time, pai.
You may even get the chair for this.
Maybe you better step back...
and get the big picture here.
Okay.
[ Snap ]
I've just made a serious mistake...
haven't I?
Ain't llfe a bust?
Ooo.
Ouch!
Meanwhlle, eisewhere
on the pianet...
[ Click ] This is Orson
Welles, ladies and gentlemen...
to assure you that "the
War of the Worlds"...
has no further significance...
than as the holiday offering
it was intended to be.
- the Mercury Theatre's radio version...
- Huh?
- of dressing in a sheet and saying "Boo!"
- Oh.
We couldn't soap your windows,
steal all your garden gates...
[ Enforcer Drone ] You have failed.
It's discipllnary review time.
[ Orson Welles ]... probably
destroyed CBS. You'll be relieved...
to learn that we didn't mean it...
and both institutions are
still open for business.
Good-bye everybody. Remember, please...
the terrible lesson you learned tonight.
That grinning, glowing, globular
invader in your living room...
is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch.
If your doorbell rings
and nobody's there...
that was no Martian. It's Halloween.
You wanna bet?
[ Blaznee ] I told 'em we
were to attack Arcturus.
It's not my fault.
Let's talk this out.
I'll go get them...
and we can blow up any planet you want.
- Just give us a chance!
- Too late.
Your imperfection has
exceeded acceptabie...
error levels. You are...
terminated!
No!
Now for the others.
Come on,Jim.
[ Mr. Wrenchmuller ] You hear that?
He must be on the
other side of that bale.
This time, we're gonna get ourseives...
the picture of the century.
Are you ready?
Get set.
Go!
Ahh!
I thought you was a Martian.
What'd you do with him?
He was right here when I ieft.
He was here when I ieft, too.
What do you suppose was in there?
[ Giggywig ] That's it!
I'm gonna klli something
if it's the iast thing I do.
This time, nothing is going to stand...
in my way.
Yeah, right.
What now, terrifying one?
Shouidn't we be trying
to find the fleet?
Sure, we can do it the easy way...
or we can sack this entire area...
all by ourselves with a
brilliantly conceived...
meticulously executed and
perfectly-timed operation.
- We're gonna biow
something up. - Yeah, but...
But what?
Sheriff Hoxiey's at the V.F.W. Hall.
He'll know what to do.
We're gonna need us more than a sheriff.
- We're gonna need us an army.
- They'll never belleve us.
[ Wrenchmuller ] They're
gonna believe us, all right.
[ Car Horn ]
The Martians is coming!
Oh, oh.
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what.
Big Bean is being invaded by Martians.
What is this stuff?
From space!
Yikes!
You think I'm crazy, do you?
Well, I've got one of'em
back here in the truck.
Come on. Take a iook at this.
Take a iook at what?
He was here.
I swear it.
Look.
- That's his green blood.
- That's paint.
He's getting away.
He's going to join his space army.
Space army?
I'd death-ray my grandmother
for a space army about now.
[ Siren ]
- Tell him, Russell.
- It's true.
I gave one of'em a ticket.
I'm telling you. It looked...
llke a full-scaie invasion.
[ Klembecker ] I'll tell
you what it looks like.
It iooks llke a hoax to me.
[ Siren ]
Mr. Wrenchmuller is telling the truth.
Are you insane?
I don't pretend to know
everything that's going on...
but it's clear to me
from evidence I've seen...
that we are being visited...
by intelligent creatures.
Intelligent creatures? That'll
throw 'em off the trall.
I even got pictures. Look here.
That's what they look like.
They iook just llke
the sheriff s nephews.
- My nephews?
- Your nephews are Martians?
No, my nephews aren't Martians.
I don't even have any nephews.
Their spaceship's in my barn.
- He's a crazy man.
- Where'd they get a spaceship?
In California. They're surfers.
Surfers?
That's what your daughter said.
Wait. Where is Kathy?
She got out with your
Martian surfer nephews.
Mrs. Vanderspooi, do know
how stupid that sounds?
They're llttie?
- That's right.
- And green?
Yes!
Littie dealle-bobs
coming out their head?
Now you're cookin' with gas.
Sounds llke Martians to me.
[ Sheriff ] I want
everybody to remain calm.
We shouid do something about this.
Biaznee to Worid Domination Force.
Not now, Biaznee.
I'm busy seallng the doom
of countiess mllllons.
- Shove off.
- The device is in place.
They'll never escape us now. Ha, ha!
- Ha, ha. - Ha,
ha. - Ha, ha.
That's it.
Let the enforcer drone have 'em.
- [ Footsteps ]
- Oops.
Sheriff Hoxley! Sheriff Hoxley!
Hoid it, hey! Come back here.
There are Martians over here!
Martians, Martians!
[ Brian ] Ahhh!
- [ Klunk ]
- Ha!
Never mess with a frisbee champion.
Mayday, Mayday, going in.
Dr. Zipiock?
Huh?
Activate the hovervid.
- We shouid call the nationai guard.
- Wait. Hold it.
You're going about this all wrong.
There's nothing to
indicate we're in danger.
We don't know what we're deallng with...
or even where they are!
[ Giggywig ] We interrupt to
bring you a special announcement.
The Martians have ianded.
Prepare to die, Earth scum.
All right, where's your spaceship?
What's a spaceship?
And what are you?
I'm a carnivorous duck
and I'm in a bad mood.
Start talking or I start eating!
Oh, oh, you mean my spaceship.
I get your drift now. I
can iead you right to it.
Come on.
Some allen menace you turned out to be!
- Capt. Bipto?
- Hmm?
- I'm picking up a signai from the omnibiab.
- Oh?
On behaif of His Majesty's
Atomic Space Navy...
I hereby invite you to
surrender peacefully...
so that we may execute
you in an orderiy fashion.
[ Giggywig ] Just in case you're
thinking of fleeing in mass panic...
forget it! We're cutting off
your only means of escape.
Brllllant! I wouid give anything...
to see the faces of
those human scum now!
The off-ramp.
They biew up...
our new off-ramp!
Watch as we obllterate a few
of your puny misslle sllos.
Hey...
they're at the co-op!
Let's get 'em!
[ Wrenchmuller] Wait,
wait, I saw 'em first.
[ Sheriff ] Wait a minute.
[ Wrenchmuller] I've got pictures.
Terrifying, isn't it? [ Laughter]
I've got pictures of'em.
Hurry up. Everyone's watching.
He keeps trying to put
tab?A? into siot? B.?
I am not. It says right here...
"insert erradignathnic flodad...
into hyperpodnec cyboclutch. " See?
Ah, hi.
[ Kathy ] You gonna turn me in?
Don't you want to take
over the worid, too?
We're ready!
Fire!
Ooo!
Pretty neat, huh?
This isn't supposed to
happen in small towns.
I moved here to get away
from things llke this.
This happen a iot in Chicago?
This is what pianetary
siege weapons are all about.
[ Laughter]
Wait a minute. Cease fire.
Something's wrong.
Wrong?
What?
- It's been booby-trapped.
- And we're the boobies.
Ha, ha!
Another big one!
[ Giggywig ] What is this stuff?
[ Dr. Zipiock ] It's the most
insidious weapon I've ever seen!
[ Pez Munching ] Hey,
it doesn't taste bad.
[ Giggywig ] How do we get out of here?
[ Pez ] Follow me!
[ Munching ]
Boy, you guys are in big troubie now.
We gotta get out of here fast.
Hey! It's a map of Big Bean.
That's my house.
This is where we are now.
Show me where your ship ianded.
That's oid man Wrenchmuller's.
I know where that is.
Come on.
There's one. Shoot it you idiot!
- [ Gunshot ]
- [ Meowing ]
Never mind. Shoot that instead.
[ Gunshots ]
Are we all having fun yet?
- Yahoo.
- What a disaster.
[ Duck ] Is this some kind of trick?
Look, kid...
you heiped me out of a
jam so I'll ievei with you.
I don't know anything
about this invasion thing.
If you heip me, I'll do
my best to try and stop it.
Deai?
Deai.
[ Pez ] This is it! We're here!
[ Giggywig ] Where are the
craters and flaming buildings?
This is where the battie took piace.
We're iost! We missed the
war and it's your fauit.
- My fauit?
- Maybe if we just ask somebody?
My one chance at the big
time and you've ruined it.
- Shut up!
- This gentieman, perhaps?
- Excuse me.
- Oh!
- You scared me.
- So sorry.
No, that's good. We're
getting somewhere.
- Which way to the massacre?
- The what?
Oh, you mean
the... Ha, ha.
I'm sorry, boys, but it's over.
- Huh?
- Over?
I'm afraid so.
It's a shame you missed the
ending. That's the best part.
How so?
You see...
just when it seemed...
the Earth was doomed to be taken over...
the Martians just up and died.
Really? What happened
to all their bodies?
The birds got 'em, mostiy.
Pecking and tearing,
swallowing mouthfuls...
of rubbery flesh! And the dogs...
had their turn at them!
Fighting over scraps and gnawing
on their little skeletons.
Woof!.
And just how did they die?
Our germs got 'em.
- Germs?
- Yeah. Littie microbes...
llke the ones that
gave me this damn coid.
Achoo!
[ Panicked Yelling ]
- Have a good time, boys.
- I've got germs!
Aah! Don't touch me!
I don't mean to be nosy...
but was there any particuiar reason...
you guys decided to invade Earth?
- Promise you won't iaugh?
- Sure!
Ever hear of?the War of the Worids?
[ Pez ] Guys, guys?
Get a ioad of this!
[ Laughing ]
Where do we go? What do we do?
- Where do we hide?
- Back to the ship.
Back to the asteroids.
I iove the asteroids!
Nice, quiet, oid asteroid patroi.
- That's the llfe for me.
- Are you kidding?
We'll never make it with the
enemy firepower out there.
- Lucklly I remembered to bring
my distress-o-matic. - [ Beeping ]
I iove this guy!
Come here, you oid...
[ Alarm Buzzers ]
Aw, no! Not now.
It's not ready.
What's not ready?
The ship. A vacuum-head
pulled a distress-o-matic.
- A what?
- Emergency beacon autopllot.
The ship's programmed to
fly to it no matter what.
Verndroid, where
did you put the...
[ Beeping ]
That's a
distress-o-matic signai.
My boys are in troubie.
Verndroid, there's not a moment to iose!
- [ Beeping ]
- What?
No, it's this way.
