Speech & Debate (2017) Movie Script

[man] We have a conspiracy
on our hands here in Salem.
Salem was once a jewel
of the western coast,
shining example of America.
We were a community of people
who taught our children
good morals
and leadership values.
But someone in Salem
has decided to live
by his own rules,
rules written by Satan himself.
Our mayor has found time
to sex up interns,
but for three years,
no one has fixed the pothole
in front of my house
on 63 Nancy Street.
But this is obviously only
a symptom of the real problem.
The real problem
is immortality itself.
- Immortality?
- Sir, do you mean immorality?
I'd like to request
a time extension
due to being interrupted
by Miss Martino here.
Denied, and that's not
my last name.
What exactly is
your complaint, sir?
With our mayor having used
his office as Gomorrah
and with parents still reeling
from the filthy,
nude forest dancing
in last year's production
of The Crucible,
I'm disgusted to learn
that this school plans
to perform Once Upon
a Mattress this year.
Now, not only does
that sound like a porno,
upon further investigation,
this mattress show
also glorifies an unwed mother.
- So...
- [Marie chuckles]
No, go ahead and laugh,
'cause that's very funny.
Unsafe sex is very funny, right?
Shame on you, Ms. Martino.
- Sir, stick to your topic.
- No one here is named Martino.
I'll stick to my right
to free speech. How 'bout that?
Or did you already menstruate
on that part
of the Constitution?
I think you mean
the Bill of Rights.
Sir, watch it.
We have our little league team
in the audience.
Good! This is for them!
They need to hear it...
Okay, that's it. Bobby, do me
a favor. Get him out of here.
Brothers, stay
the F away from me!
Watch your language.
Don't provoke him, Joan.
You threatening me, new woman?
Yes, I'm threatening you.
What are you gonna do about it?
This is what
I'm gonna do about it.
I'm gonna use my free speech
to make sure
the kids of this town
don't end up degenerated
like the mayor.
You people talk and talk
and do nothing!
I speak for the parents
of this town
when I say stamp out
the sin and the porn plays,
or you're gonna turn to salt,
and this town's gonna end up
being just another...
- [Bobby] Let's go.
- Devil-worshiping, homosexual,
pill-popping paradise
for all of America!
[Bobby] Come on.
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
[message sent tone
playing continuously]
[principal Bellingham]
Despite the outburst,
it looks like we already have
pre-approval from
the department,
so with that decision, we'll
conclude tonight's meeting.
Thank you all for coming, and...
Hey. Your mom's new
to the school board, right?
So's mine. I'm Diwata.
- Di-what-a?
- Diwata.
Children of the board unite,
right, Howie?
My private blog. It's getting
a lot of hits lately.
You should check it out.
[parent] I don't
recognize your authority.
I don't recognize it.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [door slams open]
You afraid of, brother?
You afraid of shining
a light on some truth?
[phone sliding on floor]
[message received tone playing]
Don't take my arm so tight.
It's not necessary.
Come on.
[indistinct chattering]
You caved to a crazy man?
[Marie] I didn't cave.
I was outvoted, sweetie.
[Diwata] Once Upon a Mattress
is the musical version
of Princess and the Pea.
Censoring it is like
putting pants on Elmo
so no one sees
the nothing between his legs.
Elmo doesn't wear pants?
I'm kidding.
Oh, God.
[message received tone
playing continuously]
[message sent tone
playing continuously]
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
Yeah, I'm threatening you.
What are you gonna do about it?
[man] This is what I'm
gonna do about it.
I'm gonna use my free...
[Susan] Solomon!
Shut that off,
and do your homework!
Degenerated like the mayor.
You people talk and talk
and do nothing!
Come on. Leave him alone.
I voted for the changes.
Isn't that enough?
That guy and his argument
were both crazy.
[Susan] I thought you were
against sex before marriage.
[James] No, I... I am,
but I'm also against
not having sex after marriage.
[Susan] Give me a break.
[piano music playing]
Sitting at
My Casio keyboard
Thank God it's built
To prerecord
Otherwise, I couldn't play
And sing at the same time
[electronic music playing]
Son of a bitch.
I want to thank all
of my fans who posted comments
on the new video
of my current acting reel
and have been sending me
good-luck vibes
for the big audition tomorrow.
Sadly, under pressure
from local psychos,
my drama teacher,
a man I'll call gay guy
with a neck beard,
in order to protect
Mr. Walter M. Healy's
has caved and agreed
to "purify" the plot
of Once Upon a Mattress.
As a result of this lunacy,
the character of Lady Larken
will no longer be pregnant
out of wedlock.
We have a state-mandated
teen-mothers program
at our school,
but the board thinks
an unwed storybook mom
is too scandalous?
Lady Larken and I
aren't both perfectly pretty,
and I don't have
her perfect soprano voice.
But the truth is...
the Lady and I have
a lot more in common
than you'd ever guess.
So, Mr. Healy...
this hot flow is for you.
Mr. Healy
You're a crap sandwich
I'm pure and
You're a crap sandwich
Get some bread
Your balding head
And some more bread
You have your head
Between bread
Crap sandwich, yeah
[upload video tone playing]
[upload complete tone playing]
Sitting at
My Casio keyboard...
[notification tone playing]
Otherwise I couldn't play
And sing at the same time
["Tonight" playing]
Nobody wants to be alone
But tonight
We're all believers
And I feel all right
The song in my heart...
[Joan] Howie!
I'm getting ready to go out.
[Joan] Out? Out with who?
Uh... a friend.
I can have friends here, right?
[Joan] Are you gonna bring him
back to the house?
- No.
- [Joan] All right.
Have fun, bug. I love you.
Nobody wants to be alone
[James and Susan arguing]
I can't run this story, Solomon.
It's against every rule here,
and your dad is on the board.
My stepdad, and that
doesn't mean I agree.
- I'm my own person.
- Okay, school officials are off limits.
Oh, but what...
Okay, fine.
- I'll write about the mayor.
- The mayor.
- The mayor.
- What's the topic?
How he's been
having sex with teenagers.
Another intern's come forward.
It's in today's paper.
Choose another topic.
Religion. See?
We can't write about
anything actually affecting us.
Last week, you vetoed my story
about the stranger danger
the school keeps holding.
Because it's a direct criticism
of the administration's
They hired experts to remind us
not to let strangers touch us
in our bathing suit areas.
That's what they said,
"our bathing suit areas."
- Some kids my age are already having sex, and, I'm not...
- Okay,
you're just trying to
cause a stir,
and that's not
what real journalism is.
You taught me
that real journalism
involves writing
about the truth.
Look at my last article.
I can't submit clips like these
to a top-tier
journalism school.
Solomon, this isn't a debate,
and you can't be in here.
I'm sorry, but
it's hypocritical...
Hey, Ms. Nish.
If you won't print my stories,
then maybe I'll write a new one
about freedom of speech
in high schools.
The Oregonian
might be interested.
[electronic beeping]
Are you recording me?
Just so I don't misquote you.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Then on the record, I say,
"Why don't you ask your stepfather
about our school's policies?"
Because he's on the school board
that actually makes them.
I'm sorry, but I can't help you.
I can help you.
Not easy being new.
Takes time to make friends.
Have you thought about a sport?
No. I want to start...
We don't have
a Gay-Straight Alliance here,
and when I was in Portland...
You ever played lacrosse?
But do you know why North Salem
doesn't already have a GSA?
If you want to start a new club,
you have to petition
through the school board.
I can't help with that.
For I know that I'll never
Live happily ever after
'Til after I'm a bride
Too forte at the end?
"Forte" means loud,
in musical terms.
I'll teach you all the terms.
Don't worry.
Just wish me luck.
Did you have fun last night?
...Happily ever after
'Til after I'm a bride
Then I'll be happily happy
Yes, happily happy...
Hey, Arnett.
How well did you
sweep the stage?
I'm dancing barefoot.
It's clean.
FYI, Mr. Healy,
I'll be performing
all songs as written.
That means that this Lady Larken
will still be pregnant,
as per the author's
original intent.
Diwata, honey, I have to manage
complaints from parents.
This is a high school.
We don't want to make it seem like
we're glorifying a pregnant woman
who isn't in
a stable relationship.
It's just a little trashy.
Sorry, Candace.
Marty, if I start to riff,
you gotta hang with me, bud.
Don't get thrown
like last year, okay?
No, Diwata, last year,
we talked about bringing
your own material
in to my auditions.
Chill, Mr. Healy.
It's a medley.
A med... How is that different?
[exhales deeply]
Oh, here we go.
[piano music playing]
The actress hasn't
Learned the lines
You'd like to hear
She won't join your clubs
She won't dance
In your halls
She won't help
The hungry once a month
At your tombolas
She'll simply take control
As you disappear
And I am not
Throwin' away my shot
I am not
Throwin' away my shot
Yo, I'm just like my country
I'm young, scrappy
And hungry
No, I'm not
Throwin' away my shot
We're gonna rise up
Time to take a shot
We're gonna rise up
Time to take a shot
We're gonna rise up
Rise up
Rise up, rise up
How would you like it
If you were a man
Playing the part of a toad?
Crawling around on your
Elbows and knees
Eating the dust in the road
Toads, toads
All of your people
Are toads
Then I'll be happily happy
Yes, happily happy
And thoroughly satisfied
Whoa, yeah
Thank you.
[indistinct chatter]
[school bell rings]
[student 1]
Just pick one, Solomon.
[student 2]
Yeah, man. Hurry up.
I can't choose
any of these topics.
Then follow the rules,
or you can leave.
I'm sorry, but I don't
have time for this every week.
Great choice.
Hey. I was wondering
if I could interview you
for an article I'm writing
about the auditions...
for the school paper.
I'm Solomon.
We're friends on Facebook.
I've liked a lot
of your Instagram posts.
[phone vibrating]
Seriously, Mark?
You know, I was once
upon your mattress.
Okay, everyone, just remember,
in the words of Stanislavski,
"there are no small parts,
only small actors."
- I got it.
- I knew it.
I knew you would.
[girls] Yeah.
[Solomon] Hey.
I was wondering if I could
interview you
about these auditions.
For the school paper?
[Howie] It's time for North
Salem to have a GSA.
My old school had one,
and most schools in Oregon do,
so don't think I'm asking
for some kind of
fringe thing or whatever.
Well, look, I-I'm proud
of you...
uh, that you have spoken
your mind.
Good for you. Your mom has
raised a fine young man.
But we've considered
a GSA in the past,
and the board's
unanimous decision
has always been that
it's more of a social hour
and not a formal club...
that the district should fund.
Well, then, we need to vote again.
I was never part of that.
I was with Howie
when he did the research
on how many schools
actually have it,
- and the overwhelming majority do.
- Mom, Mom, just...
It's very true. Let's at least
have a discussion about it.
No, we'll just put it to a vote.
Well, it's yes from me.
Uh... Nope for me.
Of course, yes.
Where are you on the...
On this issue?
I'm a no on the GSA for me.
I agree it's more
of a social hour.
Jesus Christ, James, really?
Okay, noes have it.
Look, Howard, there are
existing clubs
that are lacking
in student interest.
There's... Portuguese Club,
which is hungry for members,
and Recycling Club.
- It's not called "Recycling." - He means
the Environmental Action Committee.
Speech and Debate.
But for the record,
the district
fully supports gays,
lesbians, and...
Okay. Thank you.
[message sent tone playing]
[message received tone playing]
When I was in high school,
I felt like I had
so much to say,
but nobody was listening.
A lot of movie stars
and politicians
got their start
in Speech and Debate,
because on
the debate side of things,
you have all
kinds of competitions
where you have to make
your point of view
clear and convincing,
and on the speech side
of things,
you have acting competitions.
Through dramatic interpretation,
you get the opportunity
to play all the roles
in a scene yourself,
so that means you're
playing Romeo and Juliet.
So just grab a couple friends.
It only takes, like,
three people minimum
to start a team,
and join Speech and Debate.
It's the only club
designed for you to find
and strengthen your voice.
I want to open myself.
I want the light of God.
I want the sweet love of Jesus.
I danced for the Devil.
I saw him.
I went back to Jesus,
and I kissed his hand.
I saw Sarah Good with the Devil.
I saw Goody Osborne
with the Devil.
I saw Bridget Bishop
with the Devil.
No more time for
"My Country, 'Tis of Thee"
From now on,
"It's my country 'tis of me"
I don't need friends.
I don't need to be
in the school musical
that the school board
has frauded.
I have music in my body.
I am music.
Mr. Healy thinks
an unwed mother
is too racy for us.
Are we in Salem, Oregon,
or Salem, Massachusetts,
circa 16... whenever the heck
those witches were being hunted?
Can't burn me
This witch is fireproof
So try and hang me
And see how strong my neck is
[Marie] Diwata, what
is going on in there?
No, Mom...
But I'm an actress.
Speech and Debate sounds like
homework that nerds want to do
because regular homework
isn't, I don't know, enough?
Just read the part that says
"D.I." on the home page.
They call it competitive acting.
You'll see why I called you.
[rock music playing]
[Diwata] Welcome to North Salem's
revived Speech and Debate team.