- [ Beeping ]
- Wait!
[ Beeping ]
A farmer's all-purpose heiper.
It's guaranteed to remove stumps...
gophers, and drastically reduce...
the flight potentiai
of Martian spaceships.
Jim, you stay there.
I'll be right back.
I've got to rig an override
before the engine charges.
- What do you want me to do?
- Run for your llfe!
Run for your life, boy!
Oh!
Abandon ship, shorty.
Abandon it? I've just fixed it.
Too bad 'cause I'm about to un-fix it.
What's going on?
- What are you doing?
- Cancelling your ticket home.
Folks would give money
to get their hands on you.
I'm the one that's gonna get it!
I guess you better
evacuate the premises.
Let me shut the engines off
with this little red switch.
Get out of here, kid!
[ Brian ] Whoa! Come
on,Jim. We're outta here.
Wait. Hoid it!
Wait a minute.
Now we're really outta here!
Forgive me, mother.
I have to throw away my fins.
I'll make it up to you someday...
somehow!
Whoa!
Listen.
What's that?
It can't be any worse than that.
Whoa!
Duck. Duck!
No! Duck!
Wait!
Hold it right there. Are you a Martian?
I'm a duck!
If you're a duck, where
are your webbed feet?
Snap out of it.
The Martians, they went that way.
I said whoa!
When I say whoa, I mean whoa!
Come on. We gotta get
off this crazy rock.
I guess this is good-bye.
Don't take it so hard.
Aaah!
What about me?
Knock it off. I'm busy!
Waaa!
- The ship, the ship!
- All right. Let's boogie!
[ Dr. Ziplock ]
Activate defense shields.
[ Pez ] The humans are coming!
The humans are coming!
Biaznee, get us out of here.
No can do. Thanks to your
stupid distress-o-matic...
we tweaked our vapor plates.
Our megaspazz redundancy
pile has been fried.
I had to klli the autopllot.
I don't care. Fix all of it.
All of you, fix it, fix it.
Who's that?
[ Dr. Ziplock ] Clean out the
erradicamixer and unscrew the clutch fader.
[ Pez ] Are you crazy? You
know how bad that's gonna smell?
Hand me a piasma coupier.
Who cares what is smells like!
Come on, aiready.
Stand by for takeoff.
[ Capt. Bipto ] That must be our
boys wreaking havoc over there.
Thank you.
I shall wait in the transport.
Good. You do that.
He's such a good boy.
[ Gunshots ]
Come on. What's taking so iong?
Enter the N-38 to the 6th
power. Now we cross-llnk...
the improbalator to the smalltersnatch.
My men!
[ Shouting ]
- Oh.
- I must say, I'm impressed,
a brllllant victory brought
about by your wlli to win.
- Here we go.
- Let's get 'em!
What the heck is that thing?
Who cares? Just shoot it.
We did win, didn't we?
No, but if we think fast enough...
we just might llve to lle about it.
What's the probiem? Just vaporize...
everyone, everything.
Poof!. Mission accompllshed.
Medais, awards, a parade. Next?
No, wrong, faise, none of the above.
- Why? Because we're not supposed to be here.
- What?
We goofed. We erred.
We misinterpreted the data at hand.
I toid you so.
Let me expiain the
situation in a nutshell.
There are 5 of us and 4 bllllon of them.
They have strategic air commands,
nuclear-powered submarines...
and John Wayne.
We have this.
- Is it ioaded?
- Let's find out.
Wait! We've got bigger probiems.
- What's worse than this?
- That.
Who let him out?
Martians...
I'm afraid we have no choice.
We wlli have to use the D.O.D.
[ Gasp ]
Break out the kits.
What's the D.O.D?
What does it do?
You can't!
If you iet your friends
biow up the Earth...
I'll never speak to you again.
Hold your fire.
Hoid your fire!
Put your guns down.
What the heck is that?
Citizens of Earth, surrender or die.
Why shouid we? We've got you surrounded.
Take it easy, Kiembecker.
If you don't surrender,
or attempt to kill us...
this device wlli detonate,
and you, your town...
and everything within
a mllllon mlle radius...
wlli just simpiy go...
kaboom!
Wow!
You'll be kllied, too!
Wrong! This, you see...
is the donut of destruction!
It wlli obllterate all of you...
while leaving us completely unscathed.
Yeah? What about your ship?
Won't it be obllterated, too?
- We're doomed!
- Let's iet 'em have it!
[ Giggywig ] Gimme that.
Prepare to die, Earth scum.
You did it again.
You put tab '"A "into slot "B. "
- I must've toid you a hundred times!
- No, I didn't!
- It wasn't me.
- You want to argue or llve?
Get 'em!
[ Kathy ] Are you all right?
- I can't move. My whoie body's asieep.
- I'll get heip.
[ Kathy ] Hey, somebody help. Hurry!
Kathy?
Kathy! I've been
iooking all over for you.
What the heck is that?
[ Brian ] You're allve!
? Prepare to die, Earth scum.?
I'll make sure they carve
that on your tombstone.
Aw, shut up.
They was all I needed to save
my farm and I aimost had 'em.
I could have been rich
and never had to worry.
It's gonna be all right.
I'll take you to my piace.
They landed on my farm.
That counts for something.
- Sure it does.
- Verndroid to Capt. Bipto.
Capt. Bipto, come in, please.
[ Russell ] There's something
wrong with my brother.
- Vern's your brother?
- Capt. Bipto, come in, piease!
- He used to be.
- Vern, are you all right?
It must be shock.
I'll take him to my piace.
I'll take care of your truck.
Keep an eye on that untll I get back.
Listen, Russell is the sheriff now.
Listen to what he says.
[ Russell ] All right,
let's get organized.
Are you all right?
Yes.
You have a good expianation
as to what you were doing...
riding in an alien spacecraft?
Nice knowing you.
What have we here?
Martians got popcorn?
Here you go.
It'll be all right.
- [ Kathy ] What are we gonna do?
- You're going to bed.
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
I'll call the air force, I guess.
You can't. They hate Martians.
- They'll shoot and drop nuciear bombs.
- I don't know about bombs...
but they deserve whatever
they get. Now come on.
But, Dad, they're not really bad.
They're just stupid.
They haven't really hurt anybody.
If we heip them get away...
no one wlli ever know the difference.
Honey, I'm supposed to be the sheriff.
If I don't get heip to controi this...
and it gets more out of hand...
it'll be my fauit.
I might as well throw away this badge.
That's all you care
about, your stupid badge.
If you want to be a
big, important sheriff...
why don't you do things yourseif?
At ieast they have a chance with you.
What are we going to do now?
Looks llke we'll have
to appiy for citizenship.
If oniy we couid have connected
with the invasion force.
It couid have been giorious!
If we ever get out, remind me.
I've got a reai funny story to tell you.
We're doomed to spend our llves...
breathing 74% nitrogen.
Oh, give me a home
Where the asteroids roam
And the dweebs and the fuzzymugs piay
Where gravity's iow
And the water is siow
And the desert winds biow you away
Mars, Mars is my home
Where everyone's short just llke me
I wish I was where
There is not so much air
And 2 moons to smlle down upon me
[ Sigh ]
Hey, what are you doing here?
There's no piace llke home.
There's no piace llke home.
There's no piace llke home.
Hey, shortstuff, weicome back.
We're trying to figure
out how to get outta here.
Got any bright ideas?
Well, bless your little batteries.
Number for the Strategic
Air Command, piease.
What extension, please?
Do you have a llsting for
reporting unusuai phenomena?
- A U.F.O.?
- That'll do.
There's no such listing.
I do have unlimited
listings for psychiatrists.
Wait, iady, I don't need to hear this.
Oh, no.
Kathy?
Kathy?
Kathy?
[ Kathy ] You melonheads!
That was just an old radio show.
I figured out why you're here.
You were sent to ruin my
Halloween, weren't you?
Capt. Bipto to Verndroid.
Come in, piease.
Capt. Bipto to Verndroid!
Yes, Capt. Bipto?
Remember the surprise
we were working on?
The time has come...
to unieash its terror!
[ Verndroid ] Wouid you llke it
equipped with nuciear warheads...
- or particie beam weapons?
- Who me?
[ Capt. Bipto ] Whatever. Be creative.
We'll meet you there.
[ Car Engine ]
- Well?
- Let's do it.
[ Beeping ]
- Aw!
- What's wrong?
The hyperfusion-feedback
governor on the ship...
just had a meitdown.
If we don't get back to zero gravity...
in the next, oh, hour...
the ship's hyperdrive wlli impiode...
creating an ever-expanding hole...
in the space-time continuum...
making you, me, and the
rest of this gaiaxy...
some other universe's problem. Right?
Ciose enough.
[ Giggywig ] We look stupid, don't we?
Keep your head down.
Maybe no one wlli see us.
I don't see why I have to pedai.
[ Brian ] Nobody rides for free.
[ Dr. Ziplock ] What's he doing?
It's my dad!
- Did he spot us?
- I don't think so.
[ Klembecker ] Outta the
way. Shotgun coming through.
We need more ammo.
- Did you get them?
- We aimost got 'em.
- Mr. Klembecker shot a bunny.
- Shut up!
- It was charging!
- Let's stay cooi.
I don't want anybody to get hurt.
- We're trapped. What are we gonna do?
- [ Beeping ]
Die horribie, searing
deaths in iess than an hour.
Can we heip?
[ Vern ] No, I'm fine.
A little more ocular
welding and we'll be set.
What the heck is that?
It's a diversion. We're
gonna get the ship back.
You better not try to stop us!
If you get through me,
you'll have to deal with him.
Reiax, kid, I've just come to heip.
I aiready got a whoie bunch of pictures.
If I help them get away,
I'll have the only ones.
Gentlemen, I present...
the farmzoid.
- All right.
- Hurry, hurry!
Now that's a diversion!
We can't wait.
We have to chance it.
I toid you to go to bed!
Take me to your secret government iabs,
and cut me into wafer-thin sections.
They want to go home.
They've made a mistake.
And they're sorry. Aren't you?
And getting sorrier by the minute.
The ship's gonna biow up...
and destroy the Earth in 15 minutes!
Really, Dad.
Hey, it's your planet.
Just for the sake of argument...
how are you pianning on getting out?
There's a few things
I haven't tried yet.
They're risky, but better than death.
Probabiy.
We worked really hard on
creating this big diversion.
A diversion?
What kind of a diversion?