My name's Diwata,
and as team captain...
Self-appointed team captain.
I'm not acknowledging
that remark.
And I'm Solomon, and please know
that you can come to me
with any questions.
Or you could come to me,
so Solomon doesn't
get bugged too often.
We're gonna go over
different debate categories.
Hey, can we play icebreakers?
No. I'm running
the meeting, please.
Should have played icebreakers.
Um, who's our faculty Advisor?
Who's gonna sign my transcript?
We don't have an official
faculty Advisor yet,
but it shouldn't be a problem,
given the decent turnout today.
Solomon, tell them about
the tournament in the city.
- We travel, people.
- Okay. Okay.
The Portland Invitational
- is two weeks away...
- But first, travel is... Yes?
I don't get this. Who are you?
And who are you?
This is so weird.
I'm Diwata, and this is Solomon.
My background is in legitimate
theater and blogging.
Solomon's more into the debate
events, like Lincoln-Mercury.
It's Lincoln-Douglas,
after the President
and Stephen Douglas.
- Right...
- It's one-on-one debating.
Call that category LD, that's
the lingo for that event.
I'll teach you all the terms.
Don't worry.
I'm not worried.
Okay, if we could all
get into a circle...
This year's debate topic is...
When in conflict, an
individual's freedom of speech
should be valued over
a community's moral standards.
In a year with our mayor...
He's in trouble, and...
With the school censoring
our newspaper articles,
this is pretty relevant, yeah?
Solomon, you're
freaking people out.
It can be fun, too.
The best category is
called Dramatic Interpretation,
where you perform all the parts
of a play yourself.
Welcome to a tale of witchcraft,
where Puritan Mary Warren
stands before the court
unsure of whether
or not telling the truth
will set her free
or set her on fire.
So get ready.
And if you feel flames,
don't pull the fire alarm.
Things are just
really heating up in...
The Crucible, by Arthur Miller.
[motorized wheelchair
engine revving]
I'm saying that
we aren't even official
until we have
at least three members.
Three members.
How hard can that be?
[Casey singing]
La, la, la, la, la
You guys shouldn't
be hanging out in the hallways.
Casey shouldn't be allowed to sing those
notes, and you shouldn't be allowed
- to direct traffic.
- Oh, my gosh. Diwata.
We're leaving. We're leaving.
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Every guy in school
has a boner for her.
Oh, you, too?
Great ass, right?
Here's the thing. After one
baby, it'll sink to the floor,
but she won't stop singing,
and you'll be stuck listening
to that off-key screeching
The car, the shower.
- Is that really what you want?
- No.
I don't want Casey.
I'm kind of seeing someone else.
Is she from Canada
or youth group?
Shut up. We met online.
Only losers meet people online.
Only losers.
I know how to get
our third member.
- No. No.
- Yes. Yes.
No, there's no way
you could get me to do this.
Can you please not shout?
Look, I saw your boardroom
- You are a terrible public speaker.
- It wasn't a performance.
This is the perfect way
for you to get your...
whatever you call it,
your lesbians-in-love club.
You really cannot be back here.
Listen, I watched your podcasts,
and they're entertaining,
but I'm not about
to join the geek club.
You watched them?
You think I'm entertaining?
Thank you. I think you're...
too young to meet teachers
in public parks at night.
You don't know me at all.
What I do know is
if you join the team,
and debate issues
you care about,
while wearing the skinny jeans
you're rocking right now,
all the boys will be
begging for your number,
after you beat them down
with your passionate words.
What do you even need a GSA for?
Homophobia is so 1985.
- No. No, no, no. Please.
- Yes.
You have less to worry
about than other minorities,
less than women.
I'm a double minority.
I'm female and Filipino.
You don't look Filipino.
You don't look gay.
Yes, you do.
It's the hair, isn't it?
Is it the hair?
Yes, Blondeboi.
And PS, what shade
of blonde are you, ebony?
You just don't really...
I'm an alien in this town.
When I was in Portland,
at least there were
other guys that were like me.
Portland, you say,
home of the first
competition of the year,
just two weeks away.
Think of it as a free trip
back to your roots.
So you want to know about
Speech and Debate?
I wish...
I wish...
I whiff.
Someone's been wishing
for fun, friends,
and new adventures.
Well, I have the epitome
of success
for all promising
high schoolers.
Speech and Debate?
But I'm interested in talking
about things affecting
our country right now.
Well, Gideon, your wish
is granted.
Since you are such
a skilled writer,
why not try Persuasive Speaking?
You get ten minutes
to give a speech
on whatever your heart desires.
Or if you're feeling
[politician speaking] we're
faced each time with a crisis.
Hey, wait!
What's in this for me?
Lucy, with your flair,
you'll shine
in the "Interp" categories,
Dramatic Interpretation...
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
Group Interpretation...
I have something worse
than stomach cancer,
and you gave it to me!
The only thing
I gave you was love.
Love and stomach cancer.
I can't think of a single thing
about that video
that wasn't awful.
The genie wasn't so bad.
You're a creepshow.
We need to pick
what events we'll do.
I don't want to get
laughed out of Portland.
If we're gonna do this,
we need to rehearse.
Sorry. Please continue,
I'll take Persuasive Speaking.
[chalk breaking]
Resolved. When in conflict,
an individual's
freedom of speech
should be valued over
a community's moral standards.
Wait. If it's resolved,
why do we have to debate it?
The school board has been
shielding students
from important discussions
about abortion...
- I don't care what you're
saying, - religion,
- because all I see is robot.
- Politics.
But who are they protecting?
Be a real boy.
Or the adults who would
rather ignore our issues
rather than engage them?
Eye contact. Solomon.
I saw Goody Osborn
with the Devil.
I saw Bridget Bishop
with the Devil.
I saw Goody Hawkins
with the Devil.
Looks like you're having an
orgasm while getting murdered.
[Solomon] Community's morals
don't include homosexuality,
- shouldn't be forced to start a GSA.
- [Howie] See, that's because
in the Constitution,
it clearly states all men
are created equal,
not all straight men.
And no one's forcing it
on the community.
Why shouldn't communities
have a right to censor plays
or change newspaper articles if
they incite harmful activity?
That's nice. All right,
well, I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Come at me!
- Oh, whoa. Hey.
The school board needs to
- stop shielding students
- Eyes.
- From meaningful discussions
- Hands.
Where are your hands?
About abortion, religion, sex...
- Your spirit animal is wounded.
- Politics...
You hit him with your car.
- Indeed, the very debate about
- Don't let him die.
Whether a GSA should be...
- Radiate likability.
- Officially...
be, should be,
Stop thinking about genies.
But who are they protecting?
Where are your hands?
[Solomon] So why should a
community stand by a school play
if its characters
behave in a manner
that encourages lewd behavior?
Well, do we take The Da
Vinci Code off the shelves
to keep kids from
stealing the Mona Lisa?
Who's my bitch now?
Giles is dead.
They press him, John.
Great stones,
they lay upon his chest
until he pled aye or nay.
They say he give them
but two words.
"More weight," he says and died.
"More weight."
Ah, crap. I forget the rest.
Um... Okay.
That's a wrap, boys.
I'm meeting
with Bellingham tomorrow
to get him to sign off
on Portland.
I thought you
already had approval.
I do. Relax.
I babysit his kid Jean, who's
completely obsessed with me.
Kids love me, just FYI,
so there won't be any problems.
This is a big problem.
I can't let you guys travel,
not under the school's name,
not without an approved budget,
a schedule,
and a faculty Advisor.
- Are there conditions?
- What did he say?
I need to get
a faculty Advisor to sign off,
and I know someone
who will do it, Mrs. Poluski.
- But what about money, though?
- Who's she?
Because I'm working two shifts
and I definitely can't afford...
Relax, ladies. Relax.
We get reimbursed as long
as we collect all the receipts.
That's how the system works.
I'll just use my mom's
emergency credit card until...
Wait. Who is Mrs. Poluski?
Mrs. Poluski, these are
the other star competitors,
Howie and Solomon.
Guys, this is Mrs. Poluski.
Poluski is name
of Serbian rapist husband.
I am Oksana.
Oh, my God.
Did you just pay her?
- Let's talk about our uniforms.
- Uniform.
You have to wear a suit.
I don't own a suit.
Well, borrow one from Solomon.
Have you seen his wardrobe?
- Hey, Casey.
- Exactly.
[Diwata] He dresses like
he's already in this club,
so let's go with that.
[Howie] I'm not even his size.
[Diwata] We'll make it work.
Are you cheating on your
Internet girlfriend already?
["Rollercoaster" playing]
So come a little closer
There is something
I can tell ya
You are such
A roller coaster
And a killer queen you are
We took the bones out
From the road
Those endless nights
That we traveled we stole...
[knocking on door]
Come in.
And lit a fire
While I waited for more
And now I'm running
And I won't stop
I don't wanna go
I think about it
Every day and night
I can't let go
Hey, I'm never the same
It's a hundred miles an hour
On a dirt road running away
So come a little closer
There is something...
[switching through
radio stations]
Finally, no more
small-town radio.
And you don't belong
To me, yeah, yeah
Whoa. Dude,
that was aggressive.
Sorry. It's... that song.
So, [sighs] when I was nine,
I was a Boy Scout...
[Diwata heartily laughing]
What's funny about that?
Literally everything.
Thank you. So,
for talent show that year,
all the other kids were doing,
like, wrestling moves
and tying knots,
and, um, I decided I was going
to make up my own dance
to that song.
And the dance had all
these really special moves,
and I was gonna teach
all the other kids, but...
Don't feel bad.
Mary Warren got in trouble
for dancing naked
in the forest with Tituba.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Guys, Mary Warren is the star
of the new musical I'm writing.
It's time the leader of naked
forest dancing gets her due.
It's called "Crucible,"
based on Arthur Miller's play...
So what happened with the dance?
Oh, um...
No, we... I actually
never ended up doing it.
I did archery, or they ran out
of time or something. I forget.
Wow. Really good story, Howie.
Yeah, yeah
Oh, guys, this competition
is gonna be so chill.
- [group leader] Holy...
- [competitors] Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
[indistinct chatter]
[girl 1]
There was blood in my eyes...
[girl 2] And mama said, "Don't
forget your little brother,"
so I wrapped him up tight,
and off we went.
- Holy whoa.
- Excuse me.
[Solomon] This is...
This is cool.
My first event is upstairs.
And mine's in the library,
so I need...
I'm right here. So...
Okay, come on.
Circle up. Bring it in.
Can we get in a circle, please?
This is a triangle.
- Holy...
- Ghost!
Okay, I just want to say
don't be intimidated
by these guys, okay?
You guys have done
such amazing work
these last few weeks, and you
have something they don't, okay?
So just remember that.
We have the Holy Spirit
on our side. Who's on yours?
A gay guy and an overachiever.
That's like our whole school.
[bell ringing]
[judge] Welcome to the first round
of the Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Competitors, you have six
minutes to make your case.
[bell dings]
[speaking very quickly]
Resolved: When in conflict,
an individual's freedom of
speech should be valued over
a community's moral standard. The response
is that moral standards have no standard...
This concept... page 170.
Contention one,
oppression crushes
human dignity.
By its very definition,
oppression is cruel and unjust.
The question becomes, how much
weight should we give to this pain?
Justice also maintains
credibility as a central value,
because the concept which regulates
the terms of all social contracts
as well as being
an unlimited good...
[bell ringing]
People talk down to us because
they're looking down at us.
Being short in America today
means that we're facing
a variety of prejudices,
and I am here to convince you
that those challenges
and prejudices
that height-challenged
Americans face today
are not only real,
but pervasive,
and they should be dealt with.
No matter what your size,
you can soar to new heights.
Thank you.
[audience applauds]
[bell ringing]
Join me on one woman's
extraordinary quest,
for though we all have to make
tough decisions in life,
a few of us will ever
make a decision as difficult
as Sophie's Choice,
by Alan Pakula.
[firm voice] You may keep
one of your children.
[nervous voice]
I-I have to choose?
I cannot choose.
[firm voice] Be quiet, or I
will send them both over there.
Up next is contestant 89,
speaking for the opposition.
But we're supposed to deliver
our prepared topics, aren't we?
Right. You can speak
in agreement in round two.
For now, you need
to argue the opposition.
My opposition would be...
that short people...
are in fact...
less intelligent
than their taller counterparts.
The speaker's weak thesis
was supported
by citing countless
successful short people,
but where is the science?
If we're not using facts,
then I could similarly surmise
that being short
does in fact make you stupid,
because you can't see as much
as taller people,
and you don't have
as big a brain cavity.
Using the speaker's logic,
I'd argue that being short
has a lot to do
with how doomed you are in life.
Contestant 89,
you were supposed
to argue the opposition
to your own prepared topic.
Welcome to a tale of witchcraft,
where Puritan Mary Warren
stands before the courtroom
unsure of whether
or not telling the truth
will set her free,
or set her on fire.
So get ready.
And if you feel flames,
don't pull the fire alarm.
Things are just
really heating up in...
[audience murmuring]
The Crucible, by Arthur Miller.
Why are you concealing?