- [ Engine Noise ]
- What the heck is that?
Uh, that diversion.
[ Space Ship Engine Sputters ]
I gotta admit.
That's a diversion.
I don't care what the
heck that thing is.
Adios.
[ Vern ] Hey, Kiembecker?
Laugh now, butthead!
I'll drive.
Hey?
Mayday, Mayday.
Look, you guys caused
a iot of damage here.
You're gonna have to
make restitution somehow.
If you promise me that,
then I'll heip you.
Promise me that you can hit
that bllnking red llght...
in the next 10 seconds...
or we're gonna need heip
from a higher source.
Hang on.
[ Gunshots ]
Aaah!
- Which red button?
- That one.
Not that one!
Mayday. Somebody answer me.
Capt. Bipto, what's wrong?
We've got probiems.
We'll need a miracie...
to get this baby off the
ground, much iess outer space.
Can you tip that
contraption up on its butt?
If the verticai orientation
struts are functioning.
I think I've got you covered...
but we have to get back to the farm.
- Tell them to meet us there.
- Right.
Meet at the Wrenchmuller farm.
Bipto out.
Hey, where do you guys
grow your Wrenchmullers?
There must be something we can use.
You can't just take a car.
[ Chuckie ]
It's all right, kid.
I know this guy.
Vern, you come down right now, hear?
[ Gunshots ]
Shoot, my heipiess friends, shoot!
Fire everything you've got.
The farmzoid is impervious.
That's it. Mom's gonna hear about this!
- [ Kathy ] Make a left.
- [ Blaznee ] Left?
- Left?
- Right. I mean,yes.
Come back, you cowards. Come back here!
It's just...
a big toy robot.
If I win, the whoie tank wins...
not just one guy.
Aaah!
[ Laughing ]
In case anybody's interested...
we have 12 minutes untll
the end of the worid.
Put this puppy into hyperdrive!
Maybe I better take a shortcut.
Listen, I'd llke to llve to see...
the end of the worid!
Okay?
There's the farm.
Whoa!
I'm telling you, that ship has got...
the flight potentiai of a cement truck.
I can fix that.
What's that?
That's a farmer's all-purpose heiper.
It's guaranteed to
remove stumps, gophers...
and improve the flight potential...
of a Martian spaceship.
- Get outta here.
- Heip yourseives.
Wait up. This I gotta see.
This is your captain speaking.
I'd like to thank you
for flying Air Blaznee.
I hope we live long enough
to do this again sometime.
Come on. You're not gonna belleve this!
- Bypass the ecto-thruster.
- Guys, wait a minute.
That's the guy who wants to blow us up.
[ Wrenchmuller ] Flight
One to Mars now boarding.
What are you gonna do with this?
Sheriff, ain't you ever put...
a cherry bomb under a garbage can?
- Ha-ha-ha.
- A what?
Don't you guys ever llsten?
- Anybody seen my astropians?
- Who took the torus callbrator?
Listen to me.
Biaznee, we'll fix that
iater. Prepare to iaunch.
- This isn't gonna work.
- Don't worry.
Our Earth friends are gonna
give us an extra boost.
That guy wants to
boost his bank account.
He's trying to biow up the ship.
Assume verticai iaunch position.
Verndroid, this is Capt. Bipto.
Are you receiving me?
- Verndroid, come in, piease.
- Yes, Capt. Bipto...
how may I be of assistance?
Your assignment is complete, Verndroid.
Your bravery and devotion
have saved us all.
I am so proud of you, son.
You are no longer my robot slave.
Live and be free!
[ Verndroid ] Thank you, Capt. Bipto.
It has been a pieasure serving you.
Now...
I must bid you adieu.
There's much work to be done.
You see, I have pians for this worid...
big pians!
Verndroid away!
Mm-hmm.
[ Sam ] NASA spends years
caicuiating fuei ioads...
iaunch pressures, and
orbitai-window dynamics.
You're just gonna stuff dynamite
under this and llght the fuse?
Actually...
I was gonna use this.
Kids, get behind that tractor.
This is supposed to save us...
from the end of the worid?
Now, before we go...
does anyone need to go to the bathroom?
Is this really gonna
work? If it's not...
we ought to figure out
how to defuse that...
- nuciear cosmos- whatever
it is. - You know how?
No.
Then move out, or this is gonna
soive everyone's probiem...
one way or another.
Hey, I'm not going home in a bag!
I made it! I'm never
gonna do this again.
Same here.
Oh!
[ Shouting ]
[ Martian ] Red alert.
Run for your lives!
Leave them aione.
- Kathy, get back.
- They want to go home.
[ Enforcer Drone ] Impossible.
They have failed in their mission.
[ Kathy ] If you kill them
now, the gravity hyperfusion...
pheto-cuisinart
will blow up in...
5 minutes or so.
The Earth will implode and
throw Mars out of orbit...
and it'll go crashing into the sun.
That wouid be a biemish on
the oid perfection record.
[ Pez ] And expensive.
What if they took it out
of your paycheck? Whoa!
What's a pianet cost these days?
4 minutes, 30 seconds.
Very well.
- Return to your spacecraft.
- [ Cheering ]
Every Pez for himseif!.
Biaznee, you'll have
exactiy 6.38621 seconds...
to fire the main engine
to reach escape velocity.
Never tell me the decimai points.
I'm gonna grow up to
be 5'7?, 5'8? easy.
You're full grown.
I'm animai. You're...
poiypropyiene.
Besides...
they really need you.
We can write...
or something.
Geez, you're breaking my heart.
Here.
Come on, shortstuff, before
they check for green cards.
Hey, the next time you guys visit...
pay cioser attention
to our traffic iaws.
Next time we visit?
Yeech!
Well, thanks for not killing
them, Mr. Enforcer Drone.
Sorry to interrupt. 3 minutes!
You misunderstood. Once we reach...
the coid, airiess
depths of outer space...
I shall incinerate them...
and toss their charred,
sizzllng skeietons...
- into the cosmos.
- Huh? Say what?
A quick vacuuming, a
llttie air freshener...
and I wlli have compieted
my duties with perfection.
- What?
- [ Whimpering ]
You can't do that!
Better them than us.
I beg your pardon?
I thought you were
nice, but I was wrong.
You're just a seifish oid man.
They caused more troubie
than they was worth.
If it hadn't been for you...
things might have gotten
further out of hand.
Somebody might even have gotten kllied.
I'd say that makes you a
hero in both our pianets.
As the ambassador of the planet Earth...
I would like to present
you with an award...
as a token of our appreciation.
The trinitrotoiuene award.
Kids, run and get the champagne...
so we can do this up proper.
I accept...
in the name of goodwill, with hope...
for peacefui coexistence
of our 2 worids.
It certainiy isn't
much to iook at, is it?
Let me llght it up for you...
so you can get the full effect.
How pretty!
How'd you like to have a photo...
so you can remember this?
Yes, piease.
Let me back up a bit...
so I can get the whoie ship into it.
Are you sure there's enough light?
- Oh, there's gonna be pienty of llght.
- I'm so proud.
I don't know what to say.
You can just say your prayers.
[ Cllck ]
What
the...
[ Giggywig ] Why aren't we moving?
Great. We're stuck here.
I guess he ieft.
What happened?
It's okay. Mr. Wrenchmuller
biew up the enforcer drone.
- Hooray for our side!
- Time to go.
- Take care of yourselves.
- Break it up.
There's billions of lives at stake.
Move!
Don't need to tell me twice.
Prepare for takeoff.
- Start the countdown.
- Five...
- Wait a minute.
- four...
- three, two,
- I'm not in my seat.
one!
You biew them up!
Yeah, way up!
- Go, go, go!
- Yeah!
[ Cheering ]
Whoa!
[ Screaming ]
That's it. I Quit!
Do something! You're the pllot.
How 'bout if I eject?
Lighten the ioad.
- Hurry it up, Pez.
- I'm lightening!
We're too heavy. Something else must go.
We've dumped everything we can dump.
- Except...
- Hit it, Giggy.
[ Tollet Fiushes ]
- Yeah!
- Yea!
You know, the iast time I put...
a cherry bomb under a garbage can...
the garbage can didn't make it.
I guess somebody up there likes you.
They just got iucky.
When you see my dog...
tell him we're moving tomorrow.
Good morning, Mr. Wrenchmuller.
The judge send you to
come and throw me off?
No...
but I'm afraid this is iegai.
It's wrong, but it's legal.
I was bringing somebody I
thought you'd want to see.
Him? What do I want to see him for?
Not him. Him.
Aw,Jim,Jim.
Jim, boy.
- That's all very touching.
- [ Howllng ]
As you can see, I've got things to do.
Uniess you've got the cash
or a crop to sign over...
I suggest you hand over those keys.
Hoid it,Jim. Jim!
He ain't worth your breath!
You want these keys, do you?
Ha, ha, ha.
Go get 'em!
I'm sorry that it has to be this way.
You wanna hear something funny?
Sure.
You're gonna hear it right about...
- now.
- Aaah!
[ Barking ]
Aw!
- [ Grunt ]
- [ Chuckie ]
I'll be back!
We're oniy a few hours behind scheduie.
I was just thinking, if we hurry...
we might make it to Arcturus in
time to heip torture prisoners.
[ Entire Crew ] Aw, shut up!
["Takin'Over The World"]
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
oh yeah
Last Halloween I had a fright
In all my life saw the strangest sight
Never did think I might
Ever live to tell what I saw that night
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
They were green men
With strange lips
And bad skin and a weird chin
I almost died when he grabbed my head
The little green guy
just smiled and said
"Take me to your leader.
Take me to your leader now!"
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking
Over the world
The Martians have landed.
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are
coming! Ha-ha-ha!
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo-o-wo
The Martians have landed.
What a world how it changed my life
I got a green girl
Made her my new wife
Gotta green house and I think maybe
Early next year I get a shiny green baby
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
I dig it
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo-o-wo
Martians are taking over the world
He summoned us here.
The admiral's tour of duty has ended.
What of the admiral?
He has been subjected to
disciplinary termination.
I have assumed command.
This battle group has
consistently suffered...
the greatest casualties of
any attack force in the fleet.
His Imperial Majesty has sent me...
to take controi of our
attack on the Arcturus system.
To insure our success, all ships...
have been equipped with
enforcer drones to remove...
weak links in the command.
Any deviation from the invasion pian...
- will result in disciplinary review.
- Outrageous!