Have you sold yourself
to Lucifer?
I'm a good girl. I...
Tituba made me do it!
She makes me drink blood!
Blood? My baby's blood?
No. No, chicken blood.
I give she chicken blood.
[audience gasping and murmuring]
[speaking very quickly] Clearly
society can have too much justice...
is human dignity. People as diverse
as Martin Luther King, Jr...
Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony were willing
to risk themselves for this concept,
And that's why freedom
of speech isn't free at all.
Contestant 43,
you have three minutes
for your rebuttal.
- Congratulations.
- [announcer] A job well done,
all those competitors
who have advanced.
Please proceed
to your next round.
For those who did not advance,
the cafeteria is available
for a short time
and accepts all
major credit cards.
Finally, congratulations
to the Holy Ghost Academy...
Hey, is that you, man?
I heard what you did
on your PS-Opp.
Can we get a picture?
[announcer] Thanks to
everyone participating
in the 55th annual Portland...
Thanks, man.
What was that?
It's nothing.
I made a mistake.
Can we go now?
That is the kid...
I can't believe
I cared about this.
This is so stupid.
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
Well... we can't just
go home now, can we?
- Holy...
- Ghost!
- Holy...
- Ghost!
Come on.
[Solomon] My parents are going to
kill me if I'm not home in time.
Chill out. It's happy hour,
and you don't look happy.
Get your fakes out.
My fake what?
No. We have to go home now.
Let's just vote on it.
[dance music playing]
I love how hot I am in gay bars.
[Howie chuckles]
Give him a second.
- You going? Okay.
- Yeah. You good?
Your friend looks
pretty miserable over there.
It's been a long day.
Any suggestions?
They tell me not to write
about the mayor, I don't.
I don't write about
you and Healy, either.
I give in to everyone,
and where does it get me?
Who told you about me and Healy?
I should still write
an article on it.
I might.
It's news, real news.
He shouldn't be allowed
to teach at our school,
and you...
You don't know
anything about what happened.
I can guess,
but I know it's pretty gross,
and illegal.
First of all, I'm 18,
which means I'm an adult,
so I can talk to
whoever I want, okay?
You look like
you could use a drink.
You look like
you could use a shower.
You know, it must be
really sad being you,
obsessed with
everyone else's life,
but not having one of your own.
I don't want to be like this.
Then don't.
What was that all about?
The bartender gave me a Molly,
so I gave it to Solomon.
He needs a little pick-me-up.
You're crazy.
[Howie laughing]
I know.
Didn't even get cast as Tituba.
Healy says it was a race thing,
which, in my opinion,
is a totally amateur
point of view, but...
Baby girl,
you're not even black.
How you gonna be Tituba?
Uh, well, hold up, Waleed.
Back it up.
Historically, Tituba
was South American Arawak,
some shit like that, so...
Hey, Howie.
Settle this debate for us.
You've read The Crucible, right?
Oh, my God.
- Really? Really, wonder boy?
- Hey.
Get somebody to clean this up.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm gonna go get the car.
[drunkenly] Ladies, man.
Oh, it's so awesome.
Guess what. I'm a lady's man.
I try to get with girls,
but it's like...
- what's wrong with me?
- Okay, okay, okay, just...
Just calm down, buddy, okay?
I'm not handsome.
No. No, you're handsome.
It's just...
all of your shirts have
alligators on 'em.
It's like you're always
in a costume.
It's like you have
no personality.
All right? Maybe that's why
you have no friends.
Crap! They towed my car!
I was only maybe three feet
into the no parking zone.
Howie, what time
is the last bus home?
[announcer over PA]
Last call for bus 49,
local service to Eugene,
first stop Salem.
- Bus leaving in three minutes.
- [Diwata] It's so slow.
[announcer over PA]
All passengers should be aboard
for bus 49,
local service to Eugene,
- first stop Salem.
- Thank you.
Bus leaves in three minutes.
Yes. Yes, it's all right.
Ma'am, hi. So sorry.
This is the last bus
to Salem, right?
- [bus operator] It sure is.
- Oh, thank God.
[sighs in relief] Okay, we
would love three tickets.
- [panting]
- Mmhmm.
Uh... Oh!
Wait. Where's Solomon?
[Howie] Is that him right...
- [Diwata] Oh, my God.
- [Howie] Solomon! Solomon!
Solomon, what are you doing?
- I hate my clothes.
- [Diwata] Solomon!
What the hell are you doing?
We're gonna miss the bus!
Why do you hate me?
We could talk about this
when we're on the bus, okay?
- Can we...
- Get him out! Oh, God.
[Solomon grunting]
Solomon, just,
just give me your hand, okay?
- Stop it!
- Oh!
Guys, come on. You guys...
Where's my phone? Oh, no.
I thought you'd be
more fun on drugs.
Guys, I promise,
once we get on that bus,
we're gonna have
a good laugh about all this.
You gave me drugs?
I thought this is
what being drunk was like.
Hi. We'd like your finest suite
near the Jacuzzi, please.
Okay, come on.
Go right... right there.
There you go.
Oh, my gosh.
Why does my head feel so heavy?
Can you feel my head, please?
Feel it.
[Diwata and Howie giggling]
Let me get you some water.
You're gonna be okay.
Let me just...
I can't believe
you gave me drugs.
What kind of drug is this?
When is it gonna be over?
Okay, Solomon, I just texted
your mom so she won't worry.
[phone beeps]
This is not our son.
Call Marie.
I can't believe all this stuff
is included with the room.
Howie, free hot cocoa mix.
It's free.
Here you go. Drink that.
- Is my head the same size as yours?
- [phone vibrating]
Hi, Mom.
Find out what to believe.
His parents are already
here at work.
Well, you stay put, okay?
Okay. Goodbye.
They're in a hotel in Portland.
They're safe.
I just don't see why we need
to rush there right now.
They're gonna be home
first thing in the morning.
Okay, it's all right.
I can go pick them up.
I'll see if I can
take off from work.
I have to drive
Diwata's car home anyway.
I knew it.
I warned you this would happen if
we put him in a public school,
didn't I?
I'll see you in the morning.
What you thinking about, Howie?
I'm thinking about
all the hot guys
you promised I was gonna meet
at the competition.
What are you
thinking about, Solomon?
Abraham Lincoln.
When I was a kid,
I got second place
in the national
"Write and illustrate
your own book" contest.
I wrote my book on him.
On Abraham Lincoln?
As a teenager.
I have such a deep respect
for Abraham Lincoln.
Okay, when I was in fifth grade
I entered that competition,
and it wasn't national.
It was just
three school districts.
Okay, that's enough.
We're going to the Jacuzzi.