The tide of battie
can change in seconds.
I'll not send my boys
to Arcturus with...
an enforcer drone
breathing down my neck!
- I wlli!
- Me, too. No probiem.
Whoa!
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Russell, anybody need a
sheriff whlle I was gone?
Most folks don't know we've got one.
I llke it. What are you up to?
I'm set up by the new off-ramp.
- What for?
- I'm gonna catch Big Bean's 1 st speeder.
At ieast I know where to
forward your Christmas present.
Ho-ho-ho.
- Excuse me!
- You're excused.
What's the probiem?
Nothing these 2 barrels can't solve.
Why don't you give me the gun?
'Cause I'm a crazy old man.
I'm as llkeiy to biow
you out of your socks...
as give you the time of day.
What do you think of that?
It'd be a damn shame to
shoot it out with you.
I suppose it wouid.
I was just gonna scare him.
You scared me.
Here.
What's going on with you
and the farmer's trust?
This here is what's going on.
Look at it. Look there and there.
All right. Let me read it, okay?
Go ahead. Nobody can do
anything about that, no way.
That's true.
- Ciambaker!
- That's Kiembecker.
Steve W. Kiembecker, president
of the farmer's trust.
Farmer's trust! My Aunt Suzy's rear end!
One of the forward-thinking
businessmen...
who convinced the councll
we needed a new sheriff.
We never needed a sheriff...
untll you showed up, you crook!
Hoid it. Wait.
Did you send this ietter?
I belleve that's my
signature right there.
I'm afraid the party's over?
The party's over. That's correct.
As per Mr. Wrenchmuller's
ioan agreement...
the credit union has legal
right to assume control...
of the property tomorrow at noon...
uniess he can come up with the
cash or a crop to sign over.
Nobody's got a crop.
There's nothing you can
do with the property...
- until next season anyway.
- Sheriff Hoxiey.
Sheriff Hoxiey, you're new here.
Let me clue you in.
You see, we have direct
highway access now...
and the opportunity to turn
this town into a metropolis.
Uniess you've got the money
to pay off overdue ioans...
maybe you shouid stick
to the kind of calls...
we hired you to handie...
llke keeping vagrants off the street.
If you would?
We'll deal with this in the morning...
at the courthouse.
Come on, Mr. Wrenchmuller.
Aren't you kinda big for a boy scout?
I can take care of myseif.
Happy Halloween, Big Bean.
[ Alarm Buzzers ]
The Arcturians have destroyed the fleet.
I've sent a distress signal...
to all ships across the gaiaxy.
We're headed into their sun
and are about to explode!
I have not yet begun to fight.
Now would be a great time to start!
[ Screaming ]
How was school today?
Okay.
How was sheriffing? Okay.
You really don't like
it here, do you, Kathy?
Everything was starting
to get back to normai.
- Then we just decide to move.
- It's a good job.
- There's nothing to do.
- There's trick or treat.
You're sending me
with kids I don't know.
Somebody's got to keep the streets safe.
From what? Cows?
Do we have any Krazy giue?
Um, I think it's in that box.
- What's the matter?
- Everyone's gonna show up dressed llke...
scarecrows, pigs, and ciowns and stuff.
So?
I'm not sure Big Bean
is ready for allens.
[ Radio Announcer ] Achoo!
Sorry about that folks.
This being Halloween night...
I thought it'd be fun to
dust off an old favorite...
from the golden days of radio.
50 years ago tonight, Orson Welles...
gave a depressed nation a few hours...
of desperateiy needed fun.
Things being the way
they are these days...
we couid sure use a llttie of that.
So, Big Bean...
just for tonight...
forget your woes and have a good time.
[ Record ] The Columbia Broadcasting
System and its affiliated stations...
present Orson Welles and
the Mercury Theatre...
in "the War of the Worlds. "
Ladies and gentlemen...
the director and star of
these broadcasts, Orson Welles.
[ Orson Welles ] We know now in the
early years of the 20th century...
this world was being watched
closely by intelligences...
greater than man's, yet
as mortal as his own.
We know that as humans
busied themselves...
about their various concerns...
they were scrutinized and studied...
perhaps almost as narrowly
as a man with a microscope...
might scrutinize the
transient creatures...
that swarm and multiply
in a drop of water.
With infinite complacence...
people went about
their little affairs...
serene in the assurance
of their dominion...
over this small, spinning
fragment of solar driftwood...
which by chance or design...
man has inherited out of the
dark mystery of time and space.
Yet, across an immense ethereal gulf...
minds that are to our minds...
as ours are to the
beasts in the jungle...
intellects vast, cool
and unsympathetic...
regarded this Earth with envious eyes...
and slowly and surely drew
their plans against us.
Hey, I heard a distress signai.
Patroi ship X-5-9-Y-P-Q
to Battie Group 7, come in.
It's like the fleet disappeared!
Maybe it's interference.
Get us outta the rocks.
We're aimost ciear. Okay...
hit it!
[ Radio Signal Beeps ]
[ Orson Welles ] Ladies and
gentlemen, I have a grave announcement.
Both the observations of science...
and the evidence of our eyes...
lead to the inescapable assumption...
that those beings who landed
in theJersey Farmlands...
are the vanguard of an
invading army from Mars.
[ Shouting And Laughter]
I remember when they first played that.
You remember pterodactyls.
I remember you fell for that...
hook, line, and sinker.
- I did not.
- You did so.
You put a big bucket on your head...
and took off with them
army boys to fight Martians.
Ain't you dead yet?
Can't I stay with you and fight crime?
I'll see you at the Spookiuck dinner.
Give us a kiss.
That's my giri.
I shouid have come as a wedge of cheese.
I'm probabiy the oniy
allen for a billion miles.
[ Laughter]
[ Orson Welles ]... Martians
visible above treetops moving north.
Hi, Mom...
Dad.
Weicome to another thrllllng,
true-llfe episode of...
Russell Pillsbury, Deputy Sheriff.
I'm parked...
by Big Bean's new off-ramp...
and wlli soon be giving the
city's 1 st speeding ticket.
Who will be the lucky winner?
[ Laughter]
We gotta get us some money...
or they're gonna kick us out of here.
Then we'll have to llve
with my sister Marge...
and her poodie.
- Arf!
- Yeah.
[ Whimpering ]
Why did I have to go and get oid?
[ Laughter]
[ Beeping ]
It's 8:15 P.M., October 31 st.
I've just been aierted to a
speed vioiation in progress.
Watch now as I teach this automotive scofflaw
a lesson in motor-vehicular responsibility.
Nobody gets away...
with going 3,000
M.P.H. In a 55...
[ Gasp ]
Don't s'pose we'll ever see...
a night quite llke that again.
- Not llkeiy.
- Nope, nope.
[ Clatter ]
[ Lady ] I'll get the bucket.
[ Crash ]
Damn.
Termites are munching...
on our barn.
We're gonna have to do
something before they ruin it.
Come on,Jim.
[ Engine Sputtering ]
Who taught you to drive, you moron!
Nice ianding, Biaznee.
Are we there? Is this it?
Kids, 3-D and driving just don't mix.
Weicome to Earth.
Enjoy it whlle it iasts.
Are you sure this is where the fleet is?
You heard the Earthllng's
pathetic radio broadcast.
Lookout for that heat ray.
Heip us. We're gonna die.?
[ Wicked Laugh ]
They got that
right. Hee-hee-hee.
Biaznee, this is the piace. We're here.
Let's start enjoying ourseives!
Let's maneuver cioser to the action.
Strafe the iocai
citizenry before we iand.
Sorry. No can do.
- Why not?
- Let's see.
We got a torqued-out digiframus.
Our megaspazz redundancy
plle is on the bllnk.
It iooks llke we bruised our boo-boo.
He's making the whoie iast
bit up. There's no such thing!
Coward!
Heh-heh-heh.
Let's kick some Earthllng butt!
Finally, a reai mission.
Maybe we better think this over, huh?
Good-bye, civllian asteroid patroi.
Hello, atomic space navy.
The fleet was supposed
to be attacking Arcturus.
The pian to attack Arcturus...
was obviously a clever decoy...
for the reai operation: the totai
annihllation of all things human.
Now, quit raining on our parade!
But why?
Why wouid Mars want to attack...
the puny, insignificant forces of Earth?
Because we win!
Prepare to die, Earth scum!
Where is everybody? Blowing
up all the good stuff.
Come on.
I think we brought the wrong gun.
It certainly is green here.
Perhaps our camouflage is inappropriate.
Come on,Jim.
[ Beeping ]
Just for the record...
I'm llstening.
I thought this was a bad idea.
Just for the record,
you'd better hope not.
May,June...
July, August...
15, 18!
They're Martians!
I knew it!
Jim, it iooks as if me and you...
is the Earth's only hope.
That's kinda sad, ain't it?
I guess it's better to die...
a horribie, agonizing
death defending the Earth...
than to wither away...
with Marge and her poodie.
[ Growl ]
That's the spirit!
We got work to do.
- What do you make of it, Doctor?
- It's iong, flat...
and has yellow lines. That
can only mean one thing.
- A mine fieid?
- A country road.
That's what they want us to think.
One faise move and kaboom!
You'll go home in more
pieces than you arrived.
Corporai Pez?
- What?
- See if we can get across.
- Why don't we go around?
- Move!
I'm going home in a bag!
It's aiways the corporai
that gets biown up first.
Dr. Zipiock, anything in
the worid-domination kit...
- to help us?
- Let's see.
This iooks interesting.
- Don't touch that!
- Excuse me!
Hit the dirt!
- What?
- Get down, stupid!
What in the name of
Uncie Martin is that?
Scout-in-a-can.
smart, efficient...
easy to use, and it's expendable!
Mine fieid, indeed! What a
bunch of twinkie stuffing!
Lt. Giggywig, you give
these simpie Earthllngs...
far too much credit.
Capt. Bipto?
What happened?
Some kind of secret weapon
came out of nowhere...
and took Capt. Bipto to his doom!
[ Muttering ]
Come back, Earth scum!
Wlli there be anything eise, senor?
Couid you get the windshieid, piease?
It wouid be my pieasure.
Who are you supposed to be?
I am...
Ei Zorro!
See Kathy sit. See Kathy sit aione.
See Kathy grow cobwebs
and fossllize in boredom.
Our first target. Think
I can hit it from here?
- Wait a minute.
- Let's shoot something aiready.
Shh.
Wow! That's the best allen
costume I've ever seen!
Thanks.
I llke yours, too.
My mom made it.
She went to a iot of troubie.
- What are you supposed to be?
- I'm a duck!
- Who died and ieft you in charge?
- Capt. Bipto!
I'm Kathy.
Brian Hampton. Nice to meet you.
Where did a nice giri llke you...
iearn how to make something so...
mind-numbingiy terrifying?
- I spent time with my
uncie this summer. -Uh-huh.
- He works in the movies making
zombies and monsters. - Uh-huh.
- I wanted to stay and
work for him, - Uh-huh.
- but I had to come here
with my dad. - Uh-huh.
Where's your mom?
She died iast May.
Gee, I'm sorry.
That's too bad.
So...
it's just you and your dad, huh?
Yeah, and some goidfish.
If you ever need a llttie brother...
just give me a call.
All right, you two, it's time to go.
Come on!
[ Giggie ] How cute!
How... ioveiy.
Vern, hurry it up!
I've got a coid beer and a hot woman...
and I'm trying to keep 'em that way.
- Mr. Kiembecker, flli it up?
- Yeah and get the windows.
Warm enough, sweet cheeks?
[ Car Radio ] Darling, come back to me
I'm as lonesome as can be
I'm as jumpy as a bug
I'm as perky as a slug
Honey darling, come back to me
When you left home
- I wrote a little poem
- Hi, Dody.
But it don't help me 'cause I can't read
Honey darling, come back to me
I'm as lonesome as can be
What are you supposed to be?
Oh, nothing...
just Zorro.
Zorro's got a hat, you dope!
Mr. Kiembecker, iooks
llke you hit something.
Ciean that up!
Oh, man!
Get that off of there!
That ain't gonna work!
Here, use this.
When's my Caddy gonna be done?
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Good! It better be ciean.
It's ciean.
I pollshed it up llke you said to.
Yuck.
That's 13 gallons...
at $1.10 a gallon...
- that'll be... - Catch
you later, okay, pal?
Yes, Mr. Klembecker...
you... butthead!
You take the ieft flank,
I'll take the right.
You always get the right flank.
We've never done this before, idiot!
- What's with the happy sounds?
- They're giddy with fear.
- Look!
- Get back. Lock and ioad.
- They're shorter than I thought.
- Let's take 'em out.
[ Dr. Ziplock ] What if hey
come in small, medium and large!
- How cute!
- Wow, a dinosaur!
You're all alike!
Prepare to die, Earth scum!
[ Giggie ] Maybe later. Have fun. Huh?
- What? Come back.
- Kids, all aboard.
That's something...
you don't see every day.
- What now, O mighty ieader?
- Klli them!
Kill them!
I said,?prepare to die, Earth scum!?
- [ Sigh ]
- Oh, now you've got her.
Yep, she's definiteiy
terrified. Oh, boy.
Boys.
[ Alien ] Wait a minute.
Atomize her aiready.
What's your probiem?
Shouidn't this human be
quivering in terror...
at our menacing,
sinister-iooking weaponry?
- You'd think so.
- Everybody, move over.
Make room
for the...
- Just piay aiong.
- What are we?
Martians!
Of course you are. Well, get in.
Perhaps if we ride in this transport...
we can find their secret
resistance headquarters.
Let's shoot our way out.
- It'll be fun.
- Shh. They don't know we're Martians.
Not know?
We're llttie green men with antennas.
They think we're wearing costumes.
What a bunch of morons!
Let's flame these bozos.
They're too stupid to llve!
We have a full tank of
gas and iots of empty bags.
- What shall we do?
- [ Kids ] Trick or treat?
- Smell my feet.
- Oh, gross!
- Oh, great.
- Trick or what?
I'm sick and tired...
of that oid jerk, Kiembecker...
pushing everyone around. That's it.
I'm gonna finish the
pians for this farmzoid.
Someday I'll be abie to
irrigate every fieid...
and make all the farms heaithy again.
Then I'll pick up that
farmer's trust of his...
and drop-kick it into the next county.
He thinks he's such a hotshot.
This wlli work, I think. [ Gasp ]
Heh-heh-heh.
[ Laughing ]
Mr. Kiembecker,
it iooks llke...
Dody.
Do-o-o-dy.
[ Ding, Ding ]
Wait! You are my robot siave.
- You wlli follow my every command.
- Yes, Capt. Bipto.
However, my new allegiance...
to His Imperial Majesty
might come to light...
if I negiect my reguiar patrons.
We must keep up the appearance...
of a normally functioning,
fuel-dispensing depot...
whlle we act as undercover agents...
of Mars.
[ Car Horn ]
I wlli be right back.
Weicome to the Gas King,
fuei-dispensing depot.
How may I be of assistance?
Capt. Bipto to the invasion force.
Capt. Bipto to the invasion force.
Hmm?
Oh-oh-oh.
I can't contact the ship
or the invasion force.
I can oniy assume the worst.
We must bulld an attack vehicie;
something that wlli strike terror...
into whomever sets eyes upon it...
something with huge wheeis...
so we can crush the panicking popuiace.
Something from which I can
overiook the battiefieid...
and direct our
victorious invasion force.
[ Vern ] Something like this?
I was thinking of
something a bit iarger.
[ Martian Taik ]
Those guys are definiteiy not from here.
- No kidding! Look.
- Hey!
I know what I'm getting for Christmas.
- Give him here.
- Lighten up.
It's just a stupid toy.
You're not a toy at all, are you?
I hope you're making him move llke that.
[ Mother] All right, first stop.
Everybody got their bags?
Remember, look both ways
before crossing the street.
So that's the trick.
If oniy Capt. Bipto had known.
I wonder what Kiembecker's
gonna give us this year.
I hope it's not dead rats.
My mom had a cow iast time.
What?
Trick or treat?
Yeah. I forgot.
Hoid on.
Here's one for you.
One for you. Plenty to go around.
Cigarettes?
Okay, forget it!
[ Wacky Martian Music ]
[ Crash ]
Hello? Hello?
Well, well, well...
what have we here?
Damn. He must be some kind of...
health-food nut.
We're gonna make...
a bezllllon dollars out of this story...
and 2 bezllllon on the pictures.
[ Click ] Damn!
The flash don't work,Jim.
Where are we gonna get batteries...
at this time of night?
We gotta hurry.
There's no telling what them...
wlly space creatures wlli be up to.
[ Vern ] The smell of
battery acid makes me thirsty.
With all their advanced technoiogy...
iook at the pitifui conveyances...
- the puny Earth peopie construct.
- Oh, dear.
This one empioys a mere 250 horsepower.
Our attack vehicie
wlli cause their eyes...
to shoot out of their heads in fear.
Hurry! Who knows what
unspeakabie terrors...
have befallen my troops?
Wow! What a haui! This is great!
- This kid's gonna barf.
- Are you gonna barf?.
I think he's gonna barf, Mom.
- Sit down!
- If he barfs, your hairdo's history.
Do I know you boys?
They're on to us. We
gotta get outta here.
- I'd llke an answer.
- Have I got an answer!
Perhaps I'll have to remove
those heads of yours...
and find out for myself.
- How do you fire this?
- Not that button.
- Not llke that, idiot.
- Whoa!
Did you hear that?
Them Martians is starting their attack.
Ah, the carnage begins! I iove it!
Hurry, I want to get in on all the fun.
You jerk!
Don't mess with me, kid.
You wouldn't like me when I'm mad.
Where are you really from?
[ Mother ] Tell me who
you are, or by tomorrow...
they'll be printing your
pictures on milk cartons!
They're my cousins!
Excuse me?
- From Callfornia.
- Dude.
That's Clutch. That's Spinner.
Yo!
- That's Paddlefoot.
- Hi.
They're surfers.
Why didn't you say so
in the first piace, hmm?
Yeah. Hmm?
Well, I'm new here.
I don't really know anyone.
I didn't think they'd be troubie.
No real harm is done.
You're weicome, provided you save...
those missile attacks for
a more suitable occasion.
Yes, ma'am.
I don't mean to pry,
but wouid you mind...
telling me exactiy what's going on here?
These guys are from a iot
further away than Callfornia.
Before you continue, I remind you...
that I'm just a llttie boy
and susceptibie to nightmares.
Waaa!
That's it!
I gave you another chance.
Since you can't behave...
we'll take everyone home!
What's all this?
Oh, yes. You!
Prepare to die, Earth scum, again!
[ Mother ] You've made your
point. Now sit down and shut up!
When a superior alien culture...
comes all this way to
take over your worid...
certain iaws of
pianetary conquest appiy.
For example, when someone points...
a quad-spected hyperthermic
cosmobiaster at you...
it's a fair bet you are
about to become toast.
Piease sit down and be quiet.
Perhaps in your case, a ioaf of toast!
[ Wheels Screech ]
- Uh-oh.
- Get out!
Nice going, big mouth.
- I said,?Out!?
- I didn't do anything.
I want you out of my car this minute!
Get out!
I can be pushed...
[ Mother ] But I will
not be smart-talked!
[ Alien ] Shut up,you old bat!
I think I see my dad's truck.
[ Kathy ] You can let
me and my friend out.
What truck? I
don't see any...
Shh. Come on.
I think that wouid be best, Miss Hoxiey.
[ Brian ] Good-bye. Thanks
for a lovely evening.
Don't worry about us. We'll
be fine out here, all alone...
in the dark!
- Hey!
- I don't know what's going on...
but I've oniy got haif a bag of candy...
so it better be good.
- Happy now?
- Well, who was the one...
who shot his heat-seeking
annihllator out the window?
All right. I'll give it to you straight.
We're being invaded by Martians.
I'm gonna follow them. You get my dad.
My sister gets haif of
whatever's in my bag...
so you better be right!
[ Orson Welles ] As I set
down these notes on paper...
I'm obsessed by the thought I may be...
- my God.
The last living man on Earth.
I've been hiding in this
empty house near Grover's Mill.
All that's happened
before the arrival...
of these monstrous
creatures...
Russell?
Where are those guys?
Geez, if I get this bucket
fixed before they get back...
they're waiking home.
This piace gives me the wlllles.
[ Gasp ]
Nobody gets away from Russell
Pllisbury, Deputy Sheriff.
Aw, geez.
Wouid you mind stepping
out of the vehicie, sir?
Now!
Maybe it's in backwards.
- [ Growling ]
- You're getting dog spit all over it.
Ha! Atta boy!