- It's a pool.
- It's water.
Howie, I've got a plan.
For our next tournament,
we need to do
Group Interpretation.
No, I'm done
with Speech and Debate.
Group Interpretation
is what we should have done.
Next time, we'll compete
together with our own material.
We're weaker on our own,
but together...
I'm quitting, too.
Guys, don't get a bad attitude
because we lost once. Watch.
Want some?
Oh, no, not if there's
alcohol in it.
Well, it's not
non-alcoholic wine, Diwata.
I shouldn't then. I...
Until I'm into
a good BFA program,
I need to protect
my singing voice, you know?
Yeah, alcohol
dries out the chords.
You know...
someone who looks
a lot like you,
was checking out
the family planning center,
across from the pizza shop
I work at last week.
I was just too scared to go in.
'Cause I'm not sure I'm...
I did one of those,
like, home tests,
and it was, like,
kind of a line, maybe not.
I can't go to my family doctor,
so I've gotta go back there
to get official results.
Do you have someone
to go with you?
Most of my friends are older,
from theater camp, so...
You know, as long as we figure
out the time-difference issue,
I think there's totally a way
to integrate
teenage Abraham Lincoln
into The Crucible,
my Mary Warren musical.
I told you about it, right?
So you have to tell me
the story when you're sober.
Do not let me forget, okay?
- [door unlocking] - Uh... Hello.
I put the sign on the door.
Don't say another word.
You are on very thin ice.
I smell vomit.
[school bell ringing]
Is this a joke?
Nine hundred
and thirty seven dollars.
Hotels, food, expenses.
The entrance fees were,
like, 100 each.
Pool, furniture repair.
Your club was
never even approved.
You don't even have
a faculty Advisor.
I supervise team.
Who the hell are...
Who the hell is she?
I work in cafeteria
for seven years.
Sir, we never intended...
You all have parents
on the school board.
What is wrong with you?
You're lucky that
I don't suspend you all
for fraudulently
representing our school.
You all have two weeks of
detention, and no more clubs.
What about the school newspaper?
You're joking, right?
Journalism relies on morals,
ethics, and honesty.
There is no way that this school
is gonna pay a dime
towards these bills.
I have some money saved up.
Yeah, not enough to cover this.
My mother's broke, Diwata.
It's gonna take me all summer
to even put a dent in this.
If I was running things, we would
have at least followed the rules.
If you were running things, we never
would have made it to Portland.
[crickets chirping]
[Solomon on video] Then I could
similarly surmise that short people...
are stupider than taller people,
because you can't see as much
as taller people,
and they have smaller brain...
[indistinct chatter
and laughter]
[student 1] Hey, you ain't
that tall either, Solomon.
- [phone vibrates] -[student 2] My
brother's tall, and he hates you.
[James and Susan arguing]
[Solomon on video]
speaker's logic,
I'd argue that being short
has a lot to do
with how doomed you are in life.
Don't burden this on me again.
[judge at debate] You were
supposed to argue the opposition.
- [James] I don't know what you want from me!
- [Susan] What are you talking...
[message sent tone playing]
[baby crying]
[clears throat]
Relax. You look
way too gay to be the father.
Plus I used a fake name.
Diwata Obama?
Is it weird we're celebrating
my false alarm
by giving me a food baby?
- What, too soon?
- Yeah, too soon. Too soon.
You know you're
really lucky, right?
I know.
Especially since
that guy, Mark...
day after we did it, I...
called just to say hey
or whatever, and he was like,
"I never would have slept with
you if I wasn't so wasted,"
So you guys are...
getting married?
Yep. It's a spring wedding.
I have a surprise for you.
How did you get that?
All the entries are
archived at the library.
Yep, he won second place.
Prepare thyself.
"Abraham was just 13 years old,
but he already loved
to read and learn.
One day, he decided to journey
into town to the library
and see what adventures
he could find.
He read a book
about the frontier,
and he built a log cabin.
He read a book about the law,
and he became President."
You didn't think I'd find out?
How did you? They told you?
Of course they told me.
It's my credit card, Diwata.
And I am not busting my ass
nights at the hospital
for you to take my money
and throw it in the street.
Yeah. Well... sorry.
That's not good enough.
You forged a signature
on the entry form.
Oksana works in the building.
No theater camp,
and you're going back to Olive
Garden until this debt is paid off.
I already called them.
He didn't come to school today.
He'll survive.
Remember that show on MTV
where the bully pulls
the nerd's pants down,
but the nerd's, you know,
well endowed,
so he becomes really popular?
- So?
- So this is the opposite of that.
Solomon needs us.
I mean, I always knew you guys
had a big house, but...
You could play baseball
out here.
Or do Shakespeare in the yard.
"Deny thy father,
and refuse thy name."
Have fun playing the nurse.
The lights are pretty.
Did your mom put 'em up?
Where is Mom?
She out banning some books?
Burning them?
I think my parents
are breaking up.
I don't even want
to finish school.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
Why should I go back?
You even said
I have no personality.
I have no friends.
And now...
I lost my virginity
with my sweatshirt on.
I feel bad. He looks like he's gonna
kill himself, so I'm just saying...
No one knows that.
I was home on my mom's bed.
Oh, my God.
My pants were around my ankles,
wearing this lame sweatshirt.
I... [scoffs]
It was a hand-me-down
from my cousin, and...
I had to throw it away. I...
couldn't look at it
after it was over.
Could have at least
had a nice one on.
I have a Champion sweatshirt
I like.
Your turn.
Oh, my God. I...
Say something.
I'm in love with Diwata.
Okay, um...
[takes a deep breath]
Before, in the car,
I lied.
The dance in Scouts
to "Freedom",
I did teach the kids.
And I got up, and I did it,
complete with all of these
crazy, like...
flaming moves.
And while I was dancing,
the Scout leaders,
they were trying to hide
that they were laughing,
like really laughing.
And they were, like,
shifting their weight
and coughing,
but it was obvious.
And the guy that my mom
was dating at the time...
he actually stood up...
stopped the music,
and made me walk
back to my seat.
I dropped out of Scouts
because the kids
started calling me...
Miss Gay BSA.
Bathing suit areas...
- No, idiot...
- From stranger danger?
Boy Scouts of America.
Solomon, you know
you're grounded. Get inside.
Guys, I have to go.
[The Crucible playing]
None of you confessed?
There been many confessed.
- Who are they?
- There be a hundred or more, they say.
And Giles?
Giles is dead.
They press him, John.
Great stones,
they lay upon his chest
until he plead aye or nay.
They say he give 'em
but two words.
"More weight," he says and died.
More weight.
Add another stone.
Make him speak.
More weight.