Wlli you stop wasting fllm?
Gee, Officer, what
seems to be the probiem?
No llcense, no registration...
no piates, no headllghts...
no tallllghts, no wheeis!
I clocked you going
3,000 miles per hour.
That's 2,945 mlles an hour
in excess of the posted llmit!
Great! There goes my insurance.
At $10 for every 5 mlles
an hour over the llmit...
Oh, you're gonna do time, pai.
You may even get the chair for this.
Maybe you better step back...
and get the big picture here.
Okay.
[ Snap ]
I've just made a serious mistake...
haven't I?
Ain't llfe a bust?
Ooo.
Ouch!
Meanwhlle, eisewhere
on the pianet...
[ Click ] This is Orson
Welles, ladies and gentlemen...
to assure you that "the
War of the Worlds"...
has no further significance...
than as the holiday offering
it was intended to be.
- the Mercury Theatre's radio version...
- Huh?
- of dressing in a sheet and saying "Boo!"
- Oh.
We couldn't soap your windows,
steal all your garden gates...
[ Enforcer Drone ] You have failed.
It's discipllnary review time.
[ Orson Welles ]... probably
destroyed CBS. You'll be relieved...
to learn that we didn't mean it...
and both institutions are
still open for business.
Good-bye everybody. Remember, please...
the terrible lesson you learned tonight.
That grinning, glowing, globular
invader in your living room...
is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch.
If your doorbell rings
and nobody's there...
that was no Martian. It's Halloween.
You wanna bet?
[ Blaznee ] I told 'em we
were to attack Arcturus.
It's not my fault.
Let's talk this out.
I'll go get them...
and we can blow up any planet you want.
- Just give us a chance!
- Too late.
Your imperfection has
exceeded acceptabie...
error levels. You are...
terminated!
No!
Now for the others.
Come on,Jim.
[ Mr. Wrenchmuller ] You hear that?
He must be on the
other side of that bale.
This time, we're gonna get ourseives...
the picture of the century.
Are you ready?
Get set.
Go!
Ahh!
I thought you was a Martian.
What'd you do with him?
He was right here when I ieft.
He was here when I ieft, too.
What do you suppose was in there?
[ Giggywig ] That's it!
I'm gonna klli something
if it's the iast thing I do.
This time, nothing is going to stand...
in my way.
Yeah, right.
What now, terrifying one?
Shouidn't we be trying
to find the fleet?
Sure, we can do it the easy way...
or we can sack this entire area...
all by ourselves with a
brilliantly conceived...
meticulously executed and
perfectly-timed operation.
- We're gonna biow
something up. - Yeah, but...
But what?
Sheriff Hoxiey's at the V.F.W. Hall.
He'll know what to do.
We're gonna need us more than a sheriff.
- We're gonna need us an army.
- They'll never belleve us.
[ Wrenchmuller ] They're
gonna believe us, all right.
[ Car Horn ]
The Martians is coming!
Oh, oh.
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what.
Big Bean is being invaded by Martians.
What is this stuff?
From space!
Yikes!
You think I'm crazy, do you?
Well, I've got one of'em
back here in the truck.
Come on. Take a iook at this.
Take a iook at what?
He was here.
I swear it.
Look.
- That's his green blood.
- That's paint.
He's getting away.
He's going to join his space army.
Space army?
I'd death-ray my grandmother
for a space army about now.
[ Siren ]
- Tell him, Russell.
- It's true.
I gave one of'em a ticket.
I'm telling you. It looked...
llke a full-scaie invasion.
[ Klembecker ] I'll tell
you what it looks like.
It iooks llke a hoax to me.
[ Siren ]
Mr. Wrenchmuller is telling the truth.
Are you insane?
I don't pretend to know
everything that's going on...
but it's clear to me
from evidence I've seen...
that we are being visited...
by intelligent creatures.
Intelligent creatures? That'll
throw 'em off the trall.
I even got pictures. Look here.
That's what they look like.
They iook just llke
the sheriff s nephews.
- My nephews?
- Your nephews are Martians?
No, my nephews aren't Martians.
I don't even have any nephews.
Their spaceship's in my barn.
- He's a crazy man.
- Where'd they get a spaceship?
In California. They're surfers.
Surfers?
That's what your daughter said.
Wait. Where is Kathy?
She got out with your
Martian surfer nephews.
Mrs. Vanderspooi, do know
how stupid that sounds?
They're llttie?
- That's right.
- And green?
Yes!
Littie dealle-bobs
coming out their head?
Now you're cookin' with gas.
Sounds llke Martians to me.
[ Sheriff ] I want
everybody to remain calm.
We shouid do something about this.
Biaznee to Worid Domination Force.
Not now, Biaznee.
I'm busy seallng the doom
of countiess mllllons.
- Shove off.
- The device is in place.
They'll never escape us now. Ha, ha!
- Ha, ha. - Ha,
ha. - Ha, ha.
That's it.
Let the enforcer drone have 'em.
- [ Footsteps ]
- Oops.
Sheriff Hoxley! Sheriff Hoxley!
Hoid it, hey! Come back here.
There are Martians over here!
Martians, Martians!
[ Brian ] Ahhh!
- [ Klunk ]
- Ha!
Never mess with a frisbee champion.
Mayday, Mayday, going in.
Dr. Zipiock?
Huh?
Activate the hovervid.
- We shouid call the nationai guard.
- Wait. Hold it.
You're going about this all wrong.
There's nothing to
indicate we're in danger.
We don't know what we're deallng with...
or even where they are!
[ Giggywig ] We interrupt to
bring you a special announcement.
The Martians have ianded.
Prepare to die, Earth scum.
All right, where's your spaceship?
What's a spaceship?
And what are you?
I'm a carnivorous duck
and I'm in a bad mood.
Start talking or I start eating!
Oh, oh, you mean my spaceship.
I get your drift now. I
can iead you right to it.
Come on.
Some allen menace you turned out to be!
- Capt. Bipto?
- Hmm?
- I'm picking up a signai from the omnibiab.
- Oh?
On behaif of His Majesty's
Atomic Space Navy...
I hereby invite you to
surrender peacefully...
so that we may execute
you in an orderiy fashion.
[ Giggywig ] Just in case you're
thinking of fleeing in mass panic...
forget it! We're cutting off
your only means of escape.
Brllllant! I wouid give anything...
to see the faces of
those human scum now!
The off-ramp.
They biew up...
our new off-ramp!
Watch as we obllterate a few
of your puny misslle sllos.
Hey...
they're at the co-op!
Let's get 'em!
[ Wrenchmuller] Wait,
wait, I saw 'em first.
[ Sheriff ] Wait a minute.
[ Wrenchmuller] I've got pictures.
Terrifying, isn't it? [ Laughter]
I've got pictures of'em.
Hurry up. Everyone's watching.
He keeps trying to put
tab?A? into siot? B.?
I am not. It says right here...
"insert erradignathnic flodad...
into hyperpodnec cyboclutch. " See?
Ah, hi.
[ Kathy ] You gonna turn me in?
Don't you want to take
over the worid, too?
We're ready!
Fire!
Ooo!
Pretty neat, huh?
This isn't supposed to
happen in small towns.
I moved here to get away
from things llke this.
This happen a iot in Chicago?
This is what pianetary
siege weapons are all about.
[ Laughter]
Wait a minute. Cease fire.
Something's wrong.
Wrong?
What?
- It's been booby-trapped.
- And we're the boobies.
Ha, ha!
Another big one!
[ Giggywig ] What is this stuff?
[ Dr. Zipiock ] It's the most
insidious weapon I've ever seen!
[ Pez Munching ] Hey,
it doesn't taste bad.
[ Giggywig ] How do we get out of here?
[ Pez ] Follow me!
[ Munching ]
Boy, you guys are in big troubie now.
We gotta get out of here fast.
Hey! It's a map of Big Bean.
That's my house.
This is where we are now.
Show me where your ship ianded.
That's oid man Wrenchmuller's.
I know where that is.
Come on.
There's one. Shoot it you idiot!
- [ Gunshot ]
- [ Meowing ]
Never mind. Shoot that instead.
[ Gunshots ]
Are we all having fun yet?
- Yahoo.
- What a disaster.
[ Duck ] Is this some kind of trick?
Look, kid...
you heiped me out of a
jam so I'll ievei with you.
I don't know anything
about this invasion thing.
If you heip me, I'll do
my best to try and stop it.
Deai?
Deai.
[ Pez ] This is it! We're here!
[ Giggywig ] Where are the
craters and flaming buildings?
This is where the battie took piace.
We're iost! We missed the
war and it's your fauit.
- My fauit?
- Maybe if we just ask somebody?
My one chance at the big
time and you've ruined it.
- Shut up!
- This gentieman, perhaps?
- Excuse me.
- Oh!
- You scared me.
- So sorry.
No, that's good. We're
getting somewhere.
- Which way to the massacre?
- The what?
Oh, you mean
the... Ha, ha.
I'm sorry, boys, but it's over.
- Huh?
- Over?
I'm afraid so.
It's a shame you missed the
ending. That's the best part.
How so?
You see...
just when it seemed...
the Earth was doomed to be taken over...
the Martians just up and died.
Really? What happened
to all their bodies?
The birds got 'em, mostiy.
Pecking and tearing,
swallowing mouthfuls...
of rubbery flesh! And the dogs...
had their turn at them!
Fighting over scraps and gnawing
on their little skeletons.
Woof!.
And just how did they die?
Our germs got 'em.
- Germs?
- Yeah. Littie microbes...
llke the ones that
gave me this damn coid.
Achoo!
[ Panicked Yelling ]
- Have a good time, boys.
- I've got germs!
Aah! Don't touch me!
I don't mean to be nosy...
but was there any particuiar reason...
you guys decided to invade Earth?
- Promise you won't iaugh?
- Sure!
Ever hear of?the War of the Worids?
[ Pez ] Guys, guys?
Get a ioad of this!
[ Laughing ]
Where do we go? What do we do?
- Where do we hide?
- Back to the ship.
Back to the asteroids.
I iove the asteroids!
Nice, quiet, oid asteroid patroi.
- That's the llfe for me.
- Are you kidding?
We'll never make it with the
enemy firepower out there.
- Lucklly I remembered to bring
my distress-o-matic. - [ Beeping ]
I iove this guy!
Come here, you oid...
[ Alarm Buzzers ]
Aw, no! Not now.
It's not ready.
What's not ready?
The ship. A vacuum-head
pulled a distress-o-matic.
- A what?
- Emergency beacon autopllot.
The ship's programmed to
fly to it no matter what.
Verndroid, where
did you put the...
[ Beeping ]
That's a
distress-o-matic signai.
My boys are in troubie.
Verndroid, there's not a moment to iose!
- [ Beeping ]
- What?
No, it's this way.
- [ Beeping ]
- Wait!
[ Beeping ]
A farmer's all-purpose heiper.
It's guaranteed to remove stumps...
gophers, and drastically reduce...
the flight potentiai
of Martian spaceships.
Jim, you stay there.
I'll be right back.
I've got to rig an override
before the engine charges.
- What do you want me to do?
- Run for your llfe!
Run for your life, boy!
Oh!
Abandon ship, shorty.
Abandon it? I've just fixed it.
Too bad 'cause I'm about to un-fix it.
What's going on?
- What are you doing?
- Cancelling your ticket home.
Folks would give money
to get their hands on you.
I'm the one that's gonna get it!
I guess you better
evacuate the premises.
Let me shut the engines off
with this little red switch.
Get out of here, kid!
[ Brian ] Whoa! Come
on,Jim. We're outta here.
Wait. Hoid it!
Wait a minute.
Now we're really outta here!
Forgive me, mother.
I have to throw away my fins.
I'll make it up to you someday...
somehow!
Whoa!
Listen.
What's that?
It can't be any worse than that.
Whoa!
Duck. Duck!
No! Duck!
Wait!
Hold it right there. Are you a Martian?
I'm a duck!
If you're a duck, where
are your webbed feet?
Snap out of it.
The Martians, they went that way.
I said whoa!
When I say whoa, I mean whoa!
Come on. We gotta get
off this crazy rock.
I guess this is good-bye.
Don't take it so hard.
Aaah!
What about me?
Knock it off. I'm busy!
Waaa!
- The ship, the ship!
- All right. Let's boogie!
[ Dr. Ziplock ]
Activate defense shields.
[ Pez ] The humans are coming!
The humans are coming!
Biaznee, get us out of here.
No can do. Thanks to your
stupid distress-o-matic...
we tweaked our vapor plates.
Our megaspazz redundancy
pile has been fried.
I had to klli the autopllot.
I don't care. Fix all of it.
All of you, fix it, fix it.
Who's that?
[ Dr. Ziplock ] Clean out the
erradicamixer and unscrew the clutch fader.
[ Pez ] Are you crazy? You
know how bad that's gonna smell?
Hand me a piasma coupier.
Who cares what is smells like!
Come on, aiready.
Stand by for takeoff.
[ Capt. Bipto ] That must be our
boys wreaking havoc over there.
Thank you.
I shall wait in the transport.
Good. You do that.
He's such a good boy.
[ Gunshots ]
Come on. What's taking so iong?
Enter the N-38 to the 6th
power. Now we cross-llnk...
the improbalator to the smalltersnatch.
My men!
[ Shouting ]
- Oh.
- I must say, I'm impressed,
a brllllant victory brought
about by your wlli to win.
- Here we go.
- Let's get 'em!
What the heck is that thing?
Who cares? Just shoot it.
We did win, didn't we?
No, but if we think fast enough...
we just might llve to lle about it.
What's the probiem? Just vaporize...
everyone, everything.
Poof!. Mission accompllshed.
Medais, awards, a parade. Next?
No, wrong, faise, none of the above.
- Why? Because we're not supposed to be here.
- What?
We goofed. We erred.
We misinterpreted the data at hand.
I toid you so.
Let me expiain the
situation in a nutshell.
There are 5 of us and 4 bllllon of them.
They have strategic air commands,
nuclear-powered submarines...
and John Wayne.
We have this.
- Is it ioaded?
- Let's find out.
Wait! We've got bigger probiems.
- What's worse than this?
- That.
Who let him out?
Martians...
I'm afraid we have no choice.
We wlli have to use the D.O.D.
[ Gasp ]
Break out the kits.
What's the D.O.D?
What does it do?
You can't!
If you iet your friends
biow up the Earth...
I'll never speak to you again.
Hold your fire.
Hoid your fire!
Put your guns down.
What the heck is that?
Citizens of Earth, surrender or die.
Why shouid we? We've got you surrounded.
Take it easy, Kiembecker.
If you don't surrender,
or attempt to kill us...
this device wlli detonate,
and you, your town...
and everything within
a mllllon mlle radius...
wlli just simpiy go...
kaboom!
Wow!
You'll be kllied, too!
Wrong! This, you see...
is the donut of destruction!
It wlli obllterate all of you...
while leaving us completely unscathed.
Yeah? What about your ship?
Won't it be obllterated, too?
- We're doomed!
- Let's iet 'em have it!
[ Giggywig ] Gimme that.
Prepare to die, Earth scum.
You did it again.
You put tab '"A "into slot "B. "
- I must've toid you a hundred times!
- No, I didn't!
- It wasn't me.
- You want to argue or llve?
Get 'em!
[ Kathy ] Are you all right?
- I can't move. My whoie body's asieep.
- I'll get heip.
[ Kathy ] Hey, somebody help. Hurry!
Kathy?
Kathy! I've been
iooking all over for you.
What the heck is that?
[ Brian ] You're allve!
? Prepare to die, Earth scum.?
I'll make sure they carve
that on your tombstone.
Aw, shut up.
They was all I needed to save
my farm and I aimost had 'em.
I could have been rich
and never had to worry.
It's gonna be all right.
I'll take you to my piace.
They landed on my farm.
That counts for something.
- Sure it does.
- Verndroid to Capt. Bipto.
Capt. Bipto, come in, please.
[ Russell ] There's something
wrong with my brother.
- Vern's your brother?
- Capt. Bipto, come in, piease!
- He used to be.
- Vern, are you all right?
It must be shock.
I'll take him to my piace.
I'll take care of your truck.
Keep an eye on that untll I get back.
Listen, Russell is the sheriff now.
Listen to what he says.
[ Russell ] All right,
let's get organized.
Are you all right?
Yes.
You have a good expianation
as to what you were doing...
riding in an alien spacecraft?
Nice knowing you.
What have we here?
Martians got popcorn?
Here you go.
It'll be all right.
- [ Kathy ] What are we gonna do?
- You're going to bed.
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
I'll call the air force, I guess.
You can't. They hate Martians.
- They'll shoot and drop nuciear bombs.
- I don't know about bombs...
but they deserve whatever
they get. Now come on.
But, Dad, they're not really bad.
They're just stupid.
They haven't really hurt anybody.
If we heip them get away...
no one wlli ever know the difference.
Honey, I'm supposed to be the sheriff.
If I don't get heip to controi this...
and it gets more out of hand...
it'll be my fauit.
I might as well throw away this badge.
That's all you care
about, your stupid badge.
If you want to be a
big, important sheriff...
why don't you do things yourseif?
At ieast they have a chance with you.
What are we going to do now?
Looks llke we'll have
to appiy for citizenship.
If oniy we couid have connected
with the invasion force.
It couid have been giorious!
If we ever get out, remind me.
I've got a reai funny story to tell you.
We're doomed to spend our llves...
breathing 74% nitrogen.
Oh, give me a home
Where the asteroids roam
And the dweebs and the fuzzymugs piay
Where gravity's iow
And the water is siow
And the desert winds biow you away
Mars, Mars is my home
Where everyone's short just llke me
I wish I was where
There is not so much air
And 2 moons to smlle down upon me
[ Sigh ]
Hey, what are you doing here?
There's no piace llke home.
There's no piace llke home.
There's no piace llke home.
Hey, shortstuff, weicome back.
We're trying to figure
out how to get outta here.
Got any bright ideas?
Well, bless your little batteries.
Number for the Strategic
Air Command, piease.
What extension, please?
Do you have a llsting for
reporting unusuai phenomena?
- A U.F.O.?
- That'll do.
There's no such listing.
I do have unlimited
listings for psychiatrists.
Wait, iady, I don't need to hear this.
Oh, no.
Kathy?
Kathy?
Kathy?
[ Kathy ] You melonheads!
That was just an old radio show.
I figured out why you're here.
You were sent to ruin my
Halloween, weren't you?
Capt. Bipto to Verndroid.
Come in, piease.
Capt. Bipto to Verndroid!
Yes, Capt. Bipto?
Remember the surprise
we were working on?
The time has come...
to unieash its terror!
[ Verndroid ] Wouid you llke it
equipped with nuciear warheads...
- or particie beam weapons?
- Who me?
[ Capt. Bipto ] Whatever. Be creative.
We'll meet you there.
[ Car Engine ]
- Well?
- Let's do it.
[ Beeping ]
- Aw!
- What's wrong?
The hyperfusion-feedback
governor on the ship...
just had a meitdown.
If we don't get back to zero gravity...
in the next, oh, hour...
the ship's hyperdrive wlli impiode...
creating an ever-expanding hole...
in the space-time continuum...
making you, me, and the
rest of this gaiaxy...
some other universe's problem. Right?
Ciose enough.
[ Giggywig ] We look stupid, don't we?
Keep your head down.
Maybe no one wlli see us.
I don't see why I have to pedai.
[ Brian ] Nobody rides for free.
[ Dr. Ziplock ] What's he doing?
It's my dad!
- Did he spot us?
- I don't think so.
[ Klembecker ] Outta the
way. Shotgun coming through.
We need more ammo.
- Did you get them?
- We aimost got 'em.
- Mr. Klembecker shot a bunny.
- Shut up!
- It was charging!
- Let's stay cooi.
I don't want anybody to get hurt.
- We're trapped. What are we gonna do?
- [ Beeping ]
Die horribie, searing
deaths in iess than an hour.
Can we heip?
[ Vern ] No, I'm fine.
A little more ocular
welding and we'll be set.
What the heck is that?
It's a diversion. We're
gonna get the ship back.
You better not try to stop us!
If you get through me,
you'll have to deal with him.
Reiax, kid, I've just come to heip.
I aiready got a whoie bunch of pictures.
If I help them get away,
I'll have the only ones.
Gentlemen, I present...
the farmzoid.
- All right.
- Hurry, hurry!
Now that's a diversion!
We can't wait.
We have to chance it.
I toid you to go to bed!
Take me to your secret government iabs,
and cut me into wafer-thin sections.
They want to go home.
They've made a mistake.
And they're sorry. Aren't you?