Give us a name!
[Marie] Diwata, you want dinner?
I'm leaving now.
[sighs] Mother, please
die so you will be dead.
I hate eating where I work.
It's embarrassing.
[Marie] Well, you get a discount here.
I'm not loaded, you know.
I know, I know,
but everyone here knows me.
Like, everyone's gonna want
to stop and talk to me.
[plate crashes on table]
Did you hear?
Our local nut case is
a star on YouTube now.
He screamed at us
at board meetings,
and suddenly he's a star
with a fan base.
Seriously? A lot of people.
Yeah. It's, like, 50,000 hits.
Oh, there's James.
Is he by himself?
Should we invite him to join us?
- What? No.
- Should we?
- We should.
- Mom, no. Please don't.
- We should. James.
- No.
Come here.
James, how's Solomon doing?
He'll come around. He's just going
through a rough spot right now.
So you don't know.
- Diwata.
- No, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. It's fine.
Being an adult doesn't mean
that you suddenly
have the answers to everything.
What do you think
I should tell him?
Uh... That you love him.
Start there.
I'm gonna be such a better
parent than you guys, just FYI.
Could you excuse us
for a second?
Do you think my life is easy?
That I enjoy eating
at the restaurant
where my daughter works?
- Mom...
- No, no, no, no, no.
You're an adult.
We're on a first-name basis.
You call me Marie.
No, I don't want to.
Then let me be your mother.
Please, please,
you have to respect me,
and you need to stop
floating through your life
like none of this is real,
because everything I did,
at your age,
is what my life is now.
- Okay?
- I'm sorry.
- Okay?
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too. Come here.
[toilet flushing]
Oh! Oh, no.
[Marie laughing]
When the world
Turns against you
And you cannot go on
When your pants
Get pulled down
And you'd rather
Have them on
When you got zero friends
And you can't get a date
Tell your pant-pullers
Bring it on
More weight.
When your town is
And the elders
Get their way
So you dye your hair blonde
And you dance like a lady
When you wanted the lead
But 'cause of crap
You must wait
Tell those crap-heapers
Heap it on
More weight.
Lay it on
More weight.
Until I'm gone
More weight.
Bitch, sit on my chest
with heavy piles of hate.
More weight.
[notification tone playing]
What do you want?
Uh, I want...
I want your advice.
[man] Go away!
I just want to talk to you.
[man] You're on my property.
You've been formerly warned.
Go away.
I'll fix your pothole.
[man] Come in.
What do you want?
you're a really big star
on YouTube.
Ah, that's my sister's doing.
I don't use electricity anymore.
They can track it backwards now.
So what do you want?
I screwed up a lot
of stuff, and now...
I don't know what to do.
No one'll listen to me.
How do you get people
to listen to you?
And now, I mean, they love you.
Well, you know,
getting people to listen to you
is kind of the opposite
of getting people to like you.
You know, they tell me,
"Stick to your two minutes."
I remind them that I'm gonna
speak until I'm done speaking.
They can arrest me.
I'm using their stage for my
needs, not theirs, my terms.
Life is a stage.
Life is a stage.
What are you doing here?
I mean, somebody send you
to spy on me?
Oh, no.
- No?
- But... UH...
- Thank you very much for your time.
- Come here.
Are you insane?
Oh, God!
I'm grounded.
You can't be here.
Howie's here, too.
Life is a stage.
- What?
- We're in detention forever.
We can't be in clubs or the play
or newspapers,
but school board meetings
all have an open mike portion.
Diwata's right.
We're letting them shut us up.
We kind of came up
with this thing.
Okay, so at the meetings, they have
to let us say whatever we want.
Why don't we do it in a way
that they won't forget?
Honestly, what do you
have to lose?
What on earth?
What are all
these newscasters doing here?
Nice turnout.
Told you I got my peeps.
Custodial staffs love me,
just FYI.
[principal Bellingham] We are very proud
to have Salem County's Crimson Tides
lead us today in
the Pledge of Allegiance.
[all] I pledge
allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the republic,
for which it stands,
one nation, under God,
indivisible, with liberty
and justice...
- for all.
- For Paul.
Ha, how 'bout those Tides?
Well, welcome... all of you.
I'm not sure we...
why we have such
a full house tonight,
but... Nor am I clear
on who contacted the ACLU.
- [light clapping and cheering]
- [Principal Bellingham chuckles]
I just want to assure everyone
that nothing is decided
without hearing
any of the community's concerns.
Tonight's meeting uh...
is going to be
an open and fair one
in which everyone will have
the chance to speak.
However, as per longstanding
town bylaws,
the press will not be able
to report or film inside.
There are exits on both sides
of the back of the room.
What's the point
of humiliating ourselves
if nobody's gonna even see it?
We still have one incognito
camera. All we need is one.
You banned my brother,
but you can't stop
the flood, Bellingham.
Guess what. The city called.
They want their
first amendment rights back!
Who's with me? ACLU?
Yeah. Well, I'm a small
independent nation
with a great big army.
No, no, no, no!
I appreciate diversity,
- but hoodlum antics will not be tolerated.
- Say hi to YouTube, bitches!
Guys, this isn't the first time
we've done this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
That's what you said about the
Portland trip, and that was amazing.
Portland was
a hellish experience.
Well, yeah, Portland was the worst day
of our lives, but just stay calm.
Everyone must stick to
their three-minute open mike.
This is for your own benefit,
so everyone gets
the chance to speak.
Okay? And with that said,
the first at the open mike is...
Diwata Jones.
Hi. I'm Diwata Jones.
Though some of you
might know me as Sister Berthe
from sophomore year's production
of The Sound of Music.
[light clapping]
Before me is the set
for Once Upon a Mattress.
Sadly, I will not
be participating
in this year's show
due to miscasting.
As disturbing as
this news has been
to a lot of people
in the community,
I'm grateful it's led me
to an amazing new group
of people here at North Salem.
I recently became part of the
newly-formed Speech and Debate team,
the first team
in the school's history
to almost make it
to octo-finals
at the highly prestigious
Portland Invitational.
[light clapping]
And now, with
my remaining two minutes,
I'd like to show you
our team's work
to prove that the school
should support,
metaphorically and financially,
our worthwhile endeavor.
Arnie, lights.
- [bell ringing]
- [audience chattering]
Where am I?
I must have fallen
through a wormhole
and traveled back in time.
But to when?
And to where?
Boy, what you doin'?
Boy, what you thinkin'?
Boy, what's your name?