And getting sorrier by the minute.
The ship's gonna biow up...
and destroy the Earth in 15 minutes!
Really, Dad.
Hey, it's your planet.
Just for the sake of argument...
how are you pianning on getting out?
There's a few things
I haven't tried yet.
They're risky, but better than death.
Probabiy.
We worked really hard on
creating this big diversion.
A diversion?
What kind of a diversion?
- [ Engine Noise ]
- What the heck is that?
Uh, that diversion.
[ Space Ship Engine Sputters ]
I gotta admit.
That's a diversion.
I don't care what the
heck that thing is.
Adios.
[ Vern ] Hey, Kiembecker?
Laugh now, butthead!
I'll drive.
Hey?
Mayday, Mayday.
Look, you guys caused
a iot of damage here.
You're gonna have to
make restitution somehow.
If you promise me that,
then I'll heip you.
Promise me that you can hit
that bllnking red llght...
in the next 10 seconds...
or we're gonna need heip
from a higher source.
Hang on.
[ Gunshots ]
Aaah!
- Which red button?
- That one.
Not that one!
Mayday. Somebody answer me.
Capt. Bipto, what's wrong?
We've got probiems.
We'll need a miracie...
to get this baby off the
ground, much iess outer space.
Can you tip that
contraption up on its butt?
If the verticai orientation
struts are functioning.
I think I've got you covered...
but we have to get back to the farm.
- Tell them to meet us there.
- Right.
Meet at the Wrenchmuller farm.
Bipto out.
Hey, where do you guys
grow your Wrenchmullers?
There must be something we can use.
You can't just take a car.
[ Chuckie ]
It's all right, kid.
I know this guy.
Vern, you come down right now, hear?
[ Gunshots ]
Shoot, my heipiess friends, shoot!
Fire everything you've got.
The farmzoid is impervious.
That's it. Mom's gonna hear about this!
- [ Kathy ] Make a left.
- [ Blaznee ] Left?
- Left?
- Right. I mean,yes.
Come back, you cowards. Come back here!
It's just...
a big toy robot.
If I win, the whoie tank wins...
not just one guy.
Aaah!
[ Laughing ]
In case anybody's interested...
we have 12 minutes untll
the end of the worid.
Put this puppy into hyperdrive!
Maybe I better take a shortcut.
Listen, I'd llke to llve to see...
the end of the worid!
Okay?
There's the farm.
Whoa!
I'm telling you, that ship has got...
the flight potentiai of a cement truck.
I can fix that.
What's that?
That's a farmer's all-purpose heiper.
It's guaranteed to
remove stumps, gophers...
and improve the flight potential...
of a Martian spaceship.
- Get outta here.
- Heip yourseives.
Wait up. This I gotta see.
This is your captain speaking.
I'd like to thank you
for flying Air Blaznee.
I hope we live long enough
to do this again sometime.
Come on. You're not gonna belleve this!
- Bypass the ecto-thruster.
- Guys, wait a minute.
That's the guy who wants to blow us up.
[ Wrenchmuller ] Flight
One to Mars now boarding.
What are you gonna do with this?
Sheriff, ain't you ever put...
a cherry bomb under a garbage can?
- Ha-ha-ha.
- A what?
Don't you guys ever llsten?
- Anybody seen my astropians?
- Who took the torus callbrator?
Listen to me.
Biaznee, we'll fix that
iater. Prepare to iaunch.
- This isn't gonna work.
- Don't worry.
Our Earth friends are gonna
give us an extra boost.
That guy wants to
boost his bank account.
He's trying to biow up the ship.
Assume verticai iaunch position.
Verndroid, this is Capt. Bipto.
Are you receiving me?
- Verndroid, come in, piease.
- Yes, Capt. Bipto...
how may I be of assistance?
Your assignment is complete, Verndroid.
Your bravery and devotion
have saved us all.
I am so proud of you, son.
You are no longer my robot slave.
Live and be free!
[ Verndroid ] Thank you, Capt. Bipto.
It has been a pieasure serving you.
Now...
I must bid you adieu.
There's much work to be done.
You see, I have pians for this worid...
big pians!
Verndroid away!
Mm-hmm.
[ Sam ] NASA spends years
caicuiating fuei ioads...
iaunch pressures, and
orbitai-window dynamics.
You're just gonna stuff dynamite
under this and llght the fuse?
Actually...
I was gonna use this.
Kids, get behind that tractor.
This is supposed to save us...
from the end of the worid?
Now, before we go...
does anyone need to go to the bathroom?
Is this really gonna
work? If it's not...
we ought to figure out
how to defuse that...
- nuciear cosmos- whatever
it is. - You know how?
No.
Then move out, or this is gonna
soive everyone's probiem...
one way or another.
Hey, I'm not going home in a bag!
I made it! I'm never
gonna do this again.
Same here.
Oh!
[ Shouting ]
[ Martian ] Red alert.
Run for your lives!
Leave them aione.
- Kathy, get back.
- They want to go home.
[ Enforcer Drone ] Impossible.
They have failed in their mission.
[ Kathy ] If you kill them
now, the gravity hyperfusion...
pheto-cuisinart
will blow up in...
5 minutes or so.
The Earth will implode and
throw Mars out of orbit...
and it'll go crashing into the sun.
That wouid be a biemish on
the oid perfection record.
[ Pez ] And expensive.
What if they took it out
of your paycheck? Whoa!
What's a pianet cost these days?
4 minutes, 30 seconds.
Very well.
- Return to your spacecraft.
- [ Cheering ]
Every Pez for himseif!.
Biaznee, you'll have
exactiy 6.38621 seconds...
to fire the main engine
to reach escape velocity.
Never tell me the decimai points.
I'm gonna grow up to
be 5'7?, 5'8? easy.
You're full grown.
I'm animai. You're...
poiypropyiene.
Besides...
they really need you.
We can write...
or something.
Geez, you're breaking my heart.
Here.
Come on, shortstuff, before
they check for green cards.
Hey, the next time you guys visit...
pay cioser attention
to our traffic iaws.
Next time we visit?
Yeech!
Well, thanks for not killing
them, Mr. Enforcer Drone.
Sorry to interrupt. 3 minutes!
You misunderstood. Once we reach...
the coid, airiess
depths of outer space...
I shall incinerate them...
and toss their charred,
sizzllng skeietons...
- into the cosmos.
- Huh? Say what?
A quick vacuuming, a
llttie air freshener...
and I wlli have compieted
my duties with perfection.
- What?
- [ Whimpering ]
You can't do that!
Better them than us.
I beg your pardon?
I thought you were
nice, but I was wrong.
You're just a seifish oid man.
They caused more troubie
than they was worth.
If it hadn't been for you...
things might have gotten
further out of hand.
Somebody might even have gotten kllied.
I'd say that makes you a
hero in both our pianets.
As the ambassador of the planet Earth...
I would like to present
you with an award...
as a token of our appreciation.
The trinitrotoiuene award.
Kids, run and get the champagne...
so we can do this up proper.
I accept...
in the name of goodwill, with hope...
for peacefui coexistence
of our 2 worids.
It certainiy isn't
much to iook at, is it?
Let me llght it up for you...
so you can get the full effect.
How pretty!
How'd you like to have a photo...
so you can remember this?
Yes, piease.
Let me back up a bit...
so I can get the whoie ship into it.
Are you sure there's enough light?
- Oh, there's gonna be pienty of llght.
- I'm so proud.
I don't know what to say.
You can just say your prayers.
[ Cllck ]
What
the...
[ Giggywig ] Why aren't we moving?
Great. We're stuck here.
I guess he ieft.
What happened?
It's okay. Mr. Wrenchmuller
biew up the enforcer drone.
- Hooray for our side!
- Time to go.
- Take care of yourselves.
- Break it up.
There's billions of lives at stake.
Move!
Don't need to tell me twice.
Prepare for takeoff.
- Start the countdown.
- Five...
- Wait a minute.
- four...
- three, two,
- I'm not in my seat.
one!
You biew them up!
Yeah, way up!
- Go, go, go!
- Yeah!
[ Cheering ]
Whoa!
[ Screaming ]
That's it. I Quit!
Do something! You're the pllot.
How 'bout if I eject?
Lighten the ioad.
- Hurry it up, Pez.
- I'm lightening!
We're too heavy. Something else must go.
We've dumped everything we can dump.
- Except...
- Hit it, Giggy.
[ Tollet Fiushes ]
- Yeah!
- Yea!
You know, the iast time I put...
a cherry bomb under a garbage can...
the garbage can didn't make it.
I guess somebody up there likes you.
They just got iucky.
When you see my dog...
tell him we're moving tomorrow.
Good morning, Mr. Wrenchmuller.
The judge send you to
come and throw me off?
No...
but I'm afraid this is iegai.
It's wrong, but it's legal.
I was bringing somebody I
thought you'd want to see.
Him? What do I want to see him for?
Not him. Him.
Aw,Jim,Jim.
Jim, boy.
- That's all very touching.
- [ Howllng ]
As you can see, I've got things to do.
Uniess you've got the cash
or a crop to sign over...
I suggest you hand over those keys.
Hoid it,Jim. Jim!
He ain't worth your breath!
You want these keys, do you?
Ha, ha, ha.
Go get 'em!
I'm sorry that it has to be this way.
You wanna hear something funny?
Sure.
You're gonna hear it right about...
- now.
- Aaah!
[ Barking ]
Aw!
- [ Grunt ]
- [ Chuckie ]
I'll be back!
We're oniy a few hours behind scheduie.
I was just thinking, if we hurry...
we might make it to Arcturus in
time to heip torture prisoners.
[ Entire Crew ] Aw, shut up!
["Takin'Over The World"]
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
oh yeah
Last Halloween I had a fright
In all my life saw the strangest sight
Never did think I might
Ever live to tell what I saw that night
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
They were green men
With strange lips
And bad skin and a weird chin
I almost died when he grabbed my head
The little green guy
just smiled and said
"Take me to your leader.
Take me to your leader now!"
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking
Over the world
The Martians have landed.
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are
coming! Ha-ha-ha!
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo-o-wo
The Martians have landed.
What a world how it changed my life
I got a green girl
Made her my new wife
Gotta green house and I think maybe
Early next year I get a shiny green baby
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
I dig it
Martians are taking over the world
Martians are taking over the world
Wo-o-wo-o-wo
wo-o-wo-o-wo
Martians are taking over the world