It's Abraham Lincoln
I've landed in a land
That's strange and foreign
Tell me your name
It's Mary Warren
Boy, this is Salem
I just had my trial
They think I'm a witch
They think I'm vile
They said
Girl, you'll hang
You must confess
So I lied and said
Yes, I am possessed
You held it in
I held it in
But, Mary, you lied
I held it in
Don't you feel awful?
Yes, but I'm alive
This girl is headstrong.
Abe, I lied in court
But what the heck
I lost my honor
Not my neck
Today is a tough day for me.
I was just on my way
to have a talk with my parents.
What kind of talk, Abraham?
Oh, you know. I just wanted
to share with them
that I'm a little different,
that I love them,
but I also love
the way army men look,
in and out of their uniforms.
Wow. Too bad there's no place
for you to share your feelings.
Why don't you join
the Recycling Club?
You don't have to talk about what's
on your mind when you can recycle.
Do you want my advice, Abraham?
Yes, Mary Warren.
Hold it in
I want to share my feelings
No, don't be obscene
Just hold it in
But my voice matters
Not if you're a teen
Swallow your feelings
Don't you want to run
The country someday?
Yes, you think
I can do it?
Not if you're gay
But, Mary, speaking
My mind is not a sin
Trust me, I'm a Puritan
Hold it in
Keep your feelings inside
Just hold it in
Girl, I can't lie
Just swallow your pride
Please don't riff.
If I hold it in
I'll lose my bravery
If you hold it in
You will end slavery
You win
I win
[together] - If you
hold - If I hold
It in
Two teenagers, lost,
separated by different times,
yet united in their quest
to speak their minds.
Far-fetched? Perhaps.
But far from true? Far from it.
Teenagers today are holding
lots of things inside...
like feelings,
fears, and fetuses.
But by keeping these things
hidden inside,
who are kids really helping?
Or the adults who would
rather ignore these subjects
than have to engage them?
After all, do we live
in Salem, Oregon,
or Salem, Massachusetts,
circa 1692?
Puritanism seems to be
alive and well in Salem,
so I ask, would Mary Warren's
naked forest dancing
be any more welcome today?
Let's find out.
["Freedom '90" playing]
I was every little
Hungry schoolgirl's
Pride and joy
And I guess
It was enough for me
I think there's something
You should know
I think it's time
I told you so
There's something
Deep inside of me...
Featured ensemble, my ass.
Take back your picture
In a frame
Take back your singing
In the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man
All we have to do now...
Is take these lies
And make them true
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong
To you
And you don't belong
To me, yeah yeah
You've gotta give
For what you take
You've gotta give
For what you take
Heaven knows we sure
Had some fun boy
What a kick
Just a buddy and me
What a kick
Just a buddy and me
We aren't leaving
until we have a GSA!
We won't rest until
Mary Rodgers' real lines
are put back into
the school play!
We won't stop until
the newspaper can write
about issues that actually
concern the student body.
We won't stop...
until people are held
accountable for their actions.
Try and stop us!
You can't possibly
stop us from...
[man in audience]
What's going on?
Saw your video online.
You were awesome.
Oksana recorded it on her Razr,
so the quality's shit,
but 84 views.
We might go viral, people.
Can I see, please?
If those 84 people
tell their friends,
who tell their friends...
I say we monetize
my YouTube account
- instantly. I'm serious.
- [reporter] Hey.
Guys, look.
Are you guys students here?
We've been hearing there have
been some issues with teachers.
And a play was rewritten
without the author's permission.
Do you guys know
anything about that?
Yeah. This is your guy.
He'll tell you everything
you need to know.
Hey. I'm Solomon.
I used to work
for the school paper.
Rachel. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So do you like working
at the school paper?
[chuckles] Uh...
It was something else. Uh...
- [message received tone plays] -[Solomon]
Well, I started when I was a sophomore.
That was last year.
At the beginning,
it seemed like a better choice
than yearbook...
- What?
- No, this has got to be a joke.
- [Solomon] Anyway...
- What? Accept it!
You didn't realize
he was into you?
You... What about gaydar?
It was turned off.
I was too nervous.
This is crazy.
[message received tone playing]
He says he wants
to go out on a date.
Oh, my God.
That is amazing.
[Solomon] have a point of
view on my own school.
I had to report on topics
that were already decided on,
and that's the opposite
of reporting.
But the newspaper,
the arts, our clubs,
Look. That's him. That's him.
What's important to our lives.
But all of these things,
they were just a symptom
of the larger problem.
No one was listening to us.
Well, Solomon, we're on air,
and you're talking
to five million people.
I promise someone's
listening now.
[Solomon] Well, it all
started with a pothole.
[Kristin Chenoweth] So this next song
is written by one of my superfans.
Her name is Diwata Jones.
I thought I'd sing it and send
some love back her way...
since she loves everything
I post on Twitter.
Here we go.
Boys don't seem to like me
For who I am
I'm not good at romancin'
Others pleasing men by
Acting like they're witches
Doing naked forest dancin'
I know a girl
Who's good at singing
Like a dying squirrel
And another who still
Wants to choose her
But even when we feel
Like we are losing out
That doesn't make us losers
'Cause I'm flying free when
I am me
When you are you
When we are we
We're flying free
If we are three
So you be you
And I'll be me
Together, together
Good times are
Just beginning
When you try your best
Then you are the best
You're a loser
Who is winning
Sometimes others think
That different is bad
They're scared
Unwilling to wager
Sometimes judgey people
Just don't understand
That who you are
Is how God made you
Even when the bad guys
Pull ahead
We're fighting for
Our survival
The race is long
We won't give up
Even when
We don't make finals
'Cause I'm flying free
When I am me
When you are you
When we are we
We're flying free
If we are three
So you be you
And I'll be me
Together, together
Some girls will
Always be thinner
If we try our best
Then we are the best
This loser is a winner
Just be yourself
And you'll come in first
Even if the world
Thinks you are the worst
The worst
I'm flying free
When I am me
When you are you
When we are we
We're flying free
If we are three
So you be you
And I'll be me
Together, together
Our good times
Are just beginning
If we try our best
Then we are the best
Just be yourself
And forget the past
Love your weirdo self
Through thick and thin
If you love yourself
Then you always win
You win
Oh, together,
Whoa, together
Good times are
Just beginning
If we try our best
Then we are the best
We're losers
Who are winning
We're winning
We're winning
Yeah, yeah
[instrumental music playing]
[instrumental music playing]
How do you solve
A problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud
And pin it down?
How do you find the words
That mean Maria?
A flibbertigibbet
A will-o'-the wisp
A clown
Where am I?
I must have fallen
through a wormhole
and traveled back in time.
If I hold it in
I'll lose my bravery
If you hold it in
You will end slavery
You win
I win
[together] - If you
hold - If I hold
It